Even the people I think I like, if I stop and think about it, they all have things that make me uncomfortable. There’s not a single person I truly like. I’m wondering if that’s why I’m being drained without realizing it. If it’s why I always feel alone.. and also as if I’ve been abandoned. I’ve decided to try finding someone like that. Even if the other person blows hot and cold, I won’t let myself sway. I’m going to just keep liking them. Wouldn’t that be better than dealing with people without any purpose? I want to try living differently.
My Liberation Notes (2022), Episode 5
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no but. it's the way gu is expressing himself in the worst light when asked to open up, both because he seems to see himself that way, and almost as a protective measure. i think in a "judge me now, and see if you really want me to worship you" kind of way. and a "isn't it really kind of for the best if i'm never truly, lastingly happy again?" kind of self-punishing way. like when it's said in words to him that he could live a long-term happy, simple and well-off life installing sinks and he ends up deflecting.
and it's the way mi-jeong likely sees the fact that he even gives that as an option as her—again—being the one left loving more, being the one more visibly and tangibly, fundamentally transformed by this love. "when did i ever worship you?"* she says, because if he can suggest distance, then she can create it. he left her an open door and she might have taken it as him asking her to leave. because isn't he, a little bit? unconsciously?
then he's left emptying three bottles of soju with a full bowl of grapes beside him, and she takes the bus home. time (and more episodes) will tell us the most, but i'd wager in that conversation they both felt at least a little bit rejected.
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