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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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aita for calling my roommate crazy?

I (28f) live with 2 other people, a former college roommate who I’m pretty close with (29f) and 2nd roommate (28nb) who we both met when we moved in together 2 years ago.

Let me start this out by saying, this isn’t a fandom aita, it’s going to sound a bit weird at first, but bear with me.

I have a medical condition (relevant later) which stopped most of my bones from maturing past puberty (growth plates closing, cartilage not hardening into bones, ect.), so my skeleton is basically stuck somewhere between 13-19, (I look about 17-19, but the last time I tried to buy hard cider, the cashier thought I was 14, so that’s how young I can look). I also have very pale skin (unrelated to my disorder, just a ginger), and (related to my disorder) lack some liver enzymes so I need eat meat or I get sick (the same reason why cats need to eat meat), I ended up in the ER when I lived with my vegan sister for a week and ate the same veggie diet as her.

Trouble is, Roommate 2 is really into conspiracy theories and other fringe stuff. Nothing alt-right or anything, just like, (for example) they fully bought into that Mermaids: the body found show, and wouldn’t be dissuaded, even when Roommate 1 googled it and showed them solid proof that it was fictional. Wholeheartedly believes the US government preformed 9/11, does alternative medicine (homeopathy, ect), wishes there were ‘all natural’ vaccines (still isn’t an anti-vaccer though, just needs to be persuaded that Bill Gates didn’t put microchips in them).

Anyway, Roommate 1 and I have a recurring joke that I’m a vampire because of the meat thing and the pale thing and the not aging thing. Roommate 2 overheard us and laughed, but weirdly. She kinda joked along with us, but she seemed...odd. About a week later, they start asking me stuff about being a vampire. But they seemed friendly and not nervous then and I was hoping they were just joking and I also sincerely thought they were just asking me about how vampires work on one of my shows (I’m a big fan of Carmilla and the Originals), so I tried to explain, but I cited each show when I’m explaining a thing. This continued for several weeks, but getting worse and more weird every time, eventually culminating about 2 and a half months later into them asking me more stuff about life as a vampire and I really realised that they were serious. Bear in mind, Roommate 1 and I were trying to be very clear that we don’t believe in vampires this whole time because we both know how Roommate 2 is about this. As a result, this was the first time I really registered that they seriously seemed to genuinely believe I was a vampire. I firmly told them that I am not a vampire and that vampires aren’t real, they’re fun to joke about, but they aren’t real. They implored me ‘to be straight with them about being a vampire,’ and that ‘I could trust them,’ and I’m ashamed to say, I kinda freaked out at this point, cuz I was afraid that they would be scared of me and maybe try to hurt me, since they seemed kinda unstable because of this.

This is where I think I was an asshole, I am usually very sensitive to mental health issues. I have some c-PTSD myself and there are a lot of mental health issues in my family (unfortunately, I think some history with my own mentally ill father may have made me react this way, since he has very similar issues to Roommate 2 (vaccines, alternate medicines, specifically involving me in his delusions) and I had a very bad experience in my early teens where he thought I was a demon and ‘sent to destroy him’). Anyway, I got very upset and I yelled at them, I told them they were completely crazy and needed to get mental help and said I thought Roommate 1 and I needed to move out because they might try to stake my heart or something. I feel really bad for calling them crazy, especially because Roommate 2 has some very mental health issues and words like crazy make light of and stigmatise that and I’m very big into not blaming people for their mental health problems, but this was very triggering and in this moment I was very distresssed.

So, aita, all things considered here? I’m still gonna feel like the asshole no matter what, since mental health problems aren’t to be taken lightly or blamed on the person, but I’m curious what the internet thinks.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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tarotwithlove · 4 months

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PAC ⋆ christmas with your future spouse

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.

BOOK A READING WITH ME · LINKTREE · 18+ PATREON · SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated!

GROUP ONE

cards · seven of boons, nine of spells, the forest lord, six of boons, the faery wind, keeper of spells, the romantic fool: fall in love with yourself, and fall in love with life.

channelled songs · shame by mitski. nothing without you by tanerelle. absinthe by i don’t know how but they found me. wait for it by leslie odom jr.

hey there group one ♡ christmas with your future spouse is busy, busy, busy. i see a white christmas, so you and your future spouse may live in a snowy place or may often spend christmas in snowy places.

there are children involved in this relationship with your future spouse, though these children may also be dogs or other large pets – though, for the sake of brevity, i will only use the word children where needed. a lot of what makes christmas stressful is corralling your children around, to take pictures, to get into the car so that you're on time for different gatherings, to behave themselves at other people's houses. you may constantly have to keep an eye on them and may, thus, get very little time to just enjoy christmas as an event. though this is something that you and your future spouse are likely used to.

children aside, you and your future spouse will spend more time driving from house to house to house on christmas to make sure you spend time with enough people than doing anything else. you may host from time to time, but i get the feeling that this is rare. you’d both much prefer the busyness of visiting other people over the busyness of having people over at your home.

if anything, you likely host a small adults-only christmas eve dinner with friends. one that consists mostly of drinking, eating snacks, and gossiping.

christmas may be a difficult time of the year for you – if it is not now, it will likely be when you and your future spouse are together – and your future spouse will do everything in their power to make sure you feel safe, loved, and comfortable. this is especially true if you have a history of self harm, eating disorders, or substance abuse, with christmas triggering your urges to binge/purge/restrict or to drink along with others. for some, you may have lost family members, which makes christmas particularly lonely and painful. whatever it may be, your future spouse will be your rock to lean on.

GROUP TWO

cards · ten of boons, the wisewoman, strength, six of boons, child of spells, the green mother, the duty fool: assume all duties with love in your heart.

channelled songs · two hearts and no brain by kane strang. on god by latto. lip & hip by hyuna. anti-romantic by tomorrow x together.

hey there group two ♡ the christmas period may be the only time a year you and your future spouse actually get time off and, thus, the only time a year you and your future spouse get to spend meaningful time together. you both may love your families dearly and be close to them, but that does not negate the fact that christmas is for you and your future spouse alone.

you will likely give everyone their christmas presents early, send out christmas cards, and take ten minutes on the day itself to videocall everyone and wish them a merry christmas, but that’s it.

i’m actually thinking of an older couple here. so your early christmases with your future spouse may not be worth mentioning because they’re the run of the mill christmases that everyone has. but as you got older, especially as your children got older and started building their own lives, you both realised you didn’t want to do the same old christmas thing anymore. no, you wanted to go on vacations. you wanted to go on holiday cruises. or relax in a beachside resort. or go hiking through a costa rican jungle. it doesn’t matter what, doesn’t matter where, all you and your future spouse know is that come christmas you will be AWAY.

christmas is the one time of the year that is just for you two. this is the time for you and your future spouse to relax and unwind – something which is not impossible around your family, but that is definitely not easy. because, again, this is the christmas season and all the stress that comes with that. especially as your sexual relationship with your future spouse is important to both of you and you both get excited to spend time alone, in a different environment, enjoying each other. that’s as much as i’ll say because this isn’t an 18+ reading, but you get the picture.

you and your future spouse are the kind of older in love couple that people look to as goals. you’re also the type of couple that only fall more and more in love the longer you are together. you both enjoy planning these christmas vacations, and in the weeks leading up to it i feel like your future spouse is the type to tell all their friends about the ways to plan to spoil and surprise you while you’re away together.

GROUP THREE

cards · keeper of challenges, child of boon, weaver of boons, child of challenges, ten of visions, weaver of spells, the beauty fool: you are naturally beautiful.

channelled songs · love theory by taeyong. nostalgia by dawn richard. honey by mariah carey. old friend by mitski.

hey there group three ♡ you undoubtedly love your future spouse, but your relationship is… complicated. in your heart and mind, they are not your soulmate, and they are not who you wished you had married. you may be close friends with the person that you wish you had married – due to a reconciliation after years apart living and building your own lives – and your families may spend christmas or christmas eve together.

and while you’ve come to peace with it, you cannot help but yearn for what could have been. especially when you see this person with their family at christmas; something which makes you think about how in another life (maybe a better life) you are happy together with the family you share.

christmas with your future spouse is filled with nostalgia. even when i think of it, it’s soft and hazy, the way a 90s film or a lifetime movie may depict christmas.

but, also, nostalgia seems like too loose of a word – there’s nostalgia in the sense that you and your future spouse may uphold a lot of traditions from your respective childhoods and you may watch christmas movies from your childhoods like ‘home alone’ – but there’s also this feeling of holding on to the past. your future spouse and the person you wish you had married may be very similar, and this comes especially to light during the christmas season. they are kind, patient, quiet and reserved around people they do not know but not around the people they’re comfortable with, like you. they are a bit of a nerd as well, with nerdier interests. and they adore you. love touching you and holding on to you. and, at christmas, when your yearning is at its strongest, you cannot help but notice all these similarities.

they may even look similar.

when you watch them putting up the christmas tree, for a second it looks like this other person – and your heart clenches. when they wrap their arms around you from behind while you ice cookies – for a moment, it could be this other person, and your heart skips a beat. your future spouse may have an inkling of your feelings – they notice how you look at this person over a glass of wine, how you giggle together while decorating a christmas tree, how you excitedly clap at every christmas present they give you and how you spend days finding the perfect present for them – but while at times it may hurt it does not truly bother them because, at the end of the day, you chose them. you choose them every day.

so they will just hold you a little tighter. kiss you a little more. remind you that you are completely and utterly loved by them and know that you love them in turn.

your christmases together are very christmassy. you bake together. you decorate your home together. you wrap gifts together. you dance in the kitchen together to christmas music. for those of you have children, you go above and beyond to make meaningful christmas memories for your children most of all.

GROUP FOUR

cards · two of boons, the council of animals, weaver of spells, keeper of boons, strength, nine of boons, the truth fool: be honest.

channelled songs · wifey by elle teresa & lil keed. limbo (chinese version) by jun. only you by 112 & the notorious b.i.g. kiss by dara (2ne1).

hey there group four ♡ as soon as i started shuffling your cards the words ‘blended family’ immediately came to mind, so these are likely the circumstances we’re looking at here. you or your future spouse have likely been married before – in fact, both of you have been married before you found your ways to each other. because of this, every christmas is a big event as the branches of your family come together – children, stepchildren, ex-spouse’s, ex-spouse’s family, spouse’s family, your family. everyone is involved.

i at first wanted to say that this is mostly for the sake of the children involved, but i also feel as if this is a set-up that you all genuinely enjoy. for some, you may even be swingers or business partners.

for some, this may be that you are all lifelong friends, so it’s natural for you all to have such a strong relationship even after your respective first marriages ended and you each found your new spouses.

while each year the christmas party or dinner itself is hosted by a different branch of the family, this is a set-up that takes the pressure off of one single person to do all the preparations. all the cooking, all the baking, all the decorating, all the decorating. everybody chips in – happily.

there’s less focus on your future spouse themselves, likely because you are all caught up in the busyness of the day itself.

that does not mean that you and your future spouse do not spend any time together or that your future spouse is uninvolved in christmas activities. not at all. you and your future spouse – and your children, if there are children involved – will each year dress up in matching or complementary outfits.

something that your future spouse looks forward to doing each year is dressing up as santa for the kids. they put time into getting the look right and make sure to choose the right time to pop in, surprise everyone, take some pics and hand out some presents, and leave when “santa has to go back to the north pole.”

#**#tarot #pac #pick a card #christmas #future spouse #future spouse reading #tarotonline #tarotblr #witchblr #tarotcommunity #channelled message #channeled message #divination #spirituality #spiritualism

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witlesswitnesstm · 21 days

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I am a firm Marvin Gardens BPD/NPD truther, so here’s all my evidence.

This is a very long post, so buckle up.

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Let’s go through the symptoms he shows, shall we?

- Has unreasonably high sense of self importance, and requires constant admiration:

Marvin, especially as a child, exhibits a large amount of grandiosity. This is most evident in How Marvin eats his breakfast and My Highschool Sweetheart.

He thinks of himself as above the maid staff and he constantly threatens/accuses them. Then he’s given the role of Columbus, and highly identifies with him to the point where he claims he *is* Columbus. That he’s this grand explorer, who’s the king of the ocean. He believes he’s powerful because of the role.

Then as an adult, Marvin has a constant need for adoration. He needs people (like Whizzer and Trina) to love and want him in songs like Thrill of first love and This had better come to a stop. That might even be a reason he got with Trina in the first place. He wanted to feel needed, without the responsibility of having to love back.

Not to mention the line “Kid. Be my son.” In Father to son. He wants Jason to fulfill the role as his son (and subsequently love him), not really acknowledging he’s his own person. But he still deeply cares about Jason, and wants him to succeed, he just does it through the only lense he understands; himself. Also, I noticed that Marvin literally moves the chess board aside and makes Jason face him during that song, even though he clearly doesn’t want to.

- Believes they deserve special privileges or treatment:

The R of Ms. Goldberg shows Marvin is obsessed with getting what he wants, for no other reason besides the fact that he wants it. It’s also implied that he didn’t even necessarily have the acting skills required to be Columbus, Ms. Goldberg just conceded because he kept pestering her. He believed he deserved it, so he got it.

- Make achievements and talents bigger than they actually are:

Again, Marvin obsessed over being a star actor. He also consistently exaggerates his intelligence with lines like “I can read her like a book” in How Marvin eats his breakfast and “I'm not so rich but hell I'm smart.” In This had better come to a stop.

In I never wanted to love you, Marvin also claims that he’s in demand, when he’s most likely not and is just trying to cover for his ego.

- Preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance

Oh wow. Ok, so we all know about the metaphor for games at this point. Marvin loves winning, he literally says it’s everything to him. He also says that he wants it all multiple times which is just, really driving home the point that he craves success and power over everything else.

Marvin is also characterized as being rich, which again emphasizes his need for success. I’m thinking he climbed the corporate ladder for the sole objective of looking like he’s successful.

Side note, I think the reason he never acknowledges how rich he is might be because he’s ashamed of being a trust fund baby. He had a whole maid staff as a kid, so it’s implied his parents had mad stacks. He might’ve sought success outside his parents’ money so that it was his own accomplishment, not his family’s.

I want to touch on My chance to survive the night, specifically the line “I played a game. She was as cute as a dime and couldn't spell. I asked her to spell my name. That's it for girls.” Marvin has a history of using games as a basis for breaking up with people because of his insecurity, even before Chess game. He gets a lot better with this in act 2, and this is evident in the racquetball matches. He seems a little unconfident, but he’s not devastated by it in the way he would be before.

I’ve mentioned this in a separate post, but The r of Ms. Goldberg can also be interpreted as a fantasy for power, since Marvin isn’t actually interested in having sex with Ms. Goldberg, and instead just wants to have control over her.

- Is critical and looks down on people they feel aren’t important:

Marvin consistently ignores his sweetheart even when she begs for his attention. When she tries to tell him she’s a person, he calls her ridiculous.

Marvin also just generally acted out as a child because he considered everyone as beneath him.

This trait is especially highlighted In Tight Knit family reprise, where he just straight up talks shit about Mendel, not being able to believe that Trina can love him. It’s also shown in Marvin hits Trina, that he dislikes her platitudes and expects substance from her, and then goes on to again beg for admiration with the line “How could you ever deny what we had?”

- Expects others to do what they ask without question:

This is best shown in This had better come to a stop and Chess game. Marvin expects Whizzer to play the housewife, while not acknowledging that he’s his own person.

This is also displayed in Tight Knit family, where he expects everyone to go along with his perfect vision of what a family should be.

- Has an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others:

This is most clear with Sweetheart and Trina. As I’ve said, Marvin blatantly ignores sweetheart’s attempts to love him, and completely disregards her. I want to note how he does this in favor of being attached to Ms. Goldberg and playing Columbus which are his power fantasies, essentially.

This trait is also shown in Breakfast over Sugar when Marvin basically tells Trina to shut up and that she’ll get over it when she’s having a a pretty expected emotional outburst to him divorcing her. He completely disregards her feelings, showing no empathy to her.

- Acts arrogantly:

This can just be interpreted as confidence but Marvin says that he loves being himself multiple times over the course of In trousers.

• Borderline Personality Disorder

- A strong fear of abandonment:

This ties into Marvin’s need for admiration, but he constantly asks others for validation, and even doesn’t want Trina to find new partners because he interprets it as abandonment of his family.

There’s also the workshop version of This had better come to a stop, which is all about how Marvin is terrified that Whizzer’s going to leave him again in act 2, but he tries to bury all those feelings down so that he doesn’t appear needy. One of the lines is “I sit here and slowly rot. Wait for Whizzer, wait for answers, and get none.” Which just really nails down this point.

There’s also Unlikely lovers, when Marvin refuses to leave Whizzer’s side in the hospital.

- A pattern of unstable, intense relationships:

I’m sure we all know where this is going.

Marvin has a lot of opinions about Trina. He says that he thinks she’s perfect in I have a family, but that at the same time, he says that he hates her in I swear I won’t ever again.

His wants are contradictory. He wanted Trina to leave him alone when he divorced her, but couldn’t accept that she married Mendel. Also, he fights with Trina consistently, even throughout Act 2.

Onto Whizzer, their relationship is driven solely by chaotic passion. Their relationship is *built* on fighting and making up with hate sex.

Whizzer has no idea how to feel about Marvin because of how unstable he is. Marvin can be gentle, but he expects everything to go his way. He’s affectionate but highly judgemental. (Then again, so is Whizzer.)

- Quick changes in how they view themself:

This is best shown in Your Lips and Me reprise. Marvin goes from hating who he was and what he did to Ms. Goldberg to having a whole ass victory song about how he loves being himself.

This might be sarcasm, but Marvin is also self deprecating in Tight knit family reprise, with the lyric “I'm too damn peeved, self-absorbed, self-deceived. Who knows?”

- Periods of stress related paranoia and loss of contact with reality

This is a stretch, but Marvin’s exes always hovering around him in In trousers might be paranoia about his past manifesting itself. This is especially clear in I can’t sleep and Your lips and Me reprise where they physically interact with him, preventing him from sleeping or reminding him of his past.

- Impulsive/risky behavior:

Bro got multiple STDs, presumably from unsafe sex. Also, it’s implied that he also got HIV after Whizzer.

Hitting Trina could also be seen as impulsive behavior.

- Wide mood swings:

This is where Marvin’s giddy seizures comes in. He has periods of extreme laughter and giddiness, sporadically.

- Inappropriate levels of anger

Marvin hits Trina. I mean, what else do I have to say? This whole song is about Marvin’s anger taking over his actions and causing physical harm because of it. He also shows inappropriate anger when he brings out Whizzer’s belongings after the Chess game.

Ok Jesus Christ that was a lot of words. Keep in mind that these are just my headcanons and you’re allowed to interpret Marvin in any way you want.

Also I don’t have these disorders myself and I’m not a professional psychologist or anything so let me know if I got some things wrong. I just care way too much about the Marvin Trilogy and I’m also interested in becoming a psychologist.

#falsettos #marvin trilogy #in trousers #marvin falsettos #falsettos 2016 #falsettos obc #I have thought too much about this #god someone save me #character analysis #google how do I stop a hyperfixation?

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thisisthinprivilege · 9 months

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[tw: weight loss talk, hypothetical abuse]

My family has always been supportive of my weight loss efforts. In their defense, they've always believed weight loss was the default starting point for health in someone my size, just like I did. This was especially true when I was in junior high and high school.

I remember that in addition to all the traditional feelings of embarrassment, shame, frustration, etc. that surrounded my weight - I always felt a certain amount of guilt for not successfully losing 'it all' (such a vague goal to pursue that no one, not even I, ever questioned) with each new diet I tried. My family was always so happy for me in those first few successful months, and genuinely proud, and so every time I hit that 20lb loss benchmark, I told myself it would be the last time I'd need to worry about seeing that number on the scale again because this time I would stick with it. The rewards were well worth the time and energy it took to inspire even the smallest shift in my appearance.

Inevitably, though, the weight would stop coming off. No matter how many more hours per week I added to my workout routine, or how many personal trainers I paid, or how many more calories I cut - 'progress' slowed and eventually stopped. I'm fortunate enough to say that in my long history of attempted weight loss, I've never had to deal with the extra pressures of an eating disorder. It was just like my body would run out of gas, in a way. And then, disappointed with yet another failure, I'd stop trying so hard and settle back into more comfortable patterns and everything I lost inevitably came back.

I remember, after one particular attempt, I vented my frustrations and my sadness to my dad. In a tone of complete loving support, he said he wished he could lock me in a room with a treadmill and force me to maintain a severely restricted diet until I managed to lose 'it all.' (I really think about 'it all' now, and what I thought that meant at the time. Did it mean the same thing to me as it did to my dad, or my sister, or my mom? In retrospect I think the guilt came from feeling like a bookmark in my own family, an unsightly aberration warming the seat for my thinner, prettier self, someone we were all trying to be patient and wait for while we settled with fat-me in the meantime.)

Anyway. Thin privilege is not having your father fantasize about keeping you in prison conditions 'for your own good.' It's not having him believe that the way you are is something that needs to be corrected through force, simultaneously implying your inability to achieve some nebulous goal weight under your own power is a failure or further weakness in you.

#thin privilege #healthism #body policing #parents #family #weight loss #submission

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fatliberation · 5 months

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hey, i really need advice and I hope it's okay to come here for that. tw for eating disorders and abuse i've been suffering with severe back and leg pain and of course my parents and doctor attributed this to my weight. my doctor has recommended a strict diet for me to lose weight and my parents ( im a minor ) are taking it upon themselves to implement this diet, restricting my food intake, punishing me for getting snacks, etc. I have a history of anorexia BECAUSE of my parents forcing me to lose weight and have recently regained all that weight, which took an extreme toll on me along with ridicule from family telling me how much better i looked when i was underweight and extremely sick. i was still suffering from the same pains at my lowest weight. my mother has a history of disordered eating and has frequently tried to and successfully forced me into doing diets with her.

Oh dear heart, I am so sorry. It is extremely inappropriate for your provider to recommend a diet, ESPECIALLY given your history with anorexia. I'm sorry that your parents continue to cause you harm, it must feel so awful to have your autonomy taken from you like that. I am enraged on your behalf. Fatphobia is so poisonous. You deserve unbiased and proper care for your pain.

Do you have any connections to adults you can trust? School faculty or mental health professionals? My first recommendation would be to find a new doctor, but I understand that my usual advice is a thousand times more difficult as a minor. If you have a therapist (hopefully one who is anti-diet), they should be able to write a letter to either your parents or your doctor, advocating for your needs and explaining how this is harming your wellbeing. They can also have a meeting with both you and your parents, if your parents agree to it. If therapy isn't an option for you right now, I recommend reaching out to either of these free ed hotlines and share exactly what you told me. These are trained professionals who can offer you much better advice than I can.

Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders Hotline: 1-888-375-7767

Project HEAL (Help to Eat, Accept, and Live) Crisis Textline: text HEALING to 741741

Good luck, sweet pea. My heart is with you. I sincerely hope you're able to get out of this soon and receive ACTUAL care for your back and leg pain. Remember that there is nothing wrong with feeding yourself, and nothing wrong with existing at a higher weight, despite the messaging you're being bombarded with. One day this will all be behind you and you will have the breadth to heal. It will get better. In the meantime, please rely on friends and give yourself permission to do whatever you need to keep yourself safe. Sending buckets of love. 💕

#inbox #ed tw #tw ed #tw diet #diet culture #anti fat bias #medical fatphobia

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otakusheep15 · 1 year

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Random Headcanons I Have for Twisted Wonderland Characters

Just like the title says. These will be all over the place, and most probably won’t make sense to anyone other than me. Some of these are very cute and lighthearted, most are pretty dark, so fair warning.

Tw: underage alcohol/drug abuse and overdosing (Deuce’s part), fighting/injury (Ruggie’s part), eating disorder/purging (Azul’s part), mentions of poisoning and attempted murder (kalim’s part), suicidal thoughts/ideation (Jamil’s part), mentions of death (Lilia’s part), bullying (Sebek’s part)

Riddle is a major history nerd, and when he was little, he always enjoyed history lessons the best. Sometimes he’ll chat with Lilia since he seems to know so much about history, but sometimes Riddle is too intimidated to initiate conversation.

Trey is secretly a lot stronger than people assume he is, physically anyway. After all, he is a baker, and he’s constantly lugging around heavy bags of flour for his family’s shop. Not that he’s super buff or anything, but he definitely has some muscle on him.

Cater has a secret account that no one at NRC knows about. On this account, he posts about all of his real thoughts and feelings, like how he has a hard time making genuine connections, how horribly his sisters treat him, etc. He makes sure to stay completely anonymous, and this account is surprisingly popular despite no one knowing who the poster is.

Ace was super popular in middle school. Like, he was that one guy who was very athletic, had a ton of friends, and, obviously, had a girlfriend. He assumed that this popularity would easily transfer over to his high school life, but he was very wrong. For the first couple of weeks, everyone thought he was annoying and rude, but he eventually calmed down after a couple of complaints from his dormmates.

Deuce used to drink and smoke quite a bit in middle school. One time, it got so bad that his mom had to take him to get his stomach pumped because he overdosed. He honestly didn’t mean to, but it was a dare from one of his gang buddies, and he didn’t think it would be that bad. From that moment on, Deuce had sworn off all drugs and alcohol. He’s still not completely rehabilitated yet, and sometimes he comes close to a relapse, but his friends watch over him and make sure he’s okay.

Leona sucks at checkers. Like, he’s absolutely horrible at it. For someone so good at chess, and strategy games in general, he has never won a single game of checkers in his life. Even Cheka can beat him at this point. Only a few people know about this, namely his family and Ruggie, and he gets teased for it at least once a day.

Ruggie has rips in his ears and tail, mainly due to fighting. He’s gotten pretty used to them by now, and sometimes he even forgets that he has rips until someone points them out. None of these fights were super traumatic for him or anything, and he has no problem recounting the stories of how he get each rip. If anything, he feels like a badass whenever someone brings it up.

Jack had a small puppycrush on Vil when they were younger. It was nothing serious, and he’s gotten over it forever ago, but he did at one point. The crush probably developed when they first met. After they became friends, Jack would follow Vil around a lot, helping him out with chores, playing games with him, and helping him practice lines. Vil knows about the crush, and will sometimes tease Jack about it, even to this day.

Azul used to purge when he was younger. He thought that, as long as he at in front of people, no one would know what he did when he was alone. Eventually, Jade and Floyd found out and told his mom. Then his mom took him to the doctor. By this point, Azul had lost some serious weight, and he was pretty unhealthy. He’s better now, but he sometimes has those days where he’s tempted to start purging again, especially when people make comments about his body.

Jade will sometimes join the science club when they go hiking. For one, he’s friends with Trey and Rook (vice-housewardens unite), and he just really likes nature. He’ll also lecture some of the freshmen about various plants and what kind of concoctions can be made from them. At this point, most of the science club consider him an official member, even if he isn’t.

Floyd is banned from being a waiter at the Monstro Lounge because he once threatened someone with a knife when they complained about his service. Granted, most people thought he was in the right up until the knife was brought out. Now he’s only allowed to work in the back preparing food, and if he tries to sneak out to the front and talk to customers, Azul will dock his pay.

Kalim has never had a real, genuine friend before. There’s two main reasons for this, one being his own fault, and one being the fault of others. The first reason is that he’s afraid to get too close to anyone for fear of them being hurt. That day when Jamil was poisoned because of him still continues to haunt his nightmares, and he’d hate it if something like that happened again, so he keeps his distance. The other reason is that, everytime someone does get close to him, it’s never out of kindness. Even Jamil, the person closest to him, secretly hated him for so many years, and all of the others just tried to kill him. Now, he purposefully keeps a certain distance from others to ensure no one gets too close.

Jamil was actually really happy that one time he almost died from being poisoned. He thought that, maybe, this would show people how horrible being stuck to Kalim was for him, and he’d finally be set free. When he wasn’t, he was, naturally, upset. For a while after that, he started dreaming up ways he could purposefully put himself in danger, and possibly even get himself killed. It’s not like he wanted to die or anything; he just finally wanted people to see just how miserable he was. By the time he got to NRC, he had realized how morbid his thoughts were, and eventually got over the idea, but sometimes those thoughts come back to haunt him when he’s having a rough day.

Vil never wanted to be famous. Or, more specifically, he didn’t want the type of fame he has now. Especially as a kid, he was always stressed out, adults constantly yelled at him when he messed up a line or missed a cue, and he never really got to experience a normal childhood. There were days he wished he could just quit acting and modeling and leave it all behind for a normal life.

Rook actually hates the way his hair is cut. He preferred it when it was longer, but he doesn’t want to say anything about it because it might upset Vil. He’s considered growing it back out once he graduates. As a side note, many NRC students had a crush on him during his freshman year because they thought he looked really pretty with the long hair (and they didn’t know his personality yet).

Epel, surprisingly, likes being feminine sometimes. He enjoys wearing makeup and dressing up nice, but he’s also really insecure about it. If he acts too feminine, he thinks he’ll get bullied, so he over-exaggerates his hatred for girly things so no one makes fun of him. Also, a small part of him thinks that, if he likes girly things, he’s no longer allowed to enjoy Spelldrive or other manly things, even if he knows that’s not true.

Idia loves playing dating sims with an all male cast. For one, he’s lowkey very gay, but that isn’t the main reason why. Playing these games helps him understand what people find attractive in men, or, at least what his fellow otaku like in men. He thinks that, if he can model himself after some of these characters, maybe people will like him more. Now, he’s not nearly confident enough to do something like this in public, but online, he can act however he wants, and he does. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s all a learning process to him.

Ortho used to love sweets back when he was alive. It’s part of the reason why Idia likes them so much now. Back then, the two would often sneak sweets when no one was looking. Currently, Idia is trying to program Ortho so that he can eat, or at least taste. That way, Ortho will be able to taste sweets again and enjoy them like he used to. Ortho doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t want to rush his brother, but he is very excited, and he even has a list of sweets he’d like to eat once he finally does get the new upgrade.

Malleus falls in love very easily, but not very often. No one gets close enough for him to fall in love with, and those that are close to him (Lilia, Silver, and Sebek) are more like family to him than anything else. But in those rare moments when someone has the audacity to get close to him, he cannot help but fall for them almost instantly. In many ways, he hates this part of himself because it ruins what few relationships he’s able to build. On the other hand though, it’s such a nice feeling to fall in love, and he hopes that, one day, he’ll find someone who will feel the same for him.

Lilia hates how close he’s gotten with Silver. He hates that, one day soon, Silver is going to die, and he will have to live on without him. Genuinely, it pains him more than any battle he’s ever fought. It’s hard, but he tries not to think about it too often, instead hiding his pain with his silly-goofy nature. However, when he’s alone, that sadness overcomes him, and he’s left to deal with those thoughts. He loves Silver more than he’s ever loves anyone, and he hates that one day he’s going to have to say goodbye. But he tries so hard not to let that show because the last thing he wants is to worry Silver with his thoughts.

Silver is warm, and he gives some of the greatest hugs known to man. Many assume he’s cold because he just looks like someone who would be cold, but he’s so incredibly warm. That’s also why animals like him so much. He’s like their own personal space heater. Because of his warmth, Silver gives out amazing hugs. In general, he’s very cuddly, and the body heat he gives off just makes it that much better. Plus, he secretly loves giving hugs, even if he acts like he doesn’t.

Sebek doesn’t actually hate humans as much as he says he does. In Briar Valley, humans tend to get a bad rep. When he was younger, he moved to Briar Valley with his family. He was often bullied by fae kids because his father is a human, and he’s half-human. Due to this treatment, Sebek developed an inferiority complex, and blamed humans for his problems. If not for his human father, he wouldn’t be bullied like this. So he started acting all tough, claiming he hated humans for their weak nature. Eventually, the bullying stopped, but Sebek is too afraid to let this act go because he’s scared he’ll be bullied again.

Sorry everyone, this got much deeper than I wanted it to. I swear, I tried to make these lighthearted (and some of them are) but most became very angsty very quickly.

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nerdygaymormon · 7 months

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This conference was really hard for me and I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Pres Nelson and Oaks' talks really made me reevaluate my place in the church and whether or not I want to be here anymore as a queer person. It just feels like everyone just wants us to leave so they can go on pretending the plan of salvation isn't presented in a way that writes out lgbtq people and does so cheerfully.

I also suffer from an eating disorder and when I tried to explain to my older sister in her late twenties that what president nelson said was hurtful, she told me that "well if food is your god, then you are offending the lord because it should just be Jesus. addiction is when something replaces god for you" which made me feel really discouraged and ashamed. Even though I know having an addiction isn't like that logically it still stung. I don't know. Basically I just want to say thanks for being honest about conference because I can't be at home. You're words have brought me a lot of comfort.

Back in the day I used to read blogs of queer Mormons, and they usually followed a similar arc. They were newly home from their mission and then had to grapple with the fact their queerness didn't go away. Things would start very faithful with a commitment to always be an active member, and would progress to them being more critical of the church and then no more entries.

Those blogs meant a lot to me because there was someone like me, but their story wasn't the same as mine.

When I started this blog, one of my goals was to write honestly about what it's like to exist in this space. I thought that one day historians would be interested in what it was like to be a queer person living through this period of LDS history. What did queer people at that time think, feel, and experience? What surprised me is that some currently-living people were interested in what I share.

It's always tempting to put a positive spin on things, to present myself in the best light, like I have everything figured out, but that's not reality. Sharing about being suicidal, crying about how hard therapy was for my social anxiety, my experience with reparative therapy, and how I was hurt by something said in General Conference are very much a part of this experience of being a queer Latter-day Saint, that's why I write about them in my blog.

Sometimes I worry I'm being too raw, too open, too negative, that I share too much. Your message is a good reminder that it's important to be honest so that we can see we aren't alone. Our stories have power! The power to help each other and the power to change the hearts of others.

———————————————————

I'm sorry you don't have family who you can talk to about these things. I don't either. Having a few close friends I can message about hard things is important to me and I hope you have some in your life.

———————————————————

What was said about eternal marriage isn't new, and I've built up some callouses to it, but to have it emphasized like it was in General Conference still hurts, especially how President Nelson linked queerphobic statements with "think Celestial."

Calling people sinners because they deal with mental health issues, like eating disorders, was unexpected and pierced me as I hadn't built up my guard against such rhetoric. Since I shared my reaction on social media, I've received many comments like your sister's.

President Nelson was a heart surgeon. Would he believe that people with heart issues were offending God, that they were worshiping their heart problem instead of God? What the heck?!! It doesn't make sense. Many people dealing with hard things turn to God for help.

I'm pretty sure God wants to help heal us. I don't think our personal trials offend Him. If anything, He hurts with us and for us. Jesus invites healing, not shame.

These "addictions" that President Nelson attacked are ways a person's mind and body try to cope with hard things. My mental health challenges come from being a queer Latter-day Saint and are ways my body & mind have coped with the emotional trauma and dissonance. So many queer folks have eating disorders and anxiety disorders. I'm glad our bodies protect us from worse consequences, but it sucks that this is a common result for queer people who try to be religious. Most non-queer members don't recognize there is a high cost to be paid by us, and I want them to know these are the fruits of the anti-queer teachings and policies

Please know you are loved. There is an online community of queer Mormons who know what you're feeling and who are pulling for you. If you need help, there are resources

please visit these if you are queer and need help:

Only to age 24: @trevorproject@utahtrevorproject (Utah) @encircletogether (Utah)

In Utah: @flourishtherapyinc @celebratetherapy

Active LDS: @liftandloveorg (national&online)

National: @glaad @988lifeline (involves law enforcement)

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mrhyde-mrseek · 9 days

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(ED MENTION!)

Been rewatching Scooby Doo Mystery Inc. and hyperfixating on small town gothic mystery aesthetics, so here’s my version of the gang if I were to write my own adaptation:

Fred

19, engineering major

6’2”

Autistic

His special interest is traps

Asexual and biromantic, he/him

In a pre-established relationship with Daphne, they’re a ride-or-die couple and can sometimes be sappy to the point that they gross the others out

The heart of the group, brought everyone together, is usually the one to cool down arguments

Decent at cooking but REALLY good at baking

Gets ascots from Daphne every year for his birthday

Knew Velma a little in high school, mainly from physics and math but never got to actually know her until college

Got the Mystery Machine from a sketchy car dealer when he turned 16 and loves the old rust bucket to death

Velma:

18, forensics science major, minor in history

4’11”

Also autistic, self-diagnosed because it’s really hard to get a diagnosis

Lesbian and genderqueer, she/they

Had a crush on Daphne a few years ago, but when Daphne and Fred got together she forced herself to ignore it until it eventually went away

LOVES true crime podcasts, kinda wants to start their own one day

Super blunt and sarcastic, can sometimes come off as rude to the people who don’t know them that well

Struggled with an eating disorder for a while, Shaggy helped her recover and now they’re best friends

Tech wiz

Daphne:

19, fashion design major

5’6”

Pan, she/her

Grew up in a wealthy family with four older sisters, was always pressured by her parents to fit their image of perfection, so she eventually started deliberately doing things to piss them off

Starting a relationship with Fred was the breaking point and now she doesn’t talk to them (she still keeps in touch with her sisters, though)

Natural blonde, dyes her hair

The most athletic out of all of them, used to do gymnastics and dance throughout middle school and high school

Quit when she realized how much it was negatively affecting her body image

Hates when people assume she’s ditzy just because she’s hyperfeminine

Looks mean at first, is actually super sweet

Fascinated with ghosts and cryptids

Loves ‘80s and ‘90s Heathers-inspired fashion

Shaggy:

20, culinary arts major but was undecided for a while

5’9”

Aroace, he/him

Mix of hippie and grunge aesthetic

Definitely smokes weed

Loves ‘70s and ‘80s music

Has a panic disorder, ADHD, and dyslexia

Has seen every classic horror movie to ever exist despite being terrified of them

Everyone assumes the Mystery Machine belongs to him until someone in the Mystery Gang corrects them

Will eat basically any type of food you put in front of him

Shitty relationship with his parents since they have unreachable expectations for him and constantly compare him to his classmates and cousins

Scooby:

Shaggy’s psychiatric service “dog”

Not actually a dog—in reality he’s an alien who crash-landed near Shaggy’s house and took the form of a Great Dane, the Rogers got him trained as a service dog for Shaggy’s panic disorder, and the rest is history

Shaggy still has no idea (although he and the gang do think it’s weird that Scoob can talk)

Despite being a bit of a coward he’d do anything to protect the gang, especially Shaggy

Likes horror movies just as much as Shaggy

Will eat literal garbage if hungry enough (which is all the time)

Started developing doglike traits over the years (barks at people walking by, hates the vacuum, developed a taste for dog treats, etc.)

Also here’s the full body photos i drew:

#i’m very out of practice with drawing dogs if you can’t tell #i’ve also been listening to the podcast heart starts pounding while drawing these and the vibes have been immaculate #scooby doo #scooby gang #scooby doo au #college au #scooby doo adaptation #shaggy rogers #shaggy and scooby #fred jones #velma dinkley #daphne blake #scooby doo redesign #cw ed mention

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ballet-symphonie · 7 months

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I’m pretty sure there’s nepotism and other shit going on at New York City Ballet, and I’ve stopped following them:

-there’s children and grandchildren of former dancers who got into the company. Roman Mejia is Paul Mejia’s son, Shelby Mann is the granddaughter of Jacques d’Amboise and the daughter of Charlotte d’Amboise and Terrence Mann (Broadway legends!) it makes me suspicious. I mean, Nilas Martins was in the company too, so I’m not surprised nepotism is still going on with the younger dancers.

-apparently there was/is body shaming? even at SAB I’ve heard rumors of kids having eating disorders. Also not surprising considering that the people who worked with Balanchine wanted a look and it was Balanchine himself who started the “skinny ballerina” trend that quickly spread worldwide. Ashley Bouder spoke up about how the higher ups body shamed her on Instagram live like a year ago, and none/few of the company members commented for support. They just posted it on their story. In general, Balanchine companies/schools tend to have a lot of body shaming, especially with how they treated Kathryn Morgan at Miami CB. CPYB (Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet) has a bunch of horror stories on Instagram account called @/cpybstories if anyone wants to read.

-I don’t know if this is really BS, but they still cast roles based on height/size rather than talent. I was hoping for Tiler Peck to do Diamonds but she got Rubies. Same with Midsummer, she didn’t/doesn’t really get Titania because she’s on the shorter side and from what I’ve heard, NYCB likes their Titanias to be tall. (I’m guessing she probably will never get Titania, just because she lacks emotion in her dancing. Saw her in Sleeping Beauty and Nutcracker and she barely acts.)

-the company is still predominantly white. Even PNB is more diverse than them. The BIPOC dancers like Nadon, Mejia, Furlan, Chan etc are only popular just because they fit Eurocentric views of POC (they have lighter skin and straighter hair) plus Nadon is only half South Asian, Mejia is half Peruvian, so they aren’t full blooded POC. The only POC in recent years that didn’t fit those ideals was Amar Ramasar. The kids who appear on stage for Nutcracker, Midsummer, Sleeping Beauty etc are more diverse than the actual company members.

-They didn’t handle Alexandra Waterbury’s case well. Ramasar should’ve been fired and in prison before the pandemic and from the West Side Story revival (that didn’t do well regardless). It also makes me mad that Alexa Malone (soloist) is still dating him and the fact that he’s now a stager too…like he might mess around with the underaged apprentices/corps and the cycle will start again

-Don’t get me started on people like John Clifford and how he wrote public, sexist comments on how he hates crotch shots because of platter tutus. He and a bunch of other older trust people still defend these beliefs to the death.

Hello, there's a lot in here!

Regarding nepotism, the company definitely has a history of hiring both siblings and relatives. I would extend this to ballet in general, many successful dancers today are from dance families, such as Chloe Misseldine, Daniil Simkin, Maia Makhatelli, Vadim Muntigirov, Dmitri Smilevsky, Issac Hernandez etc. But I don't think that inherently means that the dancers benefiting from that knowledge base (knowing what to do, where to train, how to structure their day, exta tips and coaching etc) are undeserving of there spots. I don't think you can watch Meija dance and think he doesn't deserve to be where he is.

On body shaming. Yes, none of this is positive and none of it is news either. There has been a history of toxic body shaming culture at nearly every major ballet school worldwide. Balanchine companies have had a nasty history but so have numerous Russian, European, and Asian schools. It's not a problem exclusive to SAB/NYCB.

Yes, NYCB typecasts. I'm honestly quite a fan of it because I don't think it's realistic or responsible to expect every dancer to do everything well and it results in dancers on stage in roles that they're confident in and suit their strengths- which generally leads to better performances. I don't think there's a single dancer at City Ballet who has done all three leading roles in Jewels, Peck is not an exception. I don't believe it's height/size over talent, but a complementary mix of both. Some roles have been designated by the choreographer for X skills and others have been historically dominated by dancers with X skills. And like you mention, there are lots of other factors affecting casting besides just height, acting, vulnerability, partnership, and logistics, which all play a role.

I'm not sure I agree with you that the dancers you mentioned get attention because they are POC who fit Eurocentric standards. Chan and Nadon rightfully got attention for breaking barriers and becoming the first Asian principals at the company. Both have spoken at length aobut how their cultural background and upbringing has both helped and hindered their path. I'd argue Meija gets far more attention from his father than he does from his race and Furlan (if we're considering him popular which I probably wouldn't) for his technical merit. I also think you aren't looking at NYCB's soloist rank fairly, they have Black, Asian, and Hispanic dancers at this rank. Of course, the company certainly could be more diverse but they have the self-imposed limitation of hiring nearly exclusively out of SAB. You yourself noted that the school is more diverse, this is a result of several of their scholarship and outreach programs that have been implemented in the past decade or so. Those programs are long-term investments, they are building a more diverse company now - but these dancers are still in the school. And for what it's worth, PNB is not a low bar, it is by far the most diverse major company in the US and has made hiring decisions accordingly. Approximately 50% of the company is POC which is awesome- but this realistically isn't possible at NYCB because they're not going to be hiring from outside as frequently.

Of course, if not following NYCB would make you happier, then by all means do it. But if these issues are what's causing you distress, I don't think the solution is to simply follow other companies- many of these problems exist across the industy.

Regarding the Waterbury Case, I don't disagree with you but the law is complicated. I remeber reading the case when it came out and I think the main problem is that the case wasn't able to get to discovery because she didn't have enough facutal evidence. If that had happened, I imagine things would have looked a lot different. While I absolutley believe her, she was trying to fight too many battles at once, some of which weren't directly hers, and she didn't have hard concrete proof for most of it. Everything got muddled and I don't think she had the best council either. I don't have any doubt that there's so much more here that exists only in the memories of the individuals involved. But that doesn't count in front of a court - it's about what you can prove not what happened. And NYCB's liability is limited because she was neither an employee nor a student at the time of firing.

However, while I have no comment about his personal life, I agree with you about Ramasar's line of work. It's unfortunate and incredibly disappointing how the dance world regularly absolves men like Ramasar (he's not alone) and basically gifts them back their careers. I could list a whole troupe of men who've been given second chances they don't deserve. Winning in court is an uphill battle, especially when the prosecution is often not coming from a place of strength. I just hope that the slow but steady changes happening in the industry now will prevent history from repeating itself.

And Clifford....I don't have the energy to start with. There's a reason NYCB hasn't hired him back , he's not consistently teaching or running a company, and he's just running his mouth on IG.

#nycb #ballet #ballet rant #will not be tagging names obv

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sujnn · 5 months

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𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 :: han sujin.

in between drowning in the water of his summons / and a curse of being born under leo skies * ,, HAN SUJIN came to all around broken seashells && a promise to break all that he touches .

STATS / ANOMALY / BIOGRAPHY / PLOTS + TRACKER hi ^^b this is luo's typist bringing up another muse to the dash! his intro is under the read more, so please feel free to look through it! i apologize for how lengthy his profile is but i really love his concept and i hope everyone will too >< please like this post if you'd like to plot, and i will work my magic by reaching out!

did you hear the latest scoop ? we’ve got a new student joining us ! a little birdie told me that they’re called han sujin, but they kinda remind me of park wonbin — don’t ‘cha think ? you’re probably thinkin’ they’re just another 23 year old in their third year of marine biology (bachelors), but wait ‘till you hear about their water bending ! nifty, huh ? especially ‘cause i heard they’re the house pulgasari’s new yang member ! they’re pretty soft spoken on nullivi, but you should watch out for their competitiveness just in case ! anyway — if you wanna check them out, i heard they’re staying at the blue hall. oops ! you didn’t hear that one from me ! ༊*·˚ ( sen, 24, description of self harm/eating disorders)

⊹˚. born n raised in busan, south korea ! han sujin is a silly little waterbender with a need to be liked at all cost. ⊹˚. and i mean it ! bro will spiral if one (1) person tells him they don't like him. ⊹˚. what do you mean you don't like me ? what did i do ? are you mad at me ? is it because i have a higher grade in that one class we have in common ?

⊹˚. naturally, he loves to swim. please, he's literally like a little fish in the water. it's canon that he sneaks inside the pool after hours (he got on the good side of a staff member and managed to snatch a double of the keys!) ⊹˚. it's also canon that he practices his water bending there. ⊹˚. oh ! speaking of ! his water bending style is very similar to the one from avatar the last airbender . . . meaning that he is heavily influences by martial arts, more specifically taekwondo, since he has been taking classes ever since he was a little kid !

⊹˚. he comes from a very supportive family: a father with the profession of fisherman, and the reason behind his anomaly ! after getting lost at sea and nearly dying, he was rescued by a little clan of water benders and was offered their utmost blessing. ⊹˚. a year later, little sujin is born with a handful of sand in his left hand and the rest is history (the history being: chaotic teenage years as he attempts to keep his anomaly under control ! )

⊹˚. because he was born with such promise, the need to be the best is engraved in his mind. he must be the best swimmer, the best fighter, the best student, and the best bender. no matter the cost.

⊹˚. such a mindset naturally gets him in a great deal of trouble: he skips meals often, pulls endless all nighters, and is a little too good at neglecting his overall mental health. but he's fine ! he's so fine ! he's totally fine, you got nothing to worry about !

⊹˚. he is a marine biology major ! he loves all things marine related, naturally, and would love to work with marine animals in the future. he also dabbles a little bit in engineering, and enjoys making silly little gadgets here and there in his free time.

⊹˚. he lives in blue hall: 3A and is roommate with a certain mermaid boy he may or may not be crushing on. but he doesn't have time for that, btw ! he's super busy with more important stuff such as ! well ! other things ! whatever, let's move on . . . !

⊹˚. he is house pulgasari's newest yang member, and he has a lot to show for ! you should totally reach out if you're curious about That. . .

i have a lot more that i want to add to his character, so please expect upcoming lore drop posts and plot calls on the dash !

#nm:intro #( * tide washed ⸝ lore drop ! )#( * past the fourth wall. ⸝ ooc ! )

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bethanysnow · 9 days

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Get to know me~

Tagged by @itshannjisung

❣ Who is your favorite Kpop group?❣

These dorks! Stray Kids. I also love BTS and Block B. I haven't gotten super into girl groups yet, but I am inching my way with Itzy, Twice, and Mamamoo! If people have song recommendations please let me know!

❣ Which member sparked your interest first?

This artsy motherfucker. I saw a couple tiktok edits of this man and I needed to know why an anime character had come to life. Then I found out about SKZ, read some fanfiction, and by the time I looked up Chan had stolen me and I now am holding a wolfchan. Like you have to understand, I study art and dance and all of this stuff, I am going to school to work in museums, like this is my shtick! HE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I'VE EVER SEEN!! AND I'VE MET TOM HIDDLESTON

❣ Who was your first bias?

For stray kids its Chan, I am the mom friend, he is the dad friend and together we make a happy family.

NOW FIRST EVER BIAS?!

THIS DORK! EVERYONE SAY HI TO P.O (Pyo Ji-hoon) I love him with all of my heart, I will always be in debt to him as my first-ever Bias. I know he is an actor now BUT THIS MANS VOICE?!?! GAHHHHH He could give felix a run for his money like thats the vibe he is. Where normally hes this, like a college professor, suit-wearing dorky big grinned man and his voice is that of a rocker who smokes a pack a day

❣ Who is your current bias?

LOOK AT SASSY PANTS THINKING HES SO COOL! I-its chan guys. Im basic bitch I know. BUT LISTEN Ey ey ey, we all need a 5'7 man to tell us he thinks we're pretty. Even though he embodies being 6'1.

❣ What makes them your bias?

It is hard for me to really describe why. Not just because I picked him, or I like him the most, but being a fan of Stray Kids, meeting the people I have, all of the members but especially Chan make me want to be better. I want to be able to go up to them and say "Because of you and your inspiration, I now have achieved X" I want to participate in life and do things again. I want to go to therapy, I want to work out again and fight my eating disorder. I am creating art, and writing songs???? I've never done that before and they aren't awful! Life is brighter because Stray Kids and Chan are in it. I look at the moon every night and think of something Jin (bts) said, that its the same moon and look at it and think of him. Just these little reminders that while the world seems to feel so big and scary and nothing is going right, you are a speck on a floating rock in space. Just like them.

Also Chan says he doesn't love himself, he doesn't think hes attractive. So it makes me feel validated that maybe I'm not as ugly as I think I look??? Because if hes as prince charming as he is maybe im not as bad looking as I think I do?

❣ Who is your bias wrecker?

Uhhh all of them????? There isn't a wreck-ER its you are wrecked by all of them! It was Hyunjin for a while, now I think it's Minho??? It switches on the daily honestly??? I will take anything and anyone of them.

❣ Which member(s) are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/bias wrecker?

Felix/Han I love me some soft boys. Also I am 5'9, plus size, and very no-nonsense. The idea of these tiny men getting me to....do things...and uh trying to get me flustered just- yea does good for the soul. I love like reverse expectation fics? Like the big tall scary one is the subby sweet sunshine gf type and the tiny brightly colored talkative one is the super scary dominate teasing one. Its great.

❣ When did you first discover this group?

Last fall, I had just gotten out of a situationship and the band that brought me to it wasn't putting out music and I wanted to find joy again so I tried to find what I was into prior to rock music and that was kpop. Looked up groups that were popular, got back into BTS and then Stray Kids were in my recommended and the rest is history

❣ Have you ever been to one of their concerts?

No! But if they come to Washington you know I will be there. I am going to see Enhypen this month with a friend of mine though! First kpop experience

❣ What are some of your favorite songs by the group?

ITEM

Youtiful

Case 143

Red Lights

Comflex

My Universe

Tortorus and Hare

Social Path

I tag @kaciidubs @7ndipity

#stray kids #get to know me #tag post

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chershare · 5 months

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Thank you for talking about weight stigma for skinny people /g when i saw "I'm sorry this happened one time" I flinched because I spent ~3 hours the other day with my partners detailing the multiple times through my life that I was mistreated for being naturally thin. And those are only the times i remember lmao

I was accused on more than one occasion of having an eating disorder (by doctors and teachers) because I was thin. It came up at any and every family event. I'm not going to detail the more triggering things, but it certainly wasn't just hearing "eat a sandwich" once

I still believe i have more privilege as a thin person, ofc, but holy shit erasing experiences is not the way to promote body positivity.

You're welcome. Everyone should have a voice.

Not sure if it came across, but I'm really against excluding people from discussion, especially when it's the kind of issue that effects everyone. Even if some of those effects aren't as immediately noticeable or understood based on appearance, everyone should be able to know their feelings are valid.

It's similar to the generalized and accepted facts of trauma, in my head. Just because someone "had it worse than you" it doesn't invalidate the bad things that you experienced. It's not a competition. Suffering isn't a game that you can win, and your size shouldn't define you.

It should be that easy. It's not, obviously, but it should be.

It just means that we should systematically go through the bad things that happen, and do what we can to ensure that those bad things stop happening.

We're all people. We all deserve to feel safe, to feel accepted. To feel and know that we are allowed to be happy, to feel like we are enough without changing or being different. And cutting out people based on appearance is the exact opposite of what I feel the ultimate goal of body positivity should be. Of what society should be.

Even if you haven't spoken up in discussion about an issue, learning that if you did you wouldn't be taken seriously, even be repudiated, is not helpful. It just builds resentment and hurt, people get defensive or change previously accepting mindsets because they feel attacked or shunned, and the cycle won't ever end if we keep perpetuating it.

Never, in the history of anything, has "othering" and excluding people, villainizing or marginalizing them, been good for a cause or for a good cause.

#cher shares #some serious business

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ash-and-books · 2 months

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Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb: A powerful coming-of-age graphic novel about how mothers and daughters pass down—and rebel against—standards of size, gender, race, beauty, and worth.

Guandong, 1954 Sixteen-year-old Mei Laan longs for a future of freedom, and her beauty may be the key to getting it. Can an arranged marriage in Hong Kong be the answer to all her problems?

Hong Kong, 1972 Sixteen-year-old Lydia wants nothing more than to dance and to gain approval from her mother, who is largely absent and sharply critical, especially about the way she looks. Maybe her way to happiness is starting over in Toronto?

Toronto, 2000 Sixteen-year-old Roz is grappling with who she wants to be in the world. The only thing she is certain of is that if she were thinner, things would be better. How can she start living her life, instead of just photographing it?

When Roz’s estranged por por abruptly arrives for a seemingly indefinite visit, three generations are now under one roof. Delicate relationships are suddenly upended, and long suppressed family secrets begin to surface.

Award-winning creator of Living with Viola Rosena Fung pulls from her own family history in her YA debut to give us an emotional and poignant story about how every generation is affected by those that came before, and affect those that come after.

Content Warning: body image, disordered eating.

Review:

A amazing coming of age story about how mothers and daughters pass down and rebel against standards of size, gender, race, beauty and worth. The story follows 3 times: 1954, 1972, and 2000 and follows three women. In Guandong 1954, sixteen year old Mei Laan longs for a future of freedom and hoping to use her beauty to get an arranged marriage... maybe she'll find happiness in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, 1972 sixteen year old Lydia wants nothing other than to pursue dance and to gain her mother's approval.... which has been hard since her mother is extremely critical and mostly absent... especially sharp about Lydia's weight. In Toronto, 2000 sixteen year old Roz is grappling with who she wants to be and how she wants to look. Roz thinks that if she were thinner, everything would be better. When Roz's grandmother, Mei comes to town abruptly.... the three generations of women are all under one roof and all three of these women have a strained relationship with each other. Can they find a way to finally mend the rift between them? This was such a touching and beautiful coming of age story that really resonated with me. The generational trauma and the body image issues that we can pass down to each other was so well depicted. This story really touched my heart and it was so well written. I would absolutely recommend this book!

*Thanks Netgalley and Annick Press Ltd., Annick Press for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #booksih #book

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myrthing · 3 months

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Last night I realised I've now been Officially Autistic™️ for half my life, which is my entire adult life.* I was diagnosed late! I'm smart so there was never a concern in school before I literally burned out in high school, and my... behavioural issues... weren't something my family assumed to be atypical or anything other than me being a terrible, evil child.

Talking about this is always loaded, because of the fact that I am talking about it on my own, in my own words. Obviously I'm not that autistic, so does the diagnosis even matter*? I was a terrible, unpleasant child, so should I be allowed to think of myself as a victim of a system that rewards smart, publicly well-behaved girls (most of my behavioural issues were at home)?

But a tiny bit of me likes to imagine the what if of having been diagnosed earlier. It would maybe have saved everyone a lot of pain, if there was any investigation into why I acted like I did, before I was seventeen. Maybe I could have learnt actual emotional regulation, instead of the thing I do where I push all my emotions down because I learnt they didn't matter and weren't valid.

Also, while I'm imagining an alternate timeline where everything is rainbows and fluffy clouds, I wouldn't be depressed, I could still eat wheat, I never fought with my sister ever again, I finished high school at the top of my class and I went on to get a PhD in history and became a bestselling author at age 25. And I got a pony.

*Full disclosure, my official diagnosis is Aspergers Syndrome. I stopped using that name several years ago, partially because I don't want to be associated with a fucking Nazi, thanks; and partly as a reaction to a lot of my classmates in Asperger school** using the diagnosis as a justification for looking down on people (mostly allistic people, but really anyone who did not have specifically an AS diagnosis). I happened to really dislike those classmates especially, but I do and did also find that kind of superiority insufferable. Distancing yourself from people who are more disabled because you happen to have the "socially acceptable" version of a disorder never sat right with me.

**Uh. Short version: think community college with dorms, with a AS program aimed at teaching basic life skills while also earning the equivalent of a GED, with accommodation for our diagnosis. We were split roughly 2:1 towards low need versus medium need. I loved it there. Not sure I was helped by it, except unintentionally.

#autism #adhd #depression #disability #brain goes brrrrrrr #I have not forgotten how old I am no one check my math #ableism #newsflash to anyone who thinks being an aspie gets you out of ableism from normal: it doesn't #you're lucky if you can mask (and I can)#but being open about being autistic will make some people change how they behave towards you #I've def had people react with barely disguised disgust the second I mentioned my diagnosis #neurodivergent #autism spectrum disorder

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orthodox-femininity · 2 years

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The Feminine Appearance Part 3 - Proper Diet

Tumblr has had a very long and dark history with food and food relationships so I'm not going to make this post very long or detailed, especially as someone who in my earlier years struggled with eating disorders.

However, there is something to be said about being a natural feminine woman and what you put into it. There's going to be an obvious difference between eating something highly processed full of trans fat and other nastiness vs something made to where you know all of the ingredients and there's no chemicals or preservatives.

I've personally learned that I am at my healthiest, both physically and mentally, when I cook from scratch and don't eat as much junk. I'm at a much healthier weight, I find myself being filled by my food, and it's easier for me not to snack mindlessly or emotionally.

Not only will it benefit yourself, but it'll benefit your relationships as well. If you find the diet that works for you and your family, they will be more nourished and this helps to bring down the American obesity rates and ongoing issues of chemicals in foods harming children. It's better to give your child an apple for a snack as opposed to something like Gushers for example.

It will also improve your relationship with your husband. Find what makes you look and feel the best that he agrees on, and your husband is sure to be happy and find you attractive.

Eating better maintains your feminine figure and leads into a million other ways to nourish your body. If you eat better, you physically feel AND look better.

I won't tell you what to specifically eat or a weight you must maintain because this is an internal thing to discover, but there are some basic guidelines that may be good for all that you have to go over with your family. It's not cookie cutter, it's very dependent. But there are certainly things we all can do:

Try to not overeat, eat for boredom, emotionally eat, etc. Don't cope with food.

Limit the amount of snacks in your home, barring any medical conditions of course.

If you need snacks, find more natural and health oriented options.

Eat to nourish, don't just eat to fill.

Try to buy the best quality ingredients as frequently as possible.

Balance your meals with protein, carbs, veggies, etc. Cut the solely meat and potatoes gimmick.

Avoid when possible the ultimate downfall of ordering out. Treat yourself every so often but not every night buying a large pizza.

Help your children learn from a young age that healthy doesn't mean gross.

Research! Find meals that taste good to you but doesn't go overboard into a huge calorie bomb.

#tradition #tradfem #tradwife #traditional marriage #traditional woman #traditional femininity #homemaking #traditionalism #traditional gender roles #feminine not feminist #femininity #homemaker

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