#earth-numb

[hauntedbythenarrative]

Earth-Numb; from ‘A Citrine Glimpse’, Ted Hughes//Black Sea at Night (1879), Ivan Aivazovsky

#web weaving #mine #sea #water #blood #moon #night #darkness #death #quotes #words #poetry #ted hughes #black sea at night #ivan aivazovsky #earth-numb #violence

[virtuheaux]

Today is a sad day. My Nugget, my sweet precious nuggo boy is gone. R.I.P sweet boy

#im like. #so sad that im numb #gone from earth but always here in my heart ❤

[derangedrhythms]

Ted Hughes, Earth-Numb; from 'A Citrine Glimpse'

TEXT ID: And the moon in the bottom of the sea Was a shriek, a gouging The sea was like the hands and the hair Of the moon Whose shriek brought blood into the mouth And was the dumbness of blood And was the blackness of moonlight

#ted hughes #earth numb #a citrine glimpse #poetry #excerpts #moon #~

[echowilds]

got 2/4 wisdom teeth removed today and the anesthetic is wearing off. everything is Bad

#hated the numbness of before but. ouchies is Worse :(((((( #nobody remind me that i'll probably have to get the other two removed as well. Hell on earth #moth echoes

[astral-catastrophe]

I hate how this girl said I was her best friend.

Her best fucking friend in the whole fucking world.

Then the next I know. My simple question about her coming to a thing after class turned into an hours long argument over Snapchat because she was too much of a coward to say it in person. Or over text. A phone call. Snapchat. A place where her messages would be gone the second I saw them.

Then the way she switched between “you did nothing wrong” and. The “you did everything wrong”.

Then the. “Okay maybe I should have done a b and c.” But the phrasing and her perfectly posed self was a grab for me to immediately assure her she’s fine and did nothing wrong. I’ve seen her do it to others and explain it to me.

So I answered with a simple. “Yea. You should have.”

And so I stopped reaching out. It was always me who would reach out in the first place. So seeing that she won’t do the same and is clearly fine with her entire damned “friend group” angry with her over how she treated me? Everyone I showed her messages too said that no, I wasn’t crazy for seeing manipulation in her words. Because I was being actively manipulated through her sympathy pulls.

So. I was her best friend. But now that I told her how I felt about the crap she’s pulled, that’s five years down the drain.

Five years. Five whole years??

I meant so little to her that she would rather hang out with exclusively her boyfriend and not her actual friends, just because I’m me.

Just because I am who I am. Just because I decided I wouldn’t stand for any shit from anyone.

All because I asked if she was coming to something after school.

I hate the whole victim mentality stuff. Like. I can see. Did I say things I should not have? Oh probably, but did I say it in defense? Did I say it because I’ve been trying to live by my brutal honesty? Did I say it because I was tired of being treated like that? Did I say it because I’ve had too many awful friends?

Did I say all that because I hadn’t talked to someone who claimed to be my best friend in over a month because she wouldn’t make efforts to meet me halfway?

I spoke from a position of someone who wanted their friend back and only tried to defend themself.

Should I have told her that it’s upsetting that she never makes the effort to be around any of us anymore? I’m not sure.

But she shouldn’t have blown up on me for a simple question. She created a problem, singled herself out, then took out all her issues on me. We were best friends, as you claimed. So fucking explain why I haven’t properly seen or talked to you since the beginning of November, which was three ish weeks before this all went to hell. If we were best friends, you wouldn’t have abandoned me for a boy you’ve known for nine months now.

Nine months, verses five years. She wanted me as her maid of honor to her wedding with this guy. She wanted me to help wedding plan.

We’re still kids. I refuse to take part in that.

Especially since the last time I saw her it was in the hallway between classes. She excitedly came up to me, acting like nothing was wrong. My fight or flight kicked in and I booked it because the anxiety was so so high from an out of character moment.

But I hate myself for wondering if I want her back. I hate myself because no matter what I said the outcome would have been the same. Because no matter what I’ll do or could have done it’s always gonna be her boyfriend over me. I’m the second choice. The fallback.

Do I really want her back over the nights I’ve spent near hysterics. It’s almost five am and I’ve been up for hours anxiety ridden and thinking through so much.

Do I want her back after her manipulating me? Would I be able to look her in the eye without seeing the “I have an issue with you acting like I'm the bad person” and the “I know you do care. But I haven't heard a single fucking word until today” and the “And then you blowing up on me for not communicating. I stopped trying to communicate because when I do I barely get a response” ?

I communicated more to her than I did to anyone else. Anyone else. I dropped things I wanted to do to see her. I didn’t blow up. I only asked a simple question.

Am I horrible for asking a question, then defending myself when being accused of stuff that’s not true? Because oh man. I shouldn’t have said a word. Next time I’ll keep my silence because my words are too sharp and too true for people to handle.

#Thanks to the dissociation every time I look back on it I see it as like. An outsider almost. #Like there’s no way on earth that I lost the girl who called me her best friend like that. What happened to the girl I used to know. #The one who messed with my hair and helped me through anxiety attacks. The one who would tell me anything because she trusted me #And because she wanted my opinions and input. #It’s like. I am not a victim here and don’t want to make myself out to be one. #I made poor choices in responding so defensively. #But I didn’t deserve that. #If it happened to a friend of mine instead of me. Id rule the same. #It’s her fault. Because no matter who I put in my place. In my shoes. No matter who it is. #I’m still feeling angry for what she said. Even when I’ve derealized the situation to a point that it doesn’t feel like it happened to me. #So I can see how my irls are angry with her. While I’m just. Indifferent. Numb. And hating myself for it.

[sklira]

Numb-Earth Linger | Portishead

#numb #numb-earth linger #portishead #numb 1994 #trip hop #my post #musik

[trans-xianxian]

all of my line art and coloring is fucking gone

#I only have the pngs the krita files are just gone #that was. HOURS of work #just gone off the face of the earth #I thought I was saving but I guess not #and all of the dozens of autosaves are gone I guess #I have to redo EVERYTHING #literally on the verge of tears I literally spent Hours on all the line art and colors and its just gone #literally in like. numb disbelief #hours of my life completely wasted #ghost posts #text

[baddminton]

.

#vent sorta #4 people i known have died within the past month and im just. sitting here. wondering what the fuck is happening #i wasn't super close to any of them but it still feels. weird. knowing someone i once knew is no longer on this earth #i almost feel numb to it #back in 2020 my friend passed after an accident and since then death has just been kinda. i dunno. #i dont wamna say familiar but #i dont know. its almost midnight and im feeling somd typa way again #delete later

[mirrorvom]

Rivers

Carve permanent grooves into

The skin of the earth,

And the rains

Run off

Disfigures natural landscapes,

Wearing them down over time.

Water is considered

Healing

A source of life

That every organism

Relies on in one way

Or the other,

And yet

It is when a volcano

Erupts,

When tectonic plates

Cause the earth to quiver,

To shake

That causes land

To be created.

#broken #earth #landscapes #poem #poetry #writing #written #numb #poet #poets on tumblr #poetic #writers and poets #poems on tumblr #poems #poems and poetry #original poem

[gregmarriage]

genuinely so fucked up right now, and so desperate to leave the house, that i would consider my pap smear, a holiday

#a doctor sticking a brush up my vagina would actually be a welcome change of pace to the monotony of my life lately #it’s the closest thing to action i’ve had in a while #and the only woman who’s been near my vagina in a long time soooo yay? i guess? #idk this is so stupid #genuinely though i would take any change right now #it’s like wow autistic fear of change and like yeah i feel ya there but also if things don’t change soon im actually gonna need to be #committed #barely getting through the day #i’m just doing everything on autopilot and i don’t feel anything but completely numb #oh i guess i do feel something: exhausted #then i feel hyper and jumpy and am practically climbing the walls #manic depression is literally soooo much fun!! #can you tell i’m being sarcastic because if i don’t joke i actually want to do something drastic #really feel the urge to isolate myself from all my friends and family #like i’m *this* fucking close to just vanishing off the face of the earth #i wanna walk into the woods and never come back #bye all i’m gonna go become a deer let’s pray i get run over 🙏✌🏻😂

[randomshenaniganery]

I blame barbie for my love of ballet shoes

guess which elf im drawing with just this

#the silmarillion #silmarillion art #silm #the silmarillion ballet #im doing it #im going crazy #and my hand is going numb #fanart #tolkien #JRR Tolkein #middle earth #tolkien elves

[beemintty]

I don't really have a lot to say about the new year...

#normally i do #but i kinda feel numb to it #idk i just kinda feel nothing #im a bit lost #maybe its because im not at home #maybe its because im not singing September by earth wind and fire #maybe its because theres no fireworks #no sparklers #maybe its because its not midnight here yet #maybe its because im sitting in a strange bed by myself in the dark calling my best friends over thousands of km #maybe im home sick #thoughts #on life #new years #my thoughts #home sick #traveling #feeling nothing

[nananarc]

Im in bed, was having a good time and enjoying a lot of feeling but then the thought of having to wake up and WORK..

My heart sank ..

Im so tired of this shit man...

#I'm not made for this whole thing #it just breaks my heart everytime #it's been so long and I'm even more numb and tired and scared of work more than ever #i wish i can go back to being a fresh headed idealistic kid who doesn't mind being exploited #i wasn't put on this earth to suffer #nobody is #i didn't even want to be here #cryptic na posting

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Ok so in relation to the previous post:

A customer (older butch lesbian(?)) flat-out told me (in a very kind, chill way) that I need to relax when I get off work and smoke some weed

I’m— [w h e E z e] god am I that tense-looking now? Djdjdjdjfjfjjdndjdndnd help

#drug mention #I like her but hdjdjdjd what the hell #nothing like getting a roundhouse kick to the gut in the middle of your shift #screaming #laughing #crying throwing up #I love her tbh she seems like the cool aunt type #laid back and down to earth lady #people always tell me I look like I should be in the military or something #and I get reactionary ‘yes sir’ responses from guys a lot of the time #damn maybe I should smoke some weed /j #no no no smoking killed my grandma and removed my uncle’s lung and gave my mom asthma (second hand) #nope #but weed gummies??? sure why the hell not #not in my mental state though #that’s a BAD idea #I’ll wait until I’m doing it just to try it; not for numbing purposes

[aturnoftheearth]

october is for lonesome dreams <3

#listened to ends of the earth lonesome dreams the ghost on the shore and in the wind before my hands went numb #anyways LOOK it’s so pretty !!!!!! #and the music hitting in ends of the earth as the wind picked up …. OUGHHHH

[asexualjedi]

Me when I’m asked if I want to join a journal. A few days after I submit my memo for the moot court try out and still have to do oral arguments the next month and having to give a response by Friday. Like truly I was like haha I won’t get in or if I do I’ll be able to choose the stuff all at once and see what I think I can do.

#I think moot court will be better in the long term what I wanna do but it’s a huge time commitment and I want to see my mom at least every #other week this semester instead of dropping off the face of the earth Aand I purposely picked the least time commitment journal as my numbe #one choice and that’s who asked me to join and like haha #also I applied to be vp of the gay club. but then?? elections never happened they said they would be in a week. this was several months ago #so I have no clue if anyone else ran or if I’m still running or if that’s a commitment I have to make lmao #Anyways I didn’t think I’d have to time for moot court and thought I’d probably have to decline but I didn’t expect to make this choice in t #the middle of the competition and alos befor the mock trial competition I tried out for even starts #I wanted to try out for all to *sasuke voice* test my ability and get practice and alos so I could choose between what I get in but lmao rip