Ep 09 Transcript: Spaghetti Junction
PAZ: Hi, everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread podcast. I'm Paz.
JULIAN: I'm Julian.
LIZ: And I'm Liz.
PAZ: And I'm recording on a new microphone today. So I hope it sounds okay. We'll see. Yeah, but I'm gonna bring you those dulcet podcast sounds.
LIZ: Does sound pretty good.
PAZ: I would hope so. It's a gamer microphone because I'm a gamer. Thank you. Yeah, so we're back this week, continuing Fire and Ice. We read chapters four through seven, I believe, which features a return of WindClan, which I guess like 11 year old me is very excited about. Anybody have thoughts about chapters or current Warriors events before we do the summaries?
JULIAN: 20 somethings year old me is also very excited about the return of WindClan.
PAZ: Well, yes. Me too.
LIZ: I've heard so much about them from you two. I'm also just kind of pumped. They've got some, some interesting names. We'll get into those later.
LIZ: Yeah, I thought in general, these chapters were like, great. Like good tension. Good action. Good character stuff. I liked them a lot.
PAZ: Yeah, they were a really fun set of chapters. Like I said, I think last episode, I love when the cats go on a little journey.
JULIAN: Yeah, I got so into chapter five that I like forgot to take notes. I had to go back and reread it.
PAZ: Yeah, chapter five was a big one. But I guess if that's all, I can go into the chapter summaries.
PAZ: Okay. In the beginning of chapter four, Fireheart and Graystripe head out to their journey to find WindClan. When the two are crossing WindClan territory they spot a RiverClan patrol hunting in WindClan territory. The two ThunderClan cats hide from the RiverClan patrol in an abandoned badger den. Once the patrol leaves, Fireheart and Graystripe manage to find the abandoned WindClan camp, which shows signs of an intense battle. The WindClan scents show that they were all very scared as they fled. Fireheart and Graystripe pick up their scent trail and follow it back up towards a Twoleg farm.
The two muse if their friend Ravenpaw managed to make it to Barley's farm safely. The two follow the trail near the farm and realize WindClan couldn't stay there because of the dogs that come out at night. The trail then leads to the edge of the Thunderpath and Fireheart worries that they will lose the scent trail after crossing the Thunderpath.
In chapter five, Fireheart crosses the Thunderpath and manages to pick up the scent. They then come upon a network of highways, seen in the prologue, and realize WindClan must have settled in this area. They realize WindClan must be desperate to stay here, and Fireheart decides it's best to hide in the drain tunnel and sleep until morning so they do not startle the clan cats.
In the morning, the two decide to follow the tunnel deeper and come up near a spot where some Twolegs are sleeping. They spot cats near the human camp, but they scatter as people wake up. Fireheart and Graystripe follow them into another tunnel and see the WindClan cats huddled in a spot with a small outside opening. They all look starved and miserable. Then the two ThunderClan cats reveal themselves and WindClan cats get ready to attack them.
In chapter six, Tallstar steps out and determines that they're from ThunderClan and not ShadowClan. Fireheart explains that Bluestar asked them to find WindClan and bring them home. Tallstar is eventually convinced to follow them, after hearing RiverClan is hunting in their old territory. Tallstar does-- wow, I cannot speak today. Tallstar declares that the clan must leave at once, including Morningflower's small kit, who will have to be carried during the journey. The ThunderClan cats lead them back through the other tunnel shortcut. As the cats continue, the strength of the WindClan cats wane. Fireheart carries Morningflower's kit so she can recover her strength.
The group reaches the Thunderpath, and Fireheart decides that the cats should go in small groups, and he and Graystripe will stay to help. Finally as the two get ready to cross with the last group of elders, they nearly get run over by a car, but the car manages to swerve and avoid hitting them. Everyone makes it across safely, and Tallstar and the WindClan warriors acknowledge that Fireheart and Graystripe were prepared to die for them and that they owe them a debt.
The group then nears the Twoleg farm, but they have to stop for the night because it's gonna rain and everyone's really weak. But as they're settling down, Ravenpaw appears. Yay! Fireheart and Graystripe are overjoyed to see their friend safe and healthy. They hide Ravenpaw's identity from WindClan and introduce him as a loner. Ravenpaw offers to help the WindClan cats and leaves to find Barley. Tallstar decides to trust them because Fireheart trusts them. Barley and Ravenpaw return and lead them into an abandoned house, which the cats reluctantly shelter in. Fireheart, Graystripe, Barley, Ravenpaw, and two WindClan cats hunt for the clan.
Fireheart and Graystripe offer to take watch to talk to Ravenpaw alone. They fill each other in on the details of each of the sides of the story. Ravenpaw stays to take watch, and Fireheart muses that Bluestar had been right when she said some cats are better off without a clan. The next morning the WindClan cats prepare to head out, and the medicine cat sees an omen in the clouds. This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
In chapter seven, the cats continue onwards despite the bad omen. They finally reach WindClan territory, and the cats are overjoyed, rushing back to their camp. Tallstar stays outside to thank Fireheart and Graystripe, and sends two cats to escort them safely back to ThunderClan territory. Fireheart suggests they cut through RiverClan territory briefly because he is tired. He eventually convinces the others to follow his plan. However, as they travel along the river, they encounter a RiverClan patrol that instantly attacks them.
Then a ThunderClan patrol, including Tigerclaw, also leaps out to join in. Fireheart saves Sandpaw and a RiverClan cat from falling to the death into the gorge. However, the RiverClan cat Graystripe is fighting falls to their doom into the river, thus fulfilling the prophecy of an unnecessary death. And that is our reading for this week.
JULIAN: We really get the return of himbo Fireheart.
PAZ: It's so funny.
JULIAN: At the end of this.
PAZ: He's like so smart throughout this set of chapters right up until that point.
LIZ: He's like, oh, nothing bad could possibly happen. Why would it?
JULIAN: What could go wrong? I'm tired. My paws hurt.
LIZ: Aw, my poor little feet. Oh no.
PAZ: Fireheart really did get hangry in the IKEA and was like, starting trouble. Yeah, I was so impressed by how like smart and diplomatic he was being throughout all the other chapters, and then the last chapter it's gone. He used it all up. All his brains.
JULIAN: And he can't even defend it on being hangry because like, he ate. There's that loving description of how good that rabbit tasted.
PAZ: He got into that state of mind, like that mood I get into when I've been hiking for a long time and I'm getting blisters because I didn't wear the right shoes, and I'm out for blood.
JULIAN: God. I was fully expecting-- to go back to the very beginning here-- when they hide in the badger hole, I really expected something bad to be in there. It felt like they were setting up badger doom, and then there was no badger doom.
LIZ: They talked about badgers a whole lot.
PAZ: Yeah, I think there is a-- yeah, they mention badgers again like near the highways. We need badger pay off.
LIZ: I want to see the badgers.
PAZ: That's another reason they should all just stay inside. There's badgers.
LIZ: Is there a badger spin off?
PAZ: God, I don't know.
LIZ: They've got bears, right. And what's the other one?
PAZ: The other one was dogs. But that's the author who got fired for being a TERF, I think. So.
LIZ: Well, fuck that one.
PAZ: Yeah. They never did horses. I remember that.
JULIAN: They never did horses.
PAZ: Somebody wanted it, but.
LIZ: Oh, think of the horse names we would have gotten.
PAZ: They'd just be racehorse names.
LIZ: Like Kentucky Fried Fever or something?
LIZ: That's what horse names are like, right?
LIZ: I mean, but those are like--
JULIAN: Well, they all have to be unique.
LIZ: Yeah, but those are like human-given horse names. Like a horse making a horse name would be like, Swifttail. Fast Feet.
PAZ: I think horses would be into racehorses names.
LIZ: I support that. They do have a different culture from cats.
PAZ: Yeah, remember they--
JULIAN: It's important to be culturally sensitive to the horses.
LIZ: There's a lot of different contexts. Like for one, they can't pick anything up because they don't have any dang hands. They're real big scaredy cats, horses.
PAZ: Yeah. And if they break a leg, they die.
LIZ: If they break a leg, they have to be put down immediately.
PAZ: Horses are kind of fucked up.
LIZ: They're so fucked up.
JULIAN: I think we did a bad job with horses. Actually, we didn't do a bad job with horses. They kind of came out the tin like that.
LIZ: They came out of the tin like that, yes. But humans and horses, there's the whole racehorse thing, where like if you get a little sprained ankle, that's it. You're done. They're not gonna just take you to like the doctor or horse retirement.
PAZ: Why couldn't we selectively engineer horses to not be like, glass? Why didn't we do that?
LIZ: They should be like stout and hardy.
JULIAN: Glass bones, paper skin.
LIZ: Imagine a horse but with like elephant sized legs.
JULIAN: I hate that.
PAZ: Oh my god.
JULIAN: I hate to imagine that. You mean a Lego horse?
PAZ: Oh god.
LIZ: That's a sturdy boy. You can't knock that one over.
PAZ: Can elephants break their leg? I don't know.
JULIAN: I mean, I think any animal can break a leg. It just takes a lot of doing.
PAZ: No, but I mean can they recover from it?
PAZ: Who knows?
LIZ: Well, there's one way to find out. [typing] Can horses recover from broken legs?
PAZ: No, elephants.
PAZ: Horses can't. That's the thing with horses.
LIZ: Can elephants.
JULIAN: We're gonna get so many angry messages from people who know anything about horses.
PAZ: Yeah, maybe.
LIZ: The answer is really sad. It's mostly no, but it's easier with smaller elephants.
PAZ: Oh no.
LIZ: I guess I understand like, why. That sucks.
PAZ: Yeah, out in nature, kinda...
JULIAN: I mean, I do know that elephants tend to like, you know, if there's an elephant that has like problems, they like slow down or try to take care of it. So maybe it's better than horses who I feel like would just leave a horse who had like issues running to the wolves.
PAZ: Despite what Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron says, horses are selfish and will leave you to die.
LIZ: That's why you can't write a book about them. It's real depressing.
JULIAN: Spirit is horse propaganda.
PAZ: Putting money in the pockets of big horse.
LIZ: Oh, just some elephant facts, because we watched the video last night, right? Did you know elephants-- or some elephants are like, they're being born more without their tusks. So there's a lot of tuskless elephants running around now. Yeah.
LIZ: That's kind of interesting.
PAZ: Yeah, for sad reasons. But if it helps them.
LIZ: Sad reasons with mixed results.
JULIAN: As long as they're safe.
PAZ: Yeah. Should we get back to cats?
JULIAN: Should we talk about cats again?
PAZ: I think that's what our podcast is about.
LIZ: No more of these... pachyderms?
PAZ: Oh God, I don't know.
LIZ: Is a horse a pachyderm? I don't think so.
LIZ: No way.
JULIAN: I think a horse is an ungulate it but an elephant is a pachyderm.
LIZ: Got it.
JULIAN: Herbivores is both of-- they're both herbivores.
JULIAN: Speaking of vertebrates, cats.
LIZ: Love those vertebrates. Or should we say, purrtebrates.
PAZ: Um, going from the top, RiverClan sucks. They just went straight to hunting in WindClan territory.
LIZ: Why does-- okay, remember that quiz we took last time?
JULIAN: What's up with them?
LIZ: Why does that person like RiverClan so much? They're very mean.
PAZ: I don't know.
JULIAN: I'm trying to remember why I liked RiverClan so much because I was a big RiverClan person--
PAZ: Do you think--
JULIAN: --like as a kid. I think it might just be because my like made up clan was RiverClan? Or not made up clan, but like, I was in RiverClan in our canon divergent series. Um.
PAZ: That would do it.
JULIAN: And so I think, yeah, I don't think I actually cared that much about real RiverClan.
LIZ: Maybe your RiverClan was better. I bet it was.
PAZ: Yeah, this RiverClan so far just sucks. They're like, one, they're cowards, because they just said like, complete capitulation to ShadowClan. And now they're like, liars and thieves. Not a great track record so far.
JULIAN: They're doing pretty bad.
LIZ: I like their aesthetic with like, you know, we swim, we fish, but they suck. So I think they should give the aesthetic to someone else.
PAZ: Get well soon.
JULIAN: RiverClan sucks. I also can't believe that Bluestar was like, hey, go track WindClan. And at no point did we mention that it's been two months.
PAZ: Yeah, wasn't her reasoning that like, oh, you're the people who like remember the scent of WindClan the best? I'm like, are these cats fucking bloodhounds? How are they doing this?
LIZ: Well, when you don't get your balls cut off, yes.
PAZ: Oh, of course. I see.
LIZ: Really enhances the nose.
JULIAN: Like, I'm a human. So my nose is pretty bad. But I don't think I would remember many scents after two months.
JULIAN: I also don't think I would be able to both remember and track two month old smells.
LIZ: That's why Fireheart is so cool and powerful. Strongest nose in the world.
JULIAN: It all makes sense. He is real stupid sometimes because his olfactory bulb is just so big that there's no room for the rest of his brain. Just like a rat.
PAZ: That's tragic.
LIZ: His powerful nose. Your head's so empty, but your nose is full of scents.
JULIAN: I think I would like to see more Warrior Cats fanart where Fireheart has just like a massive schnozz.
LIZ: Or like the cats with like the long face, with like the big ears.
PAZ: Yeah. I was thinking of pictures of cats where they get like stung by bees on their nose.
JULIAN: Oh no.
PAZ: They look really funny.
LIZ: Oh god. Um, there's a part in what, chapter... chapter four? Where Fireheart's like remembering like the memory of Bluestar losing one of her lives.
PAZ: Oh yes.
LIZ: And it says, "it stung Fireheart like a wood ant." And that sounds like it's from experience.
PAZ: I wrote that down too.
LIZ: Did a wood ant bite you? Aw.
PAZ: That's what you get for living in the woods.
LIZ: Yeah, there's no wood ants in the house. Just probably regular ants now and then.
PAZ: But um, RiverClan hunting there once again proves a point of like, why-- like you can't catch it up there. It kind of sucks living up in the moors anyway. Like, just let WindClan come back.
JULIAN: Yeah. Also, hey, why did WindClan get stuck with the shittiest territory?
PAZ: Right? I feel like they should have some issues with that maybe.
JULIAN: Yeah, like, hello? Y'all are just chill with this?
PAZ: WindClan needs to rise up for better hunting conditions.
JULIAN: WindClan unionize.
PAZ: Yeah, like even before they were, like, run out, they seemed to have it real rough. I mean, I guess they're survivors because they managed to stay alive for two months not in great places.
JULIAN: I feel so bad for them.
PAZ: I know.
LIZ: They're also like, sad. All their names, even. It's like, there's Deadfoot and Onewhisker. They're all just like--
PAZ: I was wondering about Onewhisker's name.
LIZ: You only have the one?
PAZ: Maybe Onewhisker's a hairless cat.
PAZ: They're not born with whiskers.
LIZ: Oh, but it's so cold.
JULIAN: Aw, you gotta give him a...
LIZ: Jacket. Sweater.
JULIAN: Oh, okay, well, great news. I googled Onewhisker to see. And the second suggested result was Onewhisker x Fireheart. So that's good.
PAZ: Little starcrossed lovers.
LIZ: Is there something here? Hm.
PAZ: Well, we'll have to keep an eye out. We'll have to report back on, that one.
LIZ: I remember--
JULIAN: I'm not seeing any information about why he has his name.
JULIAN: And in fact, the official art does show him with more than one whisker. So what is the truth?
LIZ: Can cats grow more?
LIZ: Okay, that's good.
PAZ: Yeah, my cats' whiskers fall out, and they'll just be on the floor. And I'm like, thanks, I guess.
LIZ: A gift. It is a gift I've found in things that you've sent to me.
PAZ: Oh, gosh.
LIZ: I'm just imagining though like this hairless cat and this dumb orange cat, and they are in love. I remember nothing pretty much about Onewhisker. But we'll see if this shakes out.
PAZ: I think he was just like a young WindClan warrior. That was about it. Strong. But as we're kind of on chapter five, that was a note where I was like, wow, Fireheart really did grow a brain, because he was like, we should like wait until day probably so they don't just kill us. Smart move.
LIZ: I was enjoying him thinking so much. Like, wow, that makes sense. Wow. What a good plan. Wow, you're being thoughtful.
PAZ: I'm proud of him.
LIZ: Yeah, I guess it takes energy. I'm the same. I can't think if I'm too hungry. All the like Graystripe and Fireheart friendship times on their way there are also very cute. They're just like, they're best friends. And there's a part where they're like, reminiscing about Ravenpaw catching that snake in snake hell. And then it says, "Fireheart purred at the memory." Aw.
PAZ: Yeah, I'm very glad that they like, remembered Ravenpaw and thought about him. I was kind of worried he just like would never be mentioned again, which would have been weird and like a dropped plot point. But not the case.
LIZ: Yeah, he popped up at just the right time. It was very sweet.
PAZ: He did.
LIZ: And like, good thematic parallels, to like, oh, no first book was like we were being attacked by rats. What do we do? A gay cat's here to save us. Book two. Oh no, we're starving. What do we do? Oh, two of them. Great.
PAZ: Yeah, but um, that's like chapter six, I think?
PAZ: Yeah, I mean, most of chapter five is just like seeing that WindClan's living under like a highway overpass and it sucks.
LIZ: Those poor cats.
JULIAN: Yeah, there's one bit where Fireheart's like, it's like, oh, he has no words to describe the tangle of Thunderpaths and it's like, yeah, that's how I feel about spaghetti junctions.
LIZ: Is that what they're called?
JULIAN: I do think they're an abomination. Um, I don't know if that's like a general term or like a name for a specific one.
PAZ: I've never heard it before.
JULIAN: There was one like really, really bad one that I lived near in Atlanta, when I lived down there, and it was like, three or four highways came together in one place.
PAZ: Oh god.
LIZ: Oh no.
JULIAN: I think I've like posted a picture of it before. It's very upsetting to look at.
LIZ: Yeah, I've seen those. I just didn't know that's what they were called. Would hate to be a cat living near those. It's hard enough when you're a person. Ehhhhh.
PAZ: Oh, that's horrible.
JULIAN: I think there's... 1, 2, 3... I can't even count. There's too many roads.
PAZ: Yeah, that would--
LIZ: No. Ridiculous. Spaghetti junction is-- sorry, go on?
PAZ: No, you go ahead.
LIZ: I was just gonna say it's a much more fun name than this thing deserves like. It sounds like a diner with like a jukebox. Come on down to spaghetti junction. Yes, we are cat-friendly. We'll serve you a nice milkshake and your cat a little Fancy Feast.
JULIAN: Diner's stocked. They keep the good stuff.
LIZ: They do.
JULIAN: Oh, one thing about Deadfoot, it mentions that he has kind of like a bent paw or whatever, which doesn't seem to affect his ability to be deputy at all, which is nice.
LIZ: Oh, I missed that. That's good.
PAZ: Yeah, that is nice. I think he should have a nicer name.
PAZ: But considering the like characters with disabilities that appear later in the series--
PAZ: This is surprisingly good treatment. Which is also baffling, because it's like, the way another character's arc goes like, you had a character who is a deputy with like, a foot he couldn't use. It was fine. Oh my gosh.
JULIAN: Right? He's still like a good leader and can like hunt and mentor his clan. Like, it's fine.
LIZ: I wonder if Deadfoot's gonna like, show up more. And man, I missed the part about his leg earlier and now it feels like real weird to say the name he's given.
PAZ: Yeah. It's Warriors.
LIZ: Cause I thought at first it was like, is this like a goth thing? Is it because he's like a black cat?
LIZ: But no.
PAZ: No. Yeah, I want to like, have a deep dive on the ableism in the Warriors series but like, I think there's like, a part of coming up in this book that will be like... I think that'll be like the time to address it because it comes more to the forefront, but. The naming convention's not, not great.
I guess the last thing about chapter five for me was the one description that was like, really, really sad. It was when Fireheart and Graystripe were jumping at the noise of the cars, and all the WindClan cats just didn't react because they were so used to it and tired. Poor guys.
JULIAN: That poor kit.
PAZ: Oh, I know.
LIZ: Reading about that tiny, tiny kitten, I was like, I was just picturing it. You know, they're like little beans. They can't...
PAZ: They can't protect it.
LIZ: No! That's how I feel every time I watch like, oh, here's some newborn kittens, like in a video. I'm like, Oh, no.
PAZ: Yeah, I don't know if I'm like, making this up in my head. But I feel like there was a description where like, its eyes were not even really open yet. I was like, that's too small.
LIZ: At least two times, it's referred to as like, a little precious bundle. And I'm like, Oh my god, I can't. You've got to put that somewhere else. It's not safe out here.
JULIAN: Aw, yeah. I think another point it's described as like a sodden lump of fur.
LIZ: Oh god.
JULIAN: And I'm just like, Oh, no.
LIZ: Save it.
PAZ: Oh god. Baby.
JULIAN: Somebody get this baby an umbrella.
LIZ: Oh my god.
PAZ: The baby's safe at the end, though. That's what matters.
JULIAN: The baby is safe. I was also very worried because I don't remember-- I remember very little about what happens this book besides like major plot beats. I was worried that something horrible was going to happen to the kit and I'm glad that that did not happen.
PAZ: Yeah, actually like nothing bad really-- like no one died on the way back. I was kind of surprised by that. I thought for sure someone was gonna like eat it.
LIZ: The tension was like, really good. The action in like the crossing scene was really like... It's like, Oh, is this gonna be the first baby death? Or is this old sad elder cat gonna eat it? Is there going to be mom death? And the answer is no. But they really like--
JULIAN: Thank god.
LIZ: --made you think.
PAZ: We've met the very first human who cares about cats in this series because of that car that was like, swerved to avoid them.
JULIAN: Can you imagine being a driver, and you're like driving down the highway, and there's like, 20 to 30 feral cats crossng the road?
PAZ: I would like, stop and get out. I'd be like, what is happening?
JULIAN: I would try to like-- it's like what you're supposed to do with turtles where you're supposed to move them off the road. I would stop and like try to you know, signal to other drivers that they should be careful. Put your hazards on.
LIZ: Yeah, I wonder like since this, this area that they live in is, you know, like, has enough wooded like nature-y stuff to house a whole bunch of wildlife, like that there isn't more of those, like nature crossing things that go under, like, roads and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it could also be like the time, so.
JULIAN: I guess they probably--
LIZ: Who knows.
JULIAN: Yeah, I feel like they mostly build those for like, bigger animals.
PAZ: Yeah, like deer and stuff.
JULIAN: Yeah. where it's like, it's dangerous for both the deer and the people.
PAZ: Yeah, I live in fear of deer.
LIZ: Oh, God. No.
PAZ: I'm like, I don't ever want to be driving at sunset.
PAZ: We'll both be in a bad place.
JULIAN: We had to stop for a moose once.
PAZ: Oh my god.
LIZ: Oh no.
JULIAN: And, like deer are big. I didn't realize how big-- like you know, you're like, Oh, it's a moose. It's really big. But you don't really realize how big it is until you'd see one. And this is like a baby moose and it was still like, bigger than our car.
LIZ: Oh god.
JULIAN: Yeah, they're scary.
PAZ: Yeah, you definitely don't want to run into a moose because they'll just collapse on top of you and crush you.
LIZ: A moose could pancake us. They're just like, they're not of this time. They're some sort of weird ancient megalo whatever, you know. And they haven't died cause nothing can kill them.
JULIAN: That's some megafauna right there. All their predators are dead.
LIZ: Stepped on them.
PAZ: And I'm not gonna go fuck with a moose.
LIZ: No. They were here before us. They're gonna be here after us, probably because they just crush our cars and stuff. And you know what? That's just how it's gonna be.
JULIAN: The cats do not have to deal with moose though. No moose in Britain.
LIZ: Do you think there's Canadian cats? Like warrior cats?
PAZ: Yeah, I mean, anywhere there's stray cats you got your warriors.
LIZ: If you were writing about Canadian warrior cats, would moose be sentient enough to talk to them?
PAZ: I would love that.
LIZ: Would you write a moose spinoff?
JULIAN: The thing about a Canadian wild cat is that they have to compete with bobcats and like--
PAZ: Oh shit.
PAZ: Damn, I just think a moose should be like a wise wizard.
PAZ: I just think that'd be really good.
LIZ: They're solitary, right?
JULIAN: Where's our moose book series?
PAZ: Damn. Somebody needs to get on this.
LIZ: You think a moose is like Gandalf to cats?
PAZ: Yes, exactly.
LIZ: I don't know why I'm talking about Lord of the Rings so much.
PAZ: Yeah, the cats are the little hobbits and moose are Gandalf.
JULIAN: Imagine being a little cat and riding on a moose's shoulder.
PAZ: Oh, yes.
LIZ: You think lynxes or whatever are like elves to cats?
JULIAN: Yes. They have the pointy ears and everything.
LIZ: Oh my god.
LIZ: Wait, stop recording. We need to write this down. Delete this.
JULIAN: Yeah, we can't be giving this shit away.
PAZ: We're copyrighting it. Do not steal.
LIZ: Erin Hunter, fucking watch out.
PAZ: Our intellectual property, thank you.
LIZ: No one's ever thought of elf cats before, I assure you.
PAZ: No. None. Well, back to English Warrior Cats. Yeah, I mean, very exciting. Ravenpaw and Barley show up again. So happy.
LIZ: That's so good.
JULIAN: Barley talks about how nice it is to share a meal with a fellow cat.
PAZ: I know. There's some really cute lines between them. I think like, Barley says something like thanks for sending Ravenpaw to me. Which is just like, aw.
LIZ: Wow, Fireheart like is a real matchmaker if you think about it.
JULIAN: And like Ravenclaw's like, personal growth is so good.
LIZ: It's so good.
PAZ: Yeah, he looks really healthy and well fed and like, isn't anxious, and Fireheart's like, wow, completely different cat.
LIZ: He's like so confident, too, and he's like, joking around with everyone. And like, his humor is kind of like dry, too. Like, when the apprentices are kind of, they're looking at him kind of. What is the word I'm thinking of here? They're giving him the stink eye.
JULIAN: Like side eye?
LIZ: That too. Um, he's like, Oh, yeah, loner cats, we eat apprentices.
PAZ: Yeah, it's very cute and a nice way to see like, how he's matured into his own and also is not like living a fear of murder every single day. Yeah, the fact that he got like, tense again at the mention of Tigerclaw was sad.
JULIAN: I wish that like-- I'm glad that you know Fireheart is like oh, I'm glad this is a better situation for him. But I wish that it wasn't framed-- or I wish Fireheart wasn't framing it as like, oh, some cats just like are better off without a clan. Because it's not that-- like, Ravenpaw clearly likes being around lots of cats. He's joking with the apprentices. He's like putting everyone at ease. It's not that he had a problem with the clan.
LIZ: It's because he had a problem with his murd--
JULIAN: He had a problem with being set to snake hell all the time.
PAZ: Who wouldn't?
LIZ: His murder teacher. His what if the kid has bad vibes dad.
PAZ: Yeah, but he like seems happy with Barley on the farm. But it does suck that he has to like keep pretending be dead, essentially.
LIZ: I hope that after Fireheart has had some time to digest his meal and gain back his brain energy, he'll be like, maybe if this extremely strict unquestioning hierarchy in our society is like bad? Is it bad?
PAZ: That's gonna take a lot of brain power. I don't know if he has it in him.
LIZ: It was a pretty big rabbit, you know. He ate a lot. He just needs to get the juice.
JULIAN: Fireheart, a better world is possible.
LIZ: You can have cats with more than one job.
PAZ: That's radical stuff.
LIZ: Since we're like in this section, I also want to point to like, this is the part where Tallstar is asking Fireheart, like, can we trust him? And then Fireheart is like, he just says, completely. And it's like, aw.
PAZ: They're friends.
LIZ: It's a nice conclusion to the subplot about like, doubt, I guess that was running through this before. Once it's actually, you know, once he actually sees Ravenpaw again, it's like no, I was... like, this is something I can trust my gut on. And also my observations, which I forget about sometimes.
PAZ: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I'm curious to see how that will like, feed into his actions going forward.
LIZ: I think it's coming in like an interesting spot because he's having a lot of his like... I can't think of any other word except for like, cons list against like Tigerclaw being confirmed. But at the same time, Tigerclaw is like... a lot of their interests are lining up. They're on the same side with regards to like WindClan basically, even though it's for different reasons. Tigerclaw comes in at the end of our reading to save them. Also just coincidentally, but it's interesting to see that clash.
PAZ: Yeah, that was very funny. Yeah, for sure.
JULIAN: Yeah, that last fight scene-- the whole of chapter seven is like very suspenseful. But the last fight scene is like very, very good and very, very suspenseful.
PAZ: Yeah, I mean, Fireheart did get someone killed just because he was tired of walking. Not a great day. I'm wondering if like Graystripe will feel a lot of guilt too. Because like, he was trying to help that cat up, but then couldn't do it. And it's probably like, indirectly his fault. So he might be going through it. We'll see.
LIZ: If this is like, you could both use some thought juice, I guess, about consequences and stuff. I know they're... This is interesting. An interesting development.
JULIAN: Yeah, they could definitely both use some thought juice.
PAZ: Julian, do we want to say the thing about Tallstar, or?
JULIAN: Yeah, I feel like--
PAZ: Because I don't know if it comes up-- I don't think it comes up in this series.
JULIAN: Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna come up.
PAZ: Yeah, I think it's in like the special book.
JULIAN: I think it comes up in his like, special book.
LIZ: I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
JULIAN: Well, great news. We've met another gay cat.
LIZ: I knew it. I had the vibes. Like this cat is being perceived as too handsome by this other cat. Right? Those are the vibes, aren't they?
PAZ: Yeah, Tallstar is the other gay cat. I don't know. We should say who he's gay for, because it's very funny.
JULIAN: Yeah, we should. He is gay for Fireheart's dad, Jake.
LIZ: What?! His dad's name is Jake?
PAZ: Yes. I love that. Jake.
JULIAN: So Fireheart's family. This is not spoilers. Fireheart's mother's name is Nutmeg.
LIZ: That's perfect.
JULIAN: His father's name is Jake.
LIZ: Oh my god.
JULIAN: And his sister is Princess.
PAZ: Yeah. All very good cat names, I think.
LIZ: God, they're so good.
PAZ: I love when cats are just named-- like they're just a dude. That's just a guy.
PAZ: Like Henry.
JULIAN: Oh, sorry. A car alarm just went off. Oh, it's done. Oh, great news. Tallstar's parents are Palebird and Sandgorse. That's great.
PAZ: Yeah, those are pretty good names.
LIZ: Oh. Bird. That's a good aesthetic.
PAZ: Yeah, if I'm remembering correctly, I think like Tallstar also, like never takes a mate because, yeah.
PAZ: No, I mean, well, yeah. I mean, because he's gay.
LIZ: I get it. Holding a candle for Jake.
PAZ: Yeah, it's tragic. They part ways. Crossed worlds.
LIZ: I like a good tragedy. I'm okay with that because we've got at least a few gay cats. And then some of them are doing fine and that's okay.
JULIAN: Oh, they've moved his personal relationships into a separate article. Why?
PAZ: Are people on the wiki-- ugh.
LIZ: Are there a lot of them?
JULIAN: Okay, now, come on.
JULIAN: They've censored this. They've said that Jake was the best friend of Tallstar.
LIZ: Boo. Boo.
PAZ: Oh no. Come on.
JULIAN: And they traveled for a while. We got to pull up the screenshots of what it said earlier.
PAZ: Yeah, the Erins have stated in public, like, explicitly.
LIZ: If we put a citation, can we edit that? Parody.
PAZ: I don't--
PAZ: I don't want to fuck with the Warrior Cats wiki editors. Hold on, I know I posted some stuff in spoilers.
LIZ: Oh, the land I cannot go to.
JULIAN: Yeah, here we go. "Kate has said that Tallstar's heart always belonged to his Jake."
JULIAN: "Kate thinks that Tallstar goes out of StarClan to visit Jake."
JULIAN: "In Kate's head she sees Tallstar and Jake as mates." Like, they're not friends.
PAZ: That is pretty clear.
LIZ: Oh, is it requited? Aw.
LIZ: I didn't know. It sounded like, you know, one-sided longing. I was okay with that too. Because you know, multiple gay cats.
JULIAN: Yeah, no, Jake is bi, imo.
LIZ: Good for Jake.
PAZ: No, like.
LIZ: World's first bi cat.
PAZ: I mean, he obviously is. Yeah.
LIZ: I haven't met Jake. I wouldn't know. But I'm really happy for him.
PAZ: Well, I mean, he eventually had children.
LIZ: I mean, he's dead.
PAZ: Yeah. From what I know-- I have not read the special book, obviously-- it's just like, crossed worlds. Can a kittypet and warrior fall in love?
JULIAN: Oh, the Tallstar quotes are on Jake's wiki page, not on Tallstar's.
LIZ: Do you think Nutmeg is also--
JULIAN: I apologize to the editors of the Tallstar wiki page.
PAZ: Oh wait, yeah. Now Liz can see this passage.
LIZ: Finally. Aww, that's very sweet.
PAZ: Yeah, it's just a-- I assume it's in the special book. Once again, I have not read it. It's just Tallstar-- yeah, it's just Tallstar saying, "'Every cat I've known.' He paused as Jake filled his thoughts. He pictured his old friend's green eyes glowing with pride. 'Every cat I've loved has taught me the meaning of friendship and the unbending power of the warrior code.'"
PAZ: Romance is real.
LIZ: It is.
JULIAN: Warrior Cats invented love.
PAZ: Yeah, maybe it did.
LIZ: Maybe it did. Okay, two questions, though.
LIZ: Do you think Jake short for Jacob? Or is it just Jake?
PAZ: I think it's just Jake.
LIZ: And do you think Nutmeg is also bi?
PAZ: Who is?
LIZ: Nutmeg, because that's a good name.
PAZ: Oh, hell yeah.
JULIAN: Do we know anything about Nutmeg?
LIZ: I would love to.
PAZ: I don't think so.
JULIAN: Find out.
LIZ: That's such a good name to waste on a mom cat you're never gonna see. You should see more Nutmeg. Listen, if we can learn about Jake... eh?
JULIAN: Yeah, we really know nothing about Nutmeg, I'm afraid.
LIZ: That's such a good name. I can't get over it. Like it's up there with like, Henry for me. It's like those cat names that are just like left of a common food item. Like Barley.
PAZ: Yeah, I would name a cat Nutmeg.
JULIAN: Nutmeg's a good cat name.
PAZ: But yeah, that's our other gay cat. It's Tallstar.
LIZ: Tall gay privilege. Okay, since we're on the topic of gay cats, I just want to draw attention to one more bit from Ravenclaw before we move on. So there's this part where--
PAZ: Ravenpaw, you mean?
PAZ: You called him Ravenclaw, I think.
LIZ: Fuck. Almost 10 episodes and I finally fucked up. Ravenpaw. Yeah, there's just this part where he says like, "Barley's been great. I think he likes having me around." It's sweet. He's having a great life now.
PAZ: It's cute.
JULIAN: Also, I think the little bit where Fireheart asks Barley if Ravenpaw is happy, and Barley is like oh, you should ask him is really sweet. And also like aw, Barley. He is.
PAZ: I hope you know, Barley.
LIZ: It's also good that Firepaw just does so directly after that.
JULIAN: Yeah, look at him talking about feelings.
PAZ: Oh, that reminds me of another thing where like, some WindClan cats did like when they're going down like to the abandoned house, like once a kittypet, always a kittypet or something. And Fireheart had another moment of like, internal anger. I don't-- I just like those because it's like, he has thoughts and feelings
LIZ: He does. He is more than just like protagonist boy.
PAZ: Yeah, I'm glad they're leaning more into the like former kittypet angle and like what that does for him for his inner emotions because I feel like the first book did not really...
PAZ: Yeah, it didn't really play that much.
JULIAN: It was also really nice. The same apprentices had like a moment when they were-- where Ravenpaw gets to be snarky and Fireheart's response is like, oh you should make friends wherever you can. So it's nice to see him being like, no, like all cats are good cats.
PAZ: All cats are queens.
JULIAN: You know, he hasn't-- now that he's in the clans, hasn't just been like well, fuck it. I don't care about anyone outside of the clans anymore.
PAZ: Yeah. Good for him, because all the clan cats are so xenophobic.
PAZ: At least Tallstar was like yeah, we like owe ThunderClan one. We're gonna stick to that. Thanks.
LIZ: Yeah, there's--
JULIAN: Yeah, hey, Tallstar, your ex was a kittypet. You want to talk to your apprentices?
PAZ: Yeah, get em.
LIZ: Does the book ever talk about how they met? Cause that would be interesting.
PAZ: Yeah, I think it happens in the book.
LIZ: Oh cool.
PAZ: The special book's called Tallstar's Revenge, I believe.
LIZ: Tallstar: Dishonored 2.
PAZ: Wow. Is it-- yeah, it's Tallstar's. His warrior name was Talltail.
LIZ: That's good.
JULIAN: That's a bad name.
LIZ: That's cute, though. It's bad, but it's cute.
PAZ: It's very to the point.
LIZ: Yeah. No, I thought it was like tall tales like he tells stories.
LIZ: I haven't seen any of that, but that could be fun.
JULIAN: I was just thinking about the mouthfeel.
LIZ: Oh, yeah.
PAZ: It's not good to pronounce. But they're cats. So they meow.
LIZ: Yeah, maybe it just sounds like... does it just sound like nyah?
PAZ: Yes. Oh, speaking of bad names, the medicine cat's name is Barkface.
JULIAN: That's a rough one.
LIZ: That sounds mean.
PAZ: I was like, that's not a nice sounding name.
LIZ: Like tree bark or like, is that how he sounds?
PAZ: I think tree bark, I think.
JULIAN: I mean, either way, it's not great.
LIZ: WindClan, what's up?
PAZ: They're having a rough time out there. They can't think of good names. They don't have very good hunting grounds. They live in a ditch.
LIZ: It's an improvement from living in the sewer. There is like that one cat called Morningflower. That's kind of nice.
PAZ: Yeah, that's a nice name.
JULIAN: Yeah, that's a nice one.
LIZ: What happened, guys? Did you just run out of ideas after that?
JULIAN: Hold up. Barkface's apprentice was called Kestrelflight.
LIZ: What happened?
JULIAN: Clearly y'all got some good names.
PAZ: I think Barkface might be like, similar age to Tallstar. So it might have been the previous leader that did that. I don't know.
LIZ: This fucking like old ass cat leader that's just like, ah, fuck, I don't know. You're... you're... Rock... foot. Tree... tail.
JULIAN: Yeah, actually that does track because Barkface's brother is Shrewclaw, which is also not great.
PAZ: Oh. Wow.
JULIAN: I think we just had a generation of kind of bad names.
LIZ: God. You're Badger...hide.
PAZ: Cause Onewhisker is younger, and that's a fun name.
LIZ: I'm just trying to think of more bad names.
PAZ: They're out there.
PAZ: Oh no.
JULIAN: Do we have a Moistkit?
PAZ: No we don't.
JULIAN: We got Runningnose. It's not that far off.
PAZ: Yeah. Slugbottom sounds like a fantasy tavern in like a Redwall situation where they're all little guys.
JULIAN: Mm, it does.
LIZ: You know, Runningnose must have had a good name before like he became Runningnose. Cause like Runningpaw? That's all right.
PAZ: His mom was probably like he'll get a cool name about how fast he is.
LIZ: Yeah, he'll be...
PAZ: Runningwind, I don't know.
LIZ: Yeah, so imagine his poor mother being like, oh, his poor allergies This is so unfair.
PAZ: Was it fuckin... was it Raggedstar or Brokenstar who would have named him that?
JULIAN: Um, I think it was... looking here, it was ah... yeah, it probably would have been Raggedstar.
PAZ: Yeah, well, he was the less evil guy, but that was mean. That was mean. Don't do that.
LIZ: Yeah, that's your only doctor. And also, still just a person.
PAZ: Well, he became doctor after Yellowfang.
LIZ: Still, just don't do that to someone.
JULIAN: Still, your doctor apprentice. Your resident.
PAZ: Yeah, imagine if you went through medical school and at the end they gave you a really mean name. Dr. Runningnose. Mean.
PAZ: Excuse me?
LIZ: You get your little like framed cat doctor diploma. And it just says like Dr. Runningnose and you just have to like live with it until you get old.
JULIAN: There's a sentence on the wiki that's like, "later, he received his full name, Runningnose, and was heartbroken." And I thought the sentence ended there, but it did not.
PAZ: Oh no.
JULIAN: The sentence is just like, oh, he was sad about like Yellowfang being exiled.
PAZ: Oh. Fair, but I'd be sad about that name, too. Um, anything else about these chapters?
LIZ: Check my notes.
JULIAN: I'm all set.
LIZ: Think we're good.
PAZ: Yeah, it was just a very fun set of chapters but pretty, like action heavy, I guess. But also really nice character moments, so I'll give this reading set an A plus.
So moving on to our next bit. We have learned about the Barnes and Nobles Warrior Cats roleplay scene from a Tumblr post. Would someone else like to introduce us to this this Tumblr post?
JULIAN: Sure. Tumblr user eileensdress says, "Oh my god, I was just looking to see how much a copy of Hamlet would be through Barnes and Noble and people are role playing Warrior Cats in the reviews."
Um, so the first review here, by Anonymous, is posted six years ago. I don't have a date for the original screenshot. So this could be any time. Title of the-- it's a five star review. Title of the review is Crystal. "She lay on her side, blood gushing out of a wound in her side. Claw marks were everywhere on her body." Originally posted on Hamlet. Helpful? Yes, zero. No, one.
LIZ: I have the web-- I just searched Barnes and Noble Hamlet and it is the first result. So I'm just going to put that in the chat.
JULIAN: Oh, good.
LIZ: There are pages of this. Pages.
PAZ: The second comment, also by Anonymous six years ago, says "Silvershadow to my kits. 'Thank StarClan you're okay. Where is Fablekit?' she mewed frantically." Once again, someone has given it a No in terms of being helpful.
JULIAN: I mean, I do think it's not helpful. It doesn't tell me anything about Hamlet the book.
PAZ: Well, maybe so.
JULIAN: The last review is again also five stars.
LIZ: It's from Dawnsky, who says, "'thank you. I will stay here for a night or two.' She fell asleep in a nest." Again, not helpful.
PAZ: And the next comment-- god, it's hard to tell which user this is from. Yeah, the follow up comment from brandnewclty is, "okay I was very involved in the Barnes and Nobles reviews Warrior Cat roleplay scene when I was like 10 to 12. The first few books of the series were general hubs, where people would post ads for their clans and other groups. There was a huge Percy Jackson community I remember participating in too. It worked through the search results. Eg RiverClan would be under the search results rivers. Book One was rules and a map. Book Two might be the main area, Book Three the medicine cat tent, etc. There was also usually a book where people would post lengthy descriptions of their characters. It was a really bizarre little corner of the internet. Also, it was impossible to find any real reviews of any Warriors Cats books because of it."
LIZ: This is amazing. Innovative. Also yes, fuck up Barnes and Noble.
PAZ: I'm amazed they just didn't delete these or moderate it in any conceivable way.
JULIAN: It sounds like they left them up for long enough for them to develop like a structure.
JULIAN: Like Book One is for like a map?
LIZ: If you look on the Barnes and Noble site right now for Hamlet, these are seven years old now.
JULIAN: Oh my god. They're still up?
LIZ: Yeah, they're still up. There's pages of them. Most of them have given Hamlet five star reviews. So you know.
PAZ: Is there a sampling for us?
LIZ: God, there's so many good ones.
JULIAN: I've found one. "To Baloo: This is not the real BloodClan. The real BloodClan is at Canterbury Tales."
LIZ: Holy fuck.
PAZ: Oh my god. Oh my god.
JULIAN: That has four up votes.
PAZ: Yeah, you got to set the record straight. How long ago was that?
JULIAN: This is six years ago. So as of 2015, people were still doing this.
PAZ: Yeah. Okay. I went to-- because people were saying people posted on like the first book-- so I went to Into the Wild. A year ago, someone posted this. "HorseClan alive. Hello, if you're a member of the old HorseClan or you're looking to join a new clan that will be active and just like the original RP Clans, please join me, Velvet, one of the original clan leaders, in HorseClan. Ender's Game result one is where we are. Can't wait to see you." Oh my god.
JULIAN: This to me is like such an epitome of the Warrior Cats like the need to roleplay. Because it's like this is not a site that is good for roleplay--
PAZ: No! It's hard.
JULIAN: --meant for roleplaying. Like these people are really fighting to roleplay about their cats.
PAZ: Do they not know about Proboards?
JULIAN: And also I have found one about Percy Jackson.
LIZ: Okay, also, I think most of these reviews, there's like a review count for each person, and they just say one. So these are-- I guess it's individual. Once, or like once every-- this is such a hard format.
PAZ: This is like an ARG for roleplay.
LIZ: Okay by the way, mixed in with the Warrior Cats reviews in the Hamlet book are a lot of I think Percy Jackson roleplay posts, which are mostly profiles. Can I read you one? It's short and sweet.
PAZ: Yes, please.
LIZ: Okay, this is from seven years ago, titled CC's Bio. CC is just the letters. "Name, duh. Age, 14. Looks, blond hair and sapphire eyes and pale. Wears, I say what I wear. Parent, Poseidon. Crush, ehhh. Status, ehh." With less Hs. "Weapon, a silver dagger with a diamond encrusted handle. Other, I'm musically talented and I'm nice. I'm not violent."
PAZ: That's beautiful.
JULIAN: That's really good. I've also found another one that I just want to read a single line from.
JULIAN: Also Percy Jackson. "Lev is 19 years old now. She has long auburn hair and gray eyes. Lev is single. She is broken over the loss of her three kids."
JULIAN: "Her three kids, brother, and fiance, so she comes off as cold and heartless." There's a like long description of all of her tattoos and like her bracelets and stuff. Her dead twin brother.
LIZ: Oh my god.
JULIAN: How does-- she's 19.
PAZ: Went through it.
JULIAN: This girl is 19 and has experienced more loss.
LIZ: This is terrible. Tragic. Also, a lot of these people are using like, I'm assuming some sort of HTML-like emoji or something because there's a lot of broken HTML in the post.
PAZ: Oh no.
JULIAN: So those symbols should form like a little-- it's like the & less than, & greater than, so it should be like a little like diamond. But yeah, it looks real busted now.
PAZ: I'm still on Into the Wild. Here's a post that just seems-- somebody just seems to be using this as like a chat to DM their friend.
PAZ: Because here six years ago, "Isaiah, my brother is typing weird stuff again. So my friend told me Pajama Day is tomorrow. Should I listen to her? From Kenzie."
LIZ: Kenzie, I hope you got your answer. That's really urgent. Got a time limit.
PAZ: Yeah, you need to know if you're gonna wear pajamas to school tomorrow.
LIZ: Did you guys ever do that?
PAZ: I don't know. I think I might have been too like self conscious to.
LIZ: Me too.
JULIAN: Oh, here's someone else who is using it as a chat function. We're still in the Hamlet reviews. "Sup with you guys. I've been Facebooking lately. Sorry I haven't been computering you guys --007."
LIZ: This is so good.
JULIAN: I wonder if it's like for people whose parents like wouldn't let them go on a forum or like have social media but like--
PAZ: That's a good idea, yeah.
JULIAN: --you know, of course ≤you're gonna let me go on the Barnes and Noble website. What could I be doing on the Barnes and Noble website? Nothing.
PAZ: I just love to look at books.
LIZ: I'm just looking at Hamlet for class every day.
JULIAN: Yeah. Every day I look at the reviews of Hamlet.
LIZ: I can't figure out if I should buy it for class or not. Just give me a minute.
PAZ: That's probably right.
JULIAN: This is really wholesome.
LIZ: It's so good.
PAZ: Can I read--
LIZ: Okay, I've got-- oh go. No, you go.
PAZ: May I read another review?
JULIAN: Oh, please.
PAZ: Okay, "Hello people of the Warrior world. Hi, I am Trojanstar of MagicClan. I need more cats. If anyone wants to join, I need a deputy and warriors. I also love the books. The first series is the best one to me. If you like the Warriors series, then you might Wings of Fire is all about dragons. It's very awesome and dramatic and funny. Sometimes some people I know don't like me reading them. I don't care. Much of my friend loved the book, and also I can't believe what some people say about the books. Not to be rude but that is soooooo mean of you. I love the books a lot. Sorry about the grammar and spelling mistakes."
PAZ: Somebody out here defending the dragon book.
JULIAN: There's a lot of reviews that just say "Fart BloodClan."
PAZ: Oh no.
LIZ: Okay, I did check to see if there's any role playing going on in the Guardians of Gahoole books and the answer is yes. And it is Warrior Cats.
PAZ: Oh my god. That's a power move.
JULIAN: Not even Guardians of Gahoole?
LIZ: There's a one star review from Anonymous that just says, "helo?" which is hello with one L, "clan cats. Do you all still come here?"
PAZ: Oh my god.
JULIAN: Oh, this is-- okay, this is a Hamlet review that is actually about Hamlet, but it's very good. Okay, so the title is "yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay. I love this. Plus, I have the manga version!!!!" Four exclamation marks. "This helped me get Hamlet's part in a play I was just in, and I am a girl btdub. Love it, love it, love it!!!!!" Five exclamation marks. "Heart three."
LIZ: I am feeling this. This is amazing. Good for you.
JULIAN: I'm marking this as helpful. This is helpful. Thank you.
LIZ: Wait, can you rank this even if you don't have an account?
JULIAN: Yeah, you don't have to have an account.
LIZ: Holy shit.
PAZ: Oh my god.
LIZ: This is wild.
PAZ: I went to the Canterbury Tales because somebody said that's what the BloodClan was. It's just Warrior Cats role play.
LIZ: Oh my god. This is allowed?
PAZ: It's all it is.
JULIAN: Oh, someone is unhappy about people. "People shouldn't be role playing on the review section. Wow, don't be so rude. He or she is just saying that the review column for Hamlet is not the place for people to roleplay. There are websites for those and they should find them and do it on there instead. So just chill, okay?"
LIZ: I don't know. I disagree. I think this is the perfect place. It's basically praxis.
JULIAN: I voted no. I voted that that was not helpful.
LIZ: Okay, here's another one star review on the Guardians of Gahoole book. The title is "Moonkit, Snowkit, Firekit," and the content says, "Cry. 'We lost the clan,' they mew."
PAZ: Oh no.
LIZ: That's so sad. I am going to put it as helpful, even though it's very sad.
PAZ: I'm going to see what's happening with Fire and Ice.
LIZ: Do you think this happens... is this like every book? It can't be every book. What if it's on like--
JULIAN: I'm so curious to know if like, do the people at Barnes and Noble know about this?
LIZ: Don't tell them. I don't want them to take this away.
PAZ: I don't know.
JULIAN: Like are there... do the people who coded the review section who like do the like systems admin at Barnes and Noble, do they know that they like supported a thriving community of Warrior Cats RPers?
PAZ: Yeah, I'm just, I cannot believe this has been like not been like moderated in some way.
PAZ: Anyway, here's a little somebody got in a little spat in the comment section of Fire and Ice. Someone posted two years ago, My dad's a vet, "These people are telling the truth. And please stop using their views to make up stupid little stories, RPs, self advertisement, and stuff like that. Some people might want to know what other people think about, and to be honest, it gets really annoying."
PAZ: And then someone replied, "To Dad is a vet, we don't care what you think about RP. Some of us like having fun and meeting others."
LIZ: That's such a powerful response.
PAZ: I'm going to mark that second one as helpful.
LIZ: Oh my god.
JULIAN: Like I'm so curious... like, what books are all of these in? Are there Warriors Cats RPs in like the Decameron?
PAZ: Someone just like... someone do their like thesis on this. I need to know how this happened and why.
LIZ: The thing that the post said about like there being designated areas for certain like purposes is so fascinating to me, that there's a structure to it.
LIZ: It's like a code. Like the fucking Canterbury Tales?
JULIAN: I think Chaucer would approve.
LIZ: It's so good.
JULIAN: Yeah, if any listeners of this podcast were involved in like the Barnes and Noble RP scene, please let us know. Please tell us how you got involved and like how it worked. I am so curious.
LIZ: I love this so much.
PAZ: This is absolutely wild to me.
LIZ: Can I read you part of another bio? We're gonna be here all day if we keep just reading them, but this one's really good.
PAZ: Of course.
JULIAN: Of course.
LIZ: This is five stars, seven years ago, on Hamlet, from Zayn/Razorclaws. They've marked down gender as "Don't be stupid."
JULIAN: That's how I feel about gender.
LIZ: Mates as "man up and ask me."
LIZ: There's some regular descriptions and stuff. I just like that a lot. That's real powerful. Thank you Zayn/Razorclaws.
PAZ: But you're right. There's so many good ones. We could just be here...
LIZ: I know.
PAZ: For ages.
JULIAN: I'm going into the Harry Potter reviews.
LIZ: Oh no.
PAZ: Please let Warriors take over them. There is someone doing both Percy Jackson here in Fire and Ice, the title of which is Percy Turns Tiny II, Part Four.
LIZ: Part Four.
PAZ: They were just like writing like fanfic in these comments.
LIZ: They want to get on Barnes and Noble as a book. That's why. And I hope them--
JULIAN: Great news. It is hard to find because there's so many reviews of Harry Potter. But there was seven years ago, there was Warrior Cats RP.
JULIAN: And also Percy Jackson RP.
PAZ: Fuck yes.
LIZ: Yeah, we should bring that back. Let's flood those out.
PAZ: Both of those series are better than Harry Potter.
LIZ: Okay, there is someone else's bio in Hamlet, and they're called Silvermoonstar. Their rank is assassin?
PAZ: Fuck yes.
LIZ: This is about the Warrior Cats because of the name and cat descriptions. But it says she's "an ex leader of Evil Chaos," capital letters. "The Resistance," capital letters, "and Evil Within," capital letters.
PAZ: Oh my god. Holy shit.
LIZ: This is amazing. "Other things you should know, eats kits." [gasps] This is a cannibal assassin.
JULIAN: Oh my god.
PAZ: Oh my god.
LIZ: Holy shit.
PAZ: There's some dark stuff happening in the Barnes and Noble comments section.
LIZ: "Family, none anymore. Crush, same as a long time ago."
PAZ: Of course.
JULIAN: Oh, someone has written some fanfiction in the review section of Harry Potter. It's Percy/Oliver.
PAZ: I don't remember who that is.
LIZ: He's your cat.
JULIAN: Oliver Wood, the captain of the Quidditch team and Percy Weasley, the snitch.
PAZ: Oh, I thought you were talking about Percy Jackson. I'm like, who?
JULIAN: Oh no.
PAZ: I don't know an Oliver. Oh, boy. Well, I'm hungry. So maybe we should leave it there. But this is a rich resource. And I invite all of our listeners to to look into this. Tell us what books you see and maybe that have been taken over by Warriors Cat RP.
LIZ: Can I end this with one last Hamlet review, which is just dialogue? It is addressed to all drunk cats. "What is going on here? What if we get attacked today?"
PAZ: Makes you think.
LIZ: What if we get attacked today?
PAZ: Well, that's gonna do it for us today. As always, you can find us @staircast on Twitter. And if you have any questions or anecdotes-- say, if you were in this roleplay scene-- you can send that in to our email firstname.lastname@example.org. And next week, we'll be reading chapter 8 through 10. So if you're reading along, join us there. Until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.
LIZ: Oh my god, is someone modding in the reviews? Sorry. I'm still here. Someone is being a mod in the reviews. I'm gonna just paste it. It's very... [laughs]
JULIAN: Someone else is pretending to be JK Rowling.
LIZ: Oh my god.
JULIAN: In the reviews of Harry Potter.