Things that don’t make you a bad person:
Displaying “scary” symptoms of mental illness
Being diagnosed with multiple disorders
Having one or various personality disorders
Being diagnosed with NPD, BPD, or ASPD
Having very low empathy, or no empathy
Having symptoms that cause anger, emptiness, or paranoia
Having triggers or “strange” personal boundaries
Needing extra help or accommodations
Having intrusive thoughts about upsetting or scary topics
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giving love to trauma survivors whose trauma made them harder, detached and insensitive.
giving love to trauma survivors whose trauma made them friendlier, more open and loud.
giving love to trauma survivors whose trauma made them paranoid and aggressive.
giving love to trauma survivors whose trauma made them kinder, softer and more sensitive.
giving love to trauma survivors whose trauma made them lose guilt, shame, or empathy.
giving love to trauma survivors whose trauma made them gain more guilt, shame, or empathy.
you are all valid.
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The way some of you talk about personality disorders is really bad actually.
When we say "destigmatize personality disorders" we don't mean "infantilize the shit out of them and pretend they're good and cool." I need yall to understand that personality disorders are still fuckin disorders. No they don't make you an evil abuser, but they can still cause you to harm yourself and the people around you. The symptoms still aren't fun and you still have to learn to manage them.
Telling people with PD's that all of their symptoms are okay and that they don't have to try and change their behavior (even if it's harmful) because they're "valid uwu" is not helping any of us. Stop with this fucking "you're perfect and valid" shit because some of us aren't perfect and sometimes we do bad shit, and it's important for us to be able to acknowledge when we've done harm and learn how to do better in the future. You are not destigmatizing PD's you are enabling harmful behavior.
"You're valid uwu" isn't gonna get rid of my recklessness and disregard for my own wellbeing. It isn't going to fix my communication issues because I can't understand other people's emotions. It isnt gonna get rid of my abandonment issues and lack of self confidence. Go do something fuckin useful and talk to people with PD's (and actually fucking listen to us). Uplift our voices so that we can actually talk about our experiences. Or at the very least, shut the fuck up.
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Instead of saying how people with personality disorders are "pure and perfect" or saying that we're "irredeemably evil", how about you do not attach moral judgements to our mental illnesses.
We are simply people. Please treat us as such.
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Honestly, healing from chronic / childhood trauma isn’t pretty, it isn’t romantic, most of the time it isn’t some beautiful story of a perfectly innocent victim rising to become strong
A lot of healing from chronic / childhood trauma is realizing there is a lot of dirt, grime, hurt, pain, and problematic behaviors and beliefs that living in such an environment has instilled inside of you.
It is realizing a lot of things you thought were normal were not, and a lot of the things you’ve done that you thought were given truths and normal things about the world were false, not needed, and hurtful to others and yourself around you.
A lot of people want a healing story that is inspiring and beautiful - with a clear abuser and a clear victim - someone who was clearly 100% perfect, innocent and never did anything wrong in life and someone who was clearly 100% evil, intentional, corrupt, and malicious. The hero / villian story of trauma, abuse, and recovery is so much easier to digest both for others and the person, but the reality is - living through hell instills and causes people to learn things that aren’t 100% perfect and innocent.
No trauma survivor or victim deserves what happened to them, nor did they ask for it in any form, but it isn’t abnormal for one to unknowingly after growing up and living in an environment that was dangerous, harmful, and painful to learn things that aren’t the best in the general world.
Trying to heal, mistakes will be made, a lot of unlearning and relearning will happen. People - especially children and teenagers who grew up in these environments - will likely reenact what happened to them or use defensive mechanisms that aren’t the best that they got from assuming the world is like their home.
Many will do things that aren’t “okay” or are “problematic” because that is all they know. This isn’t to say it is okay or excusable. This isn’t to say you should forgive anyone who did this to you.
This is to those who did bad things in the past that they punish themselves for, hate themselves for, the bad things they did due to being young and in a stage of survival.
The past does not define you and you were young and living by what you were taught growing up. You are not a horrible person because of how you learned to live. Who you are is found in the present and the future and in what you do now and what you do later.
You can and deserve to forgive yourself and your younger selves for what had happened when you knew little more.
You aren’t horrible or terrible.
Being young is hard
Being a teen is hard
Having trauma is hard
Having chronic trauma is hard.
Being young and growing up in an environment conducive to chronic trauma is even harder.
You deserve and are allowed to forgive yourself and move forward and heal.
You deserve to heal just like anyone else.
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Happy birthday Lieutenant!
Greetings from your DPD pack
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Having seen somebody point out a common trend in positivity posts, it's come to my attention that people often point out how others can still be "good people" in spite of their mental illnesses. This isn't inherently bad or anything! It can be very comforting to be reminded that, even with the symptoms you're experiencing, there's still plenty of great things about you. Relating to others struggles, and feeling better in turn, is comforting. However, it can be tough when these reminders always come with a catch. The catch that you can still be good with a disorder. You can be good just because you're you. Because you want to be. So, I wanted to add some more full-on positivity. I think it's deserved.
(Note that, of course, everyone makes their own decisions. Someone being "good or bad" is up to the person, and not the disorder. This is a positivity post, don't add hate.)
So, for those with:
ASPD, NPD: Using learned cognitive empathy in order to determine what others are feeling, and acting on that, means an incredible amount. You're doing something purely because you know you should, or that it would help somebody. You're choosing those actions, and that takes more effort and care than most people could imagine.
BPD, HPD, DPD: When you're commited to something, you're really committed. Not to mention you're probably super intuitive. You know how to look out for things! People are supposed to be there for each other, and asking questions is normal. You deserve to be able to make yourself known.
AVPD, PPD, STPD, SzPD: Taking time to yourself to feel secure and/or recharge is okay. You're more than capable of making connections at your own pace, just as you're capable of finding further joys, and allowing your passions to blossom.
OCPD: You know how to get things done, and you're intent on doing so. You're probably not bad at saving money, either! You have the capacity to continue healthy bonds.
In fact, all of you have the ability to create and maintain healthy bonds. The decision is up to you, and I believe in you.
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Saying you're in recovery/recovered from a personality disorder seems to lead to outrageous standards from others and sometimes from ourselves. It doesn't mean you don't experience your disorder anymore. It doesn't mean you don't show symptoms of your disorder anymore. It doesn't mean you won't hurt others. It doesn't mean you won't hurt yourself.
Recovery belongs to us and ourselves only, you are recovered when you have taken your life back from your disorder. You'll still be you and like everyone else you'll still make mistakes, hurting yourself over hurting others is not taking your life back. Don't let others dictate what your recovery looks like and don't hold yourself to unreasonable expectations.
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Why do psychologists talk about personality disorders, only discussing how they affect other people and not how they affect the person with the disorder, and then blame us when we struggle to get treatment and be honest about our feelings? It is so hard to live in this world with a personality disorder.
The judgment from all sides hurts so much and finding people who understand without judgment is a breath of fresh air.
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how empaths™ see personality disorders
cluster a: weird. i think it's just anxiety and autism to be honest. schizophrenia too with their delusions and stuff, i think they should probably be admitted to a hospital in my opinion? just to keep us safe :D
ASPD: absolutely evil, rotten to the core. thank god i'm such a good person with my empathy. absolute psychopaths and definite future serial killers and rapists, throw them all into jail. also my brother definitely is an ASPD psychopath cus he showers with socks on and puts the milk before the cereal
HPD: is this even a thing? i think it's just BPD or something, sounds just like attention-seeking celebrities
BPD: either abusive alcoholic edgy violent manipulators or soft crying uwu protect them babies, no in-between, depends on how ableist i feel today
NPD: abusive and evil, violent and disgusting and everything you need to avoid in a person. my exes were narcissists and so were my parents. anyway remind me to make a post about empath struggles because i think i'm such a good person by being able to assume the emotions of others, and healing from narcissistic abuse tonight. i also don't think it's a real disorder at all, it's just a way for our abusers to gain sympathy by faking a disability.
cluster c: anxiety and dependent and OCD or something i don't know lol
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“I support mentally ill people, but people with personality disorders or trauma disorders that change everything about them are scary and should hide their illnesses!!”
ah, yes, because how dare mentally ill people show symptoms of their disorder(s)! why can’t mentally ill people just Not be mentally ill?? (/s)
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I usually stay in the realm of ADHD, ASD. OCD. etc. and dissociative disorders, but I am doing a disservice. Other disorders are highly stigmatized still, and do not get much talk. People need to know about these people, and that they are human.
Often times, someone hears that you have a personality disorder of any kind, and are scared of you. People avoid you, people attack you and discriminate against you, people hurt you, and use your words as insults. People show no kindness and no compassion to those with personality disorders and it is heartbreaking.
We all know how stigmatized mental disorders are in general, people get told they do not have things, people get bullied, people live their lives without any help. But usually, it's acknowledged, and recognized it exists. But people with personality disorders are highly abused and rejected from treatment in the medical sphere. They're not the abusers or the monsters or the villains that people think they are. They are deserving of treatment, respect and acceptance.
We need to be better about respecting people with personality disorders. We need to destigmatize these disorders for good. Everyone says how things are romanticized, but these aren't, they're demonized to hell and back. I mean, psychopath and sociopath are words often used to demonize other people, and when you think of them, you think of deranged killers. But people with ASPD are not as bad as you think they are. No empathy doesn't mean people can't be kind or compassionate or emotionally intelligent. I even use these words wrongfully, we need to be better.
People often say those with personality disorders are all abusive, but noone is born abusive, noone is born a bad person. Personality disorders just mean more compassion and kindness is needed for people to grow up into emotionally intelligent human beings. People with personality disorders are more likely to be abused than be abusive. And the hate against them is just rooted in ableism.
Even the early research about these disorders is by ableist doctors, and we need to change the perspective of these disorders drastically. It wasn't too long ago that ableist practices were used on patients and people who didn't even have mental disorders, and just were normal. What do you think they did to those who had symptoms of any kind? I was reading into a specific cluster a personality disorder, and there was an ableist caricature of it, including symptoms using ableist and negative language.
There is not enough unbiased research on these disorders, there is not enough. And it's only recently that bpd is in the spotlight, and while there's more acceptance, there's not enough done behind the scenes for these disorders. People are not getting proper treatment and therapy, people are not being treated the best. How many more years do we have to wait for personality disorders to be destigmatized? How many more until people no longer get shit on for having them? When will the symptom list be actual issues and not mostly ableist bullshit? When will people stop being depicted as evil just because they have a personality disorder?
We need to be better. People don't deserve the shit that they get. People with personality disorders are human. And right now, getting diagnosed with one, is like a death sentence for a lot of people. I thought diagnoses were supposed to help people, I thought medication is supposed to help people. But not when it is forced on people, not when people get abused in mental hospitals just because they have personality disorder. It's fucking disturbing. The amount of bullshit people have to face their entire lives for having something that affects their behavior and personality. It's fucking sickening.
Please reblog if you believe the narrative needs to be changed on these disorders and want to destigmatize this. It's not fucking fair and we need to be better. People with personality disorders are not monsters. People with personality disorders deserve your support and acceptance. This needs to change, please be part of it.
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If you’re saying something like “I don’t actually have [insert personality disorder] I’m just a [insert zodiac sign]” then girl you definitely have that personality disorder
Get help lol
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DON’T WORRY I’D BE FINE WITHOUT YOU
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i love you, to the stigmatized and the demonized.
you’re more than the ableism you’re forced to endure.
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