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#eating

So, I’m having a rough time. I dissociated tonight at dinner and ended up having to lock myself in the bedroom to feel safe enough to eat.

This comes on the tail end of me sleeping from 6 a.m. to noon for the past three days, because I can’t relax enough to fall asleep any earlier.

I did apply for a job yesterday, which is good. But I also had an interview which I bombed last week. I didn’t do badly in the interview, but it comes across a little awkward to tell the interviewer I basically can’t do the job as it’s advertised. Employers don’t generally love that.

Anyway, here I am. 5:42 a.m., hating the fact I have to do it all over again tomorrow.

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Meal prepping fot the week has been mostly successful, except I’m not 100% calibrated for how much I eat (like, I roasted 3 sweet potatoes for 4 servings, even though I can only ever eat a half of one). Like, I’m used to feeding myself and my ex, and he can eat more than me, so just half of what I usually prepare is still too much for me.

I also still like some more flexibility. Like I have kimchi dumplings in the freezer that were really good, and I want to eat, but I still have 2 meals to not waste.

I also need to work on remembering what I like to eat. I bought 2 green bell peppers at the farmer’s market last Saturday, and have only used ½ of one, because they’re not my favorite. If I had my way, I’d probably eat bread and butter all day, so I have to figure which veggies I’ll eat and how I like them to give myself an alternative. Once I’ve already put the work in, it has to be eaten. But I know which veggies/meals work best for me+my ex. Too many of his favorite dishes are taking up space in the tip of the lists in my mind.

I’m only a healthy eater by trickery. I crave starch and fat and sugar and salt, so I have to sneak my veggies and some protein with that in balance.

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13Sep2020
#homecooking #soup

#healthyeating #healthy #eating #food #hungry #foodpic #foodphoto #foodvideo #cancer #breastcancer #awareness #mindfulness #mindful #survivor #california #socal #ie #inlandempire #micromemoir #southerncalifornia
@CelenaDiana
@oceanmoonspirit
@islands4writers
@cancer_inform  (at Riverside, California)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CFyWR6Bg920/?igshid=5bvgbms9cf1o

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10Sep2020
#homecooking #soup

#healthyeating #eatlocal #local #restaurant #healthy #eating #food #hungry #foodpic #foodphoto #foodvideo #cancer #breastcancer #awareness #mindfulness #mindful #survivor #california #socal #ie #inlandempire #micromemoir #microstory #southerncalifornia
@CelenaDiana
@oceanmoonspirit
@islands4writers
@cancer_inform  (at Riverside, California)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CFyV-hcAHtI/?igshid=132ua3uqmyphm

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