I’ve been struggling with this decision for a while. I’ve been on Testosterone for 2-ish months, but now I am not so sure I was ready to start it.
My gender-dysphoria is complicated, as a transmasculine nonbinary person, I was sure that I’d rather be perceived as male than female by a stranger, but while I am less uncomfortable with being seen as male, the assertion that I have to pick “one or the other” at all is quite frankly, transphobic/enbyphobic.
I’ve wanted to stop for a couple of weeks, only talking about this to my boyfriend and one of my very close friends, but ultimately the reason why I’ve been putting it off is my fear of being judged, remembering the video K*lvin G*rrah made about Luxander and their decision to stop Testosterone, I was scared of being called a “trender” or a “faker.”
My transition is mine and mine only. I am the only person who gets to dictate if I am trans, and I am tired of letting insecure little 14 year old truscum kids hold so much power over me and how I view myself and my transition.
I’m still pretty unsure about the whole thing, but I’m stopping for now to give myself some more time to think if hormonal transition is for me in the meantime.
Moral of the story is, if you’re unsure about HRT or your medical transition, don’t listen to ANYONE else other than yourself. You do NOT need ANY hormones or surgeries to be valid, and the only thing that matters is that you accept yourself as a trans person.
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Hi, uh so I want to ask: Is it possible to identify as a girl but use the pronouns they/them? I’ve tried neopronouns, and explored demigirl and deminonbinary, but none seem to fit. At the same time, does wondering what sexual love is or feels like make me acespec? I’m not experiencing gender dysphoria either, so I’m not sure what’s going on and am confused
Hello anon!!! Thanks for your patience, let's tackle this!
So the short answer is yes, you can use whatever pronouns feel most comfortable to you even if you still want to identify as cis female. I was reading up on this in an article by Wren Sanders, who is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns (article linked at the bottom), and one thing they said in particular stood out to me: "Surely one does not need to be trans or nonbinary to feel constrained by traditional gender norms or uncomfortable with the English language’s constant gendering, which is unnecessary at best and violent at worst." Our language is SO gendered, and that is uncomfortable for a lot of people! So if you're a girl but she/her is just not comfy, then by all means use they/them. You might have to explain yourself at times to people who will assume you're nonbinary, but if that's okay with you then live your best life.
I would like to add one caveat - be sure that you are not taking up space that should be occupied by nonbinary people if you continue identifying as cis. Your use of they/them pronouns is valid but is different from someone who uses them to represent their nonbinary gender, and I just want to make sure you're thinking about that so that you can use your pronouns without equating yourself to or obscuring people who use them for different reasons!
Okay, part two: wondering what sexual love is doesn't inherently make you acespec, but it can be a pretty strong indicator. For me, the thing that made me realize I'm ace was that apparently allo people will like...look at people and feel a desire to sleep with them??? Like that's actually a real thing and not entirely in unrealistic media??? Idk anon. Sexual attraction is somewhat of a mystery to me, but my understanding is that just like I think about my crush and I really really want to do romantic stuff with her, sexual attraction is thinking about someone and wanting to do sexual stuff with them. Which to allo folk probably sounds really obvious but wow was I surprised when I discovered that was a real thing people did lol. So if that notion feels foreign to you, maybe you are acespec! Spend some time familiarizing yourself with different acespec identities (ace, demi, grayace) and see what resonates with you, but also know that ace is an umbrella term and if your conclusion about yourself is "not allo" then you are welcome in the ace community regardless of whether you know the details of your attraction yet!
I hope that's helpful, anon. Keep exploring your feelings as honestly as you can and good luck! 💚🌈
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