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#drugs quote
incorrectbatfam · 1 month
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[before Ace got adopted]
Krypto: Hi there! So nice to meet you. I'm just going den to den seeing if any wolves would like to become dogs today.
Ace: What's a dog?
Krypto: Amazing question! You're such a good boy. Dogs are a pet for humans. You get paired up with one and they take care of you. They feed you, take you on walks, and when you get scared you can hide between their legs.
Ace: Wait, hold on. They feed me? You guys don't catch your own food?
Krypto: No, we eat dog food. And sometimes, if you're lucky, you get a treat.
Ace: What's a treat like?
Krypto: Have you ever done crack cocaine?
Ace: No.
Krypto: Well, that would be the closest example.
Ace: Okay, so I just get paired up immediately then?
Krypto: Well, not exactly. You will have to spend some time in a shelter, but if you're lucky, a human will pick you and take you home with them.
Ace: What happens if you aren't lucky?
Krypto: Oh, don't worry about it. You're going to a non-kill shelter.
Ace: What?
Krypto: Nothing! So, what do you say?
Ace: Yeah I'm not interested, sorry.
Krypto: WAIT!
Ace: What?
Krypto: Belly rubs.
Ace: Belly rubs?
Krypto: Every single day.
Ace: Okay, yeah, I'll consider it.
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crystallizsch · 1 month
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azul my detested
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incorrect911argoship · 4 months
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*During a 24 hour shift at the station*
Eddie: I give up. I am too tired. I can't go on.
Hen: Chim, get the emergency supply!
Chim: *brings Buck and places him in front of Eddie*
Buck: *confused but smiling* Hi?
Eddie: Ok, this is working
Chim: Buck, could you flex now.
Buck: *still confused but flexing*
Eddie, staring at Buck's arms: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GO!
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marksandrec · 5 months
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Marks and Rec: Misc #2614
Happy Halloween! Remember to drink your drug-blood responsibly. (Dialogue from What We Do in the Shadows, mostly.)
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strangegutz · 6 months
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pickles (plural)
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Leo: If you’re not gonna tell dad, I will.
Leo, to Splinter: Dad, Raph smokes pot.
Splinter: What?!
Raph, to Leo: YOU ARE SUCH A TATTLETALE!!
Raph, to Splinter: Dad, remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana?
Splinter, glaring at Casey: Yes.
Raph: Well, I told you it was Casey who was smoking the pot, but it was me. I’m sorry.
Splinter: It was you?
Leo: And remember when you got mad at Chompy? He didn’t break your favorite tea pot. Mikey did.
Mikey: Yeah, well, The Kraang weren’t the ones who blew up the toaster! Leo did!
Leo: Donnie hasn’t been keeping up on his training for a year!
Donnie: Raph has an alien girlfriend!
Raph: Mikey got himself in a dangerous situation and almost got killed AGAIN!!
Karai: I bisexual and Shini and I are dating!
April: Red is not my natural hair color!
Casey: I WANNA GOOOO!!
Splinter: That’s a lot of information to get in 30 seconds…
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lovehours · 6 months
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i don’t even fucking care
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Derek, tired dad alpha with three kids betas: Can I get a venti latte with seven espresso shots?
Stiles: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.
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ao3-crack · 4 months
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(x)
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incorrectbatfam · 1 year
Conversation
Jason, to Bruce: Bruce has no idea I’m high.
Bruce: You’re high?
Jason: Oh, sorry.
Jason: *turns to Dick*
Jason: Bruce has no idea I’m high.
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padawansuggest · 9 months
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Obi-Wan: *flirty* Oh, what I wouldn’t do to have a handsome young man in my bed tonight-
Cody: *tired, took some of Fox’s special caff mix and is cranky for some reason now* I’m not that good looking.
Obi-Wan: That’s okay, I know a cocktail that’ll have me seeing blurs. Seriously though it makes me walk into walls.
Cody: …fuck it, okay, we’re just sleeping. None of that naked time Skywalker is always getting up to. Freak.
Obi-Wan: Huh. I like the usual 17 caff you, that one likes to bully me. This you is just, sorta, idk, cranky.
Cody: idfk what Fox puts in his special caff blend it’s like I can’t unclench my jaw I am ALWAYS ready to bite someone.
Obi-Wan: Hmmmm… I’ll tell Quinlan to drug tests it. He always has drug tests on hand so he knows what he’s taking.
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dragonflavoredcake · 7 months
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Grian: Be friends with Scar, they said! He'll be a great teammate, they said! Mumbo: So he's a little reckless— Grian: THIS MAN HAS THE SURVIVAL INSTINCTS OF A SQUIRREL ON CRACK COCAINE!
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herokitty1312 · 9 months
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pink xans💗
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hart269 · 2 years
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*The gang after they arrived in Eddie's trailer in Upside down*
Steve : Goddamn
Y/N looking around : So you are a drug dealer right?
Eddie, confused : Yes, why
Y/N : Do you have some of it here
Steve : Really, right now
Y/N : If I am going to die, at least let me die peacefully
Robin : We are not going to die.
Y/N : I have anxiety
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incorrect911argoship · 5 months
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Eddie: Can you imagine being paid for being cute?
Buck: You'd be the richest man in the world.
Chim: Isn't that the whole point of Only Fans?
Ravi: Eddie would make bank.
Buck: Right?
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