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abyssruler · 1 year

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flowers and unplanned proposals

xiao x gn!reader

if someone gifts an adeptus with flowers, it means you are proposing to them, and if they take it, it means they accept the proposal. unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you ask), you weren’t aware of such a custom. or — xiao thinks you’re married, but you just thought flowers would look nice on him.

fluff. comedy-ish. accidental malewife acquisition. featuring reader being clueless, xiao being hopeless, and lumine and hu tao being your biggest supporters

It started with a walk on the road as an acquaintance accompanied you.

There’d been a wild flower by the side, with white and lilac petals that you’d thought, rather presumptuously, would suit the dour faced adeptus beside you. So, you plucked it and impulsively handed it to him, a smile on your face and a shocked one on his.

His fingers closed around the flower’s stem, the stern lines of his face softening as he gazed at the tiny petals that glittered in the sun.

You’ve never been rid of him since.

Your friend Xiao could be described as protective at best and possessive at worst. It’s not a bad thing, of course! Caring for a friend is always a good thing in your books, but sometimes, you think he takes the word ‘caring’ to an almost extreme degree.

Take, for instance, now.

“Xiao?”

He hums from his spot on the sill of your window, not even sitting, no, he’s crouched on it, balanced on the thin ledge at the tips of his toes and keeping his eyes (which oddly glowed like a cat’s) peeled for any danger. Like this, he almost looks like a bird perched on a branch.

You let out an awkward laugh. “You know, I appreciate you doing this for me, keeping me safe and all, but I think I can spend the night on my own safely.”

His head whips to you so fast you almost feared he’d get neck cramps, an expression of surprise and… hurt? on his face.

“You… don’t want me here?”

You’ve never backtracked so fast in your life. “No! I mean, yes—but not in the way you’re thinking!”

He looks forlorn now, stepping down the windowsill and shoulders hunched in a similar manner to that of a cat pulling its ears down its head. “Is this what the Traveler meant by sleeping on the couch?”

You’re not sure what to do, but it seems like he wants to sleep on the couch? Puzzled, you smile encouragingly even though you don’t quite understand his words. “Er, if you want to sleep on the couch, you’re welcome to do so?”

His face falls.

✧

“And, I don’t know, he just became all—sad? Just, I felt so bad for basically kicking him out of my room, and now that I’m thinking more on it, I should’ve just offered to let him sleep beside me. Like a, um, a sleepover!”

There’s a distinctly bashful look on your face and, oh god, you’re drawing little circles on the table with your finger, an almost dreamy glint in your eyes.

Sweet Jesus that doesn’t exist in this world, Lumine is going to barf.

She slams her hands on the table, startling you in the process as she leans down and says with an exasperated face, “Have you considered that maybe you actually like him and he—”

“What?!” you squawk, mouth open in disbelief and a mortified look contorting your features. “That’s—don’t say such things, Lumi!”

She drops back down her chair, leveling you with a look that basically said, are you for real right now?

“It’s written all over your face—”

You quickly slap both hands on your cheeks, turning your head away. “I don’t like him! How could I ever… he’s an adeptus and I…”

“And you made an adeptus sleep on your couch,” Lumine deadpans.

She can feel the way your face burned at the reminder. You slump over the table, burying your head in your arms and bemoaning your decision. “I didn’t mean to disrespect him…”

“Oh, I’m sure disrespect was the farthest thing you did to him,” she mutters beneath her breath. Broke his heart, shattered his hopes and dreams, devastated him—Lumine can name a few more.

But then, you suddenly straighten up, determination lining your face. There’s a look in your eyes that tells Lumine she should probably stop you from doing whatever idiotic thing—however in good faith it might be—that you’re about to do.

“I should give him some flowers as an apology. He always gets so… not exactly happy but—warm, that’s it. He feels warmer whenever I give him flowers.” You smile, reminiscing on whatever moments you had with him. You stand up, looking down at the empty plates all over the table before looking at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, could you foot the bill this time?”

Lumine sighs. She’s still got money from the last commission Ningguang made her do, so she supposes she can do it. Just this once. “Fine, but you’re paying for our next outing!”

You beam, thanking her before running to the nearest flower shop or wherever it is you’re going to be getting those flowers from.

“Make sure to let him sleep on your bed next time!” Lumine yells to your retreating back, ignoring the strange, almost scandalized, looks from nearby patrons.

✧

You find him at your house, completely ignoring how strange it is that a friend has complete access to your house including a spare key and extra clothes on the closet just for him. It’s simply become the norm, is all. And he’s a good—you don’t quite know what to call him, roommate? you’ll settle for friend—friend, helping you with the chores and often accompanying you to the market when you need new groceries—but only during the early mornings, of course. You know how much he dislikes crowds.

“I’m home!”

The response comes immediate and, judging by the direction, it came from the kitchen, “Welcome home.”

The large bouquet of glaze lilies interspersed with roses and qingxin flowers is heavy on your arms as you walked to the kitchen. Xiao is there, a broom in hand which he sets aside once he sees you and what you’re carrying.

“Here!” You grin, extending the bouquet forward and into his arms.

He accepts it, a flush to his cheeks and looking distinctly flustered by the gift. “I… thank you.”

“It’s an apology.”

His eyes snap to yours, iridescent gold piercing through you. There’s something almost vulnerable in the way he’s gazing at you, hands tightening around the flowers.

You fiddle with your fingers. “Well, I wanted to say sorry for making you sleep on the couch. If you’d like, you can sleep beside me tonight.”

Something in him relaxes, tension bleeding out of his posture as he smiles, small and near unnoticeable to anyone who didn’t know him so well.

For some reason, the sight of it makes your heart leap.

Lumine’s words repeat in your mind.

Have you considered that maybe you actually like him?

No, you think with dread, absolutely not.

✧

“Yes,” Hu Tao crows in delight, “You’re absolutely in love!”

“See, that’s what I tried to say yesterday, but nooo. Oh, Lumi, Xiao is just a friend,” Lumine grouches, imitating your voice and utterly failing because while she may be strong enough to fight monsters and gods, that girl has absolutely no talent when it comes to mimicking.

Your palms cover your face that feels warm to touch. “I do not sound like that. And it’s true, we really are just friends!”

“Of course, because friends do things like living together and sleeping on the same bed and holding hands—” You open your mouth to protest, but Hu Tao doesn’t let you interrupt, “—don’t deny it! I saw you last week near Liuli Pavilion, and he was holding your hand and carrying a bag of food!”

“He’s just really helpful! He’s an adeptus,” you argue, though it sounds weak even to your own ears.

“And do all adepti live with a human, do they sleep with them—”

“You make it sound so lewd, Lumi!”

“—do they hold their hands and go grocery shopping at five in the morning with them?” Lumine pierces you with those honey gold eyes of hers. “Did you know I barely have anything to do in the Adventurer’s Guild here in Liyue besides babysitting and errands because someone—namely, an adeptus who coincidentally goes by the name Xiao—keeps killing all the monsters within the area?”

Hu Tao cackles. “He always asks about you whenever I encounter him at Wuwang Hill.”

You level her with an incredulous look. “What were you even doing there?”

“Hiding bodies, duh!” At your horrified look, she winks. “Just kidding!”

You shake off Hu Tao’s laughter and pinch your lips together. “Look, it’s—we’re just friends. That’s all there is to it.”

Lumine huffs, “Yeah, sure, because friends like you two give each other flowers everyday. How does your house still have space in it for more?”

You would’ve refuted her words, would’ve argued that no, you don’t give each other flowers everyday, just on a regular basis—but Hu Tao’s sudden silence concerned you more than what Lumine said. The funeral director turns her head to you with wide eyes.

“You gave him flowers?” she asks, an odd tone to her voice.

Your brows furrow at her uncharacteristic seriousness. “Um, yes? I do it all the time.”

She leapt forward, grabbing your shoulders and lips twitching into something you could almost call glee. “And he accepted it?”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

Hu Tao lets go of your shoulders to tilt her head back and laugh. Not the nice little giggles she does after a successful prank, no, this is more manic. The kind that wouldn’t make you think, oh how sweet, but instead makes you think, oh this girl belongs in a facility.

Even Lumine seems confused by her reaction, joining you in watching her like she’s just grown two heads. Hu Tao takes one look at both of your expressions and dissolves into another fit of laughter.

“Oh, dear. And you don’t even know what it means!” she says in between laughs.

Lumine, having had enough of being in the dark, grabs Hu Tao’s face with both hands and forces her to look at her in the eye. “What does it mean?”

Hu Tao grins, gaze darting to you. “When you give an adeptus flowers, it means you’re proposing to them.”

You and Lumine gape, understanding dawning on your heads, though there’s horror on your part at what it could mean.

But Hu Tao doesn’t stop there, “And if they take it…”

You await her next words with bated breath, Lumine seemingly on the edge of her seat as well.

“…It means they accept your proposal.”

Lumine’s screech of delight at this newfound information drowns out the metaphorical sound of your world falling apart and being built anew.

✧

You come home in a daze, eyes blankly staring ahead and unaware of your surroundings until you blink, and suddenly, you’re sitting at the dining table, a plate of steaming shrimp balls being placed in front of you.

Xiao crouches by your chair, examining your face with worried eyes. “Are you well?”

Your throat shrivels up. All the words and arguments you’d been planning to say earlier dying on your tongue. So, instead, you nod. He doesn’t outwardly look relieved, but the softness in his touch belies his care as he places a single stemmed qingxin flower on your palm.

It’s still fresh, you notice, dew gathering on the petals and the scent still present.

Xiao sits on the chair opposite yours, looking at anything and anywhere but your eyes. “I plucked it from the highest mountains of Jueyun Karst, blessed by Cloud Retainer and said to ward away unwanted dreams.”

You stare down at it, at the white petals that feel soft against the pads of your fingers, heart beating out of your chest and hands clammy and breaths labored, a pleasant twist to your gut as you realized that he’d gone out of his way to climb a mountain and have it blessed by an adeptus just to give it to you. There’s being friends, handing each other flowers they saw on the road or bought at a shop, and then, there’s this.

Your mouth feels dry, your chest feels full, and there’s something on the tip of your tongue begging to be let out.

“Xiao,” you start, finally gaining the courage to look up and meet his eyes. “What are we?”

His lips part, eyes widening the slightest amount that tells you he’s unsure what brought this question on and how to answer it.

You shake your head. “Never mind. Just tell me this—are we… engaged?”

At this, Xiao seems to relax. “No.”

You barely have the chance to feel a mix of relief and disappointment, though why you’d feel disappointment at having proof that you and Xiao really are just friends—

He smiles, a small one but no less brighter for it. “We are married, aren’t we?”

And oh.

Oh.

It’s not until now, with the confirmation of everything you dreaded (everything you’d hoped and wanted and yearned for desperately) that you realize how much you’ve longed for something more with him—how much you’ve longed for him.

“Xiao,” you say, eyes crinkling at the corners and cheeks aching with the intensity of your smile, “I love you.”

He startles, blinking up at you with wide eyes, red creeping up his cheeks, but before he can say anything you know he’s not quite prepared to say yet, you continue, still a little indignant at discovering you’d been married without a clue.

“But I demand a proper wedding ceremony!”

word count: 2.2k

edit: the semi part 2 y’all have been asking for

#if you’ve read my other xiao fic ‘the adepti’s guide’ i want u to know that this is a look into reader hu tao and lumi dynamic in the future #but more chaotic and insane #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #xiao x reader #genshin xiao x reader #gn reader

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dulcesiabits · 1 year

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hello, beautiful stranger.

summary: a collection of requested drabbles for a anniversary celebration for my blog, taken from two prompt lists! (ft. alhaitham, scaramouche, xiao, gorou, cyno, thoma, kokomi, albedo, childe, hu tao).

info: 2k words, drabbles, fluff, angst, depictions of injuries

Alhaitham

❛ relationships are built on trust, and i trust you. ❜

Alhaitham says the statement so matter-of-factly that you wonder if the sky is going to crack open and rain fire upon the Akademiya.

“You? You trust me?” you say.

“That is what I said, yes.” He doesn’t look up from his book even once as he talks, idly flipping through the pages.

“This isn’t a joke or anything, right?”

“I would not make jokes in such poor taste. I’m not Cyno,” he says, and you snort. “You’ve proven yourself to be a steadfast companion: adaptable when situations get out of hand, clever in both academics and in your dealings with people, and able to keep a level head in risky situations. You are quite dependable, out of all the people here...”

“Alhaitham, I didn’t realize you thought of me that way. I care about you, too!”

“...Though it seems that you are slow on the uptake.”

“You know what? I take it all back.”

Scaramouche

❛ don’t let me lose you too. ❜

You don’t think you’ve seen Scaramouche cry before.

Without any sort of noise, his tears soak your shoulder as he pulls you close, careful not to disturb the wound on your abdomen. He holds you like you’re a butterfly and one wrong move will crush your wings forever.

“You won’t lose me,” you say. “I won’t leave you behind.”

“Liar.”

You rub his back. “I’m not lying. I promise I won’t.”

“Then never do anything so reckless ever again. Do you understand? You’re too weak on your own. You should let me handle any enemies instead.”

“I understand. Anything we go through, we go through together.” In the silence of the room, you hold your crybaby tightly, reassuring him with your touch that you’ll never let him go, no matter what comes your way.

❛ thanks to you, i know what it means to love again. ❜

Scaramouche tilts his hat down as he mumbles the words softly to your sleeping body.

Little does he know, however, that his approach had woken you up.

“I love you, too,” you whisper, opening your eyes to smile at him as he jumps.

“You were pretending to be asleep...? You...”

You sit up, catching his arm before Scaramouche can run. “I didn’t mean to. I meant to nap for a few minutes, but then I heard you come in. You’re so cute, Moochie.”

“... Don’t call me that,” he says darkly, but you notice he doesn’t move away from you.

“Okay, Moochie.”

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood.”

“But you always are when you’re with me, aren’t you?”

“I’m not answering that.”

❛ i didn't know where to go.❜ + enemies to lovers

The storm almost drowns out the knock on your door.

It’s midnight. No sane person would be outside at this hour, but when you unlock the latch, it doesn’t surprise you when you saw who it is.

“Balladeer,” you say pleasantly. “Out for a stroll?”

“Cut the crap,” he snaps.

Now, here you are, sheets of rain gusting across your foyer, a harbinger stuck in your doorway and refusing to let you slam it shut in his face.

“What makes you think I’ll let you in? Couldn’t you find someone else to let you crash the night?”

“I couldn’t trust them.”

“Which means you trust me? Not very popular, are you?” you say, widening your eyes in faux surprise.

He scowls at you. “It’s easier to trust someone who’s honest with their dislike of me than those who hide it.”

You raise an eyebrow. “I suppose so. Well...” You spin on your heel, giving him a mock bow. “What are you waiting for, lord harbinger? Make yourself comfortable.”

What face is he making now? You can’t tell, but you know it will be a long, long night.

Xiao

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

Xiao ducks his head at your voice, gaze darting away every time you try to meet his eyes. “Are they not to your liking? I thought this was customary for mortals who were... together.”

You stifle a laugh as you take the flowers from his hands. The delicate white petals of the qingxin flutter as you appraise them. There’s no ribbon, no wrappings. Just dirt clinging to their roots, plucked fresh from a mountaintop.

“No, I love them! They’re beautiful.”

You catch Xiao’s hand to pull him and close and press a kiss against his cheek. He freezes, stiff as a statue.

“I will... make sure to get more for you next time.”

In a flash, he disappears, but not before you can spy the red creeping across his cheeks.

“I’ll look forward to it, Xiao,” you murmur. Because you know that no matter where he goes, he’ll always be listening to you call for him.

Gorou

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

Gorou’s voice ends in a squeak, his tail wagging so furiously behind him it stirs up the sand along Sangonomiya’s beaches.

“Do you not like them?” you ask bemusedly.

“I love them! It’s just that-- I--”

“Is it inappropriate for a general to receive flowers?” you say, tilting your head. “I didn’t realize. Maybe I should I go give them to one of your soldiers.”

One of the soldiers from Gorou’s troop, who have been watching you two with amusement, pipes up. “No problem. I would love flowers from such a wonderful person like--”

“No!” Gorou says quickly, taking the flowers from your hands. “No, don’t! I just... I wanted to know if you wanted to get dinner with me tomorrow. So I can thank you for your gift!”

The soldiers’ hoots almost drown out your answer, but you watch Gorou’s ears prick up as you whisper, “yes.”

Cyno

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

The general Mahamatra never lets his guard down, but you think this is the one time you’ve come close to surprising him.

“I wasn’t sure what kind you’d like,” you sat, handing him the bundle of lotuses. “Tighnari and Collei helped me pick them out.”

Cyno touches the petal reverently. “I’ll preserve them so I can carry them with me forever.”

“I can always get you more, you know.”

He shakes his head. “Yes, but these are special. They’re the first flowers you’ve given me since we’ve gotten together.” He clears his throat, and the gleam in his eyes makes you nervous. No... it couldn’t be... “It makes me want to say...” Oh no. “...I never want you to leaf me.”

“Cyno!”

Thoma

❛ it’s just a scratch, don’t worry. ❜

Thoma rips the bandage off the roll with force. “Just a scratch? It’s just a scratch? You could have died.”

You try to sit up, wince, and then lean back down. There’s an angry, red gash along your torso, trickling blood onto the tatami mat below you. “It’s not that bad.”

“Almighty Shogun, help me,” Thoma mutters. “Stop moving! From now on, you’re no allowed to move an inch from this bed.”

“Thoma!”

“No buts!” Thoma mops up the blood alongside your torso, before picking up the bandage again. “You’re staying here until you’re fully healed. Doctor’s orders.”

“You’re not a doctor,” you protest.

Thoma leans in close, his face only a few inches away from yours. You can’t look away. “No, but I am your boyfriend.” He plants a kiss on your forehead. “And that’s close enough.”

Kokomi

❛ it’s better with you here. ❜

You didn’t mean to say it out loud, but Kokomi whips around to stare at you. It’s too late to take it back.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing!” you say, trying to step around her, but she keeps stepping in front of you. “We’re going to be late to the ceremony. As the Divine Priestess, wouldn’t it be--”

“If you tell me what you mean, then we can finish this conversation and be there in time!” She’s smiling, but you don’t think she’s going to let you off so easily. It’s at times like these that you remember her clan is descended from dragons.

She calls your name, and you let out a sigh. “I... I just mean that I like being with you. Even boring ceremonies aren’t so bad when you’re there.”

Kokomi claps in delight, roses blooming on her cheeks. “Really? Because I think the same. I always try to do my best as the Divine Priestess, but knowing my beloved is there gives me the energy to do even the most exhausting of tasks.”

“... Beloved? Wait, what? I’m your beloved? Kokomi! Come back here and explain!”

“Sorry! We’re going to be late! So let’s get a move on!”

Albedo

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

Albedo doesn’t wince as you dab ointment along his skin. Instead, he watches your hands work swiftly, wiping away the blood and cleaning his wounds with disinfectant.

“You have beautiful hands,” he says.

“Albedo!” you scold. “You almost got chopped in half by a mitachurl, and you’re trying to flirt with me?”

“Well, I survived, didn’t I?” he reasoned. “I’m out of danger now, you’re an excellent medic, and even if my wounds take a turn for the worst, we can go to Barbara.”

“Still, it’s the principle of the matter, do you hear me?” Impulsively, you brush back his bangs to press a a kiss to his forehead. “This is a good luck charm, okay? Try to stay out of trouble.”

Albedo presses his fingertips against the spot you’ve kissed. “Can I get another good luck charm? I’m not quite sure that was enough.”

You shake your bottle of ointment at him. “Nice try. You can get more kisses once you’re healed. Consider this your punishment.”

“What a cruel doctor I have.”

Childe

❛ please just hold me. ❜

You can’t look at him. Childe clutches at the edge of your shirt like he doesn’t deserve touch any more of you.

“Don’t go,” he says quietly.

“Childe. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

“We can make this work.”

You speak to the plant in the corner, some native Liyue flowers he had been so excited to bring home to you. “Make what work? We don’t have a typical relationship. It might be easier if we just go back to how we were before.”

“Do you really think that?” he laughs humorlessly. “Easy? It wouldn’t be easy. Not for you, and not for me.”

“Childe...” At the soft sigh of his name, his arms tentatively wrap around your waist, begging for permission with every inch.

“You and I aren’t a mistake. We could never be a mistake. So please...”

“...Just one more night,” you relent. “Do you understand, Childe?”

It would be one more night to pretend that an ordinary life would ever be in reach.

Hu Tao

❛ i thought you’d be here. ❜

With your knees pulled up to your chest, and your arms wrapped around your knees, you don’t give Hu Tao any indication that you’ve heard her. She sits next to you, crossing her legs as she stares at the star speckled sky.

“Do you remember when we first met?” she says softly, voice serious and low. “I do. I could never forget the way you came up to me without a care and started helping me name the statues around Liyue. You’ve always stayed by my side, so I want to do the same for you.”

“But I... don’t know if I deserve that,” you whisper.

“You do. Let me be your strength, if it’s too hard.” Hu Tao places her hand on your head, where it tilts awkwardly, shading your eyes. “There!”

“What are you doing?”

“Giving you a way to cry without anyone watching.” She pulls you into her arms, stroking your back. “You don’t have to pretend around me. I know today was hard for you.”

You bury your head into her shoulder, and Hu Tao hums as your tears soak her shoulder.

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vivakitkt · 9 months

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Genshin/HSR Characters as “until I found you” lyrics

Warnings: Bad grammar(?) not proof read, fluff(?)

A/n: I’m back after a few weeks and randomly came up with this idea at 1 AM in the morning :D my sleep schedule is nonexistent. ANYWAYS please enjoy this little wip :)

“I would never fall in love again until I found her”

Since the day you two got together, they vowed to always be faithful to you. Never would you see them with another. You are their everything. If you ever left them, they would stop at nothing until they found you again. You two were meant to be. The way their hand perfectly cupped your cheek, the way you would both try to surprise each other with your favorite dinner. God perfectly crafted you just for them. Not even the heavens could tear you apart.

Zhongli, Childe, Blade, Raiden, Wanderer, AlHaitham, Kamisato Ayato,

“I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her”

They were a sin to Earth, a being never meant to exist. But you showed them that they could be loved, that they didn’t need to hide or isolate themselves from others. They believed that they couldn’t be vulnerable, hold no emotions, after all they couldn’t let themselves be held back. When you two first met, you wouldn’t stop latching yourself onto them. Always following them around, treating them well, treating them normal. They told you multiple times to not get close to them. For they would only cause you pain. What a lie that became. When you joined, their world became much brighter.

Xiao, Wanderer, Diluc, Bennett, Shenhe, Blade

“Heaven when I held you again”

They love to embrace you and they love to be in your arms. Every second of the day, they’re in your arms. Or you’re in theirs. They don’t care whether their big spoon or little spoon. They just love to know that you’re close to them. When you’re not in their presence, all they do is think about when you will be. They especially love it when you give them extra attention by pampering them with kisses, even more so after a long day at work. They want to be with you forever and ever, even after death.

Gepard, Jing Yuan, Sampo, March 7th, Chongyun, Heizou, Ningguang, Hu Tao

“How could, we ever just be friends”

They loved you, you loved them. However both of your personalities made it difficult for you to confess, let alone notice the others feelings. Everyone around you two understand that you both like each other so they don’t understand why you both just won’t confess to each other. To tell the truth, they’re worried that if they do, they’ll lose you. And they wouldn’t be able to accept that. They want to be more than friends. They want to hold you in their arms, smother their kisses all over you, and spoil you even if you insist that they don’t have to. But the idea of lost will always be rooted in them.

Dan heng, Seele, Blade, Baizhu, Gorou, Kaveh, Keqing, Razor, Wanderer

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yourlocallyneysimp · 10 months

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Toilet Ghost?! 1/2

Genshin Boys x Hanako!Reader

A/n: To celebrate the reboot coming out soon! This is also a remake of an old post. I hope you like it!~

Characters: Lyney, Bennett, Xiao, Venti, Scaramouche, Aether, +HuTao

Lyney ♡

Pretty amazing duo. You both would get along really well, especially with the magic stuff!

Even though you don't know much about magic, Lyney would still try to show you small tricks!

Expect to be featured in future performances. (He doesn't realize people can't see you) He has to show the whole world that he has the best companions!

You both would also get into trouble a lot. Pranks, accidents, tricks, they're all really common. Flirting competitions are also a thing and Lynette has had enough of it.

He doesn't care if you're a ghost. After all, you're his best friend. (Soon to be lover)

Bennett ♡

Pretty interesting friendship, but also very cute.

Bennett keeps getting himself into trouble because of his luck, and you protect him.

I would say that Bennett made a wish of having an adventure team instead of getting rid of his bad luck. It confused you, but you told him that you would be the first member of his little team.

And just like that, a new friendship formed!

He apologizes a lot since you're the one always saving him. You know it's not his fault, so you always reassure him that everything's fine. After all, you haven't had this much fun in decades.

When he realizes that you're a ghost, he finds it pretty cool, but also upsetting. If you were a ghost, then that means you died, right..?

He won't ask for the details, but he still wonders every now and then.

Xiao ♡

He admires your strength.

Although he finds you to be mostly annoying, he still likes to watch you fight.

He previously couldn't touch you, but because he made some sort of 'bond' with you, he's able to make physical contact with you.

He would push you away at first, but eventually he won't mind your presence. He won't bother asking about your background and you wouldn't ask about his.

Even though one of you is way louder than the other, it's still a pretty silent friendship since you both secretly understand each other.

Venti ♡

Best friendship ever.

You both would never shut up.

Diluc has had enough of the both of you, but you both don't care. If you add Lyney to this small group, then you three would be unstoppable!

Even though you both like pulling pranks on Diluc and Paimon, you still both have small moments of peace.

For example, there are times when both of you just sit in silence, accompanied by each other's presence.

Sometimes it happens during night at Windrise when the both of you are thinking about past experiences. Even so, you both feel comforted that someone is there to understand.

He also doesn't care that you're a ghost. To be honest, he thinks you're more human than anything.

Scaramouche ♡

He can't stand you.

You helped him out once when a bunch of treasure hoarders were trying to rob him. Even though he could've handled it himself, he still enjoyed watching you fight them.

BUT, just because you helped him once does not mean you could follow him around!

He wouldn't listen to you as you talk about 'stupid topics'. Right now he wanted to be alone, but you weren't granting him that wish.

He tried attacking you, but that didn't really help since you're a ghost. How annoying.

Eventually, he gives up. He let's you follow him since he knew yelling at you wasn't going to solve anything.

Even though he would give you the silent treatment, slowly and eventually he would start coming around.

He would mumble a few words here and there, but in your eyes, it's still progress!

Aether ♡

You remind him a lot of Hu Tao.

He is not bothered by you since he deals with a lot of different people throughout the day, but someone doesn't appreciate your presence.

Paimon always tells you to stop following them, but Aether always defends you, saying that she follows him too.

He will hide you from Hu Tao, though, since he knows that she would probably try to 'put you away.'

He doesn't believe that you could make wishes come true, but he still tries it anyway.

"I want to find my sister."

You were caught off guard by the serious request since you weren't expecting him to say something like that.

When you find out he also has a twin, it reminds you of your own. Oh, how you wish you had a strong sibling bond like Aether and Lumine...

+Hu Tao ♡

Even though the both of you have similar personalities, Hu Tao gives you the Qiqi treatment.

She tries to help you cross over, which in her eyes is a generous thing to do, but you can't leave this world just yet! You still have so much to do.

You just hope that she will eventually understand that.

And also free Qiqi..

Bye!~

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #lyney #lyney x reader #venti x reader #venti #bennett x reader #Bennett #xiao x reader #xiao #Scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #aether x reader #Aether #Paimon #hanako kun

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shenachigans · 1 year

Text

USED | Ningguang

PAIRING: Ningguang x Gn!Reader

CW: angst no comfort, cheating, a lot of crying, unhealthy relationship, toxic(?) Ningguang, implied Beigguang

SUMMARY: The woman you oh-so-loved turned out to be using you as her former lover’s replacement, but does she realize her feelings for you when you two part ways?

WORDS: 3,538

(FANFIC IS UNDER THE CUT!)

“This would be all for the day, Assistant Y/n,” Zhongli flashed you a smile as he tidied the pile of documents and removed his glasses. He watched as you hurriedly fixed your desk as if you were in a hurry, but he paid no mind as he knew how eager you were to get some rest after a long day of work. “Thank you for your cooperation. Please get some rest.”

“Hehe~ No worries, Mr. Zhongli!” you grinned and pointed your thumb at yourself. “I’m happy to be of help! Don’t take it too hard on yourself, boss. We also have time to finish these documents Lady Hu Tao handed us. Hence, we don’t have to rush!”

Your energy was similar to Hu Tao’s—all bubbly like a ball of sunshine—and Zhongli gave you a close-eyed smile at your liveliness.

A certain someone reminds them of a captain’s boastful energy.

“I suppose you’re right.” Zhongli chuckled as he rose from the seat and opened the office door for you. You quickly fixed your bag as you didn’t want him to wait long. “May I ask why you’re more delighted today?” he asked, purely out of curiosity.

If you hadn’t known better, you would’ve blurted out that you were excited to see your lover—the Tianquan of Liyue: Lady Ningguang—after promising you that she wanted to spend time with you. However, she sternly told you not to disclose a single soul about your relationship because of safety reasons, but she never told you why.

Announcing your relationship will make things complicated for her to keep seeing a certain someone.

“O-Oh… I—” you stumbled, making Zhongli raise a brow and try to apologize for asking a sensitive question, but you replied first, causing him to abandon his apology. “I just really wanted to get home and rest!”

Zhongli knew that wasn’t the real reason, but he didn’t want to push buttons and make you uncomfortable. There were things he didn’t understand about mortals but spending time with you and Hu Tao—the people he cherishes in his life as a regular human being, not the God of Contracts—made him realize that humans are frail and emotional. Hence, he let your white lie pass.

“I see. Rest is key, after all,” Zhongli hummed as you two exited the funeral parlor. “Please rest well, Assistant Y/n. Have a nice evening.”

"You too, Mr. Zhongli. Goodnight!" you returned the gesture with a grin—your smile as precious as the finest jewel—before jogging to you and your lover’s shared home.

Though, you seemed to have never noticed how little time she stays in your house as she’s always in the Jade Chamber coped up with work. She mostly spends her time resting there instead of coming home to you. But it’s alright since she’s a busy woman. Barely spending time with your lover is normal, especially with a busy woman like her, right?

You skipped along as you thought about the time she finally promised you a date night. However, when you arrived, you found a letter on the floor in front of the door. It was for you. You picked it up and opened it, but you didn't have to read the whole thing as you recognized the handwriting. It was Ningguang’s. She would send you letters when she does overtime, apologizing for not being able to be there with you.

Your bright expression faltered into a sad and disappointed one, but you brushed the feeling aside as you understood why. Ningguang is the Tianquan of Liyue, so her work was more important than you. She represents the embodiment of Liyue, after all.

You knew the challenges of this secret relationship, but it started to hurt. But you can’t be selfish and have Ningguang all to yourself because she also had her needs to take care of. You’re grateful that she gives you freedom, but you never notice how she gives you too much of it as if she doesn’t care about what you do.

There’s no reason for her to keep you to herself when someone else is there for her.

You never noticed any negativity she does to you. You’re so drunk on your love for her that you don’t notice them. Even if you knew, you would trick your brain into thinking it was normal because she held a high position.

You gave everything to Ningguang: your love, body, time, and effort. But was there a time she gave all of herself to you? Maybe, but it didn’t matter as long as she wanted you by her side. You’re already content with having her as your lover even if you ached for more affection from her.

Instead of waiting for her to come home, you decided to visit her. Waiting for her would end up in you falling asleep and not seeing her for the past who knows how many days. You bought the most beautiful Glaze lilies on the way there—no matter how much they cost you.

The flowers reminded you of Ningguang: elegant and beautiful. You smiled at the thought of how she would react when you gave them to her. It didn’t matter if she simply took them out of your hands like always. The only thing you cared about was that she took them from you as it silently showed you that she liked them.

Oh, how you were wrong about that. You wouldn’t see the bouquets piled in the trash under the desk after you leave the floating palace. Ningguang only kept a dried Glaze lily you didn’t give her, but from a captain, you barely know.

The dried flower held more importance to her than the flowers you bought.

Upon your arrival in the Jade chamber—happily holding the bouquet in your hands—the staff outside the palace stiffened. Their eyes widened as if they'd seen a ghost. You looked back at them confused but made your way inside, ignoring their gazes, as you thought it was a natural response for an uninvited guest to be here.

But you didn’t need permission since you’re the Tianquan’s lover, right? You don’t know if Ningguang’s staff knew about your relationship. Did she even tell them so that you could freely roam around her domain? She should’ve because the grandpa wouldn’t let you up to the Jade Chamber in the first place if he didn’t know about your relationship. But before you could approach Ningguang's office, Baishi—one of Ningguang’s three secretaries—stopped you.

"M-Ms. Y/n. I apologize, but you mustn't enter," Baishi explained as she saw you walk on the pavement of the floating palace. Her voice was shaky—her hands fidgeting—clearly surprised to see you here. “Lady Ningguang forbids anyone to visit her at this time.”

"Why…? Is she alright??" you questioned, concern starting to envelop you. Ningguang is a healthy woman. For her to catch a cold out of nowhere was out of the question. Whatever it was, you were worried. 'Is Ning perhaps unwell? She can’t be,' you thought. “I just wanted to visit her then go back…”

"N-No…” Baishi trailed off. She seemed to become more nervous each second you stayed in the Jade Chamber. “I-It's just—She didn’t want anyone to interfere while she does overtime. Ms. Y/n, I need you to leave—"

You didn't even let her finish as you rushed toward Ningguang’s office. The secretary ran after you, telling you to stop, but you didn't listen. You were too worried to process what was happening that your body reacted by itself. You needed to know about your lover’s condition.

However, the adrenaline rush didn’t prepare your heart for what was behind the office doors, which was a big mistake. Because as soon as you gently opened the door—to not bother her with the sudden noise—your eyes widened as you saw Ningguang—your lover, your world—making out with the captain of the Crux. You left the door ajar and stumbled a few steps in shock.

The Captain had propped Ningguang onto her desk and wedged herself between Ningguang’s legs as they languidly kissed each other—Beidou’s arms caged Ningguang’s figure. Beidou’s hands roamed the woman only you had the authority to touch. But was that really the case? Not when it seemed like Beidou knew how to touch Ningguang like the back of her hand.

Your heart dropped even more as you saw Ningguang’s body language toward the Captain because she never showed you this side of hers. She was aroused and attracted—every emotion that she never showed you. You almost didn’t recognize her with how improper and disheveled her hair and attire were. You never noticed how she kept things professional between you two, even if you two had sex.

There was no need for Ningguang to show that side to you because it only belonged to the Captain.

Your body felt numb—so numb that you didn’t notice how your hands were shaking, making you drop the bouquet on the floor—and frozen in place. You wanted to shout at Ningguang for doing this to you, but you couldn’t because you were at fault too. You were too blinded with love to realize you weren’t enough for her and that someone like the Captain was more capable of providing her needs, not you.

You felt so lost. Overthinking clouded your thoughts, making you fall into the spiral abyss. You felt demons hold your limbs, trying to drag you into the darkness. You heard them mocking you for your naivety, but they were right. You got caught up in this mess because you were naive, thinking Ningguang genuinely loved you even if you had nothing to offer her.

Ningguang didn’t care if you had nothing as long as you kept reminding her of the Captain.

Lips smacking against each other, ragged breaths, and moans invaded your mind—not until Baishi’s voice snapped you out of this painful trance.

“P-Please take her away!” Baishi yelled as she instructed the guards following her.

Two Millelith hesitantly approached you and gently asked you to leave before they had to escort you out of the Jade Chamber using force, but guilty expressions painted their faces as they saw you silently crying.

The commotion outside the office made Beidou and Ningguang pause their affair as it interfered with the mood. Ningguang tidied herself—a ticked expression painted her face from being interrupted—and walked towards the door while Beidou stayed and sat on your lover’s office chair. She became slightly confused when she noticed the door ajar. Nevertheless, she fully opened it and saw two guards towering over someone.

She never allowed you to sit on her office chair, only the Captain.

“I did tell all of you to not disturb me, did I not?” Ningguang husked, making the guards flinch and turn to her with guilty faces. Both parted—like the sea parting in half—and scurried away from the scene as she walked towards them.

Ningguang’s heart dropped, and her face paled as she saw your figure with your head hung low—tears plopping on the floor.

“Y-Y/n…Why are you crying, dear?” She wanted to slap herself for the stupid question. She knew you must’ve seen everything based on the ajar door, yet she acted as if nothing happened.

Her trembling hand hesitantly approached your cheek even though she expected you to avoid her touch. To her surprise, you let her, but she shivered when your skin felt cold against her gloved hand. It seemed like she was touching a corpse—a human void of life.

You were always warm to the touch, just like the Captain.

“Y/n…Talk to me…” Ningguang mumbled—her lips quivering as she spoke—as her other hand held your other cheek and gently held your face so that your eyes could meet hers. She shuddered when lifeless eyes met hers.

Your eyes showed a glint of regret, hurt, and betrayal. Ningguang was so used to seeing a joyful shine in your eyes that it sometimes aggravated her with how lively you were. It felt like she drained all of your life source from the pain she gave you.

“Y/n…Please talk…”

Ningguang never said your name this many times whenever you met her. You would’ve been happy if it were another circumstance, but it only wounds your heart now. Why was she only saying it that affectionately when she made a mistake? Was she trying to make you forgive her? Maybe.

Something in her made her want to make you stay so that she has company when Beidou leaves for another adventure.

“Don’t say my name with so much affection. I know you don’t mean it,” you finally spoke, sniffles intervening with each word. “I-Is this what you do whenever you send me a letter when you work overtime…?”

You never realized how she only sent those letters whenever the Captain’s ship was decked in the Harbor.

“Y-Y/n—”

“Answer me. Please,” you bitterly cut Ningguang off as you looked away—not able to bear the pain of looking at her any longer. She never looked at you with so much affection until now, or maybe it was only guilt?

Ningguang’s jaw clenched as her features expressed guilt. You never used this solemn and cold tone to her, and it felt like something was gnawing at her heart with each word you said.

“...Y-Yes.”

“D-Did you ever think about me before you went further…?”

Ningguang looked away and slowly released your face from her hold. Tears were building up in her eyes, and her hands balled into fists. Her lips were pursed, refusing to answer you because she knew it would only hurt you.

She never thought about you, even if she was with or without Beidou.

You didn’t need an answer because you already confirmed it from seeing them together. You didn’t know why you asked. Maybe your hormones are out of control from crying so much that you started blurting out nonsense. Maybe something in your heart hoped you held a place in Ningguang’s heart despite her adultery.

“Why did you give me false hope, Ningguang…?” you cried. The way her name bitterly rolled out of your mouth caused her tears to roll down her cheeks. You used to call her with so much love, but she messed up, and now the affection she took advantage of is gone. “Why did you make me think I was enough for you—enough to stand by your side??”

Those were tears of guilt, nothing more.

“Y-You’re more than enough, Y/n…I-I don’t know why I kept coming back to her—” she approached you to engulf you in an embrace, but you kept moving backward “—We…we aren’t together anymore, so I—”

Excuses.

“Did you ever love me for who I was?” you cut her off again. Tears flowed down your face as you came to a realization. “...Or did you keep me by your side because you reminded me of her? …Was I just Beidou’s replacement?”

Ningguang’s eyes widened, making her freeze in her spot. It felt like her heart had been pierced by every sharp object that existed. Everything about you and what you did reminded her of the Captain, but something held her back from loving you as you were. Something was different between you and Beidou despite having similar traits. It didn’t feel the same.

Was she really using her as Beidou’s replacement? Yes, she did. You were someone who could fill the space in her heart, but you weren’t the person she loved. But something in her made her keep you by her side, even if it made you look like a disposable toy.

The only reason you became her lover was to be Beidou’s replacement.

“If you wanted to use me, you could’ve said so. I would’ve agreed if our relationship was merely contractual,” you bitterly smiled at Ningguang. “But you didn't have to get my hopes up thinking I could stand beside you…I devoted myself to you like I’m worshiping my god because you were my everything, Ningguang!”

Ningguang guiltily watched you vent your heart out. She saw how you clutched your chest in pain and how your eyes were swollen from crying too much. The state you’re in wasn’t the sunshine she knew, but she couldn’t complain because it was her fault for making you this way—for hurting you. After all, you loved her with all your heart while she indecently used you as Beidou’s replacement.

She didn’t have the right to talk because there was nothing to explain. Trying to reason with you for her actions was merely coming up with excuses.

“You don’t know how much I sacrificed to make you happy with what I have because I'm nothing compared to you! I was glad you chose me to be your lover, but it hurt to love you. I understood how busy you were and that you rarely spent time with me. I understood how your work was more important than me. After all, you're the Tianquan of Liyue! But you didn’t—YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO USE ME WHILE I THOUGHT I WAS CAPABLE ENOUGH TO BE BY YOUR SIDE!”

It was your last straw before you fell on your knees and cried—your hands grasping your face, trying to mask yourself from her. You felt pathetic for not handling this more professionally, but you couldn’t. All this pent-up pain wanted to be known—it wanted Ningguang to know how much she abused your love.

Ningguang shakily kneeled in front of you and engulfed you in a tight hug—with her shaking hands—as she cried with you. She knows she messed up and that she took advantage of your love. She can’t bear imagining how much pain you put aside to shower her with all you had while she saw her old lover in you. She felt so despicable.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m so sorry,” Ningguang cried as she held the back of your head. Why was she so affected by you seeing her cheat? There wouldn’t be any reason for feeling remorse if she didn’t feel anything for you. But was it love? “Please don’t forgive me. Please. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“I hate you,” you mumbled between sobs as you hit her shoulder. Ningguang hissed at the pain and your statement but held you tighter in her arms. Her pain is nothing to what you’ve experienced. “I hate that I still love you.”

“Don’t say that. I don’t deserve you. I deserve your hate for taking advantage of you,” Ningguang clenched her jaw as she buried her head in your shoulder, tightly closing her eyes to refrain from crying. “I’m a despicable woman. I don’t deserve your love, Y/n.”

She never realized how much comfort your body heat gave her until now. It was a different comfort from what Beidou gave her, but she liked it. However, it’s too late for her. You’ve already slipped away from her arms even if she tried to hold you from escaping.

It’s been a year since you parted ways, and Ningguang is conflicted. She doesn’t know if her love for Beidou made her keep you by her side or if your affection made her love Beidou more because of your similarities. But she knows one thing: that she hurt you so much.

Her heart clenched with pain when you ascended to the Jade Chamber for the last time to pick up your stuff and return hers from your home a week after you two broke up. She also ended things with Beidou, and Beidou visited you at your house to apologize. You forgave her because she didn’t know about your relationship with Ningguang.

Ningguang saw the usual bouquet of Glaze lilies you dropped on the floor that day. But instead of throwing it like used to, she threw the dried flower Beidou gave her and preserved the bouquet you gave her despite being disheveled from being dropped on the floor.

She spends most of her days longingly looking at it and remembering the times you happily gave her the bouquets she had thrown away—sometimes crying as she clutched the bouquet against her chest. Her secretaries would even find their lady talking to the drying Glaze lilies with so much affection.

Everything reminded her of you as if you were still physically with her. It’s driving her insane, but this might be the gods’ punishment for how she treated you. She wishes she could treat you better in another life and would even go on her knees to beg you for a second chance. But she’s scared. She doesn’t want to hurt you again.

She tells herself that you ought to have someone who would treat you equally as you do because she may never have a second chance. She aches to hold you again in her arms and treat you tenfold for the affection you gave her.

But one question keeps bothering her. Was she feeling love toward you after realizing how much you loved her and wished to treat you better? Or did she simply want to repay you for your affection to rid her guilt?

Maybe there will be a fated day that gives her an answer when she sees you again.

#ningguang x reader #ningguang x you #ningguang #ningguang angst #genshin x reader #genshin impact fanfic #genshin fanfic #ningguang x y/n #genshin ningguang #genshin impact x reader #gn reader #fem reader

566 notes · View notes

genshinology · 2 years

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓. zhongli

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ pairing : zhongli x gn!reader ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ genre : modern au, high school au (can be a college au if you want to), friends to maybe lovers au and fluff. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ word count : 3.2k (reblogs are appreciated ^^) ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ summary : when you had a crush on a certain student council; the president at that. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ content : reader is a simp for zhongli, mentions of various liyue characters, one kissing on the cheek and the usage of the word ‘asses’ once. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ notes : idk what is this lmaoo it’s in my drafts for months and i actually planned to write “multiple” genshin men as the students’ representative council and already have diluc’s part drafted before deleting it, but the will to continue just disappeared into thin air HAH. even the format of this is so messy AJKDWHSKWDJ

☆ — a students’ representative council (SRC), also known as a students' administrative council, represents student interests in the government of a university, school or other educational institution.

it wasn't an underrated statement, to say that, zhongli from the front class was literally the most—if not, intelligent—famous guy throughout the entire year.

some said he was a prodigy of some sort, while others often looked up at him as their own role model. the way he often ranked one in any tasks or exams in the semester, there was no way he was never not the talk of the school.

with his strikingly slender and tall figure, plus his sharp features littered everywhere on his effortlessly charming face, always in a neat three-piece suit whenever he walked down the hallway, it was safe to say that almost everyone was head over heels for him, you included.

something about him reeked of wisdom, maturity and kindness. he was everything you wanted in a man. a perfect human if you had ever seen one.

the glances you stole during his weekly assembly speeches, the way you never really focused in class but only at him, you really needed to do something about this, because what started as a simple crush turned much more worse, especially when it was your last semester to land yourself on an excellent gpa.

he was everything that you weren't. this fact alone made you scrambled to talk properly at him, especially during that one time when you were somehow magically—or, your chemistry teacher randomly—paired up with him as his lab partner. it was a memory you wouldn't want to go back, because the way you were nothing next to him made you dumber and more often you were left speechless at the confidence and intelligence he exuded.

that time, you exactly knew why he was the most voted person to win the student election. the capability of a leader; to lead, to teach, to advise, to grow, to win, he did all of them to you, and you cursed mentally at your stupid heart for melting at his amazing aura.

though one thing you were forever grateful was, you scored a solid A+ in chemistry, all thanks to zhongli who unknowingly keeping up with your antics to not mess up the project and promised you that everything would go well if you understood the concept.

somehow, your feelings at him worsened after that, but matters of heart were never in one's full control anyway.. right?

"zhongli was really helpful, i am so glad that he was my partner."

"if i said that zhongli was a sweet person, you guys wouldn't believe me. the way his intimidating aura overshadowed that caring side of him.. he really helped me a lot on my understanding for that hellish carbon compound chapter."

"oh god, hu tao, have you seen zhongli today? wait, we're classmates, but whatever, he looks good as always."

"his speech yesterday was so inspiring. how come a man has so many advanced vocabularies in his head?"

hu tao eyed you with a something akin to a disgusted look and your face, "y/n, don't you really think that you, somehow, should get this feeling off your chest?"

"i know," you sighed, leaning against the chair and silently enjoying the breeze coming from the window beside you. for a fleeting moment, it was calming, and your mind seemed to relax, but hu tao and xiangling seemed to not wanting you get away from the current topic.

"for god's sake, you have been talking about him for the past thirty minutes," xiangling smiled cheekily at the way your face went in embarrassment, she gave you a wink whilst clapping unamusingly, "yes, we know he's perfect. yes, he's cool and all, but are you really going to live your life with regrets, and that 'oh i wish i confessed to him sooner' because we are almost done with high school and we both know perfectly that you actually love him," this time, she was the one sighing, clearly disappointed that you didn't take any step further to do something, anything, with your feelings.

"before you guys went mad at me or something," you puckered your lips, "zhongli is like a celebrity, have you guys even seen how busy he is? walking back and forth towards the school's office to settle our needs, blah blah blah. he's always not in class when we don't have classes. how should i even start to approach him?" the more you thought of it, it was a ridiculous idea.

maybe living in denial was better than embarrassing yourself for getting 'friendzoned'. but, hu tao and xiangling were right. you needed to do something about your crush towards zhongli, because it started to affect you as a whole.

"we've been classmates for more than a semester, are you telling me that he wouldn't look at you? at least we're friends, not some juniors who are delusional, thinking that they can sit beside him during lunch or something," hu tao interrupted your deep thoughts, same as xiangling, she could only give you a heavy sigh.

as someone who knew zhongli because of their part-time together outside of school, she once laughed hysterically when you told her the not-so-secret about you crushing on her co-worker.

"make the first move, y/n. you'll never know what's in store."

for most part, you often questioned yourself for being an actual idiot to do what they said. why did you even accept their challenge to confess at him before your final exam, you truly didn't know the real reason behind it. maybe you really had set yourself to really get it out. once again, what would it be for? simple. you just wanted to move on with your phase of having this stupid crush on everyone's sweetheart. there was so many people that wanted him, maybe more than you did, so the thought of him considering your feeling was never coming across your mind.

however, talking about it was way easier than verbally made actions for it.

the way your heart was beating so fast when he brushed your shoulder slightly and greeted you with a nod at the school's gate made you instantly knew that you would be heartbroken if he shrugged you off.

the way your stomach dropped when he once came back from the principal's office to settle down some paperwork about senior field day with another student council, asked you if your table was still vacant since he was rushing to eat lunch before heading out to meet the vice principals. he said something about your table was the closest to reach, and thanked you after stuffed himself with a mere egg sandwich. all in all, you were baffled and almost choked yourself on the soup xiangling brought. you finally gasped in realisation when the situation registered itself inside you; you had lunch with zhongli, although it was like under ten minutes, but still.

the whole cafeteria must've witnessed such scene, and for a second, you almost giggled at the way you felt like you had won against other zhongli's fans.

the way your fingers trembled when he helped you balanced yourself during one of the p.e. sessions inside the indoor court where you were tasked to do gymnastics. zhongli volunteered to help the teacher—you, and many, once again were ultimate whipped at his altruism—to look out for any minor errors while you guys were, at least, trying.

it was a miracle that zhongli decided to help you in the first place, the way his warmth seeped under your skin when he held you close for you not to fall while balancing on the beam, it was really hard to not getting swayed. safety comes first, you reminded yourself, you were a no gymnast too. but the way his cheek was almost pressed against your side to catch you when you slipped, his hold tightening, you swore you were in shambles.

it was the worst when you needed his approval of organising your club to help and visit an orphanage at the countryside, mainly for some extra marks for your club activities and this made you regretted why you were the club secretary in the first place. you didn't understand why you needed to seek zhongli's signature on your paperwork, but considering that the principal himself did say that he would approve whatever the president approved during one of the assemblies, it was way better, technically, than to wait and fidgeting with your fingers at the principal's office for hours, debating with him on why the school's fee should be lent for your club for travels and food and stuff.

"zhongli," your voice sounded small, and you mentally freaked out at how weak you sounded, totally not the you who casually once blurted out a curse word at hu tao at the science laboratory because she messed up with an experiment about insoluble salts, yet your group was doomed when the salts turned out soluble. something about hu tao accidentally used sodium instead of other options.

"oh, y/n," zhongli's eyes lightened up, he was only sitting at his desk, the blazer on him was never with a crease in sight, it just made him stood out even more, "what brings you here?"

you actually thanked the god that his desk wasn't crowded with people, or gifts, since it was still way before the first period.

for more than six months, you knew zhongli was the first one to enter the class, so you did what you had to do to meet him, came earlier than him, for the sake of the paperwork. your advisor said that the deadline would be by the end of this week, but you figured that the sooner this could be done, the sooner your heart would feel at ease.

only because of the charming man in front of you.

you were pathetic, you admitted that.

"uh, so, you see, my c-club, ah yes! my club, is going to help this one orphanage, b-but mr. tian said that i-it would be.. uh, easier, yes, for me to get your approval before anyone else.. or the principal. hm, yes," god, your social skills were never this bad, even the way zhongli was looking at you intently before shifting his eyes to the papers on your hand made your heart skipped a beat, "i.. i did the paperwork with ningguang, so the format must've been r-right. the details should be in there," it was indeed a miracle that you managed to voice out the lines you had been practicing since yesterday.

you vividly remembered that you were almost in the verge of breaking when you realised that you did the paperwork in the wrong way, and you didn't want to restart it again after spending hours and hours brainstorming on the ideas you should pour onto it. luckily, ningguang, the deputy president—bitter on your tongue to say this, but she was zhongli's partner in the council—helped you a lot when you decided to not be a coward and asked her for her advice. she did help you, and you knew that at least you wouldn't embarrass yourself in front of zhongli.

you handed the paperwork at him, sighed in relief when zhongli finally skimmed through it with a comforting smile.

"whose idea is this? it's a great initiative to obtain co-curricular marks with helping the orphans," he didn't look up at you, even when he sounded genuine and really went thoroughly the papers, "is it yours?"

"i, uhm, yes," you answered almost breathlessly, swallowing down the invisible lump in your throat when his eyes directly made in contact with yours, it was insane how much he affected you.

"is it so? that's endearing," zhongli chuckled lightly when he took a notice of the light red shades on your cheeks.

you weren't going to survive breathing the same air near him, the more you observed how attractive he was, the more your mind went blank, and all you could say was a small, "thank you."

though you didn't really know why you were thanking him for. maybe the slight hint of a compliment lacing under his last words made you felt like you were in cloud nine.

"you're welcome," zhongli didn't seem to mind the way you were flustered at his words and your response, as he delicately signed the paper with the black pen in his hand.

"may i.. go too?"

"what?!" you honestly should stop freaking out over simple things he said, please relax and stay calm for your own sanity. this was definitely getting out of hand.

"hm," he hummed, the silken, deep, sexy guttural tone underneath made you blinked at him multiple times for being stupidly gorgeous over little things such as this, and the way you responded to them questioningly, "i want to meet the children too," he stopped, reading your somewhat horrified face before continued on, "if it's alright with you, put my name in the list. once in a while, the children should believe in humanity, and us."

your mind went blank. did this mean zhongli would be going with you? like, literally...?

"y/n?" his tone changed, concerned look all over his face when you didn't budge to take back the papers on his desk but staring blankly at him.

"i, oh, yes—" you fixed your uniform, still didn't quite get it why you did so, presumably wanting to look presentable after all those stupid things you accidentally did in front of your own crush, "sure. i'll add you."

zhongli smiled at your words, before you bowed down at him, blabbering something about, "thank you for your approval," before you almost tripped yourself as you unknowingly kicked a chair in the way, bracing yourself to not fall down as your hands secured themselves on someone else's desk, mouthing, "i am fine," when zhongli's eyes almost widened at your clumsiness.

so when you finally reached your place, sitting down and pretending to be busy while shuffling through your things in your bag, zhongli's voice cut through the silence, "let's meet early again tomorrow, before everyone else is here. i would love to discuss the plan in details."

you didn't realise when, or how, but zhongli did turn himself fully to face you from a distant from his desk, while you, on the other hand, almost choked on thin air when you knew too well that you wouldn't be going to survive another day like this again.

but fate would always brought surprises in one's life, wouldn't it?

because the usual meetings an hour before class turned into a habit, and in some weird way, you found yourself more motivated to go to school early. even your mother was in shocked at how you woke up with a smile on your face, already in your uniform before heading out way too early when usually, around this time, you would groan at your mother that you needed five more minutes of sleep.

the activity at the orphanage went pretty smooth too, and you would consider that you were now friends with him—not like you didn't consider yourself as a friend to him initially, but all this time, you were, after all, only his classmate—because once again, your club advisor paired up you with him to distribute unwanted clothes and books to the kids. the smiles they gave back at you made your heart contented.

the habit of coming to school early made you realised that zhongli unknowingly brought the best version of you, and you were proud at how productive you had became.

it went on and on, until prom night was nearing.

it wasn't a thing before, but now, that you knew how to act properly in front of him, the only thing that was weighing inside you was should you ask him, or not?

sure, you weren't a special someone in his life, but xiangling's words haunted you more often than you liked. you didn't want to regret seeing zhongli with someone else in his arms, you wanted it to be with you. god, you sounded so selfish, when there was a long line in your year to be his prom date.

you would never stand a chance. maybe living in a blissful ignorance would be way better, although you were itching to not thinking of zhongli with someone else.

"this might seem out of context, or, generally speaking, this would, mayhaps, surprise you," zhongli started when both of you finally walked up outside of the stuffy class, decided that it was the best to get a fresh air early in the morning when no one was around. your mind would think this as a secret date, but of course, it wasn't.

"do you have a partner? for the prom night?"

you couldn't count how many times this man took your breath away with his unexpectedness, but it was bizarre that he found this thing intriguing in the first place, and to ask you that bizarre question.

because all things with zhongli were strictly business. that was what hu tao once said to you. he was a serious man, who took care of everything for the students, and didn't ponder over things such as.. this.

"n-no," you were caught off guard, but there was no way you would make a fool out of yourself again, he already seen worst, "why?" you couldn't help but to indulge in your own curiosity.

"nothing. i mean, i am just.. curious," zhongli blatantly lied and you cocked your head to the side slightly. spending your time with him made you realised that the perfect zhongli tended to avoid eye contacts when he tried to avoid something.

"really?"

"okay, no. i actually would like to spend the magical night, and wouldn't want to miss the chance to dance, with you," he was rather straightforward, not even his usual serious expression faltered when he just dropped the bomb out of nowhere and said that he wanted you to become his partner for the night.

"zhongli, i—" you took a deep breath, slightly pinching your face and yes, you weren't dreaming, zhongli was still there in front of you, waiting for your response, and right then and there, you ultimately decided to confess at him on that night, the outcome didn't matter, at least you could be with him for a night, "—yes, yes. of course, i would love to."

you didn't realise that you were almost in front of the school's beautiful courtyard, as zhongli smiled, sincerely smiled at you. he seemed loving, and the way his eyes told you a million stories behind them already told you much, that maybe, just maybe, zhongli did have a thing for you. there was no way his eyes would lie.

zhongli then mouthed a, "beautiful," before he planted a kiss at the corner of your lips. it was only for a moment, and if you weren't paying enough attention, you might not acknowledge him doing so. it was too short-lived. you were taken aback, and for the first time living in ignorance, you smiled at the little gesture.

you spotted hu tao and xiangling along the way, might need to kick their asses later when you saw hu tao handed over some cash at xiangling, before they giggled at your direction and ran away.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

#☆.works #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #zhongli fluff #zhongli imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin fluff #genshin imagines

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idyllic-affections · 11 months

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HELLO!! YOUR BAIZHU WITH CHRONICALLY ILL READER IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVERY HAPPENED!!! I've never seen a blog that does only platonic things, and as an aroace person, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! I wasn't too sure if you requests were open or not, but I was wondering if you could make either some headcanons or a fic where the reader (from that series) has a flare up or gets sick and Baizhu takes care of them? I'm unfortunately sick right now (just in time for when my final school assignments are due, slay 😍) but found family and hurt/comfort are literally the best thing ever, and, if put together, I'm pretty sure will cure me /j. If you requests aren't open, then please disregard this message!

Anyway, I gotta go sleep before the fever messes up my brain (if it hasn't already); so good bye, and thank you again!!

a slip of the tongue.

summary. how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they fall ill?

trigger & content warnings. flu-like sickness, lighthearted mentions of death.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort-ish. baizhu & reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of invisible disability? it's rather visible to me & contains vaguely implied spoilers for baizhu's story quest.

author's thoughts. hello lovely!!! thank youu <3 i am slowly collecting people that like this series like how i collect shiny rocks. its great to get a request related to it. i hold this series very dearly, so please (and this goes for everyone reading this!) never be shy to send thoughts about it or requests related to it. anyway, i love catering to aroace folk, you all are so special to me. im on the aro spectrum myself, so i get it. i know from experience that it can be super frustrating looking for fanfic content that's non-romantic. please remember to take care of yourself! i totally understand the feeling of needing to finish final assignments while being sick. me and you are in the exact same boat LMAO... my requests are always open btw! ive no intention of ever closing them. in the end, i went with our poor reader being sick rather than having flare ups, since i already briefly touched on that idea in employee benefits.

how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they're sick and out of commission?

baizhu is most often the first to know when they're sick or otherwise unwell. he's so impossibly attentive to their bodily condition, simply because their health is partially his responsibility. he's their teacher. what kind of mentor would neglect to take care of their apprentice? a bad one, that's what kind.

(he also feels somewhat indebted to them—even though they're chronically ill, they're always doing anything they can to help him recover after his "secret art" treatments. even though he's the doctor, they've helped care for him on more than one occasion. he has to return the favor whenever he can. just because he's older doesn't mean he gets to freely take advantage of their kindness.)

if he's not the first to know, he's the second, because the only instance where he wouldn't know first is if they woke up ill at home.

he'll always end up being the second to know, at the very least. someone will inform him of their condition, whether that be a parent or a sibling or another family member. sometimes a friend of theirs may tell him, such as xingqiu, chongyun, hu tao, or xiangling.

in hu tao's case... she may be distrustful of him, but she does tell him when they aren't well. [name] is a childhood friend of hers. she cares about their health and, surprisingly, doesn't want to put them in the ground just yet!

even though she dreads the path they've chosen to walk down... she still cares for them, very much so.

(junior herbalist!reader's lore drop is finally here?!?!?)

regardless of how baizhu finds out, they'll end up being cared for at the pharmacy.

though he could prescribe them medication and let them be taken care of at home...

he often wants to care for them himself.

gui has asked why in the past, and baizhu really has never had a good answer for him.

he's really not sure why he wants to be the one to monitor them. perhaps it's because it gives him a sense of calmness and reassures him that they're recovering well.

after all, if their condition were to rapidly decline for any reason... he could fix it.

(to some others, his concern might seem overprotective. unnecessary. however, something as simple as the flu has been known to take lives. he worries that, because of their chronic illness, they may be more susceptible to a severe case than others are.)

he has the means to save them if something like that were to happen, and undoubtedly, the life of his sweet and kind apprentice is one that deserves to be saved and protected.

perhaps it's also because it seems to put qiqi at ease; baizhu's noticed that she gets fidgety in [name]'s absence during work hours, but when they're ill and being cared for at the pharmacy, she functions very well and often even remembers to check on them herself.

sometimes when they have a fever, qiqi may sit by their side for minutes at a time and just press her little cold hands on their forehead to cool them off. she also ensures that they stay hydrated.

both baizhu and gui find this behavior very endearing. qiqi cares deeply for her big sibling (despite the fact that she's technically older...). her bond with them is something very special and sweet to bear witness to.

bubu pharmacy's work environment is familial and tightly knit by nature, so it isn't too hard to imagine that something would feel wrong if one of the four herbalists were gone for whatever reason. even those who don't work there are affected by the absence of one or more of the pharmacists.

overall, baizhu takes very good care of them when they fall ill.

he monitors them closely, hand-crafts their medicine depending on what they need, makes sure that their fluid intake is maintained...

he dotes on them tbh.

"Ugh..." they groaned, blearily blinking up at their mentor. Baizhu's hand against the feverish skin of their forehead was cold; they couldn't help but lean into the gentle touch. "Bàba?"

He didn't point it out. He hardly even acknowledged their words, as if he were somehow used to it. He only smiled, hand stroking tenderly over their disheveled hair, taming the defiant strands no doubt caused by restless sleep. "So sorry to wake you, dear."

Even Changsheng was quiet—she only hummed thoughtfully from her place around Baizhu's neck. Normally, she'd find something to tease them about (usually because they started it!), but now... she seemed to know that it just wasn't right to tease them in their hazy state of mind.

Gui was quiet, too. He was surprised. He had never heard them address their mentor such an... informal way, let alone with familial terms. He did once briefly think that the dynamic they had with Baizhu was awfully family-like, but...

It was still unexpected.

"Come, now. It's time to take your medicine again, and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

Gui watched, still silent, as they hummed in absentminded acknowledgement, rubbing their eyes ever so slightly. It didn't seem to help them come to at all; their gaze was still distant and unfocused and they didn't even realize how they addressed the doctor. If they did... they'd probably apologize, embarrassed, but they showed no such emotion. Baizhu gently guided them into a sitting position, rubbing small circles on their back.

Gui handed the cup filled about halfway with herbal medication off to the doctor. Baizhu gingerly guided it to their lips, knowing very well that the guidance was needed; they looked half-asleep sitting up. Archons know they were in no condition to successfully do it themselves. They took the medicine without so much as a whine about its bitterness—they only grimaced slightly after swallowing. Gui supposed that they never really were one to complain about it, even when fully coherent. 'I think it would set a bad example for others if I complained,' they once told him. 'Plus, it's not like Dr. Baizhu gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from giving medication to me, so there's no reason to complain. It's herbal. There's nothing to be done about the taste... I know he doesn't like taking it either. Hehe. It's kind of funny, actually, like we're hiding some kind of company secret. Herbalists who don't like the taste of herbal medicine.'

It was only after he left the room with the doctor that he pointed it out:

"They called you bàba."

"Hm?" Baizhu hummed, turning to Gui. "Oh. Yes... [Name] has done it quite a few times, actually, whether that be because of fever delirium or a slip of the tongue. I don't mind it. It only means that they feel safe enough to be vulnerable here. Qiqi has done it a few times, as well. Those two are only children, so... it is to be expected."

Gui then smiled, nodding. "It's cute."

Baizhu couldn't help but agree, his lips tilting upwards into a little smile himself. "It is."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion's headcanons 🌸#: [ the junior herbalist! 🌸 ]#favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #platonic genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin #platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin x reader #platonic baizhu x reader #baizhu x reader #genshin impsct x reader

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linkemon · 8 months

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Hogwarts AU headcanons 1

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here.

Kamisato Ayato ✧ Slytherin

✧ Ayato was sorted into Slytherin without much thought from the Sorting Hat. Even before he got to Hogwarts, he had a feeling that he was going to get there. As the heir to the Kamisato family and a pureblood wizard, he had little choice.

✧ He is extremely smart and resourceful. His scheming began from the first year, when he got in older classes’ bad books. They made an obvious mistake. They made a fool of themselves. They wanted to get him a few days later but they fall onto the teacher who chased Ayato down the long hall at night. The matter did not end there. He always found ways to fool them when they tried again. He quickly gained respect among the Slytherins and soon after other houses as well.

✧ His activities led to the founding of an elite group of students called the Shuumatsuban. Everyone knows that they exist but hardly anyone has any idea what they actually do or where to find them. You can only join by special invitation. Apparently, they keep order because they are especially liked by students who are unjustly harmed.

✧ Ayato felt that his little sister would end up in a different house than his own. He's happy about it. Their parents are dead and they carry the burden of great responsibility for the future of the family, so he hoped that her school years would be a respite.

✧ He's one of the few people who hasn't slept once in history of magic. Thoma couldn't help admiring his friend.

✧ Ayato happens to do something different than he should in class, but no one has caught him yet.

Naganohara Yoimiya ✧ Hufflepuff

✧ Yoimiya works hard at school to return to her grandfather as soon as possible. Her parents are no longer with her, so he takes care of her upbringing. She had never spent any worlds at Hogwarts. Legend has it that she is the first person to leave the school when it is time to return.

✧ She bought an owl so she could write home as often as possible. Grandpa sends her presents far too often. If it is food, she will immediately share it with others. Mainly because she has a lot of friends and colleagues. Really many. Ask anyone who knows her, they will surely say yes.

✧ In her free time, she likes to go to Hogsmeade and look for materials to make fireworks. She sells them to others for small amounts of money. She loves to see them happy when they fire them. She must be careful not to earn negative points for her house for this because the students slowly stop hiding with explosives.

Albedo ✧ Ravenclaw

✧ Meeting him is a miracle. He comes to class and always disappears somewhere. If you want to see him, it's best to contact Sucrose, otherwise he's hard to find. She has trouble with it herself.

✧ He used to hang out in the library at first but since students started coming in asking for tutoring, he found a different place.

✧ The boy has the highest scores in all the exams he takes, although he doesn't study much for them. He spends most of his time researching areas that really interest him. His teachers predict a bright future for him in the field of Transfiguration and Potions.

✧ Albedo managed to summon a Patronus very quickly compared to others. He took the form of a spider.

✧ He occasionally sketches but never shows his work to others. He doesn't feel the need to brag about it. Cards with his drawings can often be found in the Ravenclaw common room. He doesn't even know how other people admire them.

Hu Tao ✧ Gryffindor

✧ The girl everyone is secretly afraid of. Eccentric and very different from her peers. Usually everyone wants to be friends with her until they get to know her interests better.

✧ Very often she can be found in the company of an older student. Zhongli listens to all of her reasoning and seems to genuinely want to learn from her, though everyone knows that he probably knows more than her. Nobody understands their relationship.

✧ Hu Tao loves the Forbidden Forest. Nobody knows how but she manages to avoid teachers and sneaks out there very often. Interestingly, she is still alive. She somehow gets along with the various creatures that inhabit it, which then results in top marks in Care of Magical Creatures. Teachers regret that she does not pay attention as much attention to the rest of the subjects and barely passes them.

✧ Her parents were non-magical gravediggers and she wants to follow in their footsteps. After passing her exams, she intends to open her casket shop for wizards in Diagon Alley.

✧ She has a habit of spooking people out of the blue.

✧ Hu Tao often talks to the castle spirits. She especially loves to hear about the details of their deaths.

✧ She never gave much thought as to why Gryffindor. During the ceremony she stated that she didn't care. The tiara mentioned something about courage but who would remember that...

#genshin impact x reader #albedo x reader #ayato x reader #yoimiya x reader #hu tao x reader #hogwarts au #ayato kamisato #yoimiya #hu tao #albedo kreideprinz #over teyvat

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lunarsilver · 1 year

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What awaits you in December?

As always, choose the picture or number you feel most drawn to.

REMEMBER

I’m not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist nor a psychologist. Tarot readings will never replace meetings with them.

It’s a general reading, so not everything will resonate.

If you can’t choose between two piles, probably both of them have some messages for you. You can also not identify with any of them and that’s okay too.

Readings can help you make a decision, but they shouldn’t be the main reason of making it.

1 ~ 2 ~ 3

PILE 1

Theme (Major Arcana only): The Lovers – Back of the Deck: The Empress

More info: Ace of Pentacles (R) – Ace of Cups (R) – The Fool – Back of the Deck: Seven of Swords (R)

Oh man, so many cards related to new beginnings!

The theme of your December will be relationships and feminity (regardless of your gender). The deck I used for this part of the reading futures characters from a certain game – both of them are young girls being in touch with who they are and what they want (maybe some of you play Genshin Impact and Barbara or Fischl are somehow special for you). There’s this stepping into your power and embracing who you are. Even if some may think your hobbies or how you express yourself is weird or cringe, there is also a lot people out there that would adore you and appreciate what you do for them.

As I said at the beginning, the second part of the reading kinda shocked me, literally all of the cards except the one at the back talk about some sort of a new start, pretty straightforward. This December is a whole new beginning, why wait for the new year. Be careful, there’s some chance you can miss if you won’t act. Plan ahead. There will be some looking into yourself, understanding your emotions. Do you have an imposter syndrome? There will be harder moments, but The Fool heralds a new beginning, stepping into your power and having fun with discovering new things. Seriously, getting to know yourself better and embracing it just keeps popping up. A truly „stop cringing, embrace the cringe” message.

Kinda an afterthought, but your relationships with family can be important, most likely with your parents and/or siblings, especially with your (older) sister.

PILE 2

Theme (Major Arcana only): Death (R) – Back of the Deck: The World

More info: Queen of Wands (R) – Three of Pentacles – Five of Pentacles – Back of the Deck: Knight of Wands

Looks like you will experience some blockages and stagnancy, but it’s also pretty clear this December is all about your inner self: seeking closure and inner transofrmation. It isn’t really about outer world, more about you yourself. Maybe some of you will feel a little stuck in your spirituality or disconnected from your ancestors/spirits. In case any of you plays Genshin Impact, I used a deck with characters from it for this part of the reading and the ones on your cards are Hu Tao and Paimon, maybe they’re somehow significant to you.

Now, going more into details – we have Wands and Pentacles here, fire and earth. Do you plan to visit some older building, all in white and beige, maybe abandoned, full of plants? Pretty specific, but it came to my mind when I was looking at the pictures of the Pentacles cards, they have both a pretty similar vibe, calming and kinda mysterious. A museum? Renaissance vibes.

Yeah, this Queen of Wands in reverse? That’s what I was talking about earlier, you concentrate energy on yourself now. You may spend more time alone, to understand yourself better. However! It doesn’t mean you won’t have people around you, after all we have two cards from the Court here. You will work on some project together. Remember about clear communication with each other. Nearer the end of December you can have some struggles; save some money for sure, and remember to have reliable people around you. You know, if you ever feel lonely, remember it’s always temporary. Knight of Wands says you’ve got it! You have this passion and determination, pile 2, you can do this! Oops, the Knight slided out of the pile and The Lovers showed up from under it. So, there was this feeling in me that for some of you The Knight can actually represent someone else that will be important for you during December, and I feel like these Lovers kinda confirm it. Some bond, maybe? As if this Knight was about to bring a precious relationship, you are the queen and someone else is the knight – for some, of course. Alternatively, it’s a confirmation of my words: you will do it. Some choices are to be made, and you have the fire in you to make it.

PILE 3

Theme (Major Arcana Only): The Tower – Back of the Deck: Justice

More info: The Hanged Man – King of Pentacles – Six of Swords – Back of the Deck: Knave of Wands (R)

Okay, guys, some major, sudden change, a big event or process that can be hard for you to handle. After The Tower usually something better comes to us, so keep it in mind when it won’t be easy for you. This change is related to what Justice represents: clarity and truth, cause and effect, Justice doesn’t take anybody’s shit. Whatever it is, justice will be served. For some, it can be more literal, be about law. For others, maybe someone who treated you unfair or bullied you is going to deal with the consequences. If you feel like you can be the bad guy in someone’s scenario, it’s time to change. Wow, sorry for being so serious here, just gotten into this mood after seeing the cards. In case any of you plays Genshin Impact, I used a deck with characters from it for this part of the reading and the ones on your cards are Raiden Shogun and Jean, maybe they’re somehow important to you. Some problems with keeping balance in your life?

Moving on, the beginning of this December is about letting go, stopping for a moment, reflecting, looking from a different perspective. It looks like you will be in your power, pile 3! Money, work – you have this under control. Maybe you will be some kind of a leader. Working on some passion project? There’s this stability and reliability in you, even thought different things can be frustrating. Remember to be patient. The end of the December will bring you a transition of some kind, leaving something behind – probably The Tower will be in ruin by now and you will start something new, better than what this Tower was. We have here Major Arcana, Pentacles, Swords and Wands, we only lack Cups (I actually saw a reversed King of Cups while shuffling but it didn’t pop out) – this can signalize a disconnection from feelings. Remember to give yourself some time to think about why you feel a certain way.

#pac reading #pac #free tarot reading #tarot reading #tarot #witchbrl #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a card #december #december 2022

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evilvillainapologist · 7 months

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All right, so, the game console.

Obviously, Tao Ran did way more than hand over that game console to Fei Du. He was there for Fei Du for years, had him over during the holidays, made sure he got fed after his mother's death, and probably provided a lot of stable home atmosphere for a teen who had grown up with a suicidal mother and a sadistic psychopath for a father. So we can all agree that Tao Ran is an angel and his only flaw is being straight.

And yet.

That game console is important for a couple of reasons:

1. Play.

Fei Du's dad does not strike me as the person who approves of play. Fei Du probably grew up with very little unstructured time to simply be a child.

The game console has no ulterior motive. It's just there for fun. In a world where Fei Du was never allowed to be a child, the console for the first gives him permission to just be a teenager, a boy of fourteen who does not have to prove anything or be anything other than a child.

Luo Wenzhou understood that. He grew up a rather chaotic kid, so yes, he understands how important it is for children to be just that - children.

2. Escapism.

There is a reason why we play games to distract ourselves from bad shit happening in our lives. Games are a great way for some escapism, and done in moderation this is something everybody needs. Since the console is handheld, Fei Du can take it with him, too. It's no coincidence that he plays it when he feels stressed; when one of his friends gets accused of murder or when he is triggered about his mom's suicide.

3. Somebody cared for him.

In its quintessence, the console was a gift with no strings attached. Even more so when he learns that the person who bought it for him did everything to ensure Fei Du would not find out it was him. A little kid who just got abandoned by his mother and who gets regularly abused by his father, isolated from the world. And then somebody comes and gives him something to play with just like that. That is not something you forget anytime soon.

Fei Du's attitude towards the game console even seven years later when he is an adult and has other means of entertainment and no fatherly shackles anymore shows how important it is to him. And then he learns that it wasn't Tao Ran who gave it to him. This probably did nothing to change his opinion on Tao Ran.

But Luo Wenzhou? The guy who never seemed to approve of him?

And then we learn more about Luo Wenzhou's role in Fei Du's youth. At first it might seem that he was responsible for following up on his mother's suicide and then seven years later they started running into each other again, but clearly it was way more than that. We learn from Fei Du's dream that Luo Wenzhou was probably around a lot when Fei Du went to meet Tao Ran. He does care about Fei Du during those times, in his own surly way.

We also have a memory of Luo Wenzhou's, about a time they hung out in Tao Ran's apartment and somebody broke a brick in his wall.

Even on that new year's day when Fei Du receives the game console, considering that he saw Luo Wenzhou's bike outside of Tao Ran's apartment, we can assume that they spent that New Year together. Luo Wenzhou probably watched Tao Ran hand over the game console to Fei Du.

And all of a sudden Fei Du realises that Tao Ran was not the only one thinking of him. Or being concerned for him, or wanting him to have a happier childhood. The guy who was always there, who provided entertainment for free, breaking into trash cans, yelling at old people and chasing muggers, actually thought about him enough to do something nice for him.

And now it's seven years later and that same guy is actually not all that bad. He can even be nice, or at least, his grating personality can be fun to be around.

Fei Du keeps parading around with that game console like a preening peacock, only to realise that maybe the guy who gave him a hang-up all those years ago is available (and not straight) after all.

#mo du #silent reading #fei du #luo wenzhou #priest

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thislovintime · 1 year

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During the filming of Head: (photos 1-5) possibly April 11, 1968, photos by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images, and Henry Diltz; a costume fitting, March 26, 1968 (photo via the official Peter Tork Facebook page).

Peter Tork: “There was a bit of a contradiction between the plan and execution. I think if due consideration had been given to where we wanted The Monkees to go next, we would have not only had a better movie, but maybe even moved the career forward instead of stopping it dead in its tracks.”

Q: "When the idea for Head was bandied about, was it based on artistic expression, rebellion, or just an opportunity to cash in on the Monkees name?”

 Peter Tork: “It was an expression of where we were at the time. When we first talked about making a movie, the four of us agreed that we really didn't want to do a 90-minute episode of The Monkees. We wanted to go beyond sitcom situations, because growing up, [Micky] and I had seen some of our favorite TV shows, like McHale's Navy and Dragnet, turn into awful movies.The fairest understanding of the movie was that it was [director and co-producer] Bob Rafelson's take on the Monkees phenomenon overall, without much of a comment or a conclusion. The gist of the movie is the Monkees remain trapped and it seems like they're never getting out of it, which was peculiar because the movie was an effort to get out of it. Other than that, it was a little surreal, some parts are extraordinarily funny, and a lot of that is Jack Nicholson's idea of what was funny.”

Q: “What was your history with Nicholson at that point?”

PT: “ He didn't have much of a history with us. He'd come around the set for a while. He was fun and funny. He had a style and gestures. Mike adopted him completely. And then one day Bob said, ‘Jack's going to help make the movie.’ We were delighted because there was no mistaking Jack's power and capacity, intellectually and artistically. It was clear that here was a man who managed to make himself socially acceptable by bottling all of his insanity and putting it into useful channels. A very rare quality and one that's made him the superstar that he is. You couldn't help but feel that.”

Q: “ There were plenty of psychedelic films being produced at that time to varying degrees of success, so why didn't Head stick?”

PT: “ The Monkees ran into a brick wall and [Head] was part of that. And the fact that it was marketed as a head movie to the suburban kids and as a suburban, bubblegum movie to all the heads didn't help much either. It was a disaster in the making from some points of view. Commercially, surely.” - EW dot com, November 12, 2008

* * *

Head, of course, features two Tork songs:

“‘Can You Dig It’ is about the Tao. The hook line I wrote in my dressing room on the set [of the television series in 1967]. The chords for the chorus I’d written in college, and [they] had just stuck with me. I hadn’t been able to do a thing with them until I was sittin’ there, just writin’ on a scrap of paper with ideas, and I wrote, 'Can you dig it?/Do you know/Would you care to let it show?’ Those three as a triplet — as opposed to a couplet. I just looked at them and [went], 'Wow!’ I grabbed a pencil and circled those three. They were part of a quatrain. I said, ‘Wait a minute. No, this works best as a little three-line chorus.’” - Peter Tork, Head box set liner notes (x)

“The funny thing is that the lyrics [to ‘Long Title: Do I Have To Do This All Over Again?’] came to me right out of the air. I was just playing those chord changes on the guitar, and I opened my mouth and that’s what popped out. The song was weirdly prophetic. I had no idea that was going to be my attitude about anything having to do with music when I wrote that song. I wrote the lyrics in London on that famous trip with Karen Harvey Hammer and Justin Hammer, who are Lady and Baby respectively of the song ‘Lady’s Baby.’” - Peter Tork, Listen To The Band liner notes (x)

“I think they’re [‘Can You Dig It?’ and ‘Long Title: Do I Have To Do This All Over Again?’] the best songs in the movie [Head]. I love both of them. I thought they were just terrific. He had plugged himself into that whole Stephen Stills connection and was working with those guys. I think they fit the movie better than anything did. When those two songs start up in the movie, it comes alive for me.” - Michael Nesmith, Head box set liner notes

#Peter Tork #The Monkees #Monkees #1960s #60s Tork #<3 #Tork quotes #Head (1968)#long read #been typing up a lot of interviews/articles so long reads will be frequent #Tork songs #Can You Dig It #Long Title: Do I Have To Do This All Over Again #1968 #can you queue it

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minimujina · 2 years

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ᴀᴍᴏᴜʀ ᴅ'ᴇɴfᴀɴᴄᴇ !

sᴛᴀʀʀɪɴɢ. chongyun <3

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛs. a long drabble of being chongyun’s childhood sweetheart :) lots of fluff and mutual pining, xingqiu being a wingman, hu tao is evil<3, the liyue girls bein teenage girls, more teenage shenanigans, the reader is 15 in a large chunk of the story (otherwise it’s a flashback to childhood)

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇ. originally i wanted to write this for xingqiu and bennett too, but i’m having too hard of a time writing to do all that right now. for now, i think i need to post this just for chongyun so i can get my morale up and start writing more often!

↪︎ as children, you were extremely close, always touching and playing like kids do, though even more so because your families had been affiliated for generations. every day was something new, but it was always with chongyun, and the two of you liked it that way. this seemed to build up a sort of immunity with chongyun’s excess yang energy–meaning you became the only person who was incapable of overwhelming him. in fact, the two of you began to figure out that not only did you not activate his condition, but you actually suppressed it, too. this lead to frequent hand-holding and clinging on his part, but you had never minded. his touch was a comfort to you, too, a reminder that you always had a friend you could count on.

↪︎ even as a child chongyun was extremely protective of his loved ones, which was part of what first spurred on a majority of the hand-holding. when there were large crowds in the city, he was very afraid of losing you or letting something happen to you. always vigilant of his surroundings, the boy was the most serious friend you had, but it only made you admire him more and return his clinging.

↪︎ if anyone had ever been mean to you, chongyun’s eyes would darken. if it hadn’t been for your pleading, he would have returned their actions in full–how dare they? how dare they say such things to you? how dare they touch you and hurt you? something deep in his gut that had been slumbering since his existence began to rise to the surface, and it would have boiled over had you not clung to the boy with tears in your eyes, begging him to just take you home. he would falter, feeling as if something had just tied his heart up in ropes and left it hanging. it hurt so much to see you cry that he made a vow to always treat you with care–you would never have to cry again (well, that was his blind hope, however endearing the sentiment was). and from then on, he sought your comfort instead of letting his rage get the better of him. you had unintentionally taught him that revenge was not chivalrous.

↪︎ little chongyun didn’t have his popsicles back then, nor did he have much self control, so he got overwhelmed a lot. it wasn’t uncommon to see a little blue-haired boy sprinting around liyue at seemingly impossible velocities. as he grew older, he gained more wisdom in containing himself, but it would always be difficult for him. he often lost his cool in public because the crowd had just been too much stimulation–too much noise, too much visual clutter–but then the boy would feel a familiar warmth, one that did not scorch, and he would look down to find your delicate hand placed firmly in his own. and everything would feel okay again.

↪︎ these slip-ups never bothered you or scared you away like chongyun so deeply feared–you were always right next to him, linking your arms around his shoulders and holding him so close. oddly enough, seeing these “episodes” was one of the things you always liked about him. you felt like you knew each and every side of him—not just his subdued side, but the “crazy” one too (which you didn’t think was even that crazy), and you liked it all. there was a constant desire to know everything about him that burned in your gut and subconsciously lay at the foreground of your mind. you didn’t really understand love as a child, and there was no reason to—but it’s certain that as you grew older, these feelings of admiration turned into something more.

↪︎ even though you two had made your debut into teenage years, holding hands was still a frequent and vital component of your friendship. strolling through liyue harbor? listening to one of xingqiu’s long spiels of fantasy? running away from hu tao? yes, yes, and yes. that girl loved to pester chongyun, finding it very amusing when his complexion was likened to that of a beet. unfortunately for hu tao, chongyun’s hand immediately found yours as soon as she showed her face—this often resulted in a wild chase through the winding streets of liyue. you had gotten used to it at some point.

↪︎ and funnily enough, nearly nothing has changed since you’ve grown older. hu tao and xingqiu still terrorize chongyun to no end. the only thing that’s different is that now, when chongyun grasps your hand and leads you through winding streets or the outskirts of the city, you find yourself growing warm in the face. you. the one who doesn’t have a special condition.

↪︎ when you look up at chongyun, he’s perfectly fine—maybe a bit pink in the cheeks, but that’s probably from being winded. but at least he’s smiling. and at least he’s your friend, right? you’ve always been friends without a question.

↪︎ but sometimes you couldn’t stop yourself from overthinking. what if… chongyun only liked you because you could calm him down? that didn’t sound so outrageous. what if that was all you were to him?

↪︎ but soon you realized that that line of reasoning undermined his character—and you knew chongyun. you knew each and every part of him better than you knew yourself. chongyun wouldn’t use someone, and it was unfair of you to assume that he would because of some silly fear of yours.

↪︎ “hey, hey—what’s wrong?” chongyun was whispering, bent in front of you with his brows knit in concern, eyes searching yours for any sign of distress. you hadn’t realized, but the two of you had stopped running, and your friendly pursuer was nowhere in sight.

↪︎ but coming to the conclusion you had, you felt free knowing that you didn’t have to worry about it anymore. the fear you had momentarily suffered was merely something your mind made up—nothing more.

↪︎ so you smiled at him, genuinely and happily. and you said, “sorry, i’m good. let’s go.”

↪︎ and when he smiled back, you swore his cheeks had taken that deeper shade of red that appeared when his condition took over. but that couldn’t be, right? he was just winded from the running.

↪︎ yeah, that’s it, you told yourself. but all the while, chongyun’s grip on your hand tightened as the two of you made your way through the ever thickening forest. his palm felt… sweaty? it’s not that you were grossed out—you were certain your hands were sweaty, too—it was just different.

↪︎ and.. the way he looked back at you to make sure no branches thwacked you in the face was different, too. his eyes—something swam in them that you couldn’t quite place.

↪︎ different. the word circled your mind endlessly. it was all just different.

↪︎ ever since that day, that one word haunted you. it seemed to be plastered on chongyun’s forehead, for every time you looked at him, your brain echoed, “diiiiiiifffferrrreeeeennnnt…”

↪︎ perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration, but the topic sure was on your mind a lot. you noticed chongyun would avert your gaze when you held hands now, or he started to scratch the back of his neck very often—almost as if he were nervous.

↪︎ all of these suspicions weighed on you like a boulder—what if you were being completely irrational? this was chongyun. your best friend since diapers. there’s no way he would ever think of you in any way but best friends.

↪︎ you were just about to convince yourself everything was fine, just about to be okay with the fact that chongyun would never like like you, when xingqiu came crashing into the both of your lives in the way that he so often did.

↪︎ his bluntness sent both yours and chongyun’s minds careening into an abyss of warm fuzz. “you’re more than friends,” he stated one day at lunch, gazing at the two of you with that shit-eating grin on his face. chongyun began spluttering excuses and questions, and you began yelling, “WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HUH??” and it was just a whole mess.

↪︎ and fucking xingqiu just sat there the whole time, smiling.

↪︎ “i said what i said,” he said. he did say what he said, indeed, and there was no going back. once he left, you and chongyun had a great deal of awkwardness to push through.

↪︎ once the initial “um”’s and “ah”’s and “i—“‘s were over, you realized something. squinting at the boy’s feverish complexion, you murmured incredulously, “chongyun… are you blushing?”

↪︎ the idea was so far-fetched to you, just because all this time, the two of you were supposedly immune to that kind of thing. you were supposed to make him.. not excited, right?

↪︎ but his widened eyes and the deepening of the color on his cheeks said everything for you.

↪︎ chongyun was blushing. because of you.

↪︎ you felt like doing cartwheels or running a marathon or climbing the perilous mountains of jueyun karst—for the first time, it was conceivable that perhaps you and chongyun weren’t permanently stuck as friends. and it seemed like you weren’t the only one who thought so.

↪︎ chongyun glanced down at his lap with a subdued smile. “you know, it’s funny,” he began. “all this time, you’ve calmed me down and kept my yang energy at bay. but recently, i’ve felt inexplicably strange around you. i feel warm a lot, and, well…”

↪︎ he trailed off with a sheepish laugh. “especially when you touch me.” and he didn’t say it, but his words implied that just like you, he was confused at the sudden change.

↪︎ your heart melted at his honesty. “chongyun,” you whispered under your breath, almost as if testing his name on your lips for the first time—but in a different way. “i thought i was going crazy. so it’s not just me?”

↪︎ his grin was brilliant—you wanted to kiss him right then and there. “it’s not just you, no.”

↪︎ later, when chongyun hunted xingqiu down to beat him up for what he had said, the mischievous boy once again smiled. “well i wasn’t wrong, was i?”

↪︎ chongyun’s flustered silence prompted hearty laughter from the bookworm.

↪︎ xingqiu observed the pink flush on his friend’s cheeks, the fidgety hands, the quick breathing—but no wild behavior, as one would expect if it was chongyun’s yang energy acting up—and so he came to his final conclusion.

↪︎ “you, my dearest friend, are in love!” he sang jovially, making grand, flourishing gestures with his arms all the while. and chongyun just stood incredulous at this sudden realization—even though it came from xingqiu, he knew he couldn’t deny it.

↪︎ he surmised that you probably still suppressed his yang energy, but this didn’t mean he was immune to the effects of.. liking someone. he had never expected to feel a normal blush or a normal quick heartbeat (as normal as those things can be)—was this how everyone else felt when they got excited? and they didn’t have to worry about going off the rails?

↪︎ meanwhile, on your end of things, you were surrounded by a near flock of the liyue girls. xiangling, hu tao, xinyan and yunjin were all firing off questions at the same time as if interrogating you, but their faces were smothered with giddy, good-natured grins.

↪︎ ..though hu tao’s smile always looks somewhat evil… but i digress.

↪︎ “did you kiss yet?” little 13-year-old xiangling asked imploringly, bouncing up and down and looking like she may explode at any present moment. warmth flooded your face for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, and you shook your head vigorously–it would have been the completely wrong moment, you wailed desperately. all the girls cried out in disappointment.

↪︎ hu tao was a year older than you—16, like xingqiu—but she seemed to find so much pleasure in teasing her juniors. “have you kissed someone yet, xiangling?” she inquired suspiciously, not expecting much of an answer. but the tiny chef actually perked up.

↪︎ “yes, i have, thank you very much,” she hummed proudly, crossing her arms.

↪︎ like a chorus, the girls all screamed, “WHO?”

↪︎ who, indeed? unfortunately, it would remain a mystery, as the little girl’s only answer was the smug grin she sported on her lips. perhaps she had never really kissed anyone at all, but it was more fun to believe otherwise.

#not my most elegant piece D: but all that matters is im posting it!! finally!! yeah!!#chongyun x reader #chongyun #genshin impact chongyun #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #gi x reader #chongyun gi #gi chongyun #mujimade #this has been in my drafts for months ..... which is the exact opposite of how i intended this to be #but. whatever #im just posting it now because i just cant make it perfect and its stupid of me to keep busting my ass over it when i could just post it

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makuzume · 5 months

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Genshin Characters and their Gender

🔸Liyue women edition🔸

Note: Personal opinion! I respect everyone else's opinion as to what they think the characters' gender are. I do not claim these to be facts or the only acceptable gender. For fun only! (since there are no official genders stated by Hoyo)

Other blogs: [Masterlist] [Liyue Men Gender]

🩵Shenhe - Agender, Straight

Agender - not identifying self with any gender.

She was only 6 years old when she was abandoned by her family and raised by Cloud Retainer, so she mostly grew up with adepti mindsets and behaviors.

Since adepti can take up any form, gender may not be relevant to them. Shenhe may have also believed that it is not necessary to know these, and she assumes that she would also be genderless- that she would be agender (Though she does acknowlede that she has a female human body)

Though despite this, my opinion would be that she still would have romantic and sexual attraction towards men, it's just it would take her some time to fully understand these feelings of attraction sicne these weren't taught to her (and she grew up with adepti, thus lacking interactions with people, especially men, so she lacks the exposure to these feelings)

❤️Hu Tao - Lesbian

Lesbian - woman attracted to women

Seems like the type that most people would assume she is straight but is actually more romantically and physically attracted to women in general. (Gives the same vibe from lesbians I know irl)

❤️Beidou - Biromantic/Bisexual

Biromantic/Bisexual - romantic and sexual attraction to both female and male

Beidou is free spirited and adventurous, she has probably been with men and women of all sorts, going with the flow on who she could be with, considers herself bisexual.

She would really get along with either a man or woman. For man, it would be someone strong in strength, personality, and free-spirited like her. For women, it would be when she would want a somewhat sweeter relationship and she can sometimes be the 'gentleman' in the relationship (while also receiving some gentle affection back from the woman as well)

Additional: based on those events and dialogues with Beidou and Ningguang- It's hard to say that they are NOT into secretly dating.

💛Ningguang - Lesbian

Similar to Yae Miko (Inazuman gender headcannons coming soon from the drafts!), she is more interested in women since she believes that the only people who would truly understand a woman, such as herself, and her needs is another woman.

Makes her very flattered if a woman compliments her looks compared to if a man did it; She is the type to think if a woman compliments her appearance- it means much more to her since only women would understand the effort she puts into her make up and clothing.

Might be displeased with the male dates she has been in, she still somewhat accepts such dates for networks, information gathering, and Mora purposes. However, she was uninterested at all and might've even thought it was a waste of time.

🧡Xiangling - Straight

I imagine Xiangling to be straight, though she may sometimes think she is a little bi because she gets 'girl crushes' and is open about it, but she is just genuinely straight. For girl crushes, it's just never getting romantically or physically attracted towards them. Though she is highly supportive of all gender identities!

💙Yelan - Bisexual

Very similar to Ningguang, except her standards are just MUCH much higher for men.

When she dates men, she wants to be treated like the queen that she is, being spoiled, and she leaves them hanging after she's done with them.

Same thing that she will do for the women, except she would be more caring about how the woman is treated (since Yelan is a fellow woman herself) and she is more polite towards them, even after she's done having a date with them/being together with them. They might even share a pleasant conversation if they run into each other after splitting up.

The only exception that she would be kinder to a man would be if the guy was truly a good man that Yelan can trust without her having any ulterior motive towards the guy.

No headcaonnons for Yan Fei, Yun Jin, Ganyu, Xinyan, and Keqing :')

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #gender #Shenhe #Hu Tao #Beidou #Ningguang #Xiangling #Yelan

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claire-starsword · 10 days

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The Guardiana Magic School Run -Part 18

Certainly it must be obnoxious that I keep bringing up the novel wherever I go, but consider: 1) i waited years to read that thing so i don't care; 2) translating 300+ pages for free is hella work so i get to brag; and 3) we are literally on Rudo lol i can't stop looking at everything differently now. I know this dog now. I love this dog. She's my friend.

Back to the run, we're still on the spirit of treasure hunts!

After a very fun and not at all garbage puzzle involving unclear map boundaries, we get Musashi, who is not valid for this magic user run. Yes, the guy is invisible and making words pop out of thin air, but he's NOT magical. He's just built different. You would understand if you had studied the blade like him.

We then get Lyle, who is also not for this run. Very sad. But at least they'll kindly donate their weapons to support our magic school. It's not much, but it's the thought tha-

MUSASHI WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU MADE OF MONEY MAN

so uh, wow! that's something i'd never learn in a regular playthrough. Since it's a unique weapon it goes to the deals section for double the price. The deals section is very clogged right now so I guess we'll soon learn if new deals still pop up or if we're done with it. Not like the useless swords there were helping anyway.

On the topic of weapons, we also get a Holy Staff like I promised last time. I could promote Khris right now, giving up on an early Aura, to use this. Her attack is currently pretty ok (28), so a boost would likely put her in the 30+ with attackers like Max and Arthur. That's wild to think about. But am I going to use her like this with her squishy defense? In the chapter where Golems and Dullahans start to appear? I'm not sure. The next battle is also forest and she doesn't have great movement in that. But we'll be surrounded by spawns, so she might make a difference in wiping out some enemy in that chaos.

I'm pretty afraid of the next battle, so that's what I'm going for. At the end of the day she has four levels to go until Aura and I hate this kind of grinding very much lol

Say hello to Vicar Khris! Boy I hate the stat loss so much. And yet, upon equipping the Holy Staff, she now has the greatest attack in the party. Dog that mauls you for your sins. I'm losing it.

And we're not done with upgrades! First of all I forgot to equip the Soulbuster on Max, but don't worry, it still doesn't make him stronger than Khris.

Arthur on the other hand jumps above the Khris bar thanks to the Chrome Lance. The unpromoted Lowe and mages cannot use the Guard Staff for now, which is a bit of a loss for Lowe, but the girls on the other hand should just be blasting things with magic anyway. Tao might be our greatest weapon against the Golems.

Narsha meanwhile gets the Holy Mace, which is not only more powerful but also capable of Heal 3. Unfortunately I did forbid using weapon effects on my rules, didn't I? Uh oh. Still a nice upgrade, and I didn't have any idea on when to promote Narsha, so let's do it.

Establishing herself once more as the deuteragonist of this thing, Saint Narsha is now as strong as Max, but with a few more points in defense, which is great.

I am still afraid however, so I don't think the upgrades will end here.

I do sit atop a sizable collection of stat boosting items. That I always forget to use in casual play. I would like to not mess my challenge run doing that. The only characters were missing by now are Alef and Torasu, neither of which will need Power Wine, for example. I would also hope they won't need five whole defense potion.

But do I know how to distribute this in an smart and efficient way? Hell no. I do hate seeing Max without defense though, so one potion goes for him, taking him over 20. I do chicken out on using the rest of them though, because I don't think they'll make enough of an impact on characters that are still on the 14-17 range, especially when they don't have enough HP to survive two hits even if their defense was raised.

What I do end up with is using a couple Life Loaves on Narsha. Her defense is now on par with Max yet she has way less HP, so I'm hoping the +3 here helps.

I also end up facing this bizarreness here where the game does not update her current HP? Hoping she doesn't enter battle like this. I can't even use Medical Herbs outside of battle to fix it now.

I also decide to use the Power Wines on Max and Narsha, I'm really betting on them as the frontlines here. So congrats Max, now you're on par with dog girl. Only took a lot of effort.

I also give Anri a Quick Chicken in hopes she'll get more chance to hit the enemies before they hit her.

After all these very insecure decisions, I'm now turning my game off and on again because the Narsha thing bothers me.

:/ it does not fix it

Had to enter this screen and retreat, this is honestly some garbage code.

Anyway, let's finally get to the battle. The clear bonus is just money. Thanks to Musashi's patronage I'm not worried about that. Also no way in hell I'm rushing this battle.

I don't know why I haven't mentioned yet, but Domingo should be the star of this battle. The game even knows it, giving him some extra dialogue here. He has the best defense in the team, floating movement to ignore the forests and mountains, and magic damage against the enemies with high defense.

Arthur is currently the other tank of the team, but being a centaur he won't be moving well in this terrain.

He's at least enthusiastic enough to be the first one to move, but not like there's many threats in this start.

Also I'm just learning that Attack 3 uses 40 MP so, uh. Don't expect to ever see this thing used lol

Very unsure of what to do with Narsha as usual. I might try setting positions to catch Max, Arthur, Hanzou and herself in an Attack 2. I could boost the mages' damage instead but I'm unsure if that will be impactful enough on level 2 spells, and Tao's Blaze 2 is not in a deep need of help. Besides, MP eventually ends, while attack boosts are forever.

After a boring turn 2 we are finally ready to beat these things up. They're doing nothing to Arthur.

No point in wasting Domingo's MP with these weak enemies though. Arthur, Max and Hanzou wipe them out in a single hit each.

It takes me several turns because Khris is slow and has little movement, but I include her in the Attack plan.

In the next turn, I could use a Boost 1 on someone to finish Narsha's MP, but I feel like saving it for Aura in case I need healing.

I seem to have attracted the Artilleries' attention, but not triggered the spawns yet, which annoys me. I don't want those things to catch me off guard.

LIKE THIS YOU KNOW

EXACTLY LIKE THIS

Welcome to hell! The Master Mages have Freeze 2, which is pretty dicey to take on when there's many of them and we're gathered like this. The golems and worms should have a lot of attack, and Domingo and Arthur are my only tanks, so I can't exactly surround everyone else. At least I think the golems can't reach anyone yet since I tried to stay on the bottom, and their movement is not great. The worms should have less defense than the golems. Maybe we can defeat them before the golems arrive! Optimism!

You can already feel the centaur pain with Arthur not even being able to cover Tao here.

But he can one hit a guy in forest land effect.

Also, look! He finally fits this playthrough! Baby's first spell! Will we be using it instead of 20+ chrome lance damage? I don't think so.

Domingo also can't cover Tao, so clearly I screwed up bad. Maybe he'll distract the other worms though.

Max one hit kills a worm, but Hanzou fails tragically at this mage. He gets a level up with +4 attack to ensure it won't happen again.

I hit image limit as expected so, to be continued in a reblog, see i told you this one was more exciting than the last

#shining force #ressurection of the dark dragon #guardiana magic school run #long post

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peaceoutofthepieces · 2 years

Note

Heartstopper prompt -

Ben makes a mean comment about Charlie’s body in recovery and he struggles with relapsing

first off, happy three months of heartstopper, and thank you so much for 2k followers!? i would love to do a celebration but don’t know how, so if anyone has any thoughts let me know <3 and for now i have this.

this took me way longer than initially planned because i initially wasn’t sure whether to write it or not—it’s a tone i haven’t written in a really long time, and i didn’t want to do it wrong! i can’t speak from experience in this case, but i tried to be as thoughtful and authentic as i believe alice is, and i hope i’ve done okay. but if i haven’t, especially in these instances, please feel free to tell me!

safe to say, warnings for depictions of charlie’s eating disorder and ocd, and thoughts and mentions of self-harm. this tone is more solitaire-like and less fluffy and dialogue-heavy like my other fics (at least for the first half). i want to clarify no actual self-harm occurs, but if you do read, please do so with care.

also, it’s over 6k. fair warning.

~^~

Charlie wasn’t that upset that his plan of moving to Higgs was trashed by the school burning down. Really. He meant what he’d said, about staying with Nick, and it being fine. The upside to it was that he was now already going to school with Tori and all of his friends, anyway. It also brought people back, like Elle, and Michael Holden, who Charlie could now probably say was also his friend.

It also meant Ben Hope.

The return of his presence shouldn’t have been a big deal. Charlie was planning to switch to Higgs knowing Ben was there, because it still felt like the lesser evil. Now with the schools merging, Truham had to step up from its hellhole slightly. Now, at Truham, the people Charlie wanted to get away from suddenly had more interesting people to bother, and the people he’d wanted to escape to were all here.

Plus Nick, and Tao, and Aled.

But mostly Nick.

It should have been an improvement, really. A better outcome than he’d even initially hoped for. Easier to handle all around.

Maybe it was still the toxicness of Truham. Charlie had never given much thought to why Ben left (though he assumed it was likely at-least-in-part due to him), but he imagined having to come back would mess with your head, if you’d been trying to escape like he’d planned to. (Michael mostly confirmed this for him. Having Tori and ‘acquaintances like Nick Nelson’ around him now apparently helped. Charlie could understand that part.)

He realised he’d just never fully thought about having to pass Ben in the hallways again, or to catch sight of him across the courtyard.

Or to have Ben looking back.

“He knows better than to do anything more,” Nick had said, a little darkly (venomously) with his arm wrapped around Charlie at some point in the first week, when Ben had made the mistake of catching his eye. “If he says one word or comes within ten feet, I swear to God.”

Charlie had murmured platitudes and felt silently sick, but he’d believed Nick was right, for a while.

But Truham was only so big, and it was impossible to ignore anyone forever—especially if they wanted to be noticed.

And Ben had never been able to accept Charlie’s attempts to ignore him.

It didn’t even seem intentional, at first. Charlie didn’t even think any of the boys surrounding the bench knew he was there, right within hearing distance. He’d thought he’d heard his name, in those quiet, scandalised, gossipy tones that had covered it in the past few months since he came back to school. Then he caught more of the conversation, and he knew he’d heard it, amidst claims of it’s not like he can hide it, just look at him and it doesn’t even make sense though and yeah, he hardly thinks he’s fat, does he? like, what’s the point?, and then he caught the more familiar voice, and all his attempts to block it out shattered.

“I’d be more concerned about how Nelson’s brain works. Hugging a sack of ribs would be bad enough, but he looks like he’d snap in half if you bent him over. Bit of a weird turn on, innit?”

There were quiet, half-embarrassed snickers mingled with outright laughter and a few jeers. Ben’s self-satisfied smirk was unsurprising to Charlie even before Ben’s gaze swiveled directly to him.

Charlie sucked in a breath, and his fight-or-flight instinct finally overrode the frozen mode he was in. He chose, obviously, to flee. It didn’t matter that he’d mean planning to meet Nick so they could go home together, because Nick didn’t know that. Charlie could spin on his heel and run to his bus, and no one would think anything was amiss. So he did.

Objectively, Charlie knew what was starting to spin in his brain was wrong. Objectively, he knew Ben was an asshole and his words were meant to hurt Charlie and that didn’t mean they meant anything. Objectively, he knew Nick loved him and that Nick would give a list of ways he found Charlie attractive if asked, and he knew that Nick enjoyed hugs generally, but especially with Charlie. Objectively—realistically—he knew he wouldn’t actually snap in half very easily.

Objectively, Charlie knew Ben’s words never really meant anything and Ben wasn’t in control of him.

But, maybe because Charlie’s brain didn’t care about being objective, or maybe because it was Ben, it didn’t matter what meager rationalisations he could come up with. He suddenly felt he had no control over himself, precisely because he’d made control the centre of everything.

It hadn’t actually gotten him anything he wanted, had it?

He could take control, and he would take up less space, and he would have less needs, and he wouldn’t feel as bad when he was being annoying and pathetic and undeserving. That was what he’d always thought. That was how it always felt.

But he had ended up, really, with even more needs. Taking up more spaces. Beyond annoying, pityingly pathetic, so far below undeserving. He was a fool, to think he was in charge of it. He’d made himself ugly, he’d made himself sickly, he’d made himself weak. That was what he’d done, with all his control.

It had been too much, waiting for the harm to come from somewhere else, and it was always better, once he took matters into his own hands, once he admitted it was the most he deserved, that his lack of strength in ignoring everything going in should of course result in a little pain getting it out.

It had been too much, holding all the ugliness on the inside. He’d meant to let it out.

He hadn’t meant for it to cover him instead.

That hadn’t been his choice, not really.

He’d never been in control.

And now he had even less strength than before.

This is what he managed to think through on the bus, which meant by the time he got home, he’d turned to thinking, I can change that. I can make a different choice. I’m in control of what I do.

He went straight to the kitchen when he got home, coat and shoes and bag abandoned in the hallway and mind racing and channeled and determined. He went for the cupboards.

It wasn’t time to eat, but he wasn’t looking for anything on his plan, anyway. He grabbed the bread, and set it on the counter, and stared at it.

Bread was filling. Bread was fattening. Bread didn’t have all that much of a flavour—he had a lot of choice in what he could put with it. Charlie had seen Nick wolf down slice after slice of bread, toasted or as a sandwich or both, in a matter of minutes, and it was both soft and sturdy, and so was Nick. And it wasn’t unhealthy. He would get some nutrients out of it, and it wasn’t greasy, or slimy, or overly chewy, or even that big, really. Toast, and sandwiches, and even soup paired with one mere slice had all filtered into his meal plans before. And this was brown bread, and that was healthier. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

But the thought of taking out a slice and doing anything with it, of biting into it, of it slipping down his throat and settling into his stomach, felt very, very far from right.

That was fine. It wasn’t the only option. He could find something else, something a little healthier, something he liked a little more, that still held some weight, that he didn’t really need to take much of. He could find a few things, and then figure out which was best.

He ended up emptying the cupboard, then moving to the next, then the next, until he had all his options lined out on the counters, vaguely organised by what seemed preferable, and what he’d get the most out of it.

Maybe he should check the fridge. Maybe having something to pair them with would help. Maybe he could find something light, but nutritious, something that was bulky but didn’t feel like it, that he could eat on its own. Something cool, and smooth, that would slip down easy.

Once most of the contents of the fridge were organised on the counter, he still hadn’t made up his mind.

He tried the freezer.

Then he realised he had everything organised by what seemed most beneficial and least undesirable, but it would be easier to decide if all those things were organised together rather than by cupboard, fridge, and freezer, and he made new stacks, and made those stacks into new bundles.

His hands were wet and chilly from holding damp and frozen packaging, and that was transferring onto cardboard boxes and plastic-sheet coverings and making them soggy and slippy, which was making his stomach churn, which was making even the least undesirable options still seem not-at-all desirable.

Like him, he supposed.

He stared at what he’d done and curled his arms around his stomach, and they curled too far, so he had to drop them and cover his mouth to swallow the sob-whine-gag building in him, and the touch against his lips made his skin prickle, so he had to grip his hair and press in and pull to get himself together, and all he could think about was each tip of his finger pressing a hard point into his skull, bone against bone.

Was that what Nick felt, every time he touched him?

Hugging a sack of ribs would be bad enough.

It made Charlie want to be sick.

But quickly taking over from the self-pity was the fear.

He’d basically emptied his kitchen. For nothing. Everything was out in the open, softening and heating and defrosting; being destroyed, for nothing. The thought of any of it in his stomach, laying and churning and rotting, was too much to even consider.

And he couldn’t remember where everything went.

He’d taken everything from everywhere. He’d kept moving them around. Everything that was now damp, and soggy, and softening, and defrosting, and rotting, and in the wrong place. How had it been organised? Where had the rest of his family, with their normal brains, had everything? He couldn’t remember. He wasn’t sure he paid enough attention to know in the first place.

But Tori cooked. His parents cooked. His parents did the shopping. They would know.

They would come back—any time now—and they would see, and they would know. Charlie had no way of preventing it. He had no way of covering it. He had absolutely no control over what they would think or say or do about it.

He dragged his tightly clutched fists out to the ends of his hair, both so his hands were no longer in direct contact with his head and so the pull elicited a slight sting over his scalp. His hands shook. It bordered on too much. His pulse pounded. It was nowhere near enough.

The thing was, his family wouldn’t care so much, if it meant something. If it could be taken as progress. If he took everything, something that was softening or defrosting or rotting and saved it; if he ate something. If it meant he’d at least get some bulk around his bones, like he’d been planning to. Like he’d convinced himself he was going to, that there was a chance that he could.

It would be easier, he thought, to open up his skin and rearrange his flesh. It wasn’t the usual motivator, but it didn’t seem like too much of a stretch. It became all too tempting the more his hands shook and his scalp stung and his skin prickled, all of his body too sharp, too tight, too much.

How could he put everything back right, in time? Where did everything go? How much could he get wrong without really making anyone notice?

If he put everything back, it was further proof he’d failed without even trying. He’d made it this far—everything was set out, everything was organised, and in place, and ready. He’d done all the work to get this far. He couldn’t just put it back. He had to get rid of the evidence. He had to do it quickly.

His skin was too tight and he wanted it off.

Please, he thought. Please let me out.

“Charlie?”

The front door shut over the tail-end of Nick’s call, and Charlie made a strangled noise, and leaped for the door. He threw his weight against it—all the little there was of it, and it was too much, the door banging and the footsteps in the hall coming to a stop.

“Charlie?” Nick tried again. “You down here?”

The steps got closer, and Charlie swallowed another strangled sound, and snatched at the door handle as soon as it moved. “Don’t come in here,” he blurted.

He was holding onto the handle with all his strength, but he was wasting it—it had gone utterly still.

Nick’s voice was right there, now, but Charlie didn’t think that was what quietened it. “Charlie?”

Charlie held the handle tighter and stared at where the packet of bread was beginning to slip off the packets of ham and cheese.

“What are you doing, Char?” Nick asked, and Charlie felt pressure on the handle again. Nick’s voice was right there, and it sounded like it was coming to Charlie through a dozen dams and an ocean of water. But that might’ve just been the wobble in it. “Charlie, let me in.”

“Don’t,” Charlie gasped, automatic again. His hands were already starting to sweat and slip, and it intensified the buzz along the rest of his skin. It wouldn’t ease, no matter how much he shifted and shuffled and shivered it out of him. “It’s—I’m fine. Just don’t. Leave me a while.”

The handle jiggled in his hand. He pressed himself against the door as he felt it starting to press back.

Nick’s voice was even closer, and ragged. “No, Char. What are you doing? I’m not leaving. Can you let me in?”

Charlie shook his head—too sharp, too much—and it swam, and Nick couldn’t even see it. “Don’t,” he repeated, almost a sob.

“Charlie,” Nick said—stronger now, even with the wobble. Always strong, and steady, and more than enough, and never too much. Charlie’s hands slackened. “Charlie, please let me—I’m coming in, okay? I need you to open the door, because I’m coming in. I really don’t want to hurt you, but I have to come in, so I need you to open the door. Please, Charlie.”

Charlie couldn’t. Couldn’t open the door. Couldn’t ignore the crack that snuck through the wobble in Nick’s voice. Couldn’t ignore Nick. Couldn’t let anyone see. Couldn’t tell Nick no. The bread slid from its perch. It toppled the carefully organised stack to its right. Charlie let go of the door and buried his hands back in his hair. Nick opened the door and came in.

Charlie had already paced over to where the bread had fallen, had taken ham and biscuits and frozen pies with it and drawn something like a low, long whine from his throat. By the time Nick was in the room, he was backing against the island and beginning a slow slide to the floor.

He could do nothing but watch Nick watch. He saw as Nick’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, as he looked over the mess Charlie had made, and the mess that Charlie himself was. As his face screwed back up into something frantic and fearful and his steps never faltered. “God, what have you done?” he asked, making it to Charlie as Charlie made it to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie said, no more than a panicked breath. Then, understanding, “I didn’t.”

He wasn’t sure Nick heard him. “Jesus, Charlie, you can’t do that,” Nick said, and he wasn’t angry. Charlie knew he wasn’t angry, that the most Nick ever got towards being angry with him were the occasional tired or hurt twists of frustration. It wasn’t anger that made Nick’s voice wobble and crack as he crouched down in front of Charlie, because Nick wasn’t angry, he was terrified. And that was worse. “Charlie, God, let me see.”

Charlie rapidly shook his head and brandished his hands at Nick, empty and clean and unharmed, and repeated, “I didn’t, I didn’t. I’m sorry, I didn’t, I’m really sorry.”

Some of the terror slipped away in favour of softness, and then Nick was there. His hands touched Charlie’s cheeks, his fingertips trails of warmth at the edge of Charlie’s hair where moments before Charlie’s own touch had felt like ice, so coldly sharp that it caused physical pain.

“Hey, no s-word,” Nick chided—somewhat automatically, Charlie thought—as he let out a slow breath. “It’s okay, we’re okay. I didn’t mean to panic you. I’m sorry, it’s okay.”

Charlie released his hair and leaned his face into Nick’s hands, letting his own grip at the air instead. His breath came quick and rattling, but as Nick shushed him, some of the din in his head quietened. “I didn’t,” Charlie repeated, unable, apparently, to say anything else. In a whisper, he added, “I want to.”

Nick’s face shuttered again, and though Charlie was expecting it, he hated himself for it. But Nick only took another slow breath, and briefly gripped Charlie’s cheeks harder. Charlie finally settled his hands on Nick’s biceps as his eyes watered, and Nick took the invitation and wrapped him up in a tight hold.

“Did something happen?” Nick asked softly, voice muffled from where his mouth was pressed to Charlie’s hair and Charlie’s ear was pressed to Nick’s chest. Charlie clutched him more tightly, and felt him sigh after a moment’s silence. “You’re safe, Char. I’ve got you now.”

Charlie swallowed the sob building in him. Lingering panic still prickled all over. His body buzzed with the familiar sensation of wrongness. Part of him wanted to peel himself out of Nick’s arms and shove him away. To hide, to finish what he’d been doing, to continue tearing himself apart, piece by piece. He shoved that away instead.

It was weak. But he didn’t have to be strong. He didn’t have to fight, because he was safe, and he could fall down, because Nick would hold him up.

Because Nick was strong. Because he was healthy, and normal.

“I can’t remember where they go,” Charlie said, his voice cracking this time. “I can’t put them back properly.”

A brief pause, then an, “Oh.” Charlie felt a kiss pressed to the top of his head. “It’ll be okay.”

Suddenly, Charlie was glad it was Nick. It didn’t matter that an hour ago he’d turned tail to avoid seeing Nick, or that thirty minutes ago he would have done anything to prevent Nick from seeing him. It only mattered that it wasn’t worse. Charlie wasn’t sure what his mother would have said or done, if she’d been the one to find him in this state, and he honestly didn’t want to ponder on it—tried not to, lest it sent him into a new panic.

But he knew exactly what it was like to do that to Tori.

His annoying big sister, the only other person in the world who was never truly angry with him, the only person in the world whose love Charlie didn’t doubt for a second. Tori, who Charlie could never be angry with and who he loved unconditionally, who took all of Charlie’s pain atop her own and never once blamed him for it.

Tori, who Charlie had seen hurting just as much, and who he only ever managed to hurt more.

God, where was Oliver? How careless could Charlie still be?

“I need to fix it,” Charlie said, urgent now. “I don’t want them to—they can’t—“

Charlie broke off, and Nick held him tighter, and Charlie was so glad it was Nick.

“You don’t want them to know,” Nick finished for him. He sighed again, a breath in Charlie’s ear with their temples touching. Nick pressed against him a little harder, then rolled his head gently, so they were forehead to forehead. “I think it would be better if they did, but I won’t be the one to tell them. You need to call Geoff, though.”

Charlie’s stomach churned again, both with how frustrated and nervous the mere thought made him and with how unfailingly understanding and kind Nick was. So strong and still so soft.

What attracted him to Charlie, who was neither?

“I will,” he managed, in response to Nick’s gentle order. He couldn’t look at him, this close, but he could feel it when Nick nodded in response, and that was almost better.

“Alright,” Nick said, giving Charlie one more gentle squeeze before slowly shifting away and getting to his feet. “We need to get everything back in the freezer, first, then. Actually, we can do dinner as we go. What’s on your plan tonight, again?”

Now Charlie stared up at him. The buzz along his skin bordered on debilitating as it spread into his ears. Nick was understanding. Nick knew him better than anyone. He thought Nick understood. “Nick,” he choked. “It’s not—I can’t.”

Nick was already shaking his head, looking down at Charlie, still without a hint of anger or pity. “I’m not making you do anything, Char, promise. But it’s been helping, sticking to the plan. Right? So I’m just going to do that, okay?”

Nick was right. Charlie knew that. The plan had been helping. Even if he couldn’t always manage to go through with it, sticking to it held some element of comfort—some small sense of strength. It wouldn’t help to disrupt it.

But there was a pressure that came with it that Charlie couldn’t always handle. Now felt like one of those times.

“I can’t sit and do that,” he whispered. “That’ll upset them even more, and—”

“You don’t have to,” Nick promised. “We’re going to hang out in your room. And I’ll bring it up, and you can have some if you want to, or don’t. And you can tell me what‘s up, or not. Is that…does that sound manageable?”

Charlie caught on. He could see it, now, lingering on the outskirts of Nick’s puffed chest and soft smiles. His hands fidgeted at his sides, curling and fluttering and tapping, and his wide eyes remained worried where they gazed down at Charlie. Nick couldn’t fix this. They’d both always known that. Charlie had always known that this frustrated Nick more than him. Nick could only do—well, what he could.

Even if that was just sticking to the plan.

Charlie nodded, and the ringing in his ears receded as relief rounded Nick’s shoulders.

“Okay,” Nick said, with a bit more surety. “Then this stuff really needs to go back in the freezer, and you need to get chatting to Geoff.”

It could have felt pushy, and like too much of an order, but all Charlie could notice was how Nick didn’t touch any of his carefully arranged food until he’d picked himself up and left the room. It was a more generous compromise than he deserved.

Especially given he didn’t actually chat to Geoff. He pulled out his phone and planned to, but the more he thought about hitting the call button, the more his hands shook. He ended up tapping the message icon instead, which was a compromise he hoped Nick would be okay with.

Hi, Geoff. I wanted to know if I could maybe make an earlier appointment than planned?

This was better—kinder—than simply ringing his therapist out of the blue, anyway. The man had his own life, and while he told Charlie he could call him at any time if it was ever necessary, Charlie knew no one could be available twenty-four-seven. Surely, Nick would see the logic in this as well. There was a chance Geoff wouldn’t even reply to him this evening.

His phone buzzed in less than a minute, but that slim chance had existed.

Of course, Charlie. When were you thinking? I’m free for you to give me a call now if you feel it’s in any way urgent.

Charlie blew out a breath, shaking his head slightly. But that alone made him feel a little better.

No, that’s okay. Nick’s here now. It’s not that urgent.

Tomorrow, then? I have a slot right after you’d be finished up with school.

That works. Thank you.

Call me before then if you need to!

A small smile tweaked at Charlie’s lips as another breath escaped him, just as Nick nudged through the door with two plates in hand. He paused at the sight of Charlie with his phone still in hand, a tentative smile taking over his own face. “Did you talk to him?”

Charlie hesitated, and eventually just turned his phone around to show Nick. “I can’t ring, but, I’m going to see him tomorrow?”

Nick quickly read over the messages—softening, likely at the sight of his own name—and nodded his acceptance, though a small furrow formed in his brow. “Will you be okay until then? Is it…I mean, you don’t have to go to school tomorrow.”

“I should.” Charlie shook his head. “I will. It’s not that bad, honestly.”

Nick tucked one of the plates on a free spot on Charlie’s desk, where it became mostly unnoticeable. He settled onto Charlie’s bed with the other on his lap and a concerned, disbelieving look.

Charlie knew it would slip right off his face if he just sat down, picked one thing off the plate, and took a single bite.

He couldn’t, though.

So he sat down and curled his arms around one of Nick’s, and tucked his face against Nick’s shoulder. “I’ll have to tell my parents something, since I’ve moved my appointment.”

Nick relaxed minutely. “Yeah. Well, probably better. I wasn’t as lost as I could’ve been, but I’d say I still made a right mess of your kitchen.”

“Thank you,” Charlie whispered back. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He was jostled by Nick’s shrug. “Well, even I don’t want to eat defrosted chicken, so yes, I definitely did.”

Charlie picked his head up enough to see Nick smiling at him, and he couldn’t resist covering those lips with his own.

Something in him unraveled when Nick kissed him back. Something about the way Nick instinctively cupped Charlie’s cheek and parted his lips, and how he managed to set his plate safely aside without disconnecting from Charlie or opening his eyes. Something in the soft, hitched noise he made when Charlie wove a hand into his hair, and how he kissed Charlie a little more thoroughly in response.

Charlie responded in kind and then some. Even with his skin buzzing and his ears ringing and his stomach still tumbling, he kissed Nick hungrily. It was the only way he could ever describe it. This was sustenance his brain never fought against.

Then he was thinking sack of ribs and bone against bone and turn-on, and kissing Nick harder, and Nick was pulling back.

“Charlie, take a breath,” Nick said softly, cupping Charlie’s face in his hands.

Charlie’s heart fell. “You don’t want to kiss me.”

Stupid, stupid idiot. Can you honestly blame him?

Nick smiled, and it wasn’t sad or pitying. It was bright and bashful and unbearably fond, that heartstopping half-tilt which was accompanied by a faint blush. “I always want to kiss you,” he said simply; not a reassurance, but an admittance. He brushed back Charlie’s curls and proved his point by kissing Charlie’s forehead, his cheeks, and his lips, brief but lingering, and Charlie’s heart floated back into place. “But right now I want you to be okay more.”

His smile softened, and his thumb stroked over Charlie’s cheek, and Charlie hiccuped and hid himself in Nick’s chest. Nick adjusted instantly, wrapping his arms around Charlie and petting through his hair.

“I’d prefer to kiss you when you actually want to kiss me,” Nick added, tentatively. “Like, for real, I mean. And not for…not to…”

“I always want to kiss you,” Charlie answered, fast and forceful, because he suddenly realised. And he could not let Nick think anything like that. “I love kissing you, because I love you.”

Nick’s hand rubbed broadly down his back, big and warm and strong, and Charlie was caught between melting under the touch and curling away. “Yeah. Me too.” He kissed the top of Charlie’s head, and wrapped his arms around him fully again. “So much.”

Charlie’s shoulders hunched slightly. “You’re right, though. I shouldn’t be kissing you to make myself feel better. Even though it always does make me feel better.”

“Magic kisses,” Nick readily agreed, his chin ruffling Charlie’s hair as he nodded.

“And I really shouldn’t be when you don’t want to.”

Nick’s arms tightened, and Charlie squeezed his eyes shut. “I really always want to, Char. Like, probably more than is actually healthy. I just…don’t like not being sure it’s for the right reasons. The thought of doing anything like that to you…I just—well, sometimes a hug just feels better. Just like this.”

“But it can’t feel good. Hugging me,” Charlie whispered.

“What?” Nick sounded baffled, but Charlie couldn’t explain. He didn’t think he would have to, and wasn’t prepared. Eventually, Nick accepted the silence and answered for himself. “Charlie, hugging you is essentially my favourite thing to do. I would never stop hugging you for the rest of my life if that was in any way practical. It’s the best feeling in the world.”

“But…me,” Charlie tried. “Don’t I feel…isn’t it like…” He groaned in frustation, and tried starting from scratch. “Your hugs are the best thing ever because they’re big, and warm, and strong, but I’m just…I’m not any of those things. I don’t even know how this is comfortable, for you.”

There was a drawn-out pause, in which Charlie waited for Nick to say, Actually, you have a point, and let him go, but then Nick let out a punched-sounding breath. “Charlie. It’s not because—you think—your body—you think it’s uncomfortable to hug you?”

Charlie’s shoulders hunched a little higher, and Nick gave another of those breaths, and squeezed Charlie even tighter.

“I can promise you you’re completely wrong. That’s not how it works at all. You’re incredibly cud—cuddleable?—huggable. And we fit perfectly. Do you not think so?”

Of course, Charlie thought, instantly. Dreamily, all the time.

But what he said was, “It makes you sad, though.”

“What?”

Charlie wasn’t going to pretend Nick’s question was because he hadn’t heard the whispered concern. The utter bafflement had returned to Nick’s tone. Charlie was sure it was about to get worse, once he tried to explain. “You always hold me tighter midway through.”

“You think I don’t enjoy hugging you, because every time I do, I always hug you tighter?”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Charlie said.

“I’m not!” Nick squeezed him again, and he truly didn’t sound like he was joking. “I promise I’m not. I’m trying to understand, but I think it’s you who needs to do that. I mean, just listen to what you’re saying, Char.”

Charlie insisted, “You know what I’m trying to say, though.”

“I think I do. I think your brain is doing that thing where it thinks itself in circles and tells you things that are wrong. Am I right?”

Charlie’s shoulders slumped, and Nick rubbed his back again.

“I thought so,” Nick murmured. “I know I can’t stop it, but I promise I won’t stop reminding you what’s true.”

“And what’s that?” Charlie prodded, sounding as small as he felt.

Nick was more prepared. “I love you, and I always want to kiss you because I fancy you more than I’ve ever fancied anybody, and hugging you is so inarguably my favourite thing that I would gladly never stop. And that all I want is for you to be healthy and safe and as happy as you can be, because I care about you and you deserve it, more than anything.”

Charlie’s eyes watered again, and automatically, in some awe, he answered, “So do you. I love you too.”

“Well, that works out then, ‘cause I’m never safer or happier than when I’m with you.”

If possible, Charlie’s awe expanded. “You feel safe with me?”

“Yeah,” Nick said, as if it was obvious. “Ever since I’ve known you. How do you think I realised I loved you so much? Everything’s so much easier with you than it is with anyone else.”

The tears in Charlie’s eyes spilled over. “Oh.”

Nick hummed, and pressed another kiss to the top of Charlie’s head, and gave Charlie another squeeze. Charlie tried to reconcile this information with what his brain had been telling him an hour prior. He knew that he was safe with Nick—no one, not even Tori, was as comfortable and easy for Charlie to simply be with as Nick. Nick had been there to take care of Charlie ever since they met; and Charlie knew he hadn’t made it easy. It would’ve been impossible for Charlie not to feel safe with him. To feel that Nick was steady and supportive and strong enough to make Charlie safe.

And Charlie knew that he would do absolutely anything for Nick. Regardless of his own state, he would try to take care of Nick in whatever way possible, any time it was needed. And he knew that he had been a comfort for Nick, more than once, for numerous different reasons. But it was also impossible to think Nick needed him as much as he needed Nick. That, with all his flaws and faults, he could incite those same feelings in response.

That he wasn’t just dragging Nick, who was too nice for his own good, along on his miserable ride.

“So you’re not—you don’t…hold back because it makes you sad or freaks you out or—or grosses you out and makes you feel like—like you’ll break me, or something—”

“Char,” Nick interrupted, sounding distraught. “Do I make you feel like that? Because that’s not what I think at all—you’re the strongest person I know, like, that’s why I admire you so much, and I really never thought I was treating you like—”

Charlie finally mustered the will to pull away and look up at Nick. He put his hand on Nick‘s chest, and felt grateful that Nick kept him in his hold. “You don’t. You’re right. It’s not…I guess, this isn’t really about you? But it made me think…I don’t know.”

Nick shook his head. “You don’t have to explain.” I’m used to it, Charlie expected him to add. But—of course—he didn’t. “Of course, I’d like you to, if you want, but I know it usually isn’t something you can really express, and that’s okay. You don’t owe me anything, and especially not reassurance, or anything like that. I just want to know how I can help. If there’s any way I can, that is. And I hope it isn’t—I hope I haven’t done something to trigger it. I honestly…I can’t tell you how sorry I am if I did.”

“No, you didn’t, I promise.” Charlie curled his hand in Nick’s shirt and looked down again. “Honestly, it wasn’t something I was even aware upset me until today—” Charlie’s mouth clicked shut.

But Nick’s brow had already furrowed into his concerned, listening face, and he was giving an encouraging nod and gently prodding, “What happened today?”

Charlie’s hand curled tighter. “Uhm.”

“Hey.” Nick sat up straighter, jostling Charlie where he was still perched in his lap. He kept one hand on the small of Charlie’s back and raised the other to cup Charlie’s cheek. “What happened? Did someone say something?”

“I…yeah. Well, not really? I…” Charlie blew out a breath. “I sort of, just, overhead Ben?”

Nick’s gaze darkened instantly. Charlie felt him tense, saw his jaw twitch, but Nick’s touch on him remained soft and careful. “What did he say?”

Charlie’s cheeks burned. “I really don’t want to repeat it,” he mumbled.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Then you’ll be in prison, and what will I do?” Charlie pointed out, feeling a little lighter in the face of Nick’s darkness—retaining their constant balance.

“You don’t think I’d get away with it?” Nick demanded.

Charlie released his shirt and reached up to squish his cheeks. “I think you’re much better than that to begin with.”

“And with much better kisses,” Nick said, through squished lips.

Charlie leaned in to kiss them and agreed, “So much better.”

“Magical?”

“Maybe.”

Nick made an outraged noise and dragged Charlie closer. There was a grin fighting its way onto his face. “That’s better,” he said softly. “Do you feel a little less stressed now?”

Charlie tucked his temple against Nick’s and catalogued himself. The distress was far from gone, but his skin didn’t feel so tight, his muscles weren’t so tense, and his stomach felt still. “Yeah,” he decided. “But, not enough that I can…”

“Yeah,” Nick said, kissing his cheek. “Okay. Is there anything else I can do?”

Charlie breathed, and said, “Hold me tighter?”

#heartstopper #osemanverse #heartstopper fic #charlie spring #nick nelson #ben hope #briefly i promise #nick x charlie #narlie #tw eating disorder #tw ed #tw ocd #tw self destructive thoughts #if anyone thinks i should add any other tags please lmk!#i’m very unsure how i feel about this and especially the ending but i hope i’ve handled it respectfully at least #prompts #my fics

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