Nesta and Parentification
Nesta was not the parent of Feyre. She didn't "let" her youngest sister go out to hunt. That was their father who sat back and quite literally did nothing when their fortune ran out and he had young children he should have provided for.
She also didn't have to "step up" and take their fathers place on providing for and caring for her younger siblings. And before people come at, neither did Feyre, but she's the one who chose to do so because of her mother's promise.
People forget Nesta was still a teenager when Feyre started hunting, not a full grown adult. Nesta also did what she could to help Feyre during those times. She sent letters out, performed domestic tasks like chopping the wood, and was willing to sell her body to find a husband just so Feyre had one less mouth to feed.
And if you want to hold Nesta accountable for Feyre going out to hunt, and not stepping up, you better hold the same stance for Elain since she's older than Feyre to.
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Elain telling Nesta “All you can think about is what my trauma has done to you” was incredibly ignorant and no one can convince me otherwise.
For some reason, Elain thinks the trauma that had resulted from that night belongs solely to her and Nesta is being selfish for trying to take any ownership of it.
Everything in Nesta’s life, has always been about Elain. She came first and she never stopped to think about how it could impact Nesta. Very rarely does Nesta have the time to face her own trauma and learn to heal from it because she was always in environments/situations that put her on guard to protect her sister. And Elain has always been comfortable allowing her to do so while she retreats to the background where it was safe. She has never thought twice about putting Nesta in these positions all her life.
When the sisters first come to Pythian, Elain completely checks out from the weight of the loss and trauma she has experienced. Which is completely understandable. But she isn’t the only one to have lost so much. So had Nesta. But at a time where Nesta may have needed her support, she wasn’t there.
All Elain could think about was what their shared trauma has done to her. But Nesta never cared.
Those first few weeks in Pythian? Nesta was there to check on her. To make sure she is eating. To ensure her wellbeing. To see to her needs. To make sure she is comfortable.
In ACOSF, for the first time in Nesta’s life, she isn’t capable of putting Elain first. But Elain is unwilling to confront the possibility that the trauma they both experienced that night may have affected her sister differently than it did her. As a result, she avoids putting herself in a position where she might have to face the full extent of that truth.
I’m not saying that Elain doesn’t have a right to feel greatly impacted by what had happened to her. She went through alot. But she doesn’t get to pick and choose whose trauma that night was greater and warrants more concern.
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Surprises
Summery: Reader and Azriel find out they’re expecting.
~
It had been weeks by that point. You had been feeling nauseous and fatigued. Thinking the cause had been overworking and stress. Rebuilding the city and fixing what the war had damaged. Nothing was more important to you. Nearly losing everything that had ever mattered. The grip that Azriel had over you. You felt like you could never relax. Knowing how close, just how very close, everyone was to ceasing existence. Or just how badly the war could have gone. While everyone had come out, you still felt that loss. The loss of what could have been. It could be trauma, no matter. You wouldn’t allow yourself to come that close. That’s why you hadn’t shared any of what you had been going through.
Any smell of food you had loved, made you unfavourably Ill. And you had been exhausted. It had to of been the pressure and exertion. Everyone was coping like that though. You knew Rhysand was working double time, and same with the rest of the inner circle. Taking a break was not an option - knowing that someone else would have to pick up your slack. Azriel had gotten up early that morning just as he usually did. However you certainly were not a morning riser. And even more so not recently.
It wasn’t like a sickness you had had before. No sniffly nose, no cough. But you knew you needed to cut down somewhere, and training was the better option. Of course Az had something to say about it. You promised you would be back next week. You were just going to see Madja. Fingers crossed and praying, you had hoped she would have some magic tonic that would cure you. The idea of being the weaker link was enough to furrow your brows. The Shadowsinger had no idea of your struggles. You tried your best to block it from trailing down the bond. Just this week you had vomited a couple of times, thankful Az wasn’t there to witness. Not that you were embarrassed. But he had missions and If his head was in the wrong place, he was certain to get injured. And you hadn’t want to be the cause. Hoping you could have this figured out before he found out. While he was the most kind hearted and giving mate. He had a low self esteem. His childhood deeply affected how he processed and reacted in situations and you knew he would take it personally.
So you sat patiently, in the waiting room, of the best healer in all of velaris. You tried not to fidget, but you couldn’t help pick at the skin around your nails. Frankly you were nervous. Irrationalising the outcome of your visit. What if something really was wrong? How would you cope? Would she be able to help? So deep in thought about all of the horrible illness that you could potentially have, until your name was called. You realised it was your turn to go in. Stumbling a little you searched around the familiar room. She had a variety of subtle herbs and plants. Tonics and medicines. Finally settling on Madja’s face. Taking in her wrinkles and kind eyes, She smiles.
“What can I do for you today Y\N?” Madja could decipher the difference about you. You had a glow enthralling all of your features. Even your scent had started to alter.
Hesitantly you couldn’t help but look around the room, trying to find the right words to explain your situation.
Clearing your throat “I’ve been experiencing symptoms lately, one’s that are affecting my ability to do my job. I just feel so tired. And sick. I feel like I can’t keep anything down.” You exclaimed. You felt frustrated at your body.
Looking at her face you can’t help but be confused at her still smiling. Madja read your expression immediately. Which preempted her to explain.
“My dear, I think you’re pregnant”
The words hit you like a ton of bricks. You had clarity now over your symptoms, but the diagnosis came with it’s own set of new problems. Your mind was telling you this was a bad time but your heart was swelling with love. Your mother had been tender hearted, giving and nurturing. You wanted to be a mother like that. The issue was that it wasn’t just you who the decision came down to. Of course no matter what, you would be the parent any child deserved. Anxiety crippled your ability to think. You realised you hadn’t physically reacted to the discovery. Madja was still looking at you.
“I…i…” you stuttered. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Of course I’ll have to do some tests Y/N, but I’ve been around long enough to know a pregnant fae when I see one.”
Pregnant. That was the only word spinning through your mind. It had only taken another 15 minutes for Madja to complete her tests and confirm the diagnosis. Thanking her you bid your goodbye. As you were departing she grabbed your wrist, turning to her - she cut you off before any words of yours formed.
“A baby is a very special thing, do well to be happy. Once in a lifetime are we blessed with such pure things.” Nodding your head, you smiled.
Feeling thankful for the fresh air outside of the medical building. You hoped you hadn’t let any of your emotion betray you by shocking down the bond. You wanted to tell Azriel. As a couple you hadn’t ever discussed having a family before. He was your only family, and if he didn’t want this - with you. The hole forming in your heart was enough for you to understand what would happen. At first you were worried but the more you thought as you walked, about a baby. The more you wanted it. You had so much love to give. But Azriel had so many things, His job, our enemies. Just the thought of someone harming your baby made your skin brush cold. The risk was significant. The war made you realise how vulnerable you truely were, how hard you fought and still couldn’t protect the people closest to you. When Cas had been sliced open, Azriels wings wounded. Rhysand literally dying, just as Amren had sacrificed herself. That was what the future held for you. Of course you suffered greatly during the war, encountering your own set of injuries. If you had a child, you couldn’t be so reckless anymore. You weren’t sure if that’s the fate you wanted for a baby.
That’s if Azriel wanted to have a part in it.
Just the uncertainty of his reaction. You sat down on a park bench. How where you even going to tell him? You had to think of plan B. Not just yet you thought. You had to be fair and give him the choice.
Looking at all the people, you saw them laughing. Couples, friends, families. You wanted that. But was it selfish? Of course you didn’t plan to get pregnant. You had barley seen Az actually, for a while, only having been intimate a few times, about a month ago. Thinking back you hadn’t taken your pregnancy control tonic. Idiot you thought to yourself. It was your fault. Putting your head in your hands you started to cry. This was so confusing, how were you supposed to feel? Surely not like this?
You felt someone sit on the bench next to you, looking up you saw Azriel. As someone who usually held a plastid face, he was showing a lot of concern.
“What’s wrong Y/N? I felt your distress down the bond.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“Stop with that, I’m always available to you. What happened?”
His hands were placed on your knee and back.
Taking a breath, now was not the time to be a coward. You would be okay.
“I haven’t been well lately.” You saw him frown.
Continuing on, “ So I saw Madja, and uh, I’m pregnant.” You felt his hand tighten on your knee and you assumed the worst. About to apologise again he pulled you into a bone crushing embrace. The tears started to slip again.
He kissed the back of your head.
He pulled away once he realised you had been gently crying.
“Are you not happy Y/N?”
Wiping away the wet drips on your face, you let out shaky exhale.
“I just didn’t- I wasn’t sure if you would want this. We’ve never spoken about this…possibility in life.”
“I want you, forever. And whatever you want. A baby, no baby. I know it’s new but we can manage. We always have.”
You tried to smile but you just felt emotional.
“Cmon, you look after me, a baby is nothing compared to what I put you through.” He gave you a grin. Seeing how jovial he was, you couldn’t help but laugh.
“Are you really sure this is what you want?”
“Y/N! I promise. I can’t even express how much I want this. A little you running around, what else could I ask for?”
Lifting your brow, “who says it won’t be a little you?”
He reached up to push a stray hair behind your ear “With any luck, I will have a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, fiery, little girl, who is just like her mother. You couldn’t help but blush at the compliment.
Little did you both know that you would grow a mischievous little boy exactly like his father.
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There’s a huge difference between scouring every single SJM post, what colours she’s wearing, book props in the background of her interviews, depending on biased articles that Sarah didn’t even write etc, for “hints” on your favourite ship, and then actually having evidence from the authors own mouth.
And that’s what makes Elucien stand out compared to other ships in the ship war. Elucien is the only one that has been confirmed by the author herself. They’re the only one with proof from SJM. They’re the only one she has openly doted on even after the acowar era, where 98% of another ship’s interactions occur.
They are the only ship that is confirmed to be mates, not only by the book, but by SJM herself. And they’ve been confirmed mates for 8 years. 8 years and the bond is still in tact with Sarah showing no intention of breaking it up at any point!!!
…yet somehow Eluciens are the “stupid and delusional” ones.
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