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#dont worry im allowed to take double if need be
bai-jiu · 4 months
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Wat do you animate with !!? If ur comfortable sharing!!
live2d if you cant afford or get a free copy of live2d(trial or demo ver) i recomend dragon bones , if not i recomend spriter, you can do straight up pixelart with this!! (but bro is limited!!)
heres process, Its A BIT TOO MUCH
I WILL EVENTUALLY DO A YOUTUBE VIDEO THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO
For the live2d 1. I would make the character in sai/or your program of choice that can export into psd like this, (look into how vtuber models are separated in case you're not sure)
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even simple it follows the rules of a regular vtuber model (some features wont be needed like mouth unless you know EXACTLY what you want to do) here is how the last one i made looks like (you can see head, hair, back of the eyes, iris, arms, blush completly separated)
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2. Once in live2d you can rig it as a regular vtuber model, add or ignore parameters youre going to use. like for example this one doesnt use x eye movements (eye doesnt move from side to side basically), but i added new ones like the legs (remember to add physics!!!)
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3. Now its time to animate, dont worry if you add new parameters to the rig to fit the animation you had in mind it will update as you go on!!! !!! important!! make sure you are using the double size you're going to use for the pixel, if you want your pixel to be 200x200 you'll be using 400x400 when you work in it in live2d!!!!
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now use the parameters you did to do the animation
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if you want it to loop do it like this (rec!!) copy and paste the first one and the last one.
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lastly for give it a pixel art timing look, i rec do this insert frame on the one of the keyframes (most relevant!! look into an animation tutorial to see what i mean!!!)
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and now what you are going to do is move it into 3/2 more keyframes so the movement is heavier and more exagerated!!!
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once youre happy with the results, export to gif!!!
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ALRIGHT FOR THE NEXT PART!!!!!!
4. With the gif in hand send it to https://ezgif.com/gif-to-sprite this will turn your gif into a sprite sheet
heres mine
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how what youre going to do is give this sprite sheet to this program Pixelatir (i belive its free!!, at least it was when i got it :O) /i think if its for commissions you need to pay them but look deeper into the TOS if you're invested!!! i heard photoshop does this too but im not sure!!!
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you'll have to make the settings right but if you have a palette in mind you can feed it and it will use it!!! when its done, i suggest taking the now pixelated sprite sheet and fixing any small details by hand , like for example in mine i aded some lines and changed hue/saturation by hand!!!
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Now you're going to feed it back into https://ezgif.com/sprite-cutter and cut the sprites, if you did it right, thre should be no problem, and it will allow you to make a gif with it!!!
AND that should be all! hope it helped!!
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genderqueerdykes · 9 months
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hi im a nonbinary person (they/them pronouns) and im wondering if you or your followers have any advice on staying closeted for extended periods of time! im a young adult who has only come out to a few friends but i have to stay closeted from my parents for the forseeable future (i want at least to make sure i have a good support network first in case things really don’t go well). i luckily now have a job and live in a different city than them, so i’m able to present how i want, but im finding it very stressful to be navigating this half-closeted situation. im hoping that my parents might come around eventually & i won’t have to cut them out of my life entirely, but i know that coming out to them will be a very emotionally distressing process for me so i dont want to do that either. do you have any advice on my situation?
hello there!
i totally understand that feeling, a lot of us end up living double lives while we are staying somewhere where it's not safe to be out. it was not safe for me to be fully out when i lived with my family because whenever i tried to come out i was just mocked and made fun of so i didnt mention it at home or ask to be referred differently.
if you're able to, try to focus on building up your support network, and the amount of irl activities you can attend that will make you feel more like yourself. allow yourself to interact with the queer community when and where possible, when it's safe, and try to at least get some sense of identity enrichment in the mean time while you worry about how to address things with your parents
i've noticed a lot of the time confidently going ahead and doing something helps more than trying to have a conversation, because people can corner you in conversation and try to make you defensive, or to back down, but if you've already gone ahead and made that change without them, they can't do much to stop you, they just kinda have to accept who you are. sometimes people hear terms like trans or nonbinary and think it's just a "kid thing" or a phase or whatever and don't realize that means a lot of the time you're going to actually change and that's what you need in order to be happy
pursue what you can where you can that will bring you joy and if you do find the words to bring it up to them, power to you. it's something that you don't deserve to hold off interacting with until you're compeletely independent. the conversation with them may go better after you've moved out, dependig, but you should be able to live your life at least quietly in the mean time. you're not alone, a lot of us have dealt with this, and it's hard, but you deserve to be yourself while being safe
if we think of anything else or get any anons for you, we'll let you know! take care in the mean time, stay safe, good luck in your journey!
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kingcunny · 7 months
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EIHF Anon here and listennnnn my head has been spinning about this.
As Rhaenyra's pregnancy progresses, the king gives her more and more authority and power. Initially, Rhaenyra is thrilled, but the bitterness starts to kick in when she begins to wonder if her father denied all of this power and autonomy to her mom because she had not given him a son. Her mother had the smarts and the temperment for all of this--why did he deny it to Aemma?
Otto is Not Having It. He enlists Alicent to find out what the hell is actually going on. And she's not received warmly. Rhaenyra is extremely uncomfortable with the "miracle" pregnancy but also just as defensive of her newfound worth in her father's eyes. Otto figures His Grace just needs his eyes opened--to see that there are other women in the world, live ones. And so after months of watching Rhaenyra swan about the Red Keep in her mother's gowns, Otto tells Alicent to put on one of *her* dead mother's gowns and go to the king. Maybe she walks in on some boundary-crossing weirdness, and Rhaenyra realizes what's going on and doubles down HARD.
And idk where the rest of this goes. But Alicent loses her damn mind because her dad's making her have a Dead Mother Off with her bestie. And it ends up with Alicent luring Rhaenyra to the Sept to make her repent, and the resulting screaming match sends her into labor.
in my mind rhaenyra has to really compartmentalize her feelings about her mother and father, especially how viserys treated aemma. but that becomes harder and harder to do when shes literally stepping into her mothers shoes and has to experience firsthand the similarities and the differences in how viserys treats them.
viserys is uh. absolutely one of those men who dont realize women are people until they have daughters.
theres a bitterness there cause if rhaenyra is so much like aemma then why couldnt aemma have been allowed this power too? and theres a fear as well like, since viserys only gave her this extra authority after getting pregnant, that he only believes in her because rhaenyra is ‘giving him a son’ and if she ‘fails’ him (loses thr baby like her mother lost all hers. doesnt have a boy) hell take it all away from her. and even if she does give her father what he wants. whats to stop him from naming her son his heir instead?
rhaenyra is dealing with this pregnancy she maybe doesnt want, that she cant tell anyone the truth about, feeling very uncertain and insecure AND THEN her bestie alicent walks in on a very intimate and uncomfortable and very un-father-daughter moment between her and viserys. (im picturing viserys maybe like fawning over her baby bump. singing valyrian lullabies. or something) (and for alicent its maybe. somehow. strangely. reminds her of herself and otto? but that cant be right. they arent like this) all dressed up and pretty and now she has to worry about her father.. cheating on her?? with her best friend?? does she have no one she can trust?
so rhaenyra sends alicent away that night and every night she shows up and that only solidifies her decision. rhaenyra has to double down. cozy up even closer to viserys. make him depend on her as much as she depends on him.
alicent is horrified. shes been watching silently as her friend slowly becomes unrecognizable to her. rhaenyra isnt even speaking to her anymore. and otto is now trying to do the same thing to her. after what alicent walked in on and rhaenyras harsh reaction shes become convinced that rhaenyra is fucking viserys. that hes the father of her baby. thats more than rhaenyra losing her virginity and lying about it, more than run-of-the-mill targaryen ‘queer customs’. parent/child incest is a sin even for them. so alicent tries the only thing she knows and tricks rhaenyra into going to the sept with her. to make her repent. to convince rhaenyra to end this relationship with her father.
screaming match happens cause rhaenyra cant tell alicent the truth. its not like alicent would think the truth was much better, even if she would, rhaenyra is so fucked up by now she cant trust alicent. what if that truth somehow got back to viserys?
we have a few choices for what happens next….
if rhaenyra loses the baby, viserys tries to kill himself (convinced the gods have cursed him to never have a living son) if rhaenyra has a girl, viserys tries to kill himself (realizes he was wrong about rhaenyras virgin pregnancy and baelons rebirth. that his daughter CHEATED on him) his attempts arent successful though, cause viserys cant do ANYTHING right, but he does become basically catatonic for a good while afterwards.
now rhaenyra has to deal with the trauma of losing her baby/being a teen mother, essentially/nearly losing her father, AND having the entire weight of the realm fall to her. cause its not like viserys can rule in this state. and its not like she can pass off the rule to the hand or name a regent, cause then the realm will think shes weak.
OR… rhaenyra does have a boy.
and she has to deal with the horror and trauma of having her child taken away from her. being raised by her father as HIS own son. having to always refer to her son as ‘brother’ never being able to hold him as a mother. the terror that shes going to wake up one day and viserys is going to decide to name her son his heir over her. having to vie against Her Own Son for her fathers affection…
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undermycoat · 6 months
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I know nothing about football but I'd still like to hear about the au :3
see bc i complain and then i don't even know where to start LOL
ok so ig i'll start with the title From the Sidelines and a little description i have, to pique interest heh
Arthur is Camelot FC's star striker and captain. Merlin is the kitman. Life is hardly ever fair.
anyway . i suppose that's. a little misleading. that being said i think this grew into something waaaaay larger than i originally planned @.@ like it was supposed to be a fun little addition to the surprisingly small amt of footballer arthur fics we have but now this fic has double daddy issues (balinor my beloved...), coming out, sports injuries, shitty coaches (aredick die by my sword) and never making the national team. HUH??? i just wanted merthur to fuck on the pitch... (joke) (just in time for fuck him on the field friday)
also there's side stories. like one is when the players get handcuffed tgt for 24hrs but they've got an uneven amt for it and merlin gets roped in
and then there's the valentine's day arwen special that i somehow accidentally made into a statement about arthur's attitude toward his sexuality?? and feelings for merlin??? through his anxiety about his date with gwen????
“All good?” Merlin asks. “Never better,” Arthur replies, then pivots and walks directly into his closet. He stares at his barren shoe rack before he feels hands on his shoulders, and Merlin is turning him around and guiding him back out. “Wrong way,” he hears him say. “Right.” This time, Arthur marches out his room then down the hall to the front door. “I’ll be back.”
i'm allowed to give this info bc i don't know if i'll ever actually post the extras. i dont' even know when i'm gonna finish the main story sjkdfhgjkf
oh yeah another side story takes place in 2007 (that might be the title for it idk) and it's about uther buying camelot fc for arthur's tenth birthday LOL dont question the legaltiy of arthur playing for his father's club. i dont know and i dont care. this is fiction SIMILARLY dont say shit abt arthur being a striker and captain. it's happened before. it's literally fine. dont even worry about it
there's like. ik i rly only talked about the side stories but u have to realize just how much has already gone into this fic and i wouldn't even say i'm halfway done. i don't think i've written out a single match which is also funny bc i've been keeping up with the prem and actually think i can do it now. i just keep dragging my feet abt it lol
i think the hardest part for me is when im gonna have to seriously injure arthur. i didnt want to but i think it's an important way for his and merlin's relationship to progress and also would explain merlin's attitude toward him in january. its less abt injuring him and more abt him having to sit out of games not for like. lineup stats/compatibility reasons
oh my god typing this all out made me realize we haven't met like. half of the guys on the team yet. i was sitting here like "i need to rewatch eps with all the knights bc i dont trust myself to write percy and elyan accurately" but now i just realized i dont even know if mordred is on the like. squad yet or if he's still with the u18s (after a brief check with my info page he is. i'm gonna be sick)
like i said there is a LOT of info on this . sorry this was so long i just needed to ramble a bit and it also made me realize some info i still need to include so yayyy :3 thank you nonny if u have anything u wanna know in specific like fr anything PLEASE ask. i'd love it so much if u asked. u saved my life <3
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twyla19 · 4 months
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This is a long one (keep reading just cause its a lot)
This school semester has been absolutely shit. I am FINALLY getting to finish the last two finals, and then i will be done.
I started off dealing with losing a friend (to be homest i should talk with them) and then i had a friend stay with me, which he got locked out of my spare room, which turned into me finding out i wasnt allowed in there (i live in a 2 bed but paying for one cajse of my disability, so its stupid i dont have access) then that next week my car battery died, so i spent the day worrying about everything BUT class material.
A friend started leaving me on read and ghosting me. Then my friend left cause he needed to be back, and i could only host someone for 2 weeks. I started to try and catch up with schoolwork but am constantly anxious about everything all at once. Kept overthinking and worried cause of deadlines and midterms.
Then, after midterms, i dealt with two friends just leaving / blocking me. For no reason. Which i have dealt with like all of my fucking life and im sick of it. If you dont want to be friend just fucking tell me, which one did and mad respect. However, the other one literally stayed with me for two weeks.
So i was very depressed and just again stressed about school work. I lost motivation for everything but am still doing my best. Then, before i knew it, it was fall break. I was able to catch up on late assignments, i got in contact with a case manager, and now it's finals week. I am teeering on a C, which can pass or fail me with the essay i turned in today. I struggled to find my topic for this essay. And this same fucking class the professor is my advisor for my second major OH IM A DOUBLE MAJOR BTW so i had a 19 credit semester PLUS ALL THIS OTHER BS. Its like every week *something else* has to go wrong. Im just hoping and praying that i passed this class cause it's been a shitty semester, and i dont want to cry more.
I suffer in silence cause i hate taking from others positive moods, but damn do i want to finally be done. I have two more finals i have procrastinated and are due tomorrow night. So i have all day to get them done.
Im just tired. In all aspects. And it sucks. Once i get to my parents' house, i am gonna curl up into a ball in my room and just stay there for a while. Im so thankful for the people who have been in my life and have supported me (with or without knowing about this) and still love me through it.
I have not been more happy to say i love my friends so much, so much platonic love. It's so overlooked, but it means the world to me. I am so grateful. 💜
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justmeinadaze · 10 months
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Just woke up and first thing was the check if the bloody Chrissy drama had subsided! You got people thinking! I had a shit night sleep after it! 🤣 My personal experience with this chapter was that I personally loved the adaptation of the potential love story of Stranger Things 4 of Eddie and Chrissy in the forest and the feeling 'what if' for these two people from 'different' worlds, to then have had that progressed here and know they actually were in love and the inclusion of Vecna being in his human form as the jilted suitor/potential jilted murderer. The wording I was picking up in Chapter 1 and now 2 was giving that feeling of the reader stirring up memories of feeling a love/intimacy Eddie had not felt for a long time and trying to suppress those feelings, absolutely the guilt of that and the longing of Chrissy being the last person to make him feel that way and Steve being able to see that because he was there at the time and also encountered that person. One of my fav love stories is Bram Stoker's Dracula with Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder in the film and their performances showing a love that transcends time. In that instance it's very much about that Mina is visually his long lost loves double, a reincarnation and that is what is constantly triggering Draculas feelings but here it's bringing it into a more subtle, very human experience of guilt and loss and not about reader being a physical replica of a long lost love but having personality qualities and the ability to make Eddie feel something he clearly decided was a feeling only one person could make him feel and that is triggering Eddie's desires that reach him beneath the surface that go beyond the 'fucking', my fav moments, the hidden feels, the softening of the demon. For me reader is feeling something in moments she is also not expecting for whatever reason but is reluctant to allow herself to believe it could be anything they also feel in return. So less about the 'thunderbolt' moment straight away but moments that are being described as surprising and curious instead. This is my take anyway, I'm sure it will change along the way as we get more chapters but right now I'm just feeling this excitement in being fed those tidbits of emotions and intimacy. Steve feeling very much the protector of ensuring reader is not 'hurt' by Eddie's torment of the past and I'm not clever enough to figure who her bloody dad is and why he can see demons? I see Black Mirror mentioned but I haven't watched so I'm prob missing some 'rules' or something but im just well excited for more. Cheers lovely!
First off, love you❤. Come here so I can kiss you. 😘.
Second, dont worry about not seeing the Black Mirror episode. If you ever watch it you'll see pretty much just the plot is pulled with so other little things like them being able to show her memories. You should watch it. It's a great episode!
Third: There is a reason the dad can see them and I'm telling you now you arent going to be happy about it. Lol. I will expand more on it later.
Fourth: Dude I havent seen that version of Dracula in so long lol All the blood makes me nauseas lol if I remember correct... at the end doesnt he decide not to turn her because he recognizes it's wrong? That he would never wish his life on the original version of his love let alone Mina? He recognizes he wants better for her?
I need to watch it again lol I love the comparison! I had to read Dracula in high school and I loved it. One of the few I did lol
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frontoffline · 2 years
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Mlb 2k12 2016 roster
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this will take time for me cause im doing it on my free time.maybe my roster is ready by february or before start of the season.hope anybody can help the schedule.
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i already adjust the ratings for MLB, AAA, AA and single A. This allows players to grow agaisnt the right competition. This setting keeps players in the developmental league they should be in, instead of 85s in A and 50s in AAA. Helps keep teams from making stupid choices. I've sim'd and only when injury or the player breaks that overall threshold will he be moved up or down in most cases others its performance. ▪Adjusting overalls makes sure teams dont fill their affiliates with older high rated players. to prevent the game from automatically placing minor league players above the starter player in MLB. I think it's a very necessary thing to do on the roster. The MLB 2K franchise has made progress since the MLB 2K9 disaster, but not enough to be called up to the big leagues.I would very much like you to give importance to this, which in his project. Not to say the players or stadiums look bad, but you know it’s a video game at first glance. I told a friend of mine that if a person walked by when someone was playing MLB: The Show, you might do a double take to see if that was a real game. But the overall graphics on MLB 2K12 just don’t stack up to the competition.
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They’ve adopted the same main menu as NBA 2K, which I like very much. The presentation in MLB 2K is very well done. This is just a terrible decision by 2K Sports, period. You don’t know their record, DNF% (did not finish percentage), or if they are using a mic or not. I still don’t understand why (and same issue exists with NBA 2K) 2K sports has decided to do away with online lobbies. The two online games I played were fine – no lag or disconnects. When I play My Player I’m always a starting pitcher, so I don’t have to worry about playing the field as much. You still create your player and try to achieve all the goals so you can get called up to the big club. Not much changed with MLB 2K12’s My Player mode. This allows you to play along with the real MLB season every day, with up-to-date roster changes. MLB 2K12 has added MLB Today Season Mode. Defense and player movements are my biggest issues with this title. Why would the batter run wide of first on a close play like that? That running angle should only be taken if I was going to second base – but I wasn’t. At the plate, I hit a ground ball to short, and my batter was running wide of first base as if he was going to round the bag and go for second. This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough. When there’s a base hit to the outfield, and a runner is getting ready to round third base to score, your outfielder won’t charge the ball. There are also times when players just don’t react to the situation on defense. Routine fly balls are an adventure because outfielders will lunge for balls when there’s no need to. What is even more frustrating are the player movements in the field. Unfortunately, MLB 2K12 does not give you the option of classic throwing/fielding - which, for me, is frustrating. MLB: The Show introduced a throwing meter for fielding last season, and after a handful of games, I quickly switched back to classic throwing/fielding. I personally never liked the throwing meter, it just opens the door for too many errors and plays like the one I described above. I started off trying the analog stick throwing, and after a few plays where the meter just didn’t read (which resulted in an underthrow) and a play where I wanted to throw the ball to first base, but instead went to third base, I quickly switched to using the button for the throwing meter. Hold too long, and release in the red, you’ll have an overthrow. When your player fields the ball, you’ll hold down the button or analog stick, and try to release when the cursor is in the green. MLB 2K12 introduces a new throwing meter for this year’s game. This is a problem that has plagued the MLB 2K franchise for several seasons. One of the most overused phrases in sports is “defense wins championships.” Well, if that’s truly the case, you’ll have a hard time winning championships in MLB 2K12 because the team at 2K Sports just cannot get defense to work properly on this game.
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i-dont-alwaysmile · 2 years
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ok I just really need to unload my thoughts rn, cause I've been thinking about this for months
But I have no idea how my parents will take me questioning my gender.
Rn I'm trying to figure this whole thing out. And while I'm pretty sure I'm somwhat non-binary, or agender, or libragender (that last one rn is the one im most certain of rn) I'm still figuring it out. I don't know exactly how I want to present or dress yet. And I know that I don't even have to tell my parents anything!!
but i love my parents and dont want to hide myself from them. And how I will want to present or be address they will probably take issue with cause of their beliefs. I grew up mormon, most of my family is mormon, and the ones who are not are still very christian or outspokenly transphobic. which is not fun
I was talking to my mom about how I think how trans people not being allowed to transition in the church is wrong. And she eventually said to me that being trans is a mental illness, one that causes suicide.
and then a few days later my dad said aloud "I hate pronouns" in reaction to how people who are cis (or who appear cis) have their pronouns stated.
I know my parents wont hate me. But I think its worse to know that they think I've been corrupted in some way. That how I am or how I identify is a sin and that I am doing the wrong thing.
It hurts, alot
And theres even more reason to not tell them. I moved out of the house about 2 years ago, but I still have little siblings living with my parents. They are Mormon but their not hardcore, but I worry if I come out to them that they will double down on mormonism because they think they did something wrong.
I'm not mormon anymore, and I'm very lucky that I didn't have any harmful experiences in the church. But I'm still deconverting, especially how I think, who I trust, how I can question authority. Along with the anger I have for being lied to by an organization I trust so much, and all of the internal homophobia and transphobia I've absorbed in the church. I don't want my little siblings to go through any of that
And there's the whole other can of worms that I havent told my parents that I don't believe in the church anymore
And this hurts because I love my parents. be cause they've been there for me when I need them, but now I don't know if they will be. I dont know if I tell them that they will accept me, or just say they do while still considering me as their daughter who's gone astray. I don't want to hurt them, and I think this will.
it just sucks, it really does.
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funnfinnreal · 2 years
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I took a double dose of my sleep meds and made this
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reidsnose · 3 years
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Advil (spencer reid x reader)
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overview: reader is on her period and spencer tries his best to make her life easier
genre: fluff
a/n: i think he would totally do stuff like this also this ones pretty short lol sorry ab that
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masterlist
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you sucked in a breath through gritted teeth as a cramp destroyed your lower abdomen, your hand flying to cover it instinctively. closing your eyes and furrowing your eyebrows, you stopped taking down a picture from our board and doubled over waiting for the cramp to pass, frozen in a painful state.
"y/n! are you alright?" Spencer rushed over from the other end of the board, voice laced with worry as he tentatively rested a hand on your shoulder.
"yeah, im fine its just a stomach ache,"you breathed, still doubled over.
"no this doesnt sound very good. we should take you to the doctor this could be appendicitis or-" he began.
"no spence it isnt-" you interrupted but he cut you off.
"or it could be an intestinal cyst or tumor, this could be very bad!" he fretted, bending down trying to meet your gaze.
"no i really dont-" you began but were once again interrupted.
"this could be life threatening and what if you-"
"SPENCER!" you nearly yelled, looking up from your doubled over position, "its just period cramps."
"oh." he straightened up, feeling very embarrassed. "well um..in that case do you want me to get you some pain killers? or maybe a heating pad, i read that that can help!"
"i already asked around the station and nobody had any. i have some in my go bag ill take them on the jet."
"ok, just let me know if you need anything."
"thanks." you replied, sending him as warm of a smile as you could muster before straightening back up, hand still covering your lower stomach, and beginning to take down more pictures. luckily, you had just finished a case, and were beyond excited to cuddle up with a blanket and your comfort tv show on your couch.
as you all boarded the jet you sat down in a far away seat and curled up into as small of a ball as you could. you heard a few confused murmurs from the team but didn't want to explain, instead, you just curled up tighter. after a few minutes as everyone settled down you heard something get set on the small table and the seat beside you shifted.
you opened your eyes and saw a glass of water sitting on the table, shaking gently with the jet. you looked over at the seat beside you and were met with the kind eyes of a very apologetic looking Dr. Reid. he held out his hand, revealing two Advils.
"you didnt take your painkillers, and i could tell you need them." he told you, jutting his hand out slightly more.
"thank you," you smiled weakly as you let him drop the pills into your hand. in his other hand he had already taken the water and was holding it for you to take when you needed to. you popped the pills into my mouth and flashed him a slightly wider smile as you took a swig of the water and washed the medicine down.
"do you want me to stay or do you need space?" he asked kindly, hoping you wanted him to stay. he absolutely adored you.
"whatever you want," you answered, not wanting to sound desperate.
"well, i read once that warmth helps cramps and blood loss results in a drop in body temperature so ill stay here. because my body is warm. and yours is.." he tentatively touched your fingers, nearly shivering at the difference in temperature while trying to ignore the feeling of electricity shooting up his arm, "yours is cold right now."
"thank you." you repeated, curling back into a ball.
his hand began gently rubbing your back, "is this ok?"
instead of verbally responding, you snuggled closer to him, allowing his whole arm to drape across you. he let out the softest chuckle you'd ever heard before going back to soothingly rubbing your back, causing a content smile and light blush to dance across you face.
the painkillers weren't non drowsy so you began slipping in and out of consciousness as the jet slowly rocked you to sleep and Spencer's arms cushioned you like the worlds comfiest bed. he must have been very tired as well because you felt the weight of his head resting on top of your own. it was incredibly comforting and you felt as though you could stay like this with him forever. right as you were about to fully fall asleep, you could have sworn you heard the shutter click of a cellphone camera and the slight chuckling of morgan and prentiss.
you felt yourself being gently shaken awake and when you opened your eyes you were met with a goofy smile plastered on morgans face as he held up his phone revealing a picture of spencer and you.
in your sleep, the two of you had cuddled up even closer to each other, your cheeks lightly squished together. you widened your eyes as you peeled your now warm skin off of Spencer's, feeling him stir as he too began to wake up.
"morgan put that away!" you whisper yelled, pleading with him not to show Reid.
Morgan wasn't stupid, he could tell you two had a thing for each other; the whole team could. hell, the only people who didn't know seemed to be the two of you.
"put what away?" Spencer yawned, blinking in attempt to adjust to the light.
"this picture," morgan smirked, showing it to Reid.
you looked up worriedly at him, trying your best to read his expressions and body language.
"i-" Spencer squinted slightly as he spoke, a light smile tugging at his lips, "could you send that to me?"
worlds littlest taglist:
@mac99martin
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cuddlesslut · 4 years
Text
A Happy Accident
Definitely Nsfw! And Crack 😊
Summary: it's an honest mistake really sending a message to the wrong chat. But what about when you send your nude to the wrong chat...
Warning: Nsfw, pet names, degradation,daddy kink, sex, fingering, anal, double penetration, blow jobs
Please Read. This is my first time writing smut. And it took me a long time to write this. I'm sorry in advance for any and all grammar and spelling errors. I hope you enjoy it and that it's up to your standards. 💕💕😚💕💕
Part Seven: The deed
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You stood next to these boys several times before but never before had you realized how tall they actually were. Towering over you. Maybe teasing them so much while you were at school wasnt such a good idea because as soon as the three volleyball players stepped into your room, the door was locked, you were pushed against into their embrace their hands flying to you not missing a beat. You stood there your shirt had been removed leaving you in only your bra, school skirt, and panties that were getting more and more drenched. Your back was pressed tightly again Bokuto's chest his mouth placed hot, messy kisses on your neck. As Kuroo’s tongue danced in your mouth stealing the air out of your lungs. You threw your head back against Bo’s shoulder biting your lip trying to suppress the moan errupting from you as he snuck his hand in between you and the middle blocker grazing his fingers over clothed warmth . You felt slender fingers grasp on to your jaw directing your attention to Akaashi who stood next to the group. Your eyes locked on to his pretty dick in his hand thumb rubbing over his red tip stroking his length.  
“look at me baby girl,” the setter said “i want to hear you, Understand,” his tight grip loosening his fingers moved from your jaw to your swollen lips. His thumb rubbing over bottom lip just as you had seen him do to the tip of his hard cock. Another moan ripped from your throat as Bokuto finally slipped his hand under the fabric petting his fingers through your folds.
“Aaah Bo-,” you were cut off by kaashi two fingers being shoved into your mouth.
“Suck.” he stated voice firm as his eyes bore into yours. Not needing to be told twice you wrapped you lips around his digits tongue swirling around them. 
“Fuck, Kitten,” Kurro chuckled “Youre such a good girl,” he praised. His large hand roaming around your chest reach behind you to undo your bra. Finally freeing your breast the cold air stinging your hard nipples. His rough fingers caressing the hardened nub. Causing you to arch into the touch moaning around Akaashi's slender fingers.
“beautiful ,” Kurro cooed. moving his lips down to your breast taking a bud into his mouth sending shivers down your spine, feeling his hot mouth on your breast while he pinched the other sending you into even more of a sexual frenzy.  
Seeing this as the perfect opportunity the ace behind you finally inserted two fingers into your wet heat. causing you to squeak from the sudden sinful stretch of your most sensitive area feeling with fingers being squeezed by your aching heat.
“shit ,” he cursed feeling his fingers being sucked into you “you're so fucking tight my little whore,,” he groaned into your ear finally stopping the assault on your neck that had no doubt was covered in bruises. “ that greedy little cunt of yours is just swallowing my fingers up. he laughed as he thrusted his fingers in and out of your heat curling his fingers and touching the perfect spot deep inside of you.
Akaashi could see your high climbing and see you so close to your first release he removed his fingers from your mouth a string of saliva trailing from his digits to you. He moved his hand down to your neglected bundle of nerves. 
Its like these boys were telepathic the way they worked so in sync working your body over. Your legs feeling weak as Bokuto fingers pistioned in and out of you. Kuroo rolling a nipple in between his teeth. His right hand gripping on to your free tit. the final straw was the light pinch kaashi gave your clit. Sending waves of pleasure over you stimulated body. a lewd moan ripping through you as your legs gave out from under you.
Bokuto's strong arms wrapping around you guiding you to the bed so you can catch your breath. Resting in the center of the bed you throw your head back chest rising from what could probably be the best orgasm you've had so far. You look up to see that the three boys had rid themselves of their clothes. standing there in front of you almost predatory. they stood there with so much confidence looking like three Greek Gods. Eyes scanning their bodies you felt your arousel growing as your eyes dropped to what each of them were packing. Eyes blown wide with lust and wonder at how you were going to take all of them. You bit your lip looking at your three lovers. Kuroo smirking at you , Akaashi had a stoic look almost emotionless but his eyes said it all they stared deep into to you with such intensity. His eyes showing just as much lust for you as you had for him. Bokuto however stood there the most mischievous grin. 
“Are you okay baby girl?” akaashi questioned.
“Yes sir “
“Good,” he climbed into the bed with you. crawling between your thighs.” then theres no need for these,” he smirk pulling you lace panties and Nekoma skirt down your legs leaving you completely bare to the boys in front you. 
Akaashi made his way over you body pinning you to the bed his hands running up you figure before he captured you in a searing kiss. your tongues struggling for dominance in which the setter quickly won the battle and ground his hard cock against you causing you to gasp from the friction. 
“She makes the pretty sounds doesnt she” Kuroo praised 
“fuck.. dont forget to share Akaashi,” bokuto smirked
“OH dont worry shes gunna take care of all of us, arent you baby,” he stated no question in his voice as he flipped the two of you. So you were now straddling his waist. 
‘ yes ,” you mumbled lost in the feeling of his hot length sliding against you clit.
Akaashi hand wound its way into your hair tugging slightly pulling you head back.
“what was that Baby Girl?” eyebrows hitch in a stern questioning look. a domineering look that cause a flood of frustration straight to your center.
“YES SIR ,” you gasped . 
“Wow kaashi you got her trained so well already,” bokuto chuckled from his new position behind you. His strong hands firmly grabbing at you plump ass. 
“Dont worry,” he said said breath hitting you as he nipped at your ear. “ were going to take good care off you too.” 
You shuddered from the promise Bo made getting lost in a frenzy of thoughts. all the different ways they could use your body. Akaashi could see the excitement you radiated. He readjusted himself his tip grazing your soaked entrance. He looked up to your eyes waiting for the reassurance you quickly gave him before pushing his head past your folds slowing pulling you farther down his length. You were lost in the beautiful sight in front of you that was stoic Akaashi Keiji eyes pressed shut, head tilted back and lip pressed between his teeth , in pleasure as he felt you tight cunt clinching around him. Finally reaching the base you shuddered from how much he stretched you.
On the other side if you you could feel Bokutos fingers now slathered in lube start to prep your second hole. “be a good slut and show me how well you take care of them,” he smirked. Directing your attention to Kuroo. Who now stood next to the three of them. His heavy dick in hand the swollen tip leaking precum.
“You ready to suck Daddys cock Kitten?” He asked patting his hot length against your face sliding it to your soft lips. leaving behind a sticky trail of precum. You open your mouth giving little kitten lick to his flushed tip staring straight into his eyes. 
“good girl,” he purred as you wrapped your lips around him. your tongue swirling around his member as you took him farther into you mouth.
“Mmmhn” you moaned around Kuroo as Akaashi started his assault on you pussy snapping his hips up. His length hitting deep inside of you. Akaashis largers hands grabbed at your cheeks pulling them further apart helping Bokuto sink two fingers into you tight whole. You choked around Kuroo as Bo breached the tight muscle.
“Fuck Kitten,” Kuroo moaned as you took him farther into you wet mouth. His right hand gripped tightly into you H/C hair as he fucked into your wide open mouth. His left hand grabbing and pinching your perky nipples. Tears prickling your eyes from the stimulation as Akaashi contiued drilling into you. “You're such a good girl.”
Akaashi was amazed as the sight in front of him. You looking so utterly helpless being attaked on all sides. He reached one of his hands up to your neck feel Kuroo hard cock sliding down you throat as you took all of him. 
You start to squeeze tight as you high started approaching. And you werent the only one . Kuroo thrust getting sloppy as he fucked deep into your face.
“im going to come Kitten,” he warned. But you continued your assault hollowing your cheeks around him finally drawing out his orgasm as he spilt his seed into your mouth . He pulled out leaving a trail of white that spilt down your chin. Ypu swallowed the load. smiling up at Kuroo. 
Your attenion brought back to your situation as Boukto pushed you forward pressing you chest into Akaashi. Giving him easy access as he started to push his tip into your prepped entrance. Kaashi slowed down his movement to better help you adjust to Bo slowly sinking farther into your ass. Both stilled allowing you to adjust to the intrusion. Akaashi took you lips into a reassuring kiss as Bokuto ran his hands down your back soothingly. 
“Are you ready Y/n,” Bokuto asked.
“Yes please move, both of you,” you gasp going stir crazy.
The boys started their movement, Moving in tandem never letting you feel empty. Your had never felt more full. Your high quickly approaching again. your walls begin closing around Akaashi and it clear he wont last much longer with how you closing around him. He sped up his thrust. moving like a man on a mission, His grip on your waist bruising as drove into you most sensitive spot driving you over the edge.
“Kaaashi,” you exclamied as your body shook from pleasure. Your heat clenched tight around his length. Pushing Akaashi into his own release painting your walls in his white seed. Your arms gave out causing you to fall into his chest. You barried your face in the crook of his neck anchoring yourself as Bokuto continued his assault from behind.
“Fuck that was hot watching your slutty pussy taking all of kaashi,” he goaded. “hows it feel being stuffed full of our cum Y/N” he continued. he looked down at his cock disappearing inside your tight ass. 
“Sht your doing such a good job being our cumslut,” he said giving your ass a hard smack. Causing you to bite into Akaashi’s neck as Bo fucked you into his best friend. Your intense orgasm building again quicker this time from the added stimulation of your previous pleasure.
“come for me one more time Y/n” bokuto commanded as he moved a hand around to your clit. Rubbing your bundle of nerves sending sparks of electricity through you body pull a scream from your overstimulated body as you came hard. Your scream alone was enough to send Bokuto into a frenzy as he fucked you through your relase before emptying himself to you. 
Nothing was heard in the room except the heavy breathing of all its occupants. Your body finally betraying you as you collasped on to the bed. Your legs shaking. 
“You did amazing Beautiful,” Bokuto said moving up to you placing a kiss to your temple smoothing your hair out of you exhausted face. Akaashi rubbed his hand soothingly over body.
“lets clean you up Kitten,” kuroo said kissing your lips once more.
🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
Yay thank-you all for all the love and support!! This is my first smau and im so happy everyone is enjoying it!!!💖💖💖💖
💕Part Six 💕 Masterlist 💕 Next
Taglist: @starboybokuto-recs @insomniish @ikemenweebo @nishiya-is-baby @writingfreakk @unicorngluttony @fuckoffyoutoad @karasunosimp @k4tiepie @alinebls @weebintheinternet @callmekda @tendouthighs @elegant-gypsophilia @nanananisstuff @emptygemini @wolfytrixa @chaichai-beat-boi @nico-chin @justxtulyyy  @superrjello @chiibichann @emiyummy @azgucci @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy  @tinygremliin @ynjimenez @steggy4ever   @thirsthourdemon @xxlilcreepxx @therealwalmartjesus @catherinecm @90s-belladonna @jtsgjdfjg @indigohitoshi @its-me-nico
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heartbreakgrill · 4 years
Note
and to my prior request i have like those round coffee house glasses if there’s any consolation on what glasses i’m talking about lol & can i be on ur tag list? i love ur writing!!
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a/n: i am so sorry this took so long! despite quarantine, i’ve been unmotivated lmao. hope you like it!!
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Relationships are all about connecting to another person, learning to love every single little thing about them. Because people were so unique, with deep personalities, this could take some time to do. Eventually, you may know everything there is to possibly know, which seems shocking. You still remember the plot line between Jim and Pam on The Office, in which Pam insists there must be something she doesn’t know about her husband. But, she does.
It’s difficult to think about for too long because you’ll find yourself becoming infatuated with the idea of learning as much as you can. So, in this relationship of just two months, you were letting things happen as fate allowed them to. You told Calum things here and there, and he reciprocated.
It would be when a morning when you showed up for breakfast that you learned he preferred tea over over coffee. There’d be a boring day at his house where you’d learn that he and Roy had a rotating chore list, shared in their text messages but sometimes written on the white board in the kitchen.
It was on a Thursday night when Calum learned you liked to be in bed on a work night at 9 pm. He’s wrestled with you, wanting to stay longer, but gave up when he realized how tired you truly were. Finally, there was that time at Ashtons, for a barbecue, when Calum learned you were allergic to strawberries after attempting to romantically feed you the chocolate covered piece of fruit.
But, there was still things neither of you knew about each other.
Friday nights were usually when you had the most fun. You’d spend all weekend together, and it kick it off with some late night Taco Bell runs or trips to Luke’s for a double-date, movie night with him and Sierra. Tonight would be spent in, watching movies, most likely going to get some type of fast food way-too late and, for the first time ever, staying the night at Calum’s house. It was going to be a learning curve for many reasons.
In preparation for your night in, you had already removed your makeup and contacts, coffee-house styled glasses framing your clean face. Your hair was in a bun, Calum’s green Empathy hoodie around your torso, and black leggings adorning your thighs. You drove to Calum’s house with the driver’s side window down, but now the sun was set, and you began to roll it up as a chilly gust of wind blew across the valley.
Soon enough, you were stepping out of your car, tugging the strap of your overnight bag over your shoulder, and shuffling towards Calum’s doorstep. You knocked three times before beginning to rock back and forth on your heels. The door pulled open and Roy grinned down at you.
You offered a polite smile as he stepped aside to let you in, “Hey, Roy. How are you?”
“I’m good, [Y/N], thanks. You?” He stood against the now-closed door, watching as you slipped out of your shoes.
Your voice dropped to a murmur with the lightest pink coloring your cheeks, “Nervous.”
Roy laughed, moving back towards the living room with, “Ah, you’ll be fine.”
As soon as he turned the corner, you heard the Duke’s nails tapping against the hallway floor. He came into the parlor, running as quickly as his little legs would allow. You crouched down, the strap of your bag falling down your shoulder. You shrugged it off further and picked Duke up in your arms. He licked your cheek, tail wagging against the crook of your elbow. You stood upright, moving further into the house.
“Hi, baby,” you nuzzled your nose against the soft fur of his neck, grinning at his comfort.
“Wow, Duke, so quick to abandon me just because [Y/N]’s here,” Calum rounded the same corner, dressed down in a Santa Cruz sweatshirt pulled over his blonde hair and pajama bottoms. He looked so cute, your heart almost melted.
You looked up from the dog, a shy smile adorning your features. “He just misses me.”
“Well, he’s not the only one,” Calum wrapped his arms around you, holding you as close to him as he could with Duke between the two of you. You pulled back slightly, bending down to set Duke on the floor. Calum brought you back against his chest, lips grazing your cheek in a sloppy kiss.
You giggled, writhing away from his lips. Calum’s mouth moved towards your nose, eyes shut, but he pushed so harshly because you were pulling away from him that he bashed his face against your glasses. They fell to the ground and you stumbled into Calums chest, laughing so hard your face burned bright red.
Calum was laughing, too, though it was being dialed down by his guilt and worry for the frames he didn’t even know existed. He managed to grab them from the floor, doing a once over to see if they were okay. They were, save a single Duke hair on the glass, so he handed them over.
You calmed down and slipped them over your ears. Calum’s eyes focused on them, admiring the way they fit your face. He, “didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“I do,” you pushed them up your nose, hand dropping to your side. “Do they look bad? I-“
He grabbed your hand as it moved back up at the frames, fingers intertwining with them, “No, they’re, like really cute. Like super adorable on you.”
You blushed again, chewing on your bottom lip, “Really?”
“I just wanna kiss your face, you’re so cute, Jesus,” Calum grabbed your waist with his free hand. You bumped into his chest, finding your footing with your forearm draped over his shoulders.
“Just dont knock them off again.”
-
Later that night, Calum drove the two of you to Taco Bell. It was chilly, but in spite of that, you cradled a slushee in your hand. Calum was holding the other, intertwined in your lap. He pulled off a road that didn’t lead back to his house, and didn’t answer your questions.
He parked the car on a hill overlooking the city. He pushed up the center consol to reveal the middle seat underneath. With a light tug, he had you under his arm, snuggled against his side. You leaned into him graciously, the scent from his hoodie matching that on his neck.
You closed your eyes for a moment, nearly falling asleep when you felt the slushee slipping from your fingers. A flash, also, woke you from your near passed-out state. Your eyes opened to a photo on Calum’s Snapchat of you and him, in the same position. He was grinning, eyes trained on you. They were flushed with pure adoration and you felt your cheeks redden, chest swell.
“Can I post this on Instagram?” He scrolled through his phone, which was still in your eyesight.
You were slightly taken back, thinking that you looked awful in your glasses, face red from the poor car lighting, and chin nearly doubled because you were so snuggled up. You shook your head of the self conscious thoughts, “Oh, sure, I guess.”
“Hey,” Calum set down his phone and turned so he could meet your eyes. “Youre beautiful, okay? I know it might not be something you agree with or feel and I cant force you to believe, but you are beautiful.”
“Cal, I,” you hesitated, “Ive just always been self conscious of my glasses. You can post the photo, Im just scared that the comments are going to reflect my thoughts.”
Calum opened his phone again, tapping on more buttons than needed. He turned off the comments. Added a caption that said, “My personal (and cuter) Harry Potter.”
You glanced back up at him, cupping his cheek with your free hand. You pressed a kiss to his jaw, holding him against you for longer than a moment. He jerked back only to press his lips against yours.
“I want to make you fall in love with yourself while I do.”
TAGLIST: @mantlereid
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artreider · 3 years
Text
Daughter is down for the night, let's see if internet will allow me to watch and live blog the next episode.
Travis is so hurt and that just hurts me. I'm glad we are getting his backstory with Michael.
Okay so if Michael died in 2016 and it was 2009 at the start of the episode, then they were together for at least six years. So travis has been a firefighter at least 11 years at this point in the series. So what station was he at, and how did he and Michael meet. Im just curious because theo calls his buddy michael probie and then doesnt say travis name. Travis tells him name and instead of calling probie as well making me believe he had been either a firefighter for a bit longer than Michael or he is from a different station, because surely if they were all at the same station he would call him by name or maybe travis is from a different shift at the station.
I love this episode but it still left me with questions.
Also so i didnt even make it five minutes in, thanks internet let's restart it.
Also are they all in the same academy class because it sounds like it.
I'm not okay with travic being not a dynamic duo at the start, i love their friendship.
Hey look the captain has returned lol, also this sushi conversation i have had with my coworker. Leftover sushibis just wrong, fight me on this. Im glad maya agrees. Also i agree with sulluvan its from the grocery store, i dont eat my sushi from anywhere but a restaurant thats gross, and making it day old is worse.
Of course travis agrees with the sushi talk, they are truly two peas in a pod. Im surprised vic didnt ask to stay at maya and carina's for a few days.
I like theo and jack this episode.
Vic looks tripped out by travis showing her his scars lmao. Travis and this scar analogy is fantastic and makes me giggle, so dramatic.
I still dont know how i feel about these two drug addicts.
First commercial and i just want to add that the sushi scene i love, the family feel is wonderful.
Michael and travis are so cute. Also how long was theo a captain before michael died?
Listening to libby you can tell how troubled travis is by the look on his face. Its like he's thinking what if something were to happen to Hughes and we weren't in a good place.
Im glad jack came to talk to theo. It's good for them both.
Emmett you cutie. Im glad he is speaking truths to travis.
This proposal is so cute, the double proposal makes me so happy.
Travis needs to become a dad, he so wanted that future with Michael.
Its so cute that theo was there for the proposal and his best friends. Who stood up for travis at the wedding and who married michael and travis? Im headcanoning theo marrying them.
I totally get travis's feelings about theo in light of Michael's death but with how involved he was with the two i wish travis had found some way to heal with his friend sooner.
Vic trying to discuss Emmett, oh i love you.
This scene by the trees is so tough.
I bet they had so much fun shooting this even if it was difficult material.
So travis is in a apartment instead of his house with michael, howd that happen.
The things they are saying to each other are so hard. Everyone grieves differently.
Okay how long was theo a firefighter before he became captain. They were possibly in the academy in 2009, he was training for lt in 2010 and in 2012 he was put up for captain. So it seems he was on the fast track like maya. Okay he was only at lt for 6 months with may he a bit longer than maya.
Though she definitely made better decisions as captain. Also i love that ripley put up for it and ripley is who told maya to become lt and that she'd be a good captain.
Theo's joke about dying in a fire is just wrong.
Theo did make a bad call like travis worried but his being green should be a reason to find forgiveness for him.
Im glad michael stood uo for his friend. Also travis asked if it was a good idea theo being michaels captain, not ours. That further leads me to believe that travis was at a different station. I really cant shake the thought that he was at station 19 by this point for the simple fact of capt hererra saying he hand picked all of them.
Its nice that travis is finally talking to vic about his anger and sadness over michael, his grief and apologizing for his comments about ripley.
Okay so based off the past episodes for the characters, gibson and miller have been at the station longer than andy and maya and it appears travis has been as well. So that just has me questioning how long hughes has been, did we get dates when we learned how she became a firefighter, i cant remember.
Who notified travis that Michael was gone? He wasn't on scene otherwise he'd already have seen theo.
Theo was so good to own up to his mistake to the higher ups and travis.
The house vs apartment thing bothers me about station 19. Like maya's apartment always felt like a house and then we see its an apartment. Travis lived in a house with Michael and now has an apartment filled with Michael's things. Then Jack had an apartment or something in season 3 and now lives with martha and co. Then vic is basically homelessx had an apartment then jumped from friends homes. I dunno why i bothers me so, i guess it just feels so inconsistent, i dunno if that makes sense.
Ugh the ruiz and Gibson scene here is so good for them once again and im glad it helped marcus. Im sad marcus wont be a part of jacks life anymore.
Theo why did you decide to talk to vic about ripley? Not that it was a bad talk just curious what sparked it.
Travis im so proud of you, this talk here is so important for your healing. Vic i love your joke. Yay my travic is healing.
Okay so hughes was probie in 2016 after michael died. Ugh i need to know more about travis time at station 19 before during or after whatever michael died. Also when did andy and maya graduate im blanking on the year.
Travic's first scene at the station together is so lovely.
Ugh travis's phone call is so rough.
So travis cant vacation very well either, no wonder he told maya to enjoy her trip with carina in sesson 3.
The station 19 actors are so phenomenal. Such a wonderfully acted episode.
So as im sure my followers and anyone else reading this has gathered, i decided to do this live blog as one whole thing since the anon was upset by my previous posts. If you hate this and think i should go back to the other way let me know or if i should take their suggestion and creatr my own tag let me know. Basically if you are interested in my live blog please let me know what you think.
The anon has been weighing on me leading me to almost not want to finish my live blog of the series.
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JK Rowling, transphobia and a hopefully helpful post.
A few days ago I posted on my Facebook (yes I have one sue me) debunking some of the things Rowling has been saying on twitter. Since she made a statement I felt the need to make another one... but this time Im sharing it here. Please note this is long, it is fairly opinionated in places but her statements have felt so insidious I want to share something in depth. If you are cis I implore you to read, but I understand this is long and a lot of people wont want to. No judgement. 
Jk Rowling’s latest statement is a mess of valid concerns and fear mongering. At this point there can be no claim she doesn’t know what shes talking about - she herself has said shes been researching this for years. She throws in token acknowledgements to “real” trans people while framing the rest of her statements as concern for confused teens.So first things first - and something that might not be popular with some of my trans friends. I agree that teenagers should not be able to medically transition. It is a choice that should be made when the brain is fully mature. Hormone blockers are something I trust - and that are reversible. I have seen enough detransitioned people hurting to feel like we do need to be careful - especially with children who are trying to find themselves. I dont know about other people but during my teens I was coming to the crushing realisation that I wasn’t special. I was learning that no matter how well I painted someone else did it better, no matter how badly I hurt someone had it worse - I was learning about the wonderful mediocrity of life, and having anything that made me stand out gave a brief reprieve from learning to be okay with all these things. For me to be fair it was dying my hair outrageous colours and dressing in black leather during 30 degree summer heat - but its still something we cant forget. I KNOW a lot of kids claiming to be trans are - and I dont want to keep that from them, however I dont want to cause harm to the kids that are wrong. Continuing on, I’d like to address her comments about TERFS. Terfs are Self Described Trans-exclusionary-radical-feminists and the term does get thrown around a little too liberally at times. Terf is not and never will be a slur. No more than “White” is. It is about a group of people who have taken it open themselves to segregate another group - and calling that what it is, is not a crime. The reason Terf and transphobe have become synonomic is because the ‘radical feminists’ that subscribe to this have lost focus on nearly all other issues of feminism and sit squarely on “dropping the T” from the lgbt community and “keeping men out of womens bathrooms.” Terfs are overwhelmingly women - this is sadly simply a fact. Terfs are reviled because of how much it feels like a betrayal to the community. A group that fights for rights - except ours. A group that wants equality - except for us. Its different to the conservatives who hate us all equally - with Terfs we are singled out. Terfs are not, as Rowling claims, inclusionary to Trans-men. I’ve been met with a combination of pity, loathing, mockery and revulsion by people within this group. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t let homophobia push me into transitioning - only for all correspondence to abruptly drop when I mention Im marrying another man. I’ve been told my old body was beautiful - only for stunned silence when I agree. I was beautiful - I was curvy, I was a dancer and had a body to match - but I wasn’t Me. When their usual arguments against me fail - I’m met with hate. Im called anti-woman, traitor, homophobic. I even have some such comments saved on my blog. I have yet to meet a Terf who was pro-trans-man. Rowling claims that had she had the ability, as a confused teen, she may have sought to transition. I hate to tell her but she did have the ability and trans people didn’t pop into existence in the twenty-first century. I’m actually looking to do my dissertation topic in my final year on lgbt presentation throughout history - and in my overeager way I’ve already started researching. James Barry has been becoming a common name for years - a transgender surgeon who died in 1865. If Barry was able to at least socially transition from 1790 to 1860, I am fairly sure Rowling could have in 1980 - over a century later. Rowling also claims that groups of friends in schools all suddenly identify as trans at the same time. Speaking from my school experience - the queer kids group together. We seek out others like us, and we take strength from each others bravery to come out - often around the same time. We almost get a rush of resolve when one of our group musters the courage and strength, and some of us use that rush to bite the bullet ourselves. Its one of the beautiful ways the lgbt community is here for one another - and the influx of people identifying as trans is partially a factor of more people knowing the name of their feelings. Survivor bias will ignore the trans people through history without the knowledge or means to transition - and will claim they were never trans at all. Her initial statements about charities worry me in particular. As I said last time - we know sex is real, we just dont really like to be defined by it. She is worried that we’re going to “rebrand medicine” and ignores that medications for years have had warnings in their leaflets about “If you are or become pregnant” regardless of if the person receiving it has a dick or a vagina. We dont advocate for ignoring the differences in how people respond to heart attacks - and I for one would like research to be done on how hormones effect that. I dont actually know if I would respond more like a cis gender woman or a cis gender man if I were to have a heart attack or a stroke. But where possible we do want to change the language around some of these things. I have had a double mastectomy, but some Cis-men have these as well. This is not a gendered term. Why should a period be called anything else? Why call it a “womens problem.” I and Im sure many other trans people, support the research into how different medical and mental issues affect different sexes. I just think that should be extended further - and we know it should, as some medical issues affect people of different ethnicities in different ways and we don’t know how. I am truly sorry that Rowling has experienced abuse and assault of any nature. I am truly sorry that she has felt unsafe. But her feelings do not invalidate others experiences. Of the trans people I know, a saddening number have been assaulted, have been abused and in particular have experienced these things domestically. There is much work to be done on this in the UK. There are nearly no mens shelters for sufferers of violence to my knowledge. I, a trans man who have experienced some of these things in my teen years, would Not want to be around cisgender women even if I could be. A cis woman was responsible for much of the pain I personally suffered - and in fact one of the acts of violence she carried out against me was directly after I came out as trans to her. Trans women, even if they could go to male shelters, should not have to be surrounded by a group that put them in danger - in a place that is detrimental to them physically and mentally and is frankly degrading. The belief that allowing trans women into shelters for those escaping abuse is dangerous is sad. To be so afraid is deserving of pity. To let fear blind you to the suffering of others - to think its better that a trans woman face homelessness or a return to an abusive household because you personally would sleep better at night is the kind of passive evil we should be aware of in this day and age. It comes from choosing to see the word “trans” before “person.” Its from choosing to see a persons genitals before their humanity. Trans people are not dangerous - and cause no greater risk than any other demographic.  Her claims that she can empathise with this fear are empty. A gender recognition certificate is not a ticket into womens bathrooms. Funnily enough you dont actually require a piece of paper to go almost anywhere. I do not have a gender recognition certificate and use male bathrooms, can enter male spaces as I please. All a gender recognition certificate does is change the letter on your birth certificate. It doesn’t even affect other forms of identification - my passport, my student id, my drivers license all already say male. I am not sure why so many people have chosen this as their hill to die on because its the least relevant thing to them on the planet. How often have any of you seen another persons birth certificate? Rowling says she and other ‘gender critical’ (a terf dogwhistle) people are concerned for trans youth. Well… she can take her condescending concern and direct it to matters that are relevant to her. Trans people want to be left alone. Its a simple request, and yet people endlessly seem to trip over the dirt level bar.
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ayzashl · 4 years
Text
Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Crack (i think)
Also um, im new to these so sorry for possible gramatical errors or typos (i dont double check bc I literally was bored doing this and just, decided to share it on tumblr lmao)
Disclaimer, I made this out of boredom because I was thinking about exams and stuff and was wondering about how my husbando would react about my situation, having placed on high ranks barely putting efforts towards studying lmao (Not rlly bragging im sorry if it came out as bragging :((, i jusy rlly be curious and hopefully I portrayed it like how I expected for him to react, sorry im new to writing bc I mainly draw🌚👉👈)
***
It was already sunset. The hues of yellow, orange and red envelops the dorms of U.A high school, its gradient tinting the windows of the students occupying the rooms shine bright, displaying its vibrant colors on the inside of each dorms facing the sunset.
You, who were sitting on your knees, switching positions time to time, searching for a particular pose to get comfortable while drawing on your boyfriend's kotatsu in his dorm, door leading into the balcony open, making the cold breeze of late October allow itself to enter the room.
Autumn has already arrived, and that also means midterm exams. It had just finished today. After a almost whole month of preparing for the exams, and the 3 days of taking it, the students of 1-A was relieved and relaxing in their rooms as the days of hardhips were finally over, plus its a Friday so the students were scattered on each others dorms due to the upcoming weekend.
You were taking a sip of your juicebox, almost emptying it now out of frustration for having a hard time drawing a hand. In your opinion, the struggle was equal or actually a lot harder than your midterms. Art frustrates you a lot and your boyfriend wonders why you still do it, yet never really ask you since he can also tell you're really passionate about it than your other hobbies.
He was sitting on his futon, leaning againts the wall as he stare at your back figure, watching you scribble something on your sketchpad and aggressively erasing it afterwards, making the papers crumble into the direction on where you rub it, making you groan in annoyance even more.
As he observes your actions, a thought runs up his mind, asking himself the same particular questions over and over again.
"Why?"
He asks himself. Why were you putting most of your effort into this drawing? Why were you more irritated in this than the midterm exams?
"Just..... why?"
Shoto had noticed you since the start of your so-called-library-dates, although its mostly just you accompanying him to gather resources for the upcoming exams while you just scan your notes or draw, or read a completely different book whose topic is not related to your exams.
Its always been like that everyday, he never really saw you offer a lot of your energy in terms of studying, like most of the students does, as he noticed the library being almost full as soon as October started.
He saw you scan your notes time to time, yes. But full on concentration on studies? no, never seen you. The most of what he saw were you fixate immensely on your math notebook before exams started, and that was it.
The exams ended abruptly on the second day but there was extra curricular on the Hero's Course on the third day before their final grade were posted. And yes, both of you did well. After the announcement, Shoto (and you) were shocked to find out that you were in 6th place and he placed in 5th. You both exchanged congratulations, you mostly squealing out of joy to actually achieve this particular rank.
Shoto on the other hand was, doubting?. Of course he feels happy for you, but at the back of his mind, he was a little agitated. You both got the exam results at the end of the third day and to his surprise (and also yours, but internally) your scores were high, almost having the amount of same mistakes as him, except your math which you devastatingly, almost failed (lmao), which merely affected your overall result since your scores were high anyways.
Your boyfriend wasnt the type to get irritated over these things, heck yeah he feels ecstatic over your accomplishment, signal the kiss he gave you on your forehead plus the soft look he gave you with a slight smile displayed on his face. But there was a faint thought of doubt running through the back of his head, how did you get such results when you were barely even studying? There was no way you would cheat right? He didnt want to accept it, he didnt want to doubt you, but it was the one of the highest possibilities that was mostly that likely happened, as he could think of right now.
He couldnt let go of this thought unless he confronts you about it right now, so he decided to ask you, waiting for a few moments, observing you, waiting for you to calm down a little from your work.
"Y/n...."
"Hmm?" you hum, not turning yout back at him, eyes and most of your attention fixated on the paper.
"How did you manage to get a high rank even though I barely saw you studying?" he finally asks, hoping you wont get offended by it, but this thought had been bothering him a little, and he wouldnt be satisfied until he gets his answer, as the stubborn man that he is.
"Are you doubting me?" you say in an offended tone, although you meant it sarcastically, turning your back, giving Shoto your full attention now as you crawl towards him, pencil dropping in the background as you make your way towards your boyfriend, offering him to lay down as you pat his futon. He complies so, already knowing you wanted to cuddle whenever you do that certain action.
You cuddle next to him, facing him as you give him a smile to reassure him that you werent offended by him back then. "Did you notice that in class, I always, almost bury my head on my notebook, writing on it almost 24/7 whenever lecture starts?" you ask him, as you start to fidget his hair on the sides which you and him really enjoy, making its way up to his bangs, and back and fort.
"You were.... writing?" Shoto asks, raising an eyebrow with the same stoic face who seemed not to show a lot of emotions, a little dumbfounded. "I thought you were doodling". You burst out in laughter from the small misunderstanding of your boyfriend.
"Of course I was. You see, whatever the teacher blurts about that sounds important to me, I write it down because, you know, its usually what appears in exams" you explain to him, closing your eyes time to time as if you were a philosopher, passionately explaining your beliefs, only with an added self-sense of humor. As he was on the other had was, fascinated.
I mean, who knew?
"Also just to clarify things, I do put some extra effort on, some of my studies"
"By some you mean just the science topic you reported you keep rereading everyday"
"......yes"
Shoto lighlty chuckles as he moves your head to his chest, placing an arm on your head, planting a kiss on your forehead, as a sign of affection like he always does. He feels a little guilty, assuming you were cheating but in the end, you were just and always has been the genius that you were. Heck if you actually put a lot of effort in your study, you might actually come out at the top in the class, but he's aware you have other things to focus and worry about as his eyes gaze at the table with a slightly crumpled juice box standing out.
"Were you mad?" you ask, out of curiousity. You had assumed he was maybe upset about the results because he gets a little too competitive or has the sentiment that he has to prove that he only isnt good with his powers, but in academics as well, considering his situation.
He lightly shook his head as he fully encloses you to his grasp, leg placed on your sides, locking you in as he settles his face on your hair, inhaling the sweet scent of your lavender shampoo in which he always adores.
You on the other hand, was relieved now that the matter was somehow resolved? Putting those thoughts at the back of your head, your perception of relief was shortly replaced by a wave of worry as you lightly chuckle of uneasiness.
"Shoto?" you tap his sides, body tightly secured onto his. This was the one that made worry. His hands tightly clutching you, but not too much, leg on your sides, locking you in so that you wont get away easily, to him it made him feel happy, knowing that you werent going away and draw for a while. You've had situations like these already and all you ever do is give up and shower him with affection, already knowing he was slightly, probably getting a little touch starved, craving for your attention and affection. But in your situation right now, it was, unpleasant, so to say.
Not after you just finished your juicebox.
-Disclaimer, uh, I made this from
He hums in response, head tilted a little more into your head's direction. He was sure you would have given up already, knowing that he will never let you go.
"I need to pee"
"..."
"Shoto..."
"........"
"Sho"
"All I can say is good luck getting out"
"......"
"Noooooooohohohoooo!!!" you exclaim, with a sarcastic crying in your tone. This was gonna be one hell of a struggle.
.
Im bad at explaining things, hope you did enjoy reading this as much as I did though :))
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unsettledink · 3 years
Text
Gotcha Chapter 6!
(Trying something new and posting the full text here as well as AO3? It feels too long, but I’ve posted longer things here before, Idk.)
Read on AO3
Peter: sorry im on my way!
Peter: iswear im just running late
Peter: i will be there supr fast!!
Peter: sorry!
Quentin stares down at his phone and somehow, manages not to sigh. It’s a full ten minutes past when they were supposed to meet, and he doesn’t even want to be here in the first place.
Quentin: Don’t worry, it’s fine.
Peter: im sosorry
Peter: my alarm got set for tomorroow instead of today
Peter: i dont even know how
Peter: adn i just woke up and i dont even sleep this late like ever
Peter: but i willl bet there soon i promise
Peter: sorry!
Quentin: Really, it’s fine! There’s no hurry.
Quentin: We’re not exactly on a schedule or anything.
Peter: its so rude tho
Peter: for once it wast me losingt rack of time!!
Peter: im still sorry!
Quentin had given himself a little extra time this morning, just to remind himself of all the many, many reasons he is doing this, in this particular way. Had spent that time summoning up every bit of patience he could find to get through this day, because he had a feeling he was going to need it.
It feels like he’s already used half of it.
And of course he won’t be able to comment on Peter’s lateness, not even as a joke.
Peter: im like hafway there already illl just have to chagne and then ill be there!
Peter: seriously i am so sorry
Normally he’d be all for hearing Peter apologize, but it keeps happening every other word, Quentin will lose his mind.
He’s already losing his mind.
Well, he’s not going to just stand here until Peter does show up. He glances around for somewhere to sit; there’s a coffee shop just across the street. Perfect. He’s going to need that.
Quentin: Hey, don’t rush!
Quentin: I’ll just grab a coffee okay?
Quentin: I’ll be over at Kaldi’s, it’s just across the street. Can’t miss it.
Quentin: You want anything?
Peter: you dont haveto!
There’s no stopping the sigh this time. God.
Quentin: Not what I asked, kiddo.
Peter: um
Peter: suure?
Peter: someting with carmel i dont care mych
Peter: ill be there realy soon tho!!
Quentin: Then we can just sit for a bit.
Quentin: You’ll probably need it if you just woke up.
It’s a little funny how… drastically downgraded Peter’s texting is when he’s apparently still half asleep. Or maybe it’s just that he’s in a hurry. Or—
Quentin nearly stops in the middle of the sidewalk. He— surely, Peter isn’t—
Quentin: Are you texting AND webswinging?
Peter: …maybe?
No wonder he goes through phones so fast.
Quentin: You’re going to drop your phone
Peter: hey! imst icky! i wont drop it!
Quentin: Then you’re going to fall from being distracted
Quentin: And I won’t feel sorry for you.
Peter: :(
Quentin: I’ll laugh
Peter: :( :( :(
Quentin: You brought this on yourself.
He spends the time until Peter gets there reviewing Lynn’s newest plans for the miniaturized drones; they actually aren’t too bad.
Of course, they’ve probably had them sitting, waiting, for months, what with how they’ve harped on and on about how this should be a priority.
It won’t do to let them get too full of themselves, so along with the praise he sends back plenty of potential revisions. Even brings up some entirely new bits for them to consider; should keep them busy for a bit.
“Hi!” Peter says, flinging himself down across from Quentin. He’s flushed and still out of breath, his hair sticking up. “I’m here! I’m so sorry!”
Quentin allows himself a slightly amused smile. “Hi,” he says. Pushes Peter’s drink—some sort of ridiculously sweet caramel flavored thing that’s barely coffee at all—across the table to him. “Sit. Drink. Relax a bit, okay?”
“Yeah,” Peter says, running a hand through his hair and only making things worse. “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry, though. I’m just… it’s really embarrassing to be that late when this was my idea in the first place and—”
“Peter,” Quentin says, cutting him off. “Breathe! It’s fine, I promise.”
For once, Peter listens, and takes a deep breath, holding it in for a moment. Lets it out and relaxes the smallest bit, and grabs his drink. “Oh,” he says. “This is good! Thanks; you were right about me needing it.”
Quentin watches while he unwinds; Peter’s latest idea regarding ‘things they could do together’ was to show Quentin around Queens, so today they’re wandering. Quentin’s thrilled.
It could be worse. Peter had been all set up to take him to the most popular, well known, touristy spots, and Quentin had barely been able to hide his dread at the thought. It’d taken a little work, but he’d manage to convince Peter that Quentin would much rather see Peter’s favorite places. Even if they were nothing fancy or exciting, or little hole in the wall type places, or silly.
Even if they bored Quentin to tears.
Not that he can let Peter see even a hint of that. There’s a special kind of… vulnerability in sharing the smallest things you like, something different than exposing the larger, more damaged pieces of yourself. Something oddly hopeful about showing someone the unexplainable, intimate things you like and waiting for them to enjoy those things as well. Or at the very least, not reject them, in a way that suggests they’re rejecting your tastes as well.
Not rejecting you.
He’s started to prove to Peter he can handle the bigger things, the superhero stuff and the feelings nearly suffocating Peter; time to show that he can be trusted with the little things too. That Peter can come to Quentin with anything at all. Anything. Everything.
“So,” Quentin says. “What’s first?”
He was right; it is pretty boring. Not… awful, surprisingly, but not Quentin’s sort of thing at all. Peter’s apparently decided to try and cover as many miles as he can in one day, dragging Quentin from one end of Queens to the other. And then back; Quentin’s going to take tomorrow off for sure. Peter just has so much energy.
Has so much enthusiasm, Quentin thinks, as they poke through a small used record store that isn’t nearly as hipster as he expected from Astoria. So, so much enthusiasm, for the smallest things. It just bursts out of him once he gets comfortable and isn’t second guessing every single word he says.
Once Quentin has seemed interested in the first few things Peter shows him. Peter’s nervous about it, trying to explain away any shortcomings before Quentin’s even gotten in the door. He’s just desperate for approval, for acceptance. For Quentin to like him.
It’s not that hard to, actually.
It’s never been that Quentin dislikes Peter. Sure, Peter’s causing him grief and can be incredibly annoying, and sure, about half of what he feels for Peter is pity, but those can exist alongside the fact that Quentin kind of likes Peter.
Has liked him, ever since he started compiling research on him, ever since he’d met Peter as Mysterio and shook his hand and watched him get so excited over the existence of multiverse. It’s harder not to like Peter, not even a bit. He’s ridiculously smart, and stupidly good-natured, and—
He throws himself into everything he does; goes full out, with his heart on his sleeve. It’s no wonder he gets anxious as hell, if his first impulse is to practically flaunt all his soft spots, open and eager and expecting the best. It’s going to go poorly more often than not.
Must have, judging by the way Peter pulls himself in and hides, overrides that instinctual reaction so quickly it’s just a flash, a glimpse Quentin keeps catching again and again. He’s been taught to second guess himself somewhere along the way, by someone—probably a lot of someones—who saw those tender spots and couldn’t help poking them, taking advantage of them.
Just like Quentin’s doing; Peter should be better about spotting that sort of thing by now.
It’s almost a shame to fix Peter just to tear him apart completely, to have to use him like this, but… well. In the end, Peter’s nothing but another obstacle scattered in Quentin’s path. There are far more important things to worry about than the fate of one kid.
Peter grins at him when Quentin admits that this dinky little secondhand bookstore in Jamaica was worth a stop, even if it’s just for the most comfortable couch Quentin has ever sat on. Smiles when he points out a mural he loves on the way to the next attraction and admits he’d actually webbed up someone who started to tag it.
Straight up laughs at Quentin’s face when Peter shows him the most supremely creepy things in some huge thrift store, full of weird antiques and vintage crap. God, it’s disturbing that the things Quentin had as a kid, even as a teen, are considered vintage now.
“Jesus, Peter,” Quentin says after he has to look at a one hundred percent haunted taxidermied squirrel. “Why would you make me see that? I’m going to have nightmares.”
“For that exact face,” Peter says. “Oh my god, you look like you think it’s going to bite you!”
“It might,” and it’s unfair that Peter just laughs harder. He glares at Peter, but it might be slightly put on.
He’s allowed to like Peter a little, Quentin decides, watching Peter nearly double over with giggles. It’ll make having to deal with him easier, if nothing else, and it’s not as though liking someone has ever stopped him from using them—even disposing of them—in the past. It sure won’t this time.
They wander some more, Peter chattering on and easily filling the silence as long as Quentin remembers to make the appropriate listening noises occasionally. Every now and then, Peter hesitates, a nervous stumble in his words, something throwing him off, and Quentin reengages fully. He can’t afford to let Peter get too caught up in his thoughts.
But a few questions—carefully designed to make Quentin seem far more interested than he is—are enough to get Peter going again, bouncing from place to place until Quentin suggests they could use something to eat.
“Oh my god, yes,” Peter says. “I’m starving and didn’t even realize it. Ooo, last time we were down here, Ned and I found this awesome truck that does crazy good Korean barbeque, you’d love it.”
“No,” Quentin says without thinking, the sweet tart burnt smell so strong he can nearly taste it, can feel it stinging when he draws in a breath.
He twitches, shrugging it off, and tries to walk back how sharp that had come out. “Uh, I’m not big on sweet sauces and meat?” he says. “Got another recommendation?”
Peter drags him to a place that has the weirdest chimichanga combinations—and normal ones too, thankfully—and once again, attempts to pay.
“You know,” Quentin says as he pokes Peter out of the way, immensely irritated that Peter is still pushing him on this. “I didn’t realize your memory was this bad.”
“Hey!” Peter says. “It’s not! What are you talking about?” like that doesn’t prove Quentin’s point exactly.
“I seem to remember a bet I won,” he says, “relating to this exact situation.”
Peter opens his mouth to protest, and then closes it. “Um,” he says.
“Yeah,” Quentin says,raising his eyebrows.
“Okay,” Peter says, “okay, you can’t blame me for trying!”
“Hmmm,” Quentin says, passing over one of the foam trays. “You’re forgiven. This time. Just don’t do it again.” It’s always a good idea to get Peter into the habit of following Quentin’s rules, of remembering not to challenge Quentin too much.
Of remembering that Quentin will forgive him anything, easily.
“Fine,” Peter says through a mouthful, so mature.
They eat on the way to the next stop on Peter’s little tour; Quentin had been hoping they were approaching the end, but when Peter looks at him and asks, so hesitantly, if Quentin is tired and wants to call it a day—
Well he can’t say no.
Quentin finds himself dragged on to little half hidden shops, with any signage and down stairs that Quentin has to ask how Peter could have found in the first place. To statues Peter likes, to places he feeds pigeons—why he’d want to, Quentin doesn’t know—places with great views of the Hudson.
And, over and over, once Quentin catches on and starts pushing it, places to eat. Because Peter’s metabolism is a thing of wonder.
It’s interesting watching Peter banter back and forth with an older man about his sandwich; Quentin had gotten the impression Peter was uneasy around strangers, all his awkwardness amping up. But the way Peter’s interacted with people today is much more relaxed, much easier. Peter has a sharp sense of humor that Quentin has only started to see, as Peter gets comfortable around him.
Why do all these strangers get it right off the bat?
He watches Peter dart over to help get a stroller over a curb and— they’re not strangers. Not really. It’s not just that everywhere they’ve gone is somewhere Peter has been again and again, to the point where he knows people.
This is Peter’s home ground. His comfort zone, and the people in it— they’re his people. And when he’s helping them, his nerves disappear. His awkwardness becomes a tool of its own, disarming, downplaying the threat Peter could so easily be.
This is what he wants to be when he’s Spider-Man; the guy on the street, helping in a hundred tiny ways.
That’s fine with Quentin. Perfectly fine; now how does he get Peter to stay there, with EDITH looming over his head?
He can practically hear that in William’s voice, ugh. He’s working on it.
They wind up in Kissena late in the afternoon, almost early evening, really. Peter steps off the path once they get into one of the more wooded areas, and there’s a grassy spot past a few bushes, with a truly massive tree near the center, smaller ones scattered around it. It’s well hidden.
“Alright,” Quentin says, as he has with every other place, “what's the story behind this? How’d you find it?”
“So, when I got bit, when everything changed?” Peter settles down at the base of the tree, cross legged. “One of the things that was like, a huge pain, was how all of my senses got crazy amplified. Everything was turned up to eleven, you know?”
Quentin sits across from Peter, stretching his legs out as he leans back. Ugh, grass; he’d better not end up with bug bites. “Okay,” he says. “Sounds like that was pretty overwhelming.”
Peter groans. “You have no idea! It was really hard for a while, because even once I started to get used to everything being too loud and too bright and too smelly and— things tasted weird and my clothes made me feel like my skin was crawling and it was—” He stops, tipping his head back against the tree and looking upward.
“It was a lot,” he says. “Eventually I sorta started being able to deal with all that sort of… feeling stuff? I mean, physical, sensory, not like feeling feelings.”
Coherent; Quentin does not roll eyes through sheer force of will.
“But I was still really struggling with the, um,” Peter frowns, tips his head back further until Quentin can’t really see his face. “The stuff in my head. Actually doing things, thinking about things or even focusing on one thing was all so hard. It was like…”
“It was like what?” Quentin asks, after a few moments have passed.
“Everything was a distraction,” Peter says, slowly. “That’s still not right, because normally, before, I’d get distracted thinking about something else I wanted to do, or I’d be daydreaming, or, um, just, good stuff? Stuff that I’d want to focus on, just not right that second.”
“This wasn’t like this.” Peter looks down and starts to fiddle with a bit of grass, pulling up blades one by one. “This was like so much noise inside my head, like every little detail about every single thing was right there, grabbing my attention. I’d be trying to do one thing and all that would be clamoring at me nonstop.”
He closes his eyes, scrunching his whole face up. “People talk about wanting super sense a lot,” he says, “but it sucked so much at first.”
“People generally don’t think through those kinds of wishes very much,” Quentin says. Honestly, for the most part people don’t think at all.
“I’m pretty much okay now,” Peter says. “I figured out how to filter things most of the time; when there’s a bunch of stuff at once I can get so caught up in trying to ignore it that I ignore everything, and then that’s it’s own problem.”
“I noticed,” Quentin says, dryly. “Makes you pretty jumpy.”
Peter huffs, almost a laugh. “Yeah,” he says, brushing the ripped up grass off his pants. “I’m still working on getting the kinds of focus right?”
Quentin leans further back on his hands, crossing his legs. “You said something about focusing on me that one time,” he says, and Peter goes faintly pink. “That the sort of thing you’re talking about?”
“Something like that,” Peter says. “If I have one thing I can focus on, almost completely, then I can make it into… uh, white noise, I guess? Or it makes everything else into white noise. If that makes any sense at all.”
Not one bit, but whatever. He can press that later. “Sure,” Quentin says, waving his hand. “I’m following.”
It’s actually something to consider— if Peter manages to function better in difficult situations by focusing on one specific thing, what happens when that thing is taken away? Is ripped away from him, in fact. Would there be a moment of disorientation they could take advantage of? Maybe they could set Peter up to focus on what they want; he’s already using Quentin as a focal point, apparently.
He’ll have to watch Peter, Quentin thinks. This fumbling little explanation leaves a lot to be desired, but he doesn’t have much faith Peter actually could explain it better even if he tried.
“That helps,” Peter’s saying, “but it’s still really exhausting after a while. Sometimes I want to just… stop. Just not feel it at all, not have to try not to feel it.”
He glances at Quentin, and Quentin nods. Peter looks oddly shy, so he’d better pay close attention to what he’s showing.
“I’ve found a couple of places like this, but this is probably my favorite,” Peter tells him. “I can come here and actually relax. If I stop trying to block things out, or stop focusing on one thing, it doesn’t matter.” He tips his head back again, looking up at the tree.
“It's quiet here, pretty much all the time,” Peter says; the light through the leaves is diffuse, dappled on his face. “Even the noises that I get are like, soft things. Leaves and wind and things walking on grass. People talking, yeah, but that’s more distant and almost like background noise. It’s still shadowy in here when it’s super bright out, and there aren’t any super gross strong smells either. Just dirt and water and uh, green stuff.”
He darts a glance down at Quentin without moving his head. “Don’t laugh at me!” he says, and it’s right on the edge of plaintive. “I don’t know what else to call it.”
“I’m not,” Quentin says. He understands; it’s not something a city kid would be around that often, would probably even notice without senses like Peter’s. “I wouldn’t. I know what you mean, Peter.”
“Okay,” Peter says. Looks back away from Quentin and then closes his eyes. “It’s nice. And when I have to go back to the real world, it’s not quite as hard to handle.”
Quentin watches him. Watches as he slowly, slowly unwinds. Peter doesn’t move, aside from his head tipping slightly to the side, and Quentin—
He’d thought, earlier, that it was interesting how much Peter loosened up around people he felt comfortable with, places he felt safe. He’d thought it was a large degree of relaxation—and it was—but it was nothing compared to this.
Nothing compared to the way the tension drains from him with each passing second, from every single bit of his body, until he looks calmer than Quentin has ever seen.
Happier.
If this is how he looks when truly relaxed, the level of stress Peter must carry with him every day, everywhere he goes—from the physical tension to the mental, the anxiety, the constant background level of effort that other people don’t have to think about—must be ridiculously high.
He doesn’t want to say anything, do anything, that would break the stillness that seems to have spread over the entire glade. Poor kid. He might be doing a great job at being a pain in Quentin’s ass, but he isn’t cut out for this superhero shit.
Everything Quentin sees just convinced him further that taking EDITH from Peter really is doing him a favor. He’d never intended for that to be true, but— it’s not a terrible byproduct.
Peter sighs eventually, a barely there breath of a thing, opening his eyes halfway. He looks dazed, almost half asleep.
At least, until he notices that Quentin is watching him, and then he flushes. Looks down, the moment dissipating. “Anyway,” Peter says. “It’s— it’s a nice place for me,” like he’s admitting something embarrassing.
“I can tell,” Quentin says, offering him a small smile. “You deal with a lot every day, don’t you.” He shifts against his tree, trying to get more comfortable without Peter noticing and getting all fussy about it.
“I guess,” Peter says.
He picks up a leaf, twirling it through his fingers absently. “It’s getting really frustrating,” he adds. “Because it’s been almost two years, right? So I should have a better handle on this! I shouldn’t still be getting tripped up by such little things. And—” he makes a face, shoulders starting to hunch again.
“So I have this… this sense? Uh, I call it a spidey sense— I know, it’s kind of stupid. It sort of warns me about things? Like someone poking me, or shouting that something bad is about to happen.”
“Mmm, you mentioned that once,” Quentin says. “Sort of like a limited precog?” Honestly, he’d dismissed it— not fully, it wouldn’t do to completely dismiss anything about Peter. But it hadn’t seemed like it did much for Peter in Europe.
And it hadn’t picked up anything about Quentin, so how good could it really be?
“Oh, huh,” Peter says. “I hadn’t really thought of it like that? Maybe, but it’s not very exact. Sometimes it’s super obvious, but others it takes me a while to figure out what’s wrong. And lately, especially, it’s been— it’s gone kinda nuts? I don’t feel like I can trust it anymore.”
“Like, like right now?” he adds. “Right now it’s just going off like something really big and bad is happening, but come on!” He throws his hands up, exaggerated. “We’re just sitting here talking! Nothing, literally nothing bad is happening. It’s freaking out for no reason.”
Fuck.
Maybe he really shouldn’t have dismissed it, Quentin thinks, trying to stay as relaxed as he was a moment ago. Maybe he really fucking shouldn’t have, because some part of Peter knows that Quentin’s not good news. Knows that Quentin is something dangerous, is a threat.
And apparently knows it very, very insistently. Oh, fuck, this is the last thing he needs. Why now? Why is Peter’s sense losing its shit now and not at any time in Europe? What has he done differently to set it off?
God, what if it had been going off then too? Could that be why Peter had backed off at the last second in the bar, EDITH almost in Quentin’s hand? Has Peter been feeling this the entire time?
It’s a good thing he doesn’t seem to be listening to it, but that could stop at any second. At any time, Peter could decide that maybe his stupid ‘spider sense’ isn’t wrong, and that would be— that would be bad. That would be so bad.
Quentin has got to figure out how to make sure Peter keeps dismissing what it’s telling him.
“It’s so annoying,” Peter’s saying. “I wish it would stop, would just shut up already. It’s like this constant thing lately, sort of fading in and out but almost always there, but not a single thing has happened!”
Oh, that’s really, really not great. Almost always? In and out? How long will it take before Peter starts to realize it’s linked to Quentin?
No. No, he can fix this. He can nip this in the bud, before Peter has even a hint of suspicion. Peter’s already trying to ignore it, already annoyed by it. Quentin can use that.
“Maybe it’s just confused?” Quentin brings one knee up and rests his elbow on it, letting his arm dangle oh so casually. “After all,” he adds, “I’m hardly a bad thing, am I?”
Peter smiles, all that irritation gone in a second. “No!” he says. “Of course not! You’re like, the least bad thing that’s happened in a while.”
Quentin grins back at him. Yeah, keep thinking that, kid. “Well that’s a relief!” he says. “How finely tuned is this thing anyway? Could something have… I don’t know, damaged it? Hmm, screwed up its baseline, maybe? How do you even recalibrate it?”
“I have no clue,” Peter says. “I mean, it’s not like I can’t really test it or fix it or whatever. It’s practically useless now.”
Perfect; he wants Peter distrusting this sense. Wants him not thinking about it at all, avoiding the topic entirely— ah.
If he can get Peter thinking his damaged sense has something to do with the fights he’s been in, these bigger battles, that would be ideal. Peter’s already trying hard not to think about those; tie this sense to them as well, and he’ll just have even more reason to avoid both
“Could something have overloaded it?” Quentin asks. “Just completely swamped it, and it hasn’t recovered yet? If it got used to there being danger nonstop, on all sides, maybe it can’t stand down.”
“…maybe?” Peter says. “But I don’t know what would have caused that, or even when. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
What.
Really, Quentin thinks, really? Peter can’t think of anything that would fit? Why wouldn’t he think of that? “Nothing?” he says, quietly.
Peter frowns. Takes a moment, and when he opens his mouth, Quentin is almost sure he’s made the connection; but Peter hesitates. Shrugs. “Not anything that’s like, major or a big deal or anything,” he says.
Does Peter— has he really managed to convince himself that all the fighting he’s done is nothing? Or at least, been trying to, because that hesitation says a lot.
He should have expected this, with the way Peter’s consistently downplayed himself so far. He really should have, but somehow it still annoys him. No wonder Peter isn’t willing to admit how scared and screwed up he is, if he thinks he’s completely overreacting to ‘no big deal’.
“Well,” Quentin says, and he’s watching Peter carefully. He doesn’t know quite how this will hit. “You were at war, on a battlefield. More than once, even. That can really mess you up in all kinds of ways.” Remember, Peter, he thinks. Remember that you were hurt, that there’s a good reason to be scared. To run.
“I— that—” Peter stares at him. “I wasn’t in a war,” he says. Dammit. Looks like downgrading it in his head is exactly what Peter’s been doing, and that is exactly the opposite of what Quentin wants.
“No? What would you call it?” Quentin asks, raising an eyebrow. He pushes himself more upright, uncrossing his legs. “It sounded a lot like war to me.”
Peter shakes his head, fingers crushing the leaf he’s been playing with. “It was just a fight,” he says, strained. “That’s all!”
A fight. Just a fight, like it was nothing more than a little spat, was nothing at all. Has someone been telling him this, reinforcing it? Fury, maybe, or even Tony before that?
He knows Fury wants Peter to think he can handle things, but has he also been trying to convince him that what he’s been through so far was small enough Peter should have been able to handle it? Should be able to handle the aftereffects? That he shouldn’t be upset about it, that he’s overreacting?
That’s not good; Quentin doesn’t need Peter doubting he can handle things. He needs Peter to be certain he can’t, and more, that it’s perfectly normal. Acceptable. Not something horribly selfish at all.
“Peter,” he says, “it wasn’t just a fight.”
“It was! It was just one— it wasn’t a war!”
“It wasn’t— Peter,” Quentin says, and sighs. “It was a lot more than that. You’ve been dragged from fight to fight to fight the past couple of years, without anyone helping you after; from what I hear, you really could have used some after that thing upstate.”
He huffs, too sharp to be a real laugh. “And that’s just what I know of,” he adds. “I’m not stupid enough to assume that’s everything.”
Peter sucks in a sharp breath, his hands fisted on his thighs. Blinks, and then looks at Quentin intently, his brow furrowed. “How do you even know about that? About— about other fights?”
“I spent some time talking with Fury,” Quentin says. “He wasn’t big on details, but I got enough that I can fill them in on my own. I’m willing to bet he doesn’t even know every fight you’ve been in, though I’m sure he’d like me to think so.”
He’d been talking with Janice, more like. God, she’d been such a find; seething about having had Tony himself be an ass to her, more than once, but willing to stay where she was to pass things on. She’d had access to so much confidential information, and every time SI and SHIELD decided to bury another thing, shift the blame and throw money at it until it all went away—for them, at least—she’d gotten a little more resentful.
It’s true that they might not have the finer details—it drives him nuts how sparse the info about whatever it was that crashed SI’s plane into the beach is—but he has enough to know that Peter’s been involved time and time again.
“Oh,” Peter says, looking down, losing some of his ire. “You probably didn’t hear much good, I bet. But— it doesn’t matter if it was more than one fight, cause they were all different. All like, spread out and about other stuff. It’s still not war.”
“What do you think war is, then?” Quentin asks, actually curious.
“I don’t, uh. War is… more?” Peter stumbles along, and he’s being incredibly stubborn about this. “More than that, than any of those. Worse. Way worse. You don’t— you weren’t there, you don’t know what it was really like. It wasn’t like that.”
“I think,” Quentin says dryly, “I have a pretty good idea of what war is.”
Peter looks absolutely horrified. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he says. “God, I didn’t mean— I’m sorry, I didn’t think— I just, just meant that you were in a war. In a real, horrible, endless one and this…” He shudders. “These were just fights. It’s not the same, it’s not anywhere near as bad.”
“I’m so sorry,” Peter says. Looks at Quentin and then drops his head into his hands, knees coming up as he curls in on himself. “Fuck, I’m so sorry Quentin, I didn’t mean…”
This is really not what he was going for. Shit, he shouldn’t have said it like that; Peter’s too sensitive for him to be even a little sharp.
Quentin sighs, very softly, though he’s sure Peter still catches it. Pushes himself up onto his feet and walks over to Peter, who doesn’t even look up. “I know you didn’t mean it like that,” Quentin says. “It’s okay, Peter.”
Peter just shakes his head a little; Quentin thinks of sighing again but—somehow—manages to restrain himself. He sits down next to Peter, his back against the tree.
“War doesn’t have to go for a long time to be real,” he says, not looking at Peter. “It doesn’t have to drag on and on for it to still be awful, for it to still affect you,” and Jesus, he’s had to hear shit along those lines so many times. Had to sit there and listen to people be told over and over that what happened to them is worth being fucked up over.
Even if it isn’t. There’s a lot of reasons he never opened his mouth at those meetings, and his disgust at everyone else was the biggest. What a waste of time.
Well. Maybe not. It did give him the material to work Peter over.
“It doesn’t have to be some huge, dramatic battle to qualify,” Quentin says. “It still counts. Pretending it doesn’t doesn’t get it out of your head.” Come on, he thinks, let it be bad, be a nightmare. Admit that there’s a good reason, a real reason, for you to be scared, and then you can back down without shame. Come on, Peter.
“It doesn’t feel like it should count,” Peter says, a bit muffled, head still in his hands. “It wasn’t— lots of people have dealt with so much worse. Something like this, it’s not— it’s not an excuse for, for…”
He doesn’t finish that thought, but Quentin doesn’t need him to. An excuse, hmm? He turns his head toward Peter, just a bit. “Why don’t you want to call it a war?”
Peter lifts his head, arms sliding down to cross across his chest. “Why does it matter to you what I call it?” he asks, and there’s a hint of sharpness in there. Maybe even anger. “Why do you even care if I admit— if I think it’s a war?”
Nice little slip there; isn’t that interesting. Peter does know it was more than a few little fights. He knows, he’s just trying as hard as he can to pretend otherwise. Trying to redirect, as usual, turning the question back on Quentin. Why does it matter, Peter wants to know, and there are so many answers Quentin could give.
It matters because you need to see yourself as badly damaged. Because you need to acknowledge that this is something huge and overwhelming and frightening. Because I need you to start accepting what I say as right, start accepting me as an authority. I need you to not question me.
So many reasons, and he can’t tell Peter any of them. Ugh.
He turns further toward Peter. “Because I think you’re doing yourself a disservice,” Quentin says, tightly, irritation rising up in him. “When you sit there and insist that it’s nothing more than a little fight, when you play it off like it’s nothing— you’re devaluing what you did, and that’s wrong.”
“Don’t act like what you went through, what you did, doesn’t count,” Quentin says, and Peter’s looking over at him, startled. “That it wasn’t brave as hell, and terrifying as hell too.”
Peter stares, his eyes very wide. “I— it’s not like I did more than anyone else there. Than, than anyone else would have.”
“It sounds like you did more than enough,” Quentin says. “And— it doesn’t matter, Peter. It still messes you up. War fucks everyone up. Maybe it didn’t go on long enough for it to really warp your thinking, your morals or empathy or capacity to even feel, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t damage you.”
Peter jerks, sitting up straighter. “I’m not damaged!”
For fuck’s sake.
Quentin has to dig deep for a bit more patience. “Sure you are. Hey, Peter— wait,” he says, watching as Peter shuts down all over again, hurt. “That’s not bad, kid. It’s not an insult. It’s just… you gotta admit that before you can get better.”
Or not, if Quentin gets his way; admitting it might lead to Peter actually getting over his fear and stepping up. But with Quentin around, guiding him along? Peter’s never going to take that admission as anything other than a personal failure.
As just another reason he can’t, and someone else should.
“I don’t know,” Peter mutters. “It doesn’t feel like it should count.”
Quentin watches him for a minute. Leans in, his shoulder bumping against Peter’s. “You’d agree that I’ve been in war, right?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“And that I’m able to judge what is and isn’t war. Right?”
Peter can be smart, sometimes. He sees where this is going. Sighs. “Yeah,” he says.
“Will you—” Quentin pauses, waits until Peter is looking at him. “Can you trust me here, and believe that I mean it when I say what you went through was war?”
Peter blinks, his eyes dropping. He’s silent, and Quentin can feel the muscles of his arm moving as Peter fiddles with something out of sight. “I’ll think about it,” Peter says, which is not quite the response Quentin was hoping for. Still, it’s not another denial. Baby steps.
“I’ll— maybe,” Peter says. “I guess you would know, even if you weren’t there.”
“You should listen to me,” Quentin agrees, leaning a little harder against Peter. “I do know!”
You should listen to me, and only me, he thinks. We’ll get you there, kid.
Peter huffs softly, pushing back against Quentin’s shoulder. “Maybe,” but he’s smiling faintly.
Quentin smiles back; he can accept a maybe, for now.
He’ll get a yes soon enough.
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