#emilia rants

[suffarustuffaru]

so i ranked some rezero ships based on how their breakup would go

#IM SO SORRY FOR THE ‘at least one of them dies’ TIER WODNSNS #rem and fred are only in clean breakup bc i think itd just kinda fizzle out itd just be like ‘i no longer feel we should be dating. ok cool’ #fred and ram are at the VERY TOP bc of how their entire friend group (emilia camp) is also gonna react. the teas gonna be so spilled HAH #otto and ram mainly being in the divorcee category says so much. #and OKAY otto is like….. his only clean healthy breakups are gonna be with fred or marone. if its anyone else then ottos gonna like #getting drunk and then immediately giving unhinged rants about it. #its all over once i write that otto-reinhard rarepair analysis man. #julius ships being in the bottom half of the tier list only… unproblematic king. #i DO think felix crusch would be clean breakup bc they want whats best for each other ultimately. if they ever did officially get together #and then break up. #theyd probs get back together though. #rezero #so sorry to the person who made this tier list if youre seeing this. this is what im using it for HAH

[the-other-art-blog]

I’m going to rant. I’m going to rant so much because Secret Invasion was so awful.

I really was hoping this would be a grounded, Winter-Soldier-style show. I mean, they keep getting these A-list actors to do this! They got Olivia Coleman! After she got an Oscar! I understand if five years ago, every actor in Hollywood wanted in, but now? Honestly, if I were one of them, I would get as far away as possible. This is a sinking ship. Especially because the MCU gives almost no information about the characters before hiring them. But what ends up happenning is that once they’re committed, they realize the shitty script they have to do. Isn’t one of SAG-AFTRA proposals is to let actors have information about a role/project at the time of audition? And it was rejected?

I saw an interview from the actor who plays Gravik and I was very upset because he was very apathetic. But after seeing what he had to work with, I get him. Again, he probably had no idea of the script but trust Marvel and he shouldn’t have. His evil monologue at the end! 😖 And it’s so frustrating because in the Barbie movie, he’s lovely! He could have been a very charismatic villain with a good script and director.

Olivia did a great job. But I doubt we’re going to see her again. She said she wanted to be in the MCU no matter what, but she deserved a better project.

Unfortunately, Giah has no personality. Even in the show, who cared about her? Talos loved her of course, but she turned against him for an organization who didn’t give a shit about her. She had no authority there. When she got killed, who cared? And she’s a terrtorist. She didn’t stop the explosions, which no one ever mentioned again, btw. Let’s pray, the low ratings make Marvel forget about her. Don’t tell me Emilia Clarke didn’t think this was worse that s8 of GOT? At least that one had 7 good seasons before that. This was bad from start to end.

AND, she stole those superpowers. Didn’t we have a whole Agent Carter season about Howard Stark keeping Steve’s blood and how inmoral that was? And now Nick Fury did the same to everyone!!! What the hell was his plan? Clone them? Are the avengers ever gonna learn about this? What about the Black Panther. It was on the list. But those powers are attached to Wakanda. Like, what did we have Wakanda Forever for? T’Challa and Shuri had to go through a whole ritual, they went to see their ancestors!!! The powers are not the most important part of the character. There can be ten heroes with superstrength, but it is the backstory and the personality what makes each of them special.

I get a similar feeling from the revelation that Rhodey has been a Skrull since Civil War. Because now, all those heartfell moments mean absolutely nothing. 

Does Feige honestly believe that people are going to be happy with the show just because of that final fight scene? I really think so. At this point, Marvel thinks that of they make a CGI fight with lots of superpowers, everyone will love a show/movie, even if they promised something else. Talk about being in denial.

I don’t even think Maria was fridged because no one cared. Her death meant nothing to the overall plot and to the characters.

Fury being married was an interesting idea (actually I think this is the kind of attention that Clint and Laura should have had in Hawkeye), but it’s not enough to save the show. And, I want to believe Clint knew about them. But the MCU doesn’t keep relationships anymore. And then I remember that Fury turned out to be a horrible person whose morals are all fucked up. He uses people, literally takes their blood for his own plans, abandons his wife, doesn’t keep his word, leaves his friend’s corpse behind, and now he’s not even a good spy.

Also, how are all those people not dying of radiation poisoning? I have no scientific knowledge on this, but they spent years in Chernobyl. Surely they should have cancer in the near future, at least. They showed how dangerous it still is!

And I’m not even going to get too deep into the budget, but someone is definitely doing some serious money laudering there. GOT had only $15 million per episode in the last season and the had dragons and White Walkers. How is a 212 million budget not enough to give a realistic depiction of an attack on the US president! I had no idea that their economy was so bad that the president can’t even afford a proper security team. His gabinet is somewhere? Seeing how the female secretary was treated, I’m not suprised if no one showed up!

#secret invasion #rant #we were robbed #i'm just going to rewatch EMH #a cartoon did it much better than them #nick fury #maria hill #olivia colman #emilia clarke

[dumping-ideas]

Taking a break from brainstorming and writing my WxS + ensemble fic by thinking rezero thoughts and how much I love SubaEmi & SubaRem both in and outside of romantic context because their relationship is so much more than that.

I remember back when the first season aired there's an 'I love Emilia' meme going around before I even knew rezero (I watched it in 2017 iirc). And when I finally watched it, I didn't really get why people at that time is mad at Subaru for not saying 'I love Rem' lol.

First of all, Rem is the one who rejected Subaru's proposal first. She knows that Subaru doesn't love her that way, and that something scared him so much that he chose to run away other than fight. She confessed not to get Subaru saying 'I love you' to her (although she kinda wished he would), but it's more about showing Subaru that there's someone that would love him and always be by her side no matter what--her.

And Subaru answered Rem's genuine love confession with the genuine truth--that he still loves Emilia. Because he knew that saying anything else but the truth will dishonor Rem's feelings. Rem falls in love with the Subaru who tries so hard for everyone and everything, including for Emilia's love. Actually, I like this scene because it shows how loyal Subaru is?? Even in his weakest moment, even when there's a girl that's so passionate about her love to him, his feelings for Emilia is still going strong. And I hate that a lot of viewers don't appreciate that dedication. Like damn, where can I find a guy as loyal as Subaru??

And not all anime-only knows this, but Subaru actually, truly, loves with Emilia because of the lap pillow in Arc 2. Sure, he fell in love at first sight when she saved him in the beginning of Arc 1 (also because she's physically his type), but it's only a bud--a crush. There's even a whole paragraph that's basically about Subaru realizing 'oh, I love her' at the end of the pillow scene in the light novel (ps. the ln is great btw). Just think about it, at that time, Subaru was terrified of being hated and betrayed again by everyone, everything he did ended in mistakes and he couldn't even tell anyone about his trauma---and then there's Emilia, who doesn't know or even able to understand, and yet she lent him her lap and a willing pair of ears to listen to his cries---showing Subaru that he's not alone in that world. For Subaru, he knew Emilia for more or less two weeks, but for Emilia, she only knew Subaru for more or less a day. Like, who wouldn't fall for her gentleness??

(And Rem did kill Subaru in cold blood and tortured him so I think it's weirder that Subaru forgave Rem, but that's Subaru for you ig. His super low self-esteem makes him has the mentality of 'as long as I know you have a shred of kindness in you, I can forgive you, even if you betray my trust, torture me, and kill me without remorse lol'

Btw, iirc in arc 7 he had a monologue where he said he still got shivers every time he heard the sound of chains--his trauma from Rem's torture will probably never go away).

So yeah, anime-onlies argument about 'Subaru's love to Emilia doesn't make sense' becomes moot if they actually have the context from the ln. But I didn't even have the context from the ln when I watched Ep. 18 the first time and I still understood why Subaru said 'I love Emilia' just fine, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny thing is that there's a scene in ln where Subaru admitted to both Rem (in Arc 3 before the White Whale battle) and Emilia (in Arc 4 on the carriage to Sanctuary) where he said that he also loves Rem. Again, understandable, because who wouldn't fall for Rem after her heartfelt confession?? And I appreciate how Subaru think that he's such a scum for liking two girls at the same time and thought that Emilia and Rem should know of his two-timing feelings. Rem is... well, she's kinda obsessed so she said that she's okay being the 2nd wife (but by the way Arc 7 goes I think she wouldn't be in the future), and the kind and gentle Emilia basically saying 'yeah, you suck' but she also said that she understood that Subaru and Rem had a history that she didn't know of so she couldn't fully judge Subaru for that.

Of course, then in Arc 6 Emilia said that she knew Subaru would be occupied with Rem when she woke up, so Emilia needed to work harder to make Subaru look her way... And then in Arc 7 Rem lost all her memories (which I think will tie in to Rem's own character development so she could live for herself, not for Ram or Subaru).

And also, why didn't anyone mention how strict Rem is to Subaru? In Arc 3 she basically said 'don't you dare run away from your trouble because I'm here', and in Arc 6 she's basically pissed at Subaru for giving up and not being able to stand up lol. Heck, in Arc 4 Subaru said to the witches that Rem is the strictest person ever to him because she wouldn't let him give up... and somehow it turned into a hero complex which is also addressed in Arc 7... although I think Arc 7 just made his hero complex worse... On the other hand, Emilia is gentle towards Subaru. In the Arc 4 light novel, when she realized how distressed Subaru was she put Subaru's ears against her chest so Subaru could hear her steady heartbeat to calm him down. In Arc 6, Emilia's (almost-)confession to Subaru was so soft even though all the chaos, and then when they fell she embraced him in such a way so she would fall to the ground first??? Even though there's no way they would survive that fall??? I'm so sorry, I'm so soft for that scene. Not to say that Rem wasn't gentle, but where Emilia would say 'it's okay for Subaru to rest', Rem wouldn't let him.

And and his narration in Arc 4 of his feelings for Rem and Emilia when he talked to his dad---Emilia is his light, and Rem is his sky--and how he couldn't live without both... that passage is so *chef's kiss*

And I haven't say anything about how their love for each other (and other people, in Subaru's case) is also a catalyst for them to love themselves...

Rezero is about love, and there are many forms of love. Romantic, platonic, familial, self-love, etc. ... The writer isn't wrong by calling it a heartwarming story.

#re zero #natsuki subaru #emilia #rem #basically a rant #actually subaru's dynamic with the everyone is so amazing even with the male characters #otto for being the only person who never thinks of subaru as a hero #but only as his stupid stubborn and kind friend?? #or julius who admires subaru's straightforwardness in life #who's proud of being subaru's friend #and how he's only able to stand proudly as a knight even though everyone forgets him because subaru remembers him?? #their exchange in arc 6 about subaru saying i remember your strength #and then julius responds in kind to the amnesiac subaru by entrusting anastasia to subaru??? #or even the comedic gag in rezelos where it implies that reinhard will do anything subaru asks of him #and even in arc 5 where subaru told reinhard to stop saying things that'll make fujoshi happy to him lol #and also the gag that child!subaru is the son of the emperor of vollachia and crossdressing subaru #while vincent and subaru has a mutual trust-hate relationship going on #subaru is a great mc i love him #love nagatsuki-sensei acknowledging the fujo in rezero fandom lol #also he once said that subaru is the delicate one in subarem subaemi dynamic #that he's the one who's supposed to be bridal carried in both relationship lol #based nagatsuki-sensei

[pzyii]

She's so small

#pzyii rants #emilia jones #alice ward #utopia uk #utopia c4

[writer-of-various]

I want every single one of you writers to give yourself a pat on the back.

It is hard to make characters, and it's even harder to make characters as realistic as possible because it involves God knows how many hours of research, editing, writing, sharing, and what ever else you do to ensure your character is "perfect" in their own way (perfect being that they *the writer* has achieved to make this character into someone, to put life and a story in them that makes them human and who they are.)

It's hard, I understand that struggle. Despite my love for writing and history, it is hard to make a character precise, especially when it's a character from another country that you aren't familiar with. It involves research and doubt and experience and determination to create characters. It takes years for a writing director or video game dev to make a character, and there may be so many errors in them. But I see how many of you really put time and dedication to make your characters be real people, and it amazes me. Especially when it takes y'all only a few months to maybe a year to complete the backstory of a character. Not many people have these skills, and you should be proud of yourselves.

So give yourself a huge pat on the back or hug or high five, and feel free to reblog and say which character/OC you are proud of and how long it took you to complete the story of this character.

#wov talks #wov rants #wov loves yall #proud of all of you #i am proud of emilia emilsdóttir #ocs #my ocs #your ocs #character creating #writing

[iridescentis]

I know I've mentioned it a ton of times but I'm still so confused what they're trying to do with Lutteo

I love lumón of course but it feels so out of place to start that again?? It would feel so much more natural if early s3 lutteo was about them individually working through their issues and building things up again so the drama later, which i know is coming, feels more deserved and less frustrating

it's hard to root for them when the plot is constantly getting in their way I just want to shout at the screen

#also matteo is getting some character development i think #and he doesn't deserve to be punched in the face with 'luna likes someone else' AGAIN #to be fair matteo pretty much only ever likes luna so that won't be a problem for her until emilia gets involved #but come on #it's so soul crushing watching him get his heartbroken every five minutes give him a break to evolve guys #give him a wake up call but don't keep kicking him when he's down #it's just miserable to see him flip between crushed and happily in love every other episode #i know im ranting but please he's my little rat boy my little shit i want to see him happy #soy luna #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano

[itbeleeeee]

hi, I'm watching Game of Thrones right now, which I really never thought was going to happen because 1. The show finished when I was a sophomore in high school, and I had a friend that hated the ending, so I figured I wouldn't watch it 2. I wasn't as interested in TV as I am now, so committing to an 8 season show was big 3. I had watched WatchMojo videos on it BECAUSE I knew I wouldn't watch it, so I didn't care.

AND I BOUGHT THE FIRST TWO BOOKS IN THE SERIES !! Like??? Am I insane?? My bitchass just got back into reading and I'm going to read 5 600+ page books. Yeah okay, funny joke, we've got a clown in our midst and it's ME.

And lo and behold, here I am 5 years later, watching the first ep for a class assignment (Media Studies major here, btw) and it ends on a cliffhanger, so I came to the logical conclusion that everyone would come to and watch the next episode. Which turned into the next episode. And then the next. I'm halfway through season 3 after a week (which isn't that much I'll admit) and while I know major plot points (not excited for ep 9 😞) context just makes everything hurt more. I fucking love the Starks and just knowing things get worse... ugh. I'm already emotionally exhausted and nothing that bad has even happened yet (though we can all agree Ned dying was the Canon Event of the whole show)

AND I BOUGHT THE FIRST TWO BOOKS IN THE SERIES !! Like??? Am I insane ??? My bitchass just got back into reading and I'm going to read 5 600+ page books in a decent time frame. Yeah, okay, funny joke Leah. Really made myself laugh this time.

Anyway this was a rant. I really hate (Love) Game of Thrones so far, this is honestly really on-brand for me. I will definitely be back later to scream about the Starks because I love them and am very upset about the misfortunes they face. Ttyl, gonna go cry.

#this is a rant #game of thrones #i know most of the show thanks to internet osmosis but its still a fun watch #LOVE the Starks. really upset about their whole thing. #dany is badass as we all knew and i love her #emilia clarke is the Hottest woman on earth and i Do Not say that lightly #hate this show <3 gonna watch some more <3

[natsbaby]

Never felt true jealously till i watched me before you again

#allys rants #never screamed so loudly in my life #i havent watched this movie in so long #so i decided to rewatch it #and it got to the scene where they went to a concert and emilia wore the red dress #*squealing kicking dying* #never felt so single in my life

[lewisvinga]

favorite girls | alex albon x fem! reader x lily muni he!

summary; after y/n says a special fact about her relationship with alex and lily, everyone seems to misinterpret it as her getting in between their relationship. luckily, her boyfriend, girlfriend, and their grid friends are always there to defend her.

fc; emilia mernes

warnings; slut shaming, cursing

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs

note; requested ! i love me some alex n lily

masterlist !

liked by yourusername, lilymhe, and others!

alex_albon: my favorite girls. both of them, always and forever. ( p.s. lily and i made the FIRST move before she realized we loved her after manyyyyy hints and tries )

tagged; yourusername, lilymhe

lilymhe: y/n is such a pretty angel then you added a pic of me in pjs and w my dino

alex_albon: ‘that’s my y/n dino i can’t leave her🥺🥺’

yourusername: AWE LILSSSS

lilymhe:we gave her so many hints and it wasn’t until we kissed her that she finally realized 🕊️🕊️

alex_albon: she’s so stupidly cute 😞😞

yourusername: to be fair, lily is just super affectionate and alex is flirty without trying , how was i supposed to know🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

landonorris: when drunk alex and lily kept ranting to me about how much they love you while you were right next to me???

yourusername: i too was tipsy , norris !

yourusername: love u both sm💖💖 my fave ppl in the whole wide world 🥹🫶

alex_albon: love you both so much too❤️

lilymhe: AWEE I LOVE YOUU BOTH🥹

username: now i see why y/n said lily is like a puppy

username: #y/ndefenderuntildeath liked by alex_albon & lilymhe!

username: they’re so goals

username: the way they both pulled a bad bitch like y/n really had y’all questioning if they made the first move or not 😭

username: y/n honestly has looked happier ever since dating them! and even her aesthetic has been sm more colorful!

username: my parents 😖

landonorris: love u guys n all but u guys are gross

yourusername: aweee landooo ( ignoring the last part )

alex_albon: he’s just jealous i have 2 pretty gfs and he has none!

landonorris: LEAVE ME ALONE

username: lily and y/n give me a gay panic

username: idk if i wanna be them or be with them

username: u guys need a fourth?? or a dog??? or a cat??😁😁

username: i still don’t like y/n. she gives me such an ick. swear she just ruined their relationship.

landonorris: well you give me the ick but you don’t see me commenting on your posts! y/n has made lily and alex very happy, so please fuck off.

georgerussell63: y/n is such a sweet girl, ask carmen, or literally anyone else on the grid! she’s loved by all of us and most importantly, alex and lily love her. frankly, your opinion doesn’t matter!

charles_leclerc: we don’t know you so it seems like your comment is irrelevant 😊😊😊 you clearly don’t know alex or lily well enough to know how happy they are with her! keep your irrelevant opinions to yourself next time 😁

lilymhe: yeah, what they said!

yourusername: awh, my boyfriends boyfriends are so nice 🩷

alex_albon: gross lando isn’t my boyfriend

landonorris: u know u want to baby😘😘

alex_albon: stay away from me norizz ❌

georgerussell63: so i’m your bf? 😦

charles_leclerc: and me?😧

lilymhe: that makes carmen and alexandra our gfs LETS GOOO🙌🙌

carmenmmundt: LETS GOO🤗

alexandrasaintmleux: GIRLIES FTW🎉🎉🎉

yourusername: i like this comment thread 😊

#formula one x reader #f1 x reader #f1 smau #f1 scenario #formula one scenarios #f1 imagine #formula one imagines #formula one imagine #f1 scenarios #formula one social media au #alex albon smau #alex albon scenarios #alex albon x reader #lily muni he x reader

[cinnnamongrl]

sorority secrets- ellie williams (part 4)

pairing: college!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: part 4 to this fic. you can find part 3 here.

warnings: [18+ MDNI] explicit language, mentions of alcohol, sexual themes, kissing, ✨tension✨

author’s note: part 4/5 !! have fun gays

“you really didn’t have to do that.” you spoke through a pained smile. “i did! and you have to go because i already told campus news that you are chad are a hot new item” she winked. a hot new item? “you did what?” ellie interjected, sitting up. “why-“ you closed your eyes and took in a breath, “-why would you do that?” you spoke calmly despite the irritation bubbling at your chest. emilia tutted like you were asking a stupid question “because i did some digging and turns out someone has famous sorority blood. daughter of an ex kappa upsilon sigma president dating the current kappa upsilon sigma president… that’s the news people really care about!” she explained. “… is it?” “yep!” she beamed.

~~~~~~

“campus fucking news” you said in disbelief. ellie snorted and held her hand above her eyes to shield the sun beaming down on her as she walked you to your class. “it’s not funny! look at the fucking text i just got from my dad” you handed her your phone.

“jesus” ellie handed your phone back to you. “yeah..” you mumbled. “he’s ‘proud that you’re respecting and upholding family values’… this is all because he thinks you’re dating a frat boy?” you scoffed, “when you put it like that it sounds insane. i think it’s because chad’s the kappa pres and kappa means a lot to my dad. he still gets involved with the fraternity even now. and my parents… they’re traditional. and they have these ideals of me being exactly like them. and they think it’ll get me to where i want to be.” “in a dull marriage where you have 4 kids and 0 orgasms?” you hit her lightly “i’m serious!” she hugged your side into hers and kissed your forehead “i know. i’m sorry angel. that’s a lot of pressure and it must be tough on you.” “what am i gonna do about tonight?” you huffed. she looked at you, “you’re gonna go.” you blinked up at her. “and you’re gonna humour emilia and the others until we figure out how to get you out of this little situation.” you nodded your head a few times, then a small smile appeared as you looked up at her “you not gonna be too jealous watching me on a date with someone else?” you teased. she poked her tongue at her cheek lightly and a little smirk played against her lips “why would i be jealous when he’s not a threat?”. you raised your eyebrows “such confidence, williams.” “well, am i wrong?” she tilted her head towards you and you shook your head with a laugh.

~~~~~~~

warm sticky heat pawed at your skin as you weaved your way through a crowded tipsy bison to reach the bar. you stood waiting to catch a bartenders eye when a hand you knew wasn’t ellie’s was placed on your lower back. “i’ll get the drinks” chad spoke.

despite how much you wanted to be away from this bar and this date, chad wasn’t… awful. sure he’s talked about himself a lot, and yes he’s gone through his camera roll and shown you highlight clips of his football games but he wasn’t the worst frat guy you’d ever come across. he was respectful at least and did seem to have a genuine interest in getting to know you. you nearly felt bad that he was on a date with someone who has absolutely no interest in him. nearly. he placed your two drinks on the little table for two that was conveniently in perfect viewing distance from the booth where your friends sat. you did a little scan; brittney was talking to one of chad’s friends, emilia seemed to be rejecting a kappa guy, madison was ranting to chloe, ellie was… sitting, her back against the booth, manspreading slightly with one hand against the back of the seat, the other holding her drink and she was staring right at you. you adjusted in your seat slightly and let your eyes run over her. she winked half-jokingly and a giggle escaped your throat. “don’t you think?” your brain suddenly processed the background noise you’d been hearing was a question directed at you. you turned your head to chad suddenly. “oh um… yeah.” he nodded thoughtfully and smiled “i knew you’d agree,” he reached his hand out and placed it on top of yours. oh god. “you know… you’re even cuter than emilia said you were.” you lifted your mouth in a hopefully not-too-obvious fake smile. “and you’re like, super smart and shit” you looked down to avoid his intense gaze and his hand reached out to brush a piece of hair behind your ear. you tried not to visibly cringe and instead looked up and change the subject “so tell me about that soccer game again”. he smiled, one eyebrow lifted in confusion “football.” “yeah, that.” he took in a breath and began rambling again about his sporting achievements.

ellie had never really considered herself a jealous person. that was until she was being forced to watch some douche put his stupid hands on your and touch your hair and get to put his dumb frat boy face near yours. the fact that she was having to sit metres away and pretend to everyone else she was rooting for this fake date was adding to the bitterness creeping through her body. she pictured herself striding over there, knocking chad off his chair and carrying you bridal-style out of the bar, knight in shining armour rescuing her princess. watching him lean forward to speak into your ear was her last straw, she couldn’t stride over to rescue you but she also couldn’t sit here and watch chad get to act like she did with you all because of some stupid lie at a party.

you stared blankly at chad as he rambled, practically spaced out and nodding at appropriate times. out of the corner of your eye you spotted ellie getting up and walking towards the restroom and a spark of excitement went through you at finally getting an opportunity to talk to her tonight. you looked back at chad “oh my god no way that’s so funny hahaha imgonnausetherestroomillbebackinabit” you blurted out as you were standing up from your seat, desperate to escape before he could stop you. you headed straight for the restroom, praying all of the girls were too engaged in their conversations to follow you. you swung the door open and were met with an empty room minus ellie who’s arms were stretched out to lean against a sink. her head turned to you as you walked in, door closing behind you and she smirked, “what is it with you always following me into toilets?”

you smiled at her “maybe i just needed to use the restroom.” she stepped towards you, “oh? so you didn’t come running in here so you could abandon your date and get me alone for a few minutes?” you looked away playfully “i don’t know what you’re talking about.” she reached you and placed her arms around your waist. “i don’t blame you. he seems like a boring motherfucker.” you gasped in faux shock “are you… jealous?” ellie rolled her eyes dramatically “yeah i’m crazy jealous,” voice dripping with sarcasm, “he’s out there sipping on his drink waiting for you,” her hands travelled to your lower back, “and i’ve got you in here, pressed up against me” her hands dropped down to squeeze your ass and the action made you fall into her closer. ellie’s words came out casually but her possessive actions were exposing her jealousy which made you want to reel that part out of her even more. “you know, he’s actually quite interesting.” ellie pulled her body from yours by an inch and looked at you. “he’s pretty funny too.”

ellie took her hands from you and placed one on her hip “‘mh. it’s just weird ‘cause i didn’t see you laughing much.” you looked up. “weird. i definitely was.” ellie crossed her arms. “you’re trying to make me jealous.” she told you. “‘m not. was just sayin’ he’s not that bad.” ellie chuckled and grabbed your hands to pull you back into her, face close to yours. “that’s cute. if you wanted me to get all possessive, you could’ve just said.” her tone slightly darker. you chewed on your lip, any response lost before it even reached you. she tilted her head to the side, “hm?”. a barely audible mm left your throat and she laughed. “don’t get all shy on me now, you were trying to rile me up a second ago.” she rested a hand on the back of your neck, thumb stroking your cheek and she brought her mouth inches close to yours “you want a kiss?”. you nodded enthusiastically “mhm”. she was dragging her other hand up and down your side, tickling the bare skin of your upper leg just before your skirt stopped. “then tell me what you really think about chad,” she spoke lowly, “who you’d rather be out with.” you sighed, “you already know. just kiss me.” “i want you to say it”. you huffed, “he’s boring. and not funny. or interesting. and i wish i was out with you instead.” she tutted in sympathy, near-mocking pout present. “me too, sweet girl.” she lowered her mouth to yours and kissed you. you released a little sigh of relief into her mouth. you were all-consumed by ellie; her body pressed to yours, her scent making your mind fuzzy, the taste of her earlier drinks on your tongue and head swarming with ellie ellie ellie. your body swelled with the urge to drag her into a toilet stall and-

the restroom door swung open and you ripped away from each other just in time to hide your activity, though probably not enough to hide your flustered appearance. three girls you didn’t know stumbled into the room and claimed the sinks. you looked at ellie and she looked at you. tension still high but now with no outlet. she slowly backed out of the bathroom and walked back to her booth. you debated following her for a second but you looked over and saw chad, head in his hands drumming his fingers on his beer bottle and you begrudgingly decided to go back over there before your friends pestered you about not trying hard enough on your date. you made your way over to him but before you got there brittney stopped you. “we’re going outside to vape. come with?” she spoke flatly, her question more of a demand. who knew brittney would be your saviour? you followed all of the girls, including ellie outside of the bar. the night’s harsh air was a welcomed by your overheated body. just as ellie made her way to you emilia approached you.

“having fun?” her tone hopeful. “sure!” you smiled. “he really likes you, i can tell. and you clearly like him. you guys should go exclusive!”. you scoffed, “i don’t know about that”. you noticed brittney was frowning at emilia from a distance, manicured fingers holding onto her blueberry ice elf bar. she pulled emilia over to stand with her which left you alone with ellie. “hi” you spoke and tapped her leg with your foot. she laughed “hi pretty” voice out earshot of the others. “um.. here’s an alley by the side of the bar. you think they’d notice?” you asked. she blinked at you with raised eyebrows, voice full of pretend shock “did you just invite me into a dark alley?” you furrowed your brows with a pout barely hiding your smile “not like that, perv. i meant so we could talk more privately.” “oh talking, i see” she laughed. she did a quick scan and grabbed your hand “c’mon”. she lead you to the side of the bar, away from the eyes of anyone except people passing by on the street. you leaned against the brick wall and ellie stood in front of you.

“it seems like you’re always sneaking me off to hidden places” she said lightheartedly. “well id prefer not to have to sneak away to be able to kiss you but we’re in a bit of a situation.” ellie raised an eyebrow playfully, “and who’s fault is that?” she teased. “hey, i had my reasons.” you defended yourself. “yeah, you were so scared of being in love with me you had a make up a fake crush and he happened to actually exist.”, she laughed. you kicked her with little force “i was not in love with you. i met you a few days before then!” she was still laughing, “and yet i made such an impact you felt the need to deny your real feelings for me”. you crossed your arms, “you’re such an asshole” “hey i’m kidding. i had to pretend to myself that i hated you after that night so i wouldn’t cry” you burst out into affectionate laughter “els”. she smiled and wrapped her hands around your back to bring your body into hers to kiss you. it was sweet and gentle, and yet it still made your stomach flip. against all her body’s instincts she pulled away and took your hand, “let’s not have them wander round here and catch us kissing on your date with dreamy chad”. you giggled and let her lead you back to the bar.

~~~~~~~~~

the drinks ellie used to entertain herself last night while she couldn’t be with you were making themselves known as she woke with a fuzzy head, and the loud banging on her door was not helping. she checked her phone for the time and saw 3 missed calls from you and forced herself out of bed to open her door. you walked past her and threw yourself down onto her bed.

“have you seen it?”. she looked at you for a few moments, “seen what?” you huffed and shoved your phone into her hand. a campus news feature. taking up the screen was a photo of you and ellie kissing. it was dark, zoomed in and kind of blurry like it had been taken from a distance, and anyone who saw the photo wouldn’t be able to make out where you were but you knew it was from last night in the alley. ironically where you’d kissed for about 3 seconds max. under the photo was some writing, ‘chad’s new girl kisses random girl behind his back???’ ellie looked back up at you, “oh god”. you took your phone back and shoved it in your pocket. ellie frowned, “who the hell would ta-“ “we’re going to eta” you interrupted. you practically marched down to the eta house, ellie behind you trying to catch up with your fast pace. when you arrived, emilia, madison, chloe and katie were having breakfast in the dining room. as you stood at the head of the dining table, hands on your hips you realised you hadn’t planned what to say at all. you weren’t even sure what you marched down here to do. accuse someone? defend yourself? maybe they hadn’t even seen it.

“who runs campus news?” spluttered from your mouth. madison looked up at you, “i don’t know. but people can submit whatever they want and most of the time it’ll get published.” the harsh sound of a chair scraping against the floor reached your ears and suddenly emilia was walking towards you “you guys. we saw that feature,” she hugged you both individually. “how awful. and poor chad, he’s already text me asking what’s going on.” selfishly or not, chad’s feeling were at the bottom of your list of problems right now. “so are you two like.. a thing?” katie spoke. emilia spoke up, “no she likes chad! it was just one kiss right? maybe you should go over and talk to him. he’d probably forgive you if you explained it was just a silly mistake. don’t let a great guy like him get away.” you stared at her, failing to hide the confusion on your face. ellie stood beside you chewing on her lip. there were a few seconds of silence. “how do two girls have se-“ “katie.” madison cut her off. this conversation was proving to be even less helpful than you’d predicted. “listen- where can i get in contact with campus news to get the photo taken down?” you spoke calmly, only ellie noticing the frustration peaking through your tone. “you could try calling the number on the website?” chloe offered. “thank you.” you grabbed ellie’s hand and swiftly left the eta house.

back at ellie’s dorm you scrolled through campus news looking for some sort of contact number. ellie sat beside you in silence, a little intimidated by your frantic energy. “babe.” she tried. “mh” you replied, eyes still glued to your phone and fingers scrolling rapidly. “it’s gonna be fine.” she assured you. “‘s not. unless i get it removed from campus news quickly before my parents see it.” ellie took a deep breath, “don’t you think.. in a way it might be for the best?”. you looked up from your phone at her, irritation clear on your features. “how would this be for the best?” she leaned back, resting against the arm being held up by the bed “well you wanted to get out of the chad situation.” “yeah not like this!” you shuffled back a little, frustration building. “not with me?” ellie accused. you rolled your eyes “that’s not what i meant. i don’t want to have to explain this to my parents.” “what’s so awful about your parents finding out? you were gonna have to tell them you’re not dating chad at some point.” ellie said, letting her own frustration show. you picked your phone back up and huffed in anger, not wanting to have to justify why you wanted the feature taken down. “or were you?” ellie spoke. you looked at her again “what?” “were you ever even going to tell them? or am i just some college experiment for fun before you go off and actually start dating a real chad so you can live the life your parents want you to live?” bitterness and hurt ran through ellie’s words. “don’t be like that, ellie.” “well?” ellie waited. she wasn’t sure what for. maybe for you to reassure her, kiss her and tell her she’s being ridiculous and that obviously that wasn’t going to happen.

“i’m gonna go.” you stood up and left her dorm without another word.

part 5

a/n: this is my dramatic tv show outro: dun dun dunnnn! will ellie and reader make up? 😿who took the photo?🫢 and why?😳 find out soon on sorority secrets ! (a cinnnamongrl production) ;)

tag list @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @nil-eena @alexpritch @robinismywifee @sc0ttstre3ted @ilovemoneymorethenmen @amberlynn28 @eyeluvangel @amitycat sorry some blogs won’t tag :(( (might be bc of ur visibility settings)

happy to add people to the taglist but i can’t tag you if you don’t have your age in your bio!! my blog is 18+ !!

#ellie tlou 2 #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou #ellie williams smut #ellie x reader

[pregnant-piggy]

Question...?

Sirius Black x fem!reader

word count: 5.9k

summary: it’s been six months since Sirius left her in the middle of the night and now he can’t remember who he was before she painted all his nights a colour he has been searching for since

warnings: alcohol and eating mentions, light swearing

The bar was crowded and loud, but Sirius didn’t mind. He was glad to have a change of scene, something different than a night in his silent apartment and with the never-ending whirlwind of thoughts banging against his skull.

When James had texted him night out tonight. you coming? this morning at work he had immediately accepted and counted down the hours until he could leave that horrid office and celebrate the survival of another week. At home, he had changed outfits and eaten a quick dinner with what was left in his fridge and now he was sitting next to Peter, happily nursing a pint of beer in his hands.

While James was ranting about this football season—“I’m telling you, there’s no way they’ll win. Have you seen them play?”—and Peter and Remus were pretending to listen, Sirius watched the bubbles in his beer float up to the surface. He’d heard the same speech from James hundreds of times before and maybe normally he’d have something to contribute or just a joke to make about James’ enthusiasm, but tonight was different. It felt as if he was waiting for something to happen. A strange sense of anticipation filled his veins.

“You’re not even listening, mate,” James said, snapping his finger in front of Sirius’ face.

Sirius looked up. “Sure I am. You were telling how much you like seeing men run after balls.”

Peter snorted into his beer and James shot him a dirty look, before turning back to Sirius. “You tell something, then.” He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Since you are so interesting.”

“True,” Sirius said. But he shrugged. “I am, but life not so much lately.”

“What about that girl you were seeing? Emma?” Remus asked.

James shook his head. “No, Emily.”

“Elina?” Peter tried.

“Elise?” James offered. “Eleanor? Eva?”

“You’re just listing names now,” Sirius said, frowning. “It’s Emilia.”

James shrugged. “Close enough.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Eh… it’s there, but that’s all it has going for it.”

“Why?” Remus asked, pricking through Sirius’ nonchalance. “I thought she was nice enough. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. It just… I don’t know.”

James looked at Sirius over his pint. The overhead lights reflected in his glasses. “I think you do know.”

The sound of the bar seemed to quiet a little, as if someone turned down the volume on a radio. The lights dimmed and for a second the world stood still, but then Sirius shook his head, flexed his fingers, and glared at James. “Fuck off.”

“Ooh, did I strike a nerve?”

Sirius wished he could cross the table and wipe the hideous smirk of James’ face without causing a scene, but instead he had to settle for kicking his shin under the table and smiling victoriously as James cried out in pain.

Peter took a big drink to hide his chuckle and Remus looked at Sirius. “So you’re breaking it off?”

“Hm, I don’t really know. It’s not great, but better than nothing, I suppose.”

“Wow, romantic. Did you tell her that?”

“She’s not looking for an official thing either, so why bother with the romantic stuff?” He took his glass in his hand, giving Remus one last look. “I don’t want to go back to one-nights again.”

Fortunately Remus dropped the subject. Unfortunately it meant that James could launch into his football antics again.

Half an hour passed and then an hour. James finally shut up, new beers were ordered, Remus spoke about his dad, Peter cried with laughter when he tried to recall what had happened to him in the store the other day. Sirius sat through it all like usual, but his mind was somewhere else. He drank his beer, wished Remus’ dad would get better soon, laughed along with Peter, but he was lost in thought, his mind treading outside the bar.

Until they said her name.

The tension of anticipation that had been building in Sirius snapped. Immediately his entire body grew rigid and his heartbeat quickened. “What?”

“That’s her there, isn’t it?”

Peter nodded towards the bar and when Sirius followed his gaze, his heart stopped. There was a faint whistle in his ears like he would go down. He sunk lower in his seat, hands clasped around his glass.

“Smooth,” James laughed.

“Shut up,” Sirius muttered.

He could recognise her anywhere, but more often than not it was just in his dreams or memories that he saw her. Now she was really here. Her shining hair he wanted to run his fingers through, the old cardigan she’d stolen from her mother’s closet, the run-down trainers she refused to throw out. Everything about her was so familiar, so known, and yet she could not have been more far away.

His favourite hands in the world skilfully held onto three pints the barman gave her and he could hear the melody of her bright voice floating through the space as she turned back to join the two people waiting for her. Sirius recognised them as Marlene and Dorcas, the couple he’d been rather fond of back then.

He watched her until she sat down, her back to him. She tucked her hair behind her ear and raised her glass to make a toast, and at that moment Dorcas looked up and made direct eye-contact with Sirius, who was too shocked to look away. She winked at him and leaned forward over her table conspiringly. No sooner than she had opened her mouth two more heads looked around, but this time Sirius quickly averted his gaze and focused on James’ stupid smile instead. He wanted to see her face, but knew he couldn’t bear seeing her dislike.

“So,” James said. “You saw her?”

Remus nudged him not all too gently. He looked at Sirius. “Will you talk to her?”

‘No,” he immediately said.

“Why?”

“I can’t… I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

Peter shrugged. “‘Hello’ usually works for me.”

“She probably doesn’t want to see me anyway,” Sirius said, hiding his face behind his glass.

James placed both hands palm-down on the table and looked at Sirius expectantly. Three beers in and there was a pink blush on his cheeks. “So you’ve been saying all this time, but I’d like to know why.”

“You never told us,” Peter chimed in.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

James laughed. “Your reaction to seeing her suggests differently.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and his gaze flickered back to her table. She’d turned back, talking and laughing with her friends, and Sirius wished he could close his eyes and pick out her voice from the cacophony of the people in the bar, but the music was too loud and the group behind him talked too much.

“It’s none of your business,” he grumbled to James instead.

“Ah, humour me, mate.” James leaned over the table. “We’ve been here for an hour and a half and so far the only funny thing that happened was Peter nearly choking on laughter—”

“Hey!”

“—and whatever is happening with you now. Remus could use some cheering up, so quit being a shitty friend and tell us what happened.”

Sirius looked at Remus. “Playing the pity card?”

He shrugged. “James’ words not mine. But he’s not wrong.” His brown eyes bore into Sirius. “I don’t know what happened with her, but you’re clearly not over it. Maybe telling us about it will help.”

Sirius looked at his friends’ faces. James with a big grin, Remus full of pity, and Peter’s attempt at a comforting smile. He looked at them and then glanced at her back. He sighed.

It had been six months, but Remus was right. He wasn’t over her. But he did not think talking about her would solve that. Nothing would ever come close to what he’d had with her. They had been something else, because he couldn’t remember who he was before she’d painted all his nights a colour he’d been looking for since. He would never get over her.

“I hate you,” he said, taking his glass and downing the last of his beer. “Get me another and I’ll tell you.”

- - - o - - -

Sirius was trying really hard not to stare at her, but he knew he was doing a miserable job. One, because he’d seen her glance at him and smile multiple times; two, because James leaned into him and said, “You’re staring.”

Sirius tore his eyes from her and scowled at James. “Shut up.”

“Would you rather have me let you make a fool of yourself the entire night?”

“You’re confidence in me never fails to astound me,” Sirius said dryly and he pushed James away.

“Fine, fine. Go ahead and be a lovesick fool.” James chuckled. “But I won’t lie; it suits you.”

Sirius felt his cheeks heat and he stabbed his fork in a piece of cucumber on his plate. James laughed but left him to it.

When Lily had invited him for her birthday dinner, he had hoped she’d be there too, but hadn’t dared to ask. The entire bus ride to the restaurant he’d been nervous and jittery, much to the laughter of his friends. But he couldn’t help it; it was just something she did to him.

He had first met her two months ago at a housewarming party. She worked with Lily as a journalist at a small magazine in the city—she was Lily’s desk-wife, as this one always liked to say. Lily had started at the magazine two years ago and knew her since then, but James had only started dating Lily just less than a year ago so up until two months ago Sirius had never seen her.

But Lily had moved apartments, had invited a bunch of friends, and one of them had been her. From that night she hadn’t left Sirius’ mind. They had seen each other a few times since and each time Sirius’ crush grew to the point where he had no idea how to handle it. He had never felt anything like that before.

Sirius kept his gaze on his plate, but after a few minutes couldn’t stop himself from stealing another glance at her. She caught his gaze and smiled at him and he did not even try to bite back his grin. She sat across the table, listening to Lily’s story about the man she’d had to interview, adding bits when Lily turned to her with a question written in her eyes. It was wonderful to see her smile light up when someone laughed at her jokes, to see her hands move when she talked, her nose scrunch when someone told something weird.

By the time the dessert reached the table, the wine had been poured generously, the laughter was louder and warmer, cheeks were blazing, eyes gleaming. Outside it was dark, but in the restaurant candles burned and soft lights were pointed at the works of art on the walls.

Sirius had a caramel brownie. She the raspberry cheesecake. Her glass of rose was still half-full.

“That looks delicious,” she said and Sirius took a second to realise that she was talking to him.

“Yeah,” was his clever answer. Then he blinked and added, “You want to try it?”

Her eyes lit up and she leaned forward. “Can I?”

“Sure.” Sirius pricked a piece of the brownie on his fork and held it over the table for her.

With a wide smile she came closer and looked at him when she opened her mouth and closed her lips around his fork. He swallowed, trying to ignore the thumping of his heart. She shut her eyes and moaned softly and sat back.

He stared at the fork, the place where her lips had just been. Then he pulled back and watched her. Her mouth worked slowly and she slightly tipped her head back. Her wide smile came back when she opened her eyes.

“I was right,” she said, wiping the corners of her mouth with her napkin. “That is delicious.”

Sirius himself took a bite of the brownie and agreed. “And now yours.”

She laughed and shielded her plate with her hands. “Absolutely not. I’m not sharing my cheesecake with anyone.”

“You minx,” Sirius said and he gaped dramatically.

She threw her head back with laughter and Sirius took his chance. He reached forward and was just about to take his own bite when her hand wrapped around his wrist and she stopped him. Her eyes bore into his. There was a smirk on her lips.

“Nice try, darling.”

Sirius’ stomach summersaulted at her nickname but he kept his face straight. He pushed his fork lower, until the points sank into the top of the cheesecake, while keeping his eyes on her. He felt her hand tense as she tried to stop him.

“Keep trying,” he dared her.

His fork sank lower. Her eyes flicked down to it and back up to his face.

“Hm,” she softly hummed. “You’re strong.”

Then she bit her lip and Sirius knew he had lost. He sighed, lifted his hands in surrender, her fingers lingering before she let go. Her cheesecake remained untouched. She laughed, he blushed.

She put her fork in her cake and took a big bite, looking at Sirius while she put it in her mouth. She licked her lips, grinned widely, and to him it was sweeter than the two desserts combined. He watched her eat the cheesecake, having forgotten about his own dessert. She didn’t even bother pretend she didn’t notice he was watching her.

Her last bite she pricked on her fork and waved it around in the air. She smiled sweetly at Sirius. “Open up.”

“What?”

“Open your mouth.”

“Why?”

“You want a bite or not?”

Sirius blinked.

“You really thought I’d be so selfish?” She laughed, shaking her head. “You’re cute. Now, open up.”

Cheeks red, body flushed, he obliged. She rested the tip of the fork on his bottom lip, just out of reach. He knew he must look like the lovesick fool James made him out to be, the one he was, but he didn’t care. Then she moved the fork closer and let him take the bite. He kept his gaze on her hand, because he knew he couldn’t hide his feelings if he looked her in the eye now.

The flavour burst on his tongue, but he barely tasted it because all he could focus on was her laugh. She tilted her head to the side and asked him what he thought.

He thought he wanted to reach over the table and kiss her sweet lips. He said, “It’s good, yeah.”

Dessert was eaten, coffee and tea next, decaf for her or she wouldn’t sleep tonight she said. Flavoured chocolates were exchanged, cut in half to be shared, wrappers littered the white table cloth, reflecting the flickering of the candles. James complained that he had eaten too much. Lily said she was glad she’d taken the underground and not her car. A friend of Lily’s spoke with Sirius about their coffee preferences. Guests in the restaurant got up and left, the waiters came to clean the table and gave the bill. James paid, despite Lily’s objections.

The entire group moved from the table to the coat racks at the entrance. There was a bustling of people as coats and jackets were passed on from person to person, in search for its right owner. Someone ran back to the table because they’d forgotten their purse.

Sirius got her coat in his hands, noticed her, and helped her pull it on. His hands lingered on her shoulders. She thanked him and turned around.

“Any time, love,” he said.

She smiled. Maybe the wine, maybe the lights, maybe the fuzzy feeling in his belly when he looked at her, but something made him unable to look away from her. There was a glint of something in her eyes, but Sirius couldn’t pinpoint what.

Not until she stepped closer and pressed her lips to his.

He froze, his thoughts exploding. The whole room silenced or maybe Sirius just stopped listening.

She pulled back, a nervous smile on her lips. He was still frozen. His friends started to howl and laugh. He heard a “finally” and was sure James’ laugh was the loudest of them all.

But he didn’t care. Because she’d kissed him. And he kissed her back.

One hand on her cheek, the other pulling her closed by her waist. Her lips tasted like wine and coffee and raspberry. Her body was warm and soft and perfect in his hands. His body unravelled, yearned for more, for her, but he heard his friends changing from making fun of him to clapping and he got pulled back to reality.

He stopped, rested his forehead against hers. He looked into her eyes.

“I know,” she said, reading his thoughts before he’d even said anything.

He grinned. Kissed her again. He’d never been this happy before.

- - - o - - -

And for the next two months that feeling kept lingering, started to grow, burst to life. They went on dates that turned into nights that turned into days and weekends and then weeks. After work dinners extended to early mornings, learning the way around each other’s apartments to get ready for work again. There were late nights out, talking until the sun rose, lazy afternoons in the garden basking in the first rays of sun that spring.

Sirius didn’t know what was happening to him. He had liked her all those weeks before things began, yes, but what he felt now was something that he had never felt before. His life changed drastically when he suddenly found she was in his head with everything he did. He wanted to tell her about the old woman that smiled at him in a bakery, the eyes on the helmet of the kid that cycled by on the street, the lyrics he finally looked up after hearing it for three months, the new toothpaste he’d had to buy because they didn’t have his usual brand. He wanted her with him while he made toast for breakfast but got so caught up in his morning social media check that he’d burn it. When he didn’t know what to wear, he wanted to ask her opinion. He wanted to hear her voice and her laugh in his apartment all the time. He wanted her near every moment of the day.

He tried to play it cool at first, but there was no stopping his feelings from bursting. She was the light in his day. He needed her like a flower needed water and sun to thrive.

They were in the big city and they explored it all together. The places they had never been before, but also their familiar spots. Her favourite café, bookstore, flower shop. His cinema, pub, bakery. He showed her where he worked and the next day she came around with lunch. They went to restaurants and chose the weirdest dishes, got drunk on cheap wine, and shared desserts. Then they stumbled home with their arms around each other and fell asleep on the couch while watching lousy reality shows.

They were like a whirlwind, sudden and violent, sucking in everything around them, but amazingly wondrous. Within two months it was as if they had known each other for years already and their lives fit together like matching puzzle pieces.

But where he needed her, she was strong enough to stand on her own feet. She had control over her life in a way he could only look at with wonder. And after those two blissful months, the insecurities Sirius thought he’d shed when he met her started to seep in again.

If she was the good girl, he was the sad boy. The happy feeling of being with her overpowered his thoughts, but then he saw her laughing with someone, heard her talk over the phone, saw the things she wrote, and he felt like someone was playing a dirty trick on him. It seemed impossible that someone like her would ever want to be with someone like him.

He buried those wicked thoughts, but they stacked atop each other day after day, a tower dangerously wobbling inside of him. But she was still there, with her smiles for him, her sweet words, her even sweeter lips. She woke next to him in the morning and that was enough to get him through the day.

Until it got harder.

It was the same pub as always, the one two streets from his place, but not his friends. Her friends, co-workers. Lily he knew, the others he’d seen once or twice, or never met at all. They spoke of things Sirius didn’t know about, drank French red wine, more than half of them wore blazers. He had his arm on the back of her chair, but it was more for him than for her. He needed her to keep him focused, to calm his nerves.

One of them said something about the prime minister. They all laughed. She faintly smiled.

“Where do you stand, in all of this?” they asked Sirius.

He froze, let out a dry breath. “Oh, I’m not sure.”

Someone came forth with an argument and they turned away from him. She placed her hand on his thigh, turned her head to him

“You alright?” she mouthed more than said.

He flashed her a smile, but saw in her eyes he couldn’t hide his discomfort. She nodded understandingly, but she didn’t understand. How could she? She fitted in here, with these people, who spoke her language, shared her interests.

One of them said they’d read an article on gender inequality in literary workspaces. They turned to her.

“What was it you said,” one asked, “the other day? You made a valid point.”

She stiffened, retracted her hand from his thigh. “Oh, I don’t know.”

They pushed her. She made a joke about their drinking red wine, cleared the subject by starting a new one. Twenty minutes later they were on their way home, her co-workers still in the pub.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?”

“For them.” She took his hand, but it was cold. “They’re passionate about that stuff. It’s good they are.” She shrugged. “But they can get carried away.”

Sirius watched the cars drive by in the street. It started to rain. On the other side, lights burned behind the windows. He saw a couple watching TV, a mother chasing her toddler around in the living room, a lonely man reading the newspaper by the window. He blinked the rain from his eyes.

“It’s fine.”

She squeezed his hand and he turned to her. “It’s not. You didn’t have fun. Frankly, neither did I.”

He saw the streetlights reflected in her eyes, like stars in the night’s sky. There was a weak smile on her lips. The soft rain dampened her hair and it stuck to her forehead. He reached out and brushed it back.

“Let’s go home.”

She nodded. Pulled him closer to kiss him. He let her made him forget about tonight. He was hers. And she was his, for now.  

 - - - o - - - 

 He was already sitting in the restaurant when she arrived. His hands lay in his lap. He was thinking of her. He usually was, but lately it had changed. Things were getting worse. He was getting worse. He started to feel the things he had hoped he’d never feel again and they were wearing him down

He had seen her. That afternoon. During his lunchbreak he had taken a walk through the city and he had spotted her sitting in a lunchroom with who he believed was one of her colleagues. Her hair was down, the sleeves of her jumper rolled up to her elbows, and she was laughing. Proper loud laughing.

And suddenly Sirius couldn’t remember the last time he had made her laugh like that. Couldn’t remember the last time she’d sat with him so open, so happy. He tried to think of how happy they were together, but he could find nothing. Every memory of the past month was tainted by his insecurities.

His heart had broken into a thousand shards and he was carrying them with his bare hands, waiting on someone to take the load from him so he could take a breath and start reassembling them.

She entered the restaurant, light bending to her appearance. She shone, like she always did, but Sirius knew it was not for him. If anything, he had dimmed her light. He had held her back.

She greeted him with a kiss and his hands wavered, shards almost falling to the ground. He watched as she sat down and pulled her coat off. Her sleeves were down. Her hair was up.

That’s when he couldn’t help it. It was one drink after another until the edges of his discomfort started to blur. He listened to her, but not really.

“What is going on?” she asked.

Everything. “Nothin’.”

“That’s a lie, Sirius. Tell me what’s going on.”

He wished he could blame it on her. That she’d made a mistake. He wished he could hate her. But he couldn’t. Never.

“It’s nothing, really.”

She looked at him, her eyes drilling into his over the table. “Please tell me.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

He shut his eyes. “Because.”

Maybe he wanted her to scream at him. To hit him. Stab a fork in his chest. He wanted her to give some reaction that would justify his behaviour. He wanted this fight to be with her, instead of with his own weaknesses.

“Because? Sirius, you’re not making sense. Maybe… you shouldn’t drink anymore tonight.”

“I saw you.”

He opened his eyes. She was watching him with a frown, her hand halfway over the table to pull his glass back.

“What do you mean?”

“This afternoon. I saw you.”

Something defiant shot into her eyes. “Yes, I was having lunch with my friend. Like I told you this morning.”

“You were laughing. And that dickhead guy—”

“Sirius.” He fell silent. “That is my friend you’re talking about. You can’t call him that. Are you out of your mind?”

“That guy made you laugh.”

Her nostrils flared. “Did you hear what I said? Are you even listening to me?”

“I don’t make you laugh.”

“Not right now, no!”

She didn’t shine anymore. She burned. She threw her napkin on her plate and yanked her coat from the back of her chair. He was sure she would yell at him. She would curse him and leave him there. Like he deserved.

But instead she put on her coat, took a deep breath, and said, “Come on. We’re going home.”

He was so stunned he followed her. The tension between them was palpable as they walked the crowded streets back to her place. He got swept up in the grey of his thoughts, the spiral towards disaster, the shards in his hands almost falling down.

Her flat was silent. Cold. This morning he had stood in the hall, feeling happy. Now his life was crumbling around him.

“I’m not going to fight with you tonight,” she said.

He frowned at her, but she had already walked to the bedroom.

He wasn’t entirely sure how long it took him to find his place next to her in the bed, but long enough for the haze of his drinks to wear off. He felt miserable as he lay next to her. He wanted to reach out for her, to kiss her and tell her he was sorry and beg for forgiveness. But he couldn’t.

Because he knew it was coming before she said it.

“I can’t do this anymore.” She didn’t move. He knew she was staring at the ceiling. “It’s all these… fucking situations, circumstances, miscommunications. It’s too much.”

He said nothing.

“Tell me what’s going on, Sirius. Please.”

But he couldn’t. She deserved better. He couldn’t tell her he needed her because without her he was nothing. He couldn’t tell that she was a meteor strike. Gorgeous, but oh so destructive. He couldn’t tell her that everything after this would be second best because no one was her.  

His hands failed. The shards fell. Everywhere. In the darkness of her bedroom he saw them fly everywhere. His hands were empty. In his chest was a gaping hole.

He said nothing.

- - - o - - -

His friends stared at him for so long he wondered if time had stopped. His hands were clasped around his empty glass, cold and clammy. The shirt he was wearing was too tight, the pub too loud, yet not even as close as loud enough to drown out his thoughts.

She was his biggest regret. Easily. Nothing in his life even amounted to what he’d had with her and he had thrown it all away for nothing. All because he was scared.

James was the first to speak. “So you just left her house in the middle of the night?”

He wished he had put up more of a fight. If he hadn’t given in to his insecurities, if he had fought them, would they still be together? Would she be sitting beside him, would they have told this story together as a funny one?

He wished he could still touch her. His gaze went to her figure and the hole in his chest ached.

The stupid truth was that now he was doing better. He had found a way to battle his insecurities, the wound in him had started to heal. But his heart was still in a thousand pieces in her bedroom. No one had ever come close to her. He didn’t want them to.

“Fuck, mate,” Peter said and he sagged back in his chair. “That’s rough.”

Sirius let out a dry laugh. Rough was an understatement. Before he met her it was as if he had been trapped and she had helped him escape. But now he was stuck again and she had shown him just enough of the world to leave him always wanting to go back to it.

“So,” Remus said. “Will you talk to her?”

“I don’t know…”

“You owe her an explanation. This is your chance.”

He knew. For six months he had been waiting for this moment, but he was scared. She would no doubt be angry with him, while he knew that one look from her would be enough to set him forever aflame.

But he had to. So when she got up to go to the bar again, Sirius gathered all his strength and followed. It was now or never.

The light bent around her as if it existed for purely that function. Her hair shone in the yellowish glow of the bar and she tucked a strand behind her ear before she spoke to the barman. This close her voice was louder, clearer, messing even more with Sirius’ head. His heart stammered in his chest, but it was too late for doubt.

“Hi, Sirius,” she said and from that moment on there was only her.

“Hello.”

She leaned with her hip against the bar and looked at him. Her eyes glittered. “It’s nice to see you. You look good.”

“Oh, thanks.” He’d expected anger, sneers, openly disdain, but there was only an honest expression on her face. He didn’t know what was worse. All the lame defences he had come up with fell away and he was left with plain honesty. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her, that he hoped she was doing alright, wanted to ask if she ever thought about him.

But such honesty was six months too late.

Instead he looked back at her and dared a smile—which, around her, wasn’t that hard. “You look wonderful.”

He wanted to know how she was but was afraid of the answer, so he asked, “What are you doing here? You hate this place.”

Her laugh was bright. “I never said I hate this place. Just think there are better ones.” She shook her head. “Dor suggested it. Or… she just brought me here, no choice. To celebrate my new job.”

“New job?”

The barman placed three new beers on the bar for her and she thanked him, but made no move to take them and walk back. Instead she shrugged half-heartedly.

“Yeah, it wasn’t really a fit there. I mean I sort of liked it when I had Lily there, but after she’d gone, there was no more reason for me to stay. It’s not like I had fun there or anything.”

Sirius looked at her and wondered how it was possible that the person he had been so in sync with just half a year ago was now a paradoxical stranger to him. He knew nothing about her life now, yet she was as familiar to him as ever. He knew when she’d smile or brush the hair behind her ear, knew how she’d pronounce certain words with her slight accent, knew the exact way her body felt in his hands, but they were not the same persons they were six months ago. She had a new job and who knew what else had changed. Maybe she was even seeing someone new.

“That’s great,” he managed. “That’s good.”

She smiled her wide smile. “Yes, very good. How are you? What’s that that I heard? That you’re dating someone? That’s nice, I’m sure.”

He didn’t ever want to lie to her again. That was what drove them apart in the first place. Even though it was too late, she deserved the truth.

“No, it’s not.”

She frowned, her beautiful eyebrows knitting together. “Not?”

“I don’t really like her. I just don’t want to be alone.”

Her teeth sunk into her lower lip. She eyed the pints and then glanced back at him, an apologising smile on her face. “I’m sorry about that.” She took the beers. “Sirius—”

“Do you hate me?”

He blurted it out before he could stop himself. But if this was the last time she’d ever talk to him, he wanted to know.

“What?”

“Do you hate me?”

Her eyes softened. “I don’t. I could never hate you, Sirius. You’re an amazing man and I hope you’ll realise you’re worth so much more than you think. You deserve that.”

She stepped closer and kissed his cheek. “For what it’s worth, I think you should be with someone you love.” She stepped back. “It was nice to see you again, love. I’ll see you around.”

He watched her turn around, go back to her friends. He didn’t want to say goodbye to her again. This could not be the moment she walked out of his life. And maybe she would turn him down, reject him, break his heart into a billion pieces that could never get back together, but he had to give it a try. She was the best thing in his life and he couldn’t let her leave.

“Wait!”

She looked back.

He saw the past year flash by. All the good moments and bad ones. And he imagined the future. There would be more pain to come, more hard moments and difficult fights, but if it was up to him, he didn’t want to do it without her.

He smiled. It was always so easy around her.

“Can I ask you a question?”

- - - - - - - - - -

hp taglist: @kingalrdy​​​ ​@missswriter​​​​ @awritingtree​​ ​@ananad1​​​​ @secretsthathauntus​​​ ​@izzyyy-1​​​​@nyotamalfoy​​​ ​@xxinvisiblexx​​​​ @idli-dosa​​​​ @lacunaanonymoused​​​ @kitkatkl​​​​ @d22malfoys​​​​

marauders taglist: @tomshollandz​​​​​ @fific7​​​​​ @cheoco​​​ ​​@natashxromanovf​​​ ​​@springflwer07​​​​​@marauderssimpcuzwhytfnot​ @thenasoneshots​​

MASTERLIST  

#sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black #sirius x reader #sirius imagine #sirius #marauders #marauders x reader #marauders imagine #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter #taylor swift

[ystrike1]

I Worked Myself to Death and Reincarnated as the Queen of His Majesty, Who is Younger than Me! - By Ononata Manimani (8/10)

I've had this on the back burner for a while. Yandere confirmed! This is a reincarnation story with some cuteness, some creepiness, ghosts and good art. It's a wacky story with alot of unexpected elements, like the ghost thing, which is a main plot point.

Emi is a painfully average office worker. She woke up sick then she went to work. She got sicker. She hasn't had a lover in 3 years, and she's not close to her family.

Her death is kind of brutal. She gets a sharp pain in her head after days without getting treated. She works for a "black company" that will fire her if she dares to go to the doctor. She dies with nothing but regret, and when she awakens she sees a handsome man.

It's her husband, King Theodore. Emi has been reincarnated into the body of Princess Emilia, Theodore's first wife. Emi crawls out of her coffin. Theodore picks her up, and he decides to use her. In this world reincarnated people are a sign of disaster. Emi will be burned to death by a mob if the truth comes out. She has to be a good wife or else...

Wait...Emilia is still alive...kinda. Emi got the body, but the spirit of Emilia is floating around her. Ok, so what does this mean? Emilia's spirit is a side effect. It's what happens when a foreign spirit like Emi steals a body. Emilia could turn into an evil spirit, and bring forth calamity. Theodore wants to destroy her, but Emi befriends her instead.

Theodore isn't a very romantic guy. He's a practical, workaholic king. His reincarnated wife is interesting, so he lets her live...for now.

Theodore softens up pretty fast, but he still isn't very romantic until like chapter 4. I wasn't sure if he was a yandere for a while. He's very childish around Emi. Emi is willing to be a good Queen in order to live a comfortable life, but that doesn't mean love is on the table. Emilia and Theodore were in a loveless marriage. Emi does not pursue Theodore. He eventually comes after her.

Sidenote. Theodore is the strongest magician. He has a ton of scary powers, but he's overworked. He will die if he doesn't learn how to let his guard down. Emi is pretty nice, and she can also see that Theodore is an effective King. She doesn't want him to die, and she doesn't want Emilia to become an evil spirit.

Emilia becomes her best friend by the way. It's kinda weird, but cute...Emilia is a brat though. I roll my eyes when she rants about men and romance.

There's a lot of culture shock in this. King Theodore rules over a polygamous kingdom. Emilia didn't have to be by his side. She actually wanted him to bring in another princess. Emi is more traditional. She never wants to fall for Theodore, because she doesn't want to share the one she loves.

(She is willing to be one of the queens and enjoy a wealthy life though lol...)

Theodore proposes once more after he promises to be faithful.

After the proposal Theodore becomes very jealous. He hates Emilia. He wants Emi to care about him. No one else. He even gets jealous when she compliments the servants.

It's easy to see why Theodore is a yandere. Emi is his friend. Possibly the first friend he has ever had fun with. He is a work machine, but Emi is able to break down his barriers. She knows how bad overworking is, and her earnest attempts to help him are pretty cute. Theodore also isn't an overly toxic yandere... mostly...they are married...and he kind of has a point...

Emi makes up a ton of excuses, but Theodore thinks a loving royal marriage will bring happiness and prosperity to the whole country.

...he's absolutely right. Emilia was a total brat content to hide in her personal castle. Emi is a dutiful queen. A love match with her husband can only be a good thing...but sigh...ugh...Emi is insecure because her previous life sucked etc.

This is pretty complex for a reincarnation story, and the yandere isn't a boring cookie-cutter villain.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #manga review #otome isekai #I Worked Myself to Death and Reincarnated as the Queen of His Majesty #Who is Younger than Me! - By Ononata Manimani (8/10) #Who is Younger than Me!

[suffarustuffaru]

The fanbase is scaring me, the redesigns brought up some weird people that are REALLY passionate about Liliana being half naked

Like theres a whole war going on on twitter rn and the poor character designer got harassed

My problem is with the amount of people upset with this, like i knew we had a bunch of pedos around because of the way tappei writes the girls, but damn i didnt think there were this many of them 💀

yes ive heard about that....... im answering your ask late oops haah but i hope the situations a Bit better..... the toxic parts of this fandom give me a headache but my usual motto is to stay off twitter, touch grass, ignore people, and then hold onto my own viewpoints unless proven wrong alsjdflsdj but like. yeah this fandom is a bit tough to stay in when it comes to certain circles (for example the amount of people low quality shitposting / ranting about the fandom or whatever on rezero ao3 atm in the past days/weeks is. mm. interesting). not my first time being in larger fandoms that make you sometimes feel like youre fighting in the trenches (you could name off a few big fandoms notorious for being toxic that date back to like 2016 and odds are ive been in a couple lajdlf) but yeah seeing people complain about liliana and capella's designs and then overly fixate on emilia's boobs when these three characters have more to bring to the table than just that and theres lots and lots of good things to say about the s3 trailer and their designs..... mm. yeah. im squinting hard at a few of the things ive heard on that. but anyway!!

like the new designs are an Improvement. In General. like ok, as a boob haver myself ("boob haver" is the funniest phrase to me alsdjfls but it is true nonetheless, i am one) i do not give a shit about emilias larger boobs like ok?? her boobs are bigger?? she is still my fav ever and sometimes it just happens when youre still a growing teen/young adult and emilias back to her more revealing main outfit when she wore a different outfit in s2 so the difference in chest size is really not that much. but liliana and capella? those are Improved designs. i think ive talked abt the treatment of underage characters / characters who appear underage on my blog before (and i definitely couldve worded myself better then but i stand behind the fact that some of the stuff otsuka and tappei do regarding this in rezero is just Unnecessary).

could designs like emilia's still be improved on in other ways? yeah 100%, just in the sense that there could probably be changed a bit to fit her slightly more timid and soft spoken personality. or you could take different directions on it in general if you wanted. ive seen some great redesigns of her main outfit!! though her main outfit in of itself is pretty nice to look at imo and its iconic and well-known for a reason. im of the personal opinion that i wish it was a little less revealing in the same vein that her s2 main outfit was (i like that outfit a lot!!) but its still a really solid design overall.

i had some faith after seeing the anime designers fix up typhoon's original design to be More Appropriate, and i love how the essence of liliana and capella's designs were kept the same. like its not just that theyre a little less revealing (and even then, theyre both still showing a lot of skin!!! which is good!!! i like the improvement while keeping the main stuff the same), but stuff like liliana's pants aren't transparent (probably to make it easier to animate?) and the yellow/orange gradient in capella's hair looks great!! they also both look more like grown women which is a bonus. unless youre Weird about this shit which is unfortunately a small percentage of the rezero community. like you cant win with those sort of people ig, bc capella's boobs are bigger too ljasdlfj youd think that win more people over.

also i appreciate capella's sports bra bc unlike elsa's outfit it Actually looks like it's supporting her chest. if youre someone with boobs and you dont have a flat chest, youre gonna need support when being active or itll Hurt. and elsa Does Not have proper chest support okay. ill forever wince remembering elsa's design in that sense HAH....

anyway but i digress. i got no clue what to do with toxic people in fandoms despite spending a lot of time lurking in large fandoms with loud toxic people haah.... its hard to do much about it especially with increasingly declining media literacy rates everywhere.... the notorious misogyny/homophobia/etc that can happen sometimes in anime communities.... that sort of thing. i kinda just avoid it when it comes to rezero in specific, or briefly talk about it on here, or rant about it to myself in my head or chat with pals about it in private if it really frustrates me that much!! and id say im a pretty patient person hah... im not frustrated often. and the fandom is not all weird people of course and i can attest to that as ive chatted with a lot of people here... ive also seen a lot of people leave due to the fandom's Issues which is. totally fair tbh.

and i think rezero is often a "baby's first fandom" so to speak... i dont mean that in a bad way of course but its more like its the first exposure to fandom and fandom etiquette and fic etiquette and that sort of thing when it comes to english circles. or at least its a pattern ive noticed, so my theory is that that occasionally that combines with toxic fans and then you get a few people complaining about the community and how bad our fics are on rezero ao3 ig lajdlfjsdlf. which is false by the way :<< and an annoying misuse of ao3 as a free creative archive :<<

but ultimately i hope the rezero character designer's alright (and honestly theyve done super super great work - like the anime Did Not need to give emilia a bajillion outfits and go above and beyond with improving liliana, capella, giving the suwens and their hometown a whole unique aesthetic, etc). and also while i have stuff to criticize with otsuka and tappei... and the toxic parts of the fandom hah... i still enjoy rezero apart from that and the uproar with the designs has not chipped away at me too much!! ive been in this fandom long enough i guess lmao i just roll with punches at this point T^T but i also just try to look on the bright side a lot in general so ;-;;;

these are the sorts of things i like to be aware about but i dont like to get myself super involved with it (since itll probably make it worse and/or make me stressed for no good reason lmfaoo) and i wont let it enjoy the parts of rezero that i do enjoy a lot (which is to say like. the other 98% of rezero hah). so. getting off twitter is the biggest godsend i promise lajdlsfj.

but anyway!! yeah i dont have much organized thoughts on all of this, this is just me rambling my feelings on it. hope this all makes sense anon <3

#idk how things are on the eastern side of the fandom but the western side can be a little. wild yes. #ask #i try to be as fair as possible in my opinions ljasldfjd but yeah like. people complaining about the designs. i dont agree with it for a Lo #t of reasons. and on a lighter note #honestly my only thing with capellas anime design is that her eyes arent more red!! :<< but her pink eyes look very nice too though <3 #i hope to see like a red-pink gradient on them maybe... thatd be cool...

[artbyfinnbrown]

I Read the Re: Zero IFs

I’ve got thoughts on each of them. Some of these thoughts are more in-depth than others.

Wrath IF: What is this guys deal even? 

The two other “Evil” Subarus (Pride and Gluttony,) while certainly unhinged, had very clear goals (getting Emilia on the Throne, and patching together [Natsuki Subaru], respectively).  But I can’t even tell what this Subaru wants. And to be honest, I don’t even know if Subaru knows want Subaru wants. 

Also, how exactly Subaru became a crime lord? I don’t doubt that Subaru COULD become a crime lord, but I’m curious as to the step-by step process that got him to this point.

Sloth IF: Rem should have been allowed to girlboss more.

Overall though, a very fun story about Subaru, Rem, and their 2 roommates, the wolf ninja who can clone himself, and half of a great spirit. Compared to all the other IFs, this one feels so disconnected from the main story. I don’t think anyone mentions what’s been happening in Lugunica once during this IF.

This also means that the characters form this IF are still around right?  I know Halibel shows up at some point in the main route. But is main route Zarestia still around? Does she still want to kill people? Or is she stuck separated for her light orb? Also, there’s technically another surviving member of the Oni tribe who may be alive? She was alive at some point, maybe not anymore. 

Pride IF: What a drama nerd. This guy can’t do anything with a given situation except escalate it. Ranting at a man about how much you want to be him, and then wishing him a happy birthday, as the city burns around you, was pretty funny. From a certain perspective.

(I make these jokes because what he’s doing is really sad. I’m pretty sure that Greed Subaru is the only one who has Pride Subaru beat for having died the most. He really threw everything away - including his life - for the sake of one girl who was nice to him)

Lust IF: I’m disappointed in myself for reading this, but not as disappointed as I am that this IF exists in the first place.

 

Greed IF: The Tragedy if the AU is greatly increased by the events of canon. Technically this is applicable to all of the IFs, but a few small changes to canon could have easily made this if one of the “Good” ones.

There is a world where Canon went a little differently, and Main Route Subaru was able to save almost everyone, but not everyone at the end of the Arc 4. And he would have accept that no matter how many times he tries, he can’t save everyone. If that had happened, Greed IF could have been hopeful, in a rather depressing way.  “Oh, Subaru may have destroyed himself mentally, but he got to save everyone!” But that’s not how canon went. Main Route Subaru did save everyone, which in turn invalidates everything Greed IF Subaru believes.

Subaru didn’t need to abuse return by death. He didn’t need to stretch his relationships to the limit to keep people safe. He didn’t need to make a deal with a witch. Subaru didn’t have to do any of this. But he has to tell himself that that he did, otherwise the small amount of mental stability he has left will shatter.

Gluttony IF: I expected Subaru to be much more unhinged.

Obviously his actions are incredibly messed up. Everyone around him knows this, and even Subaru knows this, but believes his actions are an entirely necessary evil. But he never acts “crazy”. In all the interactions through the IF, he acts “normal”. If anything, seems less eccentric than Main Route Subaru. In all of the conversations he as, even if the other people act increasing confused or angry, he alway acts calm and rational, even when he’s talking about things like flooding an entire city.

And that honestly makes him even more unsettling.

#re:zero #rezero #subaru natsuki

[pzyii]

I would honestly be so interested in seeing an interview where Emilia Jones talk about being on utopia (UK), BC even if I saw her first on locke and key, bc i mean she was like 11 when she played Alice on there and I just would like to her about it from her, BC i really enjoy the utopia show and I like her

#pzyii rants #emilia jones #utopia #utopia uk #alice ward #shes mostly in the first season if i remember right #but she was really good in it and i just want to hear about it

[woodenfawn]

The Rem Infodump.

The one where i rant about rem and subaru's dynamic and why it's special but i dont think a lot of people really understand it!

This was written a while ago and i may have some things wrong, and it's also good to note I don't think subaru and rem are unnhealthy for each other in the sense that they shouldn't be together (whether romantic or platonic), i just mean the situations they were in forced them to act in certain ways!

I think a lot of people who are bigger re zero fans (who also understand what the story is about) shy away from rem as a character because she's the one "only fake fans who watch the anime for the waifus" like, but while she's not my favorite character i want to bring her a little more appreciation from this side of the fandom!!

new-to-tumblr post spam 3/4 complete, i'll slow down after this XD

I tried tagging with spoilers but just in case it didn't work: spoilers ahead!

So. The rem thing. Ive talked about it vaguely before but never went into detail cause there were people that could be spoiled. The whole point of rems attraction to subaru is not because of harem wish fulfillment. The author clearly stated he hates harems. Subaru does love both rem and emilia, but he has solidly chosen emilia and that's the end of that. It doesn't matter what romantic feelings he could have towards rem because it's already doomed. They both know it. The relationship they form episode 12 and beyond is not meant to be healthy for either of them!! Rem has been saved from her mindset of needing to atone for what she thought of her sister, but her self esteem is still AWFUL which is why she attaches herself to a "hero" instead of learning to recognize her own self worth. Subaru saved her from some things but he's not a hero and he's not exactly the person rem says he is. Partially, but not all of it. It's kind of a mutual decision of theirs to lie to each other and themselves because they need it to cope with themselves. Subaru needs to be a hero for rem or he could never step out of his depressive state. Rem needs a hero in subaru or she cannot feel loved and understood. It's not good for either of them but they don't have an alternative. NOTICE: When subaru rants about how awful he is and rem responds with her famous speech, she doesn't actually contradict much of what he says. They love each other and need each other but it's bad for the both of them. Rem lost her memories because the witches (later correction: it's the bishops) targeted her for her sin, and subaru killing himself over rem is not the action of a person in a healthy mindset. Rem's development was cut short and kind of fridging, its frustrating, but it's not basic waifu stuff and it is meant to be tragic!!!! This is also all a mirror to how subaru and emilia are!

Because while subaru constantly talks about needing to save emilia, he also calls her the main heroine. I used to think about rem as a yesman, but she does many a thing behind subaru's back for his sake the exact way he did to emilia. He learns more about the consequences of his actions that way. oh, it hurts. and oh boy the speech is so misunderstood. That is rem's promise to love him "unconditionally", without acknowledging his flaws, and it helped. It's absolutely what he needed to hear. But it wasn't good. but also, for other reasons, it mirrors another little speech.... subaru's season 2 confession to emilia. Where she can't believe he'd love her, and where he starts to list off things he's done for her and the ways she's made it hard for him. And then tells her, he still loves her, because that's who she is and he wouldn't want it any other way. Which could be taken as another niceguy rant (like a repeat of the season 1 fight) but it's NOT!! Because this is what Emilia needed to hear, because she is not the kind of person who can accept praise without a drawback or asterisk. If she heard all that, all she'd see is another pedestal to fill. this is the healthier version of the rem speech, where she can accept she's flawed and realize she's still loved. Both despite, but also for it. And... it's still not perfect. Because the characters are still growing and learning!!! They are young adults with so many problems and a whole life ahead of them and they still need to learn!!! The upsides and downsides of unconditional love,,,, and is it more unconditional if you love them "despite flaws" or "with flaws" or without seeing any? And is any of that healthy? How can it be good? How can it be bad? Maybe it can be both at once, maybe love isnt perfect!!! a lot of this is hidden in subtext, and the framing of rem's speech may even trick you cause it's triumphant but no there's so much complexity to why they say every single thing they say!!!

Subaru is a character who struggles with love for himself and with love for others, he doesn't know how to make others happy and gets caught in a loop of thinking the only way he can possibly be loved is if he's constantly putting his life on the line for others, without asking anything of them in return. which ends up with him breaking and needing support, and not knowing how to ask, which is why he yells at emilia in season 1 (doesn't help that his deepest trauma is something he is magically obligated not to share for fear of death). His relationship with emilia in season 1 is both very sweet and very unhealthy. he's just a guy with a crush on a girl who's far too good for him and he's trying to work for it but the basis for it is not good- he's attached himself to the first kind person in this new world that he knows and due to "return by death" he's far more invested in her than she is in him- she will never know everything they went through together. and then.... he finds rem. someone who didn't trust him. someone who killed him multiple times throughout the mansion arc, but someone who could understand his loneliness because she was also lonely, and wow- he managed to save her, too! and she doesn't know everything about what he's gone through, but she knows how to read his emotions like no one else can. so they... fall into a codependency. like said before, they can't live without each other, but not everything they do is good for each other. subaru, while gladly taking the role that emilia has in this new relationship, learns more about how she feels. with rem, he learns more about what it means to love, and they both know that it won't last. they didn't expect it to end so soon, though. but oh well, subaru does not have the option to stop. the nature of his powers means dying is pointless, and he has to press on anyways. and he does!!! He meets more people he thinks he can trust. some betray him, but some stick with him. Otto (my sweet boy!!!) is notable!

and now he knows more about love, about trust, about how to treat people, and how he should expect to be treated. so many things. keeping in mind it's been a while since i've watched re zero so i probably don't even have everything there is to say. but like.... then in the end, he can approach emilia with his true emotions. and he can tell her about it in a way she'll understand. and he knows he can do it without being a burden this time. he's become a better person. he's not sure if he'll be rejected, but that's not the point anymore! The point is he loves her and wants the best for her and wants her to know and hopes, no matter the outcome, that she'll be happy to know she's not alone! and the honesty, that's what his speech has over rem's. he's not putting her on a pedestal, he's not using her for the sake of his own self esteem anymore, he just wants to love!

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Extra note on the end (talk about suicidal thinking, be warned!!!)

something I've talked about but don't have saved writing for, a bit more about rem!

I do also think Rem is suicidal. i think she and Subaru recognized each other in that mindset without ever really talking about it. To me, this relationship is two suicidal people trying to prop each other up so the other will keep living, and knowing that if they really give up the other will too. That's why the season 2 development was so punishing for Subaru. I think that Rem's terrible self esteem and feeling of needing to atone for """"ruining her sister's life"""" contributed to it, though i don't know if that's all of it. She also makes multiple comments that are extremely concerning, like how Subaru is her "reason to die", how when she was ready to die fighting the white whale she said she felt like this was the moment she was made for, and biggest of all!! When she was telling her hypothetical story of how she and Subaru would run away together, she planned it all up to the death "I'd like to die first and I'd like my family to be with me", and to me it felt like she was *trying to think of a death that would make her life worth living*. Her motivation to live is following people she can die for, and that's, that's concerning. i hope her character arc properly follows through on what's happening in her head (i don't know how arc 7 goes yet)

...and i also think that Beatrice is the first time Subaru's had to confront his mindset head-on, because Beatrice would refuse to dance around the subject. The lesson he takes from Rem carries over to both Emilia and Beatrice in healthier ways, and I think that's incredibly important!!!!

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thank you for reading!

#re:zero #re zero #natsuki subaru #subaru natsuki #rem rezero #rem #re zero spoilers #re:zero spoilers