#emotions about my good lady

[butchladymaria]

talk about your adeline. right now. this is a threat

OOOUUAUUUAA you have opened the pandora’s box.

ok firstly i love the idea of adeline being a big sister. the siblings u draw for her are UNPARALLELED. i will draw them if god is willing because man. like why try to improve on something that is already perfect. every day i think of the littlest one wearing maria’s boot and going :D

i like to imagine she grew up on a farm, so she knows loads about how to take care of plants and animals. adeline would totally keep chickens or rabbits under better circumstances, but her duties as a blood saint take up a lot of time.

i’ve always seen adeline as playing a large role in looking after her siblings along with her mother. the family fell on hard times financially, and they move to the city which becomes cathedral ward. adeline is able to help support her family by becoming a nun, and is eventually groomed as a blood saint. i think she and maria likely met around this time :)

adeline is capable in folk medicine, but her training to become a saint taught her lots about traditional medicine as well. under pressure, she is a natural leader, able to take quick, decisive action — these skills combined have saved lives.

flowerpatch is her service dog, and she trained him herself to assist her with all sorts of things. aside from helping adeline get around, patch helps her identify plants and medical supplies. he’s able to fetch specific tools for her — don’t worry though. he has little gloves to avoid cross contamination and he always washes his paws :)

the other nuns help too! adeline sewed flowerpatch an apron of sorts, so if patch indicates something she needs, one of the other sisters can put it in his little pocket!

adeline is also quite artistic! she finds particular comfort in embroidery, because of all the different textures she can feel. flowerpatch’s apron is covered in pretty patterns.

i hc adeline as autistic as well! she’s always humming to herself while she works, and the textures of her embroidery serve as a comforting stim. flowerpatch isn’t just a seeing-eye dog, he’s also an emotional support animal who comforts her if she’s overwhelmed.

when i think about adeline, i imagine her as an incredibly intelligent and compassionate person, who is strong enough to build community even in hard times — it just makes it all the more tragic what becomes of her.

#ask #anyway thats my Huge Long Adeline Thoughtsposting #i could . say more but this thing is LONG lmao #saint adeline #bloodborne #just . augh #she grows up with so much hope for the church doing good. helping people. but because of that trust she ends up with the church just…. #using her. breaking her down until theres nothing left #making her believe that despite how much she loves and how loved she is in turn #that she’s nothing #augh. ough. #emotions about my good lady

[bruhstation]

can't it even be more obvious thomas. why are you surprised that a sudrian historical site filled to the brim with armor and weaponry that dates back to the middle ages has old people afflicted with the gold dust working around the castle

#thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte glynn #ttte millie #ttte stephen #casa tidmouth #senjart #MORE OF LADY'S EXPERIMENTS GONE WRONG #WHO UP ULFSTEADING THEIR CASTLE #stuff for the kotr arc of casa tidmouth. now this is where gold dust has historical significance #going crazy right now. my friends are influencing me #I had 12 tabs opened just to draw young glynn's armor. they dont have plated armory in the 10th century!!!! only mails!!!!!! #(looking at you KOTR intro) #I remember reading some inputs on my 1k milestone poll and saw someone put ''the misery of growing old'' and honestly. Checks out #glynn's eyes are goldish brown because well. that's the perks of being the first bearer of the gold dust horrors #lady during 989 AD do not know anything about human thoughts and ethics and emotions. she was literally freestyling that!!!!! #Oh a wounded soldier on the verge of death. what if I *dumps 200 kg of gold dust on him* yeah that'll do the trick. #then she saw how glynn aged so so slowly and went Oh well I messed up. Good thing there are lots of other sudrians here #funny coincidence that young cstm glynn's helmet resembles canon glynn's funnel #I wanted to make millie's design resemble a tour guide more with her scarf and more stylish than usual tie #shes so pretty. I'm so proud of her design #(AND I REALIZED TOO LATE THAT HER TIE HAS THE COLORS OF THE FRENCH FLAG) #<--- said the guy who has beef with the french #stephen's crown is translated to a hat decor! was about to draw a top hat but whatever just imagine he has a collection of various hats #that he can put his crown on #also I want to give him that cool hip-with-the-kids I-am-still-young-at-heart energy #sir robert norramby is balling in the background. #hope you enjoy..... won't be able to draw as much from now on but I'm excited #also whos ready for old man yaoi........... 2!!!!!!

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[quaranmine]

i think the whole cringe is dead, radical sincerity, depth of genuine emotion, earnest effort, and unironic love thing that tumblr has going on the past few years has transformed my outlook on things and changed me for the better. but it does mean that now the people i know irl will give me strange looks for being too sappy or too poetic or too dedicated or too excited about about something because they're still stuck in their "well i only like this ironically" phase. guess that's their problem tho not mine <3

#like on here i could spontaneously decide to write a poem about life & love & death & the dying peace lily on my parent's porch #and everybody would be like omg love it #or i could write essays analyzing mcrp. or dig up documents from 1910 and 1956 for fanfic research #and everyone is like 🤩 #and in real life there's like a 90% chance anybody would just be like. that's good for you....you're a little weird though..... #or i will say something i was thinking about and people will get all cynic on me or something #SORRY for having a writer's/artist's/photographer's brain i guess and seeing the beauty in the world #idk idk so many people i meet irl are allergic to genuine expressions of emotion or artistry #there was a lady i saw on the train once who was reading a densely-written pocket sized planner...from 2013 #i think about her sometimes. was that her planner? were those good memories? was she trying to remember something? has it been a kind decade #and when i told my dad he couldn't at all see anything i saw in the moment. he just made jokes about her being crazy #but i liked the moment

[hephaestuscrew]

Lady Miss Clara Entwhistle

'Miss Entwhistle' or 'Miss Clara Entwhistle' is said 93 times across Seasons 1 and 2 of Victoriocity. 'Lady [Clara] Entwhistle' is never said until S3E4. I'm obsessed with the fact that every time Clara has introduced herself or been referred to by name - every time she's been 'Miss' rather than 'Lady' - it's been a symbol for her of how she's building her own life, separate from her family and their expectations for her. She could have adopted a whole new name if she wanted to entirely disguise her aristocratic family ties, but she choose a more subtle shift.

Before she came to London, how many times had she walked into rooms she didn't want to be in and been announced as 'Lady Clara Entwhistle'? Did it feel strange to her at first, the switch to introducing herself without any hint at her father's Earldom? Or did it just feel right, her name finally able to stand on its own, like she was trying to? 

How many situations has Clara been in since moving to London where her title would have commanded respect and made things easier? How many people has she met who would have been impressed that she was a member of the aristocracy, who might have cooperated more quickly or revealed information more easily had they known? In the confrontation with Merrick in the House of Commons, for example, would there have been quite so much jeering and disbelief from the benches at the words of an Earl's daughter, as opposed to a random unmarried female journalist? But she's never played that card - it's never felt worth it to her.

When we first meet Clara as she enters London, she says "Well, my mother's occupation is... Lady, I suppose. And I am a journalist." Lady is a role which defines her mother, who is appalled by the idea of having an occupation. "Why couldn’t you just have married a duke, moved to Saxony and died of scarlet fever like your sister?" is funny in its ridiculousness, but it's also horrifying; Clara's mother would prefer a dead daughter than a daughter who is living the life Clara wants. That's something that must weigh on her, even when the ties are cut. Coming from an environment like that, it's no wonder if she sees a life of autonomy and independence as inherently incompatible with any acknowledgement of the role in society she was born into. So she goes by 'Miss', and she doesn't seem to talk about her aristocratic heritage, and still she's asking herself "what it means to be free, for birds or people"...

#Victoriocity #Victoriocity spoilers #Clara Entwhistle #I don't know why I've barely posted about Victoriocity Season 3 #Don't worry I am going insane about it... #Until the last ep it hadn't occurred to me that her mother being 'Lady Lucretia' might mean Clara would have a title other than 'Miss' #which I guess speaks to how she distances herself from that #as well as my ignorance of the structure of the aristocracy #Tbf according to my research if Clara's father had been a viscount or a baron #her mother would had the title 'Lady' but Clara wouldn't have #The daughters of viscounts and barons are referred to as 'The Honourable' #and daughters of baronets or knights are simply called 'Miss' #Anyway the insight into some of the difficult emotions and questions Clara is wrangling with under the surface in S3E4 was so good #I hope we get to dig into this a little more

[janeaustenlover]

There’s a little flame between us. It’s always burning. And I’ve come to believe that tending a fire like that is purpose enough for any life.

#perioddramaedit #weloveperioddrama #periodedit #perioddramasource #lady chatterley's lover #lady chatterleys lover #period movies #shitty things i do for love #my only desire for this adaptation was it to be good enough for marg to be satisfied honestly #baby villetteulogy i hope it happened to be just that!!!!! #i kinda torn here because i loved it but ugh #the way this film trips out the social context and class detail of the book??? #and with all that there go most of the psychological complexity of the characters too #i know it's not 1930s anymore but i see no need to play down class tensions #show me how connie and oliver struggle to overcome deeply ingrained prejudices and how painful and sloooow this process is #also constance suffered no inner dilemma about her class based sexu*l disgust and her blooming attraction towards oliver?? #and his battle to find RIGHT words to respond to her as a woman he loves rather than a lady he serves??? #gone gone goneeeeee #okay i stopped bitchin and now i can freely add that the movie is STILL a better adaptation than i expected #atmosphere! glimpses of an emotional depth!!! chemistry!!!! music!!!! IT'S HERE

[queen0fm0nsterz]

Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic

#carols.txt #when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it #《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting #LMAOOOOOO #call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever #listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord #while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it #^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) -> #and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that -> #that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its #done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS #like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell #thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out #PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH #i need this author to give me their brain NOW #AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH #everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it #this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong) #live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.

[july-19th-club]

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like #a pretty obvious case of the autisms #then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later #everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible #a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it #which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age #but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something #whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it #or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me #but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder #they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit #i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things #the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum #he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space #and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like #her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?) #but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often) #she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name

[pigeonwhumps]

Blackmail

Finding Safety masterlist

Whump Girl Summer day 6: Blackmail

Taglist: @littlespacecastle @whumpymirages @flowersarefreetherapy @painful-pooch (plus @justplainwhump bc you've been waiting for this)

While at university in Canada, Aaliyah is forcefully reminded of her past as a pet.

Set a few years after Cass and Aaliyah move to Canada. Aaliyah's in her second year.

1.8k

CWs: BBU, pet whump, rape/non-con, sexual slurs, flashbacks, conditioned whumpee, degradation, self-degradation, blackmail, non-con nude photos, discrimination, briefly implied homophobia, dehumanisation

Aaliyah closes her laptop and removes her headphones, stretching widely. She's enjoying researching for this essay but despite her ability to stay in one place for hours at a time she's getting stiff. And her ears are aching.

Her roommate Zac looks up from his own textbook. "You want to take a break? We have plenty of time."

She picks up her tablet and chooses her words from the symbols. Zac waits patiently, something he's good at and which she's always grateful for, given how some people act about her AAC software.

"Get water. Will be quick."

"Take as long as you need, I'll look after your stuff."

"Thank you."

She heads out of the library and crosses the corridor to the water fountain, drinking as much as she can and splashing a little on her face too. It feels nice.

She hears footsteps behind her and moves out of the way in case whoever it is wants to use the water fountain.

They don't. Instead, they bark out an order.

"Respect."

Aaliyah drops to her knees before she even knows what's happening. No, this can't happen here. She didn't even realise she still did that.

She tries to get up but her body's locked. If she gets up before Master says she can–

No. No, she's not there, she's safe, Master isn't here. He never will be.

So why can't she move?

"I thought so," says a confident, sneering voice from behind her. "See, my cousin's studying in the States, and his frat house just bought a box boy. So cute and eager to please. Combination of some sort, I think. Apparently you're not gay if it's a boxie you're fucking. Anyway, he showed me their pet on a video call and it's funny. The way you cock your head, your inability to read and write, and you always cover your left forearm, no matter how warm it is or what else you're wearing. You're a WRU slut, aren't you?"

Aaliyah doesn't respond. She doesn't reach for her tablet, or move her head, or try to get up. She can't do anything, and that's probably enough of an indictment by itself.

"I knew it." The voice is gleeful now, and he grabs her arm in a bruising grip, pulling her up and pushing her along. "Disabled restroom should be free, right?"

Distantly, Aaliyah realises she should resist. Master isn't here anymore to make her do this. She doesn't want to do this.

But she's not a person. And it has never mattered what she wants.

The boy shoves her into the bathroom and she tumbles to the floor, ending up sprawled on the tiles.

She hears the lock click with a dreadful finality.

"Now, I don't know any of the positions, but I want you on your hands and knees. I'm sure you know how to do that, at least. Oh yeah. And strip."

Aaliyah obeys with shaking hands, throat tight. She wishes the floor wasn't so white and the light wasn't so bright, it reminds her too much of the facility.

She flushes as he looks her up and down. She's not sure how he knows her, but she recognises him from somewhere. The name will come eventually, she thinks.

She doesn't want him seeing her. This isn't like when she plays with Cass and Calixte, this is different, it's like she's a pet again.

No, not just a pet. Owned.

"You really are hot. No wonder you volunteered to be a slut, your looks are your best asset. I don't see why you hide them, I mean most Romantics don't, right? They seduce and manipulate using them. Your looks might not be your very best asset though, I think I'd like to try you out now. You're bottoming, obviously. Let's see how good a slut you can be for me."

Aaliyah holds back her tears as the boy climbs on top of her. She's been taught how to hide her emotions, she's an expert at it, and she blinks her eyelashes seductively at him as he positions her to his liking. She ends up on her back, legs spread between his. He looks at her like she's a banquet.

"Oh, you really are a nice-looking pet. Keep your eyes on me, I want to see your face while I fuck you. I hear you Romantics are trained to love your owners, and really, that sounds ideal."

He's not her owner. He's not. But as he opens the lube in his pocket and slicks her up, teasing her with his finger, she finds that difficult to remember.

He positions himself and slides his cock inside with a wink. Fuck. She hates this. She wishes she could go back to not caring, but now she knows what it's like not to have to do this, not to believe it's all she's worth, not to have an owner (and that's the most important thing she's learnt, and the most painful), it seems impossible to do. The boy isn't her owner, but he feels that way.

So many people fucked her in training, and then there was Jacob, too, so maybe it doesn't matter if he's her owner anyway. She's a WRU slut at heart, after all, and with her owner gone it would make sense that she's a general slut for everyone now.

No... no, that wouldn't make sense. Not the way she'd like. She has Cass and Calixte, although she doesn't want to think of them right now, doesn't want them associated with this.

She buries her emotions deep down where they can't show, covering her anger and sorrow and utter terror with a veil of pleasure. She desperately wants to curl up in a ball and cry it out but she can't. She has to behave, and do what she was made to do.

She's a good pet at heart, after all.

He fucks into her, not caring how she feels about it, and she turns the small moans and sobs that escape into sounds of enjoyment.

"Oh, you're so good at this pet, my god. Keep doing that, this is good."

Aaliyah wants to stop. Just stop, stop giving him this, stop giving in, kick him and stop him from ever doing it again. But she's a good pet, so she won't. The lights are bright and it's so white and she knows she can't disobey or she'll get shocked. The handlers will use their batons if she fights back.

No. No, she's not there, she's free. Free and still a pet and still being fucked against her will.

A hand slaps her cheek, the stinging pain bringing her back to the present.

"Hey. Bitch. Don't zone out on me now, I was enjoying your attention."

Aaliyah bats her eyelids and does what she should. It hurts, but she's made to take that, so she does, even if she desperately wishes she was somewhere else. Anywhere else.

Almost anywhere.

It seems like an eternity before he comes inside her, which is usually permission for her to orgasm too. The boy sighs blissfully and withdraws.

"You are an excellent pet slut." He does up his trousers and pulls his phone out of his pocket, cocky grin back on his face. "Just gotta do something."

Later Aaliyah will wish she had punched him or covered her face or run or something, but right now she just lets herself be manouvred. She's a pet, she doesn't have any free will, and anyway she can't bring herself to move. It's all too much, all over again. He takes photos of her face and her barcode and the two together, and other parts too, making it very clear who and what she is, and what she's done.

"Nice photos. I won't share them so long as you don't tell anyone about this. And, well. I might come up with more terms later. Gotta finish college before I can move and get a Romantic of my own, after all. Do we have a deal?"

Aaliyah nods, barely keeping the tears at bay. How did she end up like this?

"Great. See ya."

He stalks out of the bathroom without so much as a backward glance, and Aaliyah locks the door again before sinking to the floor. Now, the tears come. They can, now he's gone, she doesn't need to keep such a tight rein on her emotions now she's alone.

She didn't... how did this happen? How could she let something like this happen? She's not a person, this is a clear reminder of that, because a person wouldn't be so useless. They wouldn't have a barcode that makes them so easy to control. Master's dead and she's still a pet, still owned in every sense except the completely literal one. She scrunches up under the sink, giving herself a few minutes to cry messily, snottily. Not silently pretty, as a Romantic should.

She takes a deep breath, then another. Then she gets up and leans over the sink, scrubbing her face, wiping away the tears, making her eyes less puffy.

Maybe Zac will assume she's had a panic attack and not ask too many questions. She hopes so.

She dresses hurriedly with shaking hands, wanting nothing more than to go home and curl up in Cass' arms. But she can't do that, because then he'd ask and she'd tell him and she can't risk those photos being shared.

As a pet, she's not allowed wants anyway.

She brushes herself down, takes another deep breath, and heads back out.

Zac spots her as she re-enters the library and frowns. As soon as she's close enough, he murmurs, "Are you okay?" She nods. She's fine, she always is. "Okay. If you say so. Another half hour, then we'll go get food?" She nods again. She's in no shape to use her tablet to communicate right now. Zac squeezes her shoulder and looks back down at his textbook, frowning thoughtfully and highlighting another line.

Aaliyah opens up her laptop and puts on her headphones, pressing play. She prepares to draw down her notes and bookmark the sections she needs for her essay.

It's hard, so much harder than earlier. She was enjoying it before but now she can barely concentrate. Her head swims as she tries to settle back into the research. She has to rewind the audio of her textbook several times as she zones out, constantly replaying the last half hour or so. It hurts, physically, mentally, everything, she was hoping she'd never feel that hurt again.

She's useless. She can't concentrate, can't even read or write. She doesn't know things that everyone else finds obvious, that they all stare at her for not understanding. She's trying, she really is, but she's hopeless at it.

She's been pretending to be a person for a while now, but she's not. She never will be. She's a pet, and that's all she'll ever be.

#whumpgirlsummer #waw2023 #emotional whump #whump #whump writing #bbu #box boy universe #box babe #lady whump #whumpee and whumper #conditioned whumpee #pet whump #disabled whumpee #aac using whumpee #i think ive mentioned to a few people about aaliyah commuting to uni but ive changed my mind from her second yr #she shares a room with zac from 2nd yr onwards and honestly hes a pretty good guy #and her friend #more observant than shed like though 😅 #sanctuary pigeonwhumps #aaliyah oc #zac oc

[daenerys-targaryen]

it's so funny because i like to think of myself as someone who isn't very emotional like i hate crying in front of people i refuse to do it i think that i am so Cool and Apathetic but i have been told 3 different times by 3 different people (one of them being a stranger) that i am a very emotional being and i KNOW. but in my head i'm not <3

#leah rambles #the stranger was the car rental lady she was asking me about taylor etc etc #and asked me a song to recommend #and i said seven. #and i explained to her that it is a song about being a growing up and the nostalgia of childhood and a childhood friend #who you still love to this day even though you can't recall their face #and she looked at my mom and said #'lord this child is so emotional' (but like in a good way? she sounded astonished or something idk) #and i was like gagged. #she CLOCKED me #anyways alskdjfl;sakldf #i know i am a very emotional being i can't help it <3333 #most of the time i feel genuinely insane by the amount of emotions i feel on a daily basis <3333

[ratcandy]

hey i'm talking about spider/pet death in this post and going on a bit of a ramble about it. not going into explicit details but i am talking about it and how i was feeling so. be wary

tl;dr for below is that I'm okay. It just happened very unnaturally, in a way that really sucked to watch and learn further about, and it was all very upsetting.

it's been a little over 24 hours, and I'm doing better now. Well I mean I broke out into cankersores after all the stress but outside of that I'm fine. Hoping to get the stuff together to preserve her so at least I don't lose her entirely

Actually got myself into a research rabbit hole. Because what happened just seemed so unnatural and so sudden it really didn't sit right with me. Honestly it hadn't sit right with me for about a week beforehand, because she'd been acting so strangely I just didn't think it could be normal. But finding anything about it was difficult, so I chalked it up to her losing her grip with old age and just having troubles holding onto stuff in her enclosure.

But with it gradually worsening, and how she passed, it was... No, that was not old age. I'm not going to go into detail because I still get a bit upset about it, but it's... There's just no way that's how it goes. I refuse to believe it's that agonizing. I don't think I could own a spider again if that's how it ended every time.

So after rummaging through google, reddit threads, various forums, and youtube, I figured out the most likely culprit was something called dyskinetic syndrome or DKS. Apparently it's a little understood, uncommon series of symptoms that usually leads to a spider/tarantula's death within a few days. And after finding videos of it (which I do not recommend watching if seeing animals in pain is hard for you; it's very upsetting), yeah, it was exactly how she was behaving. She had every bit of it.

What frustrates me more though is how there's no agreed upon cause. I've been wracking through my brain trying to figure out what I could have done different for her (because of course, my brain jumps to "this is my fault somehow" with anything like this) and the uncertainty about all of it is so. Frustrating. Some sources say insecticides cause it (which leaves me questioning a million different things wondering how in the world she could've got poisoned), others say it's genetic (which makes a bit more sense to me, especially seeing another story that very was similar to mine in a few other aspects), but it's like. "We don't know!!" and I'm like what do yoU MEAN you DON'T KNOW.

I'm half tempted to reach out to the spider biologist at my uni just to ask him what he knows. Because this is going to drive me crazy. Watching it happen was devastating enough, especially seeing as most spider/T owners will euthanize before its gets too bad because it's just so awful (and now I feel bad for letting it drag out as it had), and now i'm left here triply unsatisfied because I don't even know what caused it.

I can theorize forever (and I probably will) but I'll never know for sure. And it's like. What the hell, man. She deserved so much better than to go out like that

Maybe I'm way too passionate and emotional about a little jumping spider. But girl after like 3 nights straight of constantly supervising her and doing whatever I could think of to make life easier for her, and then her going out the way she had, it was like. Getting slapped in the face out of nowhere when you thought you had at least a month or two left.

Good lird. What a first experience

#I don't think this will deter me in the future from keeping spiders. since now I know what it is and how to spot it #but I think it'll be a while before i try again. because good god #it's really not fun to watch that. it's really not #honestly her going out like that is probably why i got so emotional about it. because it's... It's just so /bad/ when it's DKS. It's SO bad #and I had never even heard of it before this was my first time with a spider. I tried to rationalize that she was just getting old and havi #old lady troubles but it was so bad. it got so bad and so much worse every day and watching it happen was awful #i don't want to put graphic descriptions out here about it because it's just... not happy. at all. but know that I really wish #it did not happen this way #she deserved so much better man. #clamtalk #pet death #ask to tag

[pokimoko]

i love when people casually inspire you. like, they're just going about their day, doing what they love to do, and then somewhere, by chance and unexpectedly, within their words, their actions, their scribbles, their mindless humming, their impromptu dancing, their idle moments of existence, you find a spark for an idea. just the simple act of being around someone else can be so inspiring sometimes. 

#musing on muses #artist thoughts #writer thoughts #my mum came in and showed me a plant that she was given and she said that the lady who gave it to her told her it was named a goldfish plant #because the flowers when in full bloom look like goldfish (and in looking it up they really do) #and the immediate rush of inspiration i got from that simple interaction #hooo boy #love that #(trust me my mutuals will understand why that gave me ideas) #my mum is a huge plant lady and loves showing me the stuff she's growing #and i have used her for inspiration before: there was a line in a fic I wrote recently about pressed flowers that she unknowingly inspired #because she presses a lot of flowers and they made me think about immortality #and there was a scene in another fic that was inspired by how sometimes we press our foreheads together and stare into each other eyes #and because of the closeness our eyes just blend into one big eye and it makes me laugh everytime we do it #i have also used her as inspiration for more...angsty things. i have uh alot of unresolved emotional trauma because of her #but hey she has her moments #oh the ups and downs of a love-hate parental-child relationship #one person can inspire so much both good and bad #and of course can't forget all my friends both online and offline #oh the amount of ideas y'all have sparked #keep on existing your story is beautiful to me

[spacefuneral]

bought a lighter from behind the counter of a dollar tree and i said idc which one and the lady was like "you sure?" and showed me the last leopard print one and i was like... yeah, actually, i want that one. and she said, "that's what i thought." all i could say was yeah, you know, you rightfully called me out. you saw me and were like this tacky bitch likes leopard print and you were correct.

#ive been grinning goofily about it ever since #she was great 10/10 service #also went to the dmv and That lady was Also very sweet #it was a good day for my agoraphobic ass #fish gets emotional

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Current Top Ten Red Velvet Songs

1. Body Talk

No question about this one. Ethereally beautiful, a song from the realm of the gods.

2. You Better Know

Realm of the gods part two. A song that makes me feel like I can take on the world, like the first day of summer and all its possibilities bottled into just four minutes.

3. Knock On Wood

This is such a perfectly constructed song--it's chic, not showing its high quality in big displays, but rather in a thousand little sparks of excellence strung into a cohesive whole, each showing the effort that was put into making a track that would stand the test of time.

4. RBB (Really Bad Boy)

Mean girl music because I am me. Also because it's a masterpiece—both the arrangement and the vocal performances have such contagious energy!

5. Automatic

When you get it you get it. It took me a while, though--actually, I think it's a life experience thing. I stopped finding this track boring when I felt that kind of subtle romance myself, not the neon-pink drama of my usual feelings but something more blue-gray. Once I could relate, I couldn't stop listening to this one.

6. Talk To Me

One of my first RV obsessions, and somehow still so much fun after three years of overplaying every time I have a crush (which is a lot, again because I am me).

7. Butterflies

No but hear how it SPARKLES ????? DO YOU HEAR THE SPARKLES ?????

8. Bad Boy

I know we've all collectively agreed this is a masterpiece, but honestly, I can't put my finger on why. I listen to it like all the time, though, to the point where it's a comfort song for me, so it's definitely doing a lot of things right? I don't have words to explain why "Bad Boy" is so great, but I won't be arguing with the masterpiece label, that's for sure!

9. Cool World

Sentimental & synth-y: exactly my type in a song, and the ladies do this (already fantastic) chorus justice, turning up the bittersweet feeling to a 10 so that “Cool World” is not only a nice, pretty song, but also an unforgettable emotional experience. Special shoutout to Joy for performance on this one!

10. Love Is The Way

A cupcake in audio form. It might be a little too sweet for some, but "Love is the Way" works perfectly for me, especially the parts where the RV ladies start harmonizing.

#special shoutout to my emotional support rv songs: #fool & zoo & some love & all right & eyes locked hands locked & lady's room & queendom & good bad ugly & perfect 10 !!! and so many more... #talk about an impeccable discography <3 #artist top ten #red velvet