#even if you don’t follow me and just see this post randomly I’m sending heaps of love because people can be so so nice

[primmrot]

I can feel myself slowly making a series out of this-

This is connected to these two posts (here, here and here) but from a different perspective 💖

(click for better quality)

#I just love vigilante zukka so much that I want to expand it #also I’ve never drawn Aang past a sketch so I really wanted to attempt that <3 #avatar the last airbender #atla au #avatar #vigilante zukka au #aang #on a completely different note #I love my mutuals and everyone who follows me so freaking much #even if you don’t follow me and just see this post randomly I’m sending heaps of love because people can be so so nice #💖💖💖

[coolgreatwebsite]

Cool Games I Finished In 2020 (In No Real Order)

Oh, hey! Right! I have a website! I’m like a week late on writing this, but what’s a week on top of an entire year of not writing, right? 2020 was... well, we all know what 2020 was. For me personally, it was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. The worst in both ways you can probably assume and ways you definitely can’t (neither of which I’ll be getting into), and the best in ways I absolutely never would have guessed. That uncertain job I mentioned last year got very suddenly much more certain, at a much bigger company, for a much larger amount of money. That allowed me to get my own place, making my weird living situation much less weird. Still haven’t gotten the majority of my belongings off of the east coast, but if the entire world wasn’t currently fucked up by a global pandemic I’d have sorted all that out too. What I’m saying is that, for the third year in a row, my life has been a complete whirlwind that has left me very little time to get comfortable with any aspect of it. But I did manage to play more video games than I did last year! Which is perfect, because it’s once again time for another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2020.

Astro’s Playroom (PlayStation 5, 2020)

My one word description of Astro's Playroom is "delightful". It's just an absolute goddamn delight. A total surprise too! Included with every PlayStation 5, Astro's Playroom is, in my opinion, one of the best pack-in games of all time.

First off, it's an incredible tech demo for the PS5's new DualSense controller. It was easy to brush off Sony's talk about the controller's haptic feedback and triggers as some Nintendo-style HD Rumble bullshit, but it really is incredibly cool once you get your hands on it. The game is obviously more than a tech demo though, or else it wouldn't be on here. It also just so happens to be an extremely solid and fun platformer on top of that. Astro controls exceptionally well and the levels are all well-designed and fun, even the gimmick vehicle ones designed to show off different features of the controller. It also has an oddly compelling speedrun mode, made all the more compelling by the PS5 notifying you when your friends beat your times and the ability to load into it within two seconds from anywhere on the console. But the biggest thing for me and, call me a mark, because I am, is that the game is an honestly incredible love letter to PlayStation history.

For the first time ever, Sony has pulled off a nostalgia piece without it ending up as embarrassing garbage in the vein of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. There's a Nintendo-like joyful reverence for all things PlayStation oozing out of every single corner of this game. There are so many nods and references and gags for literally every PlayStation thing of note throughout the the last 25 years, and then on top of that there's a whole heap more for the things that AREN'T of note that only hyperdorks like me would get! A sly reference to the ill-fated boomerang controller? Yep. A goof on the fat PS3's Spider-Man font? You betcha. A trophy you can earn by repeatedly punching a Sony Interactive Entertainment sign until it breaks and reveals the Sony Computer Entertainment sign it was slapped on top of? Yeah buddy. It's deep cuts all the way down, even up until the final boss which had me grinning like a total dipshit the entire time. The game is endlessly, effortlessly charming.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch, 2020)

Animal Crossing: New Horizons was the perfect game at the perfect time. That doesn't mean it's a perfect game, I actually have some issues with it, but it could not have released at a better time than when it did. It came out at the very very beginning of everyone going into lockdown due to the pandemic, and it was the biggest game in the world for a couple of months as a result. I played like 300 hours and that pales in comparison to the amount of time many others put into it.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the most different Animal Crossing game there's ever been, and I'm of two minds on it. Like, I loved the game, I played a ton of it, but it's lacking so much of the stuff that made me love Animal Crossing in the first place. The series has been slowly trending in this direction for a bit now, but it's not really a game that happens around you anymore. It's all about total player control. You select where everything goes, you customize every detail of everything to your liking, hell, you can even terraform the landmass to be exactly what you want. Your neighbors take a backseat in focus and end up as little more than decorations with limited dialogue and next to no quests associated with them. Series staples like Gyroids are missing in action. Facilities and services that have been around since Wild World aren't implemented. It's similar to past Animal Crossing games in a lot of ways, but on the whole it feels like a different thing.

But like I said, two minds. New Horizons strays from what I truly want from an Animal Crossing game, but I can't deny that the game as it is is a hell of a lot of fun. There's SO much you can do and SO many options, it's super addictive. Plus it implemented my long-requested feature of letting you effortlessly send mail to friends online! Too bad the actual online play is as cumbersome as ever.

In conclusion, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a land of contrasts. I'm kidding. It's good, but definitely missing something in a way where I can understand some people being disappointed in it. I had a ton of fun though, and I'm probably going to get back into it later in 2021.

Trials of Mana (Nintendo Switch, 2019)

Late in 2019, with the physical release of Collection of Mana for the Switch, I decided I was going to play through each game on it for the first time and finally find out what this whole Mana thing was about. I went into Final Fantasy Adventure (the first game in the Mana series, because every RPG had to be Final Fantasy back then) with zero expectations and found a totally serviceable little Zelda-like with light RPG elements. I enjoyed my time with it. I went into Secret of Mana with the expectation of it being a beloved classic and found the worst game I beat that year, hands down. That game fucking sucks. I get why it made an impression on people at the time, but it's just so so SO awful to play. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed. Honestly, I would have been disappointed even if I hadn't heard it was one of "the best games" for so long. It would have been a disappointing follow-up to Final Fantasy Adventure, a game that in and of itself isn't anything incredible. Secret of Mana is just that rotten.

I braced myself for more disappointment when (after a much needed vacation from the series) I started up Trials of Mana. This game had a reputation too, as a long-lost classic that never made it stateside. One of the best games on the Super Nintendo, criminally never released for western audiences! Like Secret of Mana before it, I'd heard nothing but effusive praise. Unlike Secret of Mana, however, I was very pleased to find out that Trials of Mana mostly lives up to the hype. From a gameplay standpoint, Trials is an improvement on Secret in almost every single way. It's not perfect. The menus are still kinda clunky, animations for things like magic and items are still frequently disruptive. But the main thing is it actually plays like a sensible video game designed by humans with brains. Attacking is responsive! Hitboxes aren't complete nonsense! You don't constantly get stunlocked to death! There are more answers to combat than casting the same spell for five straight minutes to kill your enemies before they get a chance to move! It's great!

On top of being an enjoyable video game to actually play, the presentation is top notch. Secret of Mana could be a pretty game with decent music in some spots, but Trials is consistently gorgeous and the soundtrack is across the board great instead of randomly having songs that sound like clown vomit. And while Trials of Mana doesn't have the deepest story in the world, it manages to avoid being completely paper-thin like Secret. The story actually kind of has a reason for being a bit straightforward, and the reason is that it has a really cool system where you pick your three playable characters from a pool of six. Each character has their own goals and storyline, some of which line up with other potential party members, some of which don't, and you'll even run into the characters you didn't choose as NPCs along the way. This and the relatively brisk pace of the game make it highly replayable.

I'm really glad that Trials of Mana made it over here in an official capacity, even if it was like 25 years late. It's as good as I expected Secret of Mana to be and singlehandedly saved my interest in seeing any more of the series. I'm aware the quality of what came after is very spotty, but I'll get to the rest eventually!

Final Fantasy VII Remake (PlayStation 4, 2020)

They (almost) did it. They (basically) pulled it off. They remade (a chunk of) Final Fantasy VII and (for the most part) didn't fuck it up. Ok, funny parentheticals aside, Final Fantasy VII Remake is astoundingly good coming off of over two decades of just absolutely dreadful post-FF7 sequels, side games, and movies.

Final Fantasy VII has been historically misremembered as this kind of miserable, angsty, brooding thing, both by fans and by the company that made it. FF7-branded media after FF7 itself is a minefield of changed personalities, embarrassing original characters, and monumentally lame stories. Final Fantasy VII Remake is the first post-FF7 anything that actually remembers the characters, setting, and plot of Final Fantasy VII and what made them memorable and special to people in the first place. Which isn't to say it's a slavish recreation! There's a ton of changes and additions, and I actually like almost all of them! Except for some really big stuff I'll touch on in a bit!

The combat in Final Fantasy VII Remake is great. I was super skeptical about it when the game was first announced, but they actually managed to make the blend of real-time action and turn-based RPG menuing fun and engaging. The characters all play super differently from each other too, which is a huge and welcome difference from the original game. The Materia system fits like a glove in this revamped combat system as well. The remixed music is good as hell, and the visuals are beautiful (outside of a couple of very specific spots that I'm kinda of surprised they haven't fixed in a patch yet). It's a well-executed package all around.

But alas, as always, there are negatives. For starters, this is only part one of the overall Final Fantasy VII Remake project. It goes up to the party leaving Midgar which, as you may or may not recall, is the first six hours of the original game. They compensated for this by fleshing the hell out of the Midgar section the game, ballooning the overall playtime to total of about 30-ish hours. The game feeling padded is a common complaint but for what it's worth, I didn't really feel it until the unnecessarily long final dungeon, There's also the previously mentioned and funny parenthetical'd changes and additions I don't like.

This is big time spoilers for this game so if you don't want that jump ahead to the next game on the list. The Whispers suck ass. Final Fantasy VII Remake should have been brave enough to be different without having to constantly derail everything in the most ham-fisted and intrusive way possible. You can have Jessie twist her ankle without making a spooky plot ghost trip her. I don't want to fight the physical manifestation of the game everyone thought they were getting as an end boss. If you're not doing a straight remake, that's fine, but have the fucking guts to stand by your artistic decisions without feeling the need to invent the lamest deus ex machina I've ever fucking seen. The last couple of hours of this game are 100% about the Whispers and are awful for it. It's a true testament to the strength of the rest of Final Fantasy VII Remake that this aspect didn't completely sour me on it. I can only hope that they stay dead and gone for good in the games yet to come and the remake can be different while standing on its own two feet.

I truly cannot wait for the next entry in the Final Fantasy VII Remake project. I'm excited for Final Fantasy VII in a way I haven't been since the late 90s. I have a bit of trepidation that they could royally screw it up. I mean, they already got kinda close, as I said in my last paragraph. But they got so much right in this entry that, for the first time in decades, I'm willing to believe in Square Enix when it comes to Final Fantasy VII.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim (PlayStation 4, 2020)

My one word description of 13 Sentinels is "fucking crazy". I realize that's two words, but shut up. A bizarre hybrid of visual novel, adventure game, and strategy RPG, 13 Sentinels not only makes that work, but makes it work incredibly well. 

The story is fucking bonkers. It's told entirely non-linearly and is purposefully dense and confusing, but it does an amazing job of hooking you with a cast of likable characters and some impressively well-paced twists, made all the more impressive by the fact that you can tackle the story in basically whatever order you want. I'll say it again for those in the back, the story is Fucking Bonkers. Wherever you think it's going, it's not going. Where it is going is PLACES. Seriously, if you want a wild goddamn ride, this is the game for you. The presentation is also stunning. It's a drop dead gorgeous game with a really nice soundtrack. Easily Vanillaware's best looking game, which is saying something seeing as looking good is Vanillaware's whole deal.

If I had to levy one criticism against the game, it's that the strategy RPG portion is just kind of ok. It's enjoyable enough, it doesn't get in the way and there's not too much of it, but once it starts introducing armored versions of previous enemy types it's kind of done doing anything different. It is really good at getting people to out themselves as having no idea what tower defense is as a genre though!

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

I haven't really historically been a "Musou Guy". Not to say I've actively disliked them, they're just not something I've seeked out very often or played very much of. Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition kinda turned me into a "Musou Guy" a little bit? It's good, surprisingly-less-mindless-than-you'd-think fun.

I actually super don't care about the Zelda branding. I think all the fanservice stuff is meh at best. What I do care about is that there's a ton of character variety and a metric shitload of content. There's so many different characters and weapons for those characters that all play differently from one another and SOOOOOO many levels to play. Like the story mode is, again, kinda meh, the real meat of the game is the Adventure mode and there's a ton of it. It's 8 different world maps, each based off a different Zelda game, with each square of the map containing a little mini-scenario with unique objectives and rewards. There has to be at least 1000 scenarios between all the maps. There's so much. And that's not even getting into some of the other side stuff like the challenge modes and the fairy raising. It's a crazy amount of game in this game.

And again, it's not as mindless as it'd seem. It's not really a game ABOUT destroying 5000 guys, it's an area control and resource management game where the 5000 guys are one of those resources. Knowing who to send where and when to fight who is way more important than pressing the XXX YYY XXX YYY on the more than one million troops.

I'd say that if you're even cursorily potentially maybe interested in a musou game, this is the one to try. And if you like it, it could literally be your forever game. A sequel came out recently too, and I'm looking forward to trying that out soon.

Phantasy Star Online 2 (Xbox One, 2020)

Phantasy Star Online 2 finally came stateside in the year 2020, eight years after its initial Japanese release and initial American cancellation. It's no Phantasy Star Online 1, but it is a really fun game in its own right provided you can find the willpower to break through its clunkiness and eight years of confusing poorly tutorialized free-to-play MMO cruft.

The main thing going for PSO2, and this is a major improvement from PSO1, is that the act of engaging in its combat is fun. The combat is just feels really really good. There's a bunch of different weapon types and classes, and once you find the ones that really click with you you're in for a good time, whether you're izuna dropping dudes with wire claws or literally doing air juggles and rainstorm from Devil May Cry with the dual machine guns.

The other stuff around that combat is weird. I generally like it, but it's weird. The story mode is one of the most bizarrely presented things I've ever seen. It apparently used to be something you'd seek out in the levels themselves, but presently it's just a list of scenes you pick from a menu and watch with next to no context until it makes you fight a boss sometimes. There's some weird moments in there that MIGHT have been cool if it were presented in literally any other way?

The systems and presentation are also way more... I dunno, pinball? Pachislot? In very stark contrast to how chill original Phantasy Star Online was, everything in PSO2 is designed in a way to maximize that flashy light bing bing wahoo you got ~*~RARE DROP CHANCE UP~*~  feeling. Which isn't to say I don't like flashy light bing bing wahoo, but it's a weird different thing.

Was it worth the wait? Yeah, sure! For me! This is another one that I played like 300 hours of! I haven't even seen half of it, I fell off right before Episode 4 released because it coincided with my move! I'm gonna go back and see all that shit! PSO2's fun! A different flavor of fun than the original, sure, but fun all the same. Another one that I'm glad finally made it over here.

Riichi Mahjong (A Table, 1924)

Holy shit I fucking did it I finally learned how to play Mahjong and it rules.

It started when I picked up Clubhouse Games for the Switch. I saw that it had Riichi Mahjong and something in my brain snapped. For whatever reason, I decided that this was the time I was going to rip the band-aid off and figure this shit out. It wasn't too dissimilar to the first time I decided to try eggs, but that's a different and much stupider story for a different time. I did the tutorial in Clubhouse Games, looked up some more basics and advice because the tutorial wasn't super amazing, and I kept playing while being aided by the game's nice helper features like the button that pulls up recommended hands. I kept playing and... sorta got it. I learned the basic rules, but none of the strategy. And then I stopped playing for a few months.

In that few months, for whatever reason, a decent amount of people I know had their brains snap the same way? Like a more-than-two amount of people I'm either friends with or following online also decided to learn Mahjong. I decided to get back on the horse and downloaded Mahjong Soul and I don't know whether it was perseverance or the power of anime babes, but this time I got it. I still refer to a sheet with all the hands and whether they work open or closed, and I'm by no means a master player, but I actually honest to god understand what I'm doing and it's an incredible feeling.

Mahjong has such a huge amount of what I like to call "Get That Ass" energy. It is the energy you feel when you get someone's ass. In Mahjong you are either constantly getting someone's ass or getting your ass gotten. Someone puts down the wrong tile and you fucking GET THEIR ASS DUDE! They're got!! They're a fucking idiot that put down the wrong thing and now you have their points!!! Or you draw what you need yourself and you're a brain genius all according to plan and everyone gives you points because you're so wise!!!! It's great!!!!!

Mahjong has long been one of those games where I'd say "I'll learn this someday" and never reeeeally actually try to learn, and I'm so glad I finally took the effort to because it's good as hell. And, truth be told, it wasn't THAT hard to learn? Like you can get to the point where I was where I didn't know the strategy fairly easily in my opinion, and once you do that It's just a matter of continuing to play to understand the rest. I highly recommended that you also go out and learn it if you similarly revel in getting that ass, it's so satisfying once you do.

Yakuza: Like a Dragon (PlayStation 4, 2020)

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio took a big gamble with Yakuza: Like a Dragon. After seven games (more if you take spinoffs and remakes into consideration) they decided to focus on a new main character and, even more unexpectedly, they decided to change things up by turning the series into a turn-based JRPG. Their gamble paid off in spades. This is easily in my top 3 favorite Yakuza games.

The JRPG gameplay is surprisingly solid. There's definite room for improvement, but they nailed a bunch of it right out of the gate. Some mechanics are a little janky and I wish the job system was more fleshed out or just worked more like Final Fantasy V's, but they nailed one of the most important things and made the battles brisk and fun. It's a great foundation, especially for a team that's never attempted anything like this, and it's way more fun than the combat's been in any of the previous Dragon Engine games. I can't wait to see them iterate on it.

Everything else is top fuckin' notch. The music is great, the side content is fully fleshed out in a way it hasn't been since before they switched to the Dragon Engine, and I love the characters and story so much. Yakuza has a new main character in Ichiban Kasuga, and he's my son and I love him. Kiryu was great, and I love him too, but he was a bit of a passive protagonist. Stuff happened around him and he mostly just stoically reacted to it. Ichi is a much more active lead and it's great. He's a big lovable dope, and his tendency to keep an upbeat attitude and eagerness to leap into action is such a breath of fresh air. And it's not only Ichiban, since this is an RPG you have a whole party of characters and they're all great! Having them with you at all times bantering with each other and reacting to things is another great change of narrative pace, too. 

Yakuza: Like a Dragon just straight up rules. As someone who has historically not been too much of a fan of the Dragon Engine games, it's simultaneously a refreshing new take on the series and a fantastic return to form. I can't wait for what comes next. Wherever Ichiban goes, I go.

Moon: Remix RPG Adventure (Nintendo Switch, 2020)

After 23 years of Japanese PS1 exclusivity, Moon: Remix RPG Adventure finally got an English release this year for Nintendo Switch. I'm glad it did, because Moon isn't just the very definition of A Sebmal Game. It's the Sebmal Game missing link. In addition to being just a great video game, it helped me make a mental throughline for a bunch of games I love and a large part of my taste in video games.

To keep a long story short (seriously, I have a much much longer version of this saved in my drafts that I'll maybe finish someday), Moon turned out to be not the JRPG I assumed it was, given the title and basic story pitch, but a secret prequel to a game I love named Chulip. Moon's developer, Love-de-Lic, was formed by a handful of ex-Squaresoft employees, many of which worked on an extremely formative game I love named Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. Love-de-Lic broke up in the year 2000 and its staff went on to form a bunch of different studios that ended up making a BUNCH of different games I love like Chibi-Robo, Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland, Dandy Dungeon, and the aforementioned Chulip. These games, when you make the connection and line them up, all have a very distinct weirdness in common that makes perfect sense once you've realized many of the same people worked on them. Figuring this all out felt like snapping a piece of my brain back in place, and it was really crazy to come to understand exactly how much this studio that formed and disbanded decades before I'd even heard of them had impacted my tastes and, hell, my life.

So what is Moon, for those who don't innately understand what I mean by "a secret prequel to Chulip"? Moon is an adventure game where you explore a world with a day/night cycle, learn about that world's inhabitants, and eventually solve their problems. Think of it kind of like The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, but if the sidequests were the entirety of the focus with no Groundhog Day time reset mechanic and none of the Zelda stuff like combat and dungeons. You play as a young boy who, after a late night JRPG binge session, is sucked into the world of the game he was just playing. Everything is off from the way it was portrayed while the boy was playing the game, though. The hero he had previously controlled is actually a silent menace, raiding peoples' houses for treasure and slaughtering every innocent animal that crosses his path in an endless quest for EXP. The townspeople seem more concerned with problems in their day-to-day lives than the supposed world threatening crisis outlined in the game's intro. It's up to you as the boy to investigate this world's mysteries, help the townsfolk, mend the damage the hero has done, and eventually restore love to a loveless world.

Speaking of love, I fucking loved Moon. I loved the story, I loved the characters, I loved the music, I loved the way it looks (even though the Switch port is a little crusty in that basic emulator-y kinda way), I loved how constantly bizarre and surprising and funny it was. Like I said earlier, it's the very definition of a game made for me. It was essentially the progenitor of a long line of games made for me, and of games potentially made for me but I don't know yet because I haven't played them due to not understanding Japanese (UFO: A Day in the Life translation next please? Anyone from Onion Games reading this??). For as similar as Moon and Chulip are in their systems and pacing, I think I might actually like Moon better despite it coming earlier? It's not as full force maximum impact absurd as Chulip is, but it is a lot more playable and less obtuse once you get a grip on the time limit mechanic. You don't need a full strategy guide included in the instruction manual for Moon, and you don't need to exchange business cards with every single character to get information vital to finishing the game either.

I truly cannot recommend Moon enough if your taste in games ventures anywhere off the beaten path. Maybe this is a little conceited of me, but I assume if you're reading this article, let alone this far down into it, you relate to my video game opinions at least a little bit? You should play Moon. Everyone reading this sentence should play Moon. Moon: Remix RPG Adventure is my game of the year for the year 2020.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Death Stranding (PlayStation 4, 2019): Death Stranding, much like Metal Gear Solid V, was a game I enjoyed for the gameplay and not much else. The story, characters, and writing were a huge disappointment for me, but man if I didn't enjoy lugging those boxes around and setting up my hellish cross-continental goon summer camp lookin' zipline network. Mr. Driller Drill Land (Nintendo Switch, 2020): I am a known Mr. Driller Enjoyer, and I enjoyed this Mr. Driller. Originally released for the Gamecube, Mr. Driller Drill Land is another long-time Japanese exclusive that finally came stateside this year and it's packed with new and novel twists on the Mr. Driller format. It looks super sharp, the music's great (also the credits music is the most impossibly out of place and extra as hell shit in the world and it's hilarious), and it's just a good ass time. The main campaign is pretty damn short, but if you're a post-game content kinda guy it has that and it's all super hard. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (PlayStation 4, 2020): They finally made another good new Tony Hawk game, and all it took was perfectly remaking two of the best old Tony Hawk games! Plays exactly like you remember it with the added benefit of the best mechanics from up to THUG1, looks great, packed full of content, even has most of the music alongside some mostly crappy new stuff. It's the full package as is, but I do hope they end up adding THPS3 to it eventually. Mad Rat Dead (Nintendo Switch, 2020): Mad Rat Dead was a pleasant surprise that I only picked up because I saw a couple of people on my Twitter timeline constantly talking about it. A fun and inventive platformer where all your actions need to be on beat with the music. The gameplay feels great (aside from some not so great performance issues on Switch), the soundtrack is fun, and it's got a real good style to it. Demon's Souls (PlayStation 5, 2020): I love Demon's Souls and this is Demon's Souls. It plays exactly the same with some minor quality of life changes. I don't agree with many of the artistic changes, but there's no denying it looks incredible on a technical level. If you want to play Demon's Souls again or for the first time, this is a perfectly valid and fun way to do so. Groove Coaster: Wai Wai Party!!!! (Nintendo Switch, 2019): Groove Coaster is one of my favorite rhythm games, and they finally made an acceptable at-home version with Wai Wai Party. It's not a perfect replication of the arcade game control-wise, I have some issues with the song choices, and the pricing is frankly fucking ridiculous if you're not a Groove Coaster maniac like I am, but the same ultra satisfying gameplay is all there. You can even play it vertically in handheld mode! Flip Griiiiiiiip!

And we're done! Phew! Honestly didn't realize I played that many good games until I typed all this out. Thanks as always for reading this far. I'm gonna try and get back to regularly posting Breviews this year at the very least. Honestly don't know if I'll get anything else up on here, but we'll see. Here's to hoping 2021 is a little bit less of a nightmare!

#article #Year Wrapup

[secretgamergirl]

Abuse I’ve just had to sit with forever

Right now I can’t look anywhere without seeing people speaking up about abusive monsters in various positions of power and it’s really triggering a lot of PTSD for me about all the times I’ve been in positions like that where nobody has ever listened or tried to help so... I’m just going to rattle off all the ones that come to my head, anonymously, and I don’t know, if anyone who knows me wants to ask me about any of these and/or try to really do something to help, maybe come talk to me about it through whatever private channel we talk in sometimes.

Family stuff. There’s a lot, and there’s no real way to talk about any of it anonymously because I mean being members of my family it’s already narrowed down way too much.

Someone once put me in the temporary care of a woman who savagely beat me because her own children were making too much noise when they should have been asleep. Bad enough that when I went back to school I was almost ripped out of my home by child protective services on the assumption that’s where it happened. Oh and she also force-fed me rotten food with maggots in it. I ended up pretty sick as a result, lost a whole lot of weight, and ended up with a serious eating disorder that’s plagued me since. I did eventually get out of there but I don’t know that I’ve ever really conveyed the full extend of it.

One of that woman’s children had some sort of torture kink, very nearly killed me, did put me in the hospital from injuries, and might have raped me. Hard to say because I was like... 7? Hard to translate those memories now that I have the context and vocabulary. I tried to explain that to anyone who’d listen at the time but, again, I didn’t have the vocabulary and I don’t think it came across that like... ropes and tools were involved, not just fists. Never got into that with therapists, because the first one I had really loved playing gatekeeper with trans stuff and liked the “maybe you just think you’re a girl because of abuse as a child” line of thinking too much already. I think I heard he eventually landed in prison though, so that’s something?

The first job I ever had. Games website. I was too young to be working but nobody ever thought to ask about it, and my family needed the extra income to avoid homelessness besides. The owner of the site... was really into open sexual roleplay in workplace text chats. I was so young and weirdly sheltered that I didn’t even process that that was even a thing, and 90% of it went straight over my head, plus I was in a weird state at the time with the whole trans thing where oh yeah, if anyone’s doing any roleplaying stuff on the internet, I’ll be in the character of me-but-a-girl but everything is pretend here right? So... there was a whole lot of mounting and thrusting being described and it took a few years to sink in that that was not in fact about him pretending to be a knight with me as a horse or something. And there was also a lot of... failing to pay me for years of backbreaking work, outright stealing from me, and I mean, I was up until like 4 AM every night working while still in high school. So, yeah. that was a lot. Never told anybody about any of this. So far as I know he still runs the site and nobody’s ever confronted him about anything.

Used to try to play various RPGs with some people in this extra niche-y game space. Sort of the first place I was ever read as a woman without offering anyone “corrections.” And... there was just this one guy who whenever he was GMing had some weird creative excuse for my character (usually the only woman in the party) to... be raped and/or impregnated just all of the sudden and totally out of left field. Which everyone was OK with somehow. And when he wasn’t GMing he was all over my character of course. Never really spoke up to anyone. I just left one day.

Ended up... in the inner circle of someone very famous. Mostly famous for being a victim of abuse. Which is why I ignored... every single red flag there is that someone is an abusive person and taking advantage of everyone around them. They controlled every aspect of my life for years. Had me do a whole lot of work for them, place myself in real physical and psychological danger, regularly. Directly asked me to severe ties with most people in my life. Install kill-switch sortware on my laptop for their piece of mind that none of our conversations would ever be seen by anyone, while also making me talk only in privately managed chat services where they logged everything and my screen wiped at regular intervals, and insisting I use an untraceable alias in it. All of this I was constantly assured was for my own safety as much as theirs, somehow, and that I was their most valued friend who they would keep safe, start paying a huge salary to soon, as well as help secure me a safe place to live and get properly started on medical transition stuff that I was unable to do in the increasingly unsafe place I was living at the time. I could keep going with this, but again, I don’t want anyone playing guessing games. Eventually, as serial abusers do, this person got sick of me, cast me out, and said presumably unspeakable things about me to everyone in that social circle, because everyone quite promptly cut all ties to me without a word. I once mentioned some small fraction of this publicly in defense of... multiple people attempting suicide as a result of this person’s abuse, and it was made very, very clear to me that this is not someone I will ever be able to safely speak about in public.

Another person who is very famous, with ties to abuse prevention stuff, added me to a blacklist to kill my career prospects and then kinda put a hit out on me on a neo-nazi website, but I’ve written about that incident. Nothing happened as a result of speaking out aside from the violence I was already being subjected to ramping up and more people cutting ties with me. Oh and those who didn’t are still quite friendly with her.

Several women with ties to... dangerous people randomly got it into their heads several years ago that I posed some sort of threat to someone I am told they “feel very protective towards” and... unleashed a hell on me unlike anything I have ever seen. I have spent the past 6 years now dealing with death threats from far right terrorist organizations who in some cases have very sizeable body counts, and those groups don’t scare me anywhere near as much as these people. Anyone else I have seen them paint a target on completely withdrew from the internet their careers and any sort of public life to try and stay off their radar. I have had multiple people privately confide in me that they had been threatened never to speak to me again before proceeding to make good on that. I have individually thrown myself at the mercy of every single one of them, explained that I have absolutely no ill will towards any of them, and had never even heard of this person they’re “protecting” before they started coming after me. Nothing has worked. They’ve never stopped. I’m legitimately afraid someone connected to them is going to murder me some day, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve confided in all of maybe 3 people about this. One might be dead, one is a total hermit, the third briefly tried supporting me, received threats, and promptly retracted everything, replacing it with a fire and brimstone speech about how I am an evil monster who tricked them. I have regular nightmares about this, and collapse into a shivering heap just seeing any of their names mentioned.

I... spent a good deal of time in social contact with a person I have been told I need to be friends with to advance in a career I would like to pursue. While doing so, he sabotaged a project that was fairly important to me, and I saw some him mistreat someone else in ways I find quite disturbing, but that’s her story to tell and not mine. I don’t feel comfortable around him, and have no real choice but to give up on those dreams. Haven’t really discussed this anywhere. The sort of work I can get would definitely vanish completely if I did.

The sort of work I can get also involves working for a variety of companies with people very high up the ranks who have seriously harmed a number of people I consider to be very good friends, in ways that in some cases include sexual abuse, and I... really would prefer not to ever work for anyone employing such people now that I am aware of this.

Yet another famous person, but one who I feel perfectly comfortable naming, Graham Linehan, used to follow me on social media with a level of enthusiasm that could arguably be better referred to as stalking. Then later he joined some extremist anti-trans hate group and rose to the top pretty quickly. And some years after that, it finally sank in that worshiping a trans woman while also leading a group of people bent on killing us all, so he has been very loudly and very publicly rambling about his hatred for me specifically. I don’t really have to speak up about this one because he’s doing plenty of that on his end, but I do have to note that while this famous person terrorizing me hasn’t really earned me any sort of public defense or sympathy, it has encouraged a whole lot of people to invent an alternate timeline of events where I am directly responsible for him being a bigot, leading to me getting dangerous threats from both horrible bigots and people who claim to hate horrible bigots but have suspiciously poor aim.

Hey speaking of celebrities, one of the stars of Firefly used to regularly send me photos of violently distended testicles. One of the stars of Star Trek once posted something encouraging millions of social media followers to attack me and left it up for a weekend. One of the producers of World of WarCraft once threatened to sue me for libel and went on a big PR tour about it, speaking on podcasts and such, and so many fascists pretending to be journalists have dumped so much crap on me...

And not to long ago in something of a wacky mixup, someone ELSE rather famous, who does diversity consulting no less, confused me for someone else and cut loose with a horrific bit of hate and gossip and throwing me under the bus, and misgendering me, saying random harassers baselessly calling me a pedophile were probably onto something. Privately told a handful of people about that, because I thought she was a friend and that was so heartbreaking, but anyone I told is just pretending not to have seen it.

Someone was once offering me help because I was in a dangerous situation, financially. I explained that things had been extra hard since coming out as trans. Suddenly he goes from helpful and concerned to just... violent. Screaming a me, openly trying to chase me out of the space we were both in. I reported this to the proper people. They tried talking, he left. The whole community mourned the loss and wondered who could have driven him off. Still doesn’t feel like a safe place for me.

I don’t really know why I’m bothering with all of this. Nobody is actually going to help. I’d say nobody is actually going to read this, but I’m sure plenty of people who hate me will to see if I’m talking about them and use it as justification to make things worse. Plus some people I’m not talking about I’m sure. I get plenty of that all the time.

Nothing ever helps and you can’t ever win. If you try to keep the abusers appeased by not outing them, the abuse never stops. If you try to speak up, their fans and friends treat it like declarations of war and pile on. If you just try to be there for other people when they’re being abused, you get singled out as a “troublemaker” and added to hit lists and black lists and... nothing works.

I don’t want a lot out of life. I want to know I have enough food, and have a place to live where I’m not at risk of dying from either temperature extreme, a bathroom, enough room for my book shelves, a bed, a couch, a dinner table, and a yoga mat. Maybe a space where my cats can run around a little enclosed semi-outdoor area for the fresh air and sun. I want to be able to deal with my medical problems. I want to see and talk to friends sometimes. If I’m really greedy, I’d like to have all that for a particular friend too who I’m constantly worrying about dying of poverty. And I’d like to be able to work on games. Maybe play them sometimes. Maybe watch things.

And that’s the really messed up part. Because abusive people and people supporting the structures of abuse always say they just want to focus on getting work done, or having fun, and it’s a lie. What’s most important for them is perpetuating abuse. They could just stop, or get rid of the people doing it, and the rest of us could live our lives and everything would be fine. But no instead we have to drop everything and make sure no woman anywhere feels safe enough to even breath.

[allisonawakened]

any advice on how to cut a psychic connection with someone or understand why this is still here of if they’re reaching out subconsciously?

Hello Anon Babe,

Thank you for your patience in me addressing this Ask… also I love this Ask so much because *the struggle is REAL* when it comes to Psychic Protection / Cord Cutting / Psychic Attack…

I just wish I had all the time in the world to go through every nuance / detail, but I will do my very best to channel a bit and try to zero in on the essence / motive of your Ask when originally sent in.

♥

So here’s the real deal about “Psychic Connections” to people…

The more feels involved + the more titles you use / share together + the more physical objects given / received between each other + the more you are connected even digitally (forget physically / socially) = the more you are Psychically Connected to others.

That means you can have ghosted on someone in a BIG way but STILL have an enduring Psychic Connection because maybe one of you still “follows” the other on a random social feed. Or maybe you still have old text messages. Or maybe you still have old photos on your phone. Etc, etc, etc…

With the digital age being where it is (I can say it that way because I’m a Xennial and remember hand-writing my projects in High School) - the “ties that bind” all of us together Psychically are now more complicated than ever.

Entire relationships can be born / forged / tested & REAL based solely on “Online Encounters”. 

This makes the whole Psychic Protection / Cord Cutting thing that much more complicated… Because social-stalking an ex is a thing. Peeking in on estranged family members is a thing. Having “friends” on socials in common is a thing. And even if YOU aren’t connected to the source of your “Psychic Connection”, you better believe that SOMEONE in your immediate circle probably is… And by proxy, with that *SOMEONE* in your circle connected to you - they are the rope binding you and another together.

Why am I focusing so heavy in on the digital age + breaking connections?

I dunno, it’s a Psychic thing? I keep seeing social feeds / profiles in my head and Spirit is pulling me toward chatting re: digital connections. Plus when I ask Spirit “Why the heck is this relevant to our Lovely Anon?”, Spirit answers by telling me that whomever you may *still* wish to disconnect from is likely still existing within your digital circles.

When you are sensitive to Psychic energy / phenomena (and usually super-intuitive people just are), then it doesn’t take much to forge a Psychic Connection these days. An old “tagged” post or photo from years ago is enough to do it.

So suggestion #1 courtesy of Spirit in this case is…

Perform a Digital Detox or in this case, a Digital Exorcism of whatever person you want out of your life.

That may mean you have to perform a deep dive on your own social feeds in order to get this done. But hitting that “trash” or “delete” button is a form of manifestation magic all on its own. It’s you sending out the “This Person is Cancelled” bat-signal to the Universe. And it’s law of attraction 101.

Let’s not forget the traditional method of dealing with Psychic Connections as well

Traditionally, dealing with a Psychic Connection (or cutting cords) can be done via visualization work in meditation… Either by yourself or by a third party Spirit Worker you trust to get intimate with your energy and to work on your behalf.

Usually any “Cord Cutting” visualization work requires finding / visualizing the cord binding yourself and another, then visualizing your personal representation of cutting that cord. So for example - I like using a long sword made out of White Light (that’s right, I go medieval on that sh*t) & I have had friends that use machetes made out of white.

It’s always best to get creative & go wherever your intuition, imagination and gut instincts take you. The more individual / creative you get, the more powerful your manifestation will become ♥

What about *weird* Psychic Connections?

Like…

Someone who’s passed onto the Other Side? Ghosts? Someone coming through in Dreams? Etc.?

Well those are things too. For sure. And sometimes someone can be totally out of your life but still on your mind. And Yes, what you said in your original Ask is true - “people can reach out subconsciously”.

The weird thing of people reaching out subconsciously, is that usually you wind up having them on your mind or intruding your thoughts *randomly* like ALL OF THE TIME… plus they can even start to invade into your dreams.

And the same can be said about dead people / ghosts. They can be on your mind all the time because THEY are the ones actually thinking about you and reaching out to you.

I want to say that in these cases you could have already done the work in terms of sweeping off your side of the energetic street (so if you have already done digital detox + visualization and other protective techniques) it may still be possible to get that level of “energetic irritation” from another person.

I’m saying that really because it still happens to me, and as always, I have to speak from my own experience. 

And in those cases… I turn to more Muggle ways of dealing with things.

Don’t forget about Muggle / Mundane / Human Experience solutions too

Usually when I do recognize that it is happening and I’ve already done all the “big stuff” I always immediately do a “spot check” on my psychic protection & temporarily re-enforce whatever means I use to protect myself. 

I’ll let you use your imagination on that part - as part of the whole protection thing is not advertising how you do it *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*.

The other thing I do in these cases is a very Muggle / Mundane / Human Experience thing (which I’ve learned through therapy)… Compartmentalization or Compartment Exercises. I put that person or people in an imaginary box in my head and tell my mind to leave them there + forget about it and move on.

Is it energetic? Maybe? But for me it’s more so mental / emotional health based & it helps me as a Type A Perfectionist to let go. Because letting go for Type A’s / Perfectionists is damn near impossible.

I think that’s it!

I hope this answer has been helpful to you. I wish you the very best in dealing with this. Please be aware that good energetic practices & health takes time, and it’s normal to always be learning new things and finding new ways to protect. Cutting cords, dealing with psychic connections, energetic protection practices can & SHOULD evolve as we do in our own spiritual abilities & connection.

Sending heaps of protective love your way Babe ♥

#ask #ask me anything #Ask Me #ask me questions #ask me stuff #intuitive development #Spiritual Development #spirit work #psychic protection #cord cutting #psychic connection #energetic protection

[indieks]

Not So Randomly | Part 1/5

🌟 Pairing : Im Changkyun (I.M) x Reader

🌟 Genre : Fluff, Angst

🌟 Word count : 6.3k

🌟 Synopsis : Whenever you cross the path of Im Changkyun, that guy you hate and that hates you, it seems to be the worst day of your life. But, strangely enough, it also becomes the best and most accurate of moments you've ever had. So, the more you randomly end up stucked with each other, the more a question can arise : is it really chance that has something against you, or is it serendipity that drives you one towards the other?

Next Part

🌟 A/N : I know, summer is over, and we all have to go back to school or to work… that’s why I decided to post these series that start right during summer school break and continue at the uni! I’m still not sure in how many parts I’m going to divide it, I’ll see along the way and update it soon!

After my first post for BTS’ Suga, I also wanted to show that I will write for other groups and other wonderful people such as… I.M hehehehe 😏

Anyway, above all, thank you for reading, hope you enjoy it! ♥

Disclaimer : any gifs or images used, even edited, are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!

***

  Summer. One word that made the kids at school go crazy while waiting for the last bell to ring, the teenagers and young adults go to the gym to tone their bodies or look for a job to spare money for some wild travel, and the parents worried for their wallets because of their need to book something far away from home so that they'll forget their workaholic life. But for you, it was one word that oddly gave you chills in spite of the heat it brought on.

It hadn't always been like that, no ; that gloomy feeling you had came when you turned fifteen. The same year you blew that additional candle, your parents asked for your help at work during the sunny season instead of sending you on vacation. They were selling food products, your mom holding a grocery shop from Mondays to Fridays, before joining your father on the weekends who was vending them at the marketplaces in the capital and its whereabouts. And when July came, they closed the shop to go from market to market, morning after morning and night after night, with you accompanying them occasionally. But most of the time, as they worked hard without a real break, you used to enjoy your holidays by going to your friends' rents, or to your grandparents' little but cozy houses further from your home.

You used to love the different markets you went to. You used to love their various scents, their joyful sellers, and the cheap or luxurious stuff they were full of. You used to lose yourself in the alleys of those big places to taste everything, to admire each pearl incrusted in the jewelries, each drawing on kitchen supplies and decorations, each sewing on leather bags and fabrics, before going back to your parents at noon.

However, that was before your fifteenth summer, when you had to wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning to set up the equipment and organize the presentation of the food, then shout the whole morning to catch the attention of clients, sometimes pack up things without messing up – which had happened to you numerous times because of nervousness –, and do it all over again at nighttime. Nevertheless, you still did the job without complaining, not denying how much effort it implied and how legit it was for your parents to ask for an additional pair of hands. But you couldn't say you were waiting for the end of the first half of the year to come with as much impatience as other students anymore.

This eighteenth summer should be different though. Your parents had decided to extend their commerce to Busan, and to take you with them. Even if the reason you were here in the first place wasn't the sea and sunbathing, but the gigantic covered market where you were going to sell products for the season, you were satisfied with the idea of being close to wild water, already dreaming of spending your afternoons on the beach before getting back to work, just to have the feeling of holidays you haven't really had for three years. But what made you even more excited, was that it was probably the last time you were ever going to follow this scheme, as next year college life and a whole new independence was waiting for you, without a doubt implying a new summer schedule with friends, far away from your parents and your responsibilities as a daughter.

A sweet vacation house had waited for you during 9 long months, as well as the amount of work that now tired you just by thinking of it, but you felt at ease while you were unpacking in your bedroom facing the sea, the thud of waves inciting you to take a step back and focus on the goods of being here. But as the first week went by, your alarm almost making your ear-drums bleed every time it rang loudly in the early and still dark morning, your positive mind and attitude were now clearly missing.

And if you had thought that having your days completely out of sync with the rest of people and not being able to properly visit Busan was sufficient to ruin your mood, as your sleepy-self consumed its vacant afternoon in bed instead of outside on the sand like you had pictured or maybe making some friends, it was until you met Im Changkyun. Until the second week you had been there, when your parents sent you to help that old lady who needed more hands at her stand than them who were still handling their own with skill.

You were nervous on your first day behind a stand with a stranger, despite the granny was lovely and was doing everything to make you comfortable, but being in an unknown city, an unknown market and without the pillar that were your parents, made you feel uneasy even more. Your hands were trembling as you were placing the bins containing the ingredients she sold and used for cooking delicious fried meals, and her popularity wasn't helping ; there wasn't a time when you could take a rest, people coming and going like crazy even in the first hours of the opening.

It was almost the end of your service when he showed up, or more precisely, when you accidentally bumped into him and dumped some sauce from your tub on his white tank top. The shock made him drop the carton he was carrying, full of porcelain kitchenware, some of them escaping their prison to explode on the floor, making a loud sound that drawn the attention of all the customers around. You had been walking too fast, coming from the small van parked behind the market where the grandma had food supplies she had pressed you to bring as you were almost running out of it.

"Fffffuuuuuck", the boy suddenly said, his voice low and deep but without a doubt laced with anger.

You were ashamed and panicked, the broken pieces of white plates laughing at you as you started to pick them up, quiet sorrys slipping out of your mouth.

"Don't you watch where you go?" he asked you and you finally stood up to look at him straight in the eye.

You didn't have the chance to meet pretty boys since you had arrived in town, it was not like they would come to the market in the morning if it meant giving up their sleep time, nor at night as they probably preferred street or fast food to your parent's fresh vegetables and kimchi. Except for this boy, who was confronting you right now, but sadly in this kind of situation that was making your cheeks burn of embarrassment and your heart fighting with your ribcage. Indeed, he had really nice looks, with the bangs of his light brown hair falling on his brows and eyes, an oval face with sharp eyes that killed you the instant you dared to greet him a timid smile, a long nose that seemed to have been carved in stone, and small lips that could create a smirk which you'll soon crave to smack him for.

"I'm really really sorry, I was in a hurry and I didn't see you, how can I-"

"Save it, let's go to my mother, you owe her your excuses" he cut you, grabbing the box again and pushing you with his wide shoulder when he passed you, silently inviting – or more like ordering – you to follow him.

With hands even more shaking than a few moments ago, you took your box and went to the granny's stand to excuse yourself, her gentle smile and reassuring comments about the incident soothing you instantly, but when you turned around and saw him darting his eyes at you while waiting, your blood froze in your body as your footsteps guided you to him without asking. The more you walked, the more the path seemed familiar to you, and you gasped when he stopped in front of a woman you recognized immediately. She was the beautiful lady at the stand right next to your parents', selling products she was cooking live as well as… kitchenware she probably had painted on herself. Beautiful kitchenware you just broke. You felt a new amount of shame piling upon the heap that already had bubbled inside of you when you captured the curious gazes of your parents seeing you coming back to them before 1 pm.

"Hey mom, I'm sorry but that girl bumped into me earlier and broke some of your plates" the boy stated while presenting the box to the lady who stopped what she was doing to take it calmly.

"Y/N! What have you done?!" your mother exclaimed, feeling even sorrier than you as you were supposed to ensure them a good image at the market by helping the granny, not creating a mess on the eighth day of your fresh arrival.

"It's okay! I have plenty of those, it can happen! Changkyun-ah, I hope you weren't rude to her, were you?" the woman said while smiling at you, signaling you to come close to her and you just did, your head hung low. "You didn't hurt yourself? Are you ok?" she asked as she was examining your hands.

"I'm fine, thank you. I'm really sorry, can I do something-"

"It's nothing Y/N. I had plenty of accidents when I was your age, don't worry" she eased you, your hands still in her beautiful and delicate ones. "I saw how you work when you were helping your parents last week, you are really devoted so you must have been too concentrated and didn't see my son! Where did you tell me she was helping?"

"With Mrs. Ahn" your father answered and you straightened yourself to see her smile at you.

"Changkyun, I know how bored you are when you're with me so how about you help Mrs. Ahn too? I'm sure Y/N is overworked by herself, you could help instead of doing nothing at home."

"No no no that's okay really" you quickly interfered, feeling embarrassed as you heard his grunt of annoyance.

If you could avoid being a burden and making him angry at you for having ruined his summer in addition of his clothes, you were willing to work even harder to prove you didn't need his help.

"Mom, I have friends to meet and things to do, I'm on holidays! Why are you doing this to me seriously?" he protested and you finally looked over your shoulder to see him standing in a nonchalant pose, his hands deep in the pockets of his black jogging while the red stain of hot sauce on his top was drying and turning brown.

"I'm tired of you doing nothing, it's just for the mornings and sometimes at night, you'll have plenty of time to hang with your friends! I'm pretty sure there are heavy bins to carry or ingredients to cut and your hands will be of great help so stop nagging, you're 18 years-old now you should work a little!" she grumbled before smiling at you who were still frozen in your wish to disappear into the ground.

"At 18 years-old I… I should enjoy my life mom! Before working till I get old, you know? That's why I enjoy not doing anything for the time I have left!"

His dramatic tone almost made you chuckle but you couldn't allow yourself to, or else he would have murdered you the instant you'd been left alone without your parents to witness.

"Cut your nonsense son, or do you want me to tell your dad you're ok to work with him at the company till the end of holidays? And it's going to be a full-time job this time!"

Changkyun rolled his eyes back and sighed, finally giving up – not without mumbling a few bad words to himself in the process – and he gave you the exact look you feared he would have, the one that told you he would hate you for the rest of his life, the one that should have warned you that everything would only get worse after this first disastrous encounter.

   ***

  The next morning, you were still fighting with the tiredness in your eyes as the anxiety of meeting Changkyun again had kept you up all night. You were debating with your inner self about whether you should excuse yourself one last time, or remain silent and leave him alone, but you still hadn't come up with an answer when he arrived around 7 am, a grey hoodie on as well as a pair of destroyed jeans. He was really attractive, even with his morning face and small bags under his eyes, even when he shot you his deadly look, even when he messed up his hair by putting his hand in it in frustration.

"Hello ma'am, I'm here to help, I'm the son of Mrs. Im" he said with his deep voice, even deeper as he woke up not too long ago.

He showed off his cocky demeanor as he didn't even greet you and made his way behind the big table you were occupied at preparing, placing nicely the cooked and marinated products.

"My mother and yours are sympathizing right now, but that doesn't mean we're going to be friends, or whatever", he suddenly said to your attention and you gave him a quick look to discover that his eyes weren't even bothering to acknowledge you. "They want me to spend some time with you, your mom said that you're bored the rest of the day and have no friends here, but let me be clear : I have other things to do than to carry a burden around during my free time, most of all a clumsy girl. You ruined my summer y'know that?"

His gaze from the day before should have warned you, but you still were slapped violently by the hands of shock when he spat these words with spitefulness. You did bump into him and create a regretful situation, but you did not grow his mom's idea into her head… Did you?

"I'm here to help the old lady so that my mother leaves me alone, I'm not here for you, don't make up any ideas, got it?" he added with a monotone voice and you looked up at him as he was finally landing his deep brown eyes on you, but without a glimpse of life in them.

"Don't worry, I don't need your help. Sorry if my mom has bothered you", you simply answered, quickly going back to what you were doing to hide the mix of anger and embarrassment that was burning your reddening cheeks.

You had hoped that he would not pay any attention to you, not that he would make you pay, but his saltiness and rudeness were more on point than what any human being could imagine : starting from his first day next to you, he didn't miss any chance to make his presence unbearable. He pointed every wrong move you made and grumbled every time he did, pretending to be an expert as he had accompanied his mother more than once to this marketplace ; he greeted cheerfully clients when he was serving them but never failed to play the poker face with you, while the old lady did not hear or see any of this electric situation, simply happy that two lovely teenagers had volunteered to help ; he let you do most of the work, playing stupid games on his phone or pretending to be unpacking and cutting the ingredients to cook but taking never-ending time in doing so. You weren't the type to hate on people but Changkyun had made himself odious, so much that even his looks couldn't save him anymore, as the only sight of him made you angry. Quickly, your guilt disappeared in limbo like your positive mind had done a week ago, as you came to wish you had dumped every single bit of the sauce right on his head.

Like that, your relationship – if you could name the poor exchanges you had a relationship – became him nagging you and you nagging him, your discussions restricted by the vocabulary of disrespect and sarcasm, even if you still played the role of good kids once you returned to your mothers, pretending to leave to spend some good time together at the beach although you parted ways after plotting the story you would both tell your parents to be credible. If you were being honest, you enjoyed being alone and his company wasn't necessary to make you happy. He was just your perfect excuse to escape being with your parents during all your free time and wander in Busan's streets or maybe finally feel the sand of the beach or the cold of sea waves like you had been craving to do.

However, only a week had gone by and it had seemed like an eternity. You were already exhausted by this tensed situation you were plunged into each morning you stepped into the market, and instead of taking a walk once you were done with work like you had planned to, you still pursued your routine of going to sleep. What pissed you even more was that above all, you found him beautiful although he was being the most experienced asshole in the world with you. You found him beautiful when he looked annoyed – which was most of the time –, you found him beautiful when his brows furrowed, you found him beautiful when his tone went under the one of a vault, and you found him beautiful in each one of his outfits that were supposed to be picked up carelessly but suited him nonetheless – even with the ridiculous apron you had to wear. 

You choked yourself mentally every time you landed your eyes on him with too much attention, printing the image of his handsome profile with his sharp nose in your brain, and with even more vigor when you felt thrilled at the sight of the smile he never greeted you but that was pretty as hell. Hell, yes, because that guy was the devil itself, never failing to throw away his fake angel looks when there was only the two of you to spit venom and burn you with his bashful words.

Still, you couldn't be thankful enough for the shell you've been living in since you were little, not letting others reach your emotions easily and hurt you the way Changkyun could have done to a more sensible person. You were also proud of your ability to ignore him and to fight back, your fiery conversations not lasting long or almost making you laugh when you triumphed at making him shut up or annoyed. As tiring as it was for your nerves, you could have dealt quietly with it like you always had, if chance hadn't decided to go in your way and add oil to the fire pit Changkyun and you were battling in. 

Indeed, by the third week of July, you finally found the courage to furrow the streets of the city and to enjoy the little time you had to yourself instead of dying in your bedroom. But a few hours after you had parted ways with Changkyun, hoping not to see each other until the next morning, you ended up meeting each other by pure coincidence.

The first time, you were walking on the promenade with the marine wind in your hair, listening to your music and overall floating in your bubble, when you saw him arriving in front of you, surrounded by five other guys who were laughing cheerfully. He stopped and so you did, rolling your eyes at the same time and you immediately turned on your heels to flee the crime scene that would have occurred if he had opened his mouth in front of his friends, without a doubt feeling full of confidence to bash you in their presence. Weirdly though, your heart skipped a bit at the sight of his wet and sandy hair fighting against the breeze and of his naked torso, broad and outlined, telling you he had just dipped into the sea minutes ago. However, the absence of eyes in the back of your head prevented you from seeing how he only stared at you without breathing, at your hair shining under the sun, at your bare legs revealed by your high waisted shorts that married perfectly your curves, at your determined gait taking you far away from him ; he lost himself at your sight so bad that one of his friends had to nudge his side for him to stop ogling you any longer.

The second time, you had decided to escape the sea after seeing him the day before, so you randomly took some lovely streets, entering some boutiques and offering yourself some new clothes, simply loving your me-time. Until you came across his figure in a park you had chosen to enter into, the blossoming trees and the sight of a kiosk seducing your eyes and heart. 

Changkyun was sitting on a bench under a tree with the same friends you had quickly seen, eating some snacks as they were chatting and laughing, and this time your heart didn't miss a beat, no, it quickened its pace to the point you thought you would die. He was wearing a white long sleeved shirt with black jeans and sneakers, and a white cap was covering his greyish-brown hair parting in two on his forehead. Again, his face looked as tired as yours must have been with your early morning activities, but he still was gorgeous, even more because he wasn't wearing that jaded mask he had with you. You hesitated to turn around and go somewhere else as he didn't see you yet, but by the time you were reaching a decision, he was already looking at you and even walking in your direction, his traits again as hard as ever.

"Are you following me or what?" he said in a hushed voice.

"What? I'm not!" you exclaimed but the apparent blush of your cheeks and your elusive pupils made him believe the contrary.

"Then what are you doing here? Busan is big you know, how come we meet today as well? Last week I didn't see you at all!"

"What's wrong Changkyun?" asked one of his friends behind his back, standing on his feet and revealing his tall and imposing figure, but his cute face when his lips curved into a smile helped you staying calm.

"Nothing hyung, she's the girl I'm working with and I think she's followed me here" Changkyun answered with a clearer tone, and for the first time he addressed you a smile, but it was full of slyness.

"I didn't, I'm just visiting, I stayed at home last week that's why you didn't see me, now if you don't mind I'll go" you answered, your irritation apparent in your voice as you passed him and quickly greeted his friends with a small bow before storming to the kiosk to hide yourself forever.

Your body was clearly expressing the effect the boy had on you when you saw him under other circumstances than the marketplace : your hands were wet, your heart crazy, and your legs were going to abandon their functions if you didn't sit down in the following seconds. Why the hell am I feeling like that? He's handsome, yes, but he's just a bugger!

"Why didn't you invite her to hang out with us? She's cute" asked the most muscular of the group, once you were out of sight.

"I don't like her, she's annoying and childish, and I have to work because of her clumsy ass remember" Changkyun explained, sitting down angrily on the bench before taking off his cap as he also had started to feel sweat forming on his forehead since he had seen you.

   ***

   You swore Busan couldn't have felt any tinier, because you didn't understand how in the world you could randomly meet your summer enemy everywhere you went to in the city. Today was a Thursday, the sun was up in the sky and you had wished to at least soak your feet in the blue sea, and maybe enjoy a cocktail in a café-bar which had drawn your attention a few days ago, with its youngster-surfer vibe and its simple but appetizing menu. The barman also wasn't unpleasant, but you hushed your girly silliness as you entered around 4 pm, your hair wet after you finally had taken a sea bath and tried to get your pale skin to brown a little.

You hadn't gone further than the market surroundings for a week after the two times you had met Changkyun, too scared to tempt the chance that seemed to be coming after you, and because he hadn't forgot the next morning to tell you rudely not to follow him, to what you had answered he was too full of himself and that he should fuck off. However, with the beautiful weather on this Thursday, without a cloud to be seen, you couldn't hide yourself anymore and decided not to care about how Changkyun would react if you came across each other again.

You should have known better, that you weren't lucky enough to defy chance, fate, or whatever had chosen you to play with. You were sipping on your fruity cocktail silently, sitting on the terrace that had a nice view of the promenade full of trees and flowers and of the beach only a few meters away, when you saw him through your sunglasses. You almost whined of annoyance, on the verge of going crazy about how he seemed to be like a ghost haunting you since last week. Once again, his hair was wet and curling a little, with its silver glints revealed by the sun, while he had switched his lazy outfit from the morning with a pair of jeans shorts and a white top under a grey cardigan.

He was with the same group of guys as the previous times, who were really loud and happy, and when he was about to make his way to the bar, Changkyun stopped in his tracks as he acknowledged your presence, his face falling into some unreadable expression, probably because he was as taken aback as you by the way you constantly met. To elude any suspicions, he quickly followed his mates who were cheerfully greeting the pretty barman – Kihyun if you had read his name well.

Obviously, a nice weather implied drinking outside with the seaside breeze, and you found yourself facing the table of the boys who finally noticed you, giving both Changkyun and you curious looks before one of them found a subject of conversation to distract themselves. During the first ten minutes, you felt his sharp eyes on you, with his chin a bit raised, giving him this bad boy aura he was always seeking in front of you and that made your heart weak despite all the hate you had for him. He suddenly got out of his vest, revealing his arms under the rolled sleeves of his T-Shirt, and then he placed the side of his face in the palm of his hand, his pupils never quitting your frame in the process. Again, cold sweat and chills : again, tachycardia ; again, numb legs.

Soon enough though, a bunch of girls passed by and greeted the band, staying up next to their table, and it finally grasped Changkyun's attention, freeing you from your unexplained sensations. You couldn't prevent your gaze to go back and forth between the sea and his group, hiding behind your sunglasses, to observe their affinities – maybe he has a girlfriend? Now that you came to think of it for the second time, even if you had been with one another for now almost three weeks, you knew nothing about each other. The first time was a few nights ago, when your father had asked you this question during dinner :

"So what about Changkyun? What kind of boy is he? How come you never talk about him! With all the time you spend together and the things you do, you must have a strong bond by now, don't you? It's true that we get pretty attached to our summer friends in no time!"

You had stayed quiet for a few seconds, building something to come up with as you had faced the truth : you didn't know a single thing about him, what he liked and what he didn't, his friends, his passions, his ambitions, and you surely didn't have his number nor any of his social networks' accounts. As you had looked through your memories quickly, all you could have pointed at was him listening to some rap music in his headphones early in the morning while you were installing, or him having a great appetite when it came to eat the meals the granny offered you, or him playing RPG games on his phone whenever he had the time, or him meeting these hyungs to hang out once you were done with your morning service, but that was all. In some way though, that was also enough to tell you you've been observing him with way too much attention, some attention he shouldn't get in the first place, and realizing it had tensed you. Changkyun and you were just enemies of circumstances, living up a lie in front of your parents that didn't take the time to look through it and never grabbed the chance to uncloak you just by asking you this exact question about each other's well-being or tastes.

"Hummm… I… We're not really talkative, you know, so… Yeah, he's nice to hang out with" you had mumbled before taking a long sip in your cup of water.

"He's such a charming boy" your mother had commented, and you had hidden your need to puke at how this adjective sounded awful in your ears. "I'm amazed at how everything goes well between you and for your last summer like this. I didn't think this would happen! He sure will be a good friend, that's beautiful sweetheart."

These outings are what never happened, mom, you had wanted to answer, but you had only looked down at your plate and wrongfully nodded in agreement, regretting to be lying to your parents since so long but too deep in it for you to get out. This whole comedy was a pure joke to you, something you didn't take too seriously to feel really guilty as the life or death of the boy mattered to you as much as one of a fly. At least, you convinced yourself so, somehow perfectly aware of the weird feelings you were getting because of him from time to time, when you really looked at him, or when, like at this exact moment, you met him by coincidence outside the market, discovering another Changkyun, a lively one, a smiling one, an apparently funny one as he made everyone at his table laugh with his derp faces or his comments you couldn't hear.

"Kkukkungiiiiiie, are you coming to the party next Friday?"

The voice of a girl shook you out of your thoughts, and you caught the annoyed eyes of Changkyun going straight in your direction, over the shoulder of the model-looking boy of the team who had his back facing you. You didn't hold back your quiet laugh to make him feel ridiculous. Kkukkungie? Seriously? The boy rolled his eyes, clearly pissed that you had heard that somehow cute but most of all silly nickname, and this time his angry look didn't stop you from smiling as you were making fun of him. Not too long after, the girls were gone, their laughs still tinting in your ear-drums like birds singing too happily, and that was when the pretty barman came to serve you the dessert you had ordered as your afternoon snack, a key lime pie. You suddenly felt shy when he engaged the conversation :

"Are you here alone for holidays?"

His voice was really calm and sweet, like the bright smile he gave you that almost closed his eyes in a cute way.

"Oh uh… No, I'm here to help my parents at the market" you answered, smiling back.

"Oh I see! I'm Kihyun by the way, you are?"

"Y/N."

He offered you his hand and you shook it gently, before taking it back to your lap.

"So where are you from?" he asked again.

"Seoul! But I really love it here" you admitted, surprising yourself as you let the words roll through your tongue instead of cutting off the discussion.

Changkyun was observing you from behind, his brows furrowed as he saw one of his hyungs talking to you, but even more when the latter turned back and shouted :

"Ya guys! She's new here and all alone and you didn't even invite her at your table! What kind of gentlemen are you seriously, you're making me feel ashamed!"

Once again, you wanted to kill yourself for dragging people involuntarily into your situation and forcing them to hang out with you, first Changkyun at the old lady's stand, now all of his friends that were staring at you. You were shaking your head from left to right to express that everything was really fine but it was too late :

"Ohhhh but she's the girl Changkyun is working with! Sure, come and join us!" one of them exclaimed as if he hadn't seen you before when he clearly had, making it even more awkward.

However, when Kihyun nodded his head in their direction while smiling at you, you realized you had no other choice but to do as you were told, being polite and appreciative when all you wanted to do was to run away from this place and quickly. Remind me why did I go near the sea again?

"Hi, I'm Jooheon" said the one who had just invited you and when he smiled, two deep dimples appeared on his chubby cheeks, making him a ray of sun in an instant. His hair was chocolate brown and slicked back on his head, and he had even sharper eyes than Changkyun.

You sat down next to him where an empty spot seemed to have waited for you, and introduced yourself back, waiting for the others to do the same. On your left was sitting the model-boy, with his dark hair and his tall but slim frame, whose name you now knew was Hyungwon ; Shownu, the tall and massive boy who had interfered the last time, had short brown hair and tanned skin ; the one named Hoseok had his hair bleached and prominent muscles ; and finally, Minhyuk, who also had brown hair, smiled at you and seemed to be the most talkative and excited of the band as his introduction was the longest. Overall, they were guys with enjoyable looks and fashion styles, but to your great despair, not even one beat the handsomeness of Changkyun in your eyes. Quickly, Minhyuk made you talk and you did your best to forget the presence of your market partner, almost enjoying how the whole situation was annoying him as you saw his leg jump up and down since you sat at his table.

"Why didn't you introduce us to her earlier Changkyun-ah? She's really fun" Jooheon said as if he was outraged and you smiled in victory, defying the designated one who was, for the first time, avoiding your gaze as his eyes were drifting to the sea, his brows knotting and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

"I already told you hyung, she's not my friend so there's no reason for you to be" he hummed between gritted teeth, his head still turned away from you.

"You don't get to decide who we hang out with you brat!" protested Minhyuk before he slapped his shoulder. "Hey Y/N, why don't you come to my pool party next Friday?"

You weren't against having a little fun, and you didn't need to stay with them all night ; maybe you would meet some other really nice people and could avoid Changkyun. After all, you deserved at least one party for this summer, and maybe it was the only opportunity you'll ever have before going back to work and hiding yourself in Busan’s streets with the hopes of not getting surprised by Changkyun’s ghost-like appearances like you had another time today. The boy had finally turned his body towards you and was looking at you with daring eyes, but you couldn't care even less. He had been the one who had started to build your hateful relationship even if his anger had been legit at the beginning, but you were not going to give him some satisfaction by avoiding having some fun.

"Yeah, sure, thank you! I've been dying to go out!"

The boys whooped in satisfaction while the jaw of Changkyun dropped, showing he wasn't expecting your boldness, but anyway, he still had to deal with it.

    To be continued...

 A/N : I’ll try to update Part 2 in a few days! Thank you again for reading... Any comments good or bad are welcomed as usual!

#monsta x #monsta x scenarios #monsta x scenario #i.m #monsta x i.m #monsta x i.m scenarios #i.m monsta x #i.m scenarios #i.m scenario #changkyun #changkyun scenarios #changkyun scenario #im changkyun #im changkyun scenarios #im changkyun scenario #lim changkyun #shownu #wonho #kihyun #minhyuk #hyungwon #jooheon #kpop scenarios #kpop imagine

[harrybridgers]

some life updates

hi friends soooo i have some stuff to tell you all and explain because i know i’ve been ghost so much lately without much explanation at all but yeah some Things have been going on and i feel like i don’t really talk much about that kind of thing so here we are

i’m in my last few weeks of my uni tri at the moment which are really crazy busy and hectic, i’m at uni 4-5 days a week all day and night and working the other days so i don’t really have much time to be online. you’ve probably seen me stalking my dash and liking a heap of posts that i just bulk reblog when i have time but apart from that i’m mostly just sleeping and focusing on trying to get better which brings me to:

my health slowly deteriorating??? idk i haven’t really talked much about this, but basically over probably the last six months or so i’ve been getting ill really often, constantly tired and drained and just generally in a bad way mentally and physically. the last month or so i’ve sort of declined rapidly. i’ve had so many blood tests and started on heaps of medication and supplements which i feel weird about because i really, really hate taking medication at all, but i guess if it’s going to help me get better then i have to try new things?? i thought that i was getting better but uuuh,,,,,basically yesterday i was visiting my cousin in hospital just having a chat, everything’s normal, when i randomly got super nauseous and hot and just passed out. i’ve never actually fainted or anything before so it was kinda scary, but the nurses apparently called a code blue in the hospital because they thought i was going to go into cardiac arrest. when i woke up there were doctors everywhere and people checking my opticals and blood pressure and all these things which, now that i’ve had time to actually process what happened, was kinda terrifying. i was alright afterwards and i’m okay now (more blood tests ahead, rip), but i just thought i should let you all know that i’m going through some things and i might not be as active as i normally am?? which sucks because i love you all so much, really tumblr is such a safe space for me to be but at the moment i’m having trouble even participating in an irl space as well as being on tumblr. i see all the lovely messages you send me when i’m away for a while, asking if i’m okay and when i’m coming back, and i appreciate them so, so much, i value you all with all my heart whether you be anons or mutuals or people who just follow me in general, so i feel like i owe it to you to let you know that i’m okay (or i will be hopefully) and not to worry too much!! i’ll try and be online when i can because i hate missing out on fandom things and keeping up with what the boys are doing, and i also miss writing and interacting with you all through the fic community, but i really need to take some time to just try and get myself healthy and okay again before i dive back into all that. i love you all a lot!!! 

#warnings under the cut for some discussion of medical stuff #:( #miss u all a lot #i promise im trying my best to get better #i miss being in group chats and staying up and just having fun and making new friends on here #i miss all the friends i was close with #i love you all a lot #::(((( #idk i just feel guilty when i know i shouldnt #but #i just care so much about u all and i'd hate for u to think i was ignoring things or missing out on things the boys are doing bc i dont care #anyway #this is a weird post #i feel weird making it #but i felt like u should all know whats going on

[lassieposting]

OTP CUESTIONS with

Mevolent/Vile 😌

Please💙

God, who are you anon, i need more people to talk about violent with me

1. Who said I love you first?

Mevolent, and he's the only one who will say it outright. Vile only says I love you on occasion, when one of them just almost died or Mevolent did something really special for him - and only when they're alone. On a day to day basis, Vile never says the big three. Vile says don't get killed. Vile says you look tired, come to bed. Vile says I brought you dinner and I missed you and let me kill them for you, because everyone he's ever said "I love you" to, he's lost.

2. Who laughs and kisses their partner on the cheek while their partner isn’t happy about something trivial to try and make them feel better?

Vile. Mevolent has a lot on his shoulders with the day to day running of an empire, so he's always got a dozen worries to think about. Vile considers these issues trivial and will often offer to kill whoever's weighing on his mind. He's pretty sure killing the right person would solve all Mev's problems and make him feel better. He's never met anything he couldn't kill.

(Mev in the background like....boy how tf are you gonna murder taxes????)

Occasionally it frustrates Mev that Vile doesn't take these issues seriously, but Vile is young and impulsive and has always used violence to solve his problems, and Mevolent likes him that way - that's why Vile won him the war. Counselling restraint and patience is what he had Serpine for.

3. Who cuddles up to the other after a long day at work, and this soon escalates to a playful pillow fight?

So neither of them are the pillow fight type, but the post-work cuddling is absolutely a thing. When Mevolent is in his office he is Working and doesn't like to be disturbed (not that that stops Vile wandering in and out when he's bored). But he's a workaholic so he'll often bring a stack of reports back to his rooms to read before he goes to bed, and Vile will come over and put his head in Mev's lap, his feet up on the other arm of the couch, and keep him company while he's reading, often with a book of his own. These two are masters of the comfortable silence.

4. What is something that they gave one another that has a lot of meaning?

They have matching tattoos. A small, unobtrusive sigil Mevolent got China to help him design, adapting from multiple sigils in old books to send a signal across long distances.

During the War, Mev and Vile would often end up on totally different continents leading forces against different sanctuaries. When they were just fucking, that was fine and Vile would keep him updated via regular written reports, but as they got more serious it started becoming a problem because, like, waiting weeks to find out whether or not your lover survived that last battle is stressful and distracting.

Most of the time, the sigils are barely visible, like a white ink tattoo. But when Vile touches his sigil, Mevolent's warms up and turns black, and vice versa. They used to use them to say, "We won and I'm alive," after a battle.

When peacetime began, it gradually evolved into just, "I'm thinking about you and I want you to know it," (or, just as frequently, "I'm horny and I want you to know it.")

5. How would one another describe their partner?

"My little spitfire."

"Pain in the arse." (Affectionate)

6. Who wraps their arms around their partner as they look them in the eyes and compliments them with a goofy smile?

Vile, usually when Mevolent is stressed out or worried about something. Mevolent has a lot more self-doubt than you'd expect, and he struggles a lot with the fear that maybe he's not worthy of the responsibility his gods have chosen him for, or that the "messages" he receives in his dreams were cryptic and maybe he's read the wrong meaning into them.

Vile doesn't give a fuck about Mevolent's gods. He's got a lot of faith in Mevolent - not religious faith, but faith in him as a leader and a stubborn bastard who gets shit done. Vile sees the world very differently to Mev, and that's reassuring when he's doubting himself.

I mean, he doesn't always phrase them very well - there's a lot of, "If you were incompetent, I'd have killed you already," type comments, but Mevolent knows what he's getting at. Vile trusts him, and believes he's capable, and Vile's approval isn't easily won.

7. Who loves saying ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’ or ‘my spouse’?

Mevolent. They keep their relationship a secret for a long. Ass. Time. Vile is a heathen and while the war is ongoing, mev can't afford the scandal and the potential loss of allies or validity in the eyes of his followers. Vile is his friend and advisor, the nights they spend together are war meetings, he'll set the sense-wardens on any poor servant who happens to stumble upon them together in the early morning.

So when his control is established and he can finally be open about it? He's over the moon. They're still a fairly PDA-averse couple, but they finally get to go to events together and he can refer to vile as his lover and call him over by a nickname or endearment and not have to worry about what everyone will think.

8. Who always talks about how amazing their partner is when their partner isn’t there and they just light up with genuine love and happiness?

They don't really talk about each other like that. For a long time their relationship is Secret and pretty taboo, so while Mevolent will heap praise on Vile at fancy dinners, it's always for his bravery or tactics or quick thinking, the same things for which he'd compliment Vengeous or Serpine or the Diablerie. But Mevolent absolutely does light up when Vile walks into the room - he smiles, automatically. Val even notices it when Mevolent hears Vile coming to join in her interrogation, and she's met him once.

On Vile's side, the closest thing he has to a friend is probably Vengeous - they're both prickly career soldiers with some shared interests - and while they're not Close, they'll sometimes swap old war stories or play chess or cards together. They never really explicitly talk about Vile's thing with Mevolent, and Vengeous doesn't exactly approve, but he's also fanatically loyal and doesn't see it as his place to question his messiah. He does however give Vile a "you two should be careful, you're raising some eyebrows lately" heads up a couple times. Vile relaxes around Mevolent, his shadows will subconsciously reach out for him if he's stressed or unhappy or is trying to get his attention, Mevolent can make him laugh. People notice, and Vengeous' job is to pick up on any and all potential threats. But...warning Vile is the safer option. Vile's his equal, they can talk about things he'd never dare bring up with Mevolent.

9. Who loves it when their partner kisses them good morning?

Mevolent. Vile, like Skug, is frequently skittish and wary about being touched, especially if it's unexpected. But Vile, unlike Skug, is absolutely not a morning person. He'll wake around sunrise - by which time the fire in the grate will have burned down to embers - and pull the drapes around their bed to block out the rising sunlight, burrow his way into the warmth of Mev's arms, and press drowsy kisses down the line of his jaw. Mev usually wakes pretty early and like, technically he could be getting work done, but Vile will stay in his arms and go back to sleep for a couple hours given half a chance, so he's usually content to let him. He's very soft for the occasions when Vile seeks out affection.

10. Who shows the other how to balance a spoon on their nose?

Neither of them, they wouldn't see the point.

11. Who loves to pull pranks on the other? What type of pranks do they pull and do they pull their pranks off?

Vile lies through his teeth about what Mevolent looks like under the veil. The lies get more ridiculous as time goes by. He's hideously deformed. He has an extra eye in his forehead. He has no face at all, he's a vessel for the gods already. He turns to stone in the sun. There's just a gaping mouth full of teeth where his facial features should be.

Mevolent's face is Vile's version of the Octopus People story Skug tells Val.

"He's part mermaid, you know," he tells Vengeous one night over a game of chess, straight-faced and completely serious. "He wears the veil to hide his gills, and to disguise the fact that he blinks sideways. Like a fish."

All those stories Mevolent complains about in KOTW? That he's 12ft tall and eats newborns and whatnot? All courtesy of Vile. Mev is very tired. He'll spend an entire party networking and exchanging favours while Vile hides out upstairs drinking wine and being antisocial, and discover at some point mid-party that during his obligatory fifteen minute courtesy appearance the little bastard apparently started yet another ridiculous rumour, and he's just. Sigh. Thanks, V. At least you did something productive with your evening.

12. What is something small that they would randomly pick up for one another?

They used to bring each other souvenirs when they were in different countries during the war. Mevolent gets books. He's a voracious reader and has quite the library going of dusty old leather bound journals written in what Vile is fairly sure is blood. As the Necromancers' Death Bringer, Vile has pretty much unfettered access to any Temple library, anywhere in the world, so he usually finds something suitably massive and dolorous with tiny spidery handwriting for Mev to pore over for weeks. The resurrection pool he uses in KOTW came from an idea he got from a book Vile brought back for him during the war (which was not the part of "100 Creative Applications Of Necromancy" that Vile was hoping Mev would get enthusiastic about, but, you win some, you lose some).

Vile usually gets music, in one form or another, either sheet music or an instrument he enjoys or one Mevolent can play for him. He can't play too well himself anymore - Serpine broke all his fingers, and although they've healed since then, they still get stiff and sore and reaching chords isn't as easy anymore and he misses notes where his fingers just didn't make a stretch or didn't respond in time. So either Mevolent will play for him, or he'll play the chords while Vile plinks out the melody. It's relaxing for him.

13. Who is the one who can’t stop laughing when trying to tell a joke?

Vile. He's got an incredibly macabre sense of humour and he gets lowkey high on death energy, so he's a fucking nightmare to have at executions. He always has a bad pun or a quip and half the time, they're murmured right in Mevolent's ear and he can feel the little shit laughing behind his shoulder. Which like? Is fine for Vile, because nobody's looking at him. He can snigger himself silly behind his stupid fucking helmet and only Mevolent will hear him. But now Mevolent wants to laugh too and this is a Sombre Occasion and everyone is looking at him and he has to keep a straight face.

14. Who would plan the other a surprise birthday party?

Mevolent's birthday is an empire-wide holiday and usually involves like a week of festivities and social functions and networking, so he'd be very difficult to plan a surprise party for - he knows he'll get a massive bash every year. Vile's birthday also has guaranteed celebrations - it's NYE, so there's usually a big party going on regardless that ends in a massive firework display - but he tends to avoid social functions as much as possible, so he'll put in a fifteen-minute courtesy appearance and then escape upstairs, and his birthday is never like, openly acknowledged or mentioned at dinner or anything.

Mev is well aware that vile is the opposite of a social butterfly, so the kind of surprise he'd would plan for him is slipping away from the party early himself, so they can spend the evening tangled up together in the company of some fine wine and stolen vol-au-vents, and then watch the fireworks from their balcony.

15. Who picks the other person up when hugging their partner?

Like technically they're both capable of picking up the other one, Vile can and has dragged Mevolent's wounded ass off a battlefield before powered by sheer spite, but like 99% of the time, Mevolent is the one doing the lifting. Mostly it's to carry Vile to bed - either because he's dozed off on the couch and Mev is trying to be sweet, or because they boutta fuck and Vile lowkey likes a bit of manhandling.

#skulduggery pleasant #violent #sp headcanons

[eendacott-blog]

[Wk7] Lectures

Mid-Sem Exam: - Q5. President of country - think about perspective [F] Type I or Type II Error - Q10. What are the properties of Merkle Puzzles? -> easy for good, hard for bad - Proof of liveness (Challenge/Responsibility) -> stops against replay attacks, someone on the other end not just a message

Diffie Hellman: - How to do things without a pre-shared secret? Solution: not for encryption a message but for sharing a secret (5^3)^7 = ...125                        (a^b)^c = a^(bcc)                       (5^7)^3 = ...125 - Conversation:

“Let’s use 5 as the base” “You think of a number S (e.g. 3) and I’ll pick a number R (e.g. 7)” “The base of my number is 78125 (5^7)″ “The base of your number is 125 (5^3)” “I’m going to raise your number to mine (125^7)” “You raise your number to my base (78125^3)” Others can see a^b and a^c but can’t figure out (a^b)^c or (a^c)^b.

- Kras Des Chavelier -> defence in depth. Social engineering -> posed as leader and told them to surrender

1. Cyber Literacy - Vulnerability

Vulnerability - something you can exploit Software Bug - sometimes a vulnerability

TYPES: - Memory corruption (as a user should not be able to change) - Buffer Overflow - Stack “first in, last out” all your frozen programs - Heap when the amount of space you need isn’t known at compile time e.g. opening multiple tabs - Function in C ends and has a return address which tells the system where to jump to next function - Format String:

- Integer Overflow -> wraps around and tricks the system any code was vulnerable but then patched it. -> Googling Hacking Analogy - Format sting vulnerabilities are making a comeback    - e.g. printf(”%s\n”, “Hello World!”);             printf(”Hello World!\n”);    name -> printer input name, printf(name);    - prints from the stack          - printf (”Richard %s”); OR          - name = “%x%x%x%x%x...%x”    - %n -> writes to memory - Swiss cheese analogy of the holes lining up

EXPLOIT: - Shell code -> private shell with commands (remote shell) -> can do privilege escalation in the shell - NOP sled -> Before you’re code do a whole lot of do nothings (nop) and then it will eventually get to your malware -> Protectors started looking for nops so did other random instructions such as adding one to a register and then minus one from the same register

Responsible Disclosure -> Vendor -> CERT (e.g. CERT Australia) -> Most common vulnerabilities but every year the Top 10 are the same because no one fixes them. Web: OWASPTop10 Book: Mark Dowd - AOSSA

2. Security Engineering - Assets

-> Work out what all the things you should be protecting and their relative value to you. Strategies for Identifying Assets (Enumerating): - Regularly surveying the values of people of the involved in what you are protecting    -> Multiple pairs of eyes is a good asset, limiting the blindspots - Develop a sensible plan - well designed to tease this information out of them. Humans are generally poor at regurgitating everything they know, however they are generally very good critics - Periodically revise current list of assets    -> Don’t set and forget. Values and assets of an organisation can drift Examples: 1. Team America 2. Richard’s Wallet vs Richard with AIDS 3. Car doorbell 4. Leaving window open? - Because the asset is the window not the money inside the car 5. Share registry - no more paper trails, everything is recorded electronically 6. HOMEWORK: read up about the NSWLPI and think about what assets they have and what risks arise from them having been privatised 7. Coke 8. Parliament - a collection of people that hold particular importance together.

VALUING THE ASSETS

Categorising Types of Assets - Tangible Assets: Those that are easily given a value      - A gold chain valued at some relatively static amount     - The jewellery in a jewellery store - Intangible Assets: These cannot be easily and objectively be valued.     - Employee morale and security     - Customer information     - Company secrets     - Availability of services - Monetary + psychological/emotional costs - Difficult <> Don’t Do Examples: - Company secret - what is at stake? - QOS Guarantees

Strategies for Assigning Values to Assets: -> Survey what many people think - No single person/group should be solely evaluating the assets - Examples of the information that should be gathered are as follows:    - “How much money would you lose where this data centre to go down for 24       hours?”    - “How much will you lose if your company is disconnected from the internet       for 3 hours?” - Examples:    - In assessing the value of a park    - Picasso

Bug Bounty

- Crowd source Bug Bounty Websites (e.g. Hacker101) - Tips:     - Stay in scope     - Look for assets that have changed recently     - Look for publicly disclosed reports Process:    1. Find a program    2. Review scope    3. Find target via recon    4. Hit and find vulnerabilities    5. Write a report    6. Submit it Bug Puzzles  - Example 1: length is unsigned  - Example 2: lack of brackets so always does the memcpy Fuzzing is a quality assurance technique used to discover coding errors and security loopholes in software, operating systems or networks. Different types of fixers:    1. A fuzzer can be generation-based or mutation-based depending on whether inputs are generated from scratch or by modifying existing inputs,     2. A fuzzer can be dumb or smart depending on whether it is aware of input structure, and    3. A fuzzer can be white-, grey-, or black-box, depending on whether it is aware of program structure. Why is fuzzing effective? -> capable of generating many test Heart-bleed Bug -> handshake.cc

Pen Testing

-> Authorised stimulated cyberattack on a computer system to evaluate security risks. Repercussions:    - Data breach    - Ransomware Why?    - Allows to discover vulnerabilities before malicious attackers do    - Think like an attacker Practical    - Predict future attacks    - Provides coverage Steps:    1. Recon    2. Planning    3. Exploitation    4. Post-Exploitation Additional certification -> see slide Tools:    - Metasploit -> Antivirus will go nuts!    - NMAP -> beginners guide YouTube video    - Burp    - WireShark    - Kali -> A lot of tools available (download link)    - GoBuster CTF Websites:    - pwnable    - hackthebox    - root-me    - overthewire

Evening Lecture

Homework: - Work out the current state of Biometrics as an authentication strategy - Read about Transport for NSW idea of using facial recognition rather than opal cards - Read about the San Francisco ban on biometrics - Read about the uni research allegedly helping Chinese security forces use to track and detain Muslim Uyghur citizens in Xinjiang https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-07-16/australian-unis-to-review-links-to-chinese-surveillance-tech/11309598 - Think about: https://www.sixthtone.com/news/1003400/five-ways-china-used-facial-recognition-in-2018

Diffie Hellman -> Confidentiality and Integrity sort of authentication    -> Problem of Authentication Solution? - Asymmetric ciphers RSA -> What about the man in the middle? Try and detect the man in the middle

PGP -> web of trust -> establish the authenticity of the binding between a public key and its owner

Public Key Infrastructure (PKI) -> Solves the man in the middle problem - SSL/TLS (handshake) -> standard security technology for establishing an encrypted link between a web server and a browser - Bruce Schneir’s paper https://www.schneier.com/academic/paperfiles/paper-pki.pdf - Similar to a passport (links photo with name, certified by office) - Using x509 certificates links public key with domain (and maybe some other information) -> information is “signed” - Padlock in the https:// bar - Certificate authorities tie the certificate to the domain - Root certificate, RAs (registration authority), pay money to browser manufacturer - Conflicts of interest - Most pages on SSL written by vendors - Self-signed, domain verification, organisational verification, extended verification - Safety vs identity - Session keys - the TLS handshake (4 keys) - Three main authorities:    1. Symantec    2. Gomodo    3. GoDaddy

TLS Handshake Example: 1. A client contacts the server. 2. The client and server exchange information about the communications they intend to perform, such as the ciphers to use (SSL handshake) 3. The server transmits its certificate to the client 4. The client checks that is trusts the certification authority that issued the certificate. If it does not recognise the CA and does not get an override, the communication ends. 5. The client checks for revocation information on the certificate. If the certificate is revoked or revocation information is unavailable, then the client might attempt to obtain an override. Implementations vary on how they deal with null or unreachable CRL information, but almost all will refuse to communicate with any entity using a revoked certificate. 6. Both client and server send each other random data, which they use to make calculations separately and the derive the same session keys. Three kinds of randomly generated data are sent from one side to another:

- The “client random”: This is a random string of bytes that the client sends to the server - The “server random”: This is similar to the client random, except that the server sends it to the client - The “premaster secret”: This is yet another string of data. In some versions of the TSL handshake, the client generates this and sends it to the server encrypted with the public key; in other versions, the client and server generate the premaster secret on their own, using agreed-upon algorithm parameters to arrive at the same result.

7. Both parties generate 4 session keys using this data 8. All communications in the same conversation are encrypted with that set of keys.

#comp6441 #somethingawesome

[mobilestuff]

Are You Losing Customers on Twitter? - 3 Top Tips to Avoid Losing Customers on Twitter

For many online marketers, getting buy instagram followers uk customers on twitter seems to be the main purpose for using twitter.And I'm not here to start complaining about this purpose. It's just that way too many internet marketers use twitter this way and do it way too randomly. There's a right way to do social media advertising, using twitter, successfully and get twitter customers, and there's a wrong way. Let me explain.

 If you want to use social media for your advertising, you're on the right track. Social media, and twitter in particular, have grown so dramatically during recent times, it's almost impossible for marketers not to use that popularity to their advantage. But in being busy becoming social media advertising gurus, it's perhaps easy to forget what social media and twitter is all about. Socialising, sharing, discussing, helping! OK, it's my opinion, but I feel it's a valid oneSo let's take twitter as the main focus. Lots of marketers use twitter extensively to promote as many products as they can, with lots of affiliate links in thousands of tweets all over twitter. And in fact, this can work. But it gets annoying for your twitter followers to see link after link appear and nothing else.

 Yes, some people will click on them, buy instagram followers uk and yes, some people might even buy your product, or service, and become a twitter customer so to speak. But you can do so much better. Here are 3 tips I think will help you avoid losing customers on twitter and instead gain loyal followers as well as grow your online, or offline, business using social media advertising.

 Please stop posting heaps of affiliate or other self-promotional links in your tweet. Send 7-10 social, helpful, advice giving, news commenting, of whatever other tweets, and then send 1 promotional tweet. Hey, you deserve it by then, and you'll even likely to get many more loyal followers who see you adding value on a regular basis. Really do add value. You can add entertainment value by being funny, interesting, a 'real character' with your tweet. But you can of course add great value by showing your followers the location of great resources, giving away great tips specific to your follower's market, or tools to do better or more efficient business. And nobody minds a great bargain. Just don't always make it your affiliate link.

  When you do post a self-promotional link, and a person clicks on it to check it out, make sure that link leads to an optin page and grab their name and email address. They will get to what you have to offer after that, but you will be building your optin list steadily, and as you know, the money is in marketing to your "real list", not your twitter list. That is buy instagram followers uk a powerful way to gain customers with twitter.