#early morning got home

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

i won’t hold people to the same standards i have on myself in terms of friendship bc everyone shows they care in different ways

#this is a part affirmation and part intro to a rant i need to unleash #but i’ll leave it in the tags here bc it feels safer lol #it’s abt my housemate the other day when we had our last class which is online but our previous classes were in person so as a class we #usually just pull it up on the main computer and broadcast the zoom in the classroom #but on this day the class before this zoom class got out early so lots of people went home early to just watch it on their own zoom or wtvr #so the row i sit in was pretty empty except for me my housemate and our two friends #and usually my housemate sits on my right but she got up and moved to sit on the other side next to our other friend and said nothing #and i didn’t want to say anything bc i was kinda sad/offended even though #her moving seats probably has nothing to do with me and much rather her personal preference i can’t help but think negatively abt myself #also one morning we were both off she went to the smoothie shop and coffee shop and just went to pick up her orders and i felt the same #reaction of like sad/offended bc she didn’t consider me at al like what if i wanted a smoothie too! TF #or coffee even though i don’t drink coffee anymore wtvr #my thoughts on her and my friendship are kinda rocky bc we feel so out of sync #i feel like she’s always in her own world and it’s hard to get through to her and become real friends #it’s whatever not all friendships can be deep and meaningful

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[fictionadventurer]

"It looked like a good day for setting fence posts, and my mother said so while taking the biscuits from the oven. 'Some morning early, when I can get away, I want you to come with me along the edge of the hill in the wood-lot," she continued. "When the shadows of the trees begin to come down the slope, as the sun rises you feel the turning of the earth. You feel the whole globe under your feet rolling into the sunlight. . . . That's something I found one morning when I was driving the calves to pasture. I've been saving it up for you. I wonder if you've seen a more beautiful dawn in any of the places you've been.'

On my fingers I count the dawns I have seen--memorable, just in being dawns. Sleepy-eyed dawn from the Paris markets after a night of dancing; mist dawn against which I was just to late to see the minarets of Constantinople--all the fault of the stupid stewardess who didn't wake me in time; one startling moment of color on the hills around the Dead Sea before they went colorless in merciless heat; sudden dawn like a clap of light over the freezing-cold Syrian desert. Four dawns in twenty years. No, I do not know dawns as my mother does."

-- Rose Wilder Lane, "A Place in the Country" (1925)

#little house #rose wilder lane #laura ingalls wilder #a little house sampler #i dove into the book seriously this morning #intended to read just the first couple of pieces and kept reading 'just one more' until i've got about 2/3 read #most of laura's pieces are familiar from her farm columns #though there's a couple of early versions of little house stories that show a lot of her voice did get through there #rose's are fascinating #i can't quite wrap my head around her #sometimes she'll seem neurotic and restless and judgey and sophisticated and a bit pretentious #and then she writes some of the most beautiful nostalgic pieces #showing so much love of home and family and the simple joys of life #this piece might be my favorite so far because it grapples with those two sides #after four years as a foreign correspondent she's back at home in mansfield #and she has a new appreciation for her parents and the work they do and the life they've built #now that she's had her adventures and is no longer a restless teen looking to get away from rural poverty #even in the other pieces it's fascinating how much love of her family comes through when you know about the difficult relationships #i should share some quotes from the piece about mary when i get the chance #(also i'm very upset that she didn't write down the story of why she and her parents never read the last book in the school library) #(you don't end with a sequel hook and just leave me hanging ms. lane!) #anyway i love the whole essay that this is from and there are other worthwhile quotes #but i like how this one captures the 'noticing beauty while doing farm work' side of laura that i've come to think of as her trademark

[devilsminionpdf]

the unfortunate thing about me is when i lie to people it's always carefully constructed to be the most normal believable shit ever but it is typically to hide some outlandish thing i did and as a result when i am honest about my actions people think that not only am i lying but that im also doing a terrible job at it

#'i had to go back to my college town early morning and then come back. y the evening the day after i set foot into my home town because #i got a last minute text from our professor that we have a class' <- believable normal thing #'i contructed an elaborate story and went through the trouble of heading back to my college town because i remembered after id already #set foot in my hometown that i left a glue gun plugged in inside my flat and it's a fire hazard so i have to go back and turn it off and no #my relatives who have a spare key cant do it because they'll immediately come across my ashtray and discover that i smoke' #<- not only is this man lying but is doing a terrible job #apples.txt

[akkivee]

I am so sorry about spamming you with all these asks that aren't exactly asks 😭 that bit about saburo and kuko bonding via him info dumping on kuko is so cute! 😭 love the idea of kuko fitting right in w/ the yamada bros as if he belonged there?? like them playing games together, kuko making delicious food for them + packing jiro his bento in the morning when ichiro has some urgent request to attend to?? ft. ichiro being very much endeared but also confused w/ how domestic this all feels lmao

DOMESTIC ICHIKUU IS MY JAM

kuukou randomly dropping by to hang out with the yamadas????? assisting with their odd jobs???? and then dragging them all out for a break after more laborious jobs???? he habitually rises really early, like at around 3 in the morning, so when kuukou sleeps over, he always gets up to cook the yamadas breakfast??????

ichiro probably hc he has a cute boyfriend puttering around his home lol

#vee got an ask #don’t mind it lol i enjoy having excuses to talk about ichikuu lol #kuukou has his turf and ichiro has his but who says they can’t visit each other’s homes lol????? #kuukou can continue to jam with jiro lol!!!!!!!! saburo would probably appreciate having new blood to destroy at board games lol!!!!!! #ichiro might try and get an early morning workout going and kuukou ‘helps’ by doing any of the following: #sitting on ichiro’s back as he does push ups!!!!!!!! exercising with him and making a competition out of it!!!!!!! #simultaneous catcalling and gassing up finished sets!!!!!!! pda as a form of reward for finished sets!!!!!!!! #pick your poison LOL

[gingerbreadmonsters]

sleepy and v fed up w this blasted reading for japanese history class tomorrow. give me 45 minutes to finish this article and i will be back to talk about kissing or something

#for the blissfully uninitiated: hello i am history student #which is a fantastic thing to be but also a significant pain in the [REDACTED] when it wants to be #the professor for this class is almost unbearably terrible which does not exactly make me WANT to do this reading #but the exam is in like 2 weeks lol #so yk. i have the hardest life of anyone on earth etc etc #god forbid i actually do the degree i asked to do lmao #also i up early this morning to drag myself to the immigration bureau for a visa amendment #which meant a decidedly unpleasant hour on the metro during rush hour :( #its bc im applying for this english TA position in spring #its literally only for 5 days and tbh i wouldn't mind doing it for free bc i am sad like that and enjoy teaching for fun #but it IS paid - and paid work is Not Allowed under my student visa #so even though i literally have not even GOT the job (applications close today) i still had to go and apply for permission to work #watch as they dont hire me lol #oh i should mention - for those who may not know i am in tokyo this year #i am british and i usually go to uni in the uk but im on a study abroad year this year #i came to japan in sept of 2023 so ive been here for coming up on 5 months and i will be going back home in august on 2024 #its weird to think that im approaching the halfway point #tbh i should really just make this a separate post but whatever #coming to japan has been very strange but a good thing i think

[bunnyb34r]

I wish my brain would let me play video games again without a care

Now I'm like "no I can't bc I'm wasting my precious free time. I can't reason using my day off to play video games when I could be using that time to do literally anything else" like fucking come on

#marquilla #and i work part time! so i theoretically have a shitload of time to do this but i dont think I've even turned on any of my games since i #started working like i used to spend my nights playing animal crossing until the early morning hours and now im like noo i cant sorry #same with watching tv series like no sorry i have to watch the same two channels every day bc they keep me on track time wise #like oh medium is on? it's 11am. oh bbc world news tonight is on? it's 7:30pm LIKE BITCH YOU CAN ENJOY THINGS YOU DONT NEED TO BE #ON A SCHEDULE ALL THE TIME #one time my mom changed the channel on the living room tv (it's been on one channel 24/7 for years bc it's the one channel we can agree on #and we need the background noise) and when i was getting ready for work i was thrown off so bad bc the good wife wasnt on and thats whats on #when i put my shoes on for work and i was like ????? as soon as i got home i changed the channel back ahhdhdgd i was like nope i need it #but yknow def not autistic. nope not me. gotta be something else #im trying so hard to break my routine hence going to The movies and shit bc hey im watching something new! i AM somewhere different. i am #DOING something else. but it's so hard to get my head to be okay with even this minor change #AUGH

[ante--meridiem]

Laying in the snow staring up at the sky while more snow falls on top of me will fix me.

Bonus pictures to actually show the snow:

#Personal #Obviously if you do this dress warmly & do it close to home. Pls don't get hypothermia. #Anyway. I stayed there until a guy came to ask me if I'm ok #Which honestly fair enough I can see how someone lying still on their back in the snow off the path would be concerning #Certainly more reasonable than the time I almost got poked with a stick for doing this *without* snow #Nordic winters are meant to be mostly dark but look at this. Sure the sun goes down at 2pm but with enough snow albedo who needs sun #Yeah yeah snow is a thing that happens regularly in winter here no I will never not act #Like a child seeing it for the first time #Yeah I squandered the time I gained by waking up early this morning by wandering in a blizzard but what was I meant to do #Act like it *isn't* otherworldly outside?

[saturnsuv]

return of the relationship anxiety

#i realize theres always a very good reason for these things but it's been longer rhan normal since i've heard from my bf #he didn't text me when he got home from work last night like he normally does #but maybe he was just rly tired and went to bed early #or maybe he just forgot to check his phone he does that sometimes #but he didn't text me this morning either #which maybe he was just running late for work again and didnt have time #that happens a lot #im also aware that i just felt off yesterday from a massive hangover so everything made me feel weird #theres no logical reason that he would break up with me #like we have a long ass list of movies to make each other watch and we're going to a concert together in november so obviously he's not #planning to end this soon #but the thing is i've tried to date guys who straight up ghosted me after being like 'yeah lets hang out again lets go to the movies' #and my roommates bf of a long ass time literally broke up with her out of nowhere despite them having plans to move in together #so i know from experience that its not outside the realm of possibility. which makes my anxiety worse and ever present

[in-death-we-fall]

The pollen is fucking awful but I can't just take another allergy pill and see what happens because I have 3.5 hours of driving to do 💀

#theoretically. potential driving. apparently nobody's hungry yet so i'm just waiting #not doing dishes because the shift lead got pissy about people complaining about doing dishes so she went back there to do them angrily #(i had already started on the pile of morning dishes that the morning driver she let go home early was supposed to have done before leaving. #and it was his last day so she's *upset* but he is still supposed to have done the dishes. and so was the guy she sent home super early #yesterday which yes i complained about because he sucks and he goes home early every fucking sunday. apparently he's in the hospital for #some planned reason though starting today so i guess that makes me the asshole)

[wheremysimsfell]

𝙀𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝘽𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙮

#i love this save #it just flows so perfectly #like look at my baby he woke early morning and had such a productive and balanced day #even got laid later on #ts3 #sims 3 #thesims3 #ts3 gameplay #sims 3 gameplay #The Adventures of Billy the Explorer #Billy at home

[nerdie-faerie]

Floor time isn't enough, I need to become one with the floor

#ace is a grumpy bean #fck man im just o_o im going to need a week to recover and instead i get 1 day #weve got no fcking air conditioning in the restaurant but all these fcking appliances at 70+°C just roasting you while you rush around #theyre training 3 new managers when weve already got 4 why do we need 7 managers when we dont even have enough cooks atm? #i got stuck with the most useless coworker for the majority of my shift after the trainee manager disregarded what morning manager said #where everyone should be stationed and what they should be doing and then proceeded to send someone home 2 hours early and take me off till #5 hours early hes sht at delegating based on efficiency and just stationed people based on preference i basically ended up manning #front of house by myself while melting he tried suggesting leaving foh entirely unmanned to send both of us to do lobby which is a #1 person job and i was in the middle of 2 order then left me stranded doing foh when i was supposed to be clocked out #im just so fcking drained and pssed off i cant cope

[deus-ex-mona]

it’s ✨okay✨, right~?

#s o rry rant incoming im just. re a l l y crabby after working for 8.5 consecutive hours with no proper break okie~? </3 #ayEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE ADMINS AT MY WORKPLACE CAN GO K I C K R O C K S #their time management is somehow worse than mine and i suck balls at it?????? SJCFJFFHDHHD I THOUGHT Y’ALL WERE BETTER AT YOUR JOBS MANSSSSS #the!!!!! admins!!!!!! sent in over a hundred samples without any info sheets and stuff so the morning shift literally couldn’t get started!! #doing the morning shift’s part of the job was. annoying. to say the least. especially when said work could’ve actually been done (ʘ‿ʘ) #dammit workplace admins you had one job </3 #and n o it’s not to send in the sample info sheet things at the same time as the pm shift’s reporting time </3 #and as if that weren’t enough.. the!!!! admin!!!! refused to go home in the evening?????? and sent in like 80 samples at like 8.30pm?????? #and that’s not counting the samples that were yeeted in at 5pm </3 truly sadge #and o f c o u r s e we haaaaaaaad to be short-staffed today lmfao. the two workstations life compels me to lay down on the floor and c r y . #but bc i’m just ✨too great✨ at my job you see (lies) i finished my stuff way too early and had to do other extra tests too s o b s #and that included a test that i don’t fully know how to do (sadge) #well. at least that test involved the use of a microscope. thank you past me for attaining magic skills with microscope zooming and stuff #seriously. thank you past me. i can almost forgive you for choosing to enter the f r e a k i n g ✨s c i e n c e✨ industry of all things #but hmmmmmmm im amazed that i actually managed to finish everything across those two stations. am i too good at my job or ✨w h a t✨ (lies) #but man. m a n. none of this even gets into my secret beef with the data entry admin. #she can’t spell for her life. it s e r i o u s l y grinds my gears whenever i see her spell the word ‘content’ as ‘contant’. #but no. her spelling got on a w h o l e new level of questionable when she spelled the word ‘crackle’ as… ‘cracker’. like??? how???????? #and she told me to ask the senior analysts if it was possible to retrieve the results for a test that we’d write the results for ✨by hand✨ #from some kind of system????? like i was just so!!!!! baffled!!!! that she couldn’t understand that there was no system to check???? #though. hm. i guess saying that i have ✨secret✨ beef with that admin would be an understatement. i think none of the others like her either #but! i do have secret beef with the janitor bc he alwayyys magically appears behind me whenever i’m doing something important/holding acids #well! at least we don’t cross paths when i’m working the pm shift. the janitor dude was spared from my presence for the week lmao #hfhfhfhhfhfhfhffffffff well. m. i’m sorry if you read all that. i’ll be more normal tomorrow i swear!!!! (blatant lies) #i feel like tling something ✨t o x i c✨ to match how im feeling thoughhh… hm. maybe the p a r a s ite chapter from the d*27m annequin anth…? #been thinking about that song lately ngl.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. #oh wellssssss at least i can try to enjoy what’s left of my long weekend lmaooo goodnighttttt #inedible blubbering

[monogramsalarm]

left work early yesterday and then proceeded to sleep for 14 hours 👍

#m.txt #i'd been fighting a migraine and i got to the point of 'if i wait even 30 minutes longer i will not be able to drive myself home' #so i left like 3 hours early and then ate food and hydrated (while wearing sunglasses inside) #and then crashed at 8am #which is when i normally get home from work #so that was a nice morning

[loiteringdiligently]

TWO TIMES today there was a driver making a left turn at an intersection with lights, honk or yell at me while I’m walking on the crosswalk. i had the right of way both times and i wasn’t even walking slowly or walking as the light was about to change.

#once in the morning on my way to work and just now as im going home #for the morning one i yelled out ‘piss off it’s the morning’ because it’s the morning and they should’ve pissed off #and just now i gestured in confusion about what was going on #like?????? #there’s no need to be aggro at me because they’re impatient #we all need to get somewhere i get it but I was early to work and I just got off work- i could’ve stood in the crosswalk all day #i could be a dick too just try me 🤬 #so that bookended my day #my rambles

[mydetheturk]

i have NOT been on the ball today and did not get my valentine's day fic finished remotely on time but i will be posting one of my four remaining body horror fics today, so keep an eye out for that 👀

#myde talks #trigunbodyhorrorweek #look i read my work schedule wrong and thought i was going to have the 13th off to work on it #I Did Not #and i couldn't even work on it after work because i got home late and had stuff to do before i had a vtm session #and then last night after i got home was a Disaster and i went to bed early i just gave up #and then this morning i discovered i didn't even get a chance to put sushi away last night and had to pitch it #which was Genuinely Upsetting #i have also not been on the ball reading and commenting on everyone's body horror fics and posts #sav's been doing most of the work the last couple days sorry aaahhh