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#eddie diaz queer awakening 2021
yramesoruniverse · 8 days ago
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Can we talk about Buck's queer awakening? Or, whatever is going on with him and his sexuality?
Because while they are pretty clearly telegraphing Eddie's trajectory (every corner of his narrative is Repressed Queer Adult Man), I have no idea where they're headed with Buck. Is he going to have his own queer awakening? Or is he already...awake to that part of himself?
I could see everything from Buck genuinely never having experienced romantic or sexual attraction men, and he simply...fell in love with Eddie (which is 100% a thing that happens, all the time). To he's always had some attraction to men, maybe some experience, but doesn't feel any type of way about it. Maybe it's not the queer part, but the Eddie of it all — the falling so completely, manifestly in love with this person — that terrifies him. (While poor Eddie is dealing with both.)
The one thing that doesn't track for me with Buck is repression, especially of the sexual kind. While Eddie is the King of Repression, in many dimensions, and Buck has his own many issues, I find it hard to believe Buck would repress queer attraction. He just seems generally more sexually confident and liberated. Also, narratively, I wouldn't expect the show to tell the same story for both of them. Buck's is going to be different. Maybe. Who knows! I really have no idea!
Can we have a curious and creative exploration of the possibilities for Buck without descending into identity discourse? I'm genuinely interested in an adult conversation here.
(I better not see any queer people talking shit about other queer people. Do not do the dominant culture's work for them, folks.)
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msblueberrybi · 13 days ago
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Only a person who realized he/she/they are queer after 30, after having many life experiences, after being brought up in the world where nothing queer even existed, realized it only upon falling in love with a best friend, can fully understand how GRATIFYING and SATISFYING and JOYFUL it is to see what people call 'Eddie Diaz's queer awakening'.
Because Eddie is me in so many ways, even though his path is arguably much more complicated, and I don't get to see stories like this in so much beautiful detail that often, if ever.
Because so many (wonderful) queer characters somehow appear on my screen fully formed, 'have always known', and I don't have anybody to relate to, always feeling 1000 steps behind the entire queer community in terms of everything, because I am somehow 10-15 years late to the party.
Enter Eddie Diaz - wonderful, caring, selfless, repressed as h*ll in all kinds of ways, aware of what should be done for one's happiness, but never applying it to himself - and I think 'I've been waiting to see you for years'.
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extasiswings · 26 days ago
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of men and of angels
Summary:
For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12.
Eddie Diaz learns a lot as a kid.
Boys aren’t soft.
Boys don’t cry.
Boys don’t kiss boys.
As he gets older, he realizes that everything has exceptions. Boys can be soft sometimes. Boys can cry sometimes. And some boys kiss other boys.
But Eddie likes kissing girls. And since he likes kissing girls, that’s the end of the story.
Isn’t it?
[Or: the one with all the repression]
Character study through the seasons. Eddie Diaz Bi/Queer Awakening 2021/S5 RISE. 
On ao3 HERE.
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yramesoruniverse · 18 days ago
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Thinking about Eddie Diaz and how he will simply NOPE! out of a conversation he does not want to be having.
He's not nearly as smooth about it as he thinks he is, but he certainly does it a lot! From the subtle to the...um...extreme, Eddie Diaz will get out of an uncomfortable situation by any means necessary. Let's take a look, shall we?
Running away from the World's Most Awkward Conversation, to put Ana's three (???) salads in a refrigerator that we all know is not working:
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The classic Eddie Finger Point + Side Eye to cut Concerned Husband Buck off at the pass:
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A snarky comment designed to cut. Because yes, Eddie is pissed at Buck and is hurt. But more importantly, Eddie knows that Buck can see right through him — see his hurt and his self-destruction. Buck saw the bruises and will not let it go, so Eddie Can Not Engage. (Concerned Husband Buck 1.0):
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"This is just a lot, man." When in doubt, Eddie will simply close his eyes and refuse to talk anymore. (Couldn't find a gif of that exact moment that ended the conversation, but you get the gist.):
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You want to talk about how serious my relationship is? The relationship I like to pretend is not happening? Remember how my child's mother died? (Seriously, the way "the last time Chris wore a suit was at his mother's funeral" brought that conversation to a dead stop.):
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The Classic Horizontal Rappel Get Away when Eddie is simply done with Buck's (self-loathing) nonsense:
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And of course there's the most extreme example. When Eddie's body decided to take over and Get Out:
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I am sure there are more examples. Thinking about how in Season 4, Eddie was so present and engaged. But the focus was largely on Buck and his emotional turmoil. Now? The focus is almost entirely on Eddie and he Can Not Stand It. Noping out all over the place. Or is it "just moving forward?"
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yramesoruniverse · 9 days ago
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You know what I kind of love (and find interesting) is that 911 is a very LGBT+ show that isn't like other LGBT+ shows, in that it's not about being queer, it's just queer people living their lives and being like everyone else. I've watched so may shows where the focus is always on the characters sexuality, but that's never been 911. Right out the gate, characters sexualities were just part of who they are. Other than Michael's coming out, which was already well underway when the show started, everyone sexuality is just a passing comment, and never a big deal, and to me that's so refreshing.
I mean, don't get me wrong, those coming out stories and LGBT+ centric shows are important, but so are show where LGBT+ people are just part of the world, working and having friends and families, and just being accepted.
And I think that's part of what makes buddie so special, but while yes it's a huge deal to have a story about two men discovering their sexuality late in life, because of the way 911 is, it feel so natural and like any other will they/won't they in the series. (Or any series)
Hi anon. I'm going to offer you a slightly different perspective on your point about 911 and queer representation. (And in probably far more words than you anticipated...)
First of all, 911 is stellar in that regard. Two of the eight core cast are queer, plus two more in the extended cast. Not to mention, we're about to have two more queers in the main cast. And I don't think there is another mainstream show out there with four Black queer characters.
But on the larger point, there is something that happens when you have one or many marginalized identities. (I'll stick with queer in this example, but it applies to other communities.) Assimilation has for so long been the political and cultural goal of our community (largely out of a desperate fight for survival during the AIDS crisis, but that's another post). We may be "gay" — queer decidedly not an allowed term, the B and T in LGBTQ, bi and trans folks largely ignored — but we're just like you, we're normal. Don't look at our queerness, look at everything else about us. Look at how good and smart and successful we are, look at our spouses and our kids and our houses in the suburbs. Normal.
This mindset internalizes queerness as a limitation. That if the story of queerness is told, it is by definition a narrow one that can't hold the fullness of a person. So, what we've gotten for so long are (almost entirely white) stories of assimilation or harmful stereotypes, maybe some coming out stories that reduce queerness to this one moment in our lives. A moment that is often more about straight people than it is about us.
For me, and the queer people in my life, our queerness includes and is about so much more than our sexuality or romantic partnerships. It is a way of relating to the world, of rejecting the dominant culture and building something different for ourselves, in every aspect of our lives. Queerness isn't a limitation or one aspect of an identity. It's everything.
I don't believe that's what you're saying here, but this aspect of internalized oppression is a slippery one in our community, so I wanted to point this out. It creates a trap for us that we have to work to not fall into — don't pigeon-hole me with your limited imagination about what queerness is, but don't invisibilize it either. It sucks, and it's straight people doing this to us. We have to make sure we don't do it to ourselves.
What I adore — what I am honestly floored by — is the story they appear to be telling about Eddie. That Eddie awakening to his queerness is essential to his healing, from everything. Healing from the traumas of war, his childhood, Shannon's abandonnent and her death, all of it. That Eddie can't be a healthy and whole person without embracing this part of himself. He isn't a "normal guy" who happens to be queer. His queerness is his path to healing, to his liberation. Eddie's isn't a coming out story, it's a story of self-discovery and self-acceptance, of finding healing and wholeness in love — loving himself and allowing himself to love Buck.
It sounds crazy, but it really looks like that's what they're doing! (I honestly have no idea what they have planned for Buck in terms of his queer awakening, so TBD on that one...)
So, yes. 911 is one of the best when it comes to queer rep, and be mindful of the slippery slope of thinking about queerness as a limitation.
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yramesoruniverse · a month ago
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Building on @extasiswings smart post about Eddie's identity and how disappointing it would be if they retcon his genuine (if messy and complicated and ultimately doomed) feelings for Shannon in the process of telling his queer story. (I didn't want to hijack your post with my 2 cents.)
I'm genuinely hopeful they will choose "a beautiful narrative about the importance of choosing/how we’re allowed to choose happiness and love when we find it."
I can't say for sure why, but my gut tells me they're not going to lean into parsing Eddie's identity; they may not even attempt to name it, explicitly.
(And to be honest I hope they don't. Because there are deep, complex intra-community conversations — fights — about identity and gender and sexuality happening right now. And a long-overdue reckoning with gatekeeping inside our community and the legacy of harm queer folks have caused other queer folks over policing queerness for a very long time. This is far too raw and nuanced an issue for a network show and it is just not 911's wheelhouse. They are brilliant at telling grown up love stories about mutual healing. I hope they stick to that and expect they will.)
What I could see happening is that they make it about how Eddie's conditioning — which is wrapped up in all types of repression and self-denial that includes, but is not limited to, his sexuality — has taught him he is not allowed to love Buck, simply because he is a man. Society won't allow it, his conditioning won't allow it, and he doesn't deserve it. Eddie's journey is one of allowing himself to love and be loved, fully and without fear or shame. Allowing himself to choose joy for himself.
Eddie did not see Buck coming. He never expected Buck, but Buck makes him so happy. Happiness found Eddie, and the questions is as simple as will he allow himself to have it?
They have spent so much time building Eddie's character with a focus on his go-to of self-denial. Eddie's queer awakening could be as simple and as rich as Eddie simply follows his heart and allows himself to love Buck.
They don't have to retcon his feelings about Shannon to tell this queer story. In fact, it would be both revolutionary and most true-to-life if they don't. Here's hoping.
YMMV, of course. I am super interested in what bi Eddie fans think of how the show continues to handle Eddie's queer awakening.
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yramesoruniverse · 16 days ago
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"The idea of us..."
The queerness of every single corner of Eddie's narrative. Cheers to all the queers and comrades behind the scenes who are responsible for crafting this extraordinary story. It truly is breathtaking.
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yramesoruniverse · 27 days ago
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Shout out to all the queers in their feelings about Eddie Diaz because he makes you feel some type of way about yourself. Your childhood, your parents, your trauma, your survival, your grief, your own queer awakening, maybe all of the above.
Here's hoping you can find a way to catharsis in all this. (Eddie's getting his happy ending and you deserve one too.)
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yramesoruniverse · a month ago
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911 really said: The children sure seem interested in Eddie's clothes. How about we center our whole metaphor on Eddie's trauma and repression (never over that choice of words ever) around him wearing a suit and tie. In fact, let's have him try on suits, with Christopher, in front of Ana, for the purposes of meeting Ana's entire family. (A thing that is not at all serious or important.)
Let's have Christopher hate the suits, have him be visibly and vocally annoyed at having to keep putting them on ("that's the third one..."). And what if Eddie has a panic attack — with a neck tie in his hand — when a total stranger completely innocently thinks Ana is Chris's mother?
Perhaps we will have Eddie not have a shirt on at all when he's in the hospital. When, much to his horror, his emotional turmoil is exposed and cracks in his wall of denial really start to show. Perhaps the scar from his (most recent!) bullet wound will be prominently visible — right in the camera frame, below Eddie's distressed and panicked face — the whole time.
Maybe soon, when he is finally ready to let all the cracks show — to put down the denial entirely — he'll be wearing a black tank top. The outfit he wore in his very first conversation with Buck...
Cannot wait to see what @ktinaj has to say about all this...
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yramesoruniverse · 11 days ago
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Sometimes I'm really just minding my own business until I remember how Eddie really just made Buck his son's legal guardian and then sat on that for a year until he got shot in front of Buck like....the drama of it all, the sheer chaos of him revealing it at a moment buck needed to hear it most! I'm not a neurologist but I would give anything to look at that man's brain
I will die on this hill, but Eddie Diaz is THEE Most Chaotic of all of them, hands down. Closest are Michael and Bobby, when they come together, but that's more on the dumbass (affectionate) scale. And Eddie's chaos is backed up by the full force of Eddie's will and determination, which is formidable.
Eddie may mull a decision, let it simmer, but once he makes the decision? Watch the fuck out. We are moving ahead in the wildest, most intense way possible. Because there is no way that the idea of Buck being Chris's guardian wasn't bouncing around in Eddie's mind for some time before he made the decision to put Buck in his will. And then not tell him for a whole year! He did it planning to not tell him EVER. Eddie Diaz is wild as hell!!!
And of course, there was the zero-to-sixty, "I'm gonna stick it out even though I don't love her and she gives me literal panic attacks" to "you need to get out of my house, now" in front of his child. "A disaster..." indeed, Christopher. Indeed.
I'm thinking about what this might look like when Eddie finally reckons with and accepts his feelings for Buck. After all this time, after all the agony and repression and self-deprivation, once Eddie realizes he can have Buck, that he can love him, might he move forward with that same intensity and force of will? No pausing, no second-guessing, just go for it? I think about that sometimes...
But, yes. The mind of Eddie Diaz is a wondrous and perplexing thing that should be studied by science.
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yramesoruniverse · 12 days ago
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Having thoughts, but didn't want to hijack this post about Eddie with Ana in Jinx, and how he seemed genuinely nervous/excited about the prospect of dating her.
My take is that the primary source of his excitement — of the almost giddy little thrill he was giving here:
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This was about the prospect of lifting himself out of his grief, of "moving on," of giving Christopher the "normal" family Eddie (well-intended, but wrongfully) believes Chris needs and deserves. Eddie respects Bobby, and Bobby genuinely cares deeply for Eddie. And I bet that Bobby is very careful and sparing when it comes to giving Eddie advice. Eddie took Bobby's words to heart, the deep longing Eddie has been holding that he doesn't really understand, thinking "maybe this is the path out." Eddie did need to take this step, for his own healing, to start on a path to figuring himself out, accepting himself.
I don't think Eddie's genuine excitement was so much about Ana, specifically, as it was about the prospect of healing — maybe even happiness — being possible. Ana was always a means to an end, a metaphor, a tool, and in the end, a coping mechanism for avoiding and hiding from emotions so overwhelming he cannot tolerate even looking at them (past trauma, the shooting, loving Buck, all of it).
Now, I think what Eddie is ultimately going to learn is that grieving isn't about "moving on," but about acceptance, in every sense of the word. It's important that the pic of Shannon and Chris is still on that table by Eddie's front door, which you can see when Buck brings Eddie home from the hospital:
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Shannon was Chris's mother. Shannon broke Eddie's heart. And Shannon died. There's going to be something about Eddie's grief and his queer awakening and learning to accept these experiences as a part of who he is. A whole, complete, queer person who carries grief and heartbreak and is in love with Buck. Once he realizes he can hold all of these aspects of himself together, that he is manifestly worthy of love and joy, that will be what healing actually looks like.
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yramesoruniverse · 20 days ago
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Thinking about a particular parallel this morning, both of which have Eddie in a hospital bed...
Buck saying it would have been better if he was the one who got shot...
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And Eddie essentially saying that him having a heart attack would have been better than a panic attack...
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"Well, it wasn't a heart attack"
"Are you sure?"
"You sound disappointed..."
Something about how both Buck and Eddie, in different ways, diminish and erase themselves, from their own lives. Buck's changing, though. Eddie helped him see that he is not expendable. Buck, your move...
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yramesoruniverse · 19 days ago
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It's pretty amazing how with just one line — "I've been Ana" — Buck managed to give her character an entire personality that had yet to emerge after a season and a half. It's pretty devastating to contemplate, honestly, that she may actually be in love with Eddie. Like, In LOVE love. (Devastating to think of Eddie having dug this deep hole all by himself. Eddie annihilating himself on this relationship while she's falling in love. How of course Eddie never wants to hurt anybody and how he is going to feel like shit about this, for a while.)
It honestly never occurred to me. 911 surprising me once again.
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yramesoruniverse · 24 days ago
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Eddie is gonna cling to that last vestige of heterosexuality with his bare, bleeding hands, isn't he?
Oh Eddie...
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yramesoruniverse · 28 days ago
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I just think it's neat how we hoped they would address Eddie's trauma, and what we manifested was a season all about Eddie's heart.
Can you believe? ❤
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yramesoruniverse · 24 days ago
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Eddie you are gonna laugh* when you find out that literally no one on this earth will be happier about you and Buck getting together than Christopher.
*and by laugh I mean cry a lot.
Please stop clinging to heterosexuality for your son. It's always been about more than just him, hasn't it?
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yramesoruniverse · 13 days ago
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Still cannot get over that break up scene and how every single line of dialogue, every single moment, every single nuance of body language was queer as all get out. Every. Single. Moment.
Once again, of all the plausible, in character options for telling this part of Eddie's story, they chose the most queer path possible. What a world...
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yramesoruniverse · 20 days ago
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Do you think eddie’s story with panic attacks won’t end with the break up? I’m a bit scared because I’d like for them to make us see even how much pain and change the shooting brought to eddie’s life I mean from my perspective, they made it seem like being shot and almost losing your life was an everyday matter for him which is a pity because there’s so much they can do, and they can perfectly connect it to buck, too.
Alright, anon. I'm in the mood for a tough-love soapbox rant on this here Saturday.
There is something about this fandom and getting the best content we have ever gotten only to react with "but I'm just worried that..."
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Please let yourselves enjoy this! Especially my queer comrades. You deserve to enjoy this! And you can enjoy it, if you will just let yourselves. We are getting the Eddie Diaz Queer Awakening story of our dreams. If you let yourselves get tangled up with what hasn't happened yet by EPISODE TWO, you are going to find yourselves being miserable while literally watching Buddie go canon. And in the most beautiful, thoughtful, queer way possible. I want better for you. Want better for yourselves!
So, on the question of Eddie and his multiple traumas: It's important to distinguish between what Eddie is saying and what the show is saying. The show has clearly indicated there is far more to the panic attacks than what Eddie is willing to admit. (I mean, he nearly had an attack, on duty, Ana nowhere in sight, while watching Chim do chest compressions on a man that suspiciously resembles Buck. In episode ONE.)
Eddie is saying getting shot and almost dying was an everyday event. The show is saying that Eddie...has some Very Serious Problems. The dude hoped he had a heart attack, for fuck's sake. (Because he is a medic and knew full well it was likely a panic attack, which in his mind was worse than a heart attack.) "I don't even think about him anymore..." Let me repeat: Eddie said out loud that it would have been better if he had a heart attack. So yeah. Guy's got issues much bigger than his doomed relationship.
Eddie is deep in denial (expert compartmentalizer) about a number of things, and is, at this point, a lousy narrator of his own story. Watch what he does and listen for the subtext — lots and lots of clues are there. What Eddie says? Denial and repression and obfuscation from an unreliable narrator. No judgment at all, only love. This is just how trauma works, especially for Eddie.
The show made the decision to handle the shooting the way that they did: Carla told Eddie to "follow his heart," and then Buck watched Eddie get shot — literally splattered in Eddie's blood — Eddie reached for Buck, "are you hurt?" And then the revelation of the will and that Eddie had kept it a secret for a year.
Eddie's (terrifying, all-encompassing) feelings for Buck are now inextricably linked to this shared traumatic event. He can't process one huge, life-changing thing without the other. Eddie had his oh moment while he thought he was dying. The show did this on purpose, for a reason. They cannot tell Buck and Eddie's love story without addressing the trauma of the shooting, for both of them. (Spoiler alert: they're telling Buck and Eddie's love story.)
Looking ahead for Eddie, his choice to stay with Ana is an obstacle to his queer awakening and an obstacle to his healing. Ana is a means to an end for Eddie, a mechanism for coping with trauma, a doubling down on repression to protect himself from having to deal with the existential terrors of violent trauma and being queer and loving Buck.
Keep in mind the time and the slowness and the illogic and nonlinearity of when and how the body is ready to let us process our trauma. It's simply not possible for a human (and not realistic for a fictional character) to process all of this at once, so quickly. Eddie's decision to end it with Ana will remove an obstacle and give him a chance to start healing.
911 is actually very good at this. And while they surprise us with the details, they always telegraph the larger emotional trajectory of the characters and relationships. Eddie — deep in his repression — fessed up to having panic attacks "about Ana" in episode TWO. There is so much more story to tell, and the show has planted seed after seed telling us they intend to do just that. They are just getting started.
I cannot predict the future, but I can say that I have been overwhelmingly delighted by everything so far — Eddie's story crafted and delivered with so much love and care — and I cannot wait to see what happens next.
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yramesoruniverse · 17 days ago
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I'm so proud of you, Eddie. Buck had to give you a push, but you did this for yourself.
You know, I am actually really glad they did not have Eddie talk to Chris first. (Although telling Ana "maybe you should go home" in front of Chris? Lmfao)
Because it was much more powerful that Eddie made this decision, for himself, even while believing that Chris loves her, believing that Chris would want her to stay. It's so important that Eddie followed his heart. (And, Eddie would know that even if Chris loves her, it would ultimately be terrible for Chris that Eddie doesn't. Spoiler alert: Chris is going to be fine.)
When Eddie and Chris have their heart to heart — because they will — it can be about what's next.
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yramesoruniverse · 15 days ago
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I'm thinking about Hen and Eddie.
Thinking about a young Hen writing letters to the father who abandoned her. How she shared these vulnerable, hopeful parts of herself, like "the moment I saw my best friend and realized I wanted to kiss her..."
Has Eddie had this moment yet? Has he allowed himself even a glimmer of the full awareness of this feeling? Of this fundamental truth about himself? Even if he shoved it down afterwards? I genuinely don't know. Maybe, maybe when he was dying...
Thinking about Hen's queer awakening at that tender moment in her young life, and how we have gotten to witness her thriving in the joy and freedom that comes after. Living as a fully awake and affirmed queer person in this world — not always easy, but oh-so gratifying. Thinking about how I cannot wait for Eddie to experience what that feels like.
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