#drag kings have some of the funniest names also

[sanjisblackasswife]

Monster Trio with a Black Girlfriend Headcanons (NSFW-ish)

A/N: this is like so long…like..wtf..

Luffy

our Brazilian King here would be the most fun to be with ngl. Being in a relationship with him is no different than being his friend really. The only difference is being a bit more touchy and protective.

He literally loves everything about you from your hair, shape, and just who you are as a person

He loves giving you his hat btw. Especially when you show off your natural hair

Speaking of natural hair…

Probably one of the funniest things that has happened in your relationship is when you take out your braids for the first time.

Ok picture this: Nami just announced it will be getting colder in the next few days as y’all set sail and it’s about that time you want to take out your braids and be natural while it’s cold.

So, You’re in your room as everyone is minding their business and Luffy barges tf in looking for you if you wanted to play tag.

Mf loses his mind seeing the braiding hair all over the place pls

“Y/N YOURE BALDINGGGGGG!!???”

“What? NO I AINT BALDING ITS FAKE HAIR!”

Pls calm this man down he is running all over the ship looking for Chopper

After a good kick from Sanji and Nami you drag him back to your room with your hair now half braided and half a fro to explain to Luffy that you’re not losing hair or balding it’s just fake extensions.

He’s still lost but he’s a good sport about it.

He actually sees your real hair for the first time, it was pretty short when you first met him but you stayed in braids for so long you managed to get a lot of new growth.

Luffy has sparkles in his eyes seeing how pretty and healthy it is(not in a weird way but seriously whether u had a TWA or long curly hair it was all pretty to him)

He also loves your thighs heh

Before you two dated Luffy was already close with you in friendship and very touchy too.

There have been many times you have just been chilling on the ship with Robin and Luffy comes in, put his hat on your head, and takes a quick nap on your lap.

You have gotten ALOT of spit in between your thighs due to this

Don’t worry he also makes a mess of your thighs when y’all are in bed together

Ok lemme put some angst:

We all know OP isn’t afraid to tackle issues like human trafficking and even racism so imagine you and Luffy are in a pretty bad town and encounter some rude racist mfs.

So you and Luffy are grabbing a bite to eat when two idiots in the restaurant come barging in demanding drinks.

The waitress tells them they’ll have to sit at a table but they seen you and Luffy sit at a booth and pointed

“Why don’t you get those two to give up their seats?…the boy and…that person…people like her don’t deserve to even sit in an establishment like this.” And the man had his thumb pointed back towards you.

His tone was so disgusted and to further insult he made his statement known LOUDLY that a girl like you shouldn’t be in a place like this.

“Excuse you?” You muttered looking at the two men in front of you and Luffy.

Luffy wasn’t dumb, he only found out recently after you both started dating the heavy racism people tend to have towards black people which caused Luffy to be a bit more over protective over you.

. Luffy did sit and watch the men’s movements and words, because he knew you could defend yourself, however racist idiots always managed to take it too far and then your sweet boyfriend jumps to action.

“What do you mean ‘a girl like me!?’”

“Do i have to spell it out for you?! YOU’RE A N—“

Immediate knock out.

Broken noses, ribs, you name it Luffy went tf off on them racist jackasses

Your hand barely touched your weapon before Luffy punched the daylights out of said man.

It was actually kind of hot because his hat was covering his eyes.

“Idiots.” Luffy grumbled walking out the restaurant . He took your hand and a piece of meat in the other hand mumbling something about them being bastards.

Long story short after Luffy tossed the men up and down the street so well you ended up giving him the OL sloppy toppy as a thank you that night.

Speaking of sloppy toppy let’s get into the NSFW part of your relationship:3

First off he has seen plenty of naked women. But yours is just better

He don’t know if it’s your shape not being the same as other girls or your skin or just the way you smell but he enjoys staring at your naked body and bending it im crazy positions as if you were made of rubber too during sex

You’re always more sore after one round of sex with him rather than actually fighting marines Sksjsksks

You of course initiated sex with Luffy first after a few months of dating and you were the one to take his virginity (he took yours as well). He was kinda awkward about it though because stuff like that wasn’t something he cared to do.

However, you both got into the oral sex part and goodness he fell in love with you after that.

Luffy has a huge oral fixation so he doesn’t mind going down on you

He actually likes it more than screwing you im sorryejsjhsjdsk

Not that it doesn’t feel good being inside you

Poor boy started crying and moaning so loudly cuming inside you for the first time

It’s just you have a very interesting and addictive taste

His words not mine

He also really likes staring at your pussy Abseiskjdhdj NO JUST HEAR ME THOUGH—

Like when he is eating you out sometimes he just stares at how his tongue is rolling and lapping up your clit he forgets that you probably came at least 2 times :((((

It’s just so nice to look at to him especially if you have a fatter ….cat.

Loves burying his face in your neck pls.

You smell like shea butter and cinnamon the man is so addicted to your smell.

I feel like Luffy doesn’t have a favorite body part your thighs

But he loves rubbing his cock between your thighs as you both sleep .

Literally they’re so soft and warm especially after taking a bath.

Speaking of baths you managed to get him to take more baths

ONLY IF you take one with him.

Usually ends with him screwing you in the tub and y’all get more dirty than clean sksjsjsjs

All in all he loves you sm

Sanji

This man deserved the best head ever omg.

Luckily he has you and your beautiful lips<3

Ngl Sanji is the type of dude to call you his “Black Queen” IM SO SORTEUEKDJSJ

Literally any corny black girl “compliment he can think of he’d say it to you.

“Y/NNNNN MY BEAUTIFUL EBONY PRINCESS I MADE YOU SOME TEA!”

:(….hes trying.

None the less you being his first official girlfriend actually was more work than you thought.

Yes he’s very charming, sweet, honest, giving etcetc but his jealousy sometimes wears you out.

Anytime you two go out together and another man drools—let alone comments your looks Sanji’s already lifting his foot .

He didn’t believe you actually liked him back at first :(((((

Poor baby, he has trust issues. Pls give him all your attention.

It doesn’t take long though for him to accept you actually do love him just as much (if not more) as he loves you.

Said “I love you” on the first date

Threw you off completely, but it was so sweet and quick so you said it back.

A few of your love languages with each other is most definitely quality time and acts of service.

When there is an off day with the crew you and Sanji spend the day cooking meals you grew up with

I.E. whether it’s from your culture (like Nigerian food) OORRR simple soul food baby he is ganna FLIP. Especially if you cook it for him to try!

“Okay so this is Mac and cheese, fried chicken, greens, & corn bread. I didn’t make a whole lot because I wasn’t sure—Sanji?”

His whole world is rocked.

The seasonings, the flavor, the texture, everything that you just cooked was something he will put on his “new favorite food list”

“PRINCESS THIS IS SO DELICIOUS I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU COOK SO WELL!”

He asked to marry you.

He ask to marry you at least once a day

That’s actually how y’all started dating heheh

When he first met you, you were actually intimidating to him but not in a bad way SKSJSJS

He still fawned and drooled over you, but you nearly thought he didn’t find you attractive because even when you joined his heart eyes was still on Nami more than you.

Even after Robin joined after you he seemed to stir his attention to the two girls more than you.

Granted you felt like it was probably because you weren’t his type, you didn’t have those girl’s shape(for example if you’re pear shaped) your hair wasn’t like theirs, and you were a bit more of a tomboy than anything so it made you feel a bit insecure.

Or maybe the mf didn’t like black girls who knows KSHSHSJS

Complete opposite tho this man is a whore for black women

It only annoyed you because somehow you’ve grown a crush on the idiot.

However all those things were the reason why Sanji felt so intimidated + you’re incredibly strong willed and ain’t afraid to speak your mind and that’s what made you so much more attractive to him than another other woman he met.

And you do so one night while Sanji cleans up the kitchen.

You knew this was a bad idea, a bit cringe, and out of character but the curiosity was eating at you and you knew if you didn’t ask right then and there you may as well just get over your crush with him; “How come you don’t like me?” You said without a care in the world leaning on the door frame arms crossed pouting, Sanji recognized your voice and felt his soul drop a little hearing your crazy question.

“Don’t… Like …you?”

“You heard me. It’s not like I’m jealous or anything (you were) but…I don’t know it seems like when I want to hang out with you, you seem to be more interested in Robin or Nami to be around…I know I don’t wear dresses a lot or skirts…and I’m a bit rough around the edges but …as your crew mate…AND FRIEND…I…um….I…”

You didn’t even hear Sanji approach you so closely as your tangent was going on with your eyes not meeting his. He felt so bad making YOU feel bad.

He grabbed your hand rubbing the palm of it with his thumb.

“I’m…im so sorry, Princess i—I um…”

Que the dramatic music

“I AM SO SORRY M’LADY! YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE QUEEN YOU ARE I CANT BELIEVE I MADE YOU FEEL SO ABANDONED BY YOUR PRINCE! PLEASE FORGIVE ME—MATTER OF FACT NO DONT FORGIVE ME I DONT DESERVE IT!”

“Sanji..”

“I PROMISE TO NEVER HURT YOU AGAIN—“

“Sanji…”

“I’LL DO YOUR LAUNDRY, COOK ALL YOUR FAVORITE MEALS, ANYTHING TO—“

You actually found it amusing seeing how much of a drama queen he was asking for you not to forgive him, and you’re a big softie for him so to shut him up you grabbed him by his nape and kissed him.

His lips were so soft omg

“Marry me.”

“HUH?!”

And that’s how I met your mother

Ok we finna get spicy over here

Sanji is a boob man. We know this. And because of this he loves seeing your boobs ALOT.

“They’re like chocolate kisses.”

You nearly started crying from laughter when you let Sanji fondle your chest.

“Do not say that again will slap you—AH!”

Too late Sanji popped a whole titty in his mouth.

Ngl after a few months of dating and gaining each others trust he started to become a bit OOC.

Meaning….in the bed.

At first he’d ask you repeatedly if you felt good having sex with him, but now that he knows your body…well..

“R-Right right there San—-JI YES!”

“I know baby I know..”

Tf this boldness come from

Ok so you took his virginity too. It was just a Process because Sanji kept bleeding on you.

Had to use a blindfold on him which really had him cuming in seconds.

He sometimes moans in French.

Maam…

He moans in French in your ear and you slowly grind on his cock

“S-SA—-“

“Tu te sens si bien sur ma bite”

HOHOOO I GATTA MAKE A SHORT DRABBLE OF THIS

You find his French accent so sexy

Cocky bastard knows it too so if you are acting like a bit of a brat he whispers in your ear some of the dirtiest things he wants to do to your body in French

You don’t even know what he’s saying it just sounds hot KabsjsKSBSKS

Sanji most definitely loves to finger you.

Great past time when you both are alone and you wear a short dress or skirt

Your pussy>>>>>>>>>>>>life is his whole mentality being with you in bed.

When it’s your hair wash day Sanji always invites himself to help you, but it always starts off with him helping washing your hair, then once he rises it he begins kissing your shoulder, then your spine and then next thing you know he lifting your pretty brown thigh on his shoulder kissing and eating your pussy under the hot shower head <3

He keeps those days marked on his calendar SKSJSJ

Zoro

I told y’all he wasn’t racist

Mf is a simp for black and Latina women too he just won’t admit it fr.

This mf here..

He mf adores and can’t stand you all at the same time

Seriously your little smart remarks is ganna be the death of him.

Zoro actually loves a feisty/strong woman. He’s usually around the girly girl types plenty but seeing a woman that isn’t afraid of fighting grown men 10x her size is what led Zoro to pursue you

However he didn’t know he had a crush on you you were the one to get it out of him💀💀

“Why don’t you admit you like me already? We could have been dating like…a week after I joined y’all.”

“What?! I don’t— !”

“You’re literally cuddling me, Zo…”

When you first joined shortly before Chopper you both automatically had a love/hate relationship.

You were a gunslinger and he was a swordsman there were plenty of debates on which was better

“At least I can still fight if I run out of bullets..”

“At LeAsT I DonT RuN ou—-shut up! If it came down to it and we ended up fighting I’ll whoop you so disrespectfully boy..”

“YOU WHAT?!”

Me and Mrs. Petty everyone <3

You both tend to argue a lot but it’s stupid arguments that you start because you love annoying him.

And he knows this.

Zoro also likes patting your butt

It’s never sexual—you’re the sexual being in the relationship (we’ll get to that later)

But Zoro loves your fat butt.

Literally. The man is a butt man.

The way you sway your hips when you walk and how your butt effortlessly moves has him staring for way longer than he should.

And you know this.

However he usually pats your butt to get your attention

“Common we head to head to the ship.” He stated in your ear walking past you giving your bum a light slap and slowly dragging away said hand off your bum.

It turns you on sm pls

Loves to nap on your tummy

Looks like a grumpy baby with his strong arms around you and his face slightly tucked in with his eyebrows furrowed

He usually lift up your shirt to have skin to skin contact

Sniffs your hair a lot

Don’t know why he does it but sometimes when he’s standing behind you he just lowers his head and does a subtle whiff

You don’t question it….you kinda wanna though.

He lets you hold and use his swords

You have threatened him with it…many times.

Also if you have a TWA(or any natural hairstyle really) or like finger waves of the sort he friggin loves that. Whenever he’s holding you he tends to run his rough fingers through your curls and sometimes helps pull out any kinks he may randomly find

You woke up to him one time eyes completely focused on a tangled curl you had

It was so cute

“Zo—-?”

“Lay back down im not finished.” He pushed your head back down gently still taking out the curl.

Despite that Zoro really has no clue on how to be a proper boyfriend sometimes so you have to teach him.

A lot.

“Why would you randomly want flowers where would you put them?”

“ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS YOU ASS.”

He’s trying.

Y’all never go on proper dates though.

Zoro doesn’t think it’s necessary, you both spend a lot of time together training or when you dock on a ship.

However if you REALLY wanna go on a date he’ll take you.

Ended up in a mess.

You both got lost.

Zoro was fighting random pirates

You shot a guy

Y’all fell down a hill because Zoro slipped and grabbed your arm

Never again

His dick makes up for all his stupidity though

Okay don’t get mad…

But I don’t think Zoro is as great with sex as y’all say he is OKAY JUST LISTEN TO MEJDJDDKSKS

I do believe he can LEARN HE IS A GOOD AND FASTER LEARNER

But it took so long because he’s so easily flustered.

Just like Sanji and Luffy he was a virgin and you had a bit more experience.

You went down on him first and he was actually more embarrassed than turned on KSBSJDKS

But he just felt weird seeing you in between his legs damn near gagging on his cock. You liked it though.

“Are —-are you okay?”

“Mmhm. Why does it not feel good?” :(

“No ! I mean yes! IT DOES! DAMMIT YES YOUR MOUTH FEELS GOOD!—“

When Zoro first slid inside you you swore his eyes rolled back and he swears you were just seeing things.

“Feel good don’t it.”

“Shut the hell up.”

No but after the 2 years he definitely got much better and bigger

He knows how to read your faces on what hurts and what feels good and it’s honestly something he pats himself on the back for.

He loves it when you sit on his face btw.

You’re thick, he’s thick , and he loves your thickness so sit on his thick head. Both of em

Remember how I said you were the more horny one of the relationship?

Not true he is but you’re more vocal about it.

“Zoooooo….I wanna sit on your face.”

Man nearly drops his dumbbells on his foot.

“What is wrong with you?!” Literally been craving to eat you out all day since he had a dream about it this morning though.

His tongue…..

Whew

My mans is a messy eater

VERY MESSY AND AGGRESSIVE TOO

You like how he manhandles you so it’s not a big deal but if anyone were to see him eat you out they’d think he’s literally EATING YOU

He loves holding you up on his shoulder to eat you out btw

You’ve been caught once by Usopp in the aquarium with you back high on the wall and him sucking your clit

Us couldn’t speak to you for weeks

Zoro didn’t give af

Ok he did a little because his dick was out

Amazing bf.

#luffy #TimikosMonsterTrio #sanji #one piece #sanjionepiece #sanji x black reader #sanji x you #sanji smut #sanji imagine #luffy smut #luffy headcanons #monkey d. luffy #one piece luffy #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #op zoro #zoro headcanons #zoro hcs #zoro x you #zoro x y/n #one piece headcanons #one piece smut

[menelaiad]

hi! what are some of your fav menelaus headcanons??

oh anon you've done it now

tall. like. 6ft tall.

not broad. muscley and clearly strong. but leaner. aga and ajax and the like are certainly wider than him.

has been tall a long time. grew very fast. pissed of aga in the process. has a habit of curving his shoulders because of this. trying to appear shorter than he is.

a follower. hence the shoulder thing. he spent a lot of his formative years just. following aga. listening to aga. he was the second son. he wasnt set up for kingship or anything so he was kinda just left.

protected a lot by aga. i feel like menelaus' kinder nature was allowed to grow and flourish and wasnt CRUSHED by atreus because aga ... protected him. menelaus could be himself around aga.

ginger.

grew his hair fucking super long in sparta like the spartan men. even before the marriage to helen. because of the exile and tyndareus' kindness he just felt like sparta was home. so he kinda ... assimilated himself as soon as he could.

goes freckley in the sun.

he always makes a habit to use helen's name. not an epithet. or a title. her name is Helen.

due to not being prepped for kingship. menelaus can not read or write very well. if at all. he's even dictated to or gets people to write for him. after he became king he probably learnt the basics? but i feel all of atreus' energy went to aga (who also cant fucking read tbh)

i personally think menelaus was kinda ugly. or not like. conventionally handsome. but he's just such a nice freakin dude that people can't help but like him.

menelaus likes birds.

despite his. usually dormant nature. menelaus inherits atreus' anger. and it comes out in bursts. like strong. violent outbursts. like you see in book 3 with paris. when menelaus just drags him around and beats him. it's explosive and heated. it burns hot and dies just as quickly. but that is very atreus of him.

menelaus suffers from aches in his wrist after the paris fight and also he develops a limp from the wound in his thigh where he was shot with an arrow.

emotional. very emotional. with both the good and the bad. feels every emotion very strongly. feels others emotions (agaMEMNON in IOA) very strongly.

sharp features. sharp jaw. sharp nose. high cheekbones.

expressive as all hell. raises his eyebrows. makes faces. he is feeling things and his face will tell you what.

laughs a lot. not afraid to laugh and smile. smiles with his teeth a lot.

his smiles never quite reach his eyes but we'll move on from that.

develops a really close friendship with pat over the course of the war. that stems from them meeting at the suitor thing and they had lil chats then. often laments to him about how different things would be if helen had chose pat instead.

loses his fucking MARBLES when antilochus dies. i feel like the atreus anger would have come out again here.

after pat's death and him returning the body, achilles beats him to shit and menelaus doesn't fight back. he takes the blame ...... and the beating.

unintentionally always one of the funniest people in a room. is funny without even realising he's being funny. makes helen cry laughing several times.

i believe he was meant to marry clytemnestra. or at least that was the OG plan. they have a lot of fond yet awkward memories of each other.

blames himself for aga's death. and by extension - cly's.

iphigenia inherited the HOA red hair. watching her get sacrificed fucked him up tbh.

hermione is so SO SO important to him. especially as she was conceived around the whole 'sterile curse' thing in sparta. she is like a lil miracle to him.

honestly? can sometimes be a bit of a bitch.

gonna stop here cause that got REALLY long. but there's a handful of random ones that i wrote as they came into my head SDFGHJKL

#long post for ts /// #i have a lot of menelaus headcanons #like for his whole life #but here's a Taster #u know i love this man #someone: menela- #me: chats PURE WHAM for 147 hours #i also project onto menelaus and believe he has seizures #but that literally stems from 13 year old me projecting when i suffered my first seizre

[springmagpies]

I was asked in this post to name some of my favorite Peeta book moments and oh my gosh, that's really difficult! I gave condensed answers there, but I'm actually rereading the books for a book club my friends and I started, so the first one is very fresh in my mind and I wanted to go more in depth because that's just who I am. I'm starting the second one (my favorite one) soon, so I'll update this when I have reread the books and they are fresher in my mind! This will just be the ones that stand out in my head, and in my many many sticky-note marked pages, for the first one. Also, I am so so sorry for just how over done this is about to get. Thank you so much for this ask! I love a good ramble about how much I love Peeta Mellark! Literally one of my all time fictional crushes. I still have posters of him in my room. I love him so freaking much. But, I digress.

Book 1

Favorite: "Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to... to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games."

Underrated: There are so many underrated Peeta moments. I love when they're on the chariots and holding hands and Katniss realizes she's been squeezing his hand too tight and apologizes and tries to let go and he's basically like, "Please. I might fall out of this thing." And it's just this sweet moment where Katniss realizes that she isn't alone in a strange way. Like, she realizes that her personal anxiety and fear is somewhat shared with Peeta. I also think it shows the really sweet humility Peeta has. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I just think it's sweet.

Another underrated moment is when they watch the playback of the games and Katniss sees that Peeta had her back the entire time. Like, he knew her odds of winning were better than his and he just wanted to protect her and get her home. It's comforting for the audience, and I think for Katniss, to know that he has her back no matter what. He was always leading the Careers away, making sure she was alright when she was up in that tree, fought Cato to give her time to run, and even thought of her when he was camouflaged by the river. I also like to believe that when the Career pack say that someone needs to go back and make sure the tribute they just tried to kill was really gone, Peeta volunteered, not so that he could kill her, but so that the girl didn't die alone and didn't have to be finished off by one of the Careers.

Sweetest: Peeta is the sweetest boy and so a lot of his scenes and lines could be counted as this. I love love love the scene where he tells Katniss when he first started liking her. I love the fact that this boy literally took a beating to give her that much needed bread (and that she thinks of him every time she sees a dandelion). I love his whole description of falling for her and how detailed it is, because not only is it super sweet, but it is so undeniably genuine.

I also love at the very start of the book when Haymitch falls into a pool of his own vomit (shudders in fear of vomit) and Katniss and Peeta drag him back to his bathroom to clean him up.

Funniest: Peeta is actually so freaking funny and I wish that was talked about more. Some of my favorite Peeta moments are when he is trying to make Katniss laugh or is just being a sarcastic king. One of these moments is when they're in the cave and get gifted food. Katniss brings up how Effie is probably crying at their manners and so Peeta literally licks the rest of his plate clean and blows Effie a kiss and says, "We love you, Effie!"

Badass: His whole fight with Cato and the end is pretty badass. This man is literally bleeding out and still manages to help give Cato a run for his money. Peeta is also much smarter than he gets credit for. He can work an audience (the whole interview with Caesar is badass in itself), but he is also actually pretty strategic. I love when he marks Cato's hand with an X, because while Cato has only one thought in his head and Katniss is rightfully freaking out trying to figure out what to do, Peeta's quick thinking skills come into play.

#peeta mellark #everlark #the hunger games #maggie rambles #asked #ask me things #long post

[flamingbee]

what i think about my newsies children

jack-he’s a cowboy,david’s boyfriend,first one i simped for 5 years ago,first one i adopted, really wants to go to santa fe, he doesn’t use his real name, he kisses sarah which i hate(but we love sarah) he’s gay for david

david-davey,has a lesbian sister and a tiny child brother,jacks boyfriend,adopted this year, a very confused boy,hates the strike,walking mouth with a brain

les-a tiny child,can literally sleep through anything,he’s got a sword, i ship him with boots,he sees jack as a brother,wrapped his food in a newspaper

mush-one of the other first ones I adopted 5 years ago,dating blink, he is scared of jumping off high things,knows how to do flips,got hit with shaving cream by jack,likes to bully jack

blink-my new husband,started simping for him this year,my fav child,dating mush,blonk,has the best voice and funniest lines, eyepatch,almost missed a gate,why does he have a eye patch,where’s his eye,he is hot,i could say a lot about him,died in the fuckin toilet(not giving context,but it wasn’t newsies),wants a saturday night with the mayors daughter

spot-brooklyn is here,he is the king of brooklyn,dating race,he can fight,a funny boy,probably hates denton,him and blink are friends,will fight anyone for the Manhattan newsies,almosy hit his head on a fan once

race-AN OLD MAN(he was 24),child abuser,a literal gambler,likes horses, racetrack, dating spot,gets payback from skitts,pass the towel,one of the other first ones i adopted,died by falling off a roof(not giving context) he has a fucking harmonica

skittery-Skitts,my other husband, my murdered(don’t question its context),won’t pass the towel,they almost all know how to read(are you okay sir)(don’t question that either),wears pink,almost got kicked by a child,looks like he doesn’t know what’s going on 24/7,got shot/dragged by a car/hung/shot again/set on fire and finally died(NOT GIVING CONTEXT)

crutchy-another i first adopted, my crippled kid,FREE MY BOY,crip, sings at random times,looks like he is faking his broken leg(don’t question my contex),LET HIM OUT OF JAIL

snitch-don’t know a lot about,you look very annoyed half the time,i’ll probably watch the movie and focus on every character to learn

more about you and the others

boots-ur a tiny child,i ship you with les,not afraid of brooklyn but is afraid of spot,just wants a suit with fitted knickers,got yelled at my kloppman

snoddy-don’t know a lot about you but ur hot,you like to stand a way from the group,tall as fuck,will pay attention to you next time i watch yo get to know you more

jake-smiled at jack once,don’t know a lot,will also look at you next time to learn more

dutchy-MY SPELLING BOY,got stabbed to death before he could find his “porno” magazines(not giving context),he’s blonde,i like

his accent,will pay attention to when i watch again

snipeshooter-he likes to annoy the shit out of race,”how about a crooked politician”,short,hot abused by race,probably a trouble maker,will pay attention to you when i watch again

itey-looks cool,has a nice face structure,don’t know a lot about him

bumlets-rip dominic,shipped with specs by me,he is a athletic boy,he can flip,he likes holding a stick,he’s not that tall,will pay attention more when i watch again

pieeater-i literally know nothing about you,ur names cool,gonna pay attention to you when i watch newsies again

specs-shipped with bumlets by me,he killed some of the newsies(not giving context)he has a cool hat and glasses,he’s like the “father” of the newsies alittle, cool accent

swifty-flexible as shit,like to flip over jack,will pay attention to him more when i watch it again

[lunar-wandering]

alright- new AU time bitches lets go

tagging @winterpower98 cause i’ve been rambling about it to her for like the past could of days or so

so this is called the Fruit Smoothie AU

and basically,

starts off with Dragonfruit, ends with Chimerashipping

(also Shadowpeach is here too because I was struck with the funniest fucking idea ever and ran with it)

at the start of this AU, Mei is acting as a solo hero for the city (Hero name is Snapdragon)

Red Son falls in love with her the instant she beats him in a fight. takes him a lot longer so realize that though (DBK and PIF figure it out rather quick. “son why don’t you invite your.. friend over for dinner” “father why the fuck would i invite the hero over to my secret hideout” “....” “father. father look at me. father i do not like the hero”. and then, later, while he’s in the middle of working on a new invention, “oh shit i like the hero”)

Mei doesn’t really care about him that much at first- she’s kind of a “beat the bad guy, resolve the situation, call it a day” kind of hero at first

and then she and Red Son get trapped in an on fire building (not Red Son’s fault surprisingly. they still don’t know what caused the fire)

Red Son saves Mei from a piece of falling debris, and after making sure she gets out safe, teleports away, which makes her realize that oh. Red Son could’ve escaped on his own at any time. which is when Mei starts to develop feelings.

eventually, during one of their fights, another demon tries to kidnap Red Son, dragging him into the ocean. Mei follows, not really expecting that she’ll need to do much, but wanting to keep an eye on things.

only she finds that Red Son is struggling, and she realizes that oh, he can’t use his fire-

she summons her sword, cutting the ropes holding Red Son down, growls at the villain, her eyes glowing, energy crackling off of her- the villain backs down and leaves.

Mei has to give Red Son cpr

Mei actively refuses to let Red Son out of her sight for about a week after this, which is where most of their Bonding happens.

surprisingly enough, Red Son confesses first. he rambles it out nervously before turning and running away at top speed. Mei has to chase him and tackle him. “I’m not letting go of you- I’m worried you’ll run off to try and escape from your emotions again.”

anyways, thats the Main Start. fast forward like a few years or so, Mei and Red Son are both operating as heroes (Red Son’s hero name is Sunshine. Mei picked it for him.) while also running a food truck that mainly sells smoothies and cookies

one day, they hear news of a new vigilante hero on the block, reports only saying something about a flash of gold, no clear details otherwise.

so imagine their surprise when a person wearing a yellow hoodie and with a visor covering his eyes crashes into the back of their smoothie truck

he’s injured, and Red Son and Mei take him back to their apartment to help him. at first he won’t talk to them, or take off his visor, but after a few days..... he gives in, since he already knows their Secret Identities its “only fair” that they know his, and he takes off his visor and introduces himself as MK

(Red Son has like a momentary Bi Shutdown upon seeing MK’s eyes and Mei finds it incredibly hilarious)

what MK leaves out of his introduction however, is the fact that he is currently the Monkey King’s successor.

he comes up with some bullshit cover story of him being from a very reclusive demon family

(neither Mei nor Red Son fully believe this and have Many Theories about him)

Mei and Red Son latch onto him rather quick, making him their friend, even having him join their superhero group, and letting him work at the smoothie shop

.....well, he’s allowed to work at the smoothie stand with supervision. they kinda stopped trusting him after he broke his fourth blender in a row

since Mei and Red Son don’t initially know about MK being Wukong’s successor, it leads to moments like- Red Son: we need to figure out this guy’s weakness! MK, using his golden sight: there! above his elbow! Red Son, after the fight: how did you know his weak spot? MK: i can uh... see through glamours? Red Son: see through glamours huh....that sounds kind of familiar... MK: HA HA SURELY NOT I INHERITED THIS POWER FROM MY NOT WELL KNOWN DEMON FAMILY YOU PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF IT-

when they eventually figure it out though, is when a fight starts going south, and MK is about to get hit, and neither Mei nor Red Son will make it in time- but the Monkey King suddenly arrives, stopping the attacking demon in it’s tracks MK: oh... hi dad Red Son and Mei: DAD???? Mei: THE MONKEY KING IS YOUR DAD??? MK: I mean.. he only adopted me like a week or so ago,,, i was his successor before that- Red Son: THE MONKEY KING IS YOUR D A D????

Red Son is literally shaking MK by the shoulders like “what the fuck, why didn’t you tell us this, what the fuck, this is important information-” while Mei is in the background letting Red Son handle the yelling and is taking pictures with a very confused Wukong.

anyways. on to a bit of the chimerashipping-

Red Son and Mei share a bed. Red Son literally screams into his pillow over how much he likes MK while Mei just lays beside him casually scrolling through her phone

Mei: i give you permission to date my boyfriend MK: wh- Mei: it’s called polyamory MK you get used to it. now here’s my 20 step plan on how you can woo Red- MK: how did you know I liked him

Red Son just absolutely SHOWERS the both of them in gifts like. its to the point its insanely ridiculous hdkfsjldfkdlf

NOW FOR MACAQUE

Macaque stops by the smoothie truck once after the Episode 9 incident and Red Son just throws a smoothie at him

however. post-shadow play.

Macaque needs somewhere to hide from LBD, and what better place to do that than with the heroes?

so he throws on a human glamour, shows up at the smoothie truck, and gets a part time job. (hey, they’ve gotta have someone running the truck when they’re out doing heroing stuff)

so of course. it’s just his luck that one day, when MK and the others are out doing their usual Hero Business, Wukong stops by in his human glamour-

Macaque spends like the first few minutes while taking Wukong’s order like “why the fuck is this guy so hot?” and then, while inputting things into the blender, the dots finally connect of “OH SHIT THATS WUKONG-”

Macaque pulls an MK and accidentally destroys the blender because he’s so flustered

MK and the others come back to an destroyed blender and an “Amaranthine” (Macaque went for the most dramatic cover name) that refuses to talk about it

things dont end there though

Wukong: y’know that clumsy guy that works part time at your smoothie truck is kinda cute MK, figured out that it was Macaque ages ago: *(chokes)*

MK spends a full minute just running mental calculations trying to figure out if Wukong knows it’s Macaque (spoiler alert, he does not)

MK sends Mei a text asking for help and gets back “THATS MACAQUE???” “oh shit i forgot you guys didn’t know-” “YOU LET US HIRE MACAQUE?” “hes becoming a better person now-” “YOU LET US HIRE MA C AQUE???”

Mei and Red Son had no clue he was Macaque hsfksjdlksdfjd. he very much gets threatened that day but is allowed to stay

Mei suggests MK try and set Macaque and Wukong up because holy shit, this is funnier than any kind of romcom she’s seen

they basically end up just repeatedly causing incidents for Wukong to end up at the smoothie truck while Macaque is running it

Macaque accidentally compliments Wukong during one of those interactions and Wukong literally breaks the cup he was holding on accident like- Wukong: heh, you’re pretty clumsy aren’t you Macaque: maybe i’d be a bit more coordinated if i didn’t have the literal definition of sunshine incarnate blinding me every day Wukong: a h 

Macaque and Wukong kinda dance around each other like that for a while, until the kids decide they’ve Had Enough

MK: why don't you just confess to him?? you've been flirting for ages Macaque: because then i'd have to reveal its me and he might not like me anymore- Mei, MK, and Red Son believe that to be complete and utter bullshit MK even checks with Wukong like "yknow, if Macaque ever became a better person, would you have wanted to get back together with him?" and the answer was "yes as long as we talk things out first" so he knows it would go well

Red Son “accidentally” trips, pouring an ice cold smoothie down Macaque’s back, and Macaque is so startled by the temperature change his glamour vanishes

Wukong: Macaque???? Macaque: uh- yeah. hi? Wukong: i cant fucking believe this Macaque: yeah ill just leave- Wukong: no no you're staying here- im not that surprised i should've seen it coming that i'd fall for you again- Macaque: wh- Wukong: but im gonna have to talk to you later because right now i have three children that need to be reprimanded MK: guys i think we should run- Mei: good plan Red Son: yeah i agree- Wukong, picking all three of them up by the back of their clothes: where do you think you three are going? MK: we have a business to run and hero work to do- Wukong: that can wait.

Wukong makes them all have a smoothie drinking contest with him (he wins and the trio gets brainfreeze. Macaque watches this all go down with intense confusion)

the smoothie contest is partially a cover up for how flustered he feels. he was kinda hoping he’d get a brain freeze long enough to knock himself out for a couple of hours hdfkdlfjldkfd

...and that’s all i have thus far hdfksjlkdd fsd its mostly comedy but i dont care

#Monkie Kid #Fruit Smoothie AU #Dragonfruit #Chimerashipping #Shadowpeach #had to put under a keep reading cause it got kinda long #been offline mostly all day today cause ive been feeling bleh so this is my apology

[lexacoolfox]

Ok so I did Nagito with a s/o like zenitsu but what about a s/o like inosuke 🤭

Nagito with a S/O like inosuke from demon slayer

Let’s just start off by saying you were a very interesting individual. Not just to Nagito but to your guys class.

I would think you would developed a crush on Nagito, because of how nice he is to you and how he never makes comments about the way you act, but actually compliments you instead. He also laughs and say an insult about himself anytime you get his name wrong. Even thought you get everybody’s name wrong.

“Fight me! Magito komata!”

“Hahahahahaha! Wow of course! why would an ultimate as amazing as you would remember my name! A completely useless nobody! But I’m sorry, I don’t want to fight you but you can still punch me all you want! I can be your human punching bag!”

“No! I want a fight! That’s not a fight! I need a challenger! Somebody who will fight me back! Also why would you offer yourself like that hagito!?”

“Because I’m utter trash! But I could be at least somewhat useful for you!”

“Huh trash? But you don’t look like trash? You look like a person? You talk? Trash can’t talk? What king games are you playing, magito!?”

That was your guys first interaction. The next time you guys interacted is when he was watching you and akane cause you two decided to have a fight! She attacked first. she punched you so hard that she slightly broke your ribs. You gasped but then started laughing.

“Not bad! Not bad at all! But let me show what I’m capable of!”

You wanna bet that’s got Nagito’s attention. You started bending backwards until you head was between your legs

You were laughing like you just like you heard the funniest thing in the world. Also it wasn’t just Nagito who was just watching most of your class was watching too.

“U-uhm y-you shouldn’t do that! a-akane punched you pretty hard…I-I think she even broke s-some r-ribs…”

“What do I care! Im not done till I win this fight!”

You guys had a pretty intense fight! Akane wasn’t actually able to get you that much, cause how low your attack were and your interesting fighting style. Nobody in that class has ever seen a style like it! It’s the same as tanjiro said in demon slayer ‘it’s like I’m battling, a fearsome four-legged beast’

Akane tried to attack low like you but you some how got even lower and attack her. Everbody was wondering how in the world you were so flexible. Gundham didn’t even think you were human

“You…there is no way you are a human! Tell me! Where did thou come from!”

“Huh? I don’t know somewhere downtown?”

You Akane continued! Fun fact: you wear a hoodie similar to this! That hoodie covered a lot of your face. So nobody really knew what you looked like

So during the fight Akane accidentally pulled down your hood. Everbody was just shocked

“WHAT!?! YOUR KIDDING ME!! THATS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!!!”

“What? you got a problem with my face or something!”

You eventually beat Akane but both of you were severely injured. But did you care? No. You won, that’s all that mattered!

Nagito helped You while Mikan was helping akane

“Wow! You did incredible in that fight! It’s a absolute honor to patch you up! Your determination to win that fight even after your ribs were slightly broken! Such dedication! Amazing! I’m so unworthy to be in your presence!”

That’s kinda when your crush started developing. You weren’t really used to compliment or the warm fuzzy feeling that came with it. Like inosuke you just sat in silence, occasionally making weird happy noises.

Now anytime you see him, talk to him, or just accidentally bump into him! You get butterfly in your stomach and it made you confused cause it only happened with him. You assumed he did something to you.

So one fateful day. You drag behind the school and push him against the wall.

“Okay! Hagito! What did you do to me!”

“Um I’m not sure what you mean? Care to explain what I did?”

“Anytime I see you or bump into you, even talking to you! I get a weird feeling in my stomach, my face gets hot and just makes me want to yell! It only happened with you! So you obviously did something!”

“Um I’m sorry! But I swear I didn’t do anything! Maybe you should ask Mikan.”

“Fine! Since you don’t have an answer! I’ll ask her!”

Then you ran off yelling, leaving a very confused Nagito. Eventually you burst into the nurse office were she remains most of the time, scaring her half to death when you yelled.

“U-um s/o…? Is t-there something I can h-help you w-with?”

“Yeah! I get this weird feeling around magito!”

“Y-you mean nagito?”

“Yeah! Hagito!”

“O-ok can y-you say w-what you feel?”

After you told her what you feel. She kinda giggles and told you, that you probably have a crush on Nagito. You didn’t know what a crush was so she had explain it to you. After that you left and went to find Nagito.

“Hey! Nagito!”

“Wow you actually said my name right!”

“Yeah! So I like you!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Do you like me back?”

“Yes…actually I do a lot…”

“So wanna date?”

“Yes!”

“Ok let’s go!”

Sorry if that seemed kinda plain but that’s probably how it would go.

You guys were the most interesting couple. Nobody really expected you two to end up together.

One thing you and Nagito really enjoy is walking through a forest. You enjoy running around a giant forest and Nagito enjoys anything you two do together. It actually help Nagito learned a little bit more about you.

One time you two got lost. Nagito was trying to remember the way until he notice you on your knees and you were just standing still for a few seconds. Then you got up and started pulling Nagito out the forest.

You and Nagito are not the best at displaying emotions. Which can cause a little bit of chaos at times.

You also get easily jealous. You hate when anybody tries to make a move on Nagito. Beware those who try to go after Nagito.

Your like his own bodyguard too. When you see somebody tries to bully Nagito. keyword tries. they end up in the nurses office in 2 minutes.

You can be soft with him at times, but only in private.

“You are quite the interesting individual s/o!”

“Was that an insult or compliment?”

“It was a compliment!”

“Well even though you are a goodie goodie who never wants to fight. Your the only one who give me funny feelings.”

“I love you s/o.”

“Yeah yeah I love you too.”

#anime #s/o x danganronpa characters #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #inosuke hashiriba #nagito komeada x reader #nagito komeada #danganronpa x s/o

[allaboardtheussharringrove]

So @billy-baby mentioned That 70’s Show and Harringrove, and it reminded me of a *whole ass* set of hc’s about a 70’s/Stranger Things AU that has been sitting in my notes for literal years collecting dust, so here it is:

-Billy & Hyde would be besties, probably neighbours in the same shitty neighbourhood

-They headbang to hard rock and metal, jam to 60’s & 70’s rock while drinking TONS of beer and hotboxing the Camaro and El Camino, respectively

-Bands they’d have in common: AC/DC, Black Sabbath & Ozzy Osbourne, Scorpions, KISS, Judas Priest, Van Halen, and Led Zeppelin just to name a couple

-Hyde always gives Billy shit for like, never wearing a shirt, Billy gives Hyde shit for his ever-present sunglasses & sideburns

-They know each other’s parental problems, and take refuge in the Forman’s basement/the empty Harrington house (yes, we’re talkin’ a Hawkins, Indiana/Point Place, Wisconsin mashup here)

-Billy still has a major crush on Steve (Harrington that is, Steven Hyde will only be referred to as Hyde [and that possible name mix-up could cause some hilarity whenever anyone calls out “Steven”, and some embarrassing rumour drama for Billy, Steve, & Hyde (or omg a block party at the Formans where Kitty calls out “William! Steven! Michael!” And she turns around and has Billy, Will, Hyde, Steve, Mike, and Kelso starting at her expectantly)])

-Billy probably also thinks Eric and Kelso are kinda cute, but total dumbasses, they both definitely annoy him

-Fez would have a totally awkward and hilarious crush on Billy, and you just know Billy would flirt with him on purpose just to make him nervous (this might make Steve a lil jealous and annoy him to no end)

-Jackie would have the BIGGEST crush on Steve, after Kelso, and drag him around to go shopping and shit, he would tolerate it but Billy would absolutely hate her as a “bitchy rich entitled snot-nosed brat” cause she would be vocal about him being poor and he’d have to be calmed down by Hyde and Steve all the time

-Billy would give Hyde an unimaginable amount of shit for going out with Jackie, hooo boy!

-Steve would get a kick outta Kelso, but I think he and Eric would be pretty close friends, with Steve always pushing to hang around at the Forman’s cause Eric’s parents are always present, as opposed to his empty house (he adores Kitty Forman for SURE as the mother he never had)

-But the gang would surely hold parties at the Harrington’s....and only sometimes get away with it (both these groups are known for their KEGS! and the 70’s teens would lose their damn minds over Keg Kings Billy & Steve)

-Billy would put the charm on for Kitty sometimes just to see her blush, and Red would get annoyed and just a little threatening saying something like “Like to see how charming you are with my foot up your ass” and Billy being the abused kid that he is automatically takes it a little too seriously- probably flinches, goes a little pale, stutters out a “Yes sir, sorry sir”

-This would make Kitty and Red a bit concerned, pay a visit to the Hargrove household- I wouldn’t be surprised if they experience Neil putting Billy down or catch a glimpse of a smack or something and they would for sure take action with Red intimidating Neil cause you know he could

-Anyway! Girls. Robin and Donna would be THE BEST FRIENDS EVER, cause Donna had no other cool girl friend to hang out with and you just KNOW Robin might have an “itsy bitsy” (huge) crush on Donna, cause she’s Hot Donna, also they’re both super into female empowerment (and honestly, when Donna/Eric break up I could see her maybe falling for Robin too)

-Donna and Billy would be buds, she might like him for a hot minute but be cool with him being gay (Out of everyone in the 70’s gang, I think he’d most likely share this with her - cause she’d probably figure it out - even if it’s just to gush about their dumb, brave, pretty brunette boys to each other)

-Max would LOVE Donna, not just because of the hair (but also redhead solidarity is important), but because they’re both badasses and would totally vibe together- Max, Billy, and Donna would be an unexpectedly fun trio (and Billy would complain about having to drive the “GingeTwins” around all the time or something to that effect)

-And Jackie having to babysit Erica (because Donna does it sometimes, but she’s out for the night) would be the best thing ever good lord, Erica would put Jackie in her place, but they’d probably make up some schemes together too

-Also Erica would be absolutely appalled at having a similar name to Eric, she’d probably call him something along the lines of “Supreme Nerd” or “King of the Nerds” and have an endless supply of unimpressed looks for him during their debates of whose name is better

-Eric would totally join Mike, Will, Lucas & Dustin in their nerd exploits (STAR WARS!) And he and Dustin would get into loooong nerd debates

-I think Kelso would join Dustin & Lucas (and maybe the other boys too) in doing mischievous experiments including but not limited to: pyrotechnics, wrist rockets, radios and electronics... He’d begrudgingly listen to the scientific explanations of the boys (which would all fly right over his head) and they would have a moderate success rate, but also have to run away from the trouble they’d get in

-Lucas and Hyde would always be cool, but after finding out about Hyde’s biological dad they could become closer (Hyde’s dad and Lucas would have the best banter)

-Will and Eric would geek out over comics, and I think Eric would be super nice/supportive about seeing Will’s drawings

-Jonathan would be pretty quiet at first, but might talk to Fez since they’re both kinda the odd man out in each group (and he’d be genuinely NICE to Fez, *side eyes 70’s teens*)- then he’d be roped into doing random/stupid/mildly illegal stuff with the gang

-And despite Billy & Hyde being besties, I think Jonathan would bond with Hyde over shitty dads (plus I think Hyde would love Joyce, and she’d be another offer of refuge for him & Billy) and WEED WEED WEED

-Actually that might definitely be a sub-trio: Jonathan, Billy, & Hyde- they’d all have each other’s backs when it came to family drama (and later on when Hyde gets his record store, he’d offer them both jobs and Jonathan would be over the fuckin’ moon and work there)

-Billy would for sure work for Red in his muffler shop, and Red would take him under his wing, probably unwittingly become the father figure Billy never had.

-Nancy, hmmm, well she’s on the richer side of town so her and Jackie might be friends? but she’d for sure get annoyed with Jackie’s shallow bullshit

-OH and Robin would also hate Jackie I think, ‘cause of her entitlement and relentless obsession with boys (poor Jackie, I’m not setting her up for anything great here huh)

-So that’d be why Steve is friends with her, if only ‘cause he feels bad when she alienates herself from the rest of the teens, they (and I hate to say this) *could possibly* date for like 5 minutes, it’d be a REALLY hard time for Billy...and Kelso. And those two would probably come up with some hairbrained scheme to break them up (and succeed, but each get ripped a new one because of it)

-But at least the group of teen girls would be bigger if Donna, Robin, Jackie, and Nancy all hung out together sometimes (and if they tried to have a sleepover or something there would be toooo many idiot boys trying to creep on them, I think Billy would be the voice of reason and tell them they’re all being dickheads)

-And he’d give Fez a fuck ton of shit for being such a voyeuristic creep, probably make him stop hiding in people closets (wait what? Fez is like constantly coming out of closets in that show?! hello?? is that a thing??? Oh ho-ho they’d have a whole talk about that)

-Steve would get a kick outta Fez, probably think he was the funniest dude on the planet, as I’d say they’re the goofballs of the group (and yes, I am mostly excluding the King Steve narrative from this and using only cool mom Steve, cool? cool.)

-Steve might also have a lil crush on Donna, (‘cause a strong personality and blue eyes is like his kink, we all know this) but Eric would throw a fit about that and then they’d be all buddy-buddy discussing Donna & Billy (I think Eric being kind of a dumbass about his own gay kiss might put Steve off for a bit [and make Billy super hesitant and real pissed], but I also think Eric would be cool with hearing Steve out about his big bisexuality-discovery-adventure)

-Donna and Eric trying set Steve and Billy up by saying they’re all gonna hang out, and then like locking Billy/Steve in a room together or something and leaving😈

-When Billy/Steve’s relationship comes out, Hyde’s reaction is probably “That’s cool, man” Kelso would make some corny statement about how hot *he* is, Fez would probably fangirl over it with big ole heart eyes, Jackie would be like “weird, whatever”, Kitty would get flustered and then overly excited about it after a while, Red would be uncomfortable but okay with it saying something like “I better not catch you two dumbasses doing anything in my house”

-Ohmygod, Red as a father figure to Billy, Kitty as a mother figure to Steve, and they end up being so supportive of the boys ‘cause they have to put up with so much parental shit (say what you want, but the Formans have compassion) and they convert their house/backyard into a little private prom for the whole gang just so Billy/Steve can dance together and be themselves

-Billy, Steve, and Robin would die laughing every time they saw/talked to Leo. And I feel like Robin would talk her way into a job at the Photo Hut and then just end up being the manager and hires Jonathan herself to do the developments

-And you know how Hyde is always punching Kelso in the arm? Well he’d always get one, and Billy would punch the other arm as he’d classify Kelso a special kind of idiot, they’d always be teasing Kelso together, but Billy (and Steve I’m sure) would have some wicked BURNS that Kelso would love

-Steve and Kelso as friends? Sure, pretty boys gotta stick together~ especially when Steve gets called that by Billy, and then Kelso insists he’s a prettier boy, and Billy either rolls his eyes or flirts aggressively cause Kelso doesn’t understand WHY that’s Steve’s nickname, and it’s a whole can of worms you guys

-(And I didn’t forget about El, I’m just not quite sure where she fits in this AU... she probably doesn’t have powers and is the new kid who moves into town cause of a bad home life, she’d befriend Max in school and then I think Donna would take her under wing, then she’d be a hit with the teen gang cause she’d break her quietness with witty comments/one-liners, and since she’s very intuitive still, she gravitates towards Billy & Hyde and there would be some touching heart-to-hearts about shitty parental situations followed immediately after by inappropriate offers of beer to which she responds with a firm “gross”)

-And finally, *the Circle* would be so much bigger and funnier with the Stranger Teens in it

#harringrove #that 70’s show #stranger things #billy hargrove #steve harrington #steven hyde #donna pinciotti #eric forman #robin buckley #jackie burkhart #michael kelso #fez #johnathan byers #nancy wheeler #Stranger 70’s Things #no upside down tho just teen sitcom #ahhhh my hc’s these are just my brain rambles so like do with them what you will 🤷‍♀️ #I really love both these shows so #in high school kids always said I was like donna lmao❤️ #long post #😬 #oh! and someone be nice to Jackie for me? I dunno how I could not get her into a good spot among the gang🤔 #excessive use of parentheses

[kaaytea]

So how about Lev, Tsuki, Kuroo and Oiks with a really short and shy s/o. (I'm 4'9 so all i want is for someone to pick me up from under the arms like a cat and carry me on their shoulders 👉👈🥺) - Bug Anon

Jsksndk ✨this~✨

Short s/o

⤷Includes: Tsukki, Kuroo, Lev, and Oikawa 

----------------------------------------------------------

Tsukishima

I'm sorry but this is Tsukki, he will clown you

No one else is allowed to tease you about your height tho, he will actually end them with some back handed comment

He's the type where if you walk up to him during the day and start talking he'll kinda ignore you a bit then be like "oh sorry, I didn't see you down there"

He’s so mean about it but at the same time he loves when you ask him for help

He makes a big show about being annoyed that you need him to grab something off the top shelf when secretly it's his favorite thing

Thinks it's the funniest thing when you try to kiss him

Like it's not gonna happen you're way to smol to reach his lips

He'll torture you for a bit but eventually he leans down so he can kiss you

Sorry but he rests his arm on your head a lot 😔

Is probably happy that you're a bit shy bc it's easy to fluster you and he vibes well with people that lean more introverted

Living with tall people is actually the worst, like whY does Tsukki feel the need to put all of your favorite mugs on the tOp!! Shelves when he knOws you can't reach them

You know it's fine, you're used to this and have become a champion counter climber 😌✨

So that explains why you were currently kneeling on the counter reaching up for a mug at 10 pm

"What the hell are you doing?"

".......getting my mug? What's it look like silly"

Why are you like this? Why do you feel the need to put yourself in dangerous situations so much?

Kei sighed and walked over to you, he grabbed your waist and pulled you down from the counter then reached up and got the mug down

"You need to stop endangering yourself when you could literally just ask me to help you"

"I wouldn't be endangering myself if you stopped putting MY things on the high shelves!... I swear you do it on purpose sometimes"

He definitely does it on purpose....but he'll never tell you that :)

Kuroo

God he loves you

Kuroo is such a huge dork so expect him to fawn over you

He won't tease you toooo much like he occasionally will hold something out of your reach to watch you jump around trying to get it back

But he really just appreciates you as you are 😌

Kuroo is used to shy, introverted ppl so he's not bothered by it at all

As long as he can hug you he's happy

He LOVES to rest his chin on your head!!

If you're still too short for him to do that he also LOVES giving you back hugs, so either way it's a win win

You were watching Tetsu practice spiking, most of the team had left, only a few stragglers remained trying to get in some extra practice

You were very content with your spot, you were out of the way and happily sat swinging your legs back and forth. Plus you had a pretty good view of Tetsu and Kenma from your bench meaning you could soak up the pure joy that radiated off your boyfriend

Tetsu looked over to see you watching

"Wanna try spiking, sweetheart?"

"Tetsu, I don't think I can even jump high enough to see over the net"

"We won't know until you try~"

I mean he was right...I guess it couldn't hurt

And ya know he looks really cool when he spiked so maybe you'd look pretty cool too!

You walked over to Tetsu and gave Kenma the ok to set the ball for you

You jumped up and you actually hit the ball!!

But the ball didn't even make it past the net 😭

"DON'T LAUGH AT ME!"

"No no you did really good!... You uh... Looked very cute?"

">:(("

"Here do it again I wanna try something"

You sighed, he was just setting you up for failure so he can watch you make a fOOL of yourself again

Kenma set the ball and you jumped up

ONLY THIS TIME YOU KEPT RISING

NDKDNDK KUROO IS REALLY LIFTING YOU UP RN SO YOU CAN SPIKE

You hit the ball and it shot to the ground with a satisfying slap!

"THAT FELT SO COOL!! I FEEL SO POWERFUL!!"

"Yeah you sure look intimidating having me lift you up so you can look over the net"

"Let me have this moment, Tetsurou"

Lev

If anyone were to pick you up like a cat it's this kid

He is lAnKy and you being smol?

He will pick you up....you physically cannot stop him

Likes to lift you up and spin you around when you come to visit him at practice

It usually ends with you being pretty dizzy and Yaku kicking Lev for treating you like a cat

Lev is pretty oblivious to what he says, specifically to people that are shorter to him

He might say something that’s a little rude and unknowingly offend you but he really doesn't mean it

Like it just doesn't click for him that there's a chance he's being insensitive

Just remember that Lev would never ever hurt you intentionally and if he realizes that he hurt you he'd probably panic and continuously apologize to you for the next week

I feel like Lev would compare your hand sizes a lot. He thinks its funny how much smaller your hands are compared to his he gets this funny feeling in his chest whenever he does, you’re just very tiny and cute

It seems like wherever Lev goes he always finds a cat

It's very odd

You were walking around a park for a date when he suddenly stopped at a tree

"AH A CAT WE HAVE TO HELP IT!"

"......It's pretty far up there Lev, I don't think even you can reach it"

"We can't just leave it!!! Quick get on my shoulders!!"

What

How did this happen?

Correction, How did you let this happen?

You reached your hand out to the orange cat sitting on the branch, it slowly made its way in your direction

"Did you save it?"

"almost, move a little to the right"

That cat gracefully leaped into your arms and started purring

Ok maybe this was worth it bc this cat is really cute🥺

You and Lev ended up playing with the cat for a bit getting it to bat at some leaves

The cat even followed you guys for a bit and you see it every so often on your park dates

You named it apricot

Oikawa

I hate to say it but you know that feeling you get when you see a really cute kitten or puppy?

Yeah that's how Oikawa reacts

You're just.....tiny and he has this overwhelming need to hold you

He honestly loves that you're short

Oiks is, surprisingly, pretty tall. Like man is pushing 6'0 so having a small s/o just makes him :))!!

Oikawa doesn't mind your timidness, he thinks it adds to your charm!

Boy friken loves when you hide your face in his chest

Also king of piggy back rides 😌

He will carry you everywhere if given the chance

You were walking back to Oikawa's place

He just finished practice and it was a Friday so he insisted you come over for a sleepover

Yes he still calls them sleepovers, let him live it's cute

You were walking down the street, hand in hand, and the sun had just started going down painting the sky with warm reds and oranges

To be honest you were kinda tired so you started dragging behind a bit

You took a nap while you waited for Seijoh’s practice to end and you only woke up maybe 15 minutes ago? So you were kinda in that weird state where your awake...but not very aware

"(y/n)-chan?"

"huh?"

"Did you not hear what I said?"

"no....I'm sorry Turoo I'm still a bit tired"

":0!! I can't have my precious s/o wAlking if they're tired!"

He just scOOPS you up bridal style and continues walking like it's nothing

I-

Huh I mean sure I guess, if you really insist Tooru

You wrap your arms around his neck for more stability and he sneaks a kiss on to your cheek

"Won't your arms get tired carrying me?"

"Oh please, you're as light as a feather"

😳 ig Volleyball training has it's benefits bc he really can carry you everywhere and never get tired

#kayquests #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukki x reader #tsukishima headcanons #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima imagine #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #kuroo headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo testuro #lev habia #lev x reader #lev headcanons #lev scenario #oikawa imagine #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyū!! #bug anon

[velvetcoves]

some V3 relationship HCs :) (boys)

(f/n)= first name <3

-mod velv

K1-B0 (KIIBO)

★ I LOVE HIM-

★ anyway

★ Kiibo has a basic understanding of human nature, but there are things that he just.. doesn’t get

★ like.. why do you have so many cups?? don’t you need only a couple?

★ and yes, he supposes that rock shines, but why do you need it?

★ you’ll have to explain to him some of your nature, and most humans as well. he’s very interested in learning as much as he can :)

★ after he gets some of it, (which took a while), he’ll start collecting little things that remind him of you. like a crow

★ your reactions mean everything to him

★ if you have any games that require timing, i have one word for you.

★ Kiibo.

★ he can literally pass any levels you’re stuck on

★ did i mention he heats up?

★ even though he’s.. made of metal, he’s surprisingly very comfortable! however, there are times where some parts of him dig into you uncomfortably, but there are solutions :)

★ like sweaters!! and blankets

★ speaking of, i feel like Kiibo would have a love-hate relationship with winter

★ on one hand, he gets to see you in the snow, help you make a snowman, and keep you warm during the cold nights

★ but.. his body gets stuck more often.

★ and the metal gets cold quickly, and he doesn’t want you cold :(

★ but you just remind him of the sweaters and you’ve got a happy robot :)

KOREKIYO SHINGUJI

★ whenever you two go out, he always has to be touching you in someway

★ it’s never something big, and most times you don’t even notice him until later

★ more often than not, his hand finds its way to your back

★ it’s now a habit of his, to kind of lead you with that

★ if his hand isn’t at your back, i feel like it would be somewhere on your arm. like a linked arm, or he’s holding your hand so he doesn’t lose you in a crowd.

★ ok but his h a i r?

★ can i be a simp for hair

★ he definitely would let you, and only you play with his hair. like braiding it, brushing, etc.

★ i feel like he would rarely call you by your actual name, because he uses so. many. pet names.

★ “angel, could you grab that for me?”

★ “dearest, come here for a second.”

★ stuff like that smh oh to be called dearest by Kiyo

★ he’d tease you sometimes as well

★ if you’re shorter than him, he’d definitely hold things above his head so you couldn’t grab them. and if you’re taller than him, then oh boy. he’d hide stuff from you. not important things, but stuff you’d need only in that specific moment.

★ he also really likes to play with your fingers lol it helps him concentrate

★ ok but just imagine.. Kiyo in the middle of a conversation, you’re not really paying attention as you’re screwing around on your phone. suddenly, Kiyo’s soft fingers interlace between yours, giving your hand a squeeze before he begins to play with your index finger as he continues to talk. tracing the shape of it into his mind. almost like he wanted to make a copy of you.

★ he could never try to replicate you, though. you’re so perfect to him.

RANTARO AMAMI

★ TEASE KING. STEP ASIDE KOKICHI

★ Rantaro is definitely that dude that if you’re wearing a hat, he’ll pull it down over your eyes or he’ll just straight up steal it.

★ play with his hair plEASE-

★ his hair is soft, threads through your fingers rather easily, and smells like lime

★ y’all are that couple that has one’s head in their lap as they read or somethin, playing with the other’s hair.

★ he is also that dude that comes up behind you, covering your eyes with his hands as he whispers, “guess who?~”

★ Rantaro actually has pretty small hands, and they’re actually cold most of the time.

★ beware of him and his goddamn hands smh

★ he will definitely stick his hands under your shirt for “warmth” as he so says. you know that he just wants to see your reactions

★ he’s actually god at eyeliner, so if you need to wear some, he’s your guy. hey, the dude has sisters.

★ speaking of, his sisters absolutely ADORE you. usually when you go over to his house they just.. immediately snatch you for 99% of the time and Rantaro is just “😀”

★ he leaves you little doodles everywhere. like he’ll bring you a book you asked for, and like on the 120th page there’s a crow with heels and it's the funniest thing you’ve seen all day

★ he starts laughing when you bring it up, and eventually you both are just laughing so hard at it you can't breathe

★ he has so much fun when he’s with you. he can never repay you

SHUICHI SAIHARA

★ steal his hat steal his hat steal his-

★ Shuichi is flustered rather easily when it comes to you, so use that information to your advantage hehe

★ expect lots of cuddles from him, especially those back hugs. like the ones where he’ll come up behind you and wrap his arms around you, leaning his head on top of yours if you're shorter, or against your back if you’re taller.

★ he’ll let out a small sigh of content as he nuzzles into your form, trying to keep his face hidden.

★ he finds your voice so soothing, especially when you read to him? like watch this:

★ you two are working on one of his cases together. your job is reading out his notes from the scene, your voice a low murmur as he works away. you haven’t noticed that he’s just.. stopped writing, staring at his pen as he begins to play with it. scratchy handwriting is what his eyes rake over, an adoring smile plastered to his face as he just listens. eventually you notice he’s stopped. “..Shuichi?” your soft voice asks, and he jolts a bit, grasped from his daydream. “a-ah.. sorry (f/n).. continue?”

★ more often than not it's your murmurs that causes the sleep deprivation to slap him in the face and just be knocked tf out.

★ helping him with cases is one of your favorite things?? like Shuichi you’re so smart give yourself some credit?????

★ every morning he greets you with a small smile. even though he’s still really tired, he makes an effort for you :)

★ i love funky detective man smh

GONTA GOKUHARA

★ b,, baby man,,

★ if you’re terrified of bugs, he’ll try to keep his little friends away from you, he doesn’t want to scare you at all :(

★ if you don’t mind bugs/you like them, he’ll be overjoyed!!

★ he probably has a bug named after you

★ more often than not, you’ll find them in your room or on your things. usually they’re really gorgeous, he says they remind you of him that day :)

★ he tries to switch up the bugs you find each day, so it’s always a little surprise when you enter your own room

★ ask him to carry you

★ he wants to carry you.

★ pl e a se

★ Gonta is also really warm, and his hands are HUGE

★ expect so many head pats from him. he loves how small you are compared to him

★ boops from Gonta? boops from Gonta.

★ this man straight up craves your cuddles.

★ because of his body temperature and scent of pine, it’s not hard at all to fall asleep in his embrace

★ i feel like he wakes up rather early, so he gets the pleasure of watching you sleep

★ not in a creepy way! he thinks you look so.. peaceful. angelic, is more of the word.

★ he absolutely LOVES seeing you in his clothes. just the way the cloth envelopes your tiny frame, you with your adorable smile and sweater paws?

★ god he loves you sm

RYOMA HOSHI

★ when you two first got into a relationship, he rarely touched you.

★ he literally had no idea what to do

★ he lived all of his life on eggshells, scared of every coming day

★ and then you, his ray of sunshine, just came to him?

★ he’s just so lost

★ however, you knew what to do.

★ you basically taught him that no, you’re not going to disappear from his life at any given moment. you promise.

★ it took some convincing, but you got there.

★ anyway, he doesn’t show too much PDA, but he’s taken up the habit of grasping your sleeve when you two walk together

★ given the fact that you’re likely taller than him, this boy l o v e s your hugs.

★ the way you just envelope him in your loving embrace.. he feels like he doesn’t deserve it.

★ he might tell you so, but you quickly shut him up with a kiss or something :)

★ spooning spooning spooning-

★ he’s usually little spoon, but he’ll be big spoon if you want :)

★ Ryoma really likes being held by you. he feels like time stops, like all that matters is you in that moment.

★ he just feels so safe when he’s around you. he’s gotta get used to it

★ one time when you both went on a date, you accidentally found the main base of the stray cats in your town

★ they LOVED him and now you go there frequently to visit the cats

★ ya’ll definitely have a cat from there too smh you’re so cute

KOKICHI OUMA

★ at the earliest stages of your relationship, i have two words for you.

★ good luck.

★ you are not safe from Kokichi.

★ you are targeted by him.

★ anyway, i definitely feel like he would be so clingy with you.

★ he doesn’t care that you’re in public, he will latch onto you and be a nuisance.

★ holding onto your sleeve, holding your hand, latching onto your leg so you have to drag him around, full on trying to tackle you, etc.

★ p i g g y b a c k r i d e s

★ if you don’t want him to completely annoy you, just hoist him up onto your back for a ride

★ he LOVES it

★ i also feel like he wouldn’t really know what he’s doing at first.. you make him feel so many things, emotions that he thought were buried a long time ago. it’s a bit too much for him

★ patience is key with Kokichi. please just wait for him. he’ll catch up when he’s ready.

★ but when he does? and when you’ve convinced him you’re not leaving anytime soon?

★ you have the most caring and lovable man right at your side.

★ he’s.. so soft with you.

★ Kokichi absolutely adores being held by you. probably the most out of the V3 crew. he feels so secure, so sure of your relationship in those moments. he sleeps best when you’re around, which he desperately needs due the insomnia that plagues him most nights.

★ quiet cuddles are such a treasure to you. he’s usually silent during your cuddle sessions, his head either in the crook of your neck or buried in your chest, inhaling your scent so he can imprint it to his mind. it makes you more in love with him.

★ also DICE adores you-

KAITO MOMOTA

★ he is,, the biggest simp for you,,,

★ literally every single day, Kaito looks at you with the biggest grin on his face because every time he looks at you, he notices a new thing that makes him love you even more.

★ stargazing da te s✨

★ ^ these dates often end up with him going on a rant about the constellations and their movements, star types, etc. and you love him for it

★ his coat is so warm?? you wonder how he wears it 24/7

★ he absolutely LOVES it when you tackle hug him. he doesn’t even care if he was in the middle of a conversation, just feeling the sudden embrace of his s/o makes him melt.

★ those tackle hugs usually end up in him turning around and scooping you up, spinning you around before planting you back down and giving you a sweet kiss

★ PDA? he loves it

★ he NEVER would do anything that makes you uncomfortable though.

★ your PDA mostly consists of hand holding, hugs, all that soft stuff :)

★ he would definitely have to do a double take if you ever wore his jacket.

★ “hey (f/n)? where-“ and he’d just s t a r e at you, his face going ablaze in red

★ he’s like that Tamaki gif

★ yeah that one ^

★ more often than not, you get piggyback rides from him

★ the gentle rock of his body as he walks, his overall warmth, his scent of lavender.. it’s perfect to lull you asleep.

★ he wouldn’t have it any other way :)

#mod velv #danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #x reader #danganronpa version 3 #danganronpa v3 #kiibo #kiibo x reader #korekiyo shinguji #korekiyo x reader #rantaro amami #rantaro x reader #shuichi saihara #shuichi x reader #gonta gokuhara #gonta x reader #ryoma hoshi #ryoma x reader #kokichi ouma #kokichi x reader #kaito momota #kaito x reader #gn!reader

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

[godkilller]

@magical-girl-coral​​

So we already know which arrancars are the best, and which ones are the worst, but who are the most fun to prank/ have the funniest reaction to being pranked?

          out of character.  Gin voice: all of’em are th’ best to prank. No but this is an excellent question and since I’ve already taken a few shots at Gin’s opinions on each Arrancar / Espada, I’ll go ahead and just jump into the nitty gritty details of this one. WE ALREADY KNOW WHO GIN HATES THE MOST IN THIS LIST, but that doesn’t mean Gin won’t pass up on a chance to prank them. In fact, it may even make them the top victim !

DISCLAIMER:  Keep in mind that the opinions listed here are Gin’s, not mine. All of the Espada are neat and gifted us with an absolutely amazing era of Bleach. Keep on rockin’ on, lil Hollows, ilu.

Nnoitra. He’s so fucking stupid and falls for shit pretty damn easily, plus that short temper of his makes for comically explosive reactions that really can scratch Gin’s itch for mischief with a rewarding aftermath of Nnoitra going absolutely batshit. He may not be, technically, the BEST Espada to prank regularly since Gin doesn’t want to deal with him trying to start a fight, but he IS the most animated, idiotic on the list that’s just smarter than Yammy enough to understand when he’s being insulted, but too dumb to know how to avoid said insults.

Yammy. With the above being said, it’s pretty funny to prank Yammy in a similar but notably less rewarded fashion. In fact, if Gin has decided to prank Yammy, it’s usually not even for Yammy’s own reaction, it’s for whoever’s with Yammy. Because the Espada himself typically doesn’t realize he’s being joked about, and certainly doesn’t catch all of Gin’s sly comments, sneaky insults, and other teases. They tend to soar over his incredibly high up and thick skull. The endearing side of this is that, if Yammy realizes he’s been fooled, there’s usually a high chance of him laughing about it while simultaneously mentioning that he should really punch Gin for that. Gin doesn’t disagree.

Grimmjow. Definitely requires a little more absent-minded thought for Gin to truly trick this one. Grimmjow becomes more and more reckless the more riled he gets, and he kid of switches his brain off  ( in Gin’s opinion )  after a set amount of time once riled. So teasing and pranking him requires a gradual build up to sufficiently work, and Gin can’t drag things out for too long or else he’ll catch on and try to either fight him or ignore him. Usually Gin can reel him back by waving around permission for him to try and redeem himself via a World of the Living fieldtrip, see Ichigo again, yada yada... of course, Gin ultimately doesn’t fulfill that tease either. It’s funny to see him huff and stomp around.

Barragan. He’s so serious and stuffy and senile that Gin can actually step on his nerves with little to no effort. Barragan’s bitter and has a pretty strained relationship with Aizen as is, so Gin’s just salt to that wound. IT’S A LITTLE DANGEROUS TO TAUNT THE EX-LORD OF LAS NOCHES. But Gin’s always been one to flirt with death, so he pokes and prods to see just how patient, how tolerating, this supposed king can be. You know, people attribute a level-headed temper with leadership, and if Barragan wants to be seen as regal, Gin’s that ultimate test !  Plus, it’s funny to watch him try to keep his Fraccion from viciously defending his honor like untrained yappy dogs on leashes, barking and yipping at Gin as though they could ever harm him. It’s a buy one get one special to Gin: bothering Barragan, and the pranks involved, brings with it his loyal subordinates too.

Aaroniero Arruruerie.  Not really fond of scientists, Gin tends to not prank this one too much outside of vastly mispronouncing their name(s) on purpose. Gin’ll switch it up lots, even within the same meeting just absolutely butchering it in a different way. A list of names Gin has called them contains, memorably: Aroo-nylon Aroo-roo, Lava lamp, Ararararararara, Thing one and Thing two, Aerodynamics, Glubglub, Adidas, The Glob, Ariel and Aaron, Two Floating Balls, Autocorrect and Autocomplete, Cola and Two Mentos, and many many more.

Szayelaporro.  Gin’s not fond of him either due to the whole Mayuri vibe he catches a whiff of. He avoids pranking him since he knows that, if bitter and petty enough  ( which Gin knows Szayelaporro can become quite easily )  then there may or may not be new trap doors installed on Gin’s route to his bedroom. Besides, others bully this Espada all on their own, so there’s no need.

Starrk.  Gin doesn’t gain much of a reaction from the top dog, but the pup that’s connected to him ?  Lilynette’s fun to mess with for as long as Starrk tolerates the other portion of his soul being taunted. Gin tries not to be too needlessly cruel, though, since she is just a kid -- even if that’s technically not the truth since she’s a Hollow compiled from multitudes of other Hollow and also technically her and Starrk are two parts of one whole, but I mean... that’s where things get confusing. Gin’ll go for more funny pranks, lighthearted, but sometimes he’ll drop in the existential crisis on her and see how she works that whole can of worms out. What even are you, Lilynette ?  

Zommari.  He’s near the bottom because he’s too level-headed to get a rise out of, and Gin’s not interested in such a strong-feeling Aizen enthusiast. He’ll let the guy meditate in peace, or whatever the fuck he’s doing. Snapping his own neck like that ??? No thanks !  Bye bye !

Ulquiorra.  The poor lad just wants to understand human emotions and Gin’s got to pull the whole “oh you mean the soul / heart ? yeah, here’s some really deep insights on the concept of having those emotions and poetic information for you to store in your little emo boy brain but here’s the catch ! i’m just speculatin’ all this shit since i personally don’t have any of those so-called feelings. best’a luck, though !”  Gin won’t prank Ulquiorra too harshly, though, outside of that knee-slapper moment of Gin pulling his leg whilst simultaneously joking about his own lack of emotions masking the fact that he’s, also, having a an entire internal crisis about his heart. Same hat !

Harribel.  Nah. Gin won’t ever prank her. She puts up with enough bullshit being the only female Espada, he won’t add to it. Plus, he kinda doesn’t want to be drowned in his sleep if he manages to really piss her off.

#[ out of character ] masquerade; hide your face #[ headcanon ] fresh snowfall; fading footprints mark his path #thanks for this! #[ verse: arrancar arc ] casting away love; catharsis of eternity

[2o2o-kit]

An American’s Thoughts on Horrible Histories Songs

Born 2 Rule: Iconic, really set the stage for Horrible Histories, not my favorite George III song though that prize goes to Hamilton, (also I was always taught George III was mad in an angry way)

Wives of Henry VIII: This song walked so Six can run, still iconic

Making a Mummy: Kind of forgettable, but if we are going by the pattern as seen in the first two, I predict the next big history musical will be about making mummies

The Tudors: I don’t know why but I love this song’s intro, but I find the dance moves cringe worthy

Georgian Lady: It’s great when you can read along to it, but Martha is still iconic

I’m a Knight: I love the whole Monty Python inspiration, this always makes me smile, just pure wholesome knight energy, one of my favorite season 1 songs

Caveman Love: It gets better the more you listen to it

It’s Not True: Probably my least favorite Horrible Histories song, still better than most songs on the radio

The Plague: The plague was made for musical theatre, besides this check out Spamalot and Something Rotten

British Things: Drags on a bit, but haha Britain, you are not perfect, (but America is far from perfect)

We are Greek: It’s king boring, but lyrics are still pretty clever

Burke and Hare: I’m not a fan of this TBH, maybe it’s because I’m not a huge fan of true crime and stuff like that, it’s not that catchy either

Literally: Nothing like an 80s rock parody, it’s also one of the funniest songs

Charles II: This was the first HH song I listened to and I’m glad, because it’s a banger, and this is probably the closest you will get to a kid friendly Eminem

Spartan Musical: This is so camp and just you have to watch to understand

WWII Girls: Katy Wix needs to be in more songs, I love the costumes in this

George IV: I’m obsessed with this one, Jim’s vocals in this are perfection, definitely one of my favorite of the whole series, I wish I could belt like that

Blackbeard: The acting in this is perfection, I still laugh while watching it

Victorian inventions: I’m not a big fan of this type of music, but it’s still funny

Hieroglyphics: Idk why Mat did a Texas accent, and I’m not sure but it’s not bad, but it’s not as great as the other songs

Cowboys: The accents are good but I could go without all the farts

Boudicca: This is an inspiration

Funky Monks: I’m not a big fan of this one, it’s funny but I wish they had more singing in this, but Terry is great as always

Pachacuti: At first I was bit nervous to watch it because of the brown face, and yes it’s in there and I also thought it would be too cheesy but that’s the point and makes it so much fun, also what’s a northern accent

Dick Turpin: For most people it’s the guyliner that makes this a thirst trap, for me it’s all the tricorn hats 😍. When I first watched this video I recently developed my tricorn fetish and this song was just... The music to this is great too, I listen to this daily. And imagine me learning that this thirst trap’s name is Dick

Monarchs: Iconic, super helpful, now I can name all the English monarchs, thanks

William Wallace: Better than Braveheart, seems like a lot of fun to film

Work! Terrible Work: Hey look theatre reference, this so is definitely not a mood booster, but those sideburns (and I’m not really into sideburns)

Ra ra Cleopatra: Martha is killing it, and I love all the Lady Gaga references

Richard III: Thanks for talking about the horrors of Tudor Propaganda and the lyrics in this are amazing

Evil Emperors: If you claim your bad, don’t make such a catchy song that can easily be confused as another thirst trap, love the parody and Caligula and Nero and some of my favorite HH characters

Suffragettes: This song proved how hard these ladies worked, also I want to sing this song with others, who’s in?

Ain’t Stain Alive: Okay just like Pachacuti, I’m sure this song can’t work today, but it’s great, so catchy and the screams, also the behind the scenes of this is iconic

Age of Stone: I like how it explains the time periods but I’m not really a big fan of how it was presented

English Civil War: The choreography is on point, Lawry needed to be in more songs and I love the song they parodied, it’s Cool from West Side Story

Celtic Boast Battle: I don’t know, I find it a bit too much but the ending is perfection

RAF Pilots: Now I’m not big on war history, epically WWII, but song is perfection, I love the coloring used for this, the music is just awesome, and this along with The Captain from Ghosts and Molly McIntire are proving the WWII is gay

Nature Selection: I’ve been using this phrase a lot during the pandemic,

The Thinkers: Alright, no strong opinions

It’s a New World: A jam, love the shade of how the pilgrims treated the natives, and it’s a great parody altogether, also I need a New New Castle now

Mary Seacole: So catchy I love it, and the dancing is great. I wish they didn’t cut out that one lyric about Florence because that’s important

Victoria and Albert: It’s kind of slow, but I can see why others like it, maybe it’s just because I’m alone

Blue Blooded Blues: I don’t really like Blues music, even though I’ve lived in cities known for their blues, but James Cape™️, GAAAYYYY!!!

The Luddites: Definitely one of my favorites, I love the cinematography, the costumes are my type, and nothing like historical heavy metal, ironic right, and Jim has the vocal range

The Borgia Family: I love everything about this, the music, the accents, costumes, this is better than the Showtime series, wish Ben got a solo in this song though, (also is it just me or do the Borgias remind you of the Trumps expect the Borgias are more like able)

Mary I: It’s okay, Sarah in this is great and it’s a great parody but I always thought of Mary having a deeper voice (I know weird)

William Shakespeare and the Quills: I love Shakespeare, but I’m not a big fan of this type of music, also I low key wish Shakespeare was sexy in this one

Georgian Navy: Please forgive my star spangled ass, but I’m not a fan of the British military during the Georgian era, and yes I know Nelson didn’t really fight in the American Revolution, but I’m not a big fan of war history

Flame: Will get stuck in your head, but who cares it’s an awesome parody, Jesse Owens in amazing, we love Jim’s Nero, and Mat you said you were all nude (I feel cheated)

Death’s Favorite Things: Hilarious, and a mood for me

Rosa Parks: Now Rosa’s story is something we get drilled in our heads in America, which is good, this song is so catchy and I love the costumes, but the ending did say ‘segregation was ended in America,’ but technically...

Vikings and Garfunkel: Aww so peaceful,

Charles Dickens: I love the music on this and the cinematograph, but there is something about it that I’m not a big fan of it, but I’m not sure what

Crassus Minted: A freaking underrated banger, just like the real Crassus

Joan of Arc: I’m sorry but this song is a bit cringe worthy but still way better than the new seasons

Alexander the Great: I mean is there any other song that can truly depict Alex

Owain Glynwr: Wish they had more Welsh history on the show but Tom Jones parody I never knew I needed

Transportation: The dancing in this is amaze, and I’m obsessed with Ben’s accent in this, how is his Midwestern accent better than mine, and I have a Midwestern accent, (stop making me like Henry Ford!) and I love whenever they do musical parodies

Henry VII: This song makes me want to be Henry VII, he made the monarchy great again

Matilda Stephen and Henry: There are more ABBA references in this than a production of Mamma Mia, and it’s brilliant,

Australia: I’m surprised they got away with saying Hellhole in this, but still very catchy, low key wish Thomas sang this in Ghosts

Cousins: It’s silly and I like it

Love Rats: Lyrics make me want to remain single, video is having me crush on actors that are old enough to be my parents

Final: Supersweet, but I can only watch it once because it makes me emotional

#horrible histories #my opinion #history

[skinks]

HELLO. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPARE DILFWORTH/MAGGIE HEADCANONS 🥺 (love your writing more than life btw)

HELLO, thank you so much! Oh boy it’s difficult to come up with more stuff for characters you’re really only extrapolating a couple of pages about, but I like a challenge so here are some to build on the other big Maggie/Dilfworth post I made:

- so after the Airplane Incident they’re so engrossed in talking at the baggage claim about everything from music to shitty first jobs that Went misses his bag going around the carousel three times. In his defence Maggie’s laugh is a breathless, staccato sound like a xylophone of breezes and she runs one hand over the back of her head to grip the ends of her own dark hair every time she does, so who can blame him for trying to be his absolute funniest in between grinning like a man who’s won the lottery. Also in his defence, Maggie doesn’t leave after she’s collected hers (they both go to grab it from the carousel at the same time and kinda stare at each other, then at their touching hands. Went licks his lips a couple times and says “Sorry, don’t uh. Don’t misunderstand, I was only trying to steal it,” which makes her laugh again) and Maggie doesn’t leave because she’s busy hinting she’d like him to come visit her on campus some time, maybe next weekend? They exchange their landlines and she says “See you then, Doctor Dentist,” because there’s something about his nonthreatening calmness that makes her feel very bold in trying to ruffle it up.

- their first date is to the movies, because it’s 1971 and what else are you gonna do

- Went has the best poker face she’s ever seen, and she’d already been teasing him about being a dentist so when he asks her what snacks she’d like, she replies with a long list of the sugariest kinds they have. But he only whistles low and raises his eyebrows, sauntering off to the concession stand before she can reel him back. They eat all of it between them, and Went spends the whole movie muttering scathing put-downs about the poor choices the characters keep making and it’s the first time Maggie hasn’t ever cared about being shushed by the people in front of her

- also also also he picked her up in his car (and she’d also teased him about how she’s sure he could only drive a convertible bc he’s so tall and leggy that anything else would leave his knees up by his ears, but it’s not a convertible. It does have a sun-roof though, and after the movie they go driving, as Young People do in 1971 I guess and he’s like “Sorry the roof doesn’t fold down, I know you’d look great doing the whole Audrey Hepburn thing,” and Maggie just eyeballs him as she slides the sun-roof back. Then she’s standing on the bench seat and whooping, sticking her torso out of the roof like it’s a carnival ride and Went’s like 💕😬💕 as he holds her steady with one arm (over her dress, it’s the first date) for her dear, dear life

- I love the idea that Maggie likes sci-fi, for some reason. She loves Star Trek TOS, loves the music, wants to try and obtain a theremin for her thesis project. The first gift Went ever gives her is a signed copy of The Left Hand of Darkness when she takes him to an Ursula LeGuin talk at her college, and Maggie kisses the daylights out of him against a tree right there in the quad

- Went likes fishing and baseball and photography and fuckin... comedy records and he definitely got bullied at school for being a skinny nerd. Doesn’t have too many friends given that he’s moved cities and is generally kinda quiet, but Maggie’s friends like him. More importantly, Maggie likes him a lot, likes the endless antelope stretch of his legs when he props them up on any surface available, the lean lines around his mouth, likes how the veins on the backs of his hands form warm diamonds around the indents of his knuckles, likes that when she says “oh damn, is it raining?” rhetorically in the car at the first few drops, he rolls his window down and sticks his hand out into the wet and says “yes, Maggie, it’s raining. Wipers or no wipers, what’ll it be?” She likes to be the person he trusts enough to be silly and wry and sincere with. She likes to buy him records based purely on the cover art alone, she likes introducing him to classical music and she likes to drive his car so he can look at the maps and stick his head out the roof, and she likes that the wind makes him look like a cartoon blown up with dynamite, because he’s somehow always just in need of a haircut, and she is so, so scared he will be ensnared by the draft now that he’s left academia, as it has ensnared so many of her other friends.

- She makes fun of it, but she likes his name, “I like that Tozier has a z in it, of all things,” she says once. “I don’t know, it’s unusual. I never heard of a Tozier before.” And Went says, “Last of my kind. Like Tigger, in fact. You’re lucky you ever caught me in the wild,” as he very studiously and ineptly investigates her electric keyboard. She calls him Went most of the time, Legs when she’s particularly hot for him, but they do also have a lot of Wentworthy/Unwentworthy jokes.

- the first time they have sex is because they’re six dates deep and Went has yet to hear her sing.

- they’re lying top to toe in Went’s bed while they’re both studying (Went might be practicing dentistry now but he still has paperwork and journals to read) and he’s tapping her crossed ankle along to something she’s humming. “What’s that song? Maggie?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you sing it for me?”

“Oh, no,” she says, covering her face with her book. “No, it’s just some rock song, ignore me. I’m being disruptive to the study environment.”

Went waggles his eyebrows, examining the whole bare sweep of her legs. “That’s for sure. C’mon, you’re minoring in vocal studies, aren’t I going to hear you eventually?”

“Nope,” Maggie grins, and enjoys how warm his hand feels cupping the sleek of her calf muscle. “I’m shy.”

“The Maggie Avery I know isn’t shy, unless I’ve been wooing an impostor for the last nine weeks.”

She laughs and flutters inside, like her whole body is filled with whirling pillowfight feathers at the thought of being wooed, being courted, being allowed to exist as an interesting person and not just a skirt to be chased. At the fact that he knows how long it’s been and that he counts it in weeks, because even though they telephone a bunch, they can still only see each other at the weekends. Yeah, Carole King said it best. He makes her feel like a natural woman, alright.

“Wooing me.” She sets her book aside. “That’s what you’ve been up to?”

“Yes,” he nods, sitting up to mirror her, cross-legged. “Wooing.”

“Wentwooing,” she says, biting her lip. These games always prick up the hairs on the back of her neck.

“Damn straight,” he says, and oh, those dishy lines are breaking in lean waves around his smiling mouth. She’s a total lost cause for them. “Wooing was one of my very first Scout badges, actually.”

“Oh, so you’ve had practice?” She leans away in faux-disinterest, and her breathing picks up from somewhere deep in her body as he sways forward into the gap, like he’s charmed. She’s very aware of her heartbeat in odd places, pinking her bare heels pressed to the sheets under her knees, loud in the scoop of her clavicle. “I’m not the first to be subjected to a little Wentwooing, then, huh.”

“Not the first, no,” he allows, mild and reasonable as ever. No wonder he did well in medical school. She knows she’s not the first girlfriend, of course, just as he knows about her last ex and the others, and that’s the wonderful thing about him. He doesn’t act like other twenty-two year old boys she knows, he’s a grownup about it all. “But... I’d really dig it if you were the last. Maggie.”

She can’t stop smiling at the way he says it. Casual, contemplative, the look of a man who has cast his line and is happy to wait. It’s belied by the sound of him compulsively cracking his knuckles and the bones in his long bare feet. They’d both thrown on comfortable clothes after coming in from the rainstorm, and Maggie never knew it was possible to feel so at ease alone in a man’s room, a man’s apartment, a man’s spare boxers and faded varsity rowing tee the only things between that same man and her pretty underwear.

“I’d dig that too, Legs,” she says, and tucks her hair behind her ear to kiss him. He untucks it again and kisses her back with a heated mmph, touching her hip and her hair at once. Very light touches, but there’s something about them that makes her feel like he’s got her wrapped up completely. She swirls her arms around the back of his neck and deepens the kiss, as deep as she can manage with the way their knees are obstructive, and at the dragging quiet click of spit, Maggie finds she wouldn’t mind if he touched her firm and wanting all over, sometime soon.

She pulls back to see him flushed, his glasses kinda screwy. He makes a low sound, a sort of cross between a sigh of satisfaction and a groan of regret that their mouths aren’t still moving together. Both of his hands fall to her crossed legs, and he patters fingertips to her skin.

“I got that badge in Boy Scouts too,” he says breathlessly, after a second or five.

“No wonder you’re so good at it,” Maggie says, and raises three fingers in a salute. “Lots of practice around the campfire, hm?”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe,” he chortles, saluting her back. “It’s a testament to your feminine wiles I’m even interested, what with my restricted training.” He gestures at her breasts. “We never covered those.”

“Liar, you had them pretty well covered last week,” Maggie teases, her inner thighs burning as she shifts at the memory, the back row of the Aladdin Theater, her tongue in his mouth and his big, gentle hands up her shirt.

“Earned my badge.”

“Well and truly.”

“We should get to work on uncovering them, then,” Went replies, tugging softly at the hem of his shirt she’s wearing, but his eyes don’t stray from her face.

“Wentworth!” She shoves at his hand, laughing again. She has a paper on syncopation due on Friday and a performance to prep for the end-of-semester recital, but she couldn’t care less right now. Lord, she’s so happy. What if it’s love, she thinks giddily, what if I love him, and he loves me. What then?

He dodges her play-slaps to take off his glasses because he only needs them for reading, and it’s just another layer falling away from between them. He’s not Doctor Tozier, he’s not that fucking geek, in the sullen-drunk words of her project partner Jack at a party last month, he’s just... Went. Just a man, as she is a woman. He’s cute and he’s acerbically funny and he makes her feel like they’re partners in some kind of crime, even though neither of them have so much as a speeding ticket. Maggie comes to a decision.

“Alright. I’ll sing the song for you,” she says, climbing off the bed.

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, I actually—oh, here it is.” She rummages in her bookbag and produces the 7” single from its cardboard sleeve. “I bought it on Tuesday and forgot all about it, I was going to show you earlier. Such a dunce.”

“Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that,” Went says, shuffling back on his crossed legs to sit against the headboard. He looks genuinely eager. “She’s finally singing for me, don’t knock her confidence. Though, I guess we’re not getting any more studying done. Duncehood looms for the both of us.”

Maggie straightens up from the record player and unclips her hair until it falls in a dark torrent around her face. She shakes it out, feeling the strength of her voice build in her chest, feeling like she’s on fire from the glare of a stage spotlight. Getting into the mindset of a song is an important part of performance. “Would you rather study? We can study if you like.”

“No, no,” Went says evenly. His face is pink again and his eyes are very dark, watching her. “I think I’d much rather do this.”

So Maggie sings. The record cranks to a crescendo on the choruses like a runaway train and Maggie loses herself in it, closing her eyes and dancing. She’s an elegant dancer to classical music and an awkward one to rock and roll. Went is even worse, the pair of them clunking their bodies together at parties like a game of marbles because it’s funny that way, it’s funnier with two. But she tries not to feel silly, because she knows her voice is good. People tell her so. She knows it’s so, and she’s proud of her very own instrument nestled in the nave of her throat, and she wonders why it had been such a nerve-wracking prospect to let Went hear her sing. Perhaps it’s because she holds it so dear. She doesn’t know when his opinion became so important to her, but it is. The sound thunders up easily from her chest, controlled and so fluid she can almost visualize it leaving her lips like a stream, so controlled she can let the control a little loose whenever she wants to wail along with Marc Bolan, like the only rockstar in an oversized preppy shirt, get it on, bang a gong, get it on.

The record scratches to a close but she doesn’t feel finished, there’s still breath left in her yet. She segues easily into one of Went’s horribly cutting and clever comedy records, so she has an excuse for her face burning. It’s not because she can’t open her eyes and see his reaction, it’s because she’s singing about smut, of course. Every brush of the hems of his borrowed shorts against the ticklish backs of her legs, is felt. Her hair is thick and warm and her scalp is starting to sweat with all her uninhibited bouncing. Eventually she gives up and collapses to the bed, giggling and breathless. She buries her face into the covers feeling more ridiculous than she normally does in the vicinity of his generally impassive nature. He’s stable, somehow without being boring. It keeps her on her toes at least, that damnable poker face; she actually takes great delight in the way she finds herself coming further and further out of her shell, just to try and call his bluff.

“Gosh, I hope your neighbors like T-Rex,” she mumbles. She’s crouched with her knees and hands huddled under her, waiting for her fearsome blush to subside. Waiting for him to say something. She’s aware of his quiet presence at the headboard, just as she is so suddenly aware of the way his soft tee is riding up her hunched form, exposing her lower back to the fresh night air. “I’m—I should send them all an apology note for disturbing their Saturday evenings.”

“You should be charging them for the privilege,” Went croaks.

Maggie looks up at him, sharply. He stares back, still cross-legged with his hands stuffed down into his lap and a dazed expression on his face. She kneels towards him, feeling the residual magic of the music spark powerful deep through her body, between her legs. “You think I’ll pass vocal performance?”

“Jesus Christ, Maggie,” he says, unfolding his endless legs so she can straddle them. His hands are restless against her hips, moved from where they’d been hiding the thick line in his shorts. “And all this time I thought you’d been hiding the terrible secret that you’re actually a bad singer.”

She laughs against his neck. “Oh really?”

“Yeah, just awful. I figured you must be a banshee or something.”

“You did not, don’t joke!”

“I never joke,” he grins. He kisses her harder than before, restless hands squeezing at her ribcage, her thighs, just below the hemlines. Maggie presses her hips forward and grips fiercely at his ropy upper arms, gasping. “I’m deadly serious, that was—you’re a knockout at everything, it’s hardly fair.”

“Went.”

“Mags, I’m obliged to tell you I have one hell of a crush on you.”

“Went.”

“I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend,” he says, and Maggie’s stomach flips at the rare note of bemused, painful sincerity in his voice.

“Went, you can uncover them now,” she says, and shimmery heat floods between her thighs as he ruts upwards, abruptly.

“Sorry,” he pants, “what?”

“Take my shirt off, please. And I have a crush on you too, you dunce.”

He does as she asks of him and says, “Jesus Christ,” again, and a whole lot of other curse words and sweet things and silly nonsense that makes her laugh more than she’s ever laughed doing this with someone, and afterwards his hair looks the way it does when it’s his turn to stick his head out of the sun-roof.

He rolls off to collapse beside her. As soon as they catch their breath he says, “I’m gonna bring you breakfast in bed. Right now.”

“It’s 11pm!” Maggie wheezes, watching him stagger naked from the bedroom. The sight of his narrow waist flaring up into broad, bony shoulders is unbearable, now that she knows how it all feels between her legs and rippling under her hands. It makes her voracious for more. She aches wonderfully in all the right places, just like a good callisthenic stretch should.

It was quite a stretch, she thinks, and shivers, turning her head to breathe into the sweaty tangle of her own loose hair spilled across the pillow.

“Eleven is technically almost morning, isn’t it,” he calls back, clattering in the kitchen. “Plus you’ll need the energy, because we’re doing that again immediately. If you want to, of course,” he adds hastily.

“Of course,” Maggie snorts. Her cheeks ache too, from happiness. “We’ve got badges to earn.”

- anyway

- Her mom likes him too because he’s a dentist, Margaret, but her dad thinks he’s a hippie with a fake diploma because he still has sideburns lmfao. Went’s parents like Maggie, but it’s a lot to do with how she tries so hard to make them like her. She’s like, shaking by the end of day 1 of her first meeting with them like “I just don’t ever want you to have to choose,” and Went (absentmindedly fiddling with an old toy robot, they’re staying in his childhood bedroom) is like “Don’t worry, I’d choose you any time. I mean, I’d have to kill them but I’m sure they’d understand,” and Maggie’s like “I’m serious!” and Went turns to her and says, “So am I, Mags,” and then wraps all his long stick insect limbs around her refusing to let go until she’s laughing again

- He’s also very neat, he does all his own ironing so his work tunics are just right. More than once Maggie and her two roommates come back to the apartment during weekends to find him standing in socks and boxers and ironing piles and piles of everyone’s laundry, and he refuses to believe Maggie that this is weird. She thinks back to her old boyfriends who could barely flush a toilet and thinks hm, maybe it’s not so weird

- for the first few years of living together after they get married they can’t choose sides of the bed. Like, it changes all the time. “This is intimate anarchy,” Maggie says, after their tenth night in a row of switching. “I’m sure this is what the Summer of Love was all about.”

“Oh, I thought it was about cunnilingus,” Went says brightly, slotting a bookmark into his copy of Jaws and turning off the side lamp. “My mistake. Goodnight, love.”

“Wait!”

- Went comes into the delivery room after Richie’s born, looking more shaken than Maggie herself, ashen and stressed. “I could hear you screaming from out there,” he whispers, kissing her forehead and jerking his thumb back over his shoulder, bloodshot eyes locked on the swaddled bundle on her chest. “Darling. Oh, Maggie.”

“We’re alright now,” she says, hoarse. “I was just letting him know however loud he is, he gets it from his mother.”

“Him?” Went bleats, his eyes so wide. He still only needs his glasses for reading. “He? It’s a boy—we have a—”

“A son, yes,” Maggie says, and wipes at her cheeks. She’s had quite enough fluids on her face for one night, thank you. “Here, take him away from me before I lose my temper with him again.”

She nearly starts crying again when she sees how tiny the baby—Richard, that’s right, they’d decided on Richard for a boy—how tiny he looks in Went’s big, capable hands. They manage not to wake him in the transfer and Wentworth cradles him against his collar for a moment, looking lost. Then he seems to come back to himself, shooting Maggie one of his big, crinkly grins (and God, she’s still a lost cause) as he addresses the consequence of their actions.

“Did you do this?” Went whispers into the blue folds of blanket, pointing one free finger at Maggie. “Look what you’ve done to my wife. How dare you. She looks terrible.”

“Shut up,” Maggie laughs, as quietly as she can.

“She looks terrible and more wonderful than ever,” Went continues in the baby’s ear. “Is this your doing? We’ll make a good team, I think. Between the two of us she doesn’t stand a chance, by thirty-five she’ll be too beautiful to look at and then she might get some peace and quiet.”

“You’re delirious from the thin atmosphere, Legs,” she says. “Give him back, if you drop him from up there he’s done for.”

“I won’t drop him,” Went insists, “you had him for nine months, let me have a turn.” He holds onto Richard while she sleeps, but not before she grabs at his arm and sobs thank you for him, Went, thank you, and Went cries a little too and says what are you thanking me for, I’d get a participation trophy at most, which makes her laugh and say, if anyone deserves a trophy for their participation technique it’s you, and then she falls asleep before she hears his reply.

- they play so much rock and roll for Richie, Maggie makes up her own songs for him and sings to him all the time. Maggie only had older sisters, and Went was an only child so neither of them have very much experience with babies, but Maggie’s friendships with Andrea Uris and Sharon Denbrough from the neighborhood and from book club help a lot, they all seem to have wound up having their firsts in the space of a few months. She values language too much to baby talk Richie, and Went would be clueless as to how to begin, so pretty often she finds him deep in conversation about politics or baseball with Richie babbling in his high chair.

- as I said before, I hc that Maggie speaks maybe French and Italian, and Went finds it incredibly sexy. He can’t reply, of course, he just babbles along in Richie’s ridiculous Voices, it’s basically the Swedish Chef but French or Italian. He calls her Marguerite if it’s French, and Margarita in Italian (“That’s Spanish!” Maggie hoots, stroking his hair back at both temples where it’s frosting to silver already, and clasping her hands around the back of his head. “What do margaritas have to do with Italy?”

“Not Margarita,” Went says. He traces a line between all the pretty moles on her chest, sweeping down between her breasts to the one just beside her navel, the soft little rise of belly that sits in the cup of her iliac crest. That spot always flicks her hips forward with ticklish heat, and if they’re not careful then Richie might end up with a baby sibling Maggie’s not quite ready for yet. “Margherita, like the pizza. You’re cheesy, sweetheart.”)

- both of them smoked but Maggie gave it up when she got pregnant, and now Went doesn’t smoke inside the house. He of course gives it up for good after he gets cancer of the larynx in his late 50s when Richie is 30, which makes Richie quit too

- they love their son and just want him to be HAPPY even if they’re sometimes misguided about what would make him happy, but hey, so is Richie

#ficlet #long post #once more!!!! this escaped my grasp #officer these are my comfort heterosexuals #how lucky am i that Maggie May/Get It On/Carole King’s ‘Tapestry’ all came out in 1971 lmfao

[shhhlikeme]

Nin’s Matchup!

(SFW + NSFW)

Matchup Profile: Sfw+nsfw matchup pretty pls! (1/5) Name: Nin>Female>5’4>Film & sfx/theatrical makeup freelancer>V athletic in MS-HS: ballet, was in volley ball, soccer &Basketball teams>Miss my prime days>Scared to start workout again b/c I’ll get lightheaded>If sum1 helps push me through initial fear, I’ll keep growing from there> Likes chilling in ballet stretch poses>paints, photographs&draws as hobby>draws a pic a day (mostly portraits)>writing a comic atm >Always plan contingencies.🦄

(2/5) >embarrassed of my loud laugh(it’s like Kuroo’s)>introvert>not afraid to lead a team tho> V shy & quiet most times>8/10 times, feels awk in public,like idk what i’m saying, but others told me I seem social>Once I’m comfy w/ u, i joke a lot(occasional mum jokes 2 annoy+Sassy dirty ones w/ S/O)>hides behind ppl who likes 2 talk, but not when they’re 2 loud>laughs @ mistakes/when embarrassed>Will stop mistreatment, even if I get in trouble>values communication&genuine discussions🦄

(3/5) Sings when home alone>competes @ Street Fighter tournaments, trains everyday 4 it>Sings “Hit Me W/ Your Best Shot” when fighting bosses in game&swears melodically when i lose>eats chips w/ chopsticks >make hats out of my cat fur when bored>Workahokic night🦉>likes 2 teach >full convos w/ my 🐱>LIVES in oversized hoodies & flip flops, regardless of weather>no pants@home!>Feels incompetent sometimes, but keep practicing 2 improve>Analytical fast learner>idk why ppl think i look innocent🦄

(4/5)>Forgets 2 speak eng when tired (Thai 1st lang.)>Headrubs 4 s/o every night b4 bed>will miss u but is bad@texting>yelps like puppy when I’m surprised>Unconventionally resourceful: Wire hangers’s fixes everything! >stress bakes & will gets pouty if it didn’t turn out well.>overwhelmed to water my 50+ 🌱 >Doodles on smt (always have a pen on me)when i feel socially anxious> 2 dance sober @ clubs> Wants a stable relationship where we work tgt like a team to bring out the best in one another🦄

(5/5) I like a s/o who is lovable, kind, genuine, mature, independent and caring, but can also joke & be silly with like best friends. NSFW: open 2 try new things>❤️restraints, blindfolds & sensual tickle sex (as lee+ler) but had always been too shy to share it with any1>occasionally self conscious of food baby+stretchmarks>🥰edging/teasing >has a thing 4 height differences (likes to feel smol lol!) & primal play.>Is a switch. I’m so sorry if it’s too much info! Thank you for doing this!🦄

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A/N: HI LOVE @crushzone !!!! I SMILE WHEN I SEE YOU IN MY NOTIFS GIRL I WORKED HARD ON YOURS OF COURSE💖 But no matter whaaaat I’m going to be very authentic in my matchups bc they’re based on compatibility and therefore, without further ado, lemme introduce you to your NEW BAE:

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KŌTARŌ BOKUTO 🦉

SFW:

so you’re a theatrical makeup artist.

Aight.

Mind if I offer you a word of advice? :

RUN

“DUDE THAT’S AMAZING IT LOOKS SO SICK!”

Startled by someone’s loud booming voice, you smudged the eyeliner you were applying to your actor’s face all over their forehead. Whipping around to see who had disrupted your work you were faced with a beautiful black and grey haired owl. A rather tall... and very attractive ‘beautiful black and grey haired owl.’

He started walking around the dressing room like he owned the place, touching everything.

“Excuse me, you don’t have a badge. You can’t be backstage—!”

“Pretty obvious don’t you think, Miss ________?”

You didn’t take his bait, refusing to give this stranger your name. Bokuto shrugged.

“Well since I don’t know your name I shall label thee—Miss HOT GIRL of the 9 Kingdoms!” He nudged the knight actor who was sitting in your makeup chair with his elbow. “Did I sound 15th century ish or what??” The owl turned to you expecting to be praised. “I had to meet the person who made the medieval vampire look so scary in the last act. But that guy with the lights didn’t tell me anything about you being so hot.”

You were speechless because he was hot too

But he shouldn’t be back here so you tried to shoo him out anyway

He allowed you to try to shove him out but he was way bigger than you so nice try sis

When he yawned while you panted because you weren’t able to budge him an inch....

Bokuto wagered that he would leave if you agreed to make him look like the Hulk with your makeup skills for a Halloween party he had to go to

You didn’t really want to because you were a professional and you had no idea who this owl was but because you had 15 minutes until the second act and you needed peace and quiet if you were going to finish your job!!! ....

( This boy was not peace NOR quiet )

You agreed.... but because you answered so fast Bokuto kicked it up one notch

Prince of pushing his luck (king is reserved for Shōyo‘s extra ass)

He pretended to allow you to push him out of the makeup room a few steps but before you closed the door he stuck his foot between the door so it couldn’t close.

Smiling, he peered back in, looking down at you:

“AND...... you have to agree to go on a date with me. Tomorrow night?”

“Ugh FINE!”

Bo removed his foot and let himself out with a bounce in his step.

SERIOUSLY WHO LET THIS MAN BACKSTAGE......

Needless to say, after a few dates, mans won you over like he wins EVERYONE over

It surprised you how comfortable you became with him but he just has that affect on people

***

In terms of your athletic relationship Bokuto does many things:

He pushes you to go to the gym with him for one

He signs the two of you up for impromptu Beginner 30-day challenges that you both must stick to

So every morning for 30-days straight he jumps on you in bed to wake you up:

“NIN BABY TIME TO HIT THE GYM. BABY NIN TIME TO GET IN SOME SEXY GYM SHORTS. MON BÉBÉ NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN—“

“Kōtarō, please shut up.”

he doesn’t

He drags you there and eventually you get back into the swing of things.. killing it in the weight room with your supportive man cheering on your every rep!

You don’t even need him to wake you up during the second challenge!

Your volleyball player boyfriend also signs you up (without permission) for the neighborhood soccer team that Akaashi’s girlfriend is already on

You hated it at first because it was uncomfortable going back after not playing for so long but you soon realized that all the girls there were ex-athletes too and not stars

You formed amazing new girl friendships (especially with Akaashi’s gf) and double dates with them were one of your favourite nights of the week!

You owed that happiness in your life all to your Owl 🦉🥰

He and Akaashi came to every soccer game y’all had and you and the three of you went to all of Bokuto’s games, obviously

Btw you all were FITTTTTT OML

***

In addition...

You already know that your man finds your artistic talents insanely fascinating

On your first anniversary together Bokuto gifted you with a new paint set and new French stand:

Because he admires you Bokuto also tries to draw and paint seriously just like you

You stand over his shoulder and give him corrections and baby owl learns so fast it’s amazing

You two make ‘paint night’ a thing when you move in together and it’s always the most fun event!!!!

Bokuto CONSTANTLY and I mean CONSTANTLY asks for you to add him to the comic you’re writing but you say no because he wouldn’t fit in

He sulks but one day you surprise him by showing him that you drew a cute soaring black and gray owl in the background of almost every outdoor scene in your comic,

you pointed out that it was him

BOKUTOOOO WAS SOOOOO HAPPY

HE WAS SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS

He called Akaashi right away and almost cried tears of joy hahahahaha

***

Your contingent based lifestyle has saved your reckless boyfriend’s life and career many-a-times

It’s one of the things he loves most about you.

Also, it is important to mention that he is in LOVE with your laugh

Bby owl does anything to hear it and showers your face with kisses when you laugh to draw it out

He loves you so freaking much

When you don’t make sense and speak gibberish in public because your awkward side randomly comes out......your boyfriend loves to make fun of you:

“Huh? Nin, that wasn’t Japanese, that wasn’t Thai and that definitely wasn’t English. What planet is my adorable baby girl from, again? And how do I return her in exchange for a floating space car instead?!”

suh cute

All of Bokuto’s teammates really like you because you work in conjunction with Akaashi which means you actually have the magic ability to get Bokuto out of emo mode even faster than his best friend 🤯🤯🤯

When he’s at an away game in emo mode his teammates will literally FaceTime you and point their phone in his general direction

“Hey, Kōtarō!!!! Look, Nin’s on the phoneeee!”

Bby owl turns around slowly when he was sulking in the corner and when he sees you on the screen he’s running and jumping on whoever is holding your phone.”

“Kōtarō baby. You’re going to stop this emo mode right now. If not I won’t let you paint me nude like we discussed.”

mans was like: 😨😨😨😨🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

YEP the next second you see him hitting his best practice spikes and his teammate thanks you profusely

You do this several times until Kōtarō just knows to not go into emo mode anymore because you won’t be happy

A year into his professional volleyball career The Black Jackal’s coach sent a surprise fruit bouquet to your work one time:

With a note that read:

To Nin,

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Love,

The Team

***

I know you don’t really like people who are considered “too loud” and Bokuto is like...... “MEGA LOUD 🎙 “ but you and Akaashi work together to quiet your boy down as he gets older

He’s perfect

And you love him

***

OKAY THIS IS THE FUNNIEST day THING:

You know how you like standing up for people (even strangers) and stuff?

Well one day, you and Bokuto get caught on a show called WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Where the two of you cussed out this cat-abusing actor on the show in a convincing scenario!

It was PRICELESS

Bokuto literally tells everyone that y’all are movie stars because of it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

***

More in the relationship:

Bo is always singing with you 💞 when y’all make breakfast it becomes a national sport to sing at the top of your lungs!!

And when he sees you eat chips with chopsticks he’s pulling a Hinata “🤩🤩🤩” face .

He begs you to teach him how

So you try

......and try

..................and try

He can’t do it bruv 😞

You see bby Owl’s emo mode return for the first time in like a year when the chip shatters between his sticks again

This time, you have to enlist Akaashi as the FaceTime saviour and Keiji just tells him:

“Bokuto. You should prefer eating chips with your hands anyway. It gets to your mouth faster.”

cue Bo’s 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 face

........And all is well again

There’s more:

So you’re a workaholic?

Bokuto is fine with that. He just makes you promise that he gets to take you out on your lunch breaks a few times a week or whenever he can

He’s so sweet and your coworkers are BIG jealous of your relationship

Your man BEGSSSSS you to teach him Thai but you find it too hard so when he’s travelling on a long flight he spends the time learning the language on YouTube (and actually get decent at it) so that he can understand you when you’re sleepy😴🥺💕

When Bokuto surprises you by wishing you goodnight in Thai before he falls asleep (while you’re giving him head rubs), your heart explodes BECAUSE why is he the cutest thing in the world ?!?!?!

RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION:

You don’t text/you’re bad at texting? That’s fine, mainly because bby owl is so busy with volleyball anyway, but if you don’t text him back when he is feeling needy the boy will call you 20 times in a row

When you finally pick up, your heart is beating like thinking it’s an emergency

But he will answer saying:

“Oh, no emergency. I just want booty pics. Please, Nin babyyyyy?”

you’re like: 😑

ANOTHER CUTE THING YOUR MAN DOES?????

AIGHT:

It’s cringey but.......

When you’re at work all day doing makeup and he’s home he will send you pics throughout the day of him taking care of your plants like they are y’alls newborn children:

His text:

Baby look!!! Ollie the Orchid grew to 7 inches today!!! Yesterday he was 6.8 inches!!!!! They grow up so fast 😭😭😭”

Your reply:

Not quite as long as your dick, Bo

His reply:

I hate when you get me horny when I’m trying to take care of the kiiiids 😭😭😭😭

Dkm

Of all the factors you look for in a man, Bokuto has all of them

Like I said he becomes much more mature when you and Akaashi are his closest compadres

What people don’t know is that Kōtarō is actually very mature he is just a hardcore optomist (besides emo mode lmao) so people often mistake him as immature or dumb

But He’s far from it and you see that everyday

It’s why you fell for him

When dealing with serious issues that life has to handle, you see a different side of Bokuto, a real side, the side he shows in every tough volleyball game when he makes you metaphorically step behind him so he can deal with any problem that comes your way

He would literally withstand all your battles if that meant you’d remain happy forever

We stan a relationship like yours💞

NSFW:

okay so you know how you chill in ballet 🩰 stretches sometimes?

THAT DRIVES KŌTARŌ WILD.

It turns him on so much and he is constantly testing how flexible you are in the bedroom

When you keep meeting his expectations he is POUNDING you cause he is so turned on

He fucking loves it

It also turns him on when you’ll be acting shy and stuff but then randomly you’ll lead your neighbourhood soccer team like a BAD BITCH

When he sees that he’s already asking Akaashi how long until the game ends because he’s horny:

Akaashi deadpans. “Too much information. And the game just started 3 minutes ago. Get a water and calm yourself.”

Bo is sad but it makes for one hell of a I’m-proud-of-you sexscape when you get home from your game!!

Your dirty jokes also turn Bokuto on.

A lot.

A lot a lot:

“Bo.....I was joking.”

“I know but if I hear the word ‘dick’ coming out of your mouth I automatically think of you blowing me so now I want us to go home.” He whines.

You sigh. He’s lucky he’s so fucking hot.

When you’re playing street fighter every night this boy will not leave you alone until you cockwarm him

“Nin can you pleaseeeeee warm my cock while you train? I miss you.”

Your concentration turns him on so he has to ask nicely 😊

You love his dick so of course you oblige

Bby owl is so happy just sitting there being in your company and in your warmth but sometimes or every time he ends up thrusting into you

Sometimes while he’s giving you deep slow thrusts he orders you to keep playing or he won’t get you off

Damn 🤤

Let’s not forget also that you drive your man wild by walking around the house in hoodies all the time and nothing else

Every day, another hoodie will be found in various RANDOM places in the house because Bo flings it off you before he makes love to you wherever, and they go missing

Finally, when you get all sad and pouty because one of your baker trials goes to shit (ruined chocolate brownies this time, boo 💔), your boyfriend is taking your hand gently in an instant, leading you to the bedroom:

“Don’t be sad my beautiful girl, you know how much I hate seeing you sad. It makes me sad.! Here, come in the room and sit on my face—I promise I’ll make you feel better.”

WELL DAMN—😳💦

Maybe you should screw up brownie recipes more often.

————————————

A/N: do you know the show what would you do??? Watch it on YouTube if you haven’t haha I couldn’t stop thinking about you and Bokuto being on it after reading your matchup profile!!!! I hope you liked it bb! Give me all your reactions, I want all the smoke 💞💞💞

#matchups #nin and bby owl #bokuto kotaro

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #317

i’m tired as a motherfucker and don’t feel like thinking up some lyrics, so here, jus have the survey.

Have you volunteered in the past 6 months? No. French fries or onion rings? French fries. I don't like onion rings. Do you suffer from anxiety? Very badly. Favorite healthy snack? "Apples and peanut butter are one of them." <<<< Same, actually. Good shit. Favorite Disney movie? Forever and always The Lion King. If you see a bee in your house.. are you going to kill it? I hate to say it, but I'm killing it. Do you normally take a shower in the morning or at night? Morning. Do you have a cat? Yeah. What is your favorite animal? It will always be meerkats. Always. Do you know what time you were born? 10:30 AM, I believe. Do you like McDonalds? I'm gonna be real: I've never understood the McDonald's hate. I enjoy it perfectly fine. I mean it's certainly not gourmet, but I'll choose it over other fast food places sometimes. It's cheap and decent food, imo. What's your favorite flower? Orchids. Have you thought about joining the military? FUCK no. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Given my PTSD, I think it's pretty obviously Jason. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah, but not a lot. I never enjoyed them much. Have you ever wanted to be on a game show? Not seriously, no. I wouldn't want to be on television. Have you ever vaped? Nah. Who was the last person to give you a hug? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been on TV? I don't think so, no. What's your favorite store in the mall? Hot Topic, ugggghhhhh take me there. Has anyone ever told you that you have an accent? Yeah, especially when I was younger when I definitely did have a clear Southern accent. Do you have any piercings? Yeah, six. I have been DYING for a new one lately... How did your parents meet? Work. What was your first word? "Dada." Do you eat more healthy food or junk food? Somewhere in the middle, I'd say. What do you spend too much money on? When it's my own money, tattoos. I think I'll be perfectly capable of doing it, but when I'm employed, I'm going to have to watch how much I invest into those. What is a disturbing episode of an otherwise non-disturbing show? What is a disturbing show (or one you would describe as one) is enjoyable to you? Meeeh I don't watch enough for this. What is the most memorable song in a movie? How about a show? Oh wow, I dunno. "Circle of Life" from TLK is a beauty, as is "Strangers Like Me" from Tarzan. There really are a lot. As for shows, "Carry On My Wayward Son" from Supernatural will immediately get fans screaming the lyrics, haha. However, I don't know if that song properly counts since it wasn't written just for the show, but whatever. What is something you’re grateful for that humans have made/have continued to make exist? What about something that you wish that humans didn’t destroy? The Internet, whew. I wish humans would stop destroying the fucking environment. It's heartbreaking how many woods are wiped away here for construction, only to never be built on... While evil men are commonly talked about, what woman would you consider the most evil? I don't know, but it would probably be a rapist or pedophile. Those are probably the people I abhor most. Do you believe children can be evil? If so, what child from history do you believe to have been the most evil? I don't really think children are born evil, no. I've never heard of a diabolical baby or anything. I think the environment they are raised in molds them as they age. I don't know about the last question. Name one way that music can be bad for humans. It can be depressing sometimes, actually dragging your mood down, especially if you already feel low. What has been one of the most blatant advertising in a movie, show, or music video? Some of these questions are hard man, idfk lol. What book have you read/listened to that “messed you up” (or made you have a lot of negative feelings afterward)? Johnny Got His Gun left me feeling so spiteful towards and disappointed in the world. It definitely made me feel down for a while. If you have a pet, what is the best thing that you have for them (either a toy, a highly rated food, etc)? If you don’t have one but would like one, have you thought about what you would get your pet? We definitely don't have the money for "high quality" stuff. What works, works. Did you ever know anyone who was (previously) a part of a cult? What cult? Were you ever a part of one? No. What is something that is legal right now that really shouldn’t be? I'm stealing the previous person's answer by saying fireworks. They have a horrible effect on animals and PTSD victims and is just litter and a fire hazard. What is a movie you consider successful/good that did not have high reviews? I'm not educated enough on movie rankings. When you met the person you now like, what happened? We hugged and cried a bit lmao. Did you realize anything today? No. What do you want to do today? It'd be nice to get off my ass and get Emerson's birthday pictures into Lightroom so Ashley can finally have them... Can you honestly say you’d risk your life for someone else? I know with certainty I would for some people. Could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you? Ha, nope, byyyyeee~ What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? Ugh... So one night when I was lying down to go to bed but also texting Jason, I was being playful and joked for him to sing me to sleep. He sent me a video for "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides (one of his favorite bands) and just pasted the lyrics, and I thought it was the cutest fucking thing ever. I went to bed listening to it and just smiling. It's why I just don't listen to it anymore. I shouldn't have even talked about it, soooo next question. What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? Ummm South Africa, Yellowstone National Park, Germany, Alaska, and the Bahamas, maybe. How many tattoos would you like to have? I'm gonna be a fuckin mural. I want tats pretty much everywhere. What question do you hate to answer? "What do you like to do for fun?" What's your favourite animated or cartoon program? Fullmetal Alchemist. What do you think the greatest invention has been? Electricity. What's your favourite movie quote? I dunno, I don't really have one. Do you prefer digital or analogue clocks? Analogue clocks are way more elegant and can be beautifully decorated. Who is your favorite foreign singer/musician? Do you translate his or her lyrics? If you exclude English-speaking foreign bands, like from the UK, Rammstein for sure. I can translate some of them. Say something in a foreign language? "Liebe" means "love" in German. What is a weather-type that you like that not many others do? Snow, for sure. I've never understood the "ew, snow" type of people. It's so pretty. Granted, it's rare here, so it's more of a treat down here, but still. Who do you know personally that has a nice singing voice? Sara has a beautiful voice. What was the last word you learned? I have no clue, given how bad my memory is becoming... It's hard for me to learn anything nowadays, because it doesn't stick. What is your favorite culture? (that you find most interesting): I'll be honest, I'm not very well-informed on foreign cultures. Due to taking so many classes though, I do find German culture to be quite appealing. They are very serious about honesty (for example, telling someone you're okay when you're not is frowned upon in small talk, even), as well as manners. I would love to experience their lifestyle. Have you ever watched anime porn? I've never watched porn to begin with. If you got paid $3 million to smoke meth one time would you do it? Nope. I'm not risking addiction or death. Are ladybugs cute? Yesssss. Will you leave the house without fragrance on? Yeah, I usually do. Do you make good money doing what you do? I'm unemployed. I've only ever worked minimum wage jobs. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries, yum. And kiwi. What do you think of horses? I love them! Are you doing something with your life that matters? Ugh, I don't feel like it. Do you like gravy on your mashed potatoes? I hate gravy. What is the dirtiest rap song you have ever heard? Nicole played "WAP" once when I was in the car and I wanted to die. What about a dirty song in any other genre? "Bitches" by Hollywood Undead MIGHT be rap, but idk? What even is their genre???? But anyway, as much as I love the song, it's dirty as shit. What is a genre of music you simply can't stand? Rap, generally. What is, in your opinion, the best way of dealing with a break up? Lots and lots of self-care and focusing on loving yourself and realizing your worth lies in yourself and not another person. What flavor of Doritos do you like best? Cool Ranch, of course. Would you ever go to a comedy club? Yeah, sure. Why is it that photography is becoming a trend? Because it's art, and people enjoy art???????? What is the funniest movie you have ever seen? White Chicks gets me way harder than it should lmao. Would you ever consider dating someone who lived across the country? I guess, so long it was the plan that we'd eventually move in together, and effort was being made to achieve that once we got pretty serious. Do you have a tattoo? If you do, describe the pain you went through when getting it done. Well, I have six, so I'll just talk about my first one, which was on my wrist. It really isn't bad, especially once you've adjusted to the pain. I think the best metaphor would be that it's like lightly pinching a cat scratch. Outlining is the worst part, imo. What is your favorite bookstore? I don't have one. Who was the last person to tell you that you were cute? I have no idea. When was the last time you had a fever? How high did it go? Oh, I couldn't tell you. Those are very rare for me. How many times do you think that you’ve truly been in love before? With who? Twice, with Jason and Sara. Do you prefer French kissing, or regular kissing more, and why? I mean, this depends on the mood as well as how serious we are. Have you ever been married before? How many times? No. Who do you know that gives the best hugs? Summer has always been a big, strong hugger like I am. Have you ever dated someone of the same gender before? Yeah. Who do you consider to be your hero? My mom. Who is your best friend? Tell us about them. Sara. She's a very caring, strong, creative, just overall amazing person who stands firmly for what she feels is right, and we can't forget about her incredible loyalty, nor her absolute adoration for animals, reptiles especially. How much did your car cost? I don't have my own car. What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Sara sent me a photo of Martha, her ball python. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you keep condoms in your room? No, considering I have no reason to. Do you follow any special diet? (dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free etc.) No, but I desperately want to return to being vegetarian. Vegan would be even better, but I know I'm absolutely not capable of that. What is an appliance you don’t have, but would love to have? uhhhhh Which keys on your keyboard are worn out the most? My "a," "s," and "d" from gaming. If you could be any supervillain, which would you be? Ha, I could probably pull off Harley Quinn pretty easily. Though "super"villain sounds a bit strong for her. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Either Covid or 9/11, probably. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? I personally think the idea behind Johnny Got His Gun is fucking terrifying. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? More beautiful than "amazing," but whatever. I can't think of anything else. Jason's mother actually left his father to go back home to New York when he cheated on her, but he followed her all the way there, and they wound up reconciling and were very happily married since. They were a spectacular couple, and I miss them a lot. What brand are you most loyal to? I have no idea. It's hard to be loyal to any when you're not the one buying products. Where are you not welcome anymore? Well, speaking of him, probably Jason's house, haha... I feel that if I just showed up there, his parents would honestly be super happy to see me and want to catch up, but Jason, not so much. I doubt Colleen would welcome me into her house, either. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge-watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Just... adult stuff. Paying bills. Having a stable job. Passing their driver's test. What are some misconceptions about your hobby? We'll use forum roleplay here, in which case I know a very common misconception is that it's sexual in nature and is a kink. It's never been that for me. It's about building unique, complex characters in a vast universe of your creativity, meshing with other's. It's a beautiful thing to me. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure something with Mom... because she is absolutely never wrong. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? Conspiracy theories on YouTube, aha... What odd smell do you really enjoy? I really enjoy the smell of lilacs, though I know people who think they smell too strong and/or just stink. If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? Hm, interesting question. Maybe approachability, moral alignment, and mood. What is your favorite flavor of pop tart? I really like the chocolate sundae ones. Gum? I really like fruit-flavored gums, especially watermelon or strawberry. Last song you sang along to? I sang a bit to "Second Chance" by Shinedown. Are you fascinated by rivers? Yeah, sure. Streams, more specifically, because you can see the bottom and walk more safely in them. I love exploring those. Do you live near a volcano? No, and I plan on keeping it that way, haha. How big is the screen on your digital camera? I dunno, the normal size for a Canon? Do you find train whistles comforting? No. What bird is the cutest? Oh, that's so hard. I love the pastel-colored ones, and hummingbirds are like, universally cute. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that's actually really cool. Do big eyes freak you out? On people? Generally, no. I tend to find them cute, actually, especially on girls, but I've definitely seen people with big eyes that instead look kinda creepy. Have you ever walked on a frozen lake/river? Hm, I'm actually not sure. I don't believe so, though. Have you ever held a real sword? No. Have you ever seen a tree over 100 years old? Uh, realistically, probably? That's not that old in the grand scheme of trees, is it? Do you feel uncomfortable at fancy restaurants? I can sometimes, yes. I feel very out-of-place.

#survey #surveys #questions

[alexander-turners]

Roger’s Little Family

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Reader (Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x Reader)

Summary: Roger returns home at 3am and finds you and the kids sleeping together. He spends some quality dad time with his children in the bed. Also a puppy named Sprinkles makes an appearance.

Wordcount: 2224

Warnings: fluff, dad Roger (is that a warning?), implied smut

A/N: I’m so sorry if there are any mistakes. English is not my first language.

I hope you guys like this one. It’s like a prequel to my other fic Home Is Where the Heart Is but it’s a sequel to Skin-to-Skin Contact. But they can be read in different order too. Tell me what do you think ;)

Gif credit goes to owner/maker.

Roger unlocked the front door as quietly as possible. You and the kids were probably sleeping; after all, it was 3 in the morning.

Finally, he managed to carry his huge suitcase inside the house. He let out a deep breath, eyes roaming around the dark hall and the stairs. “Home Sweet Home,” he whispered before making his way to the kitchen.

As he reached the kitchen Roger turned on the lights, but immediately regretted it. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness outside and the lights only hurt his eyes.

Reaching over his head, he grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He lifted the glass towards his lips but something on the fridge caught his eyes.

Roger left the glass on the counter and walked to the fridge. Usually, it was covered with magnets all around the world – New York, Sydney, Rome, Paris; polaroids of Roger holding baby Ben and Sophie, silly family pictures. Also, you would put some of Ben and Sophie’s drawings and new photos which Roger hadn’t seen because of the touring. You would pin them using the magnets.

He grabbed the first new photo and squinted at it. It was Sophie’s. Her face was covered with chocolate ice cream but her smiling face was enough to make him happy. The next photo was you and Ben making kissy faces to each other. Roger let out a chuckle and pinned them back.

You weren’t Linda McCartney but your photography skills were as good as hers.

Roger drank his water, washed the glass and left it on the drying rack. He turned off the light and grabbed his suitcase, walking up the stairs.

He passed the kids’ bedroom, knowing where they were. As he reached the bedroom you and he shared, the drummer opened the door very quietly. And there we you and the kids, asleep in the king-sized bed. His son was sprawled on his side of the bed. You loved to joke that Ben was sleeping exactly like him, which meant like a dead person, nothing could wake him up.

You were snuggled with Sophie but your left hand was touching Ben’s chest too, just to be sure he was there.

As much as he loved recording, touring he was most happy with you, Ben and Sophie, with his little family. Damn him when he said to John ‘Your “Best Friend” song sucks” almost ten years ago, because he was wrong.

Roger left his suitcase next to the door and took off his jacket. The sound made Sophie shift in your arms, Roger stopped moving and his daughter fell asleep.

Throwing the jacket over his suitcase, the drummer made his way to the bed. He sat quietly on the bed. Ben was not only sprawled on the bed but also he kicked the covers. There was no need for a DNA test, Ben was his son. Roger himself would kick off the covers when he’s sleeping alone.

The blond drummer tucked him in, then leaned down and kissed Ben and Sophie’s foreheads. To kiss you Roger got up and went to your side of the bed because he didn’t want to squish Ben and Sophie.

The bed sank down when he sat. First, he removed a piece of hair which has fallen over your eyes, then he kissed your forehead and lips.

That woke you up. You slightly jumped and stared at the person next to you. You were ready to scream but when he spoke and you calmed down.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry I woke you up, love.”

Roger grabbed your outstretched hand and kissed it, “Rog, you scared me.”

“It wasn’t my intention,” he whispered, kissing your lips. “I will take a quick shower. You go back to sleep.”

You sighed sleepily but nodded, pulling him by his shirt to kiss him one more time.

Roger broke the kiss and pushed you back towards the pillow, you both chuckled, “Go back to sleep, love, it’s late.” he mumbled.

You lied back; Roger covered you with the blanket then went to Ben’s side, who had pushed the blanket again. After tucking him in, the drummer undressed silently, grabbed a white t-shirt and black boxers from the drawer and got inside the bathroom.

The shower helped a lot; the hot water calmed his sore muscles and increased his desire for sleep. Nothing could replace sleeping in bed than sleeping on the plane. Nothing could replace sleeping in his own bed with you and of course sometimes with the kids too.

Roger got out of the shower with a towel in his hand, drying his wet hair but something in the bed has changed. This time Ben was sleeping next to you and Sophie on his side of the bed. The drummer blinked a few times, still trying to figure out how this happened. But he let it go, threw the towel to his suitcase and got in the bed.

You let out a tiny sigh and hugged Ben closer to you, probably thinking it was Sophie. Before closing his eyes he kissed both of his children’s foreheads and your lips.

Sophie clutched herself to her dad like a koala; Ben did the same thing to Sophie. Roger smiled and closed his eyes. Sleepily his hand reached for yours and squeezed it.

Before drifting off he felt your hand squeezing his.

***

Ben opened his eyes and rubbed them, trying to wake up. He watched you sleeping, a mischievous smile appeared on his beautiful face. He raised his hand and booped your nose. You shifted in your sleep but didn’t wake up. Ben chuckled, he wanted to do it again but withheld himself. Instead, he peeked over your head at the clock. It was 9:15.

He still remembered how Grandma Winnie taught him the clock and how to recognize what time it was.

Ben turned to Sophie, he was ready to wake her up as well but when the boy saw his dad sleeping next to his sister his blue eyes widened.

He started shaking Sophie, at first gently but a few moments later more forcefully, he started whisper yelling too.

“Sophie, wake up!” the blonde girl opened her eyes reluctantly, “Daddy’s home!”

Sophie blinked, still sleepy, “What?”

Ben pointed at Roger, whisper yelling once again, “Daddy’s home! Look!”

The three-years-old girl turned around and her eyes almost fell from their sockets.

Ben helped her to up and both of them started jumping up and down, yelling “DADDY’S HOME!” as loudly as they can, neighbors were probably awake now.

Which woke you and Roger as well.

When the siblings saw that their dad was up they threw themselves over his body.

Roger grunted loudly as his kids’ bodies landed over his. You, on the other hand, were laughing, it was the funniest but also the most heartwarming sight.

“Daddy, you are home!” Ben and Sophie said at the same time.

“Yes, I am.” he smiled as his kids sat between him and you.

“When did you come?” asked Sophie, as she held his right hand in her tiny ones. She’d help him later put some cream over his blisters on his hands.

“Last night, you were sleeping.” they nodded, “So tell me what did you and mommy do when I was away.”

Ben and Sophie started speaking together; their arms outstretched gesticulating like crazy. No one could figure out what they were saying, even the best lip-reading expert would fail in his job.

Roger held out his hands laughing, oh god he had missed this, yes he had seen you and the kids three weeks ago when he returned home for a few days for Sophie’s birthday, but he still missed it. The craziness, the never-ending questions from them, how they talked together when they were excited.

“I can’t understand what you are saying,” you laughed and moved next to your husband.

“Daddy wants you to speak in turns, can both of you do that, please?”

“Thank you, mommy.”

Sophie looked at Ben and whispered something in his ear, your son nodded and jumped out of the bed dragging his little sister behind.

“What was that?” Roger chuckled.

You kissed his cheek, “You will see. They want your approval to keep something.”

He hummed, pulling you to his body; you chuckled breathlessly as he pressed his lips over yours. But for his taste, the kiss lasted less than two seconds.

“Roger, the kids are in the house and they will return any second,” you warned him.

“That didn’t stop you three weeks ago.” he reminded you.

Your cheeks turned red, god he loved making you blush, “Shut up, the door was locked then and it was middle of the night.” you looked over your shoulder, as you heard your children’s voices, “They’re coming.”

First Sophie entered the room, she jumped on the bed and asked with her sweet voice, “Mommy can you tell daddy the story how we got Sprinkles?”

“Sprinkles?”

“Of course, sweetie.” Ben entered the room too; he was clearly hiding something under his t-shirt, the thing was moving and squirming.

Roger’s gaze moved from you to Ben and back to you.

“Rog, you know Mrs. Eastman, right?”

Mrs. Eastman was your neighbor, she is in her 70s, a very nice old lady who would look after Ben and Sophie for a few hours when you and Roger are working at the same time.

“Yes,” he answered but didn’t quite catch where this conversation was going.

“So you know Mrs. Eastman has a golden retriever named Lucy right?” he nodded finally figuring out what Ben was probably hiding under his t-shirt. “A few days after you left Lucy had 5 puppies,” Sophie held out five fingers, which made Roger smile, “and she gave us one of the puppies as a gift.”

As a cue, Ben jumped on the bed and pulled the small golden retriever puppy under his t-shirt. “Please, daddy can we keep it?”

“Pretty please!” Sophie wrapped his arms around his neck, it always worked, she knew it and damn it Roger knew it too.

You and the drummer exchanged a look, you smiled and shrugging.

“Mommy agreed on keeping Sprinkles but she said you have to agree too,” Ben explained, petting the puppy. “And Sprinkles is a boy, like you and me, daddy.” Ben gave his dad a toothy smile.

Roger looked at the distance, like he was thinking, “I would agree on two conditions. First, he won’t be sleeping on this bed or yours, okay?” his children nodded, “Second, what kind of name this that? Sprinkles? We better change it if he will be staying with us.”

“No!” the children yelled.

“His name is Sprinkles!” Sophie yelled.

“But we didn’t hear daddy’s answer,” you interjected which made your kids stop talking and looking at Roger with hopeful eyes, “can Sprinkles stay with us?”

“Yes, he can.” Ben and Sophie jumped on him, kissing his cheeks. “Okay, okay, now go wash your faces and play with Sprinkles until mommy and I make breakfast.”

They stormed out of the room, the last thing you heard was Sophie’s muffled voice and Sprinkles’ tiny bark.

“Fuck Y/N, I just allowed them to have a dog,” he laughed.

“Technically it’s a puppy, Rog.” you kissed his lips, making him sure that what he did was right, “It’s good for them to have a dog at home, it’s good for their self-confidence and can reduce their anxiety and depression.”

“Babe, you sound just like Brian.”

You hit him playfully, “Oh, shut up. We gotta get up,” Roger’s eyes landed on your exposed stomach as you stretched, “make breakfast.”

Roger hummed, eyes still on your exposed tummy, “Do you think we have some time for a quickie?”

“Rog, the kids are probably in their room…”

“Playing with Sprinkles. How did he get that name?” he asked casually when his hand went under your t-shirt but he only caressed your stomach.

“He ate the sprinkles Sophie gave him.”

The drummer let out a snort and shook his head, “Those kids will be the dead of me.” he murmured, before asking, “Do you know that they’re switching their places while they’re sleeping?”

You pointed a finger at Roger, “I knew something was off, because a few days ago I found Ben sleeping at the other side of the bed,”

“Why am I not surprised,” Roger admitted, “last night when I came home you were hugging Sophie and after I showered and entered the room you were hugging Ben,” the drummer nodded to confirm because you were shocked, “I still don’t know how it happened.”

You shook your head, “Wow, I’m shocked…”

“Yeah, me too.” The drummer took a deep breath, as his fingers made their way to your boobs, “So, do you think we have time for a quickie?”

“No, I don’t think so, Rog,” You kissed Roger’s pouty lips, “I promise to give you the most unforgettable blowjob after we put the kids to sleep.”

His eyes widened in shock and desire, “More unforgettable than the one you gave me on my 30th birthday?”

“We will see, but you have to wait, Rog.” you left the room after winking at him.

Roger lied down on the bed, chucking to himself, “It’s good to be back.” he whispered and got up.

Tagged: @rogmeddows @ohtheseboysilove​ @witchbloodsworld @liamarietayor @benders-diamond-earring

#roger taylor x reader #roger taylor imagine #ben hardy!roger x reader #ben hardy!roger taylor imagine #queen fic #queen imagine #roger taylor x you #roger taylor