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#ed ment tw
pigeonwinnin · 1 year
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TW: disordered eating mention
Lately I keep sitting in front of the mirror and wondering what I’ll have to lose to be loved. At what weight will I not be tossed aside anymore? What pant size will make me important to people in my life. How will a dress need to fit me to have my awkwardness and anxiety be seen as enduring instead of socially isolating. What bodily ratio will make sure that I’m never abandoned again.
It’s illogical to think that a number in this sense is security against emotional pain. I know deep down it might not fix anything. But it’s all I have left and I need to try because I’m so tired and scared right now. I don’t want to be unloveable for the rest of my life.
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sillylittlealien · 7 days
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So here's the thing, I said I'll lost weight this month but I can't stop eating smh I feel like such a pig it's embarrassing
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niche-writings · 8 months
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hunter wittebane-noceda - general hcs.
this man loves physical touch (not that kind y'all nasty mfs)- hand-holding, hugs, shoulder pats, etc. he's touch-starved as hell. he'll probably cry on you if you hug him, but only if he's well-rested enough not to fall asleep instantly.
hugs from people he trusts are really the only way he feels safe... even when he's by himself, he's always on edge. it feels good to know somebody has his back.
that's probably why he's so tired all the time tbh. never been well-rested a day in his life because he just doesn't feel safe enough to let himself relax. dude probably has muscle knots for days.
became the golden guard at thirteen. his hands were very badly scarred on his first mission (like in the moringmark comic) when he had to dig his troop of scouts out from underneath a landslide. he ended up with bad nerve damage from the cold of the mountains, and his hands still shake pretty badly, even when he tries really hard to hold them still. he wears compression gloves to help combat this.
never been in a relationship and never had any friends. the closest thing he ever had to a friend was steve, and the age gap was frickin' enormous, so they never really connected in the same way as hunter would have connected with others his age. still, he sees steve like a big brother and a friend at the same time. steve is fond of hunter in the way a teacher is fond of a pupil, but definitely has no idea how much hunter worships and looks up to him as a person, and he definitely has no idea hunter has never experience any sort of love or affection before.
has legitimately no idea that what he went through with belos was abuse. thinks that he deserved every scar, every bruise, every injury, because he thinks that's just what parental figures do when you fuck up.
has panic attacks over seemingly very small things, and experiences deeply traumatic flashbacks if/when he has to walk through the palace again later in life. even though the flashbacks aren't necessarily noticeable to the people around him, he does have to find an excuse to leave so he has a chance to recompose himself in private.
probably has a mild eating disorder. comes from a similar place to his lack of sleep (aside from not being able to relax) where he has this idea in his head that he needs to be able to survive off of as little as possible and take up as little space/resources as possible.
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lil-white-mice · 4 months
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The bottom of the barrel (TW: MEANSPO)
Whenever you think you're better: You're not
You're always at the bottom of the chain
There is someone prettier
Someone smarter
Someone greater
Someone who has achieved more than you in less than half of the time you've been laying around and self-deprecating yourself
You're weak, and you know it
He doesn't deserve such a weak bitch like you, now does he?
Of course not
He deserves some girl who's hardworking, smart, great, wonderful and pretty
And there are so many girls like that
You don't deserve to be loved, what have you achieved? You worth nothing
You've done less than the bare minimum, and expect love in reward?
You seriously think ANYBODY would love YOU?? You're the last option in the barrel, you're not even good at being bad at things, you can't even try to look good
You should shut up and take it
Because you have not achieved the right to complain yet
Starve yourself and work your ass off, because that's the only way you could ever deserve to be loved by anyone
He would be right to dump you the SECOND a girl wo is slightly better walks by, because you're not special, at all, to nobody
He tells you such sweet things, but that's because he has no idea how stupidly dull you are
You're not even special in the ways you stand out, because there is always some other person who will stand out more
You're pathetic, weak, dumb
You're a piece of shit that thinks you're a diamond, so keep being delusional while the other girls work on themselves
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a24kcals · 3 months
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Back in the day I would find pro@na tips on google
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gay-jewish-bucky · 5 months
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Big ARFID News
There's a new documentary out on the disorder!
Do you know an extreme picky eater? A friend that may just eat bread or french fries at a restaurant? Eric Pascarelli thought he was just a picky eater himself. He ate his first vegetable at 30 years old. Not Just a Picky Eater follows Eric as he gets to the root of what is really going on. Along his journey, he finds others who are just like him. Eric's hope is that this film will raise awareness on this little-known eating disorder that affects millions worldwide.
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ciderjacks · 1 year
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tbh the Brad Bakshi bathroom scene haunts me and genuinely made me confront my own relationship with food when I first saw it because his performance was so recognizable to me, it was like someone was making me look at myself and it scared me. The way he contorts his face and mutters to himself and leans into the mirror and grabs at his stomach area and seems so deeply furious and ashamed of himself was both incredible and horrifically accurate, Danny Pudi seriously deserves more recognition for his acting, just in that one scene with very little dialogue we learn so much about Brad and see so much of him, so much of Brads most personal and telling moments are the ones where he isn’t saying anything- Danny’s delivery of the character is a fucking masterpiece and every second Brad is onscreen is a treat to watch.
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dietdaisies · 2 months
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"wow! you eat so much/little/fast/slow"
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pls f off 🫶
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avoidant antisocial agoraphobic anorexic addict AND autistic????
alliteration :/
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sillylittlealien · 4 days
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Hello ^^!! Alr so like I said before, I'm gonna lower my calorie intake and update my process here.
I've been eating like 2000 calories daily (wich left me feeling disgusting everyday) and now I'm gonna be eating like 1300-1500 and do a lot of exercise to start for somewhere.
I know that may be a lot of calories or whatever but I have to do this slowly so I don't binge by the end of the week. Wish me luck!
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thiebay · 1 year
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Relapsing bc only thinking about food and loosing weight may will fill the void
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houseofache · 11 days
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<—! TW: ED MENTION, ED RECOVERY !—>
something that you realize after you recover from an eating disorder/disordered eating is how much of the things you once loved before it is warped during it. like i loved running so much— i wasn’t the best or the most impressive but i loved doing it. it felt great. and then i got an eating disorder and it became like a weapon against myself and i would force myself to run for hours at a time and my love of it died.
now, running is becoming exciting for me again and i’m remembering what it felt like to just love moving my body and running while i zone out and just breathe. it’s exciting and bittersweet to realize this, but i’m more excited and hopeful that as time goes on i’ll recover all of the things that my ed robbed me of.
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lil-white-mice · 1 month
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Something that helps me stay motivated is that I keep a little jar in my bedroom and everytime i manage to get over a craving, i write it down in a small piece of paper like
"I was craving some leftover burgers and fries, but instead i cooked the food i'd actually eat and made a lot of tea"
And now I have this jar half way up from those little acomplishments🤍
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tbh really awesome to be reading with some semblance of the voracious appetite i had in 2019 but this time without the imbalance of that happening because i wasn't eating anything and subsequently cant remember like. anything about all the stuff i read that year
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gay-jewish-bucky · 5 months
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