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The Student Prince: Chapters 6-10 Review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Chapter 6

This chapter opens with Merlin bitching, “’I still can't believe I paid all that money for this stupid gown,’ muttered Merlin under his breath. Arthur reached over to clip him around the ear without breaking his stride, and Merlin ducked and avoided the blow reflexively, grinning.” I don’t blame him. I hated buying shit for school so much and let me tell you, as a nursing student, I had to buy A LOT. Also, wtf at that reaction, Arthur? Your poor friend is complaining about having to buy ceremonial robes he’s going to wear once and your reaction is to assault him? What?

“’You didn't,’ said Arthur. ‘The St Andrews-Camelot Scholarship Fund did. Along with the Prince's Trust. Which is to say, me. So stop whining.’” My point still stands.

“’Oh, come on – we look like a load of Santa-flavoured drag queens,’ Merlin protested, glancing around at the flock of students in their thick, strawberry-bright robes who were making their way towards St Salvator's chapel for mass.” Uh. “Santa-flavoured,” has to be one of the oddest descriptions ever. Why flavored? What does Santa taste like? Probably the souls of small children with the stench of cookie-binge guilt. Is Merlin licking these robes to know what flavor they are? So many questions.

So I’m not 100% sure what’s even going on with this scene because it mentions them walking to mass in these robes but they walk like 10 miles and there’s a cliff, so I have no idea what to picture.

“It's a stupid tradition. We walk all the way to the harbour, walk down to the end of the pier, climb up onto the second level, where there's no guard rail and the waves are crashing madly into the stonework, and walk back to the start of the pier – only this time we're walking on something the width of a cream cracker, like bloody tight-rope-walkers. With no guard rail.” Well that seems completely safe and not at all something the school has probably been sued for multiple times or anything when half their student body tumbles off the pier and dies. What even is the point? It’s a tradition. OK? Of what? Survival of the fittest?

“’Only for a few yards, then there's a whole lot of teeny tiny thin pathway twenty feet up above the stone and fifty feet up above the sea, and no guard rail.’ Gwen snorted. ‘Chicken.’ ‘I'm just saying it's completely pointless!’” Merlin is the only sane person around, damn.

“’Oh, shut up and tell me what colour underwear Prince Arthur's wearing, so I can imagine tearing it off with my teeth,’ she muttered into his ear, and he made an outraged noise.” Stop it, Gwen.

Merlin starts asking Gwen about Lance and when she’s going to hook with up with him and she’s so stupidly oblivious about it it’s embarrassing AND annoying. “’He's a nice guy,’ said Merlin, nudging Gwen. ‘So, are you playing hard to get, or what?’ ‘What?’ she stared up at him blankly. Merlin pulled a face. ‘Well - Lance, of course,’ he said, tilting his head and searching her eyes for signs of sarcasm. ‘He's potty about you. Obviously.’ Gwen laughed. ‘Oh, don't be daft!’ she said, punching his arm. ‘He's just being friendly! He's practically a monk!’”

Merlin tries to explain to his poor dim friend that Lance is into her, “’Don't, Merlin,’ she said, looking at him unhappily. ‘Please don't.’ He frowned. ‘But – I don't get it.’ He glanced over at Lance again, and sure enough the guy was gazing back at Gwen with his heart in his eyes. ‘What do you want, interpretive dance? Semaphore?’ ‘Well, asking me out on a date would be a great start,’ she said, tartly. ‘You know, something subtle and understated like that. But that's not going to happen, because blokes like him don't date girls like me, they date girls like Angelina Jolie.’ She swallowed. ‘Or Elaine.’ Merlin gaped. ‘Are you pulling my leg?’ ‘I wish you wouldn't do this,’ she said, looking away. ‘Can we talk about something else?’” Even though she’s dumb, I do have to agree with her, “Well, asking me out in a date would be a great start,” point.

Merlin randomly has a tantrum about being poor and hating all the rich people around him. Ok, Merlin. Do you, I guess.

Gwen tells Merlin the clubs she’s joined, “Tunnocks Caramel Wafer Appreciation Society, Rock Soc, Film Club, Wine Tasting, Canoeing, The Mountaineering Club and Touch Rugby," she recited, counting them off on her fingers.” I really just wanted to point out Tunnocks Caramel Wafer Appreciation Society. What? Is this a club dedicated to loving a specific type of cookie? Can we also appreciate how random all these are? None of them are even remotely related to each other. Spread your horizons, I guess, Gwen. I mean, she’ll have the time once she realizes her school doesn’t offer the program she wants to major in. Gwen has also joined Lance’s Professional Knight in Shining Armor group, but it’s a secret so she tells Merlin not to tell anyone.

Then Sophia starts making her way down the sketchy cliff ladder and her skirts start blowing away in the wind. Men are gross and make gross comments, etc., etc. Gawain says that she’s looking over at Arthur. “’What do you mean, in there? His Royal Hotness is in everywhere,’ said Kay, sounding petulant. ‘There's not a single female in this city between the ages of fifteen and a hundred and five that he couldn't have just for snapping his fingers, the jammy bugger.’” Just putting this quote in here because I fucking hate it when men refer to women as, “females.”

So Sophia falls off the Death Trap Ladder. Surprise, surprise, and Merlin stops time to save her. Merlin decides to make her weightless so he can catch her. He starts time again and she lands in his arms just as Arthur runs into them and they all fall down. As per usual, Arthur gets all the credit for Merlin saving someone. At least Arthur is not happy about it.

Merlin is suspicious that Sophia threw herself off the ladder on purpose. Gwen gets pissed because she’s stupid but Morgana and Morgause agree.

Chapter 7

Merlin has reached Arthur’s car and Sophia is protesting getting in. Not at all suspicious. “’I'm allergic,’ Sophia said, her eyes darting around the circle as if seeking a way out, wide eyed and trembling like a cornered rabbit. ‘To cars?’ said Kay, his incredulity clear in his voice. ‘No! To – uh – to air freshener,’ she said, pointing at the little green fir tree swinging from the rear view mirror. ‘I get a terrible reaction – it could send me into anaphylactic shock. Please don't make me.’” This made me laugh. What a terrible lie.

Merlin straight up asks her why she’s being so sketch, “’No,’ she said in her sweet, clear voice, burrowing closer into Gwen's arms. ‘There is nothing else I should tell you.’ She swallowed, and then said: ‘But I hate cars. They make me feel – trapped.’ ‘You're claustrophobic?’ said Gwen, sounding startled. ‘I had no idea! She frowned. ‘Okay, but – come on, Soph. You must have come to St Andrews by car, or by bus, because there's no train station, and you're not going to tell me you sailed in, or flew in!’” Wait… didn’t Merlin and Gwen get there by train?

Gwen, Lance and Sophia get in Arthur’s car and leave. Arthur doesn’t go with them which makes me laugh. Kay is a super asshole about women. No one is surprised. “‘Well, at least I get laid. Emrys is a pathetic little horndog who's just hoping for a pity fuck if he pretends to be a Sensitive New Age Guy,’ said Kay. ‘It's pitiful. Carpe the fucking diem, Emrys.’”

Honestly, what the fuck?

Arthur tells them that Merlin is gay, which shocks Merlin because he didn’t think Arthur knew about it. And also, what the fuck are you doing, Arthur? Don’t fucking out people like that. Kay continues to be the absolute worst, “An expression of distaste curled his lip. ‘My point stands, though – you can't be friends with people you want to fuck. So if he's an uphill gardener, he can't be friends with us.’”

I feel like we need to have another conversation about friends and how they reflect on you. I mentioned this in a previous review but whatever. Your friends are a reflection of who you are as a person. Arthur is friends with Kay who is obviously a sexist, entitled, homophobic asshole. You cannot be friends with that type of person without it saying something about you as a person and if I were Merlin, I would stay the fuck away from all of them.

“’I wouldn't want to fuck you if you had a ten inch knob made of solid gold and your arsehole was the gate to Nirvana, you massive pillock,’ said Merlin, red faced and furious. ‘I can't be friends with you because you're a gibbering twatwaffle, not because I would ever, in a million years, want to shag you. Get over yourself!’”

Tell him, Merlin!

Arthur tells Merlin that Sophia is beautiful and asks whether Merlin thinks he should send Sophia flowers or deliver them himself.

Chapter 8

Arthur wakes up at 6am to go running.

Weirdo.

When Merlin’s alarm goes off, it’s to “My Heart Will Go On,” which Arthur changed it to. Sure.

Merlin goes to visit Gaius and has a quick chat with the dragon about Sophia, asking him what she is. Of course the dragon gives him some nonsensical answer.

Anyways, Gaius and Merlin talk about Merlin’s high class fancy friends and Gaius mentions Morgause hating the royal family but liking Morgana. “Morgana is her cousin – oh, don't make me recount all this ancient history, Merlin. The intricacies of who hates whom and why are enough to make me tear out what remains of my hair and move to China. Suffice it to say that Morgause is loyal to a fault to Morgana, and tolerates Arthur, but she has - very marked opinions about the King.” Which is an odd thing to say because it was previously implied that Morgana and Morgause were kind of a thing. European Royalty, man.

Merlin is super impressive with his amazing magic skills so Gaius has to rewrite all their lesson plans for the whole year. Which is his own fault because Merlin’s previous teacher told Gaius how good Merlin was and Gaius didn’t believe her. Merlin sort of tells Gaius about the Sophia thing and Gaius gives Merlin some ideas about what she could be.

“Yes, Her Grace did mention something about mistrusting some young lady who went near Arthur. Although I have to say that having seen how much raw power you have at your command, I do find myself feeling rather reassured about the prince's safety. Of course the dragon's magic protects him when he's on the University grounds, but one can't limit his movements entirely.” Remember this for later. I have my reasons.

Then Gaius actually explains the whole dragon on the door thing, “’Ah – that picture on the doors is The Great Dragon.’ He pointed at his own red door with its gold painted dragon. ‘The last of the dragons. He lived and died millennia ago, but his spirit – his soul, if you will – is bound to the bones of the university. The stones of the School of Sorcery scattered across the globe are his living skeleton, in accordance with a mighty work of magic wrought during the Golden Age, and nobody can be attacked by magic within the bounds of the wyrm.’ Gaius sounded very much like he was quoting from some well-known text book that Merlin hadn't read.”

“…Either way, the buildings that hold the doors are all protected, so young Arthur is safe in most of the University buildings in St Andrews. We have rather a lot of dragon doors in that little town.” Remember this too. Reasons, etc.

So Merlin goes back to talking about Sophia and how she smelled like honeysuckle. This throws Gaius into quite a tizzy. “Gaius's face fell. ‘Oh dear,’ he said. ‘Oh. Oh dear me.’ ‘What?’ ‘I warned him! Don't do it, I said, but did he listen to me? Oh no, His Majesty always knows best. And now look where we are!’ ‘What?’ ‘You shouldn't go disturbing these things, I told him. We'll have to pay for it. And have I not had a crack team of fifteen wizards protecting the wretched man day and night ever since? So of course they'd go on to target his family – typical!’” You know what I fucking hate? When a character has to ask multiple fucking times for an explanation to something that the other character knows about. Just fucking tell him, damn. No need to go on and on and on about how you “told him so!” Good fucking job. So since I’m a nice fucking person, I’ll just tell you what happened. Uther stole from the fairies and they are pissed. No one is surprised, Uther is stupid, etc. End of story.

Then Gaius basically says, “LOL What a fiasco. Sophia is super dangerous, good luck with that, Merlin,” and offers him no help whatsoever. So Gaius is just as useless in this as in the show. Yup, I said it.

Merlin leaves and tries, unsuccessfully, to get the dragon to help him. “’How do you get rid of a fairy?’ he said. ‘I mean, I think she wants to kill Arthur, or maybe kidnap him or something – Gaius thinks she's out for revenge.’ ‘The Sidhe are immortal,’ said the dragon, studying its claws. ‘That's – not really the answer I was hoping for.’ ‘Such is life, young warlock.’” I hate these assholes.

Merlin asks why the dragon let himself be trapped in the walls or whatever. “The dragon tilted its head. ‘Because you promised that you would set me free,’ it said, and Merlin felt a chill run down his spine. ‘What?’ ‘When you bound me here. You promised that one day I would be free to fly again.’” You know, if you want Merlin to let you free, you might try being less of a major jackass and actually help him.

Just saying.

Chapter 9

Merlin decides the best approach to protecting Arthur is to stalk him. Not a great idea when half of Arthur’s friends are gross homophobes. “A quick glance around revealed plenty of pretty girls (and indeed not-so-pretty girls, and several boys, and at least one little lady old enough to be his grandmother who should definitely not have been looking at Arthur with such a frankly appreciative expression) casting languishing gazes in the prince's direction, but none of them looked like Gwen's roommate.” What is this elderly person doing on a college campus? Is she a professor? Is she lost? Someone better check on her.

“’Thought you might like to come for a coffee, or something,’ he added, randomly. ‘Looks like your pet chav has a little crush, Arthur,’ said Kay, with a curl of the lip. ‘Clearly he can't stand being parted from you for more than five minutes. He'll probably start dry-humping your leg in a minute.’”

See what I mean? What’s Arthur’s response? “’Give it a rest, Kay,’ said Arthur, frowning.” Oh, that’ll show him! It’s not like you’re the Prince of Wales or anything and can’t make him at least shut his fucking mouth around Merlin.

Then Merlin brings up Arthur invading his privacy, going through his things and changing his alarm without Merlin’s permission. “’I don't know why you tolerate him, Arthur,’ said Kay, rolling his eyes and setting off across the quad.”

Which… what? Someone push Kay in front of a fucking bus, honestly. Arthur is the one who fucked up here and Kay is blaming Merlin? Fuck you, Kay.

“’Oh – this is Leon, by the way. Leon – Merlin, my idiot roommate.’ Merlin nodded pleasantly at the latest Man In Black and tried not to feel insufficiently manly. ‘He was the one snoring when we left this morning.’ ‘I do not snore!’ said Merlin, scandalised. ‘Well then you did a very successful job of hiding some secret snorer in the bed with you.’” I’m only including this because it actually made me laugh out loud. Also, yay, Leon!

Later, Sophia and Gwen stop by Merlin and Arthur’s dorm. Sophia is clearly up to no good. “Merlin watched the two of them unhappily and felt a little shock of horror when he saw Arthur's eyes flash suddenly blood-red too. He really didn't need a book of magic or the advice of an immortal dragon to tell him that that was A Bad Thing.” First of all, duh. Second of all, oh look! Reasons has shown up! Remember how nothing could hurt Arthur while the dragon was around? What a liar.

The girls invite the boys out for a drink and Merlin is flipping his shit because the bar is not a building protected by the dragon to which I say: whatever, Merlin. She’s already put Arthur under a spell so I don’t know what you were expecting. She’s not going to whip out a machete and chop his head off in the middle of the bar. I would read that fic though.

At the bar, Gwen tells Merlin to stop being so obviously upset about Sophia and Arthur and she shockingly makes a good point when Merlin says he just doesn’t want anyone to get hurt, “’Oh,’ she said. ‘Well – right. But that happens, doesn't it? In life? And in relationships? I mean – it's all about sticking your neck out in the knowledge that some bastard might want to chop your head off, and just hoping and trusting that they won't.’”

“Fairy assassins who were immortal, and pissed off. And even if they weren't immortal, Merlin had never willingly killed so much as a spider, even when his mother was screaming and pointing and flapping her hands in misery. He'd always been more of a catch-the-spider-in-a-glass-and-set-it-free kind of guy. Progressing from that to even considering killing a living, breathing, thinking person – well, that wasn't a step that Merlin felt at all comfortable taking.” Clearly you’ve never seen your own BBC show, Merlin.

Merlin gets Sophia to go outside with him for a chat. She knows he’s a wizard and makes no secret of her desire to murder Arthur. I just feel like murder is a slight overreaction to some stolen gold, but you do you, Sidhe.

Merlin and Sophia make a deal and she gives him one day to give her the gold back. Then she basically tells him that he and everyone else are living in an endless cycle of reincarnation. Merlin is stupidly obtuse.

Chapter 10

Merlin goes to visit his BFF, Dragon MacUseless, “’Did you kill her?’ it asked, tilting its head and regarding him with dispassionate interest. ‘No!’ he exclaimed. ‘I'm not a murderer! I'm a physics student, for God's sakes! I don't go around killing people!’ The dragon yawned. ‘You used to be more pragmatic,’ it told him. ‘I expect you will be again.’” That’s what I said!

Merlin asks MacUseless if he should ask Nimueh or Gaius for help stealing the fairy gold, “’There is little enough love lost between Uther and Nimueh,’ the dragon said. ‘He blames her still for Igraine's death, while she holds him responsible in her turn.’ ‘Woah – come again?’ ‘Nimueh was part of the late queen's guard detail. She was supposed to keep Igraine safe. She failed.’” No pressure, Merlin!

“So the Royal Family do use wizard bodyguards, then? It's not just Morgana?” I don’t know why you’re acting like this is brand new information, Merlin. Gaius told you this was literally your job to Arthur.

The next scene takes place in the breakfast hall. AFTER Merlin has carried out stealing the gold. UGH. Major pet peeve alert, show us, don’t tell us!

Gaius confronts Merlin is the MOST infuriating way possible, “Stop! Stop right there – I really have no wish to hear you expound upon either Mathematics or Philosophy, Merlin. Just take the compliment, and let's leave it at that. You managed to keep the Prince of Wales safe and sound, but you did also give away a priceless treasure trove of ancient gold artifacts, and you made the King very cross indeed, and wore my patience very thin. So – you're not looking at life imprisonment in the Tower of London, but neither are you top of my list of favourite people right now. Don't push your luck by rambling on at me about Maths or Philosophy. And, Merlin?”

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? It’s not like you were willing to help him or give him other ideas. Get the fuck out of here with that absolute NONSENSE, Gaius.

Later, Gwen asks Merlin if he got rid of Sophia. Which, even though is technically true, is a ridiculous thing to blame him for given the information Gwen has about the situation. Gwen says it’s weird and I say, you now have your own room! Congrats!

“Gwen shook her head unhappily. ‘The Warden isn't worried – he said that she had to leave. Something about a family emergency, or something like that. He was weirdly hazy on the details, but he seemed completely calm about it all – like it's something that just happens.’” Ok, if the warden had already told you this, then why the fuck are you blaming Merlin? And yes, it is something that just happens. You can’t schedule your family emergencies during summer break, Gwen. Stop being stupid.

“And as if the mere presence of Arthur Pendragon, resolutely heterosexual star of at least half of Merlin's teenage wank fantasies, wasn't distraction enough, Merlin also found himself called upon, in the weeks after he'd successfully negotiated a peaceful settlement with the Sidhe's assassin of choice, to protect Arthur from an over-amorous Selkie, two vampires, a small flock of ghouls, a gargoyle, and the ghost of Patrick Hamilton, who had been martyred in front of Sallies Quad.” Remember how nothing bad could happen to Arthur at school? This is some like Dumbledore level of “protection.”

So that’s it for this post. It’s starting to pick up now that we’ve got the introductory chapters out of the way, which is good. I get annoyed every time I read this fic about how we don’t actually get to see Merlin’s great gold caper. I am also getting increasingly annoyed at Gwen’s stupidity. I get that the author was going for a, “both characters are oblivious for their attraction to each other/ will they won’t they,” sort of thing but sacrificing Gwen’s intelligence for it is not a good look. Gwen is also really obtuse about other things that it almost makes me think the author is making her stupid on purpose. I also hate Kay. So. Much. LOL at the dragon’s, worthless “protection.” He literally does nothing to help protect Arthur. Other than that, it’s been an enjoyable five chapters.

Until Next Time:

#merlin #bbc merlin #merlin fic #review #The Student Prince #Gwen and Lance are stupid #To the point where I just roll my eyes any time either of them opens their mouth #Especially Gwen #Dragon's protection is a lie #Gaius is worthless #Poor Merlin getting stuck with all these idiot assholes #Pray for Merlin #Where is Will #I know wrong fic but WIll needs to come and straighten out Kay

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