[Caught by Penguin's goons and tied to chairs in a warehouse, waiting for the cavalry]
Red Robin: I'm gonna say it. Shakespeare is overrated.
Red Hood: Ok, first of all: how dare you. Second of all: how DARE you?
Red Robin: He's boring and Romeo and Juliet is ridiculous bullshit.
Red Hood: Counterpoint. Romeo and Juliet was always meant to be satire and if you read it with the knowledge that teenagers are idiots it's actually a fantastic, mean commentary on teenage romance.
Red Robin: The only way I'll accept that argument is if he was purposefully making fun of a particular pair of teenagers that he knew in real life and "Romeo and Juliet" was really Shakespeare being petty and mocking his cousin or something.
Red Hood: You- yeah that would be great actually.
Red Robin: Right? Still, my original point stands: Shakespeare is given way too much credit. So he invented some words. big whoop.
Red Hood: He basically invented the English language!
Red Robin: He better have considering the lenght of some of the monologues.
Red Hood: Look, thanks to Shakespeare we get to study dick jokes in school. There are so many dick jokes! How can you NOT like him?
Red Robin: One would think you'd be over Dick jokes, growing up in our family.
Red Hood: Well where do you think I get most of my material??
Red Robin: I'll concede that Macbeth is okay, but the rest of his tragedies? I mean, Hamlet? More like Ham-let-me-out-of-this-AP-English-class
Red Hood: One, that was sub-par and I expect better from you. Two; are you seriously going after HAMLET?
Red Robin: [snorts] Of COURSE you would enjoy a play about a death-obsessed dude with daddy issues and a thirst for revenge.
Red Hood: OK, POINT! But I'm still HELLA insulted. And Shakespeare is a master at exploring the human condition!
Red Robin: [rolls his eyes]
Red Hood: [to one of the Henchmen guarding them] Hey, you! With the ski-mask and bad enough judgement to wear sneakers to a gunfight!
Henchman: Uh... yea?
Red Hood: Back me up here. Shakespeare is a cultural icon.
Henchman: well, uh, he always kinda bored me in school
Red Robin: A-HA!
Red Hood: Oh shut up. Since when are Penguin's goons the go-to authority on literature
Red Robin: Since Shakespeare gets way too much credit because of fanboys like you.
Red Hood: Says the man who CRIED about the Hobbit movies. Several times.
Red Robin: THEY RUINED IT. EXCELLENT PRECEDENCE, EXCELLENT SOURCE MATERIAL AND THEY-
Boss Henchman: [barges in] what the fuck is going on in here? Who's making so much fucking noise?
Red Hood: [inclines his head towards Red Robin] Red Robin here thinks Shakespeare is overrated.
Boss Henchman: [immidiately involved] YOU'RE INSULTING THE BARD? HE BASICALLY INVENTED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Red Hood: [mimicking Red Robin] A-HA!
Red Robin: Look, if you want to stan an author who made a comedy about gaslighting and subjugating a woman through marriage be my guest but I'm different
Boss Henchman: That's a bullshit argument
Henchman #2 -a woman: Nah, he's got a legit point.
Red Robin: Thank you!
Red Hood: One bad play doesn't mean you can diminish the impact of his work as a whole
Red Robin: Oh CAN'T I?
Boss Henchman: I will not stand here and see the Bard slighted in my own house- warehouse- whatever!
-----20 minutes later-----
Boss Henchman: -HISTORICAL CONTEXT
Red Robin: SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A SEXIST APOLOGIST WOULD SAY
Red Hood: THAT'S NOT EVEN-
-----40 minutes later-----
Boss Henchman: SHAKESPEARE SHOWED ME THAT WORDS CAN BE BEAUTIFUL
Henchman #1: I WENT TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL!! THEY MADE ME PLAY JULIET DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I GOT ON THE STREETS
-----70 minutes later-----
Red Hood: YOUNG LEONARDO DI CAPRIO WAS A LEGIT SNACC AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE LYING
Red Robin: SO WATCH GANGS OF NEW YORK AT LEAST THAT'S INTERESTING
-----90 minutes later-----
Red Robin: THE FUCKING BARREL SCENE!! WHAT EVEN WAS THAT?!!
-----2 hours later-----
Red Hood: HE TAUGHT HISTORY TO THE MASSES!
Red Robin: HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SLEEP IN CLASS WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT IS WHAT HE DID
-----2,5 hours later-----
Boss Henchman: [pointing a gun at Henchman #1] HOW DARE YOU CALL OTHELLO A LI'L BITCH-
Henchman #2: [Hits Boss Henchman over the head with a chair] JUSTICE FOR KATHERINA
Red Robin: [Cheering] GET HIM, SUSAN
-----4 hours later-----
Bruce: [tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose] Ok, tell me again how you managed to escape.
Tim and Jason: [glancing at each other]
Tim: First off, I'd like to state for the record that we had everything perfectly under control.
10K notes · View notes