#enabling

[flange5]

Goose socks, $16 (x)

#enabling #socks #price: $

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

Has there been a time when Mr. Sun and Mr. Moon has a disagreement to the point that y/n would have to put one of those "this is our get along shirt" and stuff them in it?

Surprisingly no.

The boys are good at settling disagreements on their own, but the problem with that is how much they unhealthily enable each other. If one has doubt about their cause, the other simply goes "No it's okay do it". It's also part of how they only really trust each other with things.

But the thought of them wearing a shirt like that is hilarious

#answered ask #dca!serial killer au #sk boys #sk sun #sk moon #enabling

[yusuke-of-valla]

Oh hey Portable’s on sale for Switch

Along with like. Dozens of other games apparently Nintendo is having a massive sale right now

But you know. Portable

#enabling

[akindplace]

I was also thinking: The messed up thing about thinking you should be the one to fix every need, to make everyone happy is that you sort of assume that they can't pick up their lives by themselves, that they are incapable of being responsible adults or incapable of making themselves happy. And how does someone take positive action in their lives if you take it upon yourself to act for them? They become dependent on you, and you enable it. Codependency is a very toxic thing that can happen in any relationship, platonic, familial, or romantic.

#toxic relationships #codependency #relationships #enabling #tw codependency #tw toxic relationships

[chatnoirwithblackhair]

What I wish my dear system understood is, it's completely normal for us to avoid being around people who have certain disorders. It doesn't make us ableist. It doesn't make anybody ableist, in fact, because trauma does not equal discrimination unless the person chooses to engage in hateful behaviors, which is a completely separate topic. Ableism, by definition, "is discrimination and social prejudice against people with physical or mental disabilities. Ableism characterizes people as they are defined by their disabilities and it also classifies disabled people as people who are inferior to non-disabled people."

It is not the same as trauma.

There is a line drawn between being ableist and traumatized. Until you are actively speaking out against certain people and discriminate against them, until you are actively trying to put them down, to hurt them, to speak of them with hate, you are not being hateful by avoiding certain groups of people depending on characteristics they have. That goes for ableism too.

The easiest example of this I can give are women who are avoiding men because of sexual trauma. You wouldn't immediately assume that they are being sexist, you would think they have trauma around them, understand them, and while these women would still have to engage with men from time to time, you'd support them (women) in wanting separation from them (men) in every other way. Then how is it the same with disabled people?

My dear system, we have been around narcissists our entire lives non-stop. We had narcissists who used their disorder as an excuse to hurt us, and we felt too guilty to stand up for ourselves because we thought we would be ableist if we were to tell them to stop. "They just don't know any different," we told ourselves. But the harsh truth is, no matter the amount of empathy, no disorder allows you to hurt others. No matter if you can control it or not, it is not an excuse, ever, and we have always had a right to say we do not want to engage with people with NPD. We are not being hateful towards them. My darling heamdates, we tried to understand them the best we could and find ways to work with them. And we know that if those people decided to abuse us again, we would fall for it immediately. We were always allowed to sat "no." We were always allowed to avoid them.

No person is being ableist if they set a boundary in order to not hurt themselves. We have no kind of prejudice against them other than basic trauma and a desire to not get into yet another relationship/friendship that would retraumatize us. We are allowed to join support groups for those like us. The people who we have been with put us through literal hell, and we can't even admit it due to there being so much that if we're not in denial, we are going to spiral into insanity.

We ourselves barely experience empathy, if at all, and we never gave ourselves the opportunity to hurt others.

And people out there with same experiences, you are allowed to avoid certain groups of people because of your trauma. Or just simply because you're uncomfortable. I know that there are disorders that are stigmatized to the core, and so people are trying to defend them the best they can, but it should not enable abuse. If a person is abusive, they are abusive. If they are abusive because of their disorder, they are abusive because of their disorder. If they have a disorder that makes it hard for them to understand empathy, social cues, etc, they can still listen to a "no," "stop," "I don't like this," "you're hurting me," "you're making me uncomfortable." Therapy exists, and if it's not available, basic human decency works, too. Nobody is saying it's fun for people with certain disorders to be stigmatized because of them and treated like garbage. But it also doesn't give said people the "okay" to treat others like garbage either.

Ableism is not the same as avoidance due to trauma.

The existence of stigma and ableism and people suffering from it is not an excuse to enable abuse.

Your trauma isn't any less valid just because somebody had a mental/physical disability that influenced/cause their behavior.

And whoever decides to tell us, or wheoever's reading it, otherwise, should go to hell.

#tw ableism #ableism #enabling #tw abuse #child abuse #abuse #trauma talks #tw trauma #trauma #complex ptsd #ptsd recovery #ptsd #cptsd recovery #cptsd

[moonlit-positivity]

I don't know what's worse, the fact that abusive parents exist or the fact that other adults will see them degrade humiliate and beat the fuck out of their kids and just keep silent and not say a goddamn thing about it. Then they'll gaslight you by saying shit like "they're your parents, you're being disrespectful." Like that is the most foul evil there is in this world and you cannot convince me otherwise.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #healing thoughts #abusive parents #toxic family #toxic parents #enabling #abuse #escaping abuse #gaslighting #disrespect

[immaculatasknight]

Fingering the gang

#UCJ ruling #genocide #complicity #enabling #Gaza #Germany #Canada #UK #Netherlands #crimes against humanity

[vyorei]

US to continue backing Israel with resupplying Iron Dome

Biden, you're gonna wind up on the wrong side of a war crime tribunal

#free gaza #gaza strip #irish solidarity with palestine #free palestine #palestine #gaza #news on gaza #al jazeera #boycott israel #israel #Joe Biden #Biden #USA #War crime #Genocide #Complicit #Enabling

[flange5]

I found this recently on etsy while link hopping and I am certain someone here needs it...

$25, shop link here

#enabling #decor #ea nasir

[vizthedatum]

I’m sure I’ve said this before on my blog but…

As much as I want to or compelled to, I cannot heal, fix, get someone to come out, or get someone to admit to something even if I genuinely want to help them.

I just can’t.

I couldn’t do it for my exes, I couldn’t do it for my friends (both past and current), I can’t do it for my family, I can’t do it for community members who are struggling with addiction or substance use disorders, etc.

It’s really hard for me, and I definitely have been the person who made recommendations upon recommendations or over gave… to no avail. It was frustrating for everyone involved.

—

Oh yeah, my friends in the past couldn’t do it for me either - there were times when I didn’t even understand the advice they were giving because I wasn’t equipped to make changes.

It goes both ways.

—

It’s one thing to be supportive and give helpful suggestions, but you have to allow people to have their autonomy without forcing them to do things they’re not ready to do.

And if you think you can’t handle their choices, then you have the power to control yourself and choose your own fate (like leaving a relationship or having more personal boundaries).

#lessons #life lessons #healing #neurodivergence #trauma #love #queer #self love #prose #heartbreak #harm reduction #you can’t fix people #enabling #people pleasing #overgiving

[shewhotellsstories]

There’s a lot that needs to be unpacked about boy moms, but an unexplored aspect of what this kind of favoritism and enabling allows is a pipeline of boys who were allowed to use their sisters as punching bags growing up to harm their partners. When I watch these things play out I often think that maybe things didn't have to get so ugly if people didn’t act like sibling rivalry excuses everything.

#boy moms #siblings #enabling #tw abuse #tw domestic violence

[escaping-enabling]

When It All Falls Apart

One of the hardest parts of realizing you may have been an enabler may just be what sparked that realization in the first place: when the person you defended so hard shows their true colors.

As humans, it's already difficult to admit when we're wrong. Whether we're wrong about something big or small, it's tough! This stays true when it comes to when it hits us that what we thought was standing up for a friend, family member, or romantic partner was actually enabling and in doing that, we caused an awful lot of hurt for an abuse victim we assumed was lying.

Now, add this realization to the moment everything falls apart: the abusive person you've been inadvertently enabling has decided you've overstayed your welcome in their life. They have no more use for you and it all becomes clear that while they meant enough to you to defend them unconditionally, you meant almost nothing to them. Maybe it's through outright abandonment without a word or maybe they start treating you exactly how their victim described to you.

No matter how everything starts crumbling, it hurts.

I'm not an expert in every situation where this happens; many victims may not appreciate an apology when they know the context is you only now believe them after you yourself became the direct victim. Other victims, though, might be grateful to hear your sincere apology, that you acknowledge the hurt caused by enabling and you want them to know how much you want to make things right.

My personal advice? Use your best judgment based on what you know about the person you've hurt. After that, let them steer the conversation if one begins; you were a victim of the same abusive person, but your healing journey is going to be a little different from theirs, and listening will be a significant part of that. Maybe together, you can aid each other on both of your paths.

#enabling #ex enabler #former enabler #enabling abuse #abuse recovery

[hearhervoiceinmyhead]

So I shared a therapist with my mom for a time (no not together, we would see her separately) and this woman would consistently take my mom’s side until finally dropping me as a client. Meanwhile after, she not only has enabled my mom’s abuse, but consistently makes it worse by feeding her more and more ideas.

And for anyone thinking that maybe I am the problem if the therapist is siding with her: There are 3 people my mom attempts to use against me on a regular basis, one of them is the therapist. The other two (brother and fiancé) are on my side and see the way she treats me AND both of them, and have spent enough time around her to actually know her outside the narrative she weaves to other people (and likely herself). Meanwhile, the therapist only hears my mom’s weekly rambles and is the only one to actually side with her. So I’m pretty confident in thinking it’s not me that’s the issue.

#toxic household #emotional abuse #toxic mom #toxic parents #enabling

[avidbeader]

I have joined @mishydraws​‘ top tier on her Patreon and sweet stargazing Sheith was my first request as the reward! This is now my phone lockscreen.

I highly encourage those with the means to join Mishy’s Patreon for guaranteed cute, serotonin-inducing art every month.

#voltron #sheith #sheithart #mishydraws #enabling

[moonlit-positivity]

Give yourself some boundaries. Give yourself some limits to what you will and won't do for the people in your life. You do not have to be the doormat to someone else's suffering.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #acoa #enabling #self awareness #abusive parents #abusive relationships #toxic relationships

[etherealsign282]

"your perception of me is not my responsibility" even if that's true, it IS your responsibility to not act like what you don't want to be perceived as.

So if you wanna go around acting like a dick, people are going to perceive you as a dick, and its your responsibility to stop acting like a dick if you don't want to be perceived as such.

You can't "make" people see you as anything but you can definitely encourage and enable it, and if your behaviors make people look at you like you're a dick, that's definitely not on them.

You may not be responsible for how other people see you but you are responsible for making sure you don't give them a REASON to see you that way. Running every stop sign and red light WILL make people see you as a bad driver, because you've given them reason to. Don't wanna be considered a bad driver, maybe learn the basic fucking rules of driving.

Also, funny how you think your behavior isn't responsible for how people look at you but you DO think it's OTHER people's responsibilities to just take your word and start seeing you the way you WANT to be seen.

Your perception of yourself isn't our responsibility. 🤍

*exceptions of course being pure opinionated bullshit like "oh you're goth so you must be a bitch and a slut"*, I'm talking about an actual correlation between behavior and labels, not associating a false label to a behavior like above. A more appropriate example of correlation is not wanting to be seen as goth but wearing goth clothes, goth makeup, and listening to goth music.*

#responsibility #accountable #accountability #enable #enabler #enabling #toxicity #dont want to be seen as something then dont be that something #toxic #true words