#dont yell at me for my tags im just insane

[bread-that-draws]

COLLEGE APPLICATIONS DONE I’m free from the “no fanart in portfolio” curse. Anyway hits you with my visualization of a scene I wrote a while ago blast

#me when I have so so much work to do and my best friend falls asleep in my bed and that fucks with me so bad that #I can’t sit any closer or farther than the floor beside him #these guys are fucking crazy you know when you like a man and it destroys you inside and out #last year you got toxic doomed yuri this year. you get doomed yaoi #typing yaoi in my tags in the year of 2024 took years off my lifespan (I was on the internet when OMG MY YAOI BOYS was popular) #that’s honestly the only reason I didn’t make the caption HITS U WITH MY DOOMED YAOI BEAM #me proving im not biased and can and do write queer men and not just insane lesbians #guys i swear I write men too guys please #all romantic adjacent relationships in my original story are like. m/m f/f nb/f nb/m #14 year old me literally started this story with the idea that there wouldn’t be a single m/f thing going on #and now i think that idea is flawed but we’ve gone too far now #anyway #take a shot every time i tag something with anyway #it’s just so fun #posts for one audience member (Lorien) (when he sees this specific guy in particular) (IM RAMBLING IN TAGS DONT YELL AT ME) #oc #OCs #original character #original characters #original story #not super super happy with this but like its fine

[mutedeclipse]

"people dont appreciate my genius" it says, slaving away every day to draw the most deranged bomberman content for YOUR viewing pleasure.

Then again i dont do it for other people but itd be nice if there was more of the fandom here to feed me metaphorical cookies and tell me im doing a good job (???)

#lunar myth rambles #im deranged i just want more deranged people to follow me and like my shit and talk to me #i hate being someone with ACTUALLY nice artwork now because people get scared to talk to me :( #im unusual!!! im not normal!! for the record i love being insane you should gather that from my art #the pains of being in such a tiny community that 5 people consistently populate the tags for consistently with minor sprinkles of others #im screaming to the void dont mind me im going to go back to behaving now 🫠 #ok maybe not hold on one more deeep breath gotta yell something real quick #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i wish wish wish i saw more of my brand of content round here ...... like not everyone can be me and i fill my niche BUT #i just wish to see more content in general </3 #im hungry and thirsty but im giving my body to be the oasis others need in these trying times <3 #OK. BACK TO NORMAL. BACK TO BEHAVING. BACK TO MY CAVE. SORRY. BYE AAAA

[ilyzuko]

no cuz what's up with tumblr now showing me a random p*rn post like every 3 posts on my dash from random blogs nd tags i dont follow weren't they like all about dep*rnifying this site

#also my flatmate...im sorry but im going insane she honestly grosses me out at this point she cant clean for shit and when i ask her to #clean something properly cause she just goes over stuff randomly with a dirty cloth at best leaving it even worse she tells me im 'making #her paranoid by inspecting all the tiny specks' im gonna kill myself. i was away for a few months and i come back to a flat that was so #fucking gross everything sticky i really har to do shit like take all pieces of cutlery (that she claimed were clean) out of the drawer #cause they were all sticky and had food specs and wash them again #like im mean now sure idccc it's the tags of my blog that no one reads but shes literallydriving me crazyyy so tonight i said if she wants #to start looking for a flat for after the end of this tenancy i dont want to stall cause ill be doing something else she was like is it #because i didnt wipe the stove properly nd i was like i just think we dont work that well #house keeping level have different expectations and it stesses us both out. wanted to keep at that and she goes on in a full breakdown mode #starts yelling at me and stomps off saying i have 'an ego about being a clean person when im not' shdjdj like maam youre 27 years old youre #walking around with dirt under your nails and have never washed a hairbrush that youve had for years it's growing a whole microsystem. 28* #like im really trying to be normal about this but i just cant live with someone who lives like this and thows fits when asked to fix their #behaviour

[cowboyg1rl]

Welcome to two weeks of suffering for auxiliary percussion. This is not what I had in mind when I asked my friend if I joined drumline would I "maybe shake a tambourine and when I sing you sing harmonies"

#adults are yelling at me for things i do not care much about and upperclassmen are mad at me for not being serious #bro i am here for fun. i do not care about learning my part when its literally 'rest *hit* 3' or '1 & 2 1 & 2 & & & 1' #my anxiety fuckin peaked today at band camp which is 7 hrs a day 8-7 for two weeks and then we start school #and we are not allowed to leave for break or lunch #some assistant director got mad at the pit which im in for not practicing when we literally dont do shit in the songs #ill go fucking insane if i have to play my woodblock part one more god damn time #she said were not here just to hang out. if i wanted to hang out i wouldnt be here in 85° weather with a sunburn playing the woodblock. #fuckin hell #warrens raves and rants #warrens no raves just rants #< new vent tag ig #*8-3 not 8-7

[fabulouslygaybean]

don't fucking rb, but you know your mental health is fucked when you feel genuinely jealous about your friend going into a really good residential mental health treatment facility

#adding the dont rb thing to the actual post bc y'all refuse to listen when its in the tags #just. huh. wish i had that kind of support. #the fact that her family cares enough about her mental well-being like that is something ill never have and i feel kind of bad for being - #- jealous but also i cant help it so idk #also jealous bc it's all the way out in cali and must cost a fourtune so either they're rich or lucked out with INSANELY good insurance #even if my parents could afford it they'd never get me that kind of help #i fought tooth and nail when i was younger to get help but they vehemently denied anything was wrong with me so nothing came of it #i gave up a while ago. i figure im close enough to being a legal adult that it might be best to just wait till i can go without them. #again i feel rlly bad for being jealous and a little bitter but. GOD her situation is just so lucky #she verbalizes once that shes having suicidal ideation and she gets sent to a super inclusive beautiful facility on the west coast #i was driven to the edge when i was 12 and repeatedly bashed my head into the wall bc i was so sick of everything and all that came out - #- of that was my mom crying and my dad yelling at me. they did nothing. #they didn't care when i admitted i knew something was wrong with me. i was just scolded again and threatened by the idea of being - #- hospitalized against my will #just!! god i wish i could get help in that capacity!!! even just basic therapy and treatment would make me cry with happiness!!! #im so sick of feeling like my brain is on fire 24/7. i just want a bit of peace y'all.

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: tsukishima kei, oikawa tooru, suna rintarou

a/n: i write a fic every time i rewatch hq LOL sorry ik i said im abandoning this blog buuuut…happy bday to this blog!! (repost from 1/5 because tags broke :(( )

part 1

TSUKISHIMA KEI

looks out for you, but he can’t help that hes so emotionally constipated :’( he tries to give you advice because he genuinely is concerned for you but just is unable to word anything properly. see: “you need to stop talking to that person, you’re being a pushover,” but he just wants you to realize you’re letting people walk all over you.

god forbid he has to comfort you because hes the wrong brother for that - you’re definitely in better hands with akiteru. he might walk in on you crying and contemplate if he’ll even say anything or just ignore it flat out, or he’ll say something like “don’t cry, you look stupid.” if you cry more, he’ll end up swallowing his pride and sitting next to you. he’ll groan and reluctantly, “fine, spill it.”

other than that, he’s going to be a sneaky little prick. definitely the type to take revenge on you if you annoy him. you eat the last piece of chocolate he was saving and suddenly you find your charger hidden deep under your bed. also loves to take things without your permission. “why? i’m just using it, it’s not like you need it now.”

if someone picks a fight with you, he’ll be quick to extract you from the situation before saying something ruder and harsher than usual to the person. and if you tell him you like someone from his team, he’s going to look at you like you’re crazy. “are you insane?!” he’s honestly more bewildered than upset. doesn’t let you anywhere near the gym. he can make an exception for yamaguchi though. “at least it’s not hinata…or worse, kageyama.”

OIKAWA TOORU

your life is never boring with this guy as your brother. you’re literally being dragged everywhere, practices, shopping, team events… you’re like “i’m not even part of the team.” he goes “we can fix that!” and the next day you find out that you’re the manager for the boys’ volleyball team. huh, wonder how that happened.

oh my god, he MILKS you being his manager. “hold my drink, my fans are calling.” “y/n get my towel please.” you’re absolutely seething at the power trip that this guy is on. eventually, you start doing all that for his other team members and not for him, and he gets so whiney. “y/n you’ll get big ugly iwaizumi a towel but not your own sweet brother?!” that earns him a spike to the head from iwaizumi.

he tells you all the gossip about the school, because believe me, he knows A LOT of things. he’ll do his skin care while he forces you to listen to his gossip, cue him getting mad if you try to leave. everyone realizes why you two are siblings when you two walk down the halls and pull the exact same faces at the people he’s told you about in his gossip.

he makes you his little scapegoat for his fangirls. “oh, you want my number? you’ll have to ask y/n for that, they keep my phone with them during practice!” (you dont) “now, why don’t you girls hand all these gifts to my lovely sibling for me?” (you almost immediately chuck them at his face when you see him) but you know the best way to get back at him? when he sees you even slightly conversing with ushijima or kageyama, all hell breaks loose.

SUNA RINTAROU

the devil if the devil was your brother. he takes the ugliest pictures of you, when you’re asleep, when you’re yelling, when you’re crying over a movie. he also loves to send you pictures of animals and send a “look at you in this picture, so cute”. he also takes your things without asking and never returns it, you’ll just find it in his bag one day.

he also is one to order you around, and it drives you mad. “pass me the remote, y/n.” “but it’s nearer to you.” “i’ll tell mom that you-” // “y/n get me a drink from the vending machine.” “why would i do that” “remember when you snuck out and i-” // “get my bag too when you get yours.” “no.” “what i post that one picture of you when you’re about to sneeze-”

but he’s always looking out for you. when creeps try to approach you, he’s quick to react by shooting them a nasty glare. he’s a silent kind of care. standing behind you on elevators, walking on the outer side of the sidewalk, staying up late til you come home and just telling you he just couldnt sleep. little do you know, it’s something he’s always done even as a kid. putting more food on your lunch box, holding the corner of tables when you pick something up so you don’t hit your head, returning your things that are sprawled around the house to your room so you don’t lose them.

and if he ever finds you crying over some guy, he sighs and sits down next to you. “why’re you crying over an idiot?” he then makes snappy insults at the expense of the guy, making you laugh. “see? you look better like that. now stop crying and let me get some sleep.” he closes the light and shuts the door on his way out.

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #oikawa x reader #tsukishima x reader #oikawa tooru #tsukishima kei #oikawa tooru x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #suna rintarou x reader #suna rintarou #suna x reader

[infifi3]

ok but actually. i know i said this in the tags on ur post but genuinely i love ur faggy infinites i love ur attitude i love how u post whatever u want and put it in the main tags bc u are unapologetically urself when it is so easy to try and fit in. u have the confidence i aim to have for myself and it's so refreshing to see somebody who embraces being Weird <3 i've never engaged because i am unwell about people being aware of me but i've literally been lurking on you and the dog and hog gang for at least a year (i never really spoke much about liking them despite having interest for years) and. just. you're all so chill. the critical thinking, lack of judgement, this world needs more of that shit fr!! i hope u have a great day – good vibes from a transfag autism brained freak (and thank u for ur tags on my essay. i'm so glad other people care as much as me <3)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I IWISJ I COULS ANSWER TJIS AND KEEP TJIS IM ,MY IMBOX FOREVER RAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO GLAD U LOVE MY BOYSSSSSSS<33333 RAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! i usually try n segment my replys to address every beat but this is so much........ to my liddle tiny heaet........ im ,iteralkly cyinf rnn can you tell????? UIVTBJVJBJVBKJ. this means. the world to me<33333 im glad<33 im glad i can inspire some of that in u<3 like for the longest time i was literally larping as one of the normies :sob: like i get it 100% the want 2 fit in and b accepted esp in fandom is strong but in my case it is utterlly unsustainable 2 follow the crowd. i cant pretend i dont like what i like. i cant pretend to be normal r have normal relationships 2 things r have normal opinions jnkjjkjbjk. and its hard!!!!!! there rlly isnt a real tangible space to be fucking insane and into weird n gross shit n etc in fandom like there is for the sanitized kiddy friendly stuff or the hyper horny stuff, its an awkward middle line 2 tread.(n im wayy too autistic 4 fandom anyways.... lol) and ik im not the only one. i wouldnt b able 2 be so unabashed and real and freaky w/o the support of all the amazing ppl ive met in my little freak circle<3333(IT IS SOOOOOO cheesey n cringe-sounding but im being so fr when i say my weirdoes n infinite the jackal saved my life<3333333333 i literally probably wouldnt even b alive today w/o em<333 thanks 2 all of u for helping me grow stronger btw hehe....)

Every day i choose to be insane and gross and a freak and a transexual faggot and autistic and TOO MUCH !!! for meself obv<3 but also for the ones i love and ppl like YOU!!!!!!!!!! >:D i cant change the world w just my little paws. but i CAN b crazy on main. i CAN show everyone that you dont have 2 be afraid of your own interests for fear of not being accepted in the greater fandom<333 even if these ppl never rlly come out of their shell... theres always someone, someplace out there thatll accept u. theres always more freaks, theres always more faggots<3 even if you never come out and yell it to the world if i could inspire just a tiny bit of this love in ppl thatd be enough for me :)

anyways. lol. kjnobjbiubjk thank you<33 a lot<3333 i mean it<333333 so many words i wish to say in this moment but ik you get it<3 mwamwa<333333333

life is short babey!!! dont be such a stranger okay ^_^

#asks #inf1nyxw0rlds #infifi #literally just been chewing on this 4 an hour.............. lmao #RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!! ily man<3333333333333 #n ofc!!!!!! yw 4 the tags<33 the real infinite freaks gotta support each other u know how it is<3333

[pillowfriendly]

tag game: 9 favorite characters

tagged by @gunkreads. this was really hard. lots of people left out that im sad about. tried to keep it to one per source material. not in any particular order

Nyneave al'Meara (Wheel of Time)

healer wizard. temperament of a tavern brawler but will yell at you if you swear. mama bear over people 1.5 years younger than her. severe personality issues and a dozen complexes. could fight god and win

Major Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell)

she's a blueprint character for me much as ghost in the shell was very foundational to my taste. introduced me to the world of sci-fi and the amazing ways the genre can play with ideas, WHILE serving cunt

G'raha Tia (Final Fantasy XIV)

annoying prodigy historian turned spacetime-ripping wizard powered by and bound to an ancient solar power plant. i cant say more cause then we'd be here all day. im Not Normal about this character

Guts/Casca/Griffith (Berserk)

there should be dissertations written on them. griffith in particular is THEEEE character study of a villain in all of manga but i would not put him as my favorite because i want him shot into the sun and then the sun should blow up

Paul (The Locked Tomb)

this is NOT cheating to put another multiple character entry as one because Paul as a culmination of two characters arcs is important ok and i have a little room in my brain for them forever. (@keawi's art go look ok!!!)

Susannah Dean (The Dark Tower)

civil rights activist who gets isekai'd into a high fantasy post-apocalyptic horror western world, becomes a gunslinger, and proceeds to knock it out of the fucking park. she's two personalities duct-taped together. she ain't got no legs. if you look up "tough motherfucker" in the dictionary she's there

Madara (Natsume Yuujinchou)

not a complex character or anything i just like him so much. hes a kitty. he's funny. he was going to eat natsume but grew to care for him and now they're friends. he will never say this ever. he's actually a giant wolf demon. he lives as a fat cat and goes by nyanko-sensei. he's perfect

Amos Burton (The Expanse)

apparent bog-standard tough guy character actually a huge delight whenever he's on screen, ends up having an insanely compelling arc. prime poor little meow meow material of the S-tier guard dog trope variety and that wins an insane amount of points with me

Ishmael (Moby Dick)

this is not a joke he's my favorite narrator to ever do it. it's so much fun to be in his head, he's deranged and hilarious and a genuinely weird little man. king of tangents and making shit up

potential next victims: @iwishtobeafish @crowbandit @blackbutterflypriestess @terramythos @daedricprincessorigin @notimpossibell uhhh idk im curious about everyones but i dont wanna spam tag so just tag me if you see this and feel like doing it ok!!

#my bg3 team needs more time to tumble dry in my head but those are some heavy hitters too #and baru fisher i mean cormorant i mean agonist #and adolin kholin. and maki zen'in. and eleanor vance. and and and and #tag game #tried to mostly use source material images but the mtg nyneave card was too good

[qulizalfos]

bestie I know what tsad and acswy are but what are the other fics in ur bio 👀

hiiiii elli <333 hehe im so glad i can share these because theyre all SO FUCKING GOOD when i say brainrot i mean my brain is decaying over these /pos i am ghrfjhgjfhjnfsnhjfvbdbhfvbdhv

(and i am laughing very much rn because one of them is yours lol!)

oki so excluding the amazing tsad by @willelmikes and acswy by @campbyler both of which i could rant about for ages <3333 we have:

yaptm: your apparition passes through me by arian @callmetheidiot(hope you dont mind me tagging you<3) i am on chapter 3 also WHAHHTGRJRSFGHJNSDFGVHNJSDFGV okay okay im so normal sooo normal i am a Normal person 👍 jk AAAAAAAAAA im so invested in the plot, and the writing itself is so so masterful and the mystery elements of it are SO compelling arian i am obsessed with you and ur writing hope this helps!!!!!!! <333333

iwaftwth: is it was a flood that wrecked this Home by you <33 which btw i am literally thinking about always btw!!!!!!!! you have such an understanding of the characters its insane ITS THEM and such a good take on post vecna also FJNHESJVNHJNFSDNJFSNJVFSJNHVFS its just so heartwreching and beautifulllll and youre a really good writer!!!!!!! also i am yelling so loud over the i thought we were a team i thought i was ur best friend line :) in your walls even MWAH

ikte: is the i know the end series by @bookinit02(again i hope u dont mind if i tag you here!) which i believe you are reading or have read(?) but god when i say i am invested i am SOOO ghnfnhjsvfnjhfvnhjfg i loved the rewrite it was so so cool and also very fun to see inside their heads :DD and the s5 fic is perfect in every way and i love how in character everyone is, youve captured the dynamics so well! basically uh HJFRJHNFERJNHFE DEAD DEAD DEAD KILLED GAHHH <3 ty!

all of these are so top tier :) of course there are so many that i have been meaning to add (looks at girl crush by @wayward-sherlock LOOKS AT GIRL CRUSH BY @wayward-sherlock The mutual pining/jealousy/angst/fluff all at the same time fic by the way hehehehe)

those are the ones i have so far!!! highly recommend :D thank you so much for the ask!!! this got rlly long lmao

#lizaasks #mutuals #elli <3

[caffeinewitchcraft]

i got "being heroes, being villains" today and i absolutely tore through it. it was so fun to compare some of the changed details to what i remember originally reading (and re-reading and rere-reading and rerere-reading...) here on tumblr, especially when they were just small enough to force me to pay even more attention than i already was, just in case. oh and dont even get me started on the structure of the anthology as a whole and the small interconnecting details because all of it was absolutely brilliant. even when it was an inconsequential detail, like a name drop or something, it still had me feeling like i was connecting all of the dots (jury's still out on whether or not i connected shit tho). god and that closing story? i was screaming and yelling and going insane. well. the whole anthology had me screaming and yelling and going insane, but that final one had me doing it even louder. also im in love with shireen and dominic. and jenny. probably more. idk. 10/10 would read again and again and again

I AM FLIPPING OUT THANK YOU SO MUCH

Wow, this really made my whole week! I don't even know what to say. I just got back from an 8 hour coffeeshop shift and I feel like I could run a marathon now

Dominic is lowkey my fave despite having one of the smaller roles in everything. Shireen is ruler of my heart though so I am so excited that you liked them all!

Seriously, thank you so much anon! I Am Beside Myself With Glee

Thank you so much for reading!

Being Heroes, Being Villains (X)

(All asks are tagged #caffeine answers)

[jakowskis]

Day 7 - Do you have any all-time favorite scenes? You can bring up multiple - an objectively good scene, a silly scene that makes you smile, a sad scene that makes you cry, maybe a scene that just sort of stuck with you… your choice!

i have a bunch ok i tried to put em in categories. under the cut bc i think torchwood's entered spin territory by now and i still cant seem to shut up about it. pls help

scenes that rot my brain

when they mutiny against jack in the s1 finale. that whole bit, from gwen with rhys’ body in the autopsy bay to owen shooting jack to when they trigger the emergency protocol and open the rift. ill never get over how it first felt to watch that whole scene for the first time, it drove me insane. it still drives me insane. ive watched it 300 times it's sooo 😩 MY scene. g-d.

well, that’s my scene, and so are all the owen & ianto scenes in s1ep12. those two make me feral. ive gushed about theose scenes before, so ill spare u this time. my otp 4eva. and also owen having a villainous breakdown wahahaha. my fucked up little guy of all time

the scene where owen’s patching gwen up in countrycide drives me nuts. it’s such a clever seduction scene + it’s so intimate. i love it. (i also enjoy the two separate scenes where she chokes him fdhskjfdsf. countrycide tree scene makes me BLUSH and nothing makes me blush fsdkjfdshfkjdshfjkd. i am very very bi <3)

owen begging diane to stay in out of time... don’t touch me. every time i think of that whole scene i wanna cry. i have never seen such sad eyes in my life. (see my tags here for more of my thoughts on this topic fkjsdfhs.) burn pay my fucking hospital bills

that moment between jack and owen at the end of combat... “for a few seconds i felt totally at peace... and then you blunder in. do you always know best, jack? is that what you believe?” “i want you back at work tomorrow.” that scene has always driven me crazy. there’s a few scenes in the show where jack’s monstrous and the others yell at him over it, but that one hits the hardest. owen just seems to actually cut through him in that moment, and it kills me.

the scene at the conference table in s2ep5. i’m not the biggest fan of that ep, i talked abt it more the other day, but that scene drives me bonkers, for a number of reasons… the insight into the characters (owens mommy issues!!! tosh n ianto’s need for purpose!!! gwen loves rhys AND jack!!!), for sure, but especially the way jack’s relationship with all of them is presented. ill talk about it a lot more when i discuss his character, but jack… reminds me of a cult leader, in a lot of ways, and it’s most prominent in that scene especially. the show doesn’t realize it’s framing him like that, and the fandom doesn’t seem to pick up on it either. but i do, and i think it’s fascinating. 

gwen drugging rhys in combat. it just kind of blew my mind when i first saw it - there's a moment with every character where i went “oh wtf theyre fucked up. ok im obsessed now” (owen's was ghost machine, ianto's was actually ‘pray they survive’ in meat, jack & tosh never had one for me which is probs why they dont rot my brain quite as much fhdskjf) - that was gwen's. also important to note burn gorman agrees w me bc on the commentary of this ep during this scene he was clapping n laughing n probably kickin his feet HFDKSJFHDSJKFDSK he gets me

all of fragments tbh esp owens portion but specifically ianto crying when he walks away from jack at the end of his segment, and owen crying when he's talking to the doctor + him n jack walking thru the cemetery. aaaa.

(yes those were almost all owen scenes. im the deranged owen guy rmr.)

scenes that make me smile

the very first scene in the hub in the pilot :) it just feels a little bit magical in an industrial, bleak, kitchen-sink sort of way, which is what i love sm abt tw, the way it occasionally strikes that balance. the way stepping into a big base in a sewer manages to still feel magical… that’s special.

in episode 2 when theyre having lunch + in episode 4 when theyre at the bar, when they’re all gathered around and laughing. ohh i wish we got more of that

every time gwen n owen are dumbass giggling besties, or teasing each other… twice in s2ep10, and in ep 7, and then when theyre fooling around at the beginning of s2ep2. i love themmmm those two are my idiots they make me smile

jack & john’s fight in kkbb heheh

owen n martha gorillaz scene in reset. wahoo! shicka shicka shicka shicka feel good

bernies apt in ghost machine ep :) i just like the way they go through his shit, steal a bunch of it, n then leave, it always makes me giggle. “so call the cops” JACK. 

scenes that stuck with me / made an impact

john and his son in out of time. that was rlly rlly emotional.

also jack helping him off himself. g-d that episode was heart wrenching.

“captain my captain” in tkks, suzie on the ground covered in blood… things i think about. “it’s all your fault, jack." ahhhh

in ghost machine, when gwen holds the device and sees herself crying and covered in blood, and afterwards she’s all dazed and she looks at owen and he stares back and he looks dangerous. i loveee that scene. will never get over s1 owen. he’s a ticking time bomb and when he explodes he nearly destroys the world. character of all time to me. i love that he redeems himself in the end but ohhhhh sometimes i think of a world where he becomes a proper antagonist. he rlly walks the precipice 

g-d and the scene where he had the knife held to ed morgan, when i first watched it i didn’t know what he was gonna do and it was so tense. 

when lisa was first revealed in cyberwoman and mogwai played…. transcendent. the outfit was silly right off the bat but the vibe + reveal was cool enough i was rlly excited. i love the concepts in that episode i wish they took it more seriously. no metal bikini + no pteradacyl fight and we could’ve had it all. but also. would it be torchwood without metal bikini + pteradacyl fight.

“it made me happy” scene in countrycide. a lot of people seem to find that ep upsetting, i wasn’t really affected by the subject matter, but That got me. chilling. you go into torchwood expecting evil aliens, so the episodes about evil humans really hit.

the resurrection scene in s2ep7. i’m getting tired so im not gonna babble as much but agh. i wanna eventually do an analysis on owen & jack’s dynamic - i’ll talk about it there.

also, it’s a little moment but in the same episode, when gwen calls rhys crying… it reminds me of that bit in succession, during connor’s wedding, when tom calls greg, which is one of my favorite moments in that episode too. taking the time in the middle of a tragedy to step aside and privately call a loved one for support, bc u need a minute to break down when uve been doing ur best to stay strong. i think torchwood is bad at handling grief and letting their characters experience it, so it’s a nice little moment that actually lets her grieve. that, and the glove clearly triggers her, so she got double whammied with the death of a friend + the reminder of the time she nearly died. again, in a show that doesn’t typically frame moments of weakness and pain very sympathetically, it’s refreshing. 

idk why, but in ep7, when it goes back and forth between owen figuring out the murders + tosh crying to mary while she looks unsympathetically down at her… it’s just a well-filmed, cool scene, and i enjoy it. thrills me, heh. also owen adhd icon

aditd... maggie’s wedding… we’d been married less than an hour. scenes that got me. i think of maggie a lot. i think of that scene a lot. i think ‘the woman on the roof’ is my most listened to torchwood ost track, fff. it’s very special to me. that song reminds me of a thomas newman score.

tosh n owen’s deaths. of course. both of owens deaths actually, the second one is more impactful but the way nobody held him when he first died bc they were all in shock haunts me ;-;

#tdot #txt #I AM TRYING SO HARD TO NOT DO THESE SO LATE BUT. ARHGHGHHGHGH #me when i give myself a fun lil fandom challenge n it tURNS OUT TO BE CHALLENGING #ARGH!!! #but. here. take it

[bunnychargebolt]

Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)

I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.

But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.

Im

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.

And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.

I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.

I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.

People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.

I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.

Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.

The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much

Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???

I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.

Im

Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.

And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.

And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM

Im not- i cant. Im

Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.

Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.

I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.

#vent #tw vent #this was originally about ky parents but it tirned into a generalized thing #ummm #tw disordered eating #tw eating issues #financial abuse #fuckinggg #emotional abuse #??? #shit gets fucky idk #my brains not- doing well #also im actively running away from server friends in this post #i love you guys #just #being vulnerable is hard and i hold back as much as i can #when were on call or whatever #scared of complaining too much and pushing people away again #pls dont leave lol

[nailgunstigmata]

10 songs ive been listening to lately tag game!! (aka some faves from the mcden playlist im currently looping hehe)

ty for the tag @denfucker @ricketycr1cks and @ratcoffin69 !! <333

1. i just want you to love me….so real sufjan stevens. ur just like macdennis (both of them)

2. soo macden it makes me sick…actually maybe one of the most macden songs ever. i have a drabble about it but i can never finish it because thinking about cherry wine macden makes me insane <3 haha yeah

3. this song makes me insane idk!! a terrible wretched love that ends in fire and destruction but could never not be worth it despite all the pain…being doomed from the start but still holding hands among the wreckage….haha yeah lol

4. makes me pull my hairs out and yell. this is north dakota core it makes me sick….sometimes you leave someone because you love them!!! exploding screaming yelling

5. i mean yeah. we were in love. so true <3

6. mac core…i think its so cool actually when he has to choose which god to worship once and for all haha

7. this one is soo dennis to me idc (small warning this one gets very loud apruptly halfway through. its a banger tho <3)

8. ive been kate bush macden pilled lately <3

9. i dont have to say anything u get it. u get it

10. this deserves a spot just for the line „dumb enough to kneel“ like yeah. yeah (this one also gets loud halfway through tho!!)

(sorry for using this tag to ramble about macden songs but also i like doing it so im not that sorry <3)

i never know who to tag and who did it already and who even wants to so whoever reads this and wants to do it ur tagged!! <33

#Spotify #i know this comes as a huge shock but im a controversial choice on the aux #people get angry when u put on oh comely or bloodhail…idk why </3

[lemonhemlock]

Hello! What do you think of alicent being physically harsh with ty tennant's aegon? She abuses him (it felt like that to me) and then tells aegon that his sister is a dangerous person (which she is), but at that point rhaenyra hasn't done anything, and otto is not there to advise her also but she sees rhaenyra rightly as a legitimate threat. Then when we come to tgc aegon it's like she forgot that her children's lives are in danger and fights more for rhaenyra than her own children. By then she has seen first hand how dangerous rhaenyra is with aemond, vaemond, laenor etc.

Also olivia had told somewhere that alicent is thinking in eggs coronation how rhaenyra will not reconcile with her anymore. I mean why would you care about rhaenyra then. I dont mind people having affection for childhood friends but when said friend doesn't give a shit about your kids or your own mental and physical well-being then it becomes really pathetic and an unhealthy obsesion.

Im saying I'm so confused why she keeps flip-flopping. Why the heck is she on rhaenyra's side when her kids are more into protecting her than rhaenyra. She even forced aegon to accept his crown when he said no. (If they make her poison him for rhaenyra, she will be just so terrible)

The writing is making me insane. I want to get some clarity and i thought to ask you since you have such well thought out responses. Sorry for such a long question.

hey there. thank you for having faith in my abilities to make sense of this mess. i do take it as a compliment that you guys think to come to me for help whenever you're confused by smth or pondering an issue. 💌

so, i hope you won't feel too upset, but i'm going to redirect you to the relevant tags as i've been ranting about this quite a lot already and would just end up repeating myself.

long story short: it's inconsistent writing. each episode usually had a different writer & director, each with their different take on the characters. that's fine and all, but something happened there bc the people in charge (miguel??) didn't do a good enough job to smooth things over chronologically and make sure everyone is on the same page and that the character developments are linear.

that's why alicent is antagonistic and out to get rhaenyra one episode, then the next episode she wants to be bffs. that's why the showrunners say one thing to the media, but the actors say another. look at this through the perspective that they're not going to come out having a go at each other in the press because that would be unprofessional. so we're never gonna find out what miguel actually did for sure and who's responsible for all this mixed messaging.

as for alicent being physically harsh with ty's aegon. she is, as you said, alone at court, experiencing first hand viserys' indulgence & favouritism towards rhaenyra + his unwillingness to sanction her even for grave illegalities*, so that only increases her paranoia that her children are going to suffer the consequences of this. on top of /that/, aegon himself doesn't take this seriously and she has just found out he also colludes with rhaenyra's children (the people who will order his execution in the future, but he's too blind to see it now) and bullies his own brother (aka the one he could actually trust and support, but instead alienates). she goes to viserys first but he ignores her concerns again.

so i think she just snaps in that moment and loses patience with aegon. him wanking in the middle of the day in the tommen window doesn't help his case. now, alicent is not a modern mother living in the 21st century, with a whole literature of child development & psychology at her disposal, therapists and specialists to guide her. she also has her own trauma to deal with, no help on that front either. she can't "educate" herself. she is not going to be gentle parenting aegon lol. she uses what tools she has at her disposal: first talking nicely, that doesn't work, then she starts yelling and grabs his face so that he'll listen, bc what else is she supposed to do? she literally isn't conceptually aware of any other way to get her message across

*again, that's placing your bastards in the line of succession against their trueborn relatives, not having bastards in the first place

#hotd critical [alicent] #hotd critical [storytelling] #i have this format for most characters at this point #ask #anon

[cleardishwashers]

@good-then-dont tagged me in this tag game :)

name: wouldnt you like to know weather boy (jk. its deepa)

first fandom you became a part of? hgdhfhgfj probably harry potter..... i was like 10..........

what was the first tv show fandom you joined: i was veryyyyyy into doctor who at ages like 10-12 but just kind of looked at posts on pinterest and wasnt like. active. so id say first Active tv show fandom would be supernatural 🫡🫡🫡

how old were you? uhhhhh. probably 12

latest tv/movie fandom you became a part of? im gonna say good omens bc i was suuuuuper into it when s1 came out but then sleeper agented until s2 came out which i only watched like. this month. and technically not In The Ecosystem like that but i yell about it w my friend so it counts. (im not In The Ecosystem like that for much nowadays.... lets ignore that)

a tv/movie fandom you haven’t joined but like to creep on?: im gonna say pacific rim bc i never do anything but reblog a bunch of posts BUT i do this like. quarterly. because i am insane 👍

your favorite fandom? probably oceans 11... very small no drama and i got some very good friends from it....... id say the good parts of iasip fandom circa 2019 pre-s14 (ie my absolute besties shoutout og sunny server) def tie for that spot but there were a lot of White Takes in it so that brings the total ranking down a lil

the tv show that gives you the most brainrot? right now? good omens. but top contenders across time include spn (hear me out), archer, iasip, leverage, cobra kai (unfortunately), and 911. honorable mention to crashing bc i watched that shit three times in one weekend

the fictional couple that gives you the most brainrot? honestly? destiel was the blueprint but lawrusso and newmann take turns pulling me back in every couple months....... i hate it here

guilty pleasure fictional couple? macdennis they are sooooo toxic and i love them sooooo much

guilty pleasure tv show? id say glee but im not guilty about it its one of the most tv shows of all time. maybe iasip? or cobra kai but i dont ever rewatch cobra kai its just. there in my brain

and finally, something that made you happy this week? i went to the beach on monday as a fun little last day of summer thing and it was sooooooooo epic i love the beach i love water i love swimming!!!!!

tagging @frogcabbage @turnaboutstevie @lauraexplorer and whoever else i forgot/wants to do it!!!

[lesbenson]

lovely ali @fairydyke-mothr tagged me to post 5 things i can't stop writing <3 i am not much of a writer beyond fics aka half formed fic ideas so this list will be a lil messy. i have the most stuff for ted lasso and svu but ill focus on svu here LOL

1. toxic WASTE eo like love confessions buried in the nastiest arguments ever. im sorry i just love mess. similarly, someone saying i love you and being hit with like "no you dont. die" or "i wish i didnt" also eo as the soulmates who should never have met ive blown apart my life for you and eo from every outside view being the two most infuriating people ever (as explained by kathy stabler to barba, and amanda to liv and to elliot). eo who became a swirling black hole that took everyone with them. i think its easier for me to write eo from like other character povs bc i didnt originally watch the eo seasons so theres always an element of like. ghostly entity elliot stabler coloring my perception of him And i find their dynamic really hard to put into words in like. an interesting way. theyre just insane idk

2. the olivia bensonism of right where you left me and her constant fear of being left behind + her pushing people away + single most important person in my life and you just disappeared i have a few different "i cant do this" lines written and this last ep has obviously only made me worse

i also have elliot getting offered a transfer back to rome and in a moment of pure insanity telling liv he'll do whatever she asks him to. and because shes Her she tells him to leave and hes like okay ? and shes like i am obviously lying what is wrong with you.

a lot of sad liv internal monologues about how she misses elliot every moment that shes with him

3. the girls are fightiiing my list of conversations amanda and liv have never had and my ongoing list of out of pocket things liv has said or done to amanda <3 mess ! and a random fight about kim that leads to kissing lol

also a list of random thoughts about liv and amanda when i was first figuring out their dynamic like "real canon compliant rollivia means fighting and miscommunication"

4. amanda taking eo matters into her own hands. she talks to stabler. a lot. and she yells at liv for not making a move after she finds out about the intervention. more on this as it develops.

5. girl. grief and parental trauma ! the mother wound chile ! olivia bensons slight obsessive jealous homoerotic hatred of other women in non professional settings ! this became a note about how she separates everyone she meets into a kathy stabler or a serena benson and uses that to inform her feelings towards them

uhhhh if anyone wants more of any of these lmk?

tagging @o6666666 @heinouslydedicated @hargiloni @electricnachos @katiecotugno

#fic stuff? #thank you for tagging me :)