The Asshole-Of-The-Internet AU
sparx
god. dsmp has internet and comms are iPhones and tommy gets banned from dsmp Twitter so he has to anonpost on dsmp 4chan
hoodie
RKJGHRKGHKJGHERHGJHRHGH
TOMMY ON 4CHAN OH NO
sparx
…………oh no now I have “what if asshole-end-of-the-internet dsmp au”
4chan kiwifarms whatever else
hoodie
they try to radicalize him but it doesnt work bc he literally is in exile
sparx
SCREAMING
okay but au where dream runs 4chan. Wilbur stars as null who fucks up 4chan and then makes kiwifarms when he gets run off the site. tommy is the normie they’re both desperately trying to recruit.
Schlatt runs rise of kings or whatever tf the pick-up artist site is called
hoodie
OH MY GOD YES
sparx
this is perhaps the worst thing ever I have had in my head and I do not say that lightly
hoodie
its SO fucking funny tho
tommy in the reddit dms with wilbur
who is trying so so hard to get him to join his site
but tommy just keeps asking how many bitches wilbur gets from kiwifarms
and wilbur has to say 'niki left me bc i made the site'
sparx
SFAHDJFKGKGLSGSHDKGHRKRL
niki left Wilbur and went to found ovarit
which i think is like. the radfem site heghghgh
hoodieRJKHRJGHGH wilbur radicalised niki
sparx
his dick was so shit it radicalised niki…………..
George on 4chan but he just fuckinf sucks at being nasty
and keeps messaging dream like “there r people being racist on here :/“
hoodie
george on 4chan telling ppl to stop saying slurs
sparx
YEAH YEAH
u see my vision
hoodie
george: idk this is kind of mean :/
dream, typing out smth incredibly evil: its just the internet it doesnt matter
sparx
dream has to pretend occasionally he has morals for the sake of the bussy
which he still has yet to get
him and quackity are moots on some incel website
hoodie
hes in it for the long game
RJHGH quackity is on an incel website bc sapnap and karl left him
sparx
he watches Schlatt’s webinars on negging
hoodie
REJGHRJHHG
quackity: takes notes so he can use it to win back sapnap
quackity is literally the only gay person in a sea of pathetic straight men who are threats to society
sparx
diversity win! this homosexual is a pathetic man who’s a threat to society <3
techno bc he is a chad only has a Snapchat that he uses to post gym thirst trap gains pics
hoodie
RGJHJGRHGH
sapnap is also a chad who only has snapchat
he and techno have each other added
so they can compare gains
quackity hate screenshots all of their posts
and jerks off to them in the private of his sad sad studio apartment
sparx
HRGHRJGJGKD YES
Karl makes Twitter threads so long u gotta use that unroll app for them and refuses to add image descriptions tho george keeps begging him
hoodie
RHGERJHGHG
why is george the most moral person in this au im crying
hes just a normal guy trying to do the right thing
sparx
Tubbo runs a parody account of a major political figure, except he’s actually very smart and has a lot of good ideas and the political figure is very stupid and so a) many people think tubbo’s account is actually the real one and news outlets regularly report his tweets as tho they’re fact, and b) he realises slowly that the guy he’s parodying is actually copying his ideas
hoodie
ERJGHEGHERJGHKJERHGJGHERJHGJHGERJGHJGHRJGHRGH
THATS....OH MY GOD
wait what if the political figure is like Eret or smth
sparx
Tommy: tubbo they banned me from 4chan :(
Tubbo, typing under his “@scrotus” account: wait a second Tommy I’m trying to influence international trade policy with China
hoodie
KJERGHEKJGHJRGHGHRJGRHJGH
clingyduo in this au goes so fucking hard
also dream violating the rules of his own site to ban tommy is SO funny tommy has to go back to reddit
sparx
I do also love the exile implication that it’s possible to get banned from 4chan
YEAH
hoodie
dream just wants tommy's cringe ass off of 4chan
tubbo should honestly be banned from twitter but at this point everyone is convinced hes really eret and eret's actual account gets banned for impersonating a public figure
sparx
hrbrhfhfr YEAH
eret does not attempt to get unbanned bc at this point he desperately needs tubbo to keep his ratings up
hoodie
tubbo is really the only thing keeping the public opinion of him up
tubbo is the last bastion of hope for his reelection
tommy literally is barely aware of all of this hes too wrapped up in whatever tf is happening with wilbur and dream
ranboo has a tumblr
sparx
ranboo has a tumblr and has no idea tf is going on out there
hoodie
eryn used to have a prank youtube but he went too far and got permabanned
JHRGHRJHG ranboo is safe....
sparx
he's busy reblogging fanart of the founders of 4chan and kiwifarms kissing
hoodie
KJRFHEJKGHJGHRJGH
dream considers doxxing ranboo for this crime
bc ranboo is the one drawing that fanart
sparx
YES YES YES
hoodie
wilbur on the other hand turns the fanart into his mousepad
and sends pictures of it to dream
sparx
tommy: ranboo why are you drawing rpf of my brother
ranboo: wait these are real people
ranboo: ............................wait your brother founded kiwifarms?????
hoodie
tommy: yeah
ranboo: ......................tommy im sorry but this has to go in your callout post
tommy: youre making a callout post about me?
ranboo: i have one in my drafts just in case : ( sorry : ( i have one for all of my mutuals
sparx
aLJSDKJFHERJGKHERKJGEFKJGHE
OFC HE DOES
hoodie
this is all said by a guy who has been drawing fanart of kiwifarms founder kissing 4chan founder....hypocrite
sparx
the joke’s on ranboo, tubbo has files on all his friends with their addresses phone numbers known aliases known associates family members birthdays social security numbers and photos of the outside of their house
hoodie
TJGHERHJGHJERHGHRGHJGEGHHGG
tubbo is prepared to drop these if any of them ever cross him
even wilbur wont fuck with tubbo and wilbur also has the full doxes on everyone...expect for dream
this is part of why dream is wilbur's arch enemy
sorry this is the best au of all time
sparx
this is a absolutely the best au of all time
wilbur is obsessed with getting dream's dox
hoodie
wilbur: tommy im not going to help you do your homework, im trying to dox dream
sparx
he's like. tommy. tommy i gotta get dream's dox. there's only ONE way to do this.
tommy: stalk hi-
wilbur: seduce him
tommy: ...............aight i'm out
hoodie
RKJHGJHH
tommy: have fun you fucking freak
wilbur: oh i will, i will : )
tommy:
sparx
tubbo, absently, scrolling twitter: do you want me to make homosexual sex illegal? i could probably do that
ranboo: my fanfic is coming true?!
tommy: ..................................what the fuck is wrong with both of you
hoodie
tommy: why is everyone i know a wrongun??????
ranboo: im not a wrongun...am i?
tommy: you draw fucking art of my brother making out with dream ofc youre a wrongun!!!!
tubbo: im going to outlaw rollerskates
sparx
DSKJFSHHKGJ tubbo's just casually running a country
hoodie
tubbo is basically the president at this point
shockingly a positive thing when we compare it to dsmp canon
that was not so positive for tubbo
karl makes a thread about how tubbo isnt actually the real president but tubbo just responds saying 'yeah im a parody account' and literally no one believes him
sparx
everyone's like, oh, our eret, so witty! so funny! look how down and hip with the kids he is
hoodie
RGJGHRJGH
hoodie
also im watching a schlatt video rn and honestly schlatt needs to be in this au more
i think he should be the third person trying and failing to radicalise tommy
sparx
OKAY BUT THIS AU IMPLIES SCHLATT MANAGES TO LIKE. TAKE KIWIFARMS FROM WILBUR
front page news that's like "I'M THE EMPEROR NOW BITCH"
hoodie
HE SHOULD ERKJGHJRHGHGHG
he fucking stages a coup
sparx
jannies lockout
hoodie
RJKGRJGHGH
wilbur is literally flipping things in the other room
HIS GLORIOUS SITE....HIS KIWIFARMS....
his unfinished symphony
sparx
UNFINISHED SYMPHONY OF KIWIFARMS
hoodie
JRHGH
schlatt perma bans wilbur and tommy's accounts and also doxxes wilbur
then hes like 'if i find out any of the users here are female im banning them too'
this is how wilbur and niki eventually end up teaming up bc he convinces her that schlatt is the true evil
sparx
HOWLING
HE WOULD
hoodie
'this is a manly site for men ONLY'
sparx
niki: wilbur i will work with you if you publicly record a video saying ur dick is tiny and ur head game sucks
wilbur: ........... :( ok
hoodie
wilbur: anything to get my site back.............
sparx
ranboo: so that new video from wilbur..... uhh. anyone else think it was kinda....... 😳
tommy: ranboo. my brother. i am going to kill you.
hoodie
tommy: ranboo you have one last chance to apologize or i will end your life right here and now
ranboo: sorry for being gay 😔
tommy: not sorry enough!!!!!!
sparx
SORRY FOR BEING GAY
im gonna shit
hoodie
RJGHGGHGH
ranboo is sorry for being gay for your brother, tommy
sparx
hmmmm who have we forgotten in this au
hoodie
hmmmmm tina fundy
fundy is a scorned kiwifarms mod who thought he was wilbur's fav
sparx
JSHDFKJDFHG
fundy: i was your SON wilbur
wilbur: fundy. you're 19. i am 21.
fundy: your SON
hoodie
fundy: you ABANDONED ME
wilbur: i was literally kicked off of my own site
sparx
fundy: i'm gonna kill myself now
wilbur: lmao. -wait NO DON'T
hoodie
TJKGHRGHRGJH
wilbur: wait bro are you joking?
wilbur three days later: i think he actually did it
fundy, not dead: taught him a lesson lol
sparx
skdjfjsdkjghdfkjghdfkj
hoodie
this au is a blessing
sparx
it's Something!!!!
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