#easily could have put her in unfairly hated too let's be real

[charlicpace]

FEMALE AWESOME MEME. ↳ [4/5] warrior characters ★ martha jones, doctor who.

i travelled across the world. from the ruins of new york, to the fusion mills of china, right across the radiation pits of europe. and everywhere i went i saw people just like you, living as slaves! but if martha jones became a legend then that's wrong, because my name isn't important. there's someone else. the man who sent me out there, the man who told me to walk the earth. and his name is the doctor. he has saved your lives so many times and you never even knew he was there. he never stops. he never stays. he never asks to be thanked. but i've seen him, i know him... i love him... and i know what he can do.

#dwedit #rtdedit #doctor who #martha jones #freema agyeman #marthajonesedit #freemaagyemanedit #fagyemanedit #torchwood #mine #my gifs #fam* #easily could have put her in unfairly hated too let's be real #guns cw #sharp objects cw

[moonshine-nightlight]

Selfish - Part One

Eisha felt bad complaining to her friend Mariella, since she was always putting other people’s problems above her own. She felt worse that, no matter how much she appreciated Mariella listening, she’d rather be living out some of the naughty fantasies about her instead. If she wanted to stay Mariella’s friend, and get some of her delicious cookies, she needed to keep those thoughts to herself.

But can she? Urban fantasy; friends to lovers, Naga, FxF, SFW, (1 / 4)

AO3: Selfish Chapter 1

Part One [Part Two] [Part Three] [Part 4 - NSFW]

Why don’t you come over to my place? Mariella’s latest text lit up her phone.

Eisha’s tail twitched as her mind warred over the predictable response. The danger of bitching to Mariella was that she’d actually try to make her feel better. Her coworkers would drown her out with their own problems. Other friends were busy with families and would probably reply with a word or two of sympathy before they were distracted by other things. Which was fine, to be expected--its not like Eisha was the best listener either.

Mariella would listen and start a whole conversation—she’d try to convince Eisha that the world sucked but it was also great, try to remind her the world didn’t have it out for her specifically no matter how much it seemed like it did. She was likely making sympathetic noises at her phone that Eisha wasn’t even there to hear. And she always, always, tried to suggest some way to make Eisha’s night better—like invite her over.

Eisha ignored the thought that maybe that was why she’d texted Mariella in the first place. She definitely ignored the fact that she was already headed towards that part of the city, a section she only frequented for work deliveries—and to visit Mariella.

When Eisha had a frustrating day at work, she used to go for long rides on her motorcycle outside the city limits, out of the tunnels, with no real destination in mind. Sleep out under the stars, sunbath the morning away, throw knives at some rocks—slow, quiet ways to pass the time alone. Only coming back to the city only when she was hungry enough for a feast.

Or, if she was looking for a different sort of mind number, she would head to a club. She’d let the pulsing music, almost a creature in its own right, sweep her up in its arms, carry her away. She’d drink and dance and dance and dance. Until she found someone with the right complementary mood to spend the night with. She’d convince them to take her back to their place, never her own, and focus on pulling them apart until she herself was in pieces. Putting herself back together only in the morning light.

That was before.

Before she met Mariella.

Because now complaining in Mariella’s warm kitchen while she baked something unfairly delicious, listening to the soft music she’d have on, falling asleep on her overstuffed couch while they watched dumb TV—all of that had become, by far, the more appealing option the last few months.

Gods, she was pathetic.

And she hated she was just another person Mariella thought she had to take care of. Eisha wished she could more easily believe that Mariella truly wanted her there, instead of just thinking it was her job to look after everyone. Mariella had a problem, which she’d admitted to the other woman before, where she was both willing to help other people out with their shit and actually good at solving problems—prime fodder to end up getting taken advantage of. Or run ragged. Both of which Eisha was always telling Mariella happened too much to her precisely because of that.

She’d listen to any sob story, comfort any sorrow, and always offer to help. It made Eisha angry that her friend wasn’t more discerning, more selfish. It made her wonder how much Mariella really liked her. It made her wonder what made Eisha any different from the rest of those leeches.

None of that was enough to keep Eisha away though.

All she could do was try not to ask anything of Mariella beyond what she could give without using herself up in the process. At least, that was the line she tried to walk. She was never sure how well she actually succeeded. Mariella had acting like she was fine down to a science even Eisha had a hard time seeing through.

Before Eisha knew it, she was pulling into the garage for Mariella’s building. The naga parked her motorcycle in the space she knew was technically for the landlord, but which Mariella had told her she could use as long as she didn’t make a big deal out of it.

That had made a lot more sense once she’d learned that the landlord, an old dragon, had decided to take a nap for the next fifty or so years and had appointed Mariella her manager—like she needed more reason to feel responsible for all the tenants’ lives. Of course, that was probably why the old bat had done it. It certainly couldn’t be for profit because Mariella had kept rent frozen, or lowered it, for all residents since she got the job.

She had kept her appointment a secret, telling Eisha only when she had deduced her own way close enough to the truth. Mariella didn’t want the others to treat her differently or ask for favors. Eisha personally thought they already asked for too much, but what did Eisha know?

Eisha had grown up quickly, her whole family had scrounged as best they could in the tunnels until she’d struck out on her own at an age she tried not to think about the older she got. Mariella had grown up in this building. She’d been born in it, knew every tenant by name. Knew all their kids and their pets and their business. Eisha supposed, grudgingly, she could see how one might get attached, especially a bleeding heart like Mariella.

Eisha wanted to ignore the lift and power up a ramp to Mariella’s floor to work off some energy but it was under construction still. Glaring at the stairs she couldn’t use with her tail unless she didn’t want to make it there until tomorrow and with bruises, she waited for the lift to come, tapping her claws against her helmet impatiently. Maybe she shouldn’t have come, no matter how much she’d felt drawn to this place, like a siren song—although not by a real one at least. Mariella had some fae blood in her, but she was mostly human. She wasn’t actually drawing Eisha to her, no matter how often it felt like she was.

No, that was only the fault of Eisha’s own ridiculous feelings. Although, she wouldn’t have to deal with them in the first place if Mariella wasn’t so damn tempting with her pretty face and warm disposition.

She glanced at her phone as she rode the lift up. Eisha never used to second-guess herself—had made it as far as she had in life by doing the opposite—and yet should always did with Mariella. Maybe she should turn back and head home, let Mariella have a quiet night in. Work out her frustration in one of her old standby ways.

As she glared down at her phone, the screen lit up with a picture Mariella had sent her of famous cardamom cookies, neat circles laid out on a tray and clearly about to go into the oven. Eisha ate an almost exclusively carnivorous diet—except for a few specific sweets. Mariella’s cookies, particularly with the different nuts and dried berries, were at the top of that list. Eisha even thought she saw the beginnings of her honey icing off to the side. How had Mariella even had the time to throw the dough together? Or had she been planning on making them anyways?

It didn’t matter. Eisha could never refuse those delicious, delicious treats. She didn’t bother sending a response, getting off the lift and heading  straight for Mariella’s apartment.

The sound of her knock interrupted that noise of metal baking implements hitting against one another. Only a second later, the door opened. “Hey! How did you get here so quickly?” Mariella’s surprised, teasing voice greeted her. The smaller woman smiled up at the naga, her dark brown eyes framed by long lashes lit up and a delighted smile spread across her face. “Come in, come in.” She stepped aside to let Eisha enter. “I’m sorry you had such a rough day, Eisha, but I’m happy to have someone else to eat these with me—I want to try some new varieties and could use a second opinion.”

“Why mess with perfection, Mariella?” Eisha said as she moved past her and into the warm apartment. Apparently one of the benefits to living in a building owned by a dragon, even a sleeping one, was that the heat was free and plentiful. Between the building’s heat, the oven heat, and the wonderful smell, she could already feel some of her tension melting away.

There was nothing a naga loved more than heat.

Mariella laughed. “I already told you you could have some, no need for empty flattery.”

Eisha raised an eyebrow. “Why would I flatter you to get some if they weren’t worth it?”

Mariella blushed and Eisha was reminded of why she worked so hard to make Mariella take her compliments at face value—her pleased pride was so lovely when it warmed her cheeks. Mariella’s hands twisted in the fabric of her skirt, but she managed a quiet and appreciative, “thanks” before she moved towards her liquor cabinet. “Now, how bad a day are we talking?”

“Vodka, straight.” While vodka was typically her drink of choice, Eisha usually mixed it with something. Not tonight. She wanted the burn, for the taste in her mouth to distract her, to linger.

“Yikes,” Mariella said, raising her brows even as she grabbed the right bottle. “What happened?”

Eisha leaned against the counter that separated Mariella’s kitchen from her living room. “Fucking Neseigh. And Western Roc.”

At the name of her work rival and her least favorite client, Mariella’s face softened in understanding as she went over to the cabinet that had her drinking glasses. Before Eisha could offer to get the glasses down for her, Mariella was already standing up on her tip-toes, her shirt riding up to expose the smooth brown skin of her lower back.

Eisha had to swallow her tongue to hold back the urge to touch, digging her claws into the skin of her palm in an effort to control herself. Damn it, her control wasn’t usually hanging on by such a thin thread. What’s wrong with me tonight? She tried to keep talking to distract herself. “Had to go to their location in the Aerie.”

Mariella landed back on her feet and she winced at the name of the borough Eisha least liked to delivery to. “Oof, that sucks. I’m guessing the biway is still under construction.”

“Of course,” Eisha said, digging hard to blot out her desire with frustration. What she was feeling had to be obvious to the other woman, didn’t it? Mariella never gave any sign she noticed when Eisha’s thoughts took dangerous turns, but Eisha knew how she must look. She could tell her yellow pupils were dilated, her red cowl flaring in time with her nostrils. Her tongue slipped out to taste the air, easily finding Mariella’s scent even among the baking ones. Given her proclivities, Eisha had once expected Mariella to smell of vanilla, lemon, berries, or chocolate—something sweet or citrusy. Instead, she smelled of cool forests, rich and thick and heavy. Intoxicating. Inviting. Irresistible.

“Why would the tunnels be a priority for an area housing primarily people who can fly?” Eisha said instead of voicing any of her thoughts because she was never able to tell what Mariella thought of her. So it was never worth the risk, no matter how much she wanted the other woman as more than what they were. She leaned on the familiarity of older rants to try to build up speed, needing to push these hungry thoughts aside. “It’s not like basically everyone else who goes there or works there can’t. Fucking feathered pricks.”

Mariella finished pouring Eisha’s tumbler of vodka, neat, while she mixed herself some with cranberry juice. Eisha accepted the drink gratefully and downed half of it in one gulp. Mariella leaned back against the counter next to the oven as she watched Eisha with too much sympathy in her eyes. “I know, babe. Tell me all about it.”

[Part Two]

#my writing #story: selfish #terato #naga #female monster #female naga #selfish #short story #osha compliant #should be a total of three parts #psoting something short cuz work is crazy and I don't hav anymore Dale at the moment #also #been in a big naga mood #stay tuned for more naga content i guess #part 2 should also be sfw #part three though...... #mariella's not 100% human but shes mostly human #i hav way too much mariella backstory #part 2 will her pov

[brutal-nemesis]

E&T-Caring For Your Tiny Test Subject

Welp. (⓿ ◡ ⓿) I made more. Maybe real content will resume soon, but until then...tiny Erebus

←Previous - Masterlist

Ingredients: noncon partial stripping/nudity, noncon touching (unsexy)

“You know,” Neteri mused as she turned Erebus over in her hand, “you’re kind of filthy from your little adventure. Maybe I should-”

“No-”

“Yeah.” She tightened her grip as Erebus squirmed, looking down at him with a devilish grin. “Let’s get you cleaned up, lil guy.”

“I-I can do that myself Neteri you don’t need to-”

“I do need to because it will be so absolutely adorable.”

“That’s the dumbes-” Erebus’s protest was silenced as she placed one of her fingers over his mouth. He glared at her, debating biting her for a moment. She’d only have herself to blame if he drew blood...still, the last thing he needed was for his situation to get any worse. As per usual, Neteri was going to get what Neteri wanted and he’d just have to suffer through it. Even so, this...this was not going to be easy. Already, an awful feeling was stirring in his gut at imagining her…bathing him. He shuddered, trying to just put it out of his mind for now.

Once they got back to her office, Neteri plopped him back into the jar and screwed on the lid before taking him back to his cell. She set the jar on the desk and crouched down to his level. “I’m going to go get everything I need, and then I’ll be back, so you just chill until then, okay?” Erebus just quietly nodded from where he was seated with his arms wrapped around his folded legs. He tried to take deep breaths once he was alone, trying not to let himself get freaked out before it even started.

He would be fine. Neteri was always gentle with him as long as he was cooperative, so he wasn’t too worried about this experience hurting. He was far more worried about how much she was going to be touching him, about how exposed he was going to be, about how helpless he was going to feel. Not that he wasn’t already helpless right now, stuck inside a glass jar, but there was a whole new level of powerlessness in being held tightly in her hand. When he’d been his real size, he could always take comfort in his significant height advantage over her, the vague idea that he could easily overpower her if he tried. But now, she could do whatever she wanted with him with just her bare hands, and there was nothing he could do to fight back.

By the time she had returned with a relatively shallow bowl and a large cup, he had steeled himself for what was about to occur. Still, when she reached her hand in the jar, he pressed himself back against the glass, because he didn’t want this. “You’ll be alright little guy, the water’s nice and warm for you.”

“T-that’s not what I-hey! I can take that off mysel-”

“I’m sure you can,” Neteri said as she pulled his shirt off over his head, his struggles doing absolutely nothing to slow her down. “But this is more fun.”

“Not for me.”

“Who owns who here, Erebus? Now stop wiggling or I might take off more than your pants, and neither of us want that.” Erebus grumbled but stopped trying to resist, feeling his face flush at her bare hands against his skin. She poured some of the water from the cup into the dish before gently setting him down in it. He felt himself relax despite everything; the water did feel good and it’d been so long since he’d had a bath. Probably not since...since he’d lost everything. Maybe this would be alright…

Yeah, it felt sort of nice as she poured the warm water over his head with a thimble and started to wash his hair with two of her fingertips. He leaned into her touch just a bit-no no no wait this was Neteri she’d shrunk him and this was humiliating he wasn’t supposed to enjoy it, and even if he did, there was no way he’d let her catch on to it. He put on his best glare and hugged his knees close to his chest. Neteri laughed. “You always look so cute when you’re angry, but now that you're tiny it’s even cuter! You’re just perfect like this, huh?” She tilted his chin up, and he tried to turn away, but she forced him back. “Keep your head tilted back, I’m going to rinse your hair and I don’t want it to get in your eyes.”

“Fine.” She was always so unfairly tender with him, and part of him wished she would be rougher, that she would stop making it so hard to hate this. Even when she pried his arms away from his legs and forced him to uncurl so she could wash the rest of him, she was never anything but gentle. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately? He wasn’t sure), the feeling of her fingers scrubbing his body ended up being more uncomfortable and invasive than nice, and it was easier for him to hate it. 

And he...he hated it, really hated it, so much so that he didn’t know how much more he could take, because he just wanted her hands off of him, not all over his bare skin, over all of his scars, at the same time. Erebus tried to squirm away, but there was firmness behind Neteri’s gentle grip, rendering his attempts futile. He was just as helpless as he had feared being, and he could hardly bear it. She was almost done, she had to be, she’d gotten just about everywhere and he wasn’t sure if his face could get any redder, if the awful feeling in his stomach could get any worse.

He fought back an audible sigh of relief as she started rinsing him off, glad that this experience was almost over. Once she was done, Neteri slid her thumb under his chin, tilting it up. “There, you’re all clean now.” She stared at him a moment more, stifling a laugh. “You’re all embarrassed it’s so adorable. I do wish I could keep you like this.”

“You’d better not-”

“No, no, I can’t, that would use up far too much of my magic power, shrinking you every day. And doing procedures on your tiny little body would be way more difficult and not worth it at all. But, a girl can dream,” she sighed. He rolled his eyes, relishing the fact that she’d have no idea that he did it. She released him, looking around on the desk. “I forgot to get a towel for ya; let me go grab one from your bathroom.” 

Erebus eyed the edge of the bowl as soon as she turned around. The sides weren’t that steep, and he could probably climb them, which would earn him a little moment of freedom, not stuck inside anything or held back by her giant hands. He stood and sloshed towards the edge, deciding it would be best to just try to crawl up the sloped sides. He stepped out of the soapy water, feeling confident enough in his first step that he immediately tried to take another, trusting all of his weight to his foot on the sloped side of the bowl.

A mistake he soon paid for. 

Still coated in soapy residue, his foot slipped on the smooth surface of the bowl, and his forehead immediately slammed into the ceramic. He managed to catch himself before his face slid into the water, and he just stayed on his hands and knees for a moment, staring at his reflection in the water as his head throbbed. Of course he couldn’t even escape from a bowl. Of course. Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away as Neteri returned.

“What was that sound, Erebus? You okay?” she asked as she picked him up, examining him.

“It was nothing. I’m fine.” He crossed his arms, hoping she’d just drop it.

But this was Neteri, who rarely dropped it, and seemed to have a sixth sense for this sort of thing. “I dunno bud, you have a lil red spot on your forehead. Did you-” a mischievous grin spread across her face, “did you try to climb out and hit your head?”

“I-so what if I did? It doesn’t matter.” He looked away as she laughed, his face once again burning an unfair amount.

“It does matter ‘cause that is the cutest thing, oh you poor little dear.” She ruffled his hair with one of her fingertips before picking up the cup of clean water. “Alright, close your eyes while I rinse you off one last time.” When she was done, she set him down on the towel she had brought over and got to work drying him off. He let her, just wanting this whole thing to be over with. The towel felt so much rougher now that he was small...that was another thing he missed about home, how soft the towels always were. His sheets and pillows had always been so comfortable, too...he missed his father and everyone, of course, but sometimes he couldn’t help but think about all of the little things. 

Once he was dry, Neteri dropped him back in the jar before throwing a set of small, clean clothes on top of him. “Here, I shrunk those for you, and I think I was able to do it so they’ll get big when you do like your other clothes shrunk with you the first time. Just let me know when you’re done.” She held out her hands to cover the side of the jar facing her, eyes squeezed shut for good measure. 

“You’re good, Neteri,” Erebus called once he’d gotten changed. “Are you going to leave me alone now?”

“Absolutely I will not.” She picked up the jar, holding him at her eye level. “You are at your most cutest ever in the world and I want to be here for every second of it.” Her stomach growled. “Also I have just realized that I forgot about food and neither of us have eaten since this morning and it is definitely past lunchtime so I am going to go get us some food.” She grinned as she set the jar down. “I can give you tiny food oh I’m so excited!” She dashed out the door, calling “I’ll be right back!”

Erebus couldn’t say he wasn’t happy to get something to eat, but he could do without the way Neteri watched him the entire time, occasionally gasping at stupid things like him ripping off part of the chunk of bread she’d given him. She’d shrunk most of his food, so he ate it like normal, but for some reason she tore off a piece of her normal sized flatbread and gave it to him, and there was no way he was just going to bite into something so big. He’d lost a lot of his dignity over these past few months, but he still wasn’t a savage. Besides, she was making him drink out of a thimble, which was demeaning enough. 

She put him back in the jar while she took care of their plates and cleaned up from bathing him. He laid on his back and stared at the ceiling, wondering what stupid thing she had planned next. It would be foolish to assume she wasn’t going to spend the rest of the day bothering him and teasing him and holding him in her hands, since she’d made it very clear how much she was enjoying this. Nothing would be worse than the bath, though. He hoped. 

Once she returned, Neteri picked him up from inside the jar and just stared at him intently. Erebus narrowed his eyes. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m just trying to decide what to do with you next.”

“You could put me down.”

“Or I could hold you in my hand forever.”

“No.”

“I think I will do that.” She sat down on his bed and laid back, pressing Erebus against her chest, her hand on his back pinning him down on his stomach. His wiggling was, as always, completely useless. He sighed, trying to make himself comfortable and pretending he was just lying on a bed or something. Neteri rubbed her thumb soothingly up and down his back, and soon enough he...found himself...getting tired...

~~~

Neteri resisted the urge to jump up in delight as she watched little Erebus fall asleep on her chest. She’d just wanted to lay down and hold his tiny body for a few minutes, but she’d expected him to struggle longer or glare at her the whole time, not take a nap. Not that it was unwelcome, not at all, he was so precious like this, and there was no way she’d move until he woke up. She continued stroking his back, smiling down at her little test subject. 

She was going to enjoy every moment she had left while he was small.

Tags: @as-a-matter-of-whump @yet-another-heathen @galaxywhump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @whumpasaurus101 

#i wrote something #erebus #neteri #noncon stripping #partial nudity #noncon touching #tiny whumpee #welcome back to erebus's complicated feelings about neteri touching him please enjoy your stay #hnnnng she is always gentle with her precious boy....esp now that him tiny.... #she would be too powerful if he was tiny all the time #that or the cuteness overload would literally kill her #neteri: *breathes* erebus: ''this fuckin bitch'' #he's getting fed up with this shit #fr erebus why are you so fucking dumb sometimes #you cant climb out of a bowl covered in soap you fucking idiot #please accept that you are in fact entirely helpless right now and move on #also be a man and bite into the giant bread. you know you want to #god erebus WOULD pour the rest of the juice into a glass instead of drinking it straight from the jug #(like when its almost out) #drinking from the jug is one of the most powerful feelings in the world #yeah erebus maybe you wouldnt be such a helpless sad bitch if you just drank the rest of the soda from a 2 liter #also really you're just going to take a nap like that. who are you #neteri pov be like: ❤💕💕❤💕cute bby test subject 😩🥰

[wallwriterstuff]

The Little Ways You Say I Love You  ||Demetri Volturi x Reader||

Summary: Demetri is well aware how fragile humans can be and needs a little reminder that to touch you isn’t to kill you. Loving a vampire isn’t easy, but you find a way to compromise that suits both your needs. 

Warnings: None, for once it’s nice and fluffy

Words: 4071

There were certain things humans did that were very endearing. The way you scrunched your nose for example when you were confused or showing your distaste for something, and that sweet way you snuggled down into your duvet when you slept. It was also incredibly cute how excited you got when exploring somewhere/something new, eyes shining as you bounced about. Your sleepy confusion when you first got up or had been up too long, your sweet little sneezes and sniffles when the flowers in the garden invaded your nose, your habit of fidgeting – it was all still so new to him and Demetri would be lying if he said he didn’t find it absolutely adorable. Your humanity was something he had originally not batted an eye at – you were going to be a vampire in the end after all so what was the point – until you had started showing these little traits that left him falling a little harder for you every time he saw them. Then, of course, there were the downsides to mortality.

You got sick. You couldn’t go without eating lest you become sluggish and nauseated. You sometimes had nightmares when you slept and terrified him when you woke with a gasp or a scream. Your skin turned shades of black, yellow and blue when you hit your limbs off of inanimate objects - and Felix’s abdomen but you had both sworn a pact to never tell Demetri that was how your knuckles had ended up bruised – that Demetri never seemed to be able to steer you clear of despite his speed. If you tripped or hit them just right your skin also, heaven forbid, tore like tissue paper, tempting him with your sweet sweet blood. He was grateful that didn’t happen as often as you added to your collection of bruises. He was also well aware of how fragile your bones were, susceptible to shatter from the slightest pressure. In short, all the things he found so endearing could very easily be wiped out by illness, injury, and the common flaw of mortality that was, simply, that it wasn’t built to last.

Demetri was painfully aware of all of these things when it came to you, having accidentally left his fingerprints on your wrist for days after trying to make sure you didn’t step into the way of an oncoming car once. He had felt awful; it was almost painful to watch how slowly your skin faded back to it’s normal colouring, and he’d honestly had no idea you’d get so sick when he ran with you for the first time, feeling immensely guilty as he dared not put his hands on your heaving form lest he make it any worse. It was a pattern you’d noticed for a few weeks now and you hated it. Demetri had been nothing but good to you from the day you’d met him, a bit dismissive at first perhaps but very attentive when it came to your needs so you were never uncomfortable in your new home. You’d not had much choice once you’d been pulled from the tour group but to stay with him, especially after hearing the screams you should have been contributing to – nobody of sound mind would let you go with what you knew.

It was very obvious that Demetri had never really expected to meet you, and the sudden appearance of his mate had left him at a bit of a loss, especially when he realised you were human. You could almost see inside his mind in the early days as he watched you explore your new home with a mystified but doting expression, looking very much like a parent watching their child toddle about after finding their feet for the first time. What do I do with a human? The answer was very simple and you let him know soon enough, that if he expected you to fall hopelessly in love with him then you’d like to see the real him doing things he loved. He’d taken you out a lot after that, having to learn to balance your need for rest with his fun-packed dates. In all that time, from the first moment he’d accidentally bruised you (and consequently saved you from the wrath of a very angry Italian woman who was clearly in a hurry that day) pulling you out of the way of that car, he’d not touched you since.

You weren’t expecting the world from him, you knew it took a lot of self-control for him to even be near you some days, but you were only human. You were never one of those people who preferred their own company and had grown up in a family were physical touch was common place, whether it be from hugs or from cousins poking you constantly, you naturally craved physical contact and Demetri seemed to naturally withhold it. You knew it was out of fear for your safety, and you didn’t want to force him to spend long hours snuggling with you or do anything extravagant if it meant putting him through any sort of discomfort, but would it really kill him to hold your hand when you went out and about to places? Was it really the end of the world if he gave you a brief hug when you were upset? He seemed to think you’d collapse if he so much as breathed on you, or at least, that’s how it felt.

At first it had just been a bit annoying. It was a quirk of his you’d tried to learn to live with until it began to wear you down some. You had been given a three-month grace period to settle in, and time was very quickly passing you by. The longer it went on the less desirable you felt. Logically you were well aware your thinking was stupid, that Demetri was refraining from touching you for any other reason than simply wanting to ensure he didn’t hurt you, but the lack of contact forewent all logic to that lingering anxiety that perhaps your human self wasn’t enough to attract him. Maybe he didn’t want to touch you. You’d subconsciously tried dressing a little nicer and being a little more flirty just to see if it would encourage him to touch you, even if it was just his hand on your arm briefly, and you were disappointed to find that it didn’t work.

He’d been on a mission for his masters for the last few days, leaving you alone to wallow in your thoughts. You’d been lonely with all your usual friends gone from the castle and you knew full well you couldn’t expect him to greet you with a hug when he returned, though he would, in his own way, still greet you warmly. Vampires, you had learned, were eerily quiet, though you supposed they had no reason to be loud, so consequently when they weren’t around to make conversation with the castle was silent. Creepily silent. In an effort to chase away that silence, you’d turned to music. Demetri’s quarters were on the floor reserved specifically for the high-ranking guardsmen, and since they were all out there would be no Jane to pound on the door and demand you turn it down, or Felix shouting from his own room that her taste in music was horrible.

So you cranked the volume up.

High.

Then turned it back down because Caius’s face had unwittingly entered your mind and he looked even more irritated with you than usual.

After a few minutes of altering the volume to what you considered the optimum level, you finally settled back onto the sofa with the intention of just enjoying the music as you continued to read one of Demetri’s many books. By the bottom of the first page you were tapping your toe along to the beat. By the bottom of the third you were bobbing your head. By the time you hit page number five you were bopping side to side in your seat. You had abandoned your book entirely by page number seven in favour of grabbing the TV remote and using it as microphone, and you had an absolute blast. You imagined yourself on stage, a thousand adoring hands reaching for you as you sang your heart out and danced around the room, switching between air guitars and pillow dance partners. You could practically feel the way your mood shifted, the beginnings of your sulking long gone as your face flushed and your smile widened, nothing but the light, euphoric love for good music filling you from head to toe.

Then the ultimate karaoke song came on, and you squealed in delight as you uncaringly turned the music up far louder than you knew any of the ancient masters would like. You danced about the room, trotting like a pony and waving your arms to the beat as the intro played itself out, and then your microphone lifted, the fans went wild and you turned to point at them all, only to freeze. Demetri’s vibrantly red eyes were filled with mirth, his lips spread into a wide grin as he stood in the doorway, cloak draped over his arm. Mouth frozen open, you took a moment to feel the sheer horror at being caught red-handed.

“Please, don’t stop on my account.” He insisted, turning to hang his cloak up on the coat stand near his door. It hung neatly beside your own jacket and coat. He looked unfairly good considering he’d probably crossed hundreds of thousands of miles on foot in the past few days, not a hair out of place and pearl white teeth gleaming at you. You, on the other hand, were flushed bright red, hair falling in your eyes thanks to your dancing knocking it out of your neat style, and probably sweating a little.

“You…are back.” You said. Demetri tilted his head slightly, discarding his jacket next and rolling up the sleeves of his button up shirt.

“I am back.” He confirmed. You bit your lip, your embarrassment lingering still as he crossed to turn the music down slightly, to a more bearable volume for his sensitive ears.

“I missed you.” You told him honestly, fingers itching. You wanted to reach for him but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Demetri seemed to sense your change in attitude, his amusement fading and being replaced instead by something that seemed to be an odd mix of confusion and concern. He came to stand before you, hand almost reaching for your arm before he retracted it.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you my love, you looked like you were having fun.” He said. You couldn’t quite bring your eyes to move from his hand, the hand that had almost answered your silent prayers, that had very almost touched you. He’d been gone for three days, would he really deny you the contact you wanted if you were just honest with him?

“I was.” You agreed softly, tossing your remote control microphone aside and trying to pluck up the bravery to just do it. His hand was right there, loose and open. You could easily slip your palm against his. What was the worst that could happen? Well he could always snatch his hand away and reaffirm your ridiculous beliefs about being undesirable in every way shape and form but, what were the odds of that? You quickly stopped letting yourself think when your brain tried to work out the statistics.

“I need to shower, you’ll have some more time to yourself while I’m in there if that’s what you would like.” He assured you. You shook your head immediately, the last thing you wanted was for him to leave you so soon after he’d just gotten back. You took a breath and quickly reached for his hand, looking up at him with pleading eyes while he visibly stiffened at your touch.

“Dance with me?” you pleaded. Demetri’s crimson irises flickered to your joined hands briefly, his grip was non-existent, and you could almost feel him trying to pull away. Your heart quietly shattered.

“I’m not entirely sure how you would dance to this music.” He admitted. It wasn’t a resounding no at least and he still hadn’t forced you to let go. You bit your lip, a small flicker of hope igniting in your chest that must have shown on your face.

“Please try?” you asked, slowly lifting your joined hands so you could twirl beneath his arm. Demetri’s grip remained awfully loose and he almost seemed to flinch when you reached for his other hand, carefully moving your arms back and forth, hips swinging. You had no clue what you were doing either, you were simply compiling dance moves one on top of the other with no rhyme or reason, speeding up as you went. It was…honestly hilarious. Your discontent was very quickly forgotten seeing the effort Demetri was putting into this ridiculous dancing for you. His movements were gracefully awkward, his vampirism not letting him look stupid despite the fact that he very clearly should given the mismatched way his top and bottom halves were moving. You giggled at him and Demetri shot you a playful glare in response.

“What? You think this is funny? I am the height of trendy. My moves are so fashionable they’re ahead of their time.” He teased, letting you go in favour of pulling a ridiculous John Travolta pose, his head bobbing as he did the classic disco moves you were sure the human race had tried to bury in the film Footloose. You laughed, happily mimicking him with far less grace as the pair of you utilised the space in your room to full advantage. Demetri made no attempt to stop you whenever you grabbed him, your smile only widening whenever he let you take his hand to twist him one way or spin yourself about the next. You were exhausted, barely able to breathe through your laughter when you inevitably tripped over your own feet, colliding with his chest as the cliché moment demanded.

Panting and still giggling to yourself you were completely unaware he even had his arms around you until you tried to pull back and found yourself trapped in his embrace. Your giggles stopped abruptly, the shock clogging up your throat. With wide eyes, you looked up at him, slowly lifting your own arms to wrap back around him as he stared down at you with the most soft, vulnerable expression you’d ever seen on him. He looked entirely uncertain, his arms not quite loose but not tightly wrapped around your body either, as if he was fighting with himself to simply keep hold of you.

“Demetri…” you whispered. It was all you had wanted now for weeks, and here you were finally, home. There was a sense of contentment growing within you the longer he held you, a rightness that his embrace offered that made it feel like he’d locked all of your troubles and insecurities outside of the little bubble he’d created. You snuggled closer, determined to make the most of it while it lasted, but quickly felt guilty for the selfish move when he stiffened, muscles rigid with tenseness. “I’m sorry.” You said, attempting to squirm backwards out of his grasp. He let go immediately, his eyes widening.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked immediately, eyes a little frantic.

“No!” you groaned, sounding more exasperated than you wanted to. Demetri frowned, picking up on it and looking equal parts confused and wounded. You sighed, crossing to the speaker and turning it off. The silence between you was deafening for a long moment as you organised your thoughts, trying to figure out what to say to him next.

“What’s wrong my love?” he asked quietly, “Please, talk to me.” He looked so earnest, like he really wanted to listen and figure out how to fix the problem. He was like a big puppy sometimes, desperate to give you love but unsure how to do it in an acceptable way. It made your heart ache and your cheeks flush simultaneously because you knew it was really your own problem, your own silly insecurities. Playing with your fingers, you ducked your gaze and took a deep breath, exhaling in a huff before looking back up at him.

“I need you to know you’re not going to hurt me just by touching me.” You said finally, “I’m not made of glass Demetri, I’m not going to shatter at the slightest touch.” Demetri’s brows tugged down into a frown.

“I am very capable of hurting you my love, I’m only careful with you to avoid that.” He answered.

“But you don’t avoid that, you avoid me.” You retorted, eyes dropping to the floor again, “I know you mean well and I don’t want to make you do anything you’re not comfortable with but…isn’t there a way to compromise? Something little we could do that just, that makes me feel like…” you stumbled over the words, knowing they’d hurt him greatly. Demetri was nothing if not dedicated to you and to suggest he wasn’t was practically blasphemy.

“Like…”he prompted. You swallowed, risking a quick glance up at him and feeling your stomach curl at the anxious expression on his face.

“Like you actually want me.” You said softly. The way his entire expression crumpled made you feel intensely guilty, so much so you felt tears spring to your eyes. You forced yourself to blink them back. You’d had such a good afternoon, you’d been laughing together without a care in the world not ten minutes ago and you’d just had to go and spill your guts to ruin it hadn’t you? You really hadn’t been expecting his cold hand to envelope yours, his eyes watching your expression carefully as he tested the smallest amount of pressure he could possibly exert to tighten his grip on your palm.

“I am careful with you because of how badly I want you.” He said, his voice quiet and earnest, “Please believe me, it was never my intention to make you feel undesirable. I still can’t honestly say I feel entirely comfortable with the idea of embracing you but…maybe, we could start with this?” he suggested, lifting your hands slightly. Your heart swelled, eye shining as you stared down at his fingers curled around yours, relished in the strangely warm coolness of his skin. You nodded earnestly.

“Please. I’m happy with just this.” You promised, squeezing his hand lightly. Demetri sucked in a breath.

“Are you sure?” he questioned. You nodded vigorously, unable to keep the smile from spreading across your face. You hadn’t wanted the world from him, just a small amount of contact comfort every now and then. Demetri looked utterly relieved you weren’t pushing him further, quietly content with his own brave leap.

“I’m sure…didn’t you need a shower?” you asked, cocking your head to the side. His lips twitched into the smuggest little smirk you’d ever seen on him.

“Maybe I’m not done holding your hand?” he suggested.

“Then maybe you can keep on holding it?” you smiled.

Demetri kept true to his word to, trying his best to introduce a little bit of physical contact throughout your day. He kept it at hand holding for a while, slowly testing the waters with a hug or two here and there. He had developed a nice little system of taps for his worse days, where the fear he’d hurt you was just a little too much, and you came to cherish the small but meaningful touch between you both that only the two of you ever understood.

Suddenly, three months were up. Demetri had prepared you well for what you’d face during the change theoretically, but nothing he could have said or done would have ever prepared you for the sheer agony of it all. You burned constantly, a raging inferno consuming every cell and every fibre of your being. You dared not scream though. You knew better than anyone how deep his fear of hurting you ran, that the anxiety in his eyes when he had pulled his teeth from your skin was nothing to do with whether or not you’d make it but had everything to do with the fact he knew he was causing you an intense, immeasurable amount of agony. He had never wished to do that at all, so you pursed your lips so hard your teeth cut your lips and you tasted blood, determined not to make him feel any worse for this than he probably already felt. Your fortitude was admirable all things considered and every time you envisioned Demetri’s heartbroken face it was renewed, your lips clamping once more after the agony had slowly worn them down and loosened the seal holding back your screams.

By the time the fire rescinded, you were so ready for it to be over you had considered, selfishly, begging for Alec to take the pain away, Demetri be damned. You went from the odd sensation of floating on fire to being lowered deeper and deeper in a cool lake, soothing the ache and the burn that had ravaged your body. Once the cold lake had stole your breath, you were catapulted to the surface, and your eyes snapped open. You were acutely aware of every little detail surrounding you. You could count the threads in the curtains surrounding the four-poster bed you lay on, trace the grooves in the wooden bed frame with your eyes. You could feel every stitch in the duvet beneath you, the softness of the interwoven threads leaving you in awe. Then there was the sound, the far off sounds of something scurrying in the castle gardens, of people talking and laughing, of music. Your nose twitched to life then to, a mixture of fruit and flora and cologne and fresh breeze and –

“Y/N?”

Your head snapped right, lip curling back over your teeth as a warning growl slipped up from your chest and rumbled in your throat. It took you a fraction of a second to place the features of the man before you, the dark red eyes, the sharp jawline, the chestnut brown hair…

“Demetri.” You said, blinking in shock at your new, melodic voice. He chuckled slightly, but his eyes remained somewhat sad. He was in awe of you as you zoomed to an abrupt stop in front of him, giggling at your newfound speed like a child, but there was something in his eyes that spoke of an intense amount of guilt you had trouble placing. His hand was soft and warm against your cheek, nothing like the cool temperature you were used to feeling from his flesh, but you leaned into his touch regardless, surprised he’d so willingly given it. Then you remembered, you were a lot more durable now, weren’t you? He was far less afraid of breaking you and probably more wary that if you weren’t careful, you could break him. You almost flinched, the sudden, intense stab of terror that you might accidentally crush him both ironic and bringing a level of understanding you’d struggled with before.

“I am…awestruck. You are magnificent my love,” He said, voice soft and wistful, “Can you forgive me?” Forgive him? Your face fell into a frown? Forgive him for what? For changing you? You’d already forgiven him for taking you out of that tour group long ago, happy beyond belief to be with your mate and not six feet under somewhere, even if you did miss home. You felt it even more acutely now, how right it was to be with him, to be near him, to be touched by him. You decided whatever he wanted forgiveness for didn’t matter. You wouldn’t even ask him to qualify what he meant. This was a fresh start for both of you now and you were ready to take it, to start eternity with him by your side. So, you reached up to the hand cradling your face and gently tapped the back of his hand twice. Demetri’s lips twitched, and they pulled higher and higher until his face had split into an adoring smile.

There were many things he had found endearing about your humanity, but the little ways you said I love you were perhaps his favourite.

#Demetri Volturi x reader #Demetri Volturi Fanfiction #Demetri Volturi imagines #demetri #volturi #volturi fanfiction #twilight #twilight imagine #twilight fanfiction #x reader #volturi x reader #demetri volturi #demetri volturi x reader

[sociallyawkward--fics]

I Lost My Number, Can I Get Yours?

As usual, I have "first work in a fandom" jitters lol. Constructive criticism is fully welcome, if you think this is OOC or anything of the sort, since this is my first time writing for these characters lol. I hope you all enjoy this, and I blame everything on my friend who convinced me to watch the show (you know who you are).

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Summary: Clubs weren't Alec's scene, so he wasn't really sure how his siblings had convinced him to go out to one that night. He'd much rather be home alone, curled up with a good book, not watching his siblings compete over who could get the hottest person's number. That is, until he runs into a rather handsome stranger at the bar.

Word Count: 2148 words

[ao3 link]

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This wasn’t Alec’s scene.

The music was far too loud, the club was far too packed, and Alec wasn’t really one to drink. Even at the small standing table Alec and his siblings managed to claim, sweaty bodies pushed in against them from all sides. Alec didn’t want to be there, and he still didn’t understand how Jace and Izzy managed to drag him out. He really wished he was back home, right about then, curled up on his sofa with a good book and a beverage that was decidedly non-alcoholic.

“What about that brunette over there,” Jace said, directing Izzy’s gaze off into the crowd. “I bet I could get her number.”

Alec hated this game almost as much as he hated the clubs. Jace and Izzy pointed out attractive people, challenging themselves and each other to score their numbers before they left for the night. They tried to talk Alec into it numerous times, even just for hypotheticals, but Alec really wasn’t interested in the meaningless sex that usually came along with the game. It was fun for his siblings, and he respected that (though he could really do without them talking about it over dinner the next day), but Alec wanted something more serious, something real.

“Wait,” Izzy murmured, barely audible over the crowd, squinting in the direction Jace was pointing. “The one with the tattoos on her face?”

Jace leaned over their table with a grin. “That’s the one.”

Izzy snorted in laughter. “You took her home two weeks ago, her name was Kaelie.”

Jace’s face went slack and he whipped around to look at whatever girl it was again. “What?! No way. I swear I would remember a girl with face tattoos.”

Izzy shook her head with a grin, her eyes scanning the crowd near the bar. She hummed appreciatively as she scanned the crowd. “Lots of cute boys over there, Alec,” she goaded.

Alec rolled his eyes, sipping at the beer he hadn’t even wanted. “Not interested, Izzy.”

Jace’s eyes lit up as he found his next target. “The redhead, six o’ clock.” 

Izzy turned her head, and Alec did as well more out of habit than anything. Sure enough, there was a little redhead leaning against another standing table halfway across the room. There was some nerdy looking guy next to her talking animatedly with his hands, and Alec just barely managed to catch the tail-end of someone leaving their table in the direction of the bar.

“Ooh,” Izzy purred, a mischievous smile curling at the edges of her lips. “Her friend is kinda nerd-hot, don’t you think?”

Jace turned back toward them, a bright grin on his lips. “I bet you I can get the girl’s number before you get his.”

Izzy rolled her eyes. “That’s a bet I can easily win, Jace. Are you sure you want to risk your money?”

Jace scoffed and looked toward Alec. “Who’s your money on? Come on, you gotta bet--”

“What I need,” Alec grumbled, rubbing his forehead to fight off an oncoming headache, “is another drink.”

Izzy pursed her lips. “We’ll wait to pounce until you get back. I know how funny you think it is to watch Jace crash and burn.”

Alec smirked and shook his head, shoving his way into the crowd to make his way to the bar. It took far too long and far too much shoving before he finally got there, practically tripping over his own feet and barely catching himself on the edge of the bar. He huffed out a breath to compose himself and flagged down the bartender.

“And who are you,” he heard someone mutter to themselves next to him, barely audible over the music.

Alec glanced over and he swore his brain shut down for several seconds. He was standing next to the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life, all dark eyes and golden skin. His shirt was unbuttoned unfairly low, and Alec had to snap himself out of letting his eyes trail down the exposed skin. He was more respectful than that.

He felt less guilty about it once his brain rebooted and he realized that the man was looking him up and down just as, if not more, hungrily as Alec had almost been doing to him. The man finally met Alec’s eyes and smirked, leaning one side against the bar and tilting his head up toward Alec.

“And what’s your name then, handsome?”

Alec’s mouth went dry and he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. He stammered for a moment before finally managing what was probably an awkward smile and a far-too-quiet, “Alec.”

The man’s smirk widened, and he offered up a hand. “Magnus Bane.”

Alec wiped his hand on his jeans again before reaching out to shake Magnus’s hand. He swallowed and cleared his throat. He didn’t know how to proceed from here.

“Who’d you come with tonight?” Magnus asked.

“Uh, my--my siblings,” Alec said. “And yourself?”

Magnus shifted closer and Alec did his best to stand his ground instead of shying away. “Family friends.”

Alec nodded, giving into his nervous habits and rubbing his thumb into his opposite palm. He knew Jace and Izzy were probably wondering what was taking him so long, Jace would probably get bored and go after that redhead without Alec there to watch and laugh, but he couldn’t bring himself to step away from Magnus. He couldn’t even take his eyes off him.

Magnus glanced down before looking back up at Alec through his eyelashes. “So,” he all but purred, and Alec’s breath caught in his throat. “It seems like I’ve lost my number. Do you think I could get yours?”

Alec blinked, the words registering in his mind, and just like that, the tension was finally broken. Alec snorted out a laugh, bending over slightly and clapping a hand over his mouth, his free arm wrapping around his stomach. Alec wasn’t normally one to giggle, but at the moment it seemed like he couldn’t stop. When he managed to look back up at Magnus through teary eyes, he was grinning victoriously and Alec’s heart jumped traitorously in his chest.

“You know,” Alec managed to say eventually, his nerves far more settled, “I think I’ve heard my brother use that line at least ten times, and I’ve never seen it go this well before.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow and stepped directly into Alec’s space, so they were practically chest-to-chest. “It’s going well, then?”

Alec bit his lip to try and keep himself from grinning any wider. “I’d say you’re already doing pretty well for yourself.”

“Is that so?”

Alec hummed, feeling far braver than usual and bringing his hand up to hover just above Magnus’s waist. Magnus raised his other eyebrow and leaned his body into Alec’s hand without even looking down.

“Before I do get that number, however,” Magnus said, trailing off slightly and looking nervous for the first time since Alec had spotted him, fidgeting with the multitude of rings on his fingers, “you should know, I don’t do one-night stands.”

Alec released a tension in his shoulders that he hadn’t even realized he was holding. His smile came much easier and he didn’t even hesitate before reaching into his pocket and offering Magnus his unlocked phone.

“Neither do I.”

Magnus laughed lightly and took the phone from Alec’s hands. Alec leaned forward and watched upside-down as Magnus put in his contact information (and Alec had to smother another laugh when Magnus put a ridiculous series of hearts in his contact name) and then texted himself from Alec’s phone.

“So, is ‘Alec’ short for something?” Magnus asked as he handed Alec back his phone and pulled out his own.

Alec shrugged. “Alexander, but no one calls me that.”

Magnus let out a teasing hum and Alec narrowed his eyes, leaning forward to read upside down once again and snorting when he saw that Magnus had set it as his contact name (along with another absurd series of emojis).

“Hopefully I haven’t pulled you away from your family for too long,” Magnus said after his phone was slipped away once again.

Alec shook his head and looked away, scanning the club for Izzy and Jace. “No, I--” 

His brow furrowed when he saw their previous table was empty. His eyes darted around for a moment before shooting over to where he remembered the redhead and her nerdy friend standing. Sure enough, there Jace and Isabelle were. Alec snorted.

“Seems like my brother finally went after that redhead he was eyeing.”

Magnus’s eyes lit up. “Redhead, you say?” He glanced back at the table Alec had been looking at. “It looks like we don’t have to part so soon, my dear Alexander. That just so happens to be my party.”

Alec smiled. “Before we head back, I should warn you…”

Magnus raised his eyebrows again and leaned back into Alec’s space. Alec chuckled nervously.

“Jace and Izzy play this game, who can get the number of the hottest person in the club or something like that. Before I left, they were better on who would get one of your friends’ numbers first.”

Magnus snorted a laugh. “Well, I wish much luck to whoever tries to go after Clary.” Then he got a sly look on his face. “And? Who’s winning?”

Alec cocked a playful eyebrow. “The bet, or the game?”

“Either.”

Alec grinned and pulled Magnus in even closer by his hips. “Tonight? Pretty certain it’s me.”

Magnus hummed and gave him a once-over. “I don’t know, I’m pretty sure I’m in the running for first place, too.”

Alec hoped the odd lighting of the club helped to hide his blush, but based off Magnus’s triumphant smile, it didn’t do much. They didn’t linger by the bar much longer, grabbing themselves some drinks and fighting their way through the crowd back to Magnus’s table. Izzy smiled wide when she saw him.

“Alec! We were starting to worry that you got lost!”

And then her eyes drifted over to Magnus, and the fact that there was very little space between the two of them, and they widened. Alec glared at her, but Izzy just smirked. Thankfully, she didn’t say anything right away, turning back to the nerdy boy, who looked incredibly flustered to be in her presence and seemed to be very carefully keeping his gaze solely on her face.

Jace, on the other hand, hadn’t even noticed their approach. He was too busy striking out with the redhead, who didn’t seem to be taking any of his shit. Good, Jace needed someone to knock some sense into him every once in a while, and it couldn’t always be him or Izzy.

“Clary, Simon,” Magnus announced his presence, sweeping into the circle around the table with a grand gesture. “This is Alexander.”

Izzy and Jace both turned to him with raised eyebrows, but Alec just rolled his eyes. He joined the table with a lot less flourish and gave an awkward wave to Magnus’s companions. Clary gave him a smile, while Simon still looked panicked to have Izzy standing so close.

“Don’t mind my siblings,” Alec said to them, gesturing to Izzy and Jace. “They’re idiots.”

Izzy and Jace made affronted noises, and Alec hid his grin against the lip of his drink. Magnus, however, was a lot less subtle, throwing back his head in laughter. Alec couldn’t help but stare at the long expanse of his neck, the necklaces that trailed down from it, bouncing against his collarbone and dancing down the exposed skin of his chest…

Alec shook himself and cleared his throat, managing to drag his eyes away from Magnus. Jace and Izzy were shooting him knowing looks, but Alec quickly looked away to try and deter their teasing, at least a little while longer, hopefully when they were no longer in Magnus’s earshot.

Instead, Alec tossed his arm over Magnus’s shoulders as casually as he could, burying a smile when Magnus immediately leaned into his side and rested his head on Alec’s shoulder. Then, when he looked down at Magnus, Magnus wiggled his eyebrows and nodded very deliberately in Jace’s direction. Alec grinned.

He leaned forward, careful not to jostle Magnus too much, and pulled out his phone, waving it tauntingly in front of Izzy and Jace.

“By the way? I won.”

Jace’s jaw dropped and Izzy clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes torn between pride and mirth. He knew he was going to get even more teasing for it later, but that didn’t matter, not when Magnus was tossing his head back into another one of those full-bodied laughs and gripping Alec’s bicep to help keep his balance.

So long as Alec got to hear that laugh for a long time coming, he would put up with all the teasing in the world.

#My writing #shadowhunters #malec #shadowhunters fanfic #malec fanfic #alec lightwood #magnus bane #jace wayland #or should it be #jace herondale #isabelle lightwood #izzy lightwood #clary and simon are there but they dont speak so i'm not tagging them lol

[padme-amitabha]

Is Anakin a Mary Sue?

Now it may shock you to learn this but it turns out that Disney Star Wars is kind of a contentious topic. The fandom's been more or less divided between those who like the sequel trilogy and those who like good movies but both groups spend a great deal of time slinging [ __ ] at each other over every form of social media known to man and truly no battleground is more fiercely contested than the protagonist of each trilogy. People who hate the Disney trilogy tend to criticize Rey for being an overpowered, flawless, perfect, invincible and unrelatable character for whom everything just kind of happens with no real struggle or difficulty a Mary Sue if you will.

Meanwhile supporters of the sequel trilogy are quick to leap to her defense usually with one of two potential counter arguments:  1. You just hate strong women 2. So what if she's op as [ __ ] Anakin Skywalker from the prequels was a Mary Sue too and you don't criticize him. You just hate strong women. This argument was brought into sharp focus for me the other day when I was perusing twitter in search of calm, logical, rational discussion about the merits of the sequel trilogy and I chanced upon this little gem of a comment. Ah yes that famously perfect protagonist who wins everything, always makes the right decisions, has a selfless and compassionate personality, and is universally loved and respected by everyone. Well random twitter [ __ ] as it turns out, I am ready to have that conversation right now. So saddle up y'all because the drinker's here to round up this [ __ ] and put an end to this argument once and for all. Let us journey deep into the world of the Star Wars prequels and see if we can figure out whether Anakin Skywalker really is a Mary Sue.

Now in order to do this, we have to nail down what exactly a Mary Sue is. Well according to the dictionary definition it's a term used to describe a fictional character, usually female, who is seen as too perfect and almost boring for lack of flaws originally written as an idealized version of an author in fanfiction. Now the finer points of what makes a Mary Sue can vary depending on who you talk to but after consulting multiple sources and drawing upon my own experiences as a writer, there's a few common traits that I think most people would generally agree on:

1.      Mary Sues usually possess skills and abilities that are not consistent with their situation and personal history. They can do stuff they shouldn't realistically be able to and they can do it better than anyone else.

2.      They usually possess flawless idealized personalities that no real person could measure up to they never give in to negative emotions like anger, greed, jealousy, selfishness or arrogance.

3.      They're universally loved respected and embraced by every good character they encounter even when there's no logical reason for this to happen.

4.      They never get seriously challenged, fail at anything or get beaten by anyone, success and victory come easily to them.

5.      They always make good decisions and strive to do what's right in any situation so why is this actually a problem.

Well I think the answer should be obvious, Mary Sues are boring as [ __ ]. If a character has got no flaws or weaknesses and never really gets challenged or tested by anything then what is there to get invested in?

It's the flaws and failings of a character that make them interesting in the first place and their struggle to rise above and overcome these flaws that make them so compelling. If these things are missing from a character, then there's nothing for the audience to latch onto or care about. There's nothing to like or root for. That's the essence of a Mary Sue and that's what we're going to be looking at here. So, with that in mind let's see how Anakin stacks up against this list shall we?

Point number one: Being overpowered and having abilities that he shouldn't. Now this more than anything else is what people tend to latch onto when they criticize Anakin and who can blame them really? On the surface it seems pretty ridiculous to see a nine-year-old boy doing stuff like this autopilot but let's put it into a wider context, shall we? When we first meet Anakin in The Phantom Menace, he's a slave living with his mother on Tatooine. He's spent most of his life salvaging junk and using it to make new stuff that can marginally improve their quality of life. As a result, he's become pretty good with technology. Well that makes sense, I guess. He's even applied these technical skills to pod racing where he's been fairly successful despite suffering at least one major crash that we know about. Again, this kind of makes sense when you consider he's strong with the force which would likely give him heightened perception reactions and understanding of the world around him, you know qualities that are important to high performance racing drivers. Anyway, his racing abilities allow the main characters to win an engine part that they need to repair their ship as well as enough money to buy his freedom. Sensing his importance Qui-Gon Jinn takes him under his wing and begins to teach him about the force. Remember when older mentor characters were allowed to teach the protagonist things? I miss that. He also takes part in a space battle that destroys an enemy mothership at the climax of the movie. Now as goofy as this scene is in its execution, it's not actually inconsistent with Anakin’s abilities and experiences. If you've worked around technology vehicles and ships your entire life and you can pilot a racing pod to a high standard then it stands to reason that you could probably operate other types of spacecraft as well, particularly if you have a droid on board to manage most of the ship's systems for you. However, for the sake of argument let's concede the Anakin in The Phantom Menace is indeed more skilled competent and capable than your average person.

So, what kind of effect would this have on a young man from an impoverished background suddenly thrust into a much larger world of power, politics and opportunity? Well that brings me neatly along to point number two: Mary Sues are supposed to have flawless personalities never giving in to anger, jealousy, resentment, vengeance or ambition. All throughout the second and third movies in the prequel trilogy, Anakin displays an increasingly severe set of personality flaws that begin to undermine his position in the world and his relationship with other characters. He's impetuous and hot-headed, frequently rushing into dangerous situations without waiting for backup or considering the risk to himself particularly when someone he cares about is in danger. Keep that one in mind because it'll be important later. He's ambitious but also impatient, feeling like he's been unfairly held back by other characters, particularly Obi-Wan Kenobi, and this resentment causes a growing rift between the two men that eventually spills out into open conflicts. Rather than taking the longer and harder path to wisdom and understanding, Anakin wants everything right away. He also cares deeply about people close to him and this attachment often manifests in explosive bites of anger and jealousy when he feels that they're being threatened like when his mother gets kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders, causing Anakin to go on a violent rampage that escalates into wholesale slaughter. Afterwards even he's shocked by what he did or when he believes that Padme has turned against him by Obi-Wan Kenobi, causing him to lash out violently against both of them. By this point he's been totally consumed by uncontrolled jealousy anger resentment and betrayal. All of the emotions that lead to the dark side of the force. The point here is clear: if you [ __ ] with someone he cares about then mercy and compassion go right out the window.

All of his skills, abilities and potential which seemed so overpowered and unnecessary in the first movie in fact serve a very important purpose for his character development. They've generated a sense of superiority, arrogance and overconfidence, and a reluctance to listen to criticism or advice no matter how well intentioned they might be. These are dangerous flaws in his personality all by themselves but combined with his overwhelming emotional attachment to people he cares about it creates a potent cocktail of reckless ambition and deep-seated insecurity that makes him uniquely vulnerable to manipulation something which will later prove disastrous because while Mary Sues are universally loved respected and trusted by everyone, Anakin certainly isn't in the first movie. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu and Yoda are all against training Anakin to become a Jedi despite his obvious potential because they know he's already too old to be inducted. This lack of early discipline in his life would leave a dangerous gap in his personality, making him unpredictable and less able to control his emotions, two factors which are extremely dangerous for Jedi. These misgivings would carry over to the next two movies where Anakin is elevated to the Jedi high council on Palpatine’s orders but the council itself refuses to grant him the rank of master because they feel he hasn't earned it yet. Now a different man would see this as an opportunity to prove himself by working hard and earning their trust eventually winning them over and gaining the recognition he deserves but Anakin takes this as a personal insult from the council which drives a deeper wedge between him and a Jedi order which he believes will never truly respect or accept him. Wow it's almost like Palpatine knew this was going to happen and engineered the whole thing to pull Anakin closer to him portraying himself as the only one who can help Anakin realize his full potential. It's a surprisingly smart piece of characterization that's completely consistent with everything we know about both men. The higher Anakin rises the more it stokes the fire of his ambition and superiority and the more he comes to see anyone who doubts or cautions him as a threat to his success. This arrogance and overconfidence also causes him to test himself against powerful opponents before he's actually ready for them and unlike Mary sues who easily win every battle they have to fight, Anakin’s recklessness causes an escalating series of losses like here where he tries to take on count Dooku all by himself and it ends with Anakin getting his [ __ ] arm sliced off. But his desire for revenge against the man who defeated him ultimately causes a more powerful and better prepared Anakin to execute him in the following movie, again proving his willingness to give into vengeance and anger even against helpless opponents or here in his climactic confrontation with Obi-Wan where his enemy has the advantage but Anakin presses the attack anyway and well I think we know how that turns out. Just as a side note I love how this carries over to Return of the Jedi. See Luke’s taking the high ground here just like Obi-Wan did.

What we have here is a clear pattern of behavior from a man whose ambitions consistently outstrip his abilities. Rather than demonstrating patience and restraint and taking the slower and harder path to lasting wisdom and fulfillment, Anakin’s inherent character flaws cause him to push himself beyond breaking point with increasingly disastrous consequences which brings me neatly along to the final points: whereas Mary Sues consistently make good righteous decisions and always strive to do the correct thing, Anakin on the other hand demonstrates a consistent pattern of mistakes and misjudgments that ultimately cost him everything. As I've already shown you the flaws in his personality are exacerbated by his powers and abilities making him easy prey for a ruthlessly ambitious man that knows exactly how to flatter his ambitions and prey on his weaknesses this eventually causes him to commit terrible crimes like murdering an entire tribe including unarmed civilians murdering children, executing a helpless opponent, helping to kill a jedi master, trying to murder his own wife, trying to kill his mentor and best friend, joining forces with an evil dictator to overthrow the republic, delivering this scene…

What I’m trying to say with all this is that Anakin Skywalker is the very furthest thing from a Mary Sue that you can get. Trying to label him as a Mary Sue for no other reason than because he's good at lots of stuff demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of what a Mary Sue is and also of who Anakin is. The reality is that he's a powerful but deeply flawed man whose unique combination of circumstances and abilities have created a dangerous personality that's vulnerable to manipulation and corruption his greatest strengths ultimately proved to be his most terrible weaknesses with consequences that echo across the entire galaxy. Now I have my own thoughts on the prequel trilogy as a whole and I’d be lying if I said they were great movies but fundamentally I think the story they tell is actually pretty [ __ ] good and I’m just gonna say it: Anakin’s rise to power and fall to the dark side is a damn good piece of character work that Disney would have done well to pay more attention to. Anyway, that's all I’ve got for today. Go away now.

I would argue the prequels are great movies but he makes some very good points. I have seen so many Disney fans claim Anakin is a Mary Sue, when he’s anything but a Mary Sue. 

#star wars #anakin skywalker #star wars prequels #rey #star wars prequel trilogy #padme amidala #obi wan kenobi #the phantom menace #the attack of the clones #the revenge of the sith #darth vader #sw prequels #tpm #aotc #rots #star wars sequel trilogy #anti disney #anti disney star wars #padmé amidala #the critical drinker #YouTube #prequel defense #ob-wan kenobi

[fanfiction-funtime]

Alexander Vodka lines

I did most of the characters, but some I don't know or genuinely can't think of anything. Hope this is good >-<

Hello: Hey there, your that Traveler fella ain’t ya? Hope I don't owe you copyrights for  the name. Hm? I don’t? Well then, what can I help ya with?

Adventures? Sure why not, I could use the inspiration.

Two names: You’re curious why I have two names? Well it's sort of a thing in Snezhnaya that officers and other high ranking people have two names, like how harbingers do. Since I’m a high ranking member of the Schneznayan authors association, well former member, I have the name “Eis Cay’zar” meaning “ice ruler”. And Alexander Vodka is a pen name. Hm? What's my resistance name and real one? Well now Traveler, a man must have some secrets.

Change of tone: Ah yes, people often find the way I change from more eloquent speech to more casual off putting. Well it's the same reason I wear two sets of clothes: sometimes I feel like looking like an old noir hero, other times I like looking like a new age caped crusader. Sometimes I like sounding high society, other times I enjoy sounding like I’m from Khaen’ria.

How do you know about Khaen’ria: Well I was looking for accents and found out about a place called “New York” or something, a bit of investigation and I discovered everything. My source? That's a secret, ehe.

Good morning: Mornin’ Traveler! What's in the mornin’ paper?

Noon: Lunch time, my favourite time of the day. Let’s go get some pizza, I’m famished!

Afternoon: Almost time to punch out, let's go knock some skulls first.

Night: *yawn* Today was fun, thanks buddy. Get some shut eye, or if you can't come meet me at (wanmin/angels share/the tea house), first rounds on me!

When it rains: I am so glad I got over my fear of contacts.

When it rains(with glasses outfit): Hey can we get under something? I can barely see!

When it stops raining: The smell that comes after rain has always been one of my favorites.

When it snows: Perfect weather to bundle up with a nice hot cup of hot chocolate!

When it stops snowing: Do you ever miss home, Traveler?

About freedom: I warned Barbados, you know that? I knew that as long as he saw it coming, Signora wouldn’t stand a chance. But he just looked at me and said, “good, when I’m gone mondstadt will be truly free of the gods”. That’s a man I’d follow to the depths of the abyss and back.

About Venti: Speaking of Barbados, he’s a great drinking buddy. Me and him knock back a couple hundred rounds whenever I’m in Mondstadt! Course I’m always paying the tab, but I consider it a way of repaying him for making songs about my books.

About Kaeya: The cavalry captain? He’s pretty cool if you ask me, modeled as Rex Mondoleon for the cover of a historical fiction book I made. But I’d still like to know what he’s hiding behind that smile.

About Diluc: Don’t tell him I told you this, but one time I found Diluc after he was hit by an abyss spell that made him drunk. While he was drunk he kept ranting about how sorry he is for kicking out his brother. The poor guy has all that forgiveness in him but he’s too afraid to let it out.

About Jean: The acting grandmaster of the knights is someone truly deserving of respect. She leads by being a good person and earning the respect of her people, and she has never once tried to cover up the mistakes of the knights. In fact if a knight makes a mistake she’ll rush out to fix it. Jean should be the grandmaster, not that crooked old bastard.

About Lisa: Lisa was my first friend in Mondstadt. She mailed me about getting copies of my books into the Mondstadt library, I said I’d do a signing to promote a new one, one thing led to another and now we have tea every ninth day of the month.

About Rosaria: Don’t tell anyone, but I’m very sure she’s a vampire. A nice one, but still.

About Barbara: Awe that little doll? I once saw her kill multiple fatui because they threatened some sick and injured travelers. So I think she’s a great person, takes compassion to save lives and guts to handle taking them as well.

About Bennett: Bennett? Yeah I know him, nice kid. He likes my books but kept breaking them, so now I make special enchanted ones so he can’t break them even if he tried.

About Razor: The guardian of wolvendom? He’s a weird one alright, but he’s not a bad guy. I taught him how to read and write.

About Fischl: That crazy kid? I don’t care what everyone else says, she’s nice. People need to learn to just leave people alone, she’s not hurting anyone with her persona.

About Noelle: You will never find someone more dedicated too...well anything than Noelle is too the knights and her training.

About Klee: Klee and I are great friends! Nothing is more stimulating than massive explosions!

About Amber: She always has interesting stories to tell, like one time where she got rid of some bandits by making a dummy merchant cart filled with explosives! Or the time she had to help a kid get her pet giant snake out from the cathedral!

About Zhongli: Heh, he thinks he’s slick, but I know he’s Rex Lapis. Gotta say I kinda hate him for just giving up his gnosis, however he did it to free his people so I can’t be mad.

About Ninnguang: Never much cared for economics because I don’t know much about ‘em, so I can’t say anything about her business sense. But I can say that she’s a great leader who puts her people first.

About Keqing: Haven’t talked to her enough to know much, but she’s dedicated to her people and that's enough for me. Her dislike of blind faith in the gods is definitely enough to make me want to get to know her better though.

About Qiqi: Qiqi’s a nice kid, I don’t care what anyone says her being a zombie doesn’t make her bad.

About Baizhu: Snake man? Nice guy, helps me be accurate in my books. Always worry about him though, one hot breeze and he’s out like a light.

About Xingqiu: Xingqiu always tries to hide his good deeds, and while I can respect anonymity I can’t let a hero go unsung. So I’ve written multiple short stories about him using a different name, and put in the beginnings that it’s based on a true story.

About Chongyun: His popsicles are great inventions, I’ve played around with the idea a bit and made flavored ones. So far I’ve got strawberry and grape down and am working on this weird fruit called a..Banananana? I think?

About Beidou: Captain Beidou is so cool! She tells me stories about her journeys out to see and I write about them, but after seeing her in action I can’t really say that I do her justice.

About Kazuha: Kazuha has suffered so much, yet he refuses to give up and curl up away from the world when he so easily could. I have immense respect for him.

About Xianling: You’d be surprised at how good slime and boar tusk can be.

About Xiao: I’ve written down many myths and legends of the yaksha, but sadly I've never seen him in person.

About Verr Goldet: Oh she’s great company! Good business sense, and always polite.

About Gorou: Many people rightly attribute the Resistance’s survival and victories to general Kokomi, but it’s wrong to say general Gorou isn’t a brilliant strategist. He knows how to rally his men against impossible odds, and how to keep them standing against them. I’d follow general Gorou into battle any day.

About Ayaka: Ayaka seems so lonely, I hope when this is all done she can have some form of social life.

About Thoma: Thoma’s as cool as he seems. He always has a level head, and solves problems smoothly and without issues.

About Yoimia: KABOOOM!

About Kokomi: One time I was doing an interview of her excellency, to boost morale and draw new members. I intended on asking for her autograph, only for her to ask for mine! I’ve been riding that high for a while now and still ain’t come down.

About Signora: I hate fatui, but without that she has some good qualities: most of her power is her own unlike most other harbingers, and she’s a sharp dresser. Plus she’s actually justified in her choice to join the fatui, not excused, but isolation can justify many crimes in my book. But no matter what I can’t forgive her. She attacked my friend without a chance for him to fight back, and was unfairly cruel. Nothing can justify that, and I will not forgive her as long as she remains unapologetic for her cowardly cruelty.

About Childe: Fatui are scum, but Childe’s probably the best of them: he personally tries to keep civilians and the weak out of fatui business, and he’s only in it to make sure his family lives well. He also is powerful on his own, but most of his strength is the Tsaritsa’s well deserved gifts. Still though, he’s just a single stressful day from losing all his morals. I can’t leave the fate of my homeland to a madman like him, not unless he gets therapy.

About Scaramouche: Scaramouche...that bastard, it’s been five years and he still owes me 30,061 mora.

About the Fatui: The fatui are really just people who are lost or genuinely believe they’re in the right, and while I can sympathize and respect many of them I can't agree nor can I just stand by and watch. The grunts usually aren’t that bad, honestly they’re more like underpaid graduates new to the workforce, but the fighters you see daily? Almost all of them are scum no better than raiders, and debt collectors are the worst of them because they’ll do anything they can to scam you out of everything in their contracts.

About us-commissions: You know, if you’d like to commission a biography it’s 100 mora per ten pages.

About us-inspiration: You’re a font of inspiration for me, ya know that?

About us-fellow rebels: I’ve been with ya enough to know that this path you’re on, the one to find your sis/bro, you’re fighting against something far beyond my ability to deal with. I won’t abandon you, I’ll be here every step of the way.

About us-friends: We’ve been through a lot pal, I’m glad to call you my friend. Please, call me my rebel name: it’s Belgrade, named after the city where some very brave men took their last stand against oppression.

Hobbies: Well you have reading and writing, otherwise? Can't think of anything.

Favorite food: Grilled tiger fish, come get it while it’s hot!

Least favorite food: I really wanna try it, but I can’t have almond tofu. Or any nuts. Closes my throat right up.

Something to share: Hehe, I got embarrassing dirt on all the harbingers. Signora? She has a Tsaritsa body pillow. Scaramouche? He knits sweaters for his pet pig, cute but he hates letting people know. And Childe? Hoo man, the pics I’ve got on him have put a pretty mora on my head.

About me: Hey have you seen my dice? I wanted to teach the mondstadt kids how to play them...hm? What?! No, not gambling! It’s, uh, a tad embarrassing...h-hey look! Literally anything else, let's pay attention to it!

About me II: Alright! These rolls are great, can’t wait to use them next game. I’m so proud of Fischl, so young yet so imaginative. She’s already-ah! T-traveler! What are you doing?..

You know I’m the one meant to be learning the secrets here.

About me III: Back in Snezhnaya, everyone looks down on things that don’t “conform” where even the most rigid of nations like Inazuma have stopped caring. Adults can't play games, men can’t wear dresses, can’t even have a “weird” sense of humor. No laws against it, but being outcasted is...it’s not good…

About me IV: I wish I grew up in Mondstadt. The kids there are so free to be themselves, and the adults aren’t pressured to be nothing more than working hands. It’s not perfect, after all people are rude to Fischl and Benny for being “different”, but it’s better that’s for sure.

About me V: Hey traveler...this is...no it’s not embarrassing. You’re my friend and I have no reason to be embarrassed by wanting to enjoy time with you! Fischl’s going to run a pen and paper dice game, ever played one? It’s super fun, you get to be anything you want really, and it’s a great way to bond.

You will? Great! I’ll help you make a character!

Alexander’s troubles: It’s so hard to find publishers these days. Noone wants an actual plot, they just want twist after twist. What’s up with that?! Shock value is no substitute for characters you love living fulfilling lives.

Happy birthday: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday you crazy bastard, happy birthday to you! Seriously pal, you put yourself in harm's way every day it seems, we literally met when you were fighting an actual god! Actually, know what? No danger all day! We’re wrapping ourselves in blankets and just relaxing!

Feelings about ascension-intro: woah, somethin’ feels different. I like it!

Feelings about ascension-building up: man, I’m feeling inspired all of a sudden! Hey traveller, give me a prompt!

Feelings about ascension-climax: HA! I don’t know what high I’m riding but I like it, I just finished writing a whole book series!

Feelings about ascension-conclusion: WOO! YEAH! ULRICH MIKAEL KEEPS WINNIN’!-I-I meant Alexand-ah forget it, I’m feelin’ too good to care!

OCs:

About Louis: That crazy inventor guy from Fontaine? I heard he got used by the fatui, damn shame that. Noone deserves to have their heart played with like that.

About Spritefather: You ever heard of Spritefather? I’ve only heard legends, but the fanmail I keep getting tells me that sometimes things are only legendary until someone writes them down.

About the Storytraveler: There’s this woman who travels from universe to universe to fix things, she’s in Teyvat right now. You should meet her, really nice person. But her powers are a bit weird, why does she transform like that? It takes so much time!

_____________________

Tagging: @love-psxlm, @storytravelled, @genshin-obsessed, @golden-wingseos

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin oc

[artificialqueens]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer), Chapter 8 (Branjie, Jankie) - Joley

ao3

Chapter Summary: More people talk some sense into Jackie, then Jackie finally talks to Jan. Meanwhile, the adoption process continues for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.

Jackie had recovered after the initial breakdown. She had the wherewithal to realize she might have overreacted a bit, but the emotions she felt, the hurt she had, it was real. And she was eternally grateful for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa for helping her through it.

But now she was left in limbo, in a purgatory of her creation. It was hard enough for her to admit to herself that she had developed romantic feelings for Jan, acting on them was a whole other story. And it frustrated the hell out of her. She’s smart. She’s articulate. If she had a point to make, everyone in the room would receive the message loud and clear.

And yet, even thinking about Jan made her tongue-tied. She felt like she was back in high school with a hopeless crush. Though, she never had sex with any of her crushes. Further unlike past crushes, she knew she had to do something about it. She had spent a couple of days spitballing plans, either alone or with Brooke and Vanessa, but nothing seemed to be the one.

“You know none of this would’ve happened if you just talked to her in the first place, right?” Jaida asked after having been caught up on her friend’s romantic turmoil.

Jackie rolled her eyes and absentmindedly stirred her coffee as she spoke. “Yes, Jaida. I know none of this would’ve happened if I had been upfront with my feelings. Happy?”

“Admitting it is the first step,” she nodded simply.

“Great,” she retorted flatly, then paused to sip from her mug. “Then what’s step two? That’s kind of where I’m stuck at.”

Jaida strummed her fingers against the table as she thought. “Have you talked to this Nicky girl? Not like in a catfight kinda way but just to get the tea on what’s happening between them or whatever.”

Jackie blinked, then furrowed her brows. She hadn’t thought of that at all – to an extent, it seemed like that would be a complete overstep and only make things worse. But on the other, it couldn’t hurt to simply clear the air, right? “You think it’ll help?”

“I think it’s worth a shot. And if not, please make sure someone films the catfight, ‘cause I’d pay good money to see that shit.”

Jackie had spent the better part of the day thinking about it, weighing out the pros and cons. She eventually came to the conclusion that Jaida was right, it was better to know where everyone stood before she made any moves with Jan. On top of that, she knew she had to act fast, the fear that if she didn’t, Jan could easily move on with Nicky if she wanted to.

And the thought of that made Jackie’s heart ache - the thought that all of this emotional turmoil could be all for naught if Jan ended up choosing someone else. The worst part of that was knowing she would only have herself to blame if that happened.

But all of her emotions had to fall to the wayside if she wanted to have a calm discussion with Nicky. Her heart was pounding as she approached her, though she did her damndest not to let it show. “Hey… It’s Nicky, right? You have a minute?”

“Oh, I should have seen this coming,” Nicky chuckled softly. “Of course I do. May I be so bold as to assume this is about Jan?”

Jackie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. She supposed she should have anticipated Nicky recognizing her and putting two and two together. “Well… Yes.”

Nicky shook her head as she sat down at the table, gesturing for Jackie to join her. “Before you ask, Jan and I are not dating. Our relationship is strictly sexy friendship. Don’t get me wrong, she’s lovely, but I have a strict ‘no dating before graduation’ policy. Personally, I don’t want anything getting in the way of a proper university life experience, if you know what I mean.”

Listening to Nicky was a lot more reassuring than Jackie had anticipated. She took solace in knowing this unfairly beautiful girl wasn’t a romantic rival. “So… You and Jan are friends with benefits, not dating, because you’re not interested in dating,” she nodded slowly. “But does she…”

“Fancy me?” Nicky finished, then shook her head. “Not in that way. I think I am a comfort to her. And I do not mind that role. Plus, to be completely honest, I believe she has the feelings for you.”

Jackie blinked rapidly, her heart skipping a beat and her brain momentarily short-circuiting. “You do? What, um, what makes you think that?”

Nicky shrugged. “She wanted to make you jealous. To me, you only try to get that reaction out of someone you have romantic interest with,” she explained. “She tries not to talk about you often, but when she does… there is something there.”

“Oh,” she cleared her suddenly dry throat, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “That’s good to know.”

“At the risk of overstepping, though that’s never stopped me before, I think you should tell her,” she said. “Seems like you’ve got a lot to work out. Lot of messy feelings.”

Jackie chuckled awkwardly. “You’re not the first person to say that. Not even the first person to say that today. Guess I really don’t have a choice, huh?”

“You always have a choice,” Nicky replied. “But I think you know which one to make.”

——

“You seem a lot more calm lately,” Gigi observed. “But distracted. What’s on your mind?”

Jan shrugged, picking at her plate with her fork, pushing her food around and only occasionally taking a bite. “I don’t know… I tend to worry that maybe I’m putting too much focus on my romantic life. Everything else is going well, but it kind of feels like a house of cards, you know?”

Gigi furrowed her brows. “It kind of sounds like you’re looking for something to worry about to avoid dealing with your actual problems.”

“Maybe,” she sighed. “I’m just waiting for… I don’t know, some sort of sign.” Before she could say anything else, her phone went off. “That was a little too on the nose…”

Despite her suspicions, she asked, “Who is it?”

Jan looked up from her phone. “It’s Jackie. She wants to know if I’m free tonight.”

“Which you are,” Gigi pointedly interjected.

She let out a dry laugh. “Which I am,” she confirmed and texted her back. “God, I hope we come away from this knowing where we stand with each other.”

“What if she asks you to stop sleeping with Nicky? Didn’t this all start over her feeling some type of way about that situation?”

Jan hesitated for a beat. “If she wants any say in who I sleep with, she’s gotta step up. You know, make an honest woman out of me.”

Gigi tilted her head. “You want her to propose?”

“No, no, but I can’t take the ambiguity anymore. Ask me out or cut me loose,” she took a deep breath. “Even if she doesn’t want me, I just need to know.”

Her friend looked at her with a sincere concern, as well as some confusion. “Jan, do you actually think there’s a chance she doesn’t want you? After all of this?”

Jan looked down, chewing on her lip. “I don’t know. Maybe I waited too long and she got over me. There’s only one way to find out, right?”

There was, as far as she was concerned. So, Jan emotionally collected herself as much as she could as she prepared to see Jackie. She had showered and did her hair, put on something nice while trying not to look like she was trying too hard. In an odd way, it felt like she was getting ready for both a job interview and a first date while it was distinctly neither.

She had to stop her hand from shaking as she knocked on Jackie’s door. She listened for Jackie’s footsteps to drown out her own heartbeat. This was her last chance to run, to avoid the confrontation for just a bit longer, to–

“Hey, Jan, come in.”

Her voice brought Jan’s train of thought to a grinding halt and she nodded, following Jackie inside without a word, though she did allow herself to take a few deep, leveling breaths.

Jackie sat down on the couch and waited for Jan to join her before speaking. “Listen, I don’t want you to think I went behind your back by doing this, but I talked to Nicky yesterday… Actually, she did most of the talking. But it was a good conversation nonetheless.”

Jan’s brows knitted as she listened. She wondered if that was why she hadn’t heard from Nicky today – she had merely assumed she was busy. “So you guys talked… Am I safe in assuming this has to do with us?”

“Well, yes,” Jackie rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat. “Jan, I…” Suddenly, everything she had prepared to say disappeared from her mind, a blank space in its place. There was a beat of hesitation before she decided to just speak from her heart. “I’ve been so fucking stupid. I’ve been driving myself crazy with guilt and fear and denial when I should’ve just been honest from the beginning.”

Jan swallowed thickly and leaned closer, nodding and gesturing for her to continue. “Being honest how?”

Jackie gently took Jan’s hand, looking her in the eye. “I should’ve just admitted how much I like you as soon as I realized it. How much I hated when you didn’t spend the night because I loved waking up to you in the morning. I should’ve just told you I was jealous of Nicky and asked you out instead of pushing you away and towards her.” She didn’t realize just how fast she had been talking until she paused to catch her breath. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m crazy about you, Jan. I want to be with you and– are you… Jan, are you crying?”

“No,” Jan blinked rapidly – she had spent far too long on her makeup to let any tears ruin it. “I’m fine, I just… I didn’t realize how much of a relief it’d be to finally hear you say that,” she admitted. Once she had collected herself, she moved closer to Jackie and cupped her face, placing a deep kiss to her lips. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

Jackie felt her whole body relax. She gingerly raked her fingers through Jan’s hair as she reciprocated the kiss, then rest their foreheads together. “Good, because I’m not letting you go any time soon.”

The two of them sat in blissful silence for a few moments, until Jan broke it. “What happens now?”

“Whatever we want, I suppose,” she shrugged, laying back on the couch and pulling Jan on top of her. “We don’t have anything else to do, anywhere else to be, we can just be with each other.”

Jan smiled and laid comfortably on top of Jackie. “I like the sound of that,” she told her as she pressed kisses along her jaw. “But at the same time, why stop at just being?”

Jackie arched her brow, resting her hand on the back of Jan’s head and craning her neck, allowing Jan more access as her lips traveled down. “Oh? What exactly are you implying, sweetheart?”

“I’m implying that we should consummate our relationship. You know, make it official. Bang.”

“Isn’t consummating when you do it for the first time?” Jackie asked. “Nevermind, not the point, killing the mood. Yes, let’s have sex. Bang.”

Jan giggled. “You know, I never specifically found the whole nerdy thing so sexy before you,” she mused, kissing and leaving hickies along Jackie’s neck, pausing only to take her shirt off. “You’ve just changed me, Jackie.”

Jackie rolled her eyes fondly. “Shut up.” She waited for Jan to take a break from marking her neck up to kiss her properly, to hold her tight as their tongues tangled and their hands roamed each other’s bodies. They were eager and haphazard in stripping each other, nearly falling off of the couch at a few points.

When they finally got themselves together, Jan was on top with her head between Jackie’s thighs and Jackie’s head between hers. Once in position, for a turn of phrase, everything fell into place. They held onto each other tightly, competing with each other to elicit louder moans, to make the other’s body tremble harder. Their tongues and fingers thrusted steadily, firmly, only to slowly become erratic when both girls got closer to finishing.

Jan ended up coming first, much to Jackie’s smug satisfaction. But she was as determined as ever to get Jackie off as well, and she did follow suit not long after.

The two of them laid contently in the post-coital haze. Jan turned herself around to rest her head on Jackie’s chest, rising and falling with her deep breaths. “It felt different this time,” she admitted quietly, “it was like my body felt more awake.”

Jackie gently rubbed Jan’s back, nodding as she listened. “I think I know what you mean. It was more intense, like we got to connect more, not just in the literal sense, of course.”

“Of course,” Jan echoed with a soft laugh, then glanced down for a moment. “So, this seals the deal? We’re girlfriends now?”

Jackie didn’t mean to giggle, but she couldn’t help it with how overwhelmingly cute it was. In the past hour, she had professed her feelings for Jan, then had sex with her, and Jan still wanted to hear that reassurance, to know just how wanted she was, and that there was no way to misunderstand it. “Yes, Jan. We are unquestionably girlfriends now,” she assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“My dear Jackie, there’s no one else I would rather be stuck with,” Jan cooed.

——

“She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes, you can go ahead and sit down in the meantime.”

“Thank you,” Brooke smiled politely at the receptionist before she and Vanessa took their seats on one of the couches in the spotlessly clean waiting room. She let out a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, then opening them to look at her wife. “Are you nervous?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip and swung her legs. “Kinda, yeah. But mostly excited, you know? Actually lookin’ through potential kids, possibly picking one to meet, one that could be ours, it’s a lot to let sink in.”

Brooke offered a reassuring smile and wrapped her arm around Vanessa. “I know, it doesn’t even fully feel real yet. It might not until we actually have the kid in front of us. But I think we’ll know when it’s right, and it will have all been worth it.”

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be such a good mommy.”

“So are you, baby,” she cooed and pressed a kiss to her head. She looked down when she heard her phone go off. “Oh, Jackie texted me.”

“More Jan problems?”

Brooke read the text, a bright smile taking over her face. “Actually, I think it’s the opposite of a problem. She said she and Jan talked things out yesterday and, I quote ‘among other things, winky face’, and now they’re in a relationship.”

Vanessa sat upright, eyes wide. “No shit, they finally worked their drama out, huh? Jan ain’t fucking the French girl no more either?”

“Apparently not,” she chuckled, sending Jackie a congratulatory text before putting her phone away. “I’m so happy for them. I feel like we need to get them a cake or something.”

“Vanessa? Brooke Lynn?” The receptionist pulled them from their conversation. “You guys can go down the hall to room 402.”

The couple stood up and said ‘thank you’ in unison, then made their way down the hall. The room they entered almost resembled a principal’s office. There was a teacher’s desk and two chairs, and the shelves and walls were adorned with various awards and group photos with children who, they assumed, had been through this agency.

The woman sitting at the desk seemed kind and happy to see them and gestured them in. “You must be Mrs. and Mrs. Hytes-Mateo, my name is Alisha. I’ve gone over your file and I’m excited to be working with you two.”

“Thank you, everyone has been so helpful so far and we’re really looking forward to taking the next step,” Brooke replied.

“Wonderful, now, based on your profiles and what we have on record so far, we have a few possible matches I’d like for you ladies to look at,” she said, taking a small stack of folders off the side of her desk and setting it in front for the two of them to look through.

What followed was several minutes of the two of them going back and forth between folders, discussing pros and cons, picturing how the different children would fit into their world. There were little things that withdrew some from the adoption pool – one was allergic to cats, another needed to live on the ground floor, things they’d taken into consideration, but not necessarily thought of mentioning.

But then Vanessa suddenly stopped, grabbing Brooke’s wrist to get her attention. “Boo, this is it. I just know it,” she pushed one of the folders into the center. “It’s her, she’s the one,” she insisted.

Brooke looked through the file, reading the information carefully, then looked at Vanessa with a smile. “Vanjie, baby, I think you are absolutely right.” She then redirected her attention to Alisha. “So, how do we put the wheels in motion?”

Alisha offered a warm smile and gestured for her to return the file. “Well, let’s see who you two settled on and we’ll get started.”

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #jan sport #jackie cox #branjie #jankie #lesbian au #university au #college au #smut #hold me tighter even closer #joley

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (8/?)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~24k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3 | ko-fi

Chapter Summary: More people talk some sense into Jackie, then Jackie finally talks to Jan. Meanwhile, the adoption process continues for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.

-

Jackie had recovered after the initial breakdown. She had the wherewithal to realize she might have overreacted a bit, but the emotions she felt, the hurt she had, it was real. And she was eternally grateful for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa for helping her through it.

But now she was left in limbo, in a purgatory of her creation. It was hard enough for her to admit to herself that she had developed romantic feelings for Jan, acting on them was a whole other story. And it frustrated the hell out of her. She’s smart. She’s articulate. If she had a point to make, everyone in the room would receive the message loud and clear.

And yet, even thinking about Jan made her tongue-tied. She felt like she was back in high school with a hopeless crush. Though, she never had sex with any of her crushes. Further unlike past crushes, she knew she had to do something about it. She had spent a couple of days spitballing plans, either alone or with Brooke and Vanessa, but nothing seemed to be the one.

“You know none of this would’ve happened if you just talked to her in the first place, right?” Jaida asked after having been caught up on her friend’s romantic turmoil.

Jackie rolled her eyes and absentmindedly stirred her coffee as she spoke. “Yes, Jaida. I know none of this would’ve happened if I had been upfront with my feelings. Happy?”

“Admitting it is the first step,” she nodded simply.

“Great,” she retorted flatly, then paused to sip from her mug. “Then what’s step two? That’s kind of where I’m stuck at.”

Jaida strummed her fingers against the table as she thought. “Have you talked to this Nicky girl? Not like in a catfight kinda way but just to get the tea on what’s happening between them or whatever.”

Jackie blinked, then furrowed her brows. She hadn’t thought of that at all – to an extent, it seemed like that would be a complete overstep and only make things worse. But on the other, it couldn’t hurt to simply clear the air, right? “You think it’ll help?”

“I think it’s worth a shot. And if not, please make sure someone films the catfight, ‘cause I’d pay good money to see that shit.”

Jackie had spent the better part of the day thinking about it, weighing out the pros and cons. She eventually came to the conclusion that Jaida was right, it was better to know where everyone stood before she made any moves with Jan. On top of that, she knew she had to act fast, the fear that if she didn’t, Jan could easily move on with Nicky if she wanted to.

And the thought of that made Jackie’s heart ache - the thought that all of this emotional turmoil could be all for naught if Jan ended up choosing someone else. The worst part of that was knowing she would only have herself to blame if that happened.

But all of her emotions had to fall to the wayside if she wanted to have a calm discussion with Nicky. Her heart was pounding as she approached her, though she did her damndest not to let it show. “Hey… It’s Nicky, right? You have a minute?”

“Oh, I should have seen this coming,” Nicky chuckled softly. “Of course I do. May I be so bold as to assume this is about Jan?”

Jackie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. She supposed she should have anticipated Nicky recognizing her and putting two and two together. “Well… Yes.”

Nicky shook her head as she sat down at the table, gesturing for Jackie to join her. “Before you ask, Jan and I are not dating. Our relationship is strictly sexy friendship. Don’t get me wrong, she’s lovely, but I have a strict ‘no dating before graduation’ policy. Personally, I don’t want anything getting in the way of a proper university life experience, if you know what I mean.”

Listening to Nicky was a lot more reassuring than Jackie had anticipated. She took solace in knowing this unfairly beautiful girl wasn’t a romantic rival. “So… You and Jan are friends with benefits, not dating, because you’re not interested in dating,” she nodded slowly. “But does she…”

“Fancy me?” Nicky finished, then shook her head. “Not in that way. I think I am a comfort to her. And I do not mind that role. Plus, to be completely honest, I believe she has the feelings for you.”

Jackie blinked rapidly, her heart skipping a beat and her brain momentarily short-circuiting. “You do? What, um, what makes you think that?”

Nicky shrugged. “She wanted to make you jealous. To me, you only try to get that reaction out of someone you have romantic interest with,” she explained. “She tries not to talk about you often, but when she does… there is something there.”

“Oh,” she cleared her suddenly dry throat, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “That’s good to know.”

“At the risk of overstepping, though that’s never stopped me before, I think you should tell her,” she said. “Seems like you’ve got a lot to work out. Lot of messy feelings.”

Jackie chuckled awkwardly. “You’re not the first person to say that. Not even the first person to say that today. Guess I really don’t have a choice, huh?”

“You always have a choice,” Nicky replied. “But I think you know which one to make.”

------

“You seem a lot more calm lately,” Gigi observed. “But distracted. What’s on your mind?”

Jan shrugged, picking at her plate with her fork, pushing her food around and only occasionally taking a bite. “I don’t know… I tend to worry that maybe I’m putting too much focus on my romantic life. Everything else is going well, but it kind of feels like a house of cards, you know?”

Gigi furrowed her brows. “It kind of sounds like you’re looking for something to worry about to avoid dealing with your actual problems.”

“Maybe,” she sighed. “I’m just waiting for… I don’t know, some sort of sign.” Before she could say anything else, her phone went off. “That was a little too on the nose…”

Despite her suspicions, she asked, “Who is it?”

Jan looked up from her phone. “It’s Jackie. She wants to know if I’m free tonight.”

“Which you are,” Gigi pointedly interjected.

She let out a dry laugh. “Which I am,” she confirmed and texted her back. “God, I hope we come away from this knowing where we stand with each other.”

“What if she asks you to stop sleeping with Nicky? Didn’t this all start over her feeling some type of way about that situation?”

Jan hesitated for a beat. “If she wants any say in who I sleep with, she’s gotta step up. You know, make an honest woman out of me.”

Gigi tilted her head. “You want her to propose?”

“No, no, but I can’t take the ambiguity anymore. Ask me out or cut me loose,” she took a deep breath. “Even if she doesn’t want me, I just need to know.”

Her friend looked at her with a sincere concern, as well as some confusion. “Jan, do you actually think there’s a chance she doesn’t want you? After all of this?”

Jan looked down, chewing on her lip. “I don’t know. Maybe I waited too long and she got over me. There’s only one way to find out, right?”

There was, as far as she was concerned. So, Jan emotionally collected herself as much as she could as she prepared to see Jackie. She had showered and did her hair, put on something nice while trying not to look like she was trying too hard. In an odd way, it felt like she was getting ready for both a job interview and a first date while it was distinctly neither.

She had to stop her hand from shaking as she knocked on Jackie’s door. She listened for Jackie’s footsteps to drown out her own heartbeat. This was her last chance to run, to avoid the confrontation for just a bit longer, to–

“Hey, Jan, come in.”

Her voice brought Jan’s train of thought to a grinding halt and she nodded, following Jackie inside without a word, though she did allow herself to take a few deep, leveling breaths.

Jackie sat down on the couch and waited for Jan to join her before speaking. “Listen, I don’t want you to think I went behind your back by doing this, but I talked to Nicky yesterday… Actually, she did most of the talking. But it was a good conversation nonetheless.”

Jan’s brows knitted as she listened. She wondered if that was why she hadn’t heard from Nicky today – she had merely assumed she was busy. “So you guys talked… Am I safe in assuming this has to do with us?”

“Well, yes,” Jackie rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat. “Jan, I…” Suddenly, everything she had prepared to say disappeared from her mind, a blank space in its place. There was a beat of hesitation before she decided to just speak from her heart. “I’ve been so fucking stupid. I’ve been driving myself crazy with guilt and fear and denial when I should’ve just been honest from the beginning.”

Jan swallowed thickly and leaned closer, nodding and gesturing for her to continue. “Being honest how?”

Jackie gently took Jan’s hand, looking her in the eye. “I should’ve just admitted how much I like you as soon as I realized it. How much I hated when you didn’t spend the night because I loved waking up to you in the morning. I should’ve just told you I was jealous of Nicky and asked you out instead of pushing you away and towards her.” She didn’t realize just how fast she had been talking until she paused to catch her breath. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m crazy about you, Jan. I want to be with you and– are you… Jan, are you crying?”

“No,” Jan blinked rapidly – she had spent far too long on her makeup to let any tears ruin it. “I’m fine, I just… I didn’t realize how much of a relief it’d be to finally hear you say that,” she admitted. Once she had collected herself, she moved closer to Jackie and cupped her face, placing a deep kiss to her lips. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

Jackie felt her whole body relax. She gingerly raked her fingers through Jan’s hair as she reciprocated the kiss, then rest their foreheads together. “Good, because I’m not letting you go any time soon.”

The two of them sat in blissful silence for a few moments, until Jan broke it. “What happens now?”

“Whatever we want, I suppose,” she shrugged, laying back on the couch and pulling Jan on top of her. “We don’t have anything else to do, anywhere else to be, we can just be with each other.”

Jan smiled and laid comfortably on top of Jackie. “I like the sound of that,” she told her as she pressed kisses along her jaw. “But at the same time, why stop at just being?”

Jackie arched her brow, resting her hand on the back of Jan’s head and craning her neck, allowing Jan more access as her lips traveled down. “Oh? What exactly are you implying, sweetheart?”

“I’m implying that we should consummate our relationship. You know, make it official. Bang.”

“Isn’t consummating when you do it for the first time?” Jackie asked. “Nevermind, not the point, killing the mood. Yes, let’s have sex. Bang.”

Jan giggled. “You know, I never specifically found the whole nerdy thing so sexy before you,” she mused, kissing and leaving hickies along Jackie’s neck, pausing only to take her shirt off. “You’ve just changed me, Jackie.”

Jackie rolled her eyes fondly. “Shut up.” She waited for Jan to take a break from marking her neck up to kiss her properly, to hold her tight as their tongues tangled and their hands roamed each other’s bodies. They were eager and haphazard in stripping each other, nearly falling off of the couch at a few points.

When they finally got themselves together, Jan was on top with her head between Jackie’s thighs and Jackie’s head between hers. Once in position, for a turn of phrase, everything fell into place. They held onto each other tightly, competing with each other to elicit louder moans, to make the other’s body tremble harder. Their tongues and fingers thrusted steadily, firmly, only to slowly become erratic when both girls got closer to finishing.

Jan ended up coming first, much to Jackie’s smug satisfaction. But she was as determined as ever to get Jackie off as well, and she did follow suit not long after.

The two of them laid contently in the post-coital haze. Jan turned herself around to rest her head on Jackie’s chest, rising and falling with her deep breaths. “It felt different this time,” she admitted quietly, “it was like my body felt more awake.”

Jackie gently rubbed Jan’s back, nodding as she listened. “I think I know what you mean. It was more intense, like we got to connect more, not just in the literal sense, of course.”

“Of course,” Jan echoed with a soft laugh, then glanced down for a moment. “So, this seals the deal? We’re girlfriends now?”

Jackie didn’t mean to giggle, but she couldn’t help it with how overwhelmingly cute it was. In the past hour, she had professed her feelings for Jan, then had sex with her, and Jan still wanted to hear that reassurance, to know just how wanted she was, and that there was no way to misunderstand it. “Yes, Jan. We are unquestionably girlfriends now,” she assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“My dear Jackie, there’s no one else I would rather be stuck with,” Jan cooed.

------

“She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes, you can go ahead and sit down in the meantime.”

“Thank you,” Brooke smiled politely at the receptionist before she and Vanessa took their seats on one of the couches in the spotlessly clean waiting room. She let out a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, then opening them to look at her wife. “Are you nervous?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip and swung her legs. “Kinda, yeah. But mostly excited, you know? Actually lookin’ through potential kids, possibly picking one to meet, one that could be ours, it’s a lot to let sink in.”

Brooke offered a reassuring smile and wrapped her arm around Vanessa. “I know, it doesn’t even fully feel real yet. It might not until we actually have the kid in front of us. But I think we’ll know when it’s right, and it will have all been worth it.”

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be such a good mommy.”

“So are you, baby,” she cooed and pressed a kiss to her head. She looked down when she heard her phone go off. “Oh, Jackie texted me.”

“More Jan problems?”

Brooke read the text, a bright smile taking over her face. “Actually, I think it’s the opposite of a problem. She said she and Jan talked things out yesterday and, I quote ‘among other things, winky face’, and now they’re in a relationship.”

Vanessa sat upright, eyes wide. “No shit, they finally worked their drama out, huh? Jan ain’t fucking the French girl no more either?”

“Apparently not,” she chuckled, sending Jackie a congratulatory text before putting her phone away. “I’m so happy for them. I feel like we need to get them a cake or something.”

“Vanessa? Brooke Lynn?” The receptionist pulled them from their conversation. “You guys can go down the hall to room 402.”

The couple stood up and said ‘thank you’ in unison, then made their way down the hall. The room they entered almost resembled a principal’s office. There was a teacher’s desk and two chairs, and the shelves and walls were adorned with various awards and group photos with children who, they assumed, had been through this agency.

The woman sitting at the desk seemed kind and happy to see them and gestured them in. “You must be Mrs. and Mrs. Hytes-Mateo, my name is Alisha. I’ve gone over your file and I’m excited to be working with you two.”

“Thank you, everyone has been so helpful so far and we’re really looking forward to taking the next step,” Brooke replied.

“Wonderful, now, based on your profiles and what we have on record so far, we have a few possible matches I’d like for you ladies to look at,” she said, taking a small stack of folders off the side of her desk and setting it in front for the two of them to look through.

What followed was several minutes of the two of them going back and forth between folders, discussing pros and cons, picturing how the different children would fit into their world. There were little things that withdrew some from the adoption pool – one was allergic to cats, another needed to live on the ground floor, things they’d taken into consideration, but not necessarily thought of mentioning.

But then Vanessa suddenly stopped, grabbing Brooke’s wrist to get her attention. “Boo, this is it. I just know it,” she pushed one of the folders into the center. “It’s her, she’s the one,” she insisted.

Brooke looked through the file, reading the information carefully, then looked at Vanessa with a smile. “Vanjie, baby, I think you are absolutely right.” She then redirected her attention to Alisha. “So, how do we put the wheels in motion?”

Alisha offered a warm smile and gestured for her to return the file. “Well, let’s see who you two settled on and we’ll get started.”

#jankie #branjie #rpdr rpf #rpdr fic

[ladynox]

(Fic) Milestones

Fandom: Roswell New Mexico

Relationships: Malexa

Summary:  Maria, Michael and Alex have been in a v poly relationship for years. Peacefully cohabiting together. That peace is upended when Maria realizes she's pregnant.

Notes: A thousand hugs to my wonderful beta @beautifulcheat. You are the best!

Chapter 1

Alex’s house was a little small for three people, but they made it work and it was cozy.But as Maria looked at the positive pregnancy test in her hand, she knew cozy wouldn’t really cut it anymore.

“Fuck.” She was sitting on the toilet, panties around her ankles, just staring at the two little pink lines in the results window. “Fuck.”

A fucking baby.

Maria had never been sure babies were in her cards. When her mother was 28, she had already been born. At 28, Maria had only just started not-dating Michael. To be honest, with the specter of a degenerative disease hanging over her, it made more sense to focus instead on earning enough monetary success to take care of her mother, to eventually take care of her when she could no longer do it herself. And all she could do was ignore the looming certainty of her future and hope for a deep connection with someone, a love affair for the ages -- or at least for a decade or two.

In the end, it was the correct decision to stop running from her legacy, to embrace her abilities and their terrifying side effects. In doing so, Maria’s whole future opened up before her in ways she’d never imagined. And here was one of them.

“A baby,” Maria whispered, laughing softly in disbelief.

She finally moved to the sink, splashed cool water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. She grinned at herself in the reflection, eyes shimmering with tears.

“Michael’s gonna flip.”

They’d been together almost five years now, so they had talked about babies, many times. Michael especially had talked about babies. Maybe fostering some kids too. He wanted a big family. Michael had a huge heart full of love and he wanted, he needed, to share that with others. Even with Maria and Alex, his siblings and friends, that boy had just so much love to give.

Alex was more ambivalent. He managed when dealing with children but there was always an undercurrent of discomfort. The parental role didn’t come as easily to him as the one of a defender, protector. Maria privately thought that Alex worried he’d be like his father. She got it, even if she thought it was ridiculous. Maria wished Alex would talk about it. But even after so many years and all the work he had put into himself and progress he had made, Alex had a hard time talking about Jesse Manes.

But Alex had never vetoed children. He even said he’d be ok with them down the road.

Maria really hopes they’ve gone far enough down the road.

--

As expected, Michael was ecstatic. He picked Maria up and spun her around the room, then cupped her face in his big, strong hands and kissed her breath away. Held her tight in his arms, swaying and babbling like a baby himself. Alex actually had to swat at Michael so he could have a chance to hug Maria.

“Congratulations,” Alex said warmly, still hugging her as he leaned over to kiss Michael’s cheek.

Maria tried to read Alex. Not just his expression and aura but his mood. Since they were touching, it was easier to do. She could sense apprehension—

Sighing, Alex shifted his gaze slowly away from Michael to Maria. He was looking at her with one of those unfairly perfectly eyebrows arched and expression of patient exasperation, and she knew immediately that she’d been made.

“I mean it,” Alex said, kissing her forehead before adding firmly, “so get out of my head.”

“I’m not in your head,” Maria protested, easing herself out of his emotional space.

She glanced at Michael who seemed close to vibrating, from a combination of excitement over the news and worry over Alex’s feelings on said news. She and Michael had spoken privately about Alex’s ambivalence toward children. Michael, as always, worried too much. Worried that the child he wanted so much would ruin the peace they’ve built here. Alex had left Michael so many times that no matter how many assurances he had since provided (rings, holding hands in public, actual verbal promises), Michael still worried that he’d do something wrong. That Alex will leave. That they both will leave him.

Maria grabbed Michael’s free hand, tangling their fingers together. Alex was holding the other one.

“This is a big change,” Maria pushed.

“Yeah, we’re going to need a bigger house for one.” Alex smiled and Maria laughed.

“You’re right but—”

“It’s ok. I’m happy and excited, Maria. Michael.” Alex looked at Michael now, understanding that Michael was the one that really needed to be reassured.

“It’s not too soon?” Michael asked.

“No.” Alex shook his head. Michael arched an eyebrow. “Ok, I dunno. Maybe? But I don’t think there’s ever going to be a moment where I’m one hundred percent ready.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m ready either,” Michael offered.

“Yeah no shit,” Alex joked but Michael glared at him.

“Alex,” Maria groaned, rubbing Michael’s arm with her free hand. When would they stop with the defensive humor in emotionally heavy situations? Not in her lifetime.

“Ok I’m sorry,” Alex sighed, kissing Michael’s knuckles. “It’s scary. But I’m really ok with it.” He smiled little against Michael’s hand. “I can’t wait to be the cool uncle to your little psychic curly haired terror.”

Michael pulled Alex closer, holding him so, so tightly. Kissed his hair. Maria could see the way Michael’s aura shifted as he slowly relaxed. This was just the first conversation, Maria knew. There would need to be more. Many more.

“They won’t be a terror,” Michael protested.

Alex snorted. “No child of yours will be anything but.”

Alex kissed the pout off Michael’s face.

She could sense the nervousness from him immediately. But also excitement?

--

It was Michael who made the suggestion, one night after coming home from working late and finding Alex and Maria sitting on the couch, scrolling through the home listings on Zillow. Michael had settled on Maria’s side, put his arm around her (two weeks in and he already couldn’t stop petting her belly).

Maria waited.

“How about a ranch?” Michael finally said, after a few minutes. “I hear the Smiths are selling.”

Alex and Maria glanced at each other, surprised. This wasn’t the first time Michael has mentioned wanting to live on a ranch, however. He talked wistfully often enough about working as a ranch hand. About horses and cattle. Helping mares ready to foal and milking cows. Giving riding lessons. Growing their own food. Being completely self-sufficient.

He started a vegetable garden in the backyard three years ago, which he lovingly maintained (and used the vegetables to create new and interesting dishes for Maria and Alex), and he’d been reading about beekeeping. The only reason there wasn’t a hive out back already was because Alex had vetoed the idea. Maria had agreed because there just was not enough space. She wanted to sunbathe without a colony buzzing next to her.

So yeah, the fact that he wanted a ranch wasn’t the surprise. It was more that ranches weren’t exactly cheap.

Of the three of them, Michael earned the least, which obviously stressed him out. He clearly hated feeling like he wasn’t contributing his fair share. They used to talk (fight) about it a lot, although that had lessened now that they had five years to figure out a system that worked for them, for Michael. But still, all the things Michael did around the house felt at least partially transactional in nature.

“A ranch?” Alex asked, opening up a new tab for the ranch listings. A moment later he was looking at the details for the Smith property.

“It’s not too big,” Michael said. Alex hummed in agreement. “Lots of room for kids to run around. And there’s room to have a garden, maybe some horses, apiary, and even a recording studio for Alex.”

Alex hadn’t re-upped the second time he was eligible for discharge. Instead, after years of performing his songs at open mic night at The Pony, Alex had decided to pursue his dream. By then he had already formed a decent following on YouTube. Maria remembered Alex standing in this very same living room, explaining to her and Michael his plan. Nervous, resolute in his decision, and excited, too, because there were music companies interested in his lyrics. Michael had kissed Alex so hard after yelling out finally!

Maria shook off the memory, smiling. “Do I get anything out of this?” She asked. “You best not say the kitchen—”

Michael kissed her. “Pfft. The kitchen is mine. Ya’ll are both terrible cooks.”

Taking offense to that, Maria grabbed a decorative pillow and hit him. It was a weird angle, so it barely grazed him. He laughed and said, not as apologetically as Maria would like “Ok. Ok! Alex is a terrible cook. You’re passable.”

“You’re just going to sit there and take this abuse?” Maria demanded of Alex, who was still doing research on the Smith ranch, looking at acreage information and checking the place out on Google Earth.

“Nothing he’s said is wrong,” Alex replied.

“Thank you, Alex!”

“Traitor!” Maria accused him, hotly.

Alex shrugged. “And you can finally have a real office, Maria. Even a whole room for all your damn shoes.”

“What is this pick on Maria night?” Maria could feel Michael laughing against her, but the tension psychically radiating off him had not eased. She didn’t want to ignore the elephant in the room for too long.

“I love this idea,” Maria said.

“Me too,” Alex said carefully, glancing at them.

“Ranches are expensive,” she finally said.

Michael sighed but he hadn’t let her go. Ok good.

“Yeah they are…” He agreed. “And I know I can’t contribute as much as I’d like towards the down payment. But I want to give this kid everything y’know?”

Maria squeezed his knee. Alex put his laptop down and shifted closer to them, resting his hand on Michael’s shoulder. Maria was bracketed between them and, not for the first time, she felt like the three of them could do anything, as long as they were together.

Michael took a deep breath, exhaled and continued. “I’m also hoping I can make up the difference in labor—”

“Michael, you’re not our servant.” Alex frowned.

“I know. You’ve said,” Michael replied, dryly. “And that’s not what I mean. I mean like managing the ranch. Like we can rent stable space or horses, and I can give riding lessons. We can get chickens. I can increase the size of the garden and with the apiary too, I can set up a little stand. Sell vegetables, eggs and honey on the weekends. And I’ll still have my day job at Sanders’. I know I wouldn’t be contributing nearly enough for a while even after that but—”

“I’m down,” Maria interrupted. Michael had been speaking so fast, close to tripping over his own words, in an attempt to get it all out as fast as possible.

As if they could ever say no.

“Same.” Alex was looking at Michael so fondly. Maria twisted so she could get a look at Michael’s face. He looked stunned, almost disbelieving.

“Good,” Maria said to Alex. “’Cause I want a steady supply of fresh eggs.”

“I just want to be able to walk around the house without tripping over one of your boots,” Alex replied.

“Dick.” Maria shoved him hard with her foot. “Giving me shit about my shoes. How many guitars do you need Alex? You only have two hands.”

Alex opened his mouth to protest, but Maria cut him off. “And don’t you dare bring Michael into this. He only ever uses the one. You have three more. This is before we even take the keyboards into account!” Michael’s face was pressed into her shoulder now, but both Alex and Maria continued bickering instead of making a big deal of the fact that Michael was clearly crying.

#malexa #malex #miluca #roswell new mexico #this is gonna be nothing but fluff #my fic

[ranma-rewatch]

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

AAAAAhhhhh! After 10,000 years, I’m free! Time to watch more Ranma 1/2! We’re getting ready for the middle part of what I guess you could call the Kodachi introduction arc, and like I intimated last time, she’s not exactly my favorite character. That said, I am interested to see how this can play out over the course of two episodes, so next paragraph I’ll have watched the episode.

Uh, so, I don’t think an episode has surprised me by being this much better than I was expecting so far in this rewatch. Like I said before, low expectations, but I really enjoyed this one. The episode starts with Akane and Ranma heading to school on the day before the marital arts match, only for Kodachi to show up and attack Akane.

This has nothing to do with the match, though. She literally just came by to see Ranma, who she has fallen completely in love with, but decided to attack Akane on-sight because why not. After Akane literally throws her at Ranma, he is suddenly confronted by our old friend Tatewaki Kuno, who is surprised to hear of Kodachi’s affection for this rapscallion. After a few seconds of thought, he makes it clear Ranma has his permission to date her, but when Ranma snaps about now being asked about this, Kodachi gets sad, feeling like maybe Ranma hates her.

Trying to avoid her wrath, Ranma runs and hides behind Akane, pointing out that he is her fiance, which would put a hamper on dating. When Akane confirms this, new stakes are given to their upcoming fight: if Kodachi wins, she gets Ranma. Kuno is totally down with that, since with Ranma out of the way, he sees himself easily winning Akane’s (and Ranma’s) affection.

It’s as Kodachi runs off, laughing, that Kuno finally reveals why he jumped into this conversation in the first place: Kodachi is his little sister. He’s aware that she has quite a few terrible qualities, and so warns Akane that she is likely to cheat quite a bit before and during their fight. As he walks away, Ranma and Akane reel from this family revelation, and Ranma notes that he can actually see the resemblance now.

From there, we cut to Akane practicing that night in the dojo with Ranma. She’s clearly gotten a lot better, though makes it clear the new stakes have nothing to do with why she wants to win so badly. Just as Akane notes that she hasn’t had Ryoga’s assistance in training for the last few days, or seen P-chan, the piglet runs into the room, carrying evidence that he’d been in Hiroshima and Kyoto. (Fun fact: my best friend went to Hiroshima while she was studying abroad there!)

There’s some banter over Ryoga’s reappearance, but then Akane trips on a tool, injuring her ankle in the process. It’s bad enough that Kasumi makes clear there’s no way she can play in the match, which means they need a substitute to avoid giving up. They consider that they’d need to find someone with great marital arts skills, who is really acrobatic, and looks like a girl. All eyes go to Ranma just as Ryoga enters the room, having once again used Soun Tendo’s hot bath to change back to human, and throws cold water on Ranma.

He offers to train Ranma through the night, though it’s clear quickly that Ranma’s general skills do transfer pretty well. The only big hurdle is that in Rhythmic Gymnastics Martial Arts, the fighters aren’t allowed to deal direct blows, only use their themed weapons to fight. Akane observes at first, but they both tell her to go and get some sleep, which she ends up agreeing to. Once she’s gone, Ryoga gets serious in fighting, and reveals why he’s really doing this: he wants Ranma to lose. If he does, Ranma has to date Kodachi, which leaves Akane open to date him. He’s not trying to spar with Ranma, he’s trying to injure him bad enough that he can’t fight.

Akane wakes up the next morning and quickly hears the fight is still going on, heading into the dojo to find they’re going at it, though they’re both clearly exhausted. Oh, and the dojo is wrecked. Ranma is delirious from lack of sleep, and almost falls for a thumb tack in the hand trap from Kodachi when they go to the match at her school. Meanwhile, Ryoga is amazed to find that he’s managed to get from Akane’s house to the school without getting lost, and chalks the miracle up to the power of love. There’s another trick from Kodachi in the dressing room, and Ryoga is hit by random cold water while trying to get to the gymnasium, leading to Kodachi kidnapping him for some scheme.

Soon, it’s time for the match to begin, and Kuno is watching in the stands, ready to root for his sister for what he admits is the first time ever. Kodachi descends from the ceiling in a wedding dress while having rockets fired at her new opponent, all very on-brand for her. Ranma is asked what his name is, and he just gives them his real name, to Akane’s confusion. The Kuno’s both just take this as Ranma somehow having the exact same name as, well, Ranma, and some of their classmates in the crowd notice that they do look alike, pondering on how they’re connected.

The fight goes to start, but Kodachi begins by dazing Ranma with a twirly ribbon and an onslaught of black roses, then uses that opening to attach a chain to Ranma’s wrist. On the other end of that chain is P-chan, which Kodachi thinks will ensure she ends the match. But we don’t get to see that yet, because that’s for next episode!

So, a lot of thoughts, actually. First things first, I feel like this is the first episode of the series so far that’s really gone whole-hog into what a lot of people think of as the series’ main premise. For this whole set-up, Kodachi loves uncursed Ranma but hates Akane and cursed Ranma, Kuno loves cursed Ranma and Akane but hates uncursed Ranma, and Ryoga loves Akane and hates Ranma whether he’s cursed or not. This creates a network of alliances that all work against Ranma and Akane’s wishes. He doesn’t want to date Kodachi and Akane wants to get a victory for her school after Kodachi unfairly beat up the actual gymnastics team.

It all feels very farcical, in a good way. Throughout this rewatch, there have been times when the humor doesn’t really land for me, usually because it just gets too silly for me, if that makes any sense. But this worked perfectly, it was all very character driven while also being deeply ridiculous. Things like Kuno having the sense of mind to see that his sister is a weird one while not being cognizant of his own strangeness kind of brought it to earth in a way, and it was all just a good time.

I also quite enjoyed a lot of the animation, the changes to character designs, and the general dynamics on display. There was something weirdly smooth to how Ryoga entered Akane’s room and put his arm around Ranma’s shoulder that just felt cool to watch. The facial expressions in that scene, and throughout, were also in top form. The way he goes from clearly coming in with an ulterior motive, to revealing what he’s really up to, it all felt a little more devious than we get from Ryoga, but in a good way.

I’m not usually a big fan of leotards, but, uh, Ranma and Akane can both really rock them. (I’d also love to see uncursed Ranma in one, I’m sure his butt would look just as good.) Akane showed up to the match dressed like a ringside coach, and it just radiates powerful butch lesbian energy. The referee to the match is also dressed in a pretty masculine way, and similarly gives off wonderful vibes. Just a really aesthetically pleasing episode for me.

The pacing was also really tight. A lot of stuff got packed into the episode’s runtime, and I’d love to compare it to this section of the manga to see if that’s because it’s a particularly dense storyline or because they made the decision to just stuff the episode with as much manga as they could. We’ll get to my rating after the Character Spotlight, but this is just a treat of an episode, and one I have to say again that I wasn’t anticipating in the slightest. Major kudos to everyone who worked on this episode.

Okay, so, now let’s do a Spotlight on Kodachi. The big reason I held off on doing one last week is that her last name hadn’t been revealed, and her Kuno-ness is kind of a big part of who she is, I didn’t want to wait for the next time I decided to give her a Spotlight to cover that part of her.

Alright, so, as usual, let’s start with voice actors. In English, she actually had three different VA’s over the course of the series run. I’ve actually decided that, going forward, with cases like these I’m just going to focus on who the current voice actors are, and talk about the new ones when they appear. Her first actress in my native tongue is Teryl Rothery, who is actually more well known for her live-action work. She appears to play a main character in Stargate SG-1, which I have never seen, and has filled the role of Jean Loring in Arrow. (Which I have seen, but never noticed that Ray Palmer’s ex-wife was in the show in the seasons I saw of it.) In Japanese, she’s portrayed by Saeko Shimazu, who has actually played a role in every Rumiko Takahasi anime adaptation from that era, so that’s neat.

They definitely play the character a little differently. Shimazu is genuinely fantastic at playing Kodachi as the well known anime archetype of the Ojou. The way she does Kodachi’s laugh might be the best Ojou laugh I’ve ever heard, and she’s generally good playing the character oddly seriously. Like, if you didn’t know Kodachi was a dangerously violent person, her voice acting would just make you think she’s a soft spoken, very feminine girl. It fits her whole aesthetic really well, honestly. Rothery went in a very different direction. I feel like it’s hard to think of Kodachi as anything other than a villain in her voice, she’s more clearly malevolent, like a Sailor Moon villainess. Her version of the laugh is a lot more unhinged sounding, for lack of a more appropriate word.

That kind of leads into one thing I was kind of surprised to notice. It feels as though the Dub and Sub versions of this character differ quite a bit. In the English Dub, they frequently use words like ‘crazy’, ‘unstable’, and ‘mad’ to describe Kodachi, and in a way it kind of dominates her characterization. I’ll talk more about that in a minute, but I’ll say for now I had to sigh at those bits. But imagine my surprise to see the Sub instead talk about her being ill-mannered, stubborn, tenacious. As far as I can recall, they didn’t use any mental health-related words, instead just focusing on the idea that she will do anything to get what she wants.

This creates two fairly radically different versions of the character, at least for me. And I actually greatly prefer what I’m finding in the Sub. Kodachi there is played much more as a dark mirror to her brother. Ranma might say they’re the same, but they clearly aren’t. Kuno is a jerk, and doesn’t seem to take the objects of his affection’s input. But he also, at the very least, sees himself as honorable, a man of culture, and doesn’t seem like the type to cheat in a competition.

Kodachi has no such scruples. She is utterly ruthless, while also sadistically delighting in causing pain to other people. She is, in a way, defined by the fact that she is constantly trying to cheat, to get any victory she can, even while acting as though there’s nothing wrong with what she does, that’s she’s just a beautiful girl doing what she has to. The way they each fall in love with a different form of Ranma, while hating the other, is also a nice touch.

That was all a lot of nice stuff I said, but sadly it’s alls I gots for ya. Going back to the whole ‘crazy’ thing, that’s definitely the thing that, at least growing up, dominates her character. As far as I can recall, the fandom generally thinks of her as the ‘craziest’ of all the main cast, and that’s...not very good? I feel like, at least among some sectors of culture, we’re trying to be more aware of other people and trying to take in feedback, and ableism feels like one of the last big areas where a lot of people, even those who are otherwise far left, struggle to get past their prejudices. I’m including myself in there, I screw up all the time. But yeah, I think we need to kind of think a lot more about the ‘crazy’ tropes in media, especially the ones that associate with violence and evil characters. So far at least, I don’t really have a lot to dig into with Kodachi especially, but it’s something I’ll have in mind going forward.

The other area I feel like I have to rain on this Spotlight a little is just what Kodachi brings to the dynamic of the show. Which is mostly...not a lot. Of all the main characters who are a part of the primary love dodecahedron, she is the one who feels like could generally just not exist without impacting anything. She basically just does what Kuno does, but in the opposite direction. Ranma is going to end up with a lot of suitors, and someone else generally fills the role of ‘violent and amoral’ much better than Kodachi, plus she’ll be appearing pretty soon from where we are now. At least as of now, Kodachi is a character I find doesn’t hurt the show at all, but also doesn’t particularly make it better.

If it wasn’t clear from all the gushing before, I really liked this episode. But how much? Where does it fall among the ranks of all the episodes I’ve seen thus far? After some careful consideration, I think I’m actually going to put this at the number two spot. It really was that good, I have very little bad to say. The only reason it didn’t take the top spot is that I just love episode 7 too much. That makes the current standings:

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

This has been a really fun one! Next time, we’ll be covering lucky episode number 13, “A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!”, which will also be the ending to this little arc. I’m excited to join you then, and see if that episode fulfilled the promise in this episode’s set-up! See you all then!

#episode 12 #A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge! #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #ryoga hibiki #tatewaki kuno #kodachi kuno #anime analysis #anime rewatch

[jaxsteamblog]

I started writing an outline for a non existent Flower Shop AU series but it just turned into Loving Avatar Thuy Hours.

Here are some great things about Avatar Thuy (SUPER long post because I love Thuy):

She tells her folks that she’s a girl around the same time she tells them about the bald man who taught her to sling mud. Because there’s not a lot of gendered differences in the Swamp Tribe, the trans thing wasn’t a big deal. Finding out their daughter was the Avatar, on the other hand, REALLY WAS.

The concept of “kin” (FOLKLORE TERM) and the connection of all life in the swamp via the root system has a profound spiritual effect on Thuy. She can perfectly call up any Avatar and, as she gets older, can channel them easily when in the Avatar State. For the on-screen Avatars, here’s Thuy’s hot takes:

Wan- She is Not A Fan. Doesn’t like how he shifts between being super cocky and super insecure. Wishes he had not closed off the Spirit Realm. (Not like it worked, as she gestures angrily around the swamp)

Yangchen- When Thuy learned about Fairy Godmothers from a book of Fairy Tales someone brought into the Swamp, this is immediately who Thuy thought of. Yangchen was always calming and patient, and listened every time Thuy would rant about her cousins stealing a toy or when someone pushed her into the swamp. Family is big in the Swamp and Yangchen became another mother.

Kuruk- He can’t handle kids. He also cannot handle the concept of hick Waterbenders. He is a North Pole Waterbender and (SPOILERS) fell for a high class Fire Nation Lady so, he does not like the Swamp. The Swamp is not a fan of his either.

Kyoshi- TBH Thuy was intimidated by her at first. However, when puberty hit, they talked a lot about body dysmorphia and what it means to be a woman. Thuy was able to accept her body with the continued help of Kyoshi. 

Roku- Roku is a story-teller. He told Thuy about the start of the war, and his time with Sozin. He talked about Azulon and what the royal family used to be like. Thuy was fascinated by the Fire Nation, wondering how such a mythological sounding people could do something so human like wage war.It allowed her to think of the Fire Nation as something more than just The Enemy.

Aang- The first Avatar to greet her. He was her confidante and like a very fun grandpa. He taught her to meditate and throw mud pies (breaking the rules by tiptoeing into Earthbender territory). He talked about the war as it was happening, and explained to her how important it was that she grow up safe. He talked about his kids and asked her about the Swamp. He explained how important it was to understand how all things, all nations, were connected and to make friends in every nation. He told her about Zuko, and about his grandkids. Especially Rohan, who might know a thing or two about pronouns. 

Sometimes, catgators are tame enough to keep near the residents. However, this is similar to things we see in the news when people keep exotic pets. Tame does NOT equal domestic, and bad things happen. So when Thuy shows up with Mister Whiskers, Everyone Is Quite Alarmed. 

Catgators, like real life catfish, are also borderline cryptids. No one knows how old they get. Or how big.

I imagine catgators move like alligators and can be surprisingly fast for their flat, fat bodies. Remember kids, run in a zig zag because they WILL get you.

I am from Florida. I live in Florida once again. My family has lived in Florida since we came to this country. I was “poor white trash” and had an accent. I am NOT indigenous (see above comment about coming to this country). I give Thuy a lot of traits from what I remember about growing up, things I know about the rural south via my family, and throw in the pieces I like from canon. I also want to explore topics that are indigenous specific like what’s happening to the Amazon and the continued sins my country commits on native and/or sacred land. As a sensitivity point: I do not wish to ever write about the trials and tribulations of these issues. That is for native people, as they are the ones who truly understand the generational trauma surrounding it. What I would hope to do is bring awareness to real world situations where we as non-indigenous people can assist.

Don’t let them cut down the Amazon y’all for real. And blowing up Mount Rushmore is RIDICULOUS.

Thuy loves people. Because she’s so used to being around a supportive community, and being a teenager, she doesn’t understand when adults are rude or mocking at first. 

However, she is VERY secure about who she is as a person. Her family and tribe has always supported her, so she has a very strong foundation. It takes a lot to rock her. Mostly, she gets embarrassed when people call her out or make fun of her for being loud and overly excited.

She is scared to meet Katara at first, because she learns a little about what Katara did in the war. What and who she lost. She feels bad that she wasn’t there. Thuy doesn’t know how to start a conversation with her, which is bad because Thuy not so secretly wants to replace Kuruk with Katara as her Water Tribe connection. She doesn’t want to go to Arnook, who lost his daughter, or Hakoda, who lost his wife, and Sokka is in the same category as Katara, obviously.

Suki finds her freaking out. And remember, Thuy is a close friend of Kyoshi. They talk and Suki relaxes Thuy by putting the Avatar in Kyoshi robes. Sokka finds them with Thuy thoroughly disguised and, I might actually write this scene so you’ll have to wait.

Thuy likes Azula at first because she is oddly fascinated by the performative femininity of the Fire Nation. Azula is powerful, confident, and very feminine, and that intrigues Thuy. But Azula is Azula and has very little interest in some backwater peasant, even if she is the Avatar.

Toph embraces everything about the Swamp Tribe, as does Rohan, so they are the ones Thuy is the closest to. Toph, as a more destructive Gyatso, figures out how to rig a pressurized device that launches mud projectiles and the two of them wreck havoc at fancy Beifong dinner parties. Rohan takes the technology up a notch and they all terrorize the Air Temples. Doesn’t have the same impact, because they all survived Aang. Toph teaches Thuy to take no shit and give no fucks.

Thuy is insecure about her inability to communicate with the Spirits. Having grown up in the swamp, she could see them and heard how other people ran into them. Especially the refugees that were allowed in. The Spirits seemed to guide certain people to Thuy, which meant they didn’t hate her, but they never seemed to engage. The only thing she could think of was Wan and blamed him unfairly for a long time.

Thuy does a traditional education as the Avatar. She works for a few years with Toph, having a basis in earthbending already from Aang. Crystalbending is her special talent and Toph dismisses it as playing with jewelry (but never discourages her pupil ofc). 

Jinora is Thuy’s airbending teacher and spiritual advisor. She is very good about calming Thuy when she continues to have this disconnect with the Spirits, but is unable to help her overcome it.

Tenzin deems Rohan too irresponsible but allows them to ferry Thuy around so they still teach the Avatar new things. Plus, in this world, there’s a secular sect of Airbending that Bumi - Aang’s son and an Airbender since apparently all Air Nomads are Benders?? - started during the war. They have a very loose relationship with the Air Nomad commitment to non-violence and can live in permanent residences. They are required to do their initial training at the temples, but many go back to their homes, don’t shave their heads, don’t live a monastic life, etc. Rohan goes back and forth about their place, but ultimately takes over as the head of the secular branch. It appeals to Thuy more and they take their role very seriously because of the responsibility. 

Zuko teaches Thuy firebending. His adaptations to include other styles makes it easier for Thuy to pick up, though she still learns the basics at the Royal Academy for Girls (where she meets Suzu and Zula). 

Katara is Thuy’s “master.” She helps Thuy navigate the political world and they work together on the Water Tribe restoration and re-unification plans. Katara oversees the training schedules, the visitations, the summits, the tributes, and every other bit of minutiae. She also gives Thuy a break and they hang out doing Waterbender stuff.

Sokka and Suki teach Thuy non-bending martial arts. Thuy can kick your ass in a multitude of ways basically.

Thuy gets her Avatar Companions at very different stages. You’d think they wouldn’t get along, but Thuy has collected them and they like her, so they make it work.

Suzu and Zula (those are their names, not nicknames) are twins. They are Firebenders and are not related to the royal family at all. They grew up near the palace, went to the Royal Academy for Girls, and were sent to the palace to keep Thuy company and it was supposed to be very formal and politically advantageous for their parents. Except they actually became friends with Thuy and escaped the Fire Nation to go on adventures, which their parents did not like.

Suzu is a blend of Azula and Ty Lee in my mind. She is named in honor of Fire Lord Sozin. (Her family is SUPER into Fire Nation superiority) She is cheerful and enjoys playing around. She and Thuy get overly excited about things together instead of being “mature” and “above such things” as many noble girls tell them repeatedly. Her “Azula” traits come out when someone insults her family or Thuy. She ends up learning chi blocking from Ty Lee. Suzu is not to be left unsupervised.

Zula is a blend of Azula and Mai. She is “the eldest” and does everything her parents tell her to do, even if she hates it. She is named in honor of Fire Lord Azulon (and I guess Azula?). She ends up becoming an instructor at the Royal Academy for Girls until Thuy whisks her away to go adventuring. Zula hates the rigid society among the nobles and very happily dashes off. Can’t say no to the Avatar right??? Her firebending skill is in marksmanship. She can and will singe the sleeve of some snotty little noble from across the room if they irk her. She learns to bend lightning from Iroh and even Thuy is a little scared.

When Thuy moved from her earthbending lessons and onto air, Toph opened up her metalbending academy to have something to do between professional bending competitions. Jae-hwan was a late addition because he couldn’t afford the fees. Then he found out that the fees were arbitrary because Toph is a Beifong and she gave him a room to stay in. Thuy met him when she visited her Sifu and he, not knowing she was the Avatar, stole her purse as a joke. When he did find out, instead of freaking out, started to make fun of her because some lowly Earthbender orphan was able to steal the Avatar’s wallet. He never lets her forget that or any other embarrassing thing he witnesses.

Tashi is very quiet. He surprised everyone by choosing to join Urban Dust, the secular branch of the Air Nomads, instead of continuing on at the temples. People thought he would become a great sage and possibly live old enough to see the next Air Nomad Avatar. But Tashi is a true child of the sky and would live on his Sky Bison Dawa if he could. He does not like being on the ground for long and frequently disappears to go flying. Tashi specifically asked that Rohan be his mentor, again shocking everyone, but Rohan understood. Getting older, Rohan calms down and becomes very philosophical. Tashi finds them to be very wise and they contemplate the nature of things together. Thuy appreciates the one friend of hers that would never end up in jail with her. Tashi brings the bail money. Tashi also hides the body. Tashi can keep secrets.

Aktuk was born and raised in the North Pole. His father is a waterbending master and his mother is a waterbending healer. His older sister is a waterbending prodigy. He lost his leg during his ice dodging ceremony when the boat crashed. As a non-Bender, he had almost drowned and has a fear of the open sea. He makes his own prosthesis and is very into mechanics. When Thuy attended a festival in the North Pole, they had collided because Aktuk was carrying a bunch of parts and material for a project and didn’t see her. Freaking out, Aktuk tried to scurry away as quickly as possible but Thuy kept asking him questions. When she asked how he kept his leg from freezing, Aktuk immediately started to infodump and forgot about being scared. Thuy had to drag him around for awhile, because Aktuk had been basically taught to defer to Benders, but they refused to let him. Suzu and Zula hated the reminder of Fire Nation propriety, Tashi accepted everyone, and Jae-hwan only cared if people were paying attention to him. Thuy and Aktuk date for awhile, but part amicably after they grow into different people.

Thuy saves the world and I steal Korra’s ending for her own. She balances the Spirit World and the Physical World, opening up the portals. She brings back DRAGONS.

Zuko and Katara ultimately retire. Their daughter Izumi becomes Fire Lord. Sokka and Suki’s daughter Kya surprises everyone when they find out she’s a Waterbender and sits on the Water Tribe triumvirate as the chief of the South Pole. Kya and Izumi, having been born on the same day, terrify the rest of the world with their closeness. They consider themselves more like sisters than cousins and have to be repeatedly talked back from their plans to rule the world. They aren’t killing machines, more that they think they know what’s best and only listen to each other. Sometimes Lu Ten. But ALWAYS Suzu. 

Rohan becomes the head sage of the Urban Dust and creates a flying society that freaks everyone out for awhile. Tashi goes to the Spirit World for a long time and comes back, a little weird. IDK, I have stuff to explore with him. It’s not bad, just very different. 

Suzu marries a nice, minor Fire Nation lord and settles down to teach firebending in his rural home. She adores the royal children and they adore her. When Suzu shows up at either the Fire Nation palace or the South Pole, other people know it’s because either Izumi or Kya were planning something.

Zula never leaves Thuy and they travel together forever. Are they together? IDK, it might just be my attempt to fix (what I think is wrong with) k*rr*sami tbh. 

Toph DOES end up going to the Swamp, but her family knows about it and visits her often. Toph does not become a cop ffs, she becomes Willy Wonka but without the candy and slave labor. Lin tries to head the Beifong family after her mother just leaves one day, but she is much more suited to being a metalbending instructor. Once Suyin settles down, she gently pries the Beifong stuff from her sister’s terrified hands and does a really good job at managing Gaoling. They both studied under the Avatar for a little bit, and their rivalry came about with Suyin getting along better with Thuy. 

Sokka, pulling an Iroh, never leaves his flower shop. People ask him if he’s THE Sokka, brother of the Queen of the Water Tribes, brother-in-law to the Fire Lord, friend of the Avatar, then the father of the South Pole chief and he always goes “No, I just look like him and we have the same name.”

He often says this while Zuko is sitting with him behind the counter, drinking tea. 

Aktuk helps rebuild the South Pole and the Water Tribe navy is reborn. The Earth Kingdom is shook. Toph introduces him to another Swamp Tribe member and he marries her. He loves the Swamp. The Swamp Tribe gains a lot more replacement limbs that were lost to catgators. 

Jae-hwan has a hard time letting go of the metalbending academy. He basically grew up there, and spent every free moment there if he wasn’t travelling with Thuy. When Toph has kids, he realizes he had thought of her as his mom and freaks out. She assures him that it’ll be okay. Before she runs off to the Swamp, she legally adopts him, making him a Beifong. He opens more metalbending academies but runs the one in Gaoling because of familial pride. He encourages Lin to take up pro-bending, and becomes a coach when the mixed bending circuit opens. Rohan is OBSESSED with mixed bending matches. 

Ultimately, Thuy gets to relax in a way Avatars had been unable to for many cycles. The Water Tribe navy keeps the coastal city-kingdoms in the Earth Kingdom in check, while also reinforcing the United Republic. With the Swamp Tribe literally in the Earth Kingdom, the city-kingdoms become more firmly established and the Earth King becomes the Earth Emperor, but has to manage all of the city-kingdoms and it’s just a lot you guys he is so tired. The Fire Nation goes through an artistic renaissance under Zuko’s rule and the former colonies turn into industrial powerhouses. They are an economic force unto themselves and protect the Fire Nation from Earth Kingdom advances. 

With the world in relative harmony, Thuy travels often, since her friends and family have settled all over the world. Mister Whiskers grows to ENORMOUS size and they put him in a wagon when they go around. He does not eat people (anymore) but the wagon still warns others not to get too close. 

Zula is always there, with her RBF and scary fast bending. Thuy is still prone to gleeful outbursts and Zula smiles lovingly. They like to read together and will fall asleep resting on Mister Whiskers as they all bask in the same sunny spot. 

Aw crap, they are together.

#fanfic meta #avatar thuy #long post

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 10)

CW: murder, death in combat,slightly graphic descriptions of corpses

TL:DR Recap: Etain and Dar go to one of Jinart’s safehouses and are immediately betrayed, which yet again, kind of justifies Etain’s paranoia. Darman kills a man, which perturbs Etain. Omega steals mining equipment and accidentally captures Guta-Nay. Hokan is pissed that Dar and Etain got away, and reveals that Jinart literally murdered the collaborators and tore them to pieces.

unfortunately, after posting the last recap I saw two Kal mentions in Chapter 9 that I missed, so we’re starting at a Kal count of 18.

Beginning Kal Count: 18 Ending Kal Count: 19

I regret to inform you I missed TWO references from Niner about Kal in chapter 9, so we’re starting at a Kal Count of 18.

I won’t screenshot the opening quote, but it’s basically a notice to the farmers on Qiilura that anyone who has Republic soldiers on their land without knowing will be sold into slavery and anyone helping the Republic on purpose will be shot. It does provide some needed framework for the rest of the chapter. Then we open in Darman’s pov, and IDK, I just kind of like the opening line. He still thinks of Kamino as “home” apparently at this point in time.

Etain is still being kind of unfairly snarky, and Darman’s at a loss what to do about it.

“Darman took is as a sensible observation rather than an insult.” Etain isn’t really being great right now, I recognize that, but I still love that line.

Anyway, they stop at the first safehouse and Etain goes to knock. Darman hates feeling obvious and exposed, and compares his lack of ability to blend in to, you guessed it, Skirata.

Kal Count raised to 19, BUT so far I think that’s the only one in this chapter.

Anyway, the house is empty; the family fled in the middle of a meal. Darman is still overly cautious, and walks Etain through house clearing procedure, even though her Force-sense tells her it’s safe. He points out that she can’t sense a tripwire that would murder them, even though Jedi Danger Sense is an established thing in the EU by this point and-

Sorry.

He also redirects her when she’s peering over his shoulder into the pantry instead of standing guard at the door and watching their gear, although he’s gracious enough to admit it had probably never occurred to her with Jedi senses.  While he raids said pantry with the intent to test the food for toxins later, she goes to fill bottles of water from a pump outside, and he asks why she isn’t using a filter. Again, we were just giving Etain shit a few chapters ago for being too paranoid and now she’s asking if he was trained by Nemoidians, but honestly I’m feeling kinder to Dar than Jinart because it really is a culture clash.

Yet again, I wonder how the Kaminoans can afford to kill that many clones out right when each clone is such an investment to rain and train in terms of both input and time. 

Darman doesn’t know what to make of a Jedi who isn’t the perfect demigod he was promised, which is affecting his trust levels. And Etain hasn’t been helping a lot with that. But she does notice something is wrong with him; she just doesn’t know him well yet, so she assumes it has something to do with his physical injury.

They eventually make it to another safe house, when they meet a woman “with a face like a gdan”, several children, and a few other adults. Dar is briefly overwhelmed because it’s the first time he’s seen this many humans who aren’t clones. I guess the commandos never saw their Sergeants group up.

Darman places mines all around the entrance to the building before he goes in, which I’m sure would win him no love even if the farmers weren’t already under threat of execution or slavery. The family at the safehouse says very little, outside of one woman who wants to know how the Republic is better than the Nemoidians, but they do attempt to feed Dar and Etain, which I have to say, is generous for the kind of place they’re living in. Or would be, if the family weren’t planning to sell them out & use the food as a distraction.

Dar, honey, she’s going to be able to read you in the Force better than anyone else in the galaxy by the time this is over and you’ll like it, so you might as well just buckle up. 

Also, clones are able of discerning thoughts/behavior patterns/moods really easily through minute observation and there’s nothing ruling out Etain doing the same her, but I guess it makes sense he jumps to mind reading the way the Kaminoans built up the Jedi.

Lots of little thoughts here. There’s post to be made based on a conversation I had with rey-skywalkin-away about Etain and food that I’ll save for another day, but for now, let me just say as much as KT tries to present Etain as a picky/snobbish eater, lemme just say that I don’t blame Etain in the least for being suspicious when the last stew Jinart tried to serve her included grains literally picked out of the manure on Etain’s cloak. Also, it’s still kind of sweet that Darman notices she isn’t eating enough and immediately offers her his bread, even though he’s in heaven getting “real” food. It��s generous. 

But good things never last, and Etain pretty much immediately is warned by the Force that someone is approaching unexpectedly. Darman flips out and the family immediately flees, which only confirms his suspicion. Dar and Etain brace for combat, while Etain uses Force-sense to pinpoint the incoming enemy forces. It’s actually kind of a great little action scene for the two of them.

“She put her lips so close to his ear he jumped.” Idk, I just giggled at that.

It’s just kind of a great little moment, getting to actually see Etain use her Force skills competently in an action scene. But of course, it immediately devolved. Darman, being raised to be a soldier, kills the one surviving Separatist, who’s injured on the floor. Etain, being raised a Jedi, doesn’t understand. Again, it’s a culture clash, but given the military focus of the books, we know who the narrative thinks is right.

I STILL WANT TO KNOW... who the hell were the clones supposed to be killing on Kamino? I can’t imagine the Kaminoans would let the clones kill even “worthless” Kaminoans, for fear of the armies they were raising getting ideas. I suppose Jango could have snuck back a bounty that was supposed to be dead every now and then, but that wouldn’t be a lot of people for training with 3,000,000 men. 

Also, Darman literally had his freak out over killing people on page 56 of this same, book, so it comes off as a tad hypocritical, even though this isn’t the last time he’ll not understand what Etain is upset about wrt killing.

Anyway, Darman is shot in the shoulder, though it’s a minor wound, they’re now on the run with no “safe houses” to hide in, and at the end of this scene, when Darman asks if Etain can sense droids, we find out she can’t when a droid starts shooting at them.

We then skip to Niner and Atin and Fi raiding a quarry for droids/explosives/equipment. I’m not gonna lie, I could care less about the plot of this section. This is my third time reading it and I’m still fuzzy on it. But it has a few fun little moments:

Atin is tricky. Also, I’m pretty sure that if this wasn’t a Star Wars book,that line would say “pants-shittingly nervous” rather than “drink-spilling”. With the facility seemingly cleared out, Niner and Atin go in to loot it, and we build some more on the “Atin is the tech guy” thing.

Except the guard shack isn’t empty. Guta-Nay (again, the would be rapist) has been hiding there, since Hokan wants him dead. Guta-Nay tries offering various bits of information if Niner will keep him alive, and KT really, really leans in to the whole “to stupid to function” thing, which is still making me uncomfortable, but comes to a head a few chapters from now. Eventually, Niner concedes that they’ll take Guta-Nay prisoner rather than kill him. Atin is displeased, but starts leveraging it to try and find a technical solution to one of their other problems.

Niner, you should absolutely keep thinking mean thoughts about Vau.

Atin hacks some droids, and they’re going to use them to move the mining charges and smuggle them into the places that need to be blown up, including the Nemodian comm relay in Tekklet. Atin still does not like Guta-Nay.

And then one bit that really makes this scene:

Tiny bit of foreshadowing for Triple Zero and True Colors. GREAT moment of Fi’s typical sass. “Don’t stand there being so ugly, man. You’re scaring him.”

We then close the chapter with Hokan being pissed that Darman and Etain escaped. I’m not going to spend too much time on it, because it’s mostly Hokan yelling at his subordinates.

Things that are of note,  with a CW for a graphic description of mutilation of corpses: this is what Jinart went and did to the collaborators.

As negatively as Traviss paints them, I actually feel really bad for the farmers in this book. She’s not much sympathetic to them, and she explicitly goes out of her way to show why you’d be stupid to sympathize with them, but on the one hand you have the Separatists and Hokan torching these people’s land, selling them into slavery, and executing them. On the other... you have Jinart. 

On top of which, they’re literally starving because of the Nemodian’s financial control of their lives. They don’t even have 21st century plumbing, in Star Wars. Whatever point Traviss thinks she’s making about unworthy civilian/local populations, it rings kind of hollow in the face of that information, because I can understand exactly why the NPCs act the way they do, even if they’re technically in opposition to our protagonists.

Anyway, Hokan pulls all droids out of Tekklet, where the comm is, to guard Uthan’s facility. He tells his men he wants either Darman or Etain alive, especially if Etain is a Jedi. Preferably both of them. Again, remember, he tortured Kast Fulier to death with Fulier’s own lightsaber, so remember what we’re working with here.

And that’s where the scene ends.

#Republic Commando #Rev Recaps RepComm #Etain Tur-Mukan #Darman Skirata #Ghez Hokan #Niner Skirata #Atin Skirata

[theoreticalmindgames]

puppies & questions - a klance oneshot

klance buzzfeed puppy interview AU :)

So a @lancemcclain wrote this AU and I just kinda took it and ran so thanks for the cute idea and enjoy! 

~

Keith usually didn’t do filming stuff. He was used to sitting at his desk and editing all day. Meeting with different video groups. Editing some more per their wishes and requests. But Shiro asked him for some help with filming a puppy interview, and even though Keith never really liked it when Shiro asked him favors because there was usually a ‘but’ or a ‘and also’ attached to it later-he wasn’t immune to the charm and adorableness of puppies. 

So Keith sat behind the camera on a very comfy stool while Shiro chatted with the human shelter volunteers. A playpen had been set up in the corner, the pee pad all crumpled from the puppies frolicking throughout the pen, trying to say hi to everyone walking by. 

“So who’s coming in today?” 

Shiro had walked over, now holding a coffee and a bagel from Adam who stopped by during his lunch break at the nearby university. 

“Oh, It’s Lance McClain.” He said nonchalantly as if he was not one of the most popular celebrities at the current moment. As if he wasn’t seriously attractive. As if Keith didn’t have a mild crush on said celebrity. 

“Oh, okay.” Was all he could manage, as he turned back to the camera and began to fiddle with the settings, only to have Shiro fix it right after him with a quiet huff. 

A few minutes later the door opened and a tall woman with her hair drawn back in a large white ponytail glided in, followed by a casual looking Lance McClain. Keith swallowed, and stood up, then sat back down because was he supposed to say hi? Or just sit there? 

Shiro walked up and gave him a handshake, Lance McClain smiling back with an impossibly bright smile with impossibly straight teeth. They exchanged words but Keith was too busy staring at the way his bomber jacket stretched across his shoulder. But then Shiro was walking towards him gesturing and talking and then Keith was looking Lance McClain in the eye probably looking like a doe-eyed idiot. 

“Hi, I’m Lance,” He said, extending a hand which Keith took. It was strange hearing him say his own name. Like they could have been meeting at a coffee shop. 

Keith’s vision came out of tunnel mode when he heard Shiro. 

“-eah so Keith is gonna be doing most of the interview stuff, and I’m just here to make sure no one dies.” 

“What?” Keith looked at Shiro, who gave him a grin. A grin that said “have fun with this really attractive celebrity play with puppies while you get to sit there and watch.” 

Lance laughed at Shiro’s comment. “I am very ready to cuddle every puppy in this place so let’s bring it on.” He flashed that perfect smile again, and Keith noticed a dimple form in the left corner of his lips. 

Keith resituated himself behind the camera and turned on the camera. “Um, you can just sit on the green ex on the ground.” Keith pointed, and Lance smiled at him, lingering, before going to sit. The volunteers brought over the puppies and Lance’s grin grew as they attacked him in a playful herd. 

One immediately went for the jar of questions and began to eat the small slips of paper. 

“Oh geez,” Lance giggled, pulling the puppy away, and Keith swore his heart imploded from the sound of Lance giggling. 

“Okay-” Keith cleared his throat, as a very fluffy puppy settled itself in Lance's criss-crossed legs and fell asleep. “So um, just choose questions from the jar- oh gosh-” 

The same culprit had found his way back to the jar and was batting it around. 

Lance laughed again, scooping up the puppy in his arms. “Maybe this will work better if you ask the questions. I think I’d like that better. Interviewing myself is kinda weird anyway.” 

Keith blinked at him, before getting up and crouching to grab the jar, which was slightly wet from slobber. “Uh, yeah, that works. Yeah.” 

“Sweet.” Lance smiled at his quick before his attention was taken by two puppies starting up a tussle on his legs. 

“Okay, so the first question-”

“Wait, I- Sorry, I can’t see you behind that huge camera.” Lance chuckled, peering to the side, the two fighting puppies now hoisted under his armpits. 

He wanted to see Keith? As in look at him? Oh god he just realized that he was literally wearing joggers and a t-shirt from his dirty laundry bin. Okay, no time to panic now just do the damn interview and this will all be finished soon. So Keith scooted the stool to the side, the jar of questions sitting in his lap, and his shoulders hunched. 

“Much better.” Lance nodded in approval, a smirk threatening to appear. 

Keith nodded back, trying to not look Lance in the eye because wow they were really nice and blue. “Okay, first question. If you could go back in time and play any role in any movie, who would you play.” 

Lance gave one of the puppies a quick kiss on the head before answering. “Okay, this is easy- definitely Jack from Titanic.”

Keith hated that he smiled. “Okay, next-who has been one of your favorite costars to work with?”

Lance pondered for a moment, drumming his fingers on one of the puppies’ back, while another knawed on his wrist. “Probably Gina Rodriguez- she is just super fun and lighthearted and we have the same like, goofy sense of humor which was super cool.” 

Keith nodded, listening intently because here he was, just chatting with Lance McClain. 

“So you’ve been in a mix of lighthearted and serious films- which genre do you prefer to act in?”

Lance looked at Keith as he asked him the question, before scooping up a runaway pup, and holding her close. “Um, well the comedies I’ve been in are always super fun and I think that’s the most like, enjoyable? But I also like the chance to kind of switch roles and play some more serious parts- and it’s the serious movies that get to tell deeper and more personal stories, which I really like as well. So both.” He smiled like he had broken the rules and Keith found in unfairly cute. “Are you a comedy movie kinda person?”

Keith almost missed the question that was fired back at him because- well this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, right? He figured it wouldn't hurt to answer it real quick though. He didn’t want to be rude or anything. 

“Um, not really? I mean I like some comedy shows but not really movies.” 

“Nice,” Lance nodded, holding a puppy up to his face and letting it lick his nose. 

Keith continued with the questions, and almost every time, Lance would ask him one in return. And it wasn’t like- it wasn’t like he was just doing it to maintain some kind of image. He seemed genuinely interested, which is what threw Keith off the most. 

“Ghosts are not real,” Keith scoffed. The jar of questions had been finished and they had just been going back and forth for the past ten minutes asking each other things. Their conversation flowed easily and Keith felt like he could talk to Lance for hours without getting tired. 

“Um, ghosts are too real and I’ve seen one.” Lance puffed his chest out, holding a puppy protectively like Keith had offended the dog as well. 

“You’ve seen a ghost?”

“Yes! At my grandmother's house. Her house is like a million years olf so it had like a hundred ghosts in it.” 

Keith snickered at his exaggerations and covered his mouth when a tiny snort escaped. “Oh my god.” He breathed. 

Lance laughed loudly, his body tipping from front to back with laughter. “You-you have a cute laugh.” He said as his giggles calmed down. 

Keith shook his head, feeling his cheeks get warm. “Anyone who snorts does not have a cute laugh.” But all Keith could hear in his head was cute cute cute cute cute he called me cute. 

“Well I like your laugh,” Lance said quietly, looking at Keith through his lashes like some kind of- well some kind heartthrob movie star. 

The sound of clicking heels interrupted the moment as Lance’s manager walked over with Shiro. 

“Alright Lance, we’ve got to head out soon if we’re gonna make it to your next interview.” 

Lance pouted, his lip jutting out as he gave each of the puppies a kiss and a hug before letting the volunteers take them away. 

Keith turned off the camera, glaring at Shiro's shit-eating grin as he took over packing up the camera gear. Lance stood up and straightened out his clothes and walked up to Keith who was lingering near the set. 

“Thanks for the interview, it was really fun.” Lance smiled warmly, stepping close to Keith. He could smell his cologne, fresh and beachy. 

“Yeah, it was - it was nice.” Keith smiled, shoving his hands in his pocket. 

“Um, I was wondering- well I don’t know um-” 

Lance fidgeted with his hands, and Keith smiled at the nervous boy in front of him. 

“Yeah?” Keith urged him on. 

“Um, well I wanted to exchange numbers and see if we could hang out. Sometime. Whenever.”

Keith let out a breath, and he was pretty sure Lance could hear it, but he didn’t care as he slipped his phone from his pocket- unlocking it and handing it to Lance. 

“I like your lockscreen,” Lance said as he handed Keith his phone back. “I like space too.”

“Yeah, yeah it’s cool.” Keith bit his lip, peeking down at his galaxy background, still having a hard time believing that Lance had just put his phone number in his phone. 

“So, text me and we’ll grab coffee or lunch or something.” Lance looked at him with those bright eyes and that bright smile and Keith, for a moment was convinced that this wasn’t a real thing. But then Lance was coming in a for a hug and Keith leaned in with a little more force then he meant. But Lance delivered with a similar enthusiasm and his hands spanned across his back, and Keith got an even better whiff of whatever kind of scent Lance was wearing and it was so clean and calming Keith felt like he could fall asleep right here. 

When they pulled away, Lance’s cheeks were pink and Keith was pretty sure his were as well. 

“I’ll text you,” Keith said. 

Lance's face broke open into a grin. “Okay. Okay cool.” 

Keith clutched his phone to his chest and let out a sigh, just to make sure he was still breathing. 

~

Lance texted like a maniac and Keith kinda loved it. 

OH MY GOSH KEITH 

I just saw the ugliest bigfoot statue 

It kinda looked like you 

Just kiddingggg

But you would have loved it 

Keith snickered as his Mac pinged with every text.

 Lance i’m trying to work here 

I know which is why I’m giving you a much deserved break 

But if i’m bothering you i can scooch outta here 

You’re fine Lance 

Thank you for the entertainment 

Okay sweet :))))))

~

They got coffee at a place tucked away in the city, and only two people came up to ask for a picture. They talked for three hours, both ordering seconds, and then thirds of their respective drinks. Lance, a medium latte with vanilla and cinnamon. Keith, a London Fog. With every new topic they discussed, every giggle Lance let out, Keith liked him even more. He saw how human and how real and raw Lance was. He made Keith feel comfortable and welcome and valued. He would listen and respond with intent and it made Keith feel things that he wasn’t sure what they were. 

At the end of their coffee date- “Can I call it a date?” Lance had asked and Keith had said yes- they walked out of the building and Lance whisked Keith into a nearby alcove to kiss him gently. It was so soft and delicate that Keith was pretty sure he was gonna melt on the spot and disappear into the drain. But he let himself indulge and wrapped his arms around Lance’s back, while long brown fingers cradled his jaw. 

When they pulled away Keith was breathing heavy, despite the lack of tongue. Oh god, did he want to know what that felt like. 

“I’ll text you.” Lance said, pressing a last quick kiss to Keith’s cheek before getting into the black SUV across the street. 

Five seconds later his phone buzzed. 

U are very cute and i wanna kiss you a lot now so when can i see you next ?

Keith rolled his eyes and bit his rising grin as he opened up his calendar app. 

            the end :) 

#klance fic #jay's fics #klance #klance oneshot #klance au #klance buzzfeed au #puppies & questions #buzzfeed au #celebrity lance #camera man keith

[greenbricksandblacktiles]

1. Practice

Jingyan can tell without looking directly at him that Xiao Shu is in an excellent mood when he steps out onto the range. Bitterly, and perhaps unfairly, Jingyan chooses not to acknowledge his presence.

Of course, Xiao Shu doesn’t let that deter him. “I was just at the palace,” he says, coming closer.

Jingyan lets loose an arrow that strikes the target dead center. It isn’t as satisfying as he hoped it would be. “I know,” he answers.

“Great Grandmother has selected Nihuang to be my bride,” Xiao Shu says, obviously pleased at the prospect.

It’s understandable. Nihuang is a fighter, so much like a little sister to Jingyan, and she absolutely adores Xiao Shu. She would be a good wife to Xiao Shu, and he a good husband to her.

Knowing all of this does nothing to abate the sour taste in Jingyan’s mouth.

“I know,” he repeats, stolid.

The response makes Xiao Shu pause, and as Jingyan nocks another arrow, he hears, “Jingyan, aren’t you happy for me?”

“Ecstatic,” Jingyan says, but he doesn’t even try to sound like he means it.

“What’s the matter with you today?” Xiao Shu asks.

“I’m fine.”

“Sure. That’s why you look like something crawled up your ass and died.”

“Xiao Shu.”

With a teasing note in his voice, Xiao Shu asks, “What is it, then? Are you jealous? Did you want her for yourself?”

Incredulous, Jingyan lowers his bow and turns toward Xiao Shu to say, “Nihuang is like a sister to me. Of course I’m not jealous because I want her.”

Xiao Shu’s eyes widen a fraction, but he recovers immediately and cracks another grin, bright as the sun. “Jingyan, are you jealous because you won’t have me all to yourself anymore?”

Jingyan says nothing, because anything he could say now would be worse than what Xiao Shu has already assumed.

“You don’t have to worry,” Xiao Shu says, smile softening. “Nothing’s going to change for us. I wouldn’t give you up for a wife.”

“I know,” Jingyan says, and turns back toward the target in the distance.

“You still sound so bitter,” Xiao Shu observes, casual, coming around to look over Jingyan’s shoulder as he lines up his next shot. Lightly, he says, “Oh, if only you were born a girl. Then I could marry you too, and you and Nihuang would stay on even footing.”

“I’d rather you were the girl,” Jingyan responds unthinkingly, surprising even himself.

This arrow misses the target entirely, and Jingyan curses even as Xiao Shu starts to laugh.

“Jingyan, why does it matter to you which of us would be the girl?” he asks, mirthful.

“Can we please pretend I didn’t say that?” Jingyan asks, but he doesn’t bother trying to resist when Xiao Shu’s insistent hands grip his shoulders to turn him around.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly let you off that easy,” Xiao Shu answers, exactly as Jingyan knew he would. “Tell me: why do you care which one of us would be the girl?”

“Don’t make me answer that, Xiao Shu.”

Still smiling, because he hasn’t a clue how Jingyan is suffering, Xiao Shu says, “My, oh my. Do you really think you could possibly have a secret I don’t already know?” When Jingyan doesn’t respond immediately, Xiao Shu needles, “Come on, tell me.”

“I’d rather you were the girl because then I could truly have you to myself, all right?” Jingyan blurts out, abrupt. “Women have to share. Men don’t.”

This finally makes Xiao Shu’s smile fade, and it’s too much.

Jingyan has said too much, and what he wants is impossible. The only way forward, the only way out of this without destroying everything he holds dear, is to pretend it wasn’t real. So he forces himself into a grin and says, “I got you, didn’t I?”

Xiao Shu only blinks once, slow, seeing far too much. Jingyan drops his gaze to avoid meeting those inquisitive eyes, but that puts Xiao Shu’s lips right in his sights, and oh, how he wants.

Before he can do anything stupid—more stupid than what he has already done—he shrugs Xiao Shu’s hands off his shoulders and turns around to face the target. When he starts to lift his bow, his arms are heavy as lead. So he changes his mind and walks off toward the target to collect his arrows.

“Have you gone to see her yet?” he says, voice raised so Xiao Shu doesn’t have to follow him.

“Her?”

The nerve of him, pretending he doesn’t know who Jingyan is talking about. “Nihuang.”

Xiao Shu doesn’t answer, and Jingyan stews in the silence as he yanks his arrows off the target and replaces them in his quiver. And then he regrets this decision, because he must turn to face Xiao Shu in order to return to his position on the shooting range.

“Jingyan,” Xiao Shu says, closer than Jingyan would have expected, and he turns to find Xiao Shu coming toward him, steps full of purpose, brow furrowed.

“Don’t,” Jingyan says, holding a hand out, but Xiao Shu is an unstoppable force. Any attempt to slow him down only steels his resolve, and really, Jingyan should know better.

“Why are you so afraid?” Xiao Shu asks, within arm’s reach now.

Jingyan lifts his bow, anything to put some space between them, but Xiao Shu catches his wrist, presses it back down. As ever, Jingyan is powerless to stop him.

“I’m not afraid.”

He’s terrified.

Xiao Shu’s lips curl upward, slightly, cocky. It’s an expression Jingyan loves and hates in equal measure.

“You haven’t lied to me like that in years,” Xiao Shu says, and then he squints a little, adds, “Actually, I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to lie to me like that.”

“Xiao Shu, please.”

But Xiao Shu just talks over him. “You’ve always been so transparent. Everyone sees straight through you because you want them to. You let them. Which is why I’m so surprised you managed to keep this from me for—how long?”

“If you have any regard for our friendship, you’ll stop. Please.”

“But how long has this been going on?” Xiao Shu presses, leaning in closer.

Jingyan tears himself away, storming past Xiao Shu and marching back toward the shooting range. Xiao Shu actually has the audacity to laugh, which only feeds the anger brimming in Jingyan’s chest, about to spill over.

Xiao Shu calls after him, but Jingyan doesn’t slow his pace.

“Hey—Jingyan, wait,” Xiao Shu says, and catches up, wraps a hand around Jingyan’s elbow.

His grip is insistent, but it is also loose enough that Jingyan could pull free if he wanted to. But therein lies the problem: he doesn’t want to be free of Xiao Shu. He doesn’t want things to change, doesn’t want their time to become limited, restricted.

“You realize you’re not being fair,” Xiao Shu says.

“How?” Jingyan demands, forgetting himself and turning to face his friend. Xiao Shu’s expression is unexpectedly solemn.

“I didn’t say a word when you were wed last year.”

“That’s different.”

Xiao Shu’s eyebrows shoot up. “It is exactly the same thing.”

“You have to know it’s different.”

“Oh, you stupid, stubborn bull. Listen to me,” Xiao Shu says, hands coming up to frame Jingyan’s face.

Startled, Jingyan doesn’t even think to pull away.

And then Xiao Shu is saying, easy as breathing, “I don’t want to share you, either.”

The words don’t make any sense. Jingyan feels off-balance, reaches one hand up to grasp Xiao Shu’s wrist as his mind scrabbles for purchase.

Yet his body is three steps ahead of him, because his other hand is finding Xiao Shu’s hip, following the shape of him around to the small of his back, pulling him in. He comes easily, and before Jingyan can think better of it, their lips are meeting for the first time, tentative.

Xiao Shu makes a small sound, seemingly unintentional, and Jingyan presses closer, tries the seam of Xiao Shu’s lips with his tongue and is granted access. He pushes in, licks Xiao Shu’s teeth, tastes his tongue, and relishes the way Xiao Shu pushes back.

It is only a kiss, yet Jingyan feels himself stirring, feels hotter in this moment with Xiao Shu than he ever has with his wife.

And it is this realization that has Jingyan stumbling back, shocked at himself.

Xiao Shu’s hands simply fall away as Jingyan draws back, and for a moment, there is a dimness to Xiao Shu’s eyes, his usual spark conspicuously absent. In that moment, Jingyan wonders whether he stole it, whether he tainted Xiao Shu, ruined him.

But then he brightens, resilient as ever, and says, “That was some excellent practice.”

The words startle a laugh out of Jingyan, though he’d thought for a second that they might never share a laugh again. His amusement quickly fades, however, and he knows not what to say.

It was not practice, and Xiao Shu knows that.

“Don’t think too hard,” Xiao Shu says lightly, breezing past him. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

Jingyan turns around, expecting Xiao Shu to be half-turned toward him, waiting for his response, but he is treated to the sight of Xiao Shu’s back, making an unhurried retreat. He opens his mouth to call him back, but he still hasn’t found the words to say.

Maybe if he says nothing, they can forget that this ever happened.

And so Jingyan simply watches as Xiao Shu grows smaller with distance, disappears indoors. Never once does he look back, nor slow his pace. And as Jingyan thought, they never mentioned it again.

It is this moment, this silence, that Jingyan regrets the most when he returns from the East Sea and learns the fate of the Chiyan Army, of his dearest brother, and of the Lin Clan.

#nirvana in fire #琅琊榜 #jingsu #靖苏 #this has literally been on my computer for years #there's another little tidbit that i haven't expanded on fully #but anyhow #the original thought was to post in both chinese and english but i don't think my chinese is good enough #so we'll stick with english here #fair warning before you click the readmore #not sure if or when i'll ever expand on it fully #xiao jingyan #lin shu #萧景琰 #林殊

[pippafitzamobi]

just me

It’s that time of the term when I’m ready to do everything except real work. Here’s the result. All 2158 words of it.

Also can be found on ao3.

-----------------

The brisk of fresh air fills my lungs as I take a deep breath and close my eyes leaning against the huge tree. The surface of the trunk scratches my bare arms, and I welcome the sensation. The ache to feel anything except this overwhelming numbness I’m experiencing is taking over me again.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of inexplicable joy and painful revelations. The more I find out about myself the more I realize that there is to lose. 

It's no longer just about me, my sanity, my freedom. 

It's no longer just about Aaron, his wounds, his obligations. 

Somewhere along the way we've made friends, grew attachments. 

Something that was once an unfathomable concept for me: a poor, crazy girl destined for nothing but solitude. I am no longer alone. Now, I know the truth or at least a scrap of it. There is still so much to uncover, I can feel it, something escapes me and I’m too afraid to look closer.

We're all connected by the invisible thread of pain and now it's wrapping around our necks trying to strangle us into submission. 

I can't let that happen. 

I won’t let that happen.

Everyone is counting on me, on us, to end all of this once and for all. 

“Chiquitita tell me what’s wrong” a cracked, out-of-tune voice comes from the other side of the tree.

Kenji.

I've been a bad friend lately. So consumed with myself that I did not even once stop and thought about anyone else. I should do better. Kenji deserves better. The best of me, the best of anything really. He has been there for me and with me through it all. And I left him on his own when he was falling apart. 

“You really shouldn’t be out of bed yet.”

He ignores me, gazing somewhere deep into the darkness ahead of him. "So, what are we sulking about today, princess?"

My left shoulder rest against the tree as I turn to get a better look at him.

He looks tired, worn. An echo of a lively soul he once was.

What I wouldn't give to put my hands on Nazeera right now – if it wouldn’t be for a fact that my best friend is in love with her.

"I'm sorry."

The wind carries my words through the silence that settles between us as Kenji nods his head in understanding.

I love that about us. There’s no second-guessing, no questioning looks or doubts.

He gets it. Of course, he does. I don't know if there is any other person in the world who understands me as he does. 

What Aaron and I have exists on a different level of us. It’s more raw, rugged, soaked with everything we are and what we’ve done.

My connection with Kenji is not something that can be easily explained with words - it needs to be felt. And the fact that I don’t need to explain it to him is the best testimony to that.  What we have goes beyond anything familiar, beyond anything romantic. With each other, we can just be. And to people like us, that’s everything.

Especially since lately I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be anymore.

“Look J.” He slings a look down at me from the corner of his eye. ”I’m not angry with you. I could never be angry with for trying to rest and be happy,” he stops to release a loaded sigh, “but yeah..."

A broken laugh escapes him and something breaks a little inside me.

“It’s completely ridiculous when I think about it. I survived two decades of some serious shit without you and...,” he falls quiet for a moment. “I guess I should get used to not having you around.”

At that, I push away from the tree and stand in front of him frowning in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

His lips tug in a small, pitiful smile and I suddenly struggle with an urge to punch him in the face.

“Come on, Jello, don’t be dense. We both know that when all of this is over you will go off to live somewhere far with the pretty boy and have a herd of his tiny megalomaniacal replicants.”

For a second I’m speechless. The sheer force of anger and shock that comes over me almost knocks me back. 

“I'm not leaving you.” It’s all I manage to say.

“Oh, that's so sweet. You are so sweet.”

I hate him.

“Tell me: are we going to live in the same neighbourhood? Or maybe even better! The same house. Do you think Prince Discharming would mind if we got a bunk bed, for you and me?  He can sleep underneath it, I suppose.”

My hands start to shake. “Kenji…”

“I don't want you to hold yourself back for my benefit. If anyone on this godforsaken world deserves a happy ending it's you. Even if it's with Warner.”

“Stop it. Just stop-p,” my voice cracks, my body shakes, my heart has abandoned me. “Stop saying things, I don’t want your stupid words.”

I shove his hand away as he tries to grab me and get closer to him, so close that I feel his warm breath on my face as I crane my neck to be able to look him in the eye.

I can’t believe him. That he would dare to think something like that. After everything, he thinks I could just get up and leave? Leave him, of all people?

“You listen to me now, you're not getting rid of me so easily. War or no war, we stick together, you understand? You and I have a long future in ahead of us and I expect you to be there.”

Something inside of him is brewing and breaking and mending all at once and I can see the change starting in his eyes, his face softening, his knees bending as he falls on the ground exhausted.

We’ve all been through so much, too much perhaps, that at times I wonder whether surviving it all is within our reach. I start to believe some of us were designed to cruise from one heartbreak to another until there will be nothing of us left, but a road wasted good intentions.

After a while, I join sitting beside him on the greenest grass I’ve ever seen, waiting for one us to speak.

“So, now that we got that out of our system, do you mind telling me what’s up with your sudden need for breathing exercises?”

How can I form into words what I myself don’t understand?

“Hey,” he says softly, nudging me with his shoulder.

 “I just feel I haven’t processed everything as well as I thought I have. And the chances that I will get time to do that are substantially small.”

“What’s there to process?”

I raise my eyebrow at him meaningfully, and he smirks in response.

“No, seriously. The only new thing is that you have a sister and are apparently from Australia–”

“New Zeeland, actually”

“...everything else is pretty much the same.”

“Is that so?”

He starts ticking off on his fingers, “Parents? Still shitty. Your taste in men? Still questionable. Superpowers? Unfairly high. The rest is only made of insignificant detail that will make you feel shitty the more you think about it. So...you know, don’t think.”

With a sigh I toss my face up to the sky, “Easier said than done.”

Stretching his long legs out in front of him, he crosses them at the ankles, while folding his arms across his chest, and leans back against the tree. “People put too much value into thinking. Thinking hasn’t changed anything in the world. Sure, sometimes it’s a good thing to do, but most of the time if you want to have something you have to get it done.”

He stops me before I get to say anything.

“And what we want right now is Adam and James back, Anderson dead, and your sister not pulling a plug on all of this,” Kenji points around them at the reminder of what her sister is exactly capable of.

“You make it all sound so simple. But I don’t even know who is supposed to pull it all off.”

“What do you mean ‘who’?” he frowns. “We are. You, me and the rest of them.”

“Yes, but...me as who? Juliette or Ella?”

His mouth opens in silent realization.

“Oh, Jesus, is it what it’s all about? Your name?”

“No, it’s not just that. It’s...what it mean..ugh…”.The frustration sweeps through me cresting in my chest. “I can’t explain it logically.” 

“Maybe because it lacks any logic, hm?” he squints his left eye at me as to emphasise his point.

Suddenly, my head starts to feel heavy so I let it rest on my knees. Communicating your problems is difficult when you don’t know what the problem is, or even if there is one. But I keep feeling this pressure in my skull and weight in my heart, so I need to try, try to speak about something I don’t even dare to think about.

“It’s like this,” I close my eyes and let words flow. “I was born as Ella, that’s who I am to Aaron and to my sister, and to many others who knew me since I was a child. But then I became Juliette, not by my own volition, but that’s who I’ve been for over a decade of my life. And it’s Juliette who discovered the true potential of her powers, it’s Juliette who rebelled, it’s her who fell in love and it’s her who made all of those wonderful friends. But Juliette is a creation of horrible design, but then again so is Ella. “

I open my eyes at last. They feel gritty. My throat is so dry I can't swallow the wad that despair lodged inside of it.  

“There are times I’m not sure which I am, and which I’m supposed to be.”

It is dark, but I can still see him, looking at me like he’s seeing me for the first time, noticing something he hasn't before. His expression gentle, understanding, and surprisingly sharp, almost determined.

Kenji knows. 

“Your name is just that. A name. Bunch of letters put together that don’t mean a thing. And don’t say a single thing about you.” He leans in closer, pulling me in with his eyes. “What do they mean? Did everything you went through as Juliette became erased when you found out your birth name?”, he shakes his head, “No.”

“Did your family stop exist when you were living as Juliette?”, he shakes it again, “No.”

His hand finds her in the dark. “You’re badass, you know that, don’t you? You survived hell and you keep coming back because you want to help people. It doesn't matter whose daughter you are and who is your sister, not even who are you dating right now. You can’t figure out which name to use? Use both, use neither. Choose a new one. For the first time in your life, you’re free to make a choice for yourself. Do you know how powerful that is, J? To be free? To be you? Because you've got to be you. No one else can.”

He knows he knows he knows

Me

With tears in my eyes I reach for him and he tugs me closer. I don’t need any powers to feel him, the certainty that there will always be at least one person who will understand me.

“Ella!”

Kenji groans against me and glares over his shoulder at approaching Aaron.

“I swear he has some sort of radar when it comes to you. Are you sure he didn’t implant any microchip into your skull? Actually never mind. I’m gonna check myself.”

He continues to work his fingers on my head until I elbow him, laughing. 

“Kenji!”

We're standing up, smiling at each other as if we have no other worries in the world, and at this moment I’ve never been more grateful that amidst all the tragedy in our lives we’ve found our ways to each other.

“Thank you,” I say, hoping it conveys all the gratitude and love I feel for him.

He messes up my hair, the way an older sibling might do a younger, to break the tension, but mostly because he knows I hate it when he does that. 

Throwing his arm over my much smaller frame, he starts walking towards the camp. “So, how about that plan? How much are we going to make Anderson suffer? I vote extremely much, the Spider-Man 3 level of pain.”

I may not know everything about my past yet, and my future might be even more uncertain than ever, but what I do know, is that this, this is the best side of love. And there’s no chance I’m losing that.

#shatter me #kenji kishimoto #juliette ferrars #ella sommers #reveal me spoilers #small ones...i think #but still #you've been warned #i hope you enjoy