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unknown-songs · 4 years

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BLACK LIVES MATTER

A list with black artists who have a song in the Unknown Songs That Should Be Known-playlist (Can be a black artist in a band or just solo-artist) (no specific genre)

Bull’s Eye - Blacknuss, Prince Prime - Funk Aftershow - Joe Fox - Alternative Hip-hop Strangers in the Night - Ben L’Oncle Soul - Soul Explore - Mack Wilds - R&B Something To Do - IGBO - Funk

Down With The Trumpets - Rizzle Kicks - Pop Dans ta ville - Dub Inc. - Reggae Dance or Die - Brooklyn Funk Essentials - Funk FACELESS - The PLAYlist, Glenn Lewis - R&B Tell Me Father - Jeangu Macrooy - Soul

Southern Boy - John The Conquerer - Blues Hard Rock Savannah Grass - Kes - Dancehall Dr. Funk - The Main Squeeze - Funk Seems I’m Never Tired of Loving You - Lizz Wright - Jazz Out of My Hands - TheColorGrey, Oddisee - Hip-Hop/Pop

Raised Up in Arkansas - Michael Burks - Blues Black Times - Sean Kuti, Egypt 80, Carlos Santana - Afrobeat Cornerstone - Benjamin Clementine - Indie Shine On - R.I.O., Madcon - Electronic Pop Bass On The Line - Bernie Worrell - Funk

When We Love - Jhené Aiko - R&B Need Your Love - Curtis Harding - Soul Too Dry to Cry - Willis Earl Beal - Folk Your House - Steel Pulse - Reggae Power - Moon Boots, Black Gatsby - Deep House

Vinyl Is My Bible - Brother Strut - Funk Diamond - Izzy Biu - R&B Elusive - blackwave., David Ngyah - Hip-hop Don’t Ever Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down - Heritage Blues Orchestra - Blues Sastanàqqàm - Tinariwen - Psychedelic Rock

Disco To Go - Brides of Funkenstein - Funk/Soul Circles - Durand Jones & The Indications - Retro Pop Cheesin’ - Cautious Clay, Remi Wolf, sophie meiers - R&B Changes - Charles Bradley - Soul The Sweetest Sin - RAEVE - House

Gyae Su - Pat Thomas, Kwashibu Area Band - Funk What Am I to Do - Ezra Collective, Loyle Carner - Hip-hop Get Your Groove On - Cedric Burnside - Blues Old Enough To Know Better - Steffen Morrisson - Soul Wassiye - Habib Koité - Khassonke musique

Dance Floor - Zapp - Funk Wake Up - Brass Against, Sophia Urista - Brass Hard-Rock BIG LOVE - Black Eyed Peas - Pop The Greatest - Raleigh Ritchie - R&B DYSFUNCTIONAL - KAYTRANADA, VanJess - Soul

See You Leave - RJD2, STS, Khari Mateen - Hip-hop Sing A Simple Song - Maceo Parker - Jazz/Funk Have Mercy - Eryn Allen Kane - Soul Homenage - Brownout - Latin Funk Can’t Sleep - Gary Clark Jr. - Blues Rock

Toast - Koffee - Dancehall Freedom - Ester Dean - R&B Iskaba - Wande Coal, DJ Tunez - Afropop High Road - Anthony Riley - Alternative Christian Sunny Days - Sabrina Starke - Soul

The Talking Fish - Ibibio Sound Machine - Funk Paralyzed - KWAYE - Indie Purple Heart Blvd - Sebastian Kole - Pop WORSHIP - The Knocks, MNEK - Deep House BMO - Ari Lennox - R&B

Promises - Myles Sanko - Soul .img - Brother Theodore - Funk Singing the Blues - Ruthie Foster, Meshell Ndegeocello - Blues Nobody Like You - Amartey, SBMG, The Livingtons - Hip-hop Starship - Afriquoi, Shabaka Hutchings, Moussa Dembele - Deep House

Lay My Troubles Down - Aaron Taylor - Funk Bloodstream - Tokio Myers - Classic Sticky - Ravyn Lenae - R&B Why I Try - Jalen N’Gonda - Soul Motivation - Benjamin Booker - Folk

quand c’est - Stromae - Pop Let Me Down (Shy FX Remix) - Jorja Smith, Stormzy, SHY FX - Reggae Funny - Gerald Levert - R&B Salt in my Wounds - Shemekia Copeland - Blues Our Love - Samm Henshaw - Soul

Make You Feel That Way - Blackalicious - Jazz Hip-hop Knock Me Out - Vintage Trouble - Funk Take the Time - Ronald Bruner, Jr., Thundercat - Alternative Thru The Night - Phonte, Eric Roberson - R&B Keep Marchin’ - Raphael Saadiq - Soul

Shake Me In Your Arms - Taj Mahal, Keb’ Mo’ - Blues Meet Me In The Middle - Jodie Abascus - Pop Raise Hell - Sir the Baptist, ChurchPpl - Gospel Pop Mogoya - Oumou Sangaré - Wassoulou Where’s Yesterday - Slakah The Beatchild - Hip-hop

Lose My Cool - Amber Mark - R&B New Funk - Big Sam’s Funky Nation - Funk I Got Love - Nate Dogg - Hip-hop Nothing’s Real But Love - Rebecca Ferguson - Soul Crazy Race - The RH Factor - Jazz

Spies Are Watching Me - Voilaaa, Sir Jean - Funk The Leaders - Boka de Banjul - Afrobeat Fast Lane - Rationale - House Conundrum - Hak Baker - Folk Don’t Make It Harder On Me - Chloe x Halle - R&B

Plastic Hamburgers - Fantastic Negrito - Hardrock Beyond - Leon Bridges - Pop God Knows - Dornik - Soul Soleil de volt - Baloji - Afrofunk Do You Remember - Darryl Williams, Michael Lington - Jazz Get Back - McClenney - Alternative Three Words - Aaron Marcellus - Soul

Spotify playlist

In memory of:

Aaron Bailey Adam Addie Mae Collins Ahmaud Arbery Aiyana Stanley Jones Akai Gurley Alberta Odell Jones Alexia Christian Alfonso Ferguson Alteria Woods Alton Sterling Amadou Diallo Amos Miller Anarcha Westcott Anton de Kom Anthony Hill Antonio Martin Antronie Scott Antwon Rose Jr. Arthur St. Clair Atatiana Jefferson Aubrey Pollard Aura Rosser Bennie Simons Berry Washington Bert Dennis Bettie Jones Betsey Billy Ray Davis Bobby Russ Botham Jean Brandon Jones Breffu Brendon Glenn Breonna Taylor Bud Johnson Bussa

Calin Roquemore Calvin McDowell Calvin Mike and his family Carl Cooper Carlos Carson Carlotta Lucumi Carol Denise McNair Carol Jenkins Carole Robertson Charles Curry Charles Ferguson Charles Lewis Charles Wright Charly Leundeu Keunang Chime Riley Christian Taylor Christopher Sheels Claude Neal Clementa Pickney Clifford Glover Clifton Walker Clinton Briggs Clinton R. Allen Cordella Stevenson Corey Carter Corey Jones Cynthia Marie Graham Hurd Cynthia Wesley

Daniel L. Simmons Danny Bryant Darius Randell Robinson Darius Tarver Darrien Hunt Darrius Stewart David Felix David Joseph David McAtee David Walker and his family Deandre Brunston Deborah Danner Delano Herman Middleton Demarcus Semer Demetrius DuBose Depayne Middleton-Doctor Dion Johnson Dominique Clayton Dontre Hamilton Dred Scott

Edmund Scott Ejaz Choudry Elbert Williams Eleanor Bumpurs Elias Clayton Elijah McClain Eliza Woods Elizabeth Lawrence Elliot Brooks Ellis Hudson Elmer Jackson Elmore Bolling Emantic Fitzgerald Bradford Jr. Emmett Till Eric Garner Eric Harris Eric Reason Ernest Lacy Ernest Thomas Ervin Jones Eugene Rice Eugene Williams Ethel Lee Lance Ezell Ford

Felix Kumi Frank Livingston Frank Morris Frank Smart Frazier B. Baker Fred Hampton Fred Rochelle Fred Temple Freddie Carlos Gray Jr.

George Floyd George Grant George Junius Stinney Jr. George Meadows George Waddell George Washington Lee Gregory Gunn

Harriette Vyda Simms Moore Harry Tyson Moore Hazel “Hayes” Turner Henry Ezekial Smith Henry Lowery Henry Ruffin Henry Scott Hosea W. Allen

India Kager Isaac McGhie Isadore Banks Italia Marie Kelly

Jack Turner Jamar Clark Jamel Floyd James Byrd Jr. James Craig Anderson James Earl Chaney James Powell James Ramseur James Tolliver James T. Scott Janet Wilson Jason Harrison Javier Ambler J.C. Farmer Jemel Roberson Jerame Reid Jesse Thornton Jessie Jefferson Jim Eastman Joe Nathan Roberts John Cecil Jones John Crawford III John J. Gilbert John Ruffin John Taylor Johnny Robinson Jonathan Ferrell Jonathan Sanders Jordan Edwards Joseph Mann Julia Baker Julius Jones July Perry Junior Prosper

Kalief Browder Karvas Gamble Jr. Keith Childress, Jr. Kelly Gist Kelso Benjamin Cochrane Kendrick Johnson Kenneth Chamberlain Sr. Kenny Long Kevin Hicks Kevin Matthews Kiwane Albert Carrington

Lacy Mitchell Lamar Smith Laquan McDonald Laura Nelson Laura Wood L.B. Reed L.D. Nelson Lemuel Penn Lemuel Walters Leonard Deadwyler Leroy Foley Levi Harrington Lila Bella Carter Lloyd Clay Louis Allen Lucy

M.A. Santa Cruz Maceo Snipes Malcom X Malice Green Malissa Williams Manuel Ellis Marcus Deon Smith Marcus Foster Marielle Franco Mark Clark Maria Martin Lee Anderson Martin Luther King Jr. Matthew Avery Mary Dennis Mary Turner Matthew Ajibade May Noyes Mckenzie Adams Medgar Wiley Evers Michael Brown Michael Donald Michael Griffith Michael Lee Marshall Michael Lorenzo Dean Michael Noel Michael Sabbie Michael Stewart Michelle Cusseaux Miles Hall Moses Green Mya Hall Myra Thompson

Nathaniel Harris Pickett Jr. Natasha McKenna Nicey Brown Nicholas Heyward Jr.

O’Day Short family Orion Anderson Oscar Grant III Otis Newsom

Pamela Turner Paterson Brown Jr. Patrick Dorismond Philando Castile Phillip Pannell Phillip White Phinizee Summerour

Quaco

Ramarley Graham Randy Nelson Raymond Couser Raymond Gunn Regis Korchinski-Paquet Rekia Boyd Renisha McBride Riah Milton Robert Hicks Robert Mallard Robert Truett Rodney King Roe Nathan Roberts Roger Malcolm and his wife Roger Owensby Jr. Ronell Foster Roy Cyril Brooks Rumain Brisbon Ryan Matthew Smith

Sam Carter Sam McFadden Samuel DuBose Samuel Ephesians Hammond Jr. Samuel Hammond Jr. Samuel Leamon Younge Jr. Sandra Bland Sean Bell Shali Tilson Sharonda Coleman-Singleton Shukri Abdi Simon Schuman Slab Pitts Stella Young Stephon Clark Susie Jackson

T.A. Allen Tamir Rice Tamla Horsford Tanisha Anderson Timothy Caughman Timothy Hood Timothy Russell Timothy Stansbury Jr. Timothy Thomas Terrence Crutcher Terrill Thomas Tom Jones Tom Moss Tony McDade Tony Terrell Robinson Jr. Trayvon Martin Troy Hodge Troy Robinson Tula Tyler Gerth Tyre King Tywanza Sanders

Victor Duffy Jr. Victor White III

Walter Lamar Scott Wayne Arnold Jones Wesley Thomas Wilbert Cohen Wilbur Bundley Will Brown Will Head Will Stanley Will Stewart Will Thompson Willie James Howard Willie Johnson Willie McCoy Willie Palmer Willie Turks William Brooks William Butler William Daniels William Fambro William Green William L. Chapman II William Miller William Pittman Wyatt Outlaw

Yusef Kirriem Hawkins

The victims of LaLaurie (1830s) The black victims of the Opelousas massacre (1868) The black victims of the Thibodaux massacre (1887) The black victims of the Wilmington insurrection (1898) The black victims of the Johnson-Jeffries riots (1910) The black victims of the Red summer (1919) The black victims of the Elaine massacre (1919) The black victims of the Ocoee massacre (1920) The victims of the MOVE bombing (1985)

All the people who died during the Atlantic slave trade, be it due to abuse or disease.

All the unnamed victims of mass-incarceration, who were put into jail without the committing of a crime and died while in jail or died after due to mental illness.

All the unnamed victims of racial violence and discrimination.

...

My apologies for all the people missing on this list. Feel free to add more names and stories.

Listen, learn and read about discrimination, racism and black history: (feel free to add more) Documentaries: 13th (Netflix) The Innocence Files (Netflix) Who Killed Malcolm X? (Netflix) Time: The Kalief Browder Story (Netflix) I Am Not Your Negro

YouTube videos: We Cannot Stay Silent about George Floyd Waarom ook Nederlanders de straat op gaan tegen racisme (Dutch) Wit is ook een kleur (Dutch) (documentaire)

Books: Biased by Jennifer Eberhardt Don’t Touch My Hair by Emma Dabiri Freedom Is A Constant Struggle by Angela Davis How To Be An Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo They Can’t Kill Us All by Wesley Lowery White Fragility by Robin Deangelo Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge Woman, Race and Class by Angela Davis

Websites: https://lynchinginamerica.eji.org/report/ https://museumandmemorial.eji.org/ https://archive.org/details/thirtyyearsoflyn00nati/page/n11/mode/2up https://lab.nos.nl/projects/slavernij/index-english.html https://blacklivesmatter.com/ https://www.zinnedproject.org/

#black lives matter #blm #racism #george floyd #breonna taylor #mlk #black history

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 4 years

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Do You See Her Face? Masterlist

Summary: Missing a piece of herself she knows will never be replaced, Ella Stevens can only hope to make it through her last two years of high school and earn some extra money waitressing at Luke’s Diner. When Jess Mariano, Luke’s New Yorker nephew and the new teen menace of Stars Hollow, arrives in town, it quickly becomes clear he has no plans to make her life any easier. But as time goes on, neither of them prove to be quite as they first appeared.

*COMPLETED*

Moodboards

Eleanor Stevens Moodboard

Jess Mariano Moodboard

Eleanor x Jess Moodboard

Chapters

She’s Very Clockwork Orange (Pt.1)

A Regular Keats and a Regular Mozart (Pt.2)

In the Company of Anne Sexton (Pt.3)

Hester’s My New Hero (Pt.4)

An Alice Man (Pt.5)

King’s a Hack (Pt.6)

Ginsberg, Again (Pt.7)

Bowie Didn’t! (Pt.8)

EAT ME (Pt.9)

Catherine, Heathcliff, and Shangri-la (Pt.10)

Much Beloved Dickinson (Pt.11)

Wait to Find the Silver Lining (Pt.12)

Eardrum Torture (Pt.13)

As in Debbie Harry (Pt.14)

Going Carole King (Pt.15)

Can I Look, Miss O'Keefe? (Pt.16)

Out of Nora Ephron (Pt.17)

KISS v. Phantom (Pt.18)

Pretty Gertrude Stein (Pt.19)

Oliver Twist and Little Orphan Annie (Pt.20)

California’s Living Dead (Pt.21)

Everything Joan Didion Promised (Pt.22)

The Steinbeck Agreement (Pt.23)

Tragedy of Gatsby (Pt.24)

James Dean and Daria (Pt.25)

Lily Briscoe, Remember? (Pt.26)

How Kurt Cobain (Pt.27)

A Thousand Beach Boys Songs (Pt.28)

Andy Warhol Arguments (Pt.29)

Grinches at Home (Pt.30)

Holden Caulfield or Nancy Drew (Pt.31)

Of Princess Bride Past (Pt.32)

The Infamous Jethro Tull Incident (Pt.33)

A Patti Smith Envelope (Pt.34)

Really, Marcia? (Pt.35)

An Orwellian Nightmare (Pt.36)

A Dash of Morticia (Pt.37)

What about Byron? (Pt.38)

Not Joyce or Monet (Pt.39)

This Ernest Hemingway Thing (Pt.40)

A Truman Show Star (Pt.41)

All Norman Bates (Pt. 42)

Nora Roberts Shit Like That (Pt. 43)

If James Bond Was Bruce Springsteen (Pt. 44)

#jess mariano #jessxoc #jess mariano x original character #gilmore girls #gilmore girls fanfiction #jess mariano fanfiction #gilmore girls au #gilmore girls oc fanfiction #jess fic

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greatworldwar2 · 4 years

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• Bat Bombs

Bat bombs were an experimental World War II weapon developed by the United States. The bomb consisted of a bomb-shaped casing with over a thousand compartments, each containing a hibernating Mexican free-tailed bat with a small, timed incendiary bomb attached.

The bat bomb was thought up by a dental surgeon from Irwin, Pennsylvania named Lytle S. Adams, an acquaintance of First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. The inspiration for Adams' suggestion was a trip he took to Carlsbad Caverns National Park, which is home to many bats. Adams wrote about his idea of incendiary bats in a letter to the White House in January 1942, little more than a month after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Adams was intrigued by the strength of bats and knew that they roosted before dawn. He also knew that most of the buildings in Tokyo were constructed of wood instead of concrete. He believed that if time-release incendiaries could be attached to bats, some kind of container holding them could be dropped over the city after dark and the bats would simply roost and burn Tokyo to the ground. The plan was subsequently approved by President Roosevelt. In his letter, Adams stated that the bat was the "lowest form of animal life", and that, until now, "reasons for its creation have remained unexplained". Of Adams, Roosevelt remarked, "This man is not a nut. It sounds like a perfectly wild idea but is worth looking into."

After Roosevelt gave the project his approval, it was relegated to the authority of the United States Army Air Force. Adams assembled the workers for the project, including the mammalogist Jack von Bloeker, actor Tim Holt, and a former gangster, among others. Von Bloeker and his assistant Jack Couffer, self-described "bat lovers", noted that it did not occur to them to question the "morality or the ecological consequences of sacrificing a few million bats". For the duration of the project, many members enlisted in the Air Force, where Adams quickly promoted them to "acting" non-commissioned officers. The team had to determine several variables to make the project feasible, including what kind of incendiaries could be attached to the bats, as well as the temperatures at which to store and transport them. They also had to decide what species of bat to use for the bombs. After testing several species, the Mexican free-tailed bat was selected. Adams had to ask for permission from the National Park Service to harvest large numbers of Mexican free-tailed bats from caves on government property. While the original plan was to arm the bats with white phosphorus, American chemist Louis Fieser joined the team and white phosphorus was replaced with Fieser's own invention, napalm.

Tests were used to determine how much napalm an individual bat could carry, determining that a 14 g (0.5 oz) bat could carry a payload of 15–18 g (0.53–0.63 oz). The napalm was stored in small cellulose containers dubbed "H-2 units". After trying several attachment methods, they decided to attach the H-2 unit to the bats using an adhesive, gluing them to the front of the bats. The bomb carrier was a sheet metal tube approximately 1.5 m (5 ft) in length. The inside of the tube was fitted with twenty-six circular trays, each of which was 76 cm (30 in) in diameter. In total, each bomb carrier could hold 1,040 bats. It was planned that the carrier would be deployed from an airplane, descending to an altitude of 1,200 m (4,000 ft) before deploying parachutes. The sides of the bomb carrier would then fall away, allowing the bats to disperse.

A series of tests to answer various operational questions were conducted. In one incident, the Carlsbad Army Airfield Auxiliary Air Base near Carlsbad, New Mexico, was set on fire on May 15th, 1943, when armed bats were accidentally released The bats roosted under a fuel tank and incinerated the test range. Following this setback, the project was relegated to the Navy in August 1943, who renamed it Project X-Ray, and then passed it to the Marine Corps that December. The Marine Corps moved operations to the Marine Corps Air Station at El Centro, California. After several experiments and operational adjustments, the definitive test was carried out on the "Japanese Village", a mockup of a Japanese city built by the Chemical Warfare Service at their Dugway Proving Grounds test site in Utah. Observers at this test produced optimistic accounts. The chief of incendiary testing at Dugway wrote, "A reasonable number of destructive fires can be started in spite of the extremely small size of the units. The main advantage of the units would seem to be their placement within the enemy structures without the knowledge of the householder or fire watchers, thus allowing the fire to establish itself before being discovered".

More tests were scheduled for mid-1944 but the program was cancelled by Fleet Admiral Ernest J. King when he heard that it would likely not be combat ready until mid-1945. By that time, it was estimated that $2 million (equivalent to $19 million today) had been spent on the project. It is thought that development of the bat bomb was moving too slowly, and was overtaken in the race for a quick end to the war by the atomic bomb project. Adams maintained that the bat bombs would have been effective without the devastating effects of the atomic bomb: "Think of thousands of fires breaking out simultaneously over a circle of forty miles [64 km] in diameter for every bomb dropped. Japan could have been devastated, yet with small loss of life." The infamous "Invasion by Bats" project was afterwards referred to by Stanley P. Lovell, director of research and development for Office of Strategic Services (OSS), whom General Donovan ordered to review the idea, as "Die Fledermaus Farce".

#world war 2 #second world war #military history #world war ii #history #american history #wwii #weird weapons #military technology #halloween #bats #japanese history #ww2

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introvertguide · 3 years

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Do The Right Thing (1989), AFI #96

Our next film on the list that we reviewed was a more recent drama/comedy called Do The Right Thing (1989), directed by Spike Lee. Well, on a list with movies over 100 years old, a little over 30 is pretty new. It is the story of a single day in 80s Brooklyn and the drama that comes from frayed nerves under the boiling summer heat. The movie received a couple of Oscar nominations and Spike Lee received recognition for his directing and screenwriting. Danny Aiello also was recognized on the awards circuit for best supporting actor. There are some extraordinary aspects to this film that makes it stand out, but I also feel that it is lacking in many ways. The good strongly outweighs the bad, but I will discuss that more after the movie summary:

SPOILER WARNING!!! IT IS LESS SPOILERY THAN NORMAL DUE TO ALL THE CHARACTERS, BUT THE MAJOR POINTS ARE STILL GIVEN AWAY!!! WATCH FIRST AND COME BACK FOR THE ARTICLE TO GET THE BEST EXPERIENCE!!!

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Mookie (Spike Lee) is a 25-year-old pizza delivery man living in Bedford–Stuyvesant, with his sister Jade. He and his girlfriend Tina (Rosie Perez) have a toddler son named Hector. Mookie works at a local pizzeria owned by Sal (Danny Aiello), an Italian-American who has been in the neighborhood for 25 years. Sal's eldest son Pino (Jon Turturro) is racist, and does not get along with Mookie. Because of this, Pino is at odds with both his father, who refuses to leave the majority African-American neighborhood, and his younger brother Vito (Richard Edson), who is friendly with Mookie.

Many distinctive residents are introduced, including Da Mayor (Ossie Davis), a friendly drunk; Mother Sister (Ruby Dee), who watches the neighborhood from her brownstone; Radio Raheem (Bill Nunn), who blasts Public Enemy on his boombox wherever he goes; and Smiley (Roger Smith), a mentally disabled man who meanders around the neighborhood trying to sell hand-colored pictures of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr.

While at Sal's, Mookie's friend Buggin' Out (Giancarlo Esposito) questions Sal about his "Wall of Fame", a wall decorated with photos of famous Italian-Americans. Buggin' Out demands that Sal put up pictures of black celebrities since Sal's pizzeria is in a black neighborhood. Sal replies that it is his business, and that he can have whoever he wants on the wall. Buggin' Out attempts to start a boycott over the Wall of Fame.

During the day, local teenagers open a fire hydrant and douse the other neighbors to beat the heat wave before officers intervene. After a phone call, Mookie and Pino begin arguing over race. Mookie confronts Pino about his negative attitudes towards African Americans, although the latter's favorite celebrities are black. Various characters express racial insults: Mookie against Italians, Pino against African Americans, Latino Stevie against Koreans, white officer Gary Long against Puerto Ricans, and Korean owner Sonny against Jews. Pino expresses his contempt for African Americans to Sal, but Sal insists that he will not leave the neighborhood.

That night, Buggin' Out, Radio Raheem, and Smiley march into Sal's and demand that Sal change the Wall of Fame. Raheem's boombox is blaring and Sal demands that he turn it off, but he refuses. Buggin' Out calls Sal and sons "Guinea bastards" and threatens to close down the pizzeria until they change the Wall of Fame. Frustrated and angry, Sal calls Buggin' Out a "n****r" and destroys Raheem's boombox with a bat. Raheem attacks Sal, leading to a fight that spills out into the Street and attracts a crowd. While Raheem is choking Sal, the police arrive. They break up the fight, and apprehend Raheem and Buggin' Out. Despite the pleas of onlookers, one officer refuses to release his chokehold on Raheem, killing him. Realizing that Raheem has been killed in front of witnesses, the officers place his body in the back of a police car and drive off.

The onlookers, devastated and enraged about Radio Raheem's death, blame Sal and his sons. Da Mayor tries to convince the crowd that Sal was not responsible for his death but the crowd remain where they are. Mookie grabs a trash can and throws it through the window of Sal's pizzeria, sparking the crowd to rush into the pizzeria and destroy it. Smiley sets the building on fire, and Da Mayor pulls Sal, Pino, and Vito out of the mob's way. The police return to the sight, along with firemen and riot patrols arrive to put out the fire and disperse the crowd. After they issue a warning, the firefighters turn their hoses on the rioters, leading to more fighting and arrests. Mookie and Jade sit on the curb, watching in disbelief. Smiley wanders back into the smoldering building and hangs one of his pictures on what is left of Sal's Wall of Fame.

The next day, after an argument with Tina, Mookie returns to Sal. He feels that Mookie had betrayed him, but Mookie demands his weekly pay. The two men argue and cautiously reconcile, and Sal finally pays Mookie.

The film ends with two quotations that express different views about violence, one by Martin Luther King and one by Malcolm X. It fades to a photograph of the two leaders shaking hands. Prior to the credits, Lee dedicates the film to the families of six victims of brutality or racial violence: Eleanor Bumpurs, Michael Griffith, Arthur Miller Jr., Edmund Perry, Yvonne Smallwood, and Michael Stewart.

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I want to break this into the good and the bad (at least in my humble opinion). I want to start with the great cinematography and the director of photography Ernest Dickerson. He really brought the city to life and made the overheated neighborhood into a character. He used reds and oranges and avoided greens and blues. All of the clothes were sweaty and stained. There were also some beautiful walking shots that followed Mookie as he moved through the neighborhood. Some of the best camera work was the close-ups of Radio Raheem because the shot would tilt to a Dutch angle every time he got mad. It gave the feeling like things were going askew.

Because it was shot on location in Brooklyn, one could use Google maps and see the actual neighborhood. It was mapped out so well, however, that I didn’t need the map and could draw out the locations of the homes and businesses from a single watch. Dickerson did a phenomenal job of setting the stage for Spike Lee’s story and has done great work on many of Lee’s other films including She’s Gotta’ Have It (1986), School Daze (1988), Do The Right Thing (1989), Mo’ Better Blues (1990), Jungle Fever (1991), and Malcolm X (1992). Great team and a great bunch of movies. Dickerson has since moved to directing and well worth following.

I thought the short comic stories that came together were pretty great. Somebody accidently stepped on Buggin’ Out’s shoes and scuffed them. He threatened the guy who did it and got a whole group of people to help and try to coerce money out of the offender. It eventually turned out that he was all talk. But the shoes kept popping up over and over. The three men sitting and complaining while not actually doing anything was pretty funny. The hatred that Sister/Mother had for Da Mayor was pretty good as well. There were a couple pretty good laughs.

I love the character of Radio Raheem played by Bill Nunn and how he represented the underlying anger of the neighborhood. He just walked around trying to do his thing and listened to his super loud music. The black residents recognized him and knew he had become part of the landscape while other residents tried to get him to be quiet and suppress him. When he was killed, the anger that he represented was released and the group went into a frenzy of destruction. Raheem’s interaction with each of the other characters truly defined how director Spiker Lee wanted the audience to see that person. The movie really shines with any scenes involving Radio Raheem.

As far as the acting is concerned, I really liked the work of Danny Aiello, John Turturro, and Richard Edson. I don’t want to be accused of anything because I liked the work of the three main white actors, however I feel that the three characters trying to fit into a place where many felt they did not belong was the most intriguing. Sal seemed like such a good guy, but he still had some underlying hatred and fear of black community and it became apparent when he was faced with Radio Raheem, the representation of the suppressed black anger of the neighborhood.

The six people to whom the movie was dedicated were all black Americans in the New York area who had died in suspicious and racially charged violence. I normally don’t recommend this site, but Wikipedia provides links to learn more about all of the people mentioned. It seems that a lot of Spike Lee’s characters were based on the different people mentioned. I had never realized how closely tied this film was to the history of violence in 80s New York, and it does make me like the film a lot more.

Now for a couple of things that I really did not enjoy. The main character Mookie was not that interesting beyond just being a vehicle that walks through the day. When it got to the point where he couldn’t take any more and he smashed the window (whether it was to protect Sal by directing the anger towards the store instead of Sal and his sons is up to interpretation) seemed so out of character. Like everyone stopped and stared as he did something that his character had no motivation to do. This could just be a personal critique because I found Spike Lee’s acting so unconvincing (the guy can’t emote, he is a director not an actor) and I think giving his boring character control of the turning point at the climax of the movie was a little bit of director ego.

I also didn’t like the random white guys that were with the cops that killed Radio Raheem. Where did they come from and where did they go? The cops show up to break up the fight between Sal and Raheem and suddenly there are some plain clothed white guys that I didn’t remember being in the rest of the movie. It seemed like they came from the surrounding streets and there was one guy in particular who was in a blank tank top that helped subdue Radio Raheem that just disappeared. Wouldn’t the police want to take him into custody as well or at least not leave him on the street with a large angry mob? The sudden appearance of all these extras for the one scene has always thrown me. It feels like they took stock footage from a different movie and plugged it in, or maybe it was shot long before or after the rest of the scenes in the film.

I did not like Rosie Perez’s character of Tina. Perez had been a professional dancer and this was her big break. I really didn’t think the opening with her dancing was noteworthy in any way, her famous ice cube scene was completely unnecessary, and the ending with her complaining was horrific. Honestly, the ice cube scene shows Spike Lee rubbing a piece of ice on Rosie Perez’s naked body and it felt pervy and inappropriate. I do not correlate all nudity in a movie with automatically meaning it is not for kids (depends on the movie and depends on the kid), but this was just dumb. This was a point of contention with the group that watched with me, some saying she was the best part of the film. I could not disagree more and I rated it 3/5 on Netflix noting that it would be 4/5 if Perez had not been in it. She really rubbed me the wrong way in the film. I liked her in White Men Can’t Jump playing a similar character, but in this movie she was not needed.

In fact, there seemed like there were many extra things that didn’t need to be there. There is about 2 minutes in which five characters make racist rants about other ethnic groups with the camera right in their face. This seems like art for art’s sake and not really needed. The character of Smiley seemed very out of place and it turns out that he was not in the original screenplay but written in so that the actor could have a part. The DJ just said the same things over and over with no real insight. He was played by Samuel L. Jackson, which is cool, but he also didn’t need to be there. I guess my biggest gripe is that Spike Lee had a great film idea with strong characters and then decided he needed to keep layering in more characters and subplots until it was superfluous. But again, just an opinion.

I saw that Siskel & Ebert both rated the movie as one of the top 10 of the 80s. Both of them had opinions about whether or not Mookie did the right thing, which is not a question that Spike Lee intended to ask (as he stated in many interviews). I think it was (and is) refreshing to have a strong black voice in the director’s chair and this might have affected their rating. Maybe, since I was 9 when this film came out, I am not affected enough by how new and innovative this film must have seemed when it came out. I started to become aware of the world shortly after this movie was released and I was inundated with Spike Lee in films and advertisements. His work didn’t seem so fresh when I also saw him in commercials for Nike and McDonald’s. I shouldn’t allow that to take away from the importance of his voice as part of the history of American cinema. He is the only black director of any movie on the AFI top 100 films and only one of two directors of color (M. Night being the other).

So does this film belong on the AFI top 100? Yes. It is a good story of American life in an area that was often ignored. The streets of Brooklyn are just as American as the farms in Iowa, the plains of Cheyenne, or the suburbs of California. It is great to have those stories told by a man who grew up there and knew the different life styles and the different problems. It is an important movie and I am glad it was included. Would I recommend it? Yeah, it is pretty good. I would say focus on the interactions between Raheem and the other characters and it makes for a great story. Definitely worth checking out.

#spike lee #80s films #do the right thing #brooklyn #black voices #introvert #introverts #afi films #american movies

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jackredfieldwasmyjacob · 4 years

Text

NAMES IN THE LANGUAGES OF SPAIN

I thought this would be cool, I'll make below a list comparing how names are spelled and change depending on the language so, whenever you see a Spanish name, you can kinda see where they are from! This is not 100% truthful as, for example, a lot of non-basque people tend to put Basque names to their daughters cause they are really pretty, but normally the names stay in their language area.

Before starting, the order will be:

English - Castilian - Catalan - Galician - Basque

(if a name doesn't exist in a language i'll write "x")

Let's go:

Adam - Adán - X - Adán - Adame

Adrian - Adrián - Adrià - Hadrián - X

X - Ainara - X - X - Enara / Ainara

Alexander - Alejandro - Alexandre - Alexandre - Alesander / Alexander

Alexandra - Alejandra - Alexandra - Alexandra - X

Alex - Alejo - Aleix - Aleixo - X

Alfred - Alfredo - Alfred - X - X

X - Álvaro - Àlvar - X - X

Anne - Ana - Anna / Aina - Ana - Anne

Andrew - Andrés - Andreu - André - Ander

Angel - Ángel - Àngel - Anxos / Anxo - Aingeru

Angela - Ángela - Àngela - Anxela - X

Antonia - Antonia - Antonia - Antía / Antoñina - X

Anthony - Antonio - Antoni - Antoiño - Andoni

X - Anunciación - X - Anuncia - X

Arnold - Arnaldo - Arnau - X - Arnaut

Arthur - Arturo - Artur - Artur - X

X - Ascensión - X - X - Igone

X - Asunción - Assumpció - Asunta - Dei / Jasone

Austin - Agustín - Agustí - X - Agosti

Aurora - Aurora - X - X - Goizargi / Ostargi

Bartholomew - Bartolomé - Bartolomeu / Bartomeu - Bartolomeu - Bardol

Basil - Basilio - X - X - Baraxil / Bazil

X - X - Begònia - X - Begoña

Benedict - Benito - X - Bieto / Bento / Bieito / Benedito - X

Benjamin - Benjamín - X - Benxamín X

Bernard - Bernardo - Bernat - X - Beñat

Beatrice - Beatriz - Beatriu - X - X

Blaise - Blas - Blai - Brais - Baladi / Bladi

Blanche - Blanca - Blanca - Branca - X

Bridget - Brígida - X - Bríxida - X

X - Carmen - Carme - Carme / Carmela - Karmele

Catherine - Catalina - Caterina - Catarina - Katalina / Kattarin / Katisa

X - Cayetano - X - Caetano / Caio - X

Charles - Carlos - Carles - Carlos - Xarles / Karlos

Christina - Cristina - X - X - Kistiñe

Christopher - Cristóbal - X - Cristovo - X

Claudia - Claudia - Clàudia - Clodia - X

X - Constantino - Constantí - X - X

Cyprian - Cipriano - X - Cibrán - X

Daniel - Daniel - Daniel - Daniel - Danel

Delores - Dolores - Dolors - Dores - Dolore

X - Diego - Dìdac - Thiago - Diegotxe / Xanti

Dominic - Domingo - X - X - Domeka / Domiku / Dominix / Txomin

X - Donato - Donat - X - X

Edward - Eduardo - Eduard - X - Edorta

X - Efraín - X - Efrén - X

Eleanor - Leonor - Eleonor - X - X

Elisabeth - Isabel - Elisabet - Sabela - Elisabete / Elixabete

X - Eloy - Eloi - Eloi / Elixio - X

Emil - Emilio - Emili - X - X

Emmanuel - Manuel - Manel - Manuel - Imanol / Mañel

Erika - Érica - X - X - Erika

Ernest - Ernesto - Ernest - X - X

X - Estanislao - X - Estanislau - X

Eugenia - Eugenia - X - Uxía - Eukene

X - Eulalia - Eulàlia / Laia - Olalla - Eulari

Faith - Fe - X - Fe - Fede

Felicity - Felicidad - X - Felicidade / Felicitas - X

Felix - Félix - Feliu - Fiz - Peli / Zorion

Ferdinand - Fernando - Ferran - Fernán - X

Francine - Francisca - Francesca - Francisca - Frantsesa / Frantxa

Francis - Francisco / Paco - Francesc / Cesc - X - Frantzisko / Patxi

Frederick - Federico - Frederic - Frederico - X

Gabriel - Gabriel - Biel - X - X

George - Jorge - Jordi - Xorxe - X

Gerard - Gerardo - Gerard - Xerard - X

Gloria - Gloria - Gloria - X - Aintza

X - Gonzalo - Gonçal - X - X

Grace - Gracia - X - Graciela - Gartzene

Gregory - Gregorio - Gregori - Gregorio - X

Hector - Héctor - Hèctor - X - X

Helen - Elena - Helena - Helena - Heleni

Henry - Enrique - Enric - Henrique - Endika

Hugh - Hugo - Hug - Hugo - X

X - Ignacio - Ignasi - Ignacio - Iñaki

X - Inmaculada - Immaculada - Inmaculada - Garbiñe

Irene - Irene - X - Iria - X

Isidore - Isidro - Isidre - X - X

Jacob - Jaime / Jacobo / Yago - Jaume - Iago / Xacobo / Xaime - Jakes

Joanna - Juana - Joana - Xoana - Jone / Joana

X - Joaquín - Joaquim / Quim - Xoaquín - X

John - Juan - Joan - Xoán - Ion

Joseph - José - Josep - Xosé - X

Josephine - Josefa - Josepa - Xosefa - Josebe / Joxepa

Julia - Julia - J��lia - Xulia - X

Julian - Julián - Julià - Xián / Xiao / Xillao - X

Julianne - Juliana - X - Xiana - X

Laura - Laura - Llura - Laura - X

Lawrence - Lorenzo - Llorenç - X - Laurendi / Laurentzi

Lewis - Luis - Lluís - Lois - Koldo / Koldobika / Luix

Lucas - Lucas - Lluc - X - X

Lucy - Lucía - Llúcia - Lucía - X

Luna - Luna - X - Lúa - Hilargi

X - Luz - Llum - X - Argi

X - Manuela - Emma - Emma / Enma / Nela - X

Marcus - Marcos - Marc - Marcos - Marko / Marz

Martin - Martín - Martí - X - Mattin / Matxin

Mary - María / Mireya - Maria / Mariona / Mireia - María / Maruxa / Mara - Maria / Miren / Maia

Matthew - Mateo / Matías - Mateu - Macías / Mateus - Matia / Matei

Maurice - Mauricio - Maurici - X - X

Mercy - Mercedes - Mercè - Merces - Eskarne

Michael - Miguel - Miquel - Miguel - Mikel / Mitxel

X - Milagros - X - X - Alatz

X - Modesto - X - X - Apal

Nicholas - Nicolás - Nicolau - Nicolau - Mikolas

X - Nieves - Neus - Neves - Edurne

Noelle - Noelia - X - Noela - Gabone

Pascal - Pascual - X - X - Bazkoare

Paul - Pablo - Pau / Pol - Paulo - Paul / Paulo

X - Paz - X - X - Gentzane

Peter - Pedro - Pere - X - Peru / Petri / Peio / Betiri

Philip - Felipe - Felip - X - X

Piety - Piedad - X - X - Errukine

Priscilla - Priscila - X - Prisca - X

X - Purificación - X - X - Garbikunde

Raymond - Raimundo / Ramón - Ramon / Raimon - Reimunde / Raimón - Erramun

Ramona - Ramona - X - X - Erramona / Erramune

Regina - Regina - Rexina - X - Erregina

X - Remedios - Remei - X - X

Rene - Renato - X - X - Birjaio

Richard - Ricardo - Ricard - Ricardo - X

Rita - Rita - X - X - Errita

Robert - Roberto - Robert - Roberto - X

Rocky - Roque - Roc - Roque - X

X - Rocío - X - X - Intza

Roderick - Rodrigo - Roderic - Roi / Rodrigo / Rui - Ruisko

X - Rosario - Roser - X - Errosali

Rose - Rosa - Rosa - Rosalía - X

Ruth - Ruth - Ruth - Rut - X

X - Salud - Salut / Salu - X - Osasun

X - Sancho - Sanç - X - Santxo

X - Santos - X - X - Deunoro / Sanduru

Sebastian - Sebastián - Sebastià - X - X

X - Sergio - Sergi - Serxio - X

Silvia - Silvia - Sílvia - Silvia - X

X - Sol - X - X - Eguzkine / Ekhiñe

X - Soledad - X - Soidade - Bakar

Stella - Estrella / Estela - Estel - Estrela / Estela - Izaro / Izar

Stephanie - Estefanía - X - X - Estebeni

Steven - Esteban - Esteve - Estevo - Estebe / Eztebe

Theresa - Teresa - X - Tareixa - X

Thomas - Tomás - Tomàs - Tomé - X

X - Trinidad - X - Trinidade - Irune

Valentine - Valentín - Valentí - Valente - Balendi

X - Valerio - Valeri - Valerio - Baleren

Verity - Verdad - X - X - Egia

Victor - Víctor - Víctor - Vítor - Bittor

Vincent - Vicente - Vicenç / Vicent - Vicente / Vicenzo - Bikendi / Bingent

William - Guillermo - Guillem - Guillerme - X

Xavier - Javier - Xavier - Xabier - Xabier

Yolanda - Yolanda - Iolanda - Iolanda - X

#typicalspanish #spanishnames #spanish names #galician names #basque names #catalan names

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dabatcavebyhonie · 4 years

Text

Representation In Media

From things that have happened and from things as they exist and from all things that you know and all those you cannot know, you make something through your invention that is not a representation but a whole new thing truer than anything true and alive, and you make it alive, and if you make it well enough, you give it immortality. -Ernest Hemingway

When growing up I barely found many role models who talked like me, looked like me, or acted like me. I didn't see through representation until 6th grade. Granted that's better than many women, but they didn't come from your regular characters. The characters that had the most impact on me were cartoons. Cartoons like Fillmore, Total Drama, sixteen, and other numerous shows that turned me into the person I currently am: A headstrong goth, geeky, black, female. The showed representation of the role-models I wanted to become and who I am. I also started to understand how these groups in the media are portrayed.

BEING A BLACK FEMALE

One of the most interesting things I have observed (In my short period of life) is the change of how black women are shown in media. I remember learning in elementary school that my Afro or my braids were seen as messy or not seen as beautiful and so for a while I would resolve to straighten my hair. Then, in 7th grade, the way my natural hair was seen, changed. People started to see my coils and braids as desirable. My conclusion at this age was that famous celebrities started to wear their hair with pride. And how non-black or people not of color would wear it as a trend. Controversial but, that's what I saw as a young girl of color. I was confused because I was used to not seeing my hair in the media or girls with curvy builds. I wonder during that time period what did others see? I started to see shows with black supporting characters wearing curls. So what happened? When did my hair in mass media become a trend? This question and more became frequent in my middle school years. Of course, it wasn't like I never saw people who looked like me in media. I saw Beyonce, Tiffany Haddish, Nikki Minaj, and even Michelle Obama; but even though I saw them in real life how I saw them in movies, and social media I saw arguments from both sides. For example, In 5th grade, I had a project I had two people I wanted to be Mae C. Jemison and Michelle Obama. I chose Michelle because of how powerful and smart she is and how beautiful she was. However, I was surprised when I heard people called her "ugly" or how she "looked" like a man. I was distraught and hurt to hear my classmates and their parents saying such rude things about my role-model. I was distraught. I was used to hearing people in my community saying only good things about Mrs.Obama. I decided to let this go because I knew how I saw her. But, I wanted to know why people said that, after all, I never heard anyone saying such things about Jackie Kennedy or any first lady previously. This question of how black people are perceived in the media re-surfaced later in 8th grade. I was having a conversation in the car with my aunt. She asked when in movies how are black women seen in movies (when they aren't made to pander to the black community). Her friend said they are seen as loud, talkative, and hot-tempered. I thought about this. When I saw a movie with a black female they were always seen as the best friend. They were shown as smart; I saw them as the classic black girl stereotype. They tended to not be in high paying jobs, they shouted, they would curse, they would be lustful. Not, that there is anything wrong with this arch type in media they tend to add personality to a show or film. However, I rarely saw a black female in film or TV often stray from this. And shows kids in my generations see as revolutionary like That's So Raven would also fall back to this character type. Me being the nerd I am I had to also analyze cartoons as well. However, this is when my search became foggy and convoluted. Black female characters in cartoons were rare. This started a whole new discussion.

BLACK FEMALES IN CARTOONS

Hi, I am a cartoon addict. I admit it. Whether they be Japanese, French, Canadian, or American I love them. But, I rarely see myself in them. Even if Black female characters exist in a cartoon show, they are often voiced by the same person: Cree Summer. Look at your favorite shows with a black female: Rugrats, Bratz, Code name: Kids Next Door, Danny Phantom, The Proud Family, and etc. Look in the imdb I posted below.

It makes me think how rare they are. And I don't recall many shows with one of the lead characters being a black female. Maybe Keesha from Magic School bus, Valerie from Josie and the Pussycats, Susie Carmichael from Rugrats, Shana from Jem, Storm from X-men, or any black female in The Proud Family. Makes you think.

These are characters are so rare and often aren't seen in every episode. So to see a female of color in a show makes me want to watch just to see someone who looks like me. Which is why I ended up getting into the show Wakfu. Amalia is a woman of color and a princess. For anyone who likes adventure cartoons with a hero's quest I highly recommend Wakfu (watch it in the original language: French. It's so much better than any of the dubs). Amalia is a princess and a prominent leader in her kingdom: Sadida. Not only that she fights in battle with her friends and is a lead character. She's a great role model but, I didn't watch this as a younger kid but, a high schooler. Isn't it important as a child to see yourself in the shows you watch? This is why a character like Garnet is so important! Even if she is an alien, she is presented as a woman of color with an Afro. To see yourself in a show gives self-worth, confidence, and self-identity. SELF IDENTITY IN CHARACTERS

As I said earlier cartoons helped shape me as a person. I loved shows Like The Addams Family, the Munsters, and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. I do say cartoon characters like Raven from Teen Titans, Penny from the Proud Family, Nikki from Sixteen helped make the person I am. These characters ended up being the people I related to the most because they had the persona I was and still am. I am an edgy teen who loves candelabras like Raven. I am a try hard like Penny. And I sound like Nikki vocal and speech pattern-wise. These cartoon characters were who I ended up identified with not my role-models, not the stereotypical characters in movies or TV. I liked cartoons, I liked Sam from Danny Phantom because she was funny, caring, and headstrong. As kids grow up (including me now) we must find people we want to be who we connect to. They don’t need to be found in a history book they can be a man-made creation like a cartoon. A cartoon was made for somebody, so enjoy them. If you find someone you identify with it will tell you more about yourself then you may realize. For example how I entered the Gothic community was through TV and literature and then I researched stumbled upon the music this sub-culture loves and I fell in love with it. It started with Morticia Addams Sam, Gwen, and Raven; this ended with me becoming what I loved.

CONCLUSION

So, the importance of variety in media is important. Not just cartoons; you should want to see yourself in media and there is nothing wrong with identifying with characters. It’s okay to want to be represented in media. A show like The Boondocks is revolutionary, Michiko & Hatchin are important, shows like American Dragon are important, movies like Crazy Rich Asians are important because they represent YOU. They are society. Not everyone is a mainstream, heterosexual, cis-gendered, male (If you are that’s pretty neat!), so the representation of YOU is important in media. I’m glad people love my hair and I see it in films and other mass media. I am happy I see bisexuals in TV shows like because I feel less stigmatized when I see bisexual on the screen( if you didn’t know Eleanor is a bisexual). I am happy to see me in the media and I am happy to see YOU in the media. Representation in the media is important.

#wakfu amalia #jem and the holograms #the addams family #the boondocks #"Michiko and Hatchin

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jlpplays1-41daysofcheerchallenge · 4 years

Text

**updated

Favorite book!!💕💕

Drawings -

@theartoflovingthomashunt - Drawing of Thomas Hunt x Mc by the fire

@storyofmychoices - "Anytime" (Pairing: Justin Mercado x Mc ; book - Save the Date) Justin and Mari get cozy by the fire

@the-writerly-night-owl - “A Very Special Christmas Story” (Book: Desire and Decorum; pairing: Ernest Sinclaire x Mc "'Grandfather can you read us a story?” asked Peter, Laurnce’s son, holding a copy of A Christmas Carol in his hands. “I like it when you read aloud, I mean this is your favorite book right?'"

Character Edits -

@sirbeepsalot - Eleanor takes Liam and Drake to read their favorite stories. (Book: The Royal Romance//Heir)

@jlpplays1editsroyalromance - Once upon a time there was a girl from Ny... (Book: The Royal Romance☺️☺️)

@jlpplays1editstheelementalists - Royal Romance and The Elementalists winter edit

Character face Edits -

@maxattack-powell - “Pride and Decorm” Book- Desire and Decorum ; Pairing: Ernest Sinclaire x Mc

Edits-

@jlpplays1edits - Book stacks [Part 1] [Part 2]

I think that’s all! Let me know if I missed you! x They all look great!

#day 5 #favorite book #day 5 fav book #day 5 favorite book #41 days of cheer #41 days of cheer challenge

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lovemychoices · 5 years

Note

You Have Been TAGGED!!! Share 3 or more ( hopefully more 😂 ) AU ideas that you have pending and would like to write someday 💞💞💞 Tag other people to keep the game going

I have a bunch IDK where to begin but here goes. These are a few current on hold till further notice, some of them have been plotted some just in their early planning stage. I know I should focus 100% on my current series but I seem to always get sidetracked. 🙈

The Lost Prince - TRR AU [Liam x MC] Mini Series

After being married for two years and unable to produce an heir, Liam and Riley are about to give up when Liam gets an unexpected news that changes his life forever.

Genre : Romance, Drama

Heirs : A prince of Cordonia - TRR AU

This is a sequel from The Lost Prince, Theon is 32 years old and is going to be crowned King of Cordonia by the end of the social season. He has 3 other half siblings; The twins Alex and Conner (25) and Ellie short for Eleanor (21). The series will revolve around Theon and his siblings as they navigate their way through life in court as a royal.

Genre : Romance, Drama

Heirs : A Vigilante Series (this should have been out a long time ago but I’m having a problem with the 1st chapter)

The next generation of the TRR gang. This series will mainly focus on King Liam’s daughter Ruby Rys. By day she is the Crown Princess of Cordonia and by night she is secretly a Vigilante trying to save her city and it’s people who can’t fight for themselves while seeking vengeance on those who wronged her family.

Genre : Romance, Action, Drama

Legacies - A modern day D&D AU [Ernest x MC]

When Reign Davis finds out that her biological father is Vincent Foredale the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, her life suddenly takes a drastic turn. From being just a simple girl from brooklyn to the heiress of a dynasty, can Reign Davis live up to her father's legacy or will she crash and burn? This modern day American Desire & Decorum AU revolves around the young Elites and their journey in finding friendship, love and themselves.

Genre : Romance, Drama.

Meet the Harringtons - TE AU [Beckett x MC] (Mini Series)

Before their senior year at Penderghast , Beckett invites Dawn for the first time to spend the holidays with him and his family. Can she impress the Harrington's and their high expectations? What other surprises does Beckett have waiting for her?

Genre : Romance, Magic.

Untitled - TE AU

It’s the senior year at Penderghast and things are going well for the Pend Pals. After defeating Kane, everything in the world of the attunes seems to go peacefully but will it last? This year Dawn and her friends will be forced to face a new powerful evil but the question is what or who it is? (Think MCU end game but instead of infinity stones they have to collect the essence of all the sources before the bad guy gets them. 🤣.)

Genre : Romance, Magic , Action, Drama

In Love & War - RoD Yakuza AU [Colt x OC]

In this AU series, Colt meets a mysterious girl in Miami during his spring break of senior year, impressed by her driving skills he introduces himself to her. They chat & dance together and things get heated pretty quickly. But the next day when he wakes up she is already gone, a few months after Colt graduates from college they meet again at the side show in LA and he finds out more than he bargained for when it is revealed that none other than the daughter of Hanzo Nakamura, leader of a centuries old rival gang called the Red Dragon Dynasty.

Genre : Romance, Action, Drama

*************************************************

I still have like a few others but these are the ones I’m excited about! Even though IDK if I’ll ever write/post them.

Tagging some and whoever else wants to share their Ideas : @client-327 @zaffrenotes @thecordoniandiaries @annekebbphotography @flowerpowell @brightpinkpeppercorn @scgdoeswhat @fluffy-marshmallow-heart @darley1101 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @ao719 @emceesynonymroll @bbrandy2002 @burnsoslow

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cvioletdreamer · 4 years

Text

Here are the top 100 books from 2019 voted by New Zealanders in NZ if you need some recommendations!

Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling

The Seven Sisters by Lucinda Riley

The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien

The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin

Becoming by Michelle Obama

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

I Am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes

All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Bronze Horseman Paullina Simons

Educated by Tara Westover

Dr Libby’s Women’s Wellness Wisdom by Dr Libby Weaver

A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin

Jack Reacher: Past Tense by Lee Child

The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood

Kingsbridge by Ken Follett

The Bible

Big Little Lies: Season 2 by Liane Moriarty

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** by Mark Manson

Millennium by Stieg Larsson

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien

Mythos by Stephen Fry

Tiger Woods by Jeff Benedict and Armen Keteyian

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay

Normal People by Sally Rooney

My Sisters Keeper by Jodi Picoult

The Note Through the Wire by Doug Gold

The Women in the Window by A. J. Finn

The Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly

The Butterfly Room by Lucinda Riley

A Year at Hotel Gondola by Nicky Pellegrino

The Nighingale by Kristin Hannah

1984 by George Orwell

Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts

It by Stephen King

Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

Riftwar Cycle: The Riftwar Saga by Raymond E. Feist

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

War Cry by Wilbur Smith

Bridge of Clay by Markus Zusak

In Order to Live by Yeonmi Park

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

The Gentlemen in Moscow by Amor Towles

Orphan X by Gregg Hurwitz

The Passage by Justin Cronin

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The Beauty Guide by Dr Libby Weaver

The Martian by Andy Weir

Lost Roses by Martha Hall Kelly

Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari

Robert Langdon: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

The Choice by Edith Eger

The Dry by Jane Harper

Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry

The Alice Network by Kate Quinn

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and Karen Thompson Walker

Where the Crawdads Sing Delia Owens

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

The Barefoot Investor by Scott Pape

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams and Russel T. Davies

The Break by Marian Keyes

Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis

Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

Edmonds Cookery Book by Goodman Fielder

The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne

Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and Tony Tanner

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller and Howard Jacobson

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Jessica by Bryce Courtenay

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Hopefully this helps some people and apologies if there are any spelling mistakes etc

Here’s the link to the list if you want it: https://www.whitcoulls.co.nz/collection/top-100

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astropxel · 4 years

Text

tag game

thank you for tagging me @racingllama!!

Name / Nickname: Jen /Jenni /Jennifer - I actually don’t have a nickname

Height: 5ft 5 inches, or 165cm (a smol bean)

Zodiac sign: Leo, I’m right before the cutoff but still a lion

Hobbies: movies & tv, reading, cross-stitch, gaming, baking & cooking, caring for plants, astronomy, seeing musicals

Favourite colours: black, and maybe purple??

Favourite books: The Great Gatsby, Ready Player One, Armada, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Series of Unfortunate Events, Skulduggery Pleasant, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit

Last song listened to: One Last Hope from the Hercules soundtrack

Inspiration for muse : probably all of the elves in the books I love, we’ll thank tolkien for that

Dream job: either movie soundtracks or a dog kennels

Meaning behind your URL: sims are called pixel people a lot of the time, and I studied astrophysics at uni, so there you are, astropxel

Cats or dogs? Dogs definitely, but I love both so much

YouTube celebrities or normal celebrities? normal celebrities? I like some people on youtube but I think we’re a little bit stuck in the age of people not being prepared for their viral fame

If you could live anywhere where would that be? a big city? I don’t mind where in the world really

Disney or DreamWorks? Disney, coco makes me cry every time

Favorite childhood TV show? fairy odd parents, kimpossible and the suite life

The movie you’re looking forward to most in 2020? Uncharted or Black Widow

Favorite book you read in 2019? Good Omens

Marvel or DC? Marvel movies, DC comics

If you choose Marvel favorite member of the X-Men? If you choose DC favorite Justice League member? Havok is my favourite X-Men member

Night or Day? Night

Favorite Pokémon? (Shiny) Ampharos

Top bands: The 1975, Panic! at the Disco, All Time Low, Blink-182, Enter Shikari

Top movies: Inception, Big Hero 6, Hercules, Rogue One

America or Europe? Europe

Tumblr or Twitter? Tumblr, I never really got into twitter

Pro-choice or Pro-life? Pro-choice

Favorite YouTuber: Patricia Bright or jacksepticeye

Favorite author? Modern? Ernest Cline. if we’re talking old school, F Scott Fitzgerald

Tea or coffee? I hate both, the english should disown me

OTP? Canon OTP is probably Harvey & Donna from Suits, if we’re talking non canon I’ll give you a little list, or you could head over to @cookiesand-lemonade to see more: Finn/Poe (Star Wars), Arthur/Eames (Inception), Crowley/Aziraphale (Good Omens), Stiles/Derek (Teen Wolf), Symbrock (Venom), Arthur/Merlin (Merlin), Dean/Castiel (Supernatural), Eleanor/Tahani (The Good Place)

Do you play an instrument/sing? I can sing, I used to take lessons as a child. I leave the guitar playing up to my bf

well whoever read all of that I love you, and I hope you got to know me a little better! I don’t think I really know anyone that hasn’t been tagged in this, but if you see this and want to do it, take that as me tagging you!!

#tag game #text post #non sims #non-sims #so now you all know im a nerd #oh well

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 4 years

Text

This Ernest Hemingway Thing

PART FORTY OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: major discussions of parent death/death in general, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 5.4K

Summary: Ella struggles in the wake of her father's death.

“If you don’t shut up about this bar...” Jess warned, shooting daggers at Chris over the top of his book.

It was a slow day, and the three of them sat in the common area of Truncheon. Jess read his Sylvia Plath novel as he sat atop the welcome table in the front of the store. Chris was on a rant about why they should buy up the vacant space down the road and open a bar, while Matthew rolled his eyes. Snow fell in thick blankets, the coldest of the winter so far. Jess had opted to drive to work, rather than trudge through the crunchy, icy layer caking the sidewalks. The storm had blown in the night before as a bit of a surprise, leaving the city little time to salt the roads. The lack of customers at the book press was no shock. The large, ornate clock ticked slowly over the door. Only a few more minutes, and it would be time to close up for the day. Jess was glad; he’d be home to Ella soon enough. No matter how much she insisted she was fine, he couldn’t help feeling antsy when he’d left her home alone in the morning. His bottom lip was beginning to feel chapped from how much he had been gnawing on it.

Chris sighed heavily, throwing his hands up in exasperation. He was wearing a maroon cardigan over a pullover sweater, and Jess wondered how he wasn’t suffocating underneath all the wool. Chris took another sip of his disgusting chai latte before he continued.

“But it wouldn’t be just any bar! It would be Cedar Bar Redux!” he exclaimed.

Matthew rolled his eyes, not bothering to look up from the inventory sheet he was reviewing. “Just saying the name over and over isn’t gonna convince us.”

“Listen, we’ve already got this Ernest Hemingway thing going here,” Chris said emphatically, gesturing to the room around them. “Now, we can have a Charlie Parker thing down the road. We’ll play only jazz music there, and only serve drinks with whiskey. It’ll be super classy. Super hip.”

“Please don’t ever say ‘hip’ again,” Jess deadpanned, his eyes back on his reading.

Chris grinned confidently. “One day you’ll stop and think, ‘Wow, Chris has been a genius all along. Why did I ever doubt him?’”

Jess scoffed doubtfully.

“Sure, man,” Matthew said with a mocking nod.

“Hey, you’ll see, guys. Just you wait,” Chris said, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting at their dismissal of his idea. “If Ella was here, she’d agree with me.”

Shaking his head a bit, Jess snorted a laugh. “No, she wouldn’t.”

“I think she’s just pretentious enough to get behind it,” Chris argued, shrugging flippantly.

“Actually, I think she’s just pretentious enough to call you out for being a poser,” Matthew countered, his voice dejected as ever as he continued scouring the inventory sheets for any mistakes he might have made on them earlier in the day.

Chris narrowed his eyes at Matthew, getting ready to rebut. However, Jess spoke up first. He rose from his seat, stuffing the Plath book in the back pocket of his jeans and going to grab his coat and scarf.

“Speaking of Eleanor,” he said, “I’m going home. It’s closing time, boys. Have fun with the marketing pitch, Matthew.”

“Thanks, Jess,” Matthew replied sarcastically, still not looking up. On inventory day, he was basically a robot, glued to his paperwork. Not like Jess could blame Matthew, though, considering Jess would have run the business into the ground during the first week had Matthew not been there to deal with the numbers.

“What do you mean ‘speaking of Ella’?” Chris asked, his interest piqued.

She hadn’t been around much recently, and he missed her, despite their occasional bickering. It had been over a month since her father died, and she had hardly let them know how she was doing once she got back. He could count on one hand the number of times they’d seen her. It wasn’t as though he didn’t understand; she could take as much time as he needed. But Jess wasn’t exactly helping to ease his (and Matthew’s) concern, offering little more than an assurance that she was fine and just needed time for herself. It was hard for Chris to imagine Ella coping by isolation, but he had never known her in tragedy.

Jess shrugged on his coat, and began tying his scarf around his neck. “She stayed home sick today. I wanna make sure she at least eats dinner,” he explained shortly. They were all familiar with Ella’s bad habit of skipping, or forgetting, meals when she was stressed or upset.

“She okay?” Chris asked.

Finally, Matthew looked up from his sheet, patiently awaiting an answer. Chis wasn’t the only one who had noticed Ella’s recent absence. She had quite a presence, after all. He and Mabel were beginning to worry. Leo, too.

Jess shrugged, evasive. “Yeah. She’s fine. Just a winter bug or something.”

Chris nodded skeptically. “Okay.”

“Tell her we hope she feels better,” Matthew cut in diplomatically, hoping Chris got the hint that he should let sleeping dogs lie.

“Just call me a carrier pigeon,” Jess quipped, smiling thinly, before he excited the shop into the frigid evening air.

. . .

Eyelids heavy, Ella focused on her breathing. The falling snow twinkled in the soft light of the cloudy evening, and she watched it. Flakes floated down haphazardly, sometimes tossed along the wind. Watching it made her feel mindless, but almost in a good way, as she laid on her side. The pain in her head had numbed, though an ache still throbbed dully in her skull. She was just too tired. The kind of fatigue which comes with a fever, though she knew she didn’t have one. She just needed to sleep. Sleep and sleep, she told herself, until the pain went away. After a good rest, she hoped, she would awake renewed and inspired. Her sketchbook sat closed on her nightstand, not used since the night before her father died, the night of Jess’s publishing party.

In her worst moments, that night came back to her in flashes. Not because it was bad, but because she had been just so happy. Tipsy and in love and hopeful. The naivety almost made her want to laugh out loud. How could she possibly have thought she would have the chance to patch things up with her father? Life didn’t work that way. It never did. She didn’t know when she had lost sight of her realist views, but she was reminded why they were important. Always planning for the worst meant no disappointments and no ugly surprises. She drifted in and out of vague dreams, almost unsure of when and if she was awake. She felt sweaty and stale beneath the blue quilt, but she still snuggled into it deeper. It made her feel safe in some innocent, childish way she wished she could hold onto. She knew when she got up again, she would feel cold. And she would have to continue on as normal with a new, unwelcome tightness in her chest.

At the sound of the doorknob to the bedroom turning, she shut her eyes completely. She pretended to be asleep, breathing deeply and making her expression go slack, as Jess came in. Better to have him believe she was actually resting, rather than staring off into the middle distance feeling sorry for herself. Ella didn’t know quite what time it was, but she thought he was early, judging by the light outside. She knew he was worried about her; she could see it, even if he never said it out loud. But she was just so tired. She simply lacked the energy to reassure him, or to reassure herself. She could hear him quietly take off his shoes, his watch.

Then, he exited the room again. She heard him put on an album by The Cure at a low volume. It made her want to smile, almost. The apartment felt better when he was in it. She felt less claustrophobic. Maybe since he was finally there, she would actually get some sleep. But sleep never came, and she knew why. She’d been lying in bed all day, in a zombie-like state. In the two weeks since returning to work, she’d come home every day exhausted. And, worse yet, angry. Not in a yelling and punching the walls kind of way, though. Instead, she would cry hot, frustrated tears at the smallest mistake in her work. She would feel the urge to go smoke or drink, though she hadn’t given in. She felt like she was crawling out of her skin, but she couldn’t do anything about it. She could only sit back and watch as she struggled tiredly through her lectures and bit her nails ragged.

But the worst part was not the anger. The worst part was the inability to truly feel it. She knew she was angry, and she knew why, but she couldn’t get it to sink it. She couldn’t work through it or make it better, she could only feel it in the moment. When it passed, she would go back to her sleepy, sluggish state. And the storm of emotion would sit dormant in her belly. She tried to think about her father, and tried to cry for him. She couldn’t. She could only wait for the random bursts of emotion at meaningless moments. When she thought of her father’s death, or even her mother’s, it was like she could feel the key turning in the lock on her heart, and the switch flipping off. Not since the night Jess had held her on the Gilmore porch had she been able to shed a tear about any of it.

Staying home had been both a necessity because of the migraine she’d woken up with, and an attempt to wake herself up. Maybe if she could sleep off the constant fatigue she had been feeling, she could sleep off the hazy fog in her brain as well. But, as the day began to come to a close, she could only lie in her bed feeling defeated. In a way which was familiar, but still so new. When her mother had died, it had been such a shock. It had been more cut and dry. She had loved her mother, and her mother died. But her father was a different story. And he had been her only parent left.

After a few minutes, the bedroom door creaked open again, and she heard Jess’s soft footfalls on the carpet. The other side of the bed dipped down as he sat, and placed a gentle hand on her back, beginning to rub circles there.

“Elle?” he asked. “Hey, honey, wake up.”

Ella took a deep breath in, feigning slight surprise as she opened her eyes and rolled over, away from the window to face Jess. He had a small smirk on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes as he looked down at her. With a light touch, he brushed the stray strands of hair away from her forehead.

“Hey,” she said, her voice slightly hoarse and groggy.

“Hi,” he replied.

She was pale and exhausted. It was as though her face had drained of all color the moment her father had died, and it had yet to come back. He couldn’t make her blush like he used to. Some sort of elemental lightness had left her, one which he hadn’t noticed she had until it was gone. And he was more or less at a loss about what to do. She was going about her day, going through the motions, but she was still somewhere far off in her mind. Unable to deal with anything that didn’t lack all emotion. He was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to snap out of it, or if a part of her was missing that could never be replaced. But, he was trying for her. He was taking care of her in a way he had never gotten a chance to before. Not from sickness, but from sadness. She had always been the one to patch him up emotionally, when things fell through with his father or he had a panic attack or he couldn’t get the dark clouds to lift from above his head. She was not exactly a ray of sunshine, but she wasn’t one to wallow either. She was an expert at getting through, attacking life the way it attacked her, picking herself back up. This time, he thought, maybe she just needed a hand.

“How’s your head?” he asked quietly, his thumb caressing her skin.

In the morning, she’d barely been able to open her eyes, her migraine was so bad. He wasn’t surprised though. She hadn’t taken a day off since going back to work. Everything was bound to catch up with her eventually. She was trying to hold it all back again, but he didn’t know why. Maybe because she’d had a bit of time; she wasn’t in shock anymore. She had more control over her emotions, maybe too much.

She shrugged. “A little better.”

“Good,” he said, leaning down and pressing a long kiss on her forehead.

When he pulled away, Ella took in a deep breath through her nose. She let her muscles release tension she didn’t know they’d been holding. She was glad he was home, even if she was embarrassed at his seeing her lying around.

“I made some green tea. You wanna watch a Stephen King movie with dinner? Or do your eyes still hurt?” he asked.

She felt her stomach do a flip. She didn’t deserve him. And his tenderness made her feel squirmy, like at some point he would realize how lazy she was being, how pathetic. Even one day off of work was making her feel so useless. She cleared her throat, averting her eyes from him.

“I’m actually not that hungry,” she said sheepishly. She hadn’t eaten all day, but she just couldn’t bring herself to want anything.

Jess sighed. “Elle-”

“No, I know,” she cut him off. “I promise I’ll eat later, really. Just not right now.”

Biting at his lip, Jess seemed lost in thought for a moment before he finally nodded. “Okay.”

Still, she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye. “Did you finish that Sylvia Plath?”

“Not yet,” he said.

“You wanna come lay down and read me what you have left, James Dean?” she asked, tone lighter than it had been.

He let a smile ghost over his lips. “Always, Daria.”

Swallowing thickly, Ella muttered a thanks to him as he left the room again. She rolled over and stared at the ceiling, so blank and dull white. Like a canvas she wanted to paint. But just thinking of the empty pages in her sketchbook made dread rise up in her throat. She shook the thought away as Jess came back into the room with two mugs of tea and a book under his arm. As they drank their tea, he told her about his day, about Chris and Matthew, how slow it had been. She laughed at the right moments, nodded at the right moments, smiled when she should have. But her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t add anything, she barely even looked at him. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, and he almost did. But she looked so tired. He decided to wait until at least the morning. She needed rest more than she needed an interrogation, he figured. When they were done, cups on nightstands, he laid down next to her, warm under the covers as the snow kept falling in sheets outside, the light of the streetlamps making the flakes sparkle. The approaching darkness was almost gloomy, though, and he wasn’t particularly sure why. She laid her head on his chest, as she often did when he read to her. She liked to hear the vibrations of his words against her ear.

As he began at the page where he stopped, she felt warmer. His voice and the feeling of his body against her made it easier to breathe, easier to get her mind to shut up for a moment. But it lasted not for long, as a quiet thought whispered in the back of her mind. Then, it was louder and louder, until it became a shout, a scream. Someday, she would end up like her father, like Fiona. Losing the person you loved most in the world destroyed you. Ella didn’t know why, but all of a sudden she felt certain she would lose Jess. He would die, and he would die suddenly. As soon as she let her guard down again, she would lose him. She would lose the person she belonged to, the person who belonged to her.

The love she felt for Jess was unlike what she had felt for anyone else before, and some part of her knew she would never feel that love for anyone else again. And she felt like she understood her father better than she ever had before. He’d lost her mother in the middle of the night; the person he belonged to. Ella had been able to move on, but she thought that maybe her father’s life had been over the moment her mother died. And it would happen to her, unless she did something about it. The thought was so jarring and terrifying, for a moment, she felt like her throat was closing up. But she tried to handle the pit in her stomach as it formed and sat coldly in her core.

Jess was so sweet to her, always had been. Even when he was an angry tenager who was lost and acted like he didn’t need anybody. When she’d thought she couldn’t love anyone. He was smart and thoughtful and he knew her better than anyone else ever had. She could smell his familiar scent of pine and must, which had never worn off even long after he moved out of Luke’s. She listened to his voice lilt over the words of a book she owned, which she’d given him in high school. He was rereading the copy which contained their notes to each other, back when they were still falling in love without knowing it. A glance up at his face, and tears stung her eyes. Jess with his kind brown eyes and the dark shadow on his jaw. Jess with the faded scar on his left palm, which she’d watched get stitched up. Jess with the strong arms that held her in the ocean in California. The person she’d been in love with since she was sixteen. He was beautiful, in every sense of the word. A deep, awful regret filled her. She’d let herself fall so completely in love with him. She never should have. What was she going to do when he was gone?

Before she could stop herself, she began to cry silently. Jess furrowed his brows, feeling her tears wet his t-shirt. It was Plath, after all. A pretty sad novel, but he’d never known her to cry at a book. Or at much of anything, for that matter. He stopped reading immediately, lowering the book and bringing one hand to touch her freckled arm gingerly.

“What’s wrong?”

She sniffed and cleared her throat, wiping beneath her eyes. “Nothing, Jess. Just keep reading.”

“Eleanor-”

“Jess, please just keep reading,” she said, voice shaking and broken.

His breath caught in his throat, the words dying before he spoke them. She sounded helpless. He couldn't ignore her pleas, no matter how much he wanted to. Not when she sounded like that. He kept reading.

. . .

Gnawing on her nails, Ella sat alone in the cold morning light. The world outside was sparkling with snow in the sunlight. But soon, the grime city would corrupt it. The soft mountains of white would grow dull and gray, caked on the side of the road. She could only think about the melty gray slush as she looked outside, at the beauty the storm the day before had left in its wake. Her hands were slightly shaky, her elbows on her knees. She couldn’t remember the last time she had woken up so early, unable to fight wakefulness anymore as she packed a bag in the early darkness. The day had since brightened, from a deep blue to a warm orange and then finally, a bright yellow. But Ella still couldn’t bring herself to wake Jess up.

Instead, she waited. And she didn’t have to wait as long as she thought she would have. Jess emerged from the bedroom in his pajamas, rubbing tiredly at his eyes, at around half past six. His brows were furrowed at her empty spot in bed before he even saw her in the living room, sitting on the couch fully dressed with a packed suitcase on the floor next to her.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” he asked, stopping in his tracks in surprise.

Ella ran an anxious hand through her hair before she looked up to meet his eyes. “I think...I think we should take a break for a little while.”

“What?” he said incredulously.

She sighed through her nose, looking down into her lap. “Jess, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be together right now.”

“Eleanor, what are you talking about?” he continued, as though he simply couldn’t get her words to make sense in his head.

Again, she sighed in frustration. Without thinking about it, she rose and began to pace. Jess watched her with a worried gaze. She wasn’t behaving like herself at all, and just looking at her suitcase packed and ready to go made him feel sick to his stomach.

“Look, Jess, I just...I think we need to take a step back from each other for a while. Get to know ourselves when we’re not with each other, you know?” she said, her excuse flimsy and her voice uncertain. But she told herself this would be the hard part. Rip the bandaid off and leave, to get rid of the constant dread inside her. Without Jess, without anyone, it would simply be safer. More practical. And hadn’t being practical always worked out for her in the end?

Jess shook his head slowly, trying to get a handle on his thoughts. “That’s bullshit. We’ve already been apart from each other, and you and I both know that doesn’t work. What’s this actually about?”

“I just need a break, okay? I’ll call in sick again today. Fiona said last time I called that she needs me to clean out my room before she puts the house on the market. I’ll get back to town on Sunday,” Ella said, speaking quickly, flatly, wanting to get the words out and get them over with.

“And on Sunday?” Jess asked, eyebrows raised askance.

After a moment of tense silence, Ella could only shrug. “I don’t know. On Sunday...we regroup. Think about things.”

Jess ran a hand over his mouth. “You can’t be serious, Eleanor.”

“I am,” she replied simply.

“You honestly wanna break up? After everything?” he asked, sounding as though he still hadn’t quite been able to process what was going on. He’d known something was wrong, of course. Especially after she’d wept her way through his reading of Sylvia Plath, eventually falling asleep with her face still pressed against his t-shirt, her cheeks damp.

“Not break up!” Ella said immediately, raising her voice. “Not...forever.”

Again, Jess shook his head, voice matching her volume when he spoke again. “This isn’t like you, Eleanor. You don’t just run away like this. That’s my move, and it’s a fucking bad one. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. I told you, Jess, I just-”

“Need a break?” Jess interrupted finishing for her, with hints of both anger and fear in his tone.

For a moment, she couldn’t speak. He looked so crestfallen, so quickly. She wanted to throw her arms around him, cry into his shoulder, let out the tears she hadn’t been able to release. To tell him what she’d been feeling, the constant pain rivaled only by the strange, unexplainable numbness. But she bit at the inside of her cheek, hard, to snap herself out of it. She had made her choice. And she had to stick to it.

“Yes.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. “Please. Just tell me what’s going on. Whatever it is, we can figure it out.”

“Nothing’s going on,” she repeated, finding it hard to keep her voice from cracking.

“Is this about your dad?” he asked. They’d been dancing around the conversation for weeks, as he watched her retreat within herself. Finally, he couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t tell himself she needed space, couldn’t just tell himself she was grieving the way she needed to. The truth was, she wasn’t grieving. Not really.

She heaved a sigh. “Jesus, Jess. It’s not about my dad, okay? Can’t I just need a break from us? From all this?” she asked as she gestured around them to the apartment, to the life they had started to build together. She sounded angry. But anger was better than nothing. Jess kept going.

“No, not when you started crying last night and wouldn’t tell me why, not when you keep forgetting to eat, not when you’re tired all day, even after like twelve hours of sleep, not when you don’t even want to draw anymore,” he said, in vehement disagreement. “I can talk to my therapist and see if she knows someone who’s covered by the University insurance. I bet she knows a lot of grief counselors.”

“Jess, stop,” she said, refusing to make eye contact with him as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Trust me, Eleanor,” he continued, almost pleading. “You’ll feel so much better if you talk to someone about all this. About your dad, your mom, your brothers, Fiona. I’m sure you could think of a few choice words to say about me too.”

She shook her head at his attempt to joke. She wasn’t having it. More tears stung her eyes, and they only made her angrier. She was so sick of needing to cry and not being able to, of dealing with her family’s bullshit, of everything. Of being afraid of everything.

“Van Gogh must have had hundreds of hours of therapy in his life, and you’ve seen his paintings. I really think it’s all gonna be okay if-”

“Stop it, Jess!” she shouted, reaching for a necklace she hadn’t worn in years. An old tic Jess hadn’t seen since high school. Seeing her fingers go instinctively to grab at a small key pendant made his heart ache in such a deep way, so fundamentally, he almost wanted to cry. “Stop being so fucking nice to me! Stop trying to take care of me! Every time I tell you that, you never fucking listen!”

“Elle, what-” he began, eyes widening at her outburst. But she was on a roll, and hardly noticed when he spoke.

“I mean, it’s like you can’t even hear me sometimes,” she continued, pacing furiously and gesturing around again with her hands. For a moment, she was worried the neighbors would complain about her yelling at such an early hour. But she forgot about them as the emotions bubbled up in her throat, words spilling from her mouth. “You just keep doing whatever the fuck you want! Reminding me to eat, and reading to me, and kissing me, telling me you love me, and I just can’t fucking do it anymore, Jess! Not when you’re just gonna be gone someday!”

“Eleanor, I’m not-”

“Yes, you are!” she interrupted, finally facing him again. A fire burned in her eyes, cold and green and devastated. “Whether you like it or not, you’re gonna have a heart attack or crash your shitty fucking car or get struck by lightning! And I can’t keep doing this when one day it’s all just gonna be gone! It hurts bad enough calling it quits right now!”

Taken aback, Jess sighed. His face softened. He wanted to take a step forward, to go to her, but he fought the urge. Instead, he spoke in a calm, soothing voice. “Honey-”

She let out an infuriated scoff at the affectionate nickname.

“I know you’re scared,” he began, but she cut him off again.

“No, you don’t!” she countered, voice more venomous by the second. “You don’t know! Jess, I know your parents aren’t exactly perfect, but guess what? They’re alive. You didn’t wake up one day and figure out they were fucking dead! You can still talk to them whenever you want. You didn’t have to watch-”

She paused as her voice broke, clearing her throat before she went on. “You didn’t have to watch your dad fucking destroy himself because he missed your mom so much. And you don’t have to watch your stepmom go through the same thing!”

“Eleanor-”

“Don’t ‘Eleanor’ me, Jess! Please don’t. I...I love you. But I just...I just wish I didn’t.”

She was crying now, big, childish tears rolling down her skin as she spoke. Jess felt his heart drop into his stomach. Of course, he’d known she was in pain. Her father had died, after all. But he didn’t know she was scared. He didn’t know she was absolutely terrified. Not when she’d always seemed fearless. Before he could stop himself, he went over and embraced her. His hug was tight and warm, one arm encircling around her waist and one hand in her hair, cradling her head. And for a second, she relaxed into him. She let his touch soothe her and heal her. But then she snapped out of it again. Back to reality. She remembered how badly it hurt when she lost good things. She disentangled herself from his hold.

“No,” she said. “Please...don’t touch me right now.”

Her words sounded so defeated and final that for the first time it occurred to Jess she might actually be serious about leaving, about breaking up. The thought was so heartbreaking, a lump instantly formed in his throat.

“Just wait a second, Elle. Can we...can we talk about this more? Please?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper. His own eyes began to grow shiny.

She shook her head, grabbing her suitcase and making for the coat rack. “I have to go, Jess.”

“But you don’t! You can stay and we can figure this out!” Jess said, following her to the doorway.

Her face was stoic and guarded again as she donned her coat, hat, and scarf. “I need...I just need to be alone. I’ll be back on Sunday.”

He ran a hand over his mouth again. “Do you promise you’ll be back on Sunday?”

“Yes,” she said after a moment, opening the door. She stood there awkwardly for a moment, unsure whether to say goodbye, if it was a goodbye at all.

Jess sighed heavily, relenting to her leaving, as begrudgingly as possible. “Just…please be safe driving up there.”

“I will.”

“I love you,” he said, not being able to help himself.

A tiny, sad smile passed over her lips. “Right back at ya.”

On any other morning, he would have laughed at her response, a joke at the expense of his own shyness. But instead he stood motionless as she went out the door and shut it softly behind her. He was unsure if she would ever truly come back, if she was already gone, if she had been for weeks. Jess was crying before she made it out the front door of the building.

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls au #jess mariano #jess mariano fanfiction #jess mariano au #jess mariano x oc #gilmore girls xoc #original character fanfiction #fanfiction

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elounorfluff-blog · 5 years

Text

Inhaling Every Moment

A/N: OK I already apologized for this in my previous post. The whole thing isn’t heart-wrenching, I promise. Like and comment, reblog or DM with feedback! And a super fluff-filled nothing sad at all Christmas one-shot is coming in December. So here’s Christmas 2016....

The air felt colder than usual, but it had nothing to do with close to freezing temperatures outside. Louis wasn’t sure his life could have been in a more horrific state than it was that chilly night in December. The funeral had been held two weeks ago and he didn’t know how there were any tears left in him. After that awful day, it had been too much for him to keep leaning on Dani. Snapping at her when she was just trying to help and then apologizing over and over again until their relationship had more tension than comfort. She had left two days after his X-factor performance, on amicable terms. He knew it wasn’t her fault he was so upset with the world right now, but he didn’t think he could be with anyone in his current state. And of course, she had been at the funeral. Some part of him had expected to see Eleanor there, but when he actually saw her in living, breathing, form, it was like someone had sliced open freshly sewn stitches. He’d barely been able to say more than a few words to her.

His birthday had passed yesterday without any festivity beyond reading a hopelessly long letter his mother had left behind for him, telling him how proud she was and that she wished him only to find peace in the coming year. Lottie had also made him eat something and changed his sheets, and then taken him and Fizzy, along with the older twins to get hot chocolate. It had been a sort of quiet he wasn’t used to, but he had never been more thankful to have so many sisters. They were all in this together, at least.

And there had been today. Christmas. In their rented London home close to the hospital that no one could bear to leave just yet. Nobody woke up early to open gifts, but Dan and Fizzy had started making pancakes around noon as people drifted downstairs. It was an odd kind of relief to have things to do that day. Traditions that simply had to be upheld lest they have one more reminder of Jay’s absence. And so, they had decorated the tree that had sat neglected for the past month as they had been too busy with goodbyes and funeral plans and grieving to worry about something as trivial as ornaments. The memories held in each little trinket he hung up ended up being of far more comfort than he thought they would. He had found all the little things he’d made her in primary school, ornaments from different years which read “the Tomlinsons”, and listed names on some item. The first looked like a cookie sheet and simply held Marks name, his mum’s, and his own. The most recent was in the shape of a large snow globe and held at the top “The Tomlinson-Deakin Family” and read on tiny name plaques, “Jay, Dan, Mark, Louis, Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy, Phoebe, Doris, Ernest”. He’d smiled, wondering what the person who had done the calligraphy must have thought, writing all those names. Every single one of the kids had some creative ‘Baby’s 1st Christmas’ one as well, his own simply stating those words on a tiny silver frame that held a photo of his Mum with him at one day old, not even discharged from the hospital yet.

They had sat in the living room and opened a few gifts from each other, before they had finally addressed the tense absence hanging in the air. Each of them had gone around and told the happiest story they could think of about Johannah. And for awhile they had laughed even though the pain was still fresh. She had brought so much joy to their lives. They had stayed in their cocoon of togetherness, not wanting to leave the warmth and comfort of seeing their mum in each other’s eyes, but then children started to fuss, and the night had to end as Lottie and Fizzy got the younger twins off to bed. He had to let the great world spin, whether he wanted to or not.

It was close to midnight now. He knew all the older girls were probably crowded into one bedroom, asleep on each other, as they had been since the funeral. He sat downstairs, in a back room with vaulted ceilings that was full of windows to let light in during the day. He was curled up on the couch, with his knees hugged to his chest feeling completely numb. He took out his phone in hopes of finding a distraction, scrolling mindlessly through the names in his phone. Louis wasn’t even sure how or why he had hit call on Eleanor’s contact, it just happened.

Meanwhile, El sat in her sweatpants alone in her London flat. She couldn’t bring herself to go home to Manchester. She’d tried to enjoy herself earlier with a friend who’d invited her to dinner, but now she simply felt alone, save for Bruce, who she was currently using as a pillow. She missed Jay with everything in her, but more than that, she missed the normalcy of being around the Tomlinsons and how comforting it had been just to wrap Daisy and Phoebe in her arms at the funeral. His family was the only one that was going through this process with her, but she felt like an intruder, so she kept her communication to a minimum. When her phone rang, she didn’t intend to answer it until she saw the contact name flash.

“…. Hello?” She answered hesitantly.

“Hey,” Louis said quietly.

“You’re up late,” she mumbled.

“Surprised you’re still awake,” Louis replied awkwardly.

“I haven’t really slept much since….you know. Did you need something?” She asked with curiosity rather than annoyance.

Louis paused as if trying to remember something. “Not…not really, I guess. Just can’t sleep either, although apparently everyone else can.”

Eleanor spoke before she thought, “Do you want me to come over?”

“I can’t say the answer is no. I promised you no more lies, but if you’re tired, I understand” he told her, which was true. They had spoken briefly after Jay told her about Brianna’s pregnancy. It had been a strange conversation where she questioned why he felt the need for her to know before the public, and he’d answered her that despite not feeling they could reconciliate, he felt he owed her honesty, and that honesty wasn’t letting someone you had been with for three and a half years find out you were having a child from the media.

“I’m a little tired, but that doesn’t mean I can fall asleep anytime soon. Be over in ten?” El didn’t know why she agreed. A little birdie (actually twin ones with iPhones) had informed her when Danielle had gone back to America and their general understanding that Louis and she had split.

“Yeah that works…. See you soon.” The line went dead as he hung up.

El turned to Bruce, “I have to go, love.” The dog answered by putting his head on his paws. “….Actually? Do you want to go for a ride in the car…yeah?” The dog’s ears perked up and he sat, pawing at her. “Alright, but we have to be very quiet.”

She grabbed a clean sweater, double checked she had on deodorant, and didn’t bother beyond that. She packed up her golden-doodle and started her car.

Lou texted her to come in the side door, where the deck was waiting off the room where he currently sat. He heard her pull up but didn’t see her until she was at the glass door, holding a giant bundle of tan fur in her arms. Lou gently slid the door open as she stepped in and set Bruce down. “You brought your dog?!” He whisper shouted.

El shushed him in reply, quietly telling Bruce to lay down. “Yes, I brought my dog. You have to take care of them you know.” She wasn’t sure why she was being so forward, although Louis had purchased Bruce for her and known him quite well. He had been their dog. “Besides, you can’t tell me that fluffball is anything other than comforting,” she told him quietly.

Louis gave her a look but then his eyes softened as he crouched down to pet the dog. “Hey Bruce-y. How’s life been?” He sat down on the ground against the back of a couch and pet him.

El joined him on the ground, still wearing her coat and boots, rubbing her dog’s belly as she talked mindlessly. “He’s been okay. Definitely missed you when you first left.” She tried to fill the endless silence. “What’s on your mind?”

Louis sighed, “Just…how lonely things seem without her. I didn’t even see her all that often before she was diagnosed, I was busy living it up in LA, but then I was here constantly after that call. I was afraid if I left for too long, I might never see her again,” he said without looking up. He scratched Bruce’s ears as a distraction.

“At least you got to say goodbye?” El tried to look for something comforting but wasn’t coming up with much.

“You’re only the hundredth person to say that to me”, Lou rolled his eyes, standing up. “I need to smoke,” he told no one in particular, slipping on his shoes and heading out to the deck. Eleanor followed him, since Bruce had fallen asleep in the warmth of the house.

El pulled her coat tighter around her in the still night air, watching Louis take a pack and a lighter out of his sweatshirt pocket. She leaned against the railing and put one of her hands out. “Give me one those,” she said.

Lou gave her a strange look, “Didn’t you quit smoking…. four or five years ago?”

“I quit because I was dating someone in a band who had in image to uphold for millions of thirteen-year-old girls in 2011, you hypocrite”, she deadpanned, but he still didn’t look like he planned on surrendering any. “Give me a fucking cigarette!” She whisper-shouted.

Lou looked he had been shaken out of trance as he handed one over to her and lit it for her. “Well at least I can count on you not to lecture me about the hazard”, he told her, taking a drag off his own.

El almost laughed as she exhaled, “I’m pretty sure the fact that Jay hated smoking is enough of a lecture by itself.”

“You’d think. I’ve been awful about it though. I can go through a pack in two hours easily,” he informed her. It was true. His nerves never seemed to calm down and for some reason the routine dispense of nicotine into his system felt at least somewhat relaxing.

“Well, we all have our vices,” she knew it wasn’t worth lecturing him about anyway. He was going to do it either way until he worked through Jay being gone. They were silent for a few minutes as they smoked, until she stomped hers out on the ledge, too cold to continue. “You almost done, it’s bloody freezing out here?”

Louis saw her shivering and threw his in the ashtray. “It’s warmer upstairs, inside I mean,” he said as he offered his hand to her to walk back in. El glanced at him suspiciously before accepting it.

“What have you been doing down here, then?” She asked as he slid the door open.

“I…I couldn’t fall asleep alone. The girls are all piled in with each other, and if you hadn’t heard, things weren’t really working between Dani and I. She left two weeks ago,” Louis pat his leg to call Bruce over while El took her boots off. He had forgotten how much he cared about the dog.

“I heard,” she said quietly, looking for a subject change. “He remembers you. I can tell, he wouldn’t let Max near him for months, but he doesn’t even make a sound when you pet him”, she said watching the two interact, “are we going upstairs?” She gestured to the staircase down the hall as she hung up her coat above her boots.

He figured she was cold from being outside, and it wasn’t going to hurt anything for them to go up to his room, “I guess…as long as Bruce is quiet.” El nodded in reply and picked up her overgrown puppy. Lou shook his head at her, hinting at a smile. He crept down the hall and up the stairs with her in tow, until they got to his room. He shut the door and turned on a lamp.

El set Bruce down on the bed, while Lou cleared away random things from it. “What’s that?” She asked of an unopened gift bag sitting on the ground.

Lou looked to where she pointed, and his heart sank, “birthday gift from Mum. I read the letter, but I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Oh…well do it now then. While I’m here for moral support,” She knew it might be months before he got around to it if she didn’t push him. Lou gave her an annoying look but picked it up and sat down next to her.

He took out the tissue paper and removed the two items inside. The first one was an engraved picture frame with one of the last photos of him and Jay before she was hospitalized. It simply read ‘Love you always, Mum Xx’ in what was clearly her handwriting. He smiled at it before setting it down gently on his dresser and picking up the other gift. It was a flat silver circle with an inner an outer ring, hung from a ribbon. The inner circle had a teddy bear holding a gift etched into it, while the outer one read ‘Baby’s first Christmas 2016’. He blinked back tears as he showed it to El. “She has one of these for all seven of us. And everyone’s is different, even Daisy and Phoebe’s. They were some of her favorite ornaments, she always talked about getting one for Freddie.”, he said it solemnly, leaning against her shoulder without thinking.

El squeezed his hand gently and set the trinket down next to the photo. She went to kick the bag aside but noticed something white in the tissue paper and picked it up for Lou to see. It was a Polaroid of all things, from Jay’s wedding. “Is that us?” Eleanor asked, even though she knew it was her because she remembered taking the photo.

It was while everyone was still getting ready and somehow the bridesmaids had found themselves running around barefoot as they finished up. Sophia had come to help her fix her hair, and brought Liam with her, who had brought Niall, and before she knew it all of One Direction was in the house and her hair still hadn’t been fixed. Someone was taking Polaroids for fun and had gone to grab one of Louis and Liam after he first walked in. Joke was on that photographer, because Lou had called her over, which of course led to Liam calling Sophia over, and then Louis told Zayn and Perrie they may as well join, which led Niall and Harry to sarcastically complaining about not being included. Louis had told them it was a couples only photo, and they needed a date, which they responded to by waving over Daisy and Phoebe, also barefoot and dresses still untied, and putting the girls on their backs.

The end result had been a set of laughing twins on the backs of Harry and Niall with linked arms and ridiculous facial expressions on one end and Zayn and Perrie looking relatively normal on the other end. In between that mess was Louis holding El’s waist and kissing her on the cheek while she looked slightly to the side, bursting with laughter at Sophia who was standing on her tiptoes in her black dress, trying to be as tall as El in her bare feet while Liam had covered half his smile, trying to hide his laughter at Soph’s attempt to be taller.

Louis took the photo from her after studying it, wondering why his mum had included it. He turned it over where the back of it had written in sharpie, ‘Louis, never stop making people smile. :)’. He looked at El, “that is definitely us.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. The photo only stirred up more feelings, although not all of them were bad.

“Can I borrow a sweatshirt?” El asked out of the blue once the silence got to be too much. Her sweater felt tight and uncomfortable now.

“Yeah, I’ll grab you one”, he exhaled heavily as he set the photo down and pulled one of his drawers open, surrendering the warm fleece. “Did you want one of the guest rooms?” He turned to pet Bruce while she changed.

El pulled her sweater off and unclasped her bra, before discarding that as well. She pulled on his warm sweatshirt and scooted back, “I’m fine here.”

“You want to sleep in my room? As in….” Louis was confused.

El rolled her eyes, “I’ll sleep with you. Wait not like that, I didn’t mean-”

“I got it,” he cut her off, understanding her meaning. Bruce stayed curled up at the end of the bed as he went to lay beside her, taking the Polaroid with him to examine it further.

She put a hand on his arm out of habit, “You alright?”

Louis shook his head. “I know that was probably one of the happiest days of her life, but it’s definitely in me own top three. I got to walk down the aisle with you. And nobody was fighting, not the band or my siblings, or…us”, he tilted his head slightly.

“You really want to do this right now?” El turned on her own side to face him, leaning on her arm, “talk about us?”

“You say it like it’s such a bad thing”, his tone didn’t convey any particular emotion, besides the grief he was clearly carrying in general.

“Not bad, per say…. just doesn’t do anybody a lot of good. Reminiscing about a girl you used to be in love with,” Eleanor stated like it should be obvious.

Louis raised an eyebrow at her as if she had just told him something completely inconceivable, like the sky turning green. He took one of her hands and looked straight at her, “Eleanor, I didn’t used to be in love with you… I still am.”

El blinked back a tear and looked at their hands instead of back at him, “You promised… no more lies.” She didn’t ever want to risk having her heart shattered again.

Louis wasn’t holding back his tears as they slid down his cheeks. “I’m not lying. You’re my girl, Eleanor,” El tried to look anywhere but at his eyes. “I know I fucked up, and got really lost the last two years, in too many ways to count, but I promise I’m not lying about this,” he pleaded with her.

El let the tears fall down her face. “Why did you call me?” She asked through her tears, swallowing thickly. She stared at their fingers, still laced together between them.

“Because”, Louis choked out, “because you’re my family. Nobody can ever be you, which means no one can ever understand losing her the way you would. You don’t treat me like some…broken, fragile thing. And because…maybe, I missed you.” He blinked hard and wiped at his eyes with his sweatshirt

“Maybe?” El finally met his eyes.

“No. Not Maybe. I did miss you. Shit, El. I missed you so much”, it was like a million emotions came flooding back in one second.

El wiped at her own tears. She crept closer to him, feeling her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She lost herself in the ocean of his eyes.

“I missed you too,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure why she admitted to that so freely, but she knew with every part of her that it was true.

Louis didn’t stop to wonder if her reply was genuine or second guess her, at least not with words. He just gave her a half smile and squeezed her hand gently, “Yeah?”

El nodded and pushed her palm against his so he fell on his back and pressed her lips to his. Her thought process was completely gone at this point. She had meant to be gentle and quick, but before she knew it, his other hand was tucking a stray hair behind her ear as she found the familiar taste of cigarettes and some expensive whiskey he must have been drinking earlier and him. She surrendered all her oxygen to it, kissing him as they both cried silent tears.

Lou wanted her back the second she pulled away to breathe, but he decided he could definitely settle for her body pressed to his as she curled around him and rested her head on his chest. He swallowed and found his tears finally subsiding as he wrapped his arm around her. “I can’t lose you too, not again.”

El didn’t look at him to argue or try to declare her love enough to convince him she wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t have the energy or the motivation to do any of that. She simply snuggled closer to him and ran her thumb over his where they knotted together. “You won’t,” she stated simply, glancing at the clock reading eleven fifty. “Merry Christmas,” she said sleepily. And then her eyelids were getting heavy as she wrapped her body around his and shifted most of her upper bodyweight onto him.

He yawned under the comforting pressure of her head tucked beneath his chin and her chest against his abs, one arm wrapped lazily around him. Eleanor drifted off with her nose tucked to his shoulder. Louis’ breathing finally became slow and even as he listened to her breathe and smelled the same perfume that had been a constant for almost four years of his life. Bruce came and laid beside them. This was the furthest thing from happily ever after as their tear stained faces dried, but there was no denying it was love. It didn’t matter how many mansions he bought, or how hard he tried to escape his feelings for her, she was his home.

“Merry Christmas, Eleanor, I love you,” he whispered in the darkness before sleep finally found him.

A/N: Please like and comment! Title from “First Time” by Ellie Goulding and Kygo

#elounor #elounorfic #elounor fanfiction #eleanor and louis #eleanor calder #louis tomlinson #christmas fic #oneshot #im sorry

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