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there comes a time when you want to be older
there comes a time when you want to be bolder
I love you more when its over 

there comes a time when you’re helpful
there comes a time when you’re doubtful
I love you more when you’re spiteful 

there comes a time to wake up to whats happening
there comes a time to get out of whats happening
I love you more than whats happening
I love you more

there comes a time when you’re near me 
a time that captures what we’re after
a time
a time

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If you try to help someone in order to show off or prove that you are spiritual, you will do them no good and only hurt yourself. If, on the other hand, you are giving from your heart and expect nothing in return and think with a clear and logical mind, you can be of great help to another. When you are acting with your ego, you are spiritually weak and cannot protect yourself adequately; however, a spiritually balanced person is strong and will suffer no ill-effects.

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The ego will never be satisfied even when it has what it thinks it wanted all along; I only see you through pictures

Thu, Oct 29 4:55am

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Likes and thousands of comments.

Compliments and words of support.

But from strangers.

From people that are curious, not caring.

People that wants to take advantage

Of your beauty

Or your innocence

Even your sadness.

You ask for a ego boost,

You get it.

But your anxiety rises too.

Are these people my friend?

Are they well intended?

Am I overthinking?

It’s hard to trust these likes.

These comments and its words.

These people.

I talk to five people in real life.

I trust five people.

Why do I care and worry

About those likes?

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Blog #2.5: Bathrooms: Cont.

One time, I was greened beyond green, and I walked into the bathroom and locked eyes with myself. Normally, when you talk to yourself, it’s not really a conversation at all. You already know the words coming out of your mouth before they do, you’re simply vocalizing your thoughts to provide a little more background, and perhaps to vocalize them better. However, this time, as I was talking to myself, the words said to me on one side were being taken as new information. This was WEIRD. But I was so thwacked that I didn’t even realize it at the time. I’m convinced I was talking to my superego at that time, the real me, the one hidden behind all of my defenses, that I want to come out so badly, but is just inaccessible to me. He had a sort of confidence, and bravado, while still being comforting and reassuring. It was wonderful. I’ve spent a long time after that experience contemplating it, and just wondering how the hell I can reawaken that side of me, and permanently access it. That’s the me I want to be.

Not to be confusing but I’m gonna write some completely off topic poetry now, enjoy I guess.

I got this one from playing football as a kid

I used to be a pretty fast one

Sliding around, feet beating the ground methodically, rhythmically like machine gun fire

Jump for the pigskin

Slam into Hayden

Fall onto the rock

Chunk out my elbow

And here we are.

I got these from my razor scooter when I was 11.

And we were at a roundabout, and the Florida sun drenched all of us

Sweat stains covered our polo shirts

I used to be a pretty brave one

Doing tricks with ease, jumping off the sidewalk, thinking I’m a badass

Go for the speedbump

Fling straight into the asphalt

Chunk out my knee

And here we are.

I got these from punching sinks and walls too hard.

I would never have hit any of the people in my life

But I had to hit something because… well… it alljustboilsupandgetshotterandhardertonotletitgettomeandifmymothertellsmeonemoretimethatimthesickoneandnotherimgoingtofuckingexplode

I used to be a pretty angry one

Hitting concrete so hard my knuckle grew to the size of a quarter

Bone rocket jets out

Filangies make contact on the firm rock

Chunk out of my hand

And here we are.

I don’t want to tell you how I got these.

I don’t want to tell you the story.

I don’t want to follow the clever little stanzas I made.

You don’t get to know anything else.

Just stay away.

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What the Ego is to me.

The ego itself is instilled in the human through their parents at a very young age, it is the ownership of “I” Which develops into adulthood. Identifying and understanding when the ego is present can be rather difficult especially because it’s a system that is so integrated into our being, that it literally is a part of us.  From my understanding, Ego cannot be eliminated but tamed or bridled, especially in understanding the progression of spiritual work. at times, I’m not sure if me being selfless is the lack of ego or a false imprinted sense of ego. In many ways I don’t have what you call a steady personality because I try to understand and interact with each moment independently separate from every other moment ever experienced in my life; I believe here is the beginning of the taming of the ego. Separating the past from the very present moment, as you see the words i draw from the empty either, over our shared reality. Treating every individual moment as it should be, in the present moment make a distinct line in your ability to be present and there is where the ego is tamed, which many of you may already know; and for those who don’t, even better! 

Like when a child or an old friend acts in a Unfavorable fashion, Invoking a poor reaction within us, we could choose to be different, free flowing and forgiving, by-passing the “i-ness” of the moment. Taming the ego is an ongoing process that takes a lot of repetition while maintaining a clear center of who you are, away from the things you want, while bring ok, not having them.

the Mystic Sufis who beg and have nothing, Because they have truly eliminated the “I-ness,” within themselves. Think about it how difficult it must be to have no pride to the degree of begging, knowing even the food you eat, can’t be made for you. But that is not here nor there in the ever expanding universe.


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Having a false sense of pride or excessive bogus ego is a highly destructive mindset, it puts you in the mindset of being superior to others when actually you are also just a human being like them. Ego is our soul’s worst enemy, it is not only bad for people around us but also our own mental health and attitude. It works against us and pushes us into fear and scarcity. 

The only way to grow is to improve and fix your mistakes. When someone corrects you, you should take it in a constructive way and work to improve yourself rather than going against the other person. Apologizing when you’re genuinely wrong doesn’t make you weak, but it shows that you are a humble human being who values relationships more than excessive false ego. Arrogant people also try to dominate others showing their supremacy which is the worst. We should appreciate others when they’re setting good examples and motivate them to do their best rather than bring them down. Look closely at yourself, clear out the false sense of pride and spend your time on love, happiness and abundance.

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After a pause, Golton said, loudly and plaintively, “Well, if nobody’s going to pay any attention to me, I guess I’d better leave—!” and heaved up from the couch with a tentative motion. Nobody did pay any attention to him. The three of us were all deliberately ignoring him, and as for madame, I doubt that she knew he was there at all.—We heard him in the hallway, calling for his hat, and he hesitated round the door as though waiting for recall; but presently the door banged, and little quivers shook the windows of the room where we stood motionless round madame’s chair.

— John Dickson Carr, It Walks By Night (1930)

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Felipe Vale, E Mesmo Assim. Outubro de 2020.
Este é, possivelmente, um diário de capítulo único. Reitero a palavra possivelmente – meus leitores talvez ainda imaginem que eu planejo exatamente o que quero escrever, e, bem, acho que nunca fiz isso, exceto em redações ou trabalhos de faculdade. Não me entendam mal: planejar é interessante. Alguns escritores fizeram obras incríveis assim. No entanto, mesmo se planear fizesse do que eu escrevo incrivelmente melhor, ainda seria chato. Acredito que o que chamamos de “arte”, nisto que agora faço, reside no fato de que eu também não sei o que vou ler. É descobrindo no teclado que eu aprendo comigo mesmo.
Me lembro então de uma palavra: aforismo. Um bom texto vem em grande parte da construção de frases sintéticas, que explicam além de si próprias, ou seja, aforismos. Lembro-me de estar conversando com meu terapeuta, algumas semanas atrás, e dizendo que também era assim na psicoterapia. Quando um psicanalista diz ao paciente ou aluno “amor é sintoma”, não somente poupa o tempo de explicar uma imensa gama de técnicas diagnósticas, como abre brechas interpretativas para que o paciente ou aluno elabore questões mais a fundo. O aforismo entra na psique como água entra em veios na terra. De mesmo modo, tenho me deparado com Sartre, e sua mais famosa e sintética frase: “o homem está condenado a ser livre”.
A questão da liberdade sempre me permeou. Tanto em suas possibilidades imensas, como nos animes Shonnen que eu devorava vorazmente, como Naruto e One Piece, quando nas suas paredes sólidas e limítrofes, onde a escolha se mostra um voto de Minerva. Escrevi um tempo atrás um texto de duas páginas no qual falava sobre me achar feio. Uma briga com a forma do corpo. Adentrar na solução deste problema era, em essência, adentrar na questão da liberdade mundana: como ficar mais bonito com esta altura, este peso, este tom de pele que agora tenho? Quais são as possibilidades?
Explorando tais possibilidades, hoje não necessariamente me acho belo, mas ter a perspectiva de que há coisas a se fazer e trabalhar neste corpo sempre me anima. Meus amigos que nasceram bonitos dizem que é chato. Talvez seja como escrever um texto que já fora preparado: perde-se a beleza do processo.
Percebo, por outro lado, que algumas coisas pontuais que destaquei nos textos “coisas que me fazem feliz” já não me alegram tanto assim. E, mesmo assim, a tristeza destas coisas pontuais me ajuda a calibrar a satisfação geral com a vida. Como num yin yang, onde o yang é muito mais distribuído dentro do yin, meus passos pelo mundo se tornam mais orientados por ordens internas. Faço planos, e agora já não são sequer duplos-planos, como relatei num texto já antigo; planejo com a plena consciência de que meus sonhos provavelmente darão errado.
E isto é felicidade, pois, eles me levarão a algum lugar mesmo assim. Como os textos levam. Como os amores levam. Como o Eu leva.
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Anonymous submitted:

23/f This is just going to a pointless rant, if you don’t mind. I think I messed up. The problem isn’t that I messed up, but the fact that idk how to fix it or what to do next. I had an argument with my boyfriend over something REALLY dumb and decided to be petty and stay mad. I became very cold. He tried to reason with me but I didn’t budge. Worst part is that idek why I am upset in the first place. It was completely an irrational feeling I acted on. And I think it’s one of my toxic traits, just being stubborn and not acting on my emotions without completely understanding them an just being very immature sometimes. There are times when I really can’t help it, but this time I could, I was self aware enough. For context, my friend and I were arguing(casually) about this character from a show we both obsess over, we both “wanted” him. Then she brought my boyfriend in to settle the score because he’s really a fair person. He suggested a coin toss and she won. Well I won’t say that’s the reason I’m THIS upset but it definitely was a trigger. I know I’m being really irrational rn. I think I’m just being a sore loser. Well yea, I got very mad at my boyfriend, I guess for being fair. Idk? I’m not sure what I’m upset about. It took a while for him to figure out how mad I actually am, and it kind of annoyed him, obviously. Idk what I want! Why am I so upset? It’s not like I want to actually be with a fictional character, I’m not that obsessed? Plus, it’s not even like I’ve been obsessed with the character for years or anything, literally just a few weeks?  And either the argument wasn’t even a serious one, we’re just fooling around. But for some reason, when I think of my boyfriend now, I just get upset. Am I that much of a sore loser? But I’m not mad at my friend. What am I sad about?! And I’ve done stuff like this before, that’s why he’s annoyed. I get that it can be exhausting. I haven’t been so immature in a while so I thought I’ve gotten better :/ Do I want special treatment? Well I get enough special treatment from him otherwise, can’t expect it all the time. Lol, I literally feel like the devil and the angel in me are arguing rn. God, I just don’t know how to fix this, I’m contradicting myself. How do I get out this constant irrationality? 

hey friend <3 I’ve done this a few times, not with my partner but with friends/family so I can relate a bit! it’s a pretty conflicting and contradictory way to feel, I agree. on the surface it may have felt like pettiness, possibly on a deeper subconscious level it felt a little like betrayal? hence reacting the way you did. it’s all connected with pride and the ego though, and it’s something start to learn to let go of. 

I know I’m answering this a while after you sent it, so I hope things are ok between you and your boyfriend now :* for the future though, if this happens again? say to your boyfriend that you love him lots but you just need a few hrs space to work through the anger. let him know that it’s not about him, that he truly hasn’t done anything wrong, you just need a bit of time to process emotions and to let go of them. communication is key!! and if he knows why you need space and not that you’re not randomly ignoring him, and if he knows that you’re working on overcoming this, then there’s less likely to be friction and tension between the two of you. 

as for how to work on this? sometimes reminding yourself of facts and reality can help you snap out of things. so remind yourself that your boyfriend loves you, pays attention to you, gives you special treatment haha, and cares about you! and that him not agreeing you on something isn’t a sign of betrayal. writing it down on paper can help? that way you have a visual reminder of it all, keep it close by and repeat it out loud 2, 3, 15 times if that’s what it takes for you to believe it. at other times? sometimes not thinking about the situation can help more haha. so maybe that means taking time to meditate, go on a long walk (maybe have a goal to reach 10k steps for the day) and listen to a podcast? something that helps to relax your mind, something that actively calms your emotions, and something that’s a little more engaging than relaxing by watching netflix haha.

it’s not a failure to have toxic personality traits, we all have them?! none of us are perfect, and what’s important is that you’ve acknowledged yours and that you want to work on it. like with most things, this is going to take some time to shift, so try to be patient with yourself. let us know how things go, all the best <33

- tash

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“As you dissolve into love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about loving; you’re just being love, radiating like the sun.”
– Ram Dass
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Today in a heated conversation with Isshaan, the word freedom came up
And it started a trail of how all of us desire a sense of freedom.
The chattering mind or “ego” manifests freedom in different ways, which are often always flawed.
Current design systems lean toward ‘getting rich’ as the 'ultimate freedom’. Flawed.

True Freedom means being in a space where energy can be free. Where your needs are taken care of and you experience very low stress. So that you can flow and be who you are.

I cannot change 'current design systems’ or the ego. 

But I can deny them. Criticise them, every night. We can change our own minds every night. 

You should really free the energy in small ways. Everyday. 

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“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

-Eckhart Tolle

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