my gender is a pair of socks that used to be fuzzy
Now that I think of it, I really should have realised that I’m nonbinary sooner. The signs were right there and I was this close to figuring it out but I kind of just? Put it off?
I semi-consciously decided “fuck gender” pretty early on. I kind of had a not like other girls phase. I knew jack shit about make up, didn’t care about dressing up, all that. (I later checked myself for internalized misogyny and it wasn’t that, it’s genuinely just how I roll.) And I was perfectly fine with that, I never got in touch with that part of femininity at all and I never wanted to either.
I always knew I didn’t want my gender to be a defining part of myself because gender is a social construct, right? I always wanted my interests and stuff to be completely gender neutral. I just wanted to ditch gender roles entirely. After I cut my hair short I felt so much more comfortable. I thought it was because I’m lazy and taking care of short hair is easier, but I also felt much more like myself with short hair.
There was this meme or something about different kinds of bras and how boobs disappear when you wear sports bras. I remember seeing that and thinking, “this is why sports bras are the best.” Hell, I even looked up how to be androgynous a couple of times just to fuck with gender – or so I thought.
After I came on tumblr of course I followed a lot of queer blogs and got used to the whole “you can identify as whatever you are comfortable with” thing. Once I saw in someone’s desc that they were agender and I thought welp, I could probably identify as agender, it would be right because I’ve always wanted to opt out of the mess that is gender. But that would mean another label … Bleh. Not Necessary. I was so close to the truth but I ignored it because I was too lazy to start using a label for my gender. Now that I’ve written that out I realise how absurd it is.
So like I just went along with things like that and didn’t bother about my gender for a while and then I saw this and then this and I was like. Wait. … Oh. These resonated so much with me, they perfectly explained everything I’ve ever felt about my appearance. And that’s when I properly considered that I could really be nonbinary. The first label I gravitated to was naturally agender since I’d considered it before. I tried it and it worked.
So yeah, I still know jack shit about makeup and am equally enthusiastic about ditching gender roles and general gender fuckery, but like, in a nonbinary way. (For the record this is just my experience, I know there’s a million ways to be nonbinary and it’s probably also possible to be cis and do all of this.)
Tl;dr: I should have known I was agender ages ago and I kind of did too, but I literally procrastinated on figuring it out because I was too lazy to explore my identity more.
my stages of coming to terms with being non binary:
young, had no cares about gender identity, wore princess dresses and wellies
about 10, hit puberty, became hyper-femme
early last year, hyper-masc, thought i was trans ftm
current, bîńdër,,, flat, has an amazon account.. unstoppable…
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i feel like acknowledging the gender envy i get from technoblade fanart was a bad idea, something has changed amd i have no idea how to reverse it.
I’m part of an internship research program and the topic we chose to look into, in a general term, is clothing. Which has gotten me thinking a lot about being non binary and clothing.
There’s a million ways to talk about this topic, like gender being arbitrarily assigned to clothing (and the myriad of effects that has on society and the non binary community), the stereotypical idea of what a non binary person looks like and how they should dress, society’s definition of what androgynous clothing is versus what the actual meaning of androgynous is, and so much more.
But one thing I keep seeing pop up is being non binary, and what that means in relation to what you wear. So let me make one thing clear:
Dressing and presenting as non binary does not mean dressing and presenting androgynously. If you are non binary, however you present yourself is non binary, because that’s what you are.
Your body is a non binary body.
Your clothes are non binary clothes.
Your makeup, accessories, and anything else that contributes to how you present yourself is non binary.
Non binary people can dress androgynously, as can anyone of any gender, but we are under no obligation to be androgynous. You can dress however you want, no matter your gender, sex assigned at birth, or anything else.
If someone says otherwise, they’re wrong. If someone gives you a weird look because you’re not conforming to whatever arbitrary standards they set for you, smile at them and move on, because they are a stranger who doesn’t know you, and you are a wonderful person and you look amazing. If they say you don’t or won’t look good presenting the way you want to present, send them my way, and present however you want to. You will look stunning, no matter what.
Non binary can look like anything; masculine, feminine, androgynous, a mix, none, or something else entirely. You can have any skin color, from nearly-vampire-pale to the darkest, deepest brown and anywhere in between; any hair type, length, style, or color; any gender assigned at birth; any disability, visible or invisible, physical or mental; any cultural background, and be from anywhere in the world.
You can be anywhere in your transition process, from, “I don’t know what my gender is, just that I’m not a boy or a girl, and I definitely don’t know if I want to come out, much less medically transition!” to, “I feel confident in my gender identity and I know what I want my transition process to look like, and I’m essentially there; I socially and medically transitioned because that’s what felt right for me, and I’m happy where I am!” and anywhere in between or outside of that.
Nothing about who you are or the way you present will make you “less non binary” or less valid as a non binary person.
Non binary is simply not having a gender that is 100%, all the time, one of the two binary genders from western society; man or woman. Culture specific genders are always included and welcome, though it is always up to the individual as to whether or not they want to align themselves with being non binary or the non binary community.
Dressing and presenting in a non binary way is easy: just be non binary, and you’re good to go, no matter what.
Is this the character?
my gender is a faded jean jacket with more patches than original material
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Hello! I’m working on a project but I want to just ask. What are some small, earthly things that you associate with being angelic?
My habit of clinging to male characters with identity issues and trauma who I desperately wanted to look like and shipping them with the male characters I wanted to be with really should’ve been the big indicator that I wasn’t cisgender 🤭
@ that dickhead from 7th grade,
Remember that time that you chased me down the halls after my play rehearsal and pulled my hair screaming “Are you a boy or a girl? Are you a boy or a girl?” Over and over again?
Well it turns put that I was neither my friend!
Had sex dreams all night. Woke up feeling deadly.
making it a point to post when i’m feeling some kinda way so i can remind myself i’m fucking cute damnit
my gender is a pair of worn, holey jeans
i have a question: is it transophobic for me to use neopronouns out of spite?
i am non binary, but a friend of mine is taking too long to answer my message so i just want to piss him off to see is he an insel or not
the message in question
trans people deserve respect. dont misgender us. dont deadname us. dont talk about how well or poorly we pass. dont pretend to be an ally to ur faces and then be transphobic when we arent there. uplift our voices. respect the ways we chose to or chose not to transition. give us time and space. use words to describe us that give us gender euphoria. be a true ally.