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ohraicodoll · 1 year

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Be Still

(Gif Credit Joel-Miller) Joel Miller x fem!reader The Last of Us (Show/Game) 1.4k Words (3rd POV) Summary: It takes her a while to see what’s happening to him. Joel is having a panic attack. (I’ve never written so fast but had to after watching ep 6!!)

It happened twice before she realized what it was.

At first she worried it was a heart attack. That Joel was having a heart attack in the middle of the forest and she wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. It wasn’t a knife wound or gunshot, nothing she could patch up and stitch together. She hadn’t been a doctor in any life, was more skilled in killing than healing, and they didn't have medicine to give him. His age had never been a thing she cared about or was too concerned with. The world wore them down equally, harshly, and he always seemed to defy the number. Was stronger than anyone his age like through his rage he could defy his body. It wasn’t a heart attack though. She could see the bright whites of his eyes, the way they unfocused and his breath would hitch under the press of his hand against his chest. The shallow breaths coming in and out in frantic off-kilter beats. It wasn’t the cold like he tried to play it off as, wasn’t his age or at least not entirely. Panic attack. Joel Miller was having panic attacks and was trying his best to hide them. They’d started after a few close calls. Ellie getting hit or her almost getting her head shot off. Running from a small horde that had built up inside a locked shop they’d inadvertently let loose. The more close calls they had, the more she could see his anxiety build up. And now it was flooding over, manifesting in a way she was startled to see in the man who always seemed like an impenetrable fortress. He was never afraid. But that was fear in his eyes as he rubbed his hand over and over against his chest, staring at the infected at her feet sporting a new bullet hole. So close. It’d been so close to her. Had dropped out of the second floor window of the cabin they stood outside of. And she hadn’t reacted fast enough but he had. Her eyes took in the way he stared, the hollow blank gaze, the twisting of his lips as they shook. Panic. There was panic and fear there. “Ellie, go clear out that shack and start laying out camp for the night,” she ordered and tried to keep her voice steady, not wanting to give away that anything was up, “We’ll clean this up and patrol the grounds real fast.” The teen sighed audibly and tucked her gun away into her pocket overdramatically, not noticing Joel’s silence as she walked towards the small open shack a dozen yards away. The house the infected had come from was dilapidated, all the windows broken and looking like it was sinking in on itself. Not the safest. As soon as the girl was a good distance away and out of direct view, she walked towards Joel slowly as if approaching a skittish animal. His breath was a wheeze in the silence and he almost jumped when her hands reached out and touched his cheek. “Sit, come on. Nice and slow, just sit on the ground,” she coaxed him, cupping his face and drawing his attention away from the dead body. His eyes were glazed but he sank to his knees, hard and crunching the dried leaves. He was still upright, not allowing himself to fall onto his heels and sit completely, so she followed his lead. Knees to knees, her breath mingled with his and one hand went over the ones clutched to his chest, “Come on, Miller, I need you to take deep breaths in and deep breaths out. In through your nose and out through your mouth.” He was shaking, fingers digging into his shirt like he wanted to try and claw his heart out. His beard was rough against her palm, the silver hairs catching the dying light. Joel looked so lost. He never looked like that, was a constant pillar of confidence against the world. Unshakeable. To see him look that way, scared for the first time in a long while, had something twist inside her. His breaths were still shallow, lips quivering, so she mimicked the routine. Loud breaths in, deep sighs out, “You gotta breathe for me, Joel. In and out, real steady.” Awareness was slowly seeping into his eyes and her fingers slipped between his, clutched in his grasp. He focused on her and started to breathe, swallowing heavily. They were broken, stuttered gasps but he was trying. Her hand stayed on his cheek and she could feel each attempt, see the color and life come back to him. “There you are,” she whispered with a gentle smile, one that was usually reserved for Ellie. Joel never liked things gentle, rejected softness, so she had never offered it. Everything between them was rough, brutal, from the way they fought to how he would smash his mouth against hers during those tiny moments of privacy.

They had hated each other and then…they didn’t. But it was never gentle, wasn’t love or even affection.

She didn’t expect to be the one to keep him from breaking apart. His breathing was getting steadier, more confident. She almost smiled wider, “Okay. Go over the supplies we have in the first aid kit.” A furrow appeared between his brows, the first hint of Joel coming back, “What?” “Just do it, Tex,” it was a command but stayed coaxing, soft even as his fingers gripped her own so hard her bones protested. His eyes flickered all over while he struggled to think and her forehead came to rest against his, “Five things then in the kit.” Their matched breathing warmed her and with a stutter, Joel started listing things. Gauze. Tape. Needle and thread. Scissors. Tweezers. “Technically, that’s six,” she smirked and was pleased that by the end of the list, his breathing was back to normal and he was no longer shaking. “You can’t have a needle without thread. It’s one item,” Joel huffed roughly, not much humor in the comment. Silence took them over and neither moved. She knew his knees had to be hurting against the cold hard ground because hers were starting to, but she didn’t want to be the first one to pull away. She’d stay kneeling there all night if it was what he needed because somewhere along the lines of months they’d all been traveling, Joel had become one of hers. Not only Ellie, but this gruff older man who bit off her head yet gave her the bigger pieces of jerky and would sometimes stop her to kneel and tie her shoes for her. He took care of them both. In the dark he shared his favorite bands growing up and in the light acted like the sight of her made him angry. And now holding him after seeing him deal with a panic attack, she wondered how much of what he felt was hidden under layers and layers. If she’d ever actually get to know Joel and not only what he wanted her to see. Because he wasn’t unstoppable, wasn’t fearless. He was petrified. Slowly, she leaned forward and grazed his nose with her own. The prickle of his mustache and beard against her skin drove tingles across her skin, his breath warm against her lips. He didn’t stop her, didn’t shove her away and walk off even after she’d witnessed a vulnerability. Instead he leaned forward and met her lips with his, the barest of touches. More a press than an actual kiss. It was the gentlest thing she ever felt from the man and it seemed to do more than all the times he tasted her skin and pressed his tongue against her. She pressed harder, kissed him deeper, and tried to pour out everything she knew he would reject out loud. You’re okay. I’m okay. I’ve got you. His hand gripped hers but softened in answer. They wouldn’t talk about it. She knew as much not to push that. But he didn’t try to play it off and instead let her keep that secret of his and take on its burden. It was one of the few things they shared and she would guard it, guard him as fiercely as that little girl.

Even after she broke their kiss, gave him a small smile and helped him get to his feet so they could go check on Ellie, he didn’t let go of her hand.

#raicodoll writes #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x oc #joel miller #joel miller fanfic #tlou #the last of us #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #joel miller x feral reader #series: feral #oc: red #this stuck in my mind hard #def as someone that deals with panic attacks

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aurivelles · 11 months

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WONYOUNGISM ep 1 ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ | motivational acc

EPISODE 1 : Mental health

🪽 — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — 🪽

— Hello and welcome to my wonyoungism episode 1, today I will be teaching you how to finally enter your wonyoungism era!

— The wonyoungism aesthetic that's been going viral around tiktok, tumblr and basically everywhere, is not just about glowing up physically but also mentally!

— "How do I improve my mindset?" "How do I become more confident?" Well you've come to the right place my love!

— Coming from someone who just got into their wonyoungism era!

1. Be kind to everyone! If you wanna start with confidence and mental health, I recommend being mindful of your surroundings and be considerate of others feelings. I recommend this a lot because people will start looking up to you and your kindness personality that's likely borrowed from an angel. ♡

2. Set boundaries! Yes, be nice to everyone but being nice to everyone doesn't mean you have to let other people treat you like nothing! If someone disrespects you, I recommend cutting them off because those people will never help you get anywhere but only bring you down to their level. ♡

3. Stay organized! Having an organized bedroom, backpack, closet and basically anywhere you roam around is such a nice feeling! Clean environment = Happy environment! Deep clean your room and throw out everything you don't need or don't use anymore and start fresh! ♡

4. Make a journal, write anything you want in it such as your planned occasions, routines, make it your daily diary and basically anything you want! ♡

5. Have an organized sleeping schedule and don't always stay up so late! It can be both physically and mentally tiring for you and stress is not for girls like you! You deserve some proper rest. ♡

6. Don't stress yourself, over academics, selfcare, confidence, or anything! Remember, we have to take baby steps before we get to the big ones. ♡

7. Listen to some calming music and try to detach yourself from social media to get a relief and a sign of relaxation and freedom from social media attachment!

8. Read books, draw, do anything productive that can help you become happy! Don't spend your day laying on your bed, I promise that won't get you nowhere. ♡

— That's all (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ I hope you enjoyed reading this xoxo, follow and come back for more future tips!! ♡

#wonyoungism #wonyoung #song jia #confidence #motivation #self care #self healing #mental health #mental health advice #mental health support #self improvement #self growth #jang wonyoung #thewizardliz #self love #coquette #wonyoung motivation

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whateverisbeautiful · 2 months

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♥️ Ranking Richonne

#6: Cuz I'm Okay Too (S4E16)

Such a heartfelt and important moment in the making of Richonne. 🥹 The scene is brief but still manages to communicate something so important about Rick and Michonne's profound connection. That You're Okay/I'm Okay interconnectedness between them is one of those deep and consistent qualities that make Richonne one of a kind. By this season 4 moment, I really and truly believe Rick and Michonne had fallen in love and I cherish that this beautiful scene is a part of their love story. The scene is a true Richonne classic...

Richonne's love story has so much life to it because it was able to breathe as it evolved each season. And as much as the world was screaming at them - when it came to Rick and Michonne's pre-canon build-up there were these small quiet moments like the one in this s4 finale that still really helped to lay their foundation steadily and naturally.

I appreciate that Richonne's journey was a slow burn (the most fiery slow burn, might I add 🔥) and that we got to see their love story play out from the moment they first laid eyes on each other all the way to now as a husband and wife determined to find each other again. The build-up was as great as the payoff in the making of Richonne and this season 4 pre-canon moment between them is one of the foundational staples in building their relationship.

As I’ve stated before, I consider this 4.16 ep quite monumental to Richonne as I feel its by this point these two have fallen in love. And this scene just really backs that up to me and gives us our first insight into the unique interconnection they have.

The reason why I so confidently refer to these two characters as soulmates is because absolutely every time Rick and Michonne were together it was clear they had a deep mind-body-soul connection and a magnetic draw that showed they were tethered to each other and meant to be.

They were so kismet that even in the beginning of their relationship they seemed to be strongly emotionally connected to each other.

In the early stages of their growing bond, Rick and Michonne really would often look at each other like they were both something special and inexplicably familiar, like a missing piece of themselves that they yearned for and felt innate trust and safety with. And, to me, this scene illustrates all of that.

I also noticed that since I've gotten so used to seeing team family in the 'stability' of ASZ for half the series, whenever I see scenes of them in these earlier seasons where they had no home base it makes me a little emotional because it makes you realize just how little they had, and how much they were being held together by their resilience and their family alone. It's really a testament to their strength and the family they built that fueled them to keep going.

I love the way this 4.16 scene is shot, the fall vibes are just nice with all the leaves as they walk. Also the show did a good job of always making it feel like there was some added weight to when Rick and Michonne were around each other. The two together on screen are just always electric as this scene solidifies.

(Side note: watching this show back, I love how quiet the ambiance was in the earlier seasons, it really made the world feel immersive and lived in.)

When Rick protectively sat outside of that car in the previous scene with Carl asleep in Michonne's lap, Michonne heard Rick talk to Daryl about who he is and why he’s here, and her expression as she listens was telling. I know R&M both were more aware of how much they mean to each other from here on out. And then that love only grows stronger, even as soon as their next scene.

So this #6 scene starts with Rick walking ahead, and I love how Michonne is looking at him as she walks closer to him. I’d love to know exactly what she’s thinking at this moment cuz she clearly has some thoughts. 😊

As she studies him in this scene I really do feel like it’s her seeing the resilient man he is and feeling a lot of genuine love and respect for him. Especially after seeing Rick go to an incredibly intense place to save her, Carl, and Daryl the night before.

Rick went to lengths not many would even think to go...but that level of fight in him is one Michonne knows well. It's in her too. And I think at this moment she knows truly that they are cut from the same cloth.

She silently observes him and, before she even speaks, Rick senses her and asks if she’s okay. I love that he checks in on her after what they went through.

When Rick and Michonne found each other after the prison fell, they became a package deal and went through most things side by side from then on. And I love that through all the wild things they experienced together, they had each other to check in with and make sure they were okay because they got to be fully human with each other.

Michonne nods and says a reassuring 'yeah' and then again has those little glances at him that, to me, suggest sis has caught feelings.

Then I always love that Rick proceeds to offer up that he’s okay. He initiates saying that because he wants her to know this and he knows this would matter to her. Ever since reuniting after the prison, Michonne has often brought up the importance of Rick healing and resting, so he knows she cares about his wellbeing and that he’s okay.

And it’s also like by offering up, "I'm okay" he wants her to know he’s still okay as a person even after showing that he’s capable of some pretty intense stuff. I’ve always loved this, especially because as a woman traveling alone with men, it means a lot to have a man want you to know he’s still okay and safe to be around.

But then what is so lovely about this scene is that Rick gets to see that he doesn’t need to do any convincing with Michonne because she has always seen and understood him on a deeper level.

(It makes me think of when Michonne talks with Merle during season 3 inside the prison. She defends Rick and Carl and notes that they're both killers but she doesn't say it as a condemning thing because even as strangers she understood that Rick and Carl are still good people despite what they've had to do to survive)

And as much as Rick is grappling with all that he’s capable of here at the end of season 4, it’s so refreshing that Michonne is right there to let him know he’s not a monster to her. So when he says he’s okay, she says without any doubt, "I know." 😊

Then I so love that Rick asks, "How?" It’s an interesting thing to ask because he could have just left it at her saying she knows, but I love that he’s curious to know this. Almost as if deep down wanting to know that she really does see and understand him as clearly as he sees and understands her.

And when he can’t help but ask, I adore the way she looks at him and so effortlessly tells him, “Cuz I’m okay too.” 🥹

Another classic line in Richonne's journey. 🥰 And a line that is as powerful as it is pretty.

I know I've said a lot of their scenes are giving romantic but this one is 1000% giving romantic. I mean this dialogue between them could be seamlessly inserted into a romance movie and I'd be like...

And it is just such a sweet sentiment - "Cuz I'm okay too." Similar to Rick's "Must've been something else then," line, I'd love to know exactly what Michonne was aware of regarding her attraction and feelings for Rick at this time.

It’s significant for Michonne to vocalize this and let Rick know that she has developed enough feelings for him that his well-being impacts her own. He’s okay, so she’s okay. And we see that 'you're okay then I'm okay' thing that they have play out in so many moments between them in this series.

One that comes to mind is an honorable mention scene in s5 at Alexandria when Michonne can’t sleep, and then we see that Rick has also been up and unable to sleep. It’s almost like Rick's restlessness played a part in what was affecting Michonne's ability to rest.

And Rick even vocalizes as much when he asked why they're both awake before touching her shoulder and her reacting in a way that further proves their magnets. Something innate within them is so often on the same wavelength, even when they have some different outlooks.

I love these TWD reactors who noted how Rick’s mind silently racing was still so loud to Michonne and keeping her up in that s5 scene, whereas if Rick would sleep she probably would be able to fall asleep too.

Rick and Michonne are just one like that and they have always been so emotionally intertwined. They don't just understand what the other is going through, they feel what the other is going through. #TetheredSoulmates

So I love and appreciate this s4 finale scene for fully establishing Rick and Michonne's unique and heartfelt interconnection - both that they have it, and that they deep down know they have it too.

Rick nods after Michonne says this, and this subtle moment just feels like he gets what she means. She doesn’t even have to explain further cuz I think he knows he feels the same - You're okay, I'm okay.

And then the way Michonne is looking at that man at the end of this scene...Cupid got her, y’all. Just like Cupid got Rick lol. 😊

Richonne really was inevitable because right here in s4, seasons before their canon ep, these two loved each other and had at least some awareness that the connection between them runs deep.

Am I smiling from ear to ear rewatching this? Best believe. They just go together and it’s so clear here. And I love looking at this scene and knowing this is a husband and wife in the making who will bring a beautiful baby into this world. Won't He do it! 🙌🏾 It's scenes like these that confirm to me why Richonne’s pre-canon and post-canon moments are both top-notch.

As Michonne will tell Carl in a beautiful bonding moment later in the s4 finale, she knows the Grimes boys brought her back. They helped make her okay again. And the way Michonne brought so much good to Rick and Carl's lives, she brought them back too.

So I’ll forever love that in this quiet scene between Michonne and Rick, we see so clearly how they help make each other feel more than okay. 😌

#richonne #top 30 #top 10 #number 6 #rick x michonne #reveling in richonne #twd 4.16 #twd towl #the ones who live

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rose-reveries · 3 months

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PJO Episode 6 (spoilers)

The good

1. Ok, I do agree that having 4 pearls instead of 3 makes more sense I guess. Because then they have hope that they’ll actually be bringing Sally back.

2. This was a fun episode, but definitely the farthest from the source material.

3. The “Clarissa is the lightning thief” fake out is NICE. Like sure?? I’m down for it (don’t think there was enough about that tho. Like if we had a hellhound scene in ep 2, we would know someone in camp was the traitor but alas)

The bad

1. Why change it to after the solstice instead of the day before? I like the stakes better when they’ve wasted 5 days in the hotel and have 24 hours to fix everything. We’ve learned the gods are assholes. If they missed the deadline, why tf would Zeus care what they have to say after that deadline. His pride is still gonna be too fucking hurt and he’ll start a war over his broken ego anyway. I don’t know, just not a fan, personally.

2. I’m getting kind of tired of the trio knowing exactly what is happening at all times. There was no whimsy and fun in the casino. There was no Percy slowly figuring out something was wrong. In fact, we don’t even really learn that people in the casino don’t age and everyone there are from different decades. Just not a fan of the trio knowing everything all the time. Like they are 12 year old kids. Let them play for a little bit PLEASE. The plastic credit cards, the sims city game, the deer hunting people game, the nice big hotel room, etc etc.

Edit: 3. WAIT WHY THE RANDOM SATYR??? LIKE JUST TO DRAW GROVER AWAY?? Really?? I don’t know, whole thing could’ve been done better. There is no fun in this episode, only s e r i o u s business.

???

1. Why keep the episode title “We take a Zebra to Vegas” when there is no Zebra…? Not to mention there is no Percy talking to said Zebra. Neither of these points are too important and I can live without them. (I’m sure we’ll learn that Percy can talk to horses another time so it’s no big deal but still.)

2. I don’t know, this episode was fun, right? But like, it’s starting to feel less like TLT, and more like a parallel universe.

Week ?? Of me saying TLT is still the closest adaptation of Percy Jackson we’re ever gonna get and that’s funny. I’ve been pretty open-minded about the TV show and I like it as it’s own thing, but as an adaptation I think as it goes on I’m just starting to feel more meh about it. When our characters tell instead of show, they know everything, etc etc there’s no stakes, there’s no suspense, and it gets stale. It’s the same every episode…

#percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv show #Percy Jackson and the olympians #pjo tv spoilers #pjo spoilers #pjo series #pjo tv #pjo tv series

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0mysticmidnight0 · 2 months

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★HEY, HELLO HI AGAIN, SO UUUUUH, I'VE GOT A REQUEST- AN IDEA FOR THE PB&J YANDERE DUO SJSSSK★

★SO LIKE UUH- YANDERE PB&J DUO WITH A BORROWER!READER UURRH- THE TROPE WILL BE PLATONIC EEERH★

★SBSJSBS HERES THE PLOT (it's long)★

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| IN THIS ONESHOT- MIKEY HAD A LITTLE IDEA TO GET/MAKE SOME CLOTHES FOR [READER], BECAUSE, SINCE THEY ARE A BORROWER (and borrowers are like, 6 inches tall), THEY DON'T HAVE ANY ACCESS TO Y'KNOW, FANCY OR STYLISH CLOTHES. ANYWAY, SO HE INVITED DONNIE TO JOIN IN AS WELL- SO HE CAN INSTRUCT THEM ON WHAT COULD SUIT THEM MOST (since it's known by the fandom that he is the most stylish of the brothers, which I love bdhddh).

YEAH, THEY END UP HAVING A DRESS UP SESSION WITH THE READER, ALL SEEMS GOOD AND FUN!! HOWEVER, AFTER SOME TIME PASSES, [READER] GETS BORED/TIRED OF THE SESSION, AND MAYBE A LITTLE CREEPED OUT AS TO HOW THEIR FRIEND'S KNOW THEIR MEASUREMENTS-.

THEIR EXACT MEASUREMENTS THAT IS.

THEY ALSO FEEL A LITTLE SUFFOCATED (not literally), BY THE FACT THAT THEY GET TO CHOOSE THEIR OUTFITS FOR THEM, SHUNNING AWAY THE CLOTHES THAT ATTRACT THEM. (ahem, ahem Donnie declines most of their choices) NOT THAT THEY ARE NOT GRATEFUL FOR IT, BUT THEY KIND OF WANNA STOP NOW.

YEAH, THEY ALERT DONNIE AND MIKEY THAT THEY WANT TO LEAVE AND THAT THEY WANT TO GO BACK INTO THEIR HOME (aka, the sewer walls). HOWEVER THEY DON'T WANT [READER] LEAVING- SO THEY GUILT TRIP THEM INTO STAYING OR SOMETHING LIKE THATDBRJND.|

_______________________________________

★SGSHS, YEAH URH- THAT'S MY REQUEST FOR THE ONESHOTSBSB★

★IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT BORROWERS ARE THEN YOU CAN EITHER SEARCH ON GOOGLE OR DM ME UH- YEAH★

★EEEEEEEERH BYE <3★

(sorry for any grammar mistakesbdjddj)

very interesting request.. I would have to guess you got this from one of your recent post where you had to write about borrowers!! But, it sounds fun! Reminds me of "The clothes don't make the turtle" ep

Yandere Donnie and Mikey x Borrower! Reader -Mikey was hanging out with Donnie! and... by hanging out i mean he draws in Donnie's lab while Donnie works on a few upgrades. Mikey thought of drawing the reader but notices the lack of variety in clothing.. He decides to draw the reader in different outfits he think best suited them. He felt proud of his work so he showed Donnie. He was quite impressed and even had ideas for other outfits. -Donnie and Mikey went to a nearby wall on the sewers and knock on it. You walk out and they grab you and immediately run to the lab rambling about clothing.. You were confused but decided to go with it. -Donnie made a whole presentation about different types of clothes while Mikey hyped him up! You were watching in awe. Your fashion choices were alright but you were a bit interested in what these two had in store and a bit creeped out that they already knew your measurements, size, height and weight without you telling them.. -The three of you spent hours in the lab! having fun and a few laughs here and there! You found clothes you really liked!! until a few disagreements happened..

"That's a cute outfit.. BUT I THINK THIS ONE WOULD SUIT YOU BEST!" "This one is better!" "I know you may not be into this style but it is WAY better than what you wore before!" "Maybe pair it with something else- OH! I KNOW THE PERFECT THING!" "You can trust us Y/n!!" You told them that you were getting a bit suffocated with how they were treating your tastes and how "what they knew was better". You were also getting a bit bored. "Hey, guys.. i appreciate that you're trying to help me but i think i should go. I had some fun but i really wanna end this-" You were cut off by Mikey. "But we were having so much fun!!" Donnie tuned in. "We worked on these clothes for you for hours! Don't you think you should consider trying on a bit more?" Mikey chimed in. "We just wanted to make you happy.." putting on his signature please face. You sighed and agreed to a few more outfits.. Maybe one or two more wouldn't hurt.. right?..right?

#rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rise mikey #rise michelangelo #rise donnie #rise donatello #rise mikey x reader #rise donnie x reader #donnie rottmnt #yandere rise mikey #yandere rise donnie #yandere rottmnt #yandere rise of the tmnt #tmnt 2018

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jacenotjason · 2 months

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I think it's just a storyboard/animation difference, all three are also super tiny in that shot (tho this did make me realize Roy's sleeves are drawn hanging off arms, they weren't drawn like that before)

yeah youre right we literally only see two shots of them in the trailer, and not like its a noticeable difference that they would actually idk, enforce? Like "animation rule for ep 6: make sure to draw Roy three pixels smaller then he was before"

but hey youre right wtf

is it just a design choice... for more detail... or are they symbolizing that the sweater now hangs looser because hes lost weight because of some overbearing stress whICH IS ALSO WHY HE CLEARLY HAS A QUICKER FUSE TO SKID AND PUMP SIMPLY SHOWING UP WHICH ROSS AND ROBERT HAVE A REACTION TO

i cannot wait for this fucking episode oh my GOD

#spooky month #btw those threats to PoisonJabs were a joke a swear #i love u poison jabs #but i also hate you #anyways #spooky month 6 #spooky month hollow sorrows

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hisui555 · 17 days

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Hazbin Hotel Thoughts : Alcohol !

Why yes I saw you click faster than lightning hits a metal kite during a thunderstorm. But I swear it's not clickbait - unlike Vox, I legit try to make things worthwhile.

Alcohol Part 2 here (Vees + Overlords)

Alcohol Part 3 here (Heaven's side)

Masterpost here

So we've had the cast with kids, with a drawing gift, with pets, the natural next stage of that particular road would be indulging in everyone's favorite poison. Ladies, gents and thanes, I present you : the cast when DRUNK.

(Might have multiple parts, as usual, so here's the Hazbin crew).

Courtesy of Husk who has spilled the tea in Ep 4, we have a good idea of how some of the Hazbin Hotel's crew looks like when at least drinking enough to the point of being drunk. Thank you, Husk, a toast to you, Mr Bartender, whomst without this post wouldn't exist.

A note before we begin : this is Hazbin Hotel. There are mentions of substance abuse (and sex) on the regular. Obviously, I personally don't condone them, but I ain't censoring squat about it : it wouldn't even make sense to do as if it was a not-R-18-rating squeaky-clean animation. If you're offended or intimidated, chances are, you shouldn't be watching the show to begin with. I mean, c'mon.

Charlie apparently gets rather emotional (I mean, more than usual, so kudos for managing that), to the point of spouting her insecurities, which allows Husk to say (and mirror what Alastor said) that she "would rather solve everyone else's problems than her own". Apparently the Daddy/Mommy/Parents Issues (TM) come out, making her somewhat an "emotional/complainer" type of drunk. While she doesn't seem against drinking in general - unlike Vaggie in the pilot - even asking Adam if he'd "never had a drink after a hard day", like everything Charlie does you can bet she sees it as a convivial, gathering event to spend time with friends and relax a bit : contrary to her general demeanor and what her puppy-dog eyes let show, she is a grown adult afterall (and over 200 years old, for the reminder).

For her alcohol resistance, well, it's unknown how many drinks she had until she got tipsy enough to let everything pour out, but it shows that, Princess of Hell or not, she's not immune. I would bet a normal threshold on her, someone that has a progressive slipping into drunkeness the more she drinks, instead of getting blackout wasted after two glasses. She'd potentially start feeling the effects after 5 shots or so, and at 15 she's probably wasted.

Vaggie seems to have a sterner relationship with alcohol in the pilot, but in the series proper, does accept drinks and to drink with friends, or if alone, to drink to the point of being drunk at the bar, turning into a self-loathing wreck (also a hint of her past at the time) according to Husk, being a "sour, pessimistic" type of drunk. All her failures and what she hates about herself come back out in the open, so there might be some kind of "sad" type too, suggesting her whole attitude becomes kind of morose and toned-down, with some of her guard dropping. This also shows that her being an ex-Exorcist and fallen angel doesn't make her immune either, though like Charlie it's unknown how many she had before slipping into the realm of drunkeness.

Potentially, given that her guard dropped somewhat (which for someone so defensive, is pretty telling), her alcohol resistance might be lower than Charlie's. Vaggie isn't the type to party recklessly and is more careful in general, so her getting drunk implies she needs fewer glasses to achieve that state. Give her around 6 or 7 shots and it would hit her like a freight train, methinks.

On the other side, Ep 6 shows that Angel can hold his alcohol (and drugs) pretty well : this is someone that's used to party like no tomorrow (see Poison), especially to escape his everyday afterlife. He's fairly functional unless extremely coked up, and the scene at the Consent nightclub shows him indulging in drinks and still have enough of a head on his shoulders to look after Niffty and recognize a bad situation when there's one. Ep 4 shows how he looks when drugged up at the bar with the sharks, where he's mostly the "ecstatic and devil-may-care" type cranked to eleven, but there enough to also notice his drink was spiked - he just chose to let it happen (thankfully, Husk was there to intervene), and the conversation he has with Husk right after shows how aware enough he is of his surroundings, feelings, and of people around him.

Addict and Poison show both how he rides the wave and chooses to let himself get lost in the feeling as a semi-conscious coping mechanism, but also show the cracks in the mask. He's like someone deciding to laugh at a joke to deliberately make the endorphin kick in and relax, taking his mind elsewhere while his body runs on another circuit. Underneath it all, he's painfully aware of what's going on, and when the rush ends, doesn't have the solace of chosing to give into the fuzz anymore, so he quickly seeks another one. When breaking out of that destructive spiral and just drinking for fun, Angel seems to be mostly himself, and being quite the "happy, audacious" type of drunk, which doesn't change much compared to his everyday (maskless) personality - note that with the right people, he doesn't play up the promiscuitous side of himself as much as usual, because he knows he doesn't need it (and that Valentino is wrong in saying he's only worth sex). As he himself says, sex isn't the only thing he's good at.

He'll need to drink quite a lot to be at least tipsy, and even more to be absolutely smashed, so expect at least 20 shots. Yup, he can and will drink you under the table.

Husk is a certified alcoholic ("Cheap Booze" scene in the pilot) and says so himself in Ep 4 : "You can't find the solution to your problems at the bottom of a bottle. I would know, been looking there for a long time." In Ep 6, he's shown being against drugs (or at least the self-destructive method Angel uses them, since he's trying to break out of it, so Husk might have more problems with Angel relapsing into his old destructive ways than getting a kick-up for fun - this is Hell afterall) but not drinking for partying : he can be seen guzzling down bottles on the regular and at the Consent club whops down two shots at the same time. People, you've found your master : that 70s grandpa can take you down anytime. Given that he is (or at least used to be) a gambling addict, one can bet that in the past, the combination of the two didn't helped in making good decisions, but despite being a semi-constant lethargic grump, Husk seems fairly functional on the day to day - and probably grumpy enough to overpower catnip by sheer force of cynism.

Chances are, Husk as we know him is more or less in a semi-permanent drunken state (given how he flops over his bar and leans on his bottles while lizard-blinking his way through the day, seems very likely) that makes him more or less very resistent to further effects : to have him blackout hammered would require unholy amounts of alcohol I don't even want to think about. Might even beat Angel on that one.

Alastor, by Mimzy's account, could even in his life "drink like a sailor and then keep up on the dancefloor" with her, so he seems to have a pretty high tolerance, or at least be physically coherent enough. At the same time though, he "turns into a kitten" with a few fingers of rye, so I'm kinda picturing him as being his dapper, elegant self... while also slurring his words more than Shirley McLain or Ozzie Osbourne. There was a Hunicast where Michael Kovak and Edward Bosco played a drunk Angel and Alastor as per an ask prompt, and Edward gave us a nice insight on what a drunk Alastor would look like : exceptionally cheery, a bit stumbling on his words, with some disjointed thoughts (from memory : "Angel did I ever tell you you were a swell - a sssswell fellow ? [Angel/Michael answering something but getting cut in the middle by a sudden : ] PASS THE COURVOISIER !"), which kinda brings up the "love everyone/finds everything swell" type of drunk, and on Alastor, it's hilarious. It doesn't mean he'll genuinely love the people themselves, but just likes being around them and as the gentleman he is, will dish out compliments to you, the local barman, that unknown person trying to climb the curtains and the coatrack in the corner. He'll turn outright jolly and cheerful at everything, but don't think that makes him any less dangerous. He'll just tear you apart while giggling like a little kid on a sugar high and with just a bit less poise than usual.

Basically, in a physical sense nobody would know he's drunk until he opens his mouth and starts praising everything to high heavens in that unimitable style of his, just less backhanded and more straightforward, and I can picture at least one conversation going as following : "Alastor is... being actually nice ?" "...Oh shit, he's balls-out wasted." Expect him to empty a whole bottle to get to that state. Here you have it, ladies, gents and thanes, Alastor of all people is a happy and funny drunk.

Niffty has shown, in Ep 6 and all its glorious state, that she's a lightweight, to the point of even Angel commenting on it and preventing her to have more : "she's like, ten pounds soaking wet !" and he's not wrong - 4 glasses and she's absolutely gone, cycling through various stages and behaving crazy...er. She's a mix of "hyper", and "emotional", given how she starts bawling when she hearing that she's a mess (which, again... not wrong). Also a bit of "hallucinating" or "slow" type of drunk, since it takes her a while to notice she has changed locations and isn't at the Hotel anymore. While others stick more or less to one type of drunkeness, Niffty hits the whole spectrum, sometimes even all at once, and with the force of a wrecking ball hitting a matchstick jenga tower. It's like a crazy pendulum swinging on all direction axis, a screwy tailspin of half-baked thoughts dictating impulses and, well, not that much different from her habitual self, but on normal she can focus on her tasks. Drunk ? She's a spastic caffeinated squirrel in traffic that has just taken a nice long inhale of, uh, snow.

Getting her passed-out torched is very easy, and if nobody's careful, she'll accidentally do it herself : downing a glass of what she shouldn't even begin to poke at with a ten-foot pole, and keeling over stiff as a board, dead to the world for at least half a day or a full night.

Pentious getting drunk also shows in Ep 6, and exhibits traits of "slow" and "disjointed", or "zoned out" - he slurs his words or drags them ("Heeeeyy...!" to Cherri) and has problems with physical coordination (sliding and flopping down from his seat onto the floor headfirst), while being woozy and fuzzy in the head and badly aligning thoughts (mixing badly with his crush on Cherri). Pentious is somewhat Bad Ideas Incarnate when drunk, though to his own detriment only mostly ("Because... I'm buying everyone a drink/having sex with everyone !"), and again, the proximity of Cherri isn't helping. Otherwise he seems somewhat functional - if unsteady on his feet (snake tail ?) - after a while, like calibrating better after spending some time getting used to the room spinning. He's seen participating a bit in the drinking contest, and does have a few glasses to his name, so my guess is that he isn't used to drinking often and would be around Vaggie's tolerance for alcohol : 6 to 8 before starting to see double.

Cherri is a hard-drinking party girl, she seems to have good tolerance, and it would also take a lot to get her bombed (hah) out of her mind. Also a drug user, as seen, again, in Ep 6, though she's more down for a blast (heh) than anything else. With her fiery (snerk - okay I promise it's the last one) personality, her being drunk doesn't change her much, just taking it to new heights, so she's more a "personality cranked up" type of drunk. I'm already an asshole on my side, imagine if I were to drink. She's in for fun, drink contests ("competitive" type and "funny" type fit her too) and just spending a good time, letting loose and allowing snap decisions just for the hell of it, which corresponds to her general lifestyle ("In fact, I'm gonna fuck the next guy I see !"). Alongside Angel, she will drink you under the table, and will need to scarf down a lot of glasses before feeling and showing the effects. Might have trouble to stop once she gets started, but enjoys every moment of it, and even if she's an enabler (see her trying to get Angel to take drugs again, even if it's a misguided attempt to 'help' him because it's the Angel she knows, also not being against Niffty trying to drink more) probably knows her limits too : she's still aware enough to recognize and rightfully call out Valentino as a threat and a "fucking dickhead", and to check on Angel multiple times to make sure he's having fun ("you're here to relax, not playing nanny !"), showing her loyal but irresponsible side.

She might encourage others to drink and let loose even if it's counterproductive at the time, but always backs off when told "no" and respectfully accepts their choices even when already having a few drinks in her, so she's not a confrontative type of drunk either. Again, might need around 15-20 shots to start feeling it and become explosive (...I may have lied) but in a fun way.

Lucifer might be the King of Hell, but as Charlie and Vaggie demonstrate, being angelic or part-angel doesn't make anyone immune to alcohol. I can see him being incredibly hard to get wasted (even more than Husk)... or actually getting wasted sooner than anyone thinks, but he's such a goofy oddball already that it doesn't show and nobody realizes until the end of the party, where he frog-blinks into the void and the next stiff breeze knocks him over and straight on his back like a falling billboard. Even when he opens his mouth, it doesn't show, because everyone is used to his inane ramblings : one word, ducks. He'll be the "funny" and "depressed" drunk at the same time, saying the saddest and most disturbing shit with a cheerful voice and jolly demeanor, but most of all the "rambling" and "embarrassing" type of drunk : Charlie better take cover because those baby stories and pictures will leak out to everyone's except her delight. They might try to get Lucifer to drink more to squeeze more info out of him... though he has surprising bouts of lucidity in-between, and nobody knows when. He'll also deny being drunk but ask what that clown-dragon is doing on your shoulder in the same breath.

Husk might find his match (at least on the surface), and the real challenge comes to knowing when he has hit his threshold. The Hazbin crew might make a game out of it, because while Lucifer can hit a lot of the drunkeness spectrum following how he cycles through emotions (having depression doesn't help), he's the "secretely drunk" type for sure.

Next parts will be, as usual, the Vees + the Overlords, and Heaven's side. Might even do something about the following results, lemme place an evil grin here, hangovers.

Again, Masterpost here.

Edit : here's the clip with Edward Bosco playing Drunk!Alastor (with Michael Kovak as Angel Dust) at a Hunicast. While the animatic is the channel owner's entirely, the voice clips belong to the voice actors.

youtube

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kevin-ibw · 2 months

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About Valentino's Outfits

TW: Mentions of Abuse

As you all know, the majority of the time, Val is on screen. He seems to have fishnets with a skirt. Episode 4 was the only time we got to see him dressed up professionally with pants. Sure, it's kind of funny when you think about it, but I personally think there might be a reason why that's might be the case.

Looking at this from a writer's perspective, I'm pretty sure the reason why they made him dress like this, is because so we can take him seriously, especially since after we got a reveal of his full body for the first time, the abuse scene happens. Think about it, we never see Val wear these golden rings and finger claws before up until this episode, and it dissappears afterward.

I'm not saying that anyone with fishnets or a skirt can't be intimidating, but for Val's case specifically I think this outfit change was sort of needed even if it was for a single episode, cause to many Hazbin Hotel fans that weren't here prior to the pilot days, they wouldn't have know WHO Val is to Angel. The first peak of him was episode 2, and he throws a tantrum because, apparently, getting your own apartment is illegal.

His entire look in this episode brings out the pimp vibe he's supposed to have, cause I'l have to be honest and say that Val's current look with plain long red coat mostly looks like a costume. The new outfit is supposed to reinforce the fact that, yes, this man is a dramatic sack of shit worse than dirt. He became an overlord for a reason, and it's by abusing his employees and giving everyone sexual gratification through his films.

Another thing is the inconsistency with his shoulders.

On the left, they're much broader, making him look intimidating compared to the right. Sure, the fur might play into a factor, but isn't the case considering that the third pic has his fur almost cover his entire shoulders, yet still look very wide.

The context that happens in the episodes also proves my point, since in EP 4, Val threw Angel around, threatening him and making him work overnight, not giving him a chance to fight back at all. Whilst EP 6, Angel stands his ground and didn't allow himself to be pushed around because they're not within the studio's premise.

Because I know some people lack media literacy, this post is by no means discouraging people from drawing Val in certain outfits, I'm just a weirdo on the internet over analyzing something because I felt like it.

#tell me if i should tag other things #tw: mentions of abuse #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin valentino #valentino #hazbin hotel angel dust #angel dust #hazbin angel dust

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wingsoverlagos · 26 days

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The Evolving Story of Kim Bennett, Pt. 1: Before Lewisohn

0. Mark Lewisohn’s Star Witness 1. An Introduction and Primer 2. The Evolving Story of Kim Bennett, Pt. 1: Before Lewisohn >You Are Here< 3. The Classic™ Contract Story, and Why Lewisohn Distrusts It 4. The Evolving Story of Kim Bennett, Pt. 2: Tune In 5. Lewisohn’s Other Sources 6. Lewisohn’s Portrayal of Kim Bennett & George Martin

After two posts and as many months of build-up, it’s finally time to look at Kim Bennett’s presence in Beatles history before Mark Lewisohn’s Tune In. As a refresher, Kim Bennett was a music plugger involved in a brief chapter of the Beatles' story, who Lewisohn draws on as a crucial witness to ~debunk the myth~ of how the Beatles’ first landed their recording contract with Parlophone. I’ve previously shown an example of Kim Bennett’s presence in Beatledom here, in an issue of Beatles Book Monthly, just a few pages before the name of a young Mark Lewisohn. I’ve also discussed some of the ways Lewisohn slants a story when he’s set on overturning a classic narrative – you can find that here.

Section 1: Mark Lewisohn on Kim Bennett

Part of the appeal of Mark Lewisohn’s Beatles-signing scoop is Kim Bennett’s oft-stated absence from the Beatles narrative. Lewisohn found and memorialized a man who had been marginalized from the Beatles’ story, a hero integral to their success who was erased from history due to his inconvenience to the legacy of a certain acclaimed producer. Not only has Lewisohn turned a classic narrative upside down, he’s righted the wrong done to Kim Bennett by the powers that be--or so he would have us believe. The importance of Bennett’s testimony and his exclusivity to Tune In is a crucial element of Lewisohn’s myth-building around himself and his work. Let’s take a look at a few examples:

In a 2014 interview with Dierdre Kelly, Lewisohn calls his revised version of the Beatles’ recording contract “probably one of the biggest things in the book.” As for how he came to that version of events, Lewisohn says, “It all fell into place when I met a man called Kim Bennett…without whose incredibly tenacious efforts—and he was never named in any book—we would never have heard of the Beatles. He literally was the story’s hero and he tells us a very different story.” [Emphasis mine]

From Allan Kozinn’s 2013 interview with Lewisohn, we get the following exchange:

Kozinn describes Bennett as “someone who had never been interviewed,” and Lewisohn not only doesn’t correct him, he furthers that idea by saying Bennett “had been trying for years to get people to listen to his story…and nobody wanted to know.”

As a final example, we’ll return to the episode of Nothing Is Real (season 7, ep. 7) that I excerpted in my first post on Bennett.

A partial transcript [emphasis mine]:

“I approached him, and he was so happy that I got in touch with him because he knew the true story of how the Beatles came to be signed to EMI and he knew that it was his efforts that had made the difference, and without him, it wouldn’t have happened. The Beatles possibly may never have happened without Kim Bennett, and he’d been trying to tell people for years, and people didn’t want to know.”

“He was a very frustrated man because no one had ever paid him the attention that he felt was his due.”

“…and if I hadn’t of got to him when we did, we wouldn’t know him, and we would always have that bizarre gap of how they got signed by someone who never met them.”

Again and again, Lewisohn tells us that Kim Bennett had been trying desperately for years to gain recognition for his action, and everyone ignored him--everyone but Mark Lewisohn. This is decidedly untrue. He has been mentioned in multiple Beatles publications by major names in Beatles history, which you can find in Section 3. But first!

Section 2: Biographical & Background Info

Here he is, the man of the hour, Kim Bennett - and I bet you thought that was the Barry Sisters! On the left, we see Kim Bennett's floating head from his days as a singer, and on the right, we see him fraternizing with Russ Conway circa 1967 - Bennett is in profile on the right. I've dug up some biographical information on the enigmatic Kim Bennett, and I wanted to share it here along with a little context about music publishing to make the accounts shared in the next section make mroe sense. If you're confident in your early-1960s music industry knowledge and know who Kim Bennett and Sid Colman are, scroll right along to Section 3.

I've cited Lewisohn a few times in this section when other sources weren't available. Every time I cite him, I put a quarter in the "Risky Citations" jar - once I've filled it a few hundred times, I'll take it to CoinStar and use the money to buy a copy of Fifty Years Adrift.

The Parlophone Contract Story is a story with many bit parts, most of whom won't appear until my next post--there will even be a figure! I'll assume you know the Beatles, Brian Epstein, and George Martin, the man who would become the Beatles' main producer. In the parlance of the times, George Martin was the A&R man (artistes and repertoire) of EMI's Parlophone label. As the A&R man at Parlophone, George M. has the head of the label, with duties including scouting artists, matching his stable of artists with songs, and overseeing the recording process.

Alongside record labels like Parlophone, Columbia, and HMV, EMI had other companies under its corporate umbrella. One of these companies was the music publisher, Ardmore & Beechwood (A&B).

Music publishers manage song copyrights; they make money by marketing and disseminating those songs. In the early 20th century, the big moneymaker for music publishers was sheet music sales. By the 1950s and 60s a sea change was in progress as record sales grew and eventually eclipsed the sale of sheet music. Just as the medium through which songs were sold changed, so did the way in which music publishers sold those songs: originally, song pluggers from publishing companies would pitch their songs to orchestras, brass bands, and dance halls, seeking out groups who performed live music, so that their audiences would go out and buy sheet music of the songs they’d heard (Southall & Perry 2006, p.ix-xii). With the rise of records, song pluggers would pitch their songs directly to A&R men; they would visit the A&R men in their office and sing the songs they had on offer, accompanying themselves on the piano while they did (Martin & Hornsby 1979, p.48). They could then market those records to sell their songs. If a song was recorded by multiple artists, as was often the case, the song publisher benefited regardless of which version of a song played. This set their interests slightly apart from record producers, who only benefited if their version of a song sold.

Let's illustrate with a Lennon-McCartney original: the music publisher for Lennon-McCartney's music, Northern Songs, would profit from both the Rolling Stones version of 'I Wanna Be Your Man' and the Beatles version, but the record companies would only benefit from the version they released - the Stones version meant money in Decca's pocket, while the Beatles version benefited EMI.

(I'm sure their are some additional business/contract complexities that come into play, but I believe the general principle is correct)

EMI Music Publishing would one day be a Big Fucking Deal, but when the Beatles joined in 1962, it didn't exist yet. Publishing was a minor interest for the company, and they had only a small publishing presence in the form of A&B, which opened in 1958 (Martland 1997, p.262). A&B was set up to handle the publishing interests of two American companies, Ardmore Music Corp. and Beechwood Music Corp., both of which were owned by Capitol Records (Cash Box 1958 Jul 26, p.34). Capitol Records had been purchased by EMI in 1955 (Southall 2009, p.25), and A&B was set up a few years later to handle their catalogue in the U.K., while also providing and option to publish through EMI for any interested songwriters. This was done at the behest of EMI Chairman Sir Joseph Lockwood (Southall 2006, p.9-10).

From its genesis, veteran music publisher Sid Colman (1905-65) served as general manager of Ardmore & Beechwood (Cash Box 1958 Jul 26, p.34). He would serve in this role until his untimely death in April 1965 (Cash Box 1965 Apr 24, p.47). You will encounter multiple spellings of his name, but Lewisohn assures us that Sid Colman (rather than Syd Coleman) is correct (2013, p.856). Kim Bennett served as his assistant and music plugger.

Born Thomas Whippey (1931-2004) (Lewisohn 2013), he became a Decca recording artist in 1954 under the name Kim Bennett. He recorded six singles, none of which charted. I haven’t found any of his work online, but for an idea of the type of music he released, here are other versions of two songs he put out: ‘Softly, Softly’ by Ruby Murray and ‘The Kentuckian Song’ by Eddy Arnold. He maintained a day job as an office worker until 1955, then briefly worked as a musician full time. He worked a season at Butlin’s (not the same location as Ringo), played some clubs, and toured with the Ambrose orchestra, but his career as a singer had petered out by late 1956. As Don Wicks puts it “[h]e was a victim of the growing rock and roll industry no longer interested in a soft pleasant vocal style.” (Wicks 1996 pt.1)

He resumed work at a toy warehouse, (Wicks 1996 pt.1) but later took a job in music publishing with B. Feldman & Co. Ltd. (Cash Box 1967 Jul 22 p.65). He began work with Ardmore & Beechwood no sooner than August 1958. He was still with Ardmore & Beechwood as of June 1965 (Cash Box 1965 Jun 5 p.55). By July 1967, he had moved to South Africa, where he ran a newly launched publishing company, Francis Day (S.A.) (Pty), which was established to manage copyrights of B. Feldman & Co. Ltd., Francis Day & Hunter, and Robbins (Cash Box 1967 Jul 22 p.65).

According to Lewisohn, Bennett spent his later years in Shropshire in “quite humble circumstances (Nothing Is Real, Season 7 Ep. 7, 29:30). He was interviewed by Lewisohn on July 27-28, 2003 (Lewisohn 2013 p.869). He died in 2004.

While biographical information on Bennett between 1967 and 2003 is slim (perhaps nonexistent), his role in the Beatles story received several mentions in print in those intervening decades.

Section 3: Kim Bennett in Beatles History

As I highlighted in my first post in this series, Kim Bennett was quoted in Beatles Book Monthly Issue 70, but that isn't his earliest appearance in the Beatles lore - he first appears in an earlier issue of BBM, issue 13, published in Augst 1964, p.22-3. He's mentioned by BBC DJ Ted King in relation to his work plugging 'Love Me Do'.

To summarize: Kim Bennett went to lunch with Ted King and pitched “Love Me Do” to him. King wasn’t fond of the record, but Bennett’s enthusiasm convinced King to play it on “Twelve O’Clock Spin.”

Our next Bennett sighting (and the first to use Bennett as a source) is the aforementioned BBM Issue 70, p.8, published May 1969.

This is part of a piece titled “When did you Switch On?” whose author is unattributed. Whoever they are spoke to Kim Bennett directly. Here’s what we can gather from this piece:

Kim Bennett was Sid Colman’s assistant

Colman “had quite a job to persuade George Martin to see the Beatles”

Bennett, presumably, was in the room when Colman “first heard the Beatles’ tapes”, since Bennett is able to relate what Sid Colman said on the matter

Colman decided to call Martin because he did not have a similar-sounding pop group, while the other EMI A&R men did

Bennett next crops up in several of Bill Harry's books, starting in 1982. Bill Harry is the founder of Mersey Beat and was an art school chum of John and Stu's; he's written a number of reference books about the Beatles, including The Beatles Encyclopedia, The John Lennon Encyclopedia, and The Book of Beatle Lists, among many others. Four of his books mention Bennett. The information in these books seems to be pulled from the two BBM articles highlighted above - with the possible exception of the last one. The books where Bennett is mentioned include:

The Beatles Who’s Who (1982): An encyclopedia of Beatle people. Bennett does not get his own entry, but he is mentioned in the entry on Sid Colman (p.84). Bennett is said to be Colman’s assistant, and his involvement in “Love Me Do” promotions is noted without detail.

The Ultimate Beatles Encyclopedia (1992): Bennett now gets his own entry (p.84-5). Again, this appears to draw from the Beatles Book articles. More detail is included here than in The Beatles Who’s Who. Bennett is mentioned again in Sid Colman’s entry (p.168). There’s a reference to Colman and Bennett liking the demos for “Love of the Loved” and “Hello Little Girl”, which is not mentioned in BBM above. However, these songs were referenced in relation to Sid Colman in The Beatles Who’s Who, so I think Bennett is just lumped in with Colman here.

Also in the Colman entry, Harry points out two conflicting accounts of the promotion of “Love Me Do.” George Martin wrote in his memoir that Ardmore & Beechwood did “virtually nothing” to promote the song, but Ted King, in BBM Issue 13, said it was Kim Bennett who got him to play the song on “Twelve O’Clock Spin.” This apparent contradiction will be discussed in detail when we deal with Tune In’s version of events, but for now, I’ll say this: it can be true that Kim Bennett did his best to promote 'Love Me Do' and acheived limited success while still falling short of the expectations of George Martin (and, crucially, Brian Epstein).

The Encyclopedia of Beatles People (1997): Bennett has a brief entry (p.45) and is mentioned in Sid Colman’s entry (p.92-93.) The Sid Colman entry includes this quote from Sir Joseph Lockwood about the Beatles’ publishing rights “I don’t blame Sid Coleman [sic], because he published the first two songs without a contract. He wasn’t getting any support from either the record producers or the solicitors.” This quote appears in Ray Coleman’s The Man Who Made The Beatles (1989), seemingly from an interview conducted by Coleman while researching that book.

The Ultimate Beatles Encyclopedia (Revised & Updated, 2001): The entry for Kim Bennett includes the entirety of the entry in the 1992 version with an additional two paragraphs (p.135-6). These paragraphs are emotionally charged and add information not available in the two articles from BBM. After detailing Bennett's involvement in 'Love Me Do' promo, Bill Harry writes,

“It’s ironic that the two people who were so enthusiastic about the Beatles and helped to get them with EMI in the first place were to have George Martin shut the door in their face by suggesting to Brian Epstein that he see Dick James about being their publisher. For one thing, it was Coleman [sic] who, after talking to Brian realized that the only A&R man at EMI who hadn’t rejected the Beatles was George Martin. Apparently, Coleman had a hard job persuading Martin to see Epstein. Even then, Martin wasn’t initially impressed by their sound. He only agreed to a test session at EMI’s No. 3 studio four weeks later, then another three months elapsed before the release of their first single. EMI and Martin weren’t even confident enough to give the Beatles a plug rating. Artists such as Cliff Richard received an ‘A’ plug on EMI’s Radio Luxembourg shows. The lowest was ‘B2’. The Beatles weren’t even given this low plug, EMI gave ‘Love Me Do’ a nil rating. “So Bennett had a hard job pushing the record without EMI using their clout. As a result, Epstein refused Ardmore & Beechwood the future Beatles publishing. Had he done so, the Beatles might have retained the rights to their own songs, and Coleman might have received some acknowledgment for having placed the Beatles into his hands in the first place.”

It’s hard to say whether or not additional information from Kim Bennett made it into this article. Much of this could be pulled from other sources and presented through a negative lens stemming from Dick James’ involvement in the Northern Songs debacle. There are, however, two elements here that are consistent with Bennett’s later accounts that might suggest that he spoke with Bill Harry: (1) the phrasing that George Martin “shut the door” in the face of A&B, rather than Brian Epstein actively seeking out a different publisher and going to George for advice, and (2) the blame placed on George Martin for the Beatles low plug rating. Both new elements, and both inconsistent with certain other versions of events.

In Philip Norman's revised Shout! (2003), there is unambiguous evidence of Kim Bennett's participation.

In the original 1981 release, Sid Colman and A&B are mentioned, but not Bennett; in the revised edition, not only is Kim Bennett present, but the information surrounding him is clearly more than the familiar, regurgitated tale found in Beatles Book Monthly.

Norman doesn’t give citations, so I can’t say conclusively how he got this new information. There may be an interview with Kim Bennett published somewhere that I haven’t come across, though I’m inclined to believe either Norman or one of his research assistants spoke to Kim Bennett directly. The phrase “According to Bennett” appears a few times in Shout! (2003), which reads as if the information is coming directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

Since the revised edition was published in the same year as Lewisohn’s interview with Kim Bennett, I considered that Lewisohn might have shared his information with Norman, and Norman may have rushed an edit. I looked for the exact publication date for the revised edition of Shout!—it was weirdly hard to find—and that put to bed any ideas of Norman cribbing off of Lewisohn’s notes: Pan Macmillan Australia gives the release date as January 9, 2003, several months before Lewisohn interviewed Bennett.

The Contract Story, as presented in the revised Shout! starts in the usual way: Brian gets an acetate made from the Beatles’ demo tape, the technician likes it and puts Brian in touch with Sid Colman, who works for A&B upstairs. Colman is interested in publishing the original Lennon-McCartney numbers. Then Kim Bennett enters the picture (Norman 2003, p.164-5):

Bennett likes the disc, too, and suggests they record the Beatles independently in the for-hire studio below their Oxford Street office. Colman takes Bennett’s idea to Len Wood, managing director at EMI, but it goes against protocol, and Wood won’t allow it. Only then does Colman put Brian in touch with George Martin. Colman and Brian have a “gentlemen’s agreement” that A&B will get the Lennon-McCartney publishing rights if they get a contract with George M.

It’s a short passage, but there are already a few problems here. First, the timeline doesn’t make sense. Most early accounts have Brian’s meeting with George M. occurring the day after Sid Colman hears the tapes (see A Cellarful of Noise, The Beatles (1968), and All You Need Is Ears). The largest gap is given by Lewisohn’s Chronicle (p.53-55), in which Epstein is said to have met Colman “around February 8” (a Thursday), with the Epstein-Martin meeting occurring on Tuesday, February 13. The Epstein-Martin meeting date seems to be pulled from George Martin’s date book (he has a meeting with a “Bernard Epstein” on that date), but I’m unsure what brought Lewisohn to the February 8 conclusion. Based on other information in the Chronicle, my best guess is either a meeting between Colman and Martin on February 9th, or a letter sent to Decca by Epstein on February 10th stating he had secured a recording contract. Whether or not he had met with Colman, Epstein certainly hadn’t secured a recording contract on that date – it was purely bluster, a kiss-off to Decca.

Regardless, even if Epstein met Colman on February 8th rather than February 12th, that’s a narrow window of time for Bennett’s story to occur. Rather than trying to place the group with an A&R man at EMI, Colman does nothing until his assistant suggests they record the Beatles themselves. This is unorthodox. A large part of the job of music publishers, as I’ve said above, is to pitch songs to A&R men to get them recorded. In this case, they’d be pitching a group along with the songs, but it seems strange that they wouldn’t try to work their contacts at all before making the jump to DIY. Still, let’s assume that happens. Colman takes the idea to Len Wood. Len Wood’s office at the time was probably at EMI House in Manchester Square, which isn’t far from A&B’s Oxford Street location, so assuming Len Wood had an open schedule, and Colman felt a high enough degree of urgency to immediately take Bennett’s idea to the managing director, I suppose it’s possible that Colman took Bennett’s idea to Wood, was immediately shut down, and then called Epstein back in to set up a meeting with George Martin if we assume Epstein’s first meeting with Colman happened on the 8th rather than the 11th. Still, it seems odd to me that these events wouldn’t turn up in Epstein’s account – getting shut down by the managing director of EMI Records is sort of a big deal, and would add to the drama of the everyone-rejected-them-but-George-Martin-story.

The other big issue here is that this version of events contradicts Bennett’s account from 1969. Rather than simply overhearing Colman’s conversation with Epstein and subsequent persuasion of George Martin, Bennett now has a more active, central role. He’s not driving the story, but he now gives a version of events in which he’s one of the Beatles’ earliest champions. I don’t think it’s unfair to consider that Bennett’s increased involvement in the story might indicate an interest in being more than a footnote in Beatles’ history.

Bennett is mentioned again during the promotions of ‘Love Me Do’ (p.182-3):

Bennett secures some airtime on Two-Way Family Favourites by “repeatedly nagging a radio producer friend.” This is not the same radio show mentioned in Beatles Book Monthly Issue 13 (above), but it’s in keeping with Bennett’s role as a plugger—and that’s where Bennett’s involvement ends in Shout! (2003). There’s one more tantalizing mention of Brian’s “gentlemen’s agreement” with Colman, which he breaks due to his dissatisfaction with A&B, turning to George Martin for publishing advice.

There you have it: Kim Bennett’s evolving story pre-Tune In. It starts as a bit of extra detail that fits inside the greater framework of the Beatles’ Contract Saga, and, after thirty years, morphs into something that contradicts Bennett’s earlier version and the many other accounts of the same events. Things will get even stickier once we get to Tune In. But first...

Section 4: Why Does It Matter?

I can think of three explanations for why Lewisohn pitched Bennett as an unheard witness when he had, in fact, gone on the record before, and none of these explanations helps the credibility of the story.

Explanation 1: Neither Lewisohn nor Bennett knew about Bennett’s previous statements on the matter. This would be extremely damning for Bennett’s reliability, as it would mean he had forgotten both his 1960s statement to Beatles Book Monthly (plausible) as well as the interview that led to the information included in Shout! (concerning). This scenario also requires Lewisohn to be unaware of the above Bennett appearances, which doesn’t reflect well on his abilities as a researcher. If you find someone who you think has never been on record, you might want to at least look him up in the glossary of books by major Beatle authors.

Explanation 2: Bennett knew; Lewisohn didn’t. Perhaps Kim Bennett either neglected to inform Lewisohn of his past interviews, or outright lied to him on the matter. Lewisohn says that Bennett is “known for a dogged persistency” (Lewisohn 2013, p.571), has said that Bennett “just picks something up and he will not let it go,” (Let It Roll 2020, ~25:50), that he is “very insistent about things” and by the time Lewisohn interviewed him, “was a very frustrated man because no one had ever paid him the attention that he felt was his due.” (Nothing Is Real S7Ep7) Could this tenacity and feeling of entitlement to a part of the Beatles’ legacy have led Bennett to present himself as a bigger scoop than he really was? Might he have sold Lewisohn a tale of exclusivity and, perhaps, a version of the Contract Story more salacious and headline-grabbing than the truth?

Again, this explanation also hinges on the idea that Lewisohn was in the dark about Bennett’s prior interview(s), which is a huge oversight, but not as damning as explanation 3.

Explanation 3: Lewisohn knew and lied. Whether Bennett told Lewisohn outright that he had been interviewed in the past or if Lewisohn came upon that information in his research, Lewisohn chose to portray his interview with Bennett as exclusive. Perhaps this was purely to make his “scoop” seem juicier. Perhaps he was reluctant to give Philip Norman credit for finding Bennett first – there seems to be no love lost between Lewisohn and his former employer. Or perhaps Lewisohn knew that Bennett’s prior accounts made the story told in Tune In less credible. The early anecdote related in BBM already conflicted with the revised version in Shout! – if Bennett’s account, as related in Tune In, presented further inconsistencies, it would undermine Lewisohn’s major finding.

I’ll close with a segment from one of the better Lewisohn interviews I’ve heard. It’s from Ken Michaels’ radio show ‘Every Little Thing’, conducted in ~2013, and it’s one of the rare instances where an interviewer gives Lewisohn any pushback or asks follow-up questions regarding some of his more explosive claims. It’s an uncomfortable listen – Ken Michaels even appeared in the comments of this YouTube channel to counter claims that he has beef with Lewisohn– but satisfying to hear some meaningful questions when so many people are content to simply deify Lewisohn. Here's the relevant exchange:

youtube

KM: Aren’t there also problems with certain people that you’ve interviewed that have played some part in Beatle history that want to really elevate their status?

ML: Oh yeah, oh yeah, and it’s up to authors to ensure that they don’t get what they want. And there are unfortunately too many authors who just very happily take the stuff they’re given without challenging it. You’ve got to challenge all these things. And unless something completely fits into the framework of the story, you can’t use it.

Next time, on Days of Our Lies: the Classic Version of the Contract Story, and why Mark Lewisohn is so intent on debunking it. After that, we’ll finally look at the Contract Story as portrayed in Tune In.

Sources:

Cockcroft S, Carty J. 2023 Feb 14 [conducted 2023 Jan]. Nothing Is Real – Season 7 Episode 7 – Mark Lewisohn Returns [podcast, season 7, episode 7]. Nothing Is Real. 1:17:15. Available from: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5mtbNIreAY0Car6VASuZGV?si=b1e322e001a347e3

Coleman R. 1989. The Man Who Made the Beatles: An Intimate Biography of Brian Epstein. New York (NY): McGraw-Hill Publishing Company. 400p. Accessed online 2024 Mar 19. Available from: https://archive.org/details/manwhomadebeatle00cole/mode/2up

Kelly D. 2014 Jul 30. Setting the Record Straight: Interview with Beatles biographer Mark Lewisohn. Critics at Large. Accessed 2024 Mar 4. Available online: https://www.criticsatlarge.ca/2014/07/setting-record-straight-interview-with.html

Kozinn A. 2013 Dec 27. Tune In, and Turn On the Reading Light. ArtsBeat: New York Times Blog [accessed 2024 Feb 6]. Available from: https://archive.nytimes.com/artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/27/tune-in-and-turn-on-the-reading-light/?_r=0

Lewisohn M. 1992. The Complete Beatles Chronicle. New York(NY): Barnes & Noble Books. 365p. Accessed online 2024 Mar 14. Available from: https://archive.org/details/completebeatlesc0000lewi/mode/2up

Lewisohn M. 2013. 1st U.S. Edition. The Beatles: All These Years Vol. 1: Tune In. New York (NY): Crown Archetype. 932p.

Lichtman I [editor]. 1965 Apr 24. Great Britain. Cash Box XXVI(40); International Section p.45. Accessed online 2024 Mar 18. Available from: https://archive.org/details/cashbox26unse_31/page/44/mode/2up

Lichtman I [editor]. 1965 Jun 5. Great Britain. Cash Box Vol.XXVI(46); International Section p.55. Accessed online 2024 Mar 13. Available from: https://archive.org/details/cashbox26unse_37/mode/2up

Lichtman I [editor]. 1965 Jul 24. Great Britain. Cash Box Vol. XXVI(53); International Section p.53. Accessed online 2024 Mar 13. Available from: https://archive.org/details/cashbox27unse/mode/2up

Lichtman I [editor]. 1967 Jul 22. Overlooking South Africa. Cash Box Vol.XXVIII(52); International Section p.65. Accessed online 2024 Mar 13. Available from: https://archive.org/details/cashbox28unse_50/mode/2up

Martin G, Hornsby J. 1979. All You Need is Ears. New York (NY): St. Martin’s Griffin. 293p.

Martland P. 1997. Since Records Began: EMI: The first 100 years. London: B.T. Batsford Ltd. 359p. Accessed online 2024 Mar 17. Available from: https://archive.org/details/sincerecordsbega0000mart/mode/2up

Michaels K. 2013. Mark Lewisohn interview [radio broadcast episode]. The Beatles – Every Little Thing. Originally aired on XM Radio. 1:53:18. Available from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjAUtngSoKc

Parnes S [editor]. 1958 Jul 26. Ardmore & Beechwood Open London Office. Cash Box Vol. XIX(45); p.34. Accessed online 2024 Mar 18. Available from: https://archive.org/details/cashbox19unse_43/page/34/mode/2up

Southall B, Perry R. 2006. Northern Songs: The True Story of The Beatles Song Publishing Empire. London: Omnibus Press. 218p. Accessed online 2024 Mar 13. Available from: https://archive.org/details/northernsongstru0000sout/mode/2up

*Wicks D. 1998. Updated 2012. The Ballad Years: From the Bombs to the Beatles: a Directory and Discography of British Popular Music-makers from 1945-1960. Accessed online 2024 Mar. Available from: https://archive.org/details/theballadyears/Book%20Contents/

Wilcox N. 2020 Apr 27. How The Beatles Got Signed [podcast, season 7]. Let It Roll. 57:21. Available from: https://dcs.megaphone.fm/PAN2878353172.mp3?key=5204cb23c38410bae94e208461239e2d&request_event_id=e800ecea-9c5e-40f2-90e3-dad820306501

Images from The Ballad Years and Cash Box 1967 Jul 22

*The Ballad Years by Don Wicks was originally published circa 1998 (by a company called In Tune International, of all things!) There is some great contextual info included at the Internet Archive link; to condense it here, after the original print run of the book, Don Wick continued to update the book, primarily to reflect the death of artists. He distributed these via Microsoft Word Document, and the 2012 version of these documents was uploaded to the Internet Archive. I believe that is the reason for “The Barry Sisters” being plastered across Kim Bennett’s face – the pages including artists’ pictures have very wonky formatting.

#mark lewisohn #the beatles #tune in #kim bennett #sid colman #ardmore & beechwood #it's TOO LONG but what can ya do #bless you if you read this whole thing

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