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#emoji stories

Ann: A story about stars? Well, I do remember a lot of nights when I was at the church and I would always be the one with a very late shift to take down left over sheets that other sisters wouldn’t get. It was honestly very relaxing, I rather do enjoy being able to take such a task. The air was always fresh and it was peaceful, no noises besides the sleeping creatures of the night. Sometimes, I would stay outside longer and wonder what kind of life I would live, what greater things would there be for me if I had become a normal woman rather than a nun… I dont regret it.

Bane: Night time was the time I worked best at. Most people would always be stupif enough to go to the manor at night, unaware of traps laid out and sometimes I would catch some stupid kids stuck in a tree or God forbid them caught in a bear trap. You’d think the keep out signs would stop them, it never did. Even so, nights could be peaceful. I rather enjoyed whenever the forest was silent and my deer companion visited, looking up into the sky, knowing that everything would be OK. As a resident and the grounds keeper of the manor, it was my job to make sure everything was ok. It was something i can control and that eased my worry and concern for my wild friends.

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laaaaaaaa, lalalalalalalaa la la la laaaaaaaaaaa, lalalalalalaalalala bum bum bum, bum bum bum…

huh, what?  Oh…what did I want to order? ummmm…hmmm…bum, bum, bum; bum, bum bum…key change! laaaaaaa lalalalalalalalal la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaa lalala…..

Oh, sorry. You were saying?  OF COURSE I’m going to get a coffee, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE HERE???

Oh, I have this stupid song in my head, and it just blows my mind that I can’t remember the name of it, so I’m hoping if I just keep singing it someone will be able to tell me the name of it…it’s hard it doesn’t have any words, see, it’s a classical piece, and my phone doesn’t recognise it when I sing it…

No, I don’t think that’s a commentary on my singing!

Oh right a coffee…yes, yes, I’ll have a mocha latte…a tall one, you know, one of those contradiction in terms you sell…

de, de de dededede de de de deeeeeeeee

Is that the only phrase I know, why no, it’s just the piece keeps repeating the same phrase over and over…adding more instruments, and changing key, and adding suspense until the very end…its quite frustrating to be stuck in one’s head…you don’t know the name of it by chance, do you?  No?  Gosh that’s a shame.

Well you’ve certainly been an angel, I’ll be sure to tell your boss what a star employee you are!!

Oh, you are the owner.  Oh, my apologies.  Well, ta ta now!! have a starriffic day!

*fades into distance* laaaaaaaaaaaaaa lalalalalalalaa la la lalaaaaaaaaaa……


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Yea, that’s right, I’m smirking at you.  Your green tree hugging heart that loves coffee and popcorn…you WILL be upgraded…OR you will be DELETED.

If, by some chance, you escape, I strongly suggest a celebration!  I mean, who doesn’t appreciate pizza, wine, and cake (although not necessarily in that order) at a party?   I’ll make the playlist: “99 Luft Balloons” and “Rocketman” will DEFINITELY be playing.  Maybe we’ll even have a karaoke machine…hmm…we’ll probably need more wine, if karaoke is involved…

WAIT I KNOW!!!!! This is PERFECT!!!!!! We’ll hire a SNAKE CHARMER!!! That will be awesome!!!  I’m sure everyone will like that, and it will require much less wine….

What do you mean what will we do if the snake escapes?  Those snakes are very well trained, there is absolutely NO CHANCE of the snake escaping.  BUT if we do get a snake charmer, we’ll have to buy a bouquet of flowers to give them when they are done.  


And then, when we’ve caught the snake (no, don’t ask questions, this is the important part) We will go outside and watch the night sky.  Count all the pretty stars and check out the moon.  What do you mean that’s rude?? I can check out the moon if I want to…maybe the moon likes me, did you ever think about that? HUH?? Maybe the MOON is CHECKING ME OUT!!!

I don’t understand, why do you want to send me to the moon…I did all this work planning your “yay we escaped from the cybermen” party…….


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I should have known that nothing good was coming my way when a devil turned the corner and started walking towards me.  Before the devil could reach me, however, confetti fell from the sky and those annoying noisemakers you get at New Year’s started blaring all over.  It was so loud I was stunned and saw stars for a moment.  I started laughing hysterically, because, I mean, seriously, what else is a Taurus like me supposed to do in this situation?  I’ll tell you, you run back into the pizza shop you just came from to finish your pizza.  Avoid your hallucinations at all costs, I say!

Of course, hallucinations are not likely to cooperate, as once I entered the pizza shop, there were owls flying all over the dining room, dropping envelopes with invitations to a salsa party down the block.  The devil entered the pizza shop and offered to make me a deal:  the bag of cash the devil was holding for an invitation to the salsa party.  It seemed like a fair trade to me, so I clapped my hands together and made the trade.  After giving the bag a serious case of side eye, sure it was going to disappear, I sat, exhausted, and considered that perhaps there had been some special ingredients in my pizza.


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Dorian-mance vs Adoribull

On one hand…

🤚🏻🍀: I hate that you have to leave, but I understand 😥

👨🏻: Yeah, I lubs you v v much, but you can’t come. We’ll use the magical Skype thingy, k love? ❤️🙂

On the other hand…


👨🏻: What did I say about coming to Tevinter, Bull? WHAT DID I SAY? 😰

🐮: Sorry, too busy keeping you safe to receive new instructions. 🤷🏻‍♂️

👨🏻: 😥

🐮: I have one eye, so might as well keep it on you 😍❤️

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Dorian vs Blackwall

👨🏻: 💪🏽👨🏻🤜🏽⁉️ (Attempts to flirt)

🐻: 😐

👨🏻: 💪🏽👨🏻🤜🏽 Sup.

🐻: 😒

👨🏻: Sup, criminal. Where’re your criminal friends, hmm? 💪🏽👨🏻🤜🏽⁉️

🐻: 🚫😡🚫

👨🏻: 💪🏽👨🏻🤜🏽 Ah fuck. 😕


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Once upon a time a fairy had a heart attack because she ate banana bread on a tractor which crashed into a bus carrying French fries. Some guy who was sexually attracted to lemons got in his helicopter to come to the rescue, but his city was on fire so he had to bring the tractor fairy to Brazil to get treatment. So he quickly packed his necessary supplies and while he was at it wrote a love letter to an ear of corn because rice makes him sad and constipated. He delivered his letter in a truck but it mistakenly made its way to some lady who found it in her purse one day. Realizing it wasn’t for her, she called up the number in the letter and informed the constipated corn man that she received it by mistake and promised to fax it to him. Long story short, they eventually became friends and talked back and forth about their respective love of cellos and rocketry.

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Two brazilians, an Iranian and a Japanese guy went to the Brazilian embassy in Poland to petition to open a traveling circus and carnival. They explained to the government workers that it would have games like MahJong and bowling, and sell all kinds of snacks like rice, fries (or pear fries for the health conscious), and Chinese food. They also presented an idea that made the embassy workers feel quite sweaty, despondent and a little bit nonplussed: they would hire ballerina children to stand on an elephant that was skiing. The embassy workers said they would need to discuss privately amongst themselves before they made a decision. The carnies’ hearts pounded while they awaited the decision, and finally, at 5:31 the embassy people called them back: the carnies returned nervously to the desk, where they were immediately told to pack their bags and shut up. The carnies left disillusioned and resigned to try yet another country.

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“Lipstick is for Nerds”

Once upon a time, a strange man ate rice-shrimp pizza and rice-cherry sushi bread and peach rice for dessert. He was a musician and won a trophy but had to go to the hospital because he got hit by a train in his car. He was embarrassed but mostly sad and hungry for an eggplant shrimp sandwich because his ambulance could not get to the hospital due to a closed road, so he had to pay a Turkish man to fly him to one. After he was out of the hospital, he took a bath and had an idea: he would take a girl in a dress hostage and make her mail a newspaper. But unfortunately for him, the mailman would take the newspaper, burn it with a cigarette and put it back in the mailbox because he does not negotiate with terrorists. Then he would upload the mailbox to the sun and it would take one full year, from July 17th to July 17th of the next year, because the sun is far. The terrorist’s mail would remain unopened due to his mailbox being in the sun, so he would go broke from not paying his bills and be forced to release the hostage so he could go buy a new mailbox.

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So I started telling stories with emojis on Facebook. Now I think I have a problem since I cant stop.

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