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#dreaming
candlelitsoul5 hours ago
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Hard Days Equal Harder Nights
I can remember a time when I would lay in bed, and my mind would float. A new world would open before me, and I could traverse to worlds that were of my own creation. For a reality that was always in chaos, this I could control and bend to my will. I was a spry 16 year old with everything to play for, and my health was better than I would ever know it. I loved to play soccer, though I never had a proper yard, video games were something I did every once in a while, but were always a source of entertainment, and I loved to stay up late and devour novels. Now, however, life is a struggle, and I often find myself daydreaming just to work through or find some comfort where I have had none. My mother, though the one who ultimately raised me, is a narcissist. I was once in the hospital needing to have my gallbladder out, and all she could do was tell me to stop crying because everyone goes through it.聽鈥淚t鈥檚 a part of life, so you need to stop and act your age鈥. Every time I was hurting, depressed, sick, sad, or so run down that all I could do was lay in bed and sleep, she had a reason as to why I had to get up and deal with life: *No one gets to lay in bed unless they鈥檙e in the hospital or dying *I once had four kids to raise and I never got a day off *Ya know what? There are times I don鈥檛 want to do anything, but you just have to *I worked all day, so you need to get up and pull your weight *I鈥檝e worked longer and harder than you ever will聽 *No one is going to care. They just want you to work, so get used to it *Everyone hurts, but they get up anyway *I鈥檓 not as old as she is, which means I don鈥檛 need to lay down My boyfriend often asks me why I say and do things a certain way, and all I can do is say that I was conditioned to do so. An ex friend would tell me that I鈥檓 always on alert, and I鈥檝e come to see the truth in it. When I wake up, I鈥檓 awake. I don鈥檛 try to go back to sleep because, for one thing, no one here is nice enough to keep their voices down and let me sleep, and for a second, I know that someone will come in eventually, so I may as well get up and around. I鈥檝e been made to know that when work needs done, it gets done, and it doesn鈥檛 matter if you鈥檙e tired, hungry, in a bad mood, or had a long day, you get up off your ass, and do it. More than once I鈥檝e been told that I need to rest, but it simply isn鈥檛 possible. If someone here isn鈥檛 going to pull their weight, than someone has to step in, and more often than not, it鈥檚 me. If I don鈥檛, I鈥檓 told a variety of insults:聽 *Inconsiderate *Ungrateful *Spoiled *Selfish *I will never work as long or as hard as they have *Never to have kids because I鈥檇 be just another drain on the government system Tonight, I have a cyst rupturing on my ovary, and it鈥檚 in the same place as two weeks ago when it happened, and before then, it was a week. I have been tested for PCOS, but come up negative. My family thinks I鈥檓 a hypochondriac, due to the fact that I have several issues that occur at one time; dumping syndrome, weird blood pressure spikes (I鈥檓 on medication for blood pressure), panic and anxiety attacks, PMDD, IBS, stomach acid condition, and they can either all hit at once, or spread out over time. I鈥檝e been to the hospital on more than occasion, been hospitalized, had IV鈥檚, been giving medication to stop them, and even though I鈥檝e had doctor鈥檚 tell me that it isn鈥檛 in my head, and my parents are lying, it continues.聽 Also this night, my father gave me half a Percocet to help combat the pain, but I am drowsy beyond anything. We live in a home that has a swiss cheese roof, no ceiling (just plastic sheeting), and we have to empty rain buckets when it pours down. I, however, can鈥檛 sleep because it has to get done. Rather than help us, my mother has chosen to bury her head in the sand, and sleep (or pretend to), which leaves us to deal with all of it. I can still feel the cyst rupturing, but there is nothing I can do. All I want is to curl up and sleep, and my boyfriend says that I need to lay down and not do so much, but that is like telling him not to go help his ex with the kids (she continually says how she is a single parent, when he does more to help them than anyone. She also tells them they don鈥檛 have to listen to him because he isn鈥檛 living there, and wants money from him for the kids, when she gets a massive amount each month for the kids, food, rent, bills, etc). I find solace in the times I get to spend with him, and the happiness and safety I feel when he鈥檚 there. I have a guardian and witness to the daily bullshit they try to pull, and know that soon, I鈥檒l be away from here.聽 The rains have slowed, and I hope that soon I can drop off. I feel it coming. My eyes are heavy and I鈥檓 swaying to the point I鈥檓 nearly falling over. Please keep me in your thoughts tonight, and know that it can always get worse. I鈥檓 thankful that it hasn鈥檛 yet, and that I have a bright and beautiful future coming.
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thisdreamplace11 hours ago
To your bad dreams anon - you can revise your dreams too. then these won't bother you any more and will change into pleasant dreams.
Thank you so much for this advice!! 馃挅
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jdyf33311 hours ago
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Dreaming
flickr
Dreaming by Davivid Rose Via Flickr: (Detail) (I made this photo with a 1967 Polaroid model 103 bellows camera in 1993 in Berkeley, California.) A randomly-edited selection of approximately 700 of my pictures may be viewed by clicking on the link below: www.flickr.com/groups/psychedelicart/pool/43237970@N00/ Please click here to read my "autobiography": thewordsofjdyf333.blogspot.com/ And my Flicker "profile" page may be viewed by clicking on this link: www.flickr.com/people/jdyf333/ My telephone number is: 510-260-9695
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dreamiingofher16 hours ago
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Dreaming of her... 馃槏
@adelle4ever
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justakid-x16 hours ago
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The stars are unreal tonight. Sitting out the back wishing.
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candiedjalapeno20 hours ago
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i want more
and I won鈥檛 apologize for it
the world can play its games
create shells of beating hearts
but i want more
and i鈥檓 done apologizing
for the wanting.
S.R
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dogmom201422 hours ago
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As a single women that will be 26 and has always wanted kids and to be a mom . Lately I鈥檝e had a fear I may never have that chance as I鈥檓 getting older and you can only have kids for for so long. I was on Tiktok and women in my similar situation was able to have kids via IUI ( Intrauterine Insemination). She really helped me understand I can be a single mother by choice. I mean say Tom Felton, Taron Egerton Tom Holland or Richard Madden came along and wanted to have kids I definitely wouldn鈥檛 say no. Anyway thanks for coming and reading my long post have a fabulous day 鈽猴笍!
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ineffablefate23 hours ago
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what would have to happen for you 聽to realize you were dreaming? is it not strangely impossible enough just to be here at all?
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thisdreamplacea day ago
I feel so frustrated. I keep having these uncomfortable dreams about being at school and being in an unrecognizable bathroom with other girls I don't even know. I also had a nightmare about playing some male character who had to defend himself from a creature with a long tongue that kept pursuing him. It was like being forced to play a video game I didn't like. I feel so upset that I rarely have dreams that I want to have and I try to lucid dream but I never succeeded before. I just want to go to sleep knowing that I can dream of what I want... I don't know what to do.
Hey, it鈥檚 totally okay. I鈥檓 sorry your dreams have been so uncomfortable and scary. Keep intending for your dreams to be lucid and lovely. It works if you persist.
I used to never remember my dreams, so I intended to remember them. Now I always do. My dreams were boring so I wanted more to them... now they鈥檙e super elaborate and weird. I even intend to dream experiences about having my dream life and every once in a while, I get a good one. Just keep persisting in what you want.
You won鈥檛 keep having terrible dreams. You鈥檙e going to be having the best dreams ever any day now. 馃挅
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spyboy500a day ago
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spyboy500a day ago
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spyboy500a day ago
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fadingfromyoua day ago
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i鈥檝e been dreaming about people who have separated ways, I haven鈥檛 dreamt in so long, so why them?
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intellectualitasa day ago
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i had a dream last night and my brain made up a completely new bts song. i don't even listen to bts
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dreamiingofhera day ago
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Dreaming of her... 馃槏
@adelle4ever
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