#draken my love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saeskiss · 9 months

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𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇.

ken “draken” ryuguji x fem!reader. 7.4k wc. 7/10/23.

you and draken have been broken up for four months, thirteen days and counting. yet, he still finds himself yearning for your comfort and one day he shows up on your door step with bruises and you know it’s selfish but you can’t stop yourself from giving in.

⟡ exes to lovers / second chance romance. mentions of blood, gang, fighting, etc. angst / comfort && fluff. !! proofread to the best of my abilities lol. SUGGESTIVE. (mentions of dick, draken is naked, y/n has a wet dream of draken (very vivid but short), etc.) AGED UP!!!!

draken knows he shouldn’t be here. or it’s more like he knows he doesn’t deserve to be here. he doesn’t deserve to show up on your doorstep that used to be his too. and he especially doesn’t deserve to be at your front porch practically begging for you to let him in after he broke your heart and shattered it to pieces.

he knows it’s selfish. and he knows you’ll scold him when you see him. but he doesn’t care. because he’s hunched over, bleeding for fucks sake, and he doesn’t have time to be caring whether or not you’ll be happy or not to see him.

he pounds on the door one more time, holding himself with one hand, the other hand on the door, trying to hold himself up.

“shit.” he mutters under his breath, coughs soon following after.

he sees a small tiny figure in the reflection of the peek hole, but he’s not so sure. everything is slowly becoming a blur for him, and he’s scared that he’s going to pass out in front of your doorstep and this will be your surprise when you wake up in the morning to go to work.

which wouldn’t be pleasant he thinks and holds in there, waiting for you to magically come out, but he counts to sixty, and you’re nowhere to be seen.

he’s about to turn around when he hears the sound of the heavy wooden door creaking. it’s old, and you were stubborn about replacing it when draken lived in this house with you. it almost seemed like that was centuries ago, but no, it was merely four months ago.

“draken? what are you doing here?” you rub your eyes to make sure you’re not seeing things.

“hi.” is all that manages to come out of his mouth before another “fuck,” follows, trying his best not to collapse onto the ground from the pain he’s enduring right now.

he sees you hesitate in your position, silently deciding between helping him up or leaving him on your doorstep. the wind blows your hair and draken thinks that you never look more beautiful than you do right now, and he’s upset. upset at himself for letting the doubts get to him. but then again, he’s on your doorstep and you’re right before him so what does he have to regret?

“here.” you launch yourself forward to him, silently cursing yourself to being so reluctant towards him after how shattered you were by him.

you frown at the sight of him so heavily wounded. you put his arm around your head and hold onto his arm, trying to drag him inside the house that once safely housed the both of you.

“here.” you hand him a glass of water, and honestly that’s all you’ve managed to say in the span of seeing draken after no contact for almost four months and two weeks. and it hurts, so “here” is all you can say before you start to break.

draken sees the way that you open your mouth to say something before closing it. he takes a sip of water trying to distract himself from the silence enveloping the room.

you swallow before accidentally saying something that you’ll regret.

one minute he was on your doorstep grunting in pain, the next he is on your couch still wounded drinking water. you should really tend those wounds. “are you sure we don’t have to take you to the hospital?” you get up from your seat on the couch and head to get the first aid kit that you got when you were dating draken and still haven’t brought yourself to throw it out. he shakes his head, his eyes wandering around your house taking its own tour.

draken is still a remainder of your life. and he notices this. he notices how you haven’t taken down the pictures of you guys together, and he notices that you still have the bracelet he gave you on the coffee table, he notices the potted plant you guys bought together to try and decorate the house that you guys had called “too empty” despite having each others company to reach out for. he notices that you haven’t really thrown anything out. he notices that you’ve been in a slump.

from the over-filling garbage in your trash can to the dirty dishes in the sink to the clothes placed randomly on the floor and random seats, to the random misplaced items in misplaced areas. you notice draken looking around, in panic as you turn away trying not to look at him, walking over to him with the first aid kit. “i haven’t had time to throw it out. i’ve been busy with work and stuff. i’m working on it.” you laugh nervously, feeling annoyed that you have to explain yourself and that draken has barely said a word except for the cuss that he muttered at your door step.

“where’s the wound?” you ask him, clear that he isn’t willing to make conversation.

and to your surprise he actually responds. and not with a fake response, but with a real one. one that comes from his mouth. one where he actually uses his voice to show it.

“here.” and to your shock, he lifts up his shirt and uses his mouth to hold onto the shirt to show you the deep diagonal cut on the side of his hip that leads almost into his stomach.

you couldn’t believe you were doing work at home. the one place you were away from everything hospital related. it was 2 AM for fucks sake and you had just got off of work an hour and a half ago. you want to tell him that you haven’t thrown out the pictures of you and draken because you’ve been occupied with other stuff, but you don’t. you don’t bother to give him explanations because it’s very simple: he doesn’t deserve any. not after what he put you through. it just wouldn’t sit well with you.

he left you there and it made you feel useless and helpless. like you couldn’t do anything. it was like this for two weeks before you pulled yourself together. and you wish that he saw it happen because it was one of the hardest things to bring yourself to do.

draken doesn’t know this. he doesn’t want to know. because if he understands the circumstances he’s put you in he’ll feel bad. he’ll feel bad for intruding the one home you have left after he had abandoned you.

he wants to say sorry to you, beg for your forgiveness but the amount of pain he’s in right now is taking over his brain and he can’t seem to form the words out of his mouth.

you dab onto the wound with cotton balls, but the blood just keeps coming out like a water fountain. you start to grow anxious, and out of habit you bite your lip, “the bleeding isn’t stopping.” you take your hands off of him and he turns to look at you and you’re met with his gorgeous dark brown orbs, and you can see the spark that was no longer in him coming back just from eyeshades eye contact between you guys.

he doesn’t say anything, and you guys stay like that for a little longer. is what you guessed you both decide silently in your guys’ heads.

you suddenly blurt out of awkwardness and the weird tension filling up the room, nearly suffocating you. “i think you should wash up.” you get up as you throw away the dirtied cotton balls.

“okay.” he attempts to get up, but he suddenly feels a sharp pain in the side of his hip and falls back onto the couch in defeat.

you watch as he holds the side of his hip, feeling a little sorry for him even though he ended things off horribly. “here. i’ll help you.” you give him a shoulder to lean on and he gives you the gentle genuine smile that you miss so much and would do anything just to see it again.

you walk him to the bathroom, his limping slows the both of you down and you take a longer trip to the bathroom than you normally have to.

you use the toilet cover as a chair so he can rest his injury. you stand there putting away the first aid kit that you had previously left on the counter rushing to draken’s savior not even bothering to clean it up despite the current state of your house. you watch as he struggles to take off his shirt with the bruises that are left on his arm. “…do you need help?” your voice cracks asking because it sounded like a weird question.

you guys are acting so domestically and it makes you think that there could be a possibility of you guys getting back together again. but that would not happen, you wouldn’t let it. or at least that’s what you think right now.

he nods. you come closer to him and you slip the white shirt that was now painted in the color of roses. you hear him whimper at how aggressively you had managed to get it off.

“sorry.” you find yourself apologizing and it’s absolutely pathetic.

“it’s ‘kay.” he mumbles, and he has become a man of few words, exactly like the time when you guys had first met and you can feel your heart aching.

he sits on the toilet cover, looking at you practically asking you with his eyes what he’s supposed to do next now that he’s shirtless covered in bruises and cuts in front of you.

draken debates asking the question he’s about to ask and he decides on asking it because what’s the worse that could possibly happen? you abandon him on your front porch? (it was a highly likely event but it’s 2:27 a.m. and he’s hoping you’re a little softer than usual).

“..do you think you could help me, like wash up?” his head is down, staring at the ground looking for any ants that could distract him from the hot sensation he was feeling on his face.

you think for a second, and you really think of the domesticity of this scenario. draken, your ex boyfriend in your bath naked and you tending his wounds. this was ridiculous and an awful situation to be put in. but he’s in pain, and you know he can’t do it himself. and the faster that you guys are done, the faster he can leave and the faster you can go back to your deep slumber.

“okay. but once we’re done you’re leaving. i’m tired, okay?” you notice the way that his shoulders rise and the way his face lights up from hearing that four letter word coming out of your mouth. you’re pretty sure he didn’t even hear the rest of what you said.

“okay.” he says, slowing getting up from the toilet and trying to situate himself into the bathtub that you once shared. and you cringe from the memory being brought up again.

“you need to take off your pants.” you tell him, and your face suddenly feels hot when you realize how perverted you sounded right now. “..i meant like so they don’t get wet.” you say calmly not letting him see your facade break down. even if it’s a small panic at something embarrassing you just said.

“right.” he hastily pulls off his pants and you notice this. you notice how he’s rushing. “do i have to..?” he gestures as his boxers. and you want to say yes for selfish reasons but this was serious and you had to treat this as if draken was your patient because he’s not your boyfriend anymore (his loss), he’s just a stranger that you use to know.

“keep them on.” you say, but it comes out more as a demand, “unless you don’t want to. either way i have an extra pair.” and you notice the way that draken blinks a couple of times, confused by what you were trying to imply. you don’t try to clear it up because you decide that you enjoy watching draken sit there and wander at the million possibilities you could be aiming at when you say that you have an “extra pair of boxers.”

“i’m just going to keep them on. i don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” you re-count in your head, draken’s 14 worded sentence. that’s the longest he’s spoke in the twenty minutes he’s been in your home. and it was about him taking off his boxers.

“it’s okay.” you find that’s the only thing you can respond with. you want to say, “it’s not like i haven’t seen it before,” but you don’t.

it doesn’t matter either way because when it gets wet you’ll see it anyway, so you don’t understand why he’s being so persistent. they’ll stick to his thighs and he’ll have a hard time taking them off when he’s done.

“you can’t change your mind.” you tell him because you don’t want to deal with getting up during your clean up and messing it up. but that explanation is just a cover up for your embarrassment, silently hoping he doesn’t actually take off his boxers.

“okay, i’ll take them off then. are you sure i can?” he asks scared he’s going to make you uncomfortable considering the title of your guys’ relationship. (there was no title.)

“yes, i’ve seen it before. what’s there to hide? are you shy or something?” you scoff and you can the tint of pink creeping onto the tips of his ears.

“hurry up. you’re losing a lot of blood.” you respond fast, trying to distract yourself from how cute he looked right now. you try to put your nurse mode on because you couldn’t let him win.

you stand there, waiting for him to take off his boxers. you can see the shade of crimson darkening on his face.

he tosses his boxers onto the ground next to you, trying to aim his body away from you because of his dick, trying to make you comfortable because you guys haven’t mentioned the break up yet and he doesn’t really want you to mention it now. and now, he has a feeling that you will because of the annoying and weird situation he put you in.

“okay.” you mentally face palm yourself for being so curious to want to see his dick again. it’s only been four months of no sexual activity and you’re already drooling over a guy taking off his boxers so you can bathe him and then tend his wound.

you turn the faucet on the bathtub so you can wash off the blood on the wound because an infection on that deep of a wound cause even more problems for you in the future.

draken was troublesome, is what you’ve decided. ever getting involved with him was one of your biggest regrets. yet you have to admit, he’s one of the sweetest—no, he is the sweetest man you’ve ever met. despite ending the breakup abruptly and making you leading up to the conclusion that he cheated on you, he’s the only man that has ever made you feel important through and through.

(ugh, why are we talking good about him now? he broke your heart. cmon y/n, you’re better than this!)

you walk towards the sink to wash your hands with soap before walking back to draken to rub the blood off of his body and into the drain.

you repeat this process for what feels like hours, both you and draken not saying a word to each other the whole time.

you walk up to the cabinets to grab a new towel for draken to use to wipe his body off.

“here. wipe your body. i’m going to get the extra clothes for you.” you hurry back to your bedroom that was once shared with draken. and the memories come flooding back once again, and you hate yourself for remembering them so well.

you find yourself reminiscing and you force yourself to snap out of the trance that only draken can put you in. you sigh as you grab yourself the extra pair of boxers and a t-shirt and gray sweatpants. all of which had belonged to draken and you still haven’t brought yourself to throw away.

“hey.” you feel a soft voice whisper down your ear, shivers sent down your spine from how fucking sexy he was being right now. you couldn’t even enjoy it.

“didn’t i tell you to stay put?” your tone slightly changed and he notices the way your voice moderately rises.

“you didn’t. and it was getting cold so i came to find you.” you turn around to meet his figure, he looked so comfy wrapped up in that towel.

“next time, just stay put. i don’t want you getting even more hurt.” you notice draken smiling at you. he’s smiling for two things. the fact that you said “next time” and the concern that was in your voice when you were talking about him getting hurt.

“here.” you shove the clothes in his face, not being able to bear the awkward silence. you see him just standing there with his clothes now on the ground.

“it hurts to bend down. can you help me?” for a second, you swear you can hear the desperation in his voice. but maybe you were wrong, because just like that his expression was back to normal. stoic and stubborn.

you gulp nervously before bending down to the ground to pick up “his” clothes. you watch as he slowly takes off his towel and you try not to look at his dick to avoid the image of you seeming perverted towards draken.

you hurry up and slip them on to get rid of the uncomfortable sight. you point at the bed, “lay down.” you demand so it’s easier to slip on his pants. “thank you.”

“sit up.” you tell him again, “sit here. do not go anywhere this time.” you run off to fetch the first aid kit so you could put antibiotics onto the now dry cut.

draken nods his head like an obedient puppy. he’s lucky he’s still here, is what he tells himself. it’s not a lot, but he’s getting something and he’s happy about it. getting taken care of is what draken calls his favorite form of someone showing him love.

his eyes scan the room to look for something he’s seen before to hold that sense of familiarity he once had when he lived in this house with you. he sees the picture frame that use to have a picture of you and draken facing down onto the table. he takes a whiff of the scent of the room, and it smells like you. it smells like the home he once knew.

he realizes that the boxers he’s wearing are his. his from when he use to live here. you kept one. and the sweatpants too. they’re all his. his that you selfishly kept. and he hadn’t even realized that these were missing when you had left the box of his things outside on the front porch because you didn’t want to face him.

he’s snapped out of his thoughts when he sees you coming back with the first aid kit. “hey.” you say taking a seat next to him on your bed.

“stay still, okay?” he nods again, and you put a little bit of the medication on a cotton pad and lightly dab at the wound. you can hear him wince in pain, “hold still. it’ll only take a while. just hold in there.” you tell him, repeating the procedure a couple of more times until you get the whole cut covered.

“i’m going to bandage it now, okay?” you take the roll of bandage out to wrap around his waist trying to cover up the cut.

“thank you.” draken finally says because in a couple of minutes he’s going to have to leave. and he’s feeling defeated. because he can’t leave. he doesn’t want to leave. he wants to stay here forever but he can’t. and it’s hurting him almost as much as the wound that he just got.

“yeah.” you say as you take one more look at his body, instantly regretting it. god his abs still look so good even when there’s cuts and bruises all over his body. “go to the doctor tomorrow. tell them to tend the wound.” you tell him, but he says nothing. “put this shirt on. it’s cold outside.” you hand the black t-shirt to him and to which he obliges, slipping it over his head.

“okay.” he decides that his final word will be okay, and he curses himself for it because it’s long out of his mouth and into the air and he can’t take it back anymore.

“okay.” you say back, dumbfounded of what’s going to happen next. “…do you want me to walk you out?” you say confused at what he wants.

“i’d like that.” he says, and you can hear the way his tone changes.

you both walk towards the door in silence and you both know this will be the last time you guys see each other in a long time. he wants to do something rational but he knows that he’ll regret it. he knows he’ll regret it even if he doesn’t do anything.

but he decides on the latter. you open the door, and draken is outside of the place he called home for the hour he was in there. he stands outside and you stand inside your house. you guys stand like that for a while before you decide to say, “bye.” you say softly, trying your best to give him a smile. and you try so hard not to break.

“bye.” he puts his hands in the pockets of the sweatpants as you watch his figure slowly walk away from you and the door shuts.

what the fuck just happened?

“y/n?” you hear a husky voice call your name from your bed.

“draken? is that you? why are you here? what happened to your wound?” you panic to which he lifts up his shirt and he quickly slips it off.

“it’s all better thanks to you.” he comes from behind and hugs your waist snuggling into your shoulder.

“cmon let’s go to bed.” he says as he slides his hands from your waist to your hand to drag you towards your bed.

you see him standing in front of you, his shirt is now off and everything feels like a dream. “kiss it.” he holds your hand, kissing each one of your fingers before kissing your palm.

he lets go of your hand and puts it on his abdomen. “feel it.” you hear him say as you let your hand roam and really feel his abs.

“kiss it.” you’re hesitant and draken noticed this. “please.” the desperation in his voice makes you groan and draken smirks upon hearing how turned on you are from him.

so you give in, and lightly tap your lips against his firm and sculpted abs. you move it towards the healed spot and brush your lips carefully on the area. you hear him moan and you can feel your face getting hot. he just looks at you with a smug expression on his face. “y/n.” he says as he moves your head so that you guys are making eye contact with each other.

“i need you. i want to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” his tone is aggressive and you can hear the desperation in his voice and you suddenly have the urge to moan again.

he lifts you up from your position and sits you up so that your head is against the headboard and your eyes meet.

he grinds his hard cock against your pussy, “you like that?” he says as he grunts into your ear. “take off your pants.” he demands and you obey.

“don’t keep me waiting baby.” he says as he takes his bulging cock out of his pants. “look at how wet you make me.” he smirks as you as he brings your hand to feel—

“what the fuck.” you jolt awake and check the time: 6:12 am. you overslept by twelve minutes because you were so indulged in a wet dream you just had of a man you had spent the night with. your ex boyfriend ken draken ryuguji.

you could feel the way your cheeks were getting hotter and the embarrassment you were feeling was incomparable to any other time you’ve felt embarrassed.

“oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.” you hurry up and grab your pants from the floor and slip them on, along with the rest of your clothes in a hurry to get to work to distract yourself in the mess you just yourself through.

for the rest of the day, your head is filled with thoughts of the man you had spent your night with. your ex boyfriend ken draken ryuguji.

he was like a bird that had placed a nest on your balcony because they thought it was a tree but it in fact is your porch so it stays there and nests it’s eggs.

it was a weird analogy, but it worked.

you couldn’t seem to concentrate. and the only time you were concentrating is when you were thinking of none other than ken draken ryuguji.

even your co-workers were starting to get nervous when you finished your lunch in ten minutes and went back to work when you would usually laze around until the lunch break was over.

you groaned as you collapsed onto your couch, taking a glimpse of the time: 8:45 p.m. you had to enjoy the rest of the evening by going to sleep, right now. or else you were going to regret it.

you ended up cleaning the whole house and washing draken’s clothes so that you could return them sometime, and this place was finally spotless and you were so relieved. you let out a heavy sigh as you feel yourself drifting off into your daydream.

all of a sudden you hear someone knocking on the door and you force yourself awake. you trudge yourself towards the door.

you look through the hole and you almost have a panic attack upon seeing who’s standing nervously, hands in his pocket on your doorstep.

why was he here? again? what did he need? he wasn’t injured, so why was he here? what gain does he have by being here?

he opens his mouth to speak first, and you’re somewhat grateful because you’ve run out of words to use.

“i need to get my clothes. and i need you to replace my bandage.” draken mumbles the last part because he knows you told him to go to a doctor to replace the bandage. but he only knows you—that’s a lie, the truth is, he only wants to know you. you’re the only thing that matters to him.

you really didn’t understand. you waver but give in nonetheless. you inspect him to see if any new cuts or bruises have formed on his body. and to your surprise, he looks perfectly healthy. (despite the huge bandaged cut on his hip.)

you sigh, hands on your hips trying to decide your fate after this morning’s catastrophe. “this is the last time you’re coming here. my home is not a second home for you.” draken frowns when he hears the words come out of your mouth, but he knows they can’t be helped. and you notice the way his shoulders slump down, but you don’t say anything. because nothing needs to be said.

“your clothes aren’t finished so you’re going to have to stay here for a little bit after i re-bandage you.” you invite him in to sit down on the couch, but instead he’s dumbfounded at entrance and barely makes it past the entryway. you bump into him, realizing that he hasn’t moved from his spot.

he looks at your house again, blinking hard a couple of times to make sure he’s not seeing things. you tidied up. everything in this house was spotless and he’s surprised on how quickly the stump lasted. (he doesn’t know how long your house was like that and how long you decided it was okay. but he decides on the day he was here and today because he doesn’t want to know how bad of an effect everything had on you.)

“um?” you wait for draken to sit down so you can get started and you don’t have to interact with him any longer. “please go sit.” you tell him one more time, this time your tone is more demanding and he listens. you snort, the total opposite of my dream, you think.

you realize that he took off the bandage by himself and he came here without it, you eye it and look back at him, “sorry. i just took a shower so i didn’t think i should just re-bandage myself. and i can’t get my torso right when i do it by myself.” he says, waiting for you to respond.

you nod your head, as you take out the bandages and memories of last nights events coming rushing in your head. (both him showing up at your doorstep and asking to be cared for and two the wet dream you had about him.)

"you've got to be more careful." you finally say, breaking out of character. you don't know how many more visits of draken's you could take before you break and beg for him to take you back.

"i know," he looks at you and you give him a look that says i-don't-believe-you (he remembers it vividly from when you guys were together and whenever he had told you he wasn't going to buy you anything expensive anymore because of your constant nagging, "seriously." he deadpans this time, "i will." he tells you and that pretty much wraps up your guys' conversation.

okay, keeping it sweet and simple. you could deal with that.

"all done." you whisper softly as you press onto the bandage to keep it secure. "i hope you don't mind waiting for a little bit. the washing machine is kind of slow." you laugh softly and draken knows this.

he lived with you for fucks sake, he knows the washing machine is slow. and now he knows that you still haven't replaced it. "i know" he wants to say, but he doesn't.

"what?"

fuck, did he say that out loud? he swallows nervously before repeating the sentence again, "i said i know."

"oh." that earns silence. because what more is there to say to the man that left you all alone wondering what you did wrong? the man you let back in so easily. its ridiculous and pathetic. you know it’s ridiculous and pathetic, seriously where’s your self respect?

"do you want tea? anything?" you get up, attempting to break the silence. you glance over at the time left on the drying machine. 12 minutes. you just had to endure this for 12 more minutes. i know it seems short, but being in forced proximity with the person you're supposed to hate the most wasn't necessarily ideal. and everything felt way longer than it actually is.

"sure. tea is fine." you watch as he closes his eyes and rests his head onto the cushion.

you prepare him some tea, silently cursing yourself for letting him into your home again. you're letting him win and you hate it so much.

"here you go." you say as you hand over the cup of tea to draken, the steam rising into the air. and he takes a sip. and you mentally face palm yourself for his stupidity.

"fuck." he says as his tongue burns from how hot it is.

"here," you take it back from him blowing off the steam on top and taking a sip to test it out and hand him the cup back. it slowly comes into realization that you guys just took a sip from the same cup. and you showed a gesture that you used to give him when you guys were still dating. you wanted to ask the question so badly, what the fuck was happening? you don't question it any further because you see one minute remaining on the dryer. you hear a loud ding that brings you back to reality.

"looks like its done. i can walk you out." you say wanting draken to get out of your house so you can sleep. you take a sneak peek at the time and it's now 9:02. and you groan, aloud. and draken hears you.

"what's the matter?" draken says walking in your direction, his tall figure towering over you.

you shake your head, not wanting to give him any explanations. because again, he doesn't deserve any explanations. but you give in. again. because draken is irresistible. and he's everything you ever had. he's everything you ever wanted. and he's everything you still want. it's hard to deny something like that when the opportunity is right in front of you. "it's just, it's really late and i wanted to get some sleep tonight."

"sit." he asks you, but it comes off as more of a demand.

draken notices the puzzled confusion that arises on your face. you obey anyway because both of you guys are aware of the position you are in and as much as you want to say no, you can't bring yourself to. you're tired, and you don't know if you can keep your facade up any longer.

"lay your head onto the back of the couch." you look back at him, and he gestures for you to listen to him. and you do.

"draken, i can't deal with your bullshit right now. can you just get on with it and leave? please?" he winces, and he hates the way "draken" comes out of your mouth. it comes out bitter, and foreign. and he hates that. he hates that you don't even call him "ken" anymore. but again, it wouldn't make any sense since you guys aren't even together anymore.

"just relax. just for five minutes. then i'll go." he silently makes a promise to himself that he'll leave once the five minutes are over. he knows he's over intruded his stay. you've done so much for him and he knows that its time to go.

draken starts by gently rubbing your temples, "close your eyes. relax." he says and you relax your shoulders which earns a grin from draken. he moves from your head to your shoulders and he messages your shoulders, easing all of the tension you were holding up. "good, you're so relaxed now." he praises you, proud that you're finally loosening up. you grunt in response to him because now you're angry again. you let him win and see the nice side of you. and you almost have the urge to moan at the way he's praising you so nicely. you feel weak under his touch and it's making you grow more and more angry.

you can hear the way the clock ticks every second of the night and when the sound starts to irritate you, "..i think its time to leave." you say, breaking out of the trance he has you under. he nods, removing his hands off of you and picks up the once forgotten white t-shirt that you had nicely washed for him.

"y/n." he gets serious and you hear the way his tone changes indicating solemnity. "i'll leave for real after this, can i just do one more thing?" he asks you, and now you guys are both standing outside of your house on the front porch. "back up if you don't want this, okay?" you have a hunch of what he's doing, but you don't question it because you want this. you want a sense of liberation. and to get lost in his eyes for a moment. even if it means you'll never see him ever again.

you can see his body leaning closer to yours, his eyes roaming around your face before they find your lips and are concentrated on them for what feels like hours but its only been a mere second before he uses his hand to gently hold onto your chin and lift your head up. "it's not too late to back out." he whispers, it's hot, every second of this moment you're not supposed to have him feels scandalous. you don't say anything for the next couple of seconds so draken leans in, and your lips meet and the sweet sensation runs through your mouth all the way down to your stomach and you can feel his other hand moving down to hold your waist, and the addicting taste of his lips that you can't seem to get enough of. it's been so long since you've let yourself let loose, you think. you lean into the kiss and let out a moan which surprises draken, but he goes with it and he grips onto your hips as you continue to press harder and harder into the kiss, practically begging for more. but you snap back to reality because this isn't who you are, and you're letting your guard down too soon.

"fuck." you both let go and the sound of your guys' heavy breathing is the only thing that is heard in the quiet night. "sorry. you can still hit me if you want." he offers his cheek to you, but you shake your head. "it's okay," you pause before deciding whether or not you should be honest with him on your guys' last meet up.

"...i enjoyed it." you turn away shyly, "now go home, and forget this happened okay?" you say as he gives you a forced soft smile and you shut the door on him.

you collapse on the ground with tears streaming down your face, using your shirt to wipe the wet mess on your face.

"fuck."

weeks go by, almost months it feels like. but in reality, it's only been two weeks since draken has even tried showing up at your door after showing up two days in a row. as you're washing the dirty dishes in the sink, you think about him showing up at your door wounded.

and it makes you think that maybe he only showed up because he didn't want to go to another doctor because he didn't feel comfortable being around them. after all, you were toman’s doctor until you guys broke up because it got awkward to see the rest of the gang when he was there. it seemed somewhat reasonable to why he hasn't visited.

you don't even know why you care. he said he wasn't going to show up anymore, and you should believe him, right? he's probably right. it's better if you guys don't talk. he broke your heart. and you didn't ask any questions. and you didn't get any answers. and you still haven't. so why do you want his touch so badly?

the night of the kiss slowly replay in your head, and you can’t stop yourself from feeling this hot sensation, that makes you want more.

you shake your head to snap yourself out of it. having fantasies of your ex at night wasn’t a good look for you.

you trudge yourself over to go lay on the couch and play something on the tv to entertain yourself.

your eyes start closing on you and by the time you knew it, you were already drifting off in a relaxing slumber.

and you swear, this time you hear a hard knock on your door, and you force yourself to get up and wipe the drool that’s formed on your face.

you frown, taking a second before looking at the peek hole. for the past two weeks, you keep getting eager whenever you hear someone knock or ring on your doorbell because it gives you hope that it might be draken.

but almost five out of five times it’s not him. and you hate the way your shoulders droop down, and the forced gentle smile you try to give the carrier.

you take a deep breath in and decide it’s better that you don’t look at the peek hole, for suspense and because this time your hopes can’t be crushed before you even open the door. (that’s your logic at least. and honestly you can’t believe the way that you didn’t even take safety precautions.)

you open the door and you see a six foot one figure on your front porch.

“draken?” you finally say, and you realize you’ve been holding your breath this whole time.

“yeah. hi.” he says as he unhides his hand and reveals a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

“wow.” is all that you are able to manage to get out. “why are you here?” your instantly snapped back to reality.

“look y/n, i know i might be too late,“ draken stops trying to find the right words, and you find them for him.

“you are. i didn’t even know why you broke up with me and it hurt,” you can feel the tears forming in your eyes. “i thought i wasn’t good enough for you. or i thought you found someone better for you.” you can feel his hand on your face, gently wiping the tears off your face.

“there is no one better for me. i’m sorry y/n. i had to protect you.” he engulfs you into a hug and now you can’t stop the tears from coming down like waterfall on his shoulder. and you hate yourself for hugging him back.

“i know it’s not excuse but there was a gang that was against toman and decided that the best way to have us join them was to blackmail us. they started tracking down our loved ones and i didn’t want the gang to get in touch with you. they were blackmailing toman and i didn’t want you getting involved. in any of my schemes, so i decided to end it. i thought that if i ended it harshly then maybe you wouldn’t want me back so bad. i just wanted to protect you. i didn’t want you getting hurt because of my poor decisions. ”

“i’m really sorry y/n. i can’t forget about you. i, i try everyday. but i really can’t. you haunt every part of me, and everyday you’re not here i feel like i can’t breathe, i feel cold and empty.” this confession surprises you, and you finally look up at draken.

and your lips crash, and the hot sensation that you once felt comes rushing back. “an explanation was all that i wanted.” you start, “i just wanted to understand why you broke up with me.” and you stop trying to find the words. “i want to say no, because i don’t want to get hurt again. but i can’t. after our kiss the other night my thoughts are filled with you and i can’t even do my job properly.” you laugh as the tears continue to stream down your face, and he wipes them for you with his finger.

“it’s your choice.” he takes a deep breath, “if you don’t want to take me back its okay. but just know if you ever need me or decide you want me again, i’ll be here waiting for you.” he tells you, and your tears stop and you guys both look at each for what feels like decades.

“okay.” you tell him, wiping off your final tears. “let’s try again.” you finally say, and you notice the way draken’s lips lift and how he can’t stop smiling at hearing that and he can feel the way his cheeks are starting to numb up. “but please tell me about the stuff that happens. and if you break my heart again there will be no third chance.” you laugh.

“i know, i will. and i know that too. i promise to never hide anything, because you’re the only girl i’ll ever love. i love you y/n.” you grab him by his collar and you pull him in for an intense, slow and passionate kiss. your stomach is turned into butterflies and your head turned off, the feeling of euphoria and bliss fills up your brain.

“i love you too.” you say, and you smile at him and he smiles at you, and this feeling is so euphoric.

“i’m sorry.” he says again, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “i shouldn’t have been such an asshole. ’m sorry.”

“you don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“yes i do. what if you weren’t so forgiving? i don’t deserve you.”

“but i am. and there’s nothing you can do about it, accept my love already god damn it.” you notice the way he lifts his head from the crook of your neck and looks at you. you bring a hand to his face to caress his cheek.

“i love you so much. there’s nothing in this world that can be used to describe how much you mean to me.” he tells you and this confession makes you feel hot.

“i love you too silly, now can we go back inside? it’s getting cold.” draken nods, and it feels like two worlds that were apart are together again, and you feel like you can do anything.

“i love you.” he says again because he can’t stop himself from saying it. he’s so fortunate and he knows this.

“ken.” you guys sit on the couch together and you bring his face to look at yours. he feels his heart warming up hearing the familiar nickname come out of your mouth again. “i love you too, okay?” you give him a peck on the lips and the rest of that night is a blur because it’s filled with laughter and joy.

you start to realize you’ll never ever love someone the way you love ken draken ryuguji.

©saeskiss 2023

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