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aquato-family-circus · 2 days ago
Wait the tits out Helmut cake just made me think of another headcanon.
Helmut went topless because Bob was feeling dysphoric about his chest on the wedding day and helmut wanted to distract anyone's attention from bob's chest by making them focus on his
1) Trans Bob good headcanon!!
everyone on the guest list is absolutely inclinded to believe Helmut's the kind of dude to fuckin rip his shirt off bc he's just a passionate guy (which is also true). hell man it's his wedding they'll roll with it
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cock-dealer · 2 days ago
I’m a gay trans guy several years on T, I kinda want to start dating soon but dysphoria and paranoia keep kicking me down... I’m terrified that whoever I get with isn’t actually going to see me as 100% male and that if they’re attracted to certain body parts of mine they’ll like it because it’s feminine or something. Or if they see me naked they’ll start thinking of me as less of a man. Basically I’m afraid of being seen as female or as “the best of both words” I.e. anything other than 100% a guy. Do you have any advice for getting over this?
the only way to approach these kinds of worries is through you & your potential partner practicing quality healthy communication. you should be able to have a conversation about your expectations and about what kind of language you want to use for your bodies BEFORE you get naked. this is a skill to learn on its own because talking about intimacy in such a casual way can be a bit weird at first. but you will have a much better time together if you both know what your boundaries are and how to make each other feel good
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TW intrusive thoughts
most of the time when im at my wits end and hella dysphoric {usually on my period {also wanna rip that peice of shit out too}} i have intrusive thoughts about taking a really hot blade and doing my own top surgery and it would cauterize. it terrifies me greatly but also brings a sense of peace? idk how to describe it
really im just looking forward to the day im on t and have gotten top surgery so i can just be nonbinary in peace and exist without feeling guilty for something
Here is information on how to get support via The Trevor Project. I encourage anyone considering self harm, suicide, or are in any other sort of mental health crisis to reach out to them.
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genderqueercultureis · 14 hours ago
AFAB Genderqueer culture is thinking you haven’t experienced dysphoria before (which is okay!) but then your mom tells you “yeah, you were always uncomfortable when I told you looked like a woman when growing up so I stopped” and you have to question everything again.
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So I'm not too sure if any trans men follow me but I found a thing that could be of some use to you guys.
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Basically, they make underwear with a built in stuffer at the front and I think that's a fantastic idea to help deal with dysphoria a bit. "Pretty cool" is what you mught be thinking but it gets better.
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Fuckin' pre-packed swimming shorts.
Now, idk if there's other companies that do this but I have never seen this before so it is some news to me.
Also worth noting, I'm not trans nor am I sponsored, because why would I be, I just want to spread that there is a thing that can maybe help you with stuff.
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tylenol-tranny · 7 days ago
Let's talk about gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia.
Because I've been noticing more and more that way too many people don't actually know the difference between these two disorders, and that's concerning. So I wanted to talk about it. Give some definitions, share my personal experiences with both, and then discuss a particularly alarming thing I think is happening.
What is gender dysphoria?
Gender dysphoria is when one or more of your physical traits do not line up with the way you perceive your gender and want to present yourself. So for instance, things like chest size, genitals, and the pitch of your voice can commonly cause gender dysphoria. It's important to note the word gender in the term gender dysphoria. That's because this disorder refers specifically to things that you relate to your gender, I want to really put emphasis on that. Gender dysphoria is specifically when a physical traits causes you dysphoria in relation to your gender.
The most common treatment for gender dysphoria is to change the physical trait that is causing it, whether this be through surgery, hormones, or even just getting a haircut. Therapy might help some people, but transition is usually the most effective option.
Personally I experience gender dysphoria because of my voice and lack of facial/body hair. I plan to remedy this by taking testosterone.
What is body dysmorphia?
Body dysmorphia is when you incorrectly perceive one of your physical traits as being "ugly" or "wrong." There isn't actually anything wrong with the particular physical trait, your mind just perceives that there is. So for instance, thinking you have a massive nose, thinking your eyes are too small, thinking your stomach is huge, or thinking your feet are too small. You view parts of your body as being gross and you think that everyone else also views your body this way. I'd personally call it a delusion. Body dysmorphia warps your sense of reality and causes you to see yourself in a way that's not real.
Body dysmorphia cannot be treated by changing the physical trait that is causing distress. Because there is actually nothing wrong with said physical trait in the first place, and your mind is incorrectly perceiving your physical appearance, changing your appearance will not cure body dysmorphia. It is something that has to be treated with mental healthcare. Therapy is the most likely treatment option, though medications may be given.
I personally have body dysmorphia in relation to my chest and stomach. I think my chest is too saggy and my stomach sticks out too far. Anyone else will tell you that I look perfectly normal and that my body is supposed to look like that, but I still have a hard time accepting that I don't look like a hideous freak. I plan on talking with a therapist about it.
Why is it so important to know the difference?
So few people seem to know the difference between these two disorders, and I think it's causing a lot of people pain that they shouldn't have to go through. I wanna talk about two things that I think are happening, one in the radfem community and one in the detrans community.
I see a lot of radfems with "dysphoric female" in their bios, and the way they talk about gender dysphoria seems odd to me. I've seen them say that afab people specifically who have gender dysphoria are just "internalizing patriarchal beauty standards" and that seems, odd right? I think that what's happening is they are confusing gender dysphoria with body dysmorphia. I think that a lot of them probably experience body dysmorphia (likely because of the aforementioned internalized patriarchal beauty standards) and they are projecting this onto afab trans people and assuming that they are experiencing the same thing. That's why so many radfems think that transition doesn't always work and that therapy should be the first choice for treatment, because they're talking about body dysmorphia.
But the thing is, a lot of trans people don't know the difference either. When I hear stories from people who have detransitioned and they talk about how medical transition didn't make their negative feelings about their appearance go away, that immediately signals to me that they probably actually have body dysmorphia. I think that these dysmorphic people start noticing how badly they feel about certain aspects of their appearance, and then they talk about it and someone says "oh that's gender dysphoria." I've seen it happen. I've seen people clearly describe their body dysmorphia and someone else labels it as gender dysphoria. And so because a bunch of trans people keep telling them it's gender dysphoria, they start calling it that too. Because who would know more about gender dysphoria than trans people who experience it right? So they go to therapy, they seek treatment, but they're seeking treatment for the wrong disorder. And then when transitioning inevitably doesn't work they're left confused and scared and hurt. And because the trans people who gave them the wrong information didn't know the information was wrong, they keep giving that same misinformation to other people.
To be clear, I'm not saying this is the case for all radfems or all people who have detransitioned. I'm referring to a very specific phenomenon that I've seen happen to very specific people in those communities.
So what do we do about this?
This misunderstanding is causing people so much pain and we have got to do something about it. I think the first step is to educate yourself and others about the differences between these two disorders. It's ignorance that breeds suffering. The next step should be to stop trying to tell other people what they are experiencing. Even if YOU think it sounds like they have gender dysphoria, you absolutely cannot just say "yeah that's gender dysphoria and I think you're trans." You cannot tell other people what their identity is. If you want to suggest that they do some research into gender dysphoria so that they can decide for themselves, that's fine. But do not tell them that they are or aren't trans. That isn't for you to decide.
If anyone has any thoughts on this, or something they'd like to add, please do. I think this is a really pervasive issue that is happening in several different communities, and it seems to be going completely unnoticed so far. So I really want to bring as much attention to this as possible.
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tell the fae your old pronouns and deadname and let them steal them. win win
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stupid-lil-catowl · 24 days ago
AFAB trans people who want to get pregnant and have kids 🤝 AFAB trans people who get dysphoric from the thought of pregnancy
both being valid and deserving of your respect
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transenbyconfessions · 2 days ago
My hair really confuses me because before I realised I was non binary I loved long hair - it always helped me fit in better and it looked really pretty. I cried when I got my hair cut - middle length looks ugly on me. I didn't understand why my friend cut his hair super short (this was b4 he came out).
After I realised I was nb, everything just... flipped. Looking in the mirror with my long hair filled me with dread. I'd spend hours pouring over non binary haircuts. In the end it got so bad I cut it off with kitchen scissors.
It's middle length, but that's okay because when I tie it back it looks super short because of my fringe.
I can't recognise my old self anymore. It confuses me how much I wanted long hair and makes me feel invalid.
I didn't have ANY dysphoria until a few years after the start of puberty, and my hatred of my hair was beginning around the same time as the rest of my dysphoria - shortly before I realised I was nb - so that's a reason ig.
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natureheldmeclosezine · 7 months ago
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Call for Submissions: Nature Held Me Close, Edition Two
“Nature Held Me Close” is a zine about gender dysphoria and the great outdoors. Sometimes it’s hard to exist in a physical body, but spending time in nature can be one of the best ways to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
This is the second edition of this project, initially started in 2020. You can read volumes 1 and 2 here.
This zine is a place to feature art and writing from trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people about how spending time outdoors  – hiking, camping, gardening, birdwatching, landscaping, doing outdoor education or research, or just sitting quietly in nature – has influenced how you feel about your body and your gender. Submissions are open to dysphoric people of any and all gender identities!
You are welcome to share:
Essays and other nonfiction writing
Digital and/or traditional art
Mixed media
How to participate:
Email with your submission. Please include 1) your name or a nickname you’d like to be known by, 2) social media handle if you’d like it to be published with your piece (optional), and 3) any author’s or artist’s notes you’d like included as well. Once submissions are collected, this zine will be published as a free PDF. Submissions are due by June 20, 2021: this year’s summer solstice.
Submission guidelines are included under the cut!
Submission Guidelines and FAQ
Q. Where will this zine be hosted? A. You’ll be able to find this edition of the zine along with previous volumes on Carrd at
Q. What file format works best for submissions? How long can they be? A. .docx (Word or Google Docs) works best for writing, and .jpg or .png works best for images, but as long as it can be converted into a PDF to share, anything goes. Hi-res images are deeply appreciated, and let’s keep word count under 5000 words. You are welcome to submit more than one piece if you’ve got them!
Q. This is a pretty personal topic. Will my privacy be respected? A. Of course. Feel free to use a pseudonym or even send in a piece anonymously if you’re more comfortable with that. Your email will not be shared with anyone other than the editor of this project, El @starfoozle.
Q. What’s your policy re: content moderation and content warnings? A. The general tone of this project is intended to be one of affirmation and celebration, and recognizes the diversity in people’s gender experience. If your piece needs content warnings (for mentions of assault, disordered eating, self-harm, etc.), please include them in your author’s note. This should go without saying, but do not submit a work that’s disrespectful to other members of the LGBT+ community who may not share your identity. Being a jerk is a sure-fire way to have your submission dropped into the spam folder and excluded from this project.
Q. What is the project timeline? A. Submissions will be open until June 20, 2021, after which I’ll edit and collate what everyone’s sent me into a PDF, which I will plan to complete around the autumnal equinox depending on how many works are submitted. I’ll post updates in the interim, but in the meantime, please boost this project if it’s something you and your friends might be interested in participating in!
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lgballt · a month ago
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chachkies · 29 days ago
i don’t know if its a widespread issue but i hate when gay guys and trans guys are used as a token.
i’ve been part of the fandom since before i came out as trans. there was this group of girls in the fandom that i was sorta friends with but more so mutuals. anyways, they never really talked with me. but the SECOND i came out as a trans guy and said i was gay, all of a sudden i was interesting enough for them. they started screaming out of excitement and saying we would be best friends and suddenly wanting to hang out on servers and chats all the time.
i saw the weird timing of it all immediately but chose to ignore it cuz i was a lonely bitch at the time and felt the need to bow down to other people’s needs and wants in order to maintain friendships.
flash forward a few months when one of their friends started bullying me and being transphobic. the girls immediately went to defend that person saying he was a good guy and that what he was doing wasn’t transphobic and i had no right to call it that (imagine that! a trans person having the right to say what’s transphobic, and NOT some cishet girls feeling like they have the right to determine that!) and that i never should have corrected this guy on pronouns they screwed up on (despite the fact that i said it politely). cuz apparently his ego is too small for mistakes? lmfao. and the person i felt closest to in the friend group completely ignored me after this all went down and never reached out after i was sobbing over experiencing transphobia.
anyways, we’re obviously not friends anymore! looking back i just thought this whole chain of events was weird. us trans/gay men are PEOPLE. we’re not a pawn or a token or a pet you’ve always wanted. and no matter how many times you scream ‘trans rights!’ or are a part of the drag fandom, if you can’t stand with us when experiencing hate acts and instead act like you can silence us, it just shows how we’re only valued as tokens and entertainment.
and i will never EVER in a million years bring my worth back down to where i’m another token friend.
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So I was raised by a narcissistic mother and an enabling father, and after a while I started exhibiting symptoms of abuse.
I spent 10 years going in and out of psychiatrists offices, being diagnosed with a handful of things, being given drug after drug, and at NO point did anyone consider that I was being abused. I would explain in no uncertain terms exactly what I was enduring but it didn’t matter. Once you’ve been called crazy, you’re not being abused, you just feel like you’re being abused, because you’re mentally ill.
Abuse symptoms are pathologised and medicalised, into depression and anxiety disorders and personality disorders. This is a narrative that says the problem lies with you, you’re broken, you need fixing.
Contemporary dysphoria is the fucking same thing. Discomfort/anguish/distress at the idea of being forced into a restrictive box that makes you feel dehumanised and objectified? Normal fucking reaction to gender. This is an essentially universal female experience. Every one of us has felt this way to some degree about femininity. But when doctors turn around and say, “it’s not normal to feel that way! You have a condition and need medical treatment!” they are literally just denying that our lived experiences are traumatic. It’s fucking gaslighting.
Gender isn’t oppressive and traumatic, you’re mentally ill! It’s not a societal problem, it’s an individual problem! Your brain is broken, it doesn’t match your body! Your brain is just confused!!!!
Medicalising predictable responses to trauma only serves to protect the abusive structures that cause them, whether it’s an abusive family or an abusive society.
Transgenderism as a concept does nothing but reinforce gender, which is the scaffolding of patriarchy. “Treatment” doesn’t actually improve people’s health and well-being, but it can mask symptoms for a while the same way drugs can mask a child’s symptoms of trauma. Until they can’t anymore.
There’s no real healing.
Real healing demands radical self acceptance, and validation of the truth of our experiences, which is that being female under patriarchy is traumatic. Your pain is real. You are not alone. You can heal.
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violetbain · 2 months ago
hello violet. may i ask why you detransitioned? the general consensus according to doctors is that transitioning is the best treatment for gender dysphoria. i'm really curious about your experience because i experience dysphoria as well, and i would like some guidance.
Hello anon! Yes, you may ask! Fair warning, I’m really gonna get into it, because I think it’s important that I am honest and in-depth here.
In regards to the consensus of doctors, you said it right in your question: the "best treatment" for gender dysphoria, keyword best. When you actually take a look at the science, doctors really don't know how to treat gender dysphoria. Transition seems to work for some people, yes. The author of this article (I know he writes for The Federalist. that doesn't mean this article is irrelevant!) looked at the studies often cited for supporting transition as a cure for dysphoria, and found that most of the studies were flawed and don't exactly support the idea of transition being 'the best treatment'. Again, there is evidence that transition helped some people, but overall, the data is pretty inconclusive. Many of the studies were self-selected and had a small sample size. It seems that doctors just don't really know how else to treat dysphoria -- transition is the only known treatment at this point, so only by default is it the ‘best’.
This was something I discovered in the midst of my transition when I was having doubts. I honestly had doubts the entire time I was transitioning, but I ignored most of it, because I was told it was ‘normal’ and that my doubts were actually more evidence that I was “really trans” and was just “internalized transphobia”. I thought this was odd but I was really invested in transition and wanted it to work so badly that I just ignored it as best I could and forged ahead. I wish I had listened to my doubts then. They only grew and continued to resurface from time to time. Sometimes the cognitive dissonance I felt was truly agonizing and I would be alternately panicky and depressed for days. Again, the online trans communities I was in said this was normal. I tried, again, to just deal with it. Though all the while my dysphoria was curiously getting worse and worse. But by all accounts I was trans. You can’t say that I wasn’t. My experience was exactly like every other trans man I had seen online and met in person. The same shit. I hadn’t just jumped into transition unthinkingly. I had been in therapy for several years and had discussed transition at length with my therapist. I had researched and researched and researched and watched videos and thought about it and thought about it and thought about it and it really seemed like transition was my only option for future happiness, based on everything I saw and read. Watching video diaries from trans men, it was like they had copy + pasted thoughts from my head into their videos. All the memes and things -- I related. More and more evidence that this was my best bet. I would have been nuts to not transition at that point (at least, that’s what I thought). So anyone who wants to claim that I “wasn’t really trans”, was “a confused cis person”, whatever, can frankly fucking shove it.  So why was it, well, not working? At the beginning, pre-T, I had dysphoria over just a few things, like my voice, my curves, and occasionally my breasts, but not all the time. I had come to see testosterone as The Holy Grail that would save me from my self-loathing. When I got on it, the first few months were alright, then my dysphoria took a steep upturn; that is, it got much worse. Things that hadn’t bothered me before were bothering me a lot now. As the months went on, I went from feeling fairly neutral to the idea of top surgery, to leaning toward it, to feeling like I absolutely needed it immediately. It made me extremely depressed to even look at my breasts, to notice them in my peripheral vision. That was new. Then I started having thoughts about bottom surgery, which I had never had before. Dysphoria about my genitals was brand new and it disturbed me. I was concerned that my dysphoria was growing, and my hatred toward my body was becoming stronger and stronger. The more my body masculinized, I was simultaneously elated and disgusted. It was very confusing and unsettling. I loved that I looked more male and that I was starting to pass, but I became ever more disgusted with my femaleness, and the things I perceived as ‘female parts’ of my body. I wondered, then, if the dysphoria would ever end. I thought of the accounts of other trans men that I saw and had followed along; I remembered how a lot of them started with a little bit of dysphoria that grew and grew the further along they got in transition. A lot of them had felt hesitant about top surgery, then ended up getting it. A lot of them said they never wanted bottom surgery, then ended up getting it. It started to look more and more to me like a slippery slope, like celebrities who get a nose job and then cheek implants and then chin fillers and then you get Kim Kardashian and Farrah Abrahams and the like. People who keep altering and keep altering their bodies hoping that the next procedure will cure them and give them everlasting confidence and happiness and make them love themselves, but it doesn’t. It never does. Because the problem isn’t external, it isn’t your body. That’s what I eventually realized. I didn’t like that I was hating myself more than ever and craving surgeries and becoming obsessed with picking out ‘flaws’ in the mirror. I felt insane. I felt like I did at the peak of my disordered eating episodes, except far, far worse. I knew that what I was doing was not healthy. Yet, everywhere I looked online, trans people were, well, doing the exact same stuff I was doing and calling it ~normal and healthy trans behavior~! It really started to freak me out. I decided to get off of all of the trans communities I was a part of. I deleted my twitter and instagram and reddit accounts and also stopped talking to my friends who were trans (that’s a bit of an extreme approach but I was really in a bad way. We weren’t very close anyway because I was so fucking depressed I had pulled away from everyone in my life. I don’t recommend anyone just cut off their friends willy-nilly). Within just a month of being left to my own thoughts, journaling incessantly and engaging in deep self-reflection, I started to recognize that transition really wasn’t helping me and was, in fact, making things far worse for me. I realized that a lot of the things I heard in the trans community didn’t make very much sense but I hadn’t questioned it because -- well, you’re not really allowed to question things in the trans community. I realized most of them were self-loathing and encouraging self-loathing in other community members. I realized how the focus on validation was inane and vapid. I realized that “AFAB” people — females — really had no place in the trans community and were constantly shut down and told not to share their experiences because it was upsetting to trans women. I realized if I continued with medical transition, I would be a medical patient for the rest of my life. That frightened me. I hadn’t truly thought about that before. What would happen to my vagina if I stayed on testosterone? Was I putting myself at risk for cancers or liver disease? Would I need a hysterectomy? What if I wanted to have children? What if I wanted to breastfeed? Transition was complicating those things and it just didn’t quite seem worth it anymore. I wanted to just let my body be.
The biggest reason, probably, was that I realized transitioning would be committing to hiding a huge part of my life, basically forever. That I would either have to constantly come out to people as trans and have to worry about who was safe and who wasn’t, or I’d have to go stealth, and pretend to be ‘one of the guys’, when I really couldn’t relate to men because I didn’t grow up as a boy. I wasn’t raised male, I wasn’t born male, and I couldn’t go back in time and change that. Men bond with each other over having shared childhood experiences, and I didn’t have those. I missed camaraderie with women so much. I missed that knowing smile that two women walking down the street make at each other. I missed the safety of women’s bathrooms. I realized I would always have the shared childhood experiences of women and that would never go away. And I’d either have to lie for the rest of my life and pretend that never happened, or I’d have to live in fear of my past being revealed if someone clocked me. And it all just suddenly seemed so stupid. Why was I doing this to myself? Why was I making myself an outsider like that? Why was I making myself a life-long medical patient when my dysphoria wasn’t even going away? I missed being a woman. I finally admitted it to myself and I cried and cried and cried. I realized that I had never really wanted to be a man, anyway — I just didn’t want to be a woman. I just was fed up with the difficulties of being a woman in our society and I hated being objectified and I hated being sexually harassed all the time and I hated feeling unsafe in my body. I hated being a lesbian, hated that people would make gross assumptions about me, thinking of a porn category before thinking of me as a human being. And I realized I had been taking all that anger and hurt and pain and basically directing it at myself. I had been harming myself because I was angry at the way society treated me for being a woman. And that made me cry even more. I cried for like, days straight. I’m not even exaggerating. I had so much pain in me. I realized my transition had been, ultimately, a really elaborate form of self-harm. I was blaming myself for the hatred directed at my body by a woman-hating society. But my body had never done anything wrong. I had never done anything wrong. I was suddenly overcome by a fierce overprotectiveness of my body. I immediately wanted to detransition. I wanted to protect my body and myself, and I didn’t want to hurt myself anymore. I didn’t want to continue hating myself and rejecting myself. There was never, ever anything wrong with me, and I was fucking pissed at all the people who convinced me that there was. And so here I am. I realized that gender is a lie and that being a woman doesn’t really mean anything other than a label that society has given to me by virtue of my female sex. People may not like it when I’m loud and opinionated and hairy and not wearing makeup and not being subservient and obedient but that’s their fucking problem! I could do those things when I was on testosterone and people didn’t care because they perceived me as male, but I hadn’t actually changed at all. The only thing that changed was that it was suddenly OK for me to be myself because people thought I was male. But I was actually free to be myself the entire time, even if some people don’t like it, and I’m free to be myself now, even if people know I am female. Fuck the people who think that masculine women must secretly be men. I realized that’s actually crazy homophobic. Fuck the people who think that lesbians are gross and would rather me ‘turn myself into a heterosexual man’ so that they can feel more comfortable. Who cares!! It’s my life. People might think masculine women and lesbians are disgusting, and those people are heinous and wrong. Woman is just a word to describe me and other female people who are adults; that’s all, it means nothing more than that. And that was the most freeing and wonderful realization. That ‘woman’ carries a lot of cultural baggage, but I don’t need to pick it up and carry it with me. I can be a woman and be myself and if people misunderstand me or dislike me for it, that’s their fucking problem, not mine.
And THAT is why I decided to detransition. :)
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oftenquietlyqueer · 5 months ago
Having dysphoria as a trans person doesn’t mean you have to be dysphoric about everything.
You could have dysphoria about your pronouns and not your name. You could want top surgery and prefer to use the bathroom of your agab. You could dislike your voice and prefer to dress in a way that traditionally aligns with your agab.
You‘re not less trans for not being dysphoric about the things other trans people are dysphoric about. Your feelings are yours and any changes you do or don’t want to make are entirely up to you.
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one-time-i-dreamt · 10 days ago
I just up and suddenly had a baby. I didn't give birth, but it was still biologically mine. I didn't want it, but it was there, so I just had to put up with it. Nursing gave me dysphoria.
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