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#drug addiction

I think generally this quarantine stuff is hard for us addicts. I know it is for me, the not knowing, the lack of responsibility and the fact meetings are only available on zoom. Fuck it why not just get high right?

I just want to say don’t. Do you remember why you got sober in the first place? The pain and suffering that led you to the point where you had no other option other than to get sober. Remember how dark it was? The feeling of no hope, the feeling of not wanting to be alive. Remember how sobriety was hard at first but you began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you began to find out the person you truly are underneath your addiction. You started to find hobbies other than taking drugs or drinking. The relationships you began to rebuild and gain. The way the shame and guilt started to get less, the fact that you could finally look your friends and family in the eyes again. Experiencing love, hope and faith. Suddenly the world has thousands of possibilities you can do what you want, go where you want without the grip that addiction had over you stopping you from being able to achieve anything because you wake up every day with no purpose other than to take drugs. Please don’t use again, please don’t throw away all your hard work even if you have a little sobriety time just remember, remember why you tried to get clean in the first place. 

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You think you’re in control, but you aren’t
“This is the last time”
“After this, I’m done”
I’ve said these sentences over the course of a month
And in that month, I have picked up and used over and over
Now I know I’m not in control as I thought I was
I am terrified because of how much I want it
I want something so deadly
And I’m not even giving it a second thought
I don’t want to lose myself to this drug
So why do I keep going back?
- Madness

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You don’t know how much I fucking miss you

You once told me you loved me. And what the fuck do I know about love? Just that it drives a person insane, and I’m fucking bonkers cause I can’t forget you…

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The idea/theory/equation/power teaches us.

In the program, I’m constantly questioned about my faith because I’m very forthright about my atheism.

You don’t believe in a higher power? They ask.

No, not in the terms you are thinking. But in terms of a power greater than little ole me, yes! Plenty. AA is a power greater than me. The principles to which the steps are founded are greater than me. The beautiful thing about these powers, or principles, is that as long as I stay open to them, they will teach me.

I heard a neurologist talking about his theory regarding objective reality, and that it continues to teach him new phenomena. Just like Einstein’s relativity, taught Einstein that blackholes do exist, although he initially argued against their existence.

The paradoxes, the connections, they are beautifully consistent these days. Put an idea out into the world and let the idea teach you about itself. Keep the beginner’s mind, stay open.

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Need Some Money!

I’m really in need of some money at the moment.I’m selling my slamming videos as well as regular videos & pictures. Message me for my menu, prices & questions♥

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dealer’s friend:


-safe drugs

-cheaper drugs

-you don’t risk with dangerous people


-is your friend so he won’t give you drugs when you need them badly for your fucking safety

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