#even if it's by all rights a pointless hope bc it wont have any effect the fact that they feel it has meaning and gives meaning !!!!!

[lotrmusical]

i would love to be able to have fun but instead all i'm able to do is to think about how that stupid umbrella was made the object of derision for the ridiculous quality of... still wanting to help and protect people, in a world so ruined that the very idea of any protection it could offer is so impossible and meaningless as to be laughable

and how martin's consistently been wanting to help people even though the world is so broken that it's unclear whether they're even able to any more, and how he ends the episode STILL hoping and wanting to help people

#i made myself sad about this STUPID umbrella i cant believe this . i want them to take it with them and adopt it #the magnus archives #tma spoilers #the magnus archives spoilers #at this point either of them feeling hope is the most painful thing imaginable #i just !! dont want that hope to be condemned to futility or to be the object of derision!! #even if it's by all rights a pointless hope bc it wont have any effect the fact that they feel it has meaning and gives meaning !!!!! #(drowning in bleak emotions) haha. umbrella #gay belligerence

[flockofdoves]

really want to cry i had an at home sleep study done way back in may but my doctor never called me about the results so since june ive been trying my best to call at the very least every 2 weeks sometimes more to talk with her (and i know she has the results! she confirmed when i messaged her in the patient portal once that she has the results) but every single time the office says shes not available and they’ll have her call me back later but she never ever does the only time she did was when i sent a patient portal message instead of talking with the receptionist (ig i should try that again idk) but it was in the middle of when i was in class i didnt see it and then she wasnt available when i called back right after

so i finally decided to just give up on holding out hope for this and decided to get a new primary care doctor in massachusetts instead of chicago since im more likely to be around here regardless for the next few years (maybe all this could be solved easier if i could schedule an in person appointment with her but i literally just have not been in chicago since june and wont be any time soon!) but all the doctors are sooooo booked up around here and also i just really value going to a doctor thats not gonna be bad about fibro or eating disorder stuff or be fatphobic so ofc after getting recommendations about that in local groups that narrowed things way down (and honestly is depressing bc even the most recommended at least one person has some horror story with them) and i know the doctor i chose is a lot less booked than others but even then i wont be able to see her til may

a whole fucking year since i first tried to get this stuff figured out :( and thats not even to actually find out thats just to go to a PCP so i can hopefully get a referral to go to a sleep study (ideally in person the more i read about at home ones they seem largely pointless) so Maybe i can have this figured out by the end of the summer

i swear to god i get more and more convinced i have obstructive sleep apnea and the presumed effects of that affect my life in so many ways im so so so sick of living like this and it takes such a toll on my ability to be successful in school/life/etc and now i have to go through Yet Another semester not able to do fucking anything about it and even with the promise of an appointment in may its still so uncertain what will come of that

#cpost #fucking nightmare medical system even tho i have it relatively good compared to a lot of ppl i know

[yuckubus]

disclaimer: i love all my mutuals and respect their opinions, y’all will be missed if you decide to unfollow after i pour my judgmental heart out

1. the most well-rounded member of bts, is hoseok. yall can argue that it’s jk, but i said what i said 

2. minghao with a mullet is godtier; out of all the male idols with mullets, he is The king. 

3. speaking of seventeen, a lot of their songs are very edm-inspired but it works really well for them 

4. woozi deserves recognition for the songs he produces, like i really hope he gets an award for his production skills bc he’s amazing 

5. i feel like most wonwoo stans, stan him for his beauty and not his talent (which, he’s not a bad rapper)

6. that being said, i wish he (wonwoo) played around a little more bc his flow is kinda predictable. not only that, but he can do more than just rap lowly and get loud.

7. seokmin/ dokyeom > jungkook, in terms of vocal ability. he’s just better 

8. imo, in terms of like younger groups i guess? leader wise, namjoon is the best leader. im not saying other group leaders like scoups, for example, are bad at their abilities to lead, but i think nj really is. 

9. spring day, don’t leave me, the truth untold, best of me, and whatever else yall try to advocate as good songs...are not good. they dont do anything for me. sorry

10. also just one day is the superior rnb bts song. 

11. house of cards didn’t deserve all the hype it got. like, its good but it hasnt done anything for me since i heard the full version.

12. while im not as into got7 as i used to be, ya’ll took all the stuff that happened with got7 and RAN lol like yall really went in on them and still do and it’s sorta.. annoying? like i get why people do not like certain members (i really do!!) but its tired now. it has been for a while 

13. speaking of got7, if they did more stuff like just right (since it worked so well for them) and the flight log trilogy, ESPECIALLY turbulence, it would be effective

14. I dont know why people think lucas from nct is so dumb, he just has moments 

15. speaking of lucas, i dont see any purpose for him in nct. he doesn’t provide anything special or new except some personality and physical beauty.

16. sm either needs to get rid of some members of nct, or really talk to these niggas bc he doesnt seem to care about anyone but mark, taeyong, jaehyun, and doyoung...and sorta lucas 

17. jungwoo is a product of taemin. either that man is his father, or he’s a relative. 

18. in terms of like newer and young rappers, mark lee is the only one with some potential; sometimes, he lacks, but he really is the only one 

19. jaemin and jeno ended and revived kpop with their verses in Go! 

20. chanyeol and sehun go off in some exo songs, especially forever. they’re still not great rappers.

21. exo has the better vocal line and bts has the better rap line. i just ended every pointless, unnecessary fanwar.

22. the exo l x army beef is so..stupid like all of y’all look childish. deadass. it’s never that deep unless both sides really said some serious shit and, most cases they dont so literally shut up lol

23. astro’s danceline are amazing

24. JEALOUSY BY MONSTA X? SLAPS. HARD

25. kihyun’s voice is absolutely beautiful and deserves that recognition bc he really has such a beautiful voice 

26. Pentagon’s first album is THAT first mini album. if you havent invested time in it, please do

27. like the wonwoo thing, mingyu and wonho stans only stan these boys for physical attractiveness. I see something all the time (on twitter) anout wonho’s body and not really much about just him. this sounds fake deep, but forreal 

28. stan twitter in general has great memes and stuff, but they are quite literally, the worst set of fans i have ever seen. facebook fans and instagram fans are just evil too but stan twt is satan. 

29. in terms of talent level in twice...there’s 9 girls and only 4/9 really do something. i do love them though

30. tzuyu is great and shes so pretty but that’s it. the personality and everything else, where is it

31. imma be honest, i think chaeyoung is the prettiest

32. kyla isnt coming back to pristin, we all know this. it’s just time to face it 

33. people only care about like 5 members of pristin, and theyre all in pristin v...there was a reason for their creation lol

34. miss shannon, aka sungyeon, of pristin? she’s got lungs and deserves to be seen as more than just her round face 

35. MISS JOY is That member of red velvet

36. i dont think this is unpopular, but all the good rapper idols would be so much better if they just didnt sink into a niggaboo phase

37. ALL MEN WHO RUN ENTERTAINMENT COMPANIES (I.E. JYP, SM, YG, HITMAN BANG, AND WHOMEVER ELSE) ARE EVIL. IDC 

38. i dont,...really care for jennie; she overdoes the cuteness sometimes 

39. rose would be so much more powerful if she dropped the sza syndrome (I hope this isnt offensive, if it is please let me know)

40. if wendy wasn’t the leader and main vocalist of red velvet, her ass would have already been gone for that crap she pulled again

41. girl groups? are just as low down and dirty with their racism and antiblackness but that stuff gets hidden really well unless you look it up...or are mamamoo 

42. IOI SHOULD HAVE LIVED LONGER THAN WANNABE. no one wants to hear that shit, ioi was giving us bops but after that year was up, they couldnt wait to get rid of them...but wannaone still exists. ok

43. all the my idols are gay legends stuff is kinda annoying now... like...you dont know their actual sexuality, so stop trying to justify your weird ass argument with proof from 1997, it’s not cute (this could be said about yoongi, but i mean in general)

44. people dont see holland as more than his sexuality, and what i mean by that is, a lot of people dont care about him or wont until he starts interacting with male idols, so people can start shipping them with him

45. kpop stans do women involved with male groups so fucking dirty, like ya’ll cannot wait to tear them down due to your insecurities as a fan. You’re not marrying any of them, so pipe the fuck down  

46.nonblack stans, especially on twitter, dont really care about black issues lol yall do that fake oh my god im so sorry :( then use some form of aave with ?????????? and then move on. 

47. IF KPOP GROUPS WOULD JUST ACKNOWLEDGE AND PROPERLY APOLOGIZE ABOUT THEIR PAST ACTIONS, MAYBE WE CAN LEARN AND MOVE ON; BUT THEM AND THEIR COMPANIES REFUSE TO. it’s like trying to feed a baby who doesn’t wanna be fed 

48. people are allowed to still be upset about an idol’s past actions. it is valid ESPECIALLY if you are a fan of color. You are also allowed to unstan and not explain yourself bc no one’s gonna beat your ass for it. 

49. these idols and their companies dont really care about their fans as much as they want y’all to believe. i believe they care to a degree, but it’s exaggerated

50. none of yall are family; you can say it a million and six times, but you really only believe that if you are not a person of color.

51. ya’ll do not know these idols like you think you do; they choose what they want you to show, even in their “RAW” shows; they are not going to let you see them in their 100% real self, ya’ll are strangers to them 

52. being on kpop social media is exhausting, and idk how any of yall are able to do it 24/7. kpop is not that interesting enough for me to be around all day and all night. 

53. Idol groups that play instruments deserve the world 

54. that being said, i hope that n.flying, day6, and the rose get recognition because they’re out here being multi-talented, funny, and good looking. 

i have more opinions but these are ones i could think of. anyway, hope yall enjoyed my ranting. 

#if i find this anywhere near twitter im fighting #mine #kpop