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feralfemme-jpg · 3 months

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a poem a day | day 4

“yum”

in the morning i cleaned.

washed all the dishes that had

been sitting out for too long.

wrote a grocery list.

cut peppers and onions precisely

and didn’t even use it as an excuse

to cry.

ate the non-powdered peanutbutter

on normal bread and didn’t feel like

i had to be sad about it.

and i didn’t weigh anything

except the dry pasta (116g)

but i tried not to and

that was enough

at least for today.

find me here and here

#my work #/#a poem a day #art #poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #prose #spilled ink #spilled poetry #writers on tumblr #writer #writerscommunity #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #ed poem #ed recovery #recovery

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whimsy-wallfish · 6 months

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{ remove myself }

— 10. 11. 23.

watch me shove and slide

myself out of my

maroon decapitation wound.

removing myself from my body,

I stand on my own sunken shoulders.

finally, free from

the feeling of this awful vessel.

watch my fly-wings unfurl

- the further I fly, the closer i am to divinity.

----------------------------

prompt - remove

𖦹⭒°｡⋆

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franktrains-derailed · 10 days

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Poems poems poems

Getting emotions out

I had the food

I chewed the food

I spit it out

I rinsed my mouth

Why do I still feel gu!lty?

I used up money

I watched my calories

I puk3d today

I walked away

Why do I still feel guilty??

Scroll through tumblr

Still filled with hunger

Did I eat today

Not a thing

Why am I f—k!ng maintaining???

Tw below this line

(No minors & block if you don’t like me ✨🫶🏻

This content is made to explain my person struggles and create an environment you can relate to

Love you 🫶🏻✨)

- • - • - • - • - • - •- • - • - • - • - • - •- • - • - • - • - • - •-

Height: 5’4

Sw: 126lbs (57kg)

Cw: 113lbs (51kg)

Lw: 100lbs (45kg)

Hw: 130lbs (59kg)

See other posts for gw!!

#thinspø #tw ed ana #tw ed but not sheeran #tw thinspi #tw vent #my rants #tw depressing thoughts #tw ed sheeran #fitbody #@na vent #vent post #poems on tumblr #ed poetry #ed poem

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halfdeadhands · 2 years

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our trauma fits perfect like puzzle pieces but what an ugly picture we’re building

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lizzyblogsthings · 5 days

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And I know its bad but I find comfort in feeling my hipbones, when they stick out, skin streching over them. I like when people mention how visible my collarbones are, or how skinny my arms look. I want to be skinny to the bone, because thats what I was thought was desirable.

#@na shit #ana miaa #anor3c1a #thinspø #tw ed but not sheeran #ed poetry #ed poem #ed post #tw 3d vent

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snorlax114 · 11 months

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I take a bite of anything, and the voice in my head says, do you enjoy being fat? Do you want to be fat your whole life?

I swallow, I think,

No.

But, you know, skinny doesn't happen overnight, and sometimes

Sometimes fat feels

Like a bear hug from my mother, smothering, sympathetic, well-meaning.

Like a lover might feel, lying in our bed, their whole body covering my whole body, and I can't quite fill my lungs with air, but I don't quite need to. Keep crushing me just right and I could die this way (content).

Sometimes fat feels like

My best friend from a past life, jumping into my arms bride-like for a photo at the school dance, and how I loved her even when her meager weight threatened to topple us. Loved her more for it, in fact.

When I'm lying on my stomach on the floor and my dog comes and lies across my back, warm and grounding.

Fat feels

Friendlier than the wolf whistles and cat calls that my sisters talk about, that I've never been subjected to personally.

Softer than the pictures I keep in a secret album in my phone, of sharp collar bones and dainty wrists, skin stretched taut over ribs like plastic over meat at the deli down the road, glass limbs.

Sturdier than the hollow bones that pretty birds use to take flight from a nest I have never myself left before, that I stay and tend for my mother.

Fat feels safe sometimes,

Like outside at night when I see a stranger, and think, they aren't strong enough to take me if they wanted to,

Think, they wouldn't want to,

Think, I'm not worth the trouble.

I bought my sisters self defense keychains, you know, with the taser, the pepper spray, the panic button, the kubotan, the cute little fuzzy pompoms.

I don't carry one myself.

Fat feels like

Someone being nice to me and me not having to wonder if they're flirting, because they aren't.

Not having to worry if I look good for photos, because I'd rather just not be in them anymore.

Fat is the inflatable raft that I cling to in an ocean tempest,

A bulletproof vest strapped over a gaping wound of my own creation.

Do you think you can hurt me?

Do you think you can put something in me that will cause more carnage than the next bite that slithers down my throat, the one before it, the one that will inevitably come next?

Fat feels invincible.

Fat feels like

I don't need to figure out if I'm asexual because no one will ever want to have sex with me anyway.

Like it doesn't matter if I call myself "bi" or call myself "pan" because no one will ever ask and I will never have to explain.

Like the scab over a cut that I keep clawing back open because if it heals it will fade and if it fades no one will ever know that I hurt,

or how deeply.

Feels like please look at me, like don't look at me. Like I want to be alone, please don't leave me alone. Like please don't hurt me, like hurt me, I deserve it.

Feels like the greatest enemy I'll ever face,

Feels like the closest friend I'll ever have.

Sometimes fat is the tower I am locked in, my own self the witch who won't let me leave.

I've been growing my hair out for years, too afraid to cut it, like Rapunzel, I wonder if that will ever represent something.

#poem #ed tw #ed memes #ed poem #overweight #obese ana

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sk1n1for2023 · 1 year

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“Being skinny is like a game, if you binge you’ll lose.”

-ed-hall

#poem #ed poem #skinny #thin #ana #ed #ed meme #eds #ana vent #ana thoughts #disordered eating thoughts #th1n$po #anor3x14 #ed bllog #ed relapse #ednotsheeran #st4rv1ng #th1n

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skinwalkee · 3 months

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starving

i’m starving.

not for food but for the way people look at me when i’m with you..

i’m starving for the attention you give me.

you make me so hungry yet i cant ever get enough of you.

you make me feel so full yet you’re the one starving me.

#ed disorder #4n0r3xia #ana rant #anatumblr #ed not ed sheeran #pro a4a #tw ana diary #@ana #th1gh g@p #thin$po #ana trigger #ana bllog #proannna #ed bullshit #ed poem #ed poetry

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mq-writes-ig · 10 months

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tw- ed

to preface: i am not pro-ana in any way. i am not promoting this disorder, this is written largely about a system member and my own experiences with the disorder. do not misconstrue my words, i am not pro anorexia or any eating disorder.

why can’t they see?

my eating disorder is so kind, so gentle

she caresses me with delicate hands and tells me how beautiful i am, and how beautiful i could be

she tells me i am special, extraordinary, worthy

she is all the best things about myself

her name is anorexia, but i call her angel

-asterix / angel / cas

#tw ana recovery #ed not ed sheeran #poetry #ed poetry #ed poem #writing #thoughts #small writer #mentally fucked #did osdd #nothing like splitting a fictive of literal 4nor3xia #like we already had it but she’s just the voice amplified lmao

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freezing-bone · 6 months

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In search of grace, we run so fast,

Exercising hard, but shadows cast.

Starving for a fleeting, to fit our dream mold,

A relentless path that's hard to hold.

#ed bullshit #i wanna be weightless #ed vent #tw ed sheeran #ed disorder #tw restrictive ed #notprojustusingthetags #ed behaviour tw #ana dairy #st4rv1ng #poetry #poems on tumblr #poem #original poem #mental health #mental health poem #ed poem #tw ed rant

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chloetheanorexicxoxo · 6 months

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didn’t eat this morning because I was afraid that price of toast will be the true tipping point into gaining a new pound so I’ll stick to Diet Coke, I picked at my dinner because that stupid app on my phone told me I was a failure for going over 500 calories so I’ll stick to Diet Coke, My family and friends ask why I drink diet over regular I smile trying to mask my fear of them finding out “oh it just tastes better that’s why” I say praying they believed that, the truth is the regular coke scares me that idea of sugar, carbs and calories going down my throat makes me sick to my stomach so Ill stick to Diet Coke, people tell me aspartame causes cancer but I didn’t care at least I’d me skinny i thought so I sticked to Diet Coke, l scrolling through tumblr watching people who’ve never seen telling me I’m fat so I’d be motivated to starve so I’ll stick to Diet Coke, even though I’m better I still stick to Diet Coke.

(Idk i just blurted what was in my head 😛)

#ed bllog #ed disorder #ed not ed sheeran #tw ed diet #ed not sheeren #anorex14 #anorexcya #eating disoder trigger warning #skinnni #skiny girl #poetry #ed di3t #ed poem #ed poetry

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d34th-w1sh · 1 year

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A poem I wrote:

(TW!!!!)

Mirror mirror on the wall

Who's the prettiest of them all

On an endless journey I crawl

Scared that one day id fall

Bring me a pen bring me paper

Bring me wings and an eraser

Ill erase all that I were

I'm a butterfly chaser

Butterfly wings in an endless mist

So beautiful but with a twist

Weight you can't feel in your fist

Almost like I don't exist

Sewing butterfly strings

And butterfly wings

Butterfly bones and butterfly skin

The larva is an old evil twin

Getting new wings cutting off skin

But you can't fly with wings so thin

They called me blind

Cuz I still can't find

Those butterfly wings

In the mirror behind

Told me i'm the prettiest butterfly

But all I see in the mirror is a lie

Cuz with wings so thin bony and dry

I know that I will never be able to fly

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halfdeadhands · 2 years

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started collaging and every single one has been about mommy issues :-)

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bloodandchocolatee · 1 month

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A poem

I don't know what to say lately. I say too much lately. My brain races and my heart loses. Or maybe it's the other way around. I can't do anything right. I can't even do anything. I don't want to go anywhere unless it's to him. I don't want to belong to anyone but him. All I want is him. All I need is him.

I decided to stop eating yesterday. What a loaded statement. I guess that's like saying I decided to start dying yesterday. I'm also wishing that he'd hit me lately.

I feel empty lately. I haven't done much in a few days but sleep and that's probably why. I'm slowly decaying and aiding the process. I want to make art. I want to die. I want to live. I want to love and be loved. My nails are bitten and my hands are tired. I am a succession of bad decisions. I'm fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional and I'm FINE. I'm fine I tell him I don't care you won't fuck me. I haven't stopped writing yet and I know that's a good thing. I don't care you won't love me. But I hear my bones tell me that I actually really fucking do.

Unrequited love is a sad story. What the fuck even is a sad story? It's my story. Sob story sad story. I'm miserable and ecstatic. I'm heartbroken and apathetic. I'm screaming and silent. I am a dichotomy at my core and he knows it.

I wish he'd fall in love with me. I wish he'd hurt me more. I wish he'd punch me and bruise me. And that's the truth. I talked to my therapist about it today and we came to the conclusion that if I had bruises people would ask. And I'd love it. Attention is what victims of neglect seek. In fucked up ways. Like losing so much weight people think you have cancer. That's what I want. I want to lose 50 pounds. I want to destroy myself. God I'm sick. God I'm sick. I don't want to get better. Half of me is better, the part of me that doesn't drink anymore. Half of me wishes she was dead.

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girlinp1ecesworld · 3 months

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I wrote a poem a few days ago, thought I'd share it with you guys <33

TW !! ED

Thoughts? ~ 💭💭

#ed not ed sheeran #pro for me not for thee #a4a diary #wanna be weightless #ana rant #light as a 🪶#bulim14 #i will be weightless #ed not sheeren #ed poetry #ed poem #tw mia

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morganaleefay · 3 months

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Relapse // 28.12.2023

you hesitate. you sit there, waiting, teetering on the edge for a few long, long, seconds.

then you say “fuck it” and take the plunge, let your feet slip and your body fall and tumble tumble down and it's so easy.

the motions, it all comes back to you:

chug the water. tie back your hair. close the door. shut the window. turn on the tap. open the lid. kneel down and stare into the porcelain, breathe and think

“am I doing this?”

you find the way instantly, shove two fingers and push that spot at the back of your throat, feel your teeth dig into your knuckles, your stomach clench and heave - the wet, thick, grainy clumps like wads of clay climbing up your throat - move your fingers quickly out the way and watch it splat into the water. then again, fingers back, over and over and over. and you remember the first few times, years and lifetimes ago, how loud it had been, how much you gagged and coughed and spluttered around the clumps of regurgitated mush. you’re quiet now, practiced and methodical.

it’s almost too easy.

it’s scary, how your body has adapted to the action, how it just seems to know what to do and doesn’t even protest anymore.

it’s terrifying, and it’s exhilarating.

#tw #ed poem #mental health relapse #my therapist loves me #like 2 years clean down the toilet #pun fully intended lmao

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