Speaking of dreams, I’ve mentioned it before but I have a reoccurring dream where I visit cute comic/art supply/stuff I like shops I like to call the “mall universe” (they all usually take place in a big mall/shopping center) I dream about pretty regularly and it is currently under attack by evil forces as every place I look forward to going is fucking closed
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Dreams of Yang Sha: a parable
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You guys, my brother just had the most like--British Magical Absurdism/Terry Pratchett-esque/I don't know what to call it to explain the vibes--dream last night, and it's /amazing/
And now I want to live in the reality where there's a whole series about the zany misadventures around "Blackwood and Stallion: Luxury Occult Hotel and Equine Racetrack"
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I dreamt about him again. After a very long time.
It wasn’t even during the night. My alarm rung and I fell into a slumber. It was 15, maybe 20 minutes long.
Then, he appeared. He saw me in the corridor and seemed surprised, as he always used to be. Never had any idea that I always anticipated those meetings. You know, sometimes dreams get blurry, but his smile, it was as sharp as in reality. He asked what I am doing here. Honestly, I had no idea. Wanted to tell him that but I also remembered how it was, that I really couldn’t tell him the truth. I miss him but what good would it make to say it to a ghost of a person who most probably has already forgotten me. He is gone and so am I.
I wanted to hear that I will be alright. He told me that once and I clung to it even through my worst times. I miss him terribly even if it is only a projection of him, a fantasy that I miss.
Those dreams appear when it gets tough. They feel like a betrayal but they also remind me that I am still myself. That I haven’t change that much and there is still hope for me. I am not a stranger to myself. I know who I am. More or less.
I miss him. I never told my mum but she sometimes mentions him knowing that he is always on the tip of my tongue. I can’t ask about him, of course.
I couldn’t love him. I did anyway. Hoped that I could be at least dear to him. That he would remember me in ten, maybe fifteen years. God, he was a good person. Good to me.
Maybe I will meet him again. Maybe I will not. Doesn’t matter. I still miss him after all this time. I miss the version of me that I was next to him.
But he is gone and so am I.
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I slept for like 4 hours and had a dream which involved me crying and explaining my issues with food to someone and what childhood trauma affected that as well but it ended with a sharp right and a reveal I will bringing up with my therapist on Thursday when I suddenly said in my dream:
"How was I supposed to figure out who I was when as a child I was constantly told I was wrong about my likes and dislikes? Do you know how damaging it is to be told you're wrong about your own preferences!?"
And then I woke up at 5am and I haven't gone back to sleep 45 minutes later because I'm still thinking about that
I'm having a real time rn
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I don't want to be a phase
A leaf in each season
An eye with no vision
A wind that has gone
A king without a throne
A drop of water that falls and soon dries
A hurricane which comes and swiftly passes by
A day won't return
A fire that no longer burns
A gaze no more amazes
Above all, I don't want to be a phase.
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Last night i had a dream that an evil lazard angeal copy looking thing was coming to assassinate me. Basically looked like this
Anyways, dream me got absolutely fucking bodied and woke up from me irl physically trying to get up and fight the bitch. Also had a cat with me in the dream. The cat was fine.
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Overthinking doesn't just mess with your head; it messes with your heart, your vibe, your joy, your spark, and your love. It's sneaky but deadly self-sabotage.
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While taking a nap today I dreamt there was a hazard sign called "never found" which was used to indicate a location where people disappeared never to be seen again
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