u are not immune to arm*nian tatiks
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me drawing intimacy
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the canvas size is 20x15 inches i’m going to die
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im so predictable w my unhinged husbands LMAO
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like i’m not working at my ‘’dream job’’ - it has nothing to do w pr, writing, art, etc etc but it’s soooo rewarding ;;
i know this is vague and provides like no real context to what i actually do, but a client kept thanking me for helping them out and making things easier and im a weak bitch ok
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yr “uwu i just want peace” wont stop azeris and turks from trying to commit another genocide against armenians, now, will it
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wweeeelllll
the amount of pent-up anger i have at my ignorant, r a c is t-ass t r u m p-supporting family members (who all hail from i r a n and i r a q btw) cannot be understated
it definitely trickles into this desire diasporans have w id’ing w and assimilating w yt people like... you will never sit at their table. t ru m p and his following will only tokenize you, at best. stop it. oh my god.
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it’s probably, like, misdirected anger. but one thing i’ll always resent l a w sc hool for was that it robbed me of so much more valuable time with boona during - what i didnt realize would be - his last couple years
i still miss him, man.
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my boss: here’s a research assignment i need by tomorrow dont spend too much time on it thanks
me, screaming internally: sure no problem
also me:
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i love my friends and will die for them but their obsession with facethyming and vidchat on z00m is the most exhausting thing
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lol a relative made a p cruel comment to me earlier this evening and it felt like such a, uhhh hehuaha, surgical cut, an airstrike, a real kick to the face, a button-mashin’ critical punch, instant-fatality sort of jab, and i usually try to roll w the punches but this one is gonna bother me for days and days
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..
it’s 2:30 am time to ramble : , )
i used to be so confident in my path, that i really struggled to relate with people who had trouble figuring out what they wanted to do. and i threw myself so aggressively into this vision of who my family expected me to be, i just thought that’s what i wanted to. because it was a respected, ‘practical’ career choice, and i was supposed to be the fix-it, the ‘murican dream realized.
2.5 years and a lot of debilitating suicidal ideation later i ate shit, and the trauma still follows me. i go to therapy often, i try to avoid talking about blawschool with old classmates, or avoid the scents (and even the fACe CrEaM) i’d wear as a student. i have recurring nightmares related to my experience, before and after leaving. i aggressively scroll past blawschool-related posts on social media, because i feel like such a colossal failure in dropping out 2019, because i told myself i can be anything but a quitter.
well,,, lmao
the q-tine isn’t helping. i haven’t had a lot of agency in my life, so this is just making me feel even more boxed in. i got a lot of time to dwell on things, and my mom randomly saying “see? you’re so smart, this is why you should be a l a w y e r” any time I do some mundane thing that impresses her is beyond ughghgh
idk. i was very artistically driven and passionate and creative in hi school. i was a depressed, angry little shit. but i still had some anchor that kept me grounded. i dont know what that is anymore and it’s a bummer that i lost pieces of myself along the way, like i missed who i was supposed to actually be without realizing any of it.
i’ve already discussed this shit ad nauseam w people close to me. the healing process has its ups and downs, so im gr8ful for their patience while i figure this garbage out.
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.
im sad about a lot of things rn but at least i got to play quiplash with some of my close friends from blawschool. i missed out on our last year, and there’s a lot of trauma i’m still processing with all of that, but i’m still gr8ful that we all still talk every day. i hope everyone gets to find that kind of lifetime friendship in others.
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it’s still really hard to shake off what happened w blawschool
my parents are still disappointed even if they try to hide it (they do a terrible job at that, too, and are wildly inconsistent with their support)
and then i have this voice in my head that’s just like “you were supposed to be somebody you were supposed to be somebody you WEre SuppOSed-”
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getchu a friend who hypes up yr ocxcanon content without hesitation
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