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elliemarchetti · 22 days

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Like Perfume You Wear, I Linger

Drabble inspired by Olivia Rodrigo’s songs obsessed (stream it because it’s good and the MV is funny) and lacy.

Part 2 of Rotten Petals, Rotten Feelings but you don't really need to read it to understand this. Gwyn's POV because in the end, it’s always the girls that suffers when a man is emotionally unavailable.

Words: 656

Gwyn was aware her obsession was unhealthy. She was ashamed to admit how much she thought about that girl she never even met, and she felt guilty in knowing so many personal and useless things concerning her person. She couldn’t stop though, every new, futile detail like a drug. By now, she had found out her star sign and her blood type, she had seen every movie she had starred in, staring at her impeccable and smart characters like she wanted to get hurt, and visited a couple places she had been to.

If she told anyone without providing context, they would think she was enamoured. She even read the books she cited in her captions on Instagram, but she never dared to hit follow, because she was her boyfriend’s ex something. They had never been together, they had only kissed once, but they had slept in the same bed, so she was sure he was, at some point, in love. If she had been a man, or if she had been into girls, she probably would have too: Elain Archeron was a talented, dazzling starlet, with eyes as pretty as the daisies she cultivated, lips plump like ripe cherries, and hips as sexy as Brigitte Bardot’s. Gwyn had tried to rationalize, to tell herself she was just a person and not a goddess made of angel dust that descended on the Hell they called Earth just to get on her nerves, but she failed, and her rotten mind loathed her because she seemed the greatest thing to ever exist.

She despised her jealous eyes and how hard they fell for her, but she had come up with a code name to talk about her with her best friend nonetheless, in case Azriel accidentally stumbled into one of their chats. Lacy, or as Emerie liked to say, Lacy skin-like-puff-pastry. The poor girl didn’t deserve all this bitterness – she even spoke kindly of her, her compliments like bullets on Gwyn’s skin. She knew she was butthurt only because she didn’t deserve her sweetness, and it was all her unresolved issues’ fault, but she could swear she still felt the ghost of her body when she was sleeping in Azriel’s bed, and every time he called her name in the morning, she held her breath, fearing to hear the one of his previous lover.

Truth be told, everyone described her boyfriend as uncharacteristically besotted, and knowing they had both moved on and they surprisingly didn’t talk anymore, she should’ve stopped worrying, but they also kept repeating how Elain was the life of every fucking party, and they kept remarking how easy-going and never controlling she was, and it was inevitable that she was still friend with his friends – two of them were with her sisters – but their chatter unknowingly made her upset and unable to get over it.

“Do you ever think about her?” she had asked one night, on the way home, to her unassuming boyfriend. Azriel had taken a fraction of a second too long to answer, and Gwyn, stomach all in knots, had quickly told him that it was fine if that was the case, that she didn’t care, but the reality was she wanted to know everything, if he regretted never having pushed the relationship further, if he ever imagined a future with her, whether he had idealized what they had and if she would ever be enough. It was taking over her life, and she started to see her beautiful enemy wherever she went, the sweetest torture she could bear. “You’re losing it,” her sister had told her one day, when she had found her stalking her TikTok page for the umpteenth time. Maybe it was true, but she once had the only thing she wanted, and even if it was Gwyn and not Elain who was Azriel’s girlfriend now, something told her he had left her a piece of his heart forever.

#gwynriel #past elriel #gwyn has issues and she's not working on them #she should just drop azriel and befriend elain really #but she's not ready for this take #i hope i did a good job portraying envy and jealousy because i'm like the least jealous person on earth #and not in a pick me way #it genuinely destroyed a couple relationships and friendships i had in the past because people thought i didn't care about them #i do care #maybe too much #i'm just not possessive and i don't want what other people have #not seriously #anyway #azriel shadowsinger #gwyneth berdara #elain archeron #acotar drabbles

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chryzuree · 9 months

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if chrysijacks were a cat breed which breed would they be… what is their favorite thing to do together… what is the reason behind the majority of their disagreements and what do they do after arguments to get back into the groove of things… and um. anything that’s currently on your mind abt them hehe <3

chrysi’s an egyptian mau !!!!!

((the favorite she chooses is azure… jackscat sniffling and sobbing behind her as she purrs and curls up in azure’s lap :)))

i dunno why, but i keep thinking siamese cat for jacks…. although!! an oriental shorthair would also be funney!!

like, jacks WOULD make an excellent family pet, but also

funky looking bastard. and he WOULD complain until he gets the attention he rightfully deserves!!!!!

hands down, their favorite thing to do together is kiss…….. can’t take the prince of hearts out of jacks once you’ve put it there, chrysi….. you cursed him w Obsessively Thinking About Kissing You Disorder and it’s incurable. fortunately, he’s studied sooooo hard to be good at it & he’s even killed a couple ppl for it too!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

before they get together, lots of their arguments stem frm relationship miscommunication??? in the sense that jacks desperately wants chrysi, but he keeps deflecting his true emotions onto other girls & flirting with them/dating them in an attempt to make chrysi jealous. and yet, he’ll also be trying to push chrysi towards other men (castor….. 😒), and then get mad that she gets mad at him. it’s that whole “childhood friends that want each other carnally but don’t want to take responsibility for their feelings/ruin the friendship” argument stock. you know what i mean???

a huge part of their arguments while they’re on the same page abt their relationship tends to be that chrysi’s too selfless (to the point of it being unhealthy), and jacks is waaaaay too selfish (also extremely unhealthy). they both clash over various situations where chrysi wants to abandon everything to help random citizen no.79 and jacks wants chrysi to stop leaving him & to hold his hand 24/7.

after their arguments, they both make it up to each other by very quietly moving closer to each other. it’s almost like red light, green light (or ghost in the graveyard 😌) where they refuse to move if the other person is looking at them… but it ends w them sitting side by side, holding hands and curling up together.. then they end up talking abt it and obviously kissing abt it. it’s very funny for emery to watch. it’s like watching two cats trying to pounce on each other, but a good version of that 🖤

i’ve been rlly rlly thinking hard abt the “two childhood friends that knew EVERYTHING about each other to these estranged fruends that are haunted by the ghost of this person that has visibly changed since then” angle SOOOO hard. but also how.. even though jacks and chrysi don’t know anything abt the person that the other had become, they also still know everything abt them… for example, i’ve been playing around w an evil dead rise au (i know.. sounds silly… but still!!!!) where chrysi and jacks finally reunite after ages + they’re at each other’s throats the whole time.. until, you know, the horrors. and as soon as those start, it’s so funny how they abandon all their hurts to make sure the other gets out safe.. jacks automatically reaching for chrysi’s hand when a demon possesses missy…. chrysi throwing her arms around him when she manages to get him out of harm’s way…… both of them very gently cupping each other’s face after sending the marauder into a woodchipper + they’re both covered head to toe in blood (partially frm the bloody elevator.. yk how it is!!)…. like they still know each other so well and now they’re willing to admit they love each other!!!

#.asks #s.chrysijacks #m.kat🫶🏻#SOBBING… they’re jst so. they’re soooo. they are so 🖤🖤🖤

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emluvsevermore · 3 years

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“loosen the tie, it’s midnight.” - tj hammond

sebastian stan // political animals (2012)

#emerie’s unhealthy obsessions #sebastian stan #imsebastianstan #sea bass stan #seb stan #tj hammond #political animals

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checkurwindow · 3 years

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Been seeing a lot of blogs starting to leave/drift away from the oph (or PB) fandom, and honestly I get that because the standards on choices really haven’t been as good these past few months, but have you guys ever considered

✨Ignoring canon and relying solely on fanfics to fuel your unhealthy obsession with fictional characters ✨

#in case you have difficulty reading the cursive (bcs sometimes I do):#ignoring canon and relying solely on fanfics to fuel your unhealthy obsession with fictional characters #open heart #pixelberry choices #choices open heart #ethan ramsey #playchoices #choices #Bryce lahela #Rafael Aveiro #Jackie Varma #Tobias Carrick #Aurora Emery #open heart: third year

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valerieismss · 2 years

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Emery versus TCOG readers

#everyone who’s ever read my play always says Simon and emery should get divorced and they’re not wrong for that #like I wrote them to be unhealthy #but also I suppose I’m attached to my psychology parents #BUT ALSO EVERYONE ENDS UP IN LOVE WITH EMERY AND IM LIKE … WHY?#i love emery I’m obsessed with them it just baffles me a little tiny bit #at least five of you will see this and think oh valeire you mean me. and I absolutely do this is targeted at everyone who’s ever read TCOG #love it though emery stays winning

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vidalinav · 3 years

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Rant Obvi... This time about age gaps

Now that I’m writing a fic where the bat boys are the age they were during The War and thus wayyy younger and more mentally similar to the Archeron sisters, I wonder why SJM made the age gap so obvious... and also so large.

Like for me personally every time Feyre doesn’t actively show that she’s involved in court politics or not in a meeting with the IC or having sex after she has a disagreement and that being highlighted as a regular occurrence for Feysand, and when she’s disadvantaged in any way with her decision being last as opposed to first or them looking to Rhysand for confirmation to listen to her whether it had a rational/reasoning or not, WITH the added baby plot, both her not knowing about the risk and then ALSO getting pregnant at 23 when in previous books she’d said she’d wanted to wait and Rhys himself was scared she’d resent him because she was so young, I notice the age gap. I can’t ignore the age gap. The age gap whether meaning to or not makes a problem and the text enforces that problem because it’s never taken care of, never disputed with evidence. We see Feyre being more disadvantaged in this book then we ever see her being given some sort of power. In theory she has power, but no evidence that has she has true equality.

In ACOSF, when Nesta was making friends with people mostly her age, them bonding over similar experiences, similar mind frames, hobbies, even doing maybe more childish things like making friendship bracelets, having sleepovers, this is juxtaposed with her relationship with Cassian who is supposed to be “the real man” in her narrative and also the instructor/trainer and also the keeper because he is the one who’s supposed to watch her during this intervention which she doesn’t have a choice really about, (because having bad options is not a choice, as proven many times even past the actual intervention). She has no money, and she has no place to go, which he is then plotted to be her emotional stability in a time where she is not emotionally stable, and every time she disagrees with him and they have an argument, he lacks control of his emotions even being the older person and then doesn’t apologize in the text and the text doesn’t make him accountable, but Nesta is accountable. Nesta feels guilty. Nesta feels ashamed, whether her feelings are caused directly by him or not. And then Nesta consistently puts him on a pedestal that he doesn’t deserve, and none of this contradicted because Cassian neither acts her age, nor is not advantaged by the situation, nor has the growth needed to show that perhaps he is learning to be better.

Then we have possibly Gwynriel/Elriel scenarios, but both of them have the same issue. Because we have a rather toxic male figure, who is stereotypically troubled, who is going to fall in love with one of these girls, when he has had an unhealthy obsession over his best friends that he’s never gotten over. Both of these girls are seemingly in a bad place. Both of these girls don’t have a lot of control. Elain doesn’t have control over anything, which she is trying to negate. And Gwyn is afraid of the world, which you know of course growth. And even though either relationships could potentially be about collective healing, because we already know Azriel has a very skewed perspective and relishes in torture, also never voices his troubles, but glues himself to an idea of a woman that can never be fufilled... it doesn’t point in a very good direction.

So then I ask why make them so old? Why not plan for them to be young? The War lasted 7 years. Make them 100 as opposed to 536, and cast it off as fae grow idk slower. OR make their mind frames and their attitudes not so blatantly older than their love interests. Or make a scenario where the women are not obviously disadvantaged. I hate to be that person and I never thought I would be that would say that SJM whether she knows it or not is writing some OVERTLY problematic things. And it’s not something that can just pushed off as character flaws or world building or misinformation, because it’s happened more than once and it’s not actively negated. It’s not these characters are bad, it’s these characters are written like that because SJM is not paying attention. I think she needs to examine some of her values, or at least what she conveys aware of it from the start or not. It takes more than giving women power (and then taking it away) and making them warriors to show that women have complex narratives.

Why the lack of healthcare in this world for women? (i.e. Feyre and Emerie). Why the constant assault on women, to a point where they have a library full of SA survivors? Why is it that the only LGBT character must hide who she is I’m assuming in direct result to the actions of a male character? Why the emphasis that only these female characters need a healing arc, but god forbid the male characters have any growth or do anything but supply the D? Why no women rulers in Prythrian up until Feyre, when there’s so many human queens assumedly having power? What story is SJM trying to write? What is so empowering about this? I have heard that so many times. Show me the empowerment. Show me how she writes progressively. Show me where the healing is.

Tell me why I am still reading this series. Like for real?

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #anti acosf #anti sjm #feyre archeron #elain archeron #gwyneth berdara

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queer-and-dear-books · 2 years

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Title: Meet Cute Diary

Author: Emery Lee

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Transphobia | Suicide Mention

Overall Rating: 6.6/10

Personal Opinion: Noah wants nothing more than to experience his own love story but until then, he’s settling for creating fictional love stories between trans people on his blog. Enter Drew, his chance at turning a fictional meet-cute into fake dating into real dating. Enter Devin, who threw up on him the first day they met. Everything Noah knows about love may not be entirely correct but it’s kind of fun watching him figure that out.

Do I Own This Book? No.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- The trans rep is exquisite and it makes sense seeing as it’s by a trans author. The protagonist is a trans man and his ending love interest goes by the neo-pronouns e/em so that’s awesome. Love that. Of course, we also have Becca, the local lesbian.

- I like the intent of the Meet Cute Diary being a beacon of hope for trans people. I think it is very sweet and noble because stories really do have that effect on people. I always get giddy when I see gay men thriving and in love in the world so I absolutely get the intention.

- I like that Noah developed as the story went on. He grew as a person. He saw where this unhealthy obsession with the idea of perfection had ruined his perspective on life. Being a perfectionist myself who also fantasizes about meet-cutes, I can relate.

- Devin really is super sweet. I love how e cares and does eir best no matter the situation. In spite of eir struggles and all e went through, e can still smile so brightly. I feel proud of em, all things considered. E clearly went on a journey of healing and self-discovery before e met Noah and I love that.

- That moment when Noah had gone and opened Becca’s list and it fit Noah perfectly was so beautiful. I love the slow and sure progression of Noah and Becca’s relationship too.

- The red flags around Drew were so clear, he might as well have been a red blanket. The casually racist joke that he had laughed at, the fact that he’s not even (normally) attracted to men but went out with an AFAB person, the possessiveness, the manipulation, the way he cared so much about internet clout on fucking Tumblr. God, I hated him. But Lee obviously did it on purpose. For readers to see it and for Noah not to. After all, Noah was wearing rose-tinted glasses for almost the entirety of his relationship with Drew. The red flags didn’t look red because of that. He got so caught up in the idea of a perfect romance because it was a cute meeting that he did not even stop to wonder if the relationship was actually good for him. The Diary also being a factor for why he wanted it to work out so badly also helps with tolerating his blindness.

- I love Brian. I really do. He tries so hard for his brother and he’s not perfect but he is trying. I adore the fact that he acknowledges when he makes a mistake and tries to give his brother the best. The way he’d defended Noah against his transphobic girlfriend too, that was iconic.

- Then there’s Noah’s parents too! They obviously had a lot to process when Noah came out to them but over time, they were able to say his new name easily. It happened naturally and the best part? Noah was not even with them physically. They’d clearly practiced it on their own so they wouldn’t fuck it up during phone calls and I love that. I love their support. I mean, they even got Devin’s pronouns right too immediately! It’s honestly heartwarming. It’s the bare minimum but it’s still heartwarming.

Dislikes:

- While I get that Noah had rose-tinted glasses on and I imagine, I would not be immune to it either, it feels like Noah let Drew get away with too much. He should have been called out more. Now he’ll never learn. Calling Chinese food “exotic,” the casual racism, the fact that he made Noah feel less than a man when he said he wasn’t gay and Noah is “special.” Like what exactly do you mean by special? Special as a person or special as in his parts?I’m aware that it’s difficult for asses to change but I feel like Noah had the opportunity to sow the seeds of progression and didn’t. Drew will just remain a manipulative and self-centered jerkwad that could end up taking advantage of girls in the future. Him and the rest of his cronies.

- Noah is annoying. There’s just no way around it. I find it so hard to root for him even though he is the protagonist. I mean, he made no attempt to get to know Brian’s girlfriend. It didn’t matter that he didn’t like her, he should at least try not to be an asshole the entire time. Especially since he himself acknowledged that part of why he didn’t like her was jealousy. That he was going to lose his brother to a girlfriend somehow. Like that is so insecure of him. Granted, she’s a bigot but he didn’t know that when he was being rude to her! Someone that Brian had really liked.

- I’m not done with the “Noah’s annoying” bit. The way he treated Devin like he was above him in the beginning? Dick maneuver. I get it, he puked on you. I would not be thrilled by that either. But I would at least be amicable because I know a person would never do that on purpose! I think I would recognize Devin as this nerdy, awkward kid and not a villain.

- Let’s not forget about how Noah and Becca interacted. Yes, this was done on purpose so that the relationship can grow. But Noah was so self-centered and even his best-friend-approved-dating-list was so shallow. Although, to his credit, I would not be happy if my best friend was interested in a TERF either. I mean, gross. In a way, I have a hard time rooting for them and I usually love best friends in almost any situation.

- Too much eye-rolling. It felt like, on every other page, somebody’s rolling their eyes. It was usually Noah, which of course, did not help his case. I don’t mind the phrase “I rolled my eyes” since it is such a staple in writing and it is a real reaction people have. But he did it so much. It makes him seem egotistical and arrogant. I mean, maybe that was a little bit intentional? But it’s not like he’d changed after. He still rolled his eyes at everything and it was so annoying. Because it really made it seem like he thought he was so much better than others. Again, it makes it really difficult to root for him.

- I can see why Noah fell in love with Devin but why the fuck was it reciprocated? Just because he was Devin’s first real friend after coming out? That feels like such a flimsy reason in my opinion. I am willing to give this one a pass because e’s a lonely teenager who’s been through a lot. Noah is also the first person to validate all their pronoun changes and also someone who has seen em at eir most vulnerable. Okay, I think I talked myself into. It was the unblinking support and validation that probably attracted Devin to him so quickly. But Noah was still pretty awful to em in the beginning.

#Booklr #Booksbooksbooks #Book Blog #Book Review #Meet Cute Diary #Emery Lee #LGBTQ #Queer Books #Queer Lit #Queer Representation

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cospinol · 2 years

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oc bingo but specifically for what emen got going on 😊

YES♡♡♡ did them separately just for neatness/annotation purposes but there's all kinds of Overlap ofc :~)

ehen first! text (+emy after) under a cut bc this ran LONG waa

war crimes: of the 'willing to sink to underhanded/unethical tactics to ensure victory' variety. as a commander he runs an incredibly tight ship and isn't cruel without concrete/carefully-planned strategic reason to be, but also with the right strategic reason he's always willing to be cruel :)

very pretty: ofc :) not sth he's deeply invested or thinks much abt but he's naturally beautiful

unhealthy family dynamics: from every possible angle :D!! complicated relationship w/ mother, complicated relationship w/ father, surrogate-parenting of younger siblings, obsession w/ family history/legacy, paternalistic rulership ideology..

angry at god: giving him this one on the biggest technicality ever which is that he has a personal working relationship with a deity who goes out of their way to piss him off whenever they can. most literal interpretation of this square

political mastermind: ofc. prodigy boy who always gets his way, intensely charismatic, 6 steps ahead of you, most talented ruler of the south realm in centuries ETC

mind control: ofc! aste nerfs him frm time to time when they think a given situation would be funnier if he didn't get his way (always without warning), and it doesn't work on emery, but otherwise.. :)!

he would definitely give himself the sharp humour square but idk if i'm officially letting him have it. sharp-tongued, anyways..

philosophical dilemma: legacy issues all the way down, all-consumingly, nothing he thinks abt more than the eternal parable of whether dying honourably or continuing to live on in shame is the correct course & which one he would/will choose in the face of a final defeat!!

smartest character in the whole thing: giving him this one shamelesslyyy, he's the greatest tactician of his era, an innovator in both military and civic engineering, an all around Ideas Man! not his fault there are so many extenuating circumstances all the time

god complex: he wld never view it in those terms but his Sovereign Complex functions essentially the same way/almost for the worse lol

power hungry: he's going to be the first man to hold the title of emperor in the south in 300 years :~) and after of that he'll go on extending the borders of his empire until there are no more worlds left to conquer

refined aesthetic: AND HOW, he's not particularly invested in physical beauty for its own sake but he values neatness/elegance/general aesthetic sensibility very highly. a prim and proper type, fundamentally...

control freak: obviouslyy, hand in hand with everything else here, everything he does he does singlehandedly and on his own terms and merits, he has every situation planned out six steps in advance, etc

ruthless to the point of borderline sadism: emphasis on the ruthlessness. he doesn't take direct pleasure in cruelty (beyond a little gloating when things are going his way) but ultimately any of his subordinates can be disposed of when necessary, and all of his adversaries should be dispatched in whatever way's the most expedient, he'll do whatever has to be done to ensure victory

manipulation: both emotional and political lol. whatever it takes whatever it takes

complicated relationship with death: thematically rather than mechanically; once again the legacy issue of the proper attitude for a tasier emperor..

likes a challenge but only because they know they'll come out on top: ending on my other favourite one here :D genius strategist whose idea of a good time is inventing+play-testing new tactics in skirmishes, but at the end of the day he takes his campaigns very seriously and won't take on ventures without a very good chance of victory, if circumstances really conspire against him he will turn tail and leave, if it becomes more profitable he'll turn on a temporary ally, etc. at the end of the day if you defeat him in an unexpected enough way he WILL have a little tantrum

andddd emery card! :D

war crimes: of the 'conquering army you really don't want passing through your village' variety, emy is fundamentally a bandit king with no interest in really reeling in the army of brigands that's collected around him via law of the strongest, and his only principle as a military commander is (as in the rest of his life) 'do whatever i feel like whenever i want'

very pretty: is he pretty? is he ruggedly handsome? does he need to be put thru the washing machine? vote now on your phone

unhealthy family dynamics: just the most layers of abandonment issues you could possibly fit into a single man

angry at god: well it’s complicated. at all times god is biting him and he’s asking them to stop biting him but also they’re good friends and he’ll give them a piggyback ride if they ask. also they want him dead on principle but they have to give him power for whatever he wants It’s Complicated

corruption arc: this one is almost iffy simply in that he's always been very true to his own nature and at no point in the narrative is he ever not giving in to various darknesses; we certainly meet him on the edge of point-of-no-return and he certainly just keeps getting worse but like, he was also already past there to begin with. he's the same emery all along he's not going to get better or not

both self-centred and self-loathing at the same time: mm :) again in the sense that he knows everything that's wrong with him and also doesn't feel like any of it is wrong at all, and at the end of the day is at peace with the truly awful person he is lol

inability to connect with people at an emotional level is a tough one for him also because he's so open and like genuinely into human connection, human interaction, hot-blooded and an on-whim do-gooder/even a bleeding heart. but at the same time he's as detached from all things as any person has ever been on earth (except io) :)

he absolutely is not a political mastermind BUT he keeps getting political achievements by accident/thru genuine coincidence/random acts of charisma/etc. god's favourite boy

mind control just a little bit as a treat.. he hasn't picked up ehen's big useful all-purpose version of it bc aste believes it's more interesting narratively for him not to have it but he does have a little one acquired from varie drowned earth's brides (the seam of the god of despair), specifically a short-term love enchantment enacted with a kiss, it's exactly as cute as it sounds

not giving him sharp humour either even though he would also definitely give it to himself. he's got blunt humour. man's dumb

philosophical dilemma: appropriate to his truly unique position, despite everything.. in many senses he's the only mortal who's ever been qualified to understand jarun, absolute power/absolute alienation/etc...

trauma: once again all related to/coming back to abandonment, fundamentally

god complex: LOL a very casual one that's nonetheless very serious bc of the lvl of power he has to back it up. like he’s not right but also he is literally is.. also he’s not taking it that seriously anyways dw

power-hungry: what he wants he gets, once he gets what he wants he gets bored with it and wants more!

ruthless to the point of borderline sadism: emphasis on the sadism :) he really just is a casual sadist who enjoys a bit of bullying, and if he's in the middle of something he's enjoying he won't stop until he's done (unless he gets bored), its that simple

cares (badly) for maybe 1 living being: giving him this one purely to contemplate a) the way he's always connected to io even in his almost-innate disconnect from the world and that b) the only person whose presence actively cuts thru that disconnect for him is ehen. and he's a man of the world anyways he really is Here, this whole area's hard on him

complicated relationship with death: mechanically rather than thematically (but also thematically).. he's still technically a mortal with a mortal lifespan and ability to die despite his innately incorrect existence-type, but also at the lvl of power he's on it'd be incredibly difficult for him to actually be killed, hours and hours and hours of 3rd moon prison body-training, memory of pain rather than pain itself, etc

wasted join me speech honourable mention here purely in terms of Dynamic With Io! the fact that it's not a speech rather than an overarching sequence of recurring/recursive debates, and also the fact that they understand each other so well that it's not wasted at all :D tfw your morality pet comes with no built-in morals and you both give up together

likes a challenge but only because they know they'll come out on top: once again ending on my fav one lol. emy's a consummate loser who’s incapable of feeling shame but also he'll always, always, always win if it counts at all/if he really wants to, and he's a very mean-spirited winner :)

this is so long tl;dr i am planning their wedding at all times

#asks #nerice #THANK YOUUUUUU this was so much fun #oc tag #did not give either of them the willpower as a weapon square because I don’t really know what it means but like.. for both it *could* fit?

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stfredsa · 3 years

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SHIP OPINIONS MEME / accepting .

💛 !!! abe, bastian, & vince if you want ?

oh emery, my beloved and in a way my one true nemesis too: the way you manage to sell me into a plot and consequently stab me in the heart is unrivaled, truly. i’ll start from the easiest bit ——

FRED & ABRAHAM : i can’t tell you how excited i am to explore them. i have a soft spot for any dynamic in which the other party knew fred when she was still young, restless as wildfire, her bravery boundless —— and for this to be reciprocated aka fred also being able to see the changes in him, how life broke them down and left shadows of them behind, it’s... it’s truly something. i don’t know him well enough but i am !!! about learning everything ( this is a formal request for you to come rant at me / spam me with headcanons always ). given our track record i can expect that 1. it’s gonna hurt me 2. i’m gonna obsess over it 3. i’m gonna hate you afterwards. i’m ready.

FRED & BASTIAN : ok these two. will never not make me fucking cry. i... i’ll be honest i have a hard time following plots that are simply this sad, usually, but i just... i just love theirs. i love love the concept of loving someone in spite of being... fundamentally unable to love who they are, in a way? not that becoming a vampire was bastian’s fault obviously but i just love the concept of love as a curse, how much she loved him before it all happened and how scared she has become, how in spite of all her fears she still refuses to give in to hatred, how she’s still overwhelmingly loyal and devoted to him even if it goes against every survival instinct she’s been left with. i just adore how it allows me to explore the aspects of fred i love the most, which are also kind of unhealthy i think, but her devotion when it comes to love is truly unbelievable, and yet it faces its biggest obstacle yet in this plot / ship and it’s ... god i love writing it. i am crying about them always but if you don’t think i go absolutely batshit writing them .... .

FRED & VINCE : oh how stupidly soft for them i am. i love how it could sound like a trivial / predictable plot from afar and yet it’s so dripping with significance and symbolism. the concept of ‘ home ‘ lingering all through aspects of their relationship, the stubborn ways they protect each other i... could not get enough of it. i feel they have an incredible kind of chemistry and i am so. so eager to explore all aspects of their interactions and especially how fucking domestic they are —— but in no clichè, sugar-coated way: simply allowing each other into their privacy which is very important to both of them, for different reasons. i keep having this feeling their dynamic is one big landscape full of a million different landmarks and points of interest i simply cannot wait to explore. and i also know that when we get really deep into it it’s gonna hurt but also prove unbelievably good for character development, hopefully for the both of them. i just feel like i’m repeating myself a lot but i ! fucking love them. it’s soft and sad and tense and sexy and so unbelievably heartfelt and it’s honestly everything one could ask of a ship i’m ... in love.

SENT FROM / @rotnight .

#rotnight #ASK —— a different kind of danger in the daylight.#basically this is me simping over you / your muses CONSTANTLY

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streetcornertwoam · 7 years

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oh dear...

so I had mentioned on here the other day that getting in touch with an old high school friend can sometimes be nice

...and it still is, but it’s getting vaguely more...real now

real now as in...exchanging phone numbers and talking about hanging out

which is fine...except I just...don’t do that anymore...

I’ve become so closed off from people that I just...don’t go out or do anything, which is...fine

mostly

I’m more fine with it than I used to be, I think

but then I’ll get to talking with someone, and talks of getting together and hanging out happen and like...I’m always torn

‘cause yea it would be nice to see them, to talk, catch up...etc

but...then I just become overwhelmed with anxiety...and I don’t really know why

I never was like this...

sure there were times I would perhaps ignore or y’know...drop out of hanging out whatever, but I would always still really want to

and then it became just..wasn’t ever invited, which...fair, but it hurt ‘cause y’know...I don’t know...I’m a person and even though we’re complicated af and I would have said no to going anyway...lol

and then it just kinda...I don’t know, became easier to not see anyone for long stretches of time...so I got used to being at home and doing whatever

so now it’s like someone wants to do something and for a minute it sounds nice, but mostly it’s just terrifying

I did this sorta a few summers ago with another friend from high school

also started off messaging on FB, then switched to texting...like all the fucking time...hung out a few times...aaaaaaand then we ended up like...hardcore make out session in a cemetery...yikes lol

reason for the cemetery...lol...it’s...like right behind my house...there’s a church behind my house and then it’s just like...right there cemetery

and when I was a teen me and my friends used to go walking through it and it shit all the time ‘cause it was just...near and y’know whatever

so basically it was a more or less private place near by and...so that happened

...i don’t remember if we managed to hang out again after, i know we texted a few more times and talked about hanging out...but then I think I just felt...really weird? so I kinda blew him off...’cause I’m super mature and awesome obvs

and...I haven’t talked to him really at all since lol

and y’know....we were close in high school...we never ended up dating, ‘cause his track record with girls was horrible, and I remember telling him that one time when he asked if I’d ever date him. And I straight up said no, ‘cause you end up dating a girl for a few days and then it’s over and then you aren’t even friends anymore...so no

......buuuuut that obviously never stopped from y’know...the occasional kiss action lmao

i was also the first person he ever made out with, so there’s that lol

it’s just...I don’t know, it’s weird lol

I feel like...we could have maybe had...something

but there (for me) was just...nothing when we were kissing

and I don’t know that there ever really was much, but I feel like there used to be...more I don’t know

........

not that I really think anything like that would happen with this guy......I mean...I suppose it could

I’m fairly certain he always had a bit of a crush on me

which is sweet, he was always really nice....but I just never felt the same back

I don’t know

I’m probably gonna end up having to tell him some version of this. At least the bits about I’m terrible when it comes to people anymore, and regardless of how much I may want to see and hang out I’ll probably always bail last second ‘cause I’m just...incapable of being around people apparently

I just don’t want him feeling badly ‘cause I’m such a shit person

he said he really misses me and always really loved and admired me in high school ‘cause my personality and I could always make him laugh/smile

and I’m just like...fuck that’s so goddamn nice, but honestly dude I’m such a fucking mess anymore

you want to know what I’ve been doing since high school? fuck all

dated a guy I’d known my entire life basically for 3 1/2 yrs, thought it was gonna be a forever sorta thing, ha! Jokes on me...turns out he was a fucking asshole and I should have ended after oh...2...2 1/2 yrs? but did I? NOPE

so that was fun...and that fucked me over pretty good when he did finally end it....and then strung it along by every few weeks texting me and shit until I found out what a real piece of work he was, and that was the final straw

and then I started getting back out into the world...met some new people, reconnected with my best friend, and for a couple yrs it was pretty great....

then parents place closed down, new friends i made started heading off to college, I started babysitting my nephew, lost touch with friend....

I mean this all kinda happened at the same time...I had been babysitting nephew when I was still hanging out with people and parents place was still open but still that’s basically how that went...

saw them a few more times, but then I just...by that point reached where I am now....

maybe if I got back out there after a while it’d be different, I don’t know

for all that I’m still the same person, I’m vastly different than I ever used to be

and I think that’s simply from all the time that I’ve spent on my own...so I’ve been in my head a lot and been able to think about things...sometimes over think....obsess about it...but y’know...it did at least lead me to one positive thing...figuring out that I’m not nearly as straight as I always thought I was...oh hey turns out Kels that you’re bisexual...who would have thought

well me for one, if I had ever just...thought about some of the shit I finally thought about, instead of just....fucking denying it and burying it

....I don’t know how different things would be had I realized it sooner, and even though I’ve never told anyone in my real life...I do feel better

it’s more freeing...it’s nice

and there are times...that I’m just...sitting with my parents or just my mom...and I just wanna be like ‘so...I’m bisexual’

tbh I don’t think it’d be a big issue...sometimes I think ‘they must know...’ or ‘they must suspect...’ just ‘cause...of the things I say sometimes now but I don’t know...

...I at least know my mom would be ok with it, since her older brother...my uncle...was gay

and even though he never told anyone, she said she knew...and that’s why he moved away from here so he could be himself

and I so get that...but I just really hate that he never felt he could share that part of himself before he passed

y’know...what if I had realized about myself sooner...I could have told him and we could have had that connection

...I say he was gay, but I honestly don’t even know if that’s right...I remember growing up he had girlfriends, or at least...said he had girlfriends...but I know when he died him and an old friend of his were together...so...I don’t know

I was only 18...27 now...but...I had enough information about myself to have figured out...or at the very least questioned things about myself at that point

guess it’s sorta pointless to think about things like that...can’t change the past, no sense dwelling over it...just something I got to thinking about

....this post has gone a bit off the rails lol

sometimes I forget how good i feel after I do long posts like these

I know that no one reads ‘em, or at least I suspect no one does

but I do it for myself...get thoughts down and out

it helps...a bit

I’ve been starting to think maybe I should see a therapist or something...

mom always said she was gonna send me to one when I was a teen ‘cause of my....habits

it’s one of the many things we’ve never talked about, and she never...really knew 100%, but I do know that she at least once saw scars on my arms

....and got a call from the school I think once my freshmen year after my classmates died

‘cause someone had told a counselor that I was...a bit not right and I remember getting called down once in class...and she (or was it a guy...I don’t totally remember ha) asked me if I was doing ok etc etc etc....I of course lied, and they told me that a friend had said otherwise (never did find out who that was) and they gave me a suicide hotline card and said I could come talk whenever and...then I went back to class

....sometimes I think that’s why Mr. Emery took such a shine to me...’cause it was in his class...and he got the call that I needed to go down...and then I got back and he asked if everything was alright and I just said ‘yea fine’

and y’know...he did looked...concerned but he didn’t push...I don’t know

I never got called down again...and then it just kinda...fell by the wayside I guess I don’t know

it’s weird thinking back like that...like...I can remember his face when he answered the phone and...the look...when he heard what was said...he just looked...taken aback

...fuck

I need to stop thinking about it ‘cause it’s just...yea

haven’t thought about it in ages and it’s just...a lot

for anyone that has read all this...mass of garbage and is..maybe worried about me...regarding all...that

it’s fine...I’m fine...haven’t done anything like that for...10 or so years maybe?

...thoughts is a bit different, real serious thought...still been a few years probably

those creepy intrusive thoughts that happen sometimes? yea...but it’s usually just more simply a ‘what if I died’ or ‘what if I were dead’ sorta thing...

...so admittedly yes, probably unhealthy...should really think more about a therapist or something but...oh well

ok...gonna wrap this up now I think

gonna have a queue going later today/tomorrow fyi...don’t worry haha

#personal bs #lots and lots and LOTS of rambling #as usual just done to get thoughts out #feel a bit better now

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