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arialerendeair · 3 years

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I read a post about it so now I have feelings but: the first time Magnus initiates a kiss? It can be as emotional or smutty or hurt/comforty as you want (tho you might know I have a deep fondness for hurt/comfort and smut asdfghjkl;) Alec is the one seen to initiate kisses for a long stint of the relationship and I'd just love to see the feelings that might be involved during the first time Magnus takes the lead of a kiss

Have fun with your writing Aria!! Ilysm ❤❤❤

DID SOMEONE ORDER SOME HURT/COMFORT? BECAUSE I AM HERE FOR THAT, SO HERE, HAVE THE FIRST PROMPT FILL OF THE MAGNUS BANE BIRTHDAY BASH BECAUSE WHAT COULD BE A MORE PERFECT START????

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He had always been too much.

He'd known that. From their very first date.

No matter that Alec had turned around and decided to give them their chance. No matter that Alec proved to him, each and every single day that he loved him without reservations.

Magnus knew better. He'd always known better.

So he held back. He didn't push, he didn't demand more. He didn't pull Alec into every kiss that he ever wanted to give his boyfriend. He waited, he let them go at Alec's pace. And even now, with Alec spending almost every single night at the loft, Magnus holds himself back, because he can't bear to lose this now that he has it.

"Magnus?" Alec called, sliding off his boots. "Are you home?"

Magnus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Hearing Alec call the loft home would be something that he would never tire of, no matter how long they were together. The knowledge that Alec was safe here, that he felt welcome here was an intoxicating one.

"Yes!" Magnus called back, taking a deep breath, forcing himself to smile. He stepped out of his bedroom, pausing in the middle of the room to watch Alec finish hanging up his bow before turning to him. Then Alexander turned to him and paused, staring at him.

Magnus blinked at the absolute arrested expression on Alec's face and took a hesitant step towards him. "Alec? Are you all right?"

"You are beautiful," Alec breathed, smiling and shaking himself as he moved further into the loft. "Angels, Magnus, you're so beautiful I can't believe that you're real some days."

Magnus flushed and stared at Alec, at the pleased, the relaxed smile on Alec's face, his heart pounding. He exhaled shakily, his fingers clenching with the urge to grab onto Alec and kiss him until neither of them had air left to breathe. "You're getting better at your flattery," he teased instead, smiling up at Alec.

Alec smirked. "I learned from the best."

Magnus laughed, even as Alec stepped in front of him, and tilted his head up, waiting for the expected kiss. But when none came, he blinked up at Alec in surprise. Alec who was watching him, his expression curious. His heart sank and he shifted, bringing more attention to Alec. "Alec?"

"Magnus," Alec said, taking a deep breath, reaching out to touch Magnus at the waist, pulling him in carefully. "May I ask you something?"

Magnus smiled and nodded, pressing himself up against Alec. "Anything you want, Alexander. Is everything okay?"

Alec frowned and nodded. "Yeah. I just... noticed something. And I don't know if you do it on purpose, but." He paused and kissed Magnus' forehead gently, exhaling hard. "I need you to know that I'm not unhappy and even if you don't know the reason, I promise it's okay."

An uncomfortable tightness started to gather in his chest and Magnus tensed. "Wh, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Alec repeated, his hands going around Magnus' waist. "Nothing is wrong, Magnus. But I was wondering. You always let me kiss you first."

The uncomfortable feeling shifted to a rock in his stomach and Magnus closed his eyes against the fear that swamped him. Alec had noticed. Alec had noticed and now was going to wonder why and think, think who knows what.

"At first," Alec continued, even when Magnus' face twisted in pain. "I thought it was because you didn't want to pressure me. And I appreciated that. But, now I wonder if it's... for another reason."

"Alexander..." Magnus started, squaring his shoulders, trying to think of a way, any way to get himself out of this, to find an answer to the statement that would keep them together. He couldn't lose Alec, not yet. He wasn't ready.

Alec took another deep breath. "So I just wanted to make sure. You, you want to kiss me, right? When I kiss you?"

Magnus blinked, all of his thoughts skidding to a halt.

That was...

That was not what he expected.

"Because if you don't-" Alec started, his eyes wide and frantic. "Please, please tell me. You, you told me how important consent is and I'm worried you don't want-"

Magnus pressed a finger to Alec's lips, silencing him as he took another slow, shuddering breath. "Alexander?"

Alec made a noise against Magnus' finger to show he was listening.

"You always surprise me," Magnus said, shaking his head, smiling as he pulled his finger away. He met Alec's eyes. "Yes, Alec. I want to kiss you."

"Then why..." Alec frowned. "Why do you always wait for me to initiate a kiss?"

Magnus gave a rueful chuckle and leaned in to press his forehead against the steady beat of Alec's heart, listening to it, glad when Alec kept him curled close against his chest. Alec would never push him for an answer if he wasn't ready to give it, and he had never been more certain of that in his entire life.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Alec continued. "I just, I want to make sure I'm not hurting or upsetting you."

Magnus wanted to laugh at the absurd idea that Alec kissing him could in any way hurt or upset him when he wanted nothing more to be kissing his boyfriend every minute they were together. And then a few extra, just for good measure.

"You're not hurting or upsetting me," Magnus forced himself to say, pushing himself back just enough to look up at Alec. "I promise you're not." He took a deep breath and steeled himself. "But in the past, I've..." he hesitated.

Alec waited, watching Magnus carefully as he suddenly tried to hunch in on himself and he realized why Magnus hadn't been kissing him. His heart skipped several painful beats, but he waited, his eyes on his boyfriend.

"I've been called clingy. And too much," Magnus said, closing his eyes as he exhaled hard. "I know I've told you that. But it's been true for everything, not just spending time together. I don't, I didn't want to press you into something you weren't ready for."

Alec nodded and kissed Magnus' forehead again. "You've always let us go at my pace, Magnus. But you shouldn't be denying yourself something that you want and need just because I'm new at this."

Magnus chuckled. "Pretty sure you've got some experience under your belt now."

"As you well know," Alec teased back, smiling. "But Magnus," he cupped Magnus' cheeks in his palms and carefully ran his thumbs over the curve of his cheekbones. "You're not too much for me. I want to be with you every moment I'm not here. I want to kiss you every minute of every day. You can kiss me as often as you want. I want that."

Magnus' breath caught and he stared at Alec, at the sincerity shining in his eyes. Alec was telling the truth, and the realization, the knowledge made his heart ache in the best ways. He forced himself to nod and pressed his forehead against Alec's shoulder again. "I'll keep that in mind," he whispered.

When Alec didn't press for anything further and simply held onto him tighter, Magnus let himself relax. This was exactly what he wanted and needed.

~!~

The next morning, Magnus walked into the kitchen to find Alec glaring at the coffee machine. It was his constant nemesis, and no matter how many times Magnus walked him through using a cup of coffee, the machine simply did not like behaving for Alexander. "Coffee machine causing issues again?"

"Yes," Alec grunted, glaring at it. "Can you use your oh-so-magical touch to fix it?"

Magnus stopped by Alec and reached up, wrapping one hand around his neck to pull him down for a soft kiss, smiling up at him. "Gladly, Alexander." He turned to the coffeemaker, his heart pounding hard as he focused on pouring himself and Alexander a cup.

When he turned back around, two mugs in hand, Alec was staring at him with the widest grin he'd ever seen on his shadowhunter. Magnus stared at the smile for a long moment before he realized Alec was taking the cups of coffee away from him, to put on the counter behind him.

"Alexander-"

"I love you," Alec blurted, pressing Magnus back against the counter with a hard kiss. "I love you, so much," he breathed, kissing Magnus again, and then again.

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's shoulders and grinned into the kiss, holding on tight. He should have known that Alec would be different.

He always was.

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Feel free to send in more prompts for the Magnus Bane Birthday Bash!

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#Aria Posts #Magnus Bane Birthday Bash #MB3 #Malec #Magnus Bane #Hurt/Comfort #Cuddling #Kisses #Insecure Magnus Bane #Excellent Boyfriend Alec Lightwood #MAGNUS BANE DESERVES NICE THINGS #LIKE ALEC LIGHTWOOD #AND YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE #eternallysilvermagnusandalec

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malecsecretsanta · 3 years

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Merry Christmas, eternallysilvermagnusandalec!

For @eternallysilvermagnusandalec. I hope you like it :)

Read On AO3

*****

Learning to Speak

The first time he sees Magnus, the first time Magnus turns to look at him, Alec loses his ability to speak.

That's never happened to him before. And it's not as if he always tells people what he's really thinking—he has secrets after all, very necessary secrets—but that's a calculation, a choice.

With this—Alec isn’t sure he could say anything to Magnus even if he wanted to. Not anything real, at any rate.

Magnus looks at him like he knows. And Alec wonders if, for all his flirtations and brash declarations, Magnus is holding something back, too.

Alec can’t know for sure. All he really knows is he wants to see more of him, so he can find out.

Alec knows better than to be here.

This is dangerous. Magnus’s loft is dangerous. Not because of Magnus, but because of what it means. The unraveling of a carefully walled-in life.

He’s about to say as much—well, not that, but some excuse as to why he has to leave before the aching in his heart can keep him here, when Magnus raises a finger to his lips.

And everything in Alec stills for the first time he can remember.

He can hear his heartbeat pounding louder in his ears, but everything else is—quiet. His vision narrows in on Magnus, the glitter under his eyes, the subtle vibrancy of him. And suddenly, he can’t remember why anything else is supposed to matter.

It’s quiet. It’s never quiet.

And Magnus is the opposite of a quiet person, but still everything in Alec settles before him. He thinks he might stop breathing if Magnus were to actually touch him.

Magnus doesn’t touch him. He does, however, watch Alec rather knowingly as he invites him to stay.

And Alec wants to stay. Here, in Magnus’s orbit. He knows he shouldn’t give in to that want, that it could tear out the cornerstone of everything he’s so carefully built.

He stays anyway.

Magnus is a flurry of sharpness and blue, his grace tempered by anger. Alec can’t tell if Magnus is angry at him or at the world or both. Maybe it doesn’t matter.

What does matter: Magnus is a sharply-moving thing that sets him alight. Alec so rarely feels alight. What matters even more: under Magnus’s quickfire anger is a deep distress that brings all of the lines of him into relief. Alec wants to hold him until he softens again.

Magnus stalks closer to him, the silk of his shirt shifting over his shoulders. His eyeshadow is dark and hollowing, his eyes glint in the dim light of the loft. He has such a natural grace to him, an ease of being that Alec’s admired since the first moment he saw him—though Alec’s starting to suspect that it’s not actually ease at all. Rather, Magnus’s existence is hard-won and tenuous, an act of continuous strength and balance and delicacy.

Alec admires him all the more, knowing that, feeling that, because his own life has also been built against a current, different from Magnus’s but precarious all the same.

And Alec can’t tell him—any of that. He can’t tell him that he’s so beautiful it makes Alec’s chest hurt. That the thought of leaving the loft, going home, leaves an aching cavern under his ribs. He can’t tell him, because this—him, Magnus, them, if there even is a ‘them,’—is the precarity threatening everything.

Magnus circles around him, leaning in close. Alec can smell his cologne, and has to close his eyes for a second to get his bearings. He feels Magnus’s magic brush his neck, so like a flame but cool to the touch. It feels like mourning for something they should have been able to have.

What about love? Magnus challenges.

And Alec thinks, despairingly, what about it? What about it, Magnus?

What about it.

Alec looks at Magnus at the far end of the aisle and thinks, I could love you. He’s never thought that about someone before, not in that way. He’s not sure he ever will again.

When he walks toward Magnus, his vision tunnels. All he can focus on is Magnus, the details of him: the streak of red in his hair, the velvet of his jacket, the glitter under his eyes. Everything else is so bright and loud—the shocked gasps, the murmurings, the very air.

When he kisses Magnus, it’s quiet. It feels like the first time he saw him, the first time he stayed the night in Magnus’s loft: that sudden clarity that shears through everything he’s constructed in his head. This is what matters: the way Magnus leans into him. The realness of his chest under Alec’s hands. The kiss feels like a declaration—of everything he hadn’t been able to say before, of everything he’ll want to say, someday.

So when he finds Magnus afterwards, it rolls so easily off his tongue, this simple request that seems to mean so much, that harkens back to their first moment together, and an Alec who had to stay silent for his own protection—but no longer.

“You wanna go get that drink sometime?”

It’s shockingly easy, once he starts doing it, for Alec to tell Magnus how he feels about him. It’s like the words spill forth from his mouth almost unbidden, like they can’t hide in the darkness any longer, and he wonders how he didn’t choke on them, before, when he was unable to speak.

“I don’t care how many people you’ve been with,” he says, almost started to find that it’s true. He doesn’t care about any of the complications. All he cares about is Magnus now, and how he feels about him, which is—well, he sort of still doesn’t want to think about just quite how big that feeling is.

Magnus looks sort of shocked, but allows Alec to kiss him, leaning up into the touch. And Alec says what he wanted to say when he first saw him, what he’s wanted to say every time after:

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

Magnus melts, looking away over Alec’s shoulder with a sort of pleased embarrassment. “Flatterer.”

“I’m only stating the truth,” Alec tells him.

“Yes, you always are, aren’t you?”

Alec isn’t entirely sure what he means by that, but Magnus is looking up at him with a gentle, warm smile on his face, so it must be good.

Alec leans in to kiss him again.

Magnus is holding the omamori charm like his hands have forgotten how to hold. Like this is the first thing they’ve really needed to hold. Alec is starting to get concerned by his silence when Magnus looks up at him and says, “You got this—for me?”

Alec nods. “It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection.” He thinks he might have been embarrassed by it, once, this gross sentimentality, but he isn’t now. He knows there’s no functional utility to the charm. That isn’t the point. He wants Magnus to carry a piece of him with him, and just hopes that isn’t too much to ask for.

Magnus tentatively closes his fingers around the charm like it might vanish from his grasp. “I— thank you, Alexander.”

Alec pulls Magnus close to kiss him, feeling his chest light up when Magnus hums into his mouth, reaches up to twine a hand in his hair.

“No need to thank me,” he says when they part. “Just let it do its job, okay? Let it protect you.” And then, because he feels almost compelled to say it: “I couldn’t handle it if you got hurt.”

Magnus hums again. His hand is still on the nape of Alec’s neck, and he strokes softly at his hair.

“I will try.”

It turns out Alec’s the one who needed the protection charm.

Though what he really needs protection from is himself, because he’s always thinking about Magnus. Including, and especially, when he’s in the middle of a fight and a demon is coming at him.

He cuts it straight through with his seraph blade, but not before it gets him in the side, claws cleaving through his gear. Alec hits the ground hard, and at first he thinks, maybe it’s not so bad.

Then he tries to push himself up, and his vision shatters into a million colors, and he thinks, oh, right. Venom.

He’s vaguely aware of Izzy crouched over him, yelling into her phone, but whatever she’s saying is too far away to hear.

It’s startling, to come to in Magnus’s bed. Because it’s not that they haven’t shared a bed before, but they don’t do it regularly, and Alec’s always a little wary of encroaching on Magnus’s space, pushing too far.

He stretches out on the sheets, trying to come back into his body. His side is sore, but less than should be expected, even from an iratze. And as he pushes himself to sit up, his hand closes over something that was sitting in his palm.

The omamori charm.

“This was meant to be for you,” Alec says before he can think about it.

And Magnus, who’s sitting beside him, dead quiet, staring off into space so intensely Alec’s not even sure he’s heard him, startles and looks at him.

“Alexander,” he says instead of addressing Alec’s comment. His voice is quiet, disused, grief threading through it. He leans over to help Alec sit up with gentle hands. “Shh, don’t move too much, you’re still not fully healed.”

Alec groans as the act of sitting up aggravates the scar tissue in his side. “What happened?”

Magnus looks away again. His hands twist into each other. He looks very tired, Alec notices suddenly. “Venom. Don’t worry, I extracted it. It will take another few days for the wound to heal completely, though. You’ll have to take it easy.” He rubs at his ear and still doesn’t look at Alec.

It hurts, to see him looking so distant. Alec tries to call out to him. “Magnus.”

No response.

“Magnus.”

When Magnus stays looking away from him, Alec reaches out and takes his hand. He places the charm back in his palm.

Finally, Magnus looks at him. There are tears brimming at the corners of his eyes.

“This was meant to protect you,” Alec says, closing Magnus’s fingers over the charm.

Magnus looks down at it. “You needed all the help you could get,” he says. And then, looking back up at Alec, “You worried me.”

It seems to pain him a little, to admit it.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says.

“No.” Magnus shakes his head. “No.”

And they’re still sort of new, they still don’t really do this. But still Alec tugs on Magnus’s sleeve, pulls him in close. “Come here.”

Magnus follows his pull, climbs into bed with him, and Alec pulls him close. Magnus hesitates, then tucks his face into the curve of Alec’s shoulder, pressing up close to him.

“Don’t let me hurt you,” Magnus murmurs, ever wary of Alec’s wounded side.

“Never,” Alec promises.

Don’t let me hurt you, Magnus had said. Don’t let me hurt you. As if he could ever.

Alec, on the other hand…

He’d yelled at him. He’d yelled at him, and now Magnus is missing, missing in an Institute full of dead Downworlders, he could be lying somewhere hurt, or dead, and does he even know? Does he even know that Alec loves him?

The rising sun should be a blessing after one of the darkest nights the Institute’s ever seen. But it means less than nothing to Alec, not without—

“Alexander—”

Alec spins around and crushes Magnus in a hug, effectively cutting off anything else he might have been going to say. He can’t breathe for the relief crashing through him, but he manages to say into Magnus’s shoulder—

“I love you.”

He can’t bear for Magnus to go another second without knowing it.

“Magnus, I love you, I— by the Angel.” That’s all he can say, the rest is swallowed by the relief of Magnus’s presence.

Magnus pulls away to look at him. He looks sort of startled. “I—” he tries to say, and has to pause to center himself. “I love you, too.”

Alec hugs him again, because he’s so overwhelmed with feeling that he has to, and Magnus hugs him back, shaking a little.

“I thought I lost you,” Alec says, clinging to him.

Magnus shushes him. “I know.”

It’s even easier, after that, saying it to him. Even when Magnus is struggling, and has a hard time accepting it, Alec will say it to him.

When Magnus comes home after a tough client—

“I love you.”

When Magnus is going through one of his spells where all he can manage seems to be sitting out on the balcony, smoking cigarette after cigarette—

“I love you.”

When Magnus is shaken and hurting after the incident with Azazel, barely able to handle anything from Alec at all—

Quietly, and from a distance— “I love you.”

Alec tries not to feel hurt when Magnus doesn’t always say it back.

It’s hard not saying it to him, when they’re broken up. Even harder than not being together is this: not being able to let Magnus know how loved he is.

Standing in the alleyway outside the Hunter’s Moon, looking at him, the words get caught in Alec’s throat. He’s not sure he can handle it if Magnus doesn’t say it back.

Magnus watches him, arms wrapped around himself. God, he looks so tired, Alec thinks. So tired and stressed beyond belief. And Alec realizes that however much Magnus may have stood by his decision, this has been incredibly hard on him.

Alec steps closer, grateful when Magnus doesn’t move away, but actually seems to soften as Alec approaches.

“Magnus…” he takes another step closer, “I love you.”

It feels like breathing again, to say it.

Magnus softens further. “I know,” he says, and then, “I’ve missed you.”

How Alec’s missed him, too. They’ve been working so closely together recently that it shouldn’t be possible, but he’s missed him.

He gets close enough to pull Magnus into a hug, and Magnus lets him, going boneless in Alec’s arms, like he’s been putting so much effort into holding himself up that the moment the opportunity comes to let it go he can’t help but collapse.

Alec holds him up, keeping himself upright solely on the warmth and solidness of Magnus in his arms, the relief of having him there.

“I love you,” he says again, into Magnus’s hair, and Magnus lets out a sort of whimper against his throat. “I love you.”

Magnus struggles with saying it, is something Alec’s realized. And it’s not that Alec doesn’t feel loved; Magnus shows him. He magicks hot drinks into Alec’s hands when he comes in from the cold. He gives him a hug when he can sense Alec’s feeling down and doesn’t know how to ask for it. He’s always there when Alec needs him, before Alec even realizes he needs him. But saying it aloud, committing to it—Magnus rarely does it unless Alec does it first.

So Alec tries to say it as much as possible.

He comes up behind Magnus when he’s working in his apothecary, wraps his arms around him, presses a kiss into the side of his neck. “I love you.”

Magnus tilts his head up to look at him, offers him a smile and a kiss on the check. “I love you, too. Now shoo before you distract me and I accidentally blow up the apartment.”

“Mmm, might be worth it.”

He comes to find him when Magnus gets lost in his thoughts, when he’s standing on the balcony, staring out over the city, a drink in his hand but not sipping from it.

Alec stands beside him, leans against him, letting Magnus support himself on him.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking about,” he says, “but I love you, you know.”

Magnus leans his head on his shoulder. “I know, darling. I love you, too.”

He wakes him with a soft kiss on his lips, runs a hand through his hair. Magnus always melts into it, wakens to look at him with unglamoured eyes.

“I love you,” Alec tells him, wanting it to be the first thing he hears when he wakes up.

And Magnus looks at him with this soft wondrous expression, always caught off guard by it.

“My darling,” he says, pressing a hand to Alec’s cheek.

Alec will keep saying it first until Magnus believes it.

If Alec has to have last words, he knows what he wants them to be.

Magnus comes careening down the alleyway toward him, skids to his knees in a way that must tear up the fabric of his pants, never mind hurt. “Alexander—”

Alec takes Magnus’s hands from where they’re hovering over him and holds them in his own. “Magnus—”

“Shhh, don’t talk, you’ll—” Magnus swallows harshly. “Save your strength.”

And Alec knows he doesn’t have long, but he has to say it to him, even if, especially if, it’s for the last time.

“I love you.” The words are broken and jagged, pushed out around the arrow driven through his lungs. They shear right through Magnus, his expression crumples, his hands on Alec’s chest fluttering desperately.

“No, no, don’t, please, darling—”

But Alec’s already fading, satisfied that at the very least, he’s told Magnus what he needs to.

Afterwards, when the hole is gone from Alec’s chest, and Magnus has a new one carved in his, Magnus lies down beside him in their bed, tracing a finger back and forth over the scar tissue on Alec’s heart. He’s wearing one of his silk robes open on his chest, and Alec can’t help but think that Magnus should have a scar, too, anything to show how he’s actually feeling inside.

“I love you,” Magnus says, still quietly dragging his finger across Alec’s skin. “I should have said it, before.”

“Before…?” But Alec thinks he already knows what Magnus is talking about.

“Before,” Magnus insists. “When…” you were dying. “I should have said it back to you.”

“No, Magnus, it’s okay—”

“It’s not.” Magnus lets out a sigh. “I suppose I was thinking—oh, I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. But the point is, you deserved to hear it. You always deserve to hear it. I’m sorry that… I have a hard time sometimes. Saying it.”

He sounds so sad about it. Alec doesn’t want him to feel that way, especially not now, when things are already hard enough.

He takes Magnus’s hand and kisses his knuckles. “It’s okay. I know how you feel.”

“Do you?” Magnus’s gaze is searing and very sad. “Do you really?”

“Yes.” Alec tugs him in until Magnus is lying pressed against his side, his nose tucked in against Alec’s neck. “You show me, don’t you? I know that you love me. I always know.”

Magnus still seems unsettled, but he stays against Alec’s side. “You’re good at that,” he finally murmurs after a long silence.

“At what?”

“Just— saying how you feel.”

Alec supposes it’s true, though he wouldn’t phrase it as the statement of fact Magnus seems to think it is. While it’s true that he’s never exactly been known to mince words, growing up he doesn’t think he was ever truly honest with his feelings with anyone. Not before Magnus.

“Maybe,” he says. “I don’t know.”

“You are,” Magnus insists. “It’s something I love about you. I can always count on you to be honest with me about how you feel.”

There’s something almost wistful in his voice, and Alec pulls him closer, pressing a kiss into his hair.

“Okay,” he concedes. “How’s this for honest feelings? I love you. And it’s going to be okay.”

They haven’t talked about his magic yet. Alec’s not sure if this even counts as “talking about it.”

Magnus sniffles. “How?”

“I don’t know,” Alec says, and he really doesn’t. “But it will.”

It doesn’t get better. Alec doesn’t know how to make it better, not when Magnus won’t let him.

Or, rather—he does know how to make it better. But not in a way either of them is going to be happy with.

Magnus is staring at him like he doesn’t even know who Alec is. Like he’s been transported to a darker world, one where the few truths he still holds have been turned on their heads.

Alec hates that he’s brought him to such a place, hates that it was necessary. He hates himself for the things he’s saying to him, terrible things, hates watching them embed themselves in Magnus’s chest. The spark in you is out for good. I’m not in love with you anymore.

And—Alec’s never lied to Magnus like this. He lied about the Soul Sword. But he’s never lied to him about his feelings for him. Not ever.

He wonders if Magnus can catch the disingenuousness in his tone, or if his feeling that he doesn’t deserve kind words is too deeply ingrained to allow for it.

Apparently it’s the latter. Magnus doesn’t try to follow him as he walks away. The slump in his posture isn’t just grief, but resignation.

It makes Alec’s chest want to cave in, the knowledge that some part of Magnus has just been waiting for this moment. Maybe that’s why he never pushes, never asks, never says anything first.

But it’s too late for Alec to try and remedy that now.

Magnus probably wouldn’t believe him anyway.

The last thing Alec expects is for Magnus to storm into his office the next day, magic flaring along every inch of his skin. Some part of Alec thrills to see it, that spark back in his eyes, even if it’s now mainly anger, and directed at him.

“How—” Magnus starts after he’s slammed the door shut and locked it. He stays over there, not coming any closer to Alec. “How dare you—”

It’s evidently too late to try and hide the deal from Magnus. Alec can only hope that this won’t invalidate it.

He raises his hands in self-defense, respecting Magnus’s wishes to stay on the other side of the room even if all he wants is to be closer to him. “It was the only way—”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t care that you summoned Asmodeus.”

Alec blinks. “You… don’t?”

Magnus crosses his arms. “Well, that was incredibly stupid, Alexander. But quite frankly, it’s secondary.”

Alec’s about to ask, secondary to what? when Magnus stalks closer to him and he figures he’s about to find out.

“How dare you—” Magnus is clearly trying to maintain his composure, but his voice starts quivering, and there’s a catch in his throat when he speaks— “say those things to me? Those awful things, I— I thought you loved me.”

Alec tries to swallow around the pain in his throat. “I do,” he says quietly. “I had to make you believe it.”

“Oh, I believed it.” Magnus turns away as if he can’t bear to look at him any longer. “For a moment, anyway. But then I thought, you’ve always told me how you feel. If you had been feeling those things all along, why wouldn’t you just say so?”

“Magnus—”

Magnus practically hisses at him. “Let me finish.”

Alec lets him, taking a step back for good measure.

“I didn’t deserve that,” Magnus says, as if he’s convincing himself of it as he says it, “those things you said to me. I didn’t deserve it.”

And despite the perversity of the situation, Alec can’t help but be sort of proud of him, for saying that.

Magnus deflates, then. “That’s all I wanted to say.”

Alec wonders if he’ll leave, wonders what he could possibly say to keep him here, but instead Magnus just backs up to the wall, slides down it so he’s sitting on the floor, puts his face in his hands.

Alec comes cautiously around to the front of his desk, sits on the floor with his back against it so he’s at Magnus’s level.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, “I didn’t mean any of it.”

Magnus huffs out a weak laugh into his hands. “I know, that’s the worst part.”

After a long moment of hiding his face, Magnus finally looks back up at him.

“How is it fair, Alec?” he demands. “How is it fair that you’re the one who’s hurt me, yet the only person I want to go running to about it is you?”

Alec thinks this is probably more honesty than he’s gotten from Magnus in a long time. He tries not to think too deeply about that.

“It’s not fair,” he says.

At that, Magnus pushes himself back up, straightening himself out. A jolt of panic runs through Alec at the idea that Magnus will leave, leave before Alec can make it right.

But Magnus just says, “I have to go deal with my father. And I should probably ensure Lorenzo is no longer a chameleon while I’m at it. Will you meet me at home tonight?”

Alec scrambles to his feet. “No longer a what? Wait, you got your apartment back?”

“Yes… please don’t ask how. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yes,” Alec says, hope starting to banish the despair that’s been overtaking his chest, “of course.”

Magnus nods once, and then he’s gone, and it’s only after he’s left that Alec realizes exactly what he said:

Meet me at home.

When Alec gets to the loft later, Magnus is sitting on the couch with a drink, looking vaguely singed and unsettled.

Alec sits down tentatively beside him. “You okay?”

Magnus nods, reaches up to touch the tips of his hair. “It’s just a bit of smoke.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Magnus sets his drink down abruptly. Alec’s ready for anger, accusation, can’t help but feel he deserves it.

What he isn’t ready for is for Magnus to sigh and say, “This was all my fault.”

Alec tries to protest. “No, Magnus—”

Magnus raises a hand to stop him. “In a way,” he clarifies, “because I don’t think I—” he lets out a heavy sigh. “I’ve never been honest with you about how I feel. That’s what led to all of this.”

Alec shifts tentatively closer to him. “Magnus… it’s okay. I never want you to have to do something you’re uncomfortable with.”

But Magnus just shakes his head. “One can’t grow that way, Alexander. I’ve gotten too used to… not growing.”

Alec isn’t sure this is really the moment for Magnus to be berating himself over his perceived weaknesses, but neither of them has ever been any good at that sort of timing.

“You’ve been living one way for a long time,” Alec says gently. “It’s okay to have trouble with changing, all of a sudden.”

“It’s not just that, I—” Magnus has let Alec get closer all this while, and Alec manages to reach out and grab his hands. Magnus sighs at the touch. “I’m not used to someone like you, someone who won’t… take what I say as reason to leave me. Whether what I say is good or bad, love or suffering, someone always takes it as a reason to leave.”

Like I did last night, Alec thinks with a wrenching pain in his chest, but doesn’t say it.

“And so, I’ve gotten rather good at not saying it,” Magnus finishes, lips twisting.

“You deserve to be honest,” Alec says, “and not have it held against you. If someone has a problem with that, that’s on them.”

Magnus nods. “That’s the advice I’d give someone who came to me with this issue,” he agrees. Then he looks down at their joined hands. “And yet, difficult to put into practice.”

“So, let’s practice it,” Alec says. “Tell me how you feel. Don’t hold any of it back.”

Magnus lets out a small laugh. “I think I’ve already told you off well enough today.”

“That’s okay.” Alec squeezes his hands. “Say it anyway.”

Magnus looks back up at him tentatively. After a moment, he says, “It hurt me, to hear you say those things. I’ve heard it all before, mind you, but it hurt more, hearing it from you. I know you didn’t mean it,” he adds quickly as if he thinks Alec will jump in, “but it hurts all the same.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec says, heart squeezing, even if he’s honestly not sure he wouldn’t make the same choice. Magnus does have his magic back, after all.

Magnus nods. “I know, darling.” He’s quiet for a moment, contemplative. “I’m sorry, as well. I wish I was the type of partner who was as open with his affections as you need.”

“You think you’re not? You think I don’t—” Alec flounders for words—“feel loved?”

Magnus raises a challenging eyebrow. “You felt you were dispensable to me. Or am I wrong?”

Alec starts to deny it, but realizes he can’t. His behavior’s already made his feelings clear on this matter.

“And besides,” Magnus continues firmly, “it’s also something I want for myself.” He says it like the sentence doesn’t quite fit in his mouth. “Starting… now.”

And he turns to Alec and takes his face in both hands. “I love you.”

Alec pulls him close and kisses him with all the desperation of having recently thought he’d never get to again. He kisses him with all the pride he feels for this man, who wants so much but asks for so little, finally taking something for himself.

When Magnus pulls away, he tucks his face into Alec’s shoulder, and Alec draws him down so they’re lying on the couch, Magnus resting on his chest.

“I expect lessons, Alexander,” Magnus says.

“On what?”

“Emotional bluntness. I want to know how you do it so easily.”

Alec runs a hand through Magnus’s hair. “It wasn’t always easy.”

“Somehow, I can’t imagine even a young Alexander Lightwood tiptoeing around anything.”

“Not tiptoeing, but— I don’t know. There were a lot of things that I just—never told anyone, before I met you. Never thought I would be able to tell anyone.”

Magnus doesn’t lift his head from Alec’s neck, but Alec can tell he’s listening carefully.

“Being able to tell you that I love you…” For the first time in a while, Alec struggles to find the words. “You can’t overestimate how… powerful that is to me.”

Magnus does look up at him then. His gaze is soft, fond with a tinge of melancholy.

“It feels powerful,” he says.

Alec cradles his face between his hands. “It’s okay if it takes you a while to get the hang of it. You have a lot of history to work against.”

Magnus laughs quietly. “That’s an understatement.”

“It’s okay,” Alec repeats, “because I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Magnus nods. “And neither am I.”

He puts so much weight into it that Alec knows he’s serious. About trying. About being vulnerable. About being honest with himself.

Alec vows to himself that he’ll do better, too, try to meet him halfway instead of jumping forward without him.

“I love you,” Magnus says, and okay, maybe Alec did need to hear him say that more often, because everything within him blooms to hear it.

He pulls Magnus close and kisses him.

Coming home to Magnus has always been a blessing. But there’s a new sort of warmth in Alec’s chest when he sees him now, now that they’re married, now that Magnus is settled.

Magnus is on the phone when Alec gets home, so he busies himself making drinks. He still can’t do it as well as Magnus, but he’s working on it.

Magnus flings his phone across the room when he sees Alec is finished with the drinks. Alec’s not sure if he actually hung up the call or not.

“I see my workday is finished!” Magnus says as he comes over to him.

Alec hands him a drink, rolling his eyes. “Not sure it’s much of a workday if it falls apart at the slightest distraction.”

“Oh, but what a lovely distraction.” He throws Alec a wink, which is relatively unsuccessful given he’s trying to take a sip of his cocktail at the same time.

“Acceptable?” Alec asks once Magnus has tasted it.

Magnus beams up at him. He smiles at Alec differently now, with the full force of his emotions, not holding anything back. There’s an exuberance to him now that Alec had only caught glimpses of before, this riot of color and energy in his heart, now fully on display.

Alec loves him so much.

“It’s perfect, darling,” Magnus says. “I love you.”

#eternallysilvermagnusandalec #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

Note

Warlock!Malec. Magnus met Alec when saving him from peril (up to you but I had the inkling of Circle members), and the two wind up together as they always do. I would just love to see both of them as happy warlocks together falling/just in love. Also!! consider Alec's magic being the same color as Magnus. you are absolutely welcome to take this any direction you will, I just want to see Magnus and Alec as warlocks together :3 ❤️💜💙💚💖💕

Silver Lining (read on ao3)

Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Rated: General Summary: “You know, I usually get a man’s name before I let him get on top of me,” Magnus teased with an exaggerated wiggle of his eyebrows. The warlock’s eyes flashed, the silver in them brightening just a little in a way Magnus hadn’t read as only annoyance, before he pushed himself off of the ground and smoothed his hands down his jacket.

“Alexander Lightwood,” the warlock introduced himself, holding out a slightly trembling hand. Magnus gaped at him in recognition for a moment before shaking the outstretched hand hesitantly.

Magnus thought he had known all of the warlocks that inhabited New York City. As High Warlock of Brooklyn, it was his job to keep his people under control but more importantly, to protect the warlocks in his jurisdiction. With the Circle rising again and the shadowhunters of the New York Institute remaining as incompetent as ever, Magnus was providing a lot more protection than he would have liked.

He had just placed his key into the lock of his building when a splash of blue magic soared past his head and slammed into the wall beside him. He turned with his hands up in defense, a deflection shield covering him as he waited for another blow. Instead, he saw the most beautiful man he had ever seen running directly toward him with eyes like pure silver and heat in them Magnus would never want to compete with.

“What are you doing?” Magnus shouted but before the man could answer, a seraph blade nicked his shield and clattered to the cement. The Circle.

“Apparently, saving your ass instead of asking you to save mine,” the man spat as he twirled his hands with much less finesse than Magnus was used to and fired a flaming red cylinder at the Circle members that were quickly approaching. “Can you make yourself useful and open the damn door or at least portal us somewhere away from the people threatening our lives?”

Magnus grumbled, “Charming,” before conjuring a portal behind the two of them. He considered leaving the warlock to fend for himself for a moment but relented when he saw the flicker in the color surrounding his hands. He was running low on fuel which must have been why he came to Magnus in the first place and the Circle members seemed to be multiplying with every passing moment.

Before the Circle members could advance on the pair any further, Magnus gripped the back of the man’s leather jacket and tugged him into the shimmering portal. He made sure the grip on the man’s jacket never strayed as he led them through the spiraling portal and into Magnus’ loft a few stories above. The other warlock grunted as he tumbled onto the couch and when Magnus turned he saw those piercing silver eyes glaring back at him.

Magnus couldn’t resist his eye roll as he said, “Cold or hot?” The glare turned into a confused furrow of his eyebrows and a squint of one of his slate eyes as Magnus snapped his fingers and conjured a cup of tea into his hands. “I prefer tea after I’ve drained my magic but my dear friend Catarina prefers Diet Coke,” Magnus noted with a shrug. The man eyed him suspiciously before they were interrupted by voices echoing from the street. The warlock shot up from the couch and sprinted toward the balcony, ducking as he caught sight of the Circle members below.

“You brought us up to your loft?” The man shouted from his spot on the floor. “Do they give the High Warlock position to just anyone in this godforsaken city?” Magnus gaped at him before he sauntered out the balcony doors and waved to the Circle members below. Magnus had wards so tight, the poor excuses of shadowhunters wouldn’t be able to see him anyways.

Before he could explain that to the cowering warlock, a hand circled his ankle and pulled him down until he landed on his back with a gasp. When a warm body covered his and a smooth hand pressed over his mouth, his senses were overwhelmed with sandalwood and coffee and an icy gaze connected with his. The man was clearly an idiot, but Magnus was only human - well, half-human - and he couldn’t resist a little flirting when he had the chance. He tore his mouth away from the man’s hand and shot his own glare at the beautiful eyes narrowed on his.

“You know, I usually get a man’s name before I let him get on top of me,” Magnus teased with an exaggerated wiggle of his eyebrows. The warlock’s eyes flashed, the silver in them brightening just a little in a way Magnus hadn’t read as only annoyance, before he pushed himself off of the ground and smoothed his hands down his jacket.

“Alexander Lightwood,” the warlock introduced himself, holding out a slightly trembling hand. Magnus gaped at him in recognition for a moment before shaking the outstretched hand hesitantly.

Magnus had heard of the warlock raised by shadowhunters - ex-Circle members if he was specific - but had never had the pleasure of meeting him prior to that moment. He was known for his silver-eyed warlock mark that he was unable to glamor because of a rune burned into his back when he was only a child. Being one of the only warlocks in existence to survive a rune was only a glimmer of his infamy; he was also the warlock that defeated Valentine in the first uprising and due to that, the entire species was suspicious of his involvement with the Circle when the group started to expand again.

Deciding to choose his words carefully, Magnus said, “So, tea or pop?” He let go of Alexander’s hand to snap his tea back into his hands, relishing in the warmth as ice shot down his spine. It wasn’t quite fear - Magnus had no reason to be fearful of Alexander just yet - but tea was his comfort and he had needed it after the day he had and continued to endure.

“Coffee, iced if you can,” Alexander sighed as he glanced around the loft, taking in the surroundings suspiciously. Magnus waved a hand at the coffee table before gesturing to the couch, offering Alexander a chance to at least try and make himself comfortable. “Thank you,” he whispered as he took a few large sips of the coffee before he relaxed back into the soft cushions. Magnus let his eyes sweep over the tired bags under Alexander’s sterling eyes and the way his skin almost seemed to match, and noted to himself that Alexander was gorgeous.

“Are you going to tell me why you arrived at my home with a slew of Circle members on your tail?” Magnus asked after a few tense moments of silence. Alexander straightened his back as if ready to defend himself and Magnus held up a finger and said, “I’m not accusing you of anything, Alexander. I am High Warlock and I made an oath to protect all warlocks in this city whether my people are doubtful of them or not.”

Alexander nodded before finishing his coffee with a long slurp, his skin gaining color with each replenishing sip. He rested the cup on the table as he glanced in Magnus’ direction, his eyes trailing Magnus from head to toe before they stared at each other for a few moments. Magnus could feel the tension in the air but he couldn’t be too sure what it was from; the obvious instant attraction between them or the air of mischief and suspicion clouding his usually clear loft.

“The Circle wants me gone,” Alexander said easily with no fear in his tone, “but more than that, they want you dead.” Magnus tilted his head in thought as he flashed his golden eyes at Alexander as a sign of almost respect. Alexander’s own went wide, but his shoulders seemed to relax at the sight and Magnus felt just a little trust grow between them.

“And you thought bringing them to me was the best idea?” Magnus asked, twirling his pinky finger around the stringed bag of tea that steeped in his cup. Alexander laughed and rolled his bright eyes as he gestured toward the balcony.

“While you had your back to the dark, fiddling with your keys - what kind of warlock doesn’t just portal into their home, by the way - I saved your ass from a Circle attack. They were waiting for you, Magnus Bane, and you’re lucky I was there to stifle them before the rest of us were stuck electing a new High Warlock,” Alexander said as he leaned his elbows on his knees with clear challenge in his eyes. He had a point and Magnus was well aware of it, but that didn’t stop Magnus from narrowing his eyes at the much younger and less powerful warlock that seemed to provoke him with every word.

“You drained your magic in a few short minutes and if I recall correctly, I saved your ass by portalling us into my loft that’s so heavily warded, the imbeciles wouldn’t have been able to find it, let alone enter without my consent,” Magnus retorted as he shoved Alexander back into the couch with a small burst of magic to his chest.

To his surprise, Alexander’s power had replenished enough to twist around the blue strands protruding from Magnus’ fingertips and break them away as Magnus tried to hold him back. With a cloud of powder, his magic receded back into him beyond his control and he noticed with wide eyes that Alexander’s seemed to do the same. It wasn’t often that magic responded to magic in that way, but Magnus felt the pull of Alexander’s power from the second he arrived and it was apparent that there was no ignoring that any longer.

“I’m not here to beg for your help.” Alexander started to stand but Magnus stopped him with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a suggestive tilt of his head.

“Oh, but I do think you’d look pretty if you begged.”

Alexander stared at him with that confused puppy look that Magnus had grown to adore in the few short moments they had spent together before holding up a hand as he said, “Don’t-- flirt with me.”

“One thing you should know about me, pretty boy, is that I flirt with everyone,” Magnus replied because it was the absolute truth. Alexander seemed to balk at that and if Magnus hadn’t known any better, he would have thought he saw some green in those silver orbs. “But,” Magnus continued, “I don’t agree to take on Circle members for just anyone.”

Alexander’s eyes seemed to widen as he whispered, “You’re going to help me?” Magnus nodded in response and reached a hand out to rest on Alexander’s knee.

“You’re a warlock in distress and while it’s my job to help you, there’s something about the way my magic has felt this evening that I’m interested in exploring further than just providing you a service. So, yes,” Magnus agreed, “I will help you.”

“Thank y--” Before Alexander could finish, Magnus squeezed the hand on his knee and shook his head.

“You’re going to have to deal with my relentless flirtatious remarks and my obvious attraction to those silver mirrors you call eyes, though. Can you handle that?” Magnus asked, because if there was one thing he was sure of, helping Alexander would turn into so much more than either of them could anticipate.

Alexander nodded as he rested his hand over Magnus’, silver eyes meeting gold and magic colliding with magic, and said, “I can handle anything.”

Magnus was sure he believed him.

#malec #my writing #warlock alec #eternallysilvermagnusandalec #thank you for the AMAZING prompt and the support silver <3 <3 #i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it!#commissions

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mirrorofliterature · 4 years

Photo

Slowly, Alec let his hands start to flutter. It felt right, playing his emotions like a physical song, a dance he let very few see. And when they swelled to a larger, rapid flutter akin to wingbeats as he flapped his hands up and down faster and faster, Magnus’ grin grew impossibly wider.

From the heartwarming fic Quiet now, you’re gonna wake the beast by @eternallysilvermagnusandalec.

#quote #eternallysilvermagnusandalec

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bytheangell · 4 years

Note

THIS IS A TUMBLR HUG! PASS IT ON TO 10 OF YOUR FAVORITE FOLLOWERS AND DONT BREAK THE CHAIN! HAVE A LOVELY DAY! ~♡(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ 💖💗

<3 <3 <3 hugs right back for you, too! <3 <3 <3

#nice things #eternallysilvermagnusandalec #ask rune

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lightwormsiblings · 4 years

Note

THIS IS A TUMBLR HUG! PASS IT ON TO 10 OF YOUR FAVORITE FOLLOWERS AND DONT BREAK THE CHAIN! HAVE A LOVELY DAY! ~♡(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ 💖💗

OH MY HEART!!! This is so sweet ily!

#to keep #answered #eternallysilvermagnusandalec

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echo-bleu · 3 years

Photo

Autistic Alec flapping with Magnus’ magic for @eternallysilvermagnusandalec (a late Christmas gift! I love you 💙)

#shadowhunters #malec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #malec fanart #mine #echo's drawings #beautiful art #digital art #hm discord #malec discord server #autistic alec lightwood #animation #krita #gif #flapping #stimming

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harkasun · 3 years

Note

top 5 fics/writers youve read on ao3 (yes im looking for recs)

Okay, I am definitely not the right person to be asking about this - I tend to write and not read so much, but I will do my best!

1. I Introduce Alec Bane by @eternallysilvermagnusandalec - a truly revolutionary read and one that really stuck with me

2. I’ll give an author in: @thatnerdemryn because I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve read (even though I definitely should have read more) - I remember reading Middle Name and really enjoying it

3. From the Cellphone of Catarina Loss by aurora_chiroptera - super fresh and a great look into Cat and Alec’s friendship

4. Another author: @cuubism, particularly their sky colours series (which I need to catch up on but which I remember being immensely beautiful)

5. I literally don’t know, so I’ll just put myself here as a writer (in a totally not-egotistical kind of way)? It’s my favourite thing in the world to do and I have nothing else to offer.

Ask me my top 5 anything!

#thank you for the ask!!#I warned you at the start I’d be no help 😂#shadowhunters #malec fic recs #I think about Alec Bane all the time #fic recs #malec #I’m sorry I’m not a big reader #ask me anything #anon ask #read on ao3 #it’s fine to put myself #I only write what I want to read after all #idk I’m feeling okay about my writing tonight

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cuubism · 3 years

Text

Learning to Speak

T, no archive warnings | communication, repression, emotional intimacy, references to past trauma, finding your voice

After so long spent having to hide parts of who he is, Alec loves telling Magnus how he feels about him. Even if Magnus has a hard time doing the same.

for @eternallysilvermagnusandalec as part of the malec secret santa 2020