#durbanspeaks

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when feminists are fighting tooth and nail to reject the constraints of femininity while men use them to define womanhood 😶

#when y'all go no that's good actually #feminism #durbanspeaks

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what’s your misogyny doing for you today, folks? don’t be shy now <3

#durbanspeaks

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i’m so in love with sirius/james but it hurts???? so much?????

#i read this one fic yesterday that was SO GOOD it makes me want to stop shipping it #bc i just can't handle this particularly tragic degree of angst and yearning #that i am for some reason voluntarily subjecting myself to #'the easy tilt of james' smile' #'sirius presses his face into the crook of jamie's neck where everything is warm and familiar' #'it's always been easier when it's just them' #stop!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!! #durbanspeaks #harry potter

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i’m sure it’s some kind of adhd feel when you really, really want to eat but you CANNOT possibly do so until you put on a show/movie but then you can’t find anything you want to watch

#i mean i'm pretty sure it's just the compulsive need to have ur brain occupied with something at all times #but then the same brain goes 'yeah but not with this. or this. or this. or---' #so then u have to go and make a tumblr post about it #durbanspeaks

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one thing that’s always so fucking frustrating to me is looking up fic for a small fandom and one or multiple actors in it are part of some big franchise, and, well, you know :)))

like when you’re looking up fic for the hurt locker and you’re like wow! 74 hits! but then you exclude everything tagged with mission: impossible, marvel and the bourne ultimatum and you’re left with 28 :)))

#then u filter out the x ofc fics and you're down to 22 :))))) #i looked it up more out of curiosity but there are so many examples like this #ao3 adventures #durbanspeaks

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i don’t know what fic writer needs to hear this, but if you tag your fic with multiple pairings with no way to tell which of them is the main focus of the fic, i will simply not click on that fic ❤❤❤

#rarepairs in huge fandoms are cursed from the start and that is that on that #currently suffering through the contents of the harry/oliver wood tag in case u were wondering #ao3 adventures #do not reblog #durbanspeaks

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anyway i’d really love a fic where matt is, like, openly thirsting for harper, and harper is equally into him, but shoots him down every time matt tries something, in an attempt to at least keep the appearance of a somewhat appropriate private-nco relationship. the fic is just a long string of instances of matt ignoring all that nonsense (his words) and routinely climbing into harper’s lap and such, and every single time harper doesn’t even blink, until five or ten seconds later his brain record-scratches into awareness, and he’s like, “ocre, how many times????”

#matt at the end of a particularly long day: #[winds his arms around harper] let me help you relax baby #harper: that sounds so good #harper five seconds later shaking matt off of him: wait what #sand castle #matt ocre #james harper #sand castle (2017) #otp: ours to have #durbanspeaks

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my friend is getting an ADHD eval today and it was supposed to be with the doctor that....well....DOES the adhd evals at the hospital and actually has experience treating patients with it and researching it and she just wrote me that the staff “never heard of that appointment” and that they are “going to try and squeeze her in with the attending that she spoke to with last time” (where she basically only filled out forms and such) and i’m already so fucking on edge!!!!!!!

#i already had been before!!!!!! #now fucking this!!!!!!!!! #when i think of all the terrible shit i had to go through to get my diagnosis!!!!!!! #i can't go through the same thing with her again!!!!!! #except i obviously will!!!!!!! #but!!!!!! #FUCK!!!!!!!!! #durbanspeaks

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i think i am going to watch the bourne identity for comfort tonight.....

#😔 #i love it so fuckign much!!!!! #supremacy was pretty good too even tho i hate what they did to potente's character #but then i tried watching (watched?) ultimatum and i hated it #i didn't think anything made sense at all #it was a long time ago but i guess it felt a lot like #'we accidentally made something super successful and now we somehow have to build on the plot... #....that was supposed to have ended one or two movies ago' #even tho apparently it's based on a series of novels so idk #and i just looked it up and there are two more after that? santo anjo do senhor... #but yeah at least 4 of them are on netflix so i might five the entire series another shot #*give #anyway i felt like i had to explain myself lol #bc identity is the only one that has my heart lol #i also never stopped craving a gender-swapped bourne identity soooooooo #anyway #durbanspeaks

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i’m having harper feels (like, more than the usual amount lol) and i keep thinking how much i want a post-war reunion fic from his perspective BUT it follows him right from the moment he and matt say goodbye on the tarmac. i love all our reunion fics but so far, all of them are from matt’s perspective where harper just shows up at some point and i want to know about the things that led up to that moment! we know he gets three weeks leave, so i assume he goes back to the states where he has.....to kind of formalize his break-up with anne (i mean, we all agree on that, right?) so instead of, like, taking a break and recharging, he gets to deal with calling off an engagement and move his stuff out of their apartment (it wouldn’t really be fair to make her move out since he’s not even living in the states rn) and spend the time crashing on some army buddy’s couch. and the weird thing is he doesn’t even mind that much? it’s slightly awkward and inconvenient as fuck, but he’d known for a while that their relationship had run its course, so he’s been kind of coming to terms with that for some time. and so he’s in this weird limbo, not really knowing what to do with himself, almost wishing he were to go back already, and the one thing that really is a constant? it’s thinking about matt. and so he kind of spends three weeks itching to call him and not knowing if it’s too soon or what he would even say, and it’s not like they ever really talked about it either. so in the end he doesn’t, figures that if he still wants to when he’s back properly, well, then that’s a different story. figures that showing up, then fucking off again for months would do more harm than good. so he kind of puts it all on hold and goes to finish his tour and manages to not even think about it all that much. but then the very fucking day he’s back for good he picks up the phone and dials the number he’s got through the army directory and hears matt’s voice, and it feels like no time has passed at all.

#i'm so soft for them #meanwhile you KNOW matt is out there agonizing over it every single day lmao #making a throwaway for r/relationship_advice going #he (26) told me (m 21) he's going to 'see [me] on the other side of the berm' #does that mean he's going to call me or should /i/ call /him/???? #(he's currently only available via sat phone) #james harper #sand castle #sand castle 2017 #jamesmatt #otp: ours to have #durbanspeaks

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petition for ao3 to change the kudos button to a “powerful homoeroticism. i really enjoyed it” button

#ao3 #archive of our own #fandom #it's from a show called 'taskmaster' but i don't know it #durbanspeaks

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webpage: persistently refuses to load

me at four a.m. doing research for a fic: all right then, oklahoma dot gov, keep your secrets

#durbanspeaks #fanfiction #fandom

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just realised that my version of top/bottom discourse literally is who drives and who rides shotgun

#i'm not ACTUALLY top/bottom discoursing please don't @ me lol #yes i think everyone is allowed to interpret fictional characters the way they please #yes i would also go feral if you told me matt doesn't ride shotgun #WE EXIST #durbanspeaks

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nothing, truly nothing like a fic tagged with a dozen fandoms and about 50 (i wish i were joking) pairings and who knows how many other tags, and then it’s got like 2/? chapters, and the summary just says, “requests are open”

#i know this is a truly wild idea but how about you tag something AFTER you actually write it #(i obviously don't mean reasonably tagged fics tagging future content in a story that ACTUALLY exists) #ao3 adventures #durbanspeaks

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i’m a sleeper agent that’s activated by somebody gently putting their hand on somebody else’s chest

#durbanspeaks #me earlier today #(that's my about tag i didn't actually get to do it earlier today lol)

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saw that my mother called (whose number i recently blocked but it still shows up as a missed call under recent calls) and apparently it’s...affecting me :)))))

#went and bought a nike romper i found on sale last night to cheer myself up lol #it's 50% off!!!! and i've always wanted a romper!!!! #buying it in s is a bit of a gamble but fingers crossed lol #durbanspeaks