#especislly if its women | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fishfem · 3 years

Note

Do you have any advice for telling a man to stop something? My boyfriend of four years causally calls everyone a cunt or a bitch and when I ask him to stop calling me that he says whatever or he calls everyone that so it doesn’t mean anything. It’s partly my fault for not telling him to stop it when we first got together but I had just been in an abusive relationship and assumed it was normal. Recently I’m realizing he shouldn’t call me names or call me stupid so I’m trying to convince him to stop but he always says it’s a joke or brushes it off. I wanna stay with him because i love him and no one else could really deal with me because of my past and the amount of trauma baggage I have.

i'm so sorry youre dealing with this anon.

This is a tough situation. Firstly, it's not your fault. He's the one choosing to say slurs and ignore your discomfort. That is not your fault. It is not your fault that you were initially afraid to say something. It doesnt make it right that he's doing it or less gross.

Truthfully, there is not much advice I can give since I dont know you two. I am sorry.

As it is, your bf gives me a lot of red flags, and I understand you said you dont want to leave and you do not have to, but I do hope you read the following still.

How soon did you get in a relationship with your boyfriend? The fact that you were afraid to say something until now, to me, implies it was pretty close. That worries me because people are extremely vulnerable after leaving abuse. Especislly romantic relationships as someone often will try to get in a new relationship quickly which can leave them less likely or able to screen for quality in their partners. I'm not saying your boyfriend is horrible and actively targeted you for this or that this is what happened, but I do think its important to be aware of that imbalance in power.

Secondly, his absolute lack of care for your comfort and dismissal of you is concerning. If your close friend, who know yknow had been abused before you met, came up to you and finally commented on something youve slways said and saying it makes them uncomfortable, would you just shrug them off like this? knowing it is something that has likely bothered them since the beginning, but theyve finally healed enough to say something?

Another red flsg is the fact that he calls you names and calls you stupid. You sort of mentioned this then passed on and I think it definitely is related to the fact that you only recently realized you deserve to be treated better, but its just that— you deserve to be treated better, and he shouldnt be treating you that way.

i wonder if he knows you view him as your last chance and the only once accepting of you. because to be quite frank, that is very useful to him. it lets him know he could do anything and you wouldnt leave.

all these things together, for me, paint a concerning image. best case scenario, hes unintentionally taking advantage of the trauma mentality and behavior you got from abuse and is just kind of a very inconsiderate person.

i want you to know; he is not your only option, whether its worst case scenario or not. there ARE others who would "deal with you". trust me, he does... not sound like anything special. but also; you dont need to be in a romantic relationship. i know that feels like it means you have to be alone, but it doesnt. you can develop a loving group of friends. you can enrich your own life. romantic partners are not the end all be all, and it is better to be single than to be partnered and unhappy. for women especially, this is literally statistically true. i know it may feel like that life isnt something you can achieve for yourself, that while others could do it you couldnt be happy like that— but you really probably could. it just takes time and persistence. and it really is rewarding. i know some older lesbians who dont have partners whether due to never finding someone, losing someone, ending a relationship, etc, and theyve been single for decades— but they are the happiest women ive ever seen.

the most important thing to remember with relationships is youll always be under their power whether theyd like it or not if you dont believe youre able to survive on your own. society encourages this in women, and abused women often really struggle with it.

now i understand if youre not ready or willing to face any of that. but please remember you have worth and your boyfriend should be listening to you, and it is not your fault. im sorry i dont have better advice for you given the ambiguity.

#asks

29 notes · View notes

hageny · 2 years

Note

Yeah, that's how I felt too. I feel like people are very quick to be like, "You are being harsh towards her because she is a woman!" When its like, "No dude, she genuinely sucks." I think she definitely faces sexism and misogyny, but that does not excuse or negate her overall character and actions. My baseline for every character on this show is to immediately dislike them, because that is the nature of the world we are placed in with them. There is no true morality. Even with Eavis and Nate (🤢), they were technically trying to expose the evil Logan does and I was like, "Nope, can't stand them" as soon as I saw them on screen. I agree that Shiv is used to getting her way and it's now we are seeing that things aren't going in her favor. And I think you're right that she does use sex as a weapon. I also think part of the reason why Logan is being especislly dickish to her this season is because he is able to see how opportunistic she actually is. In the past, it wasn't anything to do about the company. She separated herself from that. But the moment she said she wanted the top job and exposed herself in season 2, that's when he started to punish her for it. He definitely is a misogynist and so much more, but with his daughter, he berates and humiliates her because she is playing this game where she says she is doing everything on his behalf, but deep down its so secure her own gains. And in general, Logan will never approve a successor because he is that petty and self-involved. But I think in her head, and many viewers heads, it's like, "You're just trying to keep a girlboss down!" And it's like, why are you trying to be a girlboss? I think a lot of white women especially think that if they get criticism for doing horrible things, it is sexism, etc. and it's like....why can't we point out that you are doing a horrible thing? Because you are. As noble as you may want to be, if you are following the footsteps of the horrible figures before you, being called out on that is not sexism. In the past I used to feel sorry for Kendall because he was abused. But he is the same as Shiv. They think they are on this crusade of justice when it is self serving and hollow. And don't even get me started on Roman and Connor. But I find it frustrating because Shiv wants to be seen as moral when she is the same as everyone else. And she has not faced the same abuse as her brothers. She has gotten a pass for a lot of things. But she doesn't act different. It is always about her. The only time I genuinely thought there was an inkling of morality was when she was against Roman's pick for president. But even then....there was plenty of ego on display.

Thanks for the comments! In my view, Logan is not really a misogynist, because when we really boil him down to his essence, he treats everyone the same, which is usually pretty poorly. I often think back to that scene in "Vaulter" when he offered Shiv the top job, but gave her a list of requirements to meet before she could take over, and all she did was shoot him down. She wants the top job, but she doesn't want to do the work to GET there. And Logan has gotten there by work, and work alone. He grew up poor; you can't half-ass that sort of guy. And really, to a degree, I agree with his low estimation of others. Where they see a linear path, he sees all the roads laid out before him and asks the necessary questions. With last weeks episode, when everyone was excited after Stewy called Gerri wanting to make a deal with her, only Logan was smart enough to ask, "Why? What do they know that we don't know?". Everyone else saw the deal, and he saw the paths around it, the obstacles, the scheme--which there was. Stewy was playing both sides with Ken and Gerri in his pocket. But only Logan intuited that. And like Logan or not, that's what makes a great businessman, and it's the reason he looks down on everyone else, because really, who else is capable? Who else thinks like him? Gerri comes close, but even she is not quite Logan. It goes beyond being self-involved and into what really does it take to run a company like the one he built? I agree with you, a lot of people throw the 'girl boss' term around when on the receiving end of criticism, although I will say it's not just white women. It's a lot of women in general, who don't want to levy criticism against one of their own because all that's drilled into their heads is "patriarchy this", "all men that", and it influences a lot of people's perceptions of the characters in a way that is wholly inaccurate. Gerri, for instance, gets this treatment sometimes, but really, is she someone we should want to be? Is she someone we would want to work under? Unless we're Roman, not really. In all her years there, there's no evidence she had any interest or empathy for anyone around her, woman or not. She even throws Karolina under the bus when it comes to telling Logan about the biography being written about him in "Hunting". Even in a simple interaction, if she can get out from under the heat she will, and that's her character, that's who she is. Even J. Smith-Cameron has said Gerri isn't really a good person, and she also named Shiv as one of the show's most evil, alongside Logan. I haven't gotten through the latest episode yet, so I don't know what I'll think of Roman's presidential pick, but I am intrigued to see it, haha. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I like the discourse.

#succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #succession thoughts #asks

7 notes · View notes