#edit 2: like *laughs nervously* why am i alive again

[badcountryofficial]

I hate you so much it's unreal

#give. me. #anyway i rlly should comm art of him #if for no other rzn than just i keep slipping #and i need art of him #and i cant make it #tonight it's gone from like 'i'd be better off dead (cos there wouldnt be this pain and monotony)' #to 'i'd be better off dead (because i dont help the world and maybe i even harm it)' #like idk man. my mind has split tonight im having An Episode (lite) #lots of thoughts. none of em good. #i need the universe to give me a sign #edit: this feels terrible i was sobbing so hard earlier i exhausted myself idk man i just feel so shitty tonight #i hate? this life? #negative #edit 2: like *laughs nervously* why am i alive again???? #don't answer that. dnnfjjgkkgkfjdjf

[ritz-hell-hotel]

Retail Therapy - Luke Patterson

Julie and the Phantoms

Request?: Nope.

Word Count: 4.8K+

Summary: Alive!Luke x Alive!Reader/ Alive!JATP x Reader. After a fight with your parents, you go out for a little retail therapy and meet a certain Rockstar. I think I will prolly do a part 2 or more let me know if you want one, btw this is not proofread or edited. Luke sings to you in this chapter and he sings ‘Can’t take my eyes off you’ by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons, so you can listen to that if you want.

Warnings: I don’t think there’s any.

-

“Julie please, my parents and I just got into another huge fight about my art and I need moral support.”

“But my dad wants me to watch Carlos and I can’t bail again.”

“Please just get here! I need you, Jules,” Y/N radiated distress and it was clear to all the people in the Claire’s she was currently in.

“Fine, I can call my tía. I’ll be there in an hour, but you owe me an ice cream cone!” Julie said laughing, Julie had been Y/N’s best friend since they met in the seventh grade when they both accidentally wore the same shirt three days in a row and became friends, they often would laugh about it. Y/N told her where to meet and thanked her friend quickly hanging up the phone. She heaved all her shopping bags up and looked around.

“Why am I even in this store?!” She hmphed loudly drawing the attention of the other shoppers once again. She marched out of the store towards the food court where she was meeting Julie. A new store caught her eye and she stopped for a minute debating if she had enough room for more bags. She quickly made her mind up deciding that she could make room, after all, she had her dad’s Platinum Amex and she was not going to waste this opportunity. Y/N walked quickly to the entrance of the quaint book store. She turned into the book store slamming into something, it was just her luck to run into a wall today and I mean why not seeing as the rest of her life was falling to pieces around her. She fell onto her back looking at the ceiling her bags scattered around her. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” A boy came into her sight. He had shaggy brown hair and was wearing a light yellow apron with a name tag. Guess she didn’t run into a wall after all, but again that was just her luck. Her eyes began to water as all the emotion crashed upon her like a tsunami. She gritted her teeth pulling herself together.

“I’m fine,” Y/N looked at his name tag. “Luke.”

“Woah how’d you know my name?” Luke stepped back and Y/N let out a breath of laughter.

“Nametag,” She said as the tears began to pool in her eyes.

“What? Oh my god, why are you crying?” Luke looked at her panicked, he didn’t do the best around crying girls. She held up a thumbs up. 

“I said I’m- I’m,” She coughed lightly trying her best to get out the words. 

“Here let me help you up,” Luke stuck out his hand to her nervously. She grabbed it and using her other hand tried to wipe the onslaught of tears off her face. Luke kept a hold of her hand pulling her to the back section of the store. 

“Um you can stay back here as long as you’d like,” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and accidentally running into the desk behind him knocking a book off the desk he looked at it quickly.

“Here you can read this maybe it’ll make you feel better,” he picked the book up shoving the book into her arms. He ran out of the room quickly.

“Oh? I- Thank you!” Y/N called out into the store. Luke ran back into the room his arms heaving all the girl’s bags.

“How were you carrying this much?” He wheezed dropping the bags by her. She laughed wiping more tears away and smearing her mascara. Luke backed up again.

“I have to get back to work but just leave when you want and if you need anything I’ll be up at the front counter,” he nodded at the girl giving her a thumbs up, and walked out again. She sat at the back of the store composing herself. She picked up the book looking at the title. It was ‘The Outsiders’ and a pretty beaten up copy at that the book was filled up with loose pages, she flipped through it and set it down on the table next to her. She turned to grab her bags. She didn’t notice but the book slipped off the table into one of her bags. She also didn’t notice her journal/ sketchbook drop from her purse as she grabbed everything trying to flee as quickly as she could. She collected the rest going out into the main store and heading to the counter.

“Thanks again for the help,” She leaned on the counter gazing at the boy in front of her.

“No problem, um you can come back anytime, that is if you want to of course no pressure,” Luke stumbled over his words.

“Of course, yeah,” She nodded, but she was not going to come back, not after that humiliating experience. He smiled dopily at her.

“Can’t wait,” he leaned on the counter as well.

“Um yeah,” she felt a twinge of guilt at the totally sweet look he was giving her. Her phone chimed loudly and she pulled it out.

“That would be my cue to leave,” She turned quickly dashing out of the store making her great escape.

“Bye then,” he waved confused. Y/N pulled out her phone checking the text.

‘Where are you? I got here 10 minutes ago.’ - From Julie. Y/N sighed speeding up her strides to get to the food court quicker. She spied Julie sitting at a table in the middle of the court. She made her way through the throng of people and sat down at the table setting her bags down under it. 

“What happened?” Julie asked eyeing the girl.

“I had a bit of a break down in a store, but a nice employee helped me out so I’m good,” Y/N laughed quickly.

“Are you okay, your eyes are really puffy. Do you need eye drops?” Julie stuck her hand in her purse and Y/N stopped her laughing again.

“I don’t need anything I’m good I promise, I just want to spend time with my best friend,” Y/N laid her hands down on the table in front of her. Julie rested her hands on top of the girls.

“If it’s any consolation I am supportive of your art,” Julie smiled sweetly. Y/N’s heart melted at the girl’s words, it did mean a lot to her.

“Thanks, Julie, now if you could convince my parents to do the same then that would be a dream come true,” a weak smile crept its way onto Y/N’s face. Julie squeezed her hand.

“How about we go get that ice cream and we can talk a bit and walk around, I think we both need it,” Julie stood up interlocking her hand with Y/N’s and pulling her towards the creamy treat.

-

It’d been a few weeks since the mall incident and things were not getting any easier for Y/N. Fights seemed to be on the daily now and the yelling was beginning to drive the girl insane. So she spent as little time as possible at her house only going over to sleep and do school work, other than that she was at the park painting or reading through the book that had slipped into her bag. She had planned on returning it to the booking clerk after she had read it, but now it had been three weeks and she had yet to. She would have hung out with Julie, but she was busy with her new band and nonstop rehearsals, they were set to debut at a spirit rally at school next week and they needed to be perfect. She still hadn’t met the band, but she had permission from Julie to crash anytime she wanted and she was planning on taking full advantage of this pass soon.

Her favorite pass time though was reading the book though so she had kept it, she loved to just read and look at the little notes and doodles in the margins, it really gave her a view of what was going on in Luke’s head. Although sometimes it was hard to decipher the hieroglyphics that was Luke’s handwriting.

She had discovered that the writings of S.E. Hinton were not the only thing hidden away in the eggshell-colored pages, there were journal entries and songs. She didn’t feel comfortable reading through the entries but she sure did love reading the works of musical genius, Luke’s, songs. They were so well written and heartfelt it helped her understand this boy that she barely knew, this boy so full of passion, feeling, emotions, and kindness.

And that’s where she was now reading a song of loss and regret under the cloudy sky. One that she related to personally, it reminded her of her parents and that even if she was having a hard time with them she would always love them even if they weren’t in the picture.

“If you could only know I never let you go,” she hummed along to the words, and sure she didn’t know the tune the words were initially meant for but she could sure try and make her own melody. But her phone interrupted her startling her out of her own little world within the words. She hurriedly wiped at her tear-stained cheeks and took the device out. It was 4:30, Julie and the Phantoms were at rehearsals right now and this was the perfect opportunity to infiltrate the jam session, so Y/N hopped on her bike and sped towards the Molina residence.

-

Y/N stopped on the cobblestone path leading to the studio loft and set her bike against the stone wall. She could already hear the music drifting from the open window of the studio. She crept to the porcelain white door and stood on her tiptoes looking through the long windows. Y/N could see Julie on the piano and three boys surrounding her. There was a tall lanky one wearing a pink shirt and had a fanny pack slung across his chest, he had blond hair and was on the drum, there was a raven-haired one clad in flannel and leather he was on bass guitar and another one that wasn’t facing Y/N, from what she could see he was a brunet and was wearing jeans and a blue sleeveless hoodie, and he was on a guitar she thought. Julie looked up and jumped a little but she just laughed it off stopping the music and gesturing for Y/N to come inside. Just as Y/N was about to move away from the door the brunet turned around her her heart stopped she could hear all the blood rushing and it was deafening.

It was Luke from the bookstore. Y/N felt herself pale and she quickly hid from view she slid down to sit against the door and the pavement, her eyes darted around looking for a place to hide, any place at all. But before she could move the door gave way and she fell onto her back. Julie had opened the door at the whole band formed a circle around the starfishes girl. Luke broke out into a fit of giggles.

“We have got to stop meeting like this,” he managed to get out through the laughter. Y/N deadpanned and scoffed.

“Tell me about it,” she sighed. Luke came to a stop and offered her a hand. She did not grab the hand though instead opting to roll onto her stomach and push herself up. Luke lowered his hand awkwardly and Alex snickered.

“You two know each other?” Julie asked looking between the pair.

“Kind of,” Y/N shrugged looking at the dopey grinned boy. “We met at the mall a few weeks ago, you remember Julie we had an ice cream cone that day.

Julie nodded and looked at Luke.

“Oh, so this is the guy you stole a book from!” Julie laughed at the panicked face you made. Luke sent Y/N a confused look.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry I’ve been meaning to return it,” Y/N dug through her backpack and pulled out the book victorious. She handed the book to Luke quickly and added a quick explanation and a sorry.

“Hey it’s okay, you kind of left something too, I had been wondering where it had disappeared to though,” he laughed and snatched Y/N’s journal from his bag handing it to her. Throughout their exchange Julie, Alex, and Reggie just stood awkwardly shuffling their feet.

“Oh! I thought my dad took this... Oh My god wait please tell me you didn’t look,” Y/N paled again. Luke and Y/N stared at each other for a minute silently.

“Um only a little,” Luke looked down to the ground guiltily. Julie coughed and clasped her hands together.

“Why don’t we play something for Y/N while she’s here!” She said sitting down at the piano. The rest of the boys picked up their instruments, Alex sitting at the drums, Reggie standing with his bass next to Alex and the door, and Luke standing next to the piano and the couch. Y/N took a seat on the couch farthest away from Luke, she was feeling a bit awkward.

“So this is Bright,” Julie said to Y/N as well as making the boys aware of what they’d be playing for her. Julie played the first notes on the piano taking a breath and smiling, she was really in her element right now and it showed.

“Sometimes I think I’m falling down. I wanna cry, I’m calling out,” Julie sang out hitting each note with perfection. Y/N got goosebumps on her arms while listening to Julie’s voice, it was really breathtaking.

“For one more try, to feel alive.” The boys still hadn’t played their instruments and Y/N looked at each of them confused. Luke sent her a wink and threw his guitar over his shoulder with finesse. Y/N smiled brightly and gave him thumbs up. She reached into her bag pulling out a paper and a pen. She wrote a 9.5 

“What?! I deserve a 10,” Luke frowned strumming a note as Julie sang, “Life is a risk but I will take it, close my eyes, and jump.”

“It’s because you’re a show-off,” Y/N held out the f sound. Luke laughed and threw his head back.

“I’ll you show you what showing off really looks like,” he grinned at her. Just ask he said that Julie sang, “Come on let’s run!”

And that's when the boys hopped into action the music hitting Y/N like a wave. Luke played the guitar his hands moving effortlessly on the frets, he had so much passion in his eyes and Y/N couldn’t tear hers away. Luke looked at her holding her gaze intently.

“Life is a risk but we will take it, close my eyes and jump,” Luke’s voice came out gravely and husky, giving Y/N goosebumps once again. Reggie sang along with him dancing around the middle of the loft. Y/N felt like the breath was knocked out of her, the band was, to put it simply, dazzling. She had so many thoughts for them but she knew she it’d be impossible to tell them how amazing they were in words. Luke walked closer to Y/N kneeling in front of her while still playing his instrument. 

“Come on let’s run!” Luke sang to her, the rest of the band along with him. He hit the high note with ease and Y/N breathed in deeply. Luke continued to sing, but he pulled her up quickly and they danced together, it was a mess of rocking together and lots of spinning on Y/N’s part while Luke jumped up and down still having to play. Reggie came in and joined them, and he and Alex shared a look. They all jumped around in a circle and Y/N jumped onto the couch singing along with the chorus.

“Shine together bright forever!” Y/N picked up her water bottle using it as a mic. Luke couldn’t keep his eyes off her, she was electric. 

“In times that I doubted myself, I feel like I needed some help,” Luke sang and the only instrument playing was coming from the piano. Luke walked up to the couch below Y/N and they stared at each other.

“Stuck in my head, with nothing left,” Luke sang to her. Julie shot Y/N a look telling her to sing with him.

“And when I feel lost and alone, I know that I can make it home,” Y/N sang nervously fearing she’d mess up the words, but Luke just smiled at her and Y/N instantly felt at ease. Y/N looked away from Luke for a minute nodding at Julie and they sang together.

“Fight through the dark, and find the spark!!” Julie raising her voice and held out the note. Luke still couldn’t pull his gaze away and he lifted Y/N off the couch spinning her and making her squeal, she was set on the ground and she started dancing again. 

“We will fight to shine together! Bright forever!” They all sang out and the song ended. Y/N laughed with glee and jumped up and down.

“You guys are amazing!” She smiled at Alex and hit Reggie’s shoulder, feeling at home with the guys already, even if they only met a few minutes ago. 

“I’m gonna run inside the house and grab some snacks and we can hang out!” Luke ran to the door and exited. Y/N laughed, he didn’t even ask if she was free, she was but still. She enveloped Julie in a hug and they laughed together. Y/N’s phone rang in her pocket and she pulled it out and looked at the screen, her mom was calling. A deep frown set into her face and she clutched the phone.

“I’m gonna take this,” She said and made her way out sitting against the stone wall and taking a deep breath trying to prepare herself. She hit the answer button and held the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” She whispered.

“Y/N Y/L/N, you need to get home right now, you have been gone long enough. Get over yourself, you will not become an artist and you will do what we say we are your parents,” Y/N’s mom and dad said, not even letting Y/N get a word in. She breathed in deeply and shut her eyes tight willing herself not to cry.

“Mom, Dad, I’m not coming home,” Y/N got out her voice faltering. Her dad scoffed.

“Don’t be ridiculous you will come home immediately,” Her mom sighed. Y/N shook her head even though her parents couldn’t see.

“I’m not coming home not again and not ever, not until you support me,” she almost lost herself there but she shut her eyes again keeping the tears at bay, she wouldn’t cry for something she needed to do.

“I’m gonna be staying somewhere else from now on, I’ve already got all the stuff that I need and you won’t see me again until I prove you wrong.”

“People will like my art and even if they don’t I like my art and it’s what I’m passionate about and I won’t stop, I won’t give up, I can’t,” Y/N hung up the phone not even giving them a chance to respond, she clicked into her settings turning off her location and stuck her phone next to her. She brought her knees to her chest and she breathed deeply, she heard someone taking a seat next to her, she didn’t look assuming it was Julie.

“I know what it’s like,” Luke laid his head against the wall and put his hands at his sides. Y/N’s head shoots towards Luke.

“It’s you! I thought you were Julie,” Y/N said. Luke started to get up.

“I’m so sorry I’ll go,” he stood up all the way. Y/N grabbed his hand and pull him back down they were now sitting shoulder to shoulder and looking at each other. Y/N breathed in deeply again the tears finally going away.

“Stay.”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop drop, by the way,” Luke laid his hand on top of her hesitantly. She laughed shaking her head.

“It’s okay, can you tell me about it?” She asked him referring to what he said earlier. He nodded slowly trying to articulate what he was thinking.

“Okay, but bear with me I’m gonna start at the beginning,” he stated and Y/N intertwined their finger hoping to make him more comfortable.

“My mom and dad bought me my first guitar when I was about 8,” he started squeezing her hand.

“When you said beginning I didn’t think it’d be beginning, beginning,” she laughed. He sent her an annoyed look and she giggled laying her head on his shoulder.

“They didn’t get me into lessons but my neighbor ended up teaching me, I knew immediately that music was what I wanted to do and my parents didn’t quite feel the same but they let me continue playing regardless, but then I started a band called Sunset Curve when I was fifteen, that’s when they tried to take my guitar away,” he deflated slightly and Y/N nestled into him a bit more.

“Of course I hid it where we were practicing and didn’t tell them where, but the fights got so bad that I ran away, on Christmas Eve.”

“Now I’m staying here, but I get how it feels to not be supported by the ones who matter most, so if you need someone who knows what you’re going through you can come to me if you want,” he said facing her as she took her head off his shoulder. They were centimeters apart at this point, they were practically breathing in each other’s air.

“You’re staying at Julie’s?” She asked their noses almost touching.

“Yeah in the loft with Alex, he’s not living at home either, his parents weren’t cool after he came out to them,” he said sadly his eyes fluttering shut. She studied his face, he had freckles that you could only see close up, and there was a small scar just on the bridge of his nose.

“It’s cool that you guys have each other,” Y/N interlocked both their hands.

“You could have us too,” he whispered. “If you want us.”

“I’d really like that I think,” she moved in closer, her lips ghosting over his as he whispered, “I’m glad you want me, us.” They knew each other better than anyone, sure they hadn’t been together long but they’d seen into each other's world through music and writing and art, they saw the most intimate parts of each other. A crash from the garage and Alex fell through the crack in the door and he shot up looking like a deer in headlights. Luke and Y/N jumped away from each other and Y/N hit her bike knocking it over and the contents of her other bag on it spilled out, a mess of clothes and tampons came out and Luke looked horrified. His eyes fell upon a single bra and he stumbled back covering his eyes. Alex ran back into the studio slamming the door behind him. Y/N quickly scooped up her stuff putting it back into her bag making sure to zip it up this time. Luke still was on the ground covering his eyes.

“You can look now,” Y/N let out an airy laugh. Luke shook his head.

“I’m too embarrassed,” he sat up still covering his eyes. Y/N scooted over to him so that she was sitting in front of him on her knees, she brought her hands up to his slowly moving them away. She and Luke looking into one another’s eyes for the millionth time that night. She slowly tore her gaze away and stood up.

“I should probably go find a hotel to stay at,” she whispered picking up her bike. Luke jumped up grabbing her wrist.

“You can stay here! I mean if it’s okay with Julie, we’ll have to ask,” he said holding onto her hands and grinning at her.

“It’s okay with me!” They heard Julie’s voice from inside the studio. Y/N laughed pulling Luke into a tender hug, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her hips. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and whispered, “Thank you for everything Luke.”

“You’re welcome,” he kissed the top of her head lightly pulling her in tighter. Drops of rain began to dribble into them until it was a downpour. Luke tried to pull her inside but Y/N pulled him back and they spun together in the rain. Y/N let out a joyful and bubbly laugh that had Luke laughing along with her.

“Sing to me music man,” Y/N spun Luke around and dipped him. He grinned at her and began to sing.

“You’re just too good to be true,” they spun together again.

“Can’t take my eyes off of you, you’d be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much,” Luke spun Y/N in and they rocked together. Y/N slid her arms up around Luke’s shoulders and they smiled at each other.

“At long last has arrived and I thank God I’m alive,” he smiled to himself at the line. Y/N spun away and jumped in the rain and a puddle of water exploded under her baby blue converse.

“You’re just too good to be true, Can’t take my eyes off of you,” and the lyrics were true for Luke he could pull his gaze from the magnetic girl in front of him. She held out her hand and Luke grasped it as she spun in her back hitting Luke’s chest. Luke sang more to her and he was almost to the chorus now.

“There are no words left to speak. But if you feel what I feel, please let me know that it’s real.”

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you,” Luke hummed and Y/N got ready to sing the chorus with him.

“I love you, baby!” They both sang out at the top of their lungs.

“And if it’s quite alright, I need you baby! To warm a lonely night!” Y/N sang out Luke practically had heart eyes. This wasn’t like before in the studio during Bright, Y/N wasn’t hesitant at all she had the aura of a thousand burning stars and the confidence to show it.

“I love you, baby! Trust in me when I sayyy!” Y/N sang again and Luke continued this time.

“Oh, pretty baby! Don’t bring me down I pray,” Luke spun down onto his knees and held his hands out to Y/N.

“Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay! And let me love you, baby!” Luke sang pulling Y/N in they were once again close, chest to chest the rain streaming down their faces and their foreheads pressed together.

“Let me love you,” Luke sang in a whisper. Y/N hooked her arms around his neck and their lips were close, but not close enough to connect.

“You’re just too good to be true...” He closed in, their lips connecting for half a second but once again they were interrupted by a car beeping from in front of the house. Y/N pulled away quickly and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“That’s probably Julie’s dad with the pizza,” Luke said sadly knocking on the white door for the rest of the teens to come out.

“That was quite the show you two put on,” Reggie said as they came out. Y/N blushed which is something she didn’t normally didn't do so you knew she was very embarrassed.

“Shut up, dude,” Luke punched Reggie’s shoulder. They all began walking to the house, the rest of the teens holding umbrellas but Luke and Y/N were still exposed to the weather. They lagged behind a bit and Y/N took Luke’s hand into hers. They got to the door and they were the only ones out there. The rain pitter-pattered against the covering of the porch. Y/N and Luke faced each other and Y/N smiled at him.

“Thanks again for everything, Luke.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Luke stepped up to her.

“How did you know that was my favorite song?” She grinned at him.

“I have my ways, star,” he cooed and Y/N smiled at the nickname. She stood on her toes and pecked him on the cheek and she dashed inside. Luke stood there alone and touched his cheek softly and grinned, she’d be the death of him, but he was ready to do anything for her. He was falling, and falling hard for that matter.

-

Thank you for reading and let me know if you want a part two, and feel free to enter my taglist link in bio!

#charlie gillespie x reader #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x you #luke patterson x julie molina #luke patterson #luke patterson x oc #jatp luke #luke jatp #luke julie and the phantoms #julie x luke #julie and the phat ones #julie and the fat ones #julie and the himbos #julie molina #jatp juke #jatp alex #carrie jatp #jatp julie #reggie jatp #jatp netflix #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #jatp fandom #jatp fanart #jatp #luke x reader #jatp au #reader insert #jatp reader insert

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Body

Part 1 of 2

Part 2

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: None

Anon requested- can I get a one shot where the reader does the body positivity trend with the new megan thee stallion song and the reader is insecure about how ppl will react to it?? Most importantly how peter will react to it?? K thanks

Awww I love doing smol readers and where Peter's actually the one that has it together lol sooo thanx for this

The TikTok is that new body positivity trend with that Megan Thee Stallion song. Couldn't link it because tumblr acts weird about links but part 2 will have a video for Peter. Also reader will be 18 (senior in high school) cuz some people think minors shouldn't participate in the trend lol

A/N: Either a motivation fairy hit me in the middle of the night or I'm really just that bored to the point where I had no choice but to get my motivation to write back. Either way I'm happy lol. Enjoy! Thanks to @yumings and @kelieah for helping me feel confident in this lol

Will definitely be a two parter🙂

---------------------------------------

Body oddy oddy oddy oddy oddy oddy oddy-

You'd finally finished editing the video.

It was a simple, short collage of all of your favorite selfies and pictures that showed off your body well. There was a new trend going around on TikTok and when you saw it you just had to jump at it headfirst.

People would take their favorite pictures of themselves, ones that showed off their bodies just the way they liked, and they'd put it to the sound of Megan Thee Stallion's song "Body".

You looked through your entire phone gallery to find pictures that you were confident enough to post, some you'd forgotten you even took in the first place.

When you were done, you threw in the simple caption that everyone was using.

Heard we're using this sound to show off. My turn then😜

Yeahhhhhh, the caption sounded much more confident than you actually felt.

You actually thought about deleting it from the minute you posted it. Insecure wasn't even the word for it. And even with your followers there to hype you up, you couldn't help but feel self-conscious. So, albeit hesitantly, you went to your friends for support.

The first person you showed was Michelle.

"You killed that," she said in math class as she passed you the phone underneath the table so that the professor wouldn't see.

"Thanks," you said. "I was honestly kinda nervous about it." You noticed her incredulous look and explained yourself, toying with the loose strings on your jacket. "Like seriously, I don't wanna fish for compliments, it's just that there are so many better ones out there."

Michelle gave a lopsided grin. "That's just you being insecure, you dork," she retorted. "You look hot." She gave an uninterested glare at the teacher when they told her to be quiet. Then she turned towards you with a smile. "You shown Peter yet? I bet he'd agree."

You shifted in your seat nervously and MJ immediately caught on. "What, you don't wanna show him?" She gave you a look when you took a while to answer. "Dude he's literally your boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he'll like it."

"MJ, we haven't even-" you looked around secretively. "-we haven't even taken our shirts off in front of each other yet. There's literally a pic of me in my sports bra and I.." You shrugged, a little embarrassed by the conversation topic. "I-i just don't know how he'd react."

You and Peter were a fairly new couple and were taking it slow. You'd only ever kissed, cuddled, and held hands so far. Plus, you were a major causal clothes wearer. Sweatshirts and jeans, those were your specialty. The two of you were in no rush and you were both fine with that, but you had no idea how he would react to seeing pictures of you like that.

And, though it wasn't the most feminist approach, you kinda wanted to impress him. Was that so bad?

MJ, forever the voice of patronizing reason, rolled her eyes at you. "So, let me get this straight. You're not fine with your boyfriend seeing sexy pictures of you, but you're okay with literal strangers seeing you instead?"

"Look, I know it's-"

"No, no I totally get it," she said with a sympathetic smirk, before laughing. "I just wanted to show you how dumb it sounded though."

The bell rang, signaling the end of class.

"Look," she said, standing up and getting her things. "You have nothing to be worried about. Peter practically worships the ground you walk on. He'll love it."

When you showed Ned, he genuinely didn't give a shit.

"Oh my God, there's a new Megan Thee Stallion album?!"

"Uh, yeah."

"I have to listen to it right now!"

"Yeah okay, but do you like the-"

He was already plugging in his headphones before you even finished your sentence.

You showed Harry next. If anyone was gonna rate you unabashedly, it'd definitely be him.

He was the only friend you had in your lunch period, so you met up with him every day. Towards the end of lunch that day, you'll pulled out your phone and asked if he wanted to see the video. He enthusiastically agreed.

He watched the short video with an amused expression, bopping his head to the music all the while.

When it ended, he handed you your phone back and gave you a high-five. "Damn girl!," he praised. "Just throwing it out there, if Peter fails you, I'm hella available."

"Heh, thanks." You smiled as you felt your entire face heat up. "Ya think he'll like it?"

"What, you haven't shown him yet?" You shook her head, giving a nervous smile. "Oh-" he nodded confidently. "-he'll love it. Trust me."

"Are you sure?," you asked.

"Yeah," he responded with a shrug. "Why are you so worried?"

"Because he's not-..he doesn't really seem-" You couldn't find the right words for it. "I dunno, I just really want him to like it!"

Harry scoffed. "Look. Let me tell you a little secret about Peter Parker," he snickered. "Or practically all guys for that matter."

"Okay?," you said, curious as to where this was going.

He smirked. "You remember when he introduced himself to you at my party last summer?"

You nodded.

"Well, hon..." Harry lowered his head to where he was whispering in your ear. "Your personality wasn't what he was noticing from across the room.. catch my drift?" He chuckled when he saw you blushing as you caught where his eyes had wandered. "Just sayin'."

Seeing your incredulous expression, Harry continued. "Peter likes to act like he's not checking you out every second of the day, but I promise you he is. That little "I'm so respectful and bashful" crap he has going is complete B.S."

You smirked and rolled your eyes as he pulled away from your ear and kept walking. "You're an ass."

Harry shrugged. "True, but I'm a realistic ass." The alarm on his phone sounded which marked his time to start heading to his next class. Standing up, he smiled down at you. "Seriously, if I could take back all the time spent listening to Pete go on about how good you look in your jeans, I'd be one well rested guy."

You rolled your eyes, but it betrayed the small smile growing. After all, he wouldn't be Harry if he wasn't a flirtatious dweeb. "Bye Harry."

"Show him the video, [Y/N]. He'll love it. You know I'm right."

And then there was one...

Later in the day, you were talking with MJ after school, waiting because Peter always insisted on driving you home because chivalry was not going to die as long as he was alive to keep it going.

When he finally showed up, the first thing he did was take you by the hand and give you a quick peck on the forehead.

"How are you guys doing?," he asked as your little trio started to walk.

"We're good," you chirped, ever so conscious of the phone in your pocket that you were suddenly very hesitant to pull out.

MJ noticed and nudged you. "You got anything you wanna show anybody, [Y/N]?," she asked with a smirk, causing Peter to look at you curiously.

You stayed quiet, but MJ still wasn't putting up with it. "I think you may have a video that you made..."

You remained silent and Peter looked at you, a lot more confused now. MJ frowned. "Um... cough.. cough."

Peter laughed and stopped walking. "Okay, what am I missing?" He looked to you and when he didn't see your expression falter, he looked to MJ. "What's going on?"

Michelle shrugged. "[Y/N] wants to show you a dumb TikTok she made but she's scared about how you'll react."

"Michelle!," you scolded.

She shrugged again. "What? You weren't going to say anything anytime soon."

"A TikTok?," Peter questioned. "Cool, which one did you do this time?"

You could feel your face heat up for the hundredth time that day. "It's a...um.." You stared down at the ground. Jesus, this was hard. "..It's a body positivity trend."

His eyebrows went up at that. "Oh, well um.. is it cool if I see it?," he asked.

You blushed. "Sure." You pulled out your phone and opened the app. When you got to the video you quickly shoved it into his face before you had a chance to second-guess yourself.

Both you and Michelle watched Peter's face as he watched the video.

His cheeks immediately turned red but his expression was unreadable. He had to have watched it over 5 times before MJ pulled the phone out of his hand. "Helloooo, earth to Peter Parker?"

She snapped into his face several times and he started to blink wildly, apparently being pulled out of a trance. "I...um- heh.."

You gave a small, nervous smile. "..did you like it?," you asked, growing confused as stared at you, his expression still the same. "Um, Peter?"

Suddenly, he smiled and let out a little chuckle. "Sorry... just..." He laughed again and scratched his head, unable to keep eye contact. "You're just- like.... really hot."

You blushed. Fuck. "You're not just saying that are you?"

"No, really like-" He looked back at the phone. "...Damn." He bit his lip. "How on earth did I get so lucky?"

"Okay, can we please get in the car before I throw up?"

The two of you looked at an uncomfortable MJ with embarrassment riddled on your faces. "Yeah, totally," you said with an awkward cough. "Sorry."

"Nice video [Y/N]," Peter murmured bashfully, opening the door of his car for you, his face still beet red. "Really nice..."

Tagging: @allegra-writes, @allegra-soleil l, @yumings, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @tommyunderoos, @chaoticpete, @snarky--starky, @sovereignparker, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky, @eridanuswave, @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr , @kidney9-9, @gwenvrse

#peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #spiderman mcu #peter parker fic #spiderman #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x you #peter parker #spiderman fic #spiderman x reader #peter parker is a dork #peter parker funny #peter parker fluff #peter parker oneshot #peter parker x you #peter parker x yn #spiderman fanfiction #spiderman funny #tiktok fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel funny #marvel #marvel x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fandom #tom holland

[fancysimpinghere]

Euphories (Sykkuno x reader imagine)

well hello everyone, its me. It’s my first post here, so I kinda don’t know how to act, well, I’m trying to be natural but as you can see, I failed on the start so maybe we can skip this awkward attempt to make a good impression.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

summary: You always liked video games and vintage aesthetic, so when you saw a strange signboard informing about small shop with games and videotapes in your town, you can’t help but go there and check it out. They say that curiosity killed the cat, but when you entered the shop you weren’t sure if you’re dying from curiosity, but maybe from the cuteness in stranger’s smile.

based on the plot from “Euphories” Videoclub

It was getting darker, when you left your apartment and went for a small walk. You always liked to catch fresh air before sleep, and even more you liked summer sunsets and evenings. It was something magical in beautiful view, accompaned by natural sounds of your small town - quiet music from restaurants, laughing kids, jingles from trams. For others it could be bothering, but for you, it was not. Delicate ambient sounds was calming your nerves and taking your mind away from busy day of working you had just finished. You wandered the narrow streets and watched light plays on the walls of apartment houses around you. The air started to get cooler and more fresh, so you breathed it deeper. You know this town like your own pocket - you grew up here and have great memories from your childhood, which returned to you during walks like this. Sometimes you were playing outdoors with your friends, sometimes when the weather were not that good you stayed  home and played video games with your older brother. You smiled when you recalled this memories - you shared this passion with your brother and you both were spending a lot of time breaking records and learning new techniques. It was fun. You were lost in memories when you heard little squeak from your left side. Your head turned in direction of the sound and you started searching source of it. You spotted something fluffy under the small signboard that was standing in archway to apartment house. Small creature looked at you from it’s place, watching you with big, cat eyes and squeaked again.  - Oh, hi buddy. - you cooed at this poor thing, your eyes roaming surroundings and catch the better sight of signboard. Join us on the time travel, was written on dark surface with pale letters. Under text was drawing of video tapes and gaming pad, and the signboard was wrapped in the colorful lights. You didn’t know that it was shop like this in your town, so you immediately grew curious. It was quiet again, you looked around but there was no signs of a cat. You shrugged shoulders.

- Hope you have a place to sleep, kitty. - you murmured as if it could hear or understand you. Your thoughts returned to mysterious signboard and you take a look at it again. There was small arrow pointed at the dark archway. You took a few steps closer to look inside and you spotted another signboard - this one was with neon letters, which were saying: Video Games And Film Tapes. You calculated in your mind if checking this shop will be worth your time, but your curiosity won the battle and you started to walk down the archway. Neon sign stayed behind you as you walked, echo of your steps getting louder. When you get to the end of this tunnel, in front of your eyes appeared warmly lit up shop window with small, colorful posters of game heroes and movie stars. Window was huge and encouraged you to enter the shop. Before you geto to the door, you started to be afraid if the shop is still open for today. But you didn’t spotted any signs, so you grab the doorknoob and twisted it. To your joy door opened and soon you were inside the shop. Small bell jingled and announced your entering. When you took your surroundings, you gasped with delight. Colorful tree lights and posters were hanging on the walls, making a magical, warm athmosphere. Behind the counter you saw old man, probably the owner of the shop. At first you thought he was talking with someone, but seconds after the realization hit you. You giggled when you realized that sounds he was making actually was snoring and man was deep asleep. But then you started to worry - what if someone was there before you, stole something and this man will wake up and will acuse you of this? Before you even can make any sound or move, you heard someone approaching you. 

- Uhm... he- hello. - you turned in the direction of soft boyish voice. In front of you was standing young man, you could say that you both were on similar age, but you have never seen him before. He has dark hair with forelock almost falling on his eyes, and before you could make any statement about this boy in your head, you have to admit that he is extremely cute. 

- It is very nice seeing you here, can I help you with something? - he asked with this soft voice, almost avoiding eye contact. You blushed, because your heart almost melted at his words. You knew that he probably welcomed every client here with this phrase, but something in his voice made you feel special.

- Oh, I’m... I came here just to look. - your tongue tangled with words when you realised you are actually supposed to answer his question if you want to make good impression. - I just saw the signboard and thought this place has to be interesting. I really like old video games.  - you said, smiling softly at the boy. He looked away again and you saw small blush creeping his neck. He laughs nervously, automaticly covering up his smiling mouth with his hand.

- Uhm, me too. That’s why I started to working there. - he said and finally looked into your eyes. You knew that your thoughts probably sounded cliche, but you could swear that there was something sparkling in his eyes, something that awaken butterflies under your heart. You were rather shy with new people and you never know how you found the courage to keep the conversation going, but quiet voice in your head were whispering to you to not waste this opportunity. 

- Actually if I am here...- you started, not knowing if it’s a good idea, but it was your only idea to spend some more time with cute stranger. - ... I can take a look of games that you have here. Could you show me the way?

The boy’s eyes sparkled with joy at your question and you again almost melted when you’ve heard his giggle.

- Okay, let me show you. - your heart swelled with hope and excitment at his words. He let you to the video games section and you gasp with astonishment. It looked like alley in the library, but the showcases were lower, reaching your shoulders, and not with books, but with games. Some positions were highlighted with small led lamps, some were set in special showcases with small retro gadgets - figurines of game heroes, key chains, models etc. - Wow, you’ve got here every parts of the Legends of Astoria! - you gasped, mindlessly pointing at the shelf with your beloved game. - It was my favourite, till the Prince in Distress were announced!

- Oh, I see you’ve played as much as me. - your companion chuckled soflty. - My favourite game was Space Ruler.

- Oh, really? - you asked, really amazed. - I loved it, I had every VHS in my special collection. I always adore princess Aria, she was my favourite heroine of all the time. Boy stayed silent for a moment, looking at you with contemplative face. Then he turned away and started to look for something on the lowest shelf.

- Hmm, I’m pretty sure you didn’t have this part. - he said finally, turning his face to you and coming a bit closer. - It is a special edition, limited. This is one from four avaliable pieces of this part.

You couldn’t believe your ears, when you heard his statement. It sounded ubelievable, but he was right - you have never seen this piece and you were sure of it. 

- Oh my...- you whispered, gently reaching to touch the cover of cassette. Your fingers gently brushed plastic surface. For a second you had a prickling sensation, but it finished faster than you could say.

- Do you want to hold it? - boy asked, looking at you with warm smile. Something like hope were glistening in his eyes.

- Can I? - you really wanted to feel VHS in your hands. From what boy were saying and your own thoughts you were sure that this cassette is worth a fortune. He nodded in answer and held out his hand. When you catch game with your palm, somethins strange happened. Suddenly you were not holding game, but boy’s hand, and your surroundings started to spin and flicker. You didn’t know whats happening, and then you started to fall. Air was ruffling your hair and you started to scream. You looked around and spotted your companion. He had a really shocked expression on his face, and you saw a guilt in his eyes.

- Close your eyes and don’t let go of my hand! - he tried to shout, but you had a feeling that his voice was to soft to do this, but you understood him anyway. You can’t do much in this situation, you could just hold him for your dear life and pray to stay alive. part 2

#sykkuno #sykkuno imagines #imagines #reader #sykkuno x reader #y/n #sykkuno x y/n #videoclub #euphories #fanfic #cutekkuno #first #reactions

[jae-daddy]

magic (2)

draco malfoy fanfic

one / three / four / five / six

pairing: draco x reader genre: shifting realities, romance, clownshit plot: you were shifting realities for the lols but end up trapped in harry potter world with draco malfoy as your companion  a/n: say it with me kids, it issss what it issss <3 hope y’all enjoy it not edited 

________________

You slowly opened your eyes and took in the darkness. You smiled as you remembered the dream you just had. You had actually ended up in Harry Potter world and met Draco Malfoy. It had felt real, but it was all a dream.

You sighed as you sat up and closed your eyes, soaking in the darkness around you.

“Good, finally you’re awake.” You shot up straight as you turned to your frantic eyes towards the boy who reminded you of winter. “Your snoring was rather annoying. One more minute and I was about to turn you into a frog.”

“It’s real,” you breathed as you slightly slumped in the bed. You looked around you in confusion and then at the black covers over your body. You were sure you had fallen asleep on the armchair, but you were in bed now. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, did I sleepwalk into the bed?”

You didn’t realise you were that exhausted from shifting. But you also didn’t know what to expect when you were shifting realities, and you still didn’t know what to expect. You didn’t know when you would be able to go back home, or what will happen to you while you remained here.

“It was unpleasant,” Malfoy just shrugged his shoulders, as he took a bite into a green apple. You smiled at that and bit your lip. He snorted as he quizically held out the apple to you, “Do you want one, muggle?”

“No,” you smiled back, making him frown. But before he could say anything else, your tummy grumbled with hunger, making your cheeks flush. You softly said, letting your hair fall around you, “I’m not hungry.”

“I think your tummy was loud enough for the entire of Wiltshire to hear,” he chuckled at you, your cheeks burning brighter. “And the way you’re looking at my precious apple, makes me feel unsettled.”

You rolled your eyes as you crossed your arms and gave him a blank stare.

“I wasn’t eyeing your apple, Draco,” you huffed, before shaking your head. “You don’t know how many girls would have died seeing you bite into an apple.”

Draco laughed at that, as he took another bite, this time holding your eyes. You didn’t look away from the challenge and tried to hide the way your body was reacting. The butterflies fluttered wildly in your stomach, going crazy as you looked into his icy grey eyes.

“Is this the tiktok nonsense you mentioned yesterday?” He asked, looking smug as if he saw through your act.

“Yeah, it is,” you whispered.

“So, what it is?”

“It’s videos made by people, and others can see them and enjoy it,” you were being careful. “A little community is formed when a lot of people hold a similar interest, and that becomes a ‘side’ of tiktok.”

“And there is a side, dedicated to me?” He smirked before taking another bite.

You quirked an eyebrow, and he smiled, “you mentioned it yesterday.”

“You caught that?”

He rolled his eyes, and you sighed before nodding.

“And how did you muggles get these materials of me to make these videos that you seem to enjoy a lot.”

“I don't enjoy them,” Your cheeks were on fire once again, as you felt an urge to defend yourself. But you were lying you had enjoyed it, a lot, and that’s why you had tried this stupid shifting in the first place.

Draco tsked, as he got up and moved closer to you.

“Don’t avoid my questions, muggle,” he asked, his voice cynical. “How did you get materials of me?”

You couldn’t say he was a fictional character. You were sure there was a rule that prevented you from saying that the fictional characters weren't real. That they were nothing more than words in a book, or characters played by actors. It would make them spin out of control, go mental. You couldn’t tell him the truth.

At least not entirely.

“I am from the future,” you answered.

It was stupid. You regretted the words as soon as they left your lips.

Stupid. Absolutely stupid.

“Really?” Draco narrowed his eyes at you.

You nodded your head quickly, but you were sure your eyes were wide with panic.

“I am certain I can’t really talk about it properly because you know,” your eyes darted around the room. The morning light illuminating the dark wood through the open curtains at the opposite end of the room, “I might say something and unleash chaos.”

Draco moved away in deep thought, his tongue tracing the side of his lips, and it took everything in you from squealing.

“But we know about you, and you are very... loved.” His icy eyes skipped over to you before he rose an eyebrow, before snickering darkly.

“I am loved by muggles?” He snorted, not believing you. “You say they love me, but you were certain I was going to kill you when you showed up here.”

You opened your mouth to say something but failed to find the words. You didn’t know how to explain your fear, how disoriented you were. How you ended up in the Malfoy mansion not sure what time it was, not sure if Voldemort had made this into his headquarters and was slithering around somewhere downstairs.

“Forget it,” he sneered as he turned away from you and began towards the door.

Before you could stop him; he was out. You slumped into your seat as you bought the sheets up to your chest.

And then a minute later, breakfast appeared on the table in front of the fireplace and armchairs.

_________

“Finally,” you cried as he came into the room.

He looked at you with wide eyes, checking behind him before quickly closing the door.

“Are you deranged?” Draco spat as he stared at you furiously. “Don’t ever do that again. Stay hidden in the closet until you’re sure I am alone.”

Your tummy flipped as you curled your toes. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, pulling a Debby Ryan. “You’re worried about me?”

Draco scoffed, before locking his door with a flick of his wand, and walked towards you. He settled onto the armchair in front of you, keeping his eyes steady on you.

“You can take a picture,” you spoke with a smirk. “It lasts longer.”

“Spunky, are we muggle?” Draco replied, a fire in his eyes that made you smile harder, before chuckling.

“I’m sorry, that’s the best I can do,” you shook your head before giving him a ridiculed look. “Can you believe that I’m a Slytherin?”

He snorted before freezing.

“Wait, but you’re a muggle?” He blinked confused. "How can you be sorted?"

“Yeah, well, we have this website where you fill in a quiz, and it tells you what house you are in,” you shrugged as you took a grape from the table loaded with snacks thanks to the gracious Draco Malfoy. “My wand is applewood with a unicorn hair core, 14 inch-ish.”

Draco watched your hands as you showed the uncertainty, and then at your face as if you had an extra head.

You ignored him and continued, “You have a unicorn hair core too, right?”

He just stared at you, the fireplace casting beautiful shadows on his face.

“It means you are good,” you spoke softly. “You’re not bad Draco, when there is a choice you do choose good if you can.”

Draco scoffed at that before closing his eyes and leaned back, his face facing the ceiling.

“For example,” you continued, swallowing nervously, “you could’ve outed me to your father, but you didn’t.”

Draco opened his eyes and stared at you. His eyes were blazing as he locked his jaw.

“You’re not bad,” you breathed, holding his eyes. “You’re not evil.”

Draco rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he snorted in disbelief. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and his eyes so cold it froze you in your seat.

“The only reason I hid you was because you could prove to be useful,” he spoke, his voice low and void of any emotion. “You entered inside Malfoy mansion, so riddled with wards, that even attempting is enough to paralyse the best wizard. But there you were unharmed, very alive, and a muggle too?”

He laughed to himself, and you stared at him as your eyes burned.

“Don’t try to romanticise this, muggle,” he whispered, his voice dripping with venom cutting your skin. “Don’t mistake my actions as kindness to you. I am not good. I am not nice. I am not your saviour. I am nothing but your captor, muggle.”

You tore your eyes away from his blazing ones and stared at the fire instead. Even the flames crackling, as it ate away the wood, seemed calmer compared to the fire in Draco’s icy eyes.

“Now be useful,” he said, his voice smug with victory, “and say something beneficial to me.”

You dug your nails into your palm, trying to contain the poison boiling in your veins. You wanted to hurt him. You didn’t want to have this victory.

You lifted your gaze and met his, as a vicious smile grew on your lips.

Maybe you were Slytherin after all.

“War is coming, Malfoy,” you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper. He watched you, his eyes taking in your lips as every word left you. He drank it in, his face paling as the words left you. “And you’re at the brunt of it all.”

Draco Malfoy studied you waiting for you to laugh, waiting for you to tell him it was a joke. But when you remained quiet, you saw something in him crack.

Had he suspected this?

He opened his mouth to say something, but a voice interrupted him. He looked behind him, replying he’ll be there in a minute.

You got up, as he turned towards you, you closed yourself in the closet.

__________________

You welcome the hot water falling over you, relaxing the tight muscles on your shoulders. The Malfoys sure did have amazing water pressure, and the whole bathroom smelled like Draco.

It was almost as if every product in the bathroom was made from a scent specifically made for him.

As you opened your eyes and reached for the shampoo, you found another set of products placed next to them that wasn't there a moment before. Just like the brush in the morning, a new set of showering products had appeared just for you.

You pumped out the shampoo and messaged it into your hair. You smiled at the scent of light flowers and thanked the lords it did not smell like strawberry or some fruit because your headache would’ve killed you.

You came out to find a fluffy dark green towel laid out for you. You wiped yourself before wrapping it around you and reaching for your clothes.

You grimaced at the thought of wearing those same dirty clothes after feeling so fresh and clean. But to your surprise the clothes were missing, you froze before checking the floor, under the sink, but it was gone; it was missing.

You checked the bathroom for another pair to magically appear like the products but nothing.

You wrapped the towel around you before peeking out into the room. The bed and the armchair facing the bathroom were unoccupied. You took a deep breath and walked out gripping the towel around your body.

“Putting a show for me?” A voice snickered making you whip around. You turned to a smirking Draco who sat on the other armchair, taking in your body before clicking his tongue in distaste. “Sorry but muggles do not engage me.”

“Your magic took my clothes away,” you rolled your eyes before glaring at him, annoyed.

Draco laughed at you.

“Trust me, I would use my magic to avoid seeing you like this,” he apologised mockingly. “The manor has magic of its own, it goes to the house-elves.”

“Dobby?” You exclaimed, making him frown in an almost sad way.

“He’s free now,” he said, his voice seldom but a small smile on his lips. Before he focused at you, and then clipped, “are you going to stand like that the whole night?”

“If you didn’t realise Draco, I don’t have any clothes.”

“Just find something from my closet.”

You walked over and were once again overwhelmed by how big and luxurious the walk-in closet was. It all looked expensive and you hesitated to reach for anything. You spotted a basket at the bottom in the corner of the closet and pulled out a sweater and sweatpants.

You walked out dressed and frowned.

Draco noticed and sighed, mockingly, “What’s wrong, princess?”

You frowned deeper before sinking into the seat in front of him.

“Can’t you magic some clothes for me?”

Draco rolled his eyes and looked away from you.

“Hey! Don’t ignore me!”

“My clothes fit you just fine,” he muttered, not removing his attention from the book in his hands.

“Draco, I need other clothes than a sweatshirt and pants,” you growled at him, but he still didn’t look at you.

“I didn’t realise you had a vacation planned out,” he snickered, his eyes moving along the page.

“Draco, I need undergarments,” you spoke your cheeks flaming.

Draco didn’t look up, but he wasn’t reading anymore. His eyes remained at the same spot for a long moment, before he cleared his throat.

“Fine.” Was all he said before he began reading again. His eyes moved slowly as if trying to concentrate. You watched his blonde hair shine orange in the shadows of the fireplace.

“Thank you,” you replied. You awkwardly sat there for a minute, feeling bored instantly. “So, what are you reading?”

“Are you blind as well as stupid, muggle?” He lifted up the book and held it out to you. You squinted trying to read, before frowning.

“I can’t read,” you sighed.

“You’re illiterate as well as muggle?” He jeered, his eyes on you expectantly.

“No, I wear glasses,” you explained, annoyed. “I wasn’t wearing them when I shifted because they were reading glasses, and I was like sleeping, you know? And I only brought with me what I had on me.”

“You are blind.” Not a question. “I can fix that.”

“Draco, I think-”

He got up and moved towards his bed, opening the drawer of the side table. He pulled a vial and then handed it to you.

“What is this?” You studied the bottle sceptically, you stared at Draco with distrust.

“It’s a potion for weak eyes,” he answered, tired, before mumbling. “I take it too.”

You looked at the clear liquid, tossing it in your hands for a minute. You began opening the lid and focused on Draco, “If I die from drinking this, I am haunting you.”

Draco watched as you put the bottle to your lips and drank the contents.

“As if you are haunting me enough,” he snorted, focusing on his book.

You closed your eyes, waiting for the burn or the feeling of magic to make you glow, but nothing happened. You opened your eyes, your brows furrowed as you looked around.

You peeked at Draco, and then examined the book in his hand.

“Conscious and Projection,” you read. “What class?”

“General knowledge.”

“Boring.”

Draco glared at you.

#Draco Malfoy #draco #draco x y/n #Draco x apple #Harry Potter #it issss what it isss #quite a long one #malfoy #Draco fanfic #shifting realities #jaedaddy #hope yall enjoy #<333 #not edited

[tragically-broken]

Nessian Librarian/Professor Part4

Ship: Nessian  Type: Librarian/Professor AU  Rating: T Word Count: 1,439

Hey, y'all!! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've been working on my own WIP and found it far too difficult to be in multiple worlds in my head at once, so I had to pause on my fic writing. Fortunately, I just finished my skeleton draft of my book and I am now taking a break to let it marinate before I dive into truly editing. This means I get to spend time on my fics again! YAY! Hopefully, I'll finish this full series soon but I won't make any promises. Hope you enjoy <3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 

AO3

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nesta was rearranging the study desks in the Quiet Room when Cassian came sauntering in.

“Hey, gorgeous!” He made his way to her, kissing her on the cheek. Nesta blushed and batted him away, eyes darting towards the door.

“Don’t let Amren see you!” She tugged him away to the corner where she knew the security cameras wouldn’t reach, and most importantly, where Amren couldn't see. She checked the doors one last time before she guided him to pin her against the corner wall.

“Someone is eager today,” Cassian smirked, less than an inch from her lips.

“Shut up Cas.” Their moment was heated, electrified, and definitely not library-appropriate.

“I could get used to this,” Cassian muttered against her lips as she smiled up at him.

“What are you doing here anyway? You’re supposed to have one more class.” She reached up to twirl a strand of his hair that must’ve come loose from his bun during the day.

“Keeping tabs on me are you?” She pinched his arm playfully in response.

“Hey, hey!” Cassian laughed. “I canceled my last class since they did so well on their test last week. Their reward is a free day.”

“Lucky me.” Nesta beamed.

“Lucky us.” Cassian dipped down to kiss her again, bunching her skirt in his fists. Desire licked her skin as the fabric of her skirt was roughly dragged against her thighs and his tongue slipped deeper into her mouth. She moaned softly against his lips before remembering where she was. She reluctantly pulled away from him.

“Amren will notice my absence.” She breathed, lips lingering an inch from his.

“Better get going then,” he spoke softly against her lips. She never wanted to leave. She leaned in for another kiss and then backed away quickly, teasing him as she moved back into eyeshot of the security cameras.

“You little minx!” She laughed and made her way to the door when she was met with gold piercing eyes, not at all happy to see her.

“Hi, Amren. I just finished rearranging the desks.” Nesta brushed a stray hair behind her ear.

“So it seems.” She wasn’t looking at Nesta with those deadly eyes, she was looking at Cassian.

“Evening Amren.” Cassian nodded in her direction.

“Yes, how wonderful to know you can tell when the sun is going down.” Amren's face gave way to nothing but pure annoyance as she stared him down.

“Nothing gets past you!” Cassian smiled, completely unaffected by Amren.

“No. It doesn’t.” Amren’s eyes bore into his. Cassian seemed to decide that he preferred to be alive for the time being and leave immediately.

“Well, I’ll get out of your way and let you ladies finish up here.” Nesta could tell he resisted the urge to touch her as he passed but decided against it given their particular audience.

“How kind of you.” Cassian nodded at Amren and snuck behind her to get to the door. Only when he left completely did Amren look at Nesta.

Cassian mouthed “sorry” outside the glass door and then darted for the double door exit.

“Careful with that one. Many have tried, and none have succeeded.” Amren hadn’t moved an inch since she walked in, but somehow she overpowered any energy in the room.

“We’ve only just begun dating.” Netsa stuffed her hands in the pockets of her dress, feeling awkward talking about her personal life to someone she barely knew.

“Yes well, that seems to be where the trouble usually starts.” Was Amren even blinking?

“I appreciate the heads up, but I have everything under control.” Nesta tried to reassure her with a smile.

“Hmmm” Amren hummed to herself, not at all convinced as she eyed Nesta. “You have exceeded even my expectations since you arrived here to take over this position. Seeing as it’s the weekend, why don’t you head out early today. I can finish things up here.” Nesta looked at her in shock. Quite frankly, she had no idea what Amren thought of her. She was all sharp looks, judgmental glances, and blank stares. It was hard to get a read on her.

“Thank you Amren. I’ve enjoyed my job here and hope to continue doing so.”

“Very well.” Amren’s short heels clicked in a steady beat as she walked out before Nesta could wish her a good weekend. Her first instinct was to pull out her phone and text Cassian like a love-sick teenager, but she decided not to read too much into it.

N: Amren set me loose early!!

C: THE FIREDRAKE SET U FREE?! I was half-convinced she’d chain u there forever.

N: She’s more bark than bite.

C: I’ll take your word for it.

Nesta gathered her keys and wallet, shoving them in her purse to get ready to leave.

C: What do u think about staying at my place this weekend?

Nesta stopped in her tracks, staring at his message.

N: All weekend? Like, overnight?

C: Just an idea! Thought it might be fun.

Nesta hadn’t spent the night at a man’s house well, ever actually. Every Time she’d stayed at Thomas’s place, she’d wake up at sunrise and scurry home. She never felt comfortable living in his space. That should have been the first clue that he wasn’t the one for her. She’d made excuses and ignored her gut. Never again. She listened to her instincts now and her gut felt...fine? She found herself a bit nervous about morning breath and her early morning grumpiness, but other than that the idea of spending the weekend with Cassian sounded wonderful and all kinds of sinful if things went the way she thought they would.

C: I promise not to leave the toilet seat up :p

N: You better not.

C: Is that a yes, princess??

N: It’s a yes. Unless of course, I change my mind.

C: Challenge accepted. Not even you can turn down my killer breakfast skills!

N: We’ll see if you can put your money where your mouth is.

C: Oh, I can guarantee my mouth is more than capable. See you tonight ;)

Butterflies fluttered in Nesta’s stomach at the thought of sleeping under the same roof with Cassian let alone in the same bed. Her cheeks heated at the thought. Suddenly, a million thoughts crossed her mind at once about what she should wear, what she should pack, and whether or not it would be considered rude to bring a book with her. Her palms started to sweat as she walked outside and towards her car. Should she bring something sexy to wear or would that be too obvious? Did it matter? Come to think of it, she didn’t think she even had a scrap of lingerie anymore. She burned every memory of Thomas and that included all of her sensual attire. Nesta sighed as she turned the key to crank her car on. There were so many decisions to make that overwhelmed her, but then Cas’s face popped into her head. Suddenly, she realized her desire to know him, to be close to him, outweighed any nervousness she had. She smiled to herself as she started to drive home. The feeling in her chest was so unfamiliar to her. Was she falling in love with him? That couldn’t be true. It had only been a few weeks. Yet, she felt that feeling surge in her chest. And then the panic came.

She didn’t have time to fall in love. She had too many things she wanted to do first, things she wanted to be. She spent too long in her previous relationship putting her life on pause. She wouldn’t do that again. That decided it then. She wouldn’t tell Cas how she felt, she’d try not to get any more attached, and she’d do her best to appreciate the moment for what it was and nothing more. She refused to think about the future, or what could be. She would never again put her life on the back burner for someone else. She pulled up into her driveway, hustled into her house, and packed quickly without putting too much thought into her choices. She looked to her full-length mirror, overnight bag in hand, wearing workout spandex shorts and an oversized crop top. She took a deep breath. She could do this. She could have fun with a sexy professor without getting too attached and ruining her life. Right? She didn’t wait to answer her own question. She got back in her car, typed his address in her phone, and began to drive, hoping she wasn’t making another life-altering mistake.

_______________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think, but please not ACOSF spoilers!!! I know I'm horrible and haven’t read it yet ajdhgkajdfh

#nessian #sjm #nessian fic #nesta archeron #cassian #nesta x cassian #librarian/professor AU #sjm fic #nesta x cassian fanfiction #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofs #my writing

[grs-the-neighborhood]

Name: Essence O'Lantern 

Gender: Female 

Age: 18 

 Orientation: Bi 

 Species: Mischief spirit

 Alignment: Neutral 

Parents: Demongo And Jack'O Lantern

 Personality: flirty, manipulative, mischievous, Does-not-play-well-with-others, lazy, Tom-boyish, crude, foul mouthed.

 Facts 

 - one of the seeds from jack’s pumpkin head that was infused with some of demongo’s essence. the seed blossomed into a large pumpkin flower that was what brought Essence into the world. 

-is more like a eldritch spirit then a demon.

  - Similar to  Demongo, her powers involve draining Essence. However, while demongo stole the essence of warriors he defeated to later control, Essence can not enslave another person. Rather, she feeds off of essence similar to a vampire or succubus. As a mischief spirit, she is a being that thrives on chaos. so she often uses her abilities to scare folks to feed off of the fear she creates as fear has traces of chaotic energy. However, for a easier, much more chaotic fix, she targets thugs, villains, and other more dangerous targets if it means she gets to keep her powers flowing. She approaches a thug or villain by flirting, and once she has them alone she feeds. 

 -draining essence simply keeps her powers activated. besides draining essence, she can levitate, teleport, rapid heal, mildly alter reality (basically, she will make you see sh*t to create fear. but this in turn drains her, wich is why she prefers going after thugs and villains). If she does not feed properly, she can be wounded greatly as her body will be unable to heal itself. Soshe is not immortal what so ever.

 -Is neutral because 1) she ain’t a goody goody. and 2) she likes feeding off of villains the most. 3) being a “villain” turns things into a job and “ruins her fun”. 

 - she would not disrupt anything major in the series, she would stand as a nuisance if anything. causing issues for the heroes, and creep'n on the villains. - she can eat normal food. she loves anything spicey.

 -if she were to be voiced by any one, Nicki Minaj would be her voice. That laugh of her’s is just perfect.~ -despite her tendency to use others, and act like a Turd. She is a Daddys’ girl. -she dislikes aku. for obvious reasons. www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxFxRX… 

 Edit: 

Intro story  (mild cussing involved) _________________________ Kingsley walked down the hallway talking with Cheyenne who was scrolling through her phone. “ Hey, did you hear about the gang found by the cops last night?” Kingsley looked at her. “ no? why? what happened?” “They were all found ranting like madmen. supposedly they kept saying "the shadows are alive” or some crap. they must have been tweaked the f-out on something. the police never saw anything one that freaked out before.“"that is weird. I still don’t get how folks can keep hitting stuff like that. messes with the brain.” He brushes shoulders with Renee. “watch it loser!” “sorry” Kingsley and Renee exchange glances as Cheyenne gave Renee a glare. she was not the only one, Across the hall Alex glared at Renee. She stomped her foot. “grrrrrr why won’t Kingsley notice me!? I am way better then that stupid mortal!” the demon seethed with anger, but a cool breathy breeze went on the back of her neck. she shuttered and turned around, seeing nothing. she shrugged and went to step forwards but a large, eerie shadow stood over her, multiple eyes staring down at her. a hand reached forwards but she backed away screeching like a majestic  fucking eagle as she ran around it and into Kingsley. “KINSGLEY HELP! there is a ominous shadow out to grab me!” she pointed to were the figure was, but nothing was in the now well lit area. Cheyenne scoffed.“you are going nuts ya weirdo. now hurry up, class is starting soon, and I’ll be damned if I am late for your arse.” she closed her locker, and they head off into class. The bell rang and the teacher entered the room. “settle down ya brats. we are about to begin. But first I would like to introduce our new student, Ms. Essence O'Lantern. the door creaked open and a Pumpkin head peaked through the door, eerie glowing eyes and mouth, followed by a tall, lanky body with sharp fingered hands. A mischievous giggle came from her."Hi everyone, I hope I am not too late for the fun~”“you are new, just don’t let it happen again.” the teacher grunted. one of the jocks raised his hand.“ hey teach, are you sure a farmer won’t be mad his scarecrow is missing?” the rest of the class laughed, as Kingsley, and Cheyenne exchanged glances. Essence’s eyes seemed to spark up a moment but then stopped. that wide grin of hers never falling. “if I am a scarecrow, then you must be the prized Pig.~” “ooooo~” the boy shut his mouth and looked away blushing as the strange girl went to her seat in the back of the class.she gave a creepy smirk at Alex as she passed and sat.Alex gave her a glare as she tried to keep her focus upfront and on the boring ramblings of their inferior teacher. The bell rang later on in the day, and lunchtime has begun. Cheyenne and Kingsley head into the lunch room.as they sat down, they noticed the Jock from before was not sitting up at Renee’s table.Renee seemed to have noticed to as she glanced at the empty seat and shared a look with Kingsley who shrugged. The lunchroom door opened and Essence stepped in, her usual large smirk on her face as she proudly struts down the isles of tables and sits at an empty one far in the back.she sets an old fashioned, metal lunch-pail on the table and digs in. Surrounding students casting odd glances at her as she ate, not caring about the words they would mutter. the Jock too, soon entered the Cafeteria.He looked pail, dark circles under his eyes, and worn. He nervously glanced around, and his eyes fell on Essence. The tall, lanky demoness winked seductively at him and pressed a finger to her mouth in a “sh” like motion. he gulped and sat down in his usual spot.He refused to answer his friends when they asked them what was wrong and refused to eat.As the day progressed, Other students began to become more and more wary of the new girl.She was creepy, her sense of humor dark, and whenever a kid got hurt in gym, her laugh would ring out loud in twisted glee. Alex had shifted into his male form, and was keeping a close eye on the new being. He did not like sharing his turf with another being. When the final bell rang, the halls flooded with students, anxious to get out and enjoy their Friday. Alex leaned against the wall and waited.As less students were in the halls he finally saw Essence go to her locker.As Her slender hand placed her books away, she was slammed against the lockers near her, Alex glaring at her.“Oh darl'n, if ya wanted to play you could have just asked~” the Tall demon cooed  smirking at Alex in glee. Alex Scowled.“ As if I would want to be caught dead with a filthy, lower-class scum like you!” “ooh Alex why do you have to be so mean.” she pouts for a moment. “how’d yo-” Essence suddenly grabbed his wrist and pushes him off of her, and ends up slamming him into the lockers across the hall.she pins both hands above his head.“my my, for being the son of such a high class demon, you sure are easy to push~”“let go of me!"Alex struggled, face tinted red."aaaw you are cute when you blush. As much as I would like to play, I have business to attend to."she throws him to the ground and gathers her items as she closes her own locker. "Fare well, Son of Aku~” Alex looked up, but she was gone in an instant.  He did not even see her through the glass front doors.He got up, dusted himself off and headed home with a scowl. Essence entered an old, run down house on a hill. A man stood at the stove, his back towards her.“Hello pumkin, How was your first day of school?” “hehe it was, interesting. those little humans are fun to scare~” the man turned, a mischievous smile matching his daughter’s spread wide across his own pumpkin face.“that’s my girl”. Essence giggled and hugged him tight. “I missed you SO much, and I missed your yummy stew~"Jack chuckled and kissed her forehead."I know sugar bean, thank you for coming for me.”~“hehe, as if I’ll let my old man get stuck in the netherworld by some dorky skeleton~"she smirked as she playfully snatched her dad’s hat."hey, you lil shit!"he chuckled and grabbed his hat back."set your stuff down, Dinner is almost ready.” “k Dad, just got to do something first~” she lazily floated up the stairs, and set her back down in her bed.She crept to another room and gently opened the door. Laying inside the bed, was a JET black demon. what once was a head full of flames, was now barely a wispy plum of smoke, his blue eyes were closed in a deep slumber.A few, old scars littered his body as he slept. Essence walked over to the bed, and took hold of Demongo’s hand .“Hey papa, I’m back…"there was silence, only the gentle breathing of the other demon.for the first time, Essence’s smirk vanished to a sorrowful expression. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she kissed his hand.” It’s been so long…..I wish I could hear your voice, I wish I can feel your embrace again.Dad has not been the same since you been in your coma. He needs you….I need you….we love you so much….we miss you..“she took in a shaky breath as she laid her fore head to his.” I promise….I will make things right….I will make you better, even if I must give away every ounce of my own essence..to save you.“ she gently caressed his face and took hold of his chin.She slowly opened his mouth, and opened her own. The essence of the gang and jock she drained poured from her, and into him.her knees buckle and she panted on the ground. the large, old scars shrink slightly on demongo as the younger demon stood up. "I’ll see you soon, Papa.” she kissed demongo’s forehead and left the room to eat dinner with her other parent. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Demongo: samurai jack Jack O'Lantern: Grimm adventures of Billy and Mandy

 Essence:    Belong to oXGoldFinchXo / @chi-chi-tianshi

Reason: She made a contract with Janaya.

#character list

[nerdierholler]

Dragon Age Questions

I was tagged by @slothssassin Thank you so much! <3

I’m not sure who’s done this already sooooo tagging @ellstersmash, @heraldofwho, @enchantment1385, and @barbex if you haven’t done this already. Also anyone who sees this and thinks it would be fun!

1. Favorite game of the series? I love them all, why do you make me pick? I’ve put the most hours into DAI though, it part because it’s so long and one run takes forever.

2. How did you discover Dragon Age? I wasn’t as into video games as I am now but I knew I liked generic hack and slash games having played things like The Witcher and Neverwinter Nights. I heard DAO was coming out and since it seemed like my kind of game, I tried it, and immediately fell head over heels for Alistair and discovered fandom.

3. How many times have you’ve played the games? Almost too many to count. Thinking back to complete or near complete runs... DAO: at least 6, DA2: also at least 6, DAI: (laughs nervously) at least 9. And none of these include all the characters I created, played for a bit then abandoned 1/3 of the way through.

4. Favorite race to play as? I guess I tend towards elves because of the lore. I actually really like dwarves as well but I have a really hard time making dwarves I’m happy with so I almost never play them. The qunari were a nice edition in DAI.

5. Favorite class? Dual wield rogue all the way. I do have a few characters of other classes but that’s my fave. I just can’t stand to no be able to open a locked chest.

6. Do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time. I try to make different decisions but honestly, it ends up being variations on a theme. For big choices I’m pretty consistent.

7. Go-to adventuring group? DAO: Alistair, Sten, Zev or Morrigan DA2: Fenris, Varric, Isabela DAI, depends on Inquisitor but my faves are : Solas, Dorian, Iron Bull, and Varric

8. Which of your characters did you put the most thought into? No doubt, my Warden Inquisitor Ithen

9. Favorite romance? Again, why do you make me pick? Alistair’s romance is what put me down this path so I have to give recognition there. After that, Fenris annnd (spins wheel) Iron Bull.

10. Have you read any of the comics/books? Nope. I tried one of the books but couldn’t really get into it.

11. If you read them, which was your favorite book? -

12. Favorite DLCs? The Citadel I never really kept up with DA DLCs until DAI. Awakenings introduced some great characters but the plot hasn’t stuck with me and so much of that has kinda been retconned. I liked Trespasser because it was a great bow on the game with a lead into the next. Also fuel for my Solasmancing.

13. Things that annoy you? Locked chests, but that’s not just a DA thing. Seriously though, I hate leaving things behind which means I end up limiting my party combos (at least on first runs) because I don’t want to miss what’s in the box, or behind the wall, or whatever so I need to have one of each class with me at all times.

14. Orlais or Ferelden? Ferelden! Team wet dog smell all the way.

15. Templars or Mages? Mages.

16. If you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one? Hmmm, they all exists in different universes except I have a non-canon universe where Ithlen becomes Inquisitor and canon compliant universe where she is just the Warden. I think Enarin edges out Harold for the Inquisitor there.

17. What did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc.) Ithlen: Threrah, Hawke: Thufir, and I didn’t name any mounts.

18. Have you installed any mods? *more nervous laughter* a few... Yeah, my games are pretty heavily modded, some are shortcuts for gameplay after it’s my millionth time through and I’m just there for plot and a lot are for CC or changing companion looks/outfits.

19. Did your Warden want to become a Grey Warden? Gods no. She was pretty resistant. But Marethari said the magic word to Ithen, “duty,” so she went with Duncan.

20. Hawke’s personality? Main Hawke: Very purple with a hint of blue. Secondary Hawke: Very red with a hint of purple.

21. Did you make matching armor for your companions in Inquisition? I think I have a time or two but usually everyone is unique.

22. If your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change? Ithlen would do something to save Alistair. In her mind she would recruit Loghain to have another body between them and archdemon but doesn’t realize it would have meant Alistair leaving. 

Hawke, oh Hawke. She looses all of her family but I think if she had to pick one to go back and save, it would be Bethany since she’s the one Hawke had to kill and feels most responsible for.

Enarin doesn’t have many regrets and he feels they’ve all led him to where he is now, which is a pretty good place. Harold has regrets but it’s a million small things. I think there was a long time growing up where he wished he didn’t have magic so he could still be with his family but as he’s gotten older he’s accepted their rejection and practical disowning and learned to find family elsewhere.

23. Do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon? Oh boy, do I! The big one of course is Ithlen also being the Inquisitor. Everyone else mostly follows canon except for some details about how Harold and Dorian’s relationship develops. The in game route for that isn’t really Harold’s personality. And I also I like to imagine that Fenris goes to Skyhold with Hawke because leaving him makes NO SENSE AT ALL. Also Varric is not nearly as broken up about my secondary Hawke’s death as the game makes him because she managed to rival him in DA2 but DAI doesn’t take that into account. In general DAI didn’t handle that Hawke well because as a power hungry blood mage, everything out her mouth in DAI makes no sense. Again, DAI just didn’t take any of that into account even though it was in the tapestry.

24. Are any of your character(s) based on someone? Not really.

25. Who did you leave in the Fade? I lucked out here in a weird way so it wasn’t a hard choice. In my primary canon Alistair is dead (RIP) so choosing Hawke over Stroud wasn’t bad. In my secondary canon Alistair is alive and a warden but (despite what DAI says, see above) my Hawke is a terrible person so goodbye Hawke.

26. Favorite mount? I never used mounts much so I don’t have a fave.

#life at nerdy holler #dragon age

[honeywithblueberries]

Idol Chp 2 Journey to the Sahara

A/N: A special thanks to kt_valmiri for editing (and adding the bunnies!) and ScaraMedn for beta reading! Thanks for helping me every step of the way, my friends :)

                                                                (\/)                                                                 (00)                                                                (“_”)o

It seemed as though Judy had barely closed her eyes before morning arrived. Rena undid the rope that attached her to the support beam and helped her to once again clean herself. Through this she held vague wisps of her dream, but really all she remembered was the color green.

A bowl of oats and berries was placed in her paws and fresh water was given to her. Once her hunger was sated, Judy was lead to an open wagon pulled by a wolf several times larger than his kin. She said not a word as Rhea lifted her up next to supplies for the long journey.

Dorian brought the cushions she had slept on and set them to the floor. The bunny followed the wolf’s motions, barely listening as he described the journey to Sahara Kingdom.

“We will be passing through the borders of the Savanna. King Adrian Bogo is attaching his gift to the prince with our convoy. His majordomo, Lionheart, will be escorting us to the palace.” Dorian reached over the side of the wagon to adjust the cushions.

With a  paw, he patted one invitingly. Judy, having stood at the edge of the cart, stared blankly at them. Were it not for the she wolf’s paws on her shoulders, she would have bolted.

“Will it be a long journey?” Her voice was still hoarse with tears, the bunny sank once again to her knees onto the soft cushions. Dorian gently placed a paw upon her ears to sooth the still distressed rabbit.

“About three days. Two if the weather holds. I have meet King Adrian and Lionheart. They are both kind, Lionheart especially, if a bit loud. He may bring his assistant Benji.” The wolf smiled at the thought, though his friend did not smile back. “He will make the journey much more enjoyable.”

When she didn’t respond, Dorian lifted his paw away and joined Rena at the back of the convoy with a small defeated sigh. The cart jerked, it’s wheels giving a light groan as the wolf began to pull. With the motion of the cart, Judy’s eyes grew heavy and very soon she drifted off once more.

                                                               (\/)                                                                (00)                                                               (“_”)o

Judy slept most of the way through the Savanna, her dreams more vivid this time. She sat atop the grassy hills not far from the royal burrow. With smell the sea on the wind, her hilltop granting her a beautiful view of it, her mind grew peaceful as she took it in.

The canine whom had visited her previously, came once more. Still and silent, he merely sat with the homesick bunny and observed the comings and goings of the distant tide and birds. After a time, the stranger, with his green eyes and fiery fur, turned to her and smiled.

And to her surprise, she smiled back.

It was then that her body began to ache with the need to move, her consciousness drawing her into the waking world. The… whomever he was, faded as her eyes blinked open. Under a small awning that had been placed over her, she sat up and stretched. Her tired mind registered the voice of another and the stillness of the cart.

Perking her ears up to catch snippets of the conversation, she peeked her head out of her make shift shelter.  A large cheetah was telling an animated story to a group of young wolves, their muzzles hanging open as they watched him act out his story.

Lips curled up as she watched the cat make faces and mannerisms for each different character of the story he was telling. The main character of the story was drawing his bow, only to have the string snap. One chubby paw when to his eye in mock hurt, while the other flailed the broken weapon at whomever he was aiming at.

Before she could stop herself, she giggled. Six sets of ears stood straight and flicked in her direction. The cheetah, his arms now raised over his head, turned his big brown eyes to her.

They grew wider the longer they stared at the bunny who stood frozen in front of the crowd of predators. Paws dropping to his chubby cheeks, his expression went from shock to a beaming smile of complete adoration.

“AWWWWWW!”

Scampering to the side of the cart, he gripped the edge to haul himself half way over the side. Judy had ducked back under her awning in alarm, starting at the paw jutted out to her.

“Oh. Em. Goodness…” He squealed in delight again as she overcame her trepidation and crept closer to cautiously shake his paw. “They really did find a bunny. Oohhh! You’re even cuter than I imagined!”

As she had grown up in a kingdom whose population was almost completely bunny, the term ‘cute’ was used to describe only the most desirable. Beautiful, handsome, and gorgeous were used, as well, but to be called cute was for another to admit attraction beyond the physical. Someone being called ‘cute’ was a high compliment.

It was something she had never been called.

Having a mammal who was most likely ignorant to the meaning bunnies had for it only made her feel patronized. She wanted to correct him, but how could she, knowing that he meant no harm by the statement? The silent debate she held in her head did not get far before the cheetah’s face dropped in horror.

“Oh, that’s right!” His other paw lifted to trap hers. She was suddenly pulled forward into a tight embrace, the air being crushed from her lungs as he squeezed.

“I am such a ditz! Everyone knows you can’t call a bunny cute! And here I go, insulting the guest of honor. Me, Benji, whom everyone thinks is just a flabby, court jester.”

The doe extracted herself, taking in a deep gulp of air once free.

“It’s quite all right,” she gasped out, rubbing her ribs. Looking around at the dusty land, she turned back to the cheetah. “Where are we?”

“The Savannah!” another booming voice called out. “At least, within the outskirts of it!”

Judy felt her eyes go wide at the sight of the mammal approaching. She had never seen a lion before and found herself unprepared for it. Towering over the little bunny in her cart, he stood proud as he beamed at her. One paw, easily the size of her whole body, stretched down, though it hesitated when he realized just how small she was.

Deciding just finger would have to do, the lion’s grin grew when she accepted it.

“Welcome to the convoy, my long-eared friend!” He laid his paw flat, allowing her to cautiously climb onto of it. Raising it eye level, he winked at her before turning his attention to everything around them. Her gaze followed his, a little gasp escaping her at the sight.

Giraffes as tall as trees carried large baskets and picked ripened fruit from the trees surrounding them. Rhinos carried spears that they brandished at each other, always prepared to protect the travelers, while graceful gazelles and antelope practiced intricate dances with their long limbs and mesmerizing sways of their hips.

And, of course, the wolves.

The pack rested amongst the travelers, exchanging stories of past glories and feasts. Even a few young ones who were making their first trek towards the Sahara were allowed to challenge the rhino guards to spar. Others played music for the dancers, helped prepare food or challenged each other to spirited games of tug of war using only their muzzles. It was quite humorous to watch a grown wolf become frustrated when their opponent refused to concede.

“Are they all here for-” Judy’s words were cut off as the lion navigated the crowd.

“For Prince Nicholas’ birthday?” His laugh was more roar as he threw his head back at her nod. “But of course, my dear! The whole of the Zootopian Market comes together for moments like this. It is an honor to representing King Bogo. Oh! You would love the king! Fine male, he is!”

“Why are we stopped here?”

“This is the Watering Hole!” Came the voice of Benji. The friendly cheetah grinned up at her as he pointed towards the small body of water not far from them. “Not the main one, mind you. But traders who head towards the Market stop here.”

“Indeed!” The mighty lion came upon the water, lowering himself to allow her to hop off his paw. “Here, we shall await Emperor Big and his entourage. When they arrive, we carry on to the Sahara.”

“And how long until we arrive?” Judy stepped into the cool water, paws dipping down to scoop up a healthy drink of it. Her body relaxed at the sensation of it trickling down her throat and refreshing her body. Already she felt more alive.

“This time tomorrow.”

“Lionheart!” Turning their heads, the trio looked to see Liam striding towards them, a large smile on his muzzle. “My wolves spotted the emperor. They estimate his approach to be over the pass, within the hour. Have your mammals refreshed and ready to move!”

“Aye, Liam, you old dog!” Lionheart reached back down and scooped Judy up once more. He turned them both towards the alpha who gave a polite nod to the young doe. “Benjamin and I were just enjoying the company of your bunny. A fine gift for the prince, I must say!”

At his words, her ears dropped as she was carried back to the waiting cart. Liam’s expression went slightly dark, though he did not comment, instead leaving to ensure everyone else was ready to move out. Benji seemed to understand the sting she felt as the oblivious lion lowered her once more. He gave the fur on her head ruffle before heading off to gather his group. The chubby cheetah stood beside her just outside the cart.

“I apologize for Lionheart,” he said nervously. “He’s a good mammal, really. He just doesn’t think before speaking.”

“He’s right though.”

Judy crawled back under the bit of canvas that had shaded her thus far. Curling up in misery, she buried her nose into the cushions, paws over her head to hide herself further.

“I am to be nothing more than a glorified pet,” she mumbled.

“No!” Exclaimed Benji pulling the canvas back to let the sunlight shine down. “No, no, no, no, no.”

He gently took her paws and tugged her to her feet.

“I’m guessing you were brave before this. Back in your homeland.” He smiled at the nod she gave. “But what I know of rabbit clans, your life was never your own. Had you been born a buck, you would be a prize amongst your family. As a doe, you are a burden.”

Her eyes rose to meet his, silently conveying the truth of the matter.

“And now!” The cheetah huffed and quite suddenly tossed her into the air, pulling an undignified squeal of surprise from her. Catching her with skill, she was twirled around as her happy new friend brought her away from her cart once more.

“Now! You are on an adventure! The sights you shall see, the new foods you shall try, mammals of every species, coming together in harmony! And you shall meet them all! Just look at what this world has to offer you!”

They paused by a giraffe, who smiled down at them before leaning over slowly to present them with a basket of figs. Judy accepted one and groaned in delight as she took a big bite. She smiled her thanks at the strange creature, who beamed back.

“Figs for a bountiful harvest and healthy future,” the giraffe explained. With a final nod, the tall creature passed the basket a group of meerkats waiting for them.

Benji pulled her away towards the rhinos, eyes wide as they wielded their weapons and readied themselves to march once more. One paused mid-stretch and made eye contact with her. His resting scowl made her ears drop with nerves as he tugged his helmet off and strode towards the pair.

Judy was placed on the ground in front of him, the large mammal considering the doe for a moment before plopping the head piece on her. It completely covered her small form, much to everyone’s amusement, though Judy felt flushed she was given a chance to try it on.

Amidst the chuckling, the rhino leaned down to peek at her through the opening.

“A fierce warrior needs a fierce war face,” he explained, showing off his own with deep growl. “Show me what you got.”

Trying to swallow her nerves, she scrunched up her face and gave a timid growl. The others watching only laughed harder. Even Benji couldn’t resist the squeal of delight.

“Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover.” The rabbit scowled at that, only for the rhino scoff. “Show me your real face!”

She took a deep breath and jumped forward, teeth bared and eyes narrowed.

“RAWR!”

“That’s a little better.”

With a grunt, the helmet was picked back up and put into place, the rhino’s expression never changing. Though she could have sworn he gave her wink before rejoining his team. Her half smile was more genuine as she was pulled and tugged from mammal to mammal, each gifting her with a warm smile.

With shy eyes, she paused in front of the group moving in such beautiful ways to the music. She watched their hips shake, hooves and sashes moving as one, while they smiled at their diminutive audience. One young gazelle bent over to grasp Judy’s paw, pulling her in line with them. Tentative at first, the dancers taught her their steps, applauding as she mastered them quickly. The rabbit doe grinned as she followed their lead, until she eventually misstepped and landed in a laughing heap on the sidelines.

“The wee rabbit can dance!” Cried a wolf with a loud, barking laugh. “So let’s see if she can play! My mandolin, Gari!”

To her astonishment, the instrument was plopped into her lap. It was far to large for her, but the wolf guided her through a few simple chords. Liam himself applauded her performance, stating what a pity it was Garrett would not be able to learn from her. And, as she was placed back in her cart and they started moving again, Benji told her stories of how their world was formed.

At the dawn of time, greats gods and goddesses, in their fury and pride, each tried to outdo the others in their creations. A powerful god pulled the earth up by its roots in anger at his daughter’s elopement, creating the mountains that framed their view. A little goddess, proud of the tiny pond she made, cried the oceans into being when the others tormented her for it. The stars were fire arrows, shot up by the first wolf alpha when he lost his way in a snow storm. And the winds were those who lived before them, reminding those still living of their presence.

Judy felt her sadness melt away for the time being as Benji told her story after story. So different they were from the ones she grew up with. And stories of the goddess Serendipity were what really held her attention the most. She had heard whispers about her; the goddess of fortune and random occurrence. Stories of her painted the rabbit goddess as playful and influential.

Her clan, when it was first formed, had celebrated the goddess. Does especially had followed her example, being spirited, headstrong and ready to take chances. From her sprouted Easter, who brought fertility and life to the land they called home.

But the bucks feared the strength their does found in the powerful goddesses and, in their fear, had toppled the statues and destroyed the shrines devoted to their matrons.

Texts were burned from the meager collections the clan had gathered…

But they were not forgotten. Whispered was the correct word for how the stories were now told. Judy had listened as she grew from a little toddling kit to potential pawn within her kingdom. It was to Serendipity that Judy spoke her prayers. And it was she who received the best offerings the doe had.

The messenger god may had been called upon for council the night before, but she was a servant of Serendipity. Although, the canid who had been visiting her dreams was cause for curiosity.

“Benji,” she called softly. The cat had fallen into silence as his brown eyes focused on the still approaching entourage of the emperor. “Do you know of a dog or wolf god or goddess?”

He actually shuddered slightly at the question. “Several, actually. A few of them the wolves hold dear. But the foxes of the Sahara prefer Karma, Goddess of Balance.”

“Karma?”

With an absent nod, Benji kept his eyes on the on the large polar bears approaching. They were due to join paths and carry on to their destination.

“Indeed.” Once again, the cheetah shuddered. “I’m not too fond of the canine gods. They always make me nervous.”

“You get on quiet well with Pack Wolford.”

“That is only because I have known them all my life.” He leaned over to her as he walked, paw held up to keep his words a secret. “And usually Lionheart or King Bogo is around, so I know they won’t try anything.”

Judy giggled at his expression.

“His imperial majesty, Emperor Big!”

The call brought their attention to the polar bears they were now marching next to. The two largest carried a litter between them, a heavy looking thing that the pair bore without a single hint of fatigue. Pausing, another stepped forward to swing the door open, revealing a small, plump shrew.

Finely dressed in lighter layers, he allowed the bear to lift him up. The marching was paused, allowing the heavily dressed bears to shed their winter clothing. Lionheart and Liam were both greeted as the crowed fell into low bows.

“Oh…” Said Judy in low voice.

Benji looked up from his bow towards her. “What?”

“I was expecting someone….” She paused on the next word. “Well, bigger.”

He grinned at her while straightening as the three leaders conversed quietly. Before he could respond, however, a low nasally voice was raised.

“Bring the rabbit to me,” was all she heard before her vision was swallowed by the polar bear in front of her. In her surprise, she scrambled back only to be scooped up by the scruff of her neck and carried over to the minute emperor.

An uncertain glance was cast towards Liam, who gave the shrew a disapproving look at the way she was being handled. With a small wave of his paw, she was set before them, Lionheart beaming down as Emperor Big regarded her.

“My child,” he began, obviously still appraising her. “You are a creature of beauty. A fine prize for the prince. I feel you shall bring much fortune to my godson.”

He beckoned her closer, reaching out his paw for her own. She cautiously accepted, her ears blushing as he pressed a kiss to the back hers. The emperor simply smiled as he released her.

“I have a daughter your age,” he continued. “She rests in our litter. Once the princess awakens, she shall keep you company for the remainder of the journey. I feel you will get on well with her.

“Go now my child,” he gave a regal nod as Dorian stepped forward to escort her back to her spot.

Casting a glance back, she met the hooded eyes of the Emperor one last time. He gave her a nod before gesturing the lion and wolf closer to him. The awning was replaced and the wagon began to move once more. Benji went back to walking and talking as she laid back and observed the clouds moving over head.

All the while, she pondered the life she being brought to.

“I recognize her…” Emperor Big had been moved to Liam’s shoulder. The alpha kept his head high and ears straight as his companion mused out loud. “There’s something you’re not telling me and it makes me nervous. Why do I feel she is not some random rabbit found as all the others were? I shall organize my mammals after the celebrations, on the off chance the Sahara needs them. Should the need arise, we march beside King Taiem. Remain alert when you and your wolves return to the meadow lands.”

“Already done, your imperial Majesty.” Liam cast his eyes towards the shrew as he walked.

The group marched well into evening, torches lit to guide the way. Most of the predators stayed in the lead, using their night vision to best advantage. It was late when they stopped to make camp, the emperor’s daughter having woken up hours before.

She and Judy had spent the time dancing in the back of the bunny’s cart, the music having played nonstop during the march. As Big had predicted, the two got along beautifully. And as Francesca had never traveled to the Sahara either, they speculated on what they would see.

Princess Francesca jabbered away with the chubby cheetah while Judy lay half listening in her cart. Once more, she was secured to her sleeping spot, with a wolf standing guard to keep her from sneaking away. Though they needn’t have bothered.

The Savanna was long gone. Daunting sand stretched for miles making the doe positive she would not get far. No matter how tempted she was. Instead, in an attempt to draw her thoughts from escaping, she allowed her eyes to close and her mind to be consumed with green eyes and red fur.                                                        

                                                             (\/)                                                             (00)                                                             (“_”)o

A ragged creature pulled himself out of the cave he had taken shelter in. When the sudden storm had released it’s fury, the miserable little thing had been battered by it. The winds blew leaves, dust and tree branches into his face. The latter caught him sharply on his long ears with their jagged ends.

He was left with only a shallow scratch and mild pain, but in the darkness such a thing only heightened his confusion. Pure luck had him stumbling into the cave, effectively sheltering him from the heavy rain and deafening thunder. After a day and a half of sleep, he stepped out into the sun and scanned his surroundings.

Days had passed since he and seven others had left the Burrows in separate directions, each in search of the missing princess. All had expected to find her within hours of departing. She was, after all, just a doe. Pampered and spoiled and raised to be obscenely obedient. The buck was entertaining the thought of the price she would have to pay for putting him through this. He was a male with needs and, for her disobedience, she would satisfy them.

The thought becoming more and more appealing, he traveled over the cragged landscape, ears up and listening for signs of his prize. Having never ventured far from home himself, he figured that he was in the outskirts of the Savanna. The old Pride Lands they had been called, before the lions that ruled it were conquered by the cape buffalo.

Sounds of loud, jovial voices, jumbled though they were, bounced off the dry ground and rocky terrain. Angling his ears towards the noise, the scout dropped to a crouch, creeping along the ground until he came to rest upon a steep incline. Peeking over the edge, his wide eyes watched a curious procession of mammals.

Several carts, all pulled by strong mammals that would easily tower over the bunny, were dragged across the Savannah. Three were loaded with casks and barrels, no doubt filled with liquors, while others were filled with baskets of fresh produce and others foods to sustain the travelers.

What looked to be a full pack of wolves pulled a cart at the end of the line, this one smaller, as an enormous cheetah walked by its side. His animated voice and laughter echoed up to the unknown observer, who was unwilling charmed in spite of the creature’s species. But the sight of a familiar face poking out from the back of the cart in response to the predator’s antics, caused the feeling to evaporate.

Brown eyes narrowed greedily upon Judy, watching as she smiled and laughed back at whatever was said to her. A voice called out to both, causing her to straighten and look towards the speaker. Taking in her small curvy form, the hidden bunny cursed the group that found her before he did. His pleasure would have to wait to be sated until he returned to the king.

Knowing there was no way to sneak in and take the princess back while surrounded by all those noses, he turned and left in the direction of the Burrows.

“Gotcha,” he muttered with a grin.

#zootopia #wildehopps #judy hopps #benjamin clawhauser #nick wilde #alternate universe

[astraljedi]

Craving Something Sweet - Part 5 (FP Jones Imagine)

Summary: Reader is having nightmares about a secret she’s been keeping from everyone, especially FP.

Author’s Note: This part its shitty, since there wasn’t an episode this week it made it ten times harder to get some Riverdale feels/inspiration. Might delete this later. I haven’t edited it yet, if I decide not to delete it I will edit it later after I get back from work tonight.

Disclaimer: Reader is over 21, nothing illegal over here kids

Warnings: Mention of death, really sad stuff. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 6 | Part 7

Masterlist

Tags: @ mariechristine91

The terrifying screams frightened the Lodge family awake for the fifth night in a row. Veronica sleepily stood in front of her sister’s bedroom door while Hiram had left his own bedroom to see her just standing there alone. “Go back to bed, I’ll calm her down tonight.”

Veronica didn’t argue back, she had school in a few hours and she wasn’t looking forward missing her beauty sleep. Hiram nudge the door open slightly to meet with Y/N’s frightened eyes. She sat on her bed, the drops of sweat resting on her forehead as her chest rose up and down from the screaming rage she had in her sleep.

“Mi hija, something has to be bothering you if you are still having these nightmares.” Hiram said, sitting on the edge of her bed. Y/N kept her distance, even though he had apologized for his mistakes, she still resented him for causing so much pain.

“Don’t worry about it daddy, it’s just the whole Black Hood thing.” Hiram looked at his daughter, the dark circles under her eyes said otherwise. She was hurting still, and he wished he could fix it somehow.

“Hot cocoa? It always calms you down.” Hiram offered, extending his hand towards hers. She stared at it for a minute, but nothing was stopping her.

“Only if you give me extra marshmallows on top of my whipped cream.” Y/N smiled slightly, grabbing Hiram’s hand as they walked towards the kitchen.

The warm cup rested between Y/N’s petite palms as Hiram rested his back against the kitchen sink with his own cup in hand. “What are you dreaming about that has so frightened. It pains me seeing you like this.”

“I may have forgiven you for the pictures but the pain you caused me piled on top of FP getting arrested and it was too much.” Y/N began, leaving her hot cocoa unattended as she crossed her hands against her chest. “I want to share my pain with you, but I need you to at least let me speak to FP first. We were in a relationship and what happened to me concerns him as much as you. Let me reach out to him and I promise I will tell you everything.”

Hiram stood there silently as he thought about her proposition. He wasn’t the best father, but he sure wasn’t the worse. “I’ll let you see him tomorrow, only if you promise me that you’ll open up to us more. Eres mi mundo y quiero lo mejor para ti.” (You are my world and I only want what’s best for you.)

“I know; you just cross the line a bit sometimes.” Y/N chuckled, looking up at Hiram who was now kneeled beside her. His palm rested on her right cheek as his thumb caressed her baby smooth skin. “I wish sometimes you didn’t see me as a little girl, I want you to see me as the adult and independent woman I have become.”

“It’s not you that’s not ready for the company, I known since the day you came back from college that you were the perfect person to run the company. It’s just me who isn’t ready to let you go.” Hiram said, pressing a kiss on top of her forehead. Y/N smiled a bit, he wasn’t the monster she wanted to believe he was before. “Try to get some sleep and if you need anything, I’m right down the hall.”

“Thanks daddy.” Hiram smiled back at his daughter as she walked out of the kitchen. He had wanted to speak to her for weeks and he had finally had the chance to at least start some conversation.

The next day, Y/N stared at her reflection through the clear glass that stood between her and the empty seat on the other side of the glass. She fidgeted as she waited for him, she was a nervous wreck since she arrived. Was she ready to speak of it out loud?

“Baby girl, I thought you skipped town by now.” FP spoke through the phone attached to the wall once he sat down. Y/N’s heart stopped at the sight of him. She was freaking out and he knew her better than anyone else. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“I need to tell you the real reason I went away.” Y/N began as she tightened her grip on the phone pressed against her ear. FP perked up, watching her intensively as her eyes started to water. “The photographs that were sent to me was from my father, he had hired someone to watch out on us and I swear FP, I forgave him but I can’t stand knowing my father had the dignity to send those photos just to scare me away from you.”

FP’s shoulders tensed up as Y/N told him everything. He looked around his surroundings and leaned in closer to the glass before speaking up through the phone line.

“Hiram did what? How am I still alive in here if your dad knows about us.” FP was frightened, the man had power anywhere he was and FP knew what Hiram was capable of. “You can’t be here if he knows, he is going to kill us both.”

“You’re alive because of me, he knows if he hurts you that I will drag him through hell.” Y/N said, trying to calm down FP who was freaking out through the other side of the glass. When Y/N’s eyes landed on his, his body calmed down at her sight. There was something about her that always calmed him down. He was the older one, but she was the wisest. “Now, I need you to listen to me. I’m going to tell you something that might just make you hate me and not want to be with me anymore.”

“Don’t scare me like this Y/N.” FP couldn’t handle worse news; he was already suffering behind bars; what else could happen to him?

“The following day of your arrest I was already miles away, I had stopped at some gas station since I was getting car sick and I couldn’t handle the burning sensation in my stomach. After basically emptying my stomach completely I started to panic. I hadn’t had my period for a whole month and I didn’t even notice. I remember the judged look the old lady gave me when I purchased the tests. She might have known who I was or speculated I got knocked up by some random dude.” Y/N chocked out, the stinging tears already threatening to escape. “I took about four test and all of them came positive.” Y/N trailed of, not looking at FP as she spoke nervously. “With what the doctor told me, I was 10 weeks.”

“You’re pregnant?” FP chocked out. He was in jail, he had enough with his other kids to worry about and he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that his child will grow up seeing him through a glass between them.

“That’s the thing I was pregnant.” Y/N stuttered. “I had a miscarriage a few nights before I came back to town. The doctor said it could have been stress but they are never sure what could cause a miscarriage. And honestly, when I found out I was petrified. But knowing I had a piece of you to keep me company on those lonely nights was the only thing that gave me hope.” The tears dampen Y/N’s cheeks, but her forced smile shattered his heart. “I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.”

“You have always been so strong, independent and full of hope. You were the one who was left with this pain and I wish I could do something to take it all away. To make everything go back to normal. In this cell, I regret what I did that got me in here.” FP began, straightening his back as he looked straight into Y/N’s teary eyes. “You are enough, don’t ever think otherwise. I don’t know that pain that you’re going through. I might not be able to hold you close at nights but I’m still with you. And I’ll do everything that I can to get out of here and show you how amazing you are.”

“I just want you to hold me, keep me safe from this madness.” Y/N whispered.

“I wish I could baby girl.” FP offered her a small smile, but she couldn’t resist him. Her cheeks flared up to a bright red as she giggled. “I missed that laugh.”

“I miss you.” If it wasn’t for the clear glass, FP would’ve been hovering her plump pink lips as his hands would rest under her chin. He missed her too much.

“I’m not getting another visit for a long time?” FP asked, wondering when would he see her again.

“First, I have to tell my family about this. I thought you needed to hear it first from me.” Y/N played with the ends of her hair as she thought about her family’s reaction. “I can try and convince my father to at least let me visit you once a week. But I’ll have to negotiate that with him.”

“I’ll wait till’ eternity to see you again my Juliet.” FP joked, dramatically placing his free hand on his heart.

“Stop being so dramatic Jones, that’s my job.” Y/N chuckled, wiping the rest of her tears away.

“I’ll see you darling, good luck with your parents.” Y/N waved him off as he disappeared from her sight with a guard following him. The hard part was done, now all she had to do is get through dinner with her family.

Dinner was oddly quiet, Veronica sat next to her older sister while Hiram and Hermione sat far at the end of the table. Hiram would occasionally look towards Y/N, waiting for her to explain herself and her odd behavior but she couldn’t push herself to do it. It was hard enough to tell FP, who was her lover and would’ve been father of her child; she couldn’t imagine how upset her younger sister would be of not being the first one to know, of not being able to be the aunt who could’ve spoiled the hell out of Y/N’s child.

It was now or never.

“I was pregnant, that’s why I was out of town.” Y/N blurted out, dropping her cutleries on the side of her plate. Hermione’s eyes darted out of her head as Veronica chocked on some water.

“What do you mean was?” Hiram looked up worryingly at his oldest. Not wanting to let her family see her break down, Y/N looked down on her half eaten plate as her family waited for an explanation.

“After the night that I literally took four test to confirm that it wasn’t a false positive, I was staying at this motel a few miles from here while I tried to figure out what to do. Fp was arrested, the damn pictures haunted me and I was so stressed over the fact that you would find out about my relationship with him.” Y/N sobbed as Veronica placed her arms around her for support. “I was just falling asleep to some silent movie on the TV when I felt myself bleeding. I was alone and didn’t have anyone to call. I knew at that moment that I wasn’t going to give that baby a chance to a good life.”

“Y/N, cariño.” Hermione walked over her sobbing daughter and brought her close to her chest. “I was only ten weeks and it took only a few hours for me to imagine a life being a single mother while hiding away from her past.”

Hermione and Veronica held her close while Hiram watched still from a far. The guilt, the suffering he had made his own daughter go through angered him. He was angry at himself for breaking his own blood.

“I-I’m sorry.” Hiram stuttered, stepping out from the dining table and in to his office.

“He isn’t mad at you, he’s mad at himself. Give him some time mi hija.” Hermione calmed Y/N down as they watched him leave them alone.

“The nightmares, it was about this?” Veronica asked once Y/N had calmed down a bit.

“Yeah, it takes me back to that motel room and the rest it’s just worse. I thought he would hate me, for killing his own child but he was the complete opposite.” Y/N paused, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “He doesn’t deserve anymore pain.”

“You didn’t kill this baby Y/N, nobody did. It wasn’t the right time and if you let it be, next time it will happen.” Hermione rubbed Y/N’s shoulders, soothing her breathing slowly. “We love you no matter what, you need to trust us.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Y/N apologized.

“No more apologizing, this is the moment where we start fresh as a family. No more secrets between us Lodge.” Veronica perked up, standing up from her seat.

“I’ll speak to your father; he is just in shock.” Hermione volunteered, kissing Y/N’s forehead before leaving the two Lodge sisters alone.

“No more secrets…”

#FP Jones #FP Jones Imagines #FP Jones Imagine #FP Jones One Shot #Riverdale Imagines #riverdale #Riverdale Imagine #FP jones x reader #fp jones smut #riverdale smut

[thejokersenigma]

Joker x Reader - Request - Whiskey Courage - Part 2

Hi guys, I meant to get this out yesterday, but the editing took longer than I thought and I keep getting distracted by things.

I’m not particularly pleased with this piece of writing really, I think just because I’ve been making it up as I go along, and I don’t actually know where I was or am going with it! Let’s just say its not my best piece of work....

The request was for fluffy/smutty Joker.... I’ve never written smut, but I am willing to give it a go in the next part if people want me too.... Please let me know if that’s something you guys want!

Hope you like it anyway!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything!

REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN!

Main MASTERLIST

Whiskey Courage MASTERLIST

You couldn’t say anything, still frozen in surprise at the Joker’s sudden appearance, and trying to work out from his sickly-sweet tone how much trouble you were in. Why was he even here? You thought you heard Frost talking about a local bank job tonight. Why wasn’t he there? Had it been cancelled for some reason? But then, where were the rest of his men?

The Joker had now placed the needle down and was swapping the record for another. He then replaced the needle back into the edge of the vinyl disc and a new song began to play. This one had a completely different tone from the previous swing jazz track. This was slower, deeper, blues-like music. It had a certain sexiness to it.

You dispelled that thought immediately, bringing your attention back to the Joker again. He was dressed the same as earlier – unsurprisingly - though his green hair looked slightly more unruly than usual, like he had been running his hands through it a lot.

“Couldn’t stay away, kitten?” He grinned, raising his eyebrows in question.

You tried to gather yourself together. “It’s – It’s my shift, sir.” You said stupidly, though making sure not to forget your formalities.

“Ah, yes… night time…” He recalled, nodding with a smirk. You didn’t say anything, just watched the Joker as he now moving slowly over to his desk, swinging his legs carelessly. “Tell me, kitten…” He purred in thought. “When does your shift finish?”

“Uh – seven, sir.” You answered.

He glanced over at you. ‘Seven’ he mouthed at you with wide eyes. “Phff,” He let out in a puff of air, “That’s tough, dolly.” He admitted, “And, when does your next shift start?” He asked, looking down at something on his desk, running a hand over it.

“Twelve.”

“Midday?” He asked, his eyes glancing up for confirmation.

You nodded. His eyes dropped again, and he shook his head slowly from side to side. You thought you heard him mutter something like ‘five hours’, but you couldn’t be sure from this distance.

The Joker suddenly straightened up again, forgetting whatever he had been studying, and now making his way to the sideboard behind you that held a variety of alcohols.

“Any days off, doll?” He asked, not looking at you, his focus on picking out one of the many bottles.

You had spun around to follow his movements across the room. “No, sir.” You mumbled.

He waved a hand at you, gesturing you over as he finally decided on a bottle, then reaching for one of the glasses.

You warily stepped towards him, ensuring you kept a distance between the two of you by pausing a few feet away. When you didn’t come any closer, the Joker glanced back at you in annoyance before closing the space, bottle in one hand, and grabbing for your wrist that still held the used glass you had picked up earlier. His cold touch made you flinch in surprise, but he didn’t seem to notice, lifting your arm up and pouring a generous serving of the amber liquid into the glass in your hand.

Without releasing you, the Joker reached back to the sideboard and poured the same into the other glass before placing the bottle down, picking up the glass and swapping it for the one in your hand. His fingers brushing yours felt oddly intimate and his touch on your wrist now felt scolding hot despite his cool skin.

“Have a seat, doll.” He ordered. Your eyes followed where he now gestured, bewildered as to what was going on and surprised to find he was pointing at his desk.

“Sir, I really think I ought to get back to –“ You started, glancing back to the Joker nervously, but the criminal just widened his eyes at you, daring you to decline the offer. You shut your mouth then, not questioning it any further and instead slowly moving towards the desk, expecting any moment for the Joker to lash out at you for misunderstanding his orders. But he remained silent, his eyes on your back as you approached the large wingback office chair, the blues-like music still playing from the record machine.

You glanced back at the Joker one last time - only just stopping yourself from flinching when you noticed he was only a couple of foot away, having not realised he had even been following you – before you gingerly perched on the edge of the seat.

The Joker arched an eyebrow at you and you got the message, shuffling deeper into the chair until you were pressed upright against the backrest.

You were glad that the Joker seemed to find you amusing rather than irritating and watched anxiously as he now moved in front of you, pushing himself agilely onto the desk and crossing his legs like a child.  

“Cheers, kitten.” He toasted, leaning down to clink the glass you held numbly in your hands before he then proceeded to toss back the whole thing.  

You hesitated - still completely bewildered by what was going on and not sure what you were expected to do – but then the Joker caught your eye and you took a cautious sip from the drink.

He laughed at the face you made as the strong alcohol stung your throat. “Oh, come on, doll, you’re Irish - surely you can do better than that?” He grinned, his eyes alive and dazzling.

You let a scowl flicker across your face, but you knew the Joker was unlikely to let it go, so, against your better judgement, you tilted your head back and swallowed the rest of the glass. You coughed slightly at the repeated burn in your throat and felt the warmth settle in your stomach.

The Joker grinned at your obedience, then reached back and you realised he had brought the bottle with him, soon refilling his glass, then going to do the same to yours.

“Oh – uh - no thank you.” You said quickly, moving the glass away from him, hugging it in towards your body. “Sir.” You added, remembering yourself. “I shouldn’t.” You shouldn’t even have had the first one, but you were kind of glad you had – the warmth of the alcohol having renewed your energy somewhat - if only for a moment.

“There are lots of things you shouldn’t do, kitten.” The Joker purred suggestively, not taking no for an answer and leaning down towards you with the bottle. “And by the look of ya, you need something to keep you on your feet.” You were suddenly aware of how he seemed to tower over from his position on the desk and you could feel your body reacting to his close proximity.

He was right though, already the numbing effect of the drink was wearing off and you wanted nothing more than to relax back into the chair and close your eyes.

“I should actually be getting back to work.” You said quickly, avoiding the bottle again and hastily leaning forward to put the glass on the desk before you got up - not factoring in that this would bring your face dangerously close to the Joker who was already leaning in to you. You felt your hair brush against his cheek and you immediately reeled back, releasing the glass - luckily having been close enough to the desk for it to land safely.

“Excuse me.” You mumbled, your face bright red and now moving to flee from the chair.

Suddenly the Joker’s feet were on either side of you on the chair, creating a barrier with his legs so you were trapped, the only way to escape now was to awkwardly duck under them.

“No apology necessary, kitten.” He grinned down at you. “But what’s the rush?”

You had frozen at his sudden movement to stop you and your eyes now flashed up to his, seeing the mischievous twinkle in his eye, then dropped back to your lap again. “I – uh – have my job to complete, sir.” You stuttered out.

“Not tonight, dolly.” He tutted at you, shaking his head. “You’re taking a night off - on the condition you spend it with me.” He added, and you felt yourself stiffen, your cheeks burning red.

“No. Sir, I can’t – I –“ You stuttered, searching for a coherent thought in your panicky mind.

“I’m not forcing you to sleep with me, doll.” He said, having seen where your mind had immediately gone. “Just entertain me.” He with a shrug as if it was simple.

“Sir, I’m not sure I understand.” You mumbled, glancing up at him, confused what he was asking.

He leant back, running a hand through his hair, a few strands falling over his face as they escaped through his fingers. “Drop the sir, kitten, it’s like nail on chalk in my head.” He growled, his face contorting into a painful grimace. You nodded numbly, not sure what else to do. The Joker then reached for the bottle of whiskey again, pouring another serving into your glass sat by his thigh, then pouring the same into his once again. “And you can have another drink.” He said insisted, handing your glass back to you.

You took it warily, staring down into the contents. What was happening right now? Were you actually taking the night off – with the Joker?

“Doll.” You snapped your head up once more. “Relax.” The Joker growled, and, despite the roughness in his voice, the request was almost gently.

You swallowed apprehensively, then tossed back the drink again. The Joker grinned at your action, copying it with his own drink.

You felt the buzz of yet another shot of strong whiskey burn through your system, your whole body feeling almost lighter now. The Joker continued to ply you with drinks, some of which you sipped at, others which you threw back.

The conversation between the two of you started off stunted and awkward, but as the drinks continued you found yourself slowly relaxing more and opening up, your answers becoming more detailed as the Joker continued to ask you questions about your life - apparently this was what he meant by you ‘entertaining him’.

You had now long forgotten about your job, long stopped worrying if you were somehow being paid to sit and chat with the criminal, long stopped caring that your accent was plain and clear and your attitude barely curbed, your mind was happily burying these worries under a carefree alcoholic cloud. You felt more relaxed than you had in a long time.  

Up to that point, it had mainly been the Joker asking you questions, but now you decided to turn the table.

“Can I ask why you here?” You said, making the most of a pause in his questioning. Your head had begun to feel rather heavy and you rested it on the wing of the chair, eyeing the Joker curiously.

“Now that is a very long story, doll.” He grinned, purposely misunderstanding you.

“No, nah, no.” You slurred, shaking your head heavily, making the world fall out of focus for a moment. “Why are you sat here – with me?” You asked, waving a hand at where he sat, now cross legged again, on the desk.

The Joker seemed amused at the extend of your drunkenness, clearly pleased that his attempt to relax you was working. He doubted you would remember much of this in the morning. “Well, kitten.” The Joker purred gently, sounding as though he was trying to explain something to a four-year-old, “it’s quite simple really,” He hummed, leaning down closer to you. “You told me you worked nights and I wanted to see you again.”

You felt your eyes widen. “You wanted to see me?” You repeated, unconsciously leaning in towards him, your foggy mind not able to comprehend his words.

“Erhmm.” He nodded, his eyes never leaving you, his face now incredibly close.

“Stop it!” You cried with a giggle, reeling backwards and throwing your arm out to either push at him – though he was now too far away – or to shield yourself from him.

“Stop what, kitten?” He grinned devilishly, enjoying the sound of your laughter.

“Stop staring at me like that!”

“Like what?” He pressed teasingly.

“Like – like-“ You stuttered for words.

“’Like, like’” He mimicked you, leaning even closer, “Like what, doll?” He breathed, his eyes melting from their icy shade into pools of a deeper blue. You hadn’t realised you had leaned forward again until his felt the light tickle of his breath fanning across your face making you shiver despite its warmth.

Like you want me, you wanted to say, your lips parting in anticipation, but, even in your drunk mind, something held you back from saying it.

The Joker watched you, his face inches from yours, waiting for an answer, the wicked gleam in his eye telling you he already knew what you were thinking. He suddenly pulled away, sitting back upright once again and somehow leaving you feeling oddly empty and alone, despite how close you still sat.

You followed suit, sitting back again, leaning your head once more on the side of the chair and studying the Joker with a frown.

Did he want you?

Possibly - you had heard from numerous other girls how’d he occasional take a fancy to one of them for a night.

Was that what this was?

Was he trying to make you drunk to make you more agreeable? Did he realise he didn’t need to do that? - That you couldn’t seem to help yourself fantasising about him, drunk or not?

But you’d never let it happen. No. Even if you wanted to - you couldn’t. Sex meant more to you than just pleasure. You didn’t – couldn’t - do one-night stands - especially with your boss - and you certainly didn’t want to be just one in a long line of girls.

You were sobering up pretty quickly now at these thoughts and - with it - your exhaustion was hitting you hard. Even now you could feel the heaviness of your eyelids weighing on you, the warm glow of the room’s lighting not helping.

“I think I ought to be heading home.” You muttered, breaking the silence that had fallen between the two of you and pushing yourself to your feet. You had spent the night with him, surely you could leave? You hesitated for a second once you were up, allowing your head to settle before you stepped forward. You headed for the door in a determinedly straight line, though with every step there seemed to be a lag between the thought from your mind and the movement of your muscles.

Suddenly a cold hand wrapped around your forearm, the resistance yanking you backwards and pulling you off your already shaky balance, causing you to stumble and then fall rather ungracefully over the desk and half land in the Joker’s lap.

The Joker grinned down at you, the realisation of your position was slow to enter your fogged brain, but, when it did, you hastily attempted to push yourself back upright again. The Joker, however, had at some point moved his arms to wrap around your torso, now pinning you to his chest and making it impossible for you to put any space between the two of you.

You squirmed weakly in his grip, cursing your slow, intoxicated mind and trying to fight the effects of the alcohol, but the Joker’s hold only tightened.

“Don’t hurt yourself, doll.” He hummed, and you fell limp, knowing it was hopeless cause. “Do you see how easy it was for me to do that, kitten?” He questioned gently, and you felt like a small, vulnerable child in his arms. He waited for a response and you gave a tiny nod, the back of your head rubbing against his chest. “You see then, why I am hesitant to let you wander home alone at 3am?” You nodded again. “Good.” He praised. “Now, I’m going to let you go.” He muttered, “And you are going to sit back down.” He ordered, a slight growl to his words that warned you against disobeying.

You swallowed nervously and nodded once more. The Joker’s grip on you slacken, but he didn’t remove his arms from around you, forcing you to make the move and pull away from him.

You did as you were told and sat back down on the desk chair again.

“Now, you have two options, doll. We can stay here and keep talking, or we can go to bed.” The Joker offered you, his eyes keen on you for any flicker of your thought process.

The latter option of ‘bed’ sounded the best and most obvious decision, but the ‘we’ part of it made you falter. It both thrilled and scared you.

No. That wasn’t an option.

“Talk.” You mumbled, trying to fight your fatigue.

The Joker eyed you suspiciously, blatantly aware of how exhausted you clearly were. “Fine.” He said, calling your bluff, “Have another drink.” He poured you yet another glass and handed it back to you. You barely registered taking the glass, mechanically sipping at it and startled when you found it was in fact water. You took a larger gulp and the Joker continued his earlier tirade of question.

You were less open now, partly from your sobered mind, but partly because you were just too tired to answer with more than a few words.

When it got to the stage that you were closing your eyes between responses to stave off the ache in your lids, the Joker had finally had enough. “You’re to bed, doll.” He stated matter-of-factly.

Your eyes barely even flickered at this, and you weren’t even sure you were completely conscious - you could have been dreaming this for all you knew.

“I’ll get my stuff.” You mumbled and - in your mind - you were getting to your feet, but instead you remained slumped in the chair, making a pathetic attempt to push yourself upright.

“I’d say not so fast, doll, but I don’t think you’re going anywhere in a hurry.” The Joker grinned teasingly, watching you with crossed arms and making no attempt to stop you.

You mumbled something incoherent to this and the next thing you knew you were in the Joker’s arms, and then being light jolted as you were set on a soft mattress.

The sudden comprehension of what was going on shot you awake.

“No.” You cried out like you had awoken from a bad dream, flailing your limbs wildly as you tried to scramble out of the bed. Strong hands gripped your wrists pinning them down by your head and, when you then tried to kick out with your legs, you felt a heavy weight on your thighs stopping them too.

“No, no, no...” You whimpered, scrunching your eyes closed, helpless under the weight of the Joker who was restraining you against the mattress.

“Shh, Kitten.” The Joker soothed down at you, probably thinking you were having a bad dream. You bit your lip to shut yourself up, but your limbs were so tense they were shaking, and your heart still beat erratically. “Open your eyes.” You heard him say above you. “Doll.” He growled impatiently when you didn’t obey.

You reluctantly did as he said, finding the Jokers face hovering above yours his arms either side of your face, holding your arms down.

“Now,” He rumbled, “are you going to be still?”

You shook your head, knowing he’d read the lie in any other answer.

You saw his jaw tense in annoyance. “And why not?”

You swallowed. “I- I can’t sleep with you.” You croaked out.

He raised his eyebrows at this. “Didn’t we already go through this, doll.” He snapped touchily, though his face seemed to soften when he saw the distress in your eyes.

He let out a sharp sigh. “I’m not gonna touch you, kitten.” He promised. You glanced at where he held you arms on either side of your head. “Anymore.” He amended with a twist of his lips, humour dancing in his eyes.

You almost had to bite back a smirk.

Could you trust him though?

The Joker seemed to trust you – his grip around your arms vanishing and his weight leaving your body. You pushed yourself upright, noticing the Joker now stood to your left, his back to you.

“I’d – um - still rather not sleep here, sir – uh – J.” You corrected, remembering your previous conversation.

“Why?” He asked, not moving. "Doll.” He growled again in warning when you took too long to respond.

“I - I don’t trust your men.” You confessed. “Th- they make passes at us girls normally - I don’t want to be caught in such a vulnerable state.”

“I’ll lock the door.” He growled darkly, though you could tell the tone wasn’t aimed at you this time.

“You think I don’t know that nearly every one of your men has the ability to pick a lock?” You muttered moodily.

The Joker finally turned to you then and you wondered if you’d pushed the line with your snarky remark. “It is my own room, doll.” He told you coolly. “They would not dare.” You stiffened at this sentence that seemed to hold so much power.

“I can’t kick you out of your own room.” You objected insistently.

“Stop, doll.” He growled tiredly. “You will stay here, and you will sleep.” He ordered. “I have other things I need to attend to, doll,” He growled, already walking toward the door. “The door will be locked. You had better be here when I return.”

You didn’t lie back down until you heard the click of the locking mechanism, then you saw no other choice then to close your eyes and try to sleep.

 tags: @sheldonsherlocktony @jemjem-chan @white-chocolate-mocha-fan

#joker #joker fan fiction #joker x reader #joker x reader fan fiction #fan fiction request #request #whiskey courage #whiskey courage part 2 #thejokersenigma #thejokersenigma fan fiction #thejokersenigma fan fiction request

[purple-spring]

Coming Home - a SH fanfic

Author's Note: This is my follow-up fic to "Tomorrow" (read on Ao3 or Tumblr), an RPF story based on Sprousehart. RPF isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay and understandable! This is something that I wrote in order to speculate, explore and tease out the nuances and dynamics of this relationship. It is obviously fictional, and was not intended to upset or offend. 

To @jandjsalmon, I owe you so much. You were truly the co-pilot for this fic, and for that I am so grateful. The appearance of our beloved Dylan in this fic is my gift to you. Also to @theladylabyrinth for always checking in, reading and cheering me on, thank you. You are a gem. And to everyone who’s messaged me to tell me excited they were read more of my writing - this is for you. I hope you love it.

Summary: Cole had always wanted Lili, even from the very beginning. Now that they're apart for 48 hours, how does he deal? A companion piece to "Tomorrow", from Cole's perspective.

“On that fateful day in the audition room, Lili was more than radiance; she was fire. That day, without knowing it, he'd seen her at her most passionate and determined, and it drew him in. He wanted that fire. He wanted to live in constant proximity of its warmth. No, fuck it - he wanted to burn.”

Fic under the cut, or read on my Ao3. I love hearing from you. If you read it and loved it, come chat to me.

2.15 am.

For the first time in months, Cole couldn’t sleep.

This is fucking ridiculous. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. Having endured bouts of insomnia in the past, he knew the signs of a sleepless night all too well. Tonight was sure to be one of them. He also knew that all attempts to solve it – breathing exercises, meditation, white noise, a glass of warm milk – were bound for failure.

What am I doing wrong here? He’d gone to bed at a reasonable hour, well aware of the hectic schedule he was about to endure in the next 48 hours. He hadn’t opened his laptop, eliminating the temptation to edit his photos or browse Netflix. He should have been able to sleep easily. And yet here he was, awake and alert. He sighed and picked up his phone to scroll through his last few messages.

One from the fashion editor of Hunger magazine. Another one from Dylan (“see you soon fucker” – Cole smiled at that). And lastly, an image from Damon that the photographer needed an honest opinion on.

But maddeningly, nothing else. He checked the time again. Her plane wasn’t due to land for at least another hour. He clicked the lock button on his phone and tossed it over carelessly to the other side of the bed. Her side. It landed with a dull thump. He turned over and looked at the smoothed-over sheet, its emptiness taunting him.

Who was he kidding? He knew exactly why he couldn’t sleep. He reached over and grabbed his phone again, clicked the home button so he could see his lock screen – an image of her amongst the poppies in Antelope Valley, one he had taken himself but hadn’t put up or published online. She was pulling a silly face, her tongue sticking out, managing somehow to look ridiculous and ethereal at the same time. A small smile formed on his lips.

Fuck. I miss you, Lils.

…

They were going to be apart for only a little over 24 hours. Lili was leaving for New York a day earlier for some other media commitments, and Cole was going to follow after to film the Tonight Show segment with her and the rest of the gang. It wasn’t ideal, but he figured he could try and be productive while she was away.

Which worked out in theory, but not so much in practice. Because now he missed her with an intensity that overruled any sort of attempt at productivity. After many months together, he was just used to having her around - her presence, her laughter, heck, even her smell (a heady mix of mint and amber). In the time that had passed since they returned to Vancouver for Season 2 filming, they’d barely spent a day apart. In fact, ever since they met (at least officially) when they were cast for the show, he had made every effort to see her and to be with her.

Cole first noticed Lili during one of the audition rounds for Riverdale. She was pretty - that much was obvious. At 23 years of age, however, having already been in show business for nearly as long as he’d been alive, he was used to pretty. He was constantly surrounded by it. The trick, he'd soon learn, was knowing how to distinguish pretty from interesting.

And Lili was interesting. He picked up on it moments after he walked into the audition waiting room, when every head swiveled around to gawk at him. Except for hers. Having been accustomed to being stared at and photographed without his consent, it intrigued him. She was sitting on the ground with her head down, her earphones plugged in and her script out on her lap, completely oblivious to the quiet storm of whispers that had erupted after his arrival (“Dude, that’s the guy from Suite Life.” “You sure? I thought that guy was broke and working at a restaurant.” “That was his twin, dumbass”). He decided to sit on the ground across from her. Partially to escape the stares. But mostly so he could look at her.

She looked up as he sat down. He quietly corrected his earlier presumption - she wasn’t just pretty; she was luminous, all light and radiance. Her big green eyes disrupted his composure, taking him in as she gave him a small smile of acknowledgement. He knew that he was done for. He had to get this girl’s number.

But she had other plans. Their brief flicker of shared connection fizzled immediately as she lowered her gaze back to her script, clearly not interested in talking. His mouth had been on the verge of starting a conversation, and he quickly closed it, feeling stupid and a little defeated. He resigned himself to reading over his own audition script. Might as well follow her lead.

A woman with a clipboard stepped out into the waiting room. “Lili Reinhart?”

No answer. The woman repeated her call. A few more times, and still no reply. It started to get awkward. A few hopeful actresses turned this way and that, trying to see if they had the fortune of having one less person to compete against.

Earphones, Cole realised with a start. He stuck out his leg and poked the girl’s foot. She looked up, startled, as he motioned for her to take off her earphones. “Hey,” he said as she pulled them out, “are you Lili?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” Lili. He committed her name to memory.

“I think they’re calling you.” She looked up and made eye contact with the clipboard woman, then scrambled to gather her things quickly as she realised that she’d been called up.

“Shit. Thanks for that.” She shot him a grateful look before standing up. “You’re auditioning, too?”

It struck Cole that she actually had no idea who she was. And it exhilarated him. He was a blank canvas to this Lili. He could be anyone to her. He could be himself.

“Uh, yeah.” He flashed her what he hoped was a charming smile.

“Cool. Best of luck.” She grinned in return, then turned to another guy who was sitting on the floor, also with his earphones plugged in. Cole hadn't even noticed him. Lili nudged him with her knee. “Hey, Iz.”

The guy pulled out his earphones. “Yeah?”

“I just got called in.” Lili beamed nervously. “I'll catch you later, okay? Let me know how you go?”

“Sure thing. Go kill ‘em, Lils.” Cole narrowed his eyes. Lils. The guy knew her on a nickname basis. Who the hell was this dude, anyway? He felt oddly territorial.

“Thanks. Oh, and can you please send me that picture you took of me earlier?” The guy nodded. Cole looked at him and sized him up. This ‘Iz’ didn't even have a decent camera. Whatever photo he took of Lili, Cole was betting he could take another one that was a million times better. He quietly resolved that if he's he ever met her again, he would.

Soon, another woman with a clipboard appeared and called out his name. “Cole Sprouse?” The entire room buzzed with curiosity, and quickly hushed as he stood up, making an effort to contain themselves. Cole rolled his eyes at the attempt at cool detachment. He picked up his backpack and packed his script inside.

“Hey, you're Cole?” Lili’s friend smiled up at him, and offered a handshake. Cole took it firmly. “I'm Israel. I'd say good luck, but you know, we're probably going for the same role.”

Cole laughed at that. “Hey, thanks anyway, man.” He felt a little less proprietorial. The guy was here to try out for a role, not to be a potential boyfriend. Jesus. Relax, Cole. They exchanged final pleasantries before Cole went in for his audition.

Later on, pleased and confident at how it went, he stepped back out into the waiting room riding on a high. It was then that he realised that Lili was most likely gone. He looked around, searching for her face, with no luck.

Shit. He was disappointed. He was really hoping to run into her. Maybe even take her out that very afternoon.

Strangely enough, however, he didn't feel completely hopeless. He couldn't explain it at the time, but he had a sense that he'd see her again. Some inkling of fate, or kismet. Many months later, after the cast was finalised and they were doing their first rounds of publicity, it was a conversation with Camila that clarified for him why he was so certain that their paths would cross over again.

“I mean, you were there. Didn't you pick it?” Camila said. “I knew it straightaway - THAT girl was going to be Betty. Hundred percent. You just knew it from looking at her.”

And that was precisely it. On that fateful day in the audition room, Lili was more than radiance; she was fire. That day, without knowing it, he'd seen her at her most passionate and determined, and it drew him in. He wanted that fire. He wanted to live in constant proximity of its warmth. No, fuck it - he wanted to burn.

They would meet again when Roberto called them both in for a chemistry read. She found it hilarious and embarrassing that she had no idea who he was. He, in turn, was bewildered at how quickly he fell, how swiftly he would arrive at the conclusion that he needed (not just wanted – needed) her in his life.

Cole wasted no time pursuing her. They exchanged numbers that day, and he called her later that night. They hung up at 2 am.

The rest, as they say, was history.

…

Cole checked the time again. He decided to wait until he was sure that Lili’s plane had touched down, then he would try to call her.

This is bordering on unhinged, he thought to himself, shaking his head. After all, he'd literally packed her away into her Uber just HOURS before, bending down to kiss her goodbye through the open window, lingering a little too long until her driver rudely interrupted them, yelling, “She's got a flight to catch, lover boy!” Right after she left, he texted Lili, joking that she should give the guy a bad review.

She texted back. Well he did have a point, my friend.

He replied immediately. So did I. I was making it known through the window.

Touché. Point taken. Remind me to give you a rebuttal next time.

Cole loved that. He lived for their banter. He found it incredibly sexy that she could keep up with him, serving barbs and wit as easily as he could. He liked making her laugh, but for some reason, he especially loved it when she would tell him point-blank when he wasn’t being funny. He found something attractive in that naked honesty, her ability to give it to him straight rather than resorting to cheap flattery. It was one of a million different reasons why he loved her.

It still unnerved him how it could have all slipped away so easily. After introducing her to his inner circle, including his brother, he thought they were a done deal. Cole thought his feelings were pretty obvious - he wasn’t seeing anyone else, he spent all his spare time with her and he had introduced her to everyone that mattered in his life. So when she started distancing herself from him, he was alarmed. It took a fateful Baz Luhrmann movie marathon at Debby’s place (and some awesome overnight spooning) to break the tension open, as she unexpectedly confronted him, asking him what he felt for her.

Cole remembered being utterly confused at the time, shocked that she hadn’t picked up on his intentions. He couldn’t think of any words that didn’t sound maudlin or cheap to his ears, so he went right ahead and kissed her. He still remembered every bit of it – her hands at his chest and his neck, his teeth catching on her lip, her breath fast and warm. They had kissed countless times since then, but that was the one he committed most immediately to memory. Not because of the quality of the kiss (which, admittedly, was top-notch), but because it let loose a wild river in him – a savage torrent of thought and emotion that made him want to protect her, dream with her, wake up to her, travel with her, do dumb stuff with her, make love to her. The depth and suddenness of it all startled him, but at the same time he wasn’t completely surprised, because she was Lili, and she was pretty fucking amazing.

Things progressed fairly quickly from then on, and the cast and crew of Riverdale caught on soon enough. It was after a casual comment from Skeet on set (“Cole, where's Lili? Didn't you drive in together this morning?”) that they realised that they had to have The Conversation. The one they’d both been dreading ever since Riverdale was picked up for a second season.

As fun as Riverdale was, they both knew that the rowdy, camp-like atmosphere of the set merely disguised the reality that it was a job for both of them. They were working, and thus, they were co-workers. It was clear to them (to her, in particular) that they needed some personal and professional boundaries if they were going to go forward and co-exist as both lovers and work colleagues.

They were sitting in the backseat of his Jeep, parked just outside of Squamish, his head in her lap, her fingers trailing lazily through his hair. “So, do you think we have to sit everyone down and tell them?” Lili asked.

“Lili, can I be honest with you? Everyone already knows.”

Her face registered surprise. “Wait, so you're telling me Skeet wasn’t just cluelessly making assumptions? Everyone knows knows?” He nodded and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you tell them?”

“No! It’s just like, one of those unspoken things that everyone’s just… assumed.”

“Oh, my god. How do you know this?”

He was quiet for a while. “Cole?” she pressed.

“Okay. People… have asked.”

“They’ve asked? Why haven’t they been asking me?”

“Because they know you’ll be you, and that you’ll be all coy, whereas I on the other hand - and you know this - will basically tell you anything that you ask me.”

“That’s true. You have a terrible poker face.”

“Okay, I know we’re having a serious conversation here, but allow me to digress because honour demands that I defend my name. I’ll have you know that while the saying itself is true of me – ‘cause you’re right, I can’t lie for shit – I happen to be an excellent poker player. Ask Dylan.”

“I have, and he says you’re shocking.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. HOW in the name of fraternal betrayal did you two even have that conversation?”

She giggled. “Totally beside the point. Look, can we focus on the issue here please?” She cupped his face with her hand, looking straight into his eyes. “I’m just worried, Cole. This is a big deal for me, you know. Not just Riverdale, but you. Especially you.”

He smiled at her, teasing. “I’m a big deal, huh?”

She flicked his cheek. “I think you know that.”

“Would I be asking if I did?” She rolled her eyes. He poked her chin playfully. “Come on, tell me how I'm a big deal.”

She bent down to kissed him. “You're annoying, you know that?”

“Oh, without a doubt.”

“But fine. I'll indulge you anyway. You…” She paused to think. “You're a big deal because… well, you're you, Cole.”

He sat up and feigned offense. “OH MY GOD, I knew it. Are you dating me because of my fame?”

“Can you shut up? I mean, you're…YOU. You're intelligent and funny and talented, and yeah okay, pretty damn good-looking-” He made a silly face, and she laughed. “And you're a good guy. You're a good man. And it's all just a little bit overwhelming.”

“What, for you?”

“Yeah, for me.”

“Lili, no offense, but you're an idiot. Honestly, if we weren't dating, I'd be the guy telling you to date someone else. Like, I don't know, KJ.”

“KJ!” Lili burst out laughing.

“Hey, I'm still convinced he was crushing on you at auditions.”

“Yes, you've told me. Like a million times. And that is a hill you are going to die on alone, pal.”

“Hey, whatever. You know I'm right. But… how could you even be overwhelmed? That's like… that's like the sun saying, ‘Oh look, I know I'm the centre of the galaxy and all, but I'm just a little star.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Okay, maybe that's a bad example, because our sun is actually a comparatively small star in the universe. Point is, you're a babe, Lils. You're beautiful, and insanely talented, and smart, and you're a badass. You're fucking pure --”

“Oh-hooo. ‘Pure’, huh? Is someone forgetting what happened last night?”

“Lils, no-one will ever forget what happened last night. No-one in the history of mankind will ever forget what happened last night. I - wait, what the fuck was my point?”

She laughed. “I don't even remember.”

He laughed too. “Hey. C’mere.” He pulled her at the collar and drew her in for a kiss. When he pulled away to look at her, he brushed a lock of hair away from her face and held his hand there. “This is good, you know? What we have.”

“I know. Completely agree.”

“So… I don't know, I'm not super keen on the idea of hiding it away, or making a big deal out of making it, quote-unquote, official.” He shrugged. “We don't have to do anything. We're just us. Me and you. I think we're perfectly capable of doing our jobs right without letting this interfere. And… if people find out, they find out.”

“Okay, and if it goes public…?”

“Then it goes public. Who cares? I mean, I'm never commenting on it. Are you? I mean, did you want to?”

“God, no.”

“So there you go.” He gave her jawline a soft kiss. “Let's just do this, you know? Be you, be me. Be us. If everyone else finds out, we’ll deal with it together. But otherwise, let the chips fall where they may.”

She looked him square in the eye. “Did you just make a Fight Club reference? In the middle of our moment?”

“Yes, because godddamn I love that movie.” Mentally, he also took note of the fact that she knew Fight Club quotes right off the bat, and it was incredibly sexy.

She laughed softly. “Alright then, Cole Mitchell Sprouse.”

“Alright to what?”

“To all of that. To us.” She smiled and kissed him. “Let's do this.”

…

Cole thought back to that conversation with fondness as he got out of bed and made his way to the couch, having forsworn sleep for the night. I am seriously fucked for New York. He swore as he stumbled and tripped over one of her strappy heels in the dark, then smiled to himself when he remembered the simple, early joys of their relationship – finding out that Lili was actually the messier one and had a habit of leaving her shoes everywhere (one time, he found one under his pillow), sneaking quick kisses around the set, walking around Vancouver hand-in-hand at midnight, when they had the least chances of being spotted.

It was a more innocent, uncomplicated time. Then Comic Con happened.

They hadn’t intended to out themselves. But at the same time, their relationship was becoming a reality that was getting harder to deny outside of their immediate circle. Neither of them was really thinking that night, and sure, he could have blamed the alcohol, but really, they just forgot to switch off the normalcy of their relationship. So when she was cold, he gave her his jacket. When they were standing together, he’d hold her hand. When he felt like it, he kissed her. When they were climbing into their car, he held onto her waist protectively.

It was Lili who got the message first. Cole felt her stir awake the next morning, which he thought strange, since she was usually the heavier sleeper. He snuggled into her back and threw his arm around her waist, his lips on the back of her neck. “What time is it?” he whispered groggily.

“Cole.”

It was the heavy, even tone of her voice that alerted him to the fact that something was wrong. His eyes opened and he turned to look at her. She handed him her phone without a word. It was text from their friend, Mad Hill.

“Just a heads up – last night was packed with EW staff, including a friend of mine who was asking some… interesting questions. Can’t say for sure what’ll happen, but I’d keep a low profile today. Missing you two already Xx”

Cole looked over at Lili, who looked rigid with panic. “Entertainment Weekly, Cole,” she said.

“Oh. Is that what EW stands for?” Lame joke. Terrible. Not the time.

“Cole, be serious.”

“Lils, I'm sure it's fine.”

“How do you know it's fine?”

“I don’t know, I just --”

Her phone rang. She looked at the screen and groaned. “Jeff. Fuck.” Her publicist. She threw her phone onto the bed and covered her face with a pillow. Cole looked at her for a moment, deciding she was in no state to take the call. He retrieved her phone from the sheets and answered it for her as she burrowed miserably under the covers. “Hey, Jeff, Cole here -- ah, not right now, no -- yeah we kinda heard, actually -- sure -- right -- actually, uh, is it okay if she gets back to you? -- appreciate it, man -- yeah, you too. Bye.”

Lili uncovered her face and looked at him. “What'd he say?”

“Do you want the good version or the bad version?”

She sat upright. “Bad version. Give it to me.”

“EW is doing a write-up. On us. On last night. They've already contacted Jeff for comment.” Lili closed her eyes in frustration. “He's calling to ask what you wanted him to say.”

Before Lili could react, Cole’s phone buzzed as well - a message. “It's Henry,” he said. His publicist.

“And?”

He opened the message and scanned over it quickly. “Same thing. EW got in touch with him. And People. And a bunch of other outlets.”

They were both quiet as they digested the news - Lili in paralysed alarm, Cole in resignation. It felt surreal to him to have only been asleep in bed with her moments ago, blissfully unaware of the storm gathering around them. And now, their bubble had burst, and the world was starting to spill in.

“What are we going to do, Cole?”

She sighed heavily. He took her hands in his and brought her knuckles to his lips. “Lili. Look at me.”

She raised her head, and he was startled to see tears pooling in her eyes. He had the makings of a well-crafted speech about how none of this mattered, that they would just have to lie low until it blew over, but all of that dissolved on his tongue. It broke something in him to see her this vulnerable. Of course he’d seen Lili cry before, but this was different. Because he was culpable. He was implicated in those tears. Somewhere along the line, his presence in her life had contributed to them. And knowing that invoked both a fierceness and a tenderness in him. In seeing her vulnerability, he saw his own. And it was all tied up in her.

He realized then and there that he couldn’t just give her the verbal equivalent of a shrug. And that there was nothing he would have taken back from last night. Because it was real, all of it. That night, he didn’t want to leave her side, and he couldn't care less whether anyone else noticed. And he knew that he’d said that before - that he didn't care what was said about them - but this time, faced with the possibility of being publicly touted as a couple, he realised that he actually meant it.

He was silent for many moments. Lili looked at him expectantly. At last, he found the words. Of at least the word. And it wasn’t what either of them was expecting.

“Canoodling.”                        

If tears could be retracted, Lili’s would have rolled right back. “I’m... sorry?”

“I’m telling my publicist to use that word. Or to tell someone to use it. When they're describing… well, us. Might as well laugh about it, right? Take ownership of the narrative and all that shit.”

“‘Canoodling’, what the fuck?” Soon Lili was caught between laughing and sniffling back her tears. He'd never been so relieved to hear her laughter. “Cole, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that… maybe it’s time.” He heard Lili’s soft, sudden intake of breath. “Maybe I'm okay with people knowing.”

“Are you--”

“Only if it's fine with you,” he added hurriedly.

Lili reached out and traced his eyebrow. “I mean, yeah, but… Cole, we said we wouldn’t talk about this. At least not in public.”

“I'm not saying we're talking. I'm saying that I'm okay with people knowing. There’s a difference.” He sighed. “If people say that they saw us last night, I can’t get mad at that. I was with you. I did kiss you. I canoodled with you.” Lili chortled at that. “And if someone pipes up and says that I did all that with Lili Reinhart… well, shit, I should be so lucky, right?”

Lili smiled. “Damn right, you’re lucky.” She exhaled shakily, seeming to relax.

“Look,” he said. He cradled her face in his hands and brought it close, close enough so that he could feel her breathe. “Either way, I really don’t care. As far as I can tell, nothing changes this. Nothing changes us. So a few more people know - who gives a shit? I'm still me, and you're still you, and this is still ours. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said. And when he finally kissed her, he felt as if her lips were his ballast amidst the craziness they'd just found themselves in. He kissed her with abandon - desperately, hungrily, as if by kissing he could erase her worry, her fear, her panic. He gathered her in his arms and pulled her down until they were tangled in the sheets again, just as they were when he first woke up.

“I love you,” he said, his breath ragged as he pulled away, just briefly, just enough so he could tell her. “So fuck it. Let the whole world know.”                                                        

…

Cole ended up passing out on the couch that night, his phone in his hand. When he woke up and checked it, he realised that Lili had tried to FaceTime him. He knew there was no point in calling back – she’d already be getting ready with her style team and had a full day of press engagements ahead of her. He sent her a selfie, adding, “Look where I fell asleep.”

Three dots. She was replying. “Nice.” Then, “I miss you xx”

He groaned. How was he supposed to respond to that, when he literally could not sleep without her? He typed a few joke messages into the text box, just to mess around. “I miss you too and I’m pretty sure that re-triggered my insomnia.” “Yeah so I found out that I actually can’t sleep unless your foot does that annoying thing where it’s freezing and tries to steal my body warmth, so thanks.” “I have no idea how sleep works without you anymore, send help?”

He kept typing and deleting each one. After a while, she texted again. “Wtf are you typing, an essay?”

Cole laughed to himself. Never mind. “Nothing, just messing around.” Then, “I fkn miss you babe xx”

By the time he flew into New York, he was desperate to see her. He took the red-eye from Vancouver and arrived in the early hours of the morning, excited to wake her up, annoy her, hold her and fall back asleep. So when he arrived at the hotel and was told that he’d be rooming with KJ (apparently the girls needed adjoining suites for their teams to help them get ready together), it took considerable energy not to explode. He knew it was completely fair – after all, this trip was on the Riverdale account, and they shouldn’t have to accommodate him and Lili. Still, not seeing her rankled him, and when he walked into his suite, he gruffly ignored KJ, who was happily munching on room service fries. He plonked himself in bed, eventually settling into a fitful, oft-disturbed sleep.

The following day passed by in a blur. He met up and hung out with Dylan, which helped lift his mood, and texted Lili throughout the day, and before he knew it, he was due back at NBC Studios to get ready for the show.

Backstage at the Tonight Show was a brilliant mess, and it briefly reminded him of why he enjoyed working in television. The Roots, hip-hop legends and the Tonight Show’s house band, were ruling the roost like kings, while the Cyrus family and their entourage made him momentarily nostalgic for his Disney days. If he hadn't been so sullen, he probably would have enjoyed it a little bit more. Instead, he spent most of the time sitting in companionable silence with KJ, occasionally ducking out for a smoke with Dylan, and wondering when Lili would arrive.

By 3.30 PM, Cole was in a mild panic, wondering why he couldn't find her anywhere. The usual call time for guests of the show was 3.15 PM, and he still hadn't spotted her. At one point he saw Madelaine rushing past, which meant the girls had arrived. When he tried to talk to her, however, she blurted out, “Can't! I'm looking for my shoes!”

A crew member soon appeared at his side to usher him quickly to the green room to film a web exclusive for the Tonight Show. He was so tired and churlish that he barely had time to react when he walked into the room and finally, finally saw Lili - a vision in red and black - talking animatedly with Dylan.

The room felt drained of air and charged with pure voltage. He felt energy coursing through his body as he fought off every urge to scoop her up in his arms, kiss her senseless and carry her off and out of the studio. He began to approach her, but was quickly overtaken by one of the stage managers, who clapped his hands together to get their attention.

“Right, do we have everyone here? Okay, so Lili, we need you to hold these cards and read the descriptions out - the rest of you just need to pick the person that each description applies to.” The cast nodded along. “Smile, interact with each other, and most importantly, have fun! Alright? Okay, can we have everyone sitting on the couch, please?”

Cole grabbed Lili’s hand, perhaps a little roughly, as she made her way to the couch. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she said, her eyes registering surprise at the sudden, desperate devotion of the gesture. She gave him a questioning look. “You okay?”

“Okay, Riverdale cast, places!”

Cole groaned inwardly and took a spot next to Lili on the end of the couch.  He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “You think they'll notice if you and I just took off?”

She giggled, then gave him a stern look. “You know, Cole, I think they might,” she replied in mock seriousness. “But then again, you could probably argue that the commercials stated that the CAST of Riverdale would be on. They never actually mentioned WHICH members of the cast. So technically, if we're talking legal obligation…”

He shook his head, grumpy and glowering. “Don't tempt me.” Lili gave him a sympathetic look and kissed him lightly on the cheek. He looked up and saw Dylan behind the film crew, who grinned at the two of them and mouthed one word silently at his twin: “whipped.” Cole sneered at him.

The web exclusive was filmed quickly, with Cole switching seamlessly into professional mode. At one point, he propped himself up on the arm of the couch and Lili casually rested her arm on his leg, all too aware of his peevish mood. After her extended absence, the small gesture steadied and reassured Cole.

“Alright, cut! Thanks, guys.”

Lili stood up, but Cole was quick; he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in to hug her, burying his face in her stomach. She was surprised, but brought her hand up to run her fingers gently through his hair. “Hey, stranger,” she said. “You okay there?”

Cole mumbled something unintelligible.

“Leave him, he’s being a fucking baby, Lils,” Dylan called out from across the room. KJ laughed. Lili rolled her eyes at them while Cole gave them the finger, his head still burrowed into her waist.

Lili gave his head one last affectionate ruffle before disentangling herself to rush off for final touch-ups. Cole saw her once more, briefly, just before the show began, when she came over to catch up with Dylan. As annoyed as he was that they couldn't be alone, it filled him with quiet pride that he had a girlfriend that his brother not only approved of, but got along with.

As filming began, so too did Cole’s internal countdown - he had mere hours left before he had her all to himself. He was far too tired, far too gone to bring himself to care about how his ardor made him look. At one point during a commercial break, she looked over to him with a small, flirtatious smile playing on her lips, and he couldn't help it - he casually sauntered over, pulling her into his arms as she leaned into his embrace. He tucked his head against hers and kissed the hollow of her temple. She tilted her head up to whisper something to him.

“Cole?”

“Mmm.”

“You smell good.”

“Thanks. It's my natural musk.”

Lili chuckled. The stage manager began the countdown to their next shot. He hesitatingly began to let go, but she held on for a fraction longer.

“Cole?”

“Yes?”

A brief pause. “I'm hungry.”

Cole burst out laughing. “Just a little longer, babe,” he muttered into her cheek, before letting go. It was for her as much as it was for him. He willed himself to patience as they prepared for their last interview.

…

Dylan sat on one end of the green room couch as Cole packed his stuff up. KJ was elsewhere backstage, and given that they barely saw each other, Cole was grateful to have a few quiet moments with his brother.

Dylan was scrolling mindlessly through his phone when he piped up. “Cole.”

“Yeah.”

He put his phone down. “So… this is going to sound a bit lame and, you know, mawkish, but…” He cleared his throat. This was weird for both of them. “You really love Lili, don’t you?”

Cole scoffed. It felt trivial to say yes. He looked at Dylan, who understood.

“So… are you going to do anything about it?”

“What do you mean, am I gonna do anything about it?”

“Well… you know,” Dylan looked at him, a little surprised that he didn't catch his drift. “You were kind of a mess without her earlier.”

“I was?”

Dylan laughed. “KJ asked me if you were on your period.”

“How original.”

“I told him no, but then again I've heard that being on the pill can be a real bitch, so as the male twin I've learned to steer clear.”

Cole guffawed, then aimed a crumpled piece of paper at Dylan’s head. He missed. “Shit aim, baby brother,” Dylan gloated.

“Yeah, well I was blinded by the light bouncing of your flowing golden tresses.”

“Don't be jealous now.”

“I’m sorry, but did Seventeen magazine call your hair ‘a thing of beauty’? I think not.”

“Ha! Lils actually sent me that article.”

“I remember. The two of you feasted on that in the group chat for days.”

They both laughed and fell quiet. The kind of quiet that only twin brothers could share. Dylan looked over at Cole. “I’m crazy about her, Dyl.”

“Yeah, I know. I can tell. She’s pretty great.”

“She’s the best.”

“And so this is what I’m saying.” Dylan stood and pulled up a chair closer to Cole. Cole called this his Alpha Brother move. Whenever it came out to play, it meant that Dylan was about to hand down some serious advice.

“Really? You’re going Alpha Brother?”

“Yeah, I’m going Alpha Brother. But I’ll make it quick.” Dylan ran his hand through hair and looked directly at his twin. “Do not. Fuck. This. Up.”

Cole rolled his eyes. “Jesus. Thanks for the vote of confidence, man.”

“No. I mean, for you. Don't fuck this up for yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

Dylan cocked an eyebrow at his brother. “What are you like without her, Cole?”

Cole thought of the previous two nights. The lack of sleep. The prickling anxiety. The inexplicable ache. “Pretty fucking sad, I'll admit.”

“Yeah. I believe I got a text message 3 am Vancouver time asking me what my favourite cereal was.”

“Well, in fairness, I had to know. Is it still Frosted Flakes? Or have you now been converted to Honey Nut Cheerios? Actually, you never replied to me.”

“I thought you were drunk, to be honest.”

“Nah, just embarrassingly miserable.”

“And what about Lili?”

“What about her?”

“Well, does she know what you're like? And what's she like when you leave? You're like the enfant terrible of the fashion world now, how does she feel when you have to go?”

Cole opened his mouth to reply, then halted himself. He wasn’t sure that they ever had a real conversation about it. Lili is super chill though, he thought to himself. They had a routine: she was usually in bed when he left, he'd text her when he landed, and she was happy to see him when he came back. She usually left him to his own devices during shoots, preferring to give him space to focus on his work. And he loved her for that.

But he did wonder sometimes what it was like for her. To say goodbye to him so often, when they were the closest thing to family for each other in Vancouver. A jarring image suddenly flashed through his mind of Lili alone at the apartment, doing exactly what he did 24 hours before: refusing to sleep in the bed, choosing the couch over the mocking emptiness of his side. His heart twinged at the thought of her leaning her head on the throw pillows, waiting for a text message, falling asleep, then waking up to no-one.

“Cole? You're kind of leaving me hanging here.”

Dylan’s voice snapped Cole out of his thoughts. He glanced at his brother. “I mean, she knows it's my job,” he began. “But… to be honest, I haven't really asked her.”

“Well, can I be frank with you? You sure as shit need to start asking her soon. Because if she's even half as bad as you are when she's not within arm’s reach, I'd say that this is the real deal for both of you, and in that case, you have some serious thinking to do.”

“What the hell? Are you telling me to propose?”

“Dude, no! I'm just saying, what were you planning on doing after Vancouver? After Riverdale? Do you still want her in your life?”

“Yeah, I do,” he replied firmly. He had never been so sure of anything in his life.

“Then do yourself a favour and start acting like you want to make it happen. Don't let yourselves just figure it out and wing it along the way. Because this thing that you two have? It's... epic.”

Cole looked down at his hands, turning this over in his mind.

“Look, I know you're smart enough that you won't let this go. You're way too happy for that.”

“I am.”

“What I'm saying is, make it tangible. Start imagining it beyond the confines of your little bubble, beyond tomorrow.” Dylan leaned forward in his seat. “Start making it real, Cole.”

Cole was silent. His brother sat back in the chair, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don't know, does any of that make sense?”

A million images were flashing through Cole’s mind. Lili at the audition, her earphones plugged in. On the balcony of Debby’s place, watching the sunset, laughing with him. On the Riverdale set, her eyes steely and focused and avoiding his, right before their first onscreen kiss. In his Jeep, her arm hanging out of the window, her hand making waves in the wind. At Coachella, dancing freely and without a care in the world. In Antelope Valley, among the poppies. In the morning, asleep in his arms.

“Yeah,” he said finally, smiling. “It does.”

...

Cole was standing outside the girls’ dressing room. Camila and Madelaine had already gone ahead to eat, and Lili was the last to get cleaned up. He stepped in just as she slipped her jacket on. She perked up when she saw him. “Hey,” she said, smiling as they made eye contact through the mirror.

“Hey,” he said, standing a little away from her, looking at her reflection in wistful marvel. As beautiful as she was earlier, this was his favourite Lili – casual, freshly scrubbed, unadorned, purely her. “You got a second?”

Lili turned around. “Always.” She tugged playfully on the front of his shirt to pull him closer. “But first –“ She tilted her head up, smiling, and pulled him down for a swift, sweet kiss. “Okay, now I’m good. What’s up?”

He seated himself on one of the bar stools in the room. In his head, he could hear Dylan’s voice. Start making it real, Cole. He took a deep breath. “So, uh, I’m not sure if you were fully aware of this, but… I was sort of fucked up these past 48 hours or so.”

“Really, now?” Lili smiled mischievously, wanting him to elaborate. “And what did those 48 hours happen to coincide with?”

“Well, obviously, you were away. I was a mess without you.”

“Aw, I know. I missed you, too, Cole.”

“No, you don't understand. This wasn’t just… that.” He shook his head. “Look, I’m just gonna be real vulnerable here, okay? I was actually pretty anxious while you were gone.”

Lili’s eyes immediately filled with concern. “You were?”

“I couldn’t sleep, Lils.” He rubbed his eyes. He was just starting to realise how exhausted he still was. “That first night, my body literally just folded from exhaustion after staying up all night. I couldn’t fall asleep in bed, because you weren’t there. It just didn’t feel right.”

Lili sighed in sympathy. Her hand reached around and caressed the back of his neck. She always did that when he felt tense. He reached up and intertwined his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips before holding them in his own, tucked firmly against his chest.

“To be honest, it got me thinking. And I’m probably the shittiest boyfriend in the world not to have figured this out sooner, but… while you were gone, I realised that I go away a lot. I’m gone for whole weekends. For shoots and stuff. And of course I miss you then, but I’ve got the work to keep me busy, you know? But, for you…”

“Cole, let me stop you there, okay? You are amazing at what you do. And I love it. Seriously. I never, ever want you to apologize for being away on a shoot, for doing your job. If I've ever indicated otherwise, I'm --”

Cole cut in. “Lils, no. This isn’t about that. I know you support me. Trust me, I know that. But, babe, you gotta be honest with me.” He used his free hand to pull her closer so that she was flush against his body. “How I felt when you were away, what it was like for me... is that… does that bear any resemblance to what it’s like for you when I’m gone?”

“Cole, I –“

“Just… please?”

Lili sighed. She was silent for a few moments, as if she was weighing something in her mind. “Okay. You know those nights when I’m basically texting you a play-by-play of whatever shitty movie I’m watching?”

“Yeah? By the way, your in-depth analysis of Dirty Grandpa was a thing of beauty.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me,” she said, laughing. “Yeah, well, it's not just my attempt at being Roger Ebert. It’s my way of keeping you around without… you know, being all clingy and sad.”

Cole nodded. It made sense. Still, his heart clenched at the image – the TV’s neon blare reflecting off Lili’s face as she watched one terrible movie after another, clutching sleepily at her phone, just like he did, waiting for him to call.

She continued. “Look, Cole, really… I’m fine. Honestly. I just… I don’t want you to feel like you’ve got this tragic figure waiting for you back in Vancouver, you know? I want you to be free to pursue your passion, because it’s one of the things I love about you. But obviously, sometimes…” she trailed off.

“Sometimes…?”

She tangled her fingers in his hair, one hand playing with his stubborn forelock. “Have you ever read The Alchemist?” she asked.

“Once, ages ago.”

“I loaned it recently from the library. And there’s this part in it, when Santiago – you remember him, right? The protagonist?” Cole nodded. “Well, Santiago meets this woman, Fatima, at a desert oasis, and they fall in love. Only problem is, he's about to go on a quest for his treasure.”

“Because of what a gypsy told him, right?”

“Right. So she’s seen all these women around her losing their men to the desert and she realises that she'll be one of them now. That she's gonna have to stay back and wait as well. And she's amazing. She’s so strong and resilient, but still, she cries. Santiago asks her why. And her reply was this - ‘I am a woman of the desert, but above all, I'm a woman.”

Cole started to interrupt, but Lili stopped him.

“I know you have to go away sometimes, Cole. And I want you to. Your work…” She stopped to take a deep breath. “Do you know that sometimes, when I see your work, I actually get emotional?” Cole smiled at that. “I’m serious. It’s because I know where it's coming from. I know that it comes from a deep place of passion and joy and that it basically saved you from a dark place. So when you go on shoots, you take all of that with you. It feeds you. It energizes you. And so… even though I feel lonely when you go, and I watch awful movies and eat terrible food, it makes me happy. Because it makes you happy.”

“But, Lils,” he interjected. “Can’t you see that I don’t want that? I don’t want a reality where your happiness is an after-effect of mine. I don’t want that damn desert woman metaphor. Or, okay, maybe I want it, but you need to understand that it works both ways. Because I'm not the only one going out to the desert, and you're not the only one waiting. We're both going. We're both waiting. I’ve got my own stuff to chase, but Lils, look at you. You’re on your own ascent. And honestly? I am fucking here for it.”

Lili smiled at that, a little shyly. “Thanks.” She cupped his face in her hands. “So… what? What are we saying here, Cole?”

“What I’m saying is…” He paused and let out a breath. “These last 48 hours have been hellish, but that won’t be the last time that I can’t get to sleep without you. And let’s face it, Dirty Grandpa’s not gonna be your last shitty movie commentary, either.”

Lili laughed at that. “No, it won’t.”

“It’s just how our lives are, you know? We’ll both be coming and going, in and out of Vancouver, all the time. And normally, I’m used to it. I’m a nomad. I’ve lived everywhere and I’ve never been afraid to be alone and unsettled and adrift. But… here’s the thing.” He leaned in, his forehead against hers, their eyes locked into each other’s. “I’ve never felt homesick before. Not until now. Not until you.”

Time stood still as he watched Lili take this in. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Because you’re home to me, Lili.”

He could almost feel it sinking into her, her sharp intake of breath, her eyes misting over. “Look, I honestly don’t know what life will be like for us, post-Riverdale. I can’t promise you anything. All I know is… wherever you are, whether it's Vancouver or LA or New York or fucking Timbuktu, I want to live in that sphere. And wherever my path takes me, I want to know that I can turn right around and follow it back to you.”

Silence. She kept her eyes down. He panicked slightly. Was this all too much for her? “Is that… are you okay with that?”

Lili looked up at him, her green eyes shining with tears, and the resolution of an unspoken vow. She didn’t say anything. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with a passion that left nothing uncertain. I love you, it said, as her lips parted to meet his. I miss you, it uttered, as her teeth caught his lower lip. I want you, it declared, as she broke off - to his dismay - only to have her pull him down to her neck. His breath was rapid on her bared shoulder, his mouth leaving a trail of warmth.

When they finally broke apart, Cole felt emptied - of everything she had taken from him, every ounce of himself that he had promised to her. She smiled up at him, and in that moment he swore that her beauty was a madness he would refuse to recover from. So this is making it real. He smiled back. He was exhilarated. Maybe Alpha Brother was right, after all.

He rubbed her back. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I am,” she replied. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Cole grinned. “I do. I love you, too.” He pulled her in for an embrace. They stayed like that for a while. They could hear the sounds of packing up outside - footsteps hurrying past, people yelling out their goodbyes - but they were in no hurry. Finally, she leaned in to whisper something in his ear.

“Cole?”

“Yep.”

“I'm still hungry.”

He burst out laughing. “We’ll find you something to eat. Did you wanna do anything after? We might have a bit of time before the flight.”

“Nah, I'm good.” Her gaze softened as she looked at him. She pressed one last kiss on his lips. “Let’s go home, Cole.”

…

Ding.

The seatbelt signs were finally switched off. Cole pulled off his headphones and grabbed a blanket to cover himself with - another attempt at sleep.

The first class pods they'd been given for the flight back were an unexpected luxury. But for Cole, they were a necessity. He needed to stretch out so that he could comfortably doze off. As the lights dimmed for the darker portion of the flight, he started the process of willing himself to fall asleep.

Lili was in the pod next to him. Looking at her, his heart was full. Who knew what would come out of the conversation they had earlier? All he knew was that there was a shift in the air between them. Neither of them had any idea what the next year would bring, but he’d at least told her what she now meant to him. And that was a step in the right direction.

He was startled when he looked up and saw that she'd left her seat. He didn't expect to see her when he turned back around. Or for her to yank off his blanket so suddenly (“Hey, my security!” he half-yelled. Camila gave them both a funny look before shrugging and getting back to her magazine). Or to sit herself in his lap, bury her head on his chest, and pull the blanket back over them. He gave her a bemused look.

“Alright. Are we really doing this?”

Lili smirked. “Sure, fuck it. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” He smiled when he recognised the line - it was his. It was from their conversation at Debby’s place, when he first told her how he felt for her.

“Seriously though, Lils, this can't be comfortable for you. I mean, it's a big pod, but how do you expect --”

“Just shut up and close your eyes, Cole.”

He smiled at that. He loved it when she bossed him around. Slowly but surely, he felt his limbs getting heavy and his eyelids drooping with fatigue. Having her there really made all the difference. He relaxed, and soon all the anxiety that had tightened his body earlier was now slowly melting away in her warmth.

His last lucid thought before surrendering to rest was this: right up there in the air, hovering somewhere between New York and Vancouver, he felt at peace. And as he looked down at Lili snoozing in his arms (he envied her ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime so quickly), he knew that it was all because of her. This was all that he needed. She was all that he needed.

They were hours away from any city he had ever lived in, but Cole knew the truth: he was finally home.

#sprousehart #sprousehart fanfiction #sprousehart fanfic #riverdale rpf #coming home #mine

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[youremyonlyhope]

Stranger Things 3

Episode 8. This is it!

It was originally going to be in a post with episode 7 like the rest of the episodes were paired up, but it got too long.

And seriously some people may pretend that Season 2 has only 8 episodes because they hated the Lost Sister so much, but 8 episodes did not feel like enough after 9 last time.

Update: I edited the post on mobile and apparently deleted the cutoff without noticing. So. I really hope for the hour or so it wasn’t there that I didn’t spoil anyone.

…So.

After that opening, I paused. Got up. Shakily walked down the stairs to tell my mom that this was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. I literally watched that opening with my hands half covering the screen. And then I drank a full glass of water and ate some mango. And now I’m back. I broke my rule of not writing while watching in order to write this. Now back to the episode. Ew.

Now that I’ve finished the episode, before I write down my thoughts scene by scene, I want to say. My final verdict is: Exit Wounds.

But let’s go through the moments in the episode first before I get into that. And I lied, I did pause a few times, but only to write a couple words to help jolt my memory later.

Yeah so that opening. Disgusting. But I already wrote what I thought. Hopper and El were holding hands with the little blue hairband around her hand and his thumb. My heart. I love it. Murray’s Russian plan was a good one. I guess Hopper’s was the faster solution though. At this point I wrote down “Family lesbian nerd mom collarless“ And I was basically trying to make a joke. “Sometimes a family can be a mom with great hair, a lesbian sailor, a black girl nerd, and collarless boy.” Or did Steve call Dustin boneless? I can’t remember. But yeah that was my joke. Oh poor El’s powers. I hope she’s ok. AANNNNNDDDD IT’S HERE. Can Terminator Dude just stop. Joyce and Hopper agreed to go on a date. This is important for my Exit Wounds theory that started to kind of form around now. The moment they agreed I was like oh god here we go. I love that they called themselves the Scoops Troop. Very cute. So much anxiety while they tried to run from the Mind Flayer. Steve to the rescue again!!!! It’s not a Stranger Things season if Steve doesn’t swoop in at the last second to save them. Usually from Billy. I think that Dustin and Suzie singing was cute, but also completely random. But it led to another instance of a girl saving the day. Which I love. (Also it was something I was spoiled for since YouTube suggested a video called something like “The meaning behind Dustin and Suzie’s song!” and I was like oh ok so now I’ve been spoiled that she’s real. Cool.) Can Terminator Dude just stop. I wrote down “Terminator wrists visible” when he started fighting Hopper. Because if he is a sibling of Eleven, which I think he is, then he’d have a number tattoo on his wrist. We haven’t really seen his wrists up until now (besides in the hall of mirrors). And I was convinced we were about to get a flash of a “001″ or a “002.” (Wait… if there was a number shown in the mirror and I missed it… I’ll be mad.) I wrote down “Billy sacrifice?” when he picked up El. Especially because he seemed kind of gentle when he transferred her from carrying her fireman style to bridal style. I was wondering if Billy was actually giving El over or if he was about to sacrifice himself to save them. The Billy memory scene was super emotional. And I was glad the fireworks came in handy. Once Hopper and Terminator ended up by the machine, I wrote down “Hopper=Exit Wounds” because I had a bad feeling it was gonna be an Exit Wounds situation. Or I guess more accurately a Reset situation. Joyce and Hopper finally agreed to go on a date, an actual date, and then one (or both) die. I realize now that even though I wrote down Exit Wounds, Reset’s probably more accurate. BUT the Exit Wounds still ends up fitting. We’ll get there. Both Billy and Hopper dying made my eyes get wet. But I didn’t cry. I did not cry. My eyes were just wet. And I was proud of myself at this point. OH THANKS A LOT DR. OWENS. RIGHT ON TIME TO COVER IT ALL UP BUT NOT TO HELP THEM STOP IT. THANKS A LOT. I mean, yeah fine it’s good to have you since this is hard to explain and you’re the one military person they can trust so yeah, thanks, BUT I STILL WISH YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THERE EARLIER. COME ON. I did not cry over Eleven’s reaction either. I literally thought to myself “Oh, if they hold this shot of her starting to cry I’m gonna cry too” then it cut to black. And I was like ok cool I didn’t cry. Ha. Creepy arcade dude now has a job at the video store. Good for him. Look at these three Broadway Babies singing on Stranger Things. Yay. The other thing I’d been spoiled for was El saying I love you back to Mike. Oh well. I could have been spoiled for much worse things.

Now here’s where this becomes Exit Wounds. Message from Hopper from the beyond that he wrote before he died. Just like Tosh. And just like Tosh, it made me shed a tear. But then the full on crying started when I saw Will’s face and he was crying saying goodbye to everyone. Will is my child. If he cries then I cry. And then we got all the kids crying and I was like oh god this hurts and I kept crying. Then Mike hugged his mom like he did in Season 1 after seeing the body and I was like no this throwback hurts (HA. LITTLE DID I KNOW.). Max crying over Billy made me cry more. I didn’t even like Billy but I didn’t want him to die! I’m glad he got some sort of redemption. But I wish it didn’t cost him his life. He deserved better. Then Dustin and Lucas gave Erica all of Will’s D&D books and I just knew they were in the box before they opened it and I started crying even HARDER because encouraging black girls to be nerds! My heart. And Hopper called himself “your poor old dad” and I had just been thinking earlier when they held hands that she doesn’t call him dad yet he is her dad and now we know he considered himself her dad and everything was hurting ok!?!?!?

And then.

Netflix gave me the single most heartbreaking caption it could give me.

[“Heroes” by Peter Gabriel playing]

AND. I. LOST. IT. I thought I’d already lost it at this point. I really thought I’d already lost it. I didn’t know I could lose it more than I’d already lost it. Before then I was literally ugly sobbing but trying to stay quiet since my mom was home and hasn’t seen it yet. Once I read that caption and heard the song I literally started hitting my couch over and over again and rocking back and forth and crying even harder. Gasping sobs. Ugly sobs. I haven’t cried this hard in so long.

When the Uhaul truck closed, I heard my front door open and knew my brother was home so I started frantically wiping my face on my shirt and tried to stop crying since my brother hasn’t seen this either and I don’t want to spoil him that this finale is cry worthy.

And then the episode ended. And it was Exit Wounds all over again. A couple agrees to date, one (or both) dies, and one leaves behind an emotional note about how much they love the ones they care about. I am not ok.

The season may have started slow, but it’s the only season to make me cry so automatically I love it.

BUT I’VE BEEN SAYING SINCE DAY ONE THAT IF THEY KILLED OFF HOPPER I WILL RIOT. SO WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME. LET’S GO KILL THE DUFFER BROTHERS.

OH AND BILLY. WE WENT NEARLY FULLY ZUKO REDEMPTION WITH BILLY. SAD BACKSTORY. SELF SACRIFICE. I AM HURTING. WHY DID THIS SHOW MAKE ME CRY OVER BILLY?

My one complaint of this season: not NEARLY enough Will. What did we get to see Will do? Have his spidey sense go off a bit? Then he cried at the end? COMPLETE WASTE OF NOAH’S TALENTS. WE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM AN EMMY LAST SEASON. But David Harbour has the Emmy secured this time so I guess that’s fine.

Yeah. So. I feel drained. I’m glad I didn’t force myself to stay up last night to finish the show because I would have been too tired to do it. Now I’m just emotionally tired. Help.

WAIT WHAT THERE’S AN AFTER CREDIT’S SCENE. WAIT A SECOND. I only noticed because my mouse hovered over the bar and I saw a frame. Ok gonna watch it.

“Not the American” BUT WHAT AMERICAN? COULD HOPPER BE ALIVE? I had thought to myself “I’m glad they didn’t show us Hopper exploding like the others.” BUT WHAT IF HE HADN’T EXPLODED? WHAT IF HE WAS TELEPORTED OR SOMETHING. No. I think I’m just in the denial stage and grasping at straws. Of course it’s a Demadog. Oh wait, I guess a fully grown Demagorgon. Great.

While watching the scene, I was scared it would show that Hopper was still alive and I was glad that I didn’t know it existed so I could put all my emotions over his death into writing before finding out he was alive. But he’s not alive. As far as we know. So all the emotions are still the same with maybe just a little hope that he’s the American.

Update: My mom heard me crying. She says "It better not be one of the three boys. Not the little black Lion King boy. It better not be Sheriff Dad." And I just laughed nervously the whole time she talked about who she didn't want to die.

#hope watches stranger things #ignore me if you want

[thebipolareffect-blog1]

Commitment Woes.

Today is the day that will change things in my relationship with E. 

Last week, after some long conversations, we decided to start couples therapy. We both suffer from depression (His is MDD and mine is bipolar type 2) and anxiety. While we would like to pretend it doesn't, it definitely affects our relationship. Granted, it's not always negative. I find it endearing when he worries about me being alone at home all day, for example. It only becomes a problem when he starts talking about home safety in great lengths. SNORE (jk).

All that aside, we've got a pretty good thing going. We like each other most of the time. We communicate well for two mentally ill people. We have the same wants and ideas for the future. Our plans include each other. The next natural step seems like marriage, right? Wrong.

Let's dial the clock back a few days. We're both laying in bed, talking about whatever comes to mind. I turn to him and the conversation goes as follows:

R: I want to get married. To you.

E: Yeah?

R: Yeah. Would it be weird if I proposed to you?

E: Not at all. It'd take a lot of pressure off of me.

R: Cool.

E: Cool.

From this conversation, I took what he said as a 'YES GO AHEAD. GREEN LIGHT. ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO.', I still don't understand how I could have taken it any other way. PLEASE GIVE ME INPUT IF YOU SEE WHERE I WENT WRONG IN MY ASSUMPTIONS, BY THE WAY. 

Anyway, I planned a fucking proposal. I bought a custom made ring. I bought a cute little custom dog-tag for S. I bought myself a placeholder ring (he wanted me to have one, too,). I get nervous, oh no. I tell him about it, cause why not! Conversation:

R: Nervous about proposing to the love of my life!

E: Nah, don't be. I know what his answer will be.

R: Are you SURE you want me to propose? I don't want to steal your thunder or emasculate you or anything.

E: We'll talk more about it later, work is getting busy.

R: OK

Again, didn't see any immediate "NO DONT" signs here. I should have sensed some apprehension in the "we'll talk later" part, but what could I do? I'd already ordered the stuff. Whatever. Plans are still a go at this point. We don't talk about this particular subject that night or the next day.

Tuesday morning comes around and I'm a mess of anxiety again. His ring has shipped, the dog-tag has shipped. My ring is being made. ANXIETY. ANXIETY. ANXIETY. So I talk to him again on his lunch break. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went so I'll summarize the best I can:

E: I don't really feel ready.

R: What? For marriage?

E: Yeah. I guess with my depression being as bad as it is right now and me starting a new medication...I just don't feel like it's the best idea.

R: Oh, okay. I understand.

I was stunned, honestly. We got off the phone and shit started to sink in, real hard. Panic. Panic. PANIC. Why did he wait to tell me?

My heart was in a trillion pieces and I wasn't quite sure how to even start the repair process. My thoughts were spiraling, I was not in control. I texted E and told him what was happening. I told him I worried about coming across pushy or like I was trying to guilt him into marriage. 

I told him my thoughts were running rampant trying to figure out the 'WHY' part of things. I told him the things I worried about.

He doesn't love me.

He doesn't want me.

He's ashamed of me.

He doesn't like the way I look. 

I'm not good enough for him.

I'm not attractive enough.

I'm too broken.

I'm too sad. 

I'm too much.

He will never be ready.

He did his best to reassure me. He DID want to get married, he wasn't ready yet. I don't know about any other girl in the world but I've been told all my adult life that when a man says he's not ready, it actually means he doesn't want to marry you. At all. I couldn't get around it.

For the next few days, things kind of piled up. I became depressed. I couldn't take care of myself very well. I wasn't taking care of the housework. I managed to get grocery shopping done. I managed to keep myself and the pets alive. That's about it. It was straining on our relationship.

We went on a short day trip to the next town over. He was driving and I was in the passenger's seat. We were listening to music. "Our Song" came on, he sang it and looked at me. I wanted to bawl. It hurt that he was being so good to me while I was tearing myself up feeling like he had rejected me. I was still having trouble sorting my thoughts on the matter. I was hurting. I still am hurting. 

We ended up talking about it again a few days later. He told me he worried about me changing my mind. He worried about me growing restless and cheating. He worried about him not being good enough for me. I don't know how to quell any of these anxieties and I don't know if he does either.

I ended up not sleeping that night and I typed everything that had gone on into a Reddit post and sought advice. There weren't many responses. The few I did get suggested couples therapy/counseling. DUH, R. 

E had suggested it before, a few months ago. We had some small troubles that resolved themselves after a little while so we never pursued it. I let him know I wanted to see a counselor and if he wanted to go, that was great. If not, I'd go alone and work on our relationship myself but I hoped he would go. He said yes and here we are today. Our appointment is in 2 hours.

I'm a mess of nervousness. It's not quite anxiety...it's a different flavor. Milder, I suppose. We had an argument last night and it sort of boiled down to him worrying about me. He's worried about my mental well-being and it's stressing on him because he has to worry about himself, too. I told him that I was okay, but I sometimes needed help but was afraid to ask. He said he felt the same way. We talked and laughed about some stuff and went to sleep a little late. He woke up this morning feeling down so I asked him if he needed help, he said no and went off to work. He seemed better when I talked to him at lunch, so I'm hoping he is doing better. 

I will likely write again tonight or tomorrow afternoon detailing the appointment some more. I'd like to document our progress on different matters. I want to share myself with someone outside of our relationship, sometimes. I don't have any friends who would/could accept that burden so I pour it out into this blog. I appreciate anyone who reads and I would love feedback, on the writing or the content. EDIT: I wanted to add another event. It occurred sometime between him agreeing to counseling and the date that I posted this. His ring had arrived and the dog tag had as well. He brought in the mail along with both packages and asked what they were. He already had some sort of idea of how I would propose. I didn't want to surprise him with it and make him uncomfortable. I told him he could open them and he did. The tag reads "Will you marry my mama?", the ring is made of tungsten and finished matte. It's gorgeous and I'm proud of myself for picking it out. Anyway, he looks at the dog tag and smiles and kind of shuffles his feet. He looks up at me and grins and says

E: I will. 

R: What?

E: Marry his mama.

He put the ring on and wore it for a few hours until it started to get uncomfortable. I beamed, he beamed. I was so happy, I was so excited. We had worked things out. It was easy! Cool!

Later that night in bed, he sighed. 

E: Why am I such a commit-a-phobe?

Here we go, again. Broken into pieces, again. Dammit, E.

#relationships #mental illness #marriage #07262017