#erl im never getting over this :(

[trcpicoz]

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦

masterlist

author’s note: this was a little rushed but i hope y’all enjoy it, there’s a little bit of shy and reserved ruben in here🤍

warnings: smut 18+

working in the football world was fun but one thing that bothered you was the constant moving. you had gotten a job offer from manchester city to work as their social media manager. this was something you were excited for however, you weren’t excited to move and have to deal with the task of making new friends and building a new life in manchester.

on the first day of the job you were tasked with directing a campaign for the men’s first team which you were nervous about because of the man that would be there, ruben dias. you had seen ruben on the tv before and fancied him but you never thought you’d meet him let alone be together. the second you walked into the room you both caught each other’s eyes. “oh you like her, don’t ya?” said john playfully shoving ruben and egging him on to talk to you. “she’s beautiful don’t get me wrong but i don’t think i’d have a chance plus i don’t think we should be…ya know…” ruben scratched the back of his neck nervously “what, fucking your colleagues?” said erling laughing at how red ruben’s face had gotten. you were two introverts that were meant for each other but you didn’t know if he would ever make a move.

just two weeks later ruben finally built up the courage to introduce himself "hi my name is ruben, i'm a defender on the team and i just wanted to introduce myself since you're new here." he shook your hand, you both being nervous barely being able to hold eye contact "im y/n, it's nice to meet you ruben. the other players haven't said a word to me i was worried they didn't like me" your head bowed down with a look of sadness "that's a shame, i certainly don't dislike you, you seem really sweet and by the way i noticed you have an accent where are you from?"

"i'm from america but i moved to london for work and then i moved here. it's my first time in manchester, i've been in england for a while but i never ventured out to other cities" ruben’s eyes locked on your face as you struggled to even look at him "well i could take you out around the city-NOT LIKE A DATE, i mean i'm not opposed to a date necessarily but-" he stumbles over his words scared he's going to say the wrong thing and make you uncomfortable "ruben that sounds nice i would love a tour of the city" he shrugged his shoulders and sighed out of relief blushing knowing that the two of you got to spend some time alone.

as ruben walked you around he was nervous to get close to you. he walked with his hands in his pockets head down barely being able to keep eye contact because of how nervous he felt. it started to get dark out and you got scared because you haven’t been to manchester before and this was a completely new environment to you. scared and nervous you grabbed ruben’s arm and pulled your self close to him so you could feel safe. “are you okay?” ruben looked at your worried face “yeah i’m okay i- i just-” ruben stopped and held your hands “it’s okay, you’re with me i won’t let anything happen to you” you felt so safe with him, you kissed him on the cheek to show your gratitude for how much he wanted to protect you. ruben stepped back with a face as red as a strawberry, he fell in love. he smiled at you with dough eyes “do you want to go back to my place and watch a movie?”

you walk into his apartment and take off your jacket so you can sit on his couch. ruben joined you sitting on the opposite side to avoid any contact. as the night went on you both could feel the tension in the air, it was so thick you could cut it. “y/n are you cold?” “yeah actually i am can i get a-” ruben interrupted you “come here, i’ll warm you up” you got closer to ruben and he held you in his arms while you rested you head on his toned bare chest that was exposed from his button up shirt. you grabbed his face initiating a passionate kiss, your tongues danced and you swallowed each other’s whimpers. “we need to stop this” you said pulling yourself off of his soft lips. “we can’t be together, at least not like this. maybe we should take some time away from each other outside of work” ruben looked at you upset because he knew you liked him and he knew he like you but he understood the complications of fucking his colleague. “it’s okay i understand, i’ll drive you home” you arrive to your apartment and as you walk in ruben yanks your arm to pull you into his torso using all of strength grabbing your waist to keep you still in front of him, he kisses you. “i love you y/n” you held back your tears “i love you too”.

months had gon by since you talked to ruben in private. you both wanted to just say fuck it and be together but you were both too afraid to pick up the phone until one night ruben texted you. “hey y/n, i know you probably hate me for not reaching out sooner but i miss you so so so so much and i want to be with you, please text me back” you tested up reading his message and responded “ruben come over i need to see your face”

ruben arrived at your apartment with flowers blushing with excitement “i missed you so much i’ve been thinking about you for the longest” he said caressing your cheek. “i missed you too baby”. ruben picked you up and carried you to your bed where he undressed you and himself “are you sure you want to do this?” says ruben “i’m sure”. he climbed on top of you and inserted himself inside your pussy slowly stroking himself in and out while you whimpered trying to adjust to his thickness. the room was filled with noises of your wetness and orgasmic moans. “do you like this” ruben said as started to rub your clit “yes baby right there it’s so fucking good” you gripped the sheets getting closer to release until he came inside of you and you came at the same time.

“so much for professionalism” he held you in his arms kissing your forehead.

for @moodkvller & @anifffff my favorite ruben fans🤍🪽

#footballer x reader #ruben dias #ruben dias x reader #footballer smut #footballer x y/n #footballer x you #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x y/n #ruben dias fluff #ruben dias x you #ruben dias smut #footballer imagine #footballer fic #footballer fluff

[taetaespeaches]

Not at them WRECKING ME ALL TODAY. But tbh it was surprising to see Koo because a few days ago I had these thoughts that he'd show his sleeve at Muster. So when he came up wearing that yellow shirt I was like dUDE HOLD UP I WASN'T THAT SERIOUS but tHANK YOU THO. I hope that it's a good sign he's getting comfortable to let us seeing his tattoos.

AND HOBI RAPPING ON DAECHWITA GOODBYEEEE I'M SEEING HEAVEN. SEE YOU ALL AT DAY 2.

They showed the fuck up honestly and they had no mercy 😩 jungkook has reached his final form. He’s there. He made it. That man is- wow. I love that he’s showing his tattoos off like this he seems so comfortable with them and that’s literally all I want for him EXPRESS YOURSELF PROUDLY BABY!!!!!

Hobi absolutely KILLED daechwita. And we got rapper tae again thank FUCK. I’m yoongi sitting there amused and proud as they all go off hahaha. Day 2 here we goooooooo

#thatredwine #asks #erl im never getting over this :( #just. I’m so in love with them #the show was incredible #AND THAT SET LIST

[dmintraining]

im about to just gush about my halfling family with no coherency so youve been warned

ok so my whole dnd experience began with one lightfoot halfling level one bard called eoifira maplefoot. i knew i wanted her to be Not A Good Person, but also didn't feel comfortable playing a bitch when i didn't know anything about the other players in the party, so i did what any normal person would do: i encorperated pretending to be nice to get what she wants into her back story.

eoifira's backstory time! (where we get introduced to the character i will play this summer, llwella, and a character i am desperate to play at some stage, erling) middle child of turpin and grace maplefoot (grace's maiden name was proudfoot), eoifira was taught to entertain by her grandmother on her mother's side. her mother's family ran the only inn and bar on a small island, but when her father married her mother, his parents moved in too. so, under one house, we have the proudfoot grandparents : otto and mary, and the maplefoot grandparents : hildegard and basso. turpin and grace had three children together, their eldest daughter, llwella, is two years older than eoifira, and their youngest is their son, erling.

like i said, mary taught eoifira how to entertain, through story telling, playing the lute, and playing the spoons. the two performed regularly in the bar. llwella was never a people person, but people liked her well enough and she was a wizard behind the bar from a young age. erling played a bigger role in the running of the inn than the bar, as he was far more gentle than his eldest sister and much less self-centered than eoifira.

running the only inn and bar meant that these three kids met a wide variety of folks, and for eoifira, that turned out to be a huge problem. a 16 year old eoifira met a 29 year old halfling wanderer with a chip on her shoulder, and became fast friends with her. by the time she was 18, eoifira had been indoctrinated into this other halfling's way of life : she would regularly travel to the mainland to aid in the slaughter the nobles who were partially responsible for the poverty of her island. the duo did not limit their targets based on age, if they were of noble descent, they were fair game. initially, eoifira was merely the distraction, flirting with guards and playing the damsel in distress while her girlfriend actually did the killing, but over time eoifira's hands became just as bloody.

no one could prove it was them, but popular opinion was that the girlfriend was the perpetrator, and when a 19 year old eoifira announced to her mother that she wanted to propose, grace maplefoot panicked and locked her daughter in her room. eventually, eoifira's would-be-fiancé stopped showing up at the island, and grace felt safe enough letting eoifira go about her chores on the island. one day, eoifira asks her mother for help out in the fields, where she'd offered to harvest the crops for an elderly neighbour. naturally, her mother agreed, thinking she'd be able to reconnect with her daughter, and explain why she did what she did, and to apologise.

she never got the chance. eoifira slit her throat in the field, disguised herself as a cabin boy using the uniform of a boy she'd murdered that morning, and escaped on a ship to the mainland before anyone even really noticed grace wasn't working the desk of the inn as usual.

on the mainland, eoifira searched for her lover. she found a grave. her lover had been trialed, convicted, and executed for the murders. she had never mentioned an accomplice.

unable to return to her homeland, and with the person she'd carefully curated her personality for dead, eoifira was at a loss.

unTIL she runs into a travelling group in the woods of rouges and college of whispers bards who live as they please, taking what they want. eoifira made a slight adaptation to her personality, so that instead of killing for a Cause, she would kill with Purpose: to get food/gold/possessions the group needed or wanted. unfortunately, eoifira fell in love with one of the bards, and thought it would be safe to come clean to him about her past in its entirety.

he was repulsed. she made a dramatic change to her personality, now advocating for sparing peoples lives; she was now a pacifist. eventually, the man she was in love with came around to her, and they got engaged, and lobbied for the party to become more merciful. the party got sick of their bullshit, and sprung an attack on the couple, killing her fiancé stone dead right in front of her. standing at a whopping three feet with an armor class of 13 and very little training as a bard, eoifira knew she didn't stand a chance, so she fell to her knees and started begging, claiming her lover her threatened to kill her if she hadn't done what she did. they believed her, the idiots.

that night, she went around to their individual tents and slit their throats as they slept.

once again alone in the world, and now in her 40's, eoifira began her life on the run, never really staying in one town for too long, preforming in taverns in return for lodgings and food. there's more on her, but im going to take us back to the island, the day of the murder.

llwella actually discovers the body. she and her sister were close (or so she thought), so initially llwella thought that whatever had slaughtered her mother had gotten to eoifira too, and went into mourning with the rest of the family. then, the murder of the cabin boy came to light. with very little digging, llwella followed the blood trail eoifira had left behind before and during her time with the party, and by the end of her investigation, became certain her sister had murdered her mother. she never felt as peaceful as the rest of her family- she had a horrible temper and a tendency to drag out grudges for longer than was healthy, but this discovery ignighted a rage in her that did not subside when she lashed out like she normally would. she knew she needed to be more proactive about this anger, and eventually joined a monkhood : the way of mercy. they were helping her work on her anger by channeling her energy into her job, which initially was to kill the patients who were beyond saving (think nurse ratched type), but as she progressed, she became responsible for reinforcing quarantines by any means necessary. eventually, she hit a block. she'd managed to work through most of the sources of her anger and use the energy productively, but try as they might, her fury towards her sister was too strong- it came to a point where it was affecting her work with the monks. they told her she needed to find and forgive eoifira if she ever wanted to progress.

llwella left to find her sister alright, but with no intention of forgiving her. she was going to end her sister if it was the last thing she did.

she spent years trying to find her, staying in inns she knew eoifira had preformed in and following her faint yet distinct trail left from her performances and charisma.

unbeknownst to llwella, she actually caught up to eoifira.

one evening, eoifira was sitting in a dark corner of an inn she'd just finished preforming in, having a nightcap before turning in for the night, when her sister appears. she sees llwella check in for the night at the desk, before immediately heading up to bed. eoifira moves to the desk, and starts flirting non-stop with the receptionist, flustering them so much that she manages to see the bookings list without getting noticed. she knows what room her sister is in.

in the wee hours of the morning, eoifira sneaks into her sister's room and slits her throat, running away before making sure she'd bled out.

luckily for llwella, there was a cleric in the vicinity, who'd been up late with night terrors, and heard her helpless gargling as he made his way back to bed. he was young, and only half-trained, and while llwella survived, her wound tends to seep blood and pus when she exherts herself to expend a ki point, and her voice is low, gravely, and prone to breaking. she has not yet come that close to her sister again.

back to their hometown : after their mother passed and the family went into grieving, erling, while mourning just as much as the others, subtly kept both of the family businesses running. there was a brief period of time where his father and his grandparents began to take up the reins again, but the workload fell on him once again once it was discovered eoifira was not in fact, dead, but on the run after having killed many people, mary included. when llwella joined the way of mercy, erling became enamoured with the idea of healing people. he loved his sisters, despite now having severe mixed feelings about eoifira, but he wanted to heal, he wanted to help people plain and simple. he didn't want to kill for fun like eoifira, but he didn't want to kill for mercy like llwella, he wanted to heal. but he was stuck behind a till and a bar for several years, until the proudfoots, now well into the ends of their lives, decided to sell the bar. his father took full responsibility for the inn, and with all four grandparents helping out here and there, erling felt comfortable enough to go out and chase his dream. unable to afford medical school, he reluctantly reached out to the monks his eldest sister had joined. he was upfront about his hang-ups about their practices, but opened up about his quiet and private worship of one of the deities they worship, mishakal. they directed him to a local collection of life clerics who worshipped the same goddess, and he became very happy there with them, at ease.

im yet to decide what whips him out of his peaceful life with these clerics and into a life of adventuring, but im pretty sure it will have something to do with either llwella or eoifira dragging him out either directly or indirectly (i have a feeling llwella might go missing, and it might be up to her brother to find her (because while eoifira doesn't hate her sister, she has pretty much washed her hands of her family))

#chats #dnd #dnd character #dnd original character #maplefoots #eoifira #llwella #erling #halfling supremacy

[triilo-write]

Modern Male Orc x Trans Man Reader (sfw) Part 1

this kinda hit me in the middle of the night when i was supposed to be sleeping so i started it on my phone and then finished on my compute r

You couldn't believe you'd finally cracked. For the last two years you had been happily single, focusing more on earning your degree than on a love life. You liked it that way. The last couple relationships you'd had were... rocky, to say the least, but ended mutually and on good terms. You even sometimes went out to get a drink with one of them now and then; with her new girlfriend tagging along who you were immediately determined to befriend. Your roommate, on the other hand, seemed to think that your forlorn gazes at the other male students was a sign that you needed to give it another shot.

"Okay, just, hear me out." Nira had began during one movie night. The faun had paused at the half wall separating the living room from the ‘kitchen’ with a bowl of hot popcorn in their hands, chocolaty brown eyes locked on you instead of the tv. "Just one date won't bring about the end of the world. You can just ask one of the cute guys in your classes, or at work." They suggested, pouting huffily at your eye roll.

 "You know why I can't 'just' do that, N." You sighed, dropping the remote into the little hammock the blanket made between your knees. "I have the worst time talking to anybody, let alone a cute somebody." You glanced at them as they settled down beside you, tucking a leg under the other.

 "Then.. Why not not ask them face to face?"

 "...You've lost me."

 "A dating profile!" Nira exclaimed, eyes glinting excitedly in the dim light. "Just make like, a Tinder or a Grindr or whatever other app floats your boat, and just browse and wait for a match."

You had to admit that at the time it wasn't the worst possible idea. They'd had plenty worse than using a dating app. But.. You still beat around the bush for another week and a half. Eventually you set up a Grindr- without letting Nira know right off the bat- and the waiting game began. You groaned to yourself and left your phone forgotten on your chest to cover your face with your hands. "There's no way I really got talked into this..." You grumbled against your palms, shutting your eyes and closing off all the nervous thoughts prickling at the back of your mind.

Within just a few minutes of calming down, your phone buzzed almost aggressively against you. You expected it to be Nira, or another friend, or even a classmate asking about notes. Instead, it was an alert that someone had liked you. Apparently you really didn’t need to wait as long as you thought.

It was an almost painfully handsome orcish someone. According to the distance he most likely went to your college and probably even stayed in one of the dormitories, or an apartment like you were, and it set off another wave of nerves. From his profile photos he actually was part of the culinary students, which was a bit of a surprise. Especially considering the first photo was of him and a bunch of other men in football uniforms.

Idly, you worried at your bottom lip with your teeth as you read over his bio, shifting onto your side. His name was Mhurren- an addendum of “the H is silent :)” following- and was twenty-three and, apparently, over six-and-a-half feet tall. Good Gods. And, the more you read, the more you found yourself smiling. He liked going hiking, watching The Great British Baking Show, and expressed a great fondness for blueberry muffins. All things you oddly enough, enjoyed too. Chronic joint pain made hiking a, well, pain in the ass; but you loved being out in nature and exploring. Maybe you’d be able to visit the state park together sometime? You sighed to yourself and mulled over your options, your eyes lingering on his face.

 In the picture he was with a naga, both of them dressed in the standard double-breasted jacket of culinary students, flour dusting the maroon fabric . He had one thick arm around the naga’s neck in a playfully gentle headlock- you could tell by the beaming grin on both of their faces. The naga herself was beautiful; her skin a warm tan with speckling of deep crimson scales on her cheeks and climbing up her neck. Her dark hair was tied up in a neat bun and amber eyes focused on the camera with a happy glint in them. He, however, captivated you with all the little details. His skin was a deep green, and thick tusks caught the overhead lights; his long hair was dyed a rich dark seafoam with the dark brown roots showing. It was tied back in a beautiful dutch braid that he had pulled over his shoulder, and just messy enough to show he’d let it down out of a bun just a little before. His piercings were beautiful- bright silver studs in erl, snake bite, and brow styles. The philtrum looked like it was more stone than metal, but you couldn’t make out what kind just yet.

Just yet? You didn’t even know if you were going to meet him!

Your gaze drifted from the philtrum to the attractive black septum ring, then up higher to his eyes. Mirth glittered in their mismatched depths, and you found yourself inhaling a little sharply. His right eye was a blue to rival the sky, whereas the left was a striking, storm cloud grey.

 ...Maybe liking him back couldn’t hurt after all. Your thumb swiped his profile to the right and you could feel a small coil of anxiety twist in your chest as the app announced a match. “Oh, Gods.” You mumbled to yourself as you shifted to sit up, crossing your legs together. Your thumbs nervously tapped the edges of your phone while the chat was loaded; what if you said something wrong right off the bat? Maybe he’d lose interest the moment you started to talk, what if-

A message popped up and drove you from your apprehensive thoughts, and you read it with a flutter in your stomach.

 ‘hey! sorry if I’m keeping you up any.’

‘Oh! No, no youre fine! Im just settling in to relax for the night’ Not a complete lie, but you didn’t want him to feel bad for talking to you.

‘oh good. I didn’t really expect you to swipe back tbh.’

‘Really?’

‘yeah, but I just joined and don’t really know what to expect in general, you know?’

‘Gods, tell me about it. Ive never had a dating profile before so this is all extremely new’

You were glad he was as new as you were, the awkward process of breaking the ice would be mutual that way. It soothed your uneasiness some, and you moved again to slip out of bed and make your way into the main room. You were much more awake now while the two of you spoke back and forth, and you switched on the electric kettle while you leaned against the counter. He was already making you smile and chuckle to yourself as he talked about how his classes were going, and you in turn dipped into how yours were. He was majoring as a pastry chef, and you were majoring as a geologist.

 In a way it was a mistake to tell him that, as the science puns started up without warning as you dropped a bag of Yorkshire Gold tea into your mug. A particularly bad one almost made you laugh out loud and you had to clamp your hand over your mouth quickly to stifle yourself.

  ‘That was horrible!! Youre lucky i love puns’

‘aha! finally I have an excuse to utilize my awful sense of humor.’

‘Be careful, using it all the time may be’ A brief pause for suspense. ‘Punisble’

 His subsequent keysmash and ‘GODS’ filled you with pride and giggle to yourself as the kettle finished heating, and you reached for the handle, typing with one hand.

 ‘Im glad you enjoyed that so much’

‘I woke up my roommate laughing, look what you do to me’

‘Maybe I could do more’ The message sent before you could stop yourself, heat flaring in your cheeks as you nearly overfilled your mug in shock at your own bravado. ‘I mean make you laugh more!! I bet you have a wonderful laugh, the world should hear it as often as possible!’

You groaned at yourself, putting the kettle back in place and using a spoon to help weigh down the tea bag before covering your face with your hand. You really were digging a deeper hole for yourself, weren’t you? He was bound to lose interest now, you’d been speaking for maybe an hour and then you make a comment like that? Mortifying.

 What felt like an eternity had passed before your phone buzzed again and you chanced a peek at the screen, eyeing his response.

 ‘I’d like that, though. perhaps you’ll get your chance Friday night during dinner, if you want to go with me 💖’

 “WHAT-” You yelped in shock, covering your mouth swiftly afterwards, though not swift enough. In moments Nira was at their doorway looking ruffled and worried. You dropped your hand to answer before she even asked. “I.. Just got asked out.”

“Ooh! Who is it, how?” They excitedly hopped over to you, peering curiously at your phone, and huffing at your lack of a reply. “Don’t leave them hanging, that’d be rude.” The faun bumped their head against your shoulder encouragingly before stepping back to put their hands on their hips.

‘Id love that; I just want to warn you its been a long while since Ive been out with anyone, though’

“There we are! Now, fill me in.” They grinned, dark eyes shining with intrigue. Together you stood in the open kitchen with the small overhead light on, mixing up your tea with Nira hanging on your every word. At one point Mhurren had responded, his answer excited and asking to verifying a time- Friday was only a day away, after all. You both settled on seven in the evening to give yourselves a fair bit of time together to talk, before he bid you a good night. Nira, however, wouldn’t leave you to your tea until you showed them the photos of Mhurren. “Now he’s a catch! And he might be able to keep up with your sweet tooth if he’s working to be a pastry chef.” They teased with a wink, patting your shoulder before heading back to their room.

 You sat on the couch, watching the dark world outside the large living room window, sipping your cooling tea and mulling over what had happened. Part of you was still nervous that he’d be unhappy with what he saw and heard when you’d both meet up, but you swatted it away to focus on finishing your drink and returning to bed yourself. Even then you didn’t doze for quite some time, but when sleep finally found you it was sound and dreamless.

#modern au #orc #orc boyfriend #orc x reader #trans protag #teratophila #monster x reader

[theastralsea]

Honestly is there a way to just delete every oc I’ve ever made from existence and just start over

#i cant ignore their existence bc they exist #so can the memory and concept of them get deleted #i wanna keep like 3 and just focus on them so i dont shit myself everytime im trying to decide who to draw/develop #i wish i only cared about erling and my unicorn family #😪 #like can i just cancel claude and bjorn so i never have to get sad over them again #lex text

[dyeynsiaquino]

jajejijoju0220 Sorry . . June 22, 2017 9:30PM Friday

Hi, sobrang tagal na mula nung last. More than a year na siguro. Dami ng ganap haha so here it goes.

There’s this man that I’ve met last November 2016. Nov 26, 2016 to be exact. School mate. He’s 2 years older than me. As to looks, gwapo siya. Moreno, matangkad. As far as I remember, nagpalike siya nung picture nung rep ng org namin for pageant then yun, nagkausap ng konti. That’s the first time na nakausap ko sya. Actually, familiar siya (the name) famous kasi and I have a friend and a classmate na crush siya so yun. Binully ko siya sa chat. Yeah, dun nagstart. Gumaan loob niya sakin and ganon din naman ako.

That time, may ka MU ako. Mahal ko yun. So shempre nakatatak na na bawal kahit magkacrush sa iba. And may girlfriend din siya so we remained as friends.

Naguusap kami every night. As in nakwento ko buhay ko and so he does. Sobrang gaan ng loob namin sa isa’t isa to the point na siya yung naging fave person ko. As in dumating sa point na sumasaya na lang ako because of him.

Dec 28, 2016. Sinagot ko yung ka MU ko. Official na kami and it’s so funny na hindi naputol connection namin ni kuya (let’s use kuya na lang😂) Kahit nagseselos tong jowa ko. Wala eh. Di ko rin talaga kaya na putulin. Since he’s my friend and everything.

After a month, nagbreak kami ni Erl. And then one time he (kuya) asked me kung sino crush ko. Sinabi ko kung sino. Classmate nya yun. And somehow I felt na nagselos siya. That time, alam ko sa sarili ko na I really do admire and like him. Gusto ko siya and that’s in a romantic way. Di niya dapat malaman yun since may gf siya and baka magkailangan kami so I kept it. I also asked him the same question and sabi niya crush niya ko. I was shocked hahaha kasi alam kong imposible. Tinanong ko kung bakit, sabi niya natatalinuhan siya sakin. So I guess the feeling was not that deep. Kasi ako, naattached ako sa kanya. I like everything about him. From the looks down to the personality. And deep siguro yun.

After so many months, ganon padin kami. Mas lalong lumalim yung feelings ko. As in feeling ko mahal ko siya. I don’t care if he feels the same way or not. Anyway, that’s too impossible.

Nakakatawa kasi nagseselos ako dun sa isa niyang crush na friend ko. And pinagtatalunan namin yun. Funny it is.

Yun, okay kami and all. Until dumating si Red. Classmate ko nung 2nd year ako. Nagconfess siya sakin na gusto niya ko. At sa sobrang open ko kay kuya, nakwento ko yun. Ayokong mag assume pero feeling ko nagselos siya hahahaha. Everytime na mapapagusapan si Red, biglang naiiba yung ihip ng hangin.

Dumating sa point na nagtatanong ako kung bakit ganon and he said “Mas better kay Red. Mabibigay niya yung di ko kayang ibigay. Skies the limit, kay Red na lang” di ko siya nagets. And parang halos ayaw na nya makipag usap sakin kasi pinupush niya ko kay Red basta ganon.

Kami naman ni Red nun, nagchachat din. Natutuwa kasi ako sa kanya. Ganon. Walang feelings.

*to be continued*

But then, ang ate mong madaling magkagusto sa may gusto sa kanya, nafall kay Red. But, it doesn’t make the connection with ‘kuya’ stopped. Nag uusap parin kami since I really do felt something here na I can’t afford to lose him since he’s a good friend naman talaga. Pero malinaw sakin, mahal ko si Red. 

Time passed, some things gone right, some aren’t. Yup, naging complicated yung mga bagay na payapa at malinaw noon. First, kay Red. Di nagtagal. Natapos. Christmas party ng section namin, nagsabi ako kay Red a week ago or two, na iinom kami something. Then when that day came, I don’t know why he acted like I didn’t even told him about that. Sabi niya di daw ako nagsabi na iinom ako. At ako, alam kong nagsabi ako so kung galit siya, di ko na problema yun. At nasundan ng maraming away, na di na nag usap kaya di na naging maayos. Really, he’s acting very weird bago pa yun, sobrang dalang niya ko iChat. To cut it short, tinapos na namin. 

‘Kuya’ was the one whom I talked after what had happened. All my rants and sentiments, siya lahat sumalo pero he’s being tired of listening to those shits so ibang bagay nalang napapag usapan namin. Kaya yung pag iisip ko, napupunta sa mga bagay na walang kinalaman kay Red. About life, dreams, greatest achievements, what if’s, wishes. . mga ganyang bagay. Na sobrang hooked ako. 

A lot of weeks and months have passed, he (kuya) became my daily source of happiness, then became my joy. Nung time na ‘yun, stable ako, wala akong pinoproblema na bago since yung sa fam ay forever heartache ko naman hahah. Pero nung mga moment na yun, okay ako. And he made me happier. Isang bagay lang non yung nilolook forward ko sa isang araw, yun yung makausap siya. 

Little did I know, my heart got an extra beat whenever I saw him at the school, whenever he talks to me, whenever he’s near, everytime he compliments me, pag kinakamusta niya ko, pag nagagalit siya pag may sakit ako at ayaw ko uminom ng gamot. Slowly, hinahanap hanap ng puso ko yung lahat ng bagay na may kinalaman sa kanya. 

There was a time, pauwi ako galing school. Nag iisip ako, Kasi I think I was stupid to have feelings over him. Nakalimutan ko lahat ng bagay na pwedeng maapektuhan. May girlfriend nga pala siya. I wasn’t sure about my feelings, the only thing im sure about is that, I need him, I want to spend more years with him, to achieve dreams with him. I know how stupid it is. As walking on my way home, napaisip ako, pano kung wala siya, pano kung mawala siya. I literally stopped walking and felt my heart skipped its beat and slowly getting tight. Masakit sa puso, ang lungkot, di ko kaya. I have never been sure about my feelings until I realized I can’t imagine living my life without him.