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aftgficrec · 10 months

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Do you have anything for settings outside of cannon?? Like au's or completely different universes

(Preferably neil centered but not exactly a necessity)

Ahhh there are many amazing AUs in our fandom, and of course a high percentage star Neil Josten. Generally, canon themes are still woven throughout the stories. Also check out AUs on our tags page where you can explore by theme. -A

a small sampling of AU themes:

single parent aus here

more band aus here

sitcom/romcom vibes here

long no exy aus here

new Hogwarts aus here

staff recs Mermay here

florist/tattoo artist andreil here

andreil enemies to lovers here

some Neil-centric AUs:

famous Neil (no exy) here

Neil as barista/waiter/bartender here

Neil with wings and lots of magic here

Oblivious ace-disaster Neil here

quirky Neil like ‘WUTBF’/‘Quicksand’ here

fics like ‘A Different Matter’ here

‘Neil’s Guide to Stalking Your Neighbor’ here

‘Dear Advice Guy’ here (complete)

‘The bittersweet between my teeth’ here

‘Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger’ here

‘Point Nemo’ here

‘still’ here

‘12 Ways to Woo a Minyard’ and ‘Deadly Affections’ here

Perennial by notyouranswer [Rated T, 11373 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil downloaded a dating app (at Matt's insistence) to make some friends, but accidentally rejected a stranger right in front of him. Mild chaos ensues leading to conversations over coffee and a walk in the park.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: bullying

Into The Deep by Fortheloveofexy [Rated E, 21435 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2023]

Neil Josten stares at the large building in front of him, his mouth twisted into a small frown. Yesterday, Browning had handed him a manila folder containing his new name, his new life. Included in that file had been a note, the same slightly crumpled note he’s holding in his hand now, with the name of his new employer. Foxhole Aquarium. Ask for David Wymack.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: animal abuse, tw: implied/referenced character death, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks

NB: fic art of merAndrew by @fortheloveofexy

Only Fools Fall. by Random2002 [Rated T, 19789 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2023]

Neil tests how faithful his clients partners are. Roland is a client; he's worried about his boyfriend. It isn't long until Neil notices some serious rifts in the relationship he is meant to test.

tw: child abuse

White Hands by doodlingstuff [Rated T, 23308 Words, Complete, May 2023]

Neil's life isn't exactly a life except for Stuart, trying to cheer him up, and his paintings, whenever he's inspired. Andrew's life isn't exactly a life except for his family and his volunteering work, keeping him afloat as the time goes by. When Andrew stumbles into Neil's life unwillingly, both will learn one day at a time that they still have reasons to fight and dreams to fulfill. --- Another take on Artist!Neil and Bartender!Andrew full of soft and fluff.

tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: heavily referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm

If Neil, Then Fox by AlrightDarlin (WhoopsOK) [Rated T, 12838 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]

Neil Josten’s machine warns him Aaron Minyard needs his help, but Neil isn’t prepared for the way Andrew Minyard is about to turn his life upside down.

tw: murder, tw: canonical character death, tw: implied character death, tw: drug use, tw: violence

Professor Neil series by HalfpintPeach [Rated G/T, Collection with 2 complete works, updated Feb 2023]

Part 1: Necessary Losses [T, 9783 Words, Complete, 2023] Neil's grad students invite their Exy-obsessed professor out to one of the most anticipated matches of the Exy Season, the Dallas Palms vs the Denver Yellowjackets. Neil is excited to join to watch his husband and one of his best friends battle it out on the Exy court.

Part 2: Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day [G, 3640 Words, Complete, 2022] Neil has one of the worst days and Andrew is able to make it a little bit better. Welcome to my Professor Neil and Professional Exy Player Andrew world!

I'll be a Brand New Day by especiallythezefronposter [Rated T, 15519 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil meets a man who looks a lot like his least favorite teammate, Aaron Minyard, and it ends up changing his life. (A Winter Soldier AU, because this fandom deserves a Winter Soldier AU)

tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: gun violence, tw: blood, tw: murder, tw: nightmares

Unlucky Lies by Winterlynne_Norvic [Not Rated, 26365 Words. Complete, 2019]

Neil hates being a demon. Andrew hates Neil. Their lives are hell, but maybe with each other it doesn't have to be.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: temporary major character death, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: demonic possession, tw: bullying, tw: assault, tw: attempted rape, tw: blood, tw: murder, tw: car accident, tw: canonical character death, tw: eating disorders

Neighbours series by transjorts [Collection, Rated T, Complete, 2021]

Part 1: Cat Burglar [6393 Words, AFTG Exchange Spring 2021] Neil has settled into his quiet life in Palmetto with a job at Barnes and Noble and a friend called Matt. But someone was breaking into his apartment and stealing his stuffed animals. What kind of fuckery is this?

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Part 2: Foxes and Fruitcake [12819 Words] Neil dives deep into Minyard-Hemmick family drama, plays exy and eats fruitcake.

tw: involuntary outing

You're different than the others by Kml19 [Rated M, 21024 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil works for the Moriyamas from inside the prisons as a guard, he doesn't think much about his own life, he is just glad that he is alive. That is until he meets a new prisoner that may change how he sees things.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: assault

NB: inspired by @requiemofkings’ artwork of prison guard Neil and inmate Andrew

Allurement by sundowne [Rated E, 20323 Words, Incomplete, Updated May 2023]

"You think I would use my allurement on you?" "You're not?" - A vampire AU in which Neil needs a new goalie and Andrew needs someone to feed from, so they strike a deal.

tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture

Remember! Proplifting is Shoplifting! by Mystrana [Rated T, 3697 Words, Complete, AFTG Summer Exchange 2022]

Neil works at the garden center. He hates his job. Andrew is an amateur gardener who enjoys tormenting garden center employees. Somehow, he makes Neil's job better.

If You Knew What I Know by interstellarflowers [Rated G, 12361 Words, Complete, 2021]

Neil runs a relationship advice column, and Andrew is a skeptic.

Whiskey Sour by maqicien [Not Rated, 6,870 Words, Complete, 2022]

In which Neil is a bartender and Andrew is the crime lord that owns the bar.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: assault, tw: blood/gore, tw: murder

jellyroot and many other causes of catastrophy series by jeanmorexu (papencuts), papencuts [Rated M, Collection with 2 complete works, AFTG Reverse Big Bang 2019]

Part 1: (a comprehensive guide to princes and knights and how not to acquire jellyroot) [10959 Words] Neil is a young prince of Palmetta. When he was just a boy, he was saved by a mysterious kid from a thug. Neil isn't sure who he is, or why he did what he did. That is, until he sees him again and this time, he's going to get some answers.

tw: homophobia, tw: assault

Part 2: united under kingdom, and unto each other [2099 Words]

“Can you imagine what this would do the crown? Backwater boxing matches, associating with drunkards, and criminals… These bruises, Andrew, gods… People are going to think I beat you.” “No one is going to think that. It’s almost assumed that you like me to beat you.”

NB: knight and prince art prompt by @requiemofkings

CVS by anxietycorner [Rated G, 38689 Words, Incomplete, Updated May 2023]

Neil had always worked the night shift alone. A co-worker couldn't hurt, right?

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: abuse, tw: child abuse, tw: torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: ptsd, tw: flashbacks, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: vomit, tw: alcohol, tw: bullying

Art

Dirtyhands Neil art by @prince-peachie

spiderman au art by @rainbowd00dles

tattoo artist!neil comic by @jordanshenessy here and here

the little siren au art by @allfortheslay25, wip 1, pre render

jellyfish Neil au comic by @emry-stars-art, also here

pirate Neil art by @heymrstargazer

winged Neil art by @mistykaru here, here, here, here and here

escaped single father Jean with baby Neil art by @estavs

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benicebefunny · 1 year

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The fic trope where Nathan Shelley repeatedly leaks info to the press is ridiculous for a lot of reasons: the inherent racism of turning Nathan into a mustache-twirling villain, how repetition lessens the impact of Nathan's canonical betrayal, the assumption that Nathan gives enough of a shit to even bother with a club he literally slammed the door and walked out on, etc.

Yet perhaps the most absurd thing about the trope is this: a man with debilitating social anxiety selecting "cold-calling strangers with a request" as his vengeful MO.

Nathan could be out there keying cars, slashing tires, buying out every jar of Ted's brand of peanut butter in the UK.

But fandom has Nathan--a man who downloaded a dating app and immediately deleted it--reaching out to strangers with a high-stakes ask.

(You might be thinking, "Nate could just text or email the reporters."

Look into Nathan's eyes and tell me he isn't flipping eternally through a mental catalogue of every typo he's ever made on email. Tell me he isn't haunted by an ICQ message he sent in 1999.)

He had to spit at his own reflection to contact Trent--someone he already met through "Trent Crimm, The Independent."

To contact all the reporters fanon has him buddying up to? There's not enough saliva in the world. Even with dry mouth lozenges and constant rehydration, supply could not meet demand. Lakes would dry up, soil would turn to ash.

It's just not realistic. Moreover, it's bad for the planet.

And like I said before, it undercuts the gravity of Nathan fighting his own anxiety to fuck over another person with anxiety. Leaking Ted's panic attack was a self-destructive act. Not only did it make the social climate worse for Nathan (a football coach with anxiety himself), but the actual process of contacting Trent required Nathan to do things that hurt (due to his own anxiety). It really underscores how much Nathan resents Ted and hates himself in that moment.

Having Nathan constantly run to the press cheapens that.

#ted lasso #nathan shelley #lacks the chutzpah required to take his iphone to the genius bar #he'd sooner starve than send back a dish #he's let ted call him by the wrong name for two years #this is not a man defined by social ease

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procyon-icarus · 2 years

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very personal below the cut cuz I figured out how to do that now

I've been really lonely lately. Not just in the "yeah it's season 3 of corona and I've hated this show since the first episode," "I'm immunocompromised," "I haven't seen my friends in years" sort of way. I'm 30 and I've been single for 10 years. I only have 2 prior experiences with relationships: one long and terrible and the other fine but short lived with no spark and a LOOOOOT of baggage that I hadn't gone through yet. I'm on the ace spectrum--Demisexual I guess if I were to call it anything--always have been. Used to be I was just like "whatever, not a priority" but now....

I wonder if I could date anybody. Ever. I want to. Lately I want to. But I think about my past abuse and feel like a broken toy that nobody wants. I know that what he did to me was wrong, it wasn't my fault, I didn't deserve it. I know all of that now. But knowing that doesn't change things. All it does is tell me why I don't like even people I know touching me and why I had a literal panic attack while just trying to grope my second boyfriend through his jeans. Knowing that I deserve better doesn't mean that the mythical "better" wants me.

I want to be okay with touch. I want someone to want me and actually like me for who I am instead of what they turn me into for their own selfish purposes. I want someone that's not gonna give up because I know my brain's gonna make it hard for them.

But then I think....give it up. It's not worth it. I'm just going to end up disappointed. I'll still be lonely. Nobody's gonna want me so why bother trying. I'm not good at talking to people. I can't meet up in person. I'm not interested in just hooking up. There's no point.

I downloaded a dating app. I don't think I'm even gonna bother making a profile. I'll just sit here in the dark looking at memes instead.

#tw abuse #personal post #ajcore

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lupinsfavslytherin · 22 days

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8-14-23 Dream Log

This story started out as a dream log, in the my own POV. But i wanted there to be a resolution to the story, so there is an addition POV from the officer's perspective. As you can see by the date, its from a while ago. I was in a dark place at this point in time. Not saying that I'm out of it. Just slowly climbing the walls I've put up. NGL, the second pov is a bit hectic but I hope yall like my writing.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Panic attack, Angst.

Y/N’s POV:

It was chilly outside tonight, so I waited in my family’s van. I was waiting for my date that would be accompanying me to dinner. He was a nice fellow. We chatted to each other through a dating app that my sister pressured me into downloading. We agreed to meet each other here at the restaurant . Once it had been an hour passed I knew he wasn’t coming. He was too good to be true. I had messaged him multiple times through the app, but no such luck. I sighed, putting my head down. Damnitt! I threw my phone to the passenger seat and put the van into reverse. Speeding out of the parking lot, I was thinking of what else I could do.

I went to the art museum where my cousin had some pieces being presented. Just as I arrived she had a box of her stuff and she was heading to her car. Apparently she was let go from the position and her boss placed someone else’s pieces up. She also scowled at me and flipped me off. I looked beyond her, and the rest o f my family had sour looks on their faces as well. I asked what was the matter, but no one said anything.

I didn’t know what to do, I didn't want anyone to see me cry. So I hurriedly backed out of my spot and tried turning out of the circle of parked cars. God damnit! Why was this parking lot so confusing? I tried turning the wheel once I saw the way to turn out of the lot. But it wouldn’t budge. The van kept going straight. I finally managed to turn a little bit, but not before scraping the corner of some incorporation’s van. Then I was lurched forward when my own hit the curb and onto the flowerbed between the different lots. Shit I was going to have to pay for all this stuff, wasn’t I? I tried backing out, but someone else's car followed behind me, and I hit them as well. Oh my God! Could this get any worse?? I floored it out to the next parking lot and parked my car. I could barely breathe, so I jumped out and ran towards the building.

Before I could get to the doors, I saw a canister of something being thrown towards me. It released a cloud of smoke and gas. Now I really started panicking and ran to the side, up to the garden on the roof. My head and heart were pounding. There were different steps, I had to go down to get to the lilac bushes. I stopped myself once I got there. I felt something wet on my hands, wiping my face. I had already started crying on the way. Damnit. I couldn’t stop myself from letting more tears fall. Holding onto the railings I curled myself over. I smelled the lilacs and it helped the tiniest bit. But the tears wouldn't stop. I heard footsteps and looked over. There was a scruffy man with a police vest on.

“No please! Stay away!” I cried out. I just wanted to be alone. I could barely see as another man stepped down behind him before I turned to shrink myself down into a ball. I was bawling now, unable to hear over my cries and the synched pounding rhythm my head matched to my heart. I was so tired of everything and everyone. I just wanted to be home.

Tom Hanson’s POV:

“She ‘s hysterical sir!” My officer mentioned. I looked over her trembling form.

“Go ahead and help the others with everyone else’s statement. I got her.” I told my colleague. He wavered his eyes back and forth between me and the girl, unsure. “Don’t worry I’ll be fine. She’s only scared.” That motivated him to listen, so I turned my eyes back to the girl, as he went back down to the scene.

“Please. Please. Please. I just want to go home.” She sobbed out, before gulping for air. She was having a panic attack. Upon seeing her state, Tom’s hardened police exterior softened, empathetic and concerned. "Miss, my name’s Lieutenant Tom Hanson, but you can call me Tom." Tom softly spoke, stepping closer, his voice a mixture of authority and concern. Y/N’s breathing fastened, her glance darted around, and her palms grew clammy. Experiencing her first major panic attack, she felt the world slipping away. Tom recognized what was happening immediately. Years of police work did more than harden him; they made him sensitive to the human struggles he encountered daily. It wasn't a thick skin he wore, but one permeable to compassion.

Taking on the role of a protector and guide, he started speaking comfortingly to Y/N, "You're safe here, Miss. I need you to do something for me. Can you do that?" Still gasping for breath, she nodded slightly, the undulating sea of fear in her eyes indicating her distress. "I need you to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Can you do that for me?” There on the cold, glowing rooftop, a beacon of warmth was emerging. Its source wasn't coming from the towering lamps of the museum, but the shared humanity nestled between a distressed suspect and a caring officer. Y/N closed her eyes and was guided through deep breaths. Her trembling started to slow. Gradually, the intensity of her panic attack began to subside. Tom’s soothing voice was a steady rhythm in the discordant symphony of her chaotic mind. And there it was, the bridge - a simple human connection amid the complexity of law. Once Y/N was stable, Tom led her gently to a bench and got her a bottle of water. He even convinced the precinct to let him personally handle her case, given her mental state. "Thank you, Tom," Y/N's voice was thankfully softer, filled with gratitude and a newfound strength. Tom simply smiled back, reaffirming that beneath the coat of justice, sometimes what was needed was a human touch. His simple act of empathy reshaped that bleak evening into a story of compassion and kindness. So, there in the City Museum’s garden, a concerned officer transcended his blue uniform to offer a shield - not just of law and order, but of empathy and understanding. His act was not monumental, but for Y/N, it was life-altering. And sometimes, that's all that mattered.

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cherieye · 2 years

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I tried to download a dating app yesterday

And I got 1 match that wanted to speak to me and I had a panic attack and deleted my account and the app right then and there...I can't do these things

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thismomentwillpass · 2 years

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Her name would have been Aspyn.

I’ve never openly talked about this to anyone. It’s not because I’ve been afraid, it’s just been really hard.

I don’t regret my decision at all, I know I made the right choice to have an abortion. But right now with the current political climate - it’s like the wounds are all fresh again, and it hurts.

March 6th of 2020 I got hit by a drunk/drugged driver. I hit my head pretty hard against the visor I had down while I was driving home from my mom’s house. We’d had a huge argument, and I set a boundary in the middle of a panic attack, and I took off. I still had a hangover from the night before. It was the first time I’d been out drinking where I didn’t automatically assume the designated driver role. I’d never been out with the intention of getting drunk.

The first thing I did after the collision was call my mom, then my roommate, then the police. Everyone showed up at around the same time, and then an ambulance showed up at the same time as the tow truck.

In the hospital, I was taken back with my at the time boyfriend and my roommate, and my mom - who’d called our cousin to drive her there because she’d had some wine and didn’t want to drive - were both in the waiting room. I was still mad at whatever argument we’d had earlier in the day, but I did want to see her. By the time the doctor came back from the tests that had been run, they told me that I had whiplash, but nothing else serious, thankfully. The doctor then asked my roommate and my boyfriend to leave, because she needed to talk to me in private. My heart sank. I’d asked my roommate and my boyfriend to get my mom, and between the time it took them to come back and tell me my mom had left, the doctor told me I was pregnant, just a few weeks along. I remember being so scared - I didn’t even realize I’d started sobbing. My roommate and boyfriend came back in to me sobbing, telling me my mom and cousin left, and I told them. Boyfriend looked as scared as I had, and Roommate looked shocked. Boyfriend said we’d do what we could, and whatever my decision was he would support me. I was only 24.

By the time I was released from the hospital, we’d been making cheap-shot abortion jokes about it, because the general consensus was that I didn’t want kids. I couldn’t afford them - I could barely afford my rent - I couldn’t mentally, physically, or emotionally handle a child.

I made the decision to go into work the next day - I didn’t have enough PTO banked to take a day off, and I really didn’t want to take a point. I was still incredibly emotionally fucked up, and I ended up telling people what had happened, and that I was pregnant. Of course, everyone started asking if - and some people assuming that - I was going to keep it.

That week, our city went into shutdown, and everyone in my company was sent to work from home. During that week, I’d been thinking about my situation as a whole. It occurred to me that 6 years prior, I’d dated Boyfriend before. He was my first real relationship, and the first person I’d ever really fallen in love with. He cheated on me, we broke up, and then a week or so later I ended up miscarrying. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until the doctor at the Planned Parenthood clinic my friend’s mom took me to let me know what had happened. I thought my uterus had prolapsed.

I miscarried a child he helped create 6 years prior, and now I was pregnant again, and this kid survives the stress of a car accident. I’d downloaded one of those baby tracker apps, and with all the data I’d been given from the hospital, not only was this baby conceived on Valentine’s day, but the projected date of birth would have been on November 21, 2020. November 21 is my birthday.

It all felt so- planned. So perfect. I started to want the kid- I started to think of names.

Boyfriend and I settled on Aspyn Nova Raine (My last name) for a girl. Boy names were an afterthought, but if it was a boy, we’d name him Asher William (My last name).

The morning sickness was fucking awful. I couldn’t keep water down, let alone food. The hormones were even fucking worse. I couldn’t stop crying over literally everything, and getting mad over nothing. I felt fucking miserable.

We’d started talking about parenting, and how we wanted to raise a kid together if ever we broke up - which I think we both felt coming. I’d let him know I wanted to make sure my kid had a good sense of fiscal responsibility, and incentive to take care of themselves and their surroundings - because these were things I was not raised with, and to be frank they fucked me up. I showed Boyfriend a picture of one of those like Pinterest ideas where you give your kids monopoly money for doing chores and homework, and then they can spend that money at the shelves full of snacks or tokens for TV/computer time. I thought this was a great tool to use for young kids.

It started a HUGE argument, and it was in that moment that I knew I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t in good conscious bring a child into this world knowing that a - her parents would not be together, and would be fighting, but b - that he would undermine my parenting skills and make me out to be the bad guy.

I went to my mom’s house and told her about the change of mind. She helped me schedule an appointment, and we went. Boyfriend didn’t come with, or offer to pay at all. My mom covered it - and I am so fucking thankful I was privileged enough to be able to have her do that for me.

The next day, I had to go in and finally pick up the rental car from the dealership. Boyfriend and I drove that truck all over town to try and get my mind off the fact that I was in the middle of an abortion.

It wasn’t until we got home that I realized that it was Mother’s Day.

I want to be very clear, I do NOT regret it. But Mother’s Day is hard for me, because there was a moment that I wanted that baby. I wanted to be Aspyn’s mom.

I know she’ll come back when the time is right, the time just isn’t right right now. But sometimes those wounds come back up to the surface and they fucking suck.

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utlarmgsuna · 5 years

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Hhhhh too nervous to get a dating app cause I’m trans and also too nervous to just meet people I find attractive cause I’m trans

Is this the privilege cis say I have?? Being too scared to love because something I can’t control????

#i went to go download tinder but i had a panic attack cause i began to overthink about it #i then looked specifically for queer dating apps and freaked out even more #so now im lonely and unable to do anything about it

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mosswillow · 3 years

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Books (Dark!Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

Summary: You meet the most beautiful girl. She’s everything you’ve always dreamt of. Red flags? What red flags?

Warnings: 18+ Adult content, Noncon/dubcon, smut, oral, yandere.

Word count: 1.5k sorry it’s shorter.

AN: This is part of my Dark! Avengers collections that you can find here. Any of them can be read alone but if you want to read all of them I suggest doing it in order.

Growing up your parents had a large bookshelf filled with all sorts of different books. You used to sneak out to the shelf and steal a book to read, hiding under your blanket with a flashlight until the early morning. It felt like there was always another book hidden away behind other books on the shelf. You would search and find the book, taking it back to your little spot and consuming it like candy.

You’ve always felt similar to a hidden book, collecting dust in the very back of a bookstore somewhere. Maybe someone will find you and carry you away. Maybe they’ll give you love and attention, putting you at the front of their bookshelf and showing you off to friends. You want so badly for someone to find you that you don’t consider that not everyone takes care of books the way you do.

---

She walks into your shop on a Thursday afternoon, sauntering in like she owns the place. Your eyes meet and she walks over to you, handing you a piece of paper.

“I’m looking for this book?”

You read the paper and lead her to a cabinet in the back full of first editions. You unlock the cabinet and pull out the one she wants, bringing it to the register and ringing it up.

“Will that be all?” you ask.

“Maybe I could get your number too.” Your mouth drops open.

“Um, yeah.” you smile, writing down your number on the receipt.

“I’ll see you later Y/N.”

You wave and smile having a mini panic attack when she leaves. How did she know you’re gay? How did she know your name? You look over to a mirror noticing your rainbow covered nametag. Ok, yeah you can definitely see how she was able to tell.

She texts you within the hour.

‘Hey, this is natasha.’

‘Hi! I’m glad you texted, it was so nice meeting you.’

You watch the dots appear and disappear several times before Natasha texts again.

‘I thought we could see a movie or something? A date?’

You let out a squeal which turns several heads in the quiet book shop.

“Sorry.” you smile.

‘I’d love that.’

---

You try on at least six different outfits, attempting to find the perfect one for your date. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror you feel ugly and unworthy of Natasha. She’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. You think about the slight wave of her red hair, the way her lips curve into a soft smile, how her hips sway elegantly as she walks around. You settle on a simple green dress and a pair of flats and take one last agonizing look at yourself in the mirror before leaving.

Natasha’s face lights up when she sees you. She walks over and puts her hand on your waist, moving her thumb up and down. Your heart flutters and you put your hands in your pockets, looking and down and smiling.

“You look beautiful.”

She slides her hand down, meeting your hand in your pocket and pulling it out.

“Your dress has pockets.” She smiles.

You laugh and nod, clutching onto her hand and walking in with her to the theater. Nothing that happens in the movie even registers. You’re so nervous and excited. Natasha holds your hand, squeezing it slightly during funny or sad parts of the movie. She leans in whispering little things several times, giving you goosebumps.

“We could go back to my place if you want,” She asks after the movie.

“I’d like that.”

Natasha leads you to Stark tower and you stop outside, looking between her and the tower while it clicks. How did you miss this? They're literally everywhere, on tv and the internet. You’ve even gotten advertisements at your house featuring their faces.

“You’re...”

“...An avenger.” Natasha finishes.

You almost back away and leave but instead take a steading breath and follow her in. You ride an elevator up to where Natasha lives, walking past several whistling Avengers and some women you vaguely recognize from gossip websites.

Natasha sits on her bed and you follow her. She takes your face in her hand and leans in for a kiss. You kiss her back, turning your body toward her and before you know what’s happening you’re on top of her, pulling off her shirt. This isn’t you, you don’t move this fast with people. You spend months just getting yourself psyched up to talk to someone. She pushes you off and unclasps her bra while you sit in awe. Natasha raises her eyebrow and you quickly get to work on your clothes depositing them on the floor. Natasha leans forward and kisses you again and you reach out feeling her breasts. She pushes you down and gets between your legs, smiling at you before bringing her face to your pussy. You come almost instantly, moving your hips against her mouth before relaxing. She climbs up and kisses you, pushing her tongue into your mouth and grinding against you.

“You like that baby?”

You nod and kiss her cheek before sliding down her body, leaving a trail of gentle kisses.

“I want you now.”

---

Natasha is the best thing to ever happen to you. You become a new person, your life starts revolving around her. You slowly pull away from friends and family, deciding to spend time with Natasha instead. finally your best friend calls you up.

“I just feel like you’re too caught up in her, it’s been a few weeks and you’ve already pushed away everyone you love.” She says

“I’m happy.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t, I just don’t want to see you lose everyone in your life. What’s happening is a huge red flag.”

You hang up and delete your friend's number. Natasha said your friends would do this, that they would try to say you’re moving too fast. You’re not though, what you have with Natasha is different, love doesn’t have a timeline.

It all happens so quickly. You’re sitting at breakfast with Natasha and then you’re standing in front of your business and home, watching it burn to the ground.

“It’s ok baby, I’ll take care of you,” Natasha tells you as you cry in her arms.

You move into Natashas room that day. She goes out and buys you everything you need, setting you up with a cup of tea and a warm blanket. You spend all your time with natasha. She takes you all over on dates, showering you with gifts and kisses. You slowly forget you even owned a bookshop or had a life outside of her.

That is until you walk past Tony’s room one day and hear them.

“I thought I told you not to leave this room,” Tony says.

“Please Tony, I just wanted a snack.” the quiet voice replies.

“And I want a girl who follows my orders. I think you need another lesson in who’s in charge here.”

You cover your mouth and listen to the sound of Tony’s hand strike his girl before running back to Natashas room. You grab your phone to call the friends you’ve been neglecting but notice that every time you try to call or text it won’t work. You check your settings and google it before finding an app you don’t remember downloading. It’s password protected and your heart drops realizing what it is.

“Did you put parental controls on my phone?” you ask natasha when she gets back to her room.

Natasha doesn’t say anything.

“I heard Tony and his girl earlier. He’s abusing her, we need to do something about it.”

“It’s not our place to come in between Tony and his girl, he knows best for her just like I know what’s best for you. I didn’t want you seeing what your friends were texting you.”

Suddenly, you realize every little thing Natasha has done to isolate you. You’ve ignored so much, so enchanted by her attention that you didn’t see all the little things. It’s not something you can ignore any longer. You stand up and walk to your dresser, pulling out clothing.

“We’re done. I’m getting a hotel”

Natasha closes and locks the door.

“Baby, you’re not going anywhere.”

---

It takes weeks for you to fully understand just how far Natasha was able to pull you from your life, how she cornered you and forced you to be hers. She found you at the back of a bookstore collecting dust, picked you up, and brought you back to her personal library. You were so happy someone was reading you that you didn’t realize how she was dog-earing your pages and writing in your margins. She cracked your spine, spilled coffee on you and wrote her name on your cover, and you enjoyed every bit of it.

Now you sit on her bed realizing that this is the end, it’s been the end for a long time. You belong to her now and nobody else will ever get the chance to read you.

#dark!natasha x reader #dark!natasha romanoff #dark!natasha x you

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strawberryaziraphale · 4 years

Text

reddie + just two dudes chatting on grindr

Rolling his shoulders, Eddie glanced at the clock at the bottom of his monitor. He hated working from home. There were so many distractions, he was always tempted. Especially since his roommate, Richie, was home most of the time, writing his latest tour. Right now, though, he was lounging on the sofa behind Eddie, typing away on his phone. Eddie didn’t find this nearly as annoying as he should have. He was momentarily sidetracked by the new Grindr message popping up on his phone. He quickly snatched it away, discreetly opening bigdickrick76’s message.

bigdickrick76: hey, what are you doing?

Eddie sighed, glancing at Richie. He was still engrossed in whatever it was he was doing. He looked back at his phone, wondering what to type back. he’d only really downloaded the app out of curiosity. bigdickrick76 was the first man he’d met on their and the two had hit it off. They’d exchanged flirty texts and photos (nothing with their faces, that was too weird for Eddie). The only things Eddie knew about the other man was his shoulders were nice and broad, his username was accurate, he was funny, the same age and lived really close by. Both had agreed they weren’t looking for anything too serious, just a way to blow off steam. They were yet to meet in person but Eddie had a feeling that wasn’t about to last much longer.

no_dice76: working. but I’m thinking about you

He heard Richie chuckle behind him and he quickly remembered he wasn’t alone. Eddie tried to ignore, pretending to be focusing on his work whilst waiting for his Grindr reply. A few minutes later, it came.

bigdickrick76: so I guess I can cum over tonite?

Eddie’s heart was beating as he typed as casual a reply as he could.

no_dice76: yeah I’ll make sure my roommate is out

A moment later, Richie let out a triumphant shout and left the room, a spring in his step. Eddie rolled his eyes and returned to his work, refusing to let his mind wander as he tried to get through the last few hours of his day. He decided to wait until dinner to ask Richie to go catch a movie or hang out with Patty and Stan for the evening.

It was Richie’s turn to cook which Eddie loved. Richie was a really good cook. They settled down in front of reruns of Jeopardy and ate, chatting about their respective work days. Eddie had prepared to ask Richie to let him have the flat for the night over dessert but Richie beat him to it.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he slapped his forehead comically, twisting in his seat to look at Eddie properly, “can we take a rain check on our Indiana Jones night, dude? I gotta date.”

“Uh, yeah sure,” Eddie nodded, unsure if he was feeling relieved or annoyed. On the one hand, he wanted Richie to leave because he was getting laid. On the other, he wanted to bite anyone who so much as went near Richie.

Richie grinned at him, shooting him finger guns as he leapt to his feet, heading towards his room to get ready for his date. Eddie stared after him for a moment, wishing it was him that he was getting ready for. He watched as Richie dashed about getting ready, preening himself in front of the mirror and emptying an almost entire can of body spray on himself. Eddie discreetly glanced at his watch, biting his lip nervously; it was fast approaching the time he’d told his Grindr hookup to arrive. Thankfully, Richie gave his hair one last ruffle before he was heading for the door.

“Wish me luck, Eds.”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie smiled, “you don’t need luck, Rich.”

After a final wink, he was gone. Eddie immediately got to his feet and rummaged through the bathroom drawers. Just as he had suspected, Richie had taken the last of the condom and lube supplies. He muttered a curse word under his breath, quickly grabbing his phone and texting bigdickrick76.

no_dice76: hey, can you bring shit with you, my asshole roommate took it all

bigdickrick76: well shit he’s getting lucky too huh? don’t worry, I got you covered pal. what's the address?

Rolling his eyes at the ‘pal’, but relieved at his hookup’s forward thinking, Eddie replied with his address. And he waited. Casually. He sat on the couch. He reclined on the couch. He leaned against the kitchen counter, the wall, the door. And then he had a small panic attack. He was really doing this with a complete stranger. He was going to be murdered. He should really tell someone what he was doing. Before he could talk himself out of it completely, there was a knock at the door that sent Eddie jumping into the air. He took several deep breaths, pulling down his shirt. As he opened the door, he was momentarily stunned to see Richie standing there, most likely having forgotten his keys.

But before Eddie could ask him, he blurted out, “I can’t believe you have a fucking ‘no dice’ tattoo!”

And then it dawned on Eddie. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped comically. Once he was over his initial shock, he folded his arms defensively, gesturing wildly in Richie’s direction, “yeah, well, you- I never thought that all those dick jokes were true.”

“So now what?” Richie was blushing. He was quite cute when he blushed. He shuffled inside the flat, looking anywhere but at Eddie. He shifted on his feet, shoving his hands inside his jacket, “I mean, I’m sure there are lots of guys who have seen their friends’ dicks and are super chill about it,” he was freaking out now but Eddie just wanted to laugh, “we can be those guys, right?”

“Yeah, we could,” Eddie agreed, leaning against the closed door, “or we could stop being dumbasses and just have sex?”

Slowly, as he looked Eddie up and down, Richie nodded, a smile forming at his lips, “hell yeah, that’s way better than my idea.”

#peak stupidity. I know the grindr names are rubbish #richie x eddie #reddie #eddie x richie #reddie fanfic #my writing

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dancing-the-hellfire-rumba · 4 years

Text

Seen ✓ - 1

REWRITE OF “Can You See The Stars”

Pairing: Sam x Fem!Reader Warnings: fear of being kidnapped Word Count: 2.4k Series Summary: On her way home, Y/n finds an abandoned, cracked phone on the sidewalk. Anxious about the well-being of its owner, she picks it up and texts the first contact she finds; Sam. A/N:This is my second attempt at the story everyone loved, with an actual pllot in mind this time. So, attempt number two, better writing, better story. Have at it kids.

I have tagged the old taglist for this first part. Let me know if you wanna be removed/ added

Beta: The lovely @percywinchester27 . Thank you so so much hon :) Masterlist

Chapter One: you sure know how to fuck me up on a friday night

Y/n | Sam

The road to independence is uphill, and Y/n knows this better than anyone. She’s done it all. She’s gone through jobs at a similar speed with which she goes through books, worked two or more of them, while also studying for college… She knows how it works, and it’s really fucking difficult to balance emotional baggage the size of a city, an underage sister and college, while also trying to keep, not only yourself, but another person, alive, under a safe roof with food in your stomachs.

Currently, she’s only working one job, at a dive bar owned by a friend of a friend as a waitress.

It’s a difficult job, and Y/n has struggled with it, but the hardest part is not the endless knowledge one needs to mix drinks –on the nights Joel takes time off and she has to take his spot behind the bar- or the carrying up to twenty pounds of glasses and drinks and delivering them at the right table without soaking herself or anyone else with copious amounts of alcohol. Any minimum wage worker will tell you the same thing- clients of any kind fucking suck. Especially if you’re a young woman at a dive bar after midnight.

Another thing she’s struggled with is not having too much money, which is why she’s needed multiple jobs in the past, so she has to use public transport- buses specifically, to go to and from work. And that is exactly where she finds herself, a couple hours after midnight, at her bus stop, five minutes from the bar, when she finds a phone which, unbeknownst to her, will flip her world upside down.

It sits on the pavement of the bus stop, limp and sad. The screen is cracked a significant amount, and for a second she figures someone got rid of it and was too much of an asshole to throw it in the trash. But the second that thought crosses her mind, the screen lights up with a concerning text.

dude where the fuck are you?!

The contact reads “Sam”, and Y/n stands over the phone staring at it. She’s concerned. What if the phone’s owner is in trouble? The device may have fallen from their pocket on the pavement and cracked because they were running from someone and never made it home, and now whoever is texting them is worried for their well-being. Anxiety grips her heart.

It’s instinct that brings her to kneel down and pick it up. She can’t possibly know when the owner lost it, or how long the phone has been sitting there, but there’s an overwhelming urge to contact this Sam person and let them know what’s going on. Of course, the voice in Y/n’s head tells her that this all could just be a product of her anxiety, but it beats leaving it there and having it be stolen by a passerby.

Whatever, right? Best case scenario, she contacts the owner, who is perfectly safe and sound, and they take their phone back. She’s not really planning to pocket it. It’s fairly damaged anyways. Her own three year old, beat-up, 100$ phone is in better condition.

The bus arrives, and Y/n picks up the phone and boards it.

As she sits in her usual seat in the back, alone in the bus apart from an elderly man asleep with his head on a window and a cap on his head near the front, she starts speculating, eyes glued to the black device in her hands. Who’s the owner? Who is Sam to them? Perhaps a partner? A friend? How did the owner lose their phone? Why would this Sam sound so concerned, and most importantly, is the owner okay?

The heavy weight of dread weighs her chest at the thought of the phone’s owner being in trouble and without a phone. She must contact Sam immediately.

Hey, is this Sam?

As she awaits for a response, her curiosity is killing her. The intrigued part of her, reasons that she should snoop, it’s alright, she’s only looking for more information about the owner. Like whether or not they’re a woman or a man- which, sadly, matters when you’re walking alone in dark streets like the ones around this area- and perhaps their age –because, again, it matters if they are a teenager or a forty-year old adult.

The lack of passcode indicates someone older, with nothing to hide, or perhaps someone less technologically savvy, again, someone who may not be very young. The lockscreen is the most popular Led Zeppelin icon, and she instantly respects their music taste, and the home screen is some generic western movie from the 90s with Clint Eastwood. The chances of this belonging to someone younger further decline.

There’s a grand total of four downloaded apps in the phone. There’s an email app, a scrabble app, a microphone recorder and a dating app, no other sign of social media. Someone over 18 years old, definitely.

Soon, she’s tapping on the dating app, and opening their profile page. Holy shit, she thinks.

A guy, the tall, dark and handsome kind. Spiky hair and a smolder-like smile, sharp edges everywhere on his face apart from his gentle, olive-shaped and colored eyes. His lips are full, his nose straight, and his eyelashes long, dark and thick. He’s a real-life dreamboat, the kind you see in movies and Cosmopolitan articles about sex. He’s sitting on a black muscle car, a Chevrolet, with his thick thighs barely contained in blue jeans.

Dean Winchester, the app writes. 28. Male. Likes: old cars, beer, hard rock, westerns, she figured that much, bacon burgers. Dislikes: pop music, modern horror movies, uncomfortable beds. Not looking for anything serious, just a night of fun ;), and wow, okay, he sounds a bit like a dick. The very Red-blooded American Male kind, that enjoys BBQs and winking at women from across the bar. She’s had enough of those during her line of work; she can recognize them from a mile away.

Whatever the case, her moral compass couldn’t allow her to pass up on the opportunity to possibly help someone in trouble. She ignores her urge to roll her eyes, and scrolls a little, finding other pictures of the same guy, when suddenly two separate notifications appear, the phone itself vibrating. One is from the app, which has now received a picture from this girl, Jamie, one which she certainly doesn’t plan on opening, seeing as it’s followed by a winky face. The second one is from Sam.

jesus dean how drunk are you

yes it’s sam. your brother? remember?

No, this isn’t Dean, uh.

My name is Y/n. Your brother lost his phone at a bus stop, near a bar.

i should’ve figured. dean rarely ever uses punctuation.

nice to meet you i guess

Nice to meet you, too.

So basically, uhm, I thought you might help me return his phone to him? I got worried, because this was dumped on the sidewalk, I thought he may be in trouble or something.

knowing him he probably dropped it while being too shitfaced to function.

gotta admit i’m impressed though. most people would’ve pocketed it by now.

I mean, it’s not much use to me with such a cracked screen haha.

yeah i guess.

i don’t know about getting it back to him though. i’m in kansas right now so i’m not close by. i don’t think i can help you.

he doesn’t use social media either.

Crap.

What the hell am I supposed to do with this phone then?

keep it probably.

You sure there’s no other way I can reach him?

i mean i can give you his email but i’m not sure he’ll respond.

I’ll take it. Thank you :)

no problem :)

As she looks up the bus stops, and she quickly realizes this is her stop. Throwing profanities loudly enough to wake the older man at the front of the bus, she scrambles for her things, haphazardly thrown in the seat next to her, and gets off the bus. She pats herself down, making sure she hasn’t forgotten anything as the doors of the bus shut, and starts down the road to her apartment complex.

She could probably navigate this road blind. There are many ways to reach the apartment she’s renting from the bus stop, but her favorite goes through the park. It’s a large area, full of big trees with thick foliage and leaves that brown in the fall. The paths are paved and winded, and the park benches are stained with dark wood stain and curve comfortably. She enjoys coming here in evenings she has off, watching the sun descend behind the top of the trees with a good book.

The air smells like oncoming rain now, and with headphones deep in her ears, she walks taking deep breaths and enjoying the clear atmosphere that seems so unlike the roads that surround the park. As soon as she spots the first raindrop falling from the sky, she pulls her hood over her head and smiles.

It’s minutes later, when single drops have picked up to a drizzle, that she gets a sinking feeling, her hair standing up on edge at the back of her neck, shoulders knotting closer to her ears. Someone is close to her.

With the wire pinched between her thumb and index, she pulls one earbud off and pays attention to the surrounding sounds. Sure enough there’s a second pair of footsteps behind her.

Fuck, if she gets kidnapped or attacked right now, she’s fucked. There are no witnesses, and at this time of night screaming for help would be futile. She checks her bag, but her paper spray is nowhere to be found.

Yeah. Definitely fucked.

Her hands go deep in her pockets, going for her phone, but as she hears the footsteps behind her picking up speed along with hers, she panics and grabs Dean’s instead. She doesn’t look for her own, there’s no time for that, so she does the first thing she thinks of.

She texts Sam.

I think I’m being followed.

what?

Yeah

wait what’s going on? are you okay? who’s following you?

I’m walking home from work. I can’t see who it is, but they’re definitely on my tail.

how are you even typing right now??

is there any buildings around? somewhere public to get in?

It’s 3 am. Everything is shut and I’m in the middle of a fucking park, Sam.

Fuck, I’m fucked.

what are you doing at 3 am in the middle of a fucking park then?!

A hand falls on her shoulder and she goes to scream, before she’s quickly spun around. Her free hand is curled in a fist, ready to fall on the attacker’s nose, when they speak.

“Y/n! I thought it was you!”

“Connor?!” She squints and pushes her hair away from her forehead, heart just about ready to fail out of the fright she’s gotten. “Fuck’s sake, dude, what the fuck are you doing sneaking up on me in the middle of the night like this?!” Rain still falls on her, grounding her to the present, the fact she won’t have to fight for her life and corporeal integrity sinking in slowly.

Her neighbor smiles a crooked smile, watching her place a hand over her heart and taking a deep breath. His fluffy blonde hair is damp under the light rain, light green eyes glowing under the street lights. She’s so angry at him right now, she legitimately thought she was gonna die for a second there.

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” he says, dropping his hand from her shoulder. “I didn’t think to call out to you.” A shrug.

“It’s okay,” it’s really not, but there’s no point in staying angry at him. Besides, she figures she’ll be a little safer with him walking next to her all the way back to their apartment complex.

On the way back, they catch up. Connor is back in town after a long week and a half at his sister’s wedding. He’s in a brand new relationship with the guy he’s been pining over for like 9 months now, and he got a job at the bookstore, close to their building, he’s starting next week. He was out for a drink, he offers as an explanation, and was returning home, when he bumped into her. The park is also his favorite route to take.

The key dangles from her hands and finds a home in the lock and twists, while Y/n waves at her neighbor.

“Have a good night, Connor.”

“You too, Y/n.” It’s delivered with a wink and a bright smile.

The motions of dropping her bag by the kitchen counter, dumping the keys in the small bowl and hanging her coat on the hanger are delivered on autopilot in quick succession. Shoes toed off, hair pulled out of her lazy bun, she falls unceremoniously on her thrifted couch, feet suspended on the hand rest. Emmy must be asleep, the only lights on in the house are the fairy lights over the couch, setting a soft glow over the furniture. Y/n sighs. What a day.

Seconds before she falls asleep on the couch, a phone vibrates and it’s definitely not her own. Her eyes snap wide open, and she curses, fumbling with Dean’s device.

The messages are seven, and they all share the same panicked tone. Upon reading them, Y/n facepalms and curses, guilt weighing her down. Poor guy.

y/n?

what’s going on?

are you okay?

y/n

what the hell is going on.

you’re not replying.

please text me if you’re safe.

My God, Sam, I’m so sorry.

It was a neighbor/friend, he sneaked up on me.

you sure know how to fuck me up on a friday night.

I’m genuinely so sorry, Sam, I had no idea it was him.

it’s okay

you were scared.

i am starting to question your choice in friends though.

Y/n grins for the first time that day. It’s wide and full. Sam sounds like a guy she’d hang out with.

Hahahah yeah.

I promise, Connor’s odd, but he means well.

well i have to go

but i’m glad you’re safe

Again, I’m really sorry to make you go through that.

it’s fine really.

Thank you.

Goodnight :)

Night :)

---

Part 2

A/N 2: Tell me how you’re liking the rewrite!

Old Can You See The Stars taglist: @shutupiminlooove @sammysgirl1997 @kymberlytorres @bambi95-blog @demonic-meatball @thekarliwinchester @littlekay15 @li-m-ii @thinspo-isuppose @carryonmywaywarddemigodwitch @ellen-reincarnated1967 @moonlitskinwalker @marichromatic @illuminatus42 @lazy-author @mirandaaustin93 @hauntedsiriel @pilaxia @devilgirlsarah @nobodys-baby-now @captiveties @calamitychaos @midiocris @wordswillscream

Sam taglist @kymberlytorres @theboykingsam @depressed-moose-78 @andi-mendes-barnes @captainmarvelcorps @nerd-in-a-galaxy-far-away @nellachain

#sam winchesterx reader #sam x fem!reader #sam winchester x fem!reader #spn fanfiction #supernatural #spn fanfic #sam x reader

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borathae · 4 years

Note

Hey... about the drabbles? Could you do one where you're supposed to have a first date with one of them but either you or he gets in a minor accident but has to stay at the hospital overnight and the other person is extremely hurt and therefore angry bc their (hard to get) trust was "used to hurt them" but then they find out and it's fluffy? And could you maybe do it with yoongi bc atm I'm so soft for him like 🥺 Thank you, love your work❤ ~procrastinating anon

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: low self-esteem, self-hatred, heartbreak, descriptions of minor injuries nothing major I promise, so much pain and sadness; but I promise the ending is fluffy and healing

Wordcount: 2k (I’m so bAD AT KEEPING THINGS SHORT jsjsjs)

a/n: I apologize for the total angst fest in the beginning jsjsjsj. This was not how I actually planned it, but I let my feelings flow free soooo I’m sorry? 🤧😂 also lisTEN I relate so muCH I’m so goddamn soft for Yoongi lately, this man owns my heart 🥺😭 I hope you enjoy this cute little drabble and I love youuu! 💜

Today you were supposed to have your first date with a cute guy, who you had been chatting with for quite some time now. Two months and six days to be exact. Min Yoongi was his name. Min Yoongi was currently working as a music producer, he was the proud father of a brown toy poodle named Holly and had a soft spot for holding hands. His hair was dark, almost black with the ends twisted in soft locks. His eyes, the prettiest eyes you had ever seen, made you giddy just thinking about them. Oh how many hours you have spend getting lost in them when you looked through the many selcas he had sent you.

At first you didn’t even want to accept his chat-request, too scared made you the thought of talking to someone again feel. Quite honestly you had terribly bad luck in your relationships – lovers and friends alike – you got cheated on, got used and abandoned when you were no longer of use, got called ‘not lovable’ and worse things you don’t even want to think about anymore. So downloading “the best dating app on earth” – so your best friend called it – was the scariest thing you had done in forever, followed by pressing “accept” on Yoongi’s request to chat and actually answering his dorky but loveable first message.

Yoongi turned out to be the sweetest and most understanding guy – person actually – you had ever talked to. He listened to your worries and told you without a hint of hesitation that he would love it if things would developat a speed you were comfortable with and that you can take as much as time as you needed.

He agreed on your terms to not rush meeting in person, because god that would make you practically have a full-on panic attack. That was the first time you had honestly smiled in a long time, rereading his message over and over again, you weren’t able to believe your luck.

Time passed and with it your trust grew. You were chatting on a daily basis with him by now, wishing him a good morning and waiting excitedly for his good night phone calls at exactly ten twenty every night. You felt totally comfortable with him. You felt safe to be yourself around him, even if it was just through the phone. You felt sexy when you noticed the way his eyes travelled over your features when phones calls weren’t enough anymore and they turned into video calls. You felt loved and you were pretty sure the warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest every time you thought of him was love too.

So when Yoongi asked you if you wanted to meet up in person soon, your heart practically did somersaults in your chest. You had never typed “Yes!” faster in your life and judging by his quick answer neither had he.

The date was settled, two days from now you will meet each other in a little corner café. You couldn’t sleep in excitement, your mind was practically racing with scenarios of your date.

When the time finally came, you spend the entire day getting ready for your date, washing your hair, moisturizing every inch of your skin, picking out the perfect outfit. You showed up an hour earlier than arranged, just so you could mentally prepare yourself for finally seeing him in person. You were so excited.

One hour passed. Half an hour passed. You sent him a quick text asking if he was running late. He went online, typed and went offline before his message was able to reach you.

Two hours had passed since you came here. You quickly send Yoongi another message, asking him if he forgot about today.

Half an hour passed. No answer, no calls, no nothing.

Another thirty minutes pass and here you are still sitting at the corner café and waiting for him.

Today should have been epic, exciting, remarkable, unforgettable. You were so sure it would bring a smile to your face every time you think about it. How could you be so wrong about that? You trusted him, you believed him when he told you he wouldn’t use you, you ate up his promises of support and comfort without as much as patting your stupid eyelashes.

You call him. It rings once then his voice mail tells you he isn’t available right now. He really rejected your call just like that.

So he just used you. You should blame him and be angry at him, but truth be told you weren’t. You were just hurt, so deeply hurt you have to look down your chest for a moment to see if you were actually bleeding. You honestly feel like you do.

Without any hesitation you block his number, block his social media profiles and delete all of his pictures. And just like that he is out of your life, your ability to trust is ruined for another year and your heart is broken.

Three days pass where your life consists of nothing more than crying yourself awake, forcing yourself to go to work and then continuing where you had left of in the morning when you go to sleep. You would have probably continued your daily routine if an unknown number hadn’t called you on the morning of your fourth day. The caller turns out to be Kim Seokjin, best friend of Yoongi who had stolen your number out of Yoongi’s notebook and who had made it his plan to explain everything.

Yoongi had gotten into an accident on the day of your date. The “idiot” – so Seokjin called him – walked into the busy street and got hit by a car because he was in the midst of typing out a message. He was lucky, nothing major happened. His right shoulder got dislocated and whilst getting thrown across the street he hit his head, resulting in a slight concussion. The entirety of guardian angels must have been with him on that day, so Seokjin said, the doctors told him such an accident results in death or life-changing injuries most of the times.

As quickly as possible you are the hospital Yoongi is currently recovering at and find yourself standing in front of his room with shaking hands. Would it be awkward between the two of you after everything that had happened? What if you look at him and won’t feel the same warm love you had felt for him before?

A nurse opens the door before you can even knock, eyeing from head to toe before greeting you with a bright smile. It’s now or never. With held breath you enter the small hospital room.

“Yoongi?”you almost whisper, tiptoeing to his bed.

You have to take a deep breath when you finally take a look at him. All the feelings you wanted to push down and forget come rushing back into your heart, overwhelming you. You stumble back, holding onto the footboard of his bed.

He looks just as beautiful as he did through the phone screen, maybe even prettier if you were being honest. Even in his current asleep state he is able to take your breath away. His eyes are closed, his lips slightly parted as steady breaths make his chest heave up and down. He looks so peaceful and calm, despite the white bandages covering the entire top part of his head and his right arm resting in a black sling.

Waking him up feels so cruel, but god, leaving him without having said hello feels so much worse. So you call his name loudly and gently tap his foot. He stirs, licking over his lips and swallows. His eyes flutter open. He mumbles your name, totally confused and still half-asleep.

“Hey”, yousay shyly.

“Hey, wow what a nice dream, these pain meds are awesome”, he murmurs, closing his eyes again.

“This isn’t a dream. I’m really here”, you chuckle.

“Seriously?” he gasps, surprisingly high-pitched for his normally deep voice. He sits up abruptly, hissing when hot pain rushes through his shoulder.

“Careful”, you rush to his side and help him sit up with a hand on his upper back, “you are still hurt.”

You sit down at the corner of his bed, careful not to hurt him.

“Yeah, for a second I nearly forgot about that”, he chuckles in pain, “how do you even know I am here? I thought you blocked me.”

You cringe at his words. So he noticed.

“Uhm, yeah I have. I, I mean had. I kind of had a slight mental breakdown when you ditched me at the café and I blocked you everywhere and deleted all of your pictures and basically locked your memory behind a big steel door in my mind and I swore to myself to never trust again.”

“Understandable”, Yoongi says. He takes your hand, squeezing it gently. You don’t even realise his gesture, too lost in rambling your thoughts out loud. It makes Yoongi tighten his hand around yours just all the more as a fond smile hushes over his face. You are so adorable when you rant like this and forget everything around you.

“But then your friend Seokjin called me”, you continue as if nothing happened, “and explained everything and now I feel like a total idiot for ever believing that you used me and at first I didn’t even want to come because I was too embarrassed, but then I started to miss you and-“, you pause to take a look at Yoongi.

A fond smile sits on his face, his eyes sparkle in adoration. Heat washes over your face as you start to blush vividly. You can’t even look into his eyes right now.

“I was rambling again. I’m so sorry. You probably think that I’m crazy right now”, you cringe, “sorry.”

“Actually I was thinking how cute you are right now”, Yoongi says softly, giving your hand another squeeze.

One you finally feel and one that sends in your body into complete overdrive. Your heart starts racing, your whole face becomes as red as a tomato, you stutter an answer but give up when you can’t even get out one basic word.

“I’m glad that you came”, he breathes.

You smile as an answer, squeezing his hand.

“It’s not an outfit I would normally wear nor is the location nice for a first date, but I hope that, I don’t know, it is still enough to give me a second chance?” he asks, almost scared.

“Of course it’s enough, it wasn’t your fault that you missed our date. I know that now”, you reassure him, making him smile, “besides I think you look cute in that hospital gown. I like the little pandas on the fabric”, you giggle, touching one of the dozens of animals on his shirt.

Right above his heart, you can feel it speed up underneath your fingertip at your gesture.

“Just wait until you see the back, because there is basically none.”

“Oh my god Yoongi”, you gasp at the mental picture of Yoongi sitting here with his butt all bared and naked.

“I’m wearing underwear don’t worry”, he laughs.

“What a relief”, you giggle, lowering your head in giddiness.

He pulls you closer to his body, making you scoot up the bed until he can wrap his arm around your middle comfortably and your back is rested against his side. You are careful not to put too much pressure on his body in order not to hurt him, despite your body wanting to basically sink into his arms. God finally being able to feel his touch, his warmth, his heartbeat is even better than you had imagined.

“Please stop me if this is too fast for you. And also I know you don’t really start a first date by kissing the other person, but-“, he inhales shakily, staring at your lips longingly, “-can I kiss you?”

“Yes please”, you whisper, leaning closer to his body.

His hand comes to rest on the back of your neck, your own cups his cheek. You are staring at each other for as long as possible, mesmerized by the other. Only when your lips brush over his and a gentle sigh leaves his throat do your eyes flutter closed and the feeling of his soft lips on yours drowns you in warmth.

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theshieldjanitor · 3 years

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[If anybody has ever wondered what the lesbian dating experience is like, I got smashed, downloaded a dating app, had like 9 women respond to my profile, and had a panic attack about it.

I am The Best at this.]

#the fabulous asshole speaks #i am peak disaster lesbian #tbd

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thatonereallytallbrowngirl · 4 years

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At this point studying has become inevitable unfortunately so um, I have finally decided to try to get myself back into the mood, which has never and will never be easy for me, I’ve literally tried and given up about 20 times but I’ll keep trying. Because of the lockdown and having no set schedule everything has been sluggish, it’s hard to sit and study seriously, I have however been able to have two proper sessions to study with some small tricks.

The main problems I’ve been facing are getting off of my damn phone and focusing.

I do have a few tricks to share that have helped me though:

If you cant get off of your phone while you study, include it in your studying process, this will get rid of the itch to constantly do something on your phone. You can download an app that tracks and motivates you to study, I have one called “study bunny”, it’s very cute. Also if you can’t ignore notifications and are tempted to open them, turn them off.

Another thing you can do on your phone is put on any “study with me” video you like. I watch, well, more like listen to them when I study, I watch ones that don’t have music, just background noises of them studying, it helps get you in the mood to study too, I used to have a stage where I couldn’t study alone, even though I can’t focus with people around me so this helped ALOT.

Experiment what works with you, time study sessions, some people like studying for 25 minutes at a time and taking breaks in between, some people study for longer, it depends on how long you can focus at a time, I usually study about 30-40 minutes at a time and then take a short break (5-10 minutes), just enough to get water, something to eat or just to relax for a few minutes, I can’t take longer breaks because I get distracted and then I forget to get back to studying.

If you get distracted by things easily, try make studying fun, make it more colourful, so you can focus on it, spend a little time on making it prettier so it motivates you to do it instead of it feeling like a chore. You don’t need a lot of pens or accessories to do it, just a few coloured markers/highlighters might help.

If you have a lot of books/notes that you have to study from at a time and if you get overwhelmed from them like me, try to organise them, maybe make smaller sections to study, make small goals and make a checklist for them, the more things you keep checking off the more motivated you get, it gives you a sense of accomplishment, I make really small sections, even the smallest thing I get done with helps me feel accomplished, something is better than nothing right??

Another really dumb one i do is when I don’t feel motivated I go on Pinterest and scroll through “motivational quotes” I know it sounds weird but it has helped me, even looking at notes other people have made helps me.

Make notes, make bullet points for them, learn in parts, make small flow charts if you have to, I have friends that replace lyrics to their favourite songs with dates and stuff they have to memorise, just make it fun, something that’s easier for you.

This concludes my list, atleast for now, one thing I’d like to say is please don’t leave studying for later, taking it slow and in smaller parts is easier, I admit I always leave stuff for the end and all it has ever done for me is given me so much stress, multiple panic attacks a day because I had so much to go over and I didn’t think I could do it.

START from even a single line, even if it’s a tiny thing, it’s a tiny thing more you know than you did yesterday, a tiny thing you’ve accomplished more than yesterday, a tiny thing off of the list of things you still need to do, you got this ✨.

#aesthetic #study aesthetic #studyspiration #study tips #studyblr #study blog #studyspo #study motivation #study notes #motivation

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wwarren · 3 years

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2020

In lieu of traditions, I come back to Tumblr for my annual year recap of my life. The only reason I still use this app haha. This year was an interesting one. I think for everyone, collectively, 2020 will forever be imprinted in our minds as the “wtf” year. On a personal level, I’d say this year was an a very interesting one where I saw myself be tested in a bunch of ways I wouldn’t have expected when the year started.

Starting off the year I was in this situation where I was trying my hardest to maintain a friendship/cordial level with my 1st ex. Not that we had broken up over something extreme, I thought our connection could be repaired. And for the most part we were able to remain friends. One day a situation happened where I had decided I was done with it and had him blocked for some time. Fast forward to today we’ve been on speaking terms and have seen each other in person more than once. I would say that we’ve both moved on for the most part but him being my first relationship I’ll always care for him and his well-being on some level.

In the beginning of February I downloaded Tinder after not having it for some time. This was a little after I had decided to block my ex. One of my first matches was with this guy that ended up playing a big role in my year. We connected so well and naturally. During the initial phases and height of the pandemic scare we spent time together for multiple days on a weekly basis. I really liked him. And he liked me. It was one of the most genuine connections I had felt with a guy. Didn’t hurt that I thought he was super attractive. We just meshed really, really well. I knew I wanted to take a chance and make things official with him. And we did. Unfortunately due to his work schedule at the time as well as me coming to realize slowly that he was pulling away from me shortly after the title it put a strain on things. I found myself having anxiety and panic attacks at what I knew was an inevitable ending. Still, he would comfort me and tell me I had nothing to worry about though I knew deep down what was coming. Eventually he told me he was going to move to Florida. I remember being in such a bad state of shock and depression upon hearing this and literally felt like something good in my life was being torn from me.

Eventually he moved. I cared about this guy so much. Once again I found myself trying to maintain a friendship at the very least because even outside of the relationship title, we clicked very well as friends. We were successful at this. Initially. In the Fall my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor. This was very scary for me and the emotions I felt I can’t even describe. I turned to my friends for support, the only source I have. I found comfort and support through my bestfriend. And very minimal to none from the guy I had dated. This hurt me a lot. If the roles were reversed I would’ve been there for him. He never asked how I was doing, how my mom was doing, or anything. I shared a lot of personal things with this man in terms of my fears and internal things I struggle with. The things I went through with my mom this year checked off almost everything in the list. And it felt like during a time I needed a close friend that really knew me he just didn’t give a fuck. And that really hurt me. I had tried reaching out multiple times but was ignored everytime. To this day he still hasn’t spoken to me. At this point I’m not hurt about it and take it as a lesson learned that anyone is capable of anything. I wish him the best but when I do think of him it’s hard for me to see the positive qualities he had, now I only see the bad.

My mom having her brain tumor really was a different kind of experience. It was very scary to think that when she has this procedure the one person I have in my life might not remember who I am or could possibly need assisted living for the rest of her life. It really hurt me because there was nothing I could do for her. After the procedure her recovery was a process. She had a feeding tube in place where I had to come every morning and help feed her through the tube. It was hard for her to speak and seeing her frustrations and feeling broken down broke me. Fast forward to now she has improved a lot. Feeding tube is out, her speech has improved drastically, and all in all she’s functioning how she used to. For that I’m very happy.

This year also marks the year that my best friend and I became roommates. After years of talking about it we finally got an apartment together. Having her here has truly been a good thing for me. This year I also decided to take my mental health a little more seriously and got myself on antidepressants. I’m proud of myself for doing this.

As far as 2021, I’m just trying to continue to grow and be mindful of my tolerance for things as well as trying to maintain my peace. We’ll see how this year goes.

#me

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bluebrrypunch · 3 years

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Potential Trigger Warning, Emotional Abuse, Trauma

I spent five years in an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship; I never truly spoke to anyone about it. The crazy thing about being abused emotionally is the fact that you, most generally, have not even the slightest notion that you are a victim of abuse:

You’ve normalized this trauma inducing behavior and just think this is how normal relationships are, I deserve this, this is the best I’ll ever receive, etc...all because you’ve been taken on this slow burn rollercoaster of a ride where negative behavior has been introduced in a non alarming rate to the point that you almost have no ability to recognize what is happening.

I’ll start off by saying this relationship took off a few years after I was attacked by a group of men on a walk to the park as a young teenager. I had originally been semi-agoraphobic and most definitely had been diagnosed with complex ptsd, I also had been diagnosed as a child with severe ADHD. By the time I met this man, I had been working on myself for years. I had made amazing strides up until that point. I had built up a small friend group I felt safe around, I had worked on myself enough that I felt mostly alright being outside. After I was originally diagnosed my family didn’t have the money for continuing therapy sessions to get the help that I so desperately needed but thankfully I didn’t give up. Part of what had saved me was the gym.

Which brings me to how I met the man that abused me. I was 19, he was 22. My group of friends brought me with them to workout with him and his buddy at his house. This was something that was normal for this group to do. After the introductions, we worked out for quite a bit and afterwards all went for a walk. This man gave me all of this special attention that he wasn’t giving everyone else. An attention that a teenager who had been so focused on just trying to live a normal life hadn’t been privy to during her more difficult years, and if she had recieved this type of attention she had not been ready for it before. The two of us had seemingly hit it off.

We immediately went into this relationship that for the first year seemed to be going splendidly. Until the first time I saw him frustrated. It hadn’t even been at me, he was working on his bachelors degree and was struggling with a paper that I was of no use to be helpful with. Out of nowhere I was screamed at, told I was incompetent and useless, I should be better and not so stupid... and I cried. I wish I could say that this was the first time anyone had ever spoken to me like that but as a child with severe adhd, I had always been the child people struggled with and weren’t so kind to, and so after a few minutes of crying he apologized. Instead of seeing this as red flag behavior, I shrugged it off. It was no biggie, this had been how I was spoken to my entire life, this was just how people were.

A few weeks later it happened again. He got frustrated, I happened to be in the same vicinity. This time I was an idiot, I was slow, I grasped no common sense.

This slowly became the normal behavior until it was nearly everyday. He always apologized, it would never happen again. He chalked it up to stress. I was very forgiving and I thought, “okay, so this will stop happening once he’s not stressed, I love him, this isn’t him he will be back to normal soon,”

Normal never came, the very basis of what our relationship had been built upon, fitness and other shared hobbies, had slowly become a mine field. I was too fat, too slow, couldn’t keep up. I was a girl, I should be able to do certain things.

I dropped things accidentally, and he screamed and bullied. I directed him incorrectly when guiding on a gps and he did the same until I cried.

I started crying everyday, became incredibly insecure. Then, furthermore, bullied for crying and being insecure. No one wants a girl who is insecure and cries. Defend yourself, you are so pathetic.

Eventually I got angry, “you need to learn how to treat me better, this isn’t okay. I’m not any of these things,” and then I was crazy. I didn’t say any of that, what are you even talking about, stop being so sensitive. You’re just a fucking crybaby. No one likes you because of that you know? None of my friends or family like you because you’re so crazy. This man had me questioning my own sanity.

The first time he hit me:

I saw lint on his shoulder and I went to wipe it off. He punched me in the chest and knocked the air out of me. I thought you were going to hit me, he said. This is entirely your fault, he said.

I started to try and leave him after that. “We can’t do this anymore, we aren’t good for one another,” but you promised you would stay! So you’re a liar!! How dare you lie to me! How can you live with yourself you little liar. Please don’t leave me, please I love you, he said. He would berate me until I stayed to make the words stop. And I begged for him to change, begged and pleaded. It seemed to make no difference after the first little bit.

After that, I tried to leave every time he did something wrong. And I would be harassed until I changed my mind. He would incite panic attacks every time I tried to leave until I began associating trying to leave with anxiety. I felt stuck and broken, pathetic and stupid, ugly and fat. Believed no one could ever truly love me and this was just how the world was. I believed him. Up until this point I had believed he could change. I became very depressed and hopeless. He broke me.

Then the cheating began. Always explained away. The first time, oh she’s just a coworker, she’s not even pretty. She’s not my type, I would never go for her. The second time, I don’t know what you’re talking about, didn’t happen. The third time and most major time, we hung out as a group. She decided that she liked my boyfriend while she was pregnant with another mans baby. She needed someone to take care of her and the baby. Someone smart, someone with big plans who was going to be very successful. He asked her to hang out, and every day they began hanging out. She started getting vindictive because we were still together and she wanted him and started verbally attacking me, having her family verbally attack me. They slept together (to which I had no proof other than her word) and the situation got toxic. This time I couldn’t handle it, I left once again. He told me he’d block her, I was the only one he wanted, he would never hang out with her again. When I said no, I was bullied for days until I finally agreed. He lied to me and kept talking with her once we were together again.

Fast forward, he downloads dating apps on his phone and says it’s to find friends. I never once looked at this mans phone. Never asked to, anytime I glanced over, I always saw something bad on it. I was miserable, I felt like I was stuck and I was stuck with this cheating abusive man who could change if he really wanted to but he didn’t want to. Not for me anyways. He kept his cheating on, got me stalked for it by someone who desperately wanted him, it was awful. I didn’t know what to do, I felt like I couldn’t escape him.

The second time he put his hands on me, we were play roughhousing, I hit him with a pillow, he scooped me up (he was 6’3) and dropped me onto the back of my neck because he suddenly got angry out of nowhere, he was mortified. I was in a brace for a month.

He decided one day to join the army as an officer: which meant 6 months away from him altogether which turned out to change his personality altogether. He suddenly began treating me as I had always wanted for a total of 6 more months. It was like a dream come true for someone who was as emotionally drained as I had become.

Then he went back for his job training, and everything was worse than before. We broke up finally, I was not really sure who decided it on, but mutually we decided we were not for each other or so I had thought. It then went the route of calling me every day to “talk,” but he just started fights. Blaming me, I thought it was me. So I stopped reacting to find out. It wasn’t me, it continued no matter what I did. So I blocked him. He contacted me using other methods, platforms etc.

This went on for weeks and one day I decided this wasn’t the life I wanted to live. I didn’t deserve this. A friend at the time once told me that she only respected people who once they made boundaries, stuck to them. So I stuck to it, I told him one time when he called me once more that I was completely and utterly done.

That was the day I became free.

Since that time, I met the love of my life. Someone who puts me first, and loves me unconditionally. To be honest, at first I didn’t believe it. He understood the issues I had and was ready to face them with me. A man who wanted a life and a family.

If anyone else is facing a situation that they feel stuck, helpless and hopeless in just know that you hold the power that they are trying to snuff out.

#emotional #abuse #trauma #potentially triggering

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