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0kayblue · 1 year

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Trying Not To Love You

It’s been two years and you haven’t seen Leon since you died.

(Part I) (Part II)

Main character relations: Leon Kennedy x reader

Word Count: 5k (a little over)

Mentions of death, alcohol, cigarettes, pills, and depression. Angst with no comfort.

A/N: Didn’t see this coming did you? I didn’t either. I’ve been sad. Enjoy! @dargoww @xpipixd @azznina @ovrparty

“Don’t you dare!” Leon yelled at you while he held onto you for dear life. Your head was light and your vision was blurry while the ringing in your ears grew louder. It was a miracle you could hear him at all.

“Take the shot!” Was all you could manage to muster back up at him while you dangled in the air. The ocean is stirring in a fury below you, ready to take you under as soon as you let go. Your open wound makes it feel like you were being ripped in half and Leon wasn’t going to let go of you anytime soon.

It’s funny because the positions were supposed to be swapped. That’s what you saw in your nightmares all the time. Clinging to him for dear life and in the end he made the moral decision and let go. He sacrificed himself for the world over and over while you begged for any other outcome. It was your turn to make the moral decision, though.

“Leon.” You cooed as your eyes met his. “I’ll be okay.”

“No, dammit!” It came out through gritted teeth as tears streamed down his face. Has he been crying this whole time? “You’ve got Sydney and Bill to look after! You’ve gotta hold on!”

“Leon-.” You tried to fight with him as you let go of him.

“No, (Y/N)! I said no.” He took the shot and missed. Just missing Claire before he dropped the gun and grabbed your arm with his other hand. “There! I took the shot, I missed, now help me pull you up!” He begged you. He pleaded with you. He tries to tighten his grip on you as you begin to slip from his grasp.

“Please, Leon.”

“What about me? You can’t do this to me!” His voice breaking, “I need you! Like you, I can’t live a life knowing you aren’t out there!” You just beamed up at him as seconds felt like hours and your body begged for you to give up.

“Leon! (Y/N)! A little help!” You heard Claire yell from down below as her and her brother fired rounds of bullets trying to defend themselves from the supernatural-esque being attacking them.

“I trust you, Leon. Make the right decision.” You saw Leon’s mouth move and caught a glimpse of him going for his disregarded gun while you fell. Your body felt weightless as you began to plummet towards the solid ocean ready to greet you with open arms. Your eyes shut as you accepted the fate you had been dealt and as a sudden familiar warmth enveloped you.

Your eyes open as you sit up in your bed. Your eyes heavy as you rubbed them while your limbs ached. Your hand reached for the warmth of your husband. Bill groaned slightly as your hand gently rested on his shoulder. A little laugh left you as you brought yourself closer to him, holding him to your torso.

“Five more minutes.” He tried to barter with you.

“It’s nearly ten thirty, sweetheart.”

“It’s Saturday.”

“True, but you promised a certain nine year old a-.”

“Dad!” Sydney called for Bill before you could finish. Bill sighed as he turned to you while wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him.

“Do you think if we remain absolutely silent and still she’d forget?” He asked as he nuzzled into your neck and you let out an airy giggle.

“I highly doubt it.” You kissed the side of his face as the bedroom door opened.

“Dad! Wake up.” She demanded as she crawled into the bed and forced her way in between the two of you. “It’s almost-.”

Sydney was cut off by the sound of a loud fake snore coming from Bill as he shut his eyes. She was clearly irritated as she shoved him playfully, “Come on! You said that you’d take me out for dad and daughter day and mom said that the diner opens at eleven.” You wrapped your arms around her as you squeezed her tight.

“Your mom told you that?” Bill asked, opening his eyes and propping himself up to look at the two of you. A sight he’s convinced he would never get enough of. As much as he despised every fiber of Leon’s being, he was eternally grateful that he jumped into the water after you.

“I did.” You placed a kiss on Sydney’s cheek while she tried to pry away from you.

“Mom.” She whined in disgust while you laughed. “Not funny.” She pouted, breaking free from you and climbing off the bed.

“I love you too.” You said as you flopped on your back and looked at Bill.

“Get up, it’s time to go.” Sydney demanded as she walked out of the room leaving the door open behind her, “Let’s go!” You both laughed as you laid on your side and wrapped your arms around Bill’s neck.

“You heard her.”

“I did.” He placed a chaste little kiss against your lips while you smiled against his lips. “You should come.”

“It’s Ingrid’s birthday, remember? I’m taking her out to dinner and then probably drinks and then who knows what. Besides, before too long she’s not going to want a thing to do with daddy daughter time.”

Bill sighed, “I’m trying not to think about it.”

“I know, she’s growing up so fast. I don’t know what to do? She’s already starting to hate me.” You whined, knowing what was around the bend.

“She doesn’t hate you.”

“Yet.” Bill laughed and you shot him a playful glare, “I’m serious. I feel it coming.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“You can not say that. You never were a pre-teen girl.”

“That is true. Listen, I’ll talk to her today-.”

“No, you can’t! That’ll only make it worse.” Your laughter turned into a sigh, “I’ll just take it with a grain of salt.”

“Such a trooper.” He mocked as his hands snuck up your pajama shirt and grazed over the scar tissue causing you to shiver. “Are you okay?” He asked, his tone and posture changing to rigid and serious.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Your lips connected with his as you pushed the memories out of your head. His lips interlocked with yours and was hesitant at first, but then quickly kept up with you. He pulled you closer to him as one strong hand made its way between your shoulder blades and the other rested against your hip. He kept you in place while his tongue ghosted your bottom lip. He takes in your quiet little moan as his tongue slips into your mouth. Your grip on him tightens as you try to pull yourself closer to him. His mouth leaves yours regretfully and he trails down your neck. His name gets stuck in your throat and just as you mewl against him Sydney shouts for you.

“Mom! I can’t find my brush! Do you know where it is? Mom!” Bill groans against your skin and you try not to yourself.

“You better get ready.” You kiss his chin as you pry yourself away from him and stumble out of bed. Bill was quick to snap up and reached out for you; ready to catch you. You laughed and ushered him away with a shake of your hand, “I’m okay.” Walking was still difficult after two years.

It’s been two years and it’s hard to believe how far you’ve come. From the grave to the hospital bed to now, so much has changed. Ingrid retired last year, Chris and Claire started and worked for their own privately funded agency, and Leon worked with them for a while.

You grabbed Sydney’s brush from the breakfast bar and headed towards her room. You knocked on the door frame waving the brush in the air, “You going to let me brush your hair?” You hoped she would say yes that way you wouldn’t have to fight with her about it. She nodded as she went back to putting on miss matched neon colored socks. You smiled to yourself as you sat down next to her on her bed. “Face the door, please.” She did as she was told as you started to brush her hair. You hummed slightly as you tried to remain as gentle as possible with her.

“Mom?” She asked slowly, unsure if she should even ask the question in the back of her brain.

“Yeah, honey?”

“Do you believe in true love?” You laughed slightly as Sydney turned to look at you and she grew defensive.

“Of course I do.” You answered before she could back track, “Why? Do you have a crush?”

Her face turned bright red, “I do not!” You bit your cheek so you wouldn’t laugh. She was so easy to read and so adorable.

“It’s okay if you do. I’ve had a number of crushes.”

“You have?”

“A billion. I’ve fallen in and out of love a number of times.”

“But you have dad. There were people before dad?” You raised your eyebrows, unsure of how to answer that.

So you opted for a lie, “No one came close to your father.” You got up and grabbed a headband from one of her vanity drawers to match the somewhat mixed matched outfit she picked out. She was getting better at picking out her own clothes.

“When will I find something like that?” She asked as you put the headband behind her ears and fixed her hair.

“Not for a while.”

“How do you know?”

“Because when you really fall in love is when you grow older.”

“Is it complicated?”

“Sometimes.” You bit your lip not wanting to break her heart, “But, not really. You’ll know when you know.”

“Is Aunt Ingrid in love? She’s old.”

You laugh, “Tell you what, I’ll ask her tonight and I will tell you word for word what she says.” You kissed the top of her head before she headed out the door. You chuckled trying to keep this feeling of Leon from settling in your stomach.

Following her out you caught Bill in the hallway as he pulled you to his chest. He pushed you away and signaled for you to twirl as he held your hand above your head. You compiled before he pulled you back into his embrace and then dipped you, “My love.” He said before kissing you.

You giggle as he brings you up and kisses you again. You hold his hand gently as you walk into the living room. He squeezed it gently and let go as he went to grab his keys, “You ready to go, Sid?”

“Yeah.” She said as she tied her shoes.

“Can mom come?” You gave Bill a side eye.

“No. You said it would be just us like last time. You’d let me drink soda all day-.”

“I did. I forgot.” Bill said with an awkward little chuckle as he slipped on his shoes.

You glared at him, “Soda all day? No water?”

“Not a drop. Also unlimited candy at the movies.”

“Unlimited?” You pressed on as your glare grew sharper.

“Alright, that is enough, kid. You’re getting me in trouble.” You moaned in response as he set a hand on Sydney’s head, ruffling her hair. Messing it up. You sighed as you went over to her and fixed her head band. He kissed your cheek once you stood up. “What time will you be home?”

“Probably later than you, but hopefully not too late. You know Ingrid, never know what she’ll throw at you since she retired. So don’t wait up.”

“Alright. Have fun and be safe. Just a phone call away.”

“I know, I know. Same goes for you two. I don’t want to see you on the news.” You joked.

“Alright, Sid. Let’s head out.” He opened the door slightly and then shut it, “Give mom a hug first.”

Sydney wrapped her arms around you briefly, opened the door, and ran for the car. “Bye, love you!”

“Love you too.” You said with a sigh and a little smile. Bill kissed the corner of your cheek.

“Please be careful.” Your tone laced with the slightest hint of worry.

“We will.” He kissed the corner of your mouth and then peppered a little kiss on your lips, “I gotta go.”

“I know.” He parted from your side and went to unlock the car so Sydney could get in.

“Also, be sure to make sure she drinks one glass of water! Sneak a vegetable or two in there as well!”

“Yeah, yeah!” He replied as he opened the car door for Sydney and she climbed in. “Love you!” He shouted before getting in the driver's seat and shutting the door. “We are not doing that. One day isn’t going to kill us. Right?”He said as he turned to look at Sydney in the back seat.

“Right!” It was a victorious answer that fell from the mouth of a wide smile.

As Bill backed out of the driveway a bittersweet sigh leaves your lips. The house settles into quiet as you flop onto the couch and debate over if it was even worth it to pick up the remote. Unsure if you were able to stomach whatever the headline might be today. Depression settles in your bones as you groan and just lay down on the couch disregarding the remote.

You were tired. So unbelievably tired.

You slipped a hand under your shirt and grazed your fingers over the scar that you’ve had for two years. You’ve tried everything to get rid of it. Lotions and butters and special all natural balms. But it never left and you’ve gaslit yourself into believing that it was fading. You’ve thought about covering it, but with its awkward surface area you weren’t too confident on what to cover it with.

You know you should just learn to love it and all it stood for. The fact that you went out and fought for your family. You were an active part in trying to make the world a better place for your daughter. You stood your ground and took the fall for humanity.

But, it hurt. It hurts so much that you still actively dream about that day over and over; sometimes wishing that you would’ve just drowned. This life is everything you could’ve asked for and more than you thought you deserved.

You had a former career that genuinely helped people. You were good at it too. You were smart and were able to retire early. You made yourself into something you thought wasn’t possible.

You were a mother, something you never thought you had the strength to do. Sydney loved and adored you to the moon and back and you felt the same for her. If not more intensely. You may not be her biological mother, but she is your child and you would do anything for her a million times over. A parental unconditional love that you provided despite never truly experiencing it for yourself.

You had a husband that loved you so much that the moment you woke up he was on his knees thanking whatever higher power that was out there. A husband that loved you mind, body, soul, and beyond. That you betrayed every time you thought about the pit in your heart that had another’s name.

You groaned in frustration as you turned on your side. Whenever you weren’t occupied your thoughts always drifted back here. The pills and therapy sessions could only do so much. You could only take so much while constantly feeling like you were only half full.

So instead of fighting with yourself you opted for sleep. Shutting your eyes with a deep breath you hoped to dream of anything other than your death or Leon.

Hours had passed and you sat across from Ingrid at one of the bar tables. You were laughing at some lame joke you told her that you found hilarious that she thought was just stupid. But, your laughter was contagious as her head started to hurt from laughing so hard.

As you both quieted down you picked up your drink and took a sip, “Woo.” A sound of relief leaving your lips as you sit the drink back down, “So, tell me more about this mystery person.” You nudged her, hoping that the alcohol would loosen her up enough to finally spill the details she didn’t want you to know.

Ingrid laughed, “Well, let’s just say I think there might be a future.”

“Really?” You say with excitement, “I’ll have to tell Sydney then.” Ingrid raised an eyebrow as she brought her drink to her lips. You rolled your eyes with a little smile, “She was asking me today about love and asked if you were in love.”

“She did?”

“Mhm, I told her that it’s something you figure out with age,” you took a drink of your drink before starting again, “and she called you old.” You snickered and Ingrid let out a joking frustrated sigh.

“Thanks, kid.”

“She calls it like she sees it.” You laugh, your hand finding your knee.

“Hey!”

“Oh, come on, you don’t look a day over twenty-one.” You complimented her, hoping it eased some of that pain behind her joking exterior.

“Gee, thanks.” There was a pause while Ingrid took another drink. The anniversary of your death was around the corner and she was worried for you. She always was. Your friendship being one of the things she was glad remained after your retirement. You helped her through her own, it being something she didn’t think she would struggle so badly with. “So?” She asked.

“So?” It was your turn to raise an eyebrow as you sipped from the stronger than usual drink you’ve been nursing all night.

“You know.” She coaxed and you sighed. She had a million questions buzzing around in her head but settled on the easiest, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s your birthday and it’s been years-.”

“It’s only been two and neither of us are used to that sort of trauma, (Y/N).” She fought, “So, how are you really?”

“I’m fine…” It wasn’t a complete lie, “I’m hanging in there. I still dream about it- I did last night- but I’m going to a shrink and I talk with Bill about it. He helps a lot.”

“Mhm.” She moaned.

“What? He does. It’s hard for me to be completely open about it, y’know. There’s some things he doesn’t understand and there’s some things I’d rather he didn’t try to understand.”

“Mhm.” More emphasis on this moan and you just scoffed. “I’m just saying.” Silence settled between the two of you as you both nursed your drinks. “Does he know it was basically you and Leon the whole time?” She didn’t know if it was the alcohol or if she was tired of you hiding from it.

“No.”

“What about your little confession?”

“No. I don’t want to break his heart, Ingrid.” You sighed, “You saw the state he was in when he thought I was dead. I love him too much to break him like that.”

“I know,” Ingrid sighed, “but don’t you think you should tell him? Don’t you think it’s shitty of you to not?”

“I know it’s shitty, but it’s for the best. Honest. I love him and that’s all that matters.”

“I guess you’re right.” Ingrid finished her drink, “Have you talked to Leon since?”

You shook your head, “You?”

“From time to time. He-…” Ingrid hesitated on what exactly to say. She knew you weren’t stupid. She knew you weren’t going to leave Bill or Sydney; she knew the guilt and shame would eat you whole if you did. Although- she didn’t approve of you ever going back to Leon- she wondered if you’d be happier in Leon’s arms. If your smile would ever reach your eyes again and just as she went to finish her sentence he caught her eye, “Speak of the devil.”

“What?” You asked a little confused as you turned to face the door and your eyes immediately connected with his. Your face fell slightly as you remained in his gaze and your stomach started to spin. You quickly turned back around in your seat and looked at Ingrid. A flood of emotions devouring you as panic set into your features and Ingrid reached out to you.

“We can go.” She suggested quickly, not a fool to the events unfolding in front of her.

“What? No, no, no. It’s your birthday.”

“Yeah, but sometimes-.”

“This is home base for us, Ingrid. We are staying.” You were firm as you sent her a little assuring smile. “I am completely fine, okay?”

“Okay.” She stood up as her eyes found Leon, “I’m going to get another drink, you want anything?”

“Water, please. I’ve gotta drive us home and I think the bartender put one too many into the drink I had.” Ingrid nodded as she headed towards Leon and the bar.

She took a seat at the bar stool next to Leon, waiting for the bartender's attention.

“Happy Birthday.” Leon greeted her, not about to act like he didn’t know her.

“Thank you.” She turned on the stool and looked at him, “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay all things considered. You?”

“I’m good. All things considered.” He chuckled at her response. “What are you up to lately?”

“She avoiding me?” He asked, not even giving any thought to Ingrid’s question.

“You know the answer to that.”

“I know. I’ll take my leave.”

“What can I get you, sweetheart?” The bartender asked as he called for all of Ingrid’s attention.

“A rum and Diet Coke and a water, please.”

“You got it.” The bartender went to work as she looked back at Leon.

“Don’t leave on our account, Leon. We’ll be out of here soon. Besides, this might be your only chance to tell her.” She sent Leon a side eye, “She’s not leaving Bill.”

“I wouldn’t ask her too.” Leon sent a rare glare in her direction as the bartender set down Ingrid’s drinks.

“Put it on my tab.” Ingrid left Leon back at the bar as she smiled back to you. As she sat down, her seat still warm, she changed the subject, “So the kid wants to know about my love life?”

You laughed appreciating what she was doing.

“Yeah, so listen to this, she’s got a crush.”

“What? No!” You nodded and tried not to cackle.

You and Ingrid continued to talk while you tried to keep your staring problem out of it. You maintained a good energy and tried not to think too hard while Ingrid’s drink turned into another and another after that. When her words started to slur slightly you tried to keep water down her throat and get her something to eat. Ingrid wasn’t a loud drunk so noise wasn’t a problem, her trying to sit in your lap the whole night was tough. For someone who could be so rigid she sure was a touchy drunk that wanted nothing more than someone to hold her. You were happy to oblige as she was comforting and you needed comfort.

“Alrighty, missy. You stay in your chair, I’m going to go pay your tab.”

“What? No. I-I got it.” She went to grab her purse and as she fumbled for her wallet your hands found hers.

“No way in hell are you paying on your birthday. I got it.”

“But-.”

“Mine will be here before you know it.” You assured her as you pushed her back against the chair so she could rest. She was definitely spending the night on your couch.

“You’re a saint.”

“I know.” You smiled as you grabbed your wallet, “Stay here.” You headed towards the bar and as you squeezed your way through a group of guys you saw it. Leon’s arm was resting against the bar top while he chatted with his girlfriend. Your heart broke slightly as you smiled, genuinely happy he was moving on with his life. It’s all you’ve ever wanted for him.

You knew just about everything about the girl and you couldn’t have picked a better match. She was smart, sweet, and ridiculously kind hearted. Her smile lit up a room and she was easy going, fun, a nice breath of fresh air.

“Hey.” You said as you hit your card against the bar top. Grabbing the bartender’s attention you took your eyes off Leon while his eyes found your frame. “Paying for the birthday girls tab.” You gesture over to Ingrid sitting in her chair. Her head tossed back and looked like she was starting to fall asleep.

“Already been taken care of. Courtesy of the guy at the end of the bar.” Your eyes found Leon’s and you blinked, taking a long deep breath. Unable to stop the smile from your face as you opened your eyes. Exchanging gazes of sincere longing you just mouthed the words thank you.

“Alright, let me-.” You went to grab some cash but the bartender just raised his hand.

“Your money's no good tonight, ma’am. He took care of everything.” Your brows furrowed together as your lip quivered slightly.

“Alright. Thanks for the night.”

“Of course. See you next time.” He nodded and you turned and left to Ingrid.

“Come on, let’s get you to the couch, you old thing.” You snickered as you helped her up. Leon remained fixated on you while you walked out of the bar, nearly carrying your best friend.

“I’m not old.” Ingrid went to defend herself in her drunken state. She would feel it in the morning; no use in arguing with her.

“I know, I’m just teasing.” A short little laugh left you as you made your way to your car. Helping her into the back seat you shut the door and went to the passenger seat. You opened your glove compartment and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

“Those are-.”

“I know you tell me everytime I grab them. One every now and again isn’t going to kill me.” You defended yourself, “Take a load off for a minute, I’ll be right back.” You grabbed a lighter before shutting the door. You packed the cigarettes as you hit them against the heel of your palm. You stepped into the light of a street lamp and pulled one out and stuck it between your lips, shielding the end with one hand and lighting it with the other.

As you took a drag you closed your eyes. You wanted to go home. You missed home.

“You shouldn’t smoke.”

You jumped as your eyes focused on the man behind the scolding, “You have got to stop doing that.” You scolded him as your hand found your heart. He laughed and you couldn’t help but to smile. A smile that reached your eyes.

“Sorry.” He apologized before and awkward silence filled the parking lot. His charm never faded and your beauty never compared. His nerves started to bounce around in his stomach as he bit his lip. What was his plan again? Where was he going with this? He just followed you into the parking lot like a creep; it wasn’t supposed to be creepy.

“Thank you for paying for our drinks, you didn’t have to.” You broke the silence and Leon’s downward spiral into uncertainty.

“It’s her birthday, it’s the least I could do.” He looked at you with loving eyes. Those blue oases that would always take you captive.

“She thanks you too. A whole lot, even though tomorrow morning she’ll be cursing your name instead of her own.” You laughed and Leon snickered. Despite the night time air he felt warm. You made him feel warm.

“I know she will. Can always count on her to hold a grudge.”

“Oh yeah.” You agreed, taking a drag of your cigarette. “Big time.” Exhaling the smoke you quirked a little smile.

That awkward silence landed again as you continued to smoke. This would probably be the last time you spoke face to face with Leon Kennedy and regardless of all the things you wanted to say you couldn’t bring yourself to utter a word.

“How’s Sydney?” Leon broke the unbearable silence.

“She’s good. She’s growing up nice and strong. Strong willed, for sure. She’s entering her pre-teens and you know how that goes. She’s going to be my karma, I just know it. Bill’s become her favorite lately and I can feel her starting to hate me.”

“She won’t be that bad.” Leon assured you. That little girl talked his ear off about tigers for that short period of time two years ago. He found it hard to believe that the little girl who named a tiger after you at the zoo would ever hate you. “She’ll never hate you. Don’t see how anyone could.”

You chuckled at this as you put out the cigarette, “I could name a couple.”

“I couldn’t. I won’t.” You returned his smile.

“How are you doing, Leon. Genuinely.” You hoped the concern in your tone reached him.

“I’m doing the best I can.” It was true. It seems as if Leon was cursed with a difficult life. Plagued with always being so close but so far away from the embrace of a good and easy life. He almost had it once. He shrugged, “You?”

“I’m doing the best I can.” You returned his half assed answer as you put out your cigarette. Sighing you bit your lip unsure, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Dragging me out of the water. Getting me to the hospital. Saving me, Leon. Thank you.” Regardless of how it came out- and regardless of how sometimes you wished he hadn’t- you meant it. He saved your life, he gave you the gift of a second chance.

“I’d do it again. In a heartbeat.” He meant it. In a heartbeat he’d save you over and over again. As many times as you needed saving.

You nodded, assuming this conversation was over as you moved closer to your car.

“Why didn’t you call?” He finally asked, trying to piece together the little plan he had before he came out here.

“I couldn’t.” You said as you refused to face him. Why couldn’t this be like before? Where you fought and never spoke again? Why was it more complicated now?

“Why?” His tone slightly broke as you turned to face him. A tinge of that rookie cop being heard.

“Because, Leon…I couldn’t trust myself. I needed to be there for Bill, for Sydney. I had to be a wife and a mother.” His jaw clenched in frustration. It hurt, but he understood. He knew you made the right decision, the decision he wanted you to make, but that didn’t make it any less hard.

“I understand.” It isn’t what he wanted to say, but he figured it was the best thing to say.

“If it’s any consolation I wanted too. I really wanted to.” It hurt to admit, but you did so naturally. “Also, from what I saw in there it’s for the best that I didn't.” A sad smile found your face and he knew exactly what you were referring to. “I’m happy for you, Leon. It’s about time the hero finds happiness.” You laughed as you bit the inside of your cheek, “Do you love her?” He hesitated as you tilted your head with furrowed brows, hoping he couldn’t see your glassy eyes.

“In a way.” It hurt to admit, but he did love that girl in the bar. She helped ease the pain. She helped fill the void you left. “She’s not you.” The nasty taste of guilt settled on his tongue as he admitted it. She deserved more than this, he knew that.

“I understand.” You did all too well. Bill wasn’t him. “Love takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. It always is.” Leon bit his lip as you began to think out loud, “Do you think we ever get it right? Do you think we ever work it out?” You couldn’t stop the tears anymore as you sniffed. You rub your eye as you try to gain some type of control over it.

“I hope so, god damn do I hope so.” He wants to reach for you. He wants to comfort you. He wants to tell you he loves you. He always has and always will. But he doesn’t. He keeps his distance, he remains feet away from you, he does what he thinks is best. He sniffs, “Trying not to love you is so damn difficult.”

A broken little laugh leaves you and he returns it. This wasn’t funny, but what else could you do? Neither of you wanted to cry anymore.

As your sad laughter ceased with a sad sigh he admitted, “I won’t ever stop.”

“I know.” You sniffed and nodded, “I know all too well.” Nothing between you and Leon was ever one sided. “I’ve gotta get her home.” You gestured to your car, knowing that if you didn’t start moving you’d end up in his arms.

“Yeah. You better.” He agreed as he backed away from you. Knowing that if he got any closer he would be done for.

“Bye, Leon.” As you climbed into the driver's seat, trying not to slam the door behind you. You rested your head against the steering wheel exhausted. Who knew getting a sense of closure could be so draining?

You bite your lip hard as you try to keep back sobs. The truth was true love doesn’t always work out. True love was incredibly painful and yet you wouldn’t exchange a single moment with Leon. You’d do anything for him.

“Bye, (Y/N).” Leon tried to shrug off the depression he felt as he shoved his fists into his jacket pockets.

He knew you were trying to make this easy. He knew that you meant well. He wanted more though. One last hug, one last kiss, one last ‘I love you’. He wouldn’t get it and he knew he shouldn’t ask for it. He wanted to go back, he wanted to run to that altar and apologize for being late. He wanted to make you his wife, he wanted to fall asleep and wake up next to you each morning, he wanted to parent Sydney right beside you.

You refused to break the heart of another you loved and he wasn’t going to blame you. Bill showed up and as much as he hated to admit it, he was right for you. He was a good man and he wouldn’t spare any expense when it came to your happiness. He was there and he could continue to provide for you. Most importantly he loved you, and that’s all Leon wanted for you. Someone who loved you and cherished you just as he had.

As he approached the door he turned and watched you drive away. Your voice rang in his ears as he replayed your confession from two years ago: ‘I still love you.’

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x y/n #resident evil #fanfiction #angst #writing romance #doomed romance #ingrid hunnigan #hayley writes a bit #Enjoy!

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