every part of you (simple as that) | 2.8k
"Do you ever think about having kids?" The words fall from Buck's lips the moment Tommy returns from the bar with their beers. He flounders a little, mouth opening and closing like he can suck the words back in. To his credit, Tommy only blinks in surprise and takes a second too long to unwrap his fingers from the neck of the bottle when Buck reaches for it.
"Uh, no, not really," he says carefully, evenly. And Buck's only the tiniest bit disappointed that it doesn't fluster the man more. Tommy just joins him in leaning against the railing of the gazebo, hip and shoulder solid points of contact that Buck relishes in. The warm, strong weight of Tommy against him soothing the pacing dog in his chest. "I mean, I used to. When I still thought I was straight." He huffs a little laugh at himself, and Buck shares in it. A new feeling, wistful amusement. The years lost to a question you never thought to ask, or one you couldn't find the courage to answer. "It's what you do, you know? You find a nice woman, you get married, you have kids."
"Mm," Buck hums ins agreement, taking a sip of his own beer. It's a thought he's had countless times, a thought he continues to have, but now it's not always a woman standing up there at the altar with him. "You don't think about it now?"
"I never really considered it. Not with the job and everything." Tommy sighs, deep and heavy, before turning to face Buck head on. Something raw and vulnerable creeps into his eyes, and Buck finds himself standing a little steadier ready to catch whatever fragile thing Tommy is about to hand him. "The army, firefighting, Harbour. My mortality has never been a sticking point for me. I was always thinking: well, if I die, I die."
Buck sucks in a sharp breath, the words slicing through his skin like shards of a mirror long since shattered, settling in his gut like a stone of dread. How many times had he thought the exact same? How many times will he have to pay for his own carelessness by caring for someone he could lose so easily?
"I've made sure to live a life that would leave very little behind," Tommy continues. "Or I had. Until recently."
"Oh, yeah?" Buck raises an eyebrow, heart skipping once then twice. "What changed?"
"I think..." Tommy's voice is low as he sways into Buck's space. "I think I found something to stick around for."
(OR: buck comes out to chris at the wedding)
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so let the words slip out of your mouth
buck & eddie || rated: g || wc: 1.7k || read on ao3
Buck wasn’t trying to hide from Eddie. Really, he wasn’t. It’s just….every time Buck tried to get the words out he clammed up. He was pretty sure that Eddie thought there was something wrong with him, he’d been giving Buck increasingly worried looks over the last couple weeks.
Eddie had overheard Hen telling him that she would add him to the queer LAFD group chat— not she had said what the group chat was for at the time— and he’d given Buck a weird look, as he knew how much Buck hated group chats. Buck was also sure that Eddie had noticed the look on Bobby’s face when he looked at Buck sometimes, like he was proud of him, happy for him. It never failed to warm Buck from head to toe but he knew it made Eddie curious. The worst was probably Chimney, who, after a few too many weird goodbyes, had stopped saying bye altogether and had taken to saying adios.
So Eddie definitely knew something was up with Buck, but Buck was pretty sure he didn’t know what.
Buck was sitting at his table, staring into space as he contemplated how to tell Eddie. Tommy had just left— they’d had a nice romantic date before Tommy had to leave due to an early shift the next morning and Buck was still giddy over their date. Things were good between him and Tommy. Solid. They’d only been dating for a few weeks but Buck was over the moon and he was really excited to see where things were going to go between them.
A soft knock sounded at his door, breaking him out of his thoughts.
Buck went to answer it, figuring it was Tommy. “You forget something?” He asked as he opened the door.
Only it wasn’t Tommy, it was Eddie. “Hey, Buck. Can we talk?”
“Y-yeah, of course,” Buck stumbled over his words, moving to the side so Eddie could come in. Buck swallowed roughly as he shut the door behind him. Looks like they’d be having this conversation whether he was ready or not. “What do you want to talk about?”
Eddie just gave him a look. “You know what.”
Buck sighed. “I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, Eds. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Tell me what?” Eddie pressed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “If I’m being honest, Buck, I don’t really know what’s going on. I just know that everyone at work is acting weird, like they’re in on this secret and I’m not, and I’ve tried to figure it out, trust me. But I can’t. What could be so bad that you can’t tell me?”
“It’s not bad, I promise,” Buck said earnestly. “There’s nothing wrong, I’ve just…figured some things out.”
“Okay…” Eddie trailed off, looking at Buck when he didn’t elaborate. “What things?”
“It’s that— I’m—” Buck tried, swallowing against the lump in his throat. His heart was beating so fast, just like it had the first time he came out. You’d think all the practice he’d had would have made it easier but something about coming out to Eddie made everything feel so much more.
“Is it that you’re hanging out with Tommy? I saw him leave. You guys don’t have to hide it,” Eddie said, his brow furrowed. “It’s not like I’d be upset. A little bummed that I’m not invited but not upset,” Eddie chuckled, although his laughter trailed off when Buck just stood there.
“Tommy and I…” Buck started, clearing his throat. “We are hanging out but we’re not friends.”
“How does that work?” Eddie looked adorably confused.
“Eds, we’re dating.”
“Oh,” Eddie said, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Buck said, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “So I’m…the news is that I’m bisexual. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
Eddie was quiet for a moment, digesting the new information while Buck fidgeted in front of him. “So…when we ran into you at the pizza place…you guys were on a date, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, it was our first,” Buck mumbled, unable to keep a small smile from gracing his lips. The date had been a little tense and a whole lot awkward when Eddie and Marisol interrupted but then Tommy had walked him back to his door and kissed him and Buck had melted, throwing himself into the kiss. They’d found their footing and it hadn’t been awkward since.
“Shit, Buck, I’m so sorry, we totally interrupted,” Eddie looked dismayed.
“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Buck reassured.
“I’m still sorry,” Eddie said quietly. “And I’m sorry for storming over here and basically forcing you to tell me. You clearly didn’t want to and I made you and I’m just, I’m sorry.”
“Hey, hey, no,” Buck said, his brow furrowing as he took a step closer to Eddie. “You didn’t make me do anything, I was always going to tell you, I was just having a hard time finding the words.”
Eddie let out a sigh of relief and closed the distance between them, pulling Buck into a bear hug. Buck hugged back just as tightly, letting out a shuddering breath when Eddie whispered, “I’m proud of you, Buck. Thanks for telling me.”
“You’re welcome,” Buck mumbled back. A quick fleeting thought dashed across his mind that Eddie’s arms felt so good around him, something he’d always known but now it was at the forefront of his mind. It felt different now and Buck felt a tendril of confusion. Why did hugging his best friend feel different now? Why did it feel better? Like something was slotting together? Buck shook his head as he pulled away from the hug, trying to physically shake away the thoughts. He wasn’t ready to think about that. “I’m surprised you’re here so late, where’s Chris?”
“Ah,” Eddie looked sheepish. “We had a bit of a fight and he wanted space so Tia Pepa said she’d take him for the night.”
“Oh? About what?” Buck was confused, the amount of times Eddie and Christopher had fought was a very small number.
Eddie sighed. “It’s dumb, you probably don’t want to hear it,” He tried to brush it off. “Let’s talk about more important things: so, you and Tommy?”
Buck ducked his head, blushing. “Yeah, me and Tommy.”
“That’s great, Buck, I’m really happy for you,” Eddie said. A quick expression flitted across his face, too quick for Buck to decipher it, before Eddie gave him a genuine smile.
“Thanks, Eds,” Buck murmured, a pleased glow lighting up his face. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know but first, talk to me about Chris. What did you fight about, is he okay?” Buck was concerned for his favourite Diaz.
“He’s not Marisol’s biggest fan,” Eddie sighed, scrubbing his jaw. “He doesn’t like that she’s been babysitting him so much— which is on me, I’ve been going out a lot with Tommy, especially that first couple of weeks and now, I just— I guess I have to figure that out.”
“Shit, Eddie, I’m sorry,” Buck said, his voice soft with sympathy. “You want a beer?”
“God, yes please,” Eddie blew out a breath, coming to sit down at the island in Buck’s kitchen. Buck placed an opened beer in front of him and then opened one for himself. “Thanks, Buck.” Eddie said gratefully, taking a hearty sip.
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t even know,” Eddie said, picking at the beer bottle label. “If I’m being honest, I’m not…really feeling it? Like, it was exciting at first and she’s nice but that’s…that’s it. I don’t feel a spark with her, y’know? I don’t really feel anything for her. I guess that’s why I kind of blew up at Chris, because I felt guilty that I wasn’t actually upset that he didn’t like her.”
“If you want me to talk to him, just let me know,” Buck offered.
“That would be great, I’d really appreciate that.”
“No problem,” Buck smiled before he took a deep breath, steeling himself for his next question. “Speaking of Christopher, Eddie can I….can I tell him? About me?”
Eddie looked at him in surprise. “Buck, of course. You don’t even have to ask. Besides, he’s…” Eddie trailed off, looking at Buck with soft eyes. “He’s your kid too.”
Buck swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat, feeling tears sting his eyes. “Y-yeah?”
“Yeah, Buck,” Eddie grinned.
“You’ve never said that before,” Buck said shyly.
“To be honest I thought you knew,” Eddie’s voice was gentle. “You’re his guardian if anything happens to me.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s mine,” Buck countered, looking down at his hands.
“It does to me,” Eddie replied firmly, so there was so ifs, ands, or buts. “He’s ours.”
“Ours,” Buck tested the word out, liking the way it sounded. “Okay. Ours.”
Eddie’s smile could outshine the sun and Buck felt his heart skip a beat, just like it always did when Eddie smiled at him.
The two of them were quiet for a minute, basking in the comfortable silence while they sipped their beer, before Buck eventually spoke up. “How do you think I should tell him?”
“That you’re bi?” Eddie asked and Buck nodded. “I’d just say it straight.”
Buck laughed. “Well, I don’t know if I can say it straight.”
Eddie chuckled. “You’re going to be making all the puns now, aren’t you?” His voice was unbearably fond and Buck wanted to wrap himself around the glow it lit inside him. “You know what I meant. Just say it outright, you know he’ll support you. You may have to explain what bisexual means but honestly I think he’s going to be very casual about it. Plus, he likes Tommy so you know he’s going to be excited that you’re dating.”
“Okay, great,” Buck’s shoulders relaxed and he let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you, Eddie.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Buck,” Eddie said. “Now come on, let’s finish these while we watch a shitty movie.”
“Sounds good,” Buck said warmly, following Eddie to the couch. And it did— sound good. He felt better than he had in weeks now that Eddie knew and was okay with it— just like Buck had always known he would be, but that small part of him that worried was loud. As Buck leaned back against the couch while they flicked through the movie options, he felt complete. And very, very free.
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Buck coming out to Maddie:
Just kinda pure chaos, total sibling energy, as it should be, he’s talking about his date with her and about how it went horribly awry…
Maddie immediately assumes that Buck was on a date with a married woman!? Like ok, but WHY THOUGH?
Then Buck says “he left me outside the restaurant”, and Maddie’s like “hold up…back this up a second, let’s go back to the pronoun” because Buck kept leaving out that he was on his first date with a man (Tommy).
Buck being like “yeah, ok I was on a date with a guy, but that’s not the point” HOW IS IT NOT THE POINT EVAN! Then Maddie starts to get why Buck is so worried about lying to Eddie.
Buck bringing up that he’s an ally again and Maddie saying “so now, you’re more than an ally”. Which is exactly what we all yelled at the screen the first time we saw the date scene, because it’s true! (Like come on now Buck! You kissed the guy!)
And of course this moment:
And I’m sure this had us all laughing our heads off, because no Evan it is not normal straight male behavior to “check out a hot guy’s ass”! 🤣
Sir, are you openly admitting to possibly checking out your best friend’s ass at some point, because I think he definitely counts as a hot guy and he definitely has a cute butt! 🫠🤭
I digress… after the second shock of her morning of learning that Buck had a date with Tommy, (the same Tommy he was complaining about to Maddie only a couple days ago)…
The scene, of course, ends off with Maddie being the wonderful, supportive QUEEN of an older sister she is and tells Buck to tell her everything about the “hot pilot”. l love them so much!
And Buck gets all smiley and shy and adorable because he really likes Tommy! 😊
Buck coming out to Eddie:
Then we have this scene, and I feel like it’s the complete opposite from how he came out to Maddie…
Eddie is over at Buck’s place trying to avoid his girlfriend and his catholic guilt and doesn’t know what to do about it.
Eddie says, that Buck and Tommy got the right idea of just hanging out (guys being dudes), he however, is completely oblivious of the (dudes being gay/bi) part of their plans.
(Please tell me you know what I’m referencing in the red text)
Buck somehow manages (in a much smoother way than how he told Maddie) to tell Eddie that when he ran into them at the restaurant that they were actually on a date!
I think that the first thing Eddie said was “wait, Tommy’s gay?” Like he’s shocked about Tommy, but not Buck?
(I suppose though, it makes sense that Eddie and Tommy didn’t talk about their sexuality when they hung out, like it’s not necessarily something that needs to be brought up purposefully. It shouldn’t matter anyways. If Tommy felt like it would have effected their friendship he probably would have said something…)
Clearly, Eddie’s totally fine with that and goes on to reassure Buck that nothing will change between them. As we can see a few seconds later when Eddie teases Buck a little after hearing he basically got dumped halfway through the date.
And of course that brings us to these wonderful moments:
Eddie being a supportive KING! We love that for him! And of course Buck and Eddie, the sensitive, vulnerable guys they are now start to have a nice little heart to heart chat about Buck’s feelings for Tommy.
Buck says “I kinda can’t stop thinking about him”and gets all smiley and shy and adorable again because he really likes Tommy! 😊
We get Eddie telling Buck to call Tommy because there’s no way that once Tommy actually gets to know Buck that he won’t love him like the rest of the team! Also talking some sense into himself along the way…
And the hug! It’s my life, it’s my everything!
(other than Buck and Tommy being super adorable and holding hands at the end of the episode, anyway…)
Just this whole scene between Buck and Eddie was so warm and soft and loving… but like this hug was just so beautiful, chefs kiss. The way Eddie turned as he was about to leave and just thought ‘I can’t leave without giving Buck a hug’ I CAN’T!
They love and care about each other so much you can see it in how they look at each other, they’ve been through so much together their friendship is amazing and beautiful and I love it so much!
Who knows what could happen in the future with Buddie… maybe they become romantically involved, maybe they don’t. I don’t care as long as we get more moments like this between them in the future!
The situation they find themselves in at the end of the episode though… well I guess we’ll be waiting until May 2nd to find out what exactly happened there… 🫠
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