Big families eat lots of cake
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hatchetverse but paul accidentally becomes everyone's parental figure. lex & hannah's? sure, they deserve a good parent who'll look out for them. stephanie lauter? yeah, why not, her dad highkey sucks. richie? absolutely, could even make them be biologically related for the lols. he meets peter through ted, they're chill (potential for angst if ted disappears in this iteration of the multiverse). he's the guy alice goes to about all of her stresses and worries- the 'cool uncle'. he meets ruth at the coffee shop where he sees emma before they have a concrete relationship, ruth is very vocal about how she wishes she could have a partner too. he could be even max freaking jagerman's unofficial dad (he does not think max has to fight off "one lousy skele'un" to be worth something). he tries to solve grace chasity's religious guilt with "yeah no sex is normal" and she views him as a source for all advice on the matter after that. paulkins but paul is a tired dad and emma doesn't find out he has like 50 kids until they've been dating a couple months and one of them randomly runs into his house. she introduces him to tim and he just rolls with it. it's another nephew, okay, neat. he's not great with kids but he finds himself with loads of them somehow anyway. then they all face off against sadistic eldritch gods and multiple cults together like a family. what more could you want?
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the beanies employees call each other bitch during shifts.
emma has to check the rota pretty much day to find out Bitch #4’s actual name.
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hatchetfield events that seem to be constants across every universe
(i've definitely missed some or added some that aren't quite true but whatever. here's what i've got)
spoilers for the entire hatchetfield series including workin' boys
paul and emma will always find each other
lex and ethan will always get split up
ted and jenny will never get to be together
duke will always forget miss holloway
sam will always cheat on charlotte with zoey
jane will always die in a car crash, which will always cause emma (or at least some version of emma) to return to hatchetfield
grace will always defeat the bad guy, and then become the bad guy herself
becky barnes will always climb a tree
there will always be a homeless man in hatchetfield who seems to know something and looks a bit like ted
wilbur cross will always go through the portal to the black and white and come out as wiley
bill and his wife will always get divorced
mr davidson will never get choked by his wife while he jerks off
henry hidgens and his six boyfriends will always get struck by lightning, and henry will always be the only survivor
following on from this, henry will always write workin' boys: a new musical
barry swift will always be in a hurry
let me in know in the comments or reblogs if you have anything else
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Hatchetfield Tumblr omg
✝️ graciee777 Follow
Hello world! I'm Grace, I just got this app to keep up with my friend @s-lauter and post bible verses daily for a project my study group is doing! Can't wait to learn more about you all!
✝️ gracie777 Follow
All of you are going to Hell.
💿 s-lauter Follow
we NEED to start talking about problematic morning cup'a news is. yeah it's """just a squirrel""" but if you're willing to misgender her it's a slippery slope
🔆 debs-bian Follow
#okay but I actually had no idea peanuts was a girl?? #I'll tell my dad lol I promise he and donna just didn't know #chronically online kinda take though steph I hate to say it
🍃 emmahikes Follow
Tell me why my boyfriend just called himself babygirl while hyping himself up for his big presentation at work today??
#what is wrong with him <3 #I think I have to marry him now
👾 peternotparker Follow
First day working at my local theme park! I'll update you guys with how it goes
👾 peternotparker Follow
hopital
🚬 califor-mia Follow
my sister is playing her little guitar at 3 am in our shared room and i can't even complain because i was already awake
🚗 carsnpunks Follow
Babe I think the little ones are violins not guitars
🌺 al-pal Follow
...ukulele. Guys. It's a ukulele.
#Lex you GOT IT FOR HER how do you not know what it is
🧑🏻🎤 attackonbi-tan Follow
My uncle Gary called me cringe???? He's an actual lawyer he doesn't know these words who told him to say this
🌌 leialove Follow
I mean he's got a point you do use an anime character's name on here
🧑🏻🎤 attackonbi-tan Follow
You.
#ruth you can't talk you have a star wars fandom blog #plus levi is a great name fuck you #stop teaching my uncle words
📼 missretro Follow
I miss this
📔 dukesthoughts Follow
Babe I love you so much but that picture says 2017
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Happy New Year, I've decided to move on with my life & stop making memes about Hatchetfield 😇🙏🏻
...yeah just kidding this is like. the whole reason I exist, I can't stop now! So here you go, first incorrect-quotes-or-whatever dump of 2024:
(thank you @adhd-mulder for assassins Max lmao <3)
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Headcanons below!
Linda has a wardrobe of clothes she’s never even touched. It’s just there.
Ted desperately tries to message Jenny but she changed her number years ago.
Emma dyes Richie‘s hair blue every other month. Paul tries not to watch- the sight of dye mixture in hair makes him feel extremely uncomfortable.
Before Paul, Emma would go to the clubs with Zoey on most Friday nights- they hate eachothers guts but are kinda okayish friends.
Max dreams about fist fighting god.
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