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#earth is weird
modgod200 · 8 months
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What if Earth’s biomes are considered stupidly diverse by galactic standards?
You often see in science fiction planets having one biome with little to no temperature variation (forest worlds, snow worlds, desert worlds, ect.), so from their perspective Earth is a chaotic clusterfuck of wildly different worlds all stitched together into one planet. You can’t even go 100 miles on the planet without shifting between like 3 different biomes. The desert aliens could live in the Mojave Desert, but would freeze to death the moment they went north, and the ice planet aliens would feel right at home in Siberia, but anything below upper Europe and they die of heat exhaustion. The fact that humans can not only survive these extremes, but thrive in them blows their minds. We would be considered the galaxy’s expert survivalists, able to drop onto any planet with an atmosphere we can breath and dominate it like it was our cradle world. This would also terrify them to no end, because these durable, hyper-intelligent, apex pack predators could invade any one of their worlds if they wanted to. Everyone is super relieved that we pack bond with anything, and try their absolute hardest to elicit that instinct in us.
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thenadnerb02 · 11 months
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Peter Quill: You seemed pretty casual about me returning from space like it was no big deal
Grandpa Quill: Please, compared to the other stuff that’s happened on Earth these past few years, you returning from space is nothing
Peter: Oh yeah, I guess after the snap anything’s normal
Grandpa: You better believe it. Did you know they added Captain America’s shield to the Statue of Liberty?
Peter: That’s unexpected but it’s not too weird
Grandpa: A witch placed a whole town in New Jersey under some spell and mind-controlled them into acting in her sitcom
Peter: Okay that’s fucked up
Grandpa: One day the sky turned back 2000 years
Peter: This is NOT normal
Grandpa: There’s an entire race of humans that live and breathe underwater
Peter: Please stop
Grandpa: Werewolves and vampires are real, always have been apparently
Peter: Is this what a midlife crisis feels like?
Grandpa: Oh, don’t forget djinn, they’re out there too
Peter: I’m just gonna stop listening
Grandpa: A newborn Celestial emerged from the ocean and got immediately petrified, then another Celestial showed up a few days later, it was larger than the entire planet
Peter: Alright that’s it, we’re moving to another planet right now
Grandpa: Oh and rumor has it the entire multiverse is in danger of falling apart, we’re not safe anywhere
Peter: FUCK!
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Human: Hi Buddy!! AWWW DRAGON! COME ON DRAGON!! *gives all the pets*
Alien: ..... that is a carnivore that can bite at 1,100 psi force .... why are you calling it buddy
Human: Oh hooo hoo what is that *scritches* huh?
Hyena: *jumps*
Alien: *alarmed* !!!!!!
Human: >:( no you can't have the camera
youtube
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vampireapple · 1 year
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Petty Arguments
It took a really, really long time for aliens to catch onto the petty, nonsensical, unimportant, unfathomable arguments and opinions that humans chose as their hill to die on.
These absurd stances included, but were not limited to:
            -did cereal count as soup?
            -what letters were even and what letters were odd?
            -where hamburgers sandwiches?
            -did a toothbrush get wet before or after the toothpaste was on it?
            -was water wet?
            -could the human body tell the difference between wet and cold?
 These questions were illogical, but if one was asked, all humans in the immediate vicinity formed a hard and fast opinion and squabbling would ensue.
 .  .  .
 Human 1: All vowels are even, and consonants are odd.
 Human 2: Wrong. Consonants are even, and vowels are odd.
 Human 1: Vowels are smooth, and therefore even!
 Human 2: Consonants are jagged, and that’s why they’re even!
 Human 3: Doesn’t it depend on what font you use anyways?
 Human 4: The best front is Comic Sans MS.
 Human 1, 2, 3: …
 *bickering*
 The aliens watched in scared horror as the humans started screaming font names at each other. The argument was only interrupted by a moderate emergency and seemingly forgotten by the humans…
 … until two weeks later when someone filled out a report wrong and the font discussion came up again.
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sabrielmoose · 2 years
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On many death worlds it is common for everyone to receive the same life. Only the leaders or soldiers are given special care. Maybe as a way to make more people join the army, or a way of keeping things in check.
If one could not survive on the materials given, they would simply be left to die if they cannot overcome it. Such is life. It is fair. The ordinary civilians cannot do anything after all.
Everyone was content to live the way it always is.
Then, earth came to contact with the rest of the universe. They started popping up in various jobs and odd ends and everywhere they go, there seems to be rumours and wild stories. Each of them with their own morals.
The humans rescued the Garithiens from their pandemic, they whispered.
Do not argue with them, they cautioned. They will talk you in circles and leave you soulless. If there is anything a human hate more, it is those who are stagnant.
The humans came, and when they saw the fates of those worlds, they scoffed. What use are you if you do not stand against injustice? They asked. The inhabitants replied, because the world is unfair and always will be unfair.
The humans laughed at them, a bone-chilling sound as something glinted in their eyes. The world is unfair, always will be unfair and that is precisely why you fight.
—-///—-
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carionto · 6 months
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Aliens are floored by tardigrades
Life is pretty resilient. It has to be, especially if the rest of the Galaxy thinks we're from a Deathworld. In comparison then, if their planets are not as demanding, would life there ever be under enough pressure to survive to go to the extreme lengths that some Earth creatures do? I think one of the most profound things aliens might learn from Earth and Humanity is just how powerful life itself can be.
That itself could shake their understanding of themselves - a billion year old civilization could never even conceive of a thing we accept as simple fact, ushering a revolution in thinking not seen in eons.
___________________________
The Galactic Coalition scientists are busying themselves with obtaining, analyzing, categorizing, and integrating the libraries of information Humanity has brought with them as they incorporate into the greater space faring matrix of civilizations.
A good grasp of Physics, though lacking in certain fields for now; unmatched Engineering doctrines, they really do think of everything, although, perhaps, better to say - they really do attempt everything, then take notes and improve for the next attempt.
Chemistry is another fine addition to the collective knowledge base, a disproportionate part of the catalogue is comprised entirely of explosive reagents and combinations - always good to know more about what NOT to do.
And Biology. Oh boy. What a chaotic but beautiful but also disturbing mess. Life on most planets has a long period of just chugging along, surviving as best it can, until eventually something has the bright idea to evolve the ability to have bright ideas. Then in almost no time at all (on a cosmic scale) a dominant intelligence emerges and civilization alongside it, and in the blink of an eye it finds itself exploring the stars.
A similar pattern happened on Earth, but interrupted alarmingly often by utter catastrophes. Humans call them Mass Extinctions. It is exceedingly rare to find life that can talk about its own extinction events. Kind of deflates the term a bit. Life on planets as inhospitable (by Galactic norms) as Earth tends to be found only as fossils, and almost always on the microscopic level - very rarely do they get the chance to form more complex and advanced lifeforms before the planet with its harsh conditions and scarce resources kills it just as randomly as it spawned it.
We were incredibly saddened to learn from the Humans that the biodiversity of Earth had dwindled by roughly 85% since they accidentally created that giant hole on their planet, and that it had already been on a steady decline before then. Even so, when they revealed there were still 2.4 million species alive on Earth was a shockingly high number. Most are on the brink of extinction, yes, but the fact remains that Earth is easily one of the most biodiverse planets in the Galaxy.
Then we started looking at each individual species and learned about the Tardigrade.
what
It is literally the toughest creature ever discovered, and it's not even close. At least, so far, we haven't looked at absolutely everything Earth has or had yet.
It can just... basically turn itself off and then back on again when the outside becomes livable again - Cryptobiosis, or suspending their metabolism, something we considered only possible through artificial means. And the levels of various extreme they can endure and still be alive would just be utterly ridiculous if they didn't give us samples to confirm for ourselves.
Then we came across the term Extremophile and just decided to take a day off.
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blueapplesiren · 2 years
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Humans poison themselves for fun.
Y’all ever think about that?
In fact, a lot of animals consume dangerous substances seemingly for the experience of being intoxicated.
Y’all ever seen deer, and squirrels, and raccoons, eating the old fermented apples, and then lounging about in a drunken stupor all together?
Y’all ever seen dolphins tormenting a pufferfish, for the soul purpose of consuming small amounts of its poison for a seemingly psychoactive effect?
It’s almost like every living thing with a complex brain wakes up and says “gee I wonder how I can fuck with this today??”
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injuries-in-dust · 9 months
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“Visit earth” they said. “It‘s a xeno-zoologist’s dream” they said.
That place is just too weird.
They’ve got birds that fly underwater.
Air breathing mammals that live in the deep oceans.
Fish that walk on land.
Birds that can’t fly.
Mammles that CAN fly!
Insects that consume heavy metals!
Mushrooms that eat radiation! ZARKIN MUSHROOMS!
Don’t even get me started on that continent they call Australia.
And I don’t think any of the gods, both old and new, could explain what the zark this thing is supposed to be!
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nummer7 · 2 years
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Food
TW: Food, mentions of poison
So, I've read a lot of content on this already, but consider this:
We are from a deathworld, where everything is your enemy. That means competition is high and food is scarce. Humans themselves have started looking for other food sources after plants weren't enough anymore. We even started eating poisonous stuff, because there weren't any alternatives. So, it is most likely very uncommon for there to be an omnivore. But because food was still a very scarce resource, we have adapted to - in comparison to aliens - very small portions.
Maybe an alien freaks out because their human friend isn't eating enough. Maybe alien cooks are fascinated by our small serving sizes. Maybe a human visits a restaurant and is surprised by the amount of food these aliens eat.
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blurring-ramblimgs · 1 year
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When others say that humans pack-bond with anything, they aren't joking.
Today, me and a small family of five [with one out and about] wandered into a fauna store that sold ferns and flowers. I was partaking in exploration with the young human, a female who just turned fourteen. We found ourselves wandering the isle where fake animals were seated, most included gargoyles (a common human myth) and rabbits. (a small herbivore with large ears) They seemed to have been made of a sort of stone, Maybe porcylen and were beautifully painted, so well painted it could be confused for a life animal.
This young human, took care to a fake cat (A feline of sorts, with a heart shaped face and small body.) It was a cream tabby, as she told me and had light gray-blue eyes, the young one's favorite colour. She quickly picked up the toy and held it close to her chest, overlooking its face and staring into its weirdly realistic eyes. Not before long she began to BEG her parent, a female, for the item. The pre-mature human had never begged before and it was admittedly, a weird sight to see.
The parent of course, said no and she reluctantly placed it back, but not before continuously seeming.. upset? About it, claiming that it wasn't her fault she managed to form such a quick attachment to the item. The female continued to complain and pout, (again, i had never seen this behavior in the human, neither had the mother.) Soon, her female parent gave in and allowed the young human to have the fake feline.
As we approached the car (a vehicle that runs on gas and uses its wheels to roll) I noticed how... happy she was. A huge contrast from before.
The human then told me that as she rode In the car she felt a physical pain at the idea of not acquiring the fake feline. (now named, Essi) I found it very confusing as to how quickly the human created a pack-bond to the fake creature. She quite literally rotated it for about a few seconds and glanced into its eyes. For this reason, I must also wonder if.. items that have realistic eyes accelerate their pack-bonding habits? If anyone knows otherwise please share your own research!
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jawdoesstuff · 6 months
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Mosquitoes
Imagine: Earth being a deathworld, other species never had to deal with blood-sucking pests like mosquitoes. Can you just imagine how that conversation would go? -------------------------------------- Jonathan (human): Yeah, so we have these things called mosquitoes that drink your blood for nutrients... Jol (Kandian): You what
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mistressofnone02 · 1 year
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Earth is Sapce Australia
I've reading these posts for weeeks now an I haven't seen many people mention deep sea exploration or cave exploration much, so here it goes.
I have gone scuba diving,( I was very young, they didn't let me go all that deep) and I saw some beautiful, beautiful creatures, including corals. And rn I'm strangely obsessed with deep sea creatures cause well, hell they look like God let Satan create them and just pushed them to the bottom of the ocean. I'm just imaging and alien with enough technology to take a humna way wahhhh below then we've ever explored only to be shocked to see the wonder in the human's eyes
Alien: So you're telling me you haven't explored your own oceans?
Human: well, we have, you see, but to an extent. Our equipment can only take us so far.
Alien: So haven't seen any of these creatures before?
Human: oh, we have, just all poofed up and dead half the time
Alien: Your planet concerns me, human.
I was mostly talking about the blob fish, because that beautiful creature is brought up to the surface and pressure causes it to look like... Wel, that.
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areindeerlime · 2 years
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Humans are space Escapists
I'm back, bitches
Been a hot minute, hasn't it? Recently i've moved away from HASO, but i'll still be posting little ideas about it every now and then, though I do encourage everyone to check out the other writing I post (when I eventually get around to fucking finishing any of it anyway)
Also, i'm trying a new format with this post, first half is an idea, second half is a story
So, ya'll know about prison?
Cruel place, a prison is a location designed specifically to hold the worst people on earth. A concentrated area of captivity in which all of the world's scum are locked up for their deeds. Now as i'm sure you're all aware, humans aren't big fans of being held hostage. Generally speaking, when you try to keep a human captive against their will all of them will seek one thing: Escape
And humans are rather good at obtaining it, they'll do everything in their power to reach freedom, physical harm, mental anguish, facades of joy, nothing can sway a determined human from reaching freedom. No matter what you do when a human has their mind set on escape they'll do everything in their power to reach it.
We've all seen escape movies, right? Anyone who has would tell you that when the time arrises we'll get crafty, sure prisons are designed to give you nothing to work with, but humans are designed to do the exact opposite, even something as old and simple as the good old poster trick works if your captors have never heard of it before. You can make shivs out of a comb or toothbrush, or your weapons can become as complex as improvised pistols if you know how they work.
All this to say that captivity breeds ingenuity and humans wouldn't be afraid to use these tools to escape from alien prisons...
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"Get your filthy hands off me, you ugly bastard!" Yelled Sean as he was dragged in cuffs out of the mess hall. Left eye bruised from the fight he had started moments ago. "I didn't do shit! Let go!"
"Human, you can not continue to cause these fights..." Gebjial grunted as he tossed him into solitary confinement for what felt like the 100th time this seasonal cycle. "I can and I will!" Sean barked as the door closed right in his face. "Human, you cause so much trouble I have been assigned to look after you specifically, this is the most secure and well known prison on the planet, yet I am assigned to keep watch of you in particular..."
Sean makes a non-commital noise and polps himself down, he'd show Geb, he'd show this whole goddamn prison what he was made of, his escape was planned out, the poster, yet to be checked or tampered with by anyone other than him, tonight would be the night that everyone would see just how smart he really was, how cleverly he had outplayed them.
Sitting in solitary he closed his eyes and waited for the hours to pass so he could be let out. He was patient in knowing that soon he would go down in history as a Legendary Escapist
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Alien: Human... Human stop... Human that is not for petting .. HUMAN CEASE
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sharelessdrone · 1 year
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“It’s weird.”
“What’s weird ?“
“Humans have a closer relationship with the dead than they do with the living.”
“Elaborate on that.”
“Well did you ever notice how they honour their deceased?
“…”
“ They decorate the remains of the being and then put it in a wooden box. That wooden box they then proceed to put in a small stone monument with some identification of the human. Sometimes they burn them instead. It varies from culture to culture. After that they repeatedly visit the remains and … how should I vocalise that… relive the memories they shared with that being ?“
“ But doesn’t that destroy the natural cycle of returning minerals into the soil ?“
“ It does. It also damages their emotional sensors yet they still do it.
“ Huh.“
“ But it’s not just about the weird boxing ritual. It’s about the process altogether. Humans give much more value to death than they do to life.”
“Can you give an example ?“
“Plenty. Their soldiers, their authors. Even their friends. While alive they do indeed get acknowledged. But when they die that acknowledgment doubles, even triples in size. It seems humans are blind to most of their possessions and are only able to see them after their loss.
“ That is quite bizarre. But if I can give you a word of advice - do not get too close to human psychology. A lot of minds were lost that way. “
“ …..I will accost your concern.”
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sabrielmoose · 2 years
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At first they were a bit hesitant to believe John. After all what could he mean by saying to avoid making short humans angry?
Everyone already knows not to make any human mad, that much is a given, but why go an extra stretch for humans of shorter heights? It just doesn’t make any sense.
John had keep insisting that shorter humans are terrifying and diabolic but shouldn’t they be less of a threat because they are smaller? What does he mean by saying that shorter humans are closer to hell and therefore scarier? Most short humans they have met seemed quite nice.
Then came an incident where a group of troublemakers from Dal tried to harass a Neguin and a short human stepped in. The human was not confrontational and seemed to try to avoid a fight, but it flew out of the window the moment one of the Dalieners mocked their height.
Right in front of their eyes, the human grew shockingly still, eyes downcast.
“What did you just say?” They asked quietly. The atmosphere suddenly grew tenser and a sense of foreboding wrapped around the room. Most of the other species had started to subtly move away but the Daliener who spoked seemed not to notice, only snickering and reached a claw forward to push the human. Needless to say, it did not end well.
In the blink of an eye, the human had barred their teeth and jumped into the group, fists up and ready and the entire room descended into chaos.
It goes without saying that the human booklet once again had to be updated. This time with another precaution not to anger humans and more specifically, short humans.
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