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aliveinacoffin · 9 months

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Hating you as well

(And loving you too much)

PT juan, Part Two, Part 3, part FOUR (awkward)

Part four of Hating You As Well, where if you want the best happy ending, stop reading ^+^

Tw!: Angst, mentions of past suicide attempts, mentions of self-harm, death, talks of death, talks of dying, loss of limbs, angsst

Fem!Reader, She/Her pronouns

You and Shouta have spent the last couple of days in utter bliss. Both of you happily existing around each other now knowing what you were both were, now knowing you both loved each other.

Of course, good things can’t last forever.

It was when Shouta had taken Eri out for a quick shopping trip, you had forgotten to pick up pads from the store, and you were completely out. The stupid man had left his phone, and you tsk-ed to yourself. What if something happened while he was out? He’d have no way of communicating with him. Though, you knew you wouldn’t stay mad. You haven’t been dating for very long at all, you thought to yourself over the stove, prepping dinner for when your two knuckleheads got home, but it almost felt like it had been longer. Maybe it was the long months you spent dancing around your feelings that made the routine much more comfortable, like the last piece to the puzzle that was slowly building, unknown to the both of you. Shouta’s phone buzzed loudly from his table, vibrating itself almost near the edge. You caught the electronic before it fell, answering the call without checking the caller ID.

“Hello, this is not Shouta Aizawa, but I can relay the message to him.” You chirped, already getting a notepad and a pen out.

“Oh? And may I inquire to whom I’m speaking with?” You pulled the phone away from you, confusion written all over your face, even if the other person couldn’t see it. Your heart dropped when you saw it.

‘Hero Public Safty Commission/ICE’

You set the phone down, putting it on speakerphone.

You stated your hero name, then your real name. “I’m Eraserhead's partner and roommate.” There was quiet typing on the other end.

“Ah, you are Eri’s other guardian?” They spoke, and you nodded, before mentally chastizing yourself that they couldn’t see you.

“Yes, I am. May I ask what the message is about? Me and Eraserhead have been very prompt and on time with Eri’s reports.” You quickly transferred the Miso soup to three bowls, picking up the large pot for the rest of the broth to cool for leftovers tomorrow.

“Ah, nothing about Eri. This is more about a villain called Kurogiri I’m afraid.” Even if you didn’t like the commission, not just because they were corrupted on every level, but because they seemed to not care about anything other than themselves. But the person on the other side sounded genuinely remorseful.

“Oh? You’ve captured him, correct? I heard about all of that from the police.” The email that was sent out about the warping villain made you rest easier that night.

“Yes, but I’m afraid that there is terrible news. As you may have known, Nomu’s are made from the bodies of the dead, and subsequently given a multitude of quirks.” That much you did know, the idea horrified you to no end.

“Right.” You set out the bowls on the table, getting spoons at the ready.

“Well, we found out through experimentation that Kurogiri is in fact, a Nomu.”

“Oh, how horrible.” And it was horrible, but you mentally questioned what this had to do with Shouta.

“Yes, indeed. With further study, we found out the body that was used was one of his old friends, Oboro Shirakumo, who had been killed in a terrible accident in high school. We just wanted to request Eraserhead's presence at Tartarus in the hopes that there can be a medical breakthrough with the Nomus.” Their voice went back to curt and cold. Despite that, you froze. Shouta never once mentioned to you his deceased friend, though, you couldn’t blame him. Your eyes went to your bedroom door, the picture of a blue-haired boy with a bandage on his nose flashed in your mind. You never questioned it, since there was another photo of the mysterious boy, Shouta, and Hizashi in it, always just assumed all of them were alive. Your gut twisted in guilt, feeling like you had just exposed a very delicate part of Shouat’s life without his consent.

“I…I will relay this message to Shouta, and-and make sure that he gets in contact with you soon.” Your voice was airy, mind going blank as you stumbled into a chair. Even if you had no idea of this before, now the mere thought of this haunted you.

“Thank you, I will be in contact once more shortly.” The line hung up, but you still held the phone up to your ear.

The front door jingled, and you could hear Eri’s little happy feet tapping from behind the door. It swung open, and the little girl was holding her own grocery bag, already bounding to you. She started rambling about something, maybe another cat she saw or a cool toy she wanted, but it was all water in your ears. You slowly set down Shouta’s phone, hands coming around to wrap the energetic girl in a hug. You looked over to your boyfriend, who was smiling softly at you. He lifted up the bag he was holding, his mouth moving to say something, but no sound came out. You nodded, and he went off to do whatever. Eri hopped out of your lap, already putting apples in the middle of the table, she pulled out a cat toy for Cutie, dangling it in front of the white cat. Shouta came up from behind you, kissing your cheek from your spot and settling down beside you. He thanked you for the food and called over Eri to eat. Obediently, she bound over, taking her spot on the other side of you.

Throughout the whole dinner, it was like there was water in your ears, guilt eating you up inside. Shocked that one of Shouta’s friends had been turned into a zombie, and forced to be part of the League of Villains' evil plans. You had no idea how he would take the news, and just before school started up again? Would he break down? Would he pretend as if nothing is wrong? Or would he do an unimaginable third option? Still, you tried your best to bring yourself back down to Earth, trying to participate in conversation the best you could. Still, you knew everyone could tell something was wrong.

___________________________________________

“‘Zawa?” Eri peeked out from her blanket, watching Shouta try and fail at trying to replicate your burrito.

“Yes, Eri?” His voice was soft, his hand coming up to brush away stray hair. Over time, with proper feeding and no longer being forced to use her quirk every day, her hair grew thicker and shone in a much healthier light. Her horn was steadily growing as well, but each day she had fewer and fewer accidents regarding said appendage.

“Is Ms. doing okay? She was quiet during dinner, and she’s not here to tuck me in, is she mad at me?” Her voice wavered, eyes growing wide. Shouta placed his hands on either side of her face, trying to brush away tears before they fell.

“No, of course not. Ms. is just feeling a little under the weather today. It happens sometimes, but it has nothing to do with you, I promise.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, smiling softly at his little girl.

“Pinky promise?” She shifted her hand from under the blankets, holding out her tiny pinky. That was another thing, thanks to yours and Shouta’s insistence that she ate, Eri was also steadily reaching her healthy weight diet. You had taken her to the doctor for a check-up, where she warned you two that she may grow ‘fat.’ That made you and Shouta furious, you almost blinded the woman and Shouta angrily demanded that she get her license revoked. Least to say, you got a new, and better doctor.

“Pinky promise.” Shouta reached out, interlocking the small fingers. “Now go to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow, so you need allll the rest.” He crouched down to plug in her nightlight, getting up and walking to flick the lights off. “Goodnight sweetheart.” He whispered.

“Good night.” She whispered back, that young baby voice made his heart melt. He left the door open a crack, walking over to your shared bedroom. Neither of you had renovated yet, both were too lazy to move the beds again. (Even if Shouta hadn’t moved one.) He walked over, peeking behind the curtain to see you already cuddling up with Cuite, petting his purring form while you stared at the wall. He couldn’t see your face, but your energy was all wrong.

“Hey, what’s up with you? Eri thinks you’re mad at her.” He whispered, crawling under the blankest with you. He took his spot by the wall, lying on his side, facing you. He looked at your sad eyes, your eyebrows pinched up, and your mouth turned down. “Hey, what’s going on?” Shouta reached out, grabbing one of your hands in a tight hold.

“Shouta, whose…whose the blue-haired boy from the two pictures on your dresser?” You asked, getting to the point. You had to make sure.

Shouta sucked in a deep and shuddering breath, turning on his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, deciding his next words.

“My best friend from high school. He died when we were about sixteen, I think. He was…he was the first person I ever loved.” His voice was now just sad and deep, eyes rolling up to try and keep his emotions at bay.

“What was his name?” Please god, please don't let it be true, please let it be someone else.

“Oboro Shirakumo. Why?” He looked over, surprised at the expression on your face. A deep frown on your face, eyebrows pointed way up, and tears falling slowly from your closed eyes. You took a deep breath, nose becoming clogged with snot. You breathed out, holding his hands tightly.

“The Commission called me earlier, they captured Kurogiri, remember?” There was a slight tremble in your lip, and Shouta became more and more afraid with every word.

“Right.” Shouta decided to be patient, letting you take your time. You took a sudden deep breath in again, eyes filling with newly unused tears.

“Do you remember what a Nomu is?” The answer was rhetorical, he got the same email as you did, you had read it together, and had discussed it together.

“Stop.” His mouth trembled, heavy breathing as Shouta’s stormy black eyes filled with his own tears. “Stop, this is not funny.” His face screwed up in disgust. He sat up, almost folding over himself as he clutched at his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” You sat up with him, pulling him into your arms. His strong shoulder dug into your chest, trying to soothe his heaving lungs.

“I-I don’t..I don’t trust myself right now. Don’t leave me alone, please.” Shouta pleaded, placing his mop of black hair into your chest. You felt cold wet drops of tears fall down your chest.

“I won’t, I won’t-I promise.” You ran your fingers through his hair, clutching him close. He wrapped his strong arms around you, shaking.

“I don’t understand. He’s…he’s gone, he’s supposed to be gone. It was my fault.” Shouta mumbled.

“No, don’t say that. The League of Villains-” You shook your head, but he cut you off.

“No, he shouldn’t have died in the first place. If I had been faster, or-or-" How quickly Shouta fell apart alarmed you. Things have been hard lately, you knew that, days of sleep deprivation and being overworked to the bone had done a number on you. But there was also a sense of dread that this was the beginning of the end.

"It's not your fault. You were just a kid, it's not your fault." You whispered, rubbing his head.

———————————————————————

The next morning was rough. It was the first day back to school. Eri was starting her own schooling, a private exclusive elementary school for kids who needed a different learning path than the ones at public schools. In the middle of his lecture, the Commission had called him again, requesting his presence at Tartarus. Principal Nedzu recommended that Shouta take the next couple of days off, but vehemently refused. Even going as far as to say he would bounce between yours, Nemuri's, and Hizashi's rooms.

You spent the rest of the day worried about him, barely able to teach your class. You kept clock watching, waiting for him to text you he was on his way back, or for him to update you.

He never did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night was fast approaching, and there was no word from your dark-haired friend. Even Eri was starting to get worried for him. Even trying to contact Hizashi was futile, not even a sign of life from either of them could soothe your worries. That is, until your phone buzzed to life. In an instant you picked it up, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Shouta?" You breathed, heart hammering out of your check.

"Nah, sorry to disappoint." Hizashi laughed from the other end, but it was strained and forced. Like he was the fry middle piece of a breaking rope, and one more thing would make him snap.

"Are you two alright? Why aren't you home?" You immediately started to pace your small living room, unknowing to the large red eyes watching you from a dark corner.

"Yeah, we went out for drinks." He muttered, the slight slur in his voice obvious.

"Are…are you kidding? I asked you two to text me when you were out, and I've had no word from you since nine in the fucking morning. It's seven o'clock at night. I thought something happened." You growled, frustrated tears building in your eyes.

"It slipped our minds, we're sorry. Now we're calling you." There was a bite to his tone, and it was bitter.

"Don't fucking talk to me like that." You barked, the tone he used was dripping with sarcasm. He had no right to sound like that when you had to take over both of their classes unpromoted with no word.

"I'm not talking to you in-what? Fine-" There was shuffling and murmuring on the other end.

Shouta's absolutely drunk voice breathed your name.

"Where are you Shouta Aizawa?" Your voice was low and dangerous, begging to be tested with.

"I'm just out drinkin' with Hizashi. It'ss fine, we're fine. Stop fuck'n worrying, yer not my mother." He grumbled, he was plastered and you could smell his breath from here.

"How can I not worry?! You've been out all day and I have no idea where you are. How are you gonna get home? Where are you so I can pick you up, you're coming home." You were already grabbing your keys before you stopped. Eri, noticing your eyes on her, immediately ran to her room and hid.

"Stay on the line, do not fucking hang up." You set down your phone, slowly making your way to the little girl's room. "Eri, honey?" You called out, slowly opening her door.

Her room was empty, devoid of any human beings. Panic ripped at your throat, and you almost yelled out if not for the little feet that kicked out from under her bed. You got down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling while you lay by her bed.

There was silence for a long while before you heard shuffling. You didn't look at her, knowing that it would make it worse.

"Are you two fighting?" She whispered, that baby voice melting your heart.

"I-kinda? I'm not mad at you, or at Zawa, I'm just scared. Adults are weird, and sometimes when we get scared or sad, we get mad. It's not very good, but it's a reaction that happens. I'm sorry I scared you, honey." You whispered back, laying absolutely still. She didn't say anything for a while again.

"Can I stay with Uncle Mirio tonight?" You slowly looked over, guilt stabbing and twisting your heart at the sight of tears in her big eyes.

"Of course honey, I'm so so sorry." Your lip wobbled, and she immediately crawled out.

"It's okay, don't cry." Eri placed herself in your arms, hugging you close. "If you want cuddles, I'll come back, I promise. I won't be far away." You chuckled when you realized she was parroting the words you had used on her so many nights ago. Though it actually wasn't that long ago, but the way time had been slipping through your fingers felt like it.

You wrapped your hand around her head, giving her a forehead kiss.

"Thank you, honey."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Again, thank you Mirio." You bowed, handing over Eri's Hello Kitty bag. She took it out of his hands, immediately pulling out her pink switch. The little girl ran off to go show Hado something on her animal crossing island, seemingly proud.

"It's really no problem! It's perfect timing too! Since we were having a sleepover anyway!" The blonde cheered, smiling brightly. But there was a deep sadness in his eyes, one that made you feel deeply for him.

"I apologize for the short notice. I'm sorry I can't stay longer, I have to go." Anger spilled into your voice again. Despite you clearly telling him not to, Shouta had hung up on you. When you called back, there was no response.

"Don't worry, do what you need to. We'll be right here waiting." Mirio's smile never wavered, shooing you off. Gladly, you stormed away.

You nearly ripped the door off of Shouta's car, immediately speeding out of the facility parking lot. The tires squealed loudly, and the gates of UA opened at a speed you'd never seen before.

"Fucking answer!" You growled, trying again and again to dial the man. Even calling Hizashi provided no help, you nearly thought the blonde had blocked you at the speed of which his calls were declining. But after realizing it took different lengths each time, you realized they were denying them.

You hard braked in front of the dingy bar where the teachers usually met up at, swinging open the doors. They weren't there.

The owner of the bar, a big burly dog, looked up at you with tired eyes.

"Do you know where Eraserhead and Present Mic are?" You asked, hands shaking.

He shook his head, big ears flopping with him. You growled, stomping out, and revved the car again.

Tears pricked your eyes as you looked around for bars. You were angry because Shouta hung up on you, after not calling you or texting you all day. I mean, last night the man was clutching onto you because he didn't trust himself to be alone for fucks sake! Then there was Hizashi, a man you could call a good friend yourself and Shouta's best friend, enabling his bad behavior, even going as far as to get snotty with you for caring. But most of all, you were scared. Scared of what they might do, scared of what Shouta might do to himself. What would Eri do without him? Their kids who looked up to the two men? What would you do without them?

It took you nearly twenty bars after that to find them. Hunched over drinking themselves away. They didn't look over at you while you stomped over, nearly fuming with rage. None of you three even noticed the lights flickering. They only noticed you when your very hot hands grabbed their shoulders, wrenching them to look at you.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? Not only do you have work tomorrow, you're both vulnerable late at night!" You nearly screamed, pulling them both up.

Shouta looked like a mess. His eyes were bloodshot and barely opened, his dark hair wild and everywhere. He could barely stand on his feet, nearly falling over on you. Hizashi on the other hand, was shaking, pure emotions stricken across his face.

"We're fine! We don't need you here to mommy us!" Hizashi screamed at you, grabbing you to turn you away.

"Is that why you're here, halfway across the fucking country to drink yourselves to death?!" You shoved him back, trying to hold up Shouta. The woman behind the bar was giving you three a wary glance, but she turned around to mind her own business.

“Yeah, because you have no idea how this feels! You’re-” Hizashi started, tears welling up as his voice broke.

“Stop. Stop before you say something you’ll regret. You’re both drunk and I’m tired. We should go home.” You grabbed his wrist and hauled both of them men to your car. Throwing them in the back, you went back inside to pay the tab and grab a familiar scarf and iconic leather jacket.

Shouta was pressing his flushed face against the window while Hizashi was glaring off somewhere. He mumbled something angrily, eyes blinking rapidly.

“What? I can’t hear you.” You snapped, reversing the car roughly, driving bad and reckless as angry as you felt.

“I said I’m sorry. For being messes.” Hizashi hiccupped, refusing to make eye contact with you. You sighed, anger simmering away as you realized how heavy your eyes were. Your heart just ached, your body tired.

“It’s…I understand. I was just scared. With everything going on right now, with Eri being home I just…” You trailed off, lip wobbling while trying to blink away tears. You were trying to drive home after all. The whole two hour drive was spent in unbearable silence, you had already angrily shut off the radio and found it too awkward now to turn it back on.

At the dorms, you managed to drag Hizashi back home and get Shouta to sit at your dining table.

“Where’s Eri? I don’t want her to see me like this.” Shouta looked around lazily, movements sluggish.

“She saw me get mad and got scared, she went over to Mirio’s.” You admitted, filling up a large water bottle and grabbing some pain meds for the man. You turned around and saw Shouta staring at your fridge, glaring.

“How could you do that to her? You know she’s been extra delicate because of school, and with her quirk training coming up.” He hiccuped. You sighed, handing him the water.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to her with a girl's day tomorrow.” You hung your head in your hands, nearly falling asleep on the spot. “I worry about you all the time, y’know?” You knew anything you said to Shouta would literally not matter, he was black-out drunk right now, and nothing you said would matter by the morning. “Especially today. You scared me so bad today Sho’.” You admitted.

“Why? I was okay.” He slurred back, confused.

“Because you didn’t call or text me! All day I was wondering how you were, not even Nedzu knew where you were. Eri was getting worried too, and you know how she gets about you, you're her Zawa. You’re her favorite. Then at one point, Hizashi was hanging up on me. Did I do something? I don’t understand.” Looking up, Shouta had already downed his whole glass and had taken his pills dutifully. But he shook his head in response.

“‘M not her favorite. You are. When I visited her in the hospital, all I talked about w’s you. She w’s so excited to meet you, and when she met you, she told me later, ‘She’s so pretty, like you said.’” He mimicked her high-pitched voice, eyes drooping. But his small smile dropped, and he looked at the table dimly. “‘M sorry. I wanted to call you but, I’m supposed to be the strong one, how could I face you knowing I failed-” His voice cracked, big fat crocodile tears spilled down his face. You jumped over to his side immediately, holding his face while you brushed away his tears. Shouta was a stranger to emotions, especially his, so seeing him be so open and emotional meant that he was drunk drunk.

“You didn’t fail anyone, you’re still here, aren’t you?” You whispered, trying to help him. Shouta’s large hands wrapped around yours, curling his fingers to hold your hands.

“But they’re not. He’s not.” Shouta whimpered again, face filled with the years of pain he’d had to go through. His long baggy sleeves slipped down, and while you were no stranger to Shouta’s scars, you’d never paid attention to them. You’d seen the ones coating his forearms at a distance, but you never thought much of them. Now that you were closer to him, your frown deepened at the years-old clean cuts decorating his otherwise pale arms. Each varied in thickness, but you could tell they were all old, all except…

“Oh, Sho…” You sighed, and you held up his arm, the slightly fresh ones close by the junction of his elbows were already scabbed over completely, so they were decently old. “What happened? Why didn’t you come to me?”

“Because you deserve a strong man, and I’m not. I let my students die, I like Oboro die, I deserve to die.” He cried into your shoulder, having shifted from you holding his face to you holding him. How long had this man buried his pain? Masking it into throwing himself into as much work as he could, trying to prevent all the lives he’s lost as a teacher, as a friend, as a person. Shouta was the strongest, most brutal, and hardcore man you’d ever met, but even the strongest of mountains would fall under the constant blow of loss and hardships. You could always see the pangs of loss and hurt in his eyes, but before you could even see what he was going through he masked it under anger. No matter how hard Shouta tried to kill the child buried under false anger and faux strength, it would still cry under the rubble of his past.

“Shouta, you deserve more than life itself. You’ve made so many people proud, and you’ve saved hundreds of lives. I’ve never met Shirakumo, but if he meant that deeply to you, I’m sure he would’ve been proud of you.” That made Shouta lose it, his sobs muffled by your shoulder. He hated it, he hated every moment of this because it meant he’d gone soft. Shouta’s whole hard, no-emotions exterior had been broken down in less than a year, and all because of you. Well, he supposed he couldn’t blame it wholeheartedly on you, a certain little girl who was currently sleeping soundly was another part of this, but still. How long before you died? How long before Eri died? How long before Hizashi and Nemuri? Shouta knew nothing lasted forever, and in his mind, you were already dead. Desperately he was clinging to your ghost, as he did with Oboro, trying to keep whatever he had of you with him, trying not to fail you too. Time and time again, he’d seen it. Shouta knew his job was dangerous, but that's why he preferred to be alone, hell, it was one of the few reasons he loved cats. They were independent creatures, if he ever died, they’d know to move on and live with other humans elsewhere. But if he left you behind, if he left Eri or Hizashi behind, he would be haunted by the guilt even in the afterlife. Shouta preferred to be alone, preferred to clean his own wounds, stitch up his own gashes by himself, it was less people to deal with, less strings he could cut at a moment's notice, less people he’d leave behind, and less people to leave him. But now he had you, and Eri, and all of his students and friends who relied on him. Now he had you to hold his head up high when he couldn’t, had someone to take over his overwhelming workload, someone who could stitch up the cuts on the places of his back that he couldn’t reach. You left a wake in his life he’d never get rid of again, you made him dream again. Something Shouta thought died the moment he realized Oboro was gone under the rubble of that building.

Somehow without his notice, you had changed him out of his work clothes, and tucked him into bed, watching over him over the blankets as you forced him on his side, one foot off the bed.

“This is her side though.” Shouta blinked mumbling to himself. Your hands raked up and down his sides, leaving goosebumps from your touch.

“It’s alright, if you need to puke in the middle of the night, I’d never forgive myself if you choked on your own vomit.” You whispered, tucking your hand under your pillow. “Now go to sleep, I already called in for us, and I’ll pick up Eri tomorrow, so sleep in.” Your voice was quiet and soft, everything Shouta was unused to, something he’d forgotten after so long of the harsh and jagged road he’d been forced to trudge.

“I love you.” He whispered, finally falling asleep after the harsh day.

“I love you.”

___________________________________________

Shouta awoke the next morning with a start, clutching his head at the sudden movement.

“Fuck, what time is it?” The teacher grumbled, and he froze when he opened his phone. It was one, in the afternoon. He immediately panic-dialed his boss, trying not to absolutely flip the fuck out.

“Oh, Ereaserhead, what-” His boss’ squeaky voice greeted from the other end, but Shouta gave him no chance to speak.

“Principal I am so sorry, I have overslept and failed to tell you. I will gladly accept the punishment I will be given out, again, I profusely apologize.” He had a bass in his voice, sleep still evident in his few moments of the waking world.

“Oh, no worries Eraserhead! That was figured out last night, you’re class was already taken care of.” Principal Nedzu happily name-dropped you, explaining that you took over the training for that day. They ended the call with friendly, and relieved, greetings, before Shouta just sat on his bed, trying to calm his racing heart. It was always you, wasn’t it.

___________________________________________

You came home with Eri in tow around four, as you promised you would over text. Immediately, Shouta greeted you with a kiss. Though you were caught off guard, you didn’t reject his advance, knowing these moments where he initiated the affection were rare. When he pulled away, he just donked his forehead against yours, holding your arms while you breathed each other's air.

“Thank you.” He muttered, pulling away with a slight blush on his face. Eri giggled, happily jumping up into his arms.

“I missed you!” She smiled, hugging around his neck. He smiled back, his eyes not so tired today.

“I missed you too.”

“Well, I missed all of you, so I win.” You smiled, setting down your shopping bags on the table, each landing with a heavy thud.

“We had a girl's day! Look, I even got my nails painted!” Eri shoved her little mix-matched colored nails in Shouta's face, and he had to lean back a little to fully comprehend the colors. If his heart could melt, he sure it literally would. It was a mix of all three of your guys' favorite colors, each color on a different nail. “I couldn’t get them clipped or shaved down, but I got them painted.” She looked kind of sad at that fact, looking down slightly in disappointment.

“That’s okay, you were so brave to even go to stores with just Ms. and you, and even more brave to get your nails done with all those scary sounds around you. Maybe next time you could try letting them cut your nails?” He offered, sitting down with her at the table.

“That’s right.” You nodded in agreement. “She was very brave and good today. Why don't you show Zawa all the new stuff you got?” You asked, already opening the bags for her. Eri smiled, jumping up and down on Shouta’s legs, ignoring his look of pain.

She happily showed off the new clothes she got, and the new clothes she’d forced onto Cutie later. Eri also happily showed Shouta all the clothes she picked out for both you and him, matching couple outfits for you two to rock out. He flashed you a look, and you just shrugged in response.

After showing him everything she got, she disappeared to her room to put everything away, demanding independence so she could show how ‘big girl she was’. That left you and Shouta to sit awkwardly at the table. He decided to bring up the first thing that he noticed in the house, a new development.

“You hid all the knives.” He said, leaving it open in the air.

“Yeah, I did do that.” Shouta looked down to see your leg bouncing under the table.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, scratching his arm, long sleeves bunching under his hand.

“I get it, it’ll be okay. I’m here, we’re here. Hizashi was the one who told me too.” You answered the question you knew he was going to ask.

“Thank you.” He sighed, and neither of you knew what he was thanking you for. Maybe everything.

“You never have to.” You shook your head, tired eyes betraying the strength you were showing.

___________________________________________

The next month was filled with unease, the looming threat of an all-out fight hung over all of your coworker's heads. It made it hard to focus on anything, especially when papers came in the mail demanding you and Shouta update your wills.

You, Nemuri, Hizashi, and Shouta all sat around your dining room table. Eri was in her room, instructed to watch her YouTube shows at whatever volume she wanted while she played games. The sound of some man screaming soothed your nerves about her overhearing, but you all still whispered.

“So you’ll agree to help watch over her in case something happens?” Shouta asked blankly, masking how he really felt. Nemuri and Hizashi nodded, seriousness etched deep in their faces.

“I’ll watch over her with whatever demands you leave me with, I promise.” Hizashi swore, looking over to you and Shouta. The day after the night you picked up the two men drunk from the bar, Hizashi had already gone out to grab your favorite flowers and snacks, profusely apologizing for his abhorrent behavior.

“I’m sorry I was a horrible friend the other day, it was a moment of weakness that will never happen again!” Forgiving him was easy, since you now knew how greatly of a cavern Shirakumo left in his life, Nemuri’s as well. You learned of how bright and happy the blue-haired boy was, how he left an influence on all three of the friends’ lives, even today.

“Thank you.” You nodded, smiling sadly at him.

“Of course.” Hizashi shrugged you off, it was nothing after all, he was merely doing a favor for a friend.

“Now, it’s not as if I do not trust Hizashi with a live animal, but I do not trust Hizahsi with a live animal.” Nemuri sighed, pushing her glasses back up her face, preventing them from falling off her nose. Said blonde gasped with indignity, holding a hand over his chest while he looked at her with absolute betrayal in his face.

“I have been a great step-dad for Sushi! I spoil him with toys every Christmas and for his birthday!” Hizashi argued, pouting at the implication that he could not take care of the cat that was left behind by the friend they lost.

“Yes, but you’re hardly home, ‘Zashi. Plus, you do tend to go overboard with the food.” She countered, giving him that motherly look you’ve grown to love.

“That’s true, I remember you got him fat one year.” Shouta agreed, tapping his cat pen on the table.

“So it’s decided, Sushi goes to those two.” She said it with such tiredness as if it was something that had been argued and not something you knew she had already made up her mind with. Hizashi pouted in response, mumbling under his breath.

The rest of the signing went like that, all of you trying to make light of the fact that you were writing your wills, pretending as if there was no possibility that any of you could die by the end of the month. Because if not, what else could you do?

___________________________________________

Springtime was rolling around again, as proof of the clothes that donned Eri getting looser and more flowy. Currently, she was wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt with shorts, a sun hat donned on her head. She was holding both yours and Shouta’s hands while she walked to the infirmary, knowing that her Quirk training would start today.

“Now remember, you can stop at any time you want, just say the word and everything will stop immediately.” You assured, rubbing your hand over her smaller one. She nodded, face set. You knew that look, and you knew it meant she was going to push herself to her absolute limits. The look that said, ‘I’m going to show you how far I’ve grown!’

“And we’ll be there every step of the way.” Shouta reaffirmed, holding her close. After what happened, you had asked him to never drink like that again, and he agreed with great fervor.

“I’d never want Eri to see me like that, and I’m ashamed you saw me like that.” Shouta was still feeling heavy guilt after that, no matter how much you reassured him that it would happen. People will always have relapses in their recovery and bad behaviors, but as long as you grow and move on, then so can others. Shouta’s mental health was still rather fragile, but with your and your friend's help, he’s been slowly building back his confidence in himself. Now standing in front of Recovery Girl’s doors, you both turned to look at each other, then Eri.

“You’re sure you want to do this? You absolutely don’t have to if you don't want to.” You said, for what must’ve been the hundredth time in a row.

“I want to! I want to save Mirio like he saved me.” She nodded, holding a fist in front of her face. Shouta, nodded, opening the door to reveal Monoma sitting, already waiting for you three.

The plan was to have Eri try her quirk, then the student would copy her quirk and try to use it as well, in an attempt to have at least someone try and guide her through her quirk.

Eri sat between you and Shouta, and in front of Monoma and tried to activate her quirk. She strained, puffing out her full cheeks and forming tight first with her small hands. Her face grew red with the effort, and quiet humming grew into loud humming. You knew this moment was big for her, so you made a triangle with your mouth as you tried your damnest not to laugh out loud. The poor student just looked at her confused, while Shouta just sighed. He slowly put a hand on the girl's shoulder, snapping her out of her little grunting effort. Better stop her before she shits herself.

“Eri, you can’t force your quirk out like that. In the past, how did you feel when you activated it?” He asked, quickly taking his hand away.

“Uhm, I felt scared.” She pulled up her knees to her chest, picking at her Five Nights at Freddy’s shoes. “And I wished I could just go back and fix everything, or just make everything stop.” Her horn crackled in response, and Shouta quickly shut it down, hair floating up immediately.

It would be of no use for her to correlate her quirk with fear, the baseline of her abilities would be held back if it was plagued with that emotion. She needed to be in full control of her quirk to even be able to live alone, one panic attack and she would send a friend or concerned stranger back into nothing.

“You’re safe now, no one is out to hurt you.” You patted her head, rubbing away the little worry marks on her forehead.

“Yes, instead, why don’t we take deep breaths and look deep into ourselves.” Shouta offered, placing his hands in his lap, closing his eyes he breathed in deeply. Eri rushed to follow his lead, copying his movements exactly. You glanced up to the Monoma who had been sitting there rather awkwardly, motioning him to do the same. He looked at you warily before complying. You kept your eyes open, and Shouta had reopened his to watch over Eri.

“Now take a deep breath in.” The teacher instructed, doing the motion so she could hear him. She did it perfectly, her little body relaxing from his voice. “Now hold your breath, but don’t panic. Everything will be alright.” He waited for a moment, before instructing her to breathe deeply out as well.

“Now look inside yourself. Your quirk is part of you, and you are in complete control of yourself. You can do good things in life without hurting others, all because you are capable and strong. You can save people with your ability because you’re a strong little girl.” You couldn't help but let out a little gasp when she lit up. Energy crackled around the little group. But she must’ve heard you since she immediately stopped and looked up at you worried.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked, scared.

“No baby, you did so well, you did wonderful!” You smiled, heart absolutely leaping with joy. Just a few months ago, Eri was too scared to even ask for more food on her plate, and now she was taking back every ounce of control she had never been given. And you were just so proud. Happy tears spilled from your face while you laughed, opening your arms for her to leap into. Eri did happily, jumping up and down with joy. Shouta leaned over to rub her back, softly smiling too.

“You did so well, you’re very brave.” He scooted close to you two, happily watching over you with pride in his chest.

Monoma coughed, getting all of your attentions at once. You and Shouta burned with embarrassment, while Eri was in blissful ignorance of the awkwardness. Still, she was just so happy that she activated her quirk on her own.

You and Shouta couldn’t help but be proud of her.

___________________________________________

The plan all along was to get Eri more comfortable with her quirk so meltdowns for her were less dangerous, but there was also an ulterior motive underlying as well. A motive that worked, after weeks of working with Eri non-stop every day, hugging her close when sessions didn’t go the way she wanted, and celebrating with her when they did.

Mirio got his quirk back.

Which opened a new realm of questions, but for now it didn’t matter.

Now all that mattered was celebrating Eri’s development and her bravery, and Mirio getting his quirk back, his life back.

“And how big do you want your slice Eri? It can be as biiiig as you want." You gestured to the cake in front of the little girl. A white cake with bright red lettering that says 'You did it!' on the front. Mirio, Amijiki, Hado, and Monoma surrounded the small table, happy-faced and looking at Eri. Shouta had Eri on his lap, holding her midsection.

"This big!" She made a wide gesture with her hand, far bigger than the cake itself. You all laughed, and you smiled and shook your head.

"How about this big?" You started to cut a piece, big enough for three fingers to be placed at the top of the slice. She nodded excitedly, jumping out of Shouta's grasp to stand on his thighs. He poked the back of her knees, and she buckled.

"Sit when you're eating." He chastised lightly, and she nodded, bringing a plastic green fork to her big slice. You handed out the other pieces to the students around you, Mirio happily phasing through a bite of cake through his face over and over, pretending to not know why he couldn't eat.

"You're using your quirk Uncle Mirio!" Eri squealed, frosting already on her face.

"Am I?" He yelled in a very happy voice, still doing it. Turning around to wash your hands and the knife, Monoma approached you from behind. He hadn't taken a bite out of his slice yet, instead wholly ignoring it because of something bothering him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help." His voice was smooth, devoid of any teasing or pompous attitude. That was something that gave you whiplash, whenever the boy wasn't blinded by his jealousy of class 1-A, he was a kind and smart kid. Another thing you learned was that he was great with children, also aiding in helping soothe Eri whenever you and Shouta didn't jump the gun fast enough.

"Don't worry about it, Quirks aren't a cure-all, and no matter how OP they are, there's always going to be drawbacks." You shook your head, waving a wet hand at him. But the look on the copycat's face was not one of comfort.

"Still I wish I could be able to be a mentor for her." He looked down like he had failed in the worst ways possible.

"Monoma, listen." You fully dried your hands, putting one on his shoulder to make him look at you.

"There's only so much you could do, and what you did was wonderful. If you want to be a mentor to Eri, be there for her. Help her, be her friend." You gestured your head to the girl happily chattering with Hado. He followed your gaze, tense shoulders drooping at the sight. He looked back at you, nodding with a new determination in his eyes.

"Of course! I'll be the best mentor/friend/guide there is!" He sauntered away, joining in the large conversation. You smiled and leaned back against the sink, crossing your arms to fondly watch them. Shouta was blankly staring away, unwillingly participating in the conversation. He saw you, glared at you, and picked Eri off his lap, joining you by the sink.

"Hey." You smiled and looked at him.

"Hey." He replied back, watching the children.

You wrapped your arm around his back, rubbing soothing motions into it. Shouta’s dark eyes flashed to your face, watching you for a moment.

"I'm so proud of her." He mumbled, barely audible.

"I know, I hope we can keep her this happy." Your voice was fond and soft, love in every syllable.

"Me too."

But his eyes weren't on Eri.

___________________________________________

It was one in the morning, but neither of you could sleep.

Eri didn't know much, other than you and Shouta were going to be in a very big battle tomorrow and she'd be with Principal Nedzu all day. Or more. Or maybe forever.

You tucked your head under Shouta's chin, rubbing his back in circles. He was gently scratching your hair, holding you close.

"I can't sleep." You whispered, stopping your hands to hug him tightly.

"I can't either." He admitted, doing the same as well. "Promise me something." He whispered into your hair.

"Anything." You probably couldn't keep it. You knew it, if he asked you to stay alive, you couldn't possibly be in control of that.

"Don't make me do this without you." Shouta wrapped his legs further around you, unwilling to let you go.

"Of course. Promise me something?" You asked back, an ache starting in your heart.

"Anything." Shouta curled into you, tucking you further into himself.

"Come back alive."

"Of course."

___________________________________________

You and Shouta were separate, which was fine. Your quirks didn't exactly mesh well together, and you both were needed in separate areas. Still, you were terrified.

Your legs pumped as you ran straight into the broken building, the moment Ken had broken the Paranormal League Fronts base, you had been the few to immediately jump to action. Blame Shouta for your quick reaction time. Jumping up, you landed a swift but harsh kick to a villain's head, knocking them out cold. Soon, there were three others on you, quick to action. Thankful for the bright sunny day, you made a long knife with the light, slashing their legs. When they fell, you made quick work of cuffing the hands and wrapping their feet so they couldn't escape.

You did that again and again, perfectly dodging any close-range attacks they shot at you. Distant rumbling filled your ears, catching you off guard for a moment, just for a moment. But that moment was important, worry for your students and your friends distracted you from the person behind you. Barely turning around in time to catch their eyes.

A sudden searing pain filled your right side, blindingly hot and vicious. Your shoulder flung back, but it swung much harder than you intended like you had lost a monumental amount of weight. The air was knocked right out of your lungs when you landed on your back, trying desperately to catch your breath. Your eyes were unfocused, the only things visible were lights and darks. A shadow stepped above you, a harsh contrast to the hot white sun. Someone screamed from a distance, you didn't know who, but it sounded familiar. Slowly, you got your breath back, and just as fast, the pain dissipated. A feeling of floating overcame you, your mind losing all train of thought as consciousness escaped you. Another feeling invaded your stomach, a heavyweight worming its way into your soft belly, squirming and wiggling around in the delicate inner workings of your stomach. Just as it all started, it stopped in a sudden, jarring movement.

Someone lifted your limp head, and you tried to utter out a thanks, but only a quiet whisper came out. Someone was shouting your hero name, but the only thing you could work out was bright blonde hair. There was only one thought that came to your failing mind.

Shouta would be disappointed with how quickly you fell.

___________________________________________

Warm.

Fuzzy.

Floating.

Those were the only things you felt. You couldn't tell where you were, or even who you were, but they didn't really matter when you felt this good. Happiness filled your every atom, joy making your fingertips buzz. You could hear yourself breathing, but you couldn't really feel it, just like how sometimes your vision would go black for a mere millisecond before everything became bright again. What was that called? Blinking? Whatever it was made you upset, why couldn't you see? You sighed, deciding to succumb to sleep before anything else could upset you, too dizzy to try and look around.

___________________________________________

That happened a couple more times, the fleeting waking moments you were granted filled with that dizzying euphoria. Until it wasn't.

You came to with a broken gasp, an electrifying pain forcing you to sit up. But that in itself brought pain to your right side and stomach, something hot and uncomfortable. You tried to protect your middle with your hands, but the feeling of a stump and something missing made you look down in a panic.

Your arm.

Your right arm.

Your right arm was gone.

From your elbow down was nothing, a stump of your upper arm. It felt like there were pins and needles in the arm that was no longer there. Your stomach ached too, like you ate rotten food and ate it far too quickly.

Your breathing was quickening, heart racing as you tried to compile all your thoughts into one coherent train of thought. Loud and insistent beeping made your head swarm, your head snapped in that direction. In a sudden movement fueled by pain and fear, you toppled over the heart monitor. You were upset and so fucking scared. Your arm was gone, you were missing an entire limb. With no explanation as to why. Where was it? Why had it been taken from you?

Suddenly, a hoard of doctors flooded the whole room, one you hadn't even been aware of until now. Two grabbed your shoulders, trying to hold down your struggling form, trying to placate you with soothing words.

"Please, we're only trying to help." One whispered.

"We understand you're confused." Another meowed. Two were trying to set back up your monitor, while another pair tapped and messed with your vitals.

"It'll all feel better in a moment." One of the ones from your vitals spoke up, dropping a long tube that was connected to you on the ground. "We probably should've tried to wean you off the opioid better, but there's only so many of us." They shrugged apologetically, backing up.

The others did the same, giving you breathing room. Soon, your lungs stopped trying to fill themselves with air they didn't need, instead slowing down to a near-alarming degree. That same fuzzy feeling of pure euphoria filled you again, and you slowly slid down on the thin pillow on your cot. The scratchy feeling of the hospital blanket was quickly forgotten, instead replaced by the lack of feeling in your lower half.

Dreams never came to you in your drug-aided sleep.

___________________________________________

The next time you woke up wasn't nearly as traumatizing nor painful. It was still uncomfortable, and you were still confused, but thankfully an angel was waiting by your bedside.

"God? Am I dead? Oh God, I don't go to church nearly enough. Please forgive me Father, I have led astray from the path-" you started mumbling prayer, left hand shakily coming up to grasp out.

"Oh no, please I'm not an angel, even if I get that a lot. I'm a human with a quirk." The woman giggled, guiding your hand back down the cot, her skin was milky white and smooth, her fingernails long and white. Looking up, she had no pupils, only an expanse of white in her eyes. Speaking of eyes, she had much more than two. Nowadays, that wasn't much of a sight, but the upper half part of her face was filled with them. All of them missing pupils, all of them pure snow white. Her hair was long and just as white as her, almost curly. Two wings rested on her head, filled with eyes along the base. Unlike her own eyes, the ones on her wings had golden pupils, though they lacked any iris'.

"My name is Tenshi, and I'll be here to guide you through your confusion and pain." Even her voice was angelic, each note hitting perfectly in your ear.

"You are an angel." You murmured, eyes still fluttering from the bright white light above you.

"Here." She got up, her towering frame would've been overwhelming if you were fully conscious. She flicked off the lights, mid-afternoon light pooling in the room, making the room golden and making the tall woman even more ethereal. She walked over to you, form turning fuzzy and warping as she got closer. Tenshi leaned over, slapping your cheeks to get you to fully focus. When you did, she backed away.

"You must be confused." She walked back to your side, sitting on the side of the bed to face you. She ran a long and thin hand down your upper arm, the feeling making goosebumps rise. She stopped at your stump, instead, she hovered over the spot, the feeling of pillows on your aching stump soothed the pain, almost making it go away.

"Your arm was cut off during the battle, but thankfully one of your students managed to get you to a pro, who was able to cauterize it for you." She pulled back, wiping her hands.

"What…happened?" You gestured to your stump, lifting it up gently before setting it back down. There was also more to the question, like what happened after the battle? Months of planning, months of sitting anxiously for the end to come only for it to be over like that? How much did you actually help? How many did you lose?

“Well.” She sighed. “There is no easy way to put this, many heroes fell. They were either killed in battle, or they quit in the aftermath. Many villains were caught, but many high-level prisons were broken into by a man called One for All. Shigaraki and many of the Paranormal Leauge Front are still missing. One of your students briefly went rogue as well, but he returned safe and sound. And I think that's it!” She cheered, adjusting you more. “Now, I’ll go fetch your husband, bring some food and water, and leave you to your rest.” Tenshi sat up, wiping off her manicured hands and leaving before you could protest.

It was probably Midoiya who left.

___________________________________________

So first of all, you were right. That little shit went off on his own, weighed down by the guilt of Shigaraki’s escape and his self-acclaimed failures led him to believe he had to single-handly take on the world. Secondly, there had been a traitor amongst you, but it hadn’t been one of the staff, it had been a student. While it shattered your heart to hear the news, it also perplexed you, Aoyama of all people? It made sense why he never took his hero name seriously though, but that made you hurt more. Thirdly, society was falling apart behind the senses. People no longer trusted heroes at all, how could they when one by one they were all dropping? When their current number one had come out as a child abuser and wife beater, who bought his wife to use her quirk. Especially when his first child accidentally ‘killed’ himself at the age of twelve, and then turned into an arsonistic serial killer. But most importantly, last but not least.

“You cut off your own leg?” You yelled, incredulous. “I thought someone got you, like me, but no! You just fuckin’.” You made wild gestures with your hand, stump flailing along, still in absolute shock that your dumbass boyfriend cut off his own damn leg.

“It was the best course of action. It was either my leg or my student. The decision was easy.” Shouta shook his head, one eye closing. You sighed, shoulders slumping heavily. Your eyes trailed across his face, analyzing his lack of an eye, and lack of a right leg.

“Guess we’re both fucked up now.” You laughed emptily, flopping back on your cot. You brought one hand to softly trace your bandages, your wound didn't hurt as much anymore, bt the phantom pains were brutal. They often left you biting down on your pillow as your right side seized up in angry pain.

“We’re not fucked up.” He mocked your words, and you could hear him lean forward, metal leg creaking with him. “We’re scarred.” He reassured, reaching you to your bed. You looked over to him, eyes heavy and empty.

“Yeah, and it’s not over. Shigaraki is still out there, and All For One is out there now. I’m…tired Sho’. I’m so fuckin’ tired.” You put one hand up to cover your face, momentarily panicking when there wasn’t another hand to cover your right side. There was a pregnant pause.

“There is, something else I need to tell you.” You looked back over to Shouta, now fully taking in how beat the man was. His strong demeanor broken down to a hunch, hands limply hanging off his knees.

“Yeah?” Your heart leaped to your throat, please god, or anyone if you’re out there, if you’re out there, don’t let it be Eri.

“It’s about Nemuri. She’s…gone, they’re giving us her part in the will sometime next week.” Shouta’s voice was soft, devoid of any negative emotions. Even if your eyes filled with tears, you shook your head and laughed.

“Don’t mess with me like that Sho’, it’s really not funny.” You stared at him, your smile falling when he just gave you a sad look. His lips pulled in as a frown etched into his rugged features. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered, opening up your arms to him again. Shouta closed his eyes tight, falling into your arms. You both cried together, sobs heaving out of your bodies. Another one of his friends gone. One of your friends died.

Even if you both were older, no longer trapped in the awkward stages of young adulthood, you both felt so small at that moment. The whole world was tilting, and you had no choice but to fall into the inky black abyss of the unknown, no matter how desperate your attempts to flee were.

___________________________________________

You were scared. You were cold, and it was a terrible day for rain.

Your leg was slowly crumbling under your sight, there wasn’t even any pain as your left leg slowly disintegrated before your eyes. A flash of green filled your eyes, quickly pulled away the hand that had been gripping your ankle in a painful grip. But it did nothing to stop you from plummeting to the dirt, hundreds of feet off the ground.

Technically, you shouldn’t even be here, in the heart of the battlefield. But during a national emergency, the Japanese government had to pull out all the stops, especially after the fall of the Commision and the death of America’s number one. So you and Shouta and many others had been pulled out of recovery to be put on the front lines, with little to no warning. Both of you had sat in his hospital room, just sitting side by side. The memory was clear in your head as the wind rushed by your ears.

“What about Eri, who will take care of her?” You whispered, not able to look at Shouta, instead your eyes hyperfocused on the white walls in front of you two. The man’s arm was wrapped around your shoulder, making sure he would not disturb your stump. You decided not to wear a prosthetic, it would only get in the way of you Quirk anyway.

“Worse comes down to worse, Nedzu will do a decent job. She’ll come out smart at least.” Shouta shrugged as if the thoughts of leaving the child you two had been raising and taking care of side by were nothing. It was so much more than that, Eri was basically your daughter at this point, having spent so much time with her, giving her the right environment for her to grow and learn, giving her the school to go to school. She was the child you never wanted to have, and now the one that you couldn’t bear to leave.

There was a pause as you rubbed your only hand on Shouta’s left side.

“Don’t die on me Shouta Aizawa.” You lolled your head onto the expanse of his chest, his usual blue nightgown replaced by a thick dark blue sweater.

“I could say the same.” He whispered into your hair, tugging you close. The dead night air only made the silence in the room deafening, every and all noises amplified a hundred times. Still, you’d never replace this moment with anything else.

You smiled sadly at the memory, fat tears rolling up into the sky.

“Sorry I couldn’t keep my promises.” You laughed, the ground getting closer and closer. There was a cacophony of noises around you, the sounds of crashing buildings, sirens, screaming, shouting, things breaking and crumbling beneath your eyes. The disintegrating had stopped, the only thing remaining of your left leg was a dusty stump ending mid-thigh. “Sorry I couldn’t stay Sho’.” Your smile was becoming one of a grimace. “Sorry I’m making you do all of this without me.” Someone was shouting your name, but your vision was too clouded with tears, too busy coming to tears with your own impending death to care. “Sorry I’m not just a call away, I’m sorry to everyone I failed.” You finally sobbed, the hand you had left was covered in blisters and burns, but you had only barely noticed. Suddenly everything was dark, and the feeling of absolutely nothing engulfed your whole body.

___________________________________________

“You’re…alive.” His hand reached out to you, covered in mud and blood, his dark hair wild and splayed across his head, like a dark halo.

“You’re alive.” You breathed back, trying desperately to reach over with your other hand. You were so tired, every bone and fiber in your being filled with lead, the energy sapped out of you. There was screaming, sounds of crying and yelling surrounding you in every corner. But none it mattered, all that mattered was who was in front of you.

Shouta Aizawa.

“Not even death himself could reap me. Not without you.” He laughed softly, tears filling his dark eyes, falling down his pale cheeks. You laughed wetly with him, pain choking you off. Still, that didn’t stop the pure bliss that filled you.

“You know, I used to think you hated me. And for a little, I hated you as well.” You admitted, trying to scoot closer to him. The hard cold ground made it hard, dirt and rocks digging into your delicate body.

Shouta shook his head, trying to scoot closer to you too.

“No, I never hated you. I knew the moment I met you, that you’d be the biggest pain in my ass.” You brought one shaky hand up to brush through your hair, fingers gently caressing your sweaty and bloodied face. He paid no mind to your black eye, or the cuts and scrapes littered across your face.

“I knew from the moment I met you, that I would love you.” Shouta admitted, eyes never faltering from yours. Finally, his hand met yours, interlocking your fingers as you both had wormed each other into one another's lives. Palms touching, ignoring the sting of pain and blood that emerged from the touch. You sobbed out a laugh, and he did too, uncaring of who saw you two. Shouta let out a real, belly aching laugh, dissolving into sniffles. How you made him so weak, he’d never know. Not even the highest ends of Nomu’s could do that, but you?

Anything.

___________________________________________

no body talk to me,, im so upset,,MY BABAYYYYY WAHHGHGHGGH

anyways, i have a small thing for pt five imagined, but I'm gonna focus on other projects, more specifically try and finish two asks that have been rotting in my inbox,,oopsies,,but I'm literally so sad to know this is overrrrrr,,I lowkey struggled with the end, since I love canon and the ending isn't over yet, but the idea of aizawa dying literally rips my heart open so I'm gonna pretend he literally can't

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summerlovingbaby · 2 years

Text

Traitor Part 11

part one// part two// part three// part four// part five// part 6// part 7// part 8// part 9// part 10

Bakugou found himself at the mall. He needed a new pair of shoes, and he knew that his favorite store would be having a sale. Denki tagged along because all his socks had holes in them and he got tired of having cold feet.

Denki was staring at his phone, and Bakugo was staring holes in a wall when he felt the sudden urge to look up. He felt eyes on him. Then he saw her, she was looking at him, and seemed to be debating what to do.

She saw him first, but tried to remain calm. She kept walking trying not to draw attention to herself, but she could feel his eyes tracking her, and she could isolate his breathing ,which quickly grew quick and ragged and his footsteps which were starting to run faster.

She moved to a brisk walk, took another quick glance at him, and picked up the pace. A slow jog turned into a sprint. Bakugo wasn’t far behind. Running through the store just along the window to keep up with her.

When did she get so fast? She would have outran him by along shot, if she wasn’t worried about dodging through people as to not hit them, and wasn’t frequently looking behind her to see where Bakugo was.

She was almost out of his sight line, and Bakugou wasn’t about to let her slip away, not again, not this time. Instead of running straight through the store, he ran straight at the window. Jumping right through it and on the pathway just outside the store that he was in.

Y/N turned around just in time to hear the glass break, and just in time to see him recover and chase after him. She could hear the collective gasp of the crowd, she was drawing too much attention to herself. She had one job, not to draw attention to herself and she was currently being chased down by a U.A student.

The chase persisted forward. Y/N could hear him gaining, on her. Fast... too fast. Out of options and trying to get somewhere quieter and hide, somewhere safer. She jumped over the railing of the second story, landing on her feet and rolling, to displace her momentem and not get hurt.

He froze. Where did she learn to do that?

He paused, and his mouth dropped open as he watched Y/N drop to the ground run out of view. She was slipping away again, right through his fingers. Crawling back to the dark side that had taken advantage of her in the first place. He couldn’t let that happen, he wouldn’t let that happen, not again.

Y/N found herself running to a secluded place of the mall. It was near the women’s bathroom, but that women’s bathroom had a notoriousflooding problem, and always smelled like raw sewage, so the only people who really went near it was the staff, and that was only during closing time, because it was the closest exits with exit sign lights that still worked.

He took off after her, flinging himself off of the railing and using his quirk to slow him down. He landed on the ground, hard. But that didn’t stop him from going after him, nothing would stop him again. He knew screwed up his ankle when he landed, but he payed it no mind.

He ran in the direction that he knew she ran off to, He knew that she would hide to avoid a fight. Y/N had always been a hider, she avoided conflict at all cost, all he had to do was find her, knock her out, and take her in, and fix the mess that she had created for herself. It was a simple plan.

Simple plans are for children. Just as he slowed to a stop to look behind a large potted plant, where he assumed she would be hiding, but just as he bent over to check she jumped him. Landing on his shoulders and knocking them both to the ground.

They quickly scramble to stand up, but Bakugo is a bit slow since he just got hit with a such a large impact. She kneed him in the chest, he took a wild swing at her, but she ducked under him, and pushed him into the wall behind them. She then put her forearm in the crook of his neck.

Her eyes were not filled with murder, her eyes were filled with a look of pure dread, and she looked like she just saw a ghost.

“ What the hell are you doing here?” She asked, it was more of a yell than anything.

“ What am I doing here, what are you doing here?” He asked taken aback, he looked personally offended.

“ I... you need to leave. NOW.” she spoke. She started to let him go. She looked a bit nervous, but exuded control and edge.

He pushed her in the chest and she landed on the ground, he lunged at her but she made no effort to fight back. He seized her by the collar and looked her in the eye for the first time in a month. Her eyes held a controlled sense of stress and panic. Not fear, not nervousness with only a hint of sadness and filled with righteous anger. She looked at him with confused eyes, like he just insulted her grandmother.

She let him hold her by the collar for a few moments before kicking away. He grabbed her by the arm.

“ What are you doing?” she asked, planting her feet so she wouldn’t move.

“ Taking you in, seeing if I can clean up the mess you made.”

“ Let me go.” she stated, snatching her arm away from him. He only grabbed onto her tighter. “ I said let me go.” she shouted, a bit too loud to her liking because she looked around as if she didn’t want to get caught. “ You need to get out of here.”

“ What are you even doing here?” he sneered, he finally let her go.

“ Buying shoes.” she stated, like it was the most simple thing in the world. She looked around some more. “ I gotta go.”

“ You’re not leaving.”

“ I wasn’t asking.”

Where did she get the brass balls. It took a lot to stand up to Bakugou. Bakugou had the temperament of a angry bear that got stung by a bee. Bakugou, found himself at a loss for words. And he almost always had something to say.

“ I... you’re coming with me.”

“ You are in no place to make demands.” she spoke, her voice ebbed with confidence and rage. “ Now scram.”

“ You’re in no place to make demands.”

“ Yeah....” she rolled her eyes and turned around. “ Okay. If you follow me, I’ll break your ankles.” she started walking away, and Bakugou was shouting things at her, but the blood was pumping so much she could feel it in her ears, so she couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“ Is that really all you have to say, after everything that happened.”

That she heard. She turned around, slowly and quietly. She was quiet and calm, her chest rose and fell but it was so calm, that it was hardly noticeable. Her face was collected, but her nostrils were flared. Her lips formed into a tight line and she looked... for a few moments like she might explode like an atomic bomb.”

“ You left... you left everyone behind. You just evaporated, out of thin air. You didn’t even say goodbye, you just... left. You didn’t even say goodbye, you just wrote those stupid letters. Deku is so upset, he won’t stop crying. Kirishima.. he.. he loves you”

“ You have no right-”

“ YOU LEFT AND THE ONLY THING YOU LEFT BEHIND WERE THOSE STUPID FREAKING LETTERS. YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO SAY GOODBYE PROPERLY. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE?”

“ Yeah, I know the feeling.” her rage started to boil over. “ Believe it or not?” She was a scary calm.

“ Y/N-” he realized his mistake a bit to late.

“ The feeling of being betrayed, yeah I know it.” she started. Her anger turned into rage then sadness and the feeling spilled on the floor. “ The feeling when the people who are supposed to care about the most. They leave you, alone. To rot, and you boil alive in your own rage. A rage so bad that it makes you want to crawl out of your own skin and pull your hair out.”

“ Y/N.”

“ But that’s before you realize that you’re not angry or upset. You’re sad. Because everyone who you thought cared about you, thought you were the worst thing imaginable. You compared me to my father-”

“ Y/N-”

“ You know everything that man did to me, and said I was like him.” she paused. “ But I rather be like him then like you.”

“ Stop-”

“ At least my dad doesn’t ruin carriers. But you’re so good at it who needs him to do it”

“ Shut-it-”

“ You looked me in my face and told me I was like him. That was the last thing you said to me, you wanna talk about crappy goodbyes.” she spoke, it was like she was talking to herself, not even bothering to notice Bakugo.

“ Y/N-”

“ That feeling when you sink to the deepest pit of despair , and every time you try to dig yourself out, you only bury yourself deeper. Til the only thing you know is a hole... a hole that lives in the bottom of your stomach, that you try not to let your feelings drop through and splat all over the ground. The feeling of trying not to fall into a hole that it always just in front of you because you know if you do, you won’t ever be able to crawl out of it.” she spoke, her voice firm and brutal. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

“ Y/N.”

“ You sit on a high horse, but you never even said sorry to me.”

“ Excuse me.”

“ You never even said sorry to me.. for what you did, for all the problems you caused.” she began to calm , but only a little. “ Part of this is your fault, you realize this, right?”

He took a second to think. And he realized after all his preaching and all his whining he never stopped once to say he was sorry for messing up her life.

“ I’m sorry.”

“ I hope you rot.” she turned around to leave.

“ I’m not letting you leave.”

“ What are you going to do? Stop me?”

“ I will.” He took a fighting stance. Armed raised to blast at her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“ I’m not fighting you.” It almost sounded like a laugh. She turned around and began to inch closer to him, until she was so close that he could feel the steam coming out of her flared nostrils.

“ What?” she sneered. “ Fight me! “ She knew that he wouldn’t and even if he did, she would still win.

Bakugou was distracted by the wild look in her eye. If looks could kill he might as well be 6 feet under.

Her hand raised behind her, and she threw her fist in a hard fast punch. Bakugo tried to dodge it, but she was in too close and moving way too fast for him to see it coming until her fist was nearly in his face.

It took one punch from her and he was on the ground. She stumbled back clutching her mangled fingers. She muttered a few ouches, before scrambling away like a scared cat.

“ To count as a fight it has to last longer than one punch.” she sneered over his body.

2 hours and a disinfecting bath later, she came home. She was more than three hours late, but hoped no one noticed. She managed to slip past the front doors, and almost made it past the basement hallway when she heard footsteps and a voice behind her.

“ You’re 2 hours late.”

“ I’m sorry.” she tried to stay strong, but her voice quivered. “ Kai.”

He snapped his fingers and her left hand melted before reappearing again. She moaned loudly before falling to the floor clutching her newly formed hand.

“ It better not.” he sounded as menacing than ever, and the heels of his boots clicked when he walked away. The only thing that Y/N could hear was the sound of her joints fusing back together and her only pained breathing.

TAGLIST INFO

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