0951 Central Standard Time
"Woman!! Come tuck me in," He yells.
Mind you, I have just gotten a chance to grab a muffin. "I'm eating and momming, dearie...In a minute."
"oh. What's breakfast?"
"Zucchini muffins my Dad made for me."
"Yep. If you ever mess up...just make me muffins."
He laughs, "Really? Only when I mess up, huh?"
"Nah. Whenever. These are good, but I like them better with pecans. Or with walnuts, I'm not picky."
"Hmmm. You drive a hard bargain, Ghostie, but I accept. Zucchini muffins with walnuts. You are so easy to please."
"I am," I chuckle. "Doesn't take much to make me happy, does it?"
"No, it does not. And thank God for that. I can't fathom why no one else would do those things for you. Do they like to see you smile? Because I love it. I live for your happy smile."
"I think it's cause it takes time and energy. No one else has been enough like me that time and energy are important. All I want is effort. All I ask is that you try. It doesn't matter if it's every once in a while, that you do something like that. The point is that you took the time, without asking and made something with your own two hands, just for me. I've never had that."
I can almost feel his fingertips on my cheek and his strong gentle hand on my back, as I snuggle in with him.
"Baby, I will always take the time for you. You deserve it. You do so much for so many, and no one has ever had the time for you. I am gonna make time, from now on; because I am just as guilty there."
He rolls and wraps one arm around me.
"Yep. From now on, you are always going to know right where you stand. I will start taking the time, even if only for a few minutes at a stretch; to remind you that you are so special to me," he pauses to kiss my hand and hold it over his heart, "You mean the world to me, and I need to tell you that more often. And come February, you are going to see an increase in effort. Because I never want you to feel like you are second best. I never want you to feel like you are second to work. It's just a job, it isn't meant to be forever; but, you are. We both know, it's going to be a bit before we are giving the same amount of effort. I hate that it is going to be a while before I am putting in my fair share of the work at this. You know, I would do anything for you. Anything you want."
"You know what I want," I giggle.
He flops back on the bed, one arm extended, laughing, "You are going to get me fired," he says as he pulls me over on his chest, then smooths a hand over my head, "If I thought I could, without getting into trouble, I would in a heartbeat; in a fucking heartbeat, Baby," he says as his hands caress up and down my back and hips. "But I have got to do this. I have to wait this out. I need to make sure we have enough to start out. Because I would hate to start this and there not be enough for the kids. You know that it would hurt you, but it would absolutely kill me. I want those two to have a better go at life than we did. And we know the third is going to need to be in care eventually. I want to make certain that it is settled; that he gets the help he needs. I love you, and I love those kids, and I would never, ever trade."
He tears up at that last bit.
"Haka, please don't cry."
"No. No, Mami. Just got hit with the realization that my whole world is on the other side of the planet. That the four people I love the most in this life are 8000 miles away."
"I understand. I promised you a safe place to land. It is going to take me a bit to make that happen."
"Agreed. See, it's like we are always working towards the same goals without knowing. For me, it's making sure there is enough, and for you, it's standing alone while I have to be gone. I cannot wait. Seeing you in Chicago is going to be so good. Finally getting to hold you will be like a dream come true."
"Yeah. Anyway, it's 0130 there and you need to sleep."
"Hmmm. Would rather be doing other things right now," He grins as he runs his knuckles along the inside of my thigh.
I swat his hand away. "Good night, Haka. Sleep well, my dear, I'll keep watch."
He whines a little, "G'night, Mami. Raincheck?"
"Raincheck," I agree as I drop 2 kisses on his forehead. "Now sleep," I whisper as he drifts off.
mädch!!!!!!! yay, i use super happy to read another message from you again. it was a pretty big project, and some of the team members are still a bit flaky but i really hope they'll get better and things will get better. thanks for being so nice about the work and friends - idk about you but the more awkward i feel i get more and more awkward and withdrawn? hopefully i'll get something published soon which is a bit exciting but idk how it will go? no one cares about my work that much aha. ahhh it's hard to be an introvert? ah i'm nattering on again!
BUT how is your time off going?!!?! are you enjoying it? are the people in the HR office really nice to you? is it going ok? are you getting enough rest in between everything? ahhhh!!! my favourite track is heaven as well. though i really love secrets and i really love rotate as well. kyun's spanish really really through me in a good way as well! i hope they manage to put out one more record before anyone has to enlist!
I am super super super proud that you go through such a tough year! i hope you have been able to treat and reward yourself for all your hard work, you really really deserve it. i really admire how hard you work to gif everything and put out it all out for everyone to enjoy!! when i've been feeling a bit run down i've had a look and it's just a timeline blessing :)
love you lots and lots :D and i'm rooting for you and all good things for you! - 💥
MY LOVE !!!!!!!!! it's so so good to hear from u again bubbie !!! <3
like i mentioned previously i am SO PROUD that u were able to pull through and get everything done ;____; even if some of ur team members didn't carry some weight :( you're amazing <3 in terms of the awkwardness with friends !!! i understand what u mean ,, however this is just bc of my tendencies and personality, i tend to initiate if something is wrong ?? like if i feel something is off i would like to address it so i have a more peace of mind knowing that i've done something instead of let it fester ;___; but i think that stems from some anxieties that i have bc if i don't address something like that i will quite literally self destruct lskdfjs; also NOOO pls !!!!!! i care about your work angel what u do is very important !!! publishing this and working on that and traveling here and there, i admire ur work so much !!!!!!!
my time off is going okay bubbie i can't really complain!! i'm making pretty good money (for me, a student going into her last year of uni who isn't paying for an apartment yet lol); i really wish i could have gotten into a hospital tho ....... i'm really scared for next semester ..... :( but everyone in HR is fine !!! obviously not sometime i'll be doing after uni tho lol :') i've definitely treated myself here and there tho !! i've bough some mx albums and a new pair of shoes <3 but i am also very bad at "spending money" i often don't treat myself to a lot of things bc i have this thing where i don't like to see my bank account fall below a certain amount idk it's really weird LKFJSKFJ
AND SLDFJS !!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS ALBUM SO MUCH !!!! i see a lot more mbb say their fav song now is heaven and it makes me SO HAPPY bc that song is brilliant <3 i said it in one of my posts but i think it's like top 3 or 4 comfort songs from them for me :-) !!! ROTATE IS SOMETHING ELSE and .......... secrets is so GROOVY i actually think it's the grooviest song on the album <3 AND PLS IDK IF U SAW ME FREAK OUT when the album dropped bc literally i thought i was going to hit post limit that day LMAO but when kyun said "quiero estar contigo" SDJFSJFS <3333333333333333333 MALFUNCTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but ;____; gosh that really means a lot to me ... not many ppl know what i've been thru at uni and honestly i don't look at myself as someone who feels like i deserve to be "stressed" all the time; i mean you work harder than i do !!! u are graduated and working in the big world and i'm just approaching my last year or nursing school in a sea of smarter, probably better and more responsible nurses. i have many doubts about going into the field after this year; will i pass my NCLEX boards? will i get my dream job working in the NICU? will i fuck up and be a failure ... i won't believe it until i see it ;___; but thank u for being so encouraging bc i really look up to how hard u work and i think you will do many amazing things with your work ethic <3
anyways i've definitely rambled way to much but i love u angel !!!!!!!!! it's always good to hear from u and i will always be here cheering u on as well <3 thank u for being such a kinda presence not only on here but just ... you're a part of my life now !!!! we share experiences and even thru good times and bad u are here <3 so thank u !!! take care bubbie !!!!! love u !!!!!!!!!!
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Pertama memulai untuk menulis
Awal-Nya tidak tertarik untuk menulis. Selain karena kurang-Nya, "literasi" juga sulit.
Apalagi untuk menulis itu membutuhkan skill buat merangkai kata, dan planning yang matang.
Oh iya introduction dulu.. Nama lengkapku "Melkisedek Notanubun" dan aku berasal dari Indonesia Timur. Sebuah negeri antaberantah di Kepulauan Aru (Perairan Laut Arafura) dan merupakan Mahasiswa aktif di PSDKU ARU UNPATTI AMBON, Fakultas Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris.
Banyak hal yang membuatku tertarik untuk memulai menulis, salah satu-Nya adalah melepaskan penat pikiran, dan isi hati perjalanan hidup. Bicara tentang menulis, aku dulu-nya tidak terlalu suka menulis, TAPI karena salah satu mata kuliah wajib kami sebagai Mahasiswa Bahasa Inggris yaitu "Writing" dimana yang membawakan mata kuliah seorang Dosen yang tegas dan terbilang killer.
Bayangkan dua semester untuk Essay, lebih banyak revisi serta aku hampir mengulang lagi. Ya, Essay merupakan mata kuliah yang ga gampang. Dan aku merasakan betul, bahwa untuk memahami Essay itu, berarti kita harus mau dulu untuk "menulis". Karena bagaimanapun juga, Essay mulai ide, outline dan development harus terstruktur supaya membuat pembaca mengerti apa yang ditulis.
Dan semua itu ya, kita harus menulis. Kalau mau membuat sebuah Essay observasi-Nya berarti mau tak mau kita harus menulis, dan menulis saja tidak cukup karena kita harus butuh banyak literasi dari banyak bacaan, ide, dan ketekunan!
Saya lalu mulai belajar menulis dan membaca "Aku rela dipenjara asal bersama buku -M. Hatta' dari kata-kata beliau ini yang memotivasi untuk terus belajar dan banyak membaca agar bisa menulis! Dan juga saya menemukan banyak orang di Tumblr yang membuat saya semangat untuk belajar.
Dan ini saya memulai jadi harap dimengerti jika terdapat banyak kesalahan dalam penulisan diatas.
Dobo 14 Juni 2021
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