#erma bombeck

[citizenscreen]

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

- Erma Bombeck, #botd in 1927

#erma bombeck

[wardsutton]

Many thanks to the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop for naming me Humor Writer of the month. I'm honored! My mother, who died in 2019, was a big Erma Bombeck fan and had a number of her books, including this one, signed. She would have gotten a real kick out of this news.

#erma bombeck #humor #humor writing #cartoonist #cartoonists

[winterskyfirefly]

Bill Bombeck’s tribute to Erma after she passed:

DEAR READERS: In 1989 Erma began to experience a series of painful medical problems, but she disdained letting her readers know most of the details. She usually brushed aside rumors and inquiries with a joke and a plea that her purpose was to write humor and make people smile. Health reports are not funny. Her greatest fear was to become a “poster child’ and have people feel sorry for her.

Throughout these assaults she remained unbelievably optimistic. Erma always knew that there was a pony in there someplace. Not only did the research and writing of her book, “I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise,’ provide a nation with the heroics of kids surviving cancer, but it also helped give Erma the courage to face her many trials, including her last one.

I have met astronauts, war heroes, firefighters and police officers, but I have never known anyone with more courage than Erma. Courage has been called grace under fire. I would propose we call it Erma under fire.

Erma would not have approved of my words. But for this one time I will do what Erma admonished all who challenged her words, and that was to “go out and get your own column.’

I have searched for a way to show my family’s gratitude to the thousands of fans and friends who have shown so much love and compassion toward her. I’d like to share with you a personal recollection I read at the family services that were held before the funeral.

- BILL BOMBECK

In 1947, three or four couples were outside the Lakeside Ballroom in Dayton, Ohio. We were too early to be admitted for the big-band dance, so we all wandered over to the adjoining amusement park.

Not far from the ballroom was the roller coaster. All of the boys began cajoling their dates to ride with them. The girls giggled and said no. It was too frightening, and it would mess up their hair and dresses.

I looked at my date and asked her if she wanted to go. She didn’t hesitate. She said, “Sure, I’ll go.’ I was surprised and looked at her again. She was slight, narrow-shouldered, with tiny hands and feet. But she had the greatest smile and laugh. Her smile had a charming space between her two front teeth. I thought, this is some kind of girl.

The Lakeside roller coaster was a rickety old leftover from the Depression. The frame was mostly made of unpainted 2-by-4s. No modern inspection by OSHA would have ever approved this for man’s use.

The cars were linked together with what looked like modified train couplers. They were mostly red-painted wood with metal wheels and a coglike device that clicked loudly. The seats had worn black leather padding. There were no belts, but there were worn steel bars that had to be raised and lowered by the attendant.

The attendant was an old man in oil-stained bib overalls. He said little, but raised the bar, and she entered the seat first, and I followed by her side. The bar clicked in place just above our waistlines.

There were two tapered 2-by-4s on the platform, each angled away from the other. He moved the one closest to the car to an upright position. The car moved forward, slowly picking up speed. The metal wheels on the metal track made so much noise you had to yell to your partner to be heard.

The car left the level starting track and began a slow ascent. In about 20 or 30 seconds, when the track became steeper, the cog device engaged the car. You could feel it grab. Then there was a distinct rhythmic clacking sound as the cog device labored to overcome the near perpendicular angle of the track. You felt like it wouldn’t make it, but just when it reached a point that forced the passengers to stare, not at the car ahead or the track, but only at the night sky, it plunged downward, a wild, almost free fall. Maybe whatever controlled the speed was now broken.

She made her first sound since she had said, “Sure, I’ll go.’ She screamed and clenched my arm. I said, “Hang on to the bar.’ She kept hanging on to my arm. Suddenly we were at the bottom, and we both were so relieved that we laughed, and I saw that smile again.

The ride continued, with bone-jarring twists and turns, dizzy heights and abrupt plunges. Sometimes we would enter a dark tunnel, so dark the sparks from the wheels and tracks made it look like it was on fire.

She kept hanging on to my arm. I was gripping the metal bar so tightly I thought I would bend it. This was some ride. We were thrilled and exhilarated, scared and breathless.

We had been in and out of many tunnels. Each time they ended with almost blinding light in our eyes, and then on to another straight-up climb.

We started in a tunnel that seemed to plunge deeper than all the others. It kept dropping. We both sensed this one was really different. Finally, instead of the bright lights, we were back at the platform.

We looked at each other. We didn’t speak, but we sensed the ride had changed. The man in the bib overalls was standing by the tapered 2-by-4s. He started to push one from its angle to a straight-up position. The car stopped. I told him the ride was great, but it was too short; we wanted to go on. He raised the bar. She smiled again. I looked at the attendant again. He said this is April 22, 1996 – your ride is over. I looked over at her seat. She was gone.

#Erma bombeck #I have never seen love and life described so beautifully as this

[johnschneiderblog]

The straight poop

After hauling her family out to the suburbs in the 90s, the late humor columnist/author Erma Bombeck published a book called "The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank", which became a movie starring Carol Burnett and Charles Grodin.

I didn't read the book but I can tell you that the title is false. That was the first of many lessons I learned early in my own life in the bush

Even before we closed the deal, I met the well-and-septic inspector our here one September day in 1999.

"Everything looks good," he said. Then, pointing to a rectangular patch of brown grass, he added, "By the way, Erma Bombeck was full of s ---; the grass should never be greener over the septic tank."

He took the time to explain himself: The earth over the buried septic tank is, of course, much more shallow than elsewhere because the tank has to be accessible. Shallow earth means shallow roots means grass more susceptible to drought.

If the grass over your septic tank is greener , it might mean you have a leaky tank ... and there's only one thing it could be leaking.

#John Schneider #Erma Bombeck #The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank #false statement

[cocosse]

“Children are like kites You spend years trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you are both breathless. They crash … they hit the roof … you patch, comfort and assure them that someday they will fly. Finally, they are airborne. They need more string, and you keep letting it out. They tug, and with each twist of the twine, there is sadness that goes with joy. The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won’t be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you together and will soar as meant to soar … free and alone. Only then do you know that you have done your job.”

Erma Bombeck, Children Are Like Kites, 1977

#erma bombeck #children #kids #alexander calder #kites

[waiting-eyez]

Never go to a doctor whose

office plants have died.

(Erma Bombeck)

#Erma Bombeck

[veryslowreader]

The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank by Erma Bombeck

Detroit Rock City  

#the grass is always greener over the septic tank #erma bombeck #detroit rock city #lin shaye

[underground211]

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

#erma bombeck

[postersbykeith]

#quotes #Erma Bombeck #there is a thin line #laughter and pain #comedy and tragedy #humor and hurt

[ace-pervert]

My view on homemaking is influenced by the writings of the famous homemaker and author Erma Bombeck. And if you think for a second ill let anyone call it easy, or a vacation, youve got another thing coming!

#erma bombeck #homemaking

[citizenscreen]

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

- Erma Bombeck, #botd

#erma bombeck

[inthemarginalized]

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

-Erma Bombeck (February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996)

She was a humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. 

#erma bombeck #laughter #change #author #better

[proverbiumseniorum]

"I have dieted continuously for the last two decades and lost a total of seven hundred and fifty-eight pounds. By all calculations, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."---Erma Bombeck, American humorist, 1927-1996

“I have dieted continuously for the last two decades and lost a total of seven hundred and fifty-eight pounds. By all calculations, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”—Erma Bombeck, American humorist, 1927-1996

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#charm bracelet #Erma Bombeck #weight-loss

[milenamdiego]

TEXTO DE ERMA BOMBECK - Quando Deus Criou as Mães

Quando Deus criou as mães Quando o bom Deus estava criando mães, Ele estava no sexto dia de “hora extra” quando um anjo apareceu e observou:– Você está tendo bastante trabalho com essa criação.Ao que Deus respondeu:– Você leu as especificações deste pedido? Ela tem que ser completamente lavável, mas não pode ser de plástico. Precisa possuir 180 partes móveis, todas substituíveis. Funcionar à…

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#dia das maes #erma bombeck #prosa poética

[thedvwalkingwounded]

SATURDAY SURVIVOR CHRONICLES: Erma Made Me Do It!

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#blogger #dream trip #Erma Bombeck #writer #Writers&039; Conference

[fleetshotter-minstrel]

“Fat Bottomed Fifties Get Fierce” on Facebook

#erma bombeck #housework #humor